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redxblueihateloveyou · 2 years

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I'm so very happy w/fs2, but a small part of me is tinitiny (very tiny) bit salty about the reconciliation going your way (that's not a beef, I love you tremendously!). you were so sure that rin should be the one to step up, even though majority seemed to disagree (on my dash), but they still went your way. it makes all the sense now to me that it happened and I'm just wondering if that's my bias-ness for rin that blinded me, since I was one of the idiots politely arguing with you after the fs1

LOL I think it's perfectly fine that you feel that way, bc it's kinda a forever debate between to say tsunderes/antisocial ppl/silent types who watch such couples and the social ones. I'm just saying it bc I myself when watching such ships with my hommies, it's literally EVERY TIME one part of the couch goes (aka my mom) "but he (Haru or Lan Zhan or Qiling or Sangwoo or etc) doesn't talk, how's he supposed to know" or "that doesn't count unless u say" or "he should've…lalala" and the other part of the couch (aka me and my sister who don't talk but show things other way) start to agressively disagree and it literally always ends like this:

And I mean, ofc depending on your personality you would watch things differently and feel things differently bc we express our feelings differently. Like I've only recently watched this korean gay dating show where there was a guy who also didn't talk but I from other things from the start guessed who he liked and then at the end turned out that none of the participants there "saw it coming" which to me was pretty wild lmao. So my point is, I got it a long time ago from real life harshly and in many comments under different shows that most people find it hard to understand these signs or even see it. On behalf of "my species" I apologize, but sometimes thats the best we can do really.

I always due to this try to look at these (my favorite) types of pairings from both sides, even tho I know I'm clearly biased too. And my main argument in this cases (as in who must "step up" as you say) is that if one despite of who he is tried as hard as he could to deliver his feelings even painfully so surpassing his comfort zone and the other didn't, then the one who should be stepping up is the one who didn't. I think thats how it usually works at the end. I just know from my own feelings that for them it was very hard to step out of their comfort zone and thats why in such stories writers always reward them at the end for that I think.

That being said in that particular case also I think you have to watch it from the point of who in his way did everything he could when it comes to their relationships and was fully invested without lying to himself and who wasn't. And it was Rin who constantly backtracked due to being scared (for respectable reasons, but still), Haru was fully in for a long time. I just think bc of all the metaphors about swimming and water and the fact that they also want to be together everywhere for life including their profession, some mixed up a bit here the professional and personal aspects.

Like when it comes to their way in professional life goals it was Rin who had no fear and Haru did (also for his own respectable reasons). But when it comes to their feelings it was Haru who had no fear, since the very beginning, but Rin did.

Also personally for me actions always speak louder than words, but at the same time I do understand that hearing some things are also very much needed. So I think its fine to feel both ways, I personally don't really get mad when ppl don't get it.

The only thing that gets me going into a heavy debate sometimes is the fact that some throw around stuff like "well he must express himself more normally" or smth in the orbit, indicating that if you don't express yourself with words specifically, you're an asshole/insensitive or smth like that, nevermind the fact that someone there cut their leg to save his future husband's life you know haha. Which to me is hilarious since its these types of characters that in my opinion are more sensitive and deeper head over heels than others. Bc at the end they due to the fact that for them its ususally the only exception thing, if they enter this territory, they usually drown very deeply and unrecoverably. Meaning once they're in they're all in, there's not gonna be any denial/stepping back an etc.

And I just also don't see the point (when it comes to love) of forcing people to express themselves in a way they don't want to. For example, I'll never serenade to someone who I'm in love with, bc I'm just not that kind of person. I wouldn't want to be someone who expects this from me or will get upset that I don't do such stuff. I myself think random little things like that time Rin was talking about Haru's birthday plans and Haru going "I'm not gonna listen untill you'll change your wet clothes, I'm scared you'll get sick" is much sweeter and to me personally enough. I'm not trying to demean here any huge romantic gestures, I just personally do not care for those. But I know all people are different and that's okay.

So I'm just saying that these kind of characters express the feelings in other ways (which to me for some reason are the most touching). So expecting Haru to do stuff from some of the people's wish list that were voiced after fs1 would be just not Haru. Also the problem there was that Rin was scared to dive into love. And what else in your opinion Haru should've done to show him that he's his safe haven I do not get no matter how much I thought about it. Bias or not but after all that patience and understanding, you gotta admit that the only option here already was a shock therapy of maybe taking it all away haha.

So when it comes to love you gotta judge everyone depending on their own scale. Like you certainly can expect us once in love turn from a cocoa bean into hot chocolate just for you, but we won't magically turn into a sugar syrup, if you know what I mean here lmao. And Rin also doesn't want that, bc he loves Haru. If he wanted to pick someone else, he would've LOL

Also I think being biased is also fine (we all are when it comes to our faves) as long as you admit to it and don't start this thing some people start where they seem to only care about one person in a ship. That's already not a shipping in my opinion haha. Like idk why but I seriously hate it the most. Bc even in times when you're certain you're right, you gotta try to see things from both points of views. In all of your own relationships too.

P.S. also forgot to say" haha I win". I'm kidding lmao. Love you too.

#answered #anonymous #rinharu #harurin #free! the final stroke #free!#rin matsuoka #nanase haruka #in this particular case I really don't think there was other option #thats why I was surprised so many started the whole haru should fix this #really not in this case lol #and as much as some yell how some must talk I can yell how some should pay attention to obvious things xD #but thaats fine we're all biased #just be fair

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cabinofimagines · 2 years

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Poly Calpyso and Reyna on new years to make my heart go BOOM Like fireworks?? Thanks

Christmas 2021 Masterlist

I’ve returned to one of my favorite ships so I can close the year happily gay, this is platonic tho -Danny

Dec. 31st: New traditions —(Platonic!Reyna x Calypso xGN!Reader)

Words: 1,156

Warnings: Bit of drinking.

You stumbled into Calypso’s new place, pushing your bag further inside the room while Reyna urged you to enter by poking your back.

“C’mon, Y/N, I’m freezing my butt out here!” She demanded.

“Going, m’going!” You huffed.

Calypso’s soft singing voice made its way from the kitchen, your heart immediately jumped at the sound, it’d been a while since you’d seen her, with all the preparations for the holidays and the parties, she hadn’t been able to go since she was too busy moving into her brand new house.

How had she managed to buy this place? Only her -and Apollo and Hephaestus- knew. She was definitely too young-looking owning a house without the neighbors being suspicious, but as soon as you saw Calypso, all worries went away.

She was holding a tray with hot beverages and home-made sweets. Calypso had no longer silky dresses on (and it would’ve been torture, considering how cold the weather was) and she was now proudly wearing a knitted sweater and some casual pyjama pants she’d bought on her own.

“Hi!” She kissed your cheek, then did the same with Reyna. “I hope the trip wasn’t too bad?”

The girl examined your look as well as Reyna’s and it seemed she considered you were both tidy enough, then guided you back into the dinning room.

“How are the others?”

Reyna then proceeded to tell her all about Thalia’s party, and then you talked about the Christmas party, and the stuff you’d done with the others throughout the month. Calypso asked you to send her regards to Leo, since they were good friends and the boy would visit her from time to time to make sure she was okay. He wasn’t able to come with you this time, though, since he’d promised his Waystation family he would spend the New Year with them.

Much like the rest of your friend group, all of them had already made plans with either their own families or mortal friends, so in the end, it was only Reyna, Calypso, and you. Not that you minded, you loved those girls and it was always fun to hang out with them alone.

“Are you staying just the night?”

Reyna and you shared a look, the trip hadn’t been hell but Calypso’s place was really nice and you felt exhausted after a whole month of organizing stuff. Going back to camp would mean going back to your normal duties, no breaks in between, that without mentioning school. For Reyna it meant going back to the hunt and although it wasn’t exactly a nightmare she did enjoy hanging out with you two without having any other responsabilities.

“Maybe a week?” You asked shyly. “If it’s not a problem...”

“If it is we can go—”

“Oh no, no it’s not that!” Calypso blushed. “Sorry, I’m not trying to kick you out, I was just asking cause... well, I’d love it if you could stay a while. It’s not that bad having all this free time and being on my own— but I do miss the company a little, especially the company of the ones I love.”

You melted at her comment, now you were completely sure you would be staying the whole week.

“Okay,” Reyna grabbed the empty cups and stood up, you could’ve sworn she was also blushing. “So we have a few empty hours before midnight— got any ideas?”

“Calypso promised we would have a whole feast,” You mentioned innocently. “Am I wrong if I say you bought all the ingredients for a fancy dinner?”

“You’re completely right,” Calypso grinned. “I did buy a ton of ingredients— we’ve got loads of work to do, so if you guys feel rested we should get started!”

“Where should we leave our stuff, though?”

“Oh— yeah about that,” Calypso looked guilty. “Hephaestus promised he would bring me beds for my guest rooms, but that was a few days ago and I assume he’s busy with something else, so there’s only one bed here— mine. So...”

She pulled the sleeves of her sweater down and look away.

“I was thinking we could all have a sleepover? We can share the bed if you guys don’t mind— it’s so big I promise you won’t be uncomf—”

“That’s fine,” Reyna was back in the room, her voice sounded a bit urgent when she responded. “No problem, I have sleepovers almost every night when I’m out with the hunters— what d’you say, Y/N?”

“Oh I’m—I’m fine,” You said clumsily. “No problem. Yeah. Sounds cool.”

“I’ll take you stuff upstairs, then. You guys can go to the kitchen and wait there for me.”

As soon as she left you and Reyna shared a look, a mix between amusement and confusion surrounded you, but Reyna quickly got over it.

“Wipe that look off your face,” She stated. “Get up and come help me out in the kitchen.”

“Y/N, you got flour on your face,” Calypso pointed out.

“What? Where?” You look down trying to spot the stain on your own.

“There,” Reyna brush your forehead, leaving a bigger white stain since her hands were covered in the powder.

“How are you two so bad at keeping yourselves clean?” Calypso chuckled, grabbing a paper towel and pouring a bit of water on it.

She approached and stood on her tiptoes to clean your forehead. You watched her soft frown from upclose, trying to not smile too much at her funny face.

The timer went off then, and Calypso turned away from you to grab it.

“The pasta’s ready!” She said proudly.

“Yummy,” You said playfully. “What about the cookies? Can we eat the dough?”

“That’s gross,” Calypso said casually, not even looking at you.

“Hey, that’s the best part! It’s tradition!”

“You’re saying that it’s tradition to eat cookie dough during New Year’s eve?” Calypso raised a brow.

“No, I’m saying it’s tradition to eat cookie dough whenever you bake cookies.”

Reyna snorted, walking up to the stove and turning off the flame.

“Who’s ready to eat dinner, then?”

“Guys it’s happening!” You yelled from across the house.

Reyna and Calypso rushed into the room holding a cup of cider each, handing an extra one to you, you had a pointy hat on and glitter on your face that you couldn’t tell from where had it come from, a giddy sensation on your chest as you started to count down the seconds.

“Ten, nine, eight— oof, this cider is great!” You smirked. “Five... four—”

As you drank a bit more from your glass, the girls finished the countdown, you shouted ‘One!’, and hugged the girls tightly, laughing at the way you almost fell by the force of Reyna’s embrace.

“Happy new year, girls!” You exclaimed gleefully.

“I hope this year’s as amazing as the last,” Calypso sighed. “It’s been fun...”

“I hope so too,” You kissed the top of her head affectionately.

Taglist.

@smileitsisa @beneaththeiceandsnow

#Danny's writing #pjo imagine #hoo #reyna avila ramirez arellano #reyna xreader #calypso xreader #reynalipso #Merry Christmas #the christmas special #christmasverse

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good-forthe-weekend · 3 years

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Better rundown of my Eris/Mor backstory theory

Okay so the way we’ve heard it is that Mor didn’t really know Eris before they were betrothed.

But. What if they did.

It’s not like they were childhood besties or anything, but they’re both high society high fae

It stands to reason that they’d run into each other at least a little at official functions.

So my theory is they knew each other.

They’d run into each other a handful of times through the years, and became friends

I like to think that maybe they exchanged magic notes, like Feyre/Rhys

Maybe they even started to love each other

Eris let Mor see past his bravado and facade

Showed her a side of him that no one else, save his mother, even knew existed (although he was for sure much softer before he and Mor’s story)

Because you can’t convince me that Eris isn’t a parallel to Rhys. He’s soft too, we just haven’t seen it

In fact, that side of him is the only side Mor ever really saw

And he was kind to her, in a way no one else was. Even the bat boys. Eris treated her like she was his world

He gave her some bravado of her own, made her feel valuable beyond what she was valued for by her father

But like, at the same time, they also only physically saw each other a handful of times before the whole betrothal thing happens

With this, almost no one really noticed that them talking to each other. No one saw them become friends

Except Eris’ mom.

When Eris’ mom saw her son interacting/being soft with Mor, she pulled strings to get her son married off to someone he liked and who brought out the best in him (unbeknownst to Beron, he thought that it was just a fantastic power move to marry Eris to such a high born noble of the Night Court)

In the meantime, Mor has been hearing from others that Eris is this awful brute, and hearing more and more about the facade he wears

After the betrothal, people started to realize they’d seen Mor and Eris around each other several times at past court functions

So, as more and more people in her direct circle heard about how she’d been seen around the prince of the Autumn Court, they started to make offhand comments about things he’s done, how awful his family (particularly his father) are to people, women in particular

Mor is also realizing she isn’t entirely straight, and doesn’t really want to be married off to anyone before she can explore that side of herself

Mor finds a way to meet with Eris (which would be a fun high stakes sneaking-out-of-the-Hewn-City scene) to talk to him, and try to get him to get the betrothal called off

(Spoiler alert, he doesn’t want to)

She’s telling him that she doesn’t want to marry yet (partly because she thinks she prefers females, but also because she doesn’t want to marry into such an awful family, or be tied to someone who’s done the things Eris has done) when their mating bond clicks

Not as in fully (because idk if we’ve seen a mating bond fully solidify without sex, which they never had), but they can tell, they’re mates. Full on Lucien/Elain moment.

I’m picturing a whole confrontation, with tons of romantic tension in it. But in the middle:

“Why are you being so nasty now? I thought we had a connection!” Eris yelled hoarsely, “I thought you cared for me!”

Mor whirled around suddenly, fire in her eyes as she faced him. “I do care-” her sentence cut short and her eyes went wide with shock. She stumbled backwards. “No, no, no, no, no...”

She could see on Eris’ face that he could sense it too.

Idk, there would for sure be more, but I’m not in these guys’ head enough to really flesh it out

But you get the idea

Mor goes from mild freak out to FULL ON PANIC ATTACK about it all

She pulls a Rhys and immediately winnows out of Autumn Court and to Windhaven

She sleeps with Cassian, at this point both to try to get out of the betrothal AND to prove a point AND to try to see if she actually likes men (at this point mentally she’s a whole wreck)

She’s resolved to go finish her conversation with Eris when her father finds her (either at the Hewn City, or in the Autumn Court)

He knows what she’s done, can smell it all over her

Keir sends word to Beron, hopeful that he can salvage the situation, but Beron says no and ends the betrothal

In response Keir, ya know, tortures Mor and leaves her for the Autumn Court to find

In the meantime, Eris and Beron meet

Eris says he still wants to marry Mor, that he doesn’t give a shit about her virginity. She’s still a powerful match, and lets slip that he has feelings for her. (Secretly, he just doesn’t want to be parted from his mate, and wants the chance to flesh out that relationship. But he also knows exactly how much danger Mor would be in if Beron found out they were Mates)

Beron not only tells him no, but threatens him within an inch of his life

“You will not marry her. She’s damaged goods now. To marry her would be to sully our family’s name. It would undermine our Court.”

Eris stood tall and proud against his father. “You can’t stop us. I love this girl. And I will marry her, with or without your permission.”

“Oh, you think so, boy?” Beron chuckled darkly. “Then go ahead, marry the slut. See how welcome you are in this home. You will be banished from the Autumn Court, and hunted til the day you both die.” Beron’s eyes went colder than Eris thought possible, “You think that any Court will stand to protect a traitor and his whore of a wife? My hounds will hunt you for eternity, and when they find you, you’ll learn exactly what happens to those who would shit all over my family name.”

He basically tells him that he has to not abandon Mor, but also show adequate disdain for her, or risk people thinking him weak, which would set off his father’s temper, and potentially make Beron torture/kill Mor

I also think that Beron would torture Eris while Mor is also being tortured

This convinces Eris to drop it and do as his father says, at least until he can find a way to kill his father and ascend to the throne

But back to Mor, who’s been left bleeding and naked in the forest

Eris finds her (but here’s where it gets different)

He finds her before the official time.

The first time he finds her, he’s alone. Beron has just released him from being tortured, and threatened him again, told him that the only way to keep him and Mor safe is to abandon her.

So, after finding her, he goes home, finds a way to (anonymously) get word to Mor’s friend (Az) that she needs help, and stages a ‘public’ scene

Not that Mor is conscious for any of this. She’s unconscious until Eris shows back up, entourage in tow.

Which is what we’re shown, when he sneers at her and leaves her to bleed out.

This is the catalyst/start of Eris being the sonofabitch that we’re introduced to in ACOWAR

He basically gives up on being any sort of good person outwardly, and only half gives a shit about actually being good on the inside

Mor, for her part, is traumatized by Eris abandoning her (he’s her mate, ffs, he’s supposed to protect her! Little does she know, he is in his own way) but she’s also legitimately terrified that one day Eris is going to wake up and decide that he’s going to forcibly out her (both sexually, and as his Mate)

Which like, he would never, but she doesn’t know that. After he left her in the woods, she thinks he’s the person everyone told her he was

This could also play into her sexuality. Because yes, it is completely possible that she’s just bisexual and homoromantic.

But I think it would make an awful lot of sense if she realized while sleeping with Cassian that no other male would feel right. Because she knows her mate is out there. She loved him at one point. And sure, sleeping with males filled a void, but it just wasn’t fulfilling.

Females were different, though. The mating bond is, ultimately, tied heavily into reproduction potential, so imo, there would be a heavy tendency for mated couples (specifically those who realized they were mates AND were in genuine love w/o fully solidifying the bond) to have a harder time finding hetero relationships outside of their mate, because the bond/the Cauldron is telling them that this isn’t who they’re supposed to be reproducing with. But the Cauldron doesn’t really have a stake in homosexual relationships. So it’s more like “You do you, boo, idgaf” (also, in this headcanon, yes the Cauldron is kinda way overbearing with regards to reproduction, and yes, I agree that it would make the Cauldron homophobic when it chooses mates. Simply put, what we’re told about the Cauldron skews homophobic. We get told over and over again that the mating bond is about producing powerful offspring. Which makes it canon that its main concern is reproduction, which would automatically make it much harder, if not close to impossible for gay people in ACOTAR to have Mates. I hate it, but I didn’t write the canon. I’m just theorizing within the bounds of what we’ve been given)

Idk how I want this to come out, but regardless of how it happens, I don’t want Mor to end up going back to Eris

That’s partially a lie. I want this story coming out to be mildly messy. But at the same time, I want Mor coming out to be on her terms, so I don’t want it to be THAT level of messy.

But I for sure would love if Az and Cassian and Rhys confront her about lying to them by omission for 500 years

And for Azriel to confront her about stringing him along. Especially since she knew she had a mate

Anyway, I’m all for forgiveness and moving past things, and acknowledging that sometimes we do awful things to protect those we love

But I would SO MUCH RATHER Mor get a moment where she gets to tell him off

“Thank you for telling me the truth after all these years. It’s haunted me in ways I can’t even say.” Mor’s gaze was locked on Eris, her face cold and certain. “But that doesn’t mean I forgive what was done to me. What you did to me. I’m all healed now, physically and mentally. I’m finding my own happiness.” Emerie shifted on her feet from her spot behind Mor. She looked as though she was fighting against a look of beaming pride. “I loved you, Eris, but I’m happy without you. And I don’t want you in my life. At all. Ever.”

Like, that would be so powerful! Not only would it be great for someone to choose someone other than their mate

But also, it would touch on an overlooked concept in this series. The fact that no matter your intentions, the people you hurt are under no obligation to forgive you.

Like I love Rhys, I adore Nesta, and I love that they got forgiveness from the people they hurt, but I think it’s also important to have that idea in there that actions have consequences, no matter what your intentions were.

Anyway, that’s like..a whole fleshed out version of what I theorize happened with Mor/Eris

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #mor #acotar morrigan #eris vanserra #emerie #headcanon #theory #Azriel #cassian

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irwinkitten · 4 years

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got lucky | c.h

requested by anon: ok so for the bi!reader concept: last year i ended my relationship w this girl the main reason was because she was really insecure and jealous especially about me being bisexual like anytime i would talk to a guy she would just get so upset about it and she would make such gross biphobic comments and at the time i had so much internalised biphobia that i tried to convince myself i was gay n stayed in the relationship longer than i should have because i rly liked her i guess lol anyways (1/4) we ended and a while afterwards i started seeing this guy who i’d known of for ages (friends of friends type situation) but we just never really talked before or hung out but from the first date we clicked and the sex was crazy good like the type of sex were ur ditching ur vibrators cuz he’s that good lmao so one weekend we went to this party together and of course she is also there, i was so surprised and i could see her eyeing us the whole night, so when she came over i was anxious af (2/4) and this guy knew i was bi! it was no secret, i worked really hard to accept myself! so she comes over and she deadass goes “are you straight now? i knew you would end up with a man!” and she’s all smug but also hurt and im standing there like what the fuck and THEN this dumb man goes “ha guess the sex is so good i made her straight again” and i’m literally about to cry over how gross the whole interaction is and im so shocked i can’t even defend myself, i dumped him that night obviously (3/) last messgae: so basically can you pls do a redo of the gross situation where instead of being with that dumb guy its with calum and he is so protective n sweet n NORMAL n encourages u to stand up for urself about bisexuality / your sexuality, because what happened to me happens too often and its disgusting and gross and no one deserves that!! only if u feel comfortable/inspired tho, no pressure!! love u laura, thank u for creating such a safe space for all the queer babies it means a lot 💘 notes: i kinda enjoyed writing this one esp for my sweet anon baby. i love u and i hope this is everything you wanted ♥ warnings: biphobia, implications of emotional abuse

word count: 3.2k

donate to my ko-fi here

“Hey what’cha doing sweets?” Calum’s voice pulled you from your musings, your hand idly tracing patterns against the paper but the pen remaining on the desk. You wrenched your thoughts from the spiral you seemed to have fallen down, a smile crossing your lips as you felt your heart flutter at the sight of him.

“Nothin’. Just thinking.” You finally replied as he pulled up one of the spare chairs next to you, the bustling activity of the coffee shop falling into your background noise as his thigh pressed against yours.

“Really? Normally you doodle when you’re just thinking.” He countered with ease and your eyes dropped to the paper, noticing that the pen remained where you’d placed it when you first sat down. Subconsciously you must’ve realised that the route your thoughts had gone were not suitable to put down on paper, your fingers picking up the pen and mind falling blank immediately.

“Oh.” You breathed before placing the pen back down and packing away the pad and pen.

“What’s running through your head, doll?” Calum’s voice was quiet and concerned, you shrugged.

“Just, a lot on my mind is all. You’re not my keeper just because we’ve slept together.” You admitted quietly and he frowned before picking up his bag and for a sinking second you thought he was going to walk off, but instead, he took your bag from your hands and slung it over his shoulder.

He looked back at you expectantly and you sighed before standing up, leaving the coffee shop with him, your eyes on the floor as you fell into step next to him.

“Your place or mine?”

“E’s gonna be home and I don’t want to hear them rant about me bringing people back.” You muttered and Calum nodded.

“I think Ash is out. He’ll probably head out to Luke’s if I show up with you.” At his smirk, you rolled your eyes fondly before shoving him towards the bus stop. His indignant “hey!” was only ignored as you two waited for the bus, his arm slung over your shoulders.

Selfishly, you leaned into his touch, trying to ignore the fact that your stomach was doing flips at his touch alone.

The bus journey was a quiet ten minutes, but Calum seemed to understand that you weren’t willing to talk with so many people around, so he was content to just keep you close, and you were unwilling to pull away until his stop came up.

When you reached his shared house with Ashton, you noted that the car was gone from the driveway and Calum smirked.

“Looks like he’s out. C’mon.” His hand tucked around yours and pulled you inside. And for a second you wondered if you could distract him with sex, but then the guilt appeared and you could feel the tears of frustration appear as your thoughts swirled and you felt dizzy.

Calum had stepped ahead, turning to see you stood leaning against the closed door, head in your hands and he knew something was wrong. Stepping back to you, he dropped your bags and took your hand in his, pulling you upstairs to his room and your stomach twisted uncomfortably.

“Cal I-”

“I’m not suggesting that.” He muttered. You fell silent at that and as he pulled you into his room, you felt unsure, but he gave you no chance to really deny him as he crawled into bed before opening his arms out to you.

“Cal.”

“I know you. You don’t do emotional stuff well but I’m here for a cuddle and an ear if you need it.” You fell into the embrace easily, your head resting on his chest as his arms wrapped around your shoulders, his lips finding your temple as you finally felt something in you snap, the surge of emotions overwhelming and frighteningly vivid.

“I keep telling myself that I never was a lesbian, that I still found men attractive but Poppy made me feel like having that attraction was stupid since I was dating her and that I was a lesbian and it’s so fucking confusing because I like you, but I can hear her voice screeching that I’m not right, that I’m a lesbian or faking it or a freak.” And for the first time since you left Poppy, you cried.

Calum had been waiting for this. When the split had happened, you’d been ready for it, you’d already left her mentally, but this was what he knew you needed. He knew that the relationship with her had been toxic, but you’d never revealed the extent of her behaviour.

His heart broke.

“Just because you like both men and women does not mean you should feel so guilty over your sexuality. There’s a B in LGBT for a reason, doll. That’s you. You’re bisexual and you should be proud of that, not ashamed because some bitch with a control issue couldn’t handle the fact that you liked more than women.”

You found yourself gripping his shirt with your fists as you pressed your face into his chest, trying to stem the tears that seemed relentless. But Calum held his silence whilst you got it out of your system, knowing that you needed to get this off your chest.

“I’m sorry.” You finally got out, but he simply shushed you.

“She was a shitty person with an attitude to show. You shouldn’t apologise for the bitch.” His words were simple but it gave you a breath of ease, pulling away as hands rubbed your shoulders gently.

He was definitely too good to you, but he was there for you regardless and you were certain that you loved him for that.

“There’s gonna be a party on the other side of town in a couple of weeks. Ash took over the old Firefly down on Hartley. He’s revamping before opening the bar to the public. You fancy going?” And you smiled at the gentle distraction he was offering.

“We get at least a free drink if we show up, right?” And Calum laughed as he kissed your temple.

“He wouldn’t say no to me. Or you. In fact, I’m almost certain he’s expecting me to do full introductions on that night since Luke and Mike will be there with the others and their girls.” You rolled your eyes.

“It’s not like I went to school with Luke or anything.” Came your sarcastic retort and Calum laughed as the two of you settled for the evening.

“Pretty sure Luke last saw you when you started dating Poppy. He’s put two and two together but he won’t say anything unless you mention it. Even then he knows it’s not his place.” Your heart seemed to swell another size in affection for Luke.

“You’re making it difficult for me to not fall in love with you Cal. Good dick, you know how to use those lips and fingers of yours, you make me feel like I belong and you respect boundaries without me having to ask.” You finally muttered and Calum gave you an almost wistful smile.

“You may have been with Poppy but that didn’t stop me from being friends with you. You’re someone I’ve genuinely cared about from day one. Not gonna chuck that away because of who you are. Plus growing up with my mom and sister almost made certain I’d be in touch with my feminine side.” He teased but the sincerity and understanding in his tone eased your shoulders.

Your features softened at the admittance and you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Then I definitely got lucky to have you in my life at least, falling in love or not.”

—

When the day of the party rolled around, you felt sick with nerves and you couldn’t understand why.

When Calum rolled up to pick you up—he was driving to Luke’s who lived closest to the bar and you’d both get a ride back to yours before he picked up his car the following morning—he could see the nerves and the grimace on his face spoke volumes.

“What?” You all but demanded when you were debating outfits. He’d been sitting on the bed watching, but got up and held his hands out to you.

You took them hesitantly. His thumbs almost immediately started to soothe across the back of your hands to help relax you.

“Word has gotten around that Poppy is planning to show up. We haven’t exactly been quiet about our relationship, but I didn’t think she’d pull something like this.” And your stomach churned uncomfortably.

“We’re still going. Ashton promised free drinks and we’ll be in the VIP area right?” You checked and Calum nodded.

“Ashton has already told the bouncers that she’s not allowed near the VIP section. They’re checking and rechecking the lists to make sure she isn’t on one of them.” He explained and you let out a breath of air.

“Okay. It’ll be fine. It’s being handled and I’ve got you. Now which outfit do you think I should wear?” He studied your face for a second before a smile broke across his lips.

“The dark purple with the deep plunge. Is it wrong of me to flaunt in her face what she lost?” And you laughed as you kissed him.

“I mean, yes. But I also know that you want to show me off properly now that we’ve got things really settled.” You murmured and he grinned back unabashedly.

It was still an uphill battle, but he’d given you a lot to think about. And after gentle convincing, you’d found an LGBT friendly therapist who helped you process your thoughts. It helped you come to terms with accepting the toxic relationship that you’d been in but also it highlighted how beneficial Calum had been as a friend and confidant.

It also gave you the courage to ask Calum out officially, wanting to be with him entirely and not just in the evenings.

He took that in his stride and things shifted once more between the two of you. When you opened up to him about some of your sessions, you knew that your trust had been well placed because he never indicated anything to his friends and so you were never subjected to pitying stares or glares.

You were almost sure that you’d fall in love with him faster than you fell for Poppy.

The drive to Luke’s was filled with your nerves. You hadn’t seen Luke in years and you were also meeting his two other friends, Ashton and Michael as well as their partners.

“Ashton’s excited to finally meet you and stop telling me to be careful when I go to yours.”

Despite Calum living with Ashton, your schedules never seemed to match and more often than not, Calum could be found at your place, a small sanctuary from your hectic lives.

Ashton never begrudged that time you shared together, but Calum had mentioned a few times about how snappy he was being on the subject.

“He’ll chill when he realises I’m not out to break your heart or steal something.” You muttered with a chuckle. Calum snorted in return as he pulled into Luke’s driveway.

Your nerves return full force as he pulls you to the front door and steps in like he lives there.

“Hey fuckers, anyone about?” He called through and was met with calls of confirmation, another yell following that they were in the dining room. Your fingers squeezed Calum’s tightly and he didn’t hesitate to return it, his thumb soothing across the skin on the back of your hand.

“Look who it is!” A voice crowed loudly as he stepped into the dining room, followed by loud calls of greetings.

There was a flurry of introductions and you felt like the spotlight was being shone on you, under scrutiny from his best friends gazes once they had greeted their friend and Calum had introduced you. Or re-introduced you in Luke’s case.

“Well c’mon, the last time I saw you we were leaving school. What’s been happening to you?” Luke finally asked, indicating to the seat next to him. A small smile graced your lips as you sat down, Calum falling into the seat next to you as you shrugged.

“Life I guess? It’s been definitely more interesting with the different jobs and moving about. Building up a social life again.” Luke’s face filled with a frown at that.

Michael came in next.

“Building up a social life? Did you not have one?” His words held an innocent curiosity, yet you felt yourself hesitate.

“My ex was controlling to the point that I couldn’t do anything without their permission. They managed to make me believe that no one really wanted me around and I lost touch with old friends, like Luke.” You glanced to the side and he was frowning.

The others held varying degrees of stunned shock or disapproval.

“Well then he was a cunt.” Michael muttered and your eyes refused to meet theirs at the assumptions. Luke stayed quiet but his hand rested on your knee, squeezing it. You shot him a gentle smile in return.

“Well it’ll be good to have you back in our lives. Especially with these two knuckleheads.” He nodded at Ashton and Michael who immediately protested and you laughed.

It felt like you’d known them for years as you all had a few shots. Ashton, despite being the owner of the bar, wasn’t worried about turning up with his friends. He’d already explained to his staff that he’d be around for the rest of the night once he arrived and he’d told the small groups he’d be here and there.

After a handful of shots, the group of you made your way to the bar, your arm linked with Calum’s. There were separate conversations happening between you all, their girlfriends including you on their pamper night whilst the boys discussed a possible games night for all of you.

When you arrived at the club, you saw the queue of people waiting to get in and the subsequent groans from the line as the bouncer let you in, no questions asked.

Ashton guided the group of you to the VIP section and the music was still loud but you could still hear each other talking. You were chatting away with Luke’s girlfriend, arm still linked with Calum’s as Ashton disappeared to get drinks.

Calum pulled your attention away briefly, his lips by your ear.

“I’ve spotted her. She’s not seen us yet so don’t worry.” You barely nodded, acknowledging his words as you listened in, fighting to keep your nerves down.

The night continued and you were all a few drinks deep. Calum’s arm had barely left your waist all night as you talked and danced and drank. You’d been welcomed into his group of friends with an ease you never realised existed.

You’d deliberately not tried to seek out Poppy, silently praying that the universe would comply. But as the group of you stood out in the smokers area, huddled together under a heating lamp, your stomach sank as she stepped out, her eyes narrowing on you.

“Fuckin’ knew it!” You could feel the alarm in your face as you stepped back into Calum, his arm going around you protectively.

“Poppy, you’re drunk.” You felt curious gazes from your new friends, but you didn’t spare them a glance.

“You break up with me and go running to his arms, I knew you weren’t a fuckin lesbian. Pretending to try it out? Just another straight girl seeking attention. Fucking freak.” She snapped and your stomach sank.

“Get it through your thick head that she’s bisexual.” Calum snapped in your defence, earning a glare from Poppy. But Calum didn’t shrink from the glare, your glance to his face confirmed he was giving her his own. You were mildly impressed that she didn’t back down instantly.

“She’s a fuckin liar! Years of my life wasted on this bitch.” She spat at your feet and you took in a deep breath.

“You don’t get to control me anymore, Poppy. I’ve liked both men and women, but you never liked that because it meant that I had more chances of leaving you. And I wished I’d have left you sooner. Calum certainly thought so.”

“Of course you fucked the first man to pay you any attention.” Your heart sank once more at her declaration and you felt your mind fall into the old trap that you’d fought with for so long.

“No she never. In fact she slept with a few girls long before she slept with me. But I was her best friend as she tried to deal with the mess you created in her mind.” Calum snapped back. You felt your heart swell for him.

Poppy stepped forward, her hand raised but then Ashton stepped in front of you.

“Get out. You’re no longer welcome in this bar.” He made a gesture and security slowly made their way over.

“She shouldn’t be fucking welcome!” Poppy yelled back, but Ashton held firm.

“She is my friend. You are not. Get. Out.” When the bouncer rested a hand on her arm, she shrugged it off and stormed away. Your entire body was trembling.

“So that was the ex, huh?” Michael commented and you could feel your hands trembling as you nodded. “Why didn’t you correct me?” Calum spoke up for you as his hands took yours.

“It’s been a battle for her. Poppy had convinced her she was a lesbian, that she was wrong for having any attraction to men. In Poppy’s world, either your gay, lesbian or straight. Being bisexual isn’t acceptable in her eyes.” Calum’s arms wrapped around you and you stood there, holding onto him for dear life.

“Well that makes two of us then.” Michael’s casual comment had your knees go weak and you let out a weak laugh.

“Thank you Ash.” You finally murmured when you pulled away from Calum. Ashton didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in a warm hug that was both comforting and reassuring.

“Hey, you’ve been the best thing for my best mate. And you were friends with Luke once before. I’ve definitely got your back. And I get why you didn’t say anything and don’t hold that against you.” He muttered and you breathed a sigh of relief before returning to Calum’s embrace.

“More drinks or are we gonna go back to Luke’s?” And you shook your head.

“Let’s stay. I’m not gonna let her ruin it,” you leaned forwards so your lips were by his ear as the others went inside, “also I want to see if we can christen the bar in one of the toilets.” You breathed. Calum groaned as his grip around you got tighter and he pulled you in for a kiss that promised more.

“Oh you’re so fucked sweetheart. Especially since I know where the individual lips are and they aren’t attended by anyone.” You held back a moan at that thought before pulling away, your hand in his.

“Dance first?” And the innocence in your tone made him laugh as he followed behind you willingly.

“Menace.” The term was laced with affection as he caught up to you, kissing the spot just below your ear.

You simply grinned in return as you pulled him onto the dance floor, Poppy long forgotten as he danced with you.

@sexgodashton, @goth5sos, @calumsmermaid, @empathycth, @wildflowergrae, @calpops, @rosecolouredash, @cal-puddies, @clockwork124, @loveroflrh, @stellar5sosrecs, @ashtoniwir, @cthla, @liketheydidwithyou, @sc0ttish-wildfl0wer, @bluehairedtracii, @drummerboy794, @feliznavidaddycal, @i-calumhood, @wokeupinjapanisabop, @converse-luke, @madbomb, @ccnicole02, @youngblood199456, @aulxna, @megz1985, @lukesidentitycrisis, @snapback-irwie, @neonweeknds, @666yourwitchyfriend666, @gamerboymike, @cashtonasfuck, @ashtaway, @conquerwhatliesahead92, @itjustkindahappenedreally, @twoamhood, @kchillout, @damselindistressanu, @colormekaykay, @findingliam-o, @sublimehood, @sugarcoated-pain, @singt0mecalum, @singledadharrington, @calumspeachy, @colourfulcalum, @lostincalum, @burncrashbromance, @asht0ns-world, @a-mnd, @flusteredcliffo, @loti18, @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave, @clumclum-hood, @fangirl-everythang, @lashtondaddies, @calumssunshine, @ambskiwi, @abundant-stars, @caltattoohood, @seedless-vascular, @myescapefromthislife, @lmao5sosimagines, @beyoncesdragon, @jae-writes-fanfiction, @cxddlyash, @tresfandom, @utterly-u-n-p-e-r-f-e-c-t, @niallisworld, @lietomevalntyn, @babylon-corgis, @monochrome44, @behind-my-hazeleyes27, @ghost0fy0u, @lyllibug, @bloodmoonashton, @balsamic-cal, @calumsbaldhead, @washedout-ky, @calumssunshinee, @ghostofmashton, @summerellaz, @a-little-less-sixteen, @cashworthy, @smokeinherlungs, @longlastingdaydream, @h0tsos, @sweetcherrymike, @5sosnsfw, @sugar-nico, @sunnysideblog, @angel-cal, @samros95, @maluminspace, @lukeinblue, @cakesunflower, @allamerican-betch, @britnicole11, @gigglyirwin, @everyscarisahealingplace, @loverofcashton, @iovehemmings, @g-l-pierce, @jannimoeller3, @wildmichaelflower, @lukeskisses, @5sossstan, @youngbloodchild, @alloutofcashton, @tobefalling, @abb-lan-5sos, @calumsbub, @flameraine, @here-for-the-uproars, @mateisit-balsamic, @ilovelukey, @sarahshepherdblog

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woogurl · 4 years

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i’ve been meaning to make this post a while ago, but i was uncertain if now was the right time to do it, it’s something that’s extremely controversial, but yes...

i decided to make a post regarding what i think woosan’s sexuality is, now i figured it was bad to just assume their sexuality but people assume all or at least most of the male/female kpop idols are straight anyway by default. which i don’t think is bad or illogical, seeing as most people are straight statistically.

not gonna lie, ateez is one of those groups that give me mad gay vibes tho. however, i won’t be analyzing the others as i don’t really watch much of their individual behavior or content, i think you should only make these when you’ve watched enough of their behavior.

as you know, i’m a woosan enthusiast, and a woo stan, but i’m not gonna just analyze their relationship, which i think is sufficient proof enough, but i’ve compiled everything that has led me to the conclusion that san is either bi(with male preference) or gay, and woo is bi.

lastly, i want to say just because someone is homophobic or really opposed to skinship with the same sex does not mean they’re automatically straight. sometimes it’s a coping mechanism, and just because they’re feminine, comfortable with their masculinity, support LGBT+, or okay with skinship with the same sex doesn’t mean their gay.

sometimes there really are NO signs.

just look at all of the idols people assumed were gay. momo/heechul, baekhyun/taeyeon, hani, kai(though mostly considered him to be bi). anyhow, my point is you just never know. lol

now, i’ll stop my rambling and get started. first let’s start with

S A N

now, i’ll be honest, i’ve always thought san was gay because how reserved he was and how shy and sweet he was around the members during their predebut days. i just felt like he was maybe shy because he hadn’t come to terms with he sexuality. i mean when i look at san during predebut, he literally was like a baby, and his mannerisms was so small and reserved. even his body was so tiny and fragile. however, this was because san was naturally skinny and it had always been a complex for him. in which he said he had a tough time gaining weight.

what we know about san’s former lifestyle is that he was a church boy, a farmer, a wannabe gamer and a freaking black belt in taekwondo and his dad was an owner of a taekwondo studio, he was one of the most popular kids, he had a pretty good relationship with his parents or at least now he does and his grandparents took good care of him when his parents didn’t.

but san still had low self-esteem. why? i really don’t know, but i would hazard a guess that it was because of his sexuality(this is just an assumption guys, not a fact). now remember san was part of the church, and he joined because a friend asked him too. they probably asked him because they figured he liked to sing and dance. although i think san was shy and self-conscious, i don’t that he was self-conscious about his abilities as you could see he did go to the church to sing and dance in front of a bunch of people. i think he had low-self esteem because of who he may have realized that he was.

here are some examples of what i mean.

there’s something that san continuously repeats and that is to learn to love himself, know his worth, and just simply love who he is. and i think that’s one of the reasons that san didn’t like church is because it went against who he was and is. if you watch videos of him in the church he really looks like he doesn’t want to be there. he looks so uncomfortable. he doesn’t just look like “ah, this is boring there’s nothing to do” but he looks more like he’s displaced. like he’s NOT supposed to be there. we learn later that san isn’t religious instead.

don’t you find it interesting that he made a direct correlation to his belief in god to his belief in himself. it was like he was saying, even though i don’t believe in god i believe in who i am. like i trust that who i am is correct.

another part of this video that i find interesting is the moment that they talk about how much they value each other(woo and san).

S: You’re cool and

S: I honestly

S: Now I can sincerely

S: To the people around me or my relatives

S: I can proudly say that my friend is Wooyoung!

S: You're that kind of friend

S: To that point where I'm not embarrassed

S: Or rather say you're my friend that's worth showing off!

S: I think this is more than enough!

a lot of people in the comments of this video said that they felt like this was a confession and i agree. i remember feeling odd at how san worded this, the first time his sexuality didn’t even cross my mind. i was just like oh, he’s probably embarrassed because woo’s so loud and shit. lol. but now it doesn’t make much since to me. the vibes here are very serious, and we all know that even though woo can be loud and noisy many atiny’s forget that he is also extremely mature. especially when he needs to be. not only that but san has said woo is very respecful to his elders, so i don’t think he would of been embarrassed by woo’s on camera behavior. i noticed before san said this he hesitated a bit, like should i say this or how should i word this. it was super sweet.

now, let’s talk about san describing his ideal type. in which he says the outside doesn’t matter and that he wants someone who is kind-hearted and warm. he wants someone who’s good to him.

there are a lot of moments translated where he used feminine pronouns, but others have clarified and said he did not mention any pronouns.

let’s also talk about that conversation he had with wooyoung where they talked about what kind of guys they liked. where woo was like, “i like cool guys” and san was like, “i like both cool and sweet guys” then there’s silence because they probably realize that it’s considered “weird”. then san says, “i’ll be quiet”. i honestly felt bad like ;c. he probably felt the need to stop talking about it because he realized that people would prob think that it was gay.

he also sang troye sivan my youth, but i honestly don’t think that it’s too relevant seeing as many kpop idols appreciate troye sivan. but it’s worth noting i suppose.

lastly, body language there’s just a lot of moments that can’t be explained. now i completely understand that korea is tote fine with males being close with one another but there are just some moments, that i believe, i don’t care how comfy you are with the same sex is questionable. lmfao.

mind you seconds before this san was just minding his own business but his expression completely changed when he saw woo seduc---i mean dancing in front of him. idc what anyone says, a straight man would never eye fuck another man like this. lmfao. there’s lust in those eyes and you can’t tell me there isn’t. san was literally checking him out.

san being completely comfortable with having his no-no on woo’s ass, these are both very intimate parts of the body. honestly, the simple fact that san likes spooning woo from behind all the time is suspect to me. lol. especially with the expressions he gives at times.

san’s reaction when woo gets too close to his face, he doesn’t flinch. he’s also clearly looking at woo’s lips. there’s also another moment like this where san becomes so flustered that he has to look away for a second. lmfao.

when i think two of the other members(i don’t remember who) had to do a couple dance. what they did was completely tame, but woosan over here took it up several notches and started dancing like they were at a gay bar. no one told them to do it, they just did.

next i want to point out how comfortable they are with the shipping. i already mentioned this in my woosan relationship post but they’re comfortable with the shipping, then i figured it was because they were comfortable with the relationship that they had. but now, i think they don’t mind it because they’re proud of who they are. it’s not just them being comfortable with woosan, but with their sexuality as well. so they’re like telling us we’re woosan but we’re also okay with our sexuality kind of thing.

lastly, i want to point out body language again for san, and this is honestly the ONLY reason why i believe he is somewhat bi and not completely gay. the way he interacts with fans. i know you’re all gonna say well, that’s his job. but, he seems to want to impress his fans or look good for them. san’s confidence has changed quite a bit and as yeosang once said, san’s kind of like a tough guy now, as mingi said he’s changed the most since debut. i think the reason satan--i mean san has become so powerful, and a sexy demon on stage is because he’s confident in who he is now and it really shows. i think san wanted to break those stereotypes of who he was and show people that he wasn’t weak or shy, but manly and sexy and the best in bed. but on stage he loves showing off his muscles and how flexible his hips are and even on vlive. most of the fans are women and i think to myself why would he do this if he was completely gay?

i just don’t think a completely gay man would not want to appeal to women all that much. then again it could possibly be because he enjoys getting those compliments and that’s what fuels his self esteem. it could be the compliments from the women and not the women themselves. i’m not completely sure, but the reason why he does this does matter. he likes receiving compliments not just from the fans but from anyone really. so i don’t know if the reason he shows off his manliness to fans is because he wants to appeal to women OR if he just wants to appeal to his self esteem. which is possible. you guys let me know what you think.

W O O Y O U N G

there really isn’t as much content for me to work with when it comes to woo because he refuses to post, but i’m so confident that this boy is bi that it’s not even funny. there’s not much predebut info, there’s not much info about his ideal type.

sighs

yo girl will work with what she’s got. now, woo has only playfully mentioned his ideal type. in which he usually automatically answers yunho. do i actually believe that? no. lmfao. i think woo was smart enough to have yunho as his default answer for this question really. instead of actually being attracted to yunho i think woo just admires yunho because he always answers yunho for a member he would switch bodies with as well. he always says yunho because he’s tall, fun, funny, handsome and has a nice figure.

but as you’ve all probably noticed he doesn’t really seem physically attracted to yunho, but you know(HAHA) who he is definitely physically attracted to?

seonghwa, without a doubt, i’m saying this with my whole fucking chest, okay? i have no doubt in my mind that woo is or at least was physically attracted to seonghwa.

that full post i made with woo trying to kiss seonghwa for the 100th time is all the evidence you need, but i’ll keep y’all entertained. i want you all to understand that seonghwa has said that woo kisses him so much off camera that he’s used to it, the fact that the members gasped so hard that they almost caught flies was mehmehable.

now you all will probably say that woo just loves kisses and that’s fine but he seems to want to kiss on the mouth too and that’s pretty gay. lol.

he literally looked at seonghwa’s mouth before he dived in for a kiss. cheek kisses and mouth kisses are two whole different vibes. not to mention he tried to kiss him again during this vlive and san. woo has literally tried kissing all of the members okay? lmfao. he’s just way too comfortable with it in my opinion.

woo has been hungry for seonghwa, and he knows it, we can also talk about how he has said twice that seonghwa has a pretty ass. which he isn’t wrong about. lmfao. we could also talk about that moment where woo literally looked down seonghwa’s shirt.

anyway, while i do think woo was physically attracted to him, i’m pretty sure he has some kind of intimate relationship with san now. i don’t wanna add those moments because it would just me repeated what i wrote for woosan relationship analyzes, woo has also shown a lot of interest in women during their america tour and he’s repeatedly gone to the same fancam of some women. it’s important to mention woo is naturally a flirt but he seems to flirt with the members as well, according to yeosang who said this during their christmas vlive. jongho has also said he wanted woo’s ability to flirt. so my best guess is that he probably flirted with the members in the past.

there’s also the clip of him telling a fanboy to go after the guy that he likes, and he was also surprised to hear that he had fanboys, and he seemed interested to know this information other than that i don’t have much evidence, but i think woo’s body language off camera with the members is plenty evidence really. lol. there’s just not many straight men i know who would be inclined to cling to another male as much as woo does.

anyway, i’m tired this was my woosan sexuality post. remember these aren’t facts just observations and opinions. ;)

#ateez #wooyoung #woosan #seonghwa #san #choi san

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chillpills320 · 4 years

Text

Hard || Corbyn Besson

Summary : kinda based on wdw’s hard (if you haven’t heard the song yet it’s basically Corbyn likes his best friend, but she’s oblivious and is in a relationship, and one day her boyfriend hurts her so she goes to Corbyn for comfort)

Warnings : slight hint of sexual abuse, but other than that it’s just some Corbyn fluff

Word Count : 1.9k

A/n : Yeah so I really like their song hard, I think it’s nice to have someone who got your back, and gives you a shoulder to cry on, plus I’m a new limelight, so I’m like writing this and waiting for their comeback,,,,

Also this kinda involves their cover of Adele’s make you feel my love, because I went to heaven after I heard their cover, and you should really hear it if you haven’t

~~~

November 25th (as you all know) is Corbyn’s birthday.

He was your best friend, and of course you wanted to be the first ever person to wish him happy birthday, so you called him at 11:57pm the night before even though you were dead tired.

“Heyyy Corbone,” you said to the phone when he picked up at the third ring.

“What’s up y/n? Wait.. Aren’t you supposed to be in bed now?” Corbyn asked, he knew that you take part-time jobs at a nearby cafe after school to support your college fees and he knew how exhausted you probably were.

“Whatttt, and miss being the first person to wish you a happy birthday? No thanks,” You teased.

“Really? Aww,” the boy answered, a bit flustered. You could literally hear his smile over the phone.

You chuckled, and you talk about the most random of things until the clock ticked 12:00.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!” You practically screamed to the phone. “You’re 20 now, you dork. Go get a girl or something, don‘t wait till you’re too old for crushes,” you egged him on.

You’ve known Corbyn for your whole life, but have never seen him date any girl. You were the one close friend of him who is a girl, and you were honestly worried about his sexuality as he has not shown any interest to any other girls OR guys, which u concluded after (half) stalking him on the campus, wondering if he was gay, which is honestly super fine if he was, but yeah.

“You say that every yearrr,” Corbyn complained.

“Wait I still haven’t got your birthday present because I don’t know what you want, so just tell me if there’s anything on you wishlist?” you asked.

“Oh, sure thanks,” the blonde boy replied.

“Wait, um do you want to hang out tomorrow?” He continued, crossing his fingers wishing that you’d say yes.

You, on the other hand, oblivious to Corbyn’s wish, rejected politely because you promised that you would spend more time with your boyfriend.

“Sorry Corbs,” you shrugged into the phone. “Right, gotta sleep. See you tomorrow, birthday boy,” you said and hung up.

Corbyn’s heart panged with bitter sweetness. He was touched that you called him to be the first person to wish him a happy birthday, but he also knows that that would probably be the last time he will see you on his birthday, since you two don’t exactly have the same friend group.

You used to hang around with Corbyn a lot, just the two of you, but soon your boyfriend appeared and you had to spend time with your boyfriend too. Plus, college caught up and you were both too busy to spend time with each other.

It wasn’t that Corbyn’s not interested in girls, it’s just that he has fallen for his best friend, who was oblivious to his feelings AND not available. All Corbyn’s ever wanted for his birthday present is you, but who could get him that present?

~~~

The next day, Corbyn hung out with Jonah and Jack. He wasn’t exactly popular in school, unlike the social butterfly you were, making friends here and there.

Right now you were seated at the middle of the cafeteria with a table of friends, your boyfriend’s arm wrapped around your figure. A friend of yours shared something and made you laugh.

“Hey, have you told her yet?” Jonah asked, snapping Corbyn out of his trance.

“W-What?” Corbyn asked.

Jack sighed. “Of course it’s a solid no, or else why wouldn’t y/n be sitting here with him.”

Corbyn blushed at the mention of your name.

“Ugh, I’m just sick of Corbyn always staring at y/n while she doesn’t even notice,” Jonah groaned. “She’s your best friend. How could she be so oblivious?”

“I mean... she has a boyfriend,” Corbyn said, defending you, though his heart sinked a little at the mention of the champion who won your heart.

Jack shook his head in sympathy.

“Hey cheer up, it’s your birthday afterall,” Jonah said, lightening up the mood. “You wanna go to the arcade after school?”

At the mention of Corbyn’s favorite place on Earth, his eyes lit up.

“Sure!” Corbyn replied enthusiastically.

~~~

After spending the whole day at the arcade, Corbyn went back home.

He scrolled his Instragm feed and smiled when he saw that Jack posted a ridiculous picture of Corbyn as his birthday post. He was typing a comment when he heard a knock at his door.

Few people knew his address and it was quite late at night, so he was a bit confused, but opened the door anyway to reveal you. You, with messy hair, and disheveled clothes that seemed to be put on in a haste.

“Y/n? What are you-“ Corbyn started with wide eyes but was cut off by you breaking down. Corbyn’s eyes softened as his heart swelled at your crying figure.

He immediately pulled you inside and into his warm embrace where your sobs shook his frame. You fell to a million pieces but his hands came up and ran along your back to soothe you while whispering that it’s okay.

When your sobs subsided, he led you to the couch while he went to the kitchen to brew some hot tea.

He came back with two steaming mugs and gave one to you.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, then took a sip of the tea.

He nodded and wrapped his arms around you.

“Better?”

You nodded meekly, tired from all the crying.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” he asked softly.

You opened your mouth, but all that came out was a sob.

Corbyn pulled you in closer. “It’s okay, you can tell me when you’re ready,” he whispered, never prodding you on if you’re uncomfortable.

You sighed into his hoodie. Your tears dampening the fabric yet Corbyn doesn’t seem to mind.

“My boyfriend,” you finally said, avoiding Corbyn’s gaze. “H-He tried to sexually abuse... me.”

Corbyn’s blood ran ice cold. How could anyone hurt such a sweet soul like you? He didn’t understand why anyone would want to make you cry so hard.

Now Corbyn’s blood boiled and his fist tightened. “I’m gonna make that bastard pay,” he said through gritted teeth, and tried to get up from the couch but you stopped him.

“It’s not.. worth the trouble,” you mumbled. “I-I mean I escaped before he began to get into it, but I was just,” you frantically explained. “I was just sc-scared when he pinned me down, he was so strong, and I couldn’t move.. and- and-“

“And it’s not the first time he’s tried that...” you whispered, broken.

Corbyn’s heart teared apart just as he teared up at your vulnerability.

“I-I’m sorry, you don’t deserve this,” Corbyn whispered as tears began to run down your face again.

He wiped your tears away with the back of his thumb. He was angry at your boyfriend for doing such a thing to you, but he also blamed himself for not seeing it in your boyfriend. All he’s ever wanted to do was to protect you, but he failed even at that.

He also blamed himself that if, he wasn’t such a coward, and had actually confessed his feelings for you, then you might have accepted him and avoided dating your current boyfriend.

“Hey,” you said softly, snapping Corbyn out of his thoughts. “Why do you look even more troubled than me?” you teased a little.

“I just... I wish I could’ve prevented it,” Corbyn mumbled. “I hate seeing you cry,” he added softly.

“Oh Corbs, you being here for me is enough,” you sniffed. “God, you don’t even know how much better you made me.”

Corbyn ran his hand down your silky hair.

“I thought... I thought you had a lot of friends to be here for you,” Corbyn admitted.

You sighed sadly. “Well.. yes, but they’re just a facade. No one but you can truly give me comfort,” you said softly. “And frankly I’d rather be with you.”

Corbyn’s heart fluttered at your words as both of you sat in the comfortable silence.

“Corbyn?” you mumbled. “Can you sing me a song?”

Corbyn smiled and started to sing with his honey sweet voice,

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one there to dry your tears

Oh, I hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

He looked over at his shoulder and saw you sleeping peacefully. He thought you looked perfect, even with messy hair and smudged makeup.

He gently carried you to his bedroom and placed you on the bed, tucking you in. He also used the makeup wipes you left over before to clean your face.

Corbyn sighed as he watched your sleeping figure.

“You know, if i hadn’t been such a coward, maybe you wouldn’t have ended up with him,” he speaked softly to himself.

“Do you know? You look so beautiful when you’re asleep, and I wish I could be the one to tell you that every day, every morning. I wish that I could tell you I get lost in your eyes everytime I look at you, and your laugh is my favourite sound in the world. My heart skips a beat everytime I look at you, but I know that you’re occupied.”

“I never showed any interest in anyone, because you were already in my mind for the longest time.”

“I wish I could be the one to protect you, to love you, to live with you... I wish that I could call you mine, or call you my baby, because that’s- that’s who you are in my mind,” Corbyn confessed, knowing that you wouldn’t hear him.

“Corbyn,” you suddenly spoke up, your eyes fluttering open, for you have been awake for some time now, and heard Corbyn’s confession. “Do you really mean that?” A smile on your face while Corbyn jumped at your voice, cheeks flushing ridiculously red.

“I-I, yeah.. I t-thought you were asleep,” Corbyn stammered, looking anywhere but your eyes.

“You know what, Corbs, I like you too. A lot,” you confessed, cheeks turning pink as well.

“I-I’ve liked you for a long time, but I thought you didn’t show interest in anybody, so I just try to date other people to get you off my mind, but-“ you rambled, but got cut off when Corbyn placed his lips on yours.

Fireworks erupted as both your hearts swelled at the sweetness of the kiss. His lips were softer than you imagined, and his taste- God, you could taste him forever. He pulled away and hid in the crook of your neck, flushed.

You suddenly giggled at a thought.

Corbyn rose up from his position and looked at you with questioning eyes.

“Oh Corbyn, I just realized that the person I’ve spent my whole life looking for, has actually been here beside me this whole time,” you said.

Corbyn smiled as well and kissed you again, this time more passionate than the last.

“I promise to protect you better than all your boyfriends, baby,” Corbyn said, breathless after the kiss.

You smiled so hard at your new pet name.

“Can you say it again?” you requested.

“Baby,” Corbyn replied, smiling at how much happiness he can give you by saying a word.

“Baby, baby, baby, my babygirl...” he continued, kissing your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, all over your face, making you laugh at the love he gives you.

Then Corbyn laughed with you, and thought, best. birthday. ever.

~~~

So hope you guys like this post, and I take requests! So send in some requests if you want to :))

#wdw #why dont we #jack avery #zach herron #daniel seavey #corbyn besson #jonah marais #why dont we imagine #imagines #jack avery imagine #zach herron imagine #daniel seavey imagine #corbyn besson imagine #jonah marais imagine

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andimack-crack · 3 years

Text

A christ-mack story: Andi Mack

read part one here

Part 2: Memories and Menorahs

[Word count: 1631]

T.J's POV

I was stressing out ripping through my cupboard I had never been to a Hanukkah celebration before I've only ever been to Cyrus's Bar and his Grandmother's Shiva. Those were easy enough go dress for but I wasn't sure what outfit said 'I'm here for Hanukkah but I'm also here to help your gay son come out to you' luckily I called for some back up.

"I'm here the dating expert is here" Jonah said bursting into my room

"Pipe down Jonah we all know how your relationships ended" Marty said trailing behind.

"Well if I have such bad relationships how come I easily get back into them?" He said smirking

"Guys big picture I need help"

"Okay, okay let me dig into your closet Marty get the make up kit" Jonah said going inside my mess

"Th-the what?" I said nervously

"Hey Jo do we need the razor for his hair?" Marty said from the hallway

"Um yeah" Jonah said his voice suddenly a little high pitch.

"What no not the hair!" I said frantically they both started laughing coming to stand next to me.

"You big idiot we're joking" Marty said patting my back

"Dude you're over thinking this Cyrus likes you because you're you and it seems cliche but if you be yourself in front of his parents you'll do fine" Jonah said smiling encouragingly

"Thank you Jonah"

"Yeah man your a great person we all know that now the Goodmans have met you before anyways you just need to have confidence Cyrus is probably just as nervous" Marty reassured

"But I can still pick a decent outfit because you know don't wanna look you don't care" Jonah said digging into my closest

******

Bex's POV

I had been avoiding talking about Gabriel changing the subject whenever Bowie tried bringing him up I'm thankful he never spoke about it in front of Andi even though she knew more than he did. I just wasn't ready to re-live those memories again. But Bowie wasn't having any of it he kept pressing on and on now I couldn't avoid it since Andi had gone out with Buffy.

"Bex please just tell me who he is" he pressed

"W-who" I pretended play dumb

"Gabriel"

Whenever I was with Gabriel, my self-esteem always took a hit. He would jokingly criticise what I wore or the way I did my hair and makeup, saying things like, ‘Were you still asleep when you got dressed this morning?’ and ‘Your eye shadow and lipstick colours make you look super-old – maybe you need some makeup lessons’. Looking back now, I can say that his comments were hurtful and unnecessary, but at the time I just passed them off as him trying to be funny. Whenever he made such belittling jokes, I would force a smile but on the inside I’d be crying.

"He's nobody don't worry" I said to Bowie smiling but also freaking out on the inside. How did he even find my number? What could he possibly want to tell me?

"You're sure he's nobody? you seem on edge by the mention of his name" he said putting a hand on my arm

"I'm sure h-he supplied me with new chairs for cloud ten last week"

"Oh well alright then I'm gonna make some lunch hungry?"

"Always" I threw a small smile which felt more like a grimace but I saw his phone number still on there I quickly wrote it down and deleted the message.

Occasionally, however, Gabriel would compliment me or say something supportive – in those moments, I would reassure myself that our relationship was okay and that I ought to stay with him. At the time, I couldn’t see that that was just his way of controlling me and to keep me hooked so that I wouldn’t leave him.

I shuddered thinking of all those memories. I had a lot other important things to think about. Something really big in particular I didn't have a lot of time to worry about Gabriel.

But I should at least hear what he has to say.

Cyrus's POV

"I-I'm gay but this doesn't change a thing I'm still me"

I had given the same speech to myself in front of the mirror for the past half hour I still didn't feel as if I could go out there and do it. I hardly believed in the words I was saying. A tear slid down my cheek I wiped it away I had to compose myself. I read somewhere that it's difficult coming out to the ones you love because you've known them forever you don't want things to change. That's probably why it hurt so much. I washed and dried my face straightening the kippah on my head taking a deep breath. I jumped when there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Cyrus your friend T.J's here" I heard my mom say from the outside

"Okay" I opened the door and went downstairs T.J was talking to my aunt Ruthie

Oh no.

"So T.J are you Jewish?" She had a scary look in her eye

"No I'm just here for Cyrus" he smiled coolly

"Oh are there any girls in school that are interested in him or do you know of any he could go out with?" T.J looked a little confused so I went in to save him

"Hey aunt Ruthie chag sameach" (happy holiday)

"Oh Hanukkah sameach dear" (happy hanukkah)

She left me and T.J alone and no one could see us from the halls so I went in for a quick hug and he smiled kissing my forehead

"Sorry about her she's very well..." I trailed off looking for the right words

"I get it my relatives are like that too" he took my hand making light circles on the back.

"Are you okay?" He asked concerned

"Y-yeah I'm just really nervous since most of my family is here" he squeezed my hand

"You'll be alright I promise" I smiled at him gratefully. We entered the living room my mom putting up a picture of Bubbe Rose I realised it's my first Hanukkah without her.

We all stood around the Menorah as all eight candles were lit as it was the final day my family's rabbi recited a prayer that everybody followed along with T.J attempted but without much success since it was in hebrew but it was sweet he tried. I subtly wrapped a pinky around his we did the same linking them together without drawing too much attention.

"Cyrus" Rabbi Hurwitz suddenly spoke making my pinky move away from T.J's "I'm going to lead a prayer for your Bubbe Rose would you like to join?"

I wanted to but I wasn't sure I'd be able to get through it I've been missing her so much recently.

"N-no thank you sorry" he nodded understanding I wasn't ready he said the prayer I hung my head low fighting the tears in my eyes. Once it was over I was about to go help my mom in the kitchen but T.J quickly put a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay underdog?" He said softly I just shrugged

"I will be as soon as this is over with" I said reassuring him.

I brought the food to the table and set it down pointing out to T.J what food is good and what isn't good this year I made sure gefilte fish wasn't on the menu nobody likes it any ways.

"Cyrus um... I was just speaking with Rabbi Hurwitz and I just wanted to let you know that it's okay" my dad reassured

"I don't understand" I said confused

"It's just he said he saw you... hold hands with T.J over here" oh shit.

"What" my mom interrupted coming over "Cyrus honey are you gay?"

"Well I-i" I stuttered

"Gay what is that?" My aunt Ruthie intruded. That's the last thing I needed

"I can shed some light on this" T.J began with my other family members beginning to listen "Yeah um me and Cyrus we... we are dating"

"Yes T.J is my boyfriend" I said smiling proudly taking his hand "we're both gay... I'm gay" I breathed out

"You... You're both boys" my aunt Ruthie objected

"Yeah good catch but gay means you're a boy that's only romantically attracted to boys that's way I haven't had any girlfriends since Iris I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was scared" T.J squeezed my hand tightly.

"Plus after Bubbe...p-passed away I felt so guilty for not telling her when I knew I could of" my breath got caught in my throat.

"Honey don't worry she knew" my eyes went wide at what my mom said

"How?"

"When me and Norman last spoke to her she told us to never disrespect you just because you're different from us she said we should treat you the same as we always have I didn't understand at the time but now I do"

I was in shock I have no idea how she could of known but at least she did know.

"T.J we are glad it's you Cyrus has found" my dad said putting a hand on T.J's shoulder he smiled thankfully.

"Well I guess I'm happy for you Cyrus he seems like a very nice boy and if Rose was okay with it then so am I" Aunt Ruthie squeezed my face

"Well then all that's left to do is... eat I mean now I feel the need to celebrate" I smiled my family sat down at the table me and T.J had been holding hands the whole time.

And I wasn't planning on ever letting go.

#andi mack #jonah beck #cyrus goodman #buffy driscoll #good hair crew #tyrus #andi mack meme #tj kippen #amber andi mack #christmas #fanfiction #tyrus fanfic #hanukkah

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stray-tori · 3 years

Text

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :(((

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message

why

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

#an innocent sin #dohye x noah #noah x dohye #long post #tori talks #tori has opinions #reactions #yes I do this often in our dms #poor mei #toriqueue

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borisbubbles · 4 years

Text

17. CZECH REPUBLIC

Benny Christo - “Kemama”

youtube

So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁

So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~

ENTRY ANALYSIS

As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.

.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism.

Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?

Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.

They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)

So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got.

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.

Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭

Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?

NF CORNER

While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o

I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”

Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.

Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.

Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.

We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”

youtube

Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:

Pam Rabbit - “Get up”

youtube

Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-

Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“

youtube

Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~

Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”

youtube

I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo! Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.

And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.

Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc.

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.

However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3 God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)

This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!!

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.

#Eurovision #Eurovision 2020 #Eurovision Song Contest #Czech Republic #Czechia #Bohemia #Ben Christovão #Benny Christo

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moogiwarah · 4 years

Text

🐓

Hi! I want to have comprehensive list of the BL manga/manhwa etc. that I’ve read because I want to spread the love for this genre 💜. This post is a list of works that I’ve read which is not in this page yet + my comments on each work. I hope some people will find something that they like here ^__^

🐣 All BL recs from me

manhwa 🐓

💜 Never Understand

Yuri, one of the school's most handsome guys,and Jaerim, one of the school's ugliest, collide!...or don't they? Can't understand what's going on between these two! It's Out of Control!

shounen-ai, completed, 87 chapters

THE STORY IS SOOOO GOOD. The art also improved by a lot upon reaching the later chapters. Jae-rim is dubbed as “ugly” (he’s a whole cutie tho) and I’m glad to see a non conventional character design for an MC! I highly recommend reading this!! 👌💯

Incorrigible

A sequel to “Never Understand” which is focused on Cho Ayeon’s story after being free from Soyeon’s control.

yaoi, completed, 8 chapters

This has few chapters so maybe that explains the fast pacing. Nonetheless, it was a nice read, I have a really soft spot for Jae-rim so seeing his r-18 experiences with Yuri really got me ahkdjashdkajshd ;W;

💜 Dirty Vibrations

Best friends Yeong and Nohae thought it was a joke when they downloaded the infamous “cursed” app. It’s said to command the user to perform…sexual acts and punishes those who disobey or delete it. It started with making them kiss. When they disobeyed its order…the punishment was anything but a joke.

yaoi, ongoing

This one is from Fujoking (author of Youjin)! In all honesty, I love this for its sex scenes. They are so well made, the art, the dialogue, the expressions, and just *chef’s kiss* 👌. When it comes to expressing sexual scenes in BL, my top authors would have to be Fujoking for manhwa and Zaria for manga.

💜 Paid

Executive director Heejae is nicknamed "Chaebol Prince" by the public. But his life is turned upside down when documents linking him to an embezzlement scheme are unexpectedly found by an accounting collegian Taekyung! So he pretends to have a crush on him, but.. Taekyung wants more than just flirting!

yaoi, ongoing

This is another one from Fujoking! This has a heavier plot as compared to Dirty Vibrations, so you get amazing smut AND an engaging story!

💜 On or Off

Yiyoung is building a startup with his college friends. They get a chance to present their proposal to SJ Corporation, one of the leading companies in the country. But in the meeting room he sees Kang Daehyung, the extremely handsome company big shot that's so very much his type, and Yiyoung's heart starts to race...! Can pretty-faced Yiyoung win both in love and his career?

yaoi, ongoing

Okay this! It’s really funny and the pacing is nice and the characters are nice and the art is nice and the perfect mix of romance comedy and slice of life i just HUHDADKAJDHJK it’s rly a feel good read and both MCs are SO ATTRACTIVE.

Penthouse XXX

Siyeon, a contract killer, has declared a boycott on men after being screwed over by his ex. That is, until he moves into a penthouse owned by Taekyung, a rich heir with killer looks.

yaoi, completed, 49 chapters

It has meme worthy illustrations xD. The graphics are nice but I found Taekyung (one of the MCs) to be a little toxic. Also, some parts of the story were not wrapped up/discussed enough imo. But overall, it was a pleasant read.

Home Sweet Home

The last thing Jungyeon expected was for his mom to ask if she could remarry. The new man was kind, considerate, a perfect match for his mother but there’s a catch: he has a younger son. Sunwoo is an introvert. He’s shy and has trouble opening up to others, until he meets Jungyeon and finds himself opening up for the first time. As their parents get closer to marrying, they become close, too close, and that’s when Sunwoo learns Jungyeon is already seeing another man.

yaoi, completed, 57 chapters

I honestly don’t know why this has quite a low rating on mangago because I found it to be a good read! It’s like sitting through a romance-drama movie. I liked the ending and the relationship between the main couple.

K’s Secret

Employee Kim Doyoon has been working for 5 years. He has one secret that he can't tell anyone else - the fact that he's a half-vampire born between a human and a vampire.

yaoi, ongoing

The art is so good in the recent chapters ugh. Also the sex scenes are well made. The plot is a little unclear though, and I feel like the relationship of the two MCs are kinda forced and unnatural hahaskdhakjdh. Still reading it tho since it’s ongoing.

💜 I have a Boyfriend

Kang Hyeon Ho, who belongs in the university soccer team goes into a breadth class and encounters the person he went to middle school together with and was his first love, Han Gyeol.

yaoi, completed, 44 chapters

THIS IS BASICALLY COLLEGE AU ROM COM ADDITIONAL TAG: FIRST LOVE AND IT’S AMAZING. Just a really well rounded story with the right amount of drama to bring out its slice of life 😭💘 Also, this is tagged as yaoi but the sex scenes were few and not that explicit.

💜 Voice of Love

After experiencing a traumatic incident involving a previous lover, Jiho is too afraid to tell his classmate Soohan that he likes him. Thankfully, Soohan can hear otherpeople's thoughts and asks him out first. But, as we all know, love isn't always that easy. Will Jiho and Soohan really get their happily ever after?

shounen-ai, completed, 37 chapters

Just a really cute story about mind reading and high school boys being in love. Ah, youth. This will make you feel good like ,,, awww young love :( <3

Base to Base

The elite Sung Moon High is fields one the country's top 5 high school baseball teams. Kim Soohyun was the ace pitcher of his middle school now started his first year at Moon high baseball team...since his beloved sunbae Choi Woojin(captain/catcher) is there....Kim Soohyun is an cutie puppy with stalker tendency exclusive for his beloved sunbae.

shounen-ai, completed, 28 chapters

Sports manga/anime always had a little (or lots) of gay, well this one made it officially gay! A cute rom-com bUT I feel like the ending was rushed. I would have loved it if there was more, but nonetheless, a good read! :)

manga 🐓

💜 I Seriously Can’t Believe You

"I don't think you've realized your true nature yet." That's what Kon tells Iida, the hottest guy at school, wondering how anyone could be so proper. As popular as he is, Iida doesn't seem interested in any of the girls who come after him. Kon and his buddies try to look into the matter by flipping a coin and having Kon approach him with his confession of love, just to see if he's really interested in guys. "I've... never looked at guys like that..." says Iida, falling for Kon's ruse. Kon takes him home, hoping to straighten out the misunderstanding, when Iida suddenly grabs him by the shoulder, and... A story about a mysterious hottie at school and a prince of a certain kind.

yaoi, completed, 5 chapters

THIS IS FUNNY AND CUTE AND HOT AND SHORT BUT REALLY GOOD JUST READ IT YOU WONT REGRET IT!

💜 Yoru to Asa no Uta

(Chapter 0) ; (Sequel)

Asaichi can't play any instruments, his voice is average, and he's only in the band for the girls and the sex. Plus, he's homophobic. For some reason, the new bassist is infatuated with him despite the treatment Asaichi gives him.

yaoi, completed, 1 + 8 + 8 = 16 chapters

It’s by Harada (author of ‘Yatamomo’ and ‘Color Recipe’) so expect dark themes. Trigger warning for rape. I suggest you skip the rape if you can’t handle it because this manga is so good. Its art and story (much like Harada’s other works) will really suck you in. This left a deep impression on me because the characters felt so alive. I respect Harada so much for that ability.

💜 Eigyou Nika!

Sakisaka, stationed in the second Sales Division, has an unrequited love for Toujou, his directing senpai. He had no intention of confessing his feelings. However, Toujou has been awfully touchy-feely lately… Is there a glimmer of hope? Please don’t let it be a misunderstanding! Which path will these vexing feelings flow down to?

yaoi, completed, 10 chapters

I had fun reading this because it’s so fluffy!! aaaAAAA I love friends to lovers and cuddling and the sweetness that comes from a relationship that is a more than friendship but less than lovers. A lighthearted read <3

💜 Mou Ichido, Nando Demo

On his way home from picking up a rings for himself and his lover, Fuji Takahiro is hit by a car. His resulting amnesia degrades his live-in lover Kotou Tarou to a mere flatmate, and a series of misunderstandings threatens to tear the couple apart. Tossed around by desperation and confusion, can Tarou and Takahiro rebuild their once blissful relationship?

yaoi, completed, 11 chapters

This is like watching a really good mature drama. The characters feel real and the situations presented in the manga were also something one can easily imagine themselves being put into. A short and good read.

💜Ookami-kun wa Kowakunai

The world is filled with animals that can evolve into beastmen. There is a young and earnest wolf who was always mistaken for a showy person because of his flashy looks. The easily mistaken wolf has fallen for an attractive looking rabbit named Usami, who is cautious of carnivores.

yaoi, completed, 6 chapters

I mEAN,,, LOOK AT THEM!!! This is wholesome and very fluffy huhuhuhu no more words needed. A short and cute read! <3

💜Ookami He No Yomeiri

Kaede is a rabbit person chosen to be the 'bride' of a distinguished wolf family. Although he does not wish to marry a wolf, his family pleads for him to go so that they can have enough supplies to last for the next two years. However, how will his new husband act towards a little bunny rabbit stuck in the wolf's den?

yaoi, completed, 8 chapters

The art is good and the story is cute :((( They’re so cute aaaa I’m a sucker for grumpy looking x ray of sunshine it’s just uGH the contrast never gets old.

💜 Encirclement Love

Ryou had a sleepover and saw his friends - Issei and Tadahiro - kissing while they thought he was asleep. He asks them about it and feels betrayed as a childhood friend when they pretend nothing happened. Determined to catch them red-handed, Ryou ends up inside a closet with Issei's little brother - Yuusei -, who has a unexpected reaction to the situation.

yaoi, completed, 6 chapters

It’s basically four high school boys being horny. All four of them are friends and I find their dynamics really funny. Also, they’re all hOT 🥵 I had lots of fun reading this!

Mother’s Spirit

University employee Ryouichirou is ordered by the Chairman to take in an exchange student. That exchange student, Qaltaqa, is a native from a developing country who can't understand Japanese!! Though he is a warrior of his tribe and a man of great beauty, seeing him afraid of the phone and the TV, and even the toilet, Ryouichirou gets fed up… But while being called "Ryouichirou" in such a clumsy manner, he has a change of heart!?

yaoi, completed, 13 chapters

This is funny and interesting! A short read to boost your mood and get your yaoi fix ;D

Dakaretai Otoko Ichii Ni Odosarete Imasu

Saijou Takato's 5 year reign as the "Most Huggable No. 1" has been snatched. Stealing his thunder is the newbie actor with a 3-year debut, Azumaya! Towards the stuffy hostile Takato, Azumaya's sincere sparkling smile starts to become effective. Even as Takato sets his alert level on MAX, Azumaya catches Takato in his shameful drunken state and uses it to blackmail him! In exchange for Azumaya's silence, Azumaya states, "Please let me hold you"'?! "Embrace me, who was the Most Huggable No.1? What the heck is he saying!"

yaoi, ongoing

I remember dropping this because MC was obviously raped, but upon watching the first episode of the anime adaptation, they made the sex consensual (thank God) and the story is not so bad after all. I suggest skipping the first chapter altogether and just start off at episode 1 in the anime, then you can pick it up in the manga to see the explicit scenes xD

That’s it for now! Will continue updating in this tumblr acc. as I continue on reading more BL ehe. Hmu on my twt if u wanna talk about BL and/or anime and manga in general hehe. Love lots~ 💜🐓

#rec #yaoi #shounen ai #ongoing #completed

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iwanthermidnightz · 4 years

Link

“Not a shot. Not a single chance. Not a snowball’s chance in hell.”

Taylor Swift — who, at 30, has reached a Zen state of cheerful realism — laughs as she leans into a pillow she’s placed over her crossed legs inside her suite at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, leaning further still into her infinitesimal odds of winning a Golden Globe, which will zero out when she heads down to the televised ball in a few hours.

Never mind whether or not the tune she co-wrote, “Beautiful Ghosts,” might actually have been worthy of a trophy for best original song (or shortlisted for an Oscar, which it was not). Since the Globe nominations were revealed, voters could hardly have been immune to how quickly the film it’s a part of, “Cats,” in which she also co-stars, became a whipping boy for jokes about costly Hollywood miscalculations and creative disasters. Not that you’ll hear Swift utter a discouraging word about it all. “I’m happy to be here, happy to be nominated, and I had a really great time working on that weird-ass movie,” she declares. “I’m not gonna retroactively decide that it wasn’t the best experience. I never would have met Andrew Lloyd Webber or gotten to see how he works, and now he’s my buddy. I got to work with the sickest dancers and performers. No complaints.”

If this leads you to believe that the pop superstar is in the business of sugarcoating things, consider her other new movie — a vastly more significant documentary that presents Swift not just sans digital fur but without a whole lot of the varnish of the celebrity-industrial complex. The Netflix-produced “Taylor Swift: Miss Americana” has a prestige slot as the Jan. 23 opening night gala premiere of the Sundance Film Festival before it reaches the world as a day-and-date theatrical release and potential streaming monster on Jan. 31.

The doc spends much of its opening act juxtaposing the joys of creation with the aggravations of global stardom — the grist of many a pop doc, if rendered in especially intimate detail — before taking a more provocative turn in its last reel to focus more tightly on how and why Swift became a political animal. It’s the story of an earnest young woman with a self-described “good girl” fixation working through her last remaining fears of being shamed as she comes to embrace her claws, and her causes.

Given that the film portrays how gradually, and sometimes reluctantly, Swift came to place herself into service as a social commentator, “Miss Americana” is a portrait of the birth of an activist. Director Lana Wilson sets the movie up so that it pivots on a couple of big letdowns for its subject. The first comes early in the film, and early in the morning, when Swift’s publicist calls to update her on how many of the top three Grammy categories her 2017 album “Reputation” is nominated for: zilch. She’s clearly bummed about the record’s brushoff by the awards’ nominating committee, as just about anyone who’d previously won album of the year twice would be, and determinedly tells her rep that she’s just going to make a better record.

But she suffers what feels like a more meaningful blow toward the end of the film. In the fall of 2018, Swift finally comes out of the closet politically to intervene on behalf of Democrats in a midterm election in her home state of Tennessee. As the Washington Post put it, this announcement “fell like a hammer across the Trump-worshipping subforums of the far-right Internet, where people had convinced themselves… that the world-famous pop star was a secret MAGA fan.” Donald Trump goes on camera to smirk that he now likes Swift’s music a little less. The singer is successful in enlisting tens of thousands of young people to register to vote, but her senatorial candidate of choice, Democrat Phil Bredesen, loses to Republican Marsha Blackburn, whom she’d called out as a flagrant enemy of feminism and gay rights.

“Definitely, that was a bigger disappointment for me,” Swift says, pitting the midterm snub against the Grammy snub. “I think what’s going on out in the world is bigger than who gets a prize at the party.”

It was not always thus for Swift — as the detractors who dragged her for staying quiet during the last presidential election eagerly pointed out. If you had to pick the most embarrassing or regrettable moment in “Miss Americana,” it might be the TV clip from “The Late Show With David Letterman” in which the host brings up politics and gets Swift to essentially advocate the “Shut up and sing” mantra. As the studio audience roars approval of her vow to stay apolitical, Letterman gives her what now looks like history’s most dated fist bump.

Thinking back on it, Swift is incredulous. “Every time I didn’t speak up about politics as a young person, I was applauded for it,” she says. “It was wild. I said, ‘I’m a 22-year-old girl — people don’t want to hear what I have to say about politics.’ And people would just be like, ‘Yeahhhhh!’”

At that point, Swift was already starting to record isolated pop tracks, taking baby steps that would soon turn into full strides away from her initial genre. But whether she had designs on switching lanes or not, the lesson of the Dixie Chicks’ forced exile after Natalie Maines’ comment against then-President George W. Bush had branded itself onto her brain at an earlier age, when she’d just planted her young-teen flag in Nashville and overheard a lot of the lamentations of older Music Row songwriters about how the Chicks had thrown it all away.

“I saw how one comment ended such a powerful reign, and it terrified me,” says Swift. “These days, with social media, people can be so mad about something one day and then forget what they were mad about a couple weeks later. That’s fake outrage. But what happened to the Dixie Chicks was real outrage. I registered it — that you’re always one comment away from being done being able to make music.”

Maybe the most transfixing scene in “Miss Americana” is one where Swift argues with her father and other members of her team about the statement she’s about to release coming out against Blackburn and — it’s clear from her references to White House opposition to the Equality Act — Donald Trump too. The comments were so spontaneous that Wilson wasn’t there to film the moment, but the director had asked people to turn on the camera if anything interesting transpired, and here it most certainly did.

“For 12 years, we’ve not got involved in politics or religion,” an unnamed associate says to Swift, suggesting that going down the road of standing against a president as well as Republican gubernatorial and Senate candidates could have the effect of halving her audience on tour. Her father chimes in: “I’ve read the entire [statement] and �� right now, I’m terrified. I’m the guy that went out and bought armored cars.”

“I needed to get to a point where I was ready, able and willing to call out bullshit rather than just smiling my way through it.” TAYLOR SWIFT

But Swift is adamant about pressing the button to send a nearly internet-breaking Instagram post, saying that Blackburn has voted against reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act as well as LGBTQ-friendly bills: “I can’t see another commercial [with] her disguising these policies behind the words ‘Tennessee Christian values.’ I live in Tennessee. I am Christian. That’s not what we stand for.” Pushing back tears, she laments not having come out against Trump two years earlier, “but I can’t change that. … I need to be on the right side of history. … Dad, I need you to forgive me for doing it, because I’m doing it.”

Says Swift now, “This was a situation where, from a humanity perspective, and from what my moral compass was telling me I needed to do, I knew I was right, and I really didn’t care about repercussions.” She understands why she faced such heated opposition in the room: “My dad is terrified of threats against my safety and my life, and he has to see how many stalkers we deal with on a daily basis, and know that this is his kid. It’s where he comes from.”

Swift was recently announced as the recipient of a Vanguard Award from GLAAD, and she name-checked the org in her basher-bashing single “You Need to Calm Down,” which was released as one of the teaser tracks for last fall’s more outwardly directed and socially conscious “Lover” album. Part of her politicization, she says, is feeling it would be hypocritical to hang out with her gay friends while leaving them to their own devices politically. In the film, she says, “I think it is so frilly and spineless of me to stand onstage and go ‘Happy Pride Month, you guys,’ and then not say this, when someone’s literally coming for their neck.”

A year and a half later, she elaborates: “To celebrate but not advocate felt wrong for me. Using my voice to try to advocate was the only choice to make. Because I’ve talked about equality and sung about it in songs like ‘Welcome to New York,’ but we are at a point where human rights are being violated. When you’re saying that certain people can be kicked out of a restaurant because of who they love or how they identify, and these are actual policies that certain politicians vocally stand behind, and they disguise them as family values, that is sinister. So, so dark.”

Her increasing alignment with the LGBTQ community wasn’t the only thing raising her consciousness to a breaking — i.e., speaking — point. So did the sexual assault trial in which judgment was rendered that she had been groped by a DJ in a backstage photo op (for financial restitution, Swift had asked for $1).

Her experience with the trial was crucial, she says, in finding herself “needing to speak up about beliefs I’d always had, because it felt like an opportunity to shed light on what those trials are like. I experienced it as a person with extreme privilege, so I can only imagine what it’s like when you don’t have that. And I think one theme that ended up emerging in the film is what happens when you are not just a people pleaser but someone who’s always been respectful of authority figures, doing what you were supposed to do, being polite at all costs. I still think it’s important to be polite, but not at all costs,” she says. “Not when you’re being pushed beyond your limits, and not when people are walking all over you. I needed to get to a point where I was ready, able and willing to call out bulls— rather than just smiling my way through it.”

That came into play when Kanye West stepped into her life and publicly shamed her a second time. In the video Kim Kardashian released in 2016, you can hear the people-pleasing Swift on the other end of the line sheepishly thanking him for letting her know about the “Me and Taylor might still have sex” line he plans to include about her in a song — only to regret it later when the eventual track also includes the claim “Why? I made that bitch famous.” The boast, of course, referred back to the moment when he interrupted her and stole her spotlight at the MTV VMAs six years earlier as she was in the middle of an acceptance speech. West’s is not a name that ever publicly escapes Swift’s lips, so it might be surprising to fans that these events are recapped in “Miss Americana,” although Swift says the filmic decisions were all up to the director, who explains that Swift’s reaction to the episode was important to include.

“With the 2009 VMAs, it surprised me that when she talked about how the whole crowd was booing, she thought that they were booing her, and how devastating that was,” says Wilson. “That was something I hadn’t thought about or heard before, and made it much more relatable and understandable to anyone.”

“I see the movie as looking at the flip side of being America’s sweetheart.” LANA WILSON, DIRECTOR OF “TAYLOR SWIFT: MISS AMERICANA”

Swift acknowledges how formative both incidents have been in her life, for ill and good. “As a teenager who had only been in country music, attending my very first pop awards show,” she says now, “somebody stood up and sent me the message: ‘You are not respected here. You shouldn’t be here on this stage.’ That message was received, and it burrowed into my psyche more than anyone knew. … That can push you one of two ways: I could have just curled up and decided I’m never going to one of those events ever again, or it could make me work harder than anyone expects me to, and try things no one expected, and crave that respect — and hopefully one day get it.

“But then when that person who sparked all of those feelings comes back into your life, as he did in 2015, and I felt like I finally got that respect (from West), but then soon realized that for him it was about him creating some revisionist history where he was right all along, and it was correct, right and decent for him to get up and do that to a teenage girl…” She sighs. “I understand why Lana put it in.”

Adds the woman who started her recent “Lover” album with a West-allusive romp that’s pointedly called “I Forgot That You Existed”: “I don’t think too hard about this stuff now.”

What’s not in the film is any mention of her other most famous nemeses — Scooter Braun and Scott Borchetta of Big Machine Records, with whom she’s scrapped publicly for several months. “The Big Machine stuff happened pretty late in our process,” says Wilson. “We weren’t that far from picture lock. But there’s also not much to say that isn’t publicly known. I feel like Taylor’s put the story out there in her own words already, and it’s been widely covered. I was interested in telling the story that hadn’t been told before, that would be surprising and emotionally powerful to audiences whether they were music industry people or not.”

Still, the way Swift has been willing to stand up politically for others parallels the manner in which she stood up for herself in regard to Braun, et al., at the recent Billboard Women in Music Awards, where she gave an altogether blistering speech, naming names and taking no prisoners, going after the men who now control her six-album Big Machine back catalog. Certainly Swift was aware that, along with supporters, there were many friends and business associates of Braun among the VIPs in the Hollywood Palladium who would not be pleased with what this very reformed people-pleaser had to say.

One thing everyone who was in the room agrees on is that you could hear a pin drop as Swift used the speech to get even bolder about the meat of these disputes. Some would say it’s because they were riveted by her boldness in speaking truth to power, others because they just felt uncomfortable. Says one fellow honoree who works in a high position in the industry (and who’s worked with some high-profile Braun clients): “People were excited for her at the beginning of the speech. But once she started going in a negative direction at an event that is supposed to be celebrating accomplishments and rah-rah for women, I felt it fell flat with a good portion of the room, because it wasn’t the appropriate place to be saying it.”

Wasn’t it intimidating for Swift, knowing she might be polarizing an auditorium full of the most powerful people in the business? “Well, I do sleep well at night knowing that I’m right,” she responds, “and knowing that in 10 years it will have been a good thing that I spoke about artists’ rights to their art, and that we bring up conversations like: Should record deals maybe be for a shorter term, or how are we really helping artists if we’re not giving them the first right of refusal to purchase their work if they want to?”

“Obviously, anytime you’re standing up against or for anything, you’re never going to receive unanimous praise. But that’s what forces you to be brave. And that’s what’s different about the way I live my life now.” (Braun’s camp did not respond to a request for comment.)

One thing Taylor Swift can’t bend to her determined will is her family’s health. She revealed a few years ago that her mother, Andrea, a beloved figure among the thousands of fans who’ve met her at road shows, is battling breast cancer. Swift addressed the uncertainty of that struggle in an anguished song on her latest album, “Soon You’ll Get Better.” Many who view “Miss Americana” will look for signs of how her mom is doing. The subject comes up in a section of the film that includes a relatively light-hearted scene in in which it’s shown that one of Andrea Swift’s ways of saying “eff you” to cancer recently was to break the mold and bring a canine — her “cancer dog” — into a famously feline-friendly family.

The real answer may come in Swift’s touring activity for “Lover.” Whereas typically she’d spend nine months in the year after an album release on the road, she plans to limit herself to four stadium dates in America this summer and a trip around the festival circuit in Europe. This may not be 100% for personal reasons: “I wanted to be able to perform in places that I hadn’t performed in as much, and to do things I hadn’t done before, like Glastonbury,” she says. “I feel like I haven’t done festivals, really, since early in my career — they’re fun and bring people together in a really cool way. But I also wanted to be able to work as much as I can handle right now, with everything that’s going on at home. And I wanted to figure out a way that I could do both those things.”

Is being able to be there for her mother the main concern? “Yeah, that’s it. That’s the reason,” she says. “I mean, we don’t know what is going to happen. We don’t know what treatment we’re going to choose. It just was the decision to make at the time, for right now, for what’s going on.”

In her case, it’s as if her manager had taken seriously ill as well as the person she’s always been closest to, all at once. “Everyone loves their mom; everyone’s got an important mom,” she allows. “But for me, she’s really the guiding force. Almost every decision I make, I talk to her about it first. So obviously it was a really big deal to ever speak about her illness.” During filming, when Andrea’s breast cancer had returned for a second time, “she was going through chemo, and that’s a hard enough thing for a person to go through.” Then it got harder. Speaking about this latest development publicly for the first time, Swift quietly reveals: “While she was going through treatment, they found a brain tumor. And the symptoms of what a person goes through when they have a brain tumor is nothing like what we’ve ever been through with her cancer before. So it’s just been a really hard time for us as a family.”

Compared with that, nearly any other topic the movie might address would pale. But it finds weightiness in addressing other kinds of unhealthiness, like the physical expectations that are placed on women in general and celebrity women specifically, Swift being no exception. In this department, she has her own heroines. “I love people like Jameela Jamil, because he way she speaks about body image, it’s almost like she speaks in a hook. Women are held to such a ridiculous standard of beauty, and we’re seeing so much on social media that makes us feel like we are less than, or we’re not what we should be, that you kind of need a mantra to repeat in your head when you start to have unhealthy thoughts. I swear the way Jameela speaks is like lyrics — it gets stuck in my head and it calms me down.”

Swift’s collaborator in this messaging, Wilson, was on a list of potential directors Netflix gave her when she expressed interest in possibly doing a documentary to follow the concert special that premiered on the service just over a year ago. You could discern a feminist message, if you chose to, in the fact that Swift chose a director most well known for a documentary about abortion providers, “After Tiller.” Swift says she was most impressed, though, that Wilson’s docs look for nuance and subtlety in addressing subjects that do lend themselves to soapboxes, and their first conversation was about their mutual desire to avoid “propaganda” in any form.

If there’s a feminist agenda in “Miss Americana,” Wilson and Swift wanted it to emerge naturally, although the director admits it was pretty blatant from the outset, given that she set up the film (which is co-produced by Morgan Neville, the director’s “sounding board”) with an all-female crew. Or nearly all-female, says Wilson, laughing, “I will say that we did always have male production assistants, because I like trying to show people that men can fetch coffee for women.”

Adds Wilson, “When I started filming, it was before she’d come out politically. She knew that she was coming out of a very dark period, and wanted collaborate on something that captured what she was going through and that was really raw and honest and emotionally intimate.” The political awakening, the director says, “was a profound decision for her to make. In that, I saw this feminist coming of age story that I personally connected with, and that I really think women and girls around the world will see themselves in.”

“The bigger your career gets, the more you struggle with the idea that a lot of people see you the same way they see an iPhone or a Starbucks.” TAYLOR SWIFT

The film borrows its title from a song on the “Lover” album, “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince,” that’s maybe the one fully allegorical song Swift has ever released — and, in its fashion, is a great protest song. The entire lyric is a metaphor for how Swift grew up as an unblinking patriot and has had to reluctantly leave behind her naiveté in the age of Trump. Her partner on that track, as well as other message songs like “You Need to Calm Down” and “The Man,” was a co-writer and co-producer new to her stable of collaborators this time around, Joel Little.

With the song “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince,” although the lyrics are cloaked in metaphor, “We like to think it was a very clear statement,” Little says. “There are lots of little hidden messages within that song that are all pointing toward the way that she thinks and feels about politics and the United States. I love that it uses a lot of classic Taylor Swift imagery, in terms of the songwriting topics of high school and cheerleaders, as a clever nod to what she’s done in the past, but tied in with a heavy political message.”

“Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince” doesn’t actually appear in the documentary, but the director says the film’s title is understood by fans as an obvious reference to political themes in the number. “Even if you don’t know the song,” Wilson says, “I see the movie as looking at the flip side of being America’s sweetheart, so I like how the title evokes that too.”

The doc doesn’t lack for its own protest songs though. In the wake of her midterm disappointment, Swift is seen writing an anthem for millennials who might have come away disillusioned with the political process. That previously unheard song, “Only the Young,” is seen being demo-ed before it plays in full over the end credits; it’ll be released as a digital single in conjunction with the doc. Key lyric: ““You did all that you could do / The game was rigged, the ref got tricked/ The wrong ones think they’re right / We were outnumbered — this time.”

“One thing I think is amazing about her,” says Wilson, “is that she goes to the studio and to songwriting as a place to process what she’s going through. I loved how, when she got the Grammy news (about “Reputation”), this isn’t someone who’s going to feel sorry for herself or say ‘That wasn’t right.’ She’s like, ‘Okay, I’m going to work even harder.’ You see her strength of character in that moment when she gets that news. And then with the election results, I loved how she channeled so many of her thoughts and feelings into ‘Only the Young.’ It was a great way to kind of show how stuff that happens in her life goes directly into the songs; you get to witness that in both cases.

So is the film aimed at satisfying the fan base or teasing the unconvinced hordes who might dial it up as a free stream? “I think it’s a little bit of both,” Swift says. “I chose Netflix because it’s a very vast, accessible medium to people who are just like, ‘Hey, what’s this? I’m bored.’ I love that, because I do so many things that cater specifically to fans that like my music, I think it’s important to put yourself out there to people who don’t care at all about you.”

In the wake of the last round of Kanye-gate, stung by the backlash of those who took his side, Swift took a three-year break from interviews. The mantra of her 2017 album “Reputation” and subsequent tour was “No explanations.” But her Beyoncé-style press blackout was a passing phase. With “Lover” and now, especially, the documentary, she could hardly be more about the explanations. Although this interview is the only one she currently plans to do about the documentary, it’s clear that she’s come back into a season of openness, and that she considers it her natural habitat.

“I really like the whole discussion around music. And during ‘Reputation,’ it never felt like it was ever going to be about music, no matter what I said or did,” she says. “I approach albums differently, in how I want to show them to the world or what I feel comfortable with at that time in my life.” Being more transparent “feels great with this album. I really feel like I could just keep making stuff — it’s that vibe right now. I don’t think I’ve ever written this much. That’s exhibited in ‘Lover’ having the most songs that I’ve ever had on an album” (18, to be exact). “But even after I made the album, I kept writing and going in the studio. That’s a new thing I’ve experienced this time around. That openness kind of feels like you finally got the lid off a jar you’ve been working at for years.”

Cipher-dom never could have stood for long for someone who’s established herself as one of the most accomplished confessional singer-songwriters in pop history. “I don’t really operate very well as an enigma,” she says. “It’s not fulfilling to me. It works really well in a lot of pop careers, but I think that it makes me feel completely unable to do what I had gotten in this to do, which is to communicate to people. I live for the feeling of standing on a stage and saying, ‘I feel this way,’ and the crowd responding with ‘We do too!’ And me being like, ‘Really?’ And they’re like, ‘Yes!’”

Swift believes talking things up again isn’t a form of giving in to narcissism — it’s a way of warding off commodification.

“The bigger your career gets, the more you struggle with the idea that a lot of people see you the same way they see an iPhone or a Starbucks,” she muses. “They’ve been inundated with your name in the media, and you become a brand. That’s inevitable for me, but I do think that it’s really necessary to feel like I can still communicate with people. And as a songwriter, it’s really important to still feel human and process things in a human way. The through line of all that is humanity, and reaching out and talking to people and having them see things that aren’t cute.

#swift finally comes out of the closet politically.... yes they REALLY wrote that

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yibuo · 4 years

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love your hot takes! was wondering if you could give your two cents on shipping/rpf in relation to idol culture, how more often than not these pairings are subtly if not overtly used as a marketing tool etc. I’m all for freedom of expression / fandom consumption as long as the fourth wall is respected but given recent developments in c-ent I feel like we’re treading on thinner and thinner ice....

EDIT you asked for my two cents and i gave u my entire bank account. nice

ok i wasn’t sure how to answer this tbh without possibly getting attacked but i have a pretty strong opinion of rpf/shipping and how people take it to the extremes and i talked to oomf who validated me so here i go

tldr i mean people can take part in shipping/rpf if they want to and if they keep it lowkey but there’s a boundary as to how far shipping/rpf can go and there are too many instances of where people insert rpf/shipping in places that are unacceptable and this goes for all real ppl pairings

i’m not meaning to offend anyone, and in no way are my opinions discriminatory, but also, if you’re someone who’s gonna make HUGE stretches regarding to celebrities and push your favorite ships in totally unrelated things, maybe you should step back and think about how your actions can affect your favorite people

and i’m totally stealing this from oomf, but here’s a thought: if you ask yourself 'if i met this person irl, would i feel embarassed if they looked me in the eyes and i read this out loud to them' and if the answer is 'i would look like a pervert stalker' then like........maybe don't do what you’re doing?

pls respect ur faves is all n don’t make them uncomfortable ! ! and also pls don’t fetishize same sex relationships !

anyway

ok so let me start by saying i’m a seventeen stan and when i was 15-16 y/o i shipped svt members, read rpf, etc, but never really was into overanalyzing every touch or gaze. i obviously enjoyed my favorite pairings interact and i read romantic fics about them. i wasn’t really into reading smut because for me, personally, fics using the members’ names and personalities even in au kinda made smut feel like visualizing the members in a sexual context and i felt like i was crossing a fan boundary, like, would my idol be comfortable with me seeing them in a sexual context with another member they tell us they consider as friends/brothers/sisters? or just in general, would they be comfortable with me thinking of them sexually? but hey, if it was a good fic i would just skip over the smut because good fics are good fics. now idk if it’s because i’m older, or other changes? i don’t really do romantic shipping or read rpf, i stick to reading fics about fictional characters because that’s what makes me comfortable (like if i ever rb two members’ interactions on my main, i stick to just tagging the members instead of their ship name, same goes on here for real people) and i still very much am uncomfortable w/ real people smut literature and art, but that’s just me

ok you see shipping a lot in idol culture because idols are in groups and members spend a good 90% of their time together, so whatever cute interactions you see kinda lead to people shipping two (or more ig) members. i never really thought about idol shipping culture from a marketing perspective, so i asked some of my friends, and one of them made a really good point about how some ships are more popular than others, and these interactions on shows and stuff might be a strategic/marketing tactic to lure in new fans because of the “ships” being cute. i don’t know how true this actually is, but it kinda made sense. for example, in svt, mingyu x wonwoo is a super popular ship, compared to ships like the8 x vernon which no one ever talks about, even though we know that all the members love each other equally and wholeheartedly. so yeah, there probably is a subtle pushing of certain ships in order to gain momentum in attracting more fans to the group

also i’m gonna be using wonwoo and mingyu as examples but i’m not targetting anyone or anything, just hypothetical situations w/ an idol ship that i noticed to affect the members because how out-of-control SOME stans are

so as i said in my tldr, i don’t really mind romantic shipping, as long as it’s 1) lowkey 2) not pushed in places that it doesn’t belong and 3) not mentioned among the members

keeping it lowkey- pushing ships in everyone’s faces gets annoying. sometimes fans just want to enjoy idols’ content as they give it to us and frankly, it’s a little offputting when you’re trying to watch something or enjoy something and hoards of fans are fangirling over a gaze or a touch between 2 members. keep it on your private acct, or in a group chat, not in the youtube comment section of the video. but still, men and women are allowed to touch each other and show affection without it being romantic, and i feel like shipping culture kinda invalidates the platonic relationship. like unless a pairing is confirmed to be dating, why even bother with overanalyzing these gazes or touches. and no, it’s not homophobic for non-rpf fans to be annoyed, because sometimes fans just want to see the members as they portray themselves to be rather than finding a deeper (and unconfirmed) meaning behind every small thing. fans being like “bro it’s just the touch of two hands it’s not that deep” is not the same thing as fans going “ewww i’m’ not supporting them if they’re not straight” . and sometimes i feel like people try to twist non-rpfers words and call them homophobic if they’re not for shipping when sometimes people don’t wanna romantically visualize 2 people if they’re an unconfirmed couple. how can you use lgbt struggles, which is an issue in society, to fight against people who simply don’t do rpf?? how are you use that as a weapon and for what ??? (also a good amount of people who do this are lgbt fetishizers who aren’t lgbt themselves bye i said it) why can’t we all jus be friends dudes

ok but if you’re against your idols dating someone of the same gender, that’s homophobic and you needa get that checked

but that’s different from treating two members as friends rather than bfs

but this being lowkey concept applies to any pairing, straight or gay, just keep it lowkey dudes. (like for ex we see yibo and meng meiqi shippers, which also doesn’t make sense to me because it’s based off of literal crumbs but ok) it’s ok to be rpfer or non-rpfer as long as you’re respecting the idols and keeping their best interests in mind

respect ur faves pls

not pushed in places that it doesn’t belong- people need to stop bringing up ships and pairings in randomass places. for example, if wonwoo is doing a interview, with mingyu being nowhere in sight, and he’s talking about his hobbies and interests without ever mentioning mingyu, what’s the need to bring up mingyu?? people do it and it’s so... weird? like wonwoo can do things without being constantly associated mingyu? one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when shippers make these ships such a HUGE part of a members’ identitiy, when the members are doing so much w/ their lives? like no, not every move wonwoo makes, and every breath he takes is related to mingyu, but people still wanna have the audacity to mention mingyu in something completely unrelated? what’s your point?

RESPECT UR FAVES

not mentioned among the members in an uncomfy manner- like if you’re interacting with a real person, why are you gonna bring up a ship they’re included in when you have so many other things to talk about?? like ok it’s one thing to ask someone on a livestream “hey this event you guys did on xxxx show was funny, what’s the tea behind that” but it’s not okay to just mention a ship with no relation and no context to the situation. again, this counts as rpf-ers and shippers attributing a single ship to an idol’s identity much more than what it actually counts as. no, wonwoo is not 70% made of mingyu lover and vice versa. we actually saw this between mingyu and wonwoo as people kept pushing meanie (the ship) to their faces, and we saw (and still see) a much more decreased amount of interaction between them compared to them predebut, because shippers couldn’t stay in their lane. so yes, out-of-control shipping DOES affect idols and can be harmful to their relationships if you don’t control it

^ so y’all see why i feel so strongly about this, because it literally can affect these idols’ relationships on screen

JUST RESPECT UR FAVES

again, this applies for any pairing of any sexuality, i’m just using wonwoo x mingyu as an example because it’s something i saw when i was into rpf. i love both mingyu and wonwoo and they are wholesome together. i have friends who ship them and i’m completely ok with that because they do it without posing any harm to the members, but some people just need to take a chill pill and a seat and calm down ????

so i completely understand that shipping/rpf serves as a creative outlet for lgbt+ folks and that’s completely fine, inspiration, love, cool cool cool. just don’t be so pushy about small interactions especially directly to idols. and as for rpf-ers, don’t let rpf give you a reason to start fetishizing same-sex relationships, that shits weird and problematic...pls

again, if you ask yourself 'if i met this person irl, would i feel embarassed if they looked me in the eyes and i read this out loud to them' and if the answer is 'i would look like a pervert stalker' then like........maybe don't do what you’re doing?

lol so this is why i’m much more comfortable w/ fictional shipping, because these people don’t exist in the real world and don’t have actual lives and relationships to protect

just respect ur faves omg and we’ll be fine

“given recent developments in c-ent” and me being a yibo stan and you sending me this strongly leads me to believe you’re referring to out of control bjyx cpf (yizhan shippers) LOL

i don’t follow much c-ent besides xnine, uniq, r1se, and sometimes unine and the nine percent members, and honestly im not too into the fan culture so i dont follow ships there? so i’ll focus on. this ship

to be completely honest, shipping for idol groups makes some sense to me because idol group members are with each other most of the time, that’s literally their job

shipping actors who haven’t confirmed that they’re dating/no proof doesn’t really make sense to me at all--they work on one project together, and they’re off to their next., with or without each other . we don’t know if they keep in contact every day, much less if they’re into each other, but each to their own! my opinions and takes aren’t perfect and as long as you’re respecting your faves, it is ok~

ok so i’ll start of with saying: obviously, i love yibo. i love xiao zhan. they’re cute nd wholesome and evidently had good times together and learned a lot from each other regarding acting and being in the industry and just developing as people together. good for them, we love character development. amazing

is pushing bjyx a marketing tactic? most definitely yeah by tencent thanks tencent. i think you can see this through the amount of bts videos there are with just bjyx in comparison to other bts videos/interviews, even though there are many more important characters apart from wwx and lwj in cql, we don’t see as much side cast interactions as bjyx, and if we do, there aren’t that many w/ other cast members and yibo and xiao zhan?? relatively speaking

so yeah i think pushing this yibo x xiao zhan thing definitely was a tactic to further the momentum that wangxian was already having to attract stans, and it worked. like i LOVE watching yibo and xiao zhan bts videos because they are two goofs. love them. love my boys. love their camaraderie. and if people wanna ship, then go ship. cool! just be casual pls

i think where this becomes a problem is when people start projecting wangxian’s relationship onto yibo and xiao zhan because...the latter are real people. yibo and xiao zhan =/= wangxian !!!!!! (ok first of all yibo is a gremlin how can he be the wang in wangxian in real life) what wyb and xz show us in videos is nowhere near what wangxian is hJKNDJNWD and i see so many people just equate the two pairings...nooo... and combining everything mxtx writes about wangxian in the novel and projecting that onto wyb and xz...i don’t think that’s the move dudes they have their own lives they’re not wangxian

my BIGGEST pet peeve is when people wholly credit wyb’s development as an actor and as a person to xz and vice versa. i cannot tell you how many times i see posts saying “wyb brought xz out of his shell” and vice versa and things like “xz looks like he’s having much more fun than he is when he’s with xnine, they’re soulmates” and etc

both wyb and xz have had years of industry experience before getting to know each other. they’ve gone through some of the lowest points of their careers before even getting to know each other well, and they’ve both found Their People in the industry before finding each other. to say that wyb brought xz out of his shell in a summer’s worth of filming based on some bts videos is just so unfair to the bonds xz has made with his other colleagues and xnine members and the accomplishments he’s had before cql. same with wyb and his career prior to cql. and his uniq members, his ttxs bros, and all his other colleagues. these 2 have gone through some shit with their idol groups and it’s just not fair for cpfs to erase the significance of their career prior to cql to support and find a leverage for their shipping. i’m not saying all cpfs do this, but there is a Good Amount That Do and it pisses fans like me off

they are not each others saviours bye

also “xz looks like he’s having much more fun than he is when he’s with xnine, they’re soulmates”, if you guys ever watch xnine videos, you’ll know that xnine is Loud. with members like wu jiacheng and peng chuyue being so loud and extroverted, it kinda makes xiao zhan relatively quieter. but he’s still a gremlin and troublemaker and it’s not like he isn’t having fun. he’s just louder w/ yibo because yibo is more introverted than xz. relationship dynamics are relative to the relationship cmon people !!!! this is basic knowledge !!!! anyway that was a side tangent but ya

but ya my point is, wyb and xz have their own careers and they’re doing their own things now, and it’s unnecessary to bring up xz in an unrelated wyb post/article and vice versa, and it’s just so so unnecessary to link them in everything??? like i heard that cpfs prevented xz from keeping his nomination for an award because yibo wasn’t nominated so xz lost the nomination ./rolls eyes

anyway my point being, if you wanna ship them then go ahead! just do it normally and don’t bring up the ship in unrelated places (like other dramas, tv shows, etc where they’re not together), don’t spam them with bjyx related things, don’t make weird stretches/connections?? the other day on twt i saw a twt about uniq wenhan’s drama, where he was being referred to as xiao zhan (little zhan) in the drama (different “xiao” and “zhan” characters than actor xz’s name) and i saw cpfs go “omg theYRE CALLING HIM XIAO ZHAN??? IS THIS FATE OR” like no it isnt maam it’s just a name stop reaching

ANYWAY UNNECESSARY SIDE RANTS BUT MY MAIN POINT is that people are allowed to be shippers and take part in rpf, but don’t make their identities “____’s lover”, don’t look past their current and past achievements for the sake of your ship, don’t erase their relationships with other people for the sake of your ship, stop bringing your ship into things that are only related to one person/aren’t related to your ship, stop saying creepy things about your ship (if you think the ship people would be uncomfrotable with what you say about them you probably shouldn’t be saying it)

just. respect ur faves pls no matter who they’re with ...just respect them ty

stan yibo stan xiao zhan stan uniq stan xnine

comment ur fav yibo and xiao zhan moment below

like comment subscibe

ok bye mic drop

#this is long please dont read #dont hurt me #bye #reply #if u make ur favs uncomfy im sending huo mala to eat u #Anonymous

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jlf23tumble · 4 years

Text

This one’s for @homosociallyyours and @silverfoxlouis, the former because she’s not going to listen and the latter because they’re listening as we speak! I saw a post earlier that low-key annoyed me because it either misrepresented today’s Stern interview or it skipped right over the fascinating bits, so here are the parts I enjoyed (I won’t waste my time on the shit I hated, lol):

Shrooms and the song-writing process are related to Harry’s anxiety about fucking shit up and needing to get out of his own head; related: coming from a band, if there's something you don't like, you can tell yourself that it wasn’t your choice.

The Rob Stringer talk made me SIDE EYE w/r/t the delay, like, okay, you’re a label boss who’s gonna drop a ton of money, but you’re cool with telling the artist to just relax and take all the time they need, you’ll just pick up the thread when hs2 is completely finished, lolz (I have my own theories about allllll of that, but okay!).

I love Stevie and her coven of nocturnal witches, too, but tell me more about how she hated Harry’s choice of first single (in my heart, she wanted “Golden”) and the song that she thought should have been on the album but isn’t, god, she’s such a yoda, and this entire bit was so much bigger than the coven.

I live in Harry’s soft, breathy “thank you” whenever Howard praises SOTT.

I feel like all the White Eskimo talk is a fic waiting to happen, the whole battle of the bands and them winning studio time and how Harry talks to maybe one of them and there’s a guy who IS STILL IN WHITE ESKIMO I GUESS???? WHAT?

Howard Stern hatesssssssssssss Simon Cowell, so his attempts to get Harry to talk shit were both wonderful and expertly dodged, lmao.

My only positive comment about the discussion around Harry “putting on some timber” during his bakery (cashier at a baker) years was how much it echoed Louis’s comment about “having extra timber” during one of his recent BTS specials.

Were the guys in One Direction REALLY saying that Matt Cardle was “so fucking good” back in the day? This junior statesman!

Ralph pointed this out when we were talking about the interview, but a lot of the time, Howard just makes statements (as per usual), and Harry says, “Right,” which is a great response because it isn’t really an answer, yet it’s still participatory.

Howard is obsessed with coronavirus, so it was hella interesting to hear Harry’s thoughts about it affecting his tour, when his tour is still so far away (yet another tour is so much closer and in the direct line of fire).

Howard (like me) was pleased that Harry’s band is a mix of women and men and not just dudes (I should take a drink every time Bowie is mentioned, like around Harry’s clothes, how Harry is starting his tour in Philadelphia, the entirety of that convo making me want to see Harry’s face as much as all the xarries want to).

One of the things I hated seeing earlier today was this notion that Howard “forced” Harry to talk about the robbery because he absolutely did not, Harry went into CRAZY levels of detail about it when Howard asked, “When did this happen to you?” (and the way Harry talked about it wasn’t full of trauma or sadness, it bordered on humorous in spots but still serious; it clearly shook him up, but he wasn’t about to let it change his life of feeling free to walk around at night).

I wanted to hear a lot more about all the musicians hanging out in the ‘70s and being competitive in terms of who was writing the best songs about a particular party vs. the competitiveness of banging out the best single today. Harry’s focus was that if you say you like a song, people think you should collaborate…if two musicians hang out, they're dating or recording (like with Adele, and case in point, Howard immediately asked if they were working on something).

I also loved the bit about acting and how nervous Harry used to be about EVERYTHING because he’s waiting three hours to do three minutes, and he focuses so much on his voice or hands shaking, but this last SNL really helped (in my heart, his “little tweaks” were on the Sara Lee sketch).

I live in the guffaw from Harry whenever Howard unexpectedly hit his funny bone (like Harry saying Anne gave him some money to buy clothes when he first moved to London, and Howard saying it was good return on investment for her, what with the house Harry eventually bought her, etc.).

I absolutely LOVED the entire bit about Ben Winston’s attic (and Ralph’s related takes on it), the fine line of the plausibility yet the doubling down; the word “cocaine” coming out of Harry’s mouth; the parts about dating and keeping your relationship normal/secret, etc., GOLD, ALL OF IT.

Harry, like Phoenix Mendoza, writes every day, which is part of why he wasn’t really into giving up his phone to muggers because that’s his writing zone of choice for lyrics and poems (the whole robbery clapback here: “for the purposes of not getting mugged again, no, they’re on a different device”).

MITCH SPEAKS!! He was into his Nick Drake phase when Harry met him, but apparently everyone is into the open D (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) chord, so he was a shoe-in. Also, Harry met Adam in 2010??? I’d like more information.

We move back into 1D territory with Zayn’s departure, which is still shittily handled but somewhat more maturedly discussed, and yet another attempt to get Harry to talk shit about Simon, which is getting us closer to what we want/need (Harry’s very real answer to Simon being pissed that Harry didn’t consult him about going solo: “I’m in a band since I was 16, there were five of us, we had a lot of managers, lots of people at the label, and all of these decisions affect your life in a massive way, every decision I made was a group call. I didn't know who I was as an adult,” and a lot of that is paraphrased in spite of the quote marks, but just know that I am screaming LIAM).

There’s a lot of weird downspeak to Sarah and Ny (Adam and Mitch were talked at earlier), but everyone’s very much into Sarah, and rightfully so. I loved the slip up where Howard is trying to figure out if there’s anything romantic going on between Harry and the female band members, and someone says, “Mitch!” so you can hear Howard process Harry and Mitch for a hot sec, cracking the Hitch dream, before we get clarification and Harry gleefully taking us into the story of their love. (Me as the speech Howard gives Sarah and Mitch about how dangerous it is to be in a band together and to have a relationship because if you fuck it up, it’ll be terrible.)

SLEDGEHAMMER NICE.

We get a bit into the “Adore You” video because Howard’s an animal softie, and he loves it (it’s downplayed, but Howard also mentions how fans have put a lot of “thoughts” into the fish), but then we get into talk about how this song is about the girl Harry’s banging (HIS SNICKER HERE) and how the common denominator in all of Harry’s failed relationships is him, huh. All of this relationship talk here makes me want to DIE with how much I love it.

Everyone focuses on the gross talk from Howard about Harry having a lady therapist (this is a long-standing Howard trope), but some good shit disappears between those cracks, like how Harry decided to go into therapy, how he’s keeping his LA therapist instead of having two in different countries, etc., and it’s actually Robin who asks Harry about seeming weak or vulnerable in front of a female therapist, but clearly, he’s not bothered.

I’m so interested in how the shrooms tongue-biting incident cured a speech impediment I wasn’t fully aware of but that is still so impossibly endearing.

Harry himself picks out his opening acts, which we already knew but is always nice to hear confirmed.

The drug convo in text from earlier today makes it sound like he doesn’t smoke cigs, but to me, it seems like he doesn’t like to smoke weed (an edible king, relatable).

Harry says, “you’ve said it all,” which just makes me think he’s a long-time (or recent) Stern listener, because that’s what Howard says when he’s done/interview’s over.

We think it’s all done but the shouting, and then Robin gets into Harry’s clothing, which is where it gets dicey. Howard (of course) mentions that Bowie wore a skirt and how he himself did full drag on TV (“legs shaved and everything, you should see how gorgeous I am as a woman”), but Harry keeps it very much in the realm of what he wears is what he wears because it’s fun for him, he’s not wearing a school uniform or trying to look cool for his friends, he’s a lot more comfortable with himself: “At shows, I tell people to be who they want to be, I plan on telling my kids that, so I don’t want to be a hypocrite, I’m not wearing it for shock value.”

Howard says people will assume he’s gay or bi (like Bowie, YEAH, SIGH), but Harry says it’s not performative. This whole bit is fascinating on so many levels, he touches (without saying) on the entire queer-baiting issue, and it’s cringe-y, with Howard saying “I’m not criticizing, wear what you want, I’m a big mess, etc.”

Anyway, they pivot out of that with Howard moving beyond into asking Harry who he wants to badmouth: “Simon?” Harry: “This has been great!” and this entire bit about how Howard wants to know if Harry considers Simon a friend, and Harry saying he doesn’t talk to him gives me life. There’s a lot of gross talk about who Harry has his eye on for his next girlfriend, but I will tell you that I never in my life expected to hear the words SUSAN BOYLE thrown into this convo.

The interview closes out with Harry getting progressively more silent about the women he should date, saying that he doesn’t talk in interviews about his love life, he talks in music (oh?????), so Taylor Swift comes up, and Harry says it’s flattering to think you’re in a Taylor song because she’s such a great songwriter, which, true, I guess?

Harry hasn’t used a dating app (duh), but Howard thinks he should create one, and…scene.

#recap #stern show

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tizravenkatthing · 4 years

Text

Spellbucks

A/N: So.... I’ve put this off long enough I think and I guess I should’ve been writing but oh well. This round it’s time for some Prinxiety! As per usual, please enjoy and I encourage constructive criticism if you have any for me.

Trigger Warnings: NIL

Pairings: Prinxiety (Again, just for this chapter)

Taglist: @peach-cake-slice, @peachflavoredcupcake, @no-i-dont-have-a-gender

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Spellbucks Cafe

Chapter 2: Storm’s a’brewin

A tinkle of the bell signaled a new customer had arrived to the little cafe. Patton was as bouncy as he always did, and he was delighted to receive the man who stepped through his doors.

“Roman, right? I’m glad you came back!” the bubbly manager exclaimed.

As Roman smiled awkwardly and scratched the back of his neck, Virgil turned his head to look at Patton and the man he was addressing, his attention drawn away from his homework at Patton’s loud, bubbly voice. As the two spoke, Virgil studied the man who Patton was talking to. They seemed quite friendly, though, Virgil was quite sure he didn’t recognize the man, nor seem him around before.

The man had deep emerald eyes, tan skin and his chocolate brown hair was half dyed to gold. And strangely enough, the man had looked to the side, at him, while talking to Patton and immediately turned his gaze away with a blush when he noticed Virgil looking back. That was definitely odd, did he catch a cold or something?

Meanwhile, Roman was freaking out. Not just normal freaking out but ‘extremely-gay-and-I-saw-my-crush-looking-at-me’ freaking out. Alarm bells were ringing in his mind as he faked his best smile as he talked to the cheerful Patton. He hoped he didn’t look weird. Was his smile crooked?? His hair our of place??? Why was his emo crush staring at him?!!?!?? Despite all his worries, he manages to sit himself, at the same spot he sat at last time, and picked up the menu. He couldn’t stop his turmoil of emotions as he chanced a glance sideways to the emo. By the time he had sat, the emo had got back to work on his papers. Using that chance, he feigned reading the menu as he took in the sight of the skinnier man.

His hair was dyed purple and he wore a jacket that looked a patchwork of black and checkered purple which was halfheartedly stitched together. The eye shadow the emo sported was extremely dark, matching the color of his ripped jeans. The whole look was what he would usually call edgy or dull but for the person he was looking at, it all came together perfectly. He didn’t notice Patton approaching him as he observed the emo’s sharp jawline, his soft-looking hair, his delicate fingers....

“Roman?”

“AAH!!” Roman shrieked and then quickly covered his mouth a second later, drawing the attention of every patron in the cafe.

Roman’s face flushed red as mutters ensued and he got strange looks. Turning to Patton, he barely remembered to compose himself.

“P-patton, I’m sorry, I was just... L-lost in thought.” Roman stuttered and gave Patton a sheepish grin.

Patton raised a brow a him and looked at him in concern, “You sure you’re alright, Roman?”

“Y-yes. Absolutely. Perfectly fine, why wouldn’t I be??” He sputtered and rambled on, oooh, dear lord he was doomed.

Patton kept his expression of concern but pushed past it, “Right.... So, are you ready to order?”

Oh, shoot. He was so busy admiring his crush that he forgot to look at the menu! Roman quickly flipped through the menu in front of him and randomly pointed out a drink and a snack.

“U-uh, could I have these please?” He asked, trying his best to play off his panic.

Patton looked at him weird and he knew he must’ve pointed out something wrong.

“Uhm... Sure. One Chill Pill and one Super Sugar Cake, coming up.” Patton repeated the order and Roman nodded.

What was with the look, the order sounded totally normal. He looked down and observed his choices, only then did he see what was wrong. The Super Sugar Cake was filled with an extreme amount of sugar and sweet treats that even Roman couldn’t handle. It was stated that it induced hyper-activeness due to the high levels of sugar and was recommended for either extreme sweet tooths or those needed a large energy boost. And Roman didn’t look like he needed either. He had a healthy glow like he had slept like a baby and didn’t look the type to be extremely sweet toothed.

He cursed a little and scratched his head, gosh darn it, how was he going to survive that sugar bomb of a snack?! Beside him, Virgil had observed Roman and snickered softly at his panicked look. It was clear how the man hadn’t thought it through. He wondered though, what caused the guy to be so distracted to even forget to look at the menu?

Roman had heard the snicker, and without a second thought, whipped around and looked at Virgil, firing off an annoyed retort.

“What’re you laughing at, Hot Topic?”

They both froze, Virgil from the shock of being called hot and Roman from the realization that he had just got annoyed at his crush. Roman panicked, scrambling for something to say, his mind a mess of words of things to say and not to say, but Virgil beat him to it.

“So.... You’re telling me I’m attractive?” Virgil asked, surprising Roman.

“Huh? Uhm........” Roman looked like a deer caught in headlights, not sure what to do but slowly processing his words to form a reply. “......... Yes?”

Virgil’s cheeks flared with heat, going red as he now felt flustered and Roman was just in awe at how cute his crush was. Roman was known as a hopeless romantic among his friends, often times he didn’t think before he acted and for the better or worse, he did just that.

“Speaking of you, Hot Topic, I don’t think I caught your name?”

----------------------------

What started as a pursuit became a playful game of cat and mouse after a week of seeing each other at the cafe and talking, Virgil wasn’t so sure about dating Roman just yet though he loved to tease him. A lot. Roman had blurted out that he wanted to date him on the first day they spoke and that was a little weird for Virgil. No one had confessed to him before. Of course, he didn’t tell Roman his name even if he knew Roman’s (Well, the man told him without hesitation so could you blame him?). He had then dared Roman to try to get him to love him back. Just to see how far he’d go, and oh, try he did.

The second second was filled with roses and flirting, with Virgil deflecting and even putting down his attempts to get his number or his name. The third day, Roman had tried serenading Virgil with a song he had written and even more attempts at flirting. Obviously, Virgil deflected but decided that he would tease Roman, to try to get him to stop. The fourth, till seventh day, it was like a game between them. Roman would try to woo him and then he would then deflect it with teasing to try to make brunet blush or stutter, effectively halting the flirting and embarrassing comments for a time.

And by the seventh day, somehow he had quietly admitted to himself that, alright. Roman was adorable and also undeniably handsome. Like, did you see those dimples? And this gorgeous hair? His smile was somehow so cute?? And than his expressions, he loved it when he managed to make Roman blush, or annoyed. He didn’t want to admit defeat yet though, he wanted to keep playing their little game, buy himself time to think it through.

A tinkle of the bell and Virgil looked up to see who it was, the sight of the man he was thinking walking through the door making him smile. When Roman got close enough he leaned on his palm to look at him.

“So, Princey, what will it be today? A dramatic stage play? A poem? Oh, maybe a ring?” he teased.

Oddly, Roman didn’t react and just seemed..... Distant. He laughed at the joke but it was so much different from before... Like he had.... Given up?

“Oh.... Well, sorry to disappoint but I’ve got nothing today.” he said, looking away.

What was going on?? Did he hit his head or something? Virgil was almost scared to ask, scared he did something wrong to upset Roman. He leaned forward and looked Roman in the eye.

“Ro.. You alright? You’re not usually.... Like this.”

Roman just smiled and shrugged, quietly sitting in his seat and calling on Patton to order. They didn’t talk much, and it bothered Virgil. More than it should have. He spoke and tried to get Roman to talk but Roman only gave him short, almost curt, answers. He felt...... Weird. It hurt to see Roman like this. So..... Unlike the man he knew before. It was so strange, it was so odd, he didn’t know why but he felt deeply bothered. While Roman was looking off somewhere, distantly, he gripped his rippled purple shirt, near his heart. Something clenched at his heart but he didn’t know what feeling that was.

When Roman stood, Virgil was quick to catch him by the hand, somehow scared. “W-where.... Uh.... Where are you going...?” he asked, hesitant and at the same time confused. Why would he ask him that??!?!?

Roman just looked at him with the weirdest look, “To meet my partner...?” he said.

And Virgil was shaken, he flinched back and Roman just gave him one last look before walking towards the door. Virgil stared at the spot where Roman was sitting, a tight feeling in his chest.

He had a... Partner?

What did that mean? A co-worker? A lover? A boyfriend? A girlfriend? Then what about him?? Was he just leading him on?!!?? He was consumed by rage and pushed his chair back, storming out of the cafe and ignoring the worried look Patton had. He slammed the door open and his eyes searched the street, quickly catching sight of his target across the street. He was walking, walking towards another man. A man. He saw red.

He dashed across the street, uncaring for all the stupid cars and trucks and traffic in his way. he paid no attention to the horns, he just dashed across the road like a mad bull. The man Roman was talking too looked terrified, pointing behind him and Roman turned his head to look. Virgil saw the fear in his eyes but it didn’t matter. He grabbed Roman by the collar and slammed him against the wall.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?!?? AM I SOME KIND OF PLAY THING TO YOU???? SOME BOY TOY?!?? YOU LEAD ME ON AND NOW YOU ACT LIKE I’M SOME PEBBLE ON THE ROAD SIDE?!!?!??? HOW DARE YOU YOU SON OF A B-” He was cut off by a sudden wave of sadness that hit him like a tidal wave.

Choking back a sob didn’t work for as long as he thought he could manage. He didn’t care, it hurt. It hurt so much...... Was this what it was like to love someone? The thought struck him and he quietly mulled it over as he cried. That.... That was it, wasn’t it? He didn’t want to admit that he fell so soon, he didn’t want to be some easy target. Hell, he rejected Roman’s dinner requests a hundred times by now because he didn’t know how he felt.......

So. This was love, huh.

He slid down and fell to his knees, his jacket having had slide down his shoulders and exposing how much he trembled. He was angry, and now he was sad... Sad and disappointed in Roman for not trying longer. But more than that, disappointed and upset in himself for denying his emotions and not grabbing the chance sooner. He felt warm arms wrap around him and he was surprised to find Roman hugging him tightly. He felt so safe in his arms that he cried more, hiccuping and gripping onto Roman’s shirt tightly as he did. Was it wrong to do this right in front of his boyfriend? It probably was but Virgil couldn’t stop himself.

Roman slowly petted and stroked his head, comforting Virgil with hushed whispers and coos. It felt so nice and calming that Virgil just poured his eyes out, taking in every feeling he could in that moment. It took a while but he managed to recompose himself, destroyed eye shadow and red nose aside. He looked up at Roman and he found it odd that Roman was smiling from ear to ear.

“..... Why are you smiling like that?” he asked hesitantly.

Roman seemed to just realize how much he was smiling and blushed as he covered it up. “Well.... I mean, this is the first time I’ve seen you chase after me than I after you, storm cloud.”

He blinks. So it was. “But it still doesn’t explain your dumb look, you big dork.” he retorted and Roman just grinned. A twinkle in his eye.

“Well, considering you were mad enough that you came after me.... Could I assume you feel the same way that I feel about you?”

He blinked. Once. Twice. Then once it registered he just flushed from head to toe and quickly covered his face with his hoodie, pulling the strings tight so the hoodie closed. “Y-you... Jerk!”

Roman just laughed as he shook his head, trying to coax him out from his jacket as he lifted him up, drawing a squeak of surprise from the emo.

“That wasn’t a no.” He said cheekily.

And Virgil was quiet for a few seconds, before responding. “It wasn’t. But.. What about your ‘partner’?”

Roman blinked and looked over to the intellect, the man next to him who had been silently observing the entire time just raising a brow. Looking back at Virgil, Roman grinned.

“Yeah, he’s my partner. Partner in crime that is.” Roman said with a smile of triumph.

“.... Say what now?”

Virgil was dumbfounded, but his expression turned into one of a mix of annoyance and embarrassment as he found himself carried back to the cafe by none other than Roman as he explained how he had confided in Logan, the intellect who Roman had walked up to, who also happened to be his friend by chance and another one of the cafe’s regulars, and had then hatched a plan to uncover Virgil’s feelings with Logan’s advice.

Virgil found himself utterly and undeniably exposed and defeated, pouting and sulking while Roman tried his best to comfort and get him to stop. Arriving back at his seat, Roman put Virgil down and grinned as the emo looked at him in annoyance. That, to Roman at least, was the most adorable thing. Alas, he needed to leave as he needed to attend to other matters for the day.

“So... I guess I’ll see you around next time?” Roman asked, a bit afraid his crush would go back to treating him how he used to.

There was silence for a while as Virgil stared at him with his beautiful black eyes. His lovely voice then snapped Roman out of his daze and confused him.

“Virgil.”

“What?”

The emo sighed, “My name is Virgil. Virgil Tempest. And you owe me dinner.”

-----------------------------------

Prologue, Ch 1 - [Next]

#cute emo #ts virgil #ts roman #ts patton #ts logan #Spellbucks #fanfiction #prinxiety #yes don't get me wrong I will definitely make sure Logan and Patton get together #roman x virgil #story #love story #sanders sides

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lilfellasblog · 5 years

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Can I Still Be Part of the FamILY? - Virgil’s 2019 Name Reveal Fic!

Summary: YouTube viewers are getting a little too good at theorizing. Virgil’s certain that once his famILY learns of his past, they’ll force him to go back.

A/N: If you liked this, please reblog. It is the only way to help this fic reach a wider audience. Tumblr ate most of my fics that I know I posted here, which makes me very sad for a lot of reasons, one of the biggest being that the love and comments and tags that folks showed this fic is gone into the ether. I’ll be making a masterlist to help prevent this from happening again.

TW: Deceit mention, description of panic attacks up to passing out, some negative self-talk. Let me know if I missed any!

Word Count: 1767

AO3 here!

Fic Masterlist here!

Virgil observed as Thomas scrolled through the YouTube comments.

“I can’t wait to see the newest Dark Side! Theorists, assemble!”

“Okay okay, so y’all remember Virgil’s time on the stand? I think the secret he’s hiding is that he was a Dark Side! Think about it. He got new clothes when he was accepted in the Hogwarts video, Deceit and Virgil obviously have a history that the other Light Sides don’t know, and if the Light Sides don’t know it then how could he have kept it a secret? The Light Sides know Deceit, but didn’t know the relationship between him and Virgil? SUSPICIOUS.”

“i totally agree…… virgil didnt start out in the sanders sides series……. hes hiding something…… that he doesnt want thomas or the light sides to know……..”

“I’m going to add on to this. I think Virgil is STILL a Dark Side and never truly became a Light Side. He only got accepted once the other sides saw how important he was to Thomas. He’s just a flight risk. Virgil’s working with Deceit and/ or the other Dark Sides and doesn’t like Deceit, but he needs Deceit so he can keep the secret from the real Light Sides and Thomas.”

“Wait, Thomas is GAY?”

The rest of the comments were similar. Virgil felt his chest constrict as he pulled back from the front of Thomas’ mind. He huddled in his room, attempting to keep the anxiety he was sending the YouTuber to a minimum.

They can’t know, he can’t know, he can’t know!!! Oh god, they’re gonna reject me, they’re gonna send me back, I can’t go back!!! I can’t, I won’t survive it!! I love them so much!!!

Virgil barely registered his breathing picking up, his diaphragm crushed by the tense position he was tightly curled into. He started to sob, but soon ran out of air. His lungs were burning as they were starved of oxygen, and he could smell and taste copper.

I’m going to miss them. It’s going to hurt so much when they kick me out. I love them. I love them all. Thomas, I’m so sorry…

Virgil’s final thoughts were images of the Light Side’s faces that he’d never get to see again.

////////////////////////////////

Patton jolted out of his nostalgic reverie when he sensed Thomas in distress. Looking out, he saw Thomas in front of his computer trying not to have a panic attack. Patton quickly rose up a few feet away from Thomas and gently called his name. Thomas jumped so hard he hit his knees on the bottom of the desk.

“Ow. S-sorry Patton.”

“It’s okay kiddo. Think you can breathe with me?” Thomas nodded. “Great! In for one, two, three, four. There you go Thomas you’re doing so well. Hold for one, two, three…” Patton stayed with Thomas and helped him with his breathing exercises until he was feeling better, worrying the entire time about Virgil. I need to go check on my little shadowling!

“Do you know what triggered it?”

Thomas shook his head. “No, I was just reading comments about theories and stuff, and I felt a little panicked for a half hour, and it just got a lot worse. Are you okay Patton?”

“I’m fine kiddo.”

“Oh my god, Virgil!!”

“I’m just about to go check on him. Will you be okay by yourself?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll be fine. I’m gonna take a break.”

“Good idea! Summon me if you need anything son!”

“You’re not my-” The rest was cut off as Patton sunk out. He rose up in the hallway that had each of their bedrooms. Logan and Roman were just coming out of theirs to see what the commotion was about.

“Thomas had a panic attack. I’m going to go check on my dark strange son!! Will you come with me?” Patton asked, flashing his puppy dog eyes.

“Of course!! If my dark knight is in peril, I will save him!” Roman declared, moving into his dramatic pose and holding the position.

Logan just stared at Roman in awe of the extra for a moment before shaking himself and turning to Patton. “I, too, would like to assist Virgil if he is in distress.”

“Awwww yay!!! All of my kiddos working together.”

“Actually, we are all close in age and you have not-”

“OFF TO VIRGIL’S ROOM!!!”

Patton giggled. “That’s the spirit Roman!”

Once they got to Virgil’s room, Patton knocked on the door. “Kiddo? Are you okay in there?”

Not hearing a response, Logan had to put a hand on Roman’s shoulder to keep him from kicking the door in.

Patton knocked again, a little louder this time. “Virgil? Can you hear us honey?”

Still not receiving a response, Logan had to tighten his hand against Roman’s pulls.

“Virgil might be in danger!”

“His door may also be unlocked. Patton, if you will?”

Patton opened the door with ease. Logan let go of Roman’s shoulder, who gripped the handle of his sword. Patton looked around the dark room, not seeing Virgil right away. Roman scoured the room, looking for threats. Logan spotted Virgil first, a small shiver and quiet whimper drawing his attention to a mass of fabric on the ground.

“Oh Virgil,” Logan breathed as he strode over to kneel in front of Virgil. Virgil didn’t respond, so Logan hesitantly reached out and pulled the hood down. He heard Patton and Roman gasp behind him; Virgil’s face was streaked with tears and makeup, and his face was red. Patton knelt down next to Logan and started brushing his fingers through Virgil’s hair.

“Kiddo? Can you hear me? Come on, it’s time to wake up sweetie. It’s okay honey,” Patton cooed gently, trying to wake his shadowy songbird. After a few minutes and much to the relief of the Light Sides, Virgil began to stir. He blearily opened his eyes and flinched when he saw the other Sides so close to him.

“Shhhh, it’s okay kiddo. You’re safe.”

Virgil’s eyes widened. “Thomas!!”

“He’s okay kiddo.”

Virgil’s breathing began picking up and his tears started flowing again as he remembered how this was likely the last time he’d ever get to see the Light Sides and they’d hate him and-

“Virgil, may I touch you?” Logan asked.

Virgil jumped but nodded. Logan took Virgil’s hand and pressed it to his own chest.

“We’re going to do some breathing exercises now Virgil. First, please exhale so you have room for new air.”

Virgil thought it was a little strange, but cooperated.

“Excellent. Now breathe in for one, two, three, four…” Logan led Virgil through ten minutes of breathing exercises until the only thing cluing them into his distress were his tears.

“My dark prince, what troubles you?”

Virgil bit his lip. “Nothing,” he mumbled.

“Kiddo, you know that lying is wrong,” Patton gently reminded. They noticed the full-body flinch, which immediately made Patton feel terrible. He decided to switch tactics.

“It’s okay sweetie, you know you can tell us anything. You’re famILY!!!”

This only brought more tears from Virgil. Patton frowned, confused and a little hurt. Does he not consider us famILY? Did I do something wrong?

“Virgil, Patton is correct. You are a part of our family, and I sincerely doubt that anything you say can change that.”

“Indeed! We shall never forsake you!”

“Never say never,” Virgil muttered under his breath. Logan tilted his head.

“You believe that whatever is troubling you will cause us to no longer consider you a part of this family?” Logan asked.

Virgil responded by curling in. Patton gasped in horror.

“Nothing you say can make us stop loving you!” he cried.

“I USED TO BE A DARK SIDE!!!” Virgil shouted in his tempest tongue.

A silence fell over the room for several moments. Virgil curled in and started crying in earnest.

This is it, they don’t love me anymore, they hate me, they-

“We know Virgil. What about that did you want to tell us?” Logan asked.

Virgil froze. They knew? They knew? How did they know? How long? Virgil let out a particularly anguished sob at his next thought. Has this all been fake?

“Oh sweetie… can I hold you?” Patton asked. Virgil couldn’t help but nod. Patton tenderly pulled Virgil into his lap, kissed the top of his head, and rubbed his back.

“Shhhhhh, it’s okay baby, you can tell us in your own time.”

Virgil sniffled. “Th-that was w-what I wanted t-to tell you.”

Patton made a confused noise in his throat while Roman joined the other three Sides on the ground and gently placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder.

“Virgil, we know you used to be a Dark Side.”

Virgil froze, then barked out a humorless laugh. “So why haven’t you chased me back to the Dark Side?”

Roman gaped. “Why would you think I would do that?!”

“You hate the Dark Sides!!”

Roman sucked in a breath. “Virgil, I… I’m so sorry.” Virgil braced himself. Here it comes. Can a Side die if it gets stabbed by a sword? “I should not have treated you so cruelly when I was first getting to know you. You are so valuable to me now, as a co-worker, and as a friend. I… I am so terribly sorry that my biases caused you so much harm, but I do consider you one of us.”

“Roman’s right!! You’re my kiddo now!!”

Logan flipped through a few flashcards. “As the hip say, “We been knew”.”

Despite his fears, Virgil snorted at Logan’s attempt to be cool. “You… you guys really don’t mind?”

“Not at all!!” Roman assured.

Virgil hid his face. “So I got worked up over nothing, huh? Is it Monday already?”

“It is in fact Monday.”

Virgil had to bite his lip at Logan’s factual response.

“Honey, you got scared you were going to lose your famILY. Of course you’re going to be upset! And you should always feel comfortable coming to one of us if you start feeling scared or unloved!! We’ll convince you in whatever way we have to! I’ll probably cuddle you!”

Virgil chuckled. “Thanks Pat.”

Roman squeezed Virgil’s shoulder in a silent sign of support. They stayed there for a few minutes until Patton spoke up.

“I think we need a movie night!! Who’s with me?”

“Sounds great Pat.”

“Indeed!”

“That would be adequate.”

Patton giggled in excitement as everyone stood. Virgil still felt a little shaky, but it was nothing new with his panic attacks. The Light Sides ushered Virgil out of his room as he smiled.

Virgil looked forward to watching movies with his famILY.

#sanders sides #fanfic #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #tw deceit #roman sanders #thomas sanders #Patton Sanders #logan sanders #ts sides #fic #fanfiction #lamp #calm #panic attacks

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