something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.
not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.
you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.
but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.
you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.
but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.
you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.
you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?
you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.
you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!
you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"
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The way in Knives Out that the entire Thrombey family constantly subjected Marta to racism for years ranging from micro aggressions to outright threats of deportation, that she knew all their fucked up dirty laundry and how they all were constantly exploiting Harlan's wealth, that they excluded her from Harlan's funeral and each blamed everyone else for it, and that they immediately dropped all pretenses of condescending civility when the will was read, yet she spent almost the entire movie sympathetic of them and wanting to gift them the fortune Harlan left her before finally standing up for herself in the last hour
Vs
The way in Glass Onion that Helen outright hated the entire "disrupters" group for at least ~10yrs before the movie even took place and made her opinion explicitly known, that her acting as her twin sister being jilted was so easy to maintain because she hated the entire group so much, that she didn't at all humor their extremely conditional "comradery" with her cause against Miles, and that in the end when everything was said and done she didn't stick around to watch them all turn on each other because it didn't matter anymore if they did or didn't
Marta's kindness got her the house.
Helen's justified fury burned Miles' down.
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I was explaining this to someone earlier and I don't think I've seen enough people talk about it, but the kids getting four pearls instead of three was actually a really great writing choice. Did anything change? No. Did we all know one of them was gonna break/get lost? Yes absolutely. However, the fourth pearl wasn't about the story. It was about Poseidon. It was about him also being desperate to save the woman he loves. Watch him and Sally in ep 7 and tell me he wouldn't try his hardest to save her too?? It's such a significant insight into him that paired with the scenes we've gotten this episode, tell us so much about him and his relationship with Sally that we don't get to figure out until later in the books.
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Ouuhhhyheaaa ouuhyhaaa ,FINALLY! FINISHED SOMETHING BEFORE THE YEAR ENDS
First of all thank you all soooo soo much for following or just liking my art, support means alot to me , second you are all so talented and so sweet! even if you don't create content you are all so cool!! Yes you reading this ,you are so cool!! And for last...
Happy new year's eve, may all your dreams come true!
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The thing about TMA is that if I think about Sasha James too much I will cry and if I think about Michael Shelley too much I will cry and if I think about Agnes Montegue too much I will cry and if I think about Jonathan Sims too much I will cry and if I think about Naomi Herne too much I will cry and if I think about Gerry Keay too much I will cry and if I think about Tim Stoker too much I will cry and if I think about Jane Prentiss too much I will cry and if I think about Martin Blackwood too much I will cry and—
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