going fucking bonkers going bananas going INSANE [x]

😳

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

*cracks open a starbucks energy drink*

hey guys, I know I've done this like, 80 times, but I'm pretty sure I'm bi with a preference of men. I'll probably still say I'm a gay, but like. just so y'all know.

"Benny is the only one who gets away with treating Ethan like a short person" btw means that if someone else laid their chin on top of Ethan's head or picked him up Ethan would fuckin *FERAL CAT HISS*

but then Benny does it and Ethan just :3

.

the Confederate generalships whenever they got orders from each other during the Seven Days Battles

man i am a little bummed about how this means that all this time we thought dazai was struggling for the first time was actually all just faked though. i hope we get to see dazai out of his depth at least once before the end of the series.

went to donate blood 👍🏼🩸 fully passed out 👍🏼🩸 hot doctor came to my rescue 👍🏼🩸

just got done for the day and i have a raging headache :/

.

i am too warm yet I am also too cold, and my body is tired while my brain is not-

i actually should be more confident in my skills in most things like i really cleaned a decrepit bathroom that had shit all over the walls and crusty old towels stuck to the floor and beard hair in the sink and a toilet with 10 year old shit and a billion bugs cultivating a whole habitat in there in just like... 5 days of work. and that's saying a lot as a fat girl who has a bad back and knees with genuinely negative attention span and motivation who quit two janitorial jobs after a month. like... maybe i should be more confident about what i can do and actually step up and do more instead of wallowing in my misery actually 🤔

Venting . Sorry

Not to be unpalatable-ably mentally ill on main but as a trans Floridian who is on the cusp of 'too disabled to do too much personal advocacy' and 'not disabled enough that I feel it's good enough an excuse' every time I hear news ever it becomes more and more clear the only thing keeping me together and alive is an astronomical amount of guilt and a fear of nothing coming after death lmao Sorry to be a piece of shit but I can't see the fuckin point anymore !!! I know pessimism and depression are moral failings and I'm being a cunt but god fuck it's getting less worth it , baby !!! I am a hair trigger away from going from wanting to seriously injure myself to actually seriously injuring myself at all times and it is getting so hard to continue being nice and morally decent about it !!! I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm slowly giving up on the notion of ever being a happy person, even if I want to try so hard for the sake of the people I love, or people who need it, or whatever. I can't. "The world is good and people are inherently good" (even though the powerful vocal minority want you dead for existing) and "let this radicalize you instead of lead you to despair" (lmao) aren't helpful anymore they feel like a boot crushing my windpipe

alexa how do i find the will to live when i’ve been without a hyperfixation for months and am bad at the only things i even remotely feel like doing

nightmare low blood sugar situation neutralized