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recitedemise · 5 months

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𝗠𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲'𝘀 𝘃𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀, 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗠𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗽𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿. This lengthy headcanon will refer to canon dialogue from mostly Gale, sometimes others. Reader's discretion is very much advised. There will be in depth explorations into grooming, emotional abuse, heavy manipulation, and suicide.

First, let it be said that Gale, a mortal man, will always be the powerless one in his dynamic with Mystra. Of course, nearing forty years of age, he remains entirely responsible for his own actions, his own foul blunders and every hurt he'll cause, but it's important to remember who formed much of who he is: his goddess, his deity, and egregiously, his lover.

Mystra is power. Mystra is possibility. She knows what sway she holds over her Ioyal, vulnerable, and entirely mortal followers. In all ways that matter, they are but lambs she can steer and herd as she sees fit. She knows they can't deny her, and knows they'll never want to. Gale's sheer servitude and complete devotion; to the very quick of his bones, she lapped them up.

Gale: I was just... practising an incantation. Player Character: No, there's more to it than that. I know devotion when I see it. Gale: What can I say? She's—she's Mystra. I can't describe it, the need I sometimes feel to see her - to draw the filaments of fantasy into existence... Mystra is all magic. And as far as I'm concerned, she is all creation. Player Character: I didn't realize the depth of your devotion. Gale: Magic is... my life. I've been touched with the Weave for as long as I can remember. There's nothing like it.

Gale, orb in his chest, doomed to be eaten by the very thing he loves the most, still speaks so reverently of the goddess, of his lover that has left him to die. He conjures images of her memory—and she is all the while forgetting about his.

Minsc: Gale reminds me of vremyonni of my homeland. The man-mages of Rasheman. While the girl-folk go on to rule as wychlaran, Weave-touched boys were hidden away. Trained to work their craft in silence and secrecy. It is an old custom, not well-observed. In truth, I thought it born of caution after some catastrophe of wizardly men-folk of old. Now, I wonder if it was not done to hide them from Mystra, and the snares she sets for young and prideful boys, hm?

Tales of Mystra's treachery spreads far, leaving those familiar waters surrounding Gale's tower in Waterdeep. They whisper her name, afraid to utter it one time too many, suspecting, perhaps, that she'll show in their mirror like some Faerûnian Bloody Mary.

Talent rouses Mystra. She can see who uses the gift of the Weave and feel them, sampling whatever delight sings their veins as they pull from her domain. Not unlike a spider, she'll follows every tremor that strikes her as just a sliver more profound; and Gale, a prodigy, plucked the Weave's web to so garner her focus. And like some black widow scurrying, she surged down that ripple to prey on a boy. There, Gale, so impressionable, was just a mite older than twelve whole summers. He sat so stunned, beholding Mystra as she lured him into the cradle of her Astral domain. Bathed in her magic, pleasantly coddled within that glittering cosmos, Gale felt blessed in a way he'll struggle always to recount, no word, no language, fit to describe it. He felt chosen. He felt seen. And potently, to a child, he felt loved. Now, imagine a child experiencing something like that. Imagine what they'd think, how brilliant they must be when stood beside the rest. She told him he was gifted, made his heart swell not unlike a child's appetite for praise. She knew what she was doing by offering these morsels, by preying on a child's most delicate mind, and Gale, child prodigy, was already so awash in the idea that his value was in magic. Unfortunately, Gale, susceptible, had no way of squirming out of his goddess' grasp.

Reality: She's laid down the seeds to creep into his heart. When he's just old enough—seventeen's sufficient, she thinks—she stakes her claim and makes him hers.

Gale: My virtuosic talent once caught the eye of the goddess of magic herself, Mystra, who named me her chosen and her lover.

Gale is stunned when she takes him to bed the first time. (Is this really happening?) Mystra claims his mouth in a kiss, taking everything she knows he offers so willingly. Mystra, of course, is not so stunned.

Dream Visitor: An elder brain... one of the cruelest and most powerful creatures in existence, enslaved by mere mortals. Gale, tasked with Mystra's missive to sacrifice himself: This is it... I must do as Mystra commands.

Gale has worryingly low self-esteem beyond his magic. As already explored, his entire worth as a man hinged on and was built entirely off his talent as a wizard. He fought tooth and nail for any crumb of affection Mystra would offer his way, something she only gave him at all seeing his gift as a child. He wants her forgiveness. He desires it genuinely. He believes so firmly that he has wronged his goddess, buying into the idea that sacrificing himself will right his wrong. She holds such dominion over him, making him reduce his confidence in himself into a mere, trifling pittance; after all, she wasn't just his lover, but the patron deity he prays to. And regardless, Gale is a people pleaser, his initial acceptance of her missive coming as no surprise.

After all, Gale, at times, goes to incredible lengths to appease his audience. This habit, compulsion, impulse, whatever you want to call it, is a quality that was relentlessly exacerbated in his relationship with his immortal paramour. He wanted to content her, felt all he did was never enough, for as a matter of principle, he was oceans, leagues, and entire galaxies beneath her. Gale figures: well, how can a short-lived dalliance satisfy a god? He had to make her happy. Indeed, he'd done everything she'd ask. He'd bedded her how she liked, kissed her how she wanted, and of course, even said those words she'd said tasted best. She was his lover, a lover that never tended to his own needs and pleasures, and he fooled himself into thinking that's enough. He won't bend backwards for everyone, mind you, but if you're of the ones he would, he would stop at nothing to make you happy. After all, people pleasing is a way to keep oneself safe, a trauma response to sidestep discomfort, and though it achieves only a direly tentative peace, when that is all you've been fed, you will pursue it.

Gale did not want to lose Mystra; he couldn't bare the sting of it. And so, when Elminster visited him, Mystra's call for his death offered oh so callously, Gale, heartbroken, felt that part of him kick up. He couldn't endure the guilt, was so hungry for a chance to let his weighty heart breathe, even if it meant dying in the process.

At least this way, he'll finally do something right. At least this way, Mystra will forgive him, and all his friends will survive.

Gale: After I was afflicted with my condition, I locked myself in my tower for an entire year. I was inconsolable, wallowing in my self-inflicted tragedy. I'd given up on myself.

As a byproduct of people pleasing, Gale, too, is all too quick to accept all guilt. He self-deprecates, gaslights himself to a venomous degree, and twists his reality in so cruel a way as to make him the villain Mystra'd led him to believe. He self-flagellates himself, the first one in the world who will throw Gale of Waterdeep a mental punishment. Mystra's a goddess, after all, seen as utterly faultless, and twined so tightly with a being so mighty in esteem, Gale slipped into the role of the guilty often. When tied with anyone with grandeur like this, so immeasurable in their own self worth, it's important to keep in mind this: you are nothing but a prop in which to fulfill their ego. Gale was not Mystra's, not by a long shot. Rather, Gale was a tool, simply her mortal extension.

And he took every blow meant for her... a common and terrible habit for many people in imbalanced, ego-fueled relationships.

Gale's life beyond her wasn't something that interested her. She took most of Gale's devotion, manipulated his life to be her sole mantle of attention, for Mystra is not a goddess that shares very happily.

Indeed, long before his self-imposed isolation, this jealous deity did well at keeping him isolated.

Player Character: Picture kissing him. With tenderness. Then, with passion. Gale: I... I didn't think— Narrator: You perceive quick-fire embarrassment, trepidation, and finally... elation.

And so, cheated out of love, so reduced in his value as a man and lover both, suffice to say, Gale's slow to believe he can ever be loved. That's what happens when you're with someone so cold, consistent only in their infinite lack of respect. Gale looks at fondness, and he feels—confounded, to be sure. He thinks, is this truly mine to have? He doesn't know what to do, is nearly forty in game, and despite having lived decades devoted to one relationship, he feels, at the same time, entirely out of depth. To be frank, he greets it with embarrassment, like he's been caught red handed with something not his at all. He's like a child caught rummaging with his hand in a cookie jar, all this isn't mine to enjoy, not mine to indulge in, but he thinks, startled, but god, do I want. He wars with disbelief, uncertainty, and need, and in so many ways feeling utterly starved, with just a glimmer of affection, he falls fast into love.

Scenario: (And if properly romanced, it changes his world.)

Gale: In her (Mystra's) likeness, I used to read a thousand stories. She was beauty, wisdom, elegance, power... she contained universes. But now... it is hard to see any redeeming qualities in a lover who condemned you to death. I'd much rather gaze into your eyes than hers. Yours are capable of tenderness and feeling... No god could ever compare.

He says it with sincerity. There is such wonder, such love, and such awe in his eyes. He makes the act of kissing him feel like you've just reached into the trenches to but pluck him soundly from his ruin and despair. You think, Gale Dekarios, how unloved have you been all this time?

Gale: To know you love me for the man I am, and not the magic I command… none have loved me so purely before.

The answer is: entirely.

For so long, Gale thought love was simply being chosen. He knew nothing of being favored for the quality of his character, to be cherished and accepted even in those ways he fumbles and lacks. Again, his needs were seldom met, often treated with utter indifference by Mystra herself, and to meet someone so eager to treasure him, dote on him in a way his heart, his body is somberly new to, raptures his spirit and captures his soul. He's seen for who he is. He's... loved, desired for his silly quips, his easy smiles, and his growing affections. He bares himself to them, and in turn, they cradle his heart like something entirely precious. Gale thinks this has to be dream. He says, at times, you are more than I deserve.

Scenario: (But sometimes, he hopes too strongly and loves too greatly. As it always does, then, like he's once more wanted too much, he watches something beautiful slip right through his fingers. Of course, Gale Dekarios. Of course it does.)

Player Character: I didn't know you felt so strongly, Gale. Gale: Perhaps I should have done more. Been more charming, more flattering, harder to reach... but I was only myself, and sometimes that isn't enough.

They don't love him anymore. It breaks his heart. He hurts so much, so profoundly and deeply, and he doesn't realize that he breaks their heart in turn.

Unable to ever voice his feelings with Mystra in any way that amounted to much, Gale's a tendency to wallow, expressions coming off as potentially 'guilt-tripping' and even, on occasion, passive aggressive. Firstly: Gale NEVER means to manipulate emotions, and he's no intention of twisting anyone's arm, either. Fact is, Gale, never taken seriously when he'd bared his vulnerabilities to the Mother of the Weave, can end up saying just a little too much. He feels very deeply, and for most his life, seldom had an outlet for these weeping sentiments. He sometimes lets slip raw words and oftentimes heart-wrenching expressions; all the same, it's not so pitiful as to shepherd an outcome, but rather, is a gesture taken by a man so desperate to be heard. It may feel like scheming, but the truth is far, far greyer: feeling as though he's no right to share the depth of his heart, Gale simply lets it geyser out in a way he can't cork up. In ways he doesn't realize, he's adapted to this ache, passively reacting so his feelings can at least be seen and recognized—no matter how pitifully unwhole. With someone who values so little his thoughts... well, when he slips into these moods, one can hardly feign shock.

Situation: (And if no one shows him trust and tenderness, any true care in his character or worth, Gale gets swallowed up by how wronged he was.

He thinks: Let me be a god. Let no one hurt like me anymore.)

Gale: They only want us to serve them, pray to them...and ultimately, to die for them. But what if we didn't need them? What if we wielded their power instead and helped ourselves in all the ways they refuse to? I could make that happen.

Gale is not above anger, and as stated, he is not above pettiness; however, more than that, he is not above righting himself whatever wound he was struck. Gale, if not offered much by ways of affection, understanding, is made to believe that one idea that's lived growing in his mind: Gale Dekarios is far from sufficient; he has to be more. He has to be better. Gale, in such an unkind ending for himself, sips too desperately—and perhaps greedily, too, but desperately serves as a far better word—at that idea that he needs power. And so, wresting the Crown of Karsus for himself, he spites Mystra in his own way, becoming a god he feels is leagues better than she will ever be. Damn her thoroughly. Damn her ego, her power, and her endless indifference. He will serve the people, protect them, and in ways Mystra never could, better the world.

Situation: But as a god, he loses all sense of his kindness. Humanity. All who loved him leave him, and even Tara spurns the image he's become. With power, he's gained the respect he thought he always wanted... but in turn, he lost in even greater measure all the love he's known.

Endnote: But healing, knowing to forgive himself and knowing he's deserving of care simply for being Gale Dekarios will remain, always, the best path for him.

#HEADCANON.#Oh... anyway. This. Was. A lot.#And it was a lot for me mentally and emotionally to write.#So much of this hit home.#Gale isn't perfect. He can be petty and immature—a byproduct of not being all too good at venting his frustrations when #it gets to a point. He has very bad self esteem. He is not forgiving of himself and is too forgiving of Mystra.#He endured FOR DECADES the cold indifference of a goddess he called his lover.#I know people dog on him because he's a grown man with these hurts and traumas and responses #but just because his trauma manifested in ways you don't find palatable or hot or sexy #doesn't mean they aren't scars left by trauma buddy!!!#And quite frankly that bit about God Gale sounding vindictive and angry #yeah! SOMETIMES people who have so cold and uncaring and belittling a partner #end up angry. You shoved someone into a corner and hounded them for SO LONG. Don't start crying when they rear back on you and bite #I have a deep connection with godhood Gale. But obviously a healed Gale that finds love and acceptance in himself is so much healthier.#I'm rooting for you Gale (always).#So much of this was typed up with a lot of first hand experience so... to say this was a Gale exploration #as much as a way to navigate my own trauma is an apt one.#No two tales of abuse are alike of course. Gale's experience isn't my experience. But I can sympathize a great deal.#TL;DR: This meta post means a lot to me. K. Thanks.

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leiandroid · 2 years

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otayuri week | day five - workplace au

otabek works the nightshift of a movie store, and yuri is a film and photography student that comes to rent&buy movies.

@otayuriweek22

canons and scenes of this verse discussed at length under the cut >>

as usual, i can't write for shit and bridge ideas to anything cohesive or create dialogue that isn't cringe and unnatural so have this list instead (i need y'all to get the full picture ya know) >>

yuri is a film & photography student (more interested in photography over film, which ended up meaning he has a lacking knowledge of movies and the programme requires him to know and watch a lot of them)

otabek is the night shift worker of the movie store. georgi works the day shifts.

yuri started going there to rent/buy movies. at first he went during the day and had initially asked georgi for suggestions but after his third time coming back with georgi's recommendations, which was another over dramatic and terrible romance, he stopped asking. one day, he was late going home from university so he stopped by the movie place at night and that's when he first met otabek on his night shift.

otabek is a semi-pretentions "film not movies" kind of guy, when he saw the stack of films yuri intended to leave with he didn't say anything, only had a look on his face which yuri straight up asked "what's that look for asshole?" to which otabek said nothing and just rang up the tapes and asked "you buying or renting?"

when he returned the movies the next time it was during the day, and yuri went back to rent movies some nights later after evening classes. this time, when he entered the shop otabek was digging through a box of new arrivals and was stacking them on the shelves. yuri browsed whatever movies were on display til curiosity brought him to the box and he asked otabek if there was anything interesting to watch in there.

otabek, finally puts his largely useless (but in this case, useful to yuri) movie knowledge to action. he rifles through the tapes and hands him a film. yuri looks at it with with pursed lips but takes it anyway "this better be good" he warns. otabek just shrugs. yuri adds 2 other movies to take with him from the new arrivals.

this time yuri intentionally returns at night to catch otabek, he puts the tapes on the counter and says "i liked it" then turns away to go peruse the movies. he comes back with 3, and otabek rings them up as yuri watches with mild interest. then asks if he has another recommendation to which otabek stops what he's doing, bites into the lollipop (cherry) he was sucking on, and chews on it as he goes around the counter and walks towards a specific shelf and grabs a tape off of it and rings it up without consulting or showing it to yuri. yuri rolls his eyes before leaving.

yuri takes notice of several things: otabek has a barbell piercing on his left eyebrow, an eagle tattoo on his neck with the wings wrapping around the sides (the lattice of the kazakhstan flag is a band tattooed around his left upper thigh, but yuri doesn't know of it), and a small hoop earring on his right ear. (the gay ear). (also this is set in the 90s). yuri momentarily wonders if he's gay but immediately dismisses it because otabek seems painfully straight and concludes he probably just didn't know about it. it's more ironic than a rule anyway.

yuri has both ears pierced with black studs. he likes to wear rings on both hands and carries his camera with him everywhere. he develops his own photos, has developed them for a long time. he had a bugdet redroom he made in his wardrobe at home in moscow (with blackout curtains, drilling a hole into the back to put in a bulb he painted red, and lined the floor of it with a basin and enlarger). now he uses the university's lofty development studio and practically lives in it. (they are in st petersburg).

otabek smokes and when he isn't smoking he sucks on lollipops and hard candies, his preferred flavour is cherry but he fucks with cola flavour too. he bites lollipop sticks to shreds through the course of his shifts. he tries to keep it to 2 smoke breaks maximum during his shift. the nights are slow so if he doesn't have that self imposed restriction he could spend the entire night on the curb outside the shop smoking till someone came in.

there are bins of candy and snacks on the counter of the movie store, otabek helps himself to the hard candies and lollipops regularly. he drops in a weekly tenner in the register to cover the cost of what he takes (it doesn't, but he deems it close enough).

weeks pass by in similar fashion, otabek's movie recommendations keep making their way into yuri's purchases, they talk about the movies every time yuri comes back to exchange tapes for new ones. yuri rants about the arthouse movies, deciding he hates the genre. he cites that photography is for telling fragmented stories, movies are for telling complete ones. those pretentious films that tell nothing but drone on and on with useless imagery and jarring soundtracks make him furious with hate. otabek drops in an especially awful film of that genre just to piss yuri off and hear the epic rant that yuri will no doubt have prepared for the next visit.

up until that point, all of their interactions have been in the movie store. one day whilst otabek was driving through the streets on his motorbike, he spots yuri and pulls up to him to say hello. yuri had just finished class and was going to grab a bite to eat and asked otabek if he wanted to come with. they become friends. they hang out frequently.

otabek is a hacker by trade. he learns code and hacking shit and does odd jobs for companies to test their security networks by breaking into them and giving them a rundown on their weaknesses and what they need to lock their shit down better. he lives on energy drinks and cigarettes and thinks working out offsets his unhealthy lifestyle.

a handful of times otabek and yuri go into the backroom to watch a movie together from the pile yuri intends to rent. otabek keeps the door slightly ajar, plus there's a small cctv set up of the store in case a customer walks in whilst they're in there.

otabek discovers two things: one, yuri does not shut the fuck up during a movie, and two, his commentary is hilarious. yuri also discovers two things: one, otabek tastes like candy sweet ashes, and two, the earring was definitely a signal.

EXTRA

some details about the shop itself since they wouldn't leave my head and it's hard to represent it in 1 drawing. the shop in the art looks way more clean and official than it does in my head. in reality it's a more dilapidated back alley shop with shitty lighting, old movie posters and sellotape marks littering the walls. the walls have some stains from previous water damage. it smells of air freshner, dust, and a hint of cigarette smoke.

i'm operating on 0 knowledge of a russia in the mid 90s and just borrowing details from unofficial/pirating dvd stores from my home country, but the place makes copies of movies to sell. original vhs tapes are for rent, whereas copies are sold. the backroom is a work station for downloading movies on shitty dial up and copying vhs tapes. the backroom smells of stale smoke since otabek sometimes smokes in there whilst running the recording machines and downloads, etc. he was hired because he knows how to rip files and find movies and hack his way into movie databases to get new/old/obscure releases.

if they don't carry a movie that a customer wants then they can request it and otabek will click around the internet to find and download it and put it on a tape. in the picture, otabek is holding empty vhs tapes that he plans to record movies on to. the shelves have the legit movie copies, but if you want to buy them, a copy is made and you're given a regular tape with its factory sleeve and the movie title written on the label.

they sell and rent originals of russian movies bc they're not hard to obtain and are in demand, especially ones that star russia's heart throb viktor nikiforov (he is especially popular amongst mothers). christophe and the crispino siblings are actors in this verse.

yuri primarily rents the original movies and comes back to buy copies of ones he really really likes after returning them.

the shop is owned by yakov, georgi works the dayshift, and otabek works the nightshift. yakov mostly leaves them to their own devices bc they do a good job. georgi and otabek think he really should hire one more person so they can have some liberty to switch around their shifts when needed but yakov is a stingy old fuck that does his best to not have money leave his pockets. they are open from 8AM to 12AM. they're one of the more popular movie stores in the area since they carry a lot of western movies that aren't easy to find elsewhere and for so cheap.

10pm to 12am are pretty dead hours which otabek uses for pirating shit. similarly the early hours of the dayshift have light traffic so that's when georgi finishes otabek's work from the night prior.

#otayuriweek #otayuri #otabek altin #yuri plisetsky #yuri on ice #otayuriweek22 #todaydrainedme.tiktok #i spent way too much time on the BG details and hounding my cousin for russian translations of things #most of the vhs titles are gibberish #honestly the written part of this was more important lmao #god im tired #my art #leiandroid #woops i forgot to put details on the pins #too late i dont care anymore

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