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loving-barnes · 4 months

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LOGAN HOWLETT - BONDING MOMENT

A/N: Here I am, once again, with another chapter. Chapter 8, my friends, is here and it is still sweet. I will not spoil anything, just read and enjoy.

Pairing: Logan Howlett x mutant female reader

Warning: explicit thoughts?

Summary: The students get to know Y/N a little more.

Please, do not read if you are under 18. This story is suitable for mature audience.

Words: 3700+

Important note: Again, Logan is a tall MF, because they fucked up in the movies. Also, Hugh Jackman!Wolverine. This is set in AU.

A TOUCH OF HOPE MASTERLIST | Chapter Seven

LOGAN HOWLETT - BONDING MOMENT

Nothing interesting had happened since that night at the bar. Logan helped Y/N get back to the school and to her room. He laughed at her silliness, which caught him by surprise. Logan wasn’t the guy to laugh around. He was usually stoic and grumpy. But there were some lingering touches here and there. And yet, their bodies were like two opposite magnetic poles, pushing away. The moment she closed the door, he sighed - relieved he didn’t do anything stupid but also sad that the night was officially over.

The days went by. Logan and Bobby joined the Professor in Washington for another conference. The President wanted to meet Charles during a banquet. They were gone for a few days. Jean and Scott were still away with Remy and Hank. The school got quieter when some students went home for the weekend. There were only some kids that had a supportive system back home. Many of them were alone in this cruel world.

On Sunday, the day before Y/N became a teacher, she and JJ were sitting outside on a bench near the pond. She took him out to spend some time with him. He snuggled closer to her side. The weather got colder. Heavy clouds appeared in the sky. Halloween was approaching, and the students were excited about the celebration.

“It’s going to be so much fun,” Jerome said with a wide smile. “I’ve heard you have to make your own mask. It’s a contest, you know?” he was ecstatic. “Everyone does it. The best masks will get some rewards. It’s mostly candy. That counts as a prize.”

“Wow,” Y/N said with a chuckle. She was glad that the boy was happy at the school. “Have you been thinking about what you want to become? Or would you like some suggestions?”

He shook his head. “No, I think I know what I want to be. I’m not telling you. It will be a surprise.”

“A surprise, you say? Alright, don’t tell me anything. I want to see what you will make,” she patted his head. “Otherwise, are you happy here? Do you have everything? Do you need anything?”

He thought about it for a second. “I have everything. They gave me clothes and school supplies. Jean told me to ask for anything. But I can always come to you, right?”

“You can always come to me, Storm, Kitty, or Logan,” she said. “You can even see the Professor and talk to him. He’s the one who created this school. He’s a good man.”

JJ nodded. “Listen,” he turned his head to look at her face. “A few nights ago, I think I heard you giggle in the hallways in the middle of the night.”

Y/N blinked, and she bit the inside of her lip. “Yeah,” she nodded and cleared her throat. “I went out with some of the teachers. We had a lot of fun that night.” It was half true. She omitted the part where she got drunk.

He poked Y/N into her shoulder. “I’m eleven, I’m not stupid,” he said. “You were with Professor Logan. I heard you talk. Well, you laughed more than you talked.” That was true. Logan walked her back to her room. They talked, she giggled, and then the night was over. “By the way, he’s awesome.”

“Yeah,” she smiled, nodding. “Does Logan teach you something?”

“We have one history lesson a week with him. I like the subject a lot. History is fascinating. Plus, he knows so much about the First and Second World Wars. He gives us so much information and details. As if he was there. He’s strict, and we cannot misbehave, but I enjoy the lesson.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” she said with a smile. A shiver ran down her spine. The wind got colder. “Let’s head inside and have a cup of tea. I think it’s going to rain. Or Storm is having a bad day, and she changed the weather to fit her mood.”

JJ laughed. He stood up first, grabbed Y/N’s hand and helped her up on feet. He held her by the forearm as they walked inside the school. When she scanned his face again, she noticed the bruises were healed and almost invincible. He looked healthier. It made her heart warm.

As they walked down the hallway, Y/N heard a whimpering sound. It was soft, girl-like. She frowned. Instead of going to the kitchen, she followed the sound. The boy was confused. He opened his mouth to ask where she was going, until he heard it too.

Y/N walked to the lounge room, where she found a young girl sitting on the window still, silently crying. She was JJ’s age. She had curly hair and glasses on her nose. Her skin was light brown.

Carefully, Y/N approached her. She didn’t want to scare her. “Hi,” she used a gentle voice. “Are you alright?” The girl's puffy brown eyes looked up. She shook her head and continued to cry. “Oh, come here, sweet angel,” she said. Her arms spread, and she waited for the girl to accept her hug.

Surprisingly, the girl was immediately hidden in her arms, weeping into Y/N’s leather jacket. Y/N stroked her curly hair lovingly, letting her take her time. JJ took a seat on the couch and silently watched.

“You can talk to me if you want?” Y/N said after another minute. “Did something happen? Has anyone been mean to you?”

The girl's tiny fingers brushed away the hot tears. “My parents haven’t visited me for three months now,” she confessed. That broke Y/N’s heart. “They brought me here, and I never saw them again.” Her voice was low, sad. “They hate me for what I am.”

That statement broke Y/N’s heart. She understood the girl’s pain. Her loved ones gave up on her because she was a mutant. “What’s your name?”

“Nova,” she said. Her arms were tightly wrapped around Y/N’s torso, holding her close.

“Nice to meet you, Nova,” Y/N said with a smile. She rested her head on top of the girl’s. “Tell me, what is your mutation?”

“I, uh,” she hesitated. “I can scream very loudly,” she said. “It can damage your hearing.”

Y/N tilted her head to the side, thinking. “Sonic screaming,” she said out loud. “That is an interesting mutation, Nova. You have powerful vocal cords, and I’ve never met a mutant with this ability.” It wasn’t a lie.

Nova lifted her head and finally looked at Y/N. “You think so?”

“Yes,” she said with a brighter smile than before. “Every mutation is unique, and so is yours. With learning and more information, you will master your ability and know how to properly use it. All you need is time, patience and practice.”

Y/N’s goal was to shift the girl’s attention to something else. It was evident that Nova was agonising over her parents’ neglect. That’s why Y/N wanted to gain her trust, and maybe she’d feel more comfortable around her.

“What is your mutation?” she asked.

“I can create protective forcefields,” Y/N explained. “I am still trying to learn more about my mutation. I’ve heard the term Flyrokinesis, but some call it Flyrogenesis.”

“Is there a difference?”

“Yes,” Y/N nodded. “Flyrokinesis means you can only control force fields. When you can create them, it’s called Flyrogenesis. I can do both.”

“That’s so cool,” Nova sighed. “You can do so much good with your mutation. I only hurt people,” she said. Nova pushed away from Y/N but remained sitting by her side.

Y/N chuckled a little. “Well, it’s not as it seems. I hurt with my ability, too. It was unintentional, but it happened. That is why we need to practise and learn about our mutations. So we won’t hurt people again. We can use our abilities to do good.”

“My mutation is elasticity,” JJ joined the conversation. He picked the right time. Nova’s eyes turned to him. “The people that fostered me thought it was disgusting,” he said. “Now I think my mutation is unique.”

Y/N’s eyes moved to the boy. This was new information. He had never said anything about his parents before. Now she knew why. He didn’t have parents. He was in foster care. Even there, he wasn’t loved. Y/N wanted to run to him and hide him in a tight, loving hug.

“My parents have sent me here and never came to see me or take me home for the weekend,” said Nova. “I deafened my father in one ear,” she confessed. “He never looked me in the eyes again.” And she started to cry again.

“Nova?” another soft voice said from the entrance to the room. “Are you okay?”

Y/N found three other girls standing at the door, watching them. The oldest girl could be thirteen. All three were different. One of them had cat-like irises. The mutation must have caused it.

“Yeah, I’m just talking to…” she turned to Y/N, not knowing her name.

“My name is Y/N. This is JJ,” she pointed at the only boy in the living room. “Would you like to join us?” she showed at the empty couch.

The girls walked inside and sat together. They introduced themselves, too. Jamie, Olivia and Kyra were friends with Nova. They all shared a room on the second level. At least these girls were the support Nova needed.

Y/N and Nova moved to sit next to JJ. “You are the new professor?” Olivia asked Y/N.

“Oh,” it caught her by surprise. Did the Professor announce it already? “Yes. I’ll be teaching English and Literature starting tomorrow. I got a few classes a week.”

“Really?” JJ’s eyes brightened. “That is so awesome!”

Y/N nudged his shoulder. “Thanks, buddy. I’ll be teaching you too, you know? We’ll have literature together on Tuesday and English on Thursday.”

“You haven’t been here long, have you?” Olivia asked. Her long blond hair was braided from the top of her head. She had colourful bracelets on her wrists. “I’ve been here for a year and noticed you a couple of times these past few weeks.”

Two teenage boys walked into the lounge room. They stopped in their tracks when they found the place occupied. “Sorry,” one of them said. “We thought we’d be alone here at this hour.” Before he could finish it, another two boys walked in.

Y/N raised a brow. Already ten people in the room. “What time is it?” she asked no one in particular. It took another five minutes, and another six children entered the room.

“You’re the new teach’,” one of the older boys pointed a finger at her. “Cool,” he smirked.

“I guess the word is spreading faster than you know,” Y/N mumbled under her nose.

“No, she’s the one who saved Jerome,” a girl said as she sat in an armchair. She was at least fifteen years old.

“I guess you have a reputation, Y/N,” JJ laughed when the kids around them started to talk about Y/N as if she was not there.

The woman raised her hands into the air to stop the debate. “If you want to know more, you need to ask the source - that’s me. Please, stop discussing me as if I was not here, okay?” One after one, they nodded their head. “Great. Let’s start again. My name is Y/N. Do you have any questions?”

“What is your mutation?”

“Is it true you will be our new teacher?”

“Did you throw Professor Summers out of the window a few days ago?”

That last question made her laugh. Obviously, they knew something happened. This was the perfect opportunity to talk to the students and know them better. She lived there for some time now. It would be nice to be part of their lives, be there for them. As she kept looking at it, she realised all these children stayed at school for the weekend. Some of the faces were familiar to her. They never left the school the whole time she lived there.

They all had one thing in common - their families gave up on them the moment they discovered how different their children were.

A frown appeared on her face. “Do you ever go home?” she asked gently. She wanted to know how many of them still had their parents.

They all shook their heads. “No,” said one of the oldest boys present. “Some of us have families on the other side of the states. Most of us are here all the time. They gave up on us.”

“I’m so sorry,” Y/N sighed. “I know how it feels to be pushed away from your family. Mine got rid of me, too.”

“Sure,” one of the girls scoffed.

Y/N’s eyes found hers. “They locked me in an insane asylum because I… I killed my own little sister with my mutation,” she admitted out loud. “It was the first time I used the ability. Until that moment, I didn’t know I was a mutant. My mutation is forcefield manipulation. Even though it is a protective ability, I managed to kill my sister with it.”

It was hard to admit it in front of a group of children. Y/N concluded it was better to tell the truth than to lie. What if Scott would open his big dumb mouth, and the kids would fear her? No more lying.

“My parents put me into an insane asylum because of it, and they never came for me. Well, I believe they’d rather see me dead. I escaped the asylum and joined a group of terrible people. My decisions were not the best. I’m not proud of that part of my life.”

“Y/N was locked with me in a lab where they experimented on us,” JJ chimed in. The kids turned their gazes at him. He sounded like a grown man. “She was already there when they brought me in. I helped her escape. Later, Profesor Logan and her came for me and saved my life.”

The silence that surrounded everyone was heavy. Some kids lowered their eyes to the ground, others closed them. They didn’t know what to say or if to say anything at all. The topic was heavy. Some could relate, and others were lucky to not experience anything tragic.

“I get how you all feel,” Y/N said. “I know what it is like when the people you love get rid of you like you’re an old, used toy. I understand you feel betrayal and pain, even anger.” Her hand found Nova’s hand, and she squeezed it reassuringly. “But look where you are now. You all ended up in a school for mutants, where you’ve been given a second chance for a better life. This place is your home. People here care and want the best for you. I dare to say that this is your new family.”

More silence followed. “I know I’m still a stranger to you, and you don’t trust me. That’s okay. Teachers like Storm, Jean or Kitty will be there for you. Please, just know you can talk to me, too. I want to help in any way that I can and know.”

Once Y/N finished talking, Nova wrapped her arms around Y/N’s waist and hugged her tightly. When JJ saw it, he did the same from the other side. The woman wrapped both arms around each child and smiled. The love she felt was immense. Before she knew it, more children approached her. They all huddled together in a big, warm hug. It was a beautiful gesture.

Storm walked around the school, checking on the students. She stepped into the lounge room. Her eyes landed on the scene before her. She had to smile. Storm was lucky enough to witness the group hug.

“What’s going on?” she asked softly.

Slowly, the children moved from the huddle. They went back to their sitting spots again. JJ kept his arms around Y/N while Nova grabbed Y/N’s hand and held it tightly.

“Just bonding,” Y/N said with a smile.

Storm’s lips reflected the smile. “That’s nice. I’m glad you are finding a way to their hearts.”

Later that day, The Professor returned with Logan and Bobby from the banquet. They were back after a few days away, and both men couldn’t be happier about their return. Bobby missed Kitty. They’d been texting here and there throughout the time. Logan didn’t have the guts to call or text Y/N. He rarely used his phone. Also, he thought it would be weird. Charles could feel Logan’s faint anxiety crawling around him. He knew the reasoning behind it. The man’s thoughts weren’t quiet.

They drove to the school, glad this ‘mission’ was over. They didn’t expect to hear loud music roaring from the building. Logan tilted his head to the side, frowning. “Is that coming from the school?” Then they heard singing. It was like a live concert. “What’s going on?”

Logan parked the car in the garage. They helped Charles out of the car and into his wheelchair. The singing got louder. It echoed around the garage. The students were singing a familiar song. Charles smiled and chuckled. When was the last time something like this happened?

All three went from the garage and got to the main level. The song changed. After a brief silence, the singing began again. The students were crammed in the lounge room, dancing around and singing as loud as their voices let them. When some kids noticed the Professor, they made a passageway for him and the other two teachers.

Logan’s eyes widened in surprise. He found Storm, Y/N and Kitty in the middle of the room, surrounded by students, jumping and screaming words to the song playing.

If you could see that I’m the one who understands you. Been here all along, so why can’t you see? You belong with me.

It seemed everyone knew the words to that song. All three women swayed their hips to the music, jumping around like all the students. They were happy, enjoying the moment. Y/N grabbed JJ’s hands when she started twisting him around. Her face was bright and cheerful. Even the boy was thrilled.

She wears high heels. I wear sneakers. She’s cheer captain. I’m on the bleachers.

This part was powerful. As if everyone wanted to scream the chorus as loud as possible. No one cared that the headmaster was present. But Charles had a big smile on his face. Yes, they organised events for the students, but this happened out of nowhere. It was special. It was a bonding moment for everyone.

“I love this song!” Bobby shouted, bobbing his head to the song. He started to sing the lyrics.

Storm draped an arm around Y/N’s shoulders while Y/N wrapped an arm around her waist as they sang the song. One of her hands remained on JJ. They laughed at their silliness. Kitty found Bobby walking to her. She got excited and ran into his arms, and they swayed together to the song.

Storm discovered Bobby a few seconds later. She stopped dancing, and her eyes found Charles and Logan. Her arm fell from Y/N’s shoulders, and she made her stop dancing.

Y/N gasped. Her face heated up, and she quickly turned around to turn off the music. She had a remote control to the stereo. When the song was abruptly stopped, the students whined. It was evident they were displeased by the interruption.

“Professor,” Storm said his name nervously. “I’m sorry for this. We got carried away.”

Charles laughed. “Oh, Storm, no need to apologise. I like that you all have so much fun on a Sunday afternoon. You should continue to have more fun.”

Y/N was breathing heavily. Her chest was rising and falling visibly. It was quite a cardio. Her eyes met Logan’s, who had a grin on his face. He leaned against the nearest wall, crossed his arms over his chest and kept staring. When he licked his lips, Y/N’s eyes followed his every movement.

“Well, the magic of the moment is kind of gone,” Y/N said. “But we had good two hours of this fun, right?” she turned to see the kids. They shouted affirmations. Some of them whistled.

“Okay, everyone, it’s time for us to end this session,” Storm raised her voice so everyone could hear her. “Thank you for being here and having fun. It’s time to get to your rooms and prepare for tomorrow.”

Logan watched as Y/N hugged a few younger kids. First, it was JJ, which wasn’t surprising. Then, it was two other girls. That sight made his insides tingle. He felt love radiating out of her. It made him smile. When they separated, Y/N’s eyes were back on him.

He took a few steps forward while greeting some of the kids. “Are you trying to bribe them to like you?” he mocked her.

“Are you jealous I’m giving my attention to them and not you?” she poked his bicep when Logan was close enough. “Or should I bribe you too?”

“I’m not that easy, princess.”

“What if I tell you I sneaked in some beer?” she raised her brows.

He was impressed. “You got me. Wait, you want to get drunk again?” he asked. “I won’t be taking care of your ass next time.”

Y/N squinted. Her body was ready to jump at him. Not because she was angry at him. She wanted to kiss that smug smile off his face. Last night, she imagined what his hands would feel on her body, how he would taste and feel. She pictured his hands exploring her naked body, his lips between her legs.

“I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself,” she said. There was a teasing smile on her face. She walked past him and found JJ talking to one boy. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

Logan watched her leave the lounge room with the boy. His mind was spinning. His eyes lowered and remained on her ass, watching it move with each step she took.

A hand tapped his shoulder. Bobby grinned at Logan. “You got it bad, my friend.”

“Shut up.”

#Logan Howlett x reader #Logan Howlett x female reader #Wolverine #Logan Howlett #Wolverine x reader #Wolverine x female reader #Marvel fanfiction #X-men fanfiction #Logan Howlett x mutant female reader

208 notes · View notes

perfectfangirl · 23 days

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notes after rewatching fallout s1 ep4

• cooper and lucy wandering the desert and mans starts coughin', somethin' settin' in • whoa i just realized you could hear roger roaring from outside • roger was at a clinic, probably trying to find something to help him ☹️ • i wrote a whole entire post on this scene but anyways can i say we see full blown uncooked cannibalism hardly ten minutes into episode four like is everyone ok • the fact this scene is presented with a lot of tension, like a horror film and truly it's just a guy named roger fighting to stay not feral • i wonder how cooper met him? ghouls tend to know each other after a while [on account of the discrimination], i'm sure he was checking with this man every now and then tbh. perhaps. a friend. • cooper asks roger how he's feeling and he says "you know... it's hard out here. dang smoothies can be so unkind" and i just 😞 • "i see you got a smoothie of your own" ding ding ding ghoulcy this one's for you • you know what's particularly sad about ghoulification is for example that roger has had to isolate himself from others, even ghouls, because he was turning • roger asking for a vial and cooper looking at lucy [cooper, you botched the using lucy for bait, come on] • firmly in the camp that if cooper had vials left, he would give one to roger. cooper has shown himself to be crude and cruel seeming at times but i just know he went there with purpose • roger accepting he's turning and telling cooper and lucy to leave as a warning, roger seemed so nice, why and how did he get like this

• "i did ok" 😞 • going from standard human to turning into a feral ghoul in less than twenty eight years in the fallout universe is insane and idk if there's a lot of lore on why someone could end up like this and someone like cooper not • the difference in cooper's and roger's symptoms are pretty stark--- not entirely sold on him coughing and passing out is from ferality and more inclined to think chem withdrawals but i digress • "say, you remember how good food use to taste?" post war life is so bad, nobody in the wasteland remembers when food use to food 😭

• because roger is really nice and having a conversation, roger turns, speaking to lucy. cooper using this as an opportunity to kill roger seems so sudden and a betrayal until • look at cooper's eyes and his reaction after pulling the trigger--- not exactly the expression of someone who is in it "for the love of the game", in fact, i have come to view this act as a mercy kill • which is ironic of course because as we've all come to see, lucy does the exact thing for her own mother four episodes later • once feral, ghouls roam the wasteland operating on two instincts alone: hunger and defense. they are a threat to all those around them and i don't recall much on reversal. that's no life. roger would've turned feral and harmed them or others, it is sad • cooper mercy killing roger was in some ways compassionate, he had a sweet conversation with roger giving his last thoughts something warm and nice. cooper then going on to butcher and consume his flesh was an uh choice 💀

• and lucy immediately confused was like "wait?, why'd you do that? he was sick." i don't know if she entirely understands ghoulification, seems she thought maybe he could be helped • lucy is basically confused, begging cooper to not like, eat this guy 😭 • i'm gonna have to agree that he didn't have to eat roger, radroaches is everywhere and for free, still pondering if he did this to fuck with her or because some reason i am missing • cooper asking lucy what her name was [hold on, why he care about that?" and lucy so nearly coming this close to finding out what hank did and who cooper is [since she didn't ask his name] • "sometimes a fella's got to eat a fella" is my all time favourite quote in season one of this show lmao • cooper be funny as fuck for no reason like this man's brain is cooked • i would personally like to ask walton whose idea it was to go "mmm. mmm." while eating irradiated human flesh like that, like why is the pre war actor cooper howard like this • lucy is incomprehensibly disgusted but then goes on a thing [a vulnerable thing] about vault 32 starving [in the great plague of '77] and that she lost her mother during this time and that her father never resorted to cannibalism. there's some time and memory discrepancies here • "well there's what people say they did and what they really did" i wanted cooper to be wrong so bad here when he went on to clown hank by saying "i'll bet your daddy was first in line at the cookout. i bet he had a bib with a drawing of his neighbour's ass on it" • lmao they gave all the best lines to cooper, i'm sick, he was right • lucy, having had enough and not finding cooper's humour being used as a way to cope like this asks this disturbed little man • "how do you live like this? why keep going?" and for the briefest moment, and i do mean brief, cooper feels the crushing weight of who he is when lucy confronts him like this • of course he shakes off a moral inquiry and transfers it to another as he asks "why the fuck am i doing all the work?... ass jerky don't make itself." and forces lucy to do it instead • twice now this man has talked about ass in less than ten minutes and for everyone's sake i'll move along 💀

• woody basically trying to interrogate the raider prisoners and getting nothing, meanwhile--- i think they already starting to be poisoned • ooo ok but betty telling norm he's the last standing maclean in the vault so his words carry and people listen. it occurred to me maybe he inadvertently inspired the poisonings of the raiders but it's also occurring to me that because they couldn't just all be shot outright, being poisoned was the best follow through method, nobody notices until it's already too late. now who is sneaky enough for that? • "when clever boys like you are angry, you're lucky not to have seen where that can lead." so... was betty present for shady sands? hmm • betty asking norm to tread lightly is very... not a threat, but she's watching him, right

• ok! we have that second water scene. it's confirmed here cooper is fetching water from an irradiated source [hence why denying lucy any makes sense] he puts it in his canteen and drinks it just fine. lucy is obviously mindlessly thirsty because she defeatedly drops down to drink the murky, stagnant irradiated water. it's so irradiated, her pip boy is going crazy, she literally gags in the scene • "now you're getting it. how does this golden rule jibe with what's going through your head now?" well i mean we knew cooper been fucking with her the whole time and showing her the wasteland streets but it is also unlikely she would have found a clean water source where they are, i guess her getting radiation sickness may have been inevitable but cooper denying her water kept her from being sick • after another insane string of sentences from this centuries old movie star, lucy finally asks "what are you?" and it's more like "what the fuck is wrong with you?" • "oh i'm you, sweetie, you just give it a little time" is majorly menacing after everybody just drank stagnant rad water like it's koolaid • cooper felt so smug then was zapped with karma again because he has a coughing fit directly after telling lucy this lmao • walton has such a good old man cough ❤️ • lucy takes cooper coughing up a lung as an opportunity to run [where i don't know but] • cooper uses his lasso skills he used to use at kid's parties to pull lucy back and then says some shit like "where you think you going? you ain't going nowhere."

• so we have arrived at the infamous and intriguing finger biting off scene--- can i just say she bit his finger off with such ease and then! cooper doesn't even act like it hurt, he seems... pleased he got that kind of reaction out of lucy. he's like into it 💀 • "there you are, you little killer" i'll keep this pg13 and say cooper really wanted to get a rise out of lucy, to bring the dog out of her, huh • he... then proceeds to cut her [corresponding hand's] finger off. ironically applying the "do unto others as you would have done unto you" tit for tat, if you will • i was surprised he did this because like ok, she spat it out? pick it up and reattach it, fella 😭 but there's more under the surface here because • cooper says "now that right there is the closest thing we've had to an honest exchange so far." and he's being framed in a close up so close, you can see his dainty eyelashes, sun shining in the background, his hazel eyes sparkling--- this is not on accident ☝️ gdgkdkfd • there's a lot of symbolism to be had but for now, i'll save that for next episode notes when cooper does the thing • ah chet! and steph. i kinda am of the idea she strategically got with him but anyways! who wouldn't! chet hot as fuck! and steph look like an assassin • bert's shoes so small gldgldfl • steph is definitely angry and sad dealing with bert's death in her own special way [trying to fuck chet] • excuse me but why they turned an almost sex scene into a birthing scene 😭💀 • lucy been walking the wasteland without a shoe, how she do it 😭 • i did not pick up on cooper bartering lucy for two months' worth of vials [thanks subtitles] • "mint condition" [looks at a bloody stump on hand] "near mint condition" now who fault is this?? lmao • "you got problems out here too, sweetheart" like, shut up 😭 • cooper every time he interacts with a mr. handy is one of the only few places he gets to hear a voice of this old friend • "best you try your luck behind that door" well at least he untied her • this is like the third time he's gotten instant karma with lucy because either he pretended to keep it together until she went in or genuinely didn't know he was going to pass out but • went through the five stages of grief trying to figure who he sold her to because i deadass was thinking the same thing lucy was 😭 • lucy being given the finger of like, a corpse or something because it's grey 😭 forever changed by the wasteland, always carrying a little bleakness and death with her ❤️ • lucy never experiencing real cotton [or maybe only rarely] • lucy calling cooper a creature 😭 • "he put a leash around my neck and made me drink from puddle water that i'm pretty sure was some kind of animal pee" sending 😭 she talking to this evil mr. handy like it's a person • her recounting her captivity with cooper like he was simply being mean to her is just • "and i thought i was here to be a sex slave." "what?! no! what a disgusting idea. i'm simply going to harvest your organs." damn, fallout which one is worse, like fuck---

• hope the jello cake veronica got wasn't poisoned... • "what are you looking at?" "a murderer in a cage, paying the price for what you did to us. for what you did to the innocent people in vault 32" and norm gets circumstantial evidence from a raider by accidentally cross examining one of them with it being more than anything woody could coax out of them • one thing about the macleans, they smart • i also think it's excellent writing that intrigue was spurred like this by a raider saying vault 32 wasn't innocent because they were running an experiment like all the vaults did, everything isn't so black and white • norm reads every situation correctly because why he read chet by saying chet came along to investigate because norm reminds him of lucy fkdgkdkg • still piecing together the full extent of vaults 31, 32, 33 together but at first i couldn't understand why it looked like so many took their own lives--- apparently them discovering what vault 31 was about started a rebellion but two years seemed so recent to me. curious how this overlaps with shady sands if it does • they showed the spooky ass rat utopia experiment still playing on the tvs in there but i wasn't sure if this was explicit about that being vault 32's experiment

• lucy being prompted to continue on because of a flashback from her mom upon awakening 🥲 • "lucy sweetie what are you doing out here?" and those were her memories on the surface [nevermind cooper calling her [[condescendingly]] "sweetheart"] • i did not realize the ghouls were being kept in the freezers but it looks like they either only sell ghouls or keep the ghouls "on ice" [not unlike how dom pedro would keep cooper and cut pieces off of him] and collect the organs of standard people right then and there • "sir, you can't do this. please, i need my organs" lucy, it's just a robot bulter, he's not a real guy 😭 • the way lucy got out of this pickle quick, almost got snip snipped but short circuited the murderbot • lucy putting her murdercap on and putting drano in the murderbot's syringes, clever girl • it was so "star wars" of her to treat mr. handy like a person and then the guys running the organ trafficking scheme going "you might as well be holding an air conditioner hostage" 😭 • the organ traffickers running the super duper mart ring are so dull and banal evil types, it's so satire

• i just registered those two organ trafficker guys got a camera and can see cooper laid out in front of the store • lucy freeing the ghouls 🥲and one even thanking her [even the feral ones 💀] • poor martha, i peep how we see lucy's grey finger and it being shown used to defend herself against martha in her feral state • organ traffickers got ate up bless • nothing lucy did besides shoot was going to honestly stop martha, sometimes your pacifist playthrough doesn't go as planned • the pip boys still being on and running on the not alive people in vault 32 • "death to management" and it's directly the reference to vault 31's experiment, right there

• lucy walking out of there with mismatched shoes but two shoes nonetheless ☝️ • i guess lucy sincerely did not comprehend cooper is a ghoul or ghoulification, i suppose most vault dwellers literally would never know, that's post war history, wow • lucy asking cooper about if the vials keep him from going feral and he cannot even speak, he can only nod, from a prone position, on the ground--- the power/framing trade off is excellent • lucy bends down, briefly rolls the gun in her hand, while cooper lies helpless, she delivers a fatal line • "i may end up looking like you. but i'll never be like you" harbouring not enough ill will against him despite mistreatment, she gives cooper several vials, directly near his hand. didn't have to do none of that shit! • if i was cooper, i'd be scared as hell of this lady, she took down an organ trafficking ring in a grocery store ran by two armed guys, a murderbot, with some feral ghoul hostages, all of the bad and dangerous people fucking died • she really could've ended cooper right then and there, his devotion in season two gone be unmatched lmao

• i truly think he had a hint of a smile on his face after she helped [save his life] by anyways • lucy walks into the proverbial sunset meanwhile this man shambles into super duper mart about to go on the biggest bender the wasteland has seen since the bombs dropped • cooper gets so fucked up, i lost count how many things he ingested, king said all of 'em • cooper is so goddamn famous, his film "the man from deadhorse" is just sitting next to a tv • you could say here is where cooper has a crisis of conscience whereupon he holds the tape in his hand but truly we know already he had that centuries ago when he filmed "the man from deadhorse"

• cooper watching the scene, the very moment in his life where things started to shift--- he tries to cock an invisible fun, being unable as he remembers his trigger finger is gone [neutral, disarmed, here's where i think he decides he wants to sew on lucy's finger to his hand] it's like he's starting over, a moral rebirth but with his trigger finger • they really made cooper say "you commie son of a bitch" in a western, just ugly propaganda • let's examine "feo, fuerte, y formal" again! "ugly, strong, dignity" does post war cooper have two out of three on that front? is this his step into regaining dignity again? • cooper was always playing characters, it was expected of him and he got paid for it. it feels like a wall is being torn down, something is being shed here. and maybe it's this character he's masquerading as • cooper and lucy both having revelations in the super duper mart--- lucy realising you can't always reason and logic out of a situation and cooper being confronted with the fact you can keep your morality and sense of self intact and a horrible place and situation doesn't have to change you

#fallout #fallout show #ghoulcy #lucy #cooper #the ghoul #text post #my meanderings #the ghouls

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sissylittlefeather · 11 months

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Hi!! Can you write an Elvis x reader smut where they meet after one of his performances while he's still supporting Hank Snow and he takes her back to his hotel where he finds out she's a virgin. At first he tries to stop everything, not wanting to pressure her into anything but she reassures him that it's what she wants and he's really sweet and making sure that she's okay the whole time? Sorry it's so long!

Sorry this took me so long! I had a lot of fun writing this! Thank you for asking for it 😁. I hope it's everything you wanted it to be!

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, smut, f/m p in v sex, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, cussing, unprotected sex, reader is a virgin, small mention of blood

A/N: you can go with Austin!Elvis or Real!Elvis, it's totally up to you, as long as you like him Sweet!Elvis.

Anywhere We Want

Wow. You'd heard that Elvis Presley was an impressive performer, but you never dreamed watching him would make you feel this way, with this heavy, twisty feeling in your stomach and your heart beating so intensely. Something about him just made you feel things you've never felt before. It occurs to you that you're the last of your friends to be a virgin. You've kissed boys, but never anything more. Now this man dances on stage and the place between your legs is reacting in the strangest ways. Everything feels warm and slippery. Still, you do your best to ignore all of these new sensations and follow your friends to the carnival before your mom's favorite singer, Hank Snow, takes the stage.

"Y/n let's ride the Ferris wheel!"

"No, let's play games!"

"Actually I'm hungry."

Your friends are busy trying to figure out what to do next when you spot Elvis. He's standing in a dark corner alone, leaning against a wall, watching the carnival happen around him. He looks kind of lonely and sad. You wonder if he has anyone in his life that doesn't fawn over him constantly, anyone who truly knows him as a person and not a performer.

"Y'all go on ahead. I'll catch up. I just need to find a bathroom." You say to your friends as you turn your back to them and walk away. You don't walk directly towards him because you don't want them to follow you. Instead, you go a roundabout way and manage to come up on his dark corner from a different side.

"Are you okay?"

He jumps a little and puts his hand on his heart.

"Geez, darlin' you scared me. I must've been lost in thought." You watch him rearrange his face to be the mask of a performer. "You want an autograph or something?" His smile is distractingly attractive and you almost just say "yes" and walk away. But something inside you pushes you to ask again.

"Nah, I don't need anything. Are you sure you're okay?" You tilt your head slightly and look him in the eyes.

"Oh yeah, I'm great, kid." He smiles again, a little less brightly this time. Then, he looks at his shoes for a bit before bringing his eyes back up to meet yours.

"Actually, I don't know why I said that. I'm not great. I'm tired." You nod your head reassuringly.

"I bet you are. Everyone wanting you to be on all the time probably gets really old." He relaxes his shoulders and his eyes soften a little bit.

"That's exactly it. I have to be on all the time. Everyone wants Elvis Presley. No one wants me." Your heart breaks for him a little bit. There's something tragic about this man that everyone loves feeling so unloved.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this. I don't even know your name. You must've really caught me off guard." He laughs a little bit and his smile is more natural than you've seen it so far.

"I'm y/n. And people always tell me I'm easy to talk to. I guess it's true." You shrug and give him a small smile.

"Yeah, it is true. Thank you for listening, y/n." He puts his hands in his pockets and looks out at the carnival.

"You wanna get outta here?" It's a cheesy line, but something makes you think he just wants an excuse to escape. You're happy to be his excuse.

"Sure. Where should we go?"

"Somewhere quiet, where we can keep talking. I like talking to you. That okay with you, honey?" You get goosebumps all over when he calls you honey. You hope he never calls you by your actual name. He puts his hand out for you to hold.

"If we hurry, we might get out unnoticed." You grab his hand and he takes you around to the back side of the carnival to a parking lot of sorts. He walks to the passenger side of a yellow Cadillac. You have a brief moment of panic as you realize you're about to get in the car with a stranger. He notices your apprehension.

"We don't have to go anywhere if you don't want to. I know you don't know me from Adam." You can't explain why, but you trust him.

"No, I'm okay. We can go." He raises his eyebrows as if to ask if you're sure.

"Really. I trust you."

He opens the passenger door for you and you slide into the front seat. Everything he does makes your heart beat faster and you feel hot all over. What is it about him that is making you act so crazy? He positions himself behind the steering wheel and starts the engine. When he turns around to back out, he puts his arm on the seat behind you, inadvertently putting his arm around you. You feel yourself blush, but you look away to keep him from noticing.

"So you know my dark and lonely secret. Tell me something about you that no one else knows." He puts his arm back down so that he can shift gears, brushing your shoulder on the way down. You shiver a little and rack your brain for something to share with him.

"I'm afraid I'll never get out of this town. I want to go places and do things and be a person before I settle down. I'm afraid I'll just marry someone here soon and never get to be a person." You've never said that out loud before. You've always just assumed your dreams would die unspoken on your wedding day, like your mother's did. But now that you've said it, you feel the fear and the desire and the drive to be something more all at once.

"Why not both?" His voice pulls you out of your fantasy. "Just because you get married doesn't mean you have to settle down. You could be a wife and a person at the same time." You've never thought of it like that before.

"I can't marry anyone from this town then." You laugh. No one ever leaves this place.

He parks the car and looks at you. His smile is warm, almost affectionate.

"We're here". You look out the car window and realize you're at a motel. Your stomach does a flip flop, but you try to play it cool. He asks,

"Is this okay? It's the only place that's quiet and away from everything." You nod your head.

"Yeah, of course." He opens the car door for you again and the next thing you know, he's opening the door to his room. The walk here was surreal as you wondered how you got yourself in this position. You're about to be in a hotel room alone with Elvis Presley.

"It's not much, but it's home. For tonight at least." He chuckles, obviously trying to make you feel more comfortable. The room is simple, with a single bed and a couple of lamps. He sits down on the bed and pats a spot on the quilt next to him.

"You can sit down. I ain't gonna hurt ya." He's so endearing that you can't help but believe him. You sit next to him, close enough to be friendly, but far enough to make sure he can't get to you too easily, just in case.

"I think if you want to get out of this town bad enough, you will. And even if you do find a husband along the way, I think you'll still be your own person. I'll punch him in the mouth if he tries to stop you." There's that wide natural smile again that makes your legs feel like jelly. You decide in that moment that you'll let him kiss you if he tries.

"And I think you can be Elvis Presley to the world and still find people to love you for who you are."

"Sitting here with you, I believe it." You see him glance at your lips a couple of times and your heart flutters in your chest.

"Y/n, can I ask you somethin'?"

"Anything."

"Can I kiss you?" He's already leaning in as he asks, but you don't care. You whisper "yes" just as his lips reach yours. It's like fireworks are going off inside you. There's electricity shooting all over your body, but it seems to be gathering in the place between your legs. His kiss starts softly, and he kisses you a few times with his mouth closed before he parts your lips with his and dips his tongue into your mouth. You match his motions and let your tongue move around his. Sure, you've kissed boys before, but it's never felt like this. Your whole body seems to ache with wanting him to touch you more. Seemingly reading your mind, he puts his hand on your neck with his thumb on your cheek. His other hand rests on your knee. You want both of his hands on your body, touching the places no one has ever touched before. You scoot your body closer to him and put your arms around his neck as he moves his hands to your waist and your back. Now you're pressed up against him as he holds you close, still kissing you passionately. Slowly, he lays you back on the bed until he's on top of you. Your hands start shaking a little. You know what's supposed to come next, but you've never done it before. His hand makes its way to the zipper on the back of your dress. As he starts to pull on it, he notices you're trembling. He pulls back from kissing you and watches you carefully.

"Honey, have you never...?" He trails off when he sees the slight fear in your face. He sits up suddenly.

"No. We're not doing this if it's your first time. I can't take that from you."

"You can't take something that's being given." He looks back at you as you lay on the bed.

"I really don't want to be that guy."

"What guy?"

"The guy that hurts you."

You think for a second while he sits with his head in his hands. Finally, you sit up next to him and put your hand on his thigh.

"Remember how I told you that I want to live my own life?" He looks up at you.

"This is part of that. I'm choosing you, here, now."

"And you're sure you won't regret it?"

"Regret making my own decisions for myself? Never."

He puts his hand on the back of your neck and looks into your eyes.

"I've never met anyone like you before." You barely get out "I should hope not." Before he's kissing you again. You're not trembling anymore. Instead, this time you put your arms around him and pull him down on top of you. His hand goes back to where it was on your zipper and he pulls back from kissing you.

"You're sure? Because once this dress comes off, I won't be able to resist you." He smiles playfully. You kiss the end of his nose.

"I'm sure. Take it off." He pulls the zipper down and gently removes your dress. He looks at you laying there in your bra and panties waiting for him.

"Damn, baby."

He takes your bra off easily and moves his hands all over your body, kissing you gently as he goes. His hands are so big and warm and his kisses are light and playful. It's the perfect combination to light a fire inside you. He stands up and takes his shirt off. You know he'll need his pants off, so you go to unbutton them, but he stops you.

"Not yet, honey." You're puzzled by this because what else could he possibly have planned? He lays you back down on the bed, kissing just below your belly button. Then, he takes your panties off and drops them on the floor. He positions himself between your legs and you're still confused about what he's wanting to do. You've talked to your girlfriends about what it's like before and none of them have mentioned this. He slowly spreads your legs further apart. Then, he slides one finger inside of you. You gasp and arch your back at the sensation of something inside you. Surprisingly, it doesn't hurt. It feels good. Really good. Just when you get used to that sensation, he starts moving his finger in and out and in again. You bite your lip to keep quiet.

"There's no one here but us, baby. You don't have to be quiet." You let a small moan escape your lips. Then, he does something you never expected. He puts his mouth on you. He moves his tongue rhythmically around and over you and it feels like you might die with how good it is. Still, you can feel something else building and you brace yourself for what might be coming. Your heart beats faster and your stomach gets that twisty feeling again. Then, you go over the edge and it feels like falling and flying and crashing and singing all at once. You're shocked at the sounds that come out of you as you ride this new high. Your body shudders and pulses and you can't decide whether you should laugh or cry. Instead, you just lay there breathing heavily. He moves his mouth back off of you and slides his finger out.

"How was that?" He asks, wiping his mouth with his hand. You mumble something unintelligible and he laughs.

"Good. That's how I know I did it right." You nod your head vigorously and pull his body close to yours. You need more of that feeling, more of him inside you. Now, he stands up and lets his pants fall to the floor. He climbs back on top of you and kisses your neck.

"This part might hurt a little bit. If you want me to stop, I will. Just let me know if it's too much." You nod again, still not fully confident that you can speak. He uses his hand to line himself up with your entrance and looks back up at you.

He slowly pushes the tip of himself into you. He watches you carefully as he continues to push into you slowly. It starts to sting a little bit as he hits some resistance inside you. You squeeze your eyes shut to keep the tears from building up. It hurts, but not so bad that you can't stand it. He's watching your face carefully and as soon as he senses that you're in pain, he stops pushing.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No. Don't stop. It just hurts a little."

"See, this is what I meant. I don't want to hurt you." He starts to pull out slowly, but you grab his face with both hands.

"Elvis. Don't stop. I want this. I want you." Something about what you said is exactly what he needs to hear. He kisses your cheek and goes back to pushing into you. After a few more seconds, he pushes himself into you fully and lets out a moan.

"Oh fuck, y/n. You feel so good. Do you think you're ready?" He kisses your neck and shoulder while you prepare yourself for the pain.

"I'm ready." He pulls out and slowly pushes into you again. To your utter shock, it no longer hurts. It feels good. Really good. Again. You moan, this time with pleasure instead of pain. He pumps out and in again and again and you feel like you might explode with how good it feels. You wrap your legs around him and he grunts quietly at the change in sensation. He seems to be enjoying this as much as you are. He's kissing your neck and your jawline and your cheek and your lips, all while he continues his rhythm.

After a little while, he slows down and puts his forehead on your shoulder, sweat dripping down his face.

"Okay. Now I need to finish. It might feel... different."

"It's okay." You push his hair back off of his sweaty forehead and kiss him on the cheek. He smiles, kisses your lips, and then speeds up his pace again. To your surprise, his faster speed triggers something in you too and you feel yourself approaching another release. Just as you tumble over the edge, he pushes into you hard and you feel yourself fill up with warmth. You both climax together, taking turns cussing and kissing each other. He shudders and finishes pumping a few more times. He lays on top of you for a while with his head on your chest and you put your arms around him. After laying like this for a bit, he lifts his head up and looks at you.

"So, do you feel like a person?" You laugh and run your fingers through his hair.

"That's one experience I can check off, at least."

He rolls off of you and goes to get you a towel from the bathroom. You assess the damage on his sheets. Not too much blood. Just enough to get the maids talking tomorrow. He tosses you a towel and sits down next to you on the bed.

"You should come with me on tour."

"Elvis, I..."

"You said you wanted out of this town. And you said you can't marry someone here. I don't live here. Come with me."

"I did say both of those things." Did he just mention marriage?!

"Okay then. I'll come with you. Where to next?" He smiles that natural smile that you can't resist.

"Anywhere we want."

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inkmonster21 · 2 days

Text

Sing for Me

11. The Missing Songbird

Cooper Howard × Fem!Reader / The Ghoul × Fem!Reader

She's a singer the nation adores. He's the actor everyone respects. What happens when these two get entangled in a heated affair? Passion, regret, rage, and even murder will commence.

From before the bombs drop to the vast wasteland, these two souls live for one another.

Previous Chapter

Series Masterlist

Tagged: @fallout-girl219 @harmfulb1tch @themadhattersqueen @one-of-thewalkingdead

(Y/n) (l/n) lay frozen in that chamber for centuries. Stuck in a dreamland where everything was perfect. He should’ve left her there. She had peace in a sleep filled with dreams that would never come true.

But he was bored. He wanted a life, and a family, and no one was letting her out on their own accord. So why not him? He already knew everything about her. He could praise her and provide a good life for her here in the Vaults.

Henry, now commonly known as Hank MacLean wanders to Vault 31. Searching row after row of frozen chambers until he came across what he was looking for. Posted up in the seat, blue lips, and frosted lashes (y/n) (l/n) lay undisturbed. He smiles, pressing all the needed codes for her release. He injects her with a syringe. Just a little memory wipe to make the process easier on his part. He transports her to Vault 33, setting her up on the metal examination table and hooking an IV into her arm. All he could do was wait. He wouldn’t be so bored anymore with her around.

I open my eyes but quickly close them again due to the bright white light. I reach out into the air, my body weak. “Help,” I whisper with the little energy I have in my bones. My throat was dry and my lips were numb. My vision comes soon after the feeling in my fingertips. I look down at myself, seeing a blue suit lined with yellow. I choak out a sob, not entirely sure of why I’m sad. I was so confused. I couldn’t remember anything. The overwhelming feeling of fear taking root.

I look around quickly through tear-soaked eyes. I’m lying on a table, an IV drip in my arm. I start to breathe heavily. Was I sick? Did I pass out? Where was everyone? Where was I?

Who am I?

Then I heard it, “You’re alright. Would you like some help sitting up?” A single voice that calmed the nerves. I looked up to see a man. A small, weak man, with a wide friendly smile, “My name, is Hank. Everything is okay. Do you remember where you were before you fainted? Why you were running?” I stare at him in confusion. I shake my head, covering my eyes. “I… I don’t remember anything.” Hank pressed a smile and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Well, you’re safe now. I’ll grab a tray of food and some water and be right back. You must be starving.” I feel my anxiety rising as he steps away. The fear of being alone again with unanswered questions claws at my brain. “Wait…” I reach for him, this stranger. “Would you stay? Please?” Hanks's smile spreads over his cheeks, “of course I will.”

Day after day Hank would arrive with breakfast, spending the hours of the day teaching me about the Vaults and how the community functions. It sounded like a dream. “I have your file from the Overseer of 31,” Hank excitedly says as he types away on his Pip-Boy. “So soon? I thought you said it would take them a week.” Hank smiles down at his screen. “It has your name.” A smile grows on my face.

A real name. My name! Something factual I could hold onto in this sea of uncertainty. I grab his arm tugging him close, looking down at the screen. I read the name slowly, the information warming my chest. “Melody Richards.” Hank smiles at me, “I think it’s a beautiful name.”

I sit with a grin, content with being Melody. Content with being someone.

“Everyone will love you, Melody,” Hank reassured me as he walked us down the corridor, arm in arm. Vault 33 had put together an entire function just for me. To welcome me into their community.

Life was good. I felt right at home in Vault 33 with Hank. He took care of me. He made sure I was always happy. It was hard for me to believe sadness was still an emotion I could have. We married soon after, and my days were happy. I was assigned to teaching, which I was surprisingly good at. Maybe I was a teacher in my past life. It had been a year and Hank and I were just so happy. The daily routine is memorized by my brain. Every day just like the last. A predictable happy day. Until one individual day when everything changed.

“Girls, is there something you’d like to say,” I ask politely as a group of 3 girls. The bell has rung, and class is over, but yet they remain in their seats. They giggle as they look at me. I feel myself shrink. Was something on my face?

Becca, a 13-year-old girl with long blonde hair smiles at me. “You look just like Mary from that movie we just saw last night. She’s so pretty.” I tilt my head, “I didn’t know I missed movie night! I wish I had known.” The girls jump in excitement, “We’re about to go watch it again! Do you want to come? We need a chaperone anyway.”

It was only 3:00, I didn’t have to make dinner for another hour or so. I could use a little break. I shrug my shoulders, “Sure, why not? Lead the way, girls.”

They skipped down the hall telling me all I needed to know about the film. “So Mary is a singer and she works for this bad guy who owns the club. Bill, the detective is trying to catch the club owner but falls for the singer in the process. He saves her and then she tells him off! And he chases her in the rain! They are so cute! Ugh! I wish I could meet someone like that.”

We take our seats in the theater, waiting for the picture to roll. The screen lights up, and a nightclub scene appears. The picture drifts to a stage where a stunning young woman walks through the curtain. She begins to sing. Her voice swims through the room beautifully. I watch in amazement as she belts the song. I wish I could sing like that.

A man enters to club and is instantly taken by Mary. She sings to him, reaching out. He trails from table to table until he takes a seat in the very front. She walks down sits on his table and finishes her song. The man smiles at her. It warms my chest to see a new love.

I did look similar, but in no way was I more than a resembling face to the old actress.

At the dock Bill pulls her away from gunfire, shielding her in the street. “You have to go, Mary.” She shakes her head, “I told you. I can handle myself.” He turns to her, cups her cheeks, and brings her in close for a passionate kiss. “I know you can, but if you get hurt. I won’t be able to handle myself.” He stroked her cheek lightly.

In such focus, I don’t think twice about the cold ghostly touch on my own cheek. I watch in a trance as they express their feelings. I run my fingertips over my lips, feeling a light tingling. What a reaction! This film was something else. The two actors sold the roles. They acted just like they really loved each other. The film finished and I was hooked.

The next few days I rented every film and every record by (y/n) (l/n). I danced in the kitchen as I made dinner. Spinning around I place the meal into the oven.

Hank walks in, a confused look present. I giggle and grab his hands. “Dance with me.” I hum lightly to the song as I attempt to get him to join. He doesn’t. Instead, he walks over to the radio and turns the record off. I watch him, and an unfamiliar clench in my chest rises. His eyes bore into mine. “Melody, where did you get that?” His stare is lined with a nervous smile. “The library. They’ve started renting out movies and records now.” He nods as he watches me. I return to cooking dinner silently. I turn my head to look at Hank. He reads the back of the record case with furrowed brows.

The cover stands out. She really was beautiful. Clad in a silky red dress, her hair done nicely, and makeup to perfection. “Some of my students said I look like her.” I smile at the thought of being that stunning. Hank looks at me, no expression on his face. “I don’t see it.” He gathers up the films and records into a pile. “I’m not a big fan of this type of thing. You’re so much better, Melody. I don’t want you to get a complex." Hank exits the vault without another word.

The right thing to do would be to listen to him. he was my husband and the voice of reason in the dynamic. However, I can hear someone. Someone deep down calling out. Begging me to sing those songs. I lay in the bed staring blankly at the wall. Someone won’t let me rest. Someone is clawing at my skin from the inside out begging to escape. I look at Hank. The man I had come to know seemed like a stranger. Such an out-of-character act for him. He loved music, any type.

I feel the haunting pull. Forcing me to get out of bed and slowly creep down the illuminated hall. I wonder, feeling my feet carry their way. I stop at the doors to the theater. The invisible tug pulls me into the room. The only light was upon the stage. A ghostly smile grows on my face as I advance to the stage. I stand on the elevated wooden floor, looking out over the rows of seats.

I can’t explain why or how, but I began to sing. A song I had never known or heard begins rolling out of my mouth. Emotion taking over my body. This lost soul pulling their way to the light.

“I can hear you but I won't

Some look for trouble while others don't

There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day

And ignore your whispers, which I wish would go away”

I see the mist of a figure seated in the middle. His eyes are bright and his smile is wide. He feels so familiar. Something inside myself was wrong. This wasn’t me. I wasn’t a singer. I wasn’t a performer.

“You're not a voice, you're just a ringing in my ear

And if I heard you, which I don't, I'm spoken for I fear

Everyone I've ever loved is here within these walls

I'm sorry, secret siren but I'm blocking out your calls

I've had my adventure, I don't need something new

I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you”

The figure is closer now, allowing the light to bleed into their frame. He stands from his seat, taking slow steps towards the stage. I fall to my keens awaiting him. It was the only thing that felt right.

“What do you want? 'Cause you've been keeping me awake

Are you here to distract me so I make a big mistake?

Or are you someone out there who's a little bit like me?

Who knows deep down I'm not where I'm meant to be?”

It’s him. The man from the films. He pulls himself onto the stage, cupping my face in his palms. The warmth of his hands has me believing he’s real. He’s here with me.

“Don't you know there's part of me that longs to go

Into the unknown

Into the unknown”

I cling to him as I sing. His smile couldn’t widen anymore. His eyes dazzling as he watches me. His touch pulled the lost soul to the surface. Pulling her out and tossing Melody inside the cage.

This has been an entire trick. I see my entire past in his orbs. The movie, the secret meetings, the months of sadness, the party, the divorce, the engagement, Barb, and Vault Tech…

I breathe heavily as I finish the song. I stare at my hands I allow a tearful laugh to escape. I'm back... I'm me... The heavy weight of the unknown universe is gone.

It's just Cooper and I. I look up expecting to see him, but I'm alone. "Cooper?" I call out only to be met with my echo. The doors in the back open swiftly. I smile watching his figure walk down the dark path.

"Cooper." I go to run into his arms, but I stop at the sound of the voice, "You just couldn't leave it alone. Could you?" Hank advances the stage, stalking me with his eyes. "Henry." I back away with each step he takes.

"Where is he?" He shrugs, "Probably dead." He extends a hand, "Why don't you just come back with me? We have a good life." I shake my head, my back hitting the lush red curtains. "You tricked me!" Henry tosses his head back with a dark laugh. "I saved YOU!"

He lunged at me, grabbing my frame in his grasp. I scream as I struggle against him. "No!" I kick against him, "I'm not going back!" Tears fall from my eyes, "COOPER!" I ball as I violently thrash against Henry. He pulls out a syringe from his pocket. Shaking his head he holds me down. "I've got an idea on how to make you more... compliant." He stabs the needle into my neck. Second after second, I feel my limbs weaken. I fought to keep my eyes open, but I lost. Falling into my death that was disguised as a restful slumber.

Hank MacLean buzzed around the lab, watching the machine craft such a perfect specimen. “She’s beautiful.” He whispers lowly, in shock, he had never seen such an astonishing creation.

Fastened in a tube lay a newly built machine, recreated from past generations, but was lost, until he reconstructed it… reconstruccted her. He recreated her from the ruins she once was. Sitting in the dark storage unit, rotting away in the grave of all the failed experiments and equipment. Where the past had failed the future will succeed.

The young Hank overlooked the newly finished machine. She was sparkly. Her skin was smooth, her lashes long, her cheeks the color of rose, her lips plump, makeup drew on to perfection. She looked just like she did in the movies.

With one finger he types a single code into the computer system with haste. As the shield opens fog rolls out of the tube, kissing the floor. Her eyes open, knitting her brows together. A calmness washed over her. She steps out of the chamber completely nude. She smiles at the small madman. “Hi there, I’m, Melody. How can I be of assistance, Mr. MacLean?”

She was easier to… control. Hank had an easy life in the vaults, mostly because his synthetic humanoid wife listened to his every command without question She cooked his favorite meals, and cleaned until the home was spic can span. She was the perfect wife. What else could he want?

Short answer? He wanted Rose. One of the newcomers in a trade with Vault 32. He had become obsessed with her. Her beauty was impeccable. Not fake like Melody’s drawn-on liner. She was the sweetest creature he had ever come to know. Rose was made for him. Unlike Melody who Hank crafted to fit his narrative. However, this had to be fate. No one had made his heart beat like Rose. That night as he returned home for dinner. He had a plan. One final act and he would be free to woo Rose. To have and to hold her forever. He just had to get rid of Melody first.

He hauled her mechanical body to the top floor, disposing of her and all of the remaining items. Her belongings, movies, albums, clothes. Anything Hank had hidden away to shield the truth from her. It worked for some time. He wanted more. He had the perfect wife, but he wanted real raw emotions. Yes, she has a real brain and a heart, but it never truly belonged to him. She would forever feel the attachment to the old actor long gone with the land.

He set everything down with a huff. He took one glance at her cold emotionless face before looking down at his wrist to input the codes. The codes to shut her off, to put her to death once and for all.

Just as he brings his finger down to hit the last number, his finger curls around his hand, and forcefully turns it upwards. The synthetic copy of (y/n) holds Hanks's wrist with a bone-crushing grip. She leans in, dark eyes as she bends his wrist to look at the screen.

“You were going to shut me off?” She twitches her head. An internal battle raged in her mind. Two lives battle for dominance, but clash together in a confusing mixture. Hank yelps as he tries to hit the last number, but she is faster. She quickly breaks his other wrist. He screams in agony, glaring at her. “You bitch!” He grits his teeth as he tries to grab ahold of her. She kicks him in the face knocking him out cold.

Get the box and go.

She twitches as she grabs the box in her hands.

Run.

RUN!

The internal voice screams the commands. She swiftly opens the vault door, the sunlight shining in blinding her. She doesn’t look back at the sorry excuse of the man who had created such a machine. She left in search of something unknown.

#cooper howard #cooper howard x reader #fallout #fallout imagine #the ghoul #the ghoul x reader #cooper howard fallout #fallout ghoul #walton goggins #the ghoul fallout

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pupmkincake2000 · 7 months

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The main problem in Stardew Valley and DBH fandom is that people often misinterpret the characters' personalities and behavior. Especially when it comes to shipping or relationships. In Stardew it's Shane, in DBH it's Hank.

I often see people say that Shane “can be a good friend, but he will make a bad husband. A Farmer shouldn’t marry him. He’s an alcoholic, he can’t be fixed.”

And I see almost the same thing about Hank: “Connor shouldn’t be his nanny, this is consumerism on Hank’s part, he's alcoholic, he can’t be fixed” and a lot of other things like this.

But this is actually sad to realize that this is the way people perceive the usual care that any good person would show towards their friend or lover or just someone close. Although, people like when characters take care of each other, yet when we talk about Shane and Hank, people consider this care to be nothing but some kind od babysitting or other crap that actually has nothing to do with the Shane/Farmer and Hank/Connor relationships.

Let me explain.

For starters, what do Shane and Hank have in common? They are both deeply depressed, both have lost the will and interest in life after the death of someone dearest, both have suicidal tendencies and drink alcohol.

However, both still cling to life, despite all the pain they experience, both work hard. The main argument against Shane is his messy room after the wedding and the fact that he drinks cider or beer about twice a week. Hank's house is a bit of a mess too. Still, both of them are incredibly strong. Shane is aware of his problem, as well as Hank, the Farmer just needs to push him a little so he could start healing. In Hank's case, Connor helps him to believe that the world can become a better place.

It is very difficult for people who have never dealt with depression to understand those who have it. This illness cannot be removed simply by taking a pill. It can torture you from the inside for many years and you may simply not know that you have depression. In this state, it is very difficult to take care of yourself, or even think about cleaning the house you live in, it is very difficult to concentrate on work, you may have problems with memory, sleep, you may be haunted by constant fatigue and suicidal thoughts, which are incredibly difficult to get rid of. For some people with depression, it will take years to even feel a little better. Depression may not go away at all and you will have to take pills and visit a psychiatrist for the rest of your life. At the same time, you may think that you are just a lazy piece of shit who simply cannot clean up your own apartment. Depression is scary.

I can tell as a person who has depression, officially confirmed by specialists. Living with depression means fighting for your life every day. And, unfortunately, it is almost impossible to cope with it alone. Often, in order to simply start fighting depression, people need a push and help, and those who say such nasty things about Hank and Shane do not understand this.

There is no shame in asking for help. There is no shame in accepting help.

What Farmer and Connor do is not babysitting, it is caring.

Shane and Hank don't need to be fixed, and I am truly disgusted by those who say "they can't be fixed".

Shane and Hank are not broken (depressed people are not broken). They are desperate, in pain and need help and care.

Both Connor and Farmer help them

heal.

They don't try to fix them,

they just help them heal.

This is what

care

is.

Many people say that Connor shouldn’t become a housewife/babysitter/nanny etc. for Hank… but excuse me, if your loved one gets sick, will you not take care of them? Will you not cook them food and support them during a difficult period of life? Does caring mean being a housewife/babysitter/nanny etc.?

It's called caring, caring for someone you love, and that's what Connor and Farmer do. They take care of Hank and Shane when the men have a difficult period of life. And accepting this care, this love, accepting this help is not selfishness or consumerism or predatory behavior. This is normal for those who sincerely want to survive and recover. Heal.

There is no shame in asking for help. There is no shame in accepting help/love, remember?

Yeah, Shane doesn't stop drinking right away. If you have depression and drink because of it, it is very difficult to stop drinking right away. And a can of beer twice a week is not a crime. However, Shane tries, he really tries to heal, he looks after the house, helps on the farm and wants a family. Same thing with Hank. It is unlikely that he will immediately stop drinking, but he is also trying, he began to smile sincerely and was ready to give his life for even the tiniest hope that the world could be better, that androids would become the new hope of humanity.

It is incredibly difficult for depressed people to accept help from others. The fact that Hank accepted Connor, believed the android is alive and tried to protect the androids, only tells us he was ready to fight for his life, that he wanted to live and to be happy again, and it was Connor who was the one who gave him that push, it was Connor who became the reason of Hank's healing. And for Shane it was Farmer and there is nothing wrong with them getting married, because Shane, just like Hank, is ready to change, ready to heal, ready to fight for his happiness.

Hank and Shane are wonderful characters, and I believe they deserve love and happiness more than anyone else.

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stew-magnetos-version · 3 months

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hi i am having a lot of thoughts about Magneto (especially First Class) so here it goes

• Erik has been alone ever since the war ended and Shaw stopped experimenting on him. He was 15. When he gets found by Charles, he was 32.

• If Shaw didn't tell Erik he himself was a mutant, he probably thought he was the only one. He probably learned about them while hunting down Shaw because he wasn't surprised when he saw Emma's diamond form. Charles had the LUXURY of learning about other mutant's existence by meeting Raven.

• Erik was probably only ever hugged by his mother until he met his Polish wife, so he went over 30 years without hugs.

• Peter was 7 during the events of First Class. Just needed to say that.

• Erik must've been so happy to be a dad. He loved Nina so much. He was ready to change. He sang to his daughter. He couldn't be a father to Peter but he had a daughter now he could catch up with. She couldn't be older than 10 when she died.

• The first time Erik said "sorry" (in the script) was to Charles when he put on Shaw's helmet.

• In the scene where Erik interrupts Hank and Raven from kissing, it was very shortly after he joined the group, so he had never seen Raven's true form yet, and he told her "if I looked like you I wouldn't change a thing."

• Charles was Erik's first friend. At 32 years old. Just think about how freaking sad that is omg.

• also this one is slightly random but since Erik lived through ww2, in like about 20 years, he would be totally dead. Idk if that makes sense but if xmen comics universe is similar to our universe then they would also be in 2020 or something like that and so Erik would be too old. Just a thought that i think about often

#I get sad when i think about erik for too long #He has such a sad backstory he legit had all the right to be a villain #He was also right most of the time #But for the wrong reasons #Magneto can never be really evil #xmen first class #magneto #erik lehnsherr #x men #x men movies

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breakingbadmspaint · 6 months

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Breaking Bad Season 3 (MS Paint)

I'm watching Breaking Bad and drawing my experience on MS Paint with my mouse.

[Season 2] [Season 4]

This is a long one. I'm also adding little text reaction bits because so much is happening.

My god so much is happening and It's only episode 3.

Everyone needs therapy

This shot made me giggle a little, but it was good.

I wonder if she realises this. She..better call Saul huh. ba dum tsk

"I've been expecting you Mr.Bond"

-- Skyler, listen to your lawyer that you're treating as a therapist. Please.

-- Gosh I'm so absorbed into this, so much is happening.

-- I'M SO SAD FOR HANK

God damn, dude just wanted to pee on a lady and got shot.

He's judging me.

#LeaveGaleAlone Let the man make his coffee and meth how he wants. He's just a silly guy.

-- DRIVE HANK DRIVE, AAAAAAAAH - HANK NOOOO HOLY SHIT SCREAMING AAAH

-- Gale is my new baby boy, goodbye Jesse

ahsfjksahkfsah Jesse no!

-- Episode 9 making me hungry straight away, rude.

-- Jesse no, come on, that's awful. They're trying to recover...

This episode, my god. That dramatic fly death was beautiful.

-- I think Skyler is about to beat the shit out of Saul

-- You better not Jesse, don't ruin her and her kids life

-- NOOOOOO, don't let her do it Jesse

-- OH SNAP

-- Can someone get Hank therapy please

-- DAMN SKYLER, she's swan diving right into this

Skyler please omg

-- Gus is a powerful man, damn

-- M-marie o///o HAHAHAHAA her smug face leaving

-- HUH WHAT NO!!!

-- JESSE NOOOOOOOOOOO

-- HOLY SHIT WALTER

Me after that episode.

GAAAALE MY BOY WOOOOOOOOO. I love him.

-- Wait hey, no, wait, I don't like what's being suggested right now. Don't you touch my boy. HEY NO, HE'S BABY, LEAVE HIM ALONE HEY

[Season 4]

#Breaking Bad #breaking bad fanart #breaking bad spoilers #breaking bad meme #MS Paint #mouse drawing #ms paint art

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angelique-of-the-volturi-guard · 11 months

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So here’s the thing: I think a good chunk of the BTVS fandom thinks of Giles as a father figure to Buffy (of which I am one). But he discourages her from it, and I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that his trauma with his own father wasn’t healed. His representation of who fathers are supposed to be is already unhealthy, and he can see the absence of Hank in Buffy’s life is a void that needs to be filled in terms of guidance and wisdom. But he’s also very aware of what he’s capable of (i.e. Eyghon, what he did to Ben, etc.) and believes (as many abused children do) that he doesn’t fit the idyllic version of fatherhood that he might have wished for for himself. He isn’t particularly warm on first glance (though he can be), did a lot of terrible things in his life, doesn’t have a steady partner. He can anger and isn’t an infinite well of patience and forgiveness. He cannot conceptualize the idea that he’s the closest thing she has to an involved father figure in her life because that idea is terrifying. Because as a Watcher he can do his job fine but what the hell does he know about being a dad when his own was terrible to him? He doesn’t want her to get hurt by another father figure in her life, and especially not by him. Not because he doesn’t love her or care about her that way but because he feels he is deeply inadequate for the role.

Giles is already traumatized severely. He was attacked at the watcher academy at age 18 by a lorophage demon that killed several people as part of his training. Several watchers including his father had to stop the demon and save him before he died. He wasn’t much older than Buffy when he faced his own mortality, but being alive far longer than her, he faced far more death with little time to process it. His friend Deirdre who died when he was rebelling with dark magic. Not to mention that as a watcher he’s seen a ton of death by his job alone. Then you have Buffy’s first death and Jenny’s brutal death in season 2, not to mention the whole thing with Ethan being back and dragging up his past, then losing his job as a watcher, and a librarian by the end of Season 3.

By season 4 Giles is struggling. He has no employment, Buffy is growing less dependent on him, and he’s struggling to come to terms with what to do with his life. But as he’s trying to prepare to move on with his life, Buffy tells him she needs him and he stays because he loves and cares about her. But after Joyce’s death and her resurrection, he realizes that she’s relying on him so much that she’ll never move forward with him as a crutch. When he’s stepping back he doesn’t perceive this as an abandonment. He’s trying to give her a chance to figure it out on her own. And despite the fact that he is sad to go he knows he’s trying to do right by her. She perceives it as an abandonment and so do we, because why wouldn’t we? This is her show and her perspective. We’ve seen all the love they both have for one another and the respect. But this is a man who has lost so much already. Who has had no time to really process the fact that he has suffered egregiously. Who doesn’t really know a life outside of the job. Who has been shown to seek normalcy when he can.

Of course he loves Buffy like a daughter, and of course leaving her was incredibly hard. He’s been by her side for years. He’s not leaving her as she perceives, he wants her to grow. She can’t see it that way because of all of the trauma she’s gone through, and who could blame her? Getting ripped out of heaven must have been awful. For the life of me I’ve been trying to figure out why he left right after that (okay I know it was Tabula Rasa but close enough) and what I keep coming back to is the fact that he’s not just watching her fall apart- it’s everybody. Dawn is a Kleptomaniac, Willow is getting into the dark magic, Buffy is depressed and a shell of her former self, and Xander and Anya have their share of issues. He’s been the go to man for all of them for so long, and I don’t think his decision was driven as much by Buffy alone as it was by a feeling of burnout and pressure. He cannot carry all of this by himself but this is literally what he’s been doing the whole time.

This is a man who has tried to make up for his mistakes. He’s held himself accountable for his actions. And Buffy and her friends aren’t taking that accountability for their problems by that point. He told them at one point to think of him as an uncle because he can’t see himself as a father figure, but ultimately stepping away to take care of himself and allowing all of them to find their footing is very much akin to a dad stepping back from the lives of his kids to give them a chance to stand on their own. And they all end up rising to the occasion in the end like he believed they would. And despite that, he always shows up for Buffy when she needs him most.

He is a Dad to the lot of them (Buffy especially of course) in the ways that matter, but is completely blind to it because of his own thought distortions and trauma, and I think he gets penalized a lot for it in S6 & 7. And while I absolutely hated the way his arc was handled (he deserved a way better S6 & 7 in terms of his character development, finding his place in the world, and healing himself), I get why he saw things as he did. The early seasons are a better reflection of who he is on the whole as a person (esp seasons 2 & 4) but I get riled up when I hear people talking about him abandoning Buffy in later seasons when he’s literally in the midst of some of the worst trauma of his life. It’s not an accurate representation of what he was trying to do and I think he deserves more grace. He was trying to do what he thought was right, and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love or care for Buffy or the rest of the Scoobies. But he is a whole person, who suffered massively, and deserved the same compassion that he gave those he cared about and didn’t get it back from the Scoobies and the fandom when he deserved it and needed it most.

Anyway just my two cents but this has been bugging me for a while.

#mun post #outofguard #btvs #rupert giles #character musings #buffyverse #buffy summers #buffy season 6 #buffy s7 #willow rosenberg #tara maclay #xander harris #anya jenkins #Dawn summers #ethan rayne #jenny calendar #spoilers

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bumpkinspice0 · 6 months

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Recovery Time: Chapter 4

Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

No use of y/n

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 3k

Summary: He has a guitar and a quiet place to play now. Joel is starting to appreciate slowing down a little, but still wants to be useful. Finally off of his crutches, maybe he can be.

Warnings: A little angsty this time. Little bit of pining

Series Masterlist

Previous - Next

AO3

_______________

Chapter 4: Trust

He hates it. He fucking hates it. Sitting all day. The simple act of walking a few feet exhausting him, but he can’t seem to do much else. Like a lazy house cat. It’s foreign to him— being looked after. He didn’t like feeling so weak. Being so goddamn helpless. It’s simply not who he was. He protected the helpless… or used them if he needed to. But he was never one of them— pathetic and small.

Joel didn’t like it at all.

He doesn’t know what to do with all this time. He thinks he’s forgotten how to simply just live anymore. Survival was all there was for so long, and now he could actually take a moment for himself— and it was too much. Like he was suffocating on nothing but the air he could finally stop to breathe.

Then there was you.

You and that impenetrable cheery attitude. Yet another thing here that was completely alien to him.

He doesn’t deserve this— Any of it. Being catered to. Staying in the little paradise you’d built. Bleeding out in a field alone for the birds to eat was the death he deserved. So why did you take pity on him? What made him so fucking special to be given yet another second chance? You wouldn’t have taken him in if you knew who he was— what he’d done. He knows that for sure.

You were a capable woman, smart and kind— but so fucking stupid.

Everyone he knows would have just left him there. He would have if he were in your position. A stranger beaten to hell in the middle of nowhere, there were too many risks with it. Yet you dragged him right through your front door.

You welcomed him in with open arms. That’s just not how it goes anymore. All your time up here alone must have made you thick in the head. You gave him your bed. You feed him your food and put clothes on his back. Why? For nothing in exchange? He still can’t wrap his head around it.

Has the world really made him so callous? It’s what’s kept him alive for so long. It’s how you survive another day without being able to ever sleep through the night. He wonders if you had the same problems as him. As everyone else.

You, in many ways, were an enigma.

You talked. You talked all the time. To him, to that damn dog, to yourself. After years alone it’s probably all you had. Like that movie with Tom Hanks and the volleyball. You’d been alone for so long, it was only natural… and he wasn’t entirely unhappy to oblige some of your ramblings. Some.

While you did build something amazing here, he still pitied you. Pitted the fact that you had only yourself to share it with.

Christ, even someone like Bill had Frank to share his little safe haven with.

How did someone like you end up all alone here? Someone beautiful and kind and with valuable skills— someone who should never be alone. The story was probably a sad one. Sad stories were all there seemed to be anymore. He saw it in your eyes sometimes, despite the smile underneath them. That deep pain no one can really hide. Eyes that have seen horrible things. He’s sure his eyes looked the same.

You turned that pain into this place. Pouring your soul into everything here. He turned his pain into… something else.

He’s ashamed to admit he was obsessing over what your angle could possibly be, why you would keep him here. What you could gain from him.

What changed his mind was so stupid. You brought him that cup of coffee and eggs and he could just see it in you. He’s not sure what was so different about you that time. You weren’t pitifully leaving food next to the bed. He didn’t ask for anything. Just a kind gesture to say you were thinking of him as more than a hurt man. A cup of stale coffee in some faded old Garfield mug. Then it was just so obvious—there was no angle here. This is just who you were.

A good woman. A loving woman. The rarest thing in the world now.

Or maybe Joel just really missed coffee.

You’d made something truly beautiful. Not only surviving but thriving all alone. You’d left the property vastly under-protected, but in a way you worked smarter rather than harder. You camouflage yourself rather than make something conspicuous that needs constant maintenance like Bill’s stupid giant gate. The house was almost completely eaten up with overgrown vines sprawling all over every inch of it. Instead of a wall, you planted flowers. Ridiculous… but effective. He’d taken a short walk on the outside of the property the other day and once he got a good few yards away it was just another mass of overgrowth in the forest.

It couldn’t be sustainable. Nothing these days was. It would all have to be abandoned one day. Just another memory. Yet you put the effort in to make it a nice place to live. Not just a passive temporary shelter, but an actual home. It’d been so long since he’d been in a room that was actually loved. Bill and Frank’s place was loved but in a different way, like Bill was preserving something. A little time capsule of the past— But you somehow embraced the oddity of your situation.

Random junk decorated your walls and yard. Old rusted things that had no use in them anymore. Yet you displayed them as if to say this was something once. A reminder maybe. The walls of the cabin were lined with old magazine pages, dried herbs and flowers, and old relics of the past. Even a few candy wrappers hung there like family photos. Proof of humanity. Plants in every corner. You used every inch of space selfishly.

He noticed a few strings of Christmas lights hung around the house and across the property. They were useless now but he can almost picture you dancing at night with the property lit up and music blasting. You seemed like the kind of woman that’d like to dance.

I was a cluttered mess, but a beautiful one. Chaos yet everything had its place. Everything had its purpose here— except for him.

He’d been toying with the guitar on the porch for the last 2 days. At first, it sounded like familiarizing himself— scales and reluctant plucking. Seeing if he could still do it. Then a few licks that could resemble an actual song. You didn’t recognize most of them, but it was still nice to have something new to listen to. It was nice to have something to listen to at all.

He was skilled with it. Not a rockstar but well enough to hold his own— Not that you could really tell. You were a little tempted to start shouting song requests once it sounds like he’s got the hang of it again.

Art had one or two song books lying around— Mostly consisting of classic rock and country. Still, Joel mulled them over all the same. You hadn’t found any chores for him to do while remaining mostly immobile. You gave him a basket of beans to shuck and he had them finished in less than an hour. So you dubbed him the title of radio instead. He didn’t seem amused by it, but it didn’t stop you from leaning into the nickname.

“Next station!” You playfully shout from the garden. He’d been driving himself half mad for the last 20 minutes trying to get a particular riff just right.

“The station changes when I say it changes!” He shouts back, frustration pricking his words. He attempts the riff one more time and stumbles over his own fingers yet again. He mumbles something under his breath and flips to a new page in the country songbook. You hide a smile.

“Freebird!” You enthusiastically request for roughly the billionth time since he started playing that thing.

“If you say that one more time, I swear I’m leaving,” He grumbles, coming to a new page. He scans it briefly, recognition flashing in his eyes. “I know this one.” He mumbles, positioning his fingers.

A few practice picks and he starts a slow and clunky melody you didn’t recognize but was still overall pleasant. All of his slow playing was. You glance over and notice him mouthing some words in rhythm with his plucking. He’s putting a song together.

Is he going to sing? You wonder. Now that’d be a show.

For once since he got here you decided to just keep your mouth shut and enjoy the moment. He was finally relaxing. Comfortable with the situation. It took over a week but you finally didn’t feel like you were walking on eggshells around him. You hope he felt the same towards you.

You have lunch together— A fresh salad with a boiled egg and some rabbit jerky. You have most of your meals together now. For the first time in a while, you were enjoying mealtimes. It was just something passive you had to do to just fuel yourself. It was a chance for you to slow down too— and learn a little bit more about each other.

“You said you’re from Texas, right?”

“Austin,” He clarifies, pushing around the greens on his plate, “Came up here when it all started. Been here ever since.”

You nod, your eyes looking back down at your own plate. You didn’t want to push anything, he obviously didn’t like to talk much but neither of you liked sitting in silence. You were both trying.

“Saw a Generator back there,” He breaks the latest awkward silence that brewed, “Looks like it still works?”

“Barely useful,” You grumble, “Gas powered. Only have so much juice left for it. I only turn it on for emergencies or… special occasions.”

“Special occasions?”

“Holidays. My birthday. Or just… bad days” You feel almost embarrassed to admit it, “I use the stereo or watch a movie. It’s like a… treat.”

“A treat,” You catch a glimpse of a smile on his lips. He’s amused at the idea of your little parties. It was a little silly, yes, but it’s certainly kept you sane a few times.

Entertainment like that was a rarity these days, so whenever you had it you felt like the richest person in the world. Art didn’t have the best selection of music and movies for your taste but it was still something. You’ve unwillingly become a big fan of The Eagles and a lot of Clint Eastwood movies.

You both finish lunch in silence and move on to the next item on the docket. You see his face drop when you come back out with your medical bag.

“Bandage change already?” he asks. You’d been changing his bandages daily right before bed.

“Not yet actually,” You take a seat on the floor in front of him. “Today you get to come out of crutch jail. Can I see your foot?”

He scoots closer to you and gently places his wrapped foot on your lap. He’s eager. You can tell just how much he hated being so immobile. The image of him making a run for it as soon as you take the stabilizers out flashes through your mind. It’s a little cartoonish and funny but from what little you know about him he’ll be leaving as soon as he can walk a straight line halfway decently— Then it’ll be just you and Gus again.

“You sure the pain’s gotten better?” you ask one final time, “Nothing feels… off?”

“I know what broken bones feel like,” he assures you with a small eye roll. Well, without an X-ray machine, his intuition was the next best thing you had. What could go wrong?

“Okay,” you nod and begin the process.

He winces as you unwind the bandages and slip out the makeshift braces. The swelling has gone down considerably but there’s still a little stress on the skin. You gently roll his ankle through a series of movements to assess the damage. He gives an answer for each position through gritted teeth. Overall, it’s not too bad and likely not broken. The time for resting was over. Now he had to move if he wanted to speed up his recovery.

“Do those stretches twice a day. Feel free to walk around as much as you’d like, just don’t stress it too much. Use a walking stick if you need,” You instruct him as you gently roll the compression bandages around your hand and place them back in the bag, “You can put your boots on, just tie them loose. Move it around whenever you’re sitting, keep the blood flowing. Movement is your friend now.”

“Goody,” He groans as he leans down to roll his sock over his now only moderately swollen foot. “Alright, what do you need help with?”

Already back on the grind.

“I don’t–” you cut yourself off and actually think. He needs to move around. He’s healing up amazingly. Sitting around won’t help him anymore. You haven’t had the option to have help in so long that you don’t actually know what you need. There had to be something for him though, “What are ya good, Joel Miller?”

“Lately, just sitting around and lookin’ pretty.” You pause in shock before a laugh slips out more like a raspberry. It’s the first honest-to-good joke he’s told since he got here. He smiles at your reaction and you notice how the lines on his face change when he does. The dimples in his cheeks. The creases around his soft brown eyes. He was rather pretty… you suppose.

“I’m good at huntin’, I suppose,” he finally answers. “Noticed we went through those pheasants and rabbit you had.”

“We did,” You confirm.

“You have any traps set up?”

“I do not,” You confirm again, “Never learned that one.”

“Then I’ll set up some traps nearby,” He stands up with a grunt, taking a moment to regain balance. You hop up and offer your elbow for support but he waves you off, leaning on the railing instead. He wants to do it himself. That’s fine.

You’re a little worried about him going off on his own but he wouldn’t have offered if he wasn’t going to come back…right?

“I’ll go with you.” You offer.

“You have plenty to do here. I can manage if you at least point me in the right direction of some rabbit trails.”

“I can do that. Gus’ll probably go with you. He’ll show you all the good spots and the way back, hopefully.” You look at the lazy dog sitting on the doorstep. His ears perk up at the mention of his name and strolls over to you, “Whadda need for supplies?”

“Rope and wire if you have it. A hammer would be nice.” He takes an experimental step. It’s clumsy but manageable. The next few days are gonna be rough for him but it’ll be what’s best for his ankle in the long run.

You lead him over to the Buck Shack, where you kept most of your miscellaneous supplies. He’s slow but steady, still getting the hang of it. You fill a bag with rope, some rusting wire, a hunting knife, and a hammer.

“I’ll tie a few here and I’ll head out and place ‘em,” he says, walking over to the workbench.

“Whatever you gotta do,” you say, turning to leave him to his work. You pause at the door. This could be an opportunity to get to know him more. For him to actually show you something. You’re debating your next words, but they still come before you can stop yourself, “Will you show me?”

“What?” his brows knit together.

“Show me… how to make a trap.” You let the request sit a moment before you start to regret it, “Actually, you don’t have to—”

“Okay,” He nods, gesturing you over to him, “Come over here.”

You skittishly walk to his side as he takes the spool of thin wire out of the bag. He cuts a length of it and spins a loop around his fist.

“For just a simple snare there’s not much to it, actually. Just a noose really. Most traps start the same, it just depends on how you set ‘em up that’s different,” Joel says as he ties a loose knot at the top of the loop, wrapping the wire around itself several times. You watch his large hands work with intensity. Callous, worked hands doing such small delicate movements— His knuckles still a little bruised from whatever fight he had been in. Your imagination runs a little wild at the sight of such strong things doing such small, purposeful movements.

“Just like this,” he holds up the small noose and pulls the loop tighter around his fingers, “This is for a still snare, good for rabbits and squirrels. Tie this up for them to run through on the ground and that’s about it. Nothing fancy. You try.”

You silently cut yourself a length of wire and copy his movements, wrapping it around your fist to make a loop and then twisting the wire around itself loosely at the top. He was right, it wasn’t anything fancy but you can’t help but feel like yours is inferior to his.

“Like this?” You hold up the completed trap.

He slides two fingers through the loop and pulls it taut. His eyes burn into yours as he does so— slowly. You immediately feel your cheeks start to heat up as he curls his fingers and gives a small tug. It wasn’t forceful but you can’t help but take a step closer to him.

“Perfect, darlin’.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #joel tlou #tlou #the last of us #recovery time

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socdarlings · 1 year

Text

contact names for the gang + socs

quotes are my perspective on the person and why i chose that name

ponyboy: ballad of a thin man - bob dylan, 1965. “song revolves around the mishaps of a boy, who keeps blundering into strange situations, and the more questions he asks, the less the world makes sense to him.”

johnny: johnny b. goode - chuck berry, 1958. “the song is about a semi-literate "country boy" from the New Orleans area, who plays a guitar ‘just like ringing a bell’, and who might one day have his ‘name in lights’.”

dallas: insight - joy division, 1980. “this song is almost as depressing as the eternal. giving up on life and hope and looking back at the past and wishing you’ve done something different. describes dallas before his life ends.”

twobit: cupid - sam cooke, 1961. “keith just reminds me of a doughboy and a loverboy, always picking up soc girls and dumping ‘em later.”

darry: the eternal - joy division, 1980. “This song just digs down into the deepest, most dank and dark recesses of tortured, unyielding depression. darry curtis is never going to ever leave tulsa and will die in tulsa. It’s just in the cards for him. This song also goes for dally.”

sodapop: little red corvette - prince, 1983. “This song is about casual dating and the fear of being replaced. It’s a sad but realistic song about the dangers of getting too attached to someone who isn’t ready for a commitment.”

steve: isolation - joy division, 1980. “A fear that never goes away. You wake up with it, you get into bed with it. You're afraid of things that are weeks in the future and of things that are tomorrow almost equally. You feel inferior to everyone, but you don't look up to them either because you just aren't like them. Steve has a hard time understanding people emotionally, and that isolates him from everyone.”

tim: cold, cold heart - hank williams, 1951. "Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold, cold heart?"

curly: behind blue eyes - the who, 1971. “‘Behind Blue Eyes’ is written from the perspective of a man who is hated and shunned. He's asking for empathy, but is clearly unhinged and seems to have anger issues.”

angela: wildflower - skylark, 1972. “She's faced the hardest times you could imagine. And many times her eyes fought back the tears. And when her youthful world was about to fall in, each time her slender shoulders bore the weight of all her fears.”

cherry: cheri, cheri lady - modern talking, 1985 “tbh I misheard this song and thought it said ‘cherry, cherry lady’. regardless the song’s about a girl who’s lost in the world, both emotionally and spiritually.”

marcia: sunday girl - blondie, 1978. “I think a happy go lucky song describes marcia best. doesn’t really show her other side with people, except cherry.”

evie: cherry bomb - the runaways, 1976. “a tough grease girl who’s just trying to survive day to day life in tulsa. does not have a good relationship with her parents. lets her soft side show around steve.”

buck: alone and forsaken - hank williams, 1952. “I just figure buck is just that kinda guy who’s always gonna be alone and can’t connect to people.”

sylvia: jolene, dolly parton, 1973. “Your beauty is beyond compare, with flaming locks of auburn hair, with ivory skin and eyes of emerald green.”

bob: the figurehead - the cure, 1982. “a depressing song about keeping up appearances and acting tough despite suffering on the inside. the man in the song is on the verge of suicide and yells out his frustrations, but nobody helps him.”

randy: heroin - the velvet underground, 1967. “this song basically describes randy turning to drugs in ‘that was then, this is now’ after everyone around him either leaves him or dies. it reinforces his idea that the warring sides of both greasers and socs will only leave more people dead and there’s no point in fighting.”

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claralouvette · 1 year

Text

💖𝒯𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊🌺

Hawks/ Keigo Takami x F!Reader

Barely Proof read....0%

Synopsis💞

Having less and less time for yourself you’ve come across your 10 year journal, what happens if a certain bird read it without your permission.

⚠️WARNING: Bonus content contains 18+ content.

Tag list: @mysideeffectsofyou

Masterlist

🌺Having less and less time for yourself you’ve come across your 10 year journal, you made a rule for yourself to never write something negative on the journal, despite your known rule your last entry was about how you felt so sad about being so lonely in life. You wanted to change that.

🌺You Brought the journal along with you to kind of update it and maybe add some new stuff too. Thankfully, Hawks is on patrol so you don't need to care for any paper works... For awhile at-least.

🌺When Hawks returned you are now bounded to a mountain of paper work that needed to be done. Hawks being a caring person(or maybe because he is secretly interested in you), he insisted on letting you go home early and so you obliged. Packing your things you said good bye to your boss, leaving the table as is. For Hawks to continue the paper works for you,

🌺Hanks all alone in the room, He lazily walks towards your table to continue working on the remaining paper. until he noticed a notebook, a notebook adored with various vintage elements. Obviously, this notebook doesn't belong anywhere at his agency, so the straight forward answer would be that you accidentally left your notebook.

🌺With the notebook taking more of his attention span than this few unfinished paper works. He hastily opened the mysterious notebook on his hands.

🌺When he reads it for the first time reading about some of the things you appreciate in life.

“Who knew a quiet person like you, would be into so many stuff”

🌺He knows that he shouldn’t be reading this, these are your private thoughts. Much his self debate having your journal on his hands is almost like a Pandora's box. Well all of that said, how could a man like him who is interested on you, could control himself

"This is life now he whispered "this is life now" he said the second time much louder than before

"Fuck it" and reopens your journal.

He learned how you struggle about being quirkless, but you didn't let that bother you and move on.

He learns about your ex and how he demands you to come back to him and how you want to avoid him.

He learns about your failed attempts of dating, etc.

🌺He learns about what you thought of him. Well Not really, "Wait, that's it?"

He was honestly so disappointed, how could he, when there is only a mere 3 sentences, 3 SENTENCES dedicated for him! It wasn't even your admiration For him it's just how he is a much better boss than your previous one.

🌺Lastly, he learns about how you feel about yourself

‘June 02 20XX

It's been awhile since I wrote, I guess I'm sorry, I had no reason to write, nothing interesting has happened. I'm writing just to let out what I've been feeling. I feel lonely, why do I feel like I don't have friends most of the times, I mean I have Friends at least I think I do.

I don't know what's wrong with me, I tried dating but none of it seems to work, is there something wrong with me? is it my attitude perhaps, a karma? I don't know. I should stop writing, like goes on, I should just try and enjoy it while I still can.’

you were alway a quiet person so hawks just assumed that your just shy, but opening your journal led him to discover new things about you and for some reason he wanted be a part of your life, so that for a change you wont be alone anymore, you could stick images of you and him hanging out on your journal, let you meet the UA high students to let you befriend them. Just imagining about it made him giggle making his heart heart Flutter. Flipping on to a next page it reads.

“My Ideal partner”

🌺His forbidden reading session was disrupted when he suddenly hears footsteps just outside the office knowing who it was. He instinctively closed the book, put it where he found it and act like nothing happened.

🌺there was a knock and the door revealed you. Of course you have come back when you realized that your journal was not with you. When you entered, your heart dropped From the sight of him on your table, trying to act cool, you nervously explained that you forgot something on your table. he stood up from your seat to let you do your business. you noticed that he was almost done with the papers. You found your notebook and said thank you to Hawks.

🌺Before leaving the scene Hawks called you out "Do you have anything planned out tomorrow?"

"No, well maybe paper works, why?"

He explained that the there is an event at the UA High it's basically just another training for the students and he was invited to train the students on their agility. "It would be nice to have you there,"he said, you simply agreed it would be a nice change of pace For a day.

Meanwhile Keigo’s inside thoughts were filled with "I need to know her Ideal partner!!!"

🌺the next day, you were just seating in one of the bleachers watching the students use there quirk against Hawks. Some succeeded some didn't. You were just taking pictures of the moment. Until Keigo called you to come over, he introduced you to the students and left to grab some lunch take out for the whole class.

🌺The day ended, you were tired, but not complaining you were able to make friends to some students, giving mind one of your social media contacts. some new pictures to put on your journal.

🌺You were waiting for the bus for you to return or your residence until you heard keigo making a landing behind you then asked you a question

“are you available again same time next week?"

🌺You don’t know what happened to the guy, your boss, who is now weirdly your friend now, it wasn’t like this before. It was always him in you in the office, he gives you a job, you do your job, you done the job and give it to him in such a cold and intense interaction. Among to all of your boss you’ve come across, never in your life you were able to be friend one. You always want to keep it professional, but that seems to be out of the window now that your friends, WHO KEEPS PESTERING YOU TO COME WITH HIM EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO GO WITH HIM.

“C’monnnn, you should come with me, we could have a roof top site seeing together after it, oh and you could take pictures to you seem to like taking picture of a lot of things”

“Hawks-“ “It’s Keigo” Oh did I mention that he want to have a first name basis with you.

Saying his name more sternly “Hawks, You are going on a meeting, have you forgotten that your meeting is solely for you and the other heroes? Besides who would do the papers after your patrol”

He sighs defeated.

🌺Eventually, you would allow him to bring you into some-places, you had no choice he’s been annoying you about it, its better than being locked up in the office. And when its your day off sometimes you would be invited to a mall shopping with the girls, then Keigo would come flying in, trying to force himself into the group, the girls wont stop teasing you about it.

“You should give him a chance, I think he like you” Ochaco said

“What do you mean he likes me, I’m his assistant, do you know how messed up that is, not mention I’m kind of avoiding the love department for awhile” making up excuses to exit this type of conversation.

“Hmm I don’t know, he always wants to hang out with you, not to mention how he looks at you, and give us free KFC when were with you, but boss and assistant dynamic are quite popular these days, ” Mina said, causing the group to giggle and you couldn’t help but giggle too.

“Hello there girls, what have you been giggling about” and the infamous hawk has entered the scene with bouquet of flowers on his hands offering to you. “Here, you deserve some flowers for you birthday”

The whole group just basically said “Ooooooo”

“So mind if join you girls?”

🌺Before you even noticed you been frequently smiling more.

“Hey there, baby bird wat’cha smiling about” Keigo asked, You’ve been re-reading your old journals, and they were quite a lot. You can’t stop smiling about the memories you’ve created for years.

“Nothing its just my journal, I was looking back at my old memories and just looking how far I’ve come, I couldn’t help but feel happy about it” You said showing him your journal, it seemed his face brightened up when you showed him the now worned out notebook.

“You can read it, if you want, I don’t mind” you said,

“I can?” He said confusingly

“Of course why would a keep something from my newly wed husband” when you said that he was all happy about it, he was so cute, you just cant help but cuddle against him while reading your journals.

Time passed you fell asleep, he didn’t mind you both got used feeling each other heat. He continued reading and was able to see what have become of the journal he opened all those years ago. And this time he is not disappointed because he became part of your life, he loves you and you love him back, nothing is ever going to replace that. You’re his world, and he is your home.

💖 Bonus:

“Morning baby bird *chu*”

“Hi sweet keigo,”

“I have a question babe”

“Mmm, what is it” you said groggily

“Have I been your ideal partner this whole time?” He said SO seductively teasing you with that huge smirk on his face.

“Keigo, you tease me again, I will not let you cuddle me”

💖Bonus X2:

"i have a confession" said keigo

"what is it" you said, more focused on the document than him

"remember that one time you left your journal, on the office? on our old office?"

"yeah?, what about it"

"well, I was so into you, and i wanna know more about you, i know its bad, but I couldn't help myself, so a read it"

"oh your in a big trouble" you said

You punished him by edging him the whole night in bed ending up spilling his seed inside of you.

Masterlist

#hawks x reader #hawks x y/n #bnha hawks #mha hawks #pro hero hawks #takami keigo x reader #takami keigo #hawks #wing hero hawks #hawks fanfiction #mha hawks x reader #keigo x you #keigo x y/n #keigo x reader #keigo takami x y/n #keigo takami #keigo takami x reader

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iguana-eyanna · 2 years

Text

A King Can't Survive Without His Queen

Pairing: Charles Xavier x pregnant reader

Summary: Charles's past decisions start to creep up on the life he desperately wanted.

Warning: drug mentions, pregnancy complications, miscarriage mentions, medical references

It was quiet in the library.

Any other day, you would have liked the quiet. No kids were studying or trying to escape from something like class. As the head librarian, you caved in to have these kids stay longer. You made them focus on something more interesting than have them worry about what's bugging them.

Unfortunately, that wasn't ideal advice as you couldn't focus on the book in front of you. You kept on staring at the clock on the wall, seeing that it's only a few more minutes to visit Hank down at the laboratory.

Realizing you can't just burn your eyes through the clock, you got up from your seat. You suddenly felt dizzy, as you caught the edge of the table to stable yourself.

You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. As your thumb brushed back and forth across your sweater, your hands soon cradled the bottom of your protruding belly.

"We'll be okay." you whispered to yourself and your unborn baby.

Soon, you walked to the elevator and went downstairs alone.

The lab's doors opened for you, and you see Hank setting up.

"Hey." He says, giving you a sympathetic look.

"Hi." You said, hugging him.

He lets go and looks at you. "Is Charles coming?" he asks.

You fold your lips inward, shaking your head no.

Hank bowed his head, feeling bad.

"I'll let you get situated, you can lie down when you're ready."

You look behind him to see the folded hospital gown that was on the examination bed. You walked beside him and got dressed behind a curtain. Once you were ready, you slowly walk to the bed and lied down, only staring at the blank ceiling.

"You didn't eat any food in the past two hours?" He asks, as he starts prepping your IV.

"No, I made sure I followed procedure." You said.

You followed Hank's guidelines seriously. You made sure of it.

As Hank prepares, your thoughts started to flood your mind.

"I haven't seen him all day." You said out loud.

Hank stops what he's doing, looking down at his shoes.

"He should be here with you." Hank said with disappointment.

All you could was feel a pang in your chest.

"He blames himself, Hank. He can't even look me in the eye because he knows he'll fall apart. I can't do that to him, not now or ever."

Charles finally found himself again after everything he's been through. After the incident at the White House, he immediately started school again. Students began their studies and training, and soon, the school became a home again.

But Charles knew he had to do one more thing:

He had to make things right with you.

Your relationship was fairly new after the events of his accident on the island. Although he tried to move on from it, it was a hard recovery. Charles often woke up in a bead of sweat, screaming. He could still feel the bullet going through him.

Worst of all, his friend did it and just left him.

You tried your best to help but he didn't want it. He said he needed to stand on his two feet, and so he did.

Hank created a serum that could make him walk again, but it cost Charles to suppress his telepathy. He didn't even think for a second about the precautions before he took it without warning.

He thought he'd be happier. He could walk with you hand in hand without people giving you weird stares at the park or have your first dance together as he planned to propose.

But he became different.

He took the serum like it was drinking water for him, and you didn't like it. This wasn't the man that you fell in love with. You two often got into arguments, for days on end. You know addiction when you see it, and how it corrupts a person.

He got angry, but it was more at himself than at you. He knew that he had a problem. He just wanted to feel normal, or just feel something. But all he felt was sadness when you decided it was time to leave.

You can't see the man you love the most succumb in his own hurt and pride.

Then one day as you were heading out of your small apartment, Charles was at the door in his chair.

"I was a fool to lose you once, I don't think I can bear the thought of losing you again." he said.

Charles knew he was far from forgiveness, but you somehow stayed.

Soon, you moved back to the school and resumed your position. It wasn't long when you and Charles tied the knot, only inviting close family and friends for the small ceremony.

You two finally found your happily ever after.

But happily ever after never lasts forever.

Hank was done setting up, as he was getting ready for the procedure.

"Do you want me to go over what's going to happen next?" Hanks asks.

You shake your head no and he sits next to you on a steel stool.

"I know it's scary, you weren't planning this and-"

"Hank." You interrupted.

He could now see how your eyes became red and puffy.

"I don't need you delaying the inevitable." You whimpered.

"You may undergo so many complications. This medicine I made hasn't been tested. I can't risk losing two lives."

You look down at your belly, a teardrop falling down on your gown.

"Then save theirs." You said.

Hank looked grim, but he stood up to get ready for the procedure, picking up a long needle containing the serum.

You lay down on the bed, getting ready.

"I believe in you." You said to Hank with a trustful gaze.

Hank took a deep breath and prepped you, then inserted the needle through your IV.

You forced yourself not to cry, choosing to bite your tongue and close your eyes. He took away the needle, quickly got a wand, and performed a quick sonogram.

Looking at the screen, you saw your baby. Their heartbeat was loud and strong.

"We won't know any results until further on, but for now everything looks good."

You realized you were holding your breath until you had to draw some air. You were somehow relieved, but you knew that other tests were ahead.

All you had to do was wait.

Hank encouraged you to sleep and it wasn't until you immediately drifted off. He then stepped out for a moment, feeling angry.

This shouldn't be happening to you, Hank blamed himself for making that suppressant for him and Charles. He didn't realize that the negative effects could be passed down genetically. You and your baby's health were in jeopardy. He rushed to make the medicine since he diagnosed you as you came into his office a week ago, unconscious. Charles had to carry you in his arms all the way down to the lab. Your husband was yelling at you to wake up and even tried using his powers.

But you didn't wake up till the morning after.

That changed you and Charles when Hank gave you the results of why you were having intense symptoms. He should have done something sooner, and that's why he chose to do this procedure alone.

But that didn't mean you had to be here by yourself with no support, you wanted someone to tell you everything will be okay. He tried what he could, but he knew it wasn't enough.

He looked down at the wristband as it was connected to your heart monitor. As long as it didn't beep like hell, he knew you were fine.

He storms off upstairs, feeling his anger build up.

It was now around nighttime, and he was glad that most of the kids were sleeping.

He takes a sharp left and found the room he was looking for.

Hank almost rips off the doors of the personal study as he found Charles staring off in the distance by the window.

"You really need to get over yourself." Hank gritted.

Charles doesn't look away, not even flinching at Hank's words.

Hank scoffed at his friend, crossing his arms.

"She's downstairs, scared out of her mind and you can't even just stay at her bedside. What kind of husband are you?" Hank asks.

A beat pauses before Charles spoke out loud.

"A husband that couldn't even protect his own child."

At that moment, Hank lost all of his anger.

Charles turns around, now looking at something in his hand. He tosses it to Hank. He looks down and realized it was the past vial from the suppressant.

"I kept that with me, as a reminder of the mistakes I made. I was supposed to help people, and instead, I only cared about my wants. Lastly, I let go of the best thing that happened to me.

It was a miracle that she wanted me back. She saw that I was changing for the better. But I'm still that selfish man."

Hank goes up to him, sitting in a chair.

"It's not your fault, Charles. We couldn't have possibly known the suppressant-"

Charles looks at his friend, tears brimming in his eyes.

"I should have tested myself before we got married. And she's downstairs fighting for our baby's life, Hank. I am the cause of her pain. I can't forgive myself if we lose our baby."

Charles roughly wipes his face.

"All of the signs were there, and I was too blind to see it. Her sudden fatigue, throwing up every single hour, the dark bags under her eyes. Then in the middle of the night, I- I thought she was coming back to bed. Then when I saw her on the floor, not moving..."

Both men were silent. They were both guilty of what happened. But that didn't mean they should be strangled within it.

"Is... Is she alright?" Charles asks.

"She's a fighter. Even told me off, not wanting to waste a single second for the procedure."

Charles chuckles.

Hank gets up and places a hand on Charles.

"Be with her." Hank said before he made his way out, letting Charles alone with his thoughts.

But one thing was for certain, a king can't survive without his queen.

A few hours later, you started to wake up. Your eyes fluttered open, glad that the lab lights were dimmed to your likeness. You then hear small noises at your side, looking over to see your husband softly snoring as he placed his head near your hand.

You couldn't help but smile to yourself. Hank suddenly popped out of the blue, looking down at a clipboard. He then looks up and sees that you're awake.

"Morning." Hank said.

You give him a small smile, but your eyes go back to your husband.

"How long has he been here?" You ask.

"He came down an hour after you fell asleep, almost pulled an all-nighter."

You look down and softly whispered to your husband.

"Charles." You said.

He slightly stirs till he flutters his eyes.

"Hi..." he says in a groggy tone.

He rubs his eyes and look at Hank.

"Is there any update on her test results?" Charles asks.

Hank smiles brightly, bringing his clipboard in the air to showcase it.

"There's no more trace of the old serum. Her bloodstream is clean along with the baby."

Your hand flies to your abdomen, relieved to hear the amazing news. Your other hand grabs Charles' hand, squeezing it.

"Thank you, Hank." You said through happy tears.

"Of course. And because this was a success, I'd like to give the medicine to Charles too, just in case you guys want to try for more kids along the way."

Charles nods his head vigorously. "Let's do it." he said.

"Good, I'll make another dose for tomorrow."

You can sense how Charles must feel horrible right now, and the way he slept didn't do much good.

"Do you think we're able to head upstairs?" You ask.

"Yeah, you two can settle back in your room anytime." Hank said as he left you two.

You turn in the other direction and see a new pair of clothes waiting for you. You swing your legs out from the bed and began to stand. Charles left his spot and tried to shadow you in case you fell. You realized that your dizziness disappeared.

You then changed to your fresh clothes and you and Charles walked out, hugging Hank before you left to your shared room.

You two didn't say a word yet until you both settled in your room.

Charles didn't know when was the right to speak. In the past days, he could only blame himself for what he almost did to you and the baby. He failed to carry his wedding vows to you. You then sat on your bed, rubbing your face to eliminate the past tension and weariness.

You look up to Charles, who's about to open his mouth but the words don't come out.

"Hey, let's cuddle right now." You said, making room for Charles. He slowly makes his way to you. Finally, you found each other in your arms and held each other as much as you can with your belly on the way.

"Penny for your thoughts?" you ask out loud, breaking the silence.

Charles breaks out a chuckle, but soon his mood shifted as he began to cry.

"No, no no. Please..." You begged Charles, trying to calm his tears.

"I thought I was going to lose you again, all because of my selfishness." Charles hiccuped.

Your hand soothes the back of his head as the other brushes away his tears.

"Charles, you did nothing of that matter. We couldn't have known of the repercussions," you said.

"But I did. Hank warned me the suppressant was first of its kind, and there would be side effects that can go undetected. I didn't take them seriously, and just finding you unconscious that night..."

"Love, look at me." You said.

His teary eyes make contact with yours as you guide his free hand to your belly.

"I know you've been hurting for so long, but let's just celebrate the fact that we're here right now. We're safe in each other's arms. Whatever life throws at us, we'll be able to fight for our family because we've already been through hell. Let today be our fresh start to move on."

Charles takes in a sharp breath as he overcame his tears. You lean close and kissed. He's blown away as it felt like he was in heaven. You two draw apart and sweeps a strand of hair away from your face.

"I'll forever praise you for protecting our child and for you accepting every fragment of my broken self."

"I'd never thought you were broken, not one bit" You said.

You intertwine your hands together, as all the warmth and love started to fill both your hearts again.

He is your king and you are his queen, and nothing could tear this family apart.

#charles xavier imagine #charles xavier x reader #charles xavier x pregnant reader #charles xavier #professor x imagines #professor x x reader #professor x #xmen #xmen fanfiction #xmen fic #marvel

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fortheloveofwonderland · 1 year

Text

Darkness Declares Glory | Chapter 9 | S.R

Previous Chapter

A/N - this fic deals with some very dark themes such as drug use, self-harm and suicidal ideation. Please proceed with caution and Minors DNI. There is a reader insert but it is very Spencer-centric.

Chapter Summary - George offers Spencer some words of advice as they grow closer. A familiar face from his past surfaces but things don’t go as Spencer anticipated.

Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - dark angst | smut | eventual happy ending.

Warnings - Spencer’s wrongly directed anger, suicidal thoughts, past drug addiction, flirty nurse, aggression, threatening behaviour, mentions of bisexual Spencer, tears, suicidal ideation, Garcia’s flashback, vomit.

WC - 4.9k

Chapter 9 - Don't You Dare Forget the Sun

He had a long time to think about Maggie’s words as he was left alone for the rest of the day. His only interaction came in the form of an orderly bringing his lunch and then later dinner.

He wasn’t sure if it was in protest or just not being hungry, but Spencer didn’t eat a thing. Instead he slowly pulled apart his food and made a game out of throwing it at the wall. He enjoyed the mess it made.

Once the sun had gone down he slipped out of bed and hopped to the desk before opening his journal. He stared at the next blank page for some time, but when he did start writing, the words flowed.

I’ll never forgive her for this. I’ll never be able to look at her the same. It’s her fault I’m here, she made the call, she got the judge to sign the preventive confinement order.

I hate her for doing this to me. I hate all of them for doing this to me. It’s doing more harm than good, I can feel it…I can feel it slowly destroying me.

If I can’t get my hands on those drugs I will find a way to kill myself. I’ll think of something…I’ll formulate a plan one way or another. It’s drugs or death.

If she’s gotten her hands on this it’s because I couldn’t get the drugs and I’m already dead. And I hope she knows this is all her fucking fault. I hope she takes the guilt to her own grave.

In putting me in here, she basically signed my death warrant. So I hope for as long as she lives, she hates herself for what she’s done. I hope it’s her that has to explain to Henry and Michael and little Hank why Uncle Spencer isn’t around anymore.

I hope it’s her that has to tell my mom what happened to me, explain all the grisly details of how they found me with my throat slashed or hanging from the rafters from a noose I made out of bed sheets.

I hope the team falls apart. I hope every single one of them carry my death on their shoulders for the rest of their days.

I hope if you’re reading this, you know you’re the one that really killed me, Emily Prentiss.

***

His night was spent mostly staring at the same ceiling, unable to give over to sleep. He was already awake the next morning when he heard the trolleys being wheeled down the corridors and the nurses skirting from room to room.

He knew it was George who entered his room without tearing his eyes away from the ceiling. He had a distinctive smelling aftershave and it wafted straight to Spencer’s nose.

“I hear I should be thankful I wasn’t on the morning shift yesterday.” He spoke as he wheeled the trolley towards Spencer’s bed.

“News of my breakdown travels fast.” He sighed, looking at George now.

“You scared the crap out of poor Linda.” George picked up the medicine cup and a cup of water before handing them to Spencer.

“It wasn’t intentional. I just…you wouldn’t get it.” He necked the pills and downed some water.

“Try me.” George narrowed his eyes on him.

Spencer heaved a sigh and pulled his hands up the sleeves of his sweater.

“Unless you’ve been where I am, you wouldn’t understand.”

George looked around the room momentarily as though he expected someone to be lurking in the shadows. When he looked back at Spencer his eyes were a little sad.

“I have been where you are.”

“What?” Spencer frowned.

“I mean not in that exact bed at this exact facility. But I was…I guess I am a drug addict.” He shrugged.

“I’m confused.” Spencer’s frown deepened.

“I’ve been sober for thirteen years. I was just a kid when I started taking drugs. My boyfriend at the time was older than me and a huge junkie. I started using recreationally to seem cool around his friends. Then it got out of hand. By the time we broke up he left me with a broken heart and a pretty bad cocaine addiction.”

Spencer’s eyes widened as he consumed George’s words. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t think of anything to say. So George continued.

“I voluntarily checked myself into a facility. Getting clean was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. But I did do it. I got clean and I went to nursing school and now I dedicate my life to helping those like me.” He offered Spencer a sympathetic smile.

“It isn’t triggering? Working here and being around addicts?”

“Quite the opposite actually. I find it cathartic.”

“I don’t know that I can do this, George. I don’t think I can get clean. I was sober for over ten years and I was so quick to give it up. I can have a good day but then in an instant it’s like I’m back at square one all over again.” Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes.

“Healing isn’t linear, Spencer.” George sighed a little. “Sometimes you have to take two steps forward and one step back on the road to recovery. Sometimes it’s two steps forward and five back. You’ll have good days, great days even. But you’ll also have the worst days of your life. But I can tell you with absolute certainty that it is worth it in the end.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say without a shadow of a doubt that I won’t ever touch drugs again. Nothing in this life is certain. But I can say for a fact that I don’t want to do drugs today. And I probably won’t tomorrow or next week or even next month. The thing with addiction is you just have to take each day as it comes, as you know. But you can’t expect to just get better overnight.”

“You should be a therapist.” Spencer found himself smiling.

“I can’t deal with listening to people whine about their problems.” George laughed.

The sound was infectious enough to make Spencer laugh too, for the first time in a really long time.

“Fair enough.” Spencer nodded, feeling lighter than he had done since he woke up in this place.

“I should uh…” George pointed over his shoulder to the door. “You have got to stop monopolising my time, Doctor. Just because you’re cute, doesn’t mean you can have me all to yourself.”

Spencer’s cheeks instantly flushed pink and buried himself further down in his sheet to try and hide his embarrassment. He watched George leave, sending Spencer a wink before he closed and locked the door behind him.

And goddamn if it weren’t for you constantly on his mind, he might have let himself fall for the dreamy nurse.

***

He was brought his breakfast by an orderly but he just moved the food around his plate with the plastic fork without eating any.

When the door opened again he assumed it would be the same orderly collecting his tray and was surprised when Doctor Delaney strolled in the room.

“How are you feeling?” He didn’t seem amused, he was frustrated if anything.

“Not great.” Spencer admitted.

“You terrified nurse Linda.” Delaney folded his arms not trying to hide his annoyance.

“So I’ve heard.” Spencer rolled his eyes.

“You’re going to go and take a shower and then it’s time for group therapy.”

“Pass.” Spencer folded his arms to mirror him.

“Excuse me?” Delaney raised an eyebrow at him.

“I said pass. I don’t want to get up. I don’t want to shower and I don’t want to go to group therapy. So I’m not.”

“You can’t spend all day in your room.”

“I did yesterday.” Spencer shrugged.

“Because you couldn’t be trusted around other people after your outburst.”

“Maybe I still can’t be.” Spencer unfolded his arms, picked up the plastic fork and stabbed it hard into a piece of bacon. “Do you want to take that risk?”

Delaney exhaled loudly through his nose.

“You’re a lot calmer than you were yesterday. I think it would prevalent to all involved that you-“

“Here’s the deal.” Spencer cut him off by shoving his tray of food on the floor, the sound clattering around the small room. “You make me leave this bed today and I will not be held accountable for my actions. I will strangle you with my bare hands just to get hold of a key to the medicine cabinet so I can get high. Does that sound calm to you?”

Delaney narrowed his eyes before scoffing and shaking his head.

“You’re only ruining your own life, Spencer. If you don’t want help then that’s fine by me. But if you threaten me or any of my staff again, I will turn you over to the cops.” Delaney spat at him, knowing it wasn’t at all professional and then fled the room before he said something he might regret.

As he locked the door behind him he heard Spencer screaming at the top of his lungs. Some people were beyond help. Maybe Spencer was one of them.

***

Spencer’s combination of medications made him inconceivably tired and he found himself sleeping through most of the day. He wasn’t sure if he was happy or not that it had been dreamless.

A part of him wanted to see your face even if only in his dreams. But now you were starting to fade from his memory it scared him every time he saw you.

This was the longest he’d been sober in years. He thought if anything his memories would be clearer once his mind was less foggy but it seemed to be having the opposite effect. He couldn’t lose you from his memories. He would break entirely if he lost all his recollections of you. He had to convince someone to call you. He had to see you no matter the cost.

He snaked his arms up the sleeves of his sweater under the sheet and wrapped them around himself. He rolled his head to the side on the pillow and was startled by a pair of icy blue eyes staring back at him.

“Who’s Y/N?” George smiled at him from where was sitting in the chair at the desk.

Spencer pulled his arms out from under the sheet and rubbed his eyes.

“What are you doing here? Where’s your scrubs?” He croaked.

“I got off shift a little while ago, thought I’d come check on you.” George shrugged.

“You’ve been watching me sleep? You do realise that’s incredibly creepy don’t you?”

“Who’s Y/N?” He avoided the question. “You were mumbling the name in your sleep.”

“Something you wouldn’t know if you weren’t watching me sleep.” Spencer scoffed. “She’s my ex-girlfriend.”

“Ah.” George pulled a face. “I always crush on the straight guys.”

“Should you be telling me that?” Spencer couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Probably not but I don’t think you’ll tell anyone.” George smiled at him and it was a very nice smile.

“And I’m not necessarily…straight. I’m…something.” Spencer shook his head.

“You’ve slept with men?” George smirked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Seems like an inappropriate question coming from my nurse, but…yes. I have been with men and women.” Spencer laughed again.

“So there’s hope for me yet?” George teased.

“I mean if this emaciated, drug addict look is your thing…?” Spencer rolled his eyes.

“I told you, my ex was a junkie. Guess I have a type.” George’s eyes sparkled playfully.

“Is it weird if I say I’m kind of flattered?” Spencer frowned. “I did not expect someone to find me attractive like this.”

“Well, I do.” George shrugged. “Which is kind of why I’m here.”

Spencer’s eyes widened and he hugged himself tighter.

“I uh…I don’t think we should…”

“Not that.” George laughed, standing up from the chair. “You think I’ve come here to get into your pants while you're trying to recover from a drug addiction? Please, I have morals.”

“Oh.” Spencer frowned again. “What did you mean then?”

George came to his bedside and smiled softly at him.

“I came to tell you that because I am attracted to you, I have requested a floor change. I’m not going to be giving out meds on this floor anymore. I think it’s for the best.”

“Oh.” Spencer pouted. “That’s…that’s a shame.”

“I can’t fall for another addict.” George took a step back.

“Fair enough.” Spencer nodded. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

“You’re welcome.” George shrugged. “I should be getting off. I have two very hungry cats at home and if I’m late there will be hell to pay.”

“Ok.” Spencer didn’t know what else to say.

George backed towards the door and he reached it and opened it with one hand behind his back. He kept his eyes on Spencer and smiled wistfully.

“I hope you beat this Doctor Reid. I really hope you do.” He stepped out into the corridor.

“Me too.” Spencer admitted out loud.

He watched George close the door and lock it behind him.

He really meant it. Spencer really did want to beat this. He fought it so hard because it was easier being a drug addict than actually dealing with his trauma. But he did want to get better. He wanted to get clean and he wanted to be ok again. It wasn’t going to be easy, he knew that. But he had a new found determination that he was going to get better.

When another orderly brought him his dinner a little while later he asked to see a doctor. He wasn’t even a little surprised it wasn’t Delaney that came to his room.

He convinced the doctor to help him into his chair and wheel him to the right place. Thankfully he met little opposition from the new doctor who’s name he forgot, and he was taken to his destination.

Once inside the room with the door closed behind him, Spencer broke out into fits of sobs. He sobbed into his hands, loudly whining and whimpering as he got it out of his system. His whole body wracked with the weight of it all. His small frame shuddered from his sobs that he seemed to have been holding in for a lifetime.

He cried so much his eyes were sore and his nose was completely blocked. His sleeves were drenched with tears and snot but he didn’t seem to notice, let alone care. He cried for several long minutes before he forced himself to stop. There would be time for tears later.

He wiped his eyes on his sleeves before looking up. His bottom lip quivered as he looked her in the eye and squeaked, “I want to get better. And I want you to help me.”

Maggie smiled softly at him, nodding her head.

“Of course, Spencer. Of course I’ll help you.”

***

Three days passed and Spencer went about his new routine with surprisingly little resistance. That’s not to say he was thriving, not yet at least. But he hoped he’d get there.

Group therapy was by far his least favourite activity of the day. He was still reluctant to open up to Cedric and the group and when he did speak he usually kept it unemotional, facts rather than feelings.

His sessions with Maggie were much more preferable although still difficult. They’d started as she suggested in his childhood and discussed his fathers leaving and his mothers illness at great lengths. They moved on to his life as a child prodigy and to Spencer’s surprise they’d started unpacking a lot from that time.

Spencer had never really dwelled much on the pressure being so intelligent had put on his shoulders. Even when he joined the BAU, he was mostly just a prize for Gideon to show off, his walking talking know-it-all. He’d never realised how much that had affected his mental well-being, or how much of an intense burden it was to be so smart at such a young age.

She’d made him see that because of his intelligence he’d been more aware of all the bad in his life. Most ten years old wouldn’t have been so impressed upon by their fathers abandonment. But because Spencer was smarter than the average ten year old he’d been more conscious of what was happening. The same could be said for his mothers illness.

In their session today they’d started to unpack the stresses and strains of a twenty two year old genius joining the FBI.

Therapy exhausted Spencer mentally. PT exhausted him physically. But he could now take tentative steps with the aid of crutches, even if it had pained him tremendously to do so. Nick advised using the wheelchair where he could but said as long as he was careful he was happy for Spencer to try using the crutches to get about.

He still craved drugs and he knew that wasn’t going to change any time soon and his medication was yet to make an impact. But he was trying. It was going to be an uphill battle but he was really trying.

It was Tuesday which meant it was visitation day. It was a sunny afternoon and his new doctor, who he’d learnt was called Doctor Sanderson, suggested having his visitor meet him in the courtyard.

Spencer used his crutches to get from his room to the garden area and found his guest at a bench next to some rose bushes. When he saw the back of her head he picked up his speed, almost tripping on the crutches in his excitement.

“Garcia!” He called her name as he approached and she turned to face him.

The minute she laid eyes on him she started crying instantly.

“Boy wonder!” She screeched, jumping up and almost tackling him in a hug. “Oh my gosh I missed you so very, very much!”

“I missed you too.” He couldn’t hug her back as he was gripping his crutches but he nuzzled his face in her neck so she knew he was trying.

She pulled back and looked him up and down, her face contorting into an expression of sadness.

“Oh Spencer, look at you.”

“I know.” He nodded. “It’s not ideal.”

“Come, sit down.” She motioned him to the bench and he hobbled behind her on his crutches before falling to the bench rather unceremoniously.

Garcia plastered her practiced smile back on and reached next to her, producing a Tupperware pot full of cookies.

“For me?” Spencer’s eyes lit up slightly.

“As long as you don’t mind sharing.” Garcia popped the lid and let Spencer help himself to one of the chocolate chip discs of heaven.

He took a large bite and hummed around a mouthful.

“Holy crap this is the best thing I’ve eaten in…a long time.”

“Good huh?” Garcia took a bite of her own. “I made them with Henry and Michael. Michael said to make sure you know he sprinkled it with extra love.”

Spencer’s eyes immediately glistened with tears.

“Tell him I can taste it.” He sniffed.

“Also they drew you pictures. They couldn’t wait until JJ came to see you for you to have them.” She picked up the stack of childrens drawings and handed them to Spencer while he finished the cookie and helped himself to another.

“These will certainly brighten up my room.” He smiled a little sadly. “Thank them for me.”

“Oh I most certainly will.” She smiled at him but it faltered. “How are you?”

“I honestly don’t know. It's hard, being here, being sober. It’s hard to open up when I’ve spent so much of my life shutting down. It’s a struggle every day. But I do want to get better.” Spencer gave her a tight lipped smile.

“You had me worried sick.” She nibbled on her cookie. “I thought you were going to die.”

Spencer sighed and chewed on his lip.

“I wanted to die. I know that’s not what you want to hear but if being in this place is teaching me anything it’s that I need to be honest. And the truth is I wanted to die.”

Garcia pouted her bright pink lip and put the half eaten cookie back in the container. She turned her body towards Spencer and gently placed her hand on his shoulder.

“Do you still feel that way?” Her voice cracked a little.

“Honestly, sometimes. I think it’s going to be a while until I don’t feel that way.”

“Oh Spencer.” She squeezed his shoulder. “I should have done more to help you.”

“Don’t say that, Penelope. I pushed you away, I haven’t seen any of you in so long you couldn’t have known…” he trailed off when Garcia’s expression changed. “What is it?”

“I saw you…seven, maybe eight months ago.” A tear rolled from her eye under the thick rim of her purple glasses.

“You did?” Spencer frowned.

“Yes.” She sniffed dramatically. “I was on my way home from work and this new Thai place had opened down the street and I thought boy genius loves Thai food, I wonder if he’d like some. So I brought some food over.”

“And I was high.” Spencer filled in the blanks.

“You were a mess…”

She tottered up the stairs on her too high heels, balancing take out containers in her arms with a smile on her face. It had been so long since she’d last seen Spencer and she couldn’t wait to see the look on the good doctor's face when she showed up with his favourite cuisine.

But when she reached the top of the stairs, she immediately dropped every single one of the containers on the floor.

“Spencer!” She shrieked, running as fast as her heels would carry her to his door.

Spencer was slumped on the floor, his back to his apartment door, head bowed and eyes closed. There was a puddle of vomit next to him on the floor.

“Spencer! Oh my god Spencer! Are you breathing? Please tell me you’re breathing!” She fell to her knees, gripping his jaw to pull his head back and pressing her fingers on her other hand to the pulse point on his neck.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she felt his pulse, albeit a thready one.

“Spencer! Boy wonder! Can you hear me?” Grabbing him by the shoulders she gave him a firm shake.

His body was limp like a rag doll for a moment and then suddenly he stiffened and his eyes shot open.

“Huh?” He blinked a few times trying to focus.

“Spence, it’s me, Penelope. Can you hear me?”

“Y-yes.” He nodded. “What are you doing here? Where are we?”

“Outside your apartment G-Man. What are you doing here?” She helped him to his feet and he wobbled a little before leaning against the wall for support.

She saw the cogs turning in his head for a moment before he nodded to himself.

“I locked myself out. I lost my keys.”

Garcia looked around but it didn’t take her long to see his set of keys dangling from the lock in the door.

“Those keys?” She frowned, pointing at them.

Spencer rubbed his eyes with his palms and blinked again before smiling dumbly.

“My keys!” He cheered. “What would I do without you Garcia?”

He pushed himself away from the wall but stumbled and Garcia quickly steadied him.

“Let’s get you inside.” With one hand she balanced Spencer and unlocked the door with the other.

“What happened? Spence? Where have you…”

“Y/N?”

“Sorry?” Garcia snapped out of her story and looked at Spencer who was staring off across the courtyard.

“I thought I saw…” he shook his head and looked back at her. “Sorry, carry on.”

Garcia narrowed her eyes on him briefly before exhaling and continuing with her story.

“What happened? Spence? Where have you been?” She aided in getting him inside and couldn’t hold back her gasp at the state of the apartment.

Spencer didn’t even seem to notice, or he was just used to it, and manoeuvred the obstacles of destruction towards the couch.

“Hmm? Oh just out.” He shrugged, collapsing on the beat up leather.

“Are those…bullet holes?” She gasped again at the obliterated end of the couch.

“Hmm.” Spencer hummed, swinging his legs up and laying down.

“Spencer, what’s happened here? I’m really worried about…”

“Y/N?”

Garcia trailed off again to see Spencer once more looking out across the courtyard.

“I…I’m sure that’s…” he frowned, grabbing his crutches and pushing himself up with them. “I’ll be right back.”

“Spencer, where are you-“

“I’ll be two minutes.” He called over his shoulder but he was already hobbling away on his crutches.

It was frustrating not to be able to move faster as he tried to hurry after the familiar back of a head he’d seen wandering the institute's grounds. He followed the path he saw you take behind the building into a more secluded part of the gardens.

He found you sitting in the grass with your back to him, legs crossed and your head buried in a book. His heart raced partly from the exertion of getting here but mostly from excitement. You were here. You were right in front of him. You’d found him.

“Y/N?” He called your name as he approached and you spun round to face him, wide eyed.

For the first time in a long time your features weren’t blurred. You looked exactly as he remembered you, maybe a little skinnier and with the addition of dark circles under your eyes.

“Y/N!” He choked, feeling his tears gathering. “Oh my gosh, you came! Y/N I can’t believe you’re here!”

You jumped up from the grass and clutched your book tightly to your chest. You kept your eyes firmly on him, your back was up instantly.

“Y/N, say something.” Spencer smiled shakily at you and when he got too close you took a few steps back.

“This is my reading spot. My private reading spot.” You spoke quietly.

“Maybe it can be our reading spot?”

“No. No.” You shook your heading, taking another step backwards. “I like to be alone.”

“Y/N, what’s going on?”

You clutched your book tighter against your chest as though it was a shield. You took another step backwards and swallowed hard.

“Look, I just want to be left alone ok?” Your eyes held a hint of fear to them.

Spencer’s eyebrows knitted heavily as he profiled your expression as you looked at him. He didn’t see a hint of recognition. It was like you had no idea who he was.

“I…we…” he stumbled on his words.

“Look I was on a lot of drugs ok? So if we slept together or something I’m sorry but I don’t remember a lot of stuff.” Your eyes shifted about, not able to look at one thing for too long.

“Drugs? You weren’t on drugs.” Spencer shook his head.

“Why do you think I’m here?” You shrugged.

“You’re not…I thought you were here to…see me?”

“Why would I be here to see you?”

“Because we...” He trailed off, his head spinning. Was he asleep? Was this just another of his vivid dreams?

“Please leave me alone” you whispered, hugging your book even tighter.

What the fuck was going on?

“Y/N, I…”

“Spencer?” Garcia’s voice came from behind him and he looked over his shoulder to see her toddling his way, heels sinking into the grass. “Spencer, what are you doing?”

“I…I was just…” he turned back to face you only to find you gone, vanished as if into thin air.

What the fuck is happening to me?

“You need to sit down, come on.” Garcia waved him over.

He looked between her and the now empty space. Was he completely losing it?

“Spencer, come on.”

He sighed heavily and turned himself around and hobbled towards Garcia. He kept his thoughts at bay until they were seated back on the bench.

“Garcia, I need to talk to you about Y/N.”

Much like Emily, Luke and Rossi, her facial expression changed to one Spencer just couldn’t read.

“Uh…” she fiddled with her hands in her lap and wouldn’t make eye contact with him. “Emily said we aren’t supposed to talk to you about that.”

“What? Why?” Spencer frowned.

“I just can't, ok? I promised Em.”

“Penelope, tell me what’s going on.” Spencer spoke sternly and Garcia still didn’t look at him as she pushed herself up from the bench.

“I should go. Take such good care of yourself boy wonder.”

“Garcia!” He pulled himself up too. “Tell me what’s going on! Please!”

“I can’t.” She turned back to him and he saw the tears in her eyes. “Just trust me ok? Please, just trust me.”

“I need someone to explain to me why nobody will talk about her. What am I missing here, Penelope?”

He looked so sad and confused and it broke Garcia’s heart.

“Sometimes the truth doesn’t set us free.” She sniffed and suddenly she was hurrying away as fast as her heels would carry her.

Spencer watched her go, in complete uncertainty. Something was going on. Something bigger than he could comprehend. He was missing something and he was sure it was something big.

The team was keeping something from him. Something pertaining to you and he had no idea what.

But he had to find out.

Next Chapter

Taglist

@andiebeaword @measure-in-pain @takeyourleap-of-faith @dirtytissuebox @smurphyse @ssa-uglywhore27 @reidselle @reidsbookclub @tiredmilky @thatsonezesty13 @1mechanicalalligator @elle-28

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem! reader #criminals minds #criminal minds fanfiction

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fromasgardandback · 2 years

Text

My Other Half

Jay Halstead x Reader

description: You’re engaged to Jay Halstead, but life had other plans.

word count: 1.0k

a/n: am i fixing why jesse left the show? yes. am i sad writing this, thinking about him being gone, yes. please enjoy :)

𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚂𝟷𝟶 𝙴𝟶𝟹

masterlist | oneshots

Jay Halstead. A man of few words, but facial expressions of many. The love of my life and my other half. The man who I would come to say I Do in a few months and the father of our future children. Jay is loveable and affectionate. He shows everyone just how invested and deeply he cares for them. Jay is the kind of man I had always dreamed of and the man that my grandma always told me that I deserved. Even though his parents weren’t alive anymore, they would have been proud of who he became.

Many things happened to Jay over the years. Heartbreak, loss, physical and emotional pains. His morals and the way he policed changed over the past few years, which we didn’t know at the time, but eventually tore him apart from the inside. Jay told himself he wouldn’t end up like Voight. No matter what happened, I told him I would follow him through anything and that wasn’t going to change now. But to be honest, I was not expecting this.

I got a call from Hank saying that work had been hard with Jay. I didn’t know what to expect, but when I walked into the district and saw the look in Trudy’s eyes, I knew something bad must’ve happened.

“Trudy. Where is he?” I said walking up to the side of her desk, and whispering softly.

“Upstairs. Locker Room.” She said quietly, with a downcast face. I followed her instructions as she let me in through the code. I ran up the stairs passing everyone and going straight towards the locker room. When I walked in I saw him sitting on the bench in the back of the room, I walked towards him slowly.

“Jay?” I approached him, squatting down. “What happened, my love?”

He couldn’t talk. He just sat there stagnant. Almost catatonic by the way he was moving. Jay’s eyes stared directly down at his hands, while they shook. I could tell it was horrific cause the only other time I saw him like this, he had a PTSD attack. I held his hands, tenderly pulling him down onto the floor with me. Leaning back against the lockers, I held him against my chest. Before I could do anything else, a quiet sob came over him. He conveyed to me what happened in the case. In detail from beginning to end. The part of the robbery, to the part of the perp dying. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, I knew this wasn’t my Jay and I knew he couldn’t have done this easily and maliciously.

“I killed him. I just… Just went for it and couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop, Y/N. I…” Jay shakily expressed.

“We’re going to fix this, handsome. I promise this will all be okay… Whatever it looks like.” I said rubbing his back.

The best way for Jay to get out of this was to resign from Intelligence and take up a job in the Army again. This meant him being on location in Bolivia, but to be honest, anything that got him out of the situation he was in, I urged him to do it. Consequently, that’s what we did.

I walked in the front door of our shared apartment following his footsteps. I knew what Jay was thinking, but I could not let him go through with his plan alone. I told him through thick and thin, and that meant this too.

“Jay,” I said leaning against the doorframe.

“Y/N, I love you, but you cannot come with me. It’s dangerous and a job. I’ll come back for you, but I don’t know how long I’ll be.” He sighed, looking down at the bed.

“Do you seriously think that I would let you leave without me? Do you not understand that when I told you you are my other half I meant it? I love you so fucking much, Jay Halstead. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I don’t care how dangerous it is, and for you to say I’ll come back for you, are you kidding me?” I said gently grabbing his hand, and turning him to me.

“I’m not trying to get rid of you, Y/N.” He sighed. “I can’t stay here either. And I won’t risk your safety.” Jay looked me in the eyes.

“I’m not asking you to. I’m saying wherever you go, I’m going with you.” I held his face in mine. He leaned into me nodding gently.

“I love you. But I can’t have you in my problems.” He said.

“I’m an adult. I know what’s best for me, and if I see danger and won’t commit anymore, I’ll leave. But I’m not, so understand that.” I said kissing him as if it were the last time I saw him. He wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me close. We stayed leaning against the wall for another couple of minutes before a knock came on the door.

“That’s for us. Are you sure you’re ok with this?” Jay asked one more time.

“Yes, let’s go restart our lives,” I said following him out the door.

We left that day, not looking back at anyone or anything. All he needed was reassurance that life was going to be alright with his new assignment and our upcoming marriage. I told him that from this day on, we were the only ones we had, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I’m sorry this is the life we have now. I promised you, but now it looks different.” Jay said, whispering into my ear.

“I don’t mind, it’s an adventure now. Yes, our life is different but it does; throw us curveballs. What’s life without challenges? You are my forever, and I will never doubt that.” I said gently running my fingers through the hairs at the nape of his neck.

“My other half.” He said leaning his forehead on me.

“My other half,” I said leaning into him, kissing his lips softly that turned passionately.

#sarah's specials #jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader #Chicago PD #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd x reader #chicago one #kevin atwater #Adam Ruzek #kim burgess #hailey upton #hank voight #love #my other half

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