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saelique · 2 months

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not even titling dis cause I have no idea what I just wrote

strangers to friends with dazai osamu !! ft. atsushi !! reader works in a cafe <3 fem reader <33 NOT PROOFREAD cause m rlly lazy

that one weird guy you see on your way to your workplace when you’re driving your car was handsome up close. scarily and dangerously handsome.

damn. his short brown eyes and hair with a tall figure was enough to beg for his number. if you didn’t have self control, that is !

thankfully, your first impression of him was enough to keep you from asking his hand in marriage ! after all, who would want to get with a guy who jumps down a bridge in a attempt to commit suicide and does it everyday ?

“my name is dazai osamu, nice to meet you.”

oh god. even his voice is hot. really, you’re trying hard to focus at what he and his companion are saying and not to stare at his perfect face.

“so I see, uh- would you like to come in and inspect then ?” you managed to get the words out, smiling and opening the door to the cafe youre currently working in.

”of course ! thank you miss !” a young boy next to him bowed a bit. he was dressed weirdly as well. what’s his name again . . . ? atsushi nakajima, was it ? eh. it was fine, wasn’t like you’re gonna meet them again.

atsushi entered the cafe while dazai stood behind, clearly you didn’t know what he wanted to do so you opened the door a bit more. “mr. dazai ? would you like to come in ?”

“I was just thinking,” he leaned towards you, causing you to lean back, “would a beautiful lady like you commit double suicide with me-“ “dazai ! let’s just start the mission like the president said !” atsushi came back, quickly taking the arm of dazai. “sorry about that, he’s just . . .” “no, no, it’s okay. I understand.”

you didn’t.

they ended up leaving a bit later, dazai handing you a slip of paper with a contact on it. “you didn’t give me your answer, so ! call me if you would like to die together ~”

you accepted it with a awkward smile and a nod, clearly not knowing what to do. a part of you wanted to throw it away, but that one voice told you to keep it and call him. definitely not cause your love life is failing terribly like his suicide attempts !!!

you ended up following your impulsive thoughts.

you gulped when he answered your call. “hello ? who’s this ?” “uh- hello ? this is-“ “oh ! you’re that cafe lady ealier ! are you going to accept my proposal to die together ?” he sang, you heard the sounds of a tv and sheets rustling in the background as he shifted from his former laying position to a new, more comfortable one.

“I was just about to ask if you’re getting professional help.” shit. were you wrong though ? i mean- someone who attempts suicide can’t be mentally sane right ?

silence on the end of the call. you were just about to hang up from embarrassment before you heard him speak again. “nope ! are you gonna look one for me though ? professional help is really expensive and I can’t pay for luxuries like that.” “I literally work in a cafe. it’s minimum wage. you work as a detective. aren’t you supposed to receive much, much more ?” you scoffed, despite the conversation you were having, you had to admit that talking with him was . . . amusing, to say the least. fun, even.

“well, you can be my therapist. are you good at listening to people ? since you’re the one who suggested it after all ! okay ! let’s meet at your cafe ! I’ll arrive at six !” “wait I’m not-“ “see ya !” “. . . he hung up . . . “ you muttered to yourself in defeat.

oh well, his story can’t be that bad, right ?

he didn’t tell you anything in the end, only talking about his cases and about his fellow coworkers. it was entertaining though, you undoubtedly felt bad for atsushi and that guy he called kunikida.

“dazai ? it’s time for me to pack up and go, it’s like- nine now.” you got up from your chair, ready to escort him out. “really ? awh, I was having so much fun.” he whined, but got up from his chair all the same. “I’ll be back tomorrow ! see you belladonna !”

”see you.”

you waved, and closed the door to clean the cafe as you promised your boss. hmph. tomorrow huh ? you bit your lip to stop yourself from smiling but failed horribly.

“see you tomorrow, dazai.” you said to yourself, looking out the window to watch him head back to his apartment.

you should really stop falling for mentally unstable men.

#EWWWW #DIS IS BAD #AGHHHHHH #GONNA GO KMS #SJJDJSKSKS #౨ৎ⋆˚｡⋆ 📔 : novels !#dazai x reader #bsd x reader #bsd #bsd x fem eeader #Bsd x reader fluff #fluff

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hannibalismos-jaaneman · 6 days

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there would be a last time will and hannibal would kiss

#raj shitposting #their last kiss before death #fucking jesus #gonna go kms #hannigram #hannibal

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babydollxxblood · 6 months

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I feel so fucking disgusting right now

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bumblebeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee · 1 year

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milf

#one piece #alabasta arc #sir crocodile #monkey d. luffy #when will i stop simping for women????#this is the second genderbend ive posted on here #also my second croco-chan #ahhhhghggggh #what to tag #idk anymore #gonna go kms

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mistninja · 6 months

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Good thing i reread assassin's apprentice recently 😭👆 i checked and its not the same exact phrasing but yeag it is very close. Hes narrating the series to her

#gonna go kms

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knifefightscene · 2 years

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I hate u summer i hate u climate change

#gonna go kms

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itsvs · 1 year

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but at least our girls won 5-1 so it doesn't matter really the men's team can fuck off :)

#i say this while im literally banging my head against the wall #gonna go kms

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l-arlo · 2 years

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He definitely doesn’t want to go to Haas nor Williams which only leaves us two options: a reserve role or a sabbatical. He said yesterday a reserve role is more realistic so I assume that’s gonna be it. If that’s the case I’ll drop the sport cause if DR isn’t driving I ain’t watching 👍🏼

#gonna go kms #i feel like shit #the fact that we’ve come to this #i’m so fucking sad #fuck mclaren #fuck zak brown #fuck them all #daniel ricciardo

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hejnokavek · 22 days

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cool tak dneska se mi zdálo o tom že jsem na dovolený v řecku kde je všechno normální ale tzatziki se z nějakýho důvodu jmenovalo cecíky

#gonna go kms

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whoistheretosee · 1 year

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haven't posted in a hot sec my bad

been feeling like shit and wrote a whole draft about it but not sure if I wanna share it

I'll catch up on the memes soon, probably Monday tbh