God-Emperor Of Mankind

by fat-elf

Lorgar: What if the person who named the Walkie Talkies named everything?

Perturabo: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.

Fulgrim: Socks are Feetie Heaties.

Mortarion: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.

Konrad: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.

Alpharius: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.

Emperor: I hate you guys so much.

Love his hate and hate his love.

Sanguinius defeating Ka’bandha, based off Jean Delville’s “Justice”

Or alternative title: “Let Sanguinius Go Apeshit”

"He asked then what no other primarch had given voice to. Even Angron, upon his discovery, would act without asking the question Sanguinius now asked.

‘What if I refuse?’

The Emperor seemed to weigh this. ‘You will not refuse. I know your soul. Here, you’ve saved tens of thousands of lives. With me, you will save billions of lives on millions of worlds. You will save the life of every human yet to be born. That is not something you could turn your back on.’

They stared into each other’s eyes, father and son, creator and created. Neither argued against the truth of the Emperor’s words."

Alternatively titled "Sanguinius can see the fuckin future and it didn't take much to get him on E's side."

My own shitty rendition of the "Glory to X" meme.

Yes, I've been playing Helldivers 2 alot, how can you tell?

(Nurgle art is by Badtusk btw)

The Master of Mankind, c. 8000 BCE, Anatolia

Art by mossacannibalis on Twitter

I know, I know ...

But it's funny!

Erda and the Emperor

Private commission

The Primarchs at the Zoo

Emps is doing family bonding events again, so now they go to the Zoo

Lion: He gets into a staring contest with every big cat at the zoo. Needs to be stopped from getting into a fight with them. Otherwise very well behaved, just staring at animals and making notes. Fulgrim: There is one of those butterfly-houses where they just kind of fly around. Fulgrim is absolutly enchanted. Just sitting between the flowers and waiting for them to come say hi. He also definetly is wearing highly impractical clothes. Perty: Not quite sure what he should do, so he just ends up following Magnus and Fulgrim around. Get‘s to save them, because he thought about taking a powerbank and charging cable with him! Jagh: the pony riding thing is only for kids. This makes Jagh very sad. But he can tell Magnus about all the animals he knows from Chogoris. Tries to steal a horse, a yak and a camel for Magnus (not necessarely in that order) Leman: Wants to befriend every dog and wolf and similar animals. Will bark at them. Then ends up clinbing into one of the enclosures to pet the doggos and get‘s chased away by security. He stole a puppy tough! (Malcador forces Leman to bring it back, because it would be really sad without it‘s parents) Rogal: Not all that interested in the animals, but he really enjoys looking at the architecture. Brought a little sketchbook along for making notes, and some noise cancelling headphones. His siblings still get him to look at some animals and that‘s how everyone learns that Inwit is apparently full of ice-age megafauna. Rogal is just confused why the animals at the zoo aren‘t fluffy Konrad: He was very unhappy at first because there are so many people and it‘s loud and bright and smells. Then Fulgrim bought him some cute sunglasses from the Zoo Shop and Rogal gave him the printed out guidelines for how to care for the diffrent animals, so now Konrad can controll if the zoo is following the rules. As with every family-outing, he has visions of inevtable doom Sang: He is so excited! But some of the animals are very confused by his wings, either thinking he is one of them (very cute, Sang is very happy) or he is prey. Lion needs to buy him ice cream. Well he doesn‘t need to, but it comforts Sang. Then they go to the petting zoo and the goats start chewing on his wings. Sang somehow finds this very cute

Ferrus: He is making artistic photos of Fulgrim. After a while he still get‘s bored with this and goes to listen to Robs animal trivia Angron: Absolutly no one expected him to just plop down in the pettong zoo and feed goats for the rest of the day. The goats are climbing onto him and Angron is just happy. It is very hard to get him home again, Rob: The logistics of running a zoo! He is so excited about that, he nearly forgets they are there for the animals. He made sure to read up on trivia about every single animal in the zoo and now shares this knowledge with his siblings. Morty: He also wants to watch butterflies, but Fulgrim is allready there… after a while they start talking and Morty starts infodumping. Fulgrim finds this too cute. They are later seen walking out of the toilet all disheveled. Things definetly happend Magnus: He is here to do research. Yes, this involves stealing some of the animals. The most dangerous ones around actually. E told him not too, but who would Magnus be if he actually listend? Horus: He is spamming the family chat with photos of well, mostly himself. Sometimes there are animals in the background. Somehow ends up in the penguin enclosure and get‘s soaked. He isn‘t bothered, because the wet shirt accentuates his muscles, but he still get‘s kicked out of the zoo. Emps is very disappointed Lorgar: Not quite sure what he should do at first and kind of ends up wandering around alone. Then runs into Sang at the petting zoo and the goats try to eat his books. They then spend the rest of the day together Vulkan: All those baby animals! He might die from cuteness! He‘s making a ton of photos to share later, including a lot of embaressing things his siblings did. Corvus: They are nowhere to be found at first. Later Vulkan finds them sitting in the birdhouse, petting all the birds. Somehow the zookeepers haven‘t noticed. Konrad does not like this, as it is against the rooms. Alpharius Omegon: They have blended into the masses. No one knows what they did all day, but they return to the spaceship covered in plushies, cheap souvenirs and baby animals. Malcador also forces them to bring the animals back

Bonus: Emps: This was a fantastic idea, he is very proud of himself. Loudly yells about every cool animal he sees Malcador: He is highly stressed out. Why did they decide to make so many kids? Next family trip he‘ll just stay at home Valdor: He pays for everything.

Stained Glass

by Peter Johnston

Emperor: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Leman without him noticing?

Malcador: Horus, any idea-

Horus: Hey, wolf boy, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.

Leman: *Takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.

Emperor: ...

Malcador:...

Emps

emperor, a hack, circa 792.m30: btw I put wolf dna in six's tube last night

erda, actual geneticist: you WHAT

emperor: yeah, was real twisted, thought it'd be fun, y'know

erda: nonononono what do you MEAN-

emperor: took wolf dna. put it in his genetic sequence

erda:

When the theoretical works perfectly fine.