#Caryeva
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Grand Palace and Ravkan Royal Family
Siege and Storm- Chapter 12
Ordinarily, the royal family would have spent the hot months at their summer palace in the lake district. But Os Alta was more easily defended, and they’d chosen to hunker down behind its famous double walls.
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... Os Alta, the Dream City, its spires white and jagged against the cloudless sky.
...
“I thought you’d be in Caryeva for the races.”
...
We crossed the wide canal and left the noise and tumult of the lower town behind. I noticed that the bridge’s gatehouse had been heavily fortified, but when we reached the far bank, it seemed that nothing in the upper town had changed. The broad boulevards were spotless and serene, the stately homes carefully maintained. We passed a park where fashionably turned out men and women strolled the manicured paths or took the air in open carriages. Children played at babki, watched over by their nannies, and a boy in a straw hat rode by on a pony with ribbons in its braided mane, the reins held by a uniformed servant.
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... we reached the golden gates of the Grand Palace.
...
When we reached the double eagle fountain, Tolya helped me from my horse. I squinted up at the Grand Palace, its gleaming white terraces crammed with layer after layer of gold ornament and statuary. It was just as ugly and intimidating as I remembered.
Vasily handed the reins of his mount to a waiting servant and headed up the marble steps without a backward glance.
...
Inside, the halls of the palace were silent as we passed from room to glittering room. Our footfalls echoed on the polished parquet...
...
A long, pale blue carpet stretched the length of the room. At the end of it, a group of elegantly dressed courtiers and advisers milled around a raised dais. Above them all sat the King and Queen of Ravka, on matching golden thrones.
#Grishaverse#S&S Chapter 12#Ravka#Grand Palace#Os Alta#Lantsovs#Caryeva#writing reference#grishanalyticritical#Siege and Storm#Grisha trilogy#V#books#quotes#Leigh Bardugo
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I'm at Episode 4... But it feels like we're about to finish the second book... either that or combine books 2 and 3 even more than they've already been combined...
#shadow and bone spoilers#shadow and bone#trying to be vague-ish but we are much further along than i initially expected us to be by this point#crows-wise we're about where i expected to be since going completely in order while still covering alina would be strange#but the stuff we have done feel like that came too quickly but i get the change#but alina-wise. we are. very far along.#please note i wrote this while paused just after the 'Caryeva set' were mentioned#i know something's about to happen and i know it's going to be like Book 2... but will it also be like Book 3?...#will the thing i could barely read because it was so devastating happen half a book sooner than i expected...
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A Vow for Eternity
03 - Do I wanna know?
General Kirigan X reader
Part 02
Warnings: None at all. This series encompass mainly romance, fluff, angst.
Summary: A Princess embroiled in an arranged betrothal to the most feared General Aleksander Kirigan, the leader of the Second Army in Ravka. Would this be a mere political alliance or something more than it meets the eye?
Happy Reading!!
Bonus:
“It’s better than being engaged to a Prince in Fjearda, a Duke in Shu-Han or a politician in Ketterdam” You sighed as Genya styled your hair into loose curls. “At least I get to stay in Ravka, in the premises of the Grand Palace”
Genya smiled as she ran her fingers through your hair making sure not to make it messy. You had been requested to attend a dinner party hosted by the Queen and coincidentally the General was invited too. Almost a week had elapsed since your taxing first encounter at the Winter Fete and not once did he visit you since then, except sending Genya to attend to your needs and keeping two of his soldiers at your door.
Your father had left for Ketterdam again due to certain commitments related to diplomatic affairs so you were left in the Grand Palace with no one to talk to except Genya as your cousins were mostly tied down by horse races in Caryeva or engrossed in building ships and purchasing state of the art weapons to fight the many wars that the country was enmeshed in. The absence of their company led to you and Genya becoming friends in no time.
“Don’t stress too much about the dinner, princess.” Genya said, as she added final touches to your face. “Will the King take part in it too?”
“Most probably, yes. He is the one who set this up after all. I have no idea how long this dinner will go on” You heard Genya sighing as you said it. You weren’t sure whether it was a sigh of despair or relief. It sounded more like the latter.
“Is everything all right, Genya?” You turned towards her, reaching out for her hand. “You can tell me anything, you know” Genya looked at you in the corner of her eyes. “Nothing y/n. I’m more than fine” Yeah you could see that. Genya has been acting weirdly whenever you mentioned the King.
“You are most gorgeous today, y/n” Genya diverted the topic. “General Kirigan won’t be able to take his eyes off you” She giggled before mimicking General Kirigan’s deep voice. “You look lovely my y/n”
You scoffed at how she poised exactly like him, commanding the attention of the entire world to him. “He will be taunted at the thought of sitting next to me, so will I. Besides, I assume he has more significant concerns that need his attention than me” Everyone was buzzing about how the Sun Summoner trailed behind everywhere General Kirigan went. Clearly Alina was not fond of your betrothal to the General. You tried to shrug off the thought of Alina being General’s significant other. No need for you to worry about it anyway.
As you made your way towards the dining hall, a familiar figure in the black kefta was standing in the hallway turning his back to you.
“Princess, I have been waiting for you.” His voice resounded through the passageway as he turned back to face you. His attention in the blink of an eye turned to your dress.
You felt as if your throat throbbed with a hard swallow as his unfaltering gaze trailed down from your face over to where your black silky dress embraced your hips, the scrutiny was almost obscene and erotic like the physical touch of a lover who wouldn’t step back without mapping every inch of your body with his attention.
You wished you had worn something else instead of the black dress Genya chose for you. Something simple enough not to intrigue his attention taking in every detail of you. All your life, you were the one who saw through the people who often left unnoticed. For once, you wanted to be noticed by someone, immersing in every intricate trifle about you. And he noticed you. He looked at you in the way every woman wanted to be looked at.
“I thought you’d be busy with work to attend the dinner” You already knew about his hectic work schedule and how duty conscious he is.
“This is a part of my work too moya tsarevna” He muttered, whilst shooting a glance towards the dining hall.
“Isn’t it tiresome to work day and night and not having a moment for yourself ? Or is it a luxury that you cannot afford?”
“If I had chosen to indulge in luxuries of life then the Grisha won’t be recognized as they are today without having to run away from being persecuted” That glare of him could pierce through the thin ice that you were in. “Are you always so keen to be annoying ?”
“Sorry I didn’t mean to” You had ruffled his black wispy feathers and secretly enjoyed every moment of it. “I’m famished. Shall we?” Continuing to bicker with each other was not the best of ideas, specially when you were in a place where everyone kept an eagle eye on your every move.
You said, gesturing towards to the hall. He nodded, offering you his arm. You looked up at him with a doubtful expression.
“Hold my hand princess, otherwise they would get the wrong impression.” He said, stepping closer to you.
“Which is?” You entwined your hand with his.
“That we have become two nemeses who are always at each other’s throats” You were so close to each other that the tufts of your tousled hair were touching his face as it billowed in the wind, while you two walked into the hall. He didn’t seem to mind it.
“Isn’t it the truth though? You just made it obvious that you can’t stand me” You whispered under breath as you saw the King and the Queen at the table.
“Did I?” His deep yet softened words tingled in your ear, sending a spike of chill down your spine.
“We thought of making this rather an intimate dinner” The queen interrupted your conversation. “It’s been some time since all of us sat together for dinner. Now that we have a new member in the family, this is the perfect time”
A table lied in the hall filled with sumptuous food with just the King, Queen, Vasily, Nikolai, you and of course your Black General. Vasily was the Commander of the First Army sitting at the same table as the General Kirigan, the Leader of the Second Army. The tension was so thick that it could be cut with a knife. Vasily’s disparaging stances of Grisha were no secret to anyone in the palace.
“I agreed to this dinner because of you, y/n. Not that I’d enjoy this dinner specially in the presence of our esteemed General Kirigan.” He gestured the butler to pour wine to his glass.
“Likewise, moi tsarevich” General Kirigan seethed, casually gulping his Kvas. “We both have a common reason for being here” He laced his fingers in yours delicately which left you surprised with incredulity.
“Ah….I almost forgot to send my congratulations your way, y/n, on your rather quaint betrothal.” Vasily sneered at you without batting an eye to the stern glance of his father. He heaved a deep sigh before opening his mouth to speak what he was going to say next. “Or should I say my condolences?”
You felt the General’s harsh squeeze on your hand as his darkly obsidian eyes were locked on Vasily with seething rage which could tear him into pieces. His clenched jaw and throbbing veins in his neck denoted how enraged he was at the preposterous remark of your cousin.
As his dark wisps of shadows engulfed the room, you put your hand over his, gently stroking his fingers while casting a soft glance in his eyes. As his eyes met with yours, his boiling rage subsided as the darkness that encompassed the room gradually disappeared.
It was an impulsive gesture which left you in a dilemma as to why you were compelled to do it in the first place. Maybe you wanted to evade a brawl between the two of them.
“We are quite happy to be in this union, Vasily” You lied downright.
“Indeed” General Kirigan affirmed, smiling gently at you. “Sometimes when I look at her I wonder, how I got so lucky” You were not certain whether he actually meant that or it was another sarcasm of his to get under your skin.
“Congratulations to you, on behalf of all of us” The King finally opened his mouth. The mastermind behind the tumult of a betrothal that you were enmeshed in.
“Public announcements have been already made and what is left for us to do is planning the wedding” The Queen beamed with excitement. Of course, she was so thrilled about your wedding as throwing banquets, tea parties, and many celebrations for the most trivial reasons were one of her best forte.
Your lips twitched in surprise as you didn’t expect the table to turn this way.
“Right now?” You muttered. “Isn’t it too early for such celebrations?”
“I don’t think it would be a sensible idea to rush into things as of yet, moya tsaritsa” General Kirigan cut in. “I’m rather occupied with my duties at the Little Palace, with the arrival of the Sun Summoner.” The latter part of his response made your eyes roll. His subdued yet authoritative tone made the Queen drew back her propositions. “Perhaps, Princess y/n may need some time getting used to her life in the palace”. You nodded in agreement. There was nothing new for you to get used to except General Kirigan, yet you nodded your head so hard that made Nikolai almost cackle.
“In your own pace then, General Kirigan” She said, diffidently.
You summoned a smile, casting a sideway glance at the General, quite elated that he played along with you.
“Please enjoy the food, otherwise it will get cold” The last thing the King wanted to see was the alliance he set up so tactically to fall apart because his eldest couldn’t keep his mouth shut or his wife couldn’t stop meddling with it. Nikolai was notably silent. You knew he was never fond of being in the presence of Vasily. No one was actually.
After that awkwardly intolerable dinner which engendered almost a brawl between Vasily and General Kirigan, the General offered to walk you to your room.
“That dinner was the worst dinner I’ve ever had in my life” He didn’t look so fussy about it though.
“Now we’re talking” You teased, looking at him.
“It was terrible, even I agree”
It was a respite that you two at least had something to agree upon.
“We make a really good team, considering all the drama at the dinner today” He looked back at you.
“You have such exceptional acting skills, General. I’ll give you that” You chuckled.
“I just stated the truth, Princess. I didn’t pretend to have something that does not exist ”
“I lied about us”
“I didn’t” He said. As he stressed those words, a wave of confusion wafted over you.
You paused walking for a while at the arched long windows of the corridor. The moon glistened in the sky, with sparkling constellations surrounding it. You stared at the sky in awe of its beauty. You never really got the chance watch the stars which was one of the hobbies that you loved, since you came back to the palace.
“Do you like watching the stars, princess” He asked as he leaned against the window, next to you.
“Yes. They are so beautiful” A radiant smiled adorned your lips as your eyes were riveted in the stars.
“Captivating” He whispered, facing you.
You flicked your gaze back to him. “The stars, you mean?”
“No, I mean you” There he was, looking at you like there was something worth looking at. His expression was serious. But you liked how it softened slightly when he looked at you. His lips never moved yet his eyes communicated and spoke louder than any of his actions.
You felt your cheeks flushing as you looked down averting his gaze. It was the first time that someone ever said something like that to you; someone that you wanted to be complimented by.
“Thank you, I guess” You blurted out. “I know this betrothal is difficult for you as much as it’s to me. But I don’t want you to hate me or pretend to like me. It’ll only make things more aggravating”
“Does this look like I’m pretending to like you, princess?” Maybe, yes. Given your aristocratic status, you were often in the company of people with plastered smiles on the faces, insipid conversations and a plethora of deceptive pretenses of how delighted they were to be in your presence. Given how he treated you at the Winter Fete, maybe a hard yes.
“I cannot deny that you can be a little irksome sometimes. But we can work it out” He smirked.
“You are exasperating, General. In case, if you haven’t noticed.” A cheeky smile settled on your face. “Parading in your fur cloaks as if you are some prima donna”
His chestnut eyes traced down from your eyes, to your nose tip to every inch of your lips. “I do know how to look the part”
Indeed he knew, in every sense of the word.
There were men. Generally handsome men. Then there was General Kirigan.
“Princess” It made you come back to reality from your distraction in a flash. “If you wouldn’t mind, would you like to go horseback riding with me, tomorrow morning? I got to know that you’re so fond of horse riding” You felt his hand tangled in your hand as his fingers lightly brushed against your skin, sending an electrifying sensation through your core.
How the heck did he come to know that?
“Since when have you started to care about things I like?” You replied with another question without moving your hand back this time.
“I’m not your enemy” He said. “There are certain things that I want us to come to terms and this is one of them.”
#aleksander morozova x reader#general kirigan#aleksander morozova#the darkling#darkling#general kirigan x reader#the darkling x reader#darkling x reader#grishaverse#shadow and bone#ben barnes#ben barnes x reader
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Hi, I had a random thought about Wylan Van Eck and it accidentally turned into a world building rant so enjoy… I guess?
Every so often I randomly remember that Wylan has canonically been to the races at Caryeva in Ravka and I just can’t help but wonder what the hell this situation was like. I don’t recall a lot of specific descriptions about Caryeva so correct me if I’m wrong but I believe it’s an environment quite similar to that of the Barrel and that boy was not thriving in the Barrel okay the stress of imagining young Wylan stuck with his father at the Caryeva races is so real. Like I’m not saying the entire place must be a hellhole but the key information we know about it (at least to my recollection and what I gathered about two minutes ago from the Grishaverse wiki) is that its main points of interest are gambling in horse races and producing alcohol, and we know that Vasily gathered a less than pleasant reputation whilst spending most of his time there gambling away what little fortune he had left. And also what the hell was Van Eck doing there in the first place? The version of Jan Van Eck we see him present to the other characters and therefore to us as the reader (since we don’t ever get his POV) would simply cease to exist at the impropriety of it all, he can’t get through a conversation about the Barrel without cringing and you’re telling me he went on a trip to Caryeva and took his presumably very young son with him? (I’m assuming this bc Wylan says he *used* to take him everywhere with him and Van Eck found out he couldn’t read when he was about eight). What was this situation???? Why was he there???? I wonder if this is another subtle hint towards the potential extent of less than savoury business Van Eck is involved in beyond Wylan’s knowledge, like when he suggests meeting on Vellgeluk (an island used mostly by smugglers and traffickers) and Inej is surprised he knows about it and Kaz responds something along the lines of “perhaps he’s not so much the upstanding merch he claims to be”.
The reference to Caryeva just always sticks out to me as slightly random in comparison to the other places Wylan lists his father as having taken him to - the Shu oil fields? Absolutely, this is a world (at least as I’ve understood it) currently moving towards its Industrial Revolution at top speed of course Van Eck of all people is looking to invest in oil futures he may be the worst but he is clever; the Ice Court? It’s a diplomatic event between the leaders of two countries, one desperately trying to maintain its neutrality to hold tightly to its place in the world economy as it very quickly develops (Kerch) and one desperately trying to impose itself as a greater world power than its being given credit for via violence and focusing its development on military-based progress like the tanks (Fjerda) (btw I think I’ve talked about this before in my worldbuilding posts but I have thoughts about the tanks and the general global development of the grishaverse so if anyone wants more theories/analyses on that let me know), so yes it absolutely makes sense especially since we’re starting to see (or at least I think we are but I’m not a historian I’m basing this on my understanding about how these things happened in our world and how they would develop in their world based on the distinctions between the two) the globalisation of the Grishaverse beginning; the Jurda farms in near Shriftport? We all know Van Eck has a vested interest in jurda and we also know it was a big part of his business long before parem came to the scene because it is a massively used stimulant throughout Kerch; Weddle? Absolutely, I don’t know if it’s been confirmed as the capital but if it isn’t it’s still a major city in Novyi Zem there are a thousand reasons Van Eck could’ve been there; Elling? Once again it’s entirely reasonable to imagine Fjerda having a vested interest in an alliance with Kerch to secure their place in the global economy and to manipulate what is almost definitely and imminent and unavoidable collapse of the country’s questionable neutrality; Elling makes sense because Van Eck probably visited Fjerda a lot and even if there wasn’t anything about alliances and military tactics and etc going on Elling is a port settlement and it makes plenty of sense to assume large amounts of trade take place here. (My theory about the military stuff if below, sorry the paragraph was too long to get it all in together)
(Ravka is in severe debt to the Kerch government and we know Fjerdan intelligence is well aware of this, especially since Matthias knew when he hadn’t been in the government for over a year and never worked anywhere near espionage, and Kerch is also a massive global power. Support for Fjerda from Kerch would mean support from the Southern Colonies and possibly even division in Novyi Zem, and whilst it would probably prevent the Fjerdans from any kind of alliance with the Shu due to the tension between Kerch and Shu Han being so high it would also probably not be necessary for them to make a deal with the Shu if the had the support of the Kerch. Ultimately, Fjerda and Shu Han are fighting for control of the same land, they just haven’t reached each other yet because they’re still stuck on opposite sides of Ravka. If either country gained control of the majority of Ravka’s land then it would lead to a fight with the other; Fjerda need global support if they have a chance of winning two wars immediately after each other and if Kerch are in fact going to have to lose their neutrality, as it seems they are being forced to do and definitely would have been forced to do if parem became a global resource (Van Eck even says himself on the matter that Kerch has enjoyed neutrality for too long), and already have high tensions with Shu Han and rising tensions with Novyi Zem (due to the assassination of the Zemeni ambassador, which I do believe was an attempt to start a war btw, that they blame the Kerch for and the Kerch suspect the Shu for) then they are the perfect target for Fjerda to form an alliance with. Kerch also has a very strong navy which Fjerda presumably lacks since their efforts have all been focused on Ravka, where they share a land border, so to enter a larger scale/global war they would need a navy on their side. Again, I want to emphasise I know very little about military tactics and history I am approaching this by imagining that it’s a logic puzzle, so you might be reading this and this and thinking that it makes no sense in realistic scenarios but this is just my theory)
But Caryeva???? Even if there weren’t standing for Van Eck and the Merchant Council to be plotting against Ravka, which I personally believe there is, it STILL WOULDN’T MAKE DIPLOMATIC OR BUSINESS SENSE TO GO TO CARYEVA. So in summary I think Van Eck was doing lots of messed up things that young Wylan didn’t understand because he was a small child so why would he, plus this was a time in his life when probably trusted his father, and I think that this is yet another of the very subtle ways Leigh Bardugo shows us that there is a lot more going on beneath the surface than we notice or that the characters have comprehended because it does!’t fit into the focus of the story. Whether or not Van Eck was planning on building his diplomacy towards Fjerda into an alliance or not (but I do want to add that the only other language he hired someone to teach his son was Fjerdan, so that may also be a hint), I definitely think that he was involved in something illegal to specifically be at the races in Caryeva. Like to vineyards or something for a trade deal, sure. But why, after going on and on about the questionable version of Ghezen he believes in and how the Barrel is a “den of filth” and calling gambling a “vice” and arguing with Kaz because he was offended when he said that speculating on the markets was a form of gambling, would Jan Van Eck be at Caryeva horse races?
Anyway I’ve been going on about this for way longer than I intended, hope this made some semblance of sense and thanks for reading
#grishaverse#six of crows#crooked kingdom#leigh bardugo#kaz brekker#wylan van eck#inej ghafa#jesper fahey#nina zenik#Matthias helvar#wylan hendriks#jan van eck#six of crows analysis#crooked kingdom analysis#soc analysis#save six of crows#save the grishaverse#save shadow and bone#soc and ck#long post#kanej#wesper#helnik#shadow and bone#grisha#six of crows duology#six of crows meta#crooked kingdom meta
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Heart’s Desire
Pairing: Aleksander Morozova x Fem!Corporalki!Reader
Summary: During a journey along the southern border, the General inhales pollen from a mysterious plant, and you seek to ease his discomfort.
Warnings [18+]: smut, unprotected sex, sex pollen (so technically dub-con but they both consent), intentional orgasm denial, lots of made up Corporalki stuff for smut purposes
My Masterlist
“General Kirigan?”
You can hear his heart rate spike at the sound of your voice, more so than it usually does. From inside the tent his voice sounds hoarse as he calls out your name in questioning.
“Can I come in, sir?”
There’s a long pause, and your own heart hammers in your chest as you wait. You hope that he won’t dismiss you, you can hardly bear the thought of him struggling through this alone. Straining your ears, you hear him sigh before he relents,
“Yes, come in.”
Pushing the heavy black tent flap away from your body, you step forwards, and walk into his private tent.
His kefta has been discarded, tossed onto a chair carelessly. His boots are lying haphazardly on the rug near his bed.
Then your eyes land on the man himself. He’s sitting in front of the war table in the centre of his tent. The candlelight reflects the soft shimmer of sweat that glosses over his skin. His shirt has been almost fully unbuttoned and the cream fabric hangs loose over his chest. When his darkened eyes meet yours, the sound of his heartbeat leaps in your head.
His eyes drop down, roaming over your form, before he snaps them shut. His fists are clenched tight, his knuckles white from the strain.
“The pollen you inhaled; it was from the Concitatio Concitationis plant.”
The plant isn’t native to Ravka, you had been surprised to see it on your journey. The General had mentioned that the route he had planned would briefly take you over the border in Shu Han, but you had expected danger to come from enemy soldiers - not plants. Certainly not a plant that increases sexual arousal to the point of pain.
He nods, his jaw tense as he avoids looking in your direction. His restraint is impressive. You’ve heard of people being driven to madness, pouncing on anyone who could help them through the symptoms. But the General seems determined to suffer through this alone.
“I can help you with the symptoms.”
His head jerks harshly, his eyes widening with surprise as he searches your expression. Your cheeks flush and you stammer to explain yourself.
“I mean, I’m both a Healer and a Heartrender. If anyone can help you, it would be me.”
He grits his teeth, shaking his head, struggling with each word as a bead of sweat rolls down along the line of his throat towards his chest.
“The symptoms last for twenty-four hours. I couldn’t subject you to suppressing them for that long.”
“And I can’t leave you to suffer for that long.”
He sighs as his eyes flutter closed again. His shoulders tense as you step closer.
“Please, just let me try,” you plead softly. He holds your gaze for a long moment. Then he nods with a small sigh.
You shrug your own kefta off, bright red with a mixture of black and grey embroidery, and place it on the table.
Sitting down on the edge of the table, near the General, you concentrate on the aphrodisiac in his blood. You slow his heart down to a more relaxed state and begin to draw the pollen from the plant out of his system.
Some clarity returns to his features, and a thrill runs through you at your success. Glancing down at the map you almost sat on, you decide to put his mind on something other than the sensations flooding his body.
“Is this the rest of our journey?”
He nods, fingers trailing over the details of the mountains inked onto the pages.
“I had hoped to reach Caryeva by tomorrow afternoon. Instead, we’ll make camp here until the symptoms pass.”
He seems reluctant to stop your journey for his sake, and you hasten to ease his mind. Reaching out carefully, you brush a strand of hair away from his forehead.
“The men are eager for a rest, and we have the resources for another day of travelling.”
His head tilts aside as he watches you, which shakes you out of whatever had possessed you to do such a thing. The corner of his mouth quirks as he observes the flash of embarrassment in your eyes, and you turn your concentration back onto the task at hand.
You’ve always been a particularly strong Corporalki. It was why the General had allowed you to master both Heartrendering and Healing. It had made you one of his most powerful, and trusted, soldiers.
From an early age, you had learnt to suppress the feeling of people’s bodies around you. Whether they were hungry, or tired, or needed the bathroom. Sometimes your control slipped, but it was only a minor awareness of people’s bodily needs.
But feeling the General’s arousal is almost too much. To sense the blood rushing down between his legs, to see how hard he is, pressing uncomfortably against the fabric of his trousers. Not only does your heart ache to ease his discomfort, but other parts of you are eager to satisfy him.
“I may have miscalculated this,” you admit as a warm flush rushes through your body.
“How so?”
You grit your teeth as your core begins to throb with the desperate urge to be filled, and you can’t help but stare at him. The General has always been so handsome, with his dark eyes and rich, thick hair. The prickle of his stubble would feel incredible against your thighs, almost as incredible as his lips would feel against your dripping cunt.
You swallow hard as you realise where your thoughts have taken you, and hurry to explain your situation.
“I haven’t been easing the effects, I’m sharing them with you.”
He stills, eyes meeting yours carefully. You can’t read the emotions and thoughts swirling in his dark eyes as he processes what you’ve told him.
“Come here,” he commands, and before you can formulate a response, his hands are tugging at your body. He pulls you flush into his lap, and a soft moan falls from your lips before you can stop it. His body is warm and solid against yours and you can feel every inch of him.
You can sense the blood pounding around his body, heavy with the aphrodisiac, and you can feel it flooding down between his legs where his cock stands hard and thick. The heat of it presses against your core, and your hips slide forward eagerly.
His hands grip your hips hard, and you whine petulantly when his hold prevents you from moving. Even in such a state, weakened with arousal, he’s so much stronger than you.
He cups your face carefully, bringing your eyes to his. His voice is almost a whisper as he demands,
“Give it back.”
You shake your head.
“No.” He huffs and sweat beads down your forehead. You shiver as you feel more sweat run down your back. “I won’t let you fight this alone.”
He says your name sternly, and you shudder in his arms, fingers curling tight into the loose fabric of his shirt. It’s been so long since he’s said your name - it’s always your rank, or your surname. He sighs heavily, before he whispers your name, almost softly.
“Give it back to me. I can take it.”
You whimper, pressing your forehead against his shoulder, but you’re not changing your mind. In all honesty, you’re not sure if you’re capable of removing the aphrodisiac from your own blood.
“No.”
His grip tightens on you.
“If you don’t, I may- no I will.” He groans, words failing him as images of what he wants to do fill both of your minds. “I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
“You’re not. You won’t,” you insist, breathing heavily as you cling to him. “I’ve wanted this for a long time.” You pause for a moment before you add quietly, “And I think you have too.”
He breathes out a small laugh, and your brows furrow in confusion.
“You think?” His grin is almost boyish, and your heart flips at the sight. “You mean you haven’t noticed my heart pounding every time you enter the room?”
“I-” You struggle to think of a response, because of course you had noticed. “I didn’t want to pry.”
Amusement sparkles in his eyes, and you ache with need. He looks so normal, so attainable. Not like the fierce General that you’ve followed and protected for several years. In that moment, you both come to an agreement.
He brushes his nose softly against yours, but his grip is still firm on your waist, keeping you pressed against his bulge. He’s fighting the effects of the pollen, in an attempt at being gentle with you.
“I wanted this to be different,” he admits breathlessly as you unbutton his trousers. You nod, your eyes hazy with desire as he tugs your shirt off.
“So did I.”
He groans when his cock is finally free from the confines of his underwear and trousers, and you swallow a moan at the sight of him. His eyes are wide as he looks at you, breathing out sharply, and gripping the arms of his chair. The wood creaks between his fingers.
Pushing up onto your knees, you tug your own trousers and panties down, revealing your slick coated thighs and your sopping cunt. When you look up, his eyes are closed tightly.
“General?” you whisper. He shakes his head.
“Aleksander.” Your eyes widen at the sound of his name.
You both know how intense the symptoms are, and that the true frenzy hasn’t hit either of you yet. Aleksander’s jaw is tight with tension, he’s still fighting his instincts, and with the concern in his eyes you know he’s afraid of hurting you.
Sliding your palm up over his chest, you can feel his heart pounding under your touch, a familiar beat inside your head. He’s thinking far too much and will only continue torturing himself if he doesn’t stop.
“Kiss me, please.”
There’s an edge of desperation in your voice which prompts him into opening his eyes. Seeing you, almost completely naked in his lap, has him choking on a moan.
Then his lips are on yours without hesitation. The force of it nearly has you falling from his lap, but his arms curl around you quickly. One hand grasped onto your hip, the other settled on the small of your back. Your own hands slide into his hair, tugging on the dark locks as his mouth moves against yours.
Your bodies work in tandem, grinding against one another as you kiss furiously. The hand at your hip drops lower, fingertips brushing between your soaked folds, and you whine at the sudden attention. He slides his finger inside you in one smooth motion.
With each moan and whimper from your lips, Aleksander ensures the sound is muffled by his mouth and you’re panting every time your lips separate. He curls his finger inside you, and you squeal, your toes curling in pleasure.
“Aleksander.”
You whine, and he pushes another finger inside you. The control over your power has slipped completely. Not only can you feel every inch of Aleksander’s fingers driving into your wet heat, but you can feel the throb of his aching cock, desperate to fill you to the brim. The frustration he’s feeling claws at you.
It’s too much, and not nearly enough. He stretches you open with his fingers, groaning at the feeling of your cunt clenching around his long digits.
In the very back of your mind, you appreciate him having the forethought to ease you open. As soon as you had opened his trousers, you had thought of nothing but having him inside you. Even on the brink of sexual frenzy, Aleksander is conscious of your comfort. Meanwhile all you want is for him to fuck you against his war table.
“Ready, lapushka?” he asks, his voice almost wrecked with arousal. The pet name flies completely over your head, but something in your chest tingles with a pleasant buzz. You nod.
“Yes Aleksander, please.”
Lifting your hips, Aleksander soon guides you onto his cock, and the two of you moan loudly as you finally get what you need. He rolls his hips once he’s fully seated inside you, which pulls a gasp from your lips as the head of his cock brushes against your most sensitive area.
You try to match the slow thrust of his hips, but soon the pleasure overwhelms you, and all you can manage is a weak buck of your hips. His lips trail over your collarbones, and up the curve of your throat. Aleksander groans, gripping onto your hips and jerking your body up and down on his cock.
He’s certainly deep enough inside you, but the angle isn’t right. Aleksander lifts you up, and you whine when his cock slides out of you. You’ve barely had enough time to register that you’re sitting back on the war table, before Aleksander is thrusting into you.
You choke on a gasp, nails digging into the fabric of his open shirt, the only leverage you are allowed as your legs dangle over the edge of the table.
It’s likely there will be bruises along your waist in the shape of Aleksander’s fingertips, and a thrill runs through your lust-addled mind at the thought of wearing his marks. The metal of his ring digs into your flushed skin, and the coolness of the material sends a shiver over your entire body.
“I’m close,” he warns you, and you manage to wrap one of your legs around his waist, driving him deeper into you.
“Please,” you plead, wanting him to finish inside you. He shakes his head slightly, as if he doesn’t want to climax so soon.
His jaw tenses, and you can’t pull your eyes from his beautiful face. You know a climax will help to break the frenzy, and you can sense him getting closer to the precipice, his pleasure tingling under your own skin.
“Can you hold it off for me?” he asks quickly.
A sound of confusion leaves your lips, and your brows crease together as you frown. Why would he want you to delay his pleasure? In an instant, he’s answering your unspoken question.
“We’ll finish together.”
He thumbs over your clit, and you clench hard around his cock. Clinging to the hairs at the back of his neck, you concentrate on the sensations in Aleksander’s cock, holding onto his pleasure as your own begins to peak.
He groans, and you know he can feel you lengthening the approach to his orgasm. You chant his name, over and over, as he continues to rub your clit, all while thrusting deep inside you.
Shadows pool over the floor, as the General’s own control over his power slips. The candlelight dims, and the shadows over his face lengthen, making his features even sharper.
“C-close,” you gasp, throwing your head back against the table. His forehead drops down, pressing hard against your collarbone. The invisible hold you have on both of your climax’s shatters, plunging the two of you into blissful euphoria.
Stars burst behind your eyelids, and you cry out, clenching around Aleksander’s cock, milking every drop of him as he spills inside you. He manages a few more weak thrusts, before he’s leaning down over your body as you attempt to catch your breath.
Such pleasure has gifted you both a moment of clarity, and you find Aleksander’s eyes immediately. Sweat clings to both of you, but the intense burning under your skin has eased. Reaching out, you brush a lock of hair away from his forehead, as he ghosts his thumb over your cheek.
He leans down, pressing a tender kiss to your lips and your heart flips in symphony with Aleksander’s.
“How are you feeling?” you ask him. He rolls his hips slightly, a smirk quirking at the corner of his lips as he hears you inhale sharply.
“Better.”
Breathing out a small sigh, you nod in agreement as he pulls back slightly, and you moan when you fill his spend slip from inside you. Then he pushes back in, watching your expression carefully.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
You shake your head quickly.
Already, you can feel his cock hardening inside you, and you surprise yourself when your hips roll to take him deeper without any prior thought.
Aleksander breathes out a laugh.
“Perhaps we should continue in the bed?”
You laugh weakly, surveying the state of you both. One of your legs is free of your trousers, but the fabric is still tangled around the other leg. Tattered black material is all that remains of your panties. They must have been ripped, either by your thighs or Aleksander’s hands, at some unknown point. Aleksander’s own trousers have slid down to his ankles. His shirt is half off his shoulders, and the front of it has been torn by your nails.
It will be several more hours before the pollen will have been completely removed from your systems.
You smile is wide as you concede,
“That might be a good idea.”
»»---------------------►
marvelmusing Tag List: @dreamlandcreations @blanchedelioncourt @idaofinfinity @rachlovesactors
#the darkling#the darkling x reader#aleksander morozova#aleksander morozova x reader#the darkling x y/n#the darkling x you#the darkling smut#shadow and bone au#shadow and bone x reader
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Foxtrot
Nikolai Lantsov x reader
A/N: hi! This was a request by an anon! Hope yall enjoy :)
Request: reader is like the princess or some kind of duchess from kerch and she gets invited to a ball in ravka. there, she meets nikolai and he is head over heels for her and they dance and everything
Warnings: Fluff, dancing, me not knowing shit about dancing
Word Count: 900
..........
The ball wasn't his idea. Genya was the organizer, and David and Zoya fell into the roles of enabler and enforcer respectively. Nikolai didn't see the use in a great gathering like this, but Genya was insistent.
"You need a queen, and what better place to find one than through drink and dance," she'd said.
He wanted to bash his head against the freshly painted walls of the Grand Palace's ballroom, but sighed and stayed stoic at his post in the corner. He took up residence there as soon as the evening started, allowing guests to approach and greet him while Tamar and Tolya flanked him. He made idle conversation as he watched the dancing.
Ties and tails and ballgowns of every colour--though he noticed a wealth of women in emerald green, the same colour of the gem reserved for the Lantsov royal family--swished about the room. It was a little nice to see the dancing, a little mesmerizing even, but he would never tell Genya that he was enjoying himself.
When the band's song finished, the dancers came to a stop. People milled on the floor for a moment, then a Kerch foxtrot began. Many people left for refreshments, but a few couples remained. The dance was not popular with Ravkans as most preferred a waltz, and he saw many nobles from his country skirting to the edges of the room. Even the seemingly most accomplished dancers from other countries were sitting this one out, but there in the middle of the floor was you and a graceless partner.
He'd seen you throughout the night, flowing across the room no matter who your partner was. His eyes often tracked you and your deep blue dress. It reminded him of the ocean waves cresting, especially with its white lining that complimented your movements so perfectly.
He knew your partner. The Count of Ulensk, who spent more time bidding on horses in Caryeva than caring for his people at home. Despite all his time in the liveliest Ravkan city, he was a terrible dancer. You flowed as gracefully as a swan, he moved more like a penguin, clonking about and stepping on your toes.
Without a second thought, Nikolai excused himself from whichever diplomat he was conversing with and strode towards the floor. He tapped the Count on the shoulder.
"Excuse me for interrupting, but may I steal this dance with your partner?"
The Count seemed offended for a moment, but he quickly nodded. "Of course, your highness."
As soon as he was out of sight, Nikolai gave you a smile and took your hand. He bowed, you bowed, and the dancing began
"Thank you," you said.
He gave you a charming smile. "Don't mention it. I couldn't let you suffer out here, especially not when you're the best dancer I've seen all night."
At his words your eyes dipped bashfully.
"That's a lofty compliment, one I'm not sure I'm worthy of. I'm only alright at dancing."
"Then everyone else must be abysmal. Quite unfortunate they were all invited to this ball, then. I must tell my advisors to invite real dancers to one of these next time. And you, of course. Even if you are only alright." He took a good look at you before he swiveled the two of you. "Where are you from?"
"Kerch, your highness. I came with my father, Councilman Bodden."
Your father was a Councilman in Kerch? That meant you had money; Genya and the squadron of people invested in his future queen would love that for Nikolai and for the Ravkan coffers.
He turned the pair of you around again, marveling a bit at how well you kept up. "And how was your journey?"
"Land travel became a bit boring after a while, especially through the desert of the former Fold. The trip across the True Sea was my favourite part of it."
"Was it now?" He raised a brow.
He wasn't sure if you were honest. He knew some in Ravkan court knew his identity on the sea. Perhaps the secret had spread and your speaking about the sea was a mere tactic to attract him to you. Yet that possibility didn't stop him from thinking you were incredibly cute.
"It was, your highness." Your eyes lit up. "My family's home is on the water, but we rarely go out into the harbours, and we'd never crossed the sea before--well I think my father had, but I certainly hadn't."
"Until now," he grinned
"Until now," you said with a nod.
He dipped you, his hand strong at the square of your back. You smiled politely, though he could see in your excited eyes how you were holding back a grin. He raised you back up.
"And do you like it here in Ravka?" He asked quietly.
"Yes," you breathed. "Very much so."
"I'm glad," he said.
Then the pair of you danced in comfortable silence. Nikolai couldn't stop staring into your eyes. And you–despite your initial meekness–met his stare eagerly, as though his eyes were speaking of their own accord, whispering pretty things to you. Saints knew he wanted to say them aloud, but a crowded ballroom hardly seemed the place for them.
The band slowed, the rest of the dancers did too, but Nikolai didn't want to stop. He held your hand even as the music stopped completely and both his and your feet had halted.
"Will you dance the next song with me, your highness?" You asked, your eyes hopeful.
"It would be my honour."
..........
A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to like, reblog, and comment if you want to read more, I really appreciate the feedback! Reminder that requests are still open for shorter fics like this. Otherwise, I hope you have a great day/night :)
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And that kids is, how I met your mother Chapter 4 - Someone to Stay
You were alone, left out in the cold
Clinging to the ruin of your broken home
Too lost and hurting to carry your load
We all need someone to hold
You've been fighting the memory, all on your own
Nothing worsens, nothing grows
I know how it feels being by yourself in the rain
We all need someone to stay
We all need someone to stay
Hear the fallen and lonely, cry out
Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope?
At the end of the day you were helpless
Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?
Summary: You feel grief and loss keenly, the loss of innocence and family but as you confide your secrets to Nikolai Lantsov, you feel a beginning of a home in him.
Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x Reader, Nikolai Lantsov x Six of Crows Reader, Kaz Brekker x Reader, Zoya Nazyalensky x Reader (Platonic), Nina Zenik x Reader (Platonic), Genya Safin x Reader (Platonic)
Warnings: Pure tooth rotting fluff, angst and comfort, lots of humor, unrequited love that might be requited, denial, pining, mentions of death and violence, Kaz Brekker being an absolute asshole.
A/N: Hi everyone! I’m very grateful for your kindness, love and support that encourages me to keep going! I apologize for the delay but here is the long awaited Chapter 4 to this work, you have all been waiting for patiently so thank you for your patience! I hope you all like it and I’m excited! Let me know your thoughts and comments on my work because I really struggled through writer’s block on this one.
Let me know if you want a cast list for the below characters introduced! I’ve already made one, so I’m super excited.
I love you all! Happy reading!
Chapter 1 - Until I Found Her
Chapter 2 - Labyrinth
Chapter 3 - Call it what you want
Chapter 5 - Cornelia Street
Nikolai sat lazily on the couch as he listened to Zoya, Genya, Tamar, Tolya and David converse animatedly by the fireside with coffee and brandy after a long day of meetings as the rain fell outside. Nikolai felt content as he listened to Zoya and Genya argue about blonde or brunette hair, simple and ordinary things and his hazel eyes naturally found and fell on you. Nikolai smiled softly and warmly as he drank in the sight of you lay your legs on Nina’s lap as she read a book while you were completely focused and dedicated to sketching something in your sketchbook. Nikolai gazed at you in wonder and adoration because you looked absolutely beautiful, your brow furrowed in concentration, your eyes gleaming with imagination and reminiscence and your face glowing with relaxation and thoughtfulness.
Nikolai’s thoughts were interrupted by a sharp nudge to his ribs as he looked at Zoya who was looking at him with a knowing look “When are you going to ask her out?”
“I - what - no - “
“Please spare us all and tell her how you feel. Or at least ask her out on a date.” said Genya wearing a knowing expression as she grinned teasingly exchanging subtle looks with Zoya as they remembered their bet “Your pining and puppy dog eyes are getting sad to watch. And besides, she’s been out and about with certain people who have eyes on her.”
Nikolai sat up a little straighter, his expression one of pure curiosity as he looked at his friends “Who?
“Well, the lords and ladies of the Ravkan Court are quite bold in their advances toward her, inviting her to parties and picnics but there is one in particular who is determined to pursue a romantic relationship with her... Duke Dimitri Theronton.” informed Zoya in a matter - of - fact voice with a knowing gleam in her eyes as she looked at Nikolai who looked absolutely jealous as his fists clenched in anger. “He has been around Y/N quite a lot accompanying her to his parties, horse races and inviting her for walks and picnics. He’s infatuated with her.”
Nikolai knew Duke Dimitri Theronton who had been one of Vasily’s best friends and had bullied Nikolai in his childhood, accompanying his brother to Caryeva indulging himself in the pleasure of women and horses, wild parties and drunk debauchery. A pit of protectiveness grew within him at the thought of the wild and flirtatious Duke who slept with men and women he tossed aside thoughtlessly after using them, being within an inch of your presence.
“If you don’t do something soon, you might lose your chance with Y/N.” encouraged Genya with a twinkle in her eyes as she winked at Zoya as they both observed Nikolai’s jealous and protective expression at the mention of Duke Theronton who was wooing you “You need to man up, Nikolai.”
“Man up? I’m sorry but I don’t see gender, sir.” replied Nikolai sassily as he looked at Genya who rolled her eyes at him and he sighed “I do really like Y/N but I can’t make her choice for her.”
“Okay but you at least need to show her that you are an option. If you don’t, she won’t know that you are a choice.” replied Zoya honestly as she leaned back on her armchair because she was not going to lose her money to Nina. “Why don’t you ask her out... just the two of you? Please just do it and spare us the suffering.”
“And the loss of money.” piped in David with a glint in his eyes while Genya tried to shush him and Zoya shot him a fierce glare. “There’s so many bets on both of you so you have to get your act together, Nikolai because Genya can’t lose her bet to Nadia and Nina and Zoya can’t lose her money to Nina, Tamar and Tolya, and Tamar can’t lose her money to Tolya.”
Nikolai cocked his head as he looked at his friends with indignation and amazement as he spluttered understanding dawning on his face “Are you betting on me and Y/N? How long has this been going on?”
“I mean, it has been going on for a long time. Everyone is in on it even the servants and the council.” said David helpfully as he scribbled on his notebook “They all know you really like her because you look at her like an unsolved equation you want to solve.”
“This is outrageous!” exclaimed Nikolai feeling heat creep up to his cheeks in humiliation and embarrassment at the thought of his own subjects betting on his personal life and glared at Genya and Zoya “I assume you two are responsible for this mess!”
“It started as harmless fun between just a few of us but then the rest of the palace wanted to join in. It has turned into a very large betting pool.” explained Genya with a wide grin as she looked at Nikolai’s wide eyes of surprise while Zoya hid a smirk “Zoya handles the betting pool of the Little Palace. I handle the betting pool of the palace staff and Tamar handles the betting pool of the others who joined in.”
“I cannot believe you are betting on my love life! In fact I cannot believe the whole palace is betting on my love life!” exclaimed Nikolai in frustration and embarrassment as he stamped his foot in childish petulance.
“Oh grow up. It’s just a bit of good fun to pass the time.” said Zoya easily with a smug smirk “Go ask Y/N out and win Nina and me three bets, won’t you?”
“I’m leaving.” announced Nikolai gathering the pieces of his broken dignity as he huffed and walked away from his friends amused laughter making his way toward you who had moved toward another sofa, far away from the fireplace.
Nikolai’s heart fluttered as you looked up and smiled at him as he sat next to you “Hello darling. You could have joined us.”
You smiled at him as you stopped sketching and looked at him fondly “I just... I just wanted to be alone.”
Nikolai’s heart dropped as he saw quiet reminiscence and sadness dancing in your eyes “Oh. Shall I leave?”
“No. Stay with me.” you said firmly as you reached out for his hand and squeezed it gently, the warmth and tenderness of his hand seeping and mingling with yours as your fragile heart begged him to not leave you alone.
Nikolai felt glad and happy knowing that he would give you anything you asked as he moved toward you and smiled when you placed your legs on his lap lazily and he lightly placed his hand on your ankles as he looked at you in curiosity and deep fondness “I’ll never leave you. I didn’t see you at all today, sweetheart. I almost sent search parties to look for you. I was worried. Where were you?”
“I spent the whole day in the chapel praying to the Saints and thinking. Then I went to the kitchen and had the prettiest cake. After that I went for a long walk out in the palace grounds and I just sat in the gardens until it got dark. Until Nina found me in the rain.” you said thoughtfully and quietly as you rubbed a butterfly crested ring on your finger “It was nice.”
Nikolai was surprised as he looked at you focus on your sketching again as he questioned in curiosity because he knew you weren’t particularly religious and your activities today felt slightly different “Why were you in the chapel?”
“Come, my little butterfly. Let’s get you to bed and I’ll tell you a story. One that ends happily ever after.”
“It’s my father’s birthday.” the words slipped out of your mouth before you could stop them as your eyes widened in shock at how easily you had confided this well kept secret to Nikolai whose hazel eyes sparkled with tender affection and soft understanding as he realized why you had done what you had done “I wanted to... I wanted to talk with him and celebrate his birthday with him, I suppose.”
You scoffed as you thought of how stupid you were “I’m so stupid. Throwing a birthday party for a dead father -”
But Nikolai placed his hand upon yours, his face etched with gentleness and tenderness as he looked at you with sincerity “It’s not stupid. It’s the most wonderful thing that you didn’t forget him. Your father is absolutely lucky to have you as a daughter.”
You smiled gratefully as you blinked back unshed tears as you looked away from Nikolai and focused on finishing your sketch and after a long moment, Nikolai who was full of curiosity because he wanted to know all about you, what your family was like and what you were like when you were a little girl as he asked “You don’t have to answer... but what was your father like?”
“My father... I am told that he was a gangster who ran one of the most feared gangs in Ketterdam.” you said with a wide grin, your eyes twinkling in pride and amusement at how Nikolai’s jaw dropped in shock and amazement “He was a son of a Ravkan aristocratic family that ran away to find his fortune in Ketterdam and built himself a reputation in Ketterdam as a violent and clever gangster who killed ruthlessly and instilled fear in his enemies, always ten steps ahead of them. No one dared to look at him the wrong way or they’d be cut, killed, murdered, shot and butchered whether they were innocent or guilty. Everyone called him mad and cold, ambitious and dark, cruel and vengeful man in a position of power and privilege who was the bringer of death and destruction.”
Nikolai was completely stunned and shocked as he stared at you with amazement and astonishment realizing that you were the daughter of a Ravkan born aristocrat who had become a feared gangster in Ketterdam and wondered what your childhood was like. He wondered whether your childhood was filled with violence and bloodshed, tears and pain as he stared at you in surprise. He couldn’t imagine your father as a notorious killing machine but yet the more he looked at you, the more it became certain that you were not afraid of your father.
You smiled fondly at the memories of your father. He was a cold and cruel man to the rest of the world but he was the best father to you and your brother. Your father loved your brother unconditionally but he had always wanted a daughter so when you came along, he had doted on you with overwhelming affection and love. You remembered your father coming back home from work with a big smile on his face as he hugged you and held you in his arms as he told you how much he missed you.
You heard the wheels of the carriage roll up the driveway as you raced your brother through the house in excitement and happiness at your father coming back home ignoring your mother’s shouts to stop running down the stairs as you ran out of the house and up to the carriage with a bright grin “Daddy!”
Out of the carriage stepped a handsome man made of cold steel and sharp edges dressed in all black but his hard face softened immensely as he smiled adoringly and lovingly at the sight of his beautiful daughter running toward him, feeling grateful to be alive as he hugged his precious daughter tightly in his arms.
His daughter never knew how much he had missed holding her in his arms as he beamed brightly, his cold heart warm and happy as he took a good look at his daughter making sure she was healthy and unharmed, stroking her pretty hair that curled down to her shoulders.
“Hello my Y/N! Come here, let me look at you! I missed you. I missed you so much, my sunshine.” confessed your father sincerely and lovingly, his heart full of gladness and affection as he cupped her chubby rosy cheeks in his hands, his eyes twinkling with warmth as he placed a loving kiss on her forehead.
Your father would never miss an opportunity to carry you in his arms, holding the weight of you in his arms as he pressed kisses on your cheek and forehead adoringly. He’d tuck you to bed and read you stories in silly voices making you giggle and sing you lullabies until you fell asleep and stay by your side holding your little hand in his as he stared at you with overwhelming love as you slept. Your father would play games of hide and seek and pirates and privateers, princesses and dragons with you and your brother, his eyes gleaming with mischief and his expression one of good natured laughter. He’d hold your little hand in his as you both took long walks in the countryside as you chattered happily to him and he listened with a happy smile.
Your father let you sit on his lap as he read his newspaper and his study where no one was allowed to enter, you were the exception as he let you sit on his lap as he read his documents and talked with you. When you were sick, your father would hold you in his arms and yell at the doctor to be careful with you and do their best and stay by your bedside as he held your hand gently and kindly. Your father was a gangster and yet he’d participate in your tea parties, style your hair, play with your dolls and beautiful dollhouse that he’d gift you every time he’d come back from Ketterdam.
The world believed that your father was a man of cruelty but to you he was the man who cleaned and bandaged your first bruises and wounds and kissed them better gently as he advised you that pain only makes you stronger. Your father was the man who would never miss any of your birthdays, always celebrating each one extravagantly with beautiful iced cake as he wrapped his arm around you while you blew the candles and made a wish. He was a devoted and doting father who doted upon you showering you with pretty dresses of the latest fashion, sketch books and paintbrushes, the most beautiful dolls, puzzles and books for you to read. He was the man who had taught you to ride a horse and climb trees and fight with your bare hands and sewed buttons on your coat. When your father discovered your talent for art, he encouraged it. Your father encouraged your love of learning and was determined to teach you more about the world.
“But my father made sure we lived far away from Ketterdam in the countryside, away from the violence and death. Family meant everything to him... it was his shelter from the storm. He was cold and cruel to the rest of the world but when he was home with us, he was nothing but loving and warm father who’d smile and laugh and play little practical jokes and spring surprises on us.” you recalled with a happy and fond smile as you thought of your father who hugged you warmly and danced with you around the house with a bright smile, spinning you in your brand new dress. “I know you won’t believe me but he was the best father in the world. I loved him so much and he loved me more than I deserved.”
Nikolai’s heart softened at the wholesome picture of a notorious gangster adoring his daughter with all heart and spoiling her as he replied “I’ll be truthful. If anyone else told me that, I wouldn’t believe them. But I believe you.”
“Why?”
“Your eyes. You remember him with so much love that it’s impossible to think that your father never loved you.” said Nikolai honestly and sincerely as your heart skipped a beat at how much he knew you and saw the smallest things you tried to hide and the world didn’t see “You can always tell a father’s merit in the way their child’s eyes light up and they talk about them. Your eyes sparkle happily and you talk about him as if he treated you better than a royal princess with so much love and warmth that you never felt left out and lonely.”
You were surprised at how much Nikolai understood you as you gazed at him in wonder and astonishment as you hesitated and contemplated on letting him on a secret you had never told anyone, not the Crows, not even Kaz as you finally looked at him and decided to take the leap of faith “My father loved me as his own. And that was impressive considering that... that... I was never his.”
Nikolai’s eyes widened in surprise as he saw you look at him vulnerably with sacred trust and faith mingled with fear of rejection and Nikolai understood how you were feeling better than anyone as he was filled with curiosity and understanding as he inquired “What do you mean?”
“You know, my father was known in Ketterdam as a man who would do a job at any cost. A man who didn’t care about the lives he took as long as it served his purpose. One stormy night, he found a baby girl on the steps of his office. Whoever left me there must have hoped that my father would kill me and get rid of me instantly.” you said as pain and hurt flashed in your face but your eyes twinkled with gratitude and amazement as you thought of your father who was not your flesh and blood that had chosen to love you instead of hurt you “My father thought I was a trap or a lost child at first but he decided to keep me and raise me as his own daughter.”
Nikolai’s eyes widened as his heart swelled in amazement and surprise at how caring and loving of a heart your father must have had to adopt and unconditionally love a child who was not his own flesh and blood. His breath caught in his throat as he realized that you were stripping down your walls as you confided your deepest secrets in him, the fact that your parents had abandoned you to die at a hands of a feared gangster but fate had a different plan for you. His heart sank in dismay and anger at the thought of your parents leaving you heartlessly as a baby girl in front of the doorstep of the most feared and ruthless gangster believing that he would dispose of your life mercilessly and pain clenched through him as he realized that you had been abandoned from birth. Nikolai met your vulnerable and hurt, soft and sincere gaze as he squeezed your hand gently amazed at the kind heart that the ruthless gangster had possessed to take in you as his own and raise you with so much love and affection and wondered why his own father couldn’t do the same. His own father who was of noble birth, a king, could not come to love Nikolai as his own child and be proud of him but a gangster with blood on his hands had loved you endlessly as his own.
“Your father sounds amazing. Do you ever miss your real parents? Have you tried searching for them?” asked Nikolai in curiosity, not missing the hurt and anger that flashed in your eyes at the mention of your birth parents.
“They left me to rot and die with no regard for my well being. Why would I search for the very people who abandoned me?” you shot back fiercely and passionately as your arms curled around yourself protectively as you felt tears spring up in your eyes. “I had real parents... I had my father and my brother. That was enough for me.”
“Daddy is home. Cake and cookies every night!”
“Your father sounds very different from mine.” confessed Nikolai honestly and sincerely as he felt your fingers intertwine with his gently and warmly as he thought of his own father who had never shown pride for him “Your father made you feel like you belong to him and never unloved and alone. You never had to earn your place in your family. Your father loved you from the moment he saw you. He took you as his own and never treated you any differently. You came into his life as a daughter and he never saw you as anything else.”
You were taken aback in surprise because Nikolai had understood your relationship with your father very well as he continued in quiet exhaustion and pain he tried to hide behind a bright smile “My father, the King of Ravka who was meant to represent everything good and noble always made me feel like I had no place in this world. I was never his son, always treated as a lowly and different bastard son who was of no interest and pride to him. Everything I had to do, I did to work hard to just earn a word of praise or a smile, earn all his love from him and try to belong to him.”
You didn’t understand why tears pricked your eyes but some part of you deep down understood how Nikolai felt as you held his hand in both of your hands wishing that his father was alive so you could grant him a slow and painful death as you thought of your own childhood when your mother had found pleasure in revealing that you were not their own flesh and blood. But then you remembered how your father had found you crying in the stables, as he told you the truth and reassured you that no matter what you didn’t owe him anything, he loved you from the moment he first saw you and that no matter what, you were always his daughter.
You had your father comfort you and chase away the loneliness with his warmth and love but Nikolai had been alone for so long with no one to show him that he was wrong about himself.
You remembered something that your father had said to you a long time ago as you looked at Nikolai who looked so lost and pained as you said softly “I’ll tell you something and I want you to remember it carefully. You don’t owe your family anything. You don’t owe anyone anything, Nikolai. Nikolai, you never should have had to earn your place in your family, bastard or blood. You came into your father’s life as a son and it was his place to love you endlessly. Love is not something that is earned. And you deserve all the love in the world, Nikolai.”
“Your father was wrong and heartless. Your whole family was completely wrong in making you feel as if you never belonged in your own home.” you said softly in distress and pain as you wrapped your arms around him tightly and hugged him “It’s not your fault. You are good enough. You were always good enough.”
Nikolai’s heart swelled with emotions that he thought he had locked up and moved on from as tears sprang into his hazel eyes as he blinked them, burying his head on your shoulder as he held you tightly in his arms, afraid that if he let you go, you would vanish. Nikolai felt a heavy burden lifted off his heart at hearing those words said with such raw sincerity and truth that he couldn’t help but choke back a sob because he didn’t understand how much his soul needed to hear that it wasn’t his fault, that he was good enough until now.
You hugged Nikolai tightly as you buried your head on his shoulder as you felt his tears fall onto the fabric of your dress as you whispered “Hey... I got you.”
For some reason, this made Nikolai laugh in amusement and comfort as he smiled into your shoulder amidst the tears and then after a few moments broke away from you. There was a long moment of silence as you looked at Nikolai in concern and realized he wanted to be alone with his thoughts as you returned back to your sketch while he stared into the space thoughtfully.
After a long moment, Nikolai broke the silence with a question “But you must have felt lonely. I mean, you had your brother but was it just both of you in the house?”
You thought of the big house that you grew up in. It had been empty and cold at times but you remembered mostly the warmth, light and laughter that spilled out of it whenever your father had company over. Your father’s closest group of fearsome and terrifying friends in his gang occupied the house most of the time when they weren’t busy maiming, killing, torturing, destroying and hurting people. But these people weren’t criminals to you, they were the closest thing you had to aunts and uncles who were incredibly fond of you.
These people took care of you since you were a baby and they were the only family you ever knew. Uncle Sebastian was your father’s right hand man and second in command but you knew him as your godfather and playful uncle who was a very good sharpshooter that taught you how to handle guns, had the craziest ideas for pranks and spoiled you with cuddles and presents. Your father would recall with a fond smile how Uncle Sebastian would never leave your side once you were found and stayed by your side telling you stories and making you giggle and had difficulty leaving you until your father physically had to push him out of the house. There were times you did feel alone despite being surrounded by such love and warmth and you would tell Uncle Sebastian how you felt knowing that he of all people would understand.
Your Uncle Minjun was calm and composed, always well dressed and smiled that pleased smile of love around his wife, Aunt Ari and a reserved fond smile for you. You had always respected Uncle Minjun who was well - educated and wise on very many great matters and one of your father’s closest advisors. You and your brother would listen with rapt attention and great pleasure his stories about his time at University of Ketterdam studying law. He’d encourage you and your brother’s love for learning and curiosity and encouraged you to experiment and explore. Your brother and you were curious as to how to build a bomb? Say no more, Uncle Minjun was your man. Your brother nurtured a fascination for flowers and plants? Don’t worry, Uncle Minjun was there to teach him how to grow and landscape a garden, providing him plenty of books about nature. Your brother voiced that he wanted to perhaps study International Relations at the University of Ketterdam? Uncle Minjun would place a stack of books for beginner’s in International Relations and provide a recommendation list of tutors who he thought could help him. You were fascinated with art? Oh Uncle Minjun had your back, bringing you books on art and art history and taking you to art exhibitions with Aunt Ari. If there was anyone who took a serious interest in your education as much as your father, it was your Uncle Minjun. In a world where the education of girls was not taken seriously, Uncle Minjun was one of the strongest advocates to your father voicing that you were a bright, smart and sharp girl, dismissing your mother’s opinions on the fact that you should marry and listening to your own opinions and treating you as an equal. It was because of him, your father had the finest governesses to teach you and keep you company and report your progress to him and Uncle Minjun who was so proud of you.
Uncle Yuri was one of your favorites. While Uncle Minjun favored the indoors, sitting in a nice library, Uncle Yuri favored the great outdoors climbing trees and swimming in lakes. You had learned that Uncle Yuri was a demolitions expert for your father and could blow anything up and had helped you and your brother with Uncle Minjun to build bombs and grenades in a safe environment. His silly faces and jokes rivaled his husband, Uncle Sebastian’s making you giggle and laugh. Uncle Yuri had an easy and lovely smile and was playful and good natured always taking you and your brother outside to play and have picnics, long walks, feeding the ducks, swims, and carrying you on his shoulders as he chattered with you and your brother. Uncle Yuri and Uncle Sebastian often babysat you the most, Uncle Sebastian letting you get into mischief and Uncle Yuri being the sensible one. Whenever Uncle Yuri entered the house, you would be ready with a hug and he would make you try to catch the latest hat he was wearing with a mischievous grin as he watched you jump up and down for it but in the end relented and placed it on your head every time. But Uncle Yuri was kind - hearted and earnest always insisting that if there was anything wrong, you could confide in him.
Uncle David was another constant presence in your home with his dry sense of humor, wide smile and strength. He was a strong and calm gentleman but whenever he was with you, he became childish and playful. He snuck in snacks, cookies, donuts, iced cupcakes that both of you shared while sitting next to each other and listening to gossip as you both exchanged sassy glances, he slapped or scolded anyone who kept a weapon within your vicinity, spoiled you with the prettiest and most expensive dresses, dolls and books as he competed with your uncles and aunts on who could get you the best presents, danced with you spinning you around to the music, defending you sassily when your mother made a passive aggressive remark about you, competing with you in races and childish games they held and voicing his pride in you whenever you painted art or mastered a difficult task. You remember him losing his temper and nearly blowing off Uncle Minjun’s and Uncle Yuri’s heads when he found out that they had taught you how to handle knives and blow up things. He was very protective of you when it came to boys and bonded over it with the rest of your uncles, father and brother. If he saw you talking to a boy, he would assess their prospects for the future, their character and recommend that no one was good enough for you which your father agreed with. Although he was protective, he was fiercely loyal and brave and stood up for what he believed in.
In your memory, Aunt Maya was the most stunning and beautiful woman you had come across. She possessed entrancing purple eyes, dark skin, and a smile that enchanted everyone. Aunt Maya was a very powerful Grisha who possessed the remarkable powers of a squaller, a heartrender, a healer, an inferni, a fabrikator and a tidemaker. Her powers as a fabrikator and tidemaker were her weakest but the rest of her abilities were absolutely wonderful and powerful. From a young age, you understood the utmost importance of keeping her unique abilities a secret. Being a Grisha was one thing, being a Grisha who could channel different powers and abilities with ease and grace was dangerous in the world. Aunt Maya was a beautiful woman with a gorgeous smile who always wore the most divine dresses and high heels. Aunt Maya was faithful and loyal to your father who had helped her escape bounty hunters and given her safety and protection within his gang. Aunt Maya loved you as her own, telling you stories about Grisha and their abilities, about the Darkling and the Fold, the power of the amplifiers, Morozova and his work, the universe and the greed of men, the lives of the Saints and her life at the Little Palace before she became a target marked as dangerous.
Aunt Natalia was soft and sweet, your godmother. She was a soft spoken spy who was quiet most of the time and could never hear her footsteps when she approached you. But when attacked or provoked, she had the fiercest temper and strongest spirit you knew. Everyone admired her cleverness and kindness and the willingness to do what needed to be done no matter what the cost and her innocent and sweet demeanor often deceived many into thinking she was harmless when she was very dangerous. Aunt Natalia, your godmother was the mother your mother never was to you. She always let you sit on her lap and always made sure you ate your meals on time, played with you and took walks with you, yelled at you whenever you did something stupid and risky like scaling your house when you were once left alone. She admired your paintings and became excited whenever you did anything, talked with you about everything and nothing, played peacemaker when you and your brother fought with each other and made you both promise to always put it each other first, and sewed you pretty dresses of the latest fashion and knitted you and your brother countless socks, scarves and sweaters you didn’t have the heart to say no to. She took care of you, showering you with plenty of hugs and kisses adoringly.
Aunt Holly was the fun aunt who always livened up the house with her merry presence and jolly smile. She always had her weapons on her at all times from her knives, her revolvers and her other discreet weapons that she would use properly. She was the aunt who loved food with all her heart so when she was around, she’d take charge of the kitchen and cook meals. You had heard stories of her work as an assassin, of how once she had fought off a gang of men with only a frying pan and killed slavers with a flower pot. Aunt Holly was the aunt who let you have your first shot of kvas secretly, who taught you to handle knives, who taught you how to walk the tightrope and glide so silently on your feet and hide in the shadows. Holly taught you how to climb and scale buildings and leap off from one roof to another, one tree branch to another and use lockpicks to break in and out of rooms. Holly was the aunt your father despaired having around because you would love listening her recount exciting stories of gang wars and bloodshed in Ketterdam and different strategies of how to blend in and steal a wallet. You found it all very fascinating and that worried your father who wanted you away from this life as possible. When your father and your godfather had seen you balancing yourself on a ledge, trying to walk without fear, they nearly had a heart attack as everyone shouted at you to get down but Aunt Holly laughed and encouraged you to continue without any fear.
Aunt Ari was an absolute fashionista always dressed to impress and kill. She was cheerful and bright, clever and cruel in her own way. She was a powerful heartrender who loved torturing men with her abilities and was able to extract information from them. Aunt Ari taught you Shu and talked with you in Shu most of the time. Aunt Ari liked telling you stories from her travels around the world and reading you stories as she tucked you to bed. She loved answering your wild questions with wildly imaginative and beautiful answers without laughing at you. She was a talented and gifted musician who had a talent for beautifully singing. She encouraged you and your brother’s love of music. Although you loved music, you were not a gifted pianist like your brother became under your Aunt Ari’s tutelage. Your brother had a wonderful talent for playing the piano and singing. You often played duets with Aunt Ari and your brother but you didn’t feel that you were good enough of a pianist. Aunt Ari didn’t give up on you presenting you with various instruments until you came across the violin that had belonged to her sister who had passed away that was untouched since her death. Aunt Ari who had seen you eye it longingly, had let you touch it and learn to play it. The moment you learned to play it, you loved every moment of playing the violin and became incredibly good at it. It gave you the peace that painting gave you. You loved how when you started to play the violin, everything else faded away and you felt you could reflect peacefully. As you mastered the violin, Aunt Ari would watch your progress with a proud expression, blinking back tears of joy in her eyes at seeing you finally bring music to the world with her sister’s violin.
Aunt Adira was the thief and charming temptress with a warm smile that distracted many people while the real work took place. You remembered her warm hugs and her stories of her own family that she had lost when she had been taken by slavers. Ketterdam had been hell to her but she had made a bargain with your father who had paid her indenture and freed her as she sharpened her skills as a thief and a charming spy who listened quietly and patiently for information and extracted important information for your father to use against his enemies. Adira was full of kindness always helping anyone out anyway she could and full of faith in the Saints. She prayed to the Saints every day and taught you prayers to Saints. No one understood how she kept faith in a faithless world but she had once confided that faith was her peace in the chaos of the world. Adira treated you and your brother with such sweetness and kindness, sometimes you would see her eyes stare at you both in wistfulness and misty tears. You didn’t know it then but your father had confided in you that both of you reminded her of her children that the slavers had taken separating her from them and was still searching for. Aunt Adira was fierce and steadfast in her spirit, fighting for what was right and standing up for what she believed in and spoke up when she thought someone was wrong. She was true to her values and often showered you with hugs and kisses, food and flower crowns.
Tag, you’re it. Take care of them, would be the motto that they passed on when one of them left you and your brother in the care of another.
You would describe your home as a mad house full of laughter and good times. Birthdays were celebrated with extravagance and happiness with presents exchanged and wishes made on the candles of the prettiest cakes, dinner parties where stories were exchanged over drinks and food were hosted, dances where your uncles would each take turns dancing with you, the discussions where swearing was prohibited and words such as murder and torture were substituted with kid friendly words, evening tea and midnight feasts with the guns and knives lying on the table as they held you in their arms and kept you far away from weapons, warm days where your aunts and uncles would play with you and your brother outside, and rainy days where theatricals and pranks, paintings and music were ever present in the home with tremendous love, laughter and hugs.
“Not really. I had my aunts and uncles - my father’s closest friends in his gang who visited most of the time. It never felt lonely with them around... it felt like a mad house.” you said as you remembered the loud raucous laughter whenever a prank was pulled and the bright smiles that lit up the atmosphere “There was always some prank pulled, some game played, someone yelling, running around and laughing, bonfire nights and garden parties, and dinners and birthdays celebrated... having the time of our lives.”
Nikolai smiled at the description of the very warm and cozy house as he pictured a family full of vengeful gangsters laughing and having the time of their lives with children who didn’t know loneliness and emptiness but only knew love and warmth as he looked at you in interest “What happened to them?”
“Some of them died. Some of them... I think they are alive... but I don’t know. The rumors I’ve heard of them suggest that some of them are still alive and out there but I don’t want to hope.” you said tired and exhausted as you closed your eyes thinking of all the rumors and whispers you had heard of their whereabouts even though they had faded away long time ago.
You simply had given up hope for a happy ending.
When Nikolai inquired their names, you paused for a moment hesitantly and told him. Nikolai gasped audibly because the names you had just revealed to him were cautionary tales told to the children of Ravka and ghost stories whispered aboard his ship about the Order of the Dark Knights. Nikolai knew that you grew up with gangsters but he couldn’t quite comprehend and wrap his head around the fact that you grew up around the most feared and dangerous gangsters in Kerch and all of the world before the Crows came into the scene. He couldn’t believe that your father was the feared and revered leader of the Order of the Dark Knights who had blood on his hands and each tale more gruesome and fearsome than the last. Nikolai grew up hearing stories about each member who was uniquely talented and dangerous that no child should emulate, certainly not a Ravkan aristocrat. Nikolai had been fascinated with the thieves who set themselves apart with their ability to shed blood and fearsome talents. The last Nikolai heard of the Order of the Dark Knights was that they were burned to death in their leader’s house by an enemy. There were rumors someone had betrayed the gangster’s location and rumors that some members were still alive and stayed hidden undercover even today waiting for the right moment to rise. That they didn’t really die that night.
Nikolai looked at you and then understanding dawned upon him as his eyes widened “Y/L/N. Your last name is a fake one, isn’t it? You wouldn’t be so stupid as to take your father’s last name in Ketterdam and paint a target on your back.”
You smiled in amazement and astonishment wondering how Nikolai got you so perfectly, your eyes twinkling in mischief and reminiscence at the last name you had adopted from your imaginative mind “My first name is my real one. But I’m surprised at how well you know me. My last name is a fake one. Life isn’t easy when you realize that your father has many enemies who’d want to take their revenge on him by hurting him.”
“My sunshine, rule number one... please don’t ever become me.”
Nikolai remembered how his mother would tell him stories of your father’s ruthless ways. Your father was a story that intrigued Nikolai, the story about the heir who grew up in one of the most prominent and wealthy Honorable Aristocratic Houses of Ravka that was known for its nobility and purity of bloodline and everlasting loyalty to the Crown of Ravka to the point of blind following. The parents of this family had been rumored to be cold and heartless, grooming the children to be the perfect and invincible soldiers and subjects of Ravka and the children were seen as an example of perfection in every manner.
Of the particular family your father was the oldest and he had a younger brother, both eligible young bachelors who held positions of power and privilege in the Ravkan Court. But while the youngest was too happy to oblige and follow the rules, the heir of the family, the oldest brother rebelled and questioned the rules in place and how they were unfair to the poor. There were rumors of him being punished for simply visiting the poor and understanding the Grisha and mingling with them and becoming friends with the outcasts and the hungry.
The final string snapped when the heir of this prestigious family stepped to defend a soldier who was a scapegoat for treason against the King by a larger force. He was considered a traitor to the country when he pleaded a pardon for his long time friend, a poor man, a soldier who had been wrongfully accused of treason and sentenced to death. But your father could not let injustice of this country stand as he finally decided to act upon and decide who he was once and for all as he plotted and freed the soldier from his chains in the dungeons and a dangerous Grisha girl who had been locked in there for a long time just because her power was one no one else understood. Your father ran away in the night with the soldier and the Grisha girl escaping to Ketterdam where he started a new life climbing the criminal ladder with two faithful and loyal friends.
The soldier was none other than your godfather and father’s best friend, Sebastian and the dangerous Grisha girl who escaped alongside them was your Aunt Maya.
Your father hated the lot of them just as much as they hated him. He was burned from the family tree after been marked as a traitor and no one in his family spoke his name for he disgraced him with his act of treachery and the acts he committed as the leader of the Order of the Dark Knights and occupied a high position in the Merchants Council in Ketterdam. Nikolai knew that the story was intended to be a cautionary tale but he couldn’t help but feel inspired how your father was everything that everyone were afraid to be in the most dark and difficult times. Nikolai was inspired at how your father gave up his whole world, his family, his country to do what was right instead of living an easy life.
Nikolai had known your father’s younger brother. He held a position as an advisor in the court for a long time mending and repairing the honor of his family damaged by your father’s reckless actions. He was quiet and reserved, well mannered and intelligent, observant and calm. Vasily often made fun of the soft spoken advisor but Nikolai liked your father’s young brother. From his younger days, Nikolai admired the composed and smart brother Matthew who was gentle and kind - hearted to Nikolai, never acknowledging the rumors about him being a bastard but had only treated Nikolai as an equal and a noble prince. As Nikolai grew up, he struck up an odd sort of friendship with the Matthew who became Nikolai’s mentor, favorite advisor and a good friend.
Nikolai remembers the Matthew's love for his family. Your father’s family was notorious for its cold disposition and harshness in raising perfect children so Nikolai had expected the same from your father’s younger brother. He had been pleasantly surprised to see your father’s Matthew treat his children differently. Nikolai who was invited to the advisor’s house for countless soirees, talks and meals would witness Matthew spin his children around with a grin when he came home from work and then hug his wife tightly with a bright and tender smile.
Matthew never shared much about his family but only shared the vision Nikolai had for Ravka. Nikolai was astounded at his intelligence and observations, as he taught Nikolai his own sharp perceptions and observations about whose opinions mattered in the court for a King, what they liked and disliked, their family backgrounds and what the court thought of Vasily and Nikolai. A lot of what Matthew shared with Nikolai helped Nikolai to mold himself and charm his subjects, generals and advisors into seeing Nikolai as a charming, smart and capable leader.
Though his mentor never shared much about his family, Nikolai would glimpse a certain look of wistful sadness and pained bitterness about his brother who had been marked a traitor and banished on the pain of death. He had once caught his mentor staring at the burnt name on the tapestry of the family tree with quiet contemplation and longing, as if he carried a great burden of loss and grief on his shoulders. Nikolai had left him alone but had not forgotten that sight for it was not a well spoken and polite aristocrat he had seen then, he had seen a brother who was grieving for the loss of a brother he could not get back. Once Nikolai who had been grieving after Vasily had his father banish Dominik in disgrace and enlist his Dominik’s elder brother in the army, he had run toward Matthew’s place unannounced in the middle of the night because he felt helpless and didn’t know where else to go.
Please forgive my intrusion.
Not at all. Please stay if you like, Your Highness.
He had become a sort of odd father figure in that moment when he had seen Nikolai’s grief and hugged him in welcome and comfort. He had stayed over at the best guest room with a hot and hearty meal and warm clothes provided. In the morning, Nikolai had accepted the offer of taking a walk with Matthew as he let him know everything that had occurred, all the anger and grief and sadness he felt about losing his best friend and against Vasily who had betrayed him. Matthew had truly listened patiently to the young prince vent out his frustration and then struck up a proper conversation full of truth and honesty, comfort and shared experience making Nikolai feel safe and understood and Matthew assured him that he would make certain that Dominik’s family was well taken care of and later on pulled strings to get Dominik’s elder brother reassigned to a place where the fighting was light. After the most enlightening conversation full of shed tears and shared truths of hard burdens and brutalizing loss, Matthew and his wife had hugged Nikolai with such warmth, treating him like their own son and had let Nikolai know that she had made a special meal just for him and if there was ever anything, they would always be there for him.
Nikolai had been incredibly fond of Matthew and his family from then on and eternally in debt and grateful to Matthew for pulling the strings to keep Dominik and his family safe. He remembered how he had cursed Vasily angrily throughout their conversation and though Matthew shared many pieces of wisdom with him on that day, one stood out particularly and etched itself on Nikolai’s mind because it felt as if Matthew wasn’t talking about just Vasily and Nikolai.
“A cruel truth to it, isn’t it? Two brothers so close in age, the more one becomes one thing, the more other necessarily becomes the opposite.”
Later that day Matthew had called Nikolai into his study and showed him a picture of him and his brother. Matthew and his elder brother looked so young and handsome, shocking Nikolai at how old and exhausted they had grown up to be in the present. Nikolai examined the family picture of the brothers with their cousins, and recognized Matthew immediately. He was immediately recognizable as the smaller and handsome boy with dark hair, grey eyes and composed and haughty demeanor. A young Matthew stood regally and elegantly next to a older boy who looked very similar to him except he was charmingly handsome with a reckless and careless glint in his eyes, his lips curving into slightly warm smile as he held himself haughtily and coldly. But both of them were just children, just two brothers, frozen in the moment.
“This is my older brother. I believe he needs no introduction... he’s made a name for himself. Before he was what he is now, he insisted on serving in the infantry. He came back a war hero. I think that’s when my family was truly proud of him.” recalled Matthew quietly and wistfully as he pointed out his brother and then him in the photograph to Nikolai who looked at it curiously.
“Did he win medals?”
“Oh, Ravka bestowed many of the medals on him. Rewarded him the Medal of Honor, Army Commendation Award and the Distinguished Conduct Honor among many of them.” said Matthew with a small smile that seemed to Nikolai as if he was laughing at Ravka for bestowing medals upon a brave soldier and then banishing him without consideration for what he did for his country “But he threw them all in the fire and watched it burn. None of us came back the same.”
Nikolai felt shocked at the action of the elder brother but since Matthew was being unusually open, Nikolai let his curiosity get the better of him “What was he like?”
“He laughed. A lot. He wanted to sail ships and work with horses. Always the charming and rebellious one of the family.” replied Matthew with a genuine and fond smile curving on his lips, a smile that displayed brotherly love and childish affection, a smile that Nikolai had never seen before “He was in love with a girl before the war. Her parents were Suli and none of the families approved of the dalliance but he won the girl’s parents over.”
“She died at the age of sixteen. But my brother was there at her bedside for four months every day holding her hand. And after she died, he went away to war.” recounted Matthew, his smile fading slightly as he was lost in memories of long ago while Nikolai listened in amazement and heartbreak “My sweet, kind, charming brother who laughed a lot never came back after that.”
“But you have a distinguished war record as well. You received the Medal of Honor, the Meritorious Service Medal and Distinguished Service Medal among a few to name.” said Nikolai in admiration and respect as he looked at Matthew who had been one of the rare nobles who had given up the safety of a home and position to go serve in the trenches of the war as a medik. “You and your brother are hailed as two war heroes who were the miracle in the most brutal and dangerous of wars in the history of our country.”
“Ah, we were. My father objected when both of us enlisted but we had to enlist. We couldn’t stay in the comfort of a home or a tent when everyone else was going to fight for this country. My brother became a soldier and I became a medik to serve. I figured I’d be saving people, not killing them.” said Matthew quietly and contemplatively and Nikolai swore that Matthew looked as if he was back on the battlefield “I just kept praying to the Saints every damn moment in the chaos of the battle... not for myself... I prayed and begged the Saints to help me save one more person in this godforsaken war and heal them so they can go back to their families.”
Nikolai was silent, feeling absolute respect and admiration for his mentor who had saved many lives as he continued reminiscently “I wasn’t... I was thought of as mad of course, those days. Mediks weren’t as valued as soldiers. They thought I was a coward for not fighting. But my brother understood I was trying to serve in my own way.”
“The commander of my regiment tried to send me home but they... the soldiers I saved... warmed up to me. They stood up for me. They all said they’ll go home if I am sent in disgrace.” said Matthew with a small chuckle but there were tears in his eyes “I understood that you are always going to need all the help you can get and no one is going to help you if they don’t like you.”
Nikolai contemplated on those words silently as he retained the wisdom of that advice that honed the actions of his future and he knew he was stepping the line with this question but he needed to ask him “Your brother and you... did you care for him?”
“I thought the world of him. I thought we were going to fight and change the world side by side.” answered Matthew quietly and wistfully after a long moment with reminiscence in his eyes as he sighed “But in the end, he is who he is and I am who I am. There is no changing that.”
After a month or so, news reached Nikolai that Matthew had disappeared under mysterious and strange circumstances. Though the King sent search parties for him, no sign of him had been found. Matthew had finally been concluded as missing and presumed dead.
“He’s dead.”
“He - no - he can’t be!”
Nikolai had been in disbelief and denial as he attended the funeral of his mentor feeling grief and emptiness in his heart, hiding tears remembering his quiet and composed demeanor, his light smiles, wise advice and warm hugs. How was he supposed to do all this by himself now without an advisor, without his mentor? The grief only grew worse when he was informed that Matthew had left Nikolai a considerable amount of money in the will with the instructions to live wisely and freely as he chose.
Later, after the war when Zoya had investigated the Darkling’s chambers in the Little Palace, she had come across a few surviving letters that she found interesting and shared them with Nikolai. Nikolai had felt his heart jump to his throat at finding that this was a letter addressed to the Darkling by Matthew, in his elegant and neat handwriting and Nikolai had wasted no time in reading it.
To the Darkling,
I know I will be dead long before you read this, but I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret. I have discovered your true identity as the Black Heretic and your plans to extend the Fold with your secret search for the Sun Summoner and Morozova’s amplifiers. I intend to foil and destroy all chances of your plan to destroy Ravka. I face the possibility of death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will fail in your pursuit for power and die alone and unloved.
Nikolai had not been ashamed to admit that he had burst into tears of grief and pain. His mentor had sacrificed himself, not letting the world know the true story of his sacrifice just to save Ravka. Matthew had never wanted power and glory, he had just wanted to keep Ravka safe and keep Nikolai safe until he was ready to take back what was his. Matthew had been clever and intelligent enough to deduce the Darkling’s secrets and plans from an early stage and try to find a way to stop the Darkling alone without putting anyone else in danger but it was likely that the Darkling killed him off.
And now an invisible string that had spun his fate had tied him and tugged him to Matthew’s niece, Y/N, who had no family of her own all alone in the world. Nikolai felt awestruck and amazed at the frightening enormity of how destiny seemed to have a larger plan for all of them, how his mentor had been your late uncle and now how he met you who he was immensely in love with.
“You are Y/N Y/RLN (Real last name)” pronounced Nikolai in soft tenderness and amazed awe as he looked at you with widened eyes of astonishment.
You let out an audible gasp of incredible relief and happy gratitude because it had been so long since someone called you by your real name, the name you knew from birth to be your own, the name that had taken you in as their own with such love, the name you had cut ties with when you had arrived in Ketterdam and the name you sometimes forgot when hard days dragged on in its cold loneliness and hurt as tears sprung into your eyes and you nodded.
“I don’t think I’ve heard that name for a long time.” you breathed in wonder and relief as you stared at Nikolai with such tenderness and affection because your heart had skipped a beat at the way he had pronounced your name as if it was precious and beautiful and then you looked at him quietly through the tears “So what are you going to do now?”
Nikolai was taken aback by your question “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”
“I am Y/N Y/RLN, daughter of one of the most feared gangsters in the history of Ketterdam. I am very valuable. There are so many people who will give anything to get their hands on me to enact their revenge.” you said quietly with an air of pride and hidden vulnerability. “I have told you my secret I’ve never told anyone else... not even Kaz Brekker. Secrets often have a price in Ketterdam.”
Nikolai realized that though you were proud of who you were, you were now naturally scared of what would happen to you because you had confided your greatest secret in him and he saw that all your life you had been running and hiding and he hugged you tightly “Y/N, my darling, I will take your secret with me to my grave. Trust me, I will never hurt you. I like you just the way you are and I will protect you from anyone who dares to harm you.”
You buried your head on his shoulder as you felt warm and safe, your cheeks flushing with heat at his soft and honest words surprised because you had never felt this way as his intoxicating perfume comforted you and you murmured “I don’t feel so scared anymore.”
Nikolai held you tightly in his embrace, his heart wrenching at those words slipping out of your mouth because though you hid it very well behind your expressive smile and guarded and composed demeanor, you were still a vulnerable and scared child who had been abandoned from birth marked by grief and loss “You never have to be scared, my love. We’re in this together.”
You blushed at the sweet endearment Nikolai whispered in your ear and smiled gratefully as you broke the hug feeling warmth and happiness spread through you, your cheeks tingling in red hues as you twisted your fingers nervously and concentrated on finishing the final touches of the sketch. When you finished the sketch, you looked at it with pride, as emotions of wistfulness, love, grief, reminiscence and adoration swelled within you. You smiled softly and fondly at the drawing and then felt Nikolai gaze at you quizzically as you felt your heart skip a beat and then you looked back at your drawing quietly. It was something purely personal and private but you took a leap of faith to share this with Nikolai because in your heart you wanted to as you slowly and nervously showed him what you had been sketching.
Nikolai was pleasantly surprised as he took the sketchbook gently and delicately in his hands to see an incredibly talented and detailed drawing of a stoic and composed man with hard edges and sharp cheekbones who was elegantly and impeccably dressed in a suit smiling in warm and relaxed amusement as he held a cigarette in his hands, his icy cold blue eyes gleaming with mischievous delight and sly laughter that he held back as he looked fondly and lovingly and listened attentively to the little girl sitting on his lap talking to him with a solemn expression, an equally mischievous smile playing on her lips as she held his hand in hers.
Nikolai realized you had just shown him your father as you remembered him and he felt a lump of emotion rise in his throat at the fact that you trusted him so much with such a precious part of your life you kept hidden away from the rest of the world. It was a simple sketch but the love you had poured into the drawing showed the feared gangster who was thought of a monster as a relaxed, warm and kind father who had a softer and sweeter side to him that he hid from the rest of the world. He didn’t seem like a ruthless cutthroat gangster. He was simply a man.
Nikolai felt awed and amazed by it, he could feel the warmth and affection of it exude as he suddenly felt a craving to be in that sketch and wondered what on earth you were saying to your father, a feared gangster to make him smile in such amusement.
“That’s my father. I’d love it when he’d laugh. He had the nicest laugh in the world. Warm and steady. He’d always be amused whenever I was around... he had that little proud and amused smile he’d always wear whenever I did or said something.” you said with a reminiscent and fond smile as you remembered how your father’s laugh was such a joy in your life.
“That’s my little girl, ey? You are such fun when you say such odd things.”
“What’s an unforgettable memory you have of him?” asked Nikolai in curiosity as he looked at you, suddenly realizing that this was so sweetly intimate because you were letting your guard down around him and letting him know the little things that you hid from rest of the world.
“I have so many lovely memories of him that it’s impossible to choose. It’s lovely isn’t it? That my father gave me the nicest and loveliest memories to remember him by? But if I had to choose, it would be this one.” you said quietly and reminiscently with a lovely twinkle in your eyes as you spoke thoughtfully after a long moment as Nikolai shifted toward you listening raptly to you.
“My father was out on business to Ketterdam when my school teacher caned me and beat me up more than once for no reason. Perhaps he enjoyed it.” you said softly and honestly with a brave smile as you extended your hand, showing your palm to Nikolai whose eyes widened remembering the times Dominik was hurt by his teacher to punish him. “I feared his temper and hated going to school because I was so afraid.”
He felt hot rod of outrageous anger surge through him as he held your palm that had the scar of the unjust punishment you were given and you shivered when his thumb traced your scar gently “My mother didn’t care when I told her and my brother was the only one who cared. One day, I saw that my father had arrived home earlier than he was supposed to with his friends. He saw what happened to my hand and he went wild with anger. I’ve never seen him so unhinged, out of control. His eyes were glinting with murder but he I was scared and crying.”
“He calmed me down and comforted me, kissed my little wounded hand and bandaged it, made silly jokes, told me stories and put me to sleep. The next day, he woke me up at five and told me to get dressed in my best dress. My father drove me to the school where he had ordered a meeting with all the teachers of the school early in the morning.” you said remembering the tense atmosphere in the carriage where your father had held your little hand in his gently as he smoked his cigarette and contemplated on his thoughts solemnly. “They told me to stay in the carriage but after they left, I followed them and listened outside the door.”
“Ever the spy even when you were a little girl?” teased Nikolai with a mischievous glint in his eyes at the thought of you disobeying your dangerous father’s orders and doing things your own way but his smile faded slightly when he remembered what had happened to you. “What happened?”
“In the meeting, my father withdrew me from school and withdrew funding from the school. He was so calm, so quiet and yet I could feel his anger as he defied them by smoking in the room and threatened them. He didn’t beat them or hurt them but he was absolutely terrifying.” you said with awe and amazement as you remembered every word that your father had uttered in that meeting exuding the promise of death to anyone who so much as dared to breath near you “When he withdrew funding, the principal was furious. He yelled at my father for withdrawing funding and mentioned his crimes and I remember my father just slamming him to the wall and saying ‘I’m not a criminal. I’m a father. And I will break heaven and earth to protect my daughter. Any of you come near her again, in fact if you so much as try to do anything to hurt her and make her unhappy, I will find you and cut you to pieces.’”
Nikolai was equally stunned and impressed at your father’s overwhelming love for you that showed how far he was willing to go to protect you and suddenly wished that his father could have been half the man your father had been as he felt a lump of emotion swell in his throat as you continued “And then he took me out to the village where we spent the day out and we both had a really nice day together. And when he tucked me to bed and told me that I don’t have to go to school anymore, that I’ll be learning at home with governesses and if they gave me any trouble, I should tell him at once... when he told me that, I just felt warm and fuzzy... I felt I wasn’t alone. That no matter how hard life got, he’d always be there for me.”
“Not true, of course. I was wrong. He wouldn’t always be there for me. He was murdered a long time ago and now he’s not there for me anymore.” you said softly and sincerely with a saddened and pained expression and Nikolai felt his heart clench in pain as he squeezed your hand gently “But he was there for me throughout his life and that’s what counts, I guess.”
“Your father may have been a cold - hearted criminal but he was a good father. A kind father. I don’t think many people can say that about themselves.” said Nikolai honestly with a sincere smile as he squeezed your hand gently “And he raised a fantastic daughter. I’d think he’d be very proud of you.”
You smiled through your teary eyes as you looked at the portrait of your genuinely smiling father, his eyes warm and so alive in that moment and looked at Nikolai gratefully as you both stayed in silence and Nikolai asked a question that broke the moment “You said your father was murdered. There are stories that - well, he burned to death along with his closest order members that night.”
Nikolai observed you grow stiff and tense as your face drew into a cold and harsh expression “Yes. I was there that night. It was his birthday... one moment, there my father was smiling while everyone sang happy birthday and suddenly the whole house was on fire, an army of thugs surrounding it and turning the whole place upside down thirsty for blood. My uncles and aunts... they stayed back to fight and distract the thugs while my father ushered us into one of the secret tunnels that led out to safety.”
“I remember him carrying me very tightly, angry people yelling furiously trying to get through the barricaded doors and when he pushed me into the tunnel... he promised he’d come and find me as soon as he could and closed the entrance to the tunnel. That was the last I saw of him. Everything burned down as we ran away. Today is the day I lost my family. I lost my normal life.” you replied quietly as you rubbed your forehead in exhaustion and pain blinking back tears that came with the memories that you had thought of today “And the craziest thing is, I keep thinking that my father’s not really dead. He promised he’d come to find me. He always kept his promises. And he was the man who could always do the impossible, always one step ahead. If anyone could survive that fire, it was him.”
You buried your face in your hands because you were fairly certain you were mad with grief of loss and abandonment as tears slipped down your cheeks and then you wiped them away hastily and steadied yourself “But I know it’s not going to happen. So I made a promise to my dad... to all of them... that I’ll hunt whoever is responsible and when I find them, I will kill them.”
Nikolai knew from the dark gleam in your eyes that you had already found who was responsible for your father’s death and you were just biding time waiting for the opportune moment as he hesitated “Who is it who killed them?”
“Pekka Rollins.” you spat vengefully after a long moment of silence that seemed to stretch for eternity “He killed my father and snatched all of his properties and members to the Dime Lions. Kaz Brekker had his revenge on him and soon it will be my turn.”
“Then let’s destroy him until he begs for mercy from you.” asked Nikolai quietly in steely determination as he looked at you with fire of devotion burning in his eyes.
You were taken aback with surprise and shock as you felt speechless and tongue tied and you finally found your tongue as you replied “You’re going to help me?”
“Of course, love. I’m not going to let you go into this all alone.” replied Nikolai easily and charmingly as he winked at you making you blush “And if you do get in serious trouble, you will have diplomatic immunity on the table because you’ll be happily married to me.”
“You’re a prat!” you laughed, blushing a pretty pink as you tried to hide your shyness by taking a book that he had been reading and slapping him with it while he yelled in pain.
“OWWW! STOP HURTING ME, WOMAN!”
“KICK HIS ASS, Y/N!”
“GET HIM, GIRL!”
“ARE YOU EVEN MY FRIENDS?”
You collapsed into hearty laughter as you spared him mercy as he rubbed his shoulder with dramatic painful groans as he complained but he was smiling widely at you. You looked at the book Nikolai had been reading recently and opened it while Nikolai was busy retorting sassily at Genya, Nina and Zoya.
You smirked widely when you read the rather interesting paragraphs in the book and when Nikolai turned toward you, his eyes widened in nervous shock and dismay as he lunged for the book but you dodged him and began reading the text with a wide and teasing smirk “Anthony felt every fiber of his being consumed by the desire as he pushed her down to the bed and kissed her flawless alabaster skin with desperate passion, his lips traveling down her neck as he cupped her breast - “
“Alright, give it back!” yelled Nikolai who had gone red in embarrassment but you laughed in amusement as you danced out of his way, reading the filthiest parts you could find.
“My goodness, Your Majesty. Who knew that under that perfect prince disguise was a filthy man with naughty thoughts?” you teased as you stood on top of the arm of the sofa avoiding Nikolai who was scrambling to get to you desperately.
“It’s a love story! They are in love!” exclaimed Nikolai who was blushing in absolute embarrassment because now this had destroyed all chances of you seeing him as a prospective choice in your love life. In fact, this was the most humiliating thing that had ever happened to him in his life!
“My goodness, you dirty naughty boy, look at what you’ve been reading! Is this what you have been reading with a straight face?” you laughed in amusement as you wiggled your eyebrows teasingly and playfully at Nikolai making him stutter and blush. “I must say, your reading taste is very... filthy.”
“That’s enough, now give it back!” said Nikolai who lunged at you but you dodged him as you jumped on his back making him yell out loudly as you kept the book away from him and whispered teasingly and sensually into his ear silencing all protests “Was this how it felt to burn for someone you truly loved? To have them and hold them as your own and know that come what may their mind, body, soul and heart was only yours. Katherine let out a loud moan when her lover slammed his -”
“Alright, thank you very much!” said Nikolai who had practically frozen when you had started reading the filthy parts of the novel in a suggestive and sensual voice that had aroused something in him and he grabbed the novel from you as he heard you laugh teasingly and merrily into his ear. “Stop laughing, Y/N!”
“You can’t make me.” you replied boldly and daringly as you slid down from his back with an easygoing and laidback grin.
“Is that a challenge?” replied Nikolai equally cockily and confidently as he turned around and looked at you in a way one would measure his opponent and you felt shivers of pleasure run through you and jolt when he stepped toward you.
You held your breath as Nikolai stared at you longingly and intensely with such yearning that it took your breath away. He took another step to you as his face lingered close to yours that you could see the golden light flickering in his hazel eyes. You could feel his breath fanning your skin as his eyes flickered from your own eyes to your lips. His lips were hovering inches away from yours full of yearning and longing and you suddenly felt a semblance of a fire stoked within you. You knew you should step away but rationality and logic was slipping away from you each moment you were with him. You loved Kaz... you loved... you were trying to remember but it was getting unbearable when Nikolai was so close yet so far away.
The door opened abruptly and Nikolai and you jumped apart, your hearts beating very loudly as you felt your cheeks redden as you suddenly remembered where you were and what had happened. What was wrong with you? What had happened to you? Why had you let yourself indulge in a moment of weakness with Nikolai? He was attractive and handsome but he was your friend! You couldn’t afford to lose a wreck of another friendship! You knew this couldn’t be!
You poured yourself a strong glass of brandy to compose yourself, not wanting to look at Nikolai because you simply didn’t want to see him.
The messenger had arrived and was greeted unhappily by Genya who had groaned, Nina who poured herself another glass of brandy and Zoya who threw a cushion at the poor man as she yelled “REALLY? NOW? IS NOW THE TIME FOR YOU TO BLOODY ARRIVE? GET THE TIMING RIGHT, YOU IDIOT! I WAS ABOUT TO GET MY MONEY AND YOU HAD TO RUIN IT!”
You drank your glass of brandy in one go paying no attention to the messenger who delivered letters to everyone in the room and you poured yourself another glass of brandy when the messenger addressed you “Miss Y/N Y/LN?”
You smiled at him “Yes, that’s me.”
“This is for you.” he said with a nod as he handed over a few letters and you thanked him kindly.
You settled down in a sofa far away from Nikolai with your glass of brandy as you went through your usual letters that your friends from Ketterdam sent you. As you took a sip of your brandy, you nearly choked on it when you saw Kaz’ precise handwriting on the envelope addressed to you. This was Kaz’ first letter to you since you had left Ketterdam after your fallout with him. You felt unusually nervous and terrified, amazed and happy at the fact that Kaz had taken time out of his busy day to write to you. You didn’t know what the contents of the letter were but for the first time, you felt hope soar that this was the beginning of a reconciliation and a new beginning. Perhaps the very stubborn Kaz had somehow written a curt apology and that’s all you needed for now. You held the envelope in your hands for a long time because you wanted to hold onto the lovely dreams and fantasies of what might be in that letter and then you decided to get on with it as you opened the envelope and read the letter.
As you finished reading the letter, you felt a sense of disbelief take over your body and you read it over and over again because you didn’t want this to be the reality. Then something very dark and dangerous in you ignited, something that had been hurt and wounded for a long time began growling in anger as fury and rage boiled in you and crashed over you in overwhelming tidal waves until it was all you could feel and taste and breathe.
You felt the rage and fury burn through you as you stood up and threw your glass of brandy into the wall as it shattered into pieces alarming and shocking everyone who nearly jumped out of their seats and looked at you in concern and surprise but you didn’t care as your crumpled up the letter, breathing heavily and marched out of the room not seeing Nikolai look at you in genuine sincerity and concern.
“What happened?” asked Nikolai in concern as he jumped out of his seat and strode toward where you had been sitting.
“I think this might have been the cause.” said Nina as she picked up the letter that they all read.
To Y/N,
I hope you are in good health.
I know you are on vacation but your duty to the Dregs calls Nina and you now immediately. You are needed for an urgent and important mission in Ketterdam. Your specific skillset is urgently needed for this job. The details are confidential and you will be briefed on it once you are here. You will get your cut once the job is over. Nina and you are to be in Ketterdam within a week.
I know you would rather be lazing in Ravka but I am your employer. If you wish to not continue with this job and life, you can send me your resignation and your position within the Crows and Dregs will be terminated.
Thank you,
Kaz Brekker.
“Alright, that’s it! I am going to Ketterdam to choke the air out of that canal rat’s lungs!” exclaimed Zoya coldly with fury and anger burning in her beautiful eyes.
“I’m going to find Y/N.” mumbled Nikolai feeling absolutely outraged and furious at how Kaz Brekker treated you like you were some investment when you were more than that.
He was going to kill Kaz Brekker with his bare hands the next time he saw him.
After searching the palace, Nikolai stepped into the library where you sought solace and comfort most of the time and heard sniffling and small crying sounds. His heart broke into a tiny million pieces at your pain as he closed the library door softly and took a few steps to find you when from behind a book shelf your voice echoed “OI, go away Nikolai! I don’t want to see you.”
Nikolai halted in surprise and amazement because he had not spotted you yet but you had recognized him as he called out “How do you know it’s me?”
“I know the sound of your footsteps.” you replied knowingly as you rubbed the tears that threatened to leak from your eyes at your heart clenching in hurt and misery because it was always Nikolai who cared about you so much and checked up on you to see if you were fine whereas Kaz broke your heart every chance you gave him.
Nikolai smiled in amazement and astonishment because he was touched and surprised that you knew him so well and paid so much attention to the smallest of things about him as he called out kindly “Alright, now come out. You’ve been there ages.”
You snapped in exhaustion and pain because you just wanted to be alone “Just leave me alone!”
Nikolai followed the sound of your voice as he sat opposite of the shelf where you were sitting, his back facing yours as he let you be alone but he leaned his head back to the shelf as he said gently and sincerely after a long moment of silence as he listened to your quiet crying “Just try not to let him get to you.”
You laughed sarcastically as tears rolled down your cheeks as you snapped in frustration “Oh thanks for that. That’s brilliant advice. Really is! Absolutely brilliantly stupid!”
Nikolai sighed biting his tongue in frustration because he knew that today was a very emotional day for you full of reminders of the life you could have had and the life you had lost with your family and Kaz Brekker had just stoked your grief further as he stayed quiet for a few moments and then took a bold choice “I think your dad would be absolutely heartbroken to see you being hurt by Kaz Brekker over and over again when all he does is never see you for who you are... a wonderful, powerful, kind and strong woman. He’d protect you from him and tell you that Kaz isn’t the one for you.”
You felt acidic bitterness overwhelm your mouth as you spat out “What do you know of my father?”
“I know that he is the man who threatened your school teachers because they hurt you. Because they inflicted pain on you and made you cry. So I know that no matter what, he would want you to always be happy and loved.” said Nikolai honestly and sincerely with no qualms about speaking his mind to you as you listened in awestruck and shocked silence at how Nikolai spoke to your very soul.
You were quiet because you hated that Nikolai was right. But you had believed that Kaz would be better. You had believed that deep down Kaz Brekker truly loved you and hid it in fear of consequences. You believed that in time Kaz Brekker would come to understand his feelings for you and reciprocate the same intense and deep love you felt for him. You sobbed quietly, your hand covering your mouth at how stupid and naïve you had been. You had dreamed of a happy ending with the boy you loved so much but that boy never dreamed of you. Kaz Brekker never thought of you and dreamt of you, he never cared for you and today’s letter was proof that you were merely just an investment to him. You felt angry at yourself for loving him so much despite every desperate attempt to try to forget him and stop loving him. But even though you were miles away from Ketterdam, Kaz Brekker was still the one you loved despite your efforts to break free from him. It hurt you that you were so weak as to be tied in love with a bastard who didn’t even spare a thought for you and you wondered whether you’d ever get out of the darkness of this abyss. This feeling of addiction to an intoxicating drug that you knew was bad yet you couldn’t let go of yet. This feeling of breathing fresh air for a moment before being pulled down to the darkness of the freezing stormy water by the very man she loved. You were trying to leave him but it was just so hard.
You felt so insignificant, completely useless and utterly humiliated by the very person you loved so deeply and who you thought cared for you more than an investment.
But you were so wrong.
As you muffled your quiet sobs, you felt Nikolai’s quiet and gentle presence on the other side of the bookshelf, keeping you company. You didn’t understand why he was doing this for you. Perhaps he saw a damsel in distress to rescue. Perhaps he pitied you. Perhaps he was just here providing you comfort and friendship because he was just that kind of good, kind - hearted and nice person.
You heard rustling of paper and saw that a paper bird that had flown to your side of the shelf. You knew it was Nikolai as you sniffled and delicately opened the paper to see his lovely handwriting “So aside from taking my breath away, what do you do for a living?”
You couldn’t help but smile widely amidst your tears when another paper note in the shape of a butterfly slipped toward you and you picked it up as you read “I was wondering if you are here... who is running Heaven?”
You didn’t like pickup lines but you couldn’t help grinning like a fool as your tears began to dry and you shook your head in amusement and exasperation when another note folded in the shape of a pineapple was sent to you and you read it in anticipation “If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine - apple.”
You couldn’t help it, an amused giggle escaped your lips at this terrible pickup line and Nikolai who heard it grinned in happiness and encouragement as he scribbled his next pickup line and folded it neatly in a shape of a flower as he slipped it toward you.
You opened it with curiosity as your eyes skimmed over “I’d say Saints Bless You but it looks like they already did.”
You couldn’t help but throw your head back and laugh out loudly like a child and Nikolai grinned in pleasure and happiness at listening to your beautiful and wonderful laugh, glad he had cheered you up but he was adamant to work until the very end to see you happy as he wrote another note in the shape of an elephant that you read “I thought this was a library but this must be a museum because you are a masterpiece!”
“Stop it! You are absolutely ridiculous!” you laughed in amusement and exasperation as you shook your head flustered as your cheeks flared with warmth while Nikolai grinned widely as he sent you another note shaped as a heart.
“You must be hell of a thief because you managed to steal my heart from the moment I saw you.”
“If I stole your heart, you wouldn’t be breathing and alive, you absolute moron.” you retorted with an amused laugh, as your eyes twinkled in delight and happiness but your heart fluttered and skipped a few beats as you read those words over and over again. “And where on earth are you getting all these parchment from?”
You heard Nikolai laugh in amusement and delight as he scribbled something and you saw a note shaped like a swan that you unfolded as it read “There must be something wrong with my eyes... I can’t seem to take them off you.”
You blushed as you spluttered going red in the face as your heart fluttered with amazement and wonder at those words as you exclaimed “Are you drunk?”
Nikolai’s lips grew into a teasing and playful smile as he slipped another note in a shape of a flower that you unfolded “I’m not drunk. I’m utterly intoxicated by you.”
“You smooth motherfu -” you began in astonishment and exasperation as your lips tugged into an involuntary smile as you shook your head fondly “How many pickup lines do you even have?”
“Enough to make you smile for eternity.” replied Nikolai with a bright and gentle smile of his own, certainty and sincerity ringing through his voice.
You smiled brightly, your heart lighter and happier than it had been as you crawled to Nikolai’s side of the shelf and sat next to him, the precious notes tucked safely in your pocket.
You smiled softly and sweetly at Nikolai as you felt warmth and gratitude blossom in your heart for him as your breath caught in your throat “Thank you. You know, for making my life slightly less miserable.”
Nikolai smiled at you so sweetly and lovingly that you genuinely felt your heart stop beating as he whispered “To see you happy, I’d do anything.”
You smiled at Nikolai, your heart full of astonishment and wonder at how a person could be full of light and love and give it so unconditionally. You felt a hurt pang in your heart as you realized that you had such a deep bond with Kaz but it was all lies and broken promises used to stab at your deepest wounds and all the secret smiles you had shared with him had become cruel smirks and muffled sobs of pain. You suddenly felt the weight of fresh pain and heartbreak suffocating you as you remembered Kaz Brekker, the boy who had stood by you through thick and thin that now was the reason for you drowning in sorrow and heartache as he watched heartlessly and cruelly.
Nikolai knew by your expression that you were thinking of Kaz as he whispered softly “Are you alright?”
“For so long, I hoped that Kaz would see me the way I see him and love me back. But I was foolish and misguided to let a thief and con artist trick me into believing that I could be loved. To hope that one day, things would be different.” you replied feeling disappointment and pain burn you fiercely and furiously as you realized how stupid and foolish you had been.
“You know, someone who really wants you and cares about you, someone real... would never turn their back on a chance to get to know you.” said Nikolai softly and sincerely, his voice cracking slightly in heartbreak and pain seeing the darkness and self - loathing in your beautiful eyes as he placed his hand on your shoulder gently.
“I don’t have anyone real in my life, Nikolai. I never will.” you replied bitterly and honestly as you felt the sharp arrows of pain and agony pierce you deeply as your eyes clouded with cold understanding and firm decisiveness “I fell in love once... I will never make that mistake again.”
Nikolai felt his heart shatter into pieces at your cold and cutting words that entirely broke his world. He had thought that in time you’d forget Kaz Brekker and hope for a new beginning in love but it seemed that Kaz Brekker had hardened and closed your soft and open heart for loving him. Nikolai felt utterly shocked and hurt as he looked into your eyes and saw that unwavering and firm decisiveness that meant every word you had said and realized that you would not change your mind about love ever again. You would not fall in love again and even if you did... you would never admit it. Nikolai wanted to murder Kaz Brekker for damaging you and making you believe that you deserved to be alone for the rest of your life.
And though Nikolai knew that grief was hardening you and molding you into a girl who had no hope, Nikolai still offered you hope and sincerity as he blinked back his tears and placed a soft kiss on your cheek “It doesn’t mean you are alone. I’ll always be here for you, Y/N... I’ll always be whatever you need me to be.”
You felt warmth spread on your cheeks as the spot on your cheek tingled at the brief touch of Nikolai’s lips that lit a spark in your joyless heart as you looked at him in awe and affection “It doesn’t matter what I need you to be. You should always be unapologetically yourself... you... you are someone who should always be truly happy.”
Nikolai felt shy at how you were looking at him with such intense admiration and fond adoration as you smiled softly and sincerely at him, making a swarm of butterflies flutter within him as he felt himself lose his breath at how divine you were when you raised your eyebrows at him inquisitively “Were you going to ask me something?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Well... you furrowed your eyebrows a great deal this evening when conversing with me. You do that when you are thinking of something important to you and you want to say it but you are uncertain or afraid of the outcome.” you pointed out honestly and truthfully as you raised your eyebrows knowingly because you had observed the wonderful, amusing, quirky little mannerisms of the boy king who you had a soft spot in your heart for.
Nikolai was stunned at your astute and sharp observation and even more shocked that you had cared enough to observe and remember a little quirk and mannerism of his own that he didn’t realize himself as he replied shakily “I do?”
“Yes, you do. At first, when I first saw this, I thought of getting you a Healer because I was concerned that you were having a stroke.” you replied teasingly and playfully with an expression of amusement etched across your face.
Nikolai scowled at you but his lips curved into an amused smile when you burst into delighted laughter and he shook his head at you in exasperation and affection and you looked at him curiously “So what’s on your mind, Nikolai?”
Nikolai had been thinking of asking you out but now he wasn’t so certain. Would you say yes? This was a bad idea. There were so many ways this could go wrong. You could slap him. You could leave Ravka. You could laugh at him and call him crazy. You could reject him and make him feel like an absolute fool for thinking that he stood a chance with you.
To all the Saints and their mothers, he didn’t stand a chance with you! He knew that! And you weren’t interested in him, despite the strong bond that were developing between you two. You were simply unattainable.
Anything worth doing starts as a bad idea.
“I - well, I know you are busy and you have so many important things to - but, I was thinking whether - like - I wanted to know if you would - um - what I mean to say -” began Nikolai stuttering nervously as the tips of his ears flushed red and the heat crept up his neck with shyness and embarrassment at how he was making such a simple task, a spectacular disaster and wished someone would kill him now and put him out of his misery.
You raised your eyebrows in slight amusement and concern as you queried “Are you having a stroke?”
“More like a heart attack because of you, you oblivious beautiful wonderful girl!” thought Nikolai who was having a cardiac arrest, his heart beating at speed that was completely inhumane and he could feel himself sweating nervously and his head spin in dizzy admiration, hope and fear at the thought of asking you out.
“WouldyouliketospendadaywithmeinRavkajustthetwoofus?” asked Nikolai immediately in one breath, his words sounding like messed up gibberish that could hardly be interpreted and understood.
You raised your eyebrows quizzically trying to figure out what the hell had just come out of Nikolai’s mouth because it sounded like a very complicated made up word or a language that had just been invented as you replied firmly “That’s it. I’m worried about you. I’m going to get -”
“NO! I MEAN, WOULD YOU LIKE TO ACCOMPANY ME AND SPEND A DAY WITH ME IN THE TOWN, JUST THE TWO OF US?” yelled Nikolai in a frenzied panic and fright as the words slipped out of his mouth before he could control himself because he wanted to seize this chance before it slipped away and you left him in a week.
Nikolai suddenly realized that he had just yelled at you to accompany him and felt absolutely embarrassed and horrified at what he had just done as his eyes grew wide and he felt humiliated beyond belief wanting the floor to open up and just erase him out of existence.
His humiliation and embarrassment only grew when you laughed in amusement as he lowered his eyes in shame because your rejection hurt him deeply and bitterly when he heard you chuckle in amusement “Oh Saints! That’s what you were worried about this whole time? You could have just asked me, you know.”
Nikolai felt his world screech to a halt at her mind blowing response as he questioned his reality and met your kind eyes that twinkled with mischief as he rasped out hopefully “So... you’re not saying no?”
“You really are a complete idiot, Nikolai.” you replied honestly and truthfully as you rolled your eyes at him and placed your hand on his shoulder with a wide grin “Why would I say no? You’re my friend. It would be lovely to spend time with you.”
Nikolai’s overwhelming happiness was slightly spoiled by the pang of hurt and disappointment he felt when you called him just a friend. But Nikolai knew you were still healing from the bitter heartbreak you had suffered at the hands of Kaz and you needed time. Nikolai was fine with being your friend. He wanted to be more than that in his heart but he knew that it was too much of him to hope for you to love him back now. All he could do was get to know you, enjoy your company, cherish your friendship and try not to fall more in love with you.
How hard could it be?
But right now, it was very hard because you were absolutely stunning as he felt his heart shattering into pieces at the unintentional and unknown rejection from your side as he replied with a bright smile, trying to hide how sad he felt “Yeah. Friends. That’s right we are friends. Who aren’t definitely going on a date.”
“Yeah. After everything that’s happened with Kaz, and all the people I know who were friends but started dating and then broke up... it becomes messy.” you replied honestly finding it very easy to confide how you felt to Nikolai who had become your close friend “I have a rule now. I don’t date anyone I’m friends with.
Nikolai’s heart dropped in disappointment and ached with absolute pain and rejection as he realized that he was never going to have a chance with you as he struggled to find the words through the feeling of disbelief that he hid with a bright smile as he joked “Yeah, yeah, um - that’s funny because I have the same rule. No more friends. I’m completely into dating my enemies.”
“Yeah. And if you break up with them, you can always get your revenge on them and kill them.” you replied with an amused laugh but you felt that you had said something wrong because Nikolai’s smile wasn’t reaching his bright hazel eyes.
Nikolai managed to laugh through the pain he felt as he retorted with a grin “Very violent but I agree. Nice and easy.”
The silence engulfed them and it felt awkward and tense between the both of you. The silence between you and Nikolai had never felt uncomfortable before and you racked your brain trying to think of what you might have said to make Nikolai upset. You shifted from one foot to another and Nikolai fiddled with his sleeve nervously refusing to meet your eyes and you felt absolutely hurt wondering how you could make the silence easy and companionable like it always was between the both of you. You felt uneasy at how Nikolai hid how upset he felt and wanted to see him genuinely smile.
The words burst out of your mouth before you could stop yourself because you could not bear to see Nikolai upset “Hey, are you a vegetable?”
Nikolai looked at you in absolute confusion “What?”
“Because if you were a vegetable, you’d totally be a cute - cumber.” you answered easily with a wide and playful grin hoping that Nikolai would cheer up.
Nikolai’s eyes widened in surprise as he processed what you had just said and pink dust scattered over his cheeks as he felt shy and laughed in amusement and understanding as he felt his his heart flip with adoration for you as he highfived you “Oh that’s good! You got back at me with the pick up lines! I didn’t know you had them up your sleeve.”
You laughed in joy as you smiled fondly at Nikolai as you realized that one day, he was going to love someone heart and soul and something within you ached bitterly at that thought feeling possessive of Nikolai as you smiled at how he talked enthusiastically, his eyes gleaming with bright light that only belonged to a million stars that burned in a far away galaxy.
You wanted to sink into the darkness of your bitter disappointment and painful self - loathing but Nikolai Lantsov was the beautiful sun, the burning fireplace, the warmth that gave you hope and lifted your spirits up even in the darkest of times.
You were losing faith in love but Nikolai Lantsov made you believe deep down that you still deserved to dream and love again.
And as you gazed at Nikolai’s kind and handsome face, it struck you that though you had lost your family and innocence, had blood on your hands that could never be washed off and had your heart broken and bruised, you had found a safe place that you could call a home with Nikolai Lantsov.
And as Nikolai’s bright hazel eyes met your own and your hand slipped gently into his, you both realized that you both had been fighting memories all on your own and standing in the rain alone for too long as you clung onto your bruised hearts and broken homes but now after a long time, both of you had found someone who gave them hope and someone who they would stay for and love the most.
Taglist: -
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#six of crows#shadow and bone#six of crows x reader#six of crows x y/n#six of crows x you#shadow and bone x reader#nikolai lantsov x reader#nikolai lantsov#nikolai lanstov x y/n#nikolai lantsov x you#kaz brekker#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker x y/n#kaz brekker x fem!reader#nina zenik#matthias helvar#inej ghafa#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#wylan van sunshine#zoya nazyalensky#genya safin#david kostyk#tolya and tamar#soc#six of crows fic#nikolai lantsov fic#kaz brekker fic#Grishaverse
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What of your family, Boy? What do you know? My family are all gone. I was orphaned by the war in Dva Stolba. You would've passed through Caryeva and its three orphanages on your way.
#shadow and bone#shadow and bone spoilers#sabedit#dailyshadowandbone#malinaedit#malina#mal x alina#maloretsevedit#alinastarkovedit#malyen oretsev#mal oretsev#alina starkov#my edits#malina tag#home :')))
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The Feast of Sankt Nikolai
Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x reader
Summary: You celebrate the Feast of Sankt Nikolai
A/N: Idk when I decided that Nikolai is a MASSIVE simp for his wife, but tell me it doesn’t fit 😂
Crown and dress references at the end
There was always a ball for the Feast of Sankt Nikolai. It wasn’t only Ravka’s biggest holiday, it was also the King’s Saints’ Day, which could not go uncelebrated. Your husband had shifted the focus of the party to the holiday rather than himself, loving the festive season as much as his people. If not more. The kitchen staff had been working all week to prepare the feast, the servants had been up since dawn cleaning and decorating the ballroom, and you’d been ushered into a bath at 3 bells to prepare.
Aside from the party Nikolai threw every year for your birthday, this was the biggest ball of the year, with the entire court and their families in attendance. After you’d bathed, your maids had draped you in a woolen robe and sat you down to work on your hair and makeup. You envied Nikolai in this regard: he didn’t have to spend hours preening before a ball, he could wake up ten minutes before it started, throw on a suit, and be done.
When you were done, you were dressed in a gown of red velvet with an off-the-shoulder neckline, the cuffs of the long sleeves, hem, and neckline trimmed in white fur. It had been fashioned after the version of Sankt Nikolai that visited children’s homes in the night and delivered presents, something you’d always found charming. Your hair was curled and pinned into an updo, diamond snowflakes pinned throughout, a tiara of glittering snowflakes nestled atop your head. Such was the theme of your other jewels for the evening: snowflake earrings and a diamond snowflake pendant around your neck, your engagement and wedding rings on your finger.
Nikolai entered the bedroom, dressed in his military dress uniform, and stopped dead in his tracks. Your maids curtsied and excused themselves, leaving you with your husband. “My love,” he whispered, stepping forward and taking your hands in his. “You are absolutely radiant. I… Saints, I could look at you all day.” You felt your face warm, and Nikolai kissed you sweetly. “But there’s no time for that. Not if we want to make the party.”
Your husband took your arm and led you down to the ballroom, nearly falling down the stairs with how frequently he turned to look at you. You were announced and you entered, taking in the beauty of the ballroom. Tinsel and garland was strung from the ceiling and candles lit the entire room. Wreaths of evergreen graced every table, and the feast was already laid out. Brown sugar glazed ham, scalloped potatoes, roasted green beans, freshly baked rolls, wine, champagne, ale, and beer graced the table, and Nikolai forwent a formal speech in favor of simply declaring “Enjoy yourselves!”
Court business had been banned from this ball, and everyone was glad for the break. Laughter flowed as freely as the wine, and you found yourself laughing at the Duchess of Caryeva’s story in a very un-queen like manner. Your husband had his arm slung around your shoulder, keeping you close to him as you conversed with members of your court. When the feast was cleared away, Nikolai reached beneath the table and handed you a wrapped parcel.
“Kolya,” you said, taking the gift from his hands. “Now Y/N, darling, I don’t want to hear ‘You didn’t have to get me anything’, because we both know I make it my duty to spoil my bride absolutely rotten. This is just a taste of what I have for you tomorrow morning.” You shook your head, but you were smiling as you tore the paper, revealing a rare, first edition of your favorite novel. “Oh, Nikolai,” you said, and the King leaned in close.
“So, did I do good?” “Yes!” you cried, throwing your arms around him. “I love it, thank you!” Nikolai kissed you deeply, not caring that his entire court was watching, pulling you even closer to him. “Of course, my dear. Now,” he said, reluctantly pulling away and standing. “If my queen would be amenable, I should like to ask for her hand in a dance.” A servant took your book, promising to deliver it directly to your rooms, and you stood, taking Nikolai’s hand.
The King led you to the floor, bowing before you as you curtsied, before taking your hands. The musicians struck up a waltz and you spun around the room, a smile on your face the entire time. Nikolai leaned forward to kiss you every so often, which made you giggle, and when the dance ended, your husband brought you to the side of the room and refreshed your drinks.
The rest of the evening was spent dancing, drinking, laughing, and overall shirking the responsibilities of the crowns you wore. The servants brought out desserts: cookies, cakes, candies imported from Kerch, and the party lasted for several hours. In fact, most of the court was still drinking and dancing at 2 bells. But soon after that, people began leaving, and the musicians began playing a slow song. Nikolai pulled you into his arms, swaying back and forth slowly.
“Happy Saints’ Day, Kolya,” you whispered, and he laughed softly. “I’d nearly forgotten that was today.” “Did you? That’s half of the reason we had this ball.” “Hmm,” was all Nikolai said, tightening his arms around you, kissing your forehead. In truth, he’d spent the entire evening watching you. Watching you laugh, watching you smile, watching you dance with various members of the court.
You were dazzling, you were graceful, you were bold, everything a queen should be. And you were his. With all the choices you’d had in a husband, you’d picked Nikolai, and was grateful for that every day. Nikolai had never believed in true love, but then he’d met you, and every expectation he had about true love went out the window. Never in his life had Nikolai known such joy, such passion, such devotion. And he was so devoted to you; the King knew how many admirers he had within his court, how many ladies prayed for the day he took a mistress, but they would be sorely disappointed. There was no woman as beautiful as you, as regal as you, as perfect as you.
“Where’d you go?” you asked, drawing Nikolai out of his revere. “What, darling?” “You had that look on your face.” “What look?” You smiled, cupping his cheek, running your thumb over his cheekbone. “That look you get when you’re so stupidly in love with me that you start smiling like a drunkard.” The King indeed had a dopey smile on his face, and he tipped your chin up to kiss you. “It’s because I am so stupidly in love with you that I can seldom think of anything else.”
He kissed you deeper, and you squealed as he dipped you towards the floor. “Nikolai!” “Hush, woman, let me kiss my wife.” Your squeals turned to laughter as your husband kissed your neck, then your collarbones, before standing you upright. “Perhaps if you want to kiss your wife, you’ll take her upstairs.” A devilish look crossed his face, and Nikolai tucked an arm under your legs and lifted you into his arms. “Perhaps I’ll do just that.”
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A Tale of Stolen Hearts: Chapter I - How Stealing One Thing Led You to More Than You Bargained for
Summary: You meet General Aleksander Kirigan in an unusual circumstances. You steal something from him. To get out of this mess, you're forced to travel with him all the way to Fjerda. You don't take a liking to each other, but you become stuck with each other for some time. During these weeks, you slowly start to understand each other more… and feel something. Together, you face many dangers but you prevail. But will you succeed in your mission? And will your fragile heart survive the closeness of one handsome General of the Second Army?
A/N: I have returned! With the promised fanfic about General KiriganxReader. It took me longer than I thought, but I had a lot of distractions. But it is here now and I really hope you will like it. Happy reading!
As usual, I don't own anything from "Shadow and Bone". Also, remember I didn't read the books (yet?). And English isn't my first language, so if you see some mistakes, let me know.
Chapter Summary: What happens when you steal from the most powerful man in Ravka?
Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader
Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader
Word Count: 3936
A/N: Inspired by prompts:
https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089550833/
https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089533161/
https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089533260/
https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089533275/
https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089533209/
https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089533284/
https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089550815/
https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089533242/
https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089533271/
https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089554932/
Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):
@budugu
@intothesoul
@mizelophsun11
@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy
@zeeader
It's night. Caryeva is mostly deserted. Darkness holds the city in its hold and does not want to let it go. It's perfect time for various of criminals and people with dark intentions to walk the streets. Since this is exactly what you're doing, does that make you a bad person? You'd argue about it.
Shadows are your friends. You feel more at ease in them than in the light. Easier to hide, easier to disappear. But you don't think you're a bad person. But you know you're not a good person either. However, the guy that suddenly shows up next to you probably is.
'Money or your life?' he snarls, pressing the gun in his hand to the side of your head. You laugh.
'Bold of you to assume that I want to live,' you say. 'And that I have money.'
The man looks at you, confused. You turn your head. Moonlight shines on your face. The man looks at you, horrified. You sigh inwardly.
Here we go…
'Miss Elizabeth [L/N]!' the man stutters and pulls away the gun from you. You stop yourself from sighing for real. This situation? It's not the first time.
You often get mistaken for your twin sister. It never used to bother you, but now that she's become the most dangerous crime boss in the city it's starting to get awkward. But sometimes, like tonight, it can be useful.
'Scram,' you say to the man, your eyes ice cold. The man is gone in a second. You sigh heavily and continue on your way. You stop a few minutes later in front of one of the bars. You enter it and at once are attacked by sounds and smell of alcohol.
'From all the places…' you say, scrunching your nose. You take a deep breath and get into the crowd of drunk people. Every hand that gets near you gets immediately slapped. Finally, you reach a table occupied by one man. His hair is blonde, eyes are blue and his smile is dazzling.
'Hey, [Y/N],' he says and gets up to greet you with a kiss on the cheek. 'Glad you could make it.'
'I did, Dominic, but next time please pick a different venue,' you ask, looking around you with disgust. 'This place is horrible.'
'Trust me, it's still not the worst place I could think off,' Dominic says, grinning. 'What's your poison?'
'You know very well I'm not here for drinks,' you say, giving him a look. Dominic sighs and raises his hands in surrender.
'Fine, fine,' he says and sighs. 'Sometimes you're not fun at all.'
'You know I'm in a hurry,' you say. 'So? What do you have for me?'
Dominic's eyes shine. He grins.
'Oh, you're gonna love it,' he says. 'Do you know who have arrived to our city? Grisha. And not just any Grisha. They are from the Little Palace.'
'Are they having something valuable with them?' you ask. Dominic nods.
'Some very important pendant,' he answers. 'Apparently, a Saint gave it to one of the Grisha. Don't ask me which Saint and which Grisha, I didn't listen. I hear only words: important, pendant, expensive.'
'I hope you also heard where it is being held,' you say. Dominic presses a hand to his chest in a mock offense.
'Have I ever failed you?' he asks. You raise your eyebrow at him.
'Do you really want me to answer that question?' you ask. Dominic is silent for a moment.
'Fair enough,' he says finally, shrugging. 'So? Did I meet your expectations?'
'I'll tell you once I get this pendant,' you answer. 'Tell me what I need to know.'
'The Grisha are staying in our very fancy hotel,' Dominic says.
'I feel for them,' you say.
'Yeah, I know. Anyway, the pendant is in a room 222.'
'Doesn't sound fancy.'
'Did you expect more from our hotel? The pendant should be kept in a drawer. I think it was next to the bed.'
'You think?'
'Yeah. Also, there's some party tomorrow night and all Grisha from the hotel are going to be there. I'd say it's a perfect for a little theft.'
'I say. Well done. Just tell me one thing. Did you gather all of that information while having sex?'
'Why do you think that?'
'By the lack of some information. It sounds like you were… preoccupied to remember them.'
'… I won't deny nor confirm it.'
'… You're such a dork. Thanks for it.'
'Yeah, no problem. Good luck with that… and that other thing.'
Dominic looks at you with compassion. You stare at him for a moment. You force a smile.
'Thanks,' you say and stand up. You pay him for his trouble and hurry out of the bar. No need to stay there longer than necessary. Once outside, you breath in the fresh air. Or at least fresher.
'Hello, lady,' a drunk man says, staggering toward you. 'Are you up for some fun?'
'Not tonight, sorry,' you answer, scaring him with a knife to his throat, and grin. 'But tomorrow… tomorrow is gonna be full of fun.'
*
You watch the hotel from the shadows. After a few minutes you walk to the back door and open it using your tools. You hear a click and smirk. You open the door and sneak inside. After locking the door behind you, you look around. You hear voices of the hotel service but they're far away. No one is around.
You take off your coat, revealing clothes of hotel service. You hide your coat, straighten up and walk forward, acting like you belong here. A moment later you're between the staff. You bump into someone.
'Oh, sorry,' you apologise and continue on your way. And just like that you have keys to hotel rooms. You quickly grab some hotel cart with cleaning supplies and make your way to an elevator. You press the button for floor number two and wait. Soon the door opens and you step outside.
You look around the corridor and head toward room 222. After finding it, you use the keys you snatched and open the door. You enter it and cautiously look around. But like Dominic said, no one is inside.
'Perfect,' you murmur and push the cart inside, then close the door behind you. 'Now, if I were to stash something valuable, where would I hide it?'
You leave the cart by the door and start snooping around. Remembering Dominic said the pendant is probably in a drawer next to bed, you head toward it. The room is nothing fancy, same as the bed. There's a cupboard next to it with three drawers. All of which are locked.
'Do I have the key or do I not have the key?' you murmur to yourself, checking the keys. 'Of course, I don't. The fun way, then.'
You take out your tools and start working on the locks on the drawers. Soon you're checking them one by one. No pendant in any of them. You sigh and look around the room, searching for any more furniture with drawers. Your eyes fall on a chest of drawers at the other end of the room.
'Let's try this one,' you say and hurry to the piece furniture. You unlock the drawers with your tools and start checking their contents. In the third one you find a black box that could be used to put a piece of jewellery inside it. You open it… and you find a gorgeous pendant inside.
'Hello, my friend,' you say, grinning. You take the pendant out of the box. You close the box and put it back in the drawer. Then, you quickly lock all the drawers back. You hurry to the cart and stash the pendant among the cleaning supplies. You grab the cart and leave the room. You lock it with stolen keys and walk away. You're almost at the at of the corridor when three men turn to corner.
They're wearing keftas so you know at once they're Grisha. You don't know what made them to return early. You don't wonder about it. You just drop your head and walk past them. None of them pays you any mind. You turn the corner and wait a moment. Then, you look back carefully. Sure enough, the three Grisha enter the room 222. Because life's never easy, is it? And when something can happen, it does.
You grab the cart tightly and walk toward the elevator, praying they won't check the drawer with the box right away. Or the box. You enter the elevator and ride down. You walk past hotel service to the corridor with the back entrance. You leave the cart and drop the keys there, while taking the pendant with you. You find your coat and hurry to the exit, hearing someone's coming. You unlock the door and dash outside.
You don't breathe with relief yet. You're still too close. You tie your coat tightly around yourself and walk away from the hotel. You don't walk fast, so not to draw any attention to yourself. But you're also don't walk too slow, wanting to be as far away from the hotel as fast as possible.
A few minutes later you came across carriage waiting to pick someone up. You walk to the coachman and hand him some coins.
'Where to, miss?' the man asks.
'To the pub "Lady Luck",' you answer.
'Not sure if it's a place for such nice lady,' the man says and shrugs. 'But it's your money.'
You enter the carriage and close the door. A second later you start driving. You reach into your pocked and take out the pendant. You smirk.
'Who said I'm a nice lady?' you ask and hide your loot. You relax and wait to reach your destination. Finally, fate is smiling at you.
*
It's been a few days since your little theft. You return to your small apartment in the middle of the night. You're in the good mood as everything is going according to your plan. A few more days and you're going to leave this city and start your mission.
You unlock the door and enter, humming a soft melody. You close the door behind you and at once you realise something's wrong. You know it's night and it's supposed to be dark in your apartment, but there's something off about this darkness. It's too… thick. Too dark.
'Did you really think you could steal from me and get away with it?' a voice asks and a figure comes out of the shadow. You stiffen and reach for a knife hidden in your sleeve. The man looks familiar but you can't place where have you seen him.
'I'm afraid you broke into a wrong apartment, sir,' you say. The man glares at you.
'Don't play dumb,' he says. 'We both know you're the one who stole a pendant from me.'
Ah, now it clicks. He was one of the Grisha you passed in the hotel. Still, you're not going down that easily.
'Doesn't ring any bell,' you say, shaking your head. 'Could you leave my apartment, sir?'
'Really?' the man hums and picks up a book from the table. He opens it and points at the library stamp. Ah. To be honest, you forgot about stealing that book.
'Are you really going to tell me you're not a thief?' the man asks. You put your hands behind your back, carefully taking out your knife.
'I'm not a thief,' you deny innocently. 'I'm just really good at acquiring things that aren't mine.'
The man scoffs. He walks closer to you. You stand still, showing him he doesn't scare you.
'You're not as smart as you think,' he says.
'I beg to disagree,' you say. 'Anyway, why do you think I'm the one who stole that pendant of yours? Plenty of thieves in Caryeva.'
'It took some time to find you, I admit,' the man says. 'But when I asked questions, no one would dare to lie to me. Everyone I talked to said you're the only one who would dare to steal from me.'
You blink and stare at him. That's all? You have no idea who that man is. You stole the pendant because it was valuable. Not because you're the only one who'd dare it. He has to try harder than that.
'And…?' you ask. 'Any other leads on me? Because, sorry, sunshine, but I have no idea why stealing from you would be so outrageous.'
'You really have no idea who I am?' the man asks, frowning slightly.
'You'd think the confused look and blank stare would have answered that for you,' you answer. The man stares at you. You stare back. Were it different circumstances, you'd call him handsome. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark beard, dark clothes. It gives him the air of mystery. But he's in your apartment and is not happy you've stolen from him. Oh, well.
'Where is it?' he asks.
'I don't know,' you answer, shrugging. 'I didn't steal it.'
'Very well,' the man says after a moment of silence. 'If you really want to keep insisting.'
Before you can even move, you feel something grabbing your arms and pulling them up, causing you to drop my knife. Yes. Something. You look up and see… shadows? Another one grabs your throat and squeezes it. You look at the man and see his hands close to each other. Ooooh… Now you know who he is.
'I will ask again,' General Kirigan says, slowly walking to you. 'Where is my pendant?'
'Hard to say… when you choke… me…' you manage to say. Instead of letting go, shadow squeezes your throat tighter.
'Will you tell me where you hid it?' the Darkling asks. You stare at him defiantly. Shadow chokes you harder.
'Think if it's really worth your life,' the Black General says. You clench your teeth. Shadow holds your neck even tighter. You start to see spots. You're going to pass out in a minute…
'I'd appreciate it if you let go of my sister, kind sir,' you hear a familiar voice. General whirls around. At once the apartment is flooded with light. You see your darling sister with her always present guard that consists of at least ten muscly men.
'I am not kind,' Kirigan says. 'And if she wants me to let go, she has to tell me where my pendant is.'
'I don't… need your… help…' you choke out, glaring at your twin sister. Elizabeth gives you a dubious look. Then, she turns her eyes to Kirigan.
'Let go of my sister,' she demands. Darkness seems to become even more thicker.
'Don't you know who I am?' the Darkling asks. You can hear anger in his voice.
'Yup. I just don't care,' your sister answers. You'd snort if you could.
'General, there's no need for this hostility,' Elizabeth says. 'I'm sure we can work something out.'
'Oh, really?' Kirigan asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm. But your sister smiles in that way you hate. There's that glint in her eyes that she means she knows much more than the person she's talking to.
'Yes,' she answers. 'Because I know why you've arrived to Caryeva. And I may know the solution to your problem.'
The hold on you lessens a little, letting you know General is intrigued. Your sister looks at him meaningly. He sighs but the shadows let go of you, dropping you on the floor. You groan and stand up, sending glares at your sister and the Darkling.
'Now, let's talk like civilised people,' your sister says, sitting herself behind your desk. 'My name is Elizabeth [L/N].'
'Ah, the uncrowned queen of Caryeva,' the Black General says.
'Give her a few more years,' you murmur and cross your arms at your chest. 'And yes, sister, you can sit there, no problem.'
'Thank you, hon,' your sister says, smiling at you. You scoff and stand next to General in front of the desk. Your sister forms her hands in a pyramid. She has now her 'business look' on.
'Now, let's chat,' she says. 'I've heard the rumours about Fjerdans' new invention.'
'The one that allows to neutralise Grisha?' you ask. Your sister and General look at you.
'You know about it?' Elizabeth asks.
'Please,' you say, rolling your eyes. 'I'm one of the first to now about new things. Why does that matter? That thing?'
'It's a threat to all Grisha,' your sister says and turns her gaze to the Darkling. 'And General Kirigan wants to take it from Fjerdans and make sure they will never invent it again.'
'I still fail to see how could you help me with that,' Kirigan says to Elizabeth.
'Me? Oh, no,' your sister says, shaking your head, and smirks at you. 'But my sister can.'
'What?' General asks.
'Huh?' you ask at the same time, surprised. 'No, I can't.'
'You can and you will work with General Kirigan,' your sister says, giving you a hard stare.
'What do you mean "work with him"?' you ask, astonished. 'He tried to kill me!'
'And you stole from me,' General says, glaring at you. 'Where's my pendant?'
'I already sold it,' you answer smugly.
'You…' General growls, taking a step toward you. Your sister clears her throat.
'No killing, please,' she says. 'We can make it beneficial for all of us.'
'How so?' Kirigan asks, crossing his arms.
'My sister is the best thief there is,' Elizabeth says and smirks. 'She did, after all, managed to steal from you.'
You smile smugly. General glares at your sister.
'And in return I'd forget she stole from me?' he scoffs. 'Or is there something else?'
'I want nothing from you,' you snort.
'Yes, you do,' your sister says and gives you a pointed look. 'The invention is in Fjerda after all.'
You shoot your sister a warning look. Your sister ignores you.
'My sister is going to Fjerda anyway,' she says. 'Help her get there and maybe deal with her stuff and she will get the device for you.'
'I will not!' you protest angrily. 'And don't order me around!'
'What business do you have in Fjerda?' the Darkling asks, frowning slightly.
'Her friend was taken by Fjerdans,' Elizabeth answers. 'She's about to be put to trial. And then killed.'
'She's a Grisha?' General asks.
'No,' you deny fiercely. 'She was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Fjerdans assumed she's the Grisha that was responsible for an attack of their forces. But it wasn't her. She's human.'
'Are you sure of that?' Kirigan asks, raising his eyebrows. You glare at him.
'Yes,' you say through clenched teeth. 'The Grisha that really attack them was a coward and didn't come forward. But I know who it was. She's innocent. And she's going to die along with other Grisha that were taken with her.'
'That's actually why she stole your pendant,' your sister explains. 'She needs the money to get to Fjerda and get her out. Even though she could just ask me for money.'
'I don't need your charity,' you spat. General looks at you for a minute.
'Very well,' he says, surprising you. 'I accept this.'
'What?' you ask, dumbfounded. Your sister smiles.
'Excellent,' she says. 'I will feel so much better knowing she's not travelling alone. She loves to get into troubles, this one.'
'One more word…' you growl and look with suspicion at the Darkling. 'Why do you agree?'
'I do need someone to steal that invention from Fjerdans,' Kirigan sighs. 'And I don't like leaving Grisha in need. So, this is something I can help you with.'
You fight with yourself. You don't want to work with him. But it would be useful to have him with you to save your friend…
'Fine!' you finally spat and walk to the front door. 'I will do it!'
'I didn't catch your name,' the Black General calls after you. You look over your shoulder.
'I didn't throw it,' you say and leave your apartment. Your sister shakes her head.
'[Y/N],' she says. 'Her name is [Y/N].'
'[Y/N],' General repeats. 'Can't wait to work with her.'
*
You enter the basement of the building. Only you're allowed to enter here, you bought that right from the landlord. You light up the room and are greeted with a sight of knifes of all kinds.
'You know, normal people don't have a basement full of weapons,' you hear behind you. You sigh internally and turn to face General Kirigan. He's leaning on the doorframe, his legs and arms crossed.
'I'll have you know that every single one of these knives saved my life at least once,' you say.
'What about that gun over there?' Kirigan asks, pointing with his head. You turn and your eyes fall on an old gun.
'Oh, that?' you ask. 'That's just for decoration. But you may be right.'
You walk to a wall and open a secret storage. You take out a simple gun from it and attach it to your hip.
'I may need a gun,' you admit and start picking out knives. 'When are we leaving?'
'Tomorrow would be ideal,' Kirigan answers. 'Will you be ready?'
'I was going to leave tomorrow or soon anyway,' you answer, shrugging.
'Good,' General says and walks toward you, putting his hands behind his back. 'Now, I think we need to establish some rules. Just to make sure we're on the same page.'
'Page?' you scoff. 'We're not even in the same library!'
Kirigan exhales through his nose slowly. You seem to really annoy him.
'Look, we don't have to like each other,' he snaps. 'But we're going to be stuck with each other for the next weeks, so we have to learn to tolerate each other.'
'Don't send your shadows on me and we're going to be fine,' you say, crossing your arms.
'As long as you don't steal from me,' Kirigan says, also crossing his arms.
'Fine,' you say, shrugging.
'Fine,' Kirigan snaps. You glare at each other. After a moment the Darkling runs a hand through his face, sighing.
'I know you don't really want it… but your sister may be right,' he says. 'We can help each other out.'
'I know,' you say. 'It doesn't mean I have to like it.'
You stare at each other for a moment. General walks closer to you. You have to look up to meet his gaze.
'Trust me, I don't like it either,' he says, looking at you with disdain. 'I'm not happy to work with a thief.'
'And yet I'm sure I still have more honour than you,' you say, glaring at him. His lips curl upward in amusement.
'Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, little thief,' he says. In a second the gun is in your hand. You point it at his face. He stares at the barrel of your gun and smiles.
'Do it,' he says. After a tense minute you lower your gun.
'I won't give you the satisfaction,' you say. Kirigan chuckles quietly and walks to the door.
'I expect you at the entrance to the hotel in the morning,' he says. 'I hope you know the way?'
He sends you a smirk over his shoulder. Oh, you want to strangle him so hard!
'I'll be there,' you say flatly. Kirigan nods and leaves the basement. You huff and cross your arms.
'I hate you, Elizabeth,' you murmur. 'How could you get me into this mess?'
A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could.
This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47256868/chapters/119072821
#aleksander kirigan#aleksander morovoza#the darkling#general kirigan#reader#aleksander kirigan x reader#aleksander morozova x reader#the darkling x reader#general kirigan x reader#aleksander kirigan/reader#aleksander morozova/reader#the darkling/reader#general kirigan/reader#aleksander kirigan & reader#aleksander morozova & reader#the darkling & reader#general kirigan & reader#aleksander kirigan x you#aleksander morozova x you#the darkling x you#general kirigan x you#aleksander kirigan/you#aleksander morozova/you#the darlking/you#general kirigan/you#aleksander kirigan & you#aleksander morozova & you#the darlking & you#general kirigan & you#shadow and bone
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The Ivy Crown
A/N: I'm baaaaaack with my first ever Aleksander fic!!! I've been reading a lot of dark academia and finishing up my degree in literature, and this is my outlet for all of that pretentious, wonderful stuff I'm immersed in these days. The poems mentioned are wonderful and full of gorgeous language, so I'm giving you homework straight from the desk of professor Morozova-- read one and tell me if you liked it!
Dedicated to the sweet and wonderful @idaofinfinity for her patience every time I disappear. I appreciate you so much.
This will be a few parts, but not big like IWCB. Little bites, people, little bites.
Summary: It's your final year at the University of Ravka, and the end is in sight. Under your literature professor, Aleksander, you've risen to be a star pupil. Then one night, you're forced to make a decision that will change everything. Will Aleskander be on your side?
Pairing: Aleksander Morozova x Fem! Reader
Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, murder, sex, drinking, (will add as we go)
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"Come then, and let us pass a leisure hour in storytelling, and our story shall be the education of our heroes."
-Plato
Republic, Book II
Book I
Your first semester at the University of Ravka began the way most do. The young, impossibly curious first-years huddling up to the glistening spires and towering porticoes of the main hall. The hall, called Lantsov Hall after Ravka's longest line of rulers, filled you with excitement. The need for knowledge and exploration filled you, expanding until it bumped against your insides, prodding and shuddering until it was released.
You were 18, full of life, full of wanton desire to grow, to peel back the curtains and see the answers of the world.
You didn't grow up poor, no, you were from a solidly middle-class family of merchants. But the opulence, the ostentatious identity of the Ravkan elite became clear almost immediately. Your first week, your peers would ask where you summered, what sports you preferred in the winter season, what breed of horse you deemed adequate for Caryeva, none of which you had answers for.
So you adapted, sharpened your edges and preparing to compete with the toughest competition the country could offer, until you arrived, three years later, a top of your class literature student in professor Aleksander Morozova's classroom.
The man was imperious, gilt from hard stone or sheets of silver it seemed. The light of whatever room he was in seemed to avoid Aleksander, circling like a dog trying to find a place to sleep, willing to leave him alone.
Among other things he was also gorgeous, ethereal and lithe, towering over his students, passionately gesticulating over works by T.S Eliot and William Carlos Williams. You were enraptured there, front row in his early afternoon modern poetry course, watching his eyes flicker with the kind of life only an academic could have when biting into something juicy, some brilliant amalgamation of language that won't let them go despite a decade of repeating the same lines to young faces.
"Tell me." He begins, eyes flickering to each face in the room. "What did Eliot mean when he opened The Wasteland with, 'April is the cruelest month, breeding Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing Memory and Desire…'"
On the last word he looks to you, black eyes pinning you under their gaze like a butterfly on a display.
You clear your throat.
"Miss Y/L/N?"
You're ready for him.
"Well, in invoking the first line of The Canterbury Tales, Eliot reveals the beginning of a journey. And when we think of spring, we think of rebirth. This poem is the lack of that, it's the breakdown of… everything. So here, spring is a mixture of things, it is the beginning and the end and we are left with only memory and desire. What we know and what we want to be true." You finish, watching him closely.
Aleksander grins, a slow, incandescent spread of his lips until his face is alight.
"There she is. Excellent, Y/N. That's how it's done, everyone."
You duck your head to hide your blush, and the lesson goes on.
->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->
Each day after your classes you wind across the green, crunching leaves under your feet as they fall from the oaks and yews lining the tract of land. Today, your destination is the cafe you meet your friends at on Wednesdays, when the lemon curd scones are freshest. You're the last to arrive, hair swept around your face by the wind.
Nikolai, Zoya, and Genya are seated around the old wooden table in the far corner, mugs of steaming teas and coffees strewn about around a plate of your favorite citrus pastries.
"Look who's arrived!" Nikolai exclaims. "Did your sweet Byronic hero keep you?"
You roll your eyes, ignoring the comment. Sure, Aleksander was pensive and gorgeous, but he wasn't doomed. At least you hoped not.
You sit, nodding at the other two women and picking up a scone to bite into. The flaky crust gave way to the plush, spongy inside, causing you to sigh in contentment.
"What are you brats talking about?" You tease, taking a sip of Nikolai's tea.
"We were just discussing the fête." Zoya answers.
"What about it?" You ask, preoccupied with getting the waitress' attention for your own tea.
"We're all going, yes?" Genya cuts in.
"I hadn't really given it much thought." You ponder. Would Aleksander be there? In a suit of all things? The thought made you blush, and you ducked your head to hide from the eyes around you.
"Well…I think we should go. One last hurrah before we're done here." Nikolai reasons.
You nod in agreement.
"I suppose I ought to find a dress."
Zoys hums, sharing a look with Genya, a glint that made you nervous in her eye.
"You could…let us take care of that." She offered with a smirk.
"Absolutely not, I'd be naked save for a scrap of lace." You bite back.
"Saints, it was worth a try."
It was Friday and you were back in Aleksander's class, excited by his words but more than a little eager to begin your weekend. You and your group of friends had plans to head to Sturmhond that night, a bar off of the university's campus. It was dark and grungy, with mahogany furniture and paintings in gilded frames on the walls. It made you feel like you were in the belly of a ship, ready to take on a new land.
And the drinks were especially strong.
"Who wants to tell me why Carl Sandberg's "Subway" is so effective in its brevity?" Came Aleksander's voice from the front of the room.
For once, you weren't quick to answer, your mind on other things today. When you did finally look up, the silence of the rest of the class beating down on you, Aleksander's eyes were already on you. His brow ticked up, lips quirking.
"No thoughts for us today, Y/N?"
You sigh, frowning and sitting up straighter.
"The poem represents the working class, the ones who are building this great feat of transportation. They are tired and hungry but it doesn't matter. They know the importance of their work and they enjoy it. All that in 6 lines." You rattle off, remembering your notes from the night before.
"Thank you." Is his reply, quiet and pensive as he watches your face.
You nod, going back to your slouched position, eyes downcast.
When the class ends you attempt to exit into the crisp twilight like the rest of your peers, but Aleksander stops you.
"Everything all right today? You seemed off." He asks, leaning back against the large desk in the front of the room.
Your eyes widen a little, surprised he had been watching you so closely.
"Thought I'd give everyone else a chance to catch up today." You joke.
Aleksansder chuckles, then he tilts his head a little and you feel as if he's dissecting you, pulling apart your base components to see what he wants to keep or throw away.
"Is that all?" He murmurs.
"I'm just ready to end the week. It's been long." You say honestly.
"Hm. I can't fault you for that. Any plans for your time off?" He inquires.
"A few." You tease, unwilling to tell him your plan to get trashed later.
"She keeps her secrets." He answers, smiling warmly. "Well, let me know if you need anything. I wouldn't want my best student falling behind." He runs a hand ever so softly across your shoulder, hidden by your thick sweater, and then he's pulling away and gathering his own things.
"Thanks, professor Morozova." You reply in a daze, turning to go.
"You know it's Aleksander to you." He reminds you with a teasing lilt in his tone.
You nod, smiling a little, and stride to the door as fast as possible.
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You arrived at the bar with Zoya in tow, approaching Nikolai and Genya who were already inside. You had on a tight pair of black jeans and your favorite lacy black bralette as a shirt. You looked good and you knew it, eyes roving the bar for anyone you might be interested in talking to.
You sit with other two and order a round of shots, ready to go hard and fast into the night. On your third shot of kvas and your second Old Fashioned you look up from your friends once again and spot him.
Impossibly dark hair and eyes belonging to your favorite professor. He was in a deep emerald sweater, sitting across from another man, listening intently to his words, a deep gold liquid in his glass. You were openly staring, taking him in as you realized just how drunk you were becoming.
Nikolai is the first to notice, his eyes following yours across the bar.
"Well Saints, if it isn't your boyfriend."
This gets the attention of the other two, their eyes searching for subject of Nikolai's words.
You and Zoya exchange a glance, and you catch that dangerous spark in her eyes again.
"You should send him a drink." She suggests coyly.
"You send drinks to people you want to fuck, Zoya." You reply exasperated.
"Yes, I am aware." She shoots back.
Your friends burst into laughter, catching Aleksander's attention briefly. His eyes flit over, widening just a touch when they realize who he's looking at. You throw him a smile, suddenly nervous, but he returns it, tilting his head in acknowledgement, and you decide resolutely to continue your night.
It's only later that you're made aware of the situation.
"Your dark prince has been eyeing you since he saw you." Nikolai murmurs in your ear.
"Oh, please."
"We've all seen it. He's quite interested in the area right below your neck." Nikolai chuckles, raising his eyes to yours.
You tilt your head just a little, just enough to scan the bar from the corner of your eye and there he is, head tilted towards you just enough to do the same.
"Saints." You gasp out quietly.
"Told you."
"Well…it's irrelevant now because I have never had to pee so badly in my life." You declare, standing on wobbly legs.
Your friends laugh, and Zoya's hands point you in the direction of the bathroom.
The cool porcelain of the sink under your hands grounds you a little, and you look into the mirror. Was Aleksander checking you out? The thought makes you giggle quietly to yourself. There was no way he was into you. He wasn't married, but he must have a girlfriend or something, right?
You've decided to brush the whole thing off when you exit the restroom and knock right into a wall of a man.
"Oh! 'M sorry!" You slur a little, still quite far gone.
"No need to apologize, Y/N." Aleksander's voice rings out from above your head.
"Aleks- I didn't even see you there!" You giggle, hand coming up to trap the sound in your mouth.
He chuckles, laying his hands on your upper arms to steady you.
"You okay there, milaya?
"I'm okay. I'm just, uh…"
"Sloshed." He finishes for you.
"Yeah…"
"The mysterious weekend plans." He teases.
Suddenly a thought brews in your mind and you can only blurt out, "Green is a good color on you!"
Aleksander grins, rubbing your arms and causing you to shiver, his touch electrifying your skin in small sparks.
"You think so?" He drawls.
You nod, eyes locked onto his gorgeous face. Maybe he was a dark prince, something fabled and powerful.
"Well I think lace is a lovely fabric choice for you." He complements, and it takes you a moment to grasp his meaning before your face is heating up, blush spreading.
"I-I-" You stutter as he watches you with gentle amusement.
"Shall I take you back to your friends, Y/N?"
"Please." You reply, realizing the walk might be harder than you realized.
He guides you back, your hand now in the crook of his arm like some kind of Victorian gentleman, before he deposits you in your seat with gentle hands.
Your friends gape at him, and you fail to notice Aleksander's amusement.
"Have a good night." He wishes, and then he's gone, disappeared into the growing crowd.
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Great Comet Grishaverse crossover
this idea has been spinning about in my brain for AGES and im working on a fic for it rn so here's a rough draft of some of what's going to be going on so buckle up:
nikolai and anatole are childhood bffs (dolokhov's there too dw)
marya b and genya bestieism
david and sonya bestieism
marya b as an assistant to the apparat, due to her like also technically being a princess, she'll often be in the church on grand palace grounds
sonya starts off as natasha's cousin & closest friend on the royal court, though marya d gaslights and hides the fact sonya's a heartrender to protect her bc she gets sus vibes from the darkling (as she should) and wants sonya as far away from that as she can get
hélené secretly working for the darkling though she eventually breaks away from him in favour of the sun summoner
anatole and natasha meetcute at the sun summoner presentation fancy party thing instead of the opera
due to nikolai galavanting off to go do some important plot stuff, instead of isaak getting nikolai'd, anatole is forced to after the failed elopement and natasha is left thinking he went to caryeva with vasily
marya d and baghra bestieism
#this is so exciting aaa#crossover au#great comet#natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812#grishaverse#shadow and bone#shadow and bone trilogy#natasha rostova#sonya rostova#marya bolkonskaya#marya d#anatole kuragin#helene kuragina#helene bezukhova#pierre bezukhov#fedya dolokhov#fyodor dolokhov#nikolai lantsov#genya safin#david kostyk
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crack fic
warning: mild sexual content, crack crack crack. THIS IS PURE CRACK!!!
Nikolai drew Zoya into his arms slowly, smiling as he kissed her. "You must be excited- this is the second-last stop."
"Oh- is it? I hadn't noticed." she answered. Nikolai laughed, knowing that not to be true. She had been grumbling and whining and complaining every day of the trip. It had been some of the best weeks of his life. The thought that he would get to live like this for the rest of life swelled his chest- and also perhaps the fact that Zoya brought her hands to his shirt- determined to unbutton the impossible buttons.
"My love," he said gently, "we have to leave soon." Nikolai kissed her lips chastely. She continued making quick work of his buttons, and a familiar shiver of desire struck him. Nikolai took her hands. "Zoya; you are making me be the voice of reason and I hate it. We have your appearance soon.''
Zoya sighed, wringing her hands free and taking the liberty of re-buttoning his shirt. "Yes. We do. See you later, Lantsov?"
"You know it, Nazyalensky." Nikolai turned and stepped out of the room, leaving Zoya with the precious few minutes she had before she had to appear in front of the public at Caryeva.
~
Nikolai grinned as he waded through the crowd, proud to do this for Zoya today instead of himself. He had known the people would have to look at her, and he had been excited for another one of these- the publicity tours, as Zoya called them.The people looked at him, yes, but Zoya was the true object of their worship. He honestly felt an enormous weight lift off his shoulders as he watched the subjects scream for their Sankta, even four hours after her only appearance. Nikolai would have felt guilty, but he knew that the burden would not weigh nearly as much on Zoya. She could not care less what people thought of her.
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned around- only to see a ghost. It was Dominik. He told himself he was being ridiculous, lots of people looked similar, after all, he reasoned. But no, it was Dominik. The scar above his brow where the cook's hot ladle had flicked, the eyes- those eyes. "Do I know you?" he summoned the energy and courage for words.
"Nikolai the Spider Squealer- look where you are now." the man who could not be Dominik but inexplicably was grinned and spoke.
"H- how?" he managed to get out. The crowd of people pressed against him.
"Here- let's go into the corner. You need to sit down, friend." as Dominik's ghost steered him to a corner outside of an ally. Friend. That word... had they not been each other's everything back then? "Do you need water?" Dominik asked.
"I seem to be in greater need of answers." Nikolai replied. Dominik smiled again, and Nikolai already knew that it could not be a ghost, because no ghost would ever smile like Dominik had.
"Well- I stopped breathing. You were there for that part. I was left in that field of bodies." A distinct tone of bitterness took over his voice. "But I was found by a group of scavengers. I do not know how I survived woth my wounds, but I did. On the move, eating scraps, I survived. The scavengers at last brought me to Keramzin. At the hospital there, they gave me something, and I fainted. Went into a coma for five years. Woke up right before the war ended. I was healed, and so I found the love of my life, and we shifted here." Nikolai processed that for five minutes.
"What do you do?" he asked, at last.
Dominik beamed. "My handsome husband supports us both, he's a trader."
Nikolai was finding it difficult to breathe. "Good to see you're alive, man." was what he got out before stumbling away.
~
Nikolai shut the door to their chambers. Zoya looked up from her place on the bed, scowling. "Where were you? You know, you cannot do this to me. First you crown me against my wish, make me do this tour, and then disappear? Ravka does not need an undiplomatic queen, Nikolai!"
"No- that is the last thing Ravka needs. What it needs is you, a person who they can have the purest belief in." he responded automatically, but with a hollowness inside him. Zoya immediately sat up.
"Nikolai? What's wrong? Did something happen?" she asked, walking to him.
"Zoya- you know Dominik's plant in the garden?" she nodded impatiently. "I think we can remove that now." Zoya drew her brows together, confused.
"Nikolai; you did not tell me who Dominik was at that time, and I do not press, but you have to tell me if something is wrong, Kolya." she called him the nickname she had only used once before, the one reserved for special occasions. What a devious trick- she knew it would cause him to melt.
"He was my-" Zoya interrupted him, pushing him back on the bed.
"What? Get comfortable! If I know anything, I know this is going to be a long story." she said.
He rested against the headboard, took a deep breath, and began. "He was my only friend, really. When I was younger, I was a troublesome, naughty child- I know, unimaginable." he said as Zoya's brows rose.
"I was excited one morning- I had procured a mouse to set into my Tutor's bag. Imagine my surprise when I found there had been another desk and chair all set up- with a frightened boy sitting there. He wouldn't talk very much, just called me 'moi tsarevich'. When I released the mouse, my tutor screamed and I laughed. But then- he whipped Dominik. He was to act as a whipping boy for me- for who would dare raise a hand against the prince?
After that I did not cause trouble. I promised him I would do better. But somehow- in that silent corpse of a palace; we became friends. As we got older, we started sneaking out of the palace, to his house. We roughhoused and shouted and ran through fields. When I was fifteen, we were lying in the fields together and I looked at him- and I kissed him. He kissed me back. But the very next day, when I was sneaking back, Vasily caught me. I had gotten careless, you see. I... became what I am. I charmed my mother and her court and flattered my father and wrote to gunsmiths and officers and ministers and generals.
"I got Dominik's brother reassigned to a place where the fighting was light. I joined the infantry right along with him. He... was my everything."
"And then he died. But I saw him today. Turns out he survived, went into a coma, found a rich handsome trader husband."
Zoya crawled into his arms, melting into him. He held onto her like she was his only anchor and he a pathetic drowning ship, and sobbed. "He did not once think he should tell me? Some mornings, his words, he was the only reason I could even get up. He just... forgot?"
"Nikolai. Nikolai- Kolya, listen to me. What else can you do?"
"If only- I'd checked his pulse, I wouldn't be here right now, Zoya do you understand? There was another life I could have lived."
"That is what you could have done. There is no use crying over spilt milk, Kolya. Moreover, do you regret this? Do you regret... me?"
He looked in his heart's eyes and said, "No. Of course not. You are right, of course. You always are." and attempted a smile.
Zoya's eyes narrowed. "Normally I would savour those words, but why does it feel like you're up to something? Like your mind isn't at rest?"
That made Nikolai laugh; a small laugh yes, but a laugh. "When is it ever?" he asked.
#zoyalai#nikolai lantsov#zoya nazyalensky#nikolai x zoya#grishaverse#nikolai duology#queen zoya#zoyalai fic#zoya x nikolai#kos duology#crack
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I'd love to hear about Aleksandra Battle of Sodden, please!
Certainly! I also wrote a little bit about it here.
This is the next fic in my series "Emotional Landscapes (tide will show you the way)". It's a F/F Darklina high fantasy/Witcher AU. (I've heard that the first two fics make sense for someone who hasn't seen the Witcher.)
This is an AU where Aleksandra made the Fold with Ulla's help, and the two of them have stayed in contact over the centuries. The Fold was initially dropped on Anastas' palace, and can move and change size.
The first fic was from Alina's POV, the second is from Ulla's, and the third is from Aleksandra's. Here's a little bit from what I have so far, where Aleksandra, Ulla, Alina, and several armies are heading south to confront the army from Amhrat Jen (and hopefully free their imprisoned Grisha):
"I thought summoning gave me energy, not drained me," said Alina.
"Up to a point," said Ulla. "It's possible for a Summoner or any other Grisha to exhaust themselves. There are limits for all of us, and it can be painful or dangerous to reach them. But, Sasha, you have nothing to worry about with what I was doing while we traveled. I could use the resonances of the hymns the priests were singing to their Sankta. I just needed to hum a little to weave them together, with very little energy expended. When other people sang along, it was even easier."
It clearly became easier with each passing day. Rumors traveled much faster than the armies, and by the time they made it to Caryeva, as close to Sodden Hill as they dared encamp, the roads were lined with people hoping to catch a glimpse of the Sun Saint.
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The night like skylights
@sophierequests, this is for you <3
Later, Sergei thinks of it in fractures, like shattered glass. As if in a muddled flashback, he’d held Vasily in his arms, skin to skin in a warm embrace, a closeness unlike anything else in this world. It fades into the scene of his funeral, standing rigid as a statue while holding back the tears pouring into his eyes, cascading down his cheeks like a flash flood – sweeping away everything in its destructive path.
Later, Sergei thinks of it in fractures, like shattered glass. As if in a muddled flashback, he’d held Vasily in his arms, skin to skin in a warm embrace, a closeness unlike anything else in this world. It fades into the scene of his funeral, standing rigid as a statue while holding back the tears pouring into his eyes, cascading down his cheeks like a flash flood – sweeping away everything in its destructive path.
Goodbye my love. I will see you soon. On the other side. In the next life. Wherever you want us to meet.
This is how this story ends. In misery, heartbreak and grief.
Are you sure you want to hear about it?
In spite of the violent conclusion, it was a lifetime of love. Desire. Wanting and needing and getting. Planning a life together, far away from it all. Floating away from the crushing pressure that rested on their shoulders.
Tears of joy. Smiles. Vasily’s love was like sugar, candid and beautifully addictive.
So buckle up for the ride that's life. For the country that’s Ravka. Unforgiving and taking and never giving anything back. An adventure. A lesson in loving and being loved and never giving up despite every odds.
When all was said and done, Sergei had always keyed in to the things that mattered.
Vasily Alexandrovich Lantsov.
His best mistake.
-
Caryeva was not yet stifling with heat at this time of the year but Sergei could feel the warm air dragging on his tee shirt as he got out of his car. He shouldn't have come here. After Vasily's death things had blurred together. The estate was his now.
He'd rather have his fiancé in his arms than this fucking pompous mansion, he thought, over and over. It made no sense to dwell on loss, and yet Sergei found himself mulling over it at every opportunity. If he had known four years ago that falling for the elder Lantsov prince would lead up to this tragedy, would he have done it anyway? Would he have indulged in all the sweet kisses? In the touches and secret meetings? Would he have said yes when Vasily had asked for his hand in matrimony?
He took a tentative step forward; the gravel cracking underneath the soles of his sneakers. He'd been here once – before he'd known of his dead lover's grand plan to make this house their own. A horse farm. Far away from the dramas of Os Alta. The calm after the storm.
His legs carried him to the stables on their own. Muscle memory. It was flesh and blood now after half a decade of loving a horseman. There were nickers greeting him, twenty-four curious ears of Vasily's finest race horses turning their heads towards him with their muzzles stretched out from their stalls.
He only had eyes for one.
"Dag?"
He whispered. The stallion lifted his fine head immediately. For a moment, they just stared at each other, blues lost in brown, so much pain lingering in both their souls. Vasily had told him he had saved Dagrenner from abuse when he'd just been a colt. The horse had always been fierce but he'd discovered his love for racing, his gentle nature.
His hand worked mechanically as he pulled the bolt back to unlock the stall, treading on a mix of soft straw, hay and sawdust.
Only the best for my babies, Vasily's voice echoed in his ears.
Dagrenner scrutinized him as he stretched out his palm, canting his head before ever so carefully sniffing his hand with his velvety nostrils. The tears in his eyes stung the longer he thought about what that gesture meant. He was looking for traces of Vasily’s scent on him. His cologne – still on the bathroom sink at the Grand Palace. Neither he nor Nikolai had had the heart to clean out his room yet.
"I brought you something, Dag."
The horse licked at his fingers as if he understood and Sergei had to suppress a sob. Everything here reminded him of Vasily. He shouldn't have come here.
The urge to come to a closure had been stronger.
If he ever could.
-
"Why do you love me?"
Sergei stares at him as if he’s just questioned him about a particularly difficult aspect of rocket science and alternative fuels. He swallows, his throat parched, dry as a rose well past its prime.
“Because.”
Vasily's laughter, thick and sweet as honey. If he closes his eyes, he can pretend he just ascended to heaven.
“Because?”
His fingers card through the prince's blonde locks, soft and still slightly wet from the shower. The king size bed in his room in the Grand Palace is big enough for both of them and yet Sergei hovers over his boyfriend, straddling him.
“Because you are you. And I wouldn’t want anything else but that.”
Vasily seems to ponder it for a moment but his thoughts are quickly discarded as his guard begins tracing kisses down his neck and he just…
Starts falling into unimaginable bliss.
You are my prince. My king. My forever.
-
Maybe if he could go back to the night he first met Vasily, he wouldn’t have gotten into his Mercedes. Maybe if he hadn’t driven like an idiot, if he had actually paid attention to the road, Marie would still be here. Maybe the tides would have turned and Vasily would be here, too.
Maybe if he could return to all those moments, maybe then he could tell himself what the hell he was supposed to do now.
He had lost the love of his life twice in the span of six years. For the past five he’d actually thought he’d found peace with the crown prince. The offer for the guard post had been too lucrative to turn down and he’d needed the money after his parents had kicked him out. They still blamed him for Marie’s death. The poor girl. Wherever she was now. Maybe even talking to Vasily about how stupid he was. Sharing stories. Sharing memories. Fleeting kisses. Gentle touches.
Dagrenner hadn't stirred once since Sergei had wrapped his arms around his muscular neck a while ago, breathing in the distinctive smell of Vasily's shampoo - someone must have washed his fur with it. Had he left a bottle here before he died?
Another breath. So slow. Dragging. How unfair it all was, to be still here after everything. Alone once more. All he had left of his love was his horse. His beloved, kindled horse.
Vasily must have known something horrible was about to happen to him, otherwise he wouldn't be standing here after reading his goodbye letter with a bank account fuller than it had ever been and an entire stable and house at his disposal. They’d never talked about the possibility of his death until he’d been in the ICU, deathly sick, barely clinging to life fighting the deadly sepsis cursing through his veins after having his lungs torn to pieces by an assassin’s bullet.
They’d talked about it then, or as much as Vasily had been able to and Sergei had cried. Day and night. Those weeks had been the worst of his life and the only thing that kept him going had been the small flicker of a chance his lover had had. All lost. Lost to a traffic jam and a missed dose of a drug.
A future sacrificed to an internal bleeding. 27. He’d been 27. Now he’d be 28.
An odd thought.
-
Sergei takes the keys. A black horse dangles from the chain. He doesn't look back once. This journey is over. He can’t stay here, not when everything reminds him of Vasily and he had kissed his forehead during his funeral on live television. His fiancé. Once and for all. Nikolai has offered him a commission somewhere outside the city, a quiet desk job. He declined.
This is over. It all ends here. With Vasily’s life.
-
He’d promised to take care of Dagrenner after Vasily had asked him to during a delirious episode in the hospital, with his fever so high they’d thought he’d break a record. They’d both been crying and Sergei would have agreed to anything in that very moment because Vasily has never been more vulnerable around him. It had seemed like he had dropped the mask of the arrogant crown prince for all and everything that remained was a scared boy, afraid to die at that very moment.
“Vasya would have wanted you to have it.”
Sergei fastened the emerald ring to his halter. It glinted in the lowlights of the sun. Somewhere he could hear the faint whinny of another horse.
He was home. He was lost.
-
Ketterdam is something else, Sergei thinks as he glances down at the glittering nightlights of the city in sheer wonder. A trip to Kerch has been his dream since he’s been but a little boy and nothing else had his boyfriend gifted him. Luxury and bottle after bottle of wine later, so much he would have never been able to afford, they shared the privacy of standing on top of one of the highest buildings hand in hand; bathing in the magic of the moment.
This is life. Just the two of them. Free from destiny.
"Do you want to marry me?"
Sergei gasps, taking a step back in shock as Vasily kneels in front of him, a tiny box in hands with a ring inside. An Emerald. The gemstone of the royal family. Tears break his vision.
"Yes. Yes, I want to marry you, Vasya."
-
Dagrenner had never been calmer under the saddle, walking through the blooming fields of poppy surrounding them. The vast landscape of Novyi Zem was a sight to behold but Sergei couldn't find it in him to focus on it. His thoughts were a mess of scrambled ideas, heartache, longing. Loving was a burden and a blessing all the same, he’d learned.
After all those years, he still found himself astray in the Ravka. He had left the country months ago, finally making good on the promise to travel the world and he somehow ended up at the other end of it. It was an escape. Fleeing from whatever there was to run from. It was lonely but not. Free but not. Nothing was ever enough to conquer the unyielding emptiness inside of him.
The sun was rising slowly, ascending from the carved curves of hills in the distance. A surreal view and yet he couldn’t help but feel mesmerized by the blur of purple and orange. A mess of colors, a vision of the future. Bright but hazy. Dark as the night sky with streaks of sunlight breaking through.
"In the next life, we'll do it all together."
He stroked the stallion’s silky black mane, longer now than Vasily would have ever let it grow but times changed. Seasons passed. He’s been dead for almost half a year now. His voice grew all soft, placid, quiet, recalling the funeral. His last kiss. His promise. In the next life. Not now. Ever?
Sergei’s gaze traced over the blossoms. Cherry red. Blood like. A sea of scarlet so far he was sure it could almost fit the valley of his tears he’d shed since it happened.
Hope is dangerous.
He’d hoped and begged and prayed and now that it was all over, what had it been for?
They’d done everything the doctors said, had tried every drug and miracle treatment and it hadn’t even mattered in the end. But it was okay. It got to be okay. He knew. He knew because-
Someday he would be with him. Forever. Nothing could part them again.
"You, me and Vasily."
Many thanks to @camilleisback and @udovaintomyheart for beta reading this angst fest <3
#sergei beznikov#serily#➳ —— ❝ in the next life 》 vasily x sergei#vasily lantsov#shadow and bone netflix#grishaverse#grishaverse fanfic#gv fanfic#shadow and bone fandom#sab fanfiction#grishaverse fanfiction#the grisha trilogy#➳ —— ❝ heavy is the head 》 modern ravka au#heavy is the head a modern ravka au#heavy is the head#modern grishaverse au#modern ravka#modern!grishaverse
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In Another Life
Part Fourteen
Pairing: Aleksander Morozova x Alternate Universe!Reader
Summary: Ravka’s seat of power changes, and Aleksander makes a discovery that sends you both north in search of his sister.
Warnings: mentions of canon level violence, spoilers for the Language of Thorns.
A/N: since there’s only one short story with Ulla which was set when she was young - my version of her is very much my own interpretation for this fic (but I hope you guys like her).
My Masterlist • Series Masterlist • Next Part
It rains on the day of the King’s funeral.
As Vasily’s betrothed, you stand beside him in your uniform, made black for the sombre occasion. He doesn’t look at you, and you don’t speak for the entirety of the service.
Considering the fact that your country is at war, a colossal amount of money must have been spent on the King’s funeral. The wake in particular is extremely extravagant, with a large banquet spread out that very few of the guests eat from.
The entire day feels like an awful waste. Of time, money, resources. The people’s tears even, are wasted on a man who didn’t care for them.
Aleksander spends most of his time being hounded by older First Army officials who treat him like a boy, while they attempt to win his favour to take Zlatan’s position. Occasionally you will lock eyes with him, and the two of you will share a knowing look - endure it.
You spend a lot of your time consoling the Queen alongside Nikolai. Vasily makes himself scarce at the first opportunity, and you don’t see him again for the rest of the day.
After the King’s funeral, an official ten days of mourning begin. The war doesn’t stop for mourning, and neither do you and Aleksander. Locked away in his war room, you plan out your next campaigns along the frontlines and pray that this will be the final push before you bring down the Fold.
On the third day of mourning, Nikolai travels to Caryeva to see his brother under the guise of brotherly solidarity. You know why he’s actually going, and can only hope that he succeeds. Otherwise you will need to plan for a wedding, or faking your death and asking Genya to tailor your face.
When you hear of Nikolai’s return, you expect him to call on you. But he doesn’t. He settles into the Grand Palace, and attends to his mother. You decide to leave them be for the rest of the mourning period.
You’re in Court the moment Vasily’s abdication is announced. There’s a few sentences at the end of the announcement that dissolve any agreements he made as the Crown Prince - rather pointedly referring to your engagement.
Fiddling with the emerald on your finger, you can feel the eyes on you as the announcement ends, and the repercussions begin to sink in. If you had been in love with Vasily, this would have been mortifying. Even now, you feel an embarrassed flush creep down your neck.
Nikolai appears at your side, taking your arm and steering you through the crowd. You do your best to look increasingly upset, and by the time you’re leaving the main hall a tear has fallen down your cheek.
Once you’re finally alone you drop your facade, and can’t help but throw your arms around him with delight.
“You did it.”
He chuckles, his arms settling around your waist.
“You doubted me?”
You roll your eyes as you drawl,
“How could I ever?”
There’s the sound of footsteps, and your eyes widen as Nikolai pulls you closer. Hiding your face against his chest, you do your best to appear distraught by the news of Vasily. He pats the back of your head tenderly, and gives whoever had appeared a firm look that has them retreating quickly.
“It appears I’m both your knight in shining armour, and your shoulder to cry on.”
Tilting your head back, you look up to meet his eyes sparkling with amusement. You smirk before remarking drily,
“My hero.” He grins.
“I give it less than a month before I’m the one giving you that ring.”
His words remind you of the ring still on your finger.
“I should probably give this back.”
As you slide the Lanstov emerald from your hand, you narrow your eyes at him.
“Six weeks until you announce our courtship.”
You curl the ring tightly in your hand, holding it hostage above his open palm until he agrees to your demands. He raises a brow.
“Courtship?”
“A month after that you can propose.”
“If I was truly courting you, we’d be married within the week.”
“I don’t want people to think I’m only after the throne.” You admit quietly.
Nikolai’s expression softens as he coaxes your fingers into releasing the emerald before he says in a low voice.
“Then we should do our best to seem madly in love.” A door opens somewhere nearby, and Nikolai offers you his arm once he’s pocketed the ring. “Shall we?”
You take his arm and the two of you leave through the side door which will lead you back to the Little Palace.
Nikolai is good company. Despite his easygoing and lively personality, he appreciates the quiet as well. He can be serious, and listens to your ideas with genuine interest. Just as he did as Sturmhond.
“Have you told your mother?” You ask him. He lifts a brow.
“Told her what?”
“That you’re Sturmhond.”
He sighs, looking down over the grounds as you continue to walk with his arm in yours.
“I’m not sure how well she would take it.”
“I’m sure you could swing it into your favour. After all, isn’t Sturmhond notorious for winning battles against the Fjerdan Navy?”
The hint of a smirk touches his features.
“I didn’t realise you were such a fan.”
You roll your eyes again, but can’t prevent the warmth flooding over your cheeks at his teasing.
“I don’t think you have to choose between Nikolai and Sturmhond.” You say. “The people would admire you for taking a hands on approach to their fight. You did your military service alongside them, and they respect you for that.”
He tilts his head as he watches you, considering your words thoughtfully.
“You could be a seafarer king.” He grins.
“I quite like the sound of that.”
Once you reach the entrance to the Little Palace, he holds onto your hand as you move to leave. You turn to look at him.
“Five weeks, before I officially court you. Then one month after that I’ll propose.” You nod in agreement, and a smirk tugs at your lips as you tease,
“And if I refuse?” He smiles.
“I don’t think you will. I think we make a good pair.”
You nod, despite the conflict in your heart.
“I think we do.”
Later on in the day, when you’re reading through some reports in the war room, you mention Nikolai’s agreement to Aleksander. He nods slowly in response.
“After his coronation we will journey to Kenst Hjerte.”
Lifting your head up from the pages in front of you, your gaze moves across the table to look at Aleksander.
“Those are the islands north of Fjerda.” You say, and he nods as he adds,
“Where it is rumoured that Sankta Ursula lives.”
Sankta Ursula - the Fjerdan name for Ulla. Your frown deepens and you tilt your head as you look at him with confusion in your eyes.
“We’re visiting your sister?”
The corner of his mouth lifts fondly, as he begins to explain,
“The heart of Sankt Feliks was stolen from his monastery by a monk several centuries ago.”
Hope fills you. If Aleksander is telling you this, he must believe he can find it. You stand from your chair, and move over to stand beside Aleksander as he looks down at a map detailing the Fjerdan coastline.
“The monk travelled north into Fjerda, and when he returned he was one of the richest men in Ravka.”
“How?”
“Ulla deals in bargains. She gives ambitious people whatever they desire, as long as they offer in return whatever it is they hold most dear.”
“He gave her the heart of Sankt Feliks.”
Aleksander nods.
“The symbol of his faith, in exchange for earthly riches.”
“He doesn’t sound like a very good monk.”
Aleksander’s smile returns as he breathes out a small laugh. You look down at the shape of the islands of Kenst Hjerte - the broken heart - tracing your fingers over the outline of them.
“Does your sister do family discounts?” You ask, worried at the thought of giving up what you hold most dear.
Aleksander slips an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side.
“She will help us.”
»»---------------------►
Two days after Nikolai’s coronation, you and Aleksander take a small ship up to the collection of islands to the north of Fjerda. The ship is one of Sturmhond’s, and you’re not flying the Ravkan flag as you sail around the coastline of Fjerda.
Whenever you spot sight of land, or any other ships, a sense of anxiety fills you. Being so close to enemy territory has you on edge.
Aleksander had assured you that you would be fine, but the fact that he isn’t wearing his kefta says more about the situation than his assurances.
Luckily your reach the islands of Kenst Hjerte without incident. The crew stay on the ship, as you and Aleksander row out to shore on a small longboat.
Aleksander seems to be familiar with the area, as he leads you through the trees towards a rocky path. He holds onto your hand as you climb over the trail, taking care not to stand on any loose stones that might send you tumbling down.
It’s only once you reach the top of a large hill, that you realise what your destination is.
A small chapel.
The sharp wind whips at your coat, and you step closer to Aleksander as you walk along the cliff top towards the chapel.
There’s some sort of greeting painted above the door, but you can’t read Fjerdan and the faded blue letters are peeling. Aleksander pushes open the door, and you follow him inside.
There’s five rows of benches on either side of you as Aleksander walks down the aisle determinedly. You look around you, it doesn’t look like anyone has visited in quite some time.
“It’s pretty.” You say softly, not wanting to break the delicate silence that hangs around you.
Aleksander hums in acknowledgement as you tilt your head back to look up at the pearls and shells that adorn the ceiling.
“In my world, we have these mythical creatures called sirens, who lure sailors to their deaths with their songs.”
“That sounds rather like Ulla.”
“Good for her.” You remark absently as you continue to admire your surroundings. Then you look at Aleksander with a frown. “What are we doing here?”
“They’ve redecorated in the time since I last visited.” Aleksander muses as his fingers trace over a wooden panel in the wall.
He nudges it carefully, and there’s a click before the panel swings open to reveal a dark tunnel. Aleksander turns back to you with a triumphant look on his face, and he holds a hand out towards you.
You raise an incredulous brow at him, and he breathes out a laugh.
“It’s perfectly safe.”
“Maybe two hundred years ago. How do you know there hasn’t been a collapse in the middle?”
“I suppose we will find out.”
Shaking your head at him, you accept Aleksander’s hand and follow closely behind him as he ducks down into the tunnel.
When the darkness closes in, you tighten your hold on Aleksander’s hand. You feel his shadows around you, guiding you along the uneven ground and steadying you when you wobble.
The sound of water dripping down is what you hear first, then you’re stepping out into a large underground cavern. A thin beam of sunlight falls down from a crack above you, though it doesn’t provide much light.
Despite the lack of light, you still see her. A young woman, with black hair twisted up into intricate braids above her head. She’s sitting in front of a small pool of water, scooping up handfuls of the sparkling liquid and letting it run over her bare arms.
Her skin is a rich bronze, and a web of pale scars weave their way along her arms and up her one side of neck, tracing over the edge of her face on her left side. You had read the story of Sankta Ursula, but Aleksander had told you Ulla’s real story.
Betrayed by her best friend, she was burnt during a forbidden ritual to create fire that would live underwater. In response to the betrayal, she had used her spellsong to summon a fierce storm that had cracked the land in two, creating the island that you are currently standing beneath.
Aleksander moves forward.
It’s only once you get closer to her that you realise she’s humming a tune. A delicate noise that is wholly unlike anything you’ve ever heard before.
“Hello sister.” Aleksander says quietly.
Despite your sudden appearance, she doesn’t startle, and she doesn’t look up as she speaks, her voice rich and smooth.
“I didn’t realise you were due a visit so soon.”
The corner of Aleksander’s lips twitch into a half smile.
“It’s nice to see you too.”
“What do you want?”
“We need your help.”
At that, Ulla looks up and her dark eyes settle on you. She tilts her head aside slightly, watching you carefully for a moment, before her gaze falls back to Aleksander. She raises a singular brow.
“We?” Aleksander ignores her question.
“I need the heart of Sankt Feliks.”
Something like mischief sparkles in her eyes as she turns her attention back to the water, tracing shapes over the surface.
“Do you now?” She muses thoughtfully.
He sighs softly, raising a brow at her.
“Do you have it?” The corner of her mouth twitches with a smirk.
“Perhaps.”
His brows lift even higher, exasperation touching his features and she laughs, a soft yet wicked laugh. Dusting her hands off, she rises and steps towards the two of you.
She’s wearing a dress of deep purple with a torn hem, that hangs from her shoulders by fraying straps, as she cares little for human clothes.
“I have it.” She says.
Aleksander steps forward to follow her as she moves towards a gap in the cavern’s wall. Ulla stops, her hand held up to prevent him from coming any closer.
She raises a dark brow at him.
“You know my rule. I only bargain with mortals.”
The two of them exchange a firm look, and you realise that the siblings share the same stubbornness. Whilst they might have a few centuries spare to win a staring contest, you certainly don’t.
“I’ll go.” You offer, and they both turn to look at you.
Aleksander squeezes your hand firmly, to which you smile and nod in reassurance. Ulla regards you with an unreadable expression and you hold your breath as her dark eyes study your face. Then, without any sort of reaction, she says,
“Follow me.”
She turns away, and you glance over at Aleksander.
“I’ll be fine, Sasha.” You whisper, squeezing his hand one final time before you turn and follow Ulla, deeper into the cavern.
A nervous smile flickers over your lips as she pauses for you to catch up, her dark eyes fixed on your face once again. You aren’t walking for too long until you reach another, much smaller, cavern.
Rocky shelves have been carved into the walls, which stretch almost all the way up to the top, where you can see a glimmer of sunlight shining down to illuminate your every step. On each shelf there’s all manner of objects.
“Wow.” You whisper in pure awe.
Throughout the space, there’s tables and cabinets dotted around, and the whole area looks like an antique store. Ornate chests and pieces of furniture, that look like they’re from a variety of different eras, are scattered about and you wander through them.
Sparkling gems, gold coins and dazzling pieces of jewellery sit in velvet boxes and carved wooden bowls. There’s mountains of books stacked in a few different corners, alongside paintings leaning precariously against some other valuable object.
Ulla seems to know exactly where she’s headed, but you are becoming increasingly distracted. You stop in front of a beautiful looking box.
There’s a delicate painting of a starry night at sea across the lid, deep blues and indigos brightened by the small dots of white starlight. The edges of the box have been adorned with silver embellishments that you’re itching to smooth your fingers over. But you hesitate.
“You can touch, you know.” Ulla remarks indifferently, stepping back to look at the box which had caught your interest. You raise a brow at her.
“It won’t curse my soul for eternity?” A dark smirk spreads over her lips.
“The only thing here that can curse you is me.”
You glance up at her, seeing the sharpness in her eyes, and you swallow nervously.
“Noted.”
She smiles, a little softer.
Picking up the box delicately, you examine the details of the craftsmanship and once you’ve turned it around you notice a windup key at the back. Giving it a few turns, a melodic twang sounds from inside the box, and you set it back down before you open it.
A beautiful, delicate tune sings out from the mechanisms inside.
“It’s lovely.” You say in a soft voice.
“A woman gave me that in exchange for a beauty that could entice any man she wished. I believe it belonged to her sister.”
You frown.
“This is what she held most dear?”
When Aleksander had explained Ulla’s bargains to you, a music box wasn’t the kind of sacrifice you thought someone would make for their greatest ambition.
Ulla shakes her head.
“She stole it from her sister. Breaking the trust between them, and betraying the one she held most dear.”
You close the music box. A beautiful thing, with a meaningful story. Turning back to Ulla, you find her regarding you with that indescribable look once again.
“He must like you.”
You frown in confusion at her words.
“Aleksander.” She adds. “He’s never brought anyone to see me before. Not even one of his Grisha.”
She turns away, heading towards the far end of the cavern. Ducking underneath a string of cobwebs, you follow her.
Ulla reaches under a table, and drags out a rather battered looking chest. The bolts creak as she unlocks it, and the lid swings open with a heavy thump. She tugs out a few garments of clothing before she finds what she’s searching for. What you and Aleksander have been searching for.
The heart of Sankt Feliks.
It’s a dark, solid looking lump. She hands it to you, and it feels more like a large piece of bark than anything else. You try very hard to not think about the fact that this relic is rumoured to have once been an actual human heart.
Ulla nudges the chest back towards its spot under the table with a kick, before she turns back to you.
“I assume you want something in return.” You say, bracing yourself for her demand.
“Look after him.” Tilting your head aside in confusion, you watch as she wipes the dust from a pile of books. “He might be my older brother, but he certainly needs it.”
Your expression softens, and you nod.
“I will. I promise.”
She holds your gaze, her dark eyes so similar to Aleksander’s.
“I’ve learnt that promises mean very little to humans. But if Aleksander trusts you, perhaps I can believe your word.”
»»---------------------►
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