pt ran late and then there was traffic home and now everything is like an hour behind schedule and I can't think or like just like process- ahhhhhhh I'm frozen and stressed and my tummy hurts

Tommy being a little shit with techno with “Why should I share with you?” “Because you love me 😌” Please and thank you :D

Cause of Love

Hi!!! Sorry this took me so long!! I just bounce between projects!

Techno has different ways of showing love and bonds with Tommy

Or, three times Tommy said “Cause you love me!” And one time Techno said “Because I love you”

This takes place in the same universe as Project Pink and Sneaking Stars!!

Some fluff!!

Techno did things out of love, he always had, that was almost exclusively reserved for Wilbur. Everything he did for Wilbur was out of love, making sure he didn’t do anything too reckless and that he at least finished his assignments and that.

Then they had been placed with Phil, so he started doing things for Phil. It started off with little things like doing more chores, to sometimes making Phil’s bed before he got home, to helping start on dinner and making sure his brothers were home safe.

Then came Tommy.

He didn’t really do anything new for Tommy, sure he helped him with his homework but he also did that for Wilbur. He really didn’t do a lot of stuff out of love for him, not that he didn’t love him, he just didn’t really have a way to express it.

At least he thought he didn’t.

“Can I have some?” Tommy asked, leaning over top of the old sagging couch, reaching for Techno’s small bag of chips. Techno pulled away, raising an eyebrow and the bag.

“Why would I share that with you?” He teased, Tommy rolled over onto the couch, back of his head on Techno’s lap, still reaching for the chips.

“Cause you love me,” Tommy drew out the last syllable, grinning at him, while still reaching for the bag.

Techno rolled his eyes and snorted, he let his arm back down and let Tommy grab a handful of chips, the bag crinkling loudly against the crackling TV in the background.

Tommy didn’t lift his head from his brother’s lap and Techno didn’t push him off.

Techno’s head was jerked to the side and he yelped, “Hey! If you’re gonna mess with my hair then be gentle!”

“You’re such a pussy- I’m making it look better!” He felt Tommy pull on another section of his hair, messily wrapping it up in a hair tie.

“Yeah sure, ‘better’.” He deadpanned, Tommy frowned, sticking his tongue out. He shifted in the old folding chair Tommy had drug out of the garage, kicking at the cold metal legs.

“Yes better! You have no sense of style, Blade!”

“Oh yeah this coming from the guy that has 14 of the same red and white shirts.”

Tommy narrowed his eyes, “You’re a real dick, you know that?” he said with no real heat.

Techno snorted, they sat in a comfortable silence as Tommy continued to twist his hair around.

“There! It’s done!” Tommy handed him a mirror and Techno already knew before that it was going to be terrible but that still didn’t prepare him for what he saw in the mirror.

His hair was up in random ponytails and twisted together in a pink tornado, bobby pins sticking out at random angles, Techno could already feel the tangles.

“Alright this is bad,” He set the mirror down, pulling at one of the hair ties, Tommy slapped his hand away.

“What do you mean! It looks great-” He couldn’t finish the sentence with a straight face.

“To you maybe but I’m not walking around like this!” Techno took down one of the ponytails.

“Aw you bitch- you bitch! It took me so long to do that! You have no respect for the art of hair styling!”

Techno sighed, “Why do I let you do these things to me?”

“Cause you love me- or did since you’re destroying my hard work!”

Techno snorted, pinching the bridge of his nose, nodding lightly before going back to untangling the whirlwind of pink on his head.

“Did you preheat the oven?” Techno asked, checking over the list of ingredients.

“Did I what the what?” Tommy asked, twirling the ring of measuring spoons on his finger.

Techno stared at him for a moment then walked over and set the oven to 350 degrees, cooking with Tommy was always a new experience.

They were making cookies, mainly from boredom, Techno would’ve done it himself but Tommy insisted on ‘helping’.

They started to mix the ingredients together, Tommy handling the dry while Techno mixed the butter and sugar.

Tommy spilled half of the ingredients before quickly sweeping them back in the bowl.

“Good job there Innit,”

“Shut up Blade!”

They folded the ingredients together, Tommy added more chocolate chips then necessary, then rolled them into balls and set them on the trays.

Techno put the cookies in the oven then started cleaning up their dishes, putting them in the sink when a puff of flour hit him in the face.

Tommy grinned at him, Techno wiped some of the white powder off his face and shoved back onto Tommy’s, dragging his hand up the side of his head, ruffling his hair.

Tommy laughed, dipping his hand back into the flour container, throwing more at Techno, who did the same, aiming for the other side of Tommy’s face.

It escalated into both of them flinging flour at each other, getting all over their clothes and the kitchen.

Techno ducked behind the counter, flour sifting through his fingers, he jumped out only to slip on a flour dusted floor and fall.

Tommy cackled, trying to move forwards but slipped and fell himself, a wave of white dust flying up upon his impact.

Techno laughed, shoulders bouncing, as he scrambled to his feet and slid over to Tommy, helping him up.

“This is a mess,” He said as Tommy scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, “Why’d I let you do this?”

“Cause you love me!”

Techno snorted, brushing the flour off his hoodie, “Yeah, that’s the reason.”

Techno blinked awake in the middle of the night, throat and mouth dry as he blindly reached for his water bottle on the nightstand, sitting up and chugging it.

He paused for a minute to breathe and was about to lay back down when he noticed Tommy shaking in his bed, quiet, panicked, murmurs drifting through the room.

He debated it in his head, wasn’t it dangerous to wake up someone having a nightmare? Or was that just an old myth?

He decided it was better for Tommy to wake up in shock then suffer in dream hell and was about to get up when Tommy shot up with a sharp gasp, grabbing his chest, panting and frantically looking around the room.

Techno waited for a minute, noticing how Tommy wiped at his face, then whispered;

“Tommy,”

His little brother jumped, jerking to look at Techno with watery, wide blown, eyes.

Techno patted his bed and lifted up the blankets, an unspoken invitation that floated through the dark room.

Tommy shaky pulled himself up, wrapping one of his blankets around his shoulders, then shuffled over to Techno’s bed. He climbed over Techno and laid between him and the wall, Techno pulled the covers around them and laid to face Tommy, wrapping an arm around him, pulling him closer to his chest.

Tommy pressed closer, obviously trying not to shake, and Techno rested his chin on Tommy’s head, fingers running through his hair.

He didn’t know what happened to Tommy to make him have a nightmare like that but he wanted to make sure nothing bad every happened to him again.

After a moment Tommy whispered,

“Why are you letting me do this?” Almost like he was scared of Techno realizing how close they were and pushing him away.

Techno paused, squeezing Tommy tighter, after a moment of hesitation he whispered back;

“Cause I love you.”

Worthless (lucifer x fem!reader)

Pairing(s): [lucifer x depressed! reader]

Trigger Warning(s): Attempts at Suicide, depression and all the feelings that surround that.

Author’s Note: I have a few requests that I have to get to, but I’ve been feeling pretty bad mentally the past few days, so I can’t really find it in me to do things that could be happy. I’ll get to them as soon as I can, I promise.

Looking for my Masterlist? Here it is (x)

————

You took a slow, deep breath in as you laid on your bed. You really couldn’t find it in yourself to do much of anything else. You felt really overwhelmed, like everything was just building up to being too much for you to handle.

You had homework that you could be doing, and you knew that every day you didn’t do it it was just growing to be bigger and bigger, which in turn made you feel overwhelmed, but you didn’t move from your spot.

You just laid there, looking at the stars plastered onto your ceiling. It hurt so much to breathe. No, it hurt to be alive. You just wanted to die.

It made you feel worse, because you knew there was no good reason that you should be feeling like this, but you figured everything would be much easier if you were dead. Whether or not you would just be sent back to the Devildom, or if you would actually make it into the Celestial Realm, you didn’t know, but you didn’t particularly care.

You could only imagine how the brothers would react if they were to find your dead body, you could only imagine that they might not care.

You were a pathetic human, only here because of the exchange program. They only cared about you so that Diavolo would look good. Lucifer only cared about you because of the exchange program and keeping up Diavolo’s image.

Thinking about the fact that Lucifer doesn’t actually care about you made your chest ache more. You grabbed your blanket and pulled it over you, curling up in a ball and facing the wall, closing your eyes.

You weren’t going to fall asleep, your chest aching would stop you from that, and one of the brothers coming into your room will eventually wake you up anyway.

How much would really happen if you died? Of course, your family and friends back home would be devastated, and you would miss them. But they knew about your depression and suicidal ideation, you had gone to a therapist and had medicine, but that ended when you came down to the Devildom.

Now it was a few months without the medicine or therapy sessions, and you felt the repercussions of it. But you didn’t bother to tell them, you didn’t want to bother Diavolo with issues like that, Lucifer had too much on his plate involving the brothers, much less having your mental health add to the issues.

The door to your room opened gently, someone flipping on the light switch. You didn’t move, you couldn’t be bothered to move.

“[Y/N], get up. You need to work on homework. Mammon’s in all your classes, I know how much you guys got.” You hear Lucifer scold you, which made the aching in your chest make itself known again and make a weird feeling in your jaw as you sit up.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just tired, I guess,” You tell him as cheerily as you can, swinging your legs off of the bed and making your way over to your desk.

“You need to finish your work then you can sleep. Diavolo’s reputation is on the line, that should be your first priority.” You bit your lip, and nodded. Of course he couldn’t see through your facade, you had spent years working on it, so obviously it would easily be able to come back when needed.

“Okay,” you answer him and pull out your book work. He seemed content with that answer and he kissed the top of your head before leaving. The place where his lips touched your head felt warm, but it was quickly replaced with a dull ache.

“I’m going to start dinner, please be more attentive when it comes to getting your work done. Also, these grades do transfer to your home, so they also matter to your future,” he says and you just nod.

The last part didn’t really matter to you. How could you care about your future if you didn’t even see one for yourself? The entire conversation you just had with Lucifer left a bad taste in your mouth.

It made you feel worthless, like you weren’t anything more than a nuisance to him. He claimed he loved you- all the brothers told you they cared for you, but you didn’t feel it.

You finished the homework moderately quickly, only half paying attention to what you were doing. The bell for dinner rang soon after that, and you got up and took off the RAD jacket you had yet to take off and put on a pair of sweatpants, not bothering to take off the turquoise turtleneck that went under the uniform.

Dinner was as eventful as normal, all the boys seemed too caught up in their own problems to notice you being quieter than normal, not that you were complaining. You waited until everyone was finished before leaving the table, offering to wash the dishes.

“Less work for me,” was all Belphie said when you told him you would take over his chore, and he left the room.

You were cleaning up the dishes, scrubbing away at a pan when you felt two arms around your waist.

“Are you doing alright, baby?” You heard Lucifer ask.

“Of course, why?”

“I just noticed you being more quiet than normal. You can talk to me, you know that right, [Y/N]?”

“Of course, I’m just tired. There’s nothing else.”

“Nothing? So no demon had been bothering you? If so, you need to tell me so I can tell Diavolo. Nothing can go wrong with this program, not even that.”

Of course, he wasn’t just concerned about you. It could never be just about you, he didn’t care about you, he cared about Diavolo’s program. Nothing else. He only cared about Diavolo, which you should have warned yourself about the first time you even had an inkling about that being the case.

“No, nothing. The demons here have been fine. I just need some more sleep,” you told him, and he just nodded and took his arms off of you.

“Alright, well, be sure to get to bed soon,” you saw mental glint in the suds of the sink, a long blade peaking through. “Maybe you could spend some time with Belphegor to make you tired.”

You nodded.

“Maybe I should try that.”

Lucifer left with nothing else, and you reached for the knife, your palm gripping the blade, it cutting into your skin. You didn’t care, though.

How easily you could just plunge this knife into your chest, how quickly all the pain you felt would be over.

You positioned the tip of the blade between your breasts, digging it in slightly, feeling a trickle of blood run down your chest and stomach, before plunging it in all the way.

———

It was peaceful. You only saw white, that was all that was surrounding you. This wasn’t Heaven or Hell, or the Devildom. There was nothing.

“Hello?” You call out to the void. Nothing responded. You felt a twist in your gut, and an off sensation that you hadn’t felt in awhile. Almost the.. thrive to live? The need to continue breathing, it suddenly took you over, out of nowhere.

The feeling that now isn’t your time to die washed over you, and you refused to just believe that this was all there was for you. You wanted to live, you wanted to live, you wanted to live, you wanted to live, you wanted to live, you wanted to live, you wanted to-

—————

You open your eyes again, but immediately shut them. A loud pulsing noise came from beside you, and you cringed away from it. Why was it so loud? You slowly opened your eyes again, them adjusting to the brightness.

There was no one around you, but you could hear two voices talking, and when you looked out into the hallway, Lucifer and Diavolo were standing there, talking in a hushed voice, almost as if trying not to wake you up.

A feeling of dread came over you, and that need to survive was quickly stifled out. You felt the need to cry, so you did just that. Quietly, tears started to stream down your face as you laid down as far as you could.

God, what a mess you had probably made. How could you be so selfish? Who found your body? Thinking back on it, it was probably Beel, the most innocent out of all of them, how could you have done that to him?

Selfish, selfish, that’s all you are. How could you have done that and not even batted an eye about the repercussions? All you think about is yourself, selfish, selfish, selfish-

“[Y/N]?” You heard a gentle voice. You looked over to the doorway and Lucifer stood there. He took off his coat, leaving him in only a black shirt and pants. You didn’t respond. “How are you feeling?”

“I can’t feel the wound yet, so, pretty good,” you tried to joke with him.

“Don’t, don’t do that. Baby, why didn’t you tell me, tell someone? We could have gotten you medicine, allowed you to see your therapist, or a therapist.”

“I didn’t want to be more of a burden than I already was. But now, I guess I made that worse right? I’m sorry. I hoped it would work,” you tell him, and he just furrows his eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve probably ruined the program, right? I’m sorry. I was being selfish, I didn’t take into consideration what me trying to commit suicide would do.”

“[Y/N]..” Lucifer started, but trailed off before hugging you, almost ripping you off of the bed. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that your only purpose in the Devildom was to be an exchange student for Diavolo. I know I talk about it a lot, and I’m sorry about that.

“I’m not going to try to come up with excuses as to why I do that, but you better know this right now: you are more than just an exchange student. To me, to my brothers, even to Diavolo. You’re more than that. I love you, and it hurts to see you think of yourself as less than someone worthy of being here.

“I know you’re not going to get better by telling you this, I know that it could take a long time to get better, to make sure you're in a safe place mentally. But I want you to also know that I will be right here, by your side, while you get the help you need.”

You had started crying halfway through his speech. You wrapped your tube-infested arms around him also, deeply breathing in the scent of him that you had missed so much.

“I want to get better, please help me. I’m tired of feeling like this again.”

“Of course, [Y/N]. First thing we’ll do is get you back on your meds and then schedule a therapy appointment, okay? You’re also put under suicide watch, so I’ll be staying with you until you’re granted freedom from that.”

“Thank you, Luci.”

“Of course, [Y/N]. I love you.”

————

This was written by me in no way trying to romanticize mental illnesses. I try to write what I feel would help me in the moment. I completely understand that mental illnesses don’t just ‘disappear’ when you’ve figured out that someone loves you or someone helps you once- that’s why I don’t write what happens after in most cases. If you are struggling, please reach out to anyone you trust, or call a hotline.

Masterpost of ADHD Coping Things I Learned to Do In College

Both as a resource for other people and a reminder to myself of habits to pick back up as I’m going into a Ph.D. program this fall.  

 This can all help cheat the executive function and focus challenges that trip up ADHD people in school and at work.

Here’s the short list of tips. They’re all explained and elaborated on after the cut!

Manage energy, not time

Treat motivation like inertia

Diversify productivity time

Use baby stimuli while studying

Learn the brain’s quirks

Maintain yourself and your environment

Keep tasks small

Exploit impulsivity

Don’t memorize, use

- Manage energy, not time. The ADHD brain is really hard to drag through school because it refuses to focus on anything it doesn’t find interesting. Every time you’re in a productive mood, choose to work on your least favorite class or assignment for as long as you possibly can. One of two things will happen: on a good day, your brain gets the message and will behave or sometimes even hyperfocus on this onerous work. Alternatively, you’ll lose all motivation and focus after a while---but you will still have gotten work done. This is a great strategy to boost work efficiency because forcing yourself to study for 4 hours is pointless if you only function for 2.

- Treat motivation like inertia. Objects in motion stay in motion. Objects at rest stay at rest. The transition from rest to motion (productivity) is really hard for ADHD brain, so don’t make yourself do it more than you must. When you need a break from homework or studying, don’t just chill out on the internet. Switch to another topic or class that uses a different skill set, take a shower, go for a walk, or do a chore. Stay in motion!

- Diversify productivity time. ADHD people, in general, struggle to sit and study for hours on end. So don’t. Intersperse chunks of study time (determined by natural energy and motivation levels, as in point 2) with other subjects or activities. Work on another assignment or subject, put your laundry in or go for a walk, or move locations or use a new background stimulus. The variation will help you focus.

- Use baby stimuli while studying. Through trial and error, identify small stimuli you can use while you’re studying to hush that mega-bored corner of your brain without distracting yourself. Lots of people use fidgets. I had success with a favorite texture (wrapping my security blanket around my shoulders) and strong tastes (calamata olives one at a time).

- Learn the brain’s quirks. Learn what makes you feel good and what helps you focus and do a lot of it. Sometimes this will be weird, like your hairstyle or the position you sit in. It’s still super important to sort out what works. I recommend paying attention to foods, hygiene, and the organization & orderliness of your room.

Weird shit that affected me: which wall my desk faced in the same corner, the ability of my desk chair to roll, how I sat, the amount of ambient noise (changed depending on the day), typing single vs. 1.5 vs. double-spaced, which font I used, how greasy my hair was, whether I had chapstick on, whether I had glasses or contacts on, and which kind of pants I was wearing.

- Maintain yourself and your environment. Self-care is important for everyone, but it’s vital for people with ADHD. To be at all functional, our brain needs to be in tip-top shape. Keep your room clean, eat well, exercise and go outside, sleep, and maintain your hygiene. This all sounds like a lot, but if you use these productive tasks as study breaks (see inertia and diversity) it can all get done.

- Keep tasks small. ADHD brain is easily overwhelmed by big tasks to the point of shutting down. Let them stay small. Break tasks down in your planner, then break them down further and only work on one piece at a time. Ask yourself: “what can I do in the next 5 minutes that will contribute to x” and do something, even if it’s technically out of order.

Note on room cleaning/environment: Once and a while you’ll manage the herculean task of actually cleaning your room up all the way. After that, or even while it’s still a mess, do yourself a favor and tidy up every night before bed. It’s small enough a task for your brain to not be daunted by it, it keeps the mess under control, and since it’s physical, it’s a good wind-down stimulus so shutting your brain off for sleep isn’t so hard. 

- Exploit impulsivity. A TED talk I watched said that when you have an urge to do something, you have ten seconds to act on it. After that, you just won’t do it. This is extra true for ADHD. With ADHD we’re so used to suppressing impulses, but you can use them to help yourself too! If you have an impulse to do something productive, even if it’s not an essential task, let that impulse move you to act. This is similar to working with energy instead of time. Got an impulse to wash dishes? Random desire to go for a run? Sudden inspiration for that one essay? Do it.

 - Don’t memorize, use. Short-term and working memory is garbage for people with ADHD. Our brains just don’t hold on to things the way they’re supposed to. Instead of writing your notes down and hoping that your brain retains it, use your notes as a proving ground for new information as you’re acquiring it. Rephrase the bullet point. Draw a diagram instead of writing numbers. Make a flow chart to connect ideas or a timeline. Scribble questions and counter-points in the margins. This carves those mental pathways---those memory pathways---much deeper than normal note-taking does. Then, review your notes by trying to teach them to someone else (stuffed animals and imaginary friends work too).

General Specifics (just trust me on these) - Make your bed in the morning. - Clear off your desk and the walls around it.  - Maintain a planner or checklist.  - Don’t let yourself doodle in your planner or use it for anything else, ever.  -  Plug your phone in away from your bed. - Use drinking water / a water bottle to stim. Stimulus helps Brain, hydration helps Brain, and frequent study breaks to go pee help Brain too. - Brainstorm and outline for essays with old-fashioned pen and paper.

The big summary of it all is this: Work with your brain, not against it.

Basically, learn and remember how your brain works, what things it does and does not like to do. Instead of trying to function on the same rhythms, patterns, and schedules that neurotypical people do, devise methods of working with your brain’s quirks to get things done.

it’s this sunrise

Here is yet another Ask response that has turned into a goddamn fic. I hope it’s the soft fluffy smut clothes sharing vibes that were desired. I tried to keep it soft af but honestly it got away from me. It also made me realize I rarely write in Steve’s point of view. Enjoy! 

If there is ever a time when Bucky gets out of bed before Steve it will truly be the end of the world. Aside from maybe Christmas morning and the nights he spends working away on homework or essays, Steve is always the first one out of bed. Even on weekends when the two of them are free to sleep in and wake up at their leisure, Steve is the one waking at an earlier hour, the one out of bed earlier, the one starting his day earlier. That remains the case on this gorgeous Saturday morning. Steve feels like it’s the first time in months he hasn’t been woken by a call on his day off and he hadn’t realized how nice that was, or had forgotten at least. After kissing Bucky a few times on the forehead and cheek he wanders out of the bedroom in a pair of sweats. 

He makes some coffee, spends a few minutes going around and opening all of the blinds and curtains (Bucky will hate him but it’s all fine), sips on said coffee and thinks about the things they need to do this weekend. They need to head to the market for a few items, maybe go out to lunch or dinner, not having gone out in so long. He’s sure Bucky has some homework to do, knows they need to do chores around the house. Maybe they can walk around the city some, leave the car at home. 

He’s so wrapped up in his deliciously domestic thoughts when he decides to level up the domesticity and make some pancakes. Bucky loves pancakes. He thinks there are some peaches in the fridge that he could cut up too; Bucky loves peaches. Luckily, they have all the ingredients they need and Steve whips up a batter: eggs, flour, buttermilk, a hint of vanilla. He’s pouring the batter onto the griddle, swaying a little to an Adele song, when in walks Bucky. “Mornin’, sugar,” he sing-songs, setting the bowl back down on the counter, and he gets a grumble of a huff in response. Oh, so it’s a grumpy Bucky. Steve isn’t surprised; he learned the hard way that he should never force the younger man out of bed before he wanted to face the day. He hears Bucky pour himself some coffee and when he turns to face him his heart isn’t nearly prepared for what he sees. He knows Bucky being grumpy and sleepy shouldn’t be so goddamn cute but, fuck, it’s the most adorable thing Steve’s ever been witness to. Having showered the night before and just gone to sleep, Bucky’s hair is in all sorts of disarray, his natural curls free to move the way they wish. His cheeks are flushed a rosy color, always running hot when he sleeps but insisting on using a blanket, crease marks pressed into the skin of his face and arms. He’s got that grumpy eyebrow wrinkle probably a preface to the complaint of how bright it is in the house. The cherry on top is Bucky’s attire. He’s being swallowed up by one of Steve’s old shirts, an old volleyball tournament shirt of his, and it hits Bucky right above the knees, sleeves almost hitting his elbows. It makes him look damn near miniature, much smaller than his actual six-foot size, and Steve’s gut stirs. Bucky doesn’t seem to be wearing anything but briefs either and that…that’s nice. The entire picture Bucky paints makes Steve stir in his sweats, makes him chub up almost immediately. It brings him a sense of pride and ownership and so much fucking love that it almost makes the older man short of breath. “S’that my shirt you’re wearing?” Steve asks off-handedly as he flips a pancake and Bucky makes a noise in protest, already, mumbles out, “Yeah, so what?” and it makes Steve want to chuckle. Like a feisty kitten this one is. “Nothin’, baby, nothin’. Just sexy is all,” Steve explains in a low light tone, walking up to Bucky, pressing him back into the counter with a gentle nudge. Bucky huffs again, seems to be full of them this morning, rolls his eyes some, almost goes to push at Steve’s chest before he grabs Bucky’s hand. “S’not sexy, Steve. I just woke up, shut it,” Bucky protests in a gruff voice, brings the mug up to his mouth to take a sip as Steve brings Bucky’s hand up to his mouth, runs his lips across his knuckles. Bucky wiggles where he stands, a little movement in his toes and in his knees, and Steve’s heart feels like it’s in his throat on his next swallow. “No, honey I’m for real. Seein’ your sweet little grumpy ass in my clothes is…it’s somethin’ else,” Steve rumbles, pushes Bucky a tad harder into the counter, and the younger makes a feigned offended noise at the description of him. Steve doesn’t want to let Bucky’s hand go, doesn’t want to stop touching him now that he’s started, drops the hand at his mouth to grab at Bucky’s sides instead. “M’not…I’m not grumpy,” Bucky argues and this time Steve can’t help but let out a low chuckle, chide in response, “You gonna fight me on everything this morning, sweetheart?” Steve squeezes at his hips, runs his hands over the thin fabric of his shirt on Bucky’s body, decides he can get addicted to the way it feels under his grip. This morning might turn out differently than he had originally thought. “You wanna gimme a kiss?” Steve murmurs, tilting Bucky’s chin up with the touch of two fingers and he’s so physically close to the other man that he can feel the morning moody tension leave Bucky some, yields and moves for Steve without much reservation. The kiss is brief, so soft, a breath of a thing, and all it does is make Steve hungrier, make him grow a little harder in his pants. He knows Bucky can feel it, has to be aware of it, crotch pressed into his lower stomach, his hip, sighs heavily when Steve’s tongue dips against his lip in a tease of a movement. “Just woke up, Steve come on,” Bucky gasps when he pulls back, Steve’s lips moving gracefully down Bucky’s jaw, nipping and licking as he goes, movements unrushed and syrupy. He grabs for the coffee mug in Bucky’s hands, places it on the counter behind him. With his hands free, Steve is able to move with more freedom, rubs his hands up and down Bucky’s sides, squeezing a little roughly, sliding them down to cup his ass. “Steve, the pancakes. M’hungry,” Bucky whines into his mouth and it makes Steve hot all over, that tone of voice Bucky uses when he wants to put up a fight just so it seems like he isn’t being easy. Steve just hums in response, squeezes his fingers firmly around the handfuls of ass he’s got in his palms, movement making Bucky whimper and clutch at Steve’s chest. “I’m hungry too, Buck,” he purrs into his mouth, squeezes and pulls Bucky up until the younger realizes to jump a little, delightfully moving without any physical resistance, and Steve hauls him up onto the counter. “That was awful, Steve oh my god.” Steve nips at Bucky’s ear. “It’s true though. Was hungry for pancakes before you came out here lookin’ all sweet in my own goddamn clothes. God, baby what you do to me…” Steve’s voice is low, hands still moving and squeezing wherever he can, soaking in all the little noises and breaths Bucky lets out. He loves Daddy’s hands on his body, Steve knows this, that he can get a little overwhelmed by it even, such a sensitive littler thing. Seeing Bucky in his clothes is doing things to Steve, a number of different things, but something he couldn’t have anticipated was Bucky appearing so small. Bucky isn’t a physically small man, is above average in height, but he is smaller than Steve, the older man being even more above average in overall size. Bucky in his oversized shirt, draping off his shoulders a tad, grazing the tops of his thighs, makes him look so little, makes his physical appearance show the side of him that only Daddy gets to see, show the true sweet boy he is for Steve. It makes Steve want to go feral. It also makes his next squeeze a little harsh, makes his next kiss a little deeper, makes Bucky’s hands clutch for purchase at Steve’s torso, his chest.   “I thought I was the one who was supposed to have the high sex drive as the younger one in this relationship. Sometimes this verges on ridiculous, Steve,” Bucky taunts a little breathlessly, nips at Steve’s chin when he gets the chance. What a brat. “Can’t help myself. And you’ve got some nerve complaining about how often you get fucked.” Steve nibbles at Bucky’s bottom lip in retaliation, his hands coming to rest on the smaller’s hips where he sits on the counter. For once, Bucky has nothing to say in response and that’s a goddamn miracle; Steve wants to mark the date on the calendar. He feels Bucky’s feet curl around the back of his knees, his arms coming up to also wrap around Steve’s torso, and it makes him want to purr like a goddamn cat. He pulls Steve in tight enough and it makes the older man’s erection entirely too obvious to ignore, his tented sweats rubbing a little lewdly against Bucky’s stomach, his own growing erection. Bucky feels it, the same time Steve does and lets out a loud exhale, he makes a warm noise, a purr of a thing right into Steve’s lips. “Daddy…” he coos, grins when Steve’s mouth drops open, gives his lips a few far too sensual kisses for someone who was grumbling about sex seconds before, “Is that all for me?” Steve might melt right through the goddamn floor. “A’course it is, kitten. What are you gonna do about it?” Steve asks, gives Bucky a few more filthy kisses, not bothering to close his eyes, not wanting to close his eyes. He bears witness to yet another adorable blush, one that makes Steve’s gut curl, loves how transparent Bucky is. Steve calls him a lot of things, too many things, but Bucky seems to be a sucker for “kitten”, being up there with “sugar” and “princess”. There’s a shift Steve can see in Bucky’s eyes, feel in his grip, one that has his dick perking up even more, the gleam in Bucky’s eyes having a mischievous edge to it.   “Bet I won’t need much prep because of last night…” is what he ends up whispering, attempting to make it sound casual but failing, his suggestion ending a little too breathlessly. Steve is pulling at the waistband of his sweats without wasting another second, his eagerness making Bucky giggle some more. Steve wants to eat him alive. At just the mention of being inside of Bucky, Steve’s heartrate notches up, his hands twitch at the urge to pull him closer, his dick aches and throbs. He’s reaching for a drawer that he knows has to have a tiny bottle of lube shoved in the back, always prepared, and with success he finds it and tosses it onto the counter. When Bucky sees it, he huffs, Steve needs to do something with that mouth, mumbles, “Ridiculous,” as he hops off the counter. He begins to turn but Steve grabs his hips and turns him the rest of the way around by force. “Turnin’ into the Boy Who Cried Wolf, sweetheart. Pissy about how prepared I am and how often you get dicked down, but you’re damn near gagging for it, aren’t ya?” Steve murmurs into his ear, hand reaching around to cup the stiff erection contained in his briefs, Bucky gasping at the contact. Steve rolls the younger’s package around in his hand, squeezes and tugs on what he can, kisses at Bucky’s cheek as he lets out a low moan. “Just a spoiled fuckin’ brat is what you are,” Steve continues to taunt in a light tone, voice low as he moves to slowly peel Bucky’s briefs down his lithe thighs, dropping to pool around his ankles. Bucky goes to take his shirt off, but he stops him, whispers, “No—keep it on,”, his hand running up and under the shirt, up the soft skin of Bucky’s stomach. Bucky nods his head, exhaling shakily. There’s something about a weekend morning fuck that digs deep into Steve’s bones. The unhurried pace, no place to be and no rush, the serene quietness that fills the house and the neighborhood. There’s something about greeting the day and your partner in such an intimate way, almost ethereal, movements slow and savory, simply feeling the other person and the way they make you feel, the reactions to the way you make them feel. Steve loves it, needs it, can never get enough of it when it comes to Bucky, kisses him on the back of the neck as he wets a few fingers with lube, lifts his own shirt on Bucky’s body, and— “Oh,” Bucky sighs and Steve feels that noise in his core, in his center, that noise like Bucky is finally right because Steve is inside of him, like he isn’t whole until Steve is there pressing within. He can’t think to say anything, his tongue heavy in his mouth, just kisses the piece of Bucky’s shoulder that peeks out of the coverage of his shirt. His finger is met with not near as much resistance as it normally is, Steve able to press in with another finger within a few pumps of the first. This second one makes Bucky gasp a little, makes him whine, and it’s so goddamn beautiful to Steve’s ears that he can’t help but make a pleased noise of his own, a little sympathetic moan that he lets out into the skin behind Bucky’s ear. “Daddy…” Steve’s gut clenches. “Yeah, sugar s’feel good?” “Ngh, I…gimme a-another. Please?” Their voices are so low, hushed for no reason but it simply being that morning kind of vibe. Bucky’s eager, a little too, and Steve pumps his fingers a few times, curls them a little bit, finds that sweet little spot they’re both looking for, force of it making Bucky fall forward some, brace his hands on the edge od the counter. “Just greedy, baby. There’s no rush,” he whispers, his other hand coming around to give its best attempt at jacking Bucky off slowly. Bucky lets out such a long and low moan Steve swears he can feel it in his own teeth. “Fuck, Steve holy shit, feels so good,” Bucky whimpers with another moan, head falling back some which gives Steve easy access to run his lips along the line of Bucky’s neck. “So sensitive in the morning aren’t you, Bucky? Sensitive all the time but in the mornings especially, always have been.” Bucky has nothing to say in response to that, just bites his bottom lip and arches his neck into Steve’s mouth some, clenches down on Daddy’s fingers. “Alright, alright hush, sugar.” Steve gives Bucky the third finger he wants, pumps his other hand around the brunette’s cock and if he wasn’t right before, he’s right now—Bucky is damn near gagging for it. The third finger gives him the pressure and the fullness he craves, gives him the closest thing he can get to Daddy’s cock, makes his mouth drop open some and Steve can’t help but kiss and coo on Bucky’s cheek. His movements are deep and slow and delicious and he can only fathom to work his fingers a few more times, in and out, before removing them and smearing what is left of the lube onto his cock. Steve is moaning before he’s even entirely slid inside of Bucky, can’t help it when he’s so wrapped up in the feeling of the younger man in his arms, of how hot and wet he is around Daddy’s cock, of how pretty he sounds when Steve slides home. An arm around Bucky’s waist, one tucked under and arm and across his chest, it’s achingly intimate, so close, perfect for a slow morning fuck. Bucky arches back into him beautifully, feels so good against the line of Steve’s body, feels so small, just the way he looks in Daddy’s shirt. “Ohh, fuck that’s nice, baby so nice,” he coos gently into Bucky’s ear as his crotch comes to press snug up against Bucky’s bottom, that sweet little cushion that in engrained in Steve’s brain for the rest of time. Bucky gives him a weak moan in response, a few heavy exhales to follow, lets his neck go a little lax as it rolls back into Steve’s shoulder. He knows Bucky wants to grab onto something, knows he likes to hold and feel grounded, so Steve grabs his hands, presses them into the counter in front of them. Bucky’s a gift, a treasure, no other way to describe him when at a loss for words like this. His body was made for Steve, he’d bet his life and soul on it, has never felt anything like being inside of Bucky. He fits so perfectly against Steve’s body, so soft and supple against his harder and muscled one, feels sublime all around his cock, all warm and tight as sin. He rolls his hips in tight, slow, little movements, grinds and presses in balls-deep, Bucky whimpering softly at the feel. Steve takes it slow, let’s the feel of the morning take them away, lets the music in the background unintentionally sway his movements. He pulls out slowly, presses those hot open-mouthed kisses he knows make Bucky weak all along his neck, up to his ear, wraps an arm back tight around Bucky’s middle. “Oh shit,” is all he can choke out in response to Steve’s movements and that’s totally okay with Steve, is acceptable, presses back in just as slow and fuck that’s nice, that’s beautiful. He does this a few more times, keeps his mouth close to Bucky’s face, keeps the line of his body pressed in tight, movement only being in his hips. He feels like he’s high, like he’s hypnotized, is only pulled from his mind when Bucky whimpers, “More, Daddy more,” and he nods his head, brings his arm up to curl his hand loosely around the base of Bucky’s throat. “Yeah, baby yeah, of course,” he coos out, picks up his pace and pumps his hips a little harder, movement making Bucky lock his elbows for more support, forcing the two of them let out little noises of their own. “Always feel so fuckin’ good for Daddy don’t you, sugar? Yeah? So fuckin’ ready, so fuckin’ hungry aren’t you?” “God, Daddy. Shouldn’t feel so good but it does. Why…fuck, why does it feel so good all the fucking time?” Good fucking question. Like almost every other attempt at talking this morning, Steve isn’t sure what to say back, feels like that’s more of a rhetorical question when he can’t think of a valid answer to begin with. Instead he continues to fuck into Bucky’s body, the body that feels so small in his hands, pumps his hips harder and deeper than before. The little noises that seem to be inadvertently let out by Bucky are so fragile, so full of emotion, so delicate that it makes his grip on the younger man a little tighter, wants to ensure he’s safe and protected. Bucky moves to arch his back, a small movements with a large payoff, lets out a high-pitched whine after a heave of a gasp that Steve feels under his palm. He knows what that gasp means, knows what that change of angle has to be doing for him and it makes him want to do it more, makes him want to hit Bucky’s sweet spot over and over again, wants to send him soaring. He winds his other arm tight around Bucky’s slim waist, under his shirt, keeps the other hand curled about his neck, and Bucky sobs, that little overwhelmed noise. “Steve,” he mewls and fuck he loves that, loves how Bucky sounds saying his name, it making him fuck harder, deeper. He purses his lips at the hinge of Bucky’s jaw. “Yeah, sugar,” he breathes, not really a question but an acknowledgement, lets himself groan heartily on the next exhale. “I’m gonna come.” It makes Steve groan again, makes him thrust harder, the slow pointed sound of skin slapping skin merging with the noises of a Saturday morning. He isn’t surprised it’s taken such a short amount of time for Bucky to reach the point of climax; he’s such a sensitive thing when he wakes up. “Yeah?” “Uh-huh, yeah, you’re gonna make me…god, gonna make me come, Daddy.” Fuck yeah. Steve might say it out loud, he isn’t quite sure, but he is damn sure his vision and focus narrow in on those words, make it all Steve wants, wants Bucky’s pleasure more than his own quickly approaching orgasm. The hand under his shirt (still swallowing up Bucky’s body, fuck) reaches up, finds one of those perfect little nipples, pinches it softly at first, then with a little more bite to it. The younger lets out his loudest noise this morning, a shout of a moan, so good. Bucky loves having his nipples played with, always has. It makes his knees buckle a little which then has Steve holding onto him as Bucky’s hands come up to grab onto Daddy’s head, hands in his hair.   “Yes, god j-just…uh-huh, yeah,” Bucky cries, finally passed the point of formulating words. Steve turns, sucks Bucky’s earlobe into his mouth, lets out a hearty groan at the feeling of hands in his hair, of that little bit of pain of Bucky getting carried away and not realizing it. He moves his fingers to the other nipple, twists the first before he leaves, gives the second the same treatment. His eyelids drop, a side effect of Bucky’s sweet little cunt eating him up, trying to keep him inside, so tight and so goddamn good. “You want me to touch that pretty cock? You want Daddy’s help, baby?” The way his own voice sounds to his ears makes him realize he’s close himself, a little frantic and a lot breathy. Bucky makes a pitiful noise, shakes his head and lets out another hefty moan, much louder than the last. The hands in Steve’s hair go taut, he hears a tiny, “No, I-I’m gonna come, oh Daddy, I’m gonna—” He feels it before anything else, feels that clench on his cock, feels that heave expand Bucky’s chest beneath his grip. He fucks in a little deeper, jars Bucky’s body forward with the force, grinds in tight on that perfect angle and Bucky’s coming and it’s so beautiful, always is. His little legs tremble at the force of his climax, said tremble running up his torso, and Steve can feel it, that’s his favorite part—when he can feel Bucky’s orgasm. His voice is so low, feeling so much, he bites out every syllable onto the side of Bucky’s slack face. “Fuck, sugar that’s so pretty, look at that, god you’re gonna make me come, that sweet little cunt squeezin’ and milkin’ me, oh shit—” He can’t hold Bucky close enough when his orgasm quite literally crashes through his body. It’s low and tight and he feels it everywhere, makes him dip his knees a little and take Bucky with him only to press back up firmly, lean forward and put a hand on the counter to hold them both up. His own torso trembles alongside Bucky’s, just like his own noises of pleasure are spouted from his mouth, groans mixing with whimpers. It’s the perfect way to start a morning. Steve finds his nose digging into Bucky’s hair, breathing him in, snuggling the other man there on his feet. Bucky reaches forward with both of his hands, takes them out of Steve’s hair and moves to place one of his smaller hands on top of Steve’s own. He can’t stop looking at it, the gesture, the two of them together, intertwined in a plethora of ways, but so very easily. It’s so easy loving this man. An uncomfortable grumble rips Steve out of his thoughts. “Don’t tell me you’re already grumblin’, Buck.” “No, no,” he starts to chuckle, moves his head in the movement to look down, “This just isn’t how I pictured this morning going. It’s…it’s nice.” Steve purrs, squeezes his arm tight around Bucky’s waist, kisses him loudly on the cheek. “Mmm, is nice. Too bad breakfast is ruined.” Steve has been smelling the burnt pancake for quite some time now, is honestly concerned about whether or not his smoke alarms work. “How about we go back to bed since you wore me out and then we go to lunch?” Steve smirks. What else are weekends for? “Sounds like a plan, sugar bear.”

Hope you loved. ILY. 💗

Meet the character: Silke

BASICS

► Name ➔  “Silke Doomflare. And yes, it’s got something to do with my profession!”

► Are you single ➔ Silke’s eyes suddenly get a bit wider. She blinks, and then purses her lips, becoming oddly interested in the nearby wall. “It’s complicated.”

► Are you happy ➔  “Mm, yeah, I guess I could say so”, she states after thinking for a moment. “I’m studying things I love, my family is safe and alive, I have a handful of people I could consider my friends.. Can’t really complain, although a little bit more gil wouldn’t hurt...”

► Are you angry? ➔  “Well, usually not. Though, at the moment I’m a bit pissed off at a certain colleague of mine who loudly and unnecessarily harshly judged my thesis of pyromancy in front of our professor and classmates. Like, hellooo? You can give critique and still be polite about it, geez…”

► Are your parents still married ➔  “They are”, Silke nods proudly. "I’ve seen so many broken families lately. I feel very privileged… and lucky.”

EIGHT FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ “I’ve heard it was the place named Skatay Range. But I can’t remember a thing from it. I was so young when I was taken by slavers. So I like to think Kugane as my real birth place, since I grew up there.“

► Hair Color ➔ “Black I guess? At least it was the last time I checked! In bright light it looks like dark grey, though.”

► Eye Color ➔ Silke leans closer, so that the deep turquoise can hardly be missed. "You have troubles with your eyes or what? I happen to partly know a shady medic from a certain dark alley nearby. Want to know the address?”

► Birthday ➔ “Ninth sun of the first astral moon, I’ve heard.”

► Mood ➔ “Right now? I guess I’m feeling somewhat eager. There’s this new portal we’re going to test out tomorrow, and I was permitted to take part in it. Can you believe that? Usually they’re just like ‘no, Silke, don’t touch it, don’t touch anything’, but this time I’m allowed in. They must’ve finally noticed the genius I am.“

► Gender ➔ “God!” Silke yells and gets on her feet, pointing towards the roof. A long silence follows. “Seriously! Have you ever seen me on a battlefield? Have you seen the havoc I’ve --- no? Oh...”

► Summer or winter ➔ “Agh, such a difficult question. I like both. I like to swim and lay on a soft grass under a tree. But then again I also like to drink hot cocoa when it’s cold, wrap myself up into a blanket and watch the flames of our fireplace or snow falling outside.“

► Morning or afternoon ➔ “Afternoon of course? I’m not even awake before noon… no, wait. I like sleeping as well. Both?”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ “Of course I am. If we don’t count the feeling of aether flowing through me while I cast spells and blow things to smithereens, I love most the smell of old tomes, parchment, ink and all sorts of sweets, especially ice-cream. I also love chocobos. If it wasn’t possible to be a mage I’d definitely become a chocobo breeder. Perhaps I’ll become one when my career is over and spells no longer stay in my head. I’ll retire and start breeding chocobos. Yes, a perfect plan!“

► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “I definitely do! I fell in love with my dog the moment I saw him. Have you ever visited Kugane? Well anyway, they have these small, orange, pointy eared and curly tailed dogs there in almost every house. It’s like their national dog or something, they’re so popular.”

► Who ended your last relationship ➔ “I hate to admit this, but it was him… I thought we were doing fine, but one day he started to complain I didn’t give him enough attention, and that I was studying too much. I mean… how can one even study too much? I don’t get it.“

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔  “I guess I have. Not on purpose, though! Honestly, some people are so sensitive it’s harder not to break their hearts, geez… What an annoying subject to talk about, anyway.” Silke ruffles her head uneasily.

► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ “Of course not. I wouldn’t be able to ever become an archmage if I wasn’t dedicated to my studies.“

► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ Silke’s usually cheerful expression grows darker suddenly. "My sister. We don’t see very often, but when we do, I try to show my care as much as I can. She’s hanging out with shady folk sometimes, and I can’t help but worry at times will she come home or not.”

► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “I surely hope not! Would be creepy to have someone admiring you from afar, without letting you know. Isn’t that like stalking? It’s only good manners to make yourself known so we can find out do we get along or not.“

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “No, I don’t think so. Or perhaps I once almost did… there was this huge tome - as big as those holy scriptures they have in the cathedral - in a certain old bookstore. The merchant was old as sky and I was afraid they’d close the place soon. And the tome was expensive. I was a lot younger back then and didn’t have much money, and my sister was like ‘no Silke, you totally won’t buy a book written in some dead language no one can read to take more room in your previously cramped room and collect dust.’ At first I was about to leave it at that, but I ended up snitching money from her cache.” Silke grins impishly. “No regrets!”

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ “I have to choose again? You’re, like, asking me do I like to enjoy nice things existing or actually take them to be mine.”

► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ “What if I started to ask you annoying questions like strawberries or chocolate? Can’t choose, huh? Huh?”

► Cats or Dogs ➔ Silke falls silent for a moment. “…just when I was yapping at you for silly questions. Dogs all the way! I like cats too, and maybe I would be more of a cat person if my first pet had been a cat. But it was a dog, and there’s no going back!“

► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “A few best friends, absolutely. I have both, but I’ve noticed I enjoy the company of my closest friends a lot more. You can do all sorts of crazy stuff with them you can’t with anyone else.”

► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “Definitely a wild night out! I have romantic nights by myself all the time with wine and chocolate and our fireplace, and I rarely get to go out.“

► Day or night ➔ “I like both, actually. At days I’m studying, and at nights I’m doing my homework.” Silke shrugs and grins.

FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ Silke becomes more serious once more. “Like I told you, I was taken from my original home by slavers. Life wasn’t very nice back then. I tried to run, many times. But I was very small and weak, and they were big, strong and fast.”

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ “This actually happened during one of my escape attempts. I was lucky I didn’t die. I still have a scar left.“ Silke lifts her bangs and shows a scar near her temple.

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ “Freedom. Yes… I think losing our loved ones is the first thing we usually think of when someone asks for the thing we fear the most. But I think losing your freedom would be even worse. If you’re free, you can always start anew, but if you’re being held captive, you can’t do anything. Nothing at all.”

► Wanted to disappear ➔ Silke gives a long look at you and raises an eyebrow again. “Considering the things I just told you, there just may have been such situations...”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ “Mmh, both are important, but I think I like eyes more. I’m not a spiritual person, but I still think you can kind of see their soul there. Their essence. If they’re good or evil. The creepiest thing I’ve seen is probably living people with empty eyes, especially those without any kindness in them…”

► Shorter or Taller ➔ “Shorter, definitely. I’m quite short myself despite my heels and I don’t like it when someone looks down on me. Well, most of people  kind of have to, they can’t help it, but you know?“

► Intelligence or Attraction ➔  “Pff, do you even need to ask? Intelligence, of course. There are very few things that… truly infuriate me… But the one thing I absolutely can’t stand in others is chosen stupidity. Yes, chosen! Can you believe, that there truly exists people who don’t want to learn new things, be it about themselves or other people or the world that surrounds them?” Silke starts to imitate an elderly person, talking in a low, hoarse tone: “Silly girl. If we would discover new things or try them out, we would be in a situation we’ve never been in before.” She bursts into a mocking laughter. “Yes, someone really said that to me…”

► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ “Relationship, hands down. I’ve had my share of hook-ups.” Silke apparently can’t stop her eyes rolling towards the roof as a protest.

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ “Yeah, we get along very well. I have some arguments every now and then with my two siblings, but nothing too serious.”

► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “Not anymore. It used to be such a mess, though.” Silke lets out an uneasy laugh. “After me and Asagi were adopted, we got our life eventually back together. Despite a few ups and downs it’s been quite stable after that. A place to belong to and meaningful chores do wonders.”

► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ “No, definitely not. My parents have always been reasonable. Even during our wildest teenage years I can’t remember there would’ve been anything too major…“

► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ Silke has some difficulties holding back a sudden laughter. "I got kicked out of class, yeah! Though I still think it was unfair towards me. It wasn’t my fault. It was an alchemy class and I guess I had made some miscalculation with my mixture… I tried to tell my professor I’m not quite sure about it, but he just had to go and push his big head too close to the cauldron.”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ “No, I don’t hate my friends. If I did, I wouldn’t be friends with them, would I? Some of them have some annoying traits, but... hate? Nah.“

► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ "Sadly no… I’ve had some… disappointments. You know, there’s quite a lot of people who seem like they’re good friends, but once you have a bad day, or few bad days, they suddenly disappear and want to hear nothing about it. So weird. I certainly wouldn’t abandon my friends like that.”

► Who is your best friend ➔ “Absolutely Iris. She’s a bit odd sometimes, in a good way though, and her vocabulary is quite vulgar and it upsets some people, but I think it’s hilarious. I’ve never met anyone so quick-witted before. There’s not a single boring moment while she’s around. Oh, and nowadays there’s also this certain miqo’te called Shaura. We haven’t known each other for very long, but just like with Iris, we just clicked right away.“

► Who knows everything about you ➔ “I think my sister might… I’ve tried to keep some secrets from her, like me loaning her gil without asking sometimes, but I think she knows. I have no idea how the heck! I mean, I’m smart, but she’s even smarter… If it was possible, I would like to change brains with her for a day or two. I want to know how she does it.”

Giving back

Summary: Claire sign up to the Secret Santa program at the foster center she comes from

Written For: @spnchristmasbingo

Square Field: Secret Santa

Pairing: Claire Novak x Kaia Nieves

Word Count: 1771

Warnings: None needed

Every year, for Christmas, Jody encouraged the girls to give back to the less fortunate. It could be volunteering, helping out at a food bank, wrapping presents for gifts for low-income households, spending time with elderlies who no longer have families at the local retirement home, etc.

This year, Alex chose to entertain the sick kids at the children hospital on the weekends while Claire gave her name to the local foster center and signed up to their Secret Santa program. Although the foster center hadn't helped her while she was there, she always found it difficult to watch the younger kids receive presents on Christmas day and see the older ones be forgotten and skipped on. Teenagers deserve presents too.

Kaia Nieves, the paper read.

According to the brief information sheet the office lady had given her, Kaia was orphaned since a young age and had traveled from foster families to foster families but never found the right one - or so they said. She arrived at Sioux Falls' foster center two months ago.

Claire frowned, having already reached the end of the notes. ''There's barely anything written. How do I know what to get her?''

The lady shrugged, not really caring. ''Would you like to pick a younger child? They're easier to shop for-''

''No,'' Claire cut. ‘’I’ll figure it out.’’ She grabbed the paper and left the foster center.

.

What to get someone you know almost nothing about or never seen for Christmas?

Claire had been racking her brain for ideas, but it wasn't so easy. She could go with an easy pick and get a blanket, knowing the ones procured by the foster center were shitty at keeping you warm, but that was too basic. Kaia deserved better. Claire wanted to give her something with more thoughts into it, something the foster care teenager would genuinely appreciate.

If only the foster center had been more helpful and asked the kids what they wanted for Christmas. She could pick one item from the list and she'd be done.

Grabbing her laptop, Claire decided to look her recipient up online. There were slim chances to find anything, having no access to wifi at the foster center, but it cost nothing to try.

As expected, there wasn't much. The first Kaia Nieves she managed to find was too old to be in foster care and the second one lived in another state, miles away far from Sioux Falls.

Claire let out a frustrated sigh, pushing her fringe out of her face.

The front door opened and Jody came home from work, bringing along a pizza box. ‘’I brought dinner!’’

‘’Pizza is your favorite. I thought you’d be more ecstatic…’’

‘’Yes, thanks for the pizza, Jody.’’

Jody put down the pizza box and glanced at Claire, sensing something was on her mind. ‘’What are you doing?’’

‘’Searching up my Secret Santa recipient online. So far, nothing came up.’’

The raven haired woman chuckled, removing her sheriff jacket and hanging it on the coat hanger. ‘’I doubt kids are on social media, honey.’’

‘’My recipient isn’t a kid. I picked someone my age. In foster care, Christmas is mainly for younger kids. We, older ones, are always skipped on and forgotten during Christmas and I wanted to make someone feel less alone and not invisible. I know how it feels to watch others receive dolls and hot wheels and not receive anything yourself.''

Jody smiled, proud of her daughter. ‘’That's very sweet of you. I knew there was a kind heart under that tough exterior.’’

''I'm still rebellious, I'm not gonna become soft. Don't worry. I'm still gonna get in trouble at school for talking back at teachers or skipping on Fridays.'' She pulled a mischievous grin and Jody rolled her eyes, expecting no less. ''If I can make one less kid feel alone this Christmas, I'll feel great.''

‘’I’ll see what I can do.’’

.

In January, a new girl arrived at school. She had dark, curly hair, brown skin and always wore the same grey hoodie. According to Alex, her name was Kaia.

‘’Do you think it’s her?’’ Claire asked her sister, blue eyes set on the new girl sitting alone a few tables from her.

The Secret Santas weren’t allowed to see pictures of their recipient so Claire had no idea what Kaia looked like. All she knew was that she was around her age and liked to draw.

Alex shrugged, taking a bite of her sandwich. ‘’It could be. Kaia isn’t a very popular name around here.’’

‘’Should I go talk to her? She doesn’t seem to have friends.’’

‘’She just got here two days ago. You didn't have friends either when you arrived here,’’ Alex pointed out.

‘’I didn't want friends, that’s the difference.’’

‘’You think she wants friends? She seems to keep to herself and enjoy her own company, but do whatever you want.''

''Should I tell her who I am? That I was her Secret Santa?''

''No. You'll make her uncomfortable.''

''I could offer to mentor her at school. Show her around and stuff. New students need mentors, right? You did it for me.''

''Because Jody asked me to,’’ Alex reminded her. ‘’And, you told me to fuck off before the first bell. How nice of you...’’

Claire grinned and stole a cookie from Alex’s lunch. She had some in her lunch box too, but it always tasted better when stolen from someone else’s.

The sisters spent the rest of the hours talking about chores exchanges and bargainings for the week. Alex wanted Claire to tell Jody she was sleeping over at Angela's so she could go to Chris' party this weekend and Claire didn't want to clean the bathroom. It could've been a simple bargain, but Alex refused to clean the bathroom, having done it the last two times.

''Ah, I guess you're gonna stay home this weekend,'' Claire teased her sister.

Alex glared. ''It's unfair. You know I would lie for you if the situation was reversed.''

''I don't need you to cover for me when I want to go to a party. I've mastered the art of lying and covering my tracks.''

The blonde's attention drifted as Kaia pulled out a set of coloring pencils from her backpack, resembling a lot to the ones Claire got for her Secret Santa recipient. It's her.

Those coloring pencils were the last push Claire needed to get up and walk up to the new girl’s table.

''Hey! We aren't finished. Where are you going-''

Claire ignored Alex and took a seat at Kaia’s table.

Kaia saw a shadow casted before her and raised an eyebrow, pausing her drawing. ''Can I help you?''

''Did you like your pencils?'' Claire asked boldly. Kaia gave her a confused look, waiting for the blonde to continue. ''I'm Claire.''

It didn't take the brunette long to put two and two together. She froze for a minute, a bit panicked. How did she know it was her? Was she going to bully her? Some kids weren’t nice to the ones who were in group homes.

Claire smiled and a weight was lifted off Kaia’s shoulder. ''How did you know I liked to draw?''

''A wild guess.'' The brunette gave her a look and Claire sighed, telling the truth. ''I may or may not have asked Jody to go to the foster center and ask about you...''

''So, you stalked me?''

''It was for a good cause!'' Claire explained, justifying herself. ‘’If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t have received those cool pencil.’’

Kaia accepted the justification. ''You're forgiven. And, thank you, for the pencils.''

Claire smiled. ‘’Your welcome.’’ She looked down at the paper Kaia was drawing on, seeing a creature with horns and a creepy face. ''What are you drawing?''

''Last night's monster. I like to draw my dreams...more like nightmares. It's weird, I know-''

''I think it's cool. I can't draw for shit.''

‘’I can show you, if you want.’’

.

‘’What’s that?’’ Claire asked as Kaia’s backpack spilled and a red envelope had fallen out.

The girls had become very close friends during the following month and Kaia was now spending most of her time with Claire at her house. They’d have horror movie marathons and sleep over on the weekends, or do homeworks on weekdays.

Jody had rapidly grown fond of the brunette. She was happy to see Claire was making friends and had started loosing her moody attitude.

Kaia bent down and picked it up from the floor, bringing it on Claire’s bed. ‘’The letter I got from you,’’ she replied, biting back a smile and feeling her cheeks heat up.

‘’You kept it?’’ She seemed surprised, but also flattered.

Kaia hummed. ‘’Being at the foster center isn’t always a joy, as you know. Every time I felt down, I would read your letter. It gave me hope that one day, things will get better.’’

Hey, Kaia

My name is Claire and I’m 17. You’re wondering why a teenager signed up to this Secret Santa program. Well, I used to be in foster care at this very foster center. I’m not gonna brag about how happy I was while there, because it’s not the truth.

The truth is, my mom took off when I was eight and dropped me off at my grandma’s. I lived with her for a couple years, but she died from cancer. Wow. I’m off to a depressing start... I'm sorry. As for my father...he's away. I still see him sometimes, but his work schedule doesn't allow him to have me in his care.

When my grandma died, I was brought to the foster center by the child protection services and caused a lot of trouble. I met the wrong people and got arrested a couple times for shoplifting, trespassing and running away. I was very close to being transferred to a juvenile detention center when Jody, the local sheriff, was put in my path. She took me in, saying a home and a family was what I needed, not a stay in juvie.

What I want to say is, I don’t know anything about you or what you’ve been through, but I know some days are tough - and lonely. Watching the younger kids getting picked by families over you. You feel like no one will ever pick you, but, truth is, you never know. I used to think like that too, but Jody came and proved me wrong.

It’ll get better, one day. I promise.

xx Claire

‘’Did it? Get better?’’

A smile formed on Kaia’s lips and she looked up at Claire. ‘’Maybe…’’

Of Babes and Teds Part 1

Warnings: Fluff, eventual smut but nothing in this part.

Ted has a most blessed weekend when his father gets his little brother (and him, let’s be honest) a babysitter.

@lvngdvns

It wasn’t often that Dawn got called in to babysit someone of Deacon’s age, and even less so considering Deacon had an older brother who had just turned eighteen and should therefore be just as capable as her to look after him. That being said, Dawn also went to the same school as Ted, though she was in the AP stream for all of her classes, so she didn’t actually know him very well. She did know he was not extremely intelligent in the traditional sense, and that he tended to be extraordinarily forgetful.

“I’ve left some cash on the counter for dinner, and food tomorrow if you need to eat out. Whatever is leftover you can pocket as a tip for doing this.” Mr. Logan says while rushing around his living room making sure he hasn’t forgotten anything, “Ted is at Bill’s, but he has a key, so you can lock the door.”

Dawn smiles politely and hands Mr. Logan his keys so he doesn’t forget them when he walks right past them while wondering aloud where they are, “Of course, Mr. Logan. Thank you.”

“Thank you, Dawn. Deacon has homework, so if you could get him to work on it, I would appreciate it. He likes to procrastinate.” Mr. Logan grabs his briefcase, his overnight bag, and his jacket on the way to the door.

“Have a safe drive, Mr. Logan. I’ll see you Sunday night.” Dawn offers him little wave and watches him leave, then sets the sheets, pillows and blanket she had brought with her on a chair in the corner of the living room. Her duffel bag goes on top of that, along with her messenger bag full of college applications, her pencil case, and her mini purse. Deacon thumps down the stairs once he’s sure his dad is gone and leans over the bag of the couch.

“How much did he leave for food?” Deacon asks eagerly. Dawn laughs, ruffling his hair and heading into the kitchen.

“Wow. Tons, little dude. Are you down for pizza tonight?” Dawn asks, pocketing the money and checking the list pinned to fridge with a magnet. Neither of the boys have food allergies listed, so she gives him a high five when he cheers for pizza, then calls to order.

“Alright, my dude. Get your homework done and I’ll do the dishes, fair deal?” She asks, laughing at Deacon’s wide eyes.

“You’re gonna do one of my chores for me?”

“Yeah, as long as you do your homework. I can help if you have any questions.” Dawn replies easily. Deacon grins at her, heading upstairs to grab his bookbag, spreading his books on the table.

“I’m gonna need maaaaajor help with math. It is totally killing me.”

“Well, isn’t it your lucky day? I’m great at math.” Dawn slid into a chair and scooted it over to him.

The pizza comes just as they finish Deacon’s math homework, leaving only the outline for his end-of-term English report due Monday. The project is massive, so it is graded in pieces to see how the work went and to force students to not procrastinate as much. Dawn grabs one of his composition books and flips to a blank page, then begins showing him the pieces required for a proper outline while they chow down on their dinner. When they finish eating, Dawn puts the pizza box on the oven for whenever Ted gets home and cleans up the dishes while Deacon works.

“This outline is totally awesome, my dude. You’re going to get top marks for this project.” Dawn praises, ruffling Deacon’s hair again, “How about you grab a movie for us to watch, and I’ll make popcorn?”

It doesn’t take long for them to get settled, though Deacon takes up the majority of the couch while Dawn wraps up in the blanket that she brought with her. The movie he puts on is The Thing, which Dawn initially protests since it’s a gory horror movie but relaxes when Deacon insists that he’s seen far worse movies.

“If you have nightmares, it is totally your own fault.” Dawn states plainly. By the end of the film, Deacon is half asleep and displeased about it.

“Can we watch another one?” Deacon asks, already trudging over to pop another film on.

“I don’t know, Deacon. You have to be in bed in less than an hour.”

“Well, if it’s not done then we’ll watch it another night. You’re here til Sunday night, right?”

“Yeah, I’m here all weekend. But we’re going to the fair tomorrow, so you’re going to be totally pooped when we get back.” Dawn reminds him. Deacon insists, so she sighs and waves a hand at him.

“Your funeral, dude.”

Halloween is Deacon’s second choice, and Dawn whines about watching a horror movie heavily featuring babysitters, to the kid’s delight. Rattling at the front door makes them both jump, but Ted pushes through a moment later and Deacon pretends he wasn’t scared so he can tease Dawn.

“Ted, you scared the babysitter!” Deacon cackles, yelping when a cushion slams into him, then dissolving into laughter.

“Woah, sorry dude! Er… Dudette.” Ted offers Dawn a wave, awkward the moment he notices she’s female. Dawn laughs, waggling her fingers at him.

“Hi Ted. Good to see you again.” Dawn hums. Ted notices the movie they’re watching and cheers, plopping down between her and Deacon.

“Hey Dawn. It’s been like, ages. Man, I love this movie!”

The clock chimes at 10, and Dawn quickly shoos Deacon upstairs to get ready and get to bed. She verifies that he’s actually brushed his teeth and changed before leaving him to go to bed, then checks herself in the hall mirror to be sure she doesn’t look absolutely horrific. She’s wearing a Van Halen shirt that hangs off of her shoulders and a plaid red-black-grey-white skirt that swings around her thighs, so she certainly isn’t dressed inappropriately. She fixes her dark brown hair, making sure it isn’t messy before sticking her tongue out at herself. Hazel eyes blink back at her, long dark lashes framing them, her under-eyes dark from lack of sleep.

“I was wondering who’s converse I passed on the way in. I was like, wearing mine.” Ted says as she enters the room again.

“Guilty as charged.” Dawn hums, flopping down on the couch again and smiling when she notices that Ted paused the movie for her, “We can start it over if you want to watch it all.”

“Most excellent!” Ted cheers, rewinding the film. She notices that he hasn’t moved away from her now that Deacon is gone.

“How is Bill doing?” Dawn asks, tucking her legs under her.

“Awesome, dude. We were most triumphant today at practice.” Ted replies, and Dawn smiles encouragingly, “I would have told him you were here if I knew.”

“Well, if you two aren’t busy tomorrow, you could join Deacon and I at the fair?” Dawn offers. She smiles at the sight of pink rising in Ted’s cheeks.

“I think we’re free tomorrow. We just had practice planned.” Ted muses, looking confused for a moment while he thinks. Dawn smiles, pulling the blanket back around her as Ted presses play. She can’t say she doesn’t like the way that Ted touches her knee every time she jumps, smiling reassuringly at her. She also can’t say that her hiding in his shoulder at a jumpscare isn’t slightly put upon, but when Ted wraps an arm around her, it’s worth it. Dawn rests her head against his chest and pulls the blanket around him too. When the movie is over, Ted stretches, dropping his arm back around her afterwards when Dawn thought he might use the moment to move away.

“Where are you sleeping?” Ted asks, face screwing up again in thought.

“Oh, on the couch. I brought blankets and pillows.” Dawn replies easily, jumping when Ted gives her a shocked look.

“No, that is most egregious. You can sleep in my bed.” Ted informs her, then flushes when Dawn looks a little shocked, “I mean, like, by yourself. I’ll take the couch.”

Dawn giggles, giving him a gentle, playful shove, “I was just shocked you offered, Ted. It’s sweet of you. I don’t want to kick you out onto the couch, though. How about you stay with me?”

Ted looks confused, and then shocked, before he finally nods dumbly.

“Perfect. Do you want to go get your room ready while I get ready for bed?” Dawn offers, giving him a chance to clean up and put anything away that he doesn’t want her seeing. She giggles when he agrees and bolts up the stairs. Dawn heads into the bathroom, brushing her teeth and changing into her pyjamas, a simple white tank top and grey shorts. She gives him ample time before heading up to join him, knocking on his door before coming in. Ted is already in bed, a little smear of toothpaste on his upper lip, wearing his boxers and looking a little unsure if that is okay. Dawn closes his bedroom door and walks over to his bed, lifting the sheets so she can slip in with him.

“You have toothpaste on your lip, Ted.” She murmurs, offering him a shy smile. Ted quickly tries to wipe it away but misses, and Dawn giggles. She licks her thumb and reaches over, cupping his cheek and wiping the toothpaste away. Her cheeks go pink when Ted licks the pad of her thumb, his own cheeks on fire. Dawn smiles, ruffling his hair into his face just to hear him laugh and snuggling down into the mattress. She lays with her back facing him, and Ted clearly doesn’t know what to do, as he lays on his back, still as the grave.

“Hey Ted?”

“Yeah babe?”

“It’s okay if you end up cuddling me during the night. It’s like, totally normal to end up snuggling up to a heat source. And I like cuddling, anyways.” Dawn hums, hiding a giggle in one of his pillows at his audible gulp.

“Uh, right, okay.” Ted mumbles, and she hears him shuffling around a little, his hand finding her hip. He moves slowly, clearly unsure, pressing himself against her back and slowly wrapping his arm around her waist. She sighs happily and the tension in his body relaxes, his face nuzzling into her hair.

“Goodnight Ted.”

“Night babe.”

Dawn wakes early as per usual. Sometime during the night, Ted ended up on his back and she ended up snuggled up to his chest, his arms around her and one hand under the back of her shirt. Her thigh is wedged between his legs, her hip pressed into his groin, and she’s surprised she hasn’t squished him with how she’s laying. She blinks blearily, her nose brushing against his jaw as she begins to sit up while trying not to hurt him. She can feel him hard against her hip, and she knows he’ll be embarrassed if he wakes up like this with her on top of him, so she delicately begins to work herself free of him. Of course, this is when his grip tightens and she loses her balance, her hand falling to his stomach to steady herself.

Ted jolts awake, his fingers digging into her back a little in his confusion, though he relaxes a moment later. He blinks up at her, clearly a little confused about why she’s in bed with him, though not looking displeased by the notion.

“Hey babe.” He mumbles, his voice scratchy with sleep, causing a shiver to run up Dawn’s spine.

“Good morning Ted.” Dawn replies, shifting against him a little, “Sleep well?”

“Most excellent, babe.” Ted replies, looking her up and down, and she reads the question in his eyes and laughs gently. She pokes his chest, smiling down at him.

“You wish, Ted.”

“Bogus.” Ted replies with a small pout, drawing another laugh from her. She moves again to try and get up but slips, and Ted steadies her with hands on her sides, “Woah, you have most horrendous balance.”

“Thanks Ted.” Dawn snorts, which draws a laugh out of Ted. Dawn moves back from Ted successfully this time, sitting next to him and leaning back against the headrest. The blanket has ridden down to their legs, and she feels herself go pink at the sight of a line of wispy dark hair trailing from his belly button down under his boxers. She stares, unable to help herself, as Ted stretches like a cat and sits up.

“I-I’m going to go get breakfast started.” Dawn says suddenly, crawling out of bed and nearly tripping over herself to get out of the room before she does something she’s going to regret. Ted stares after her, head tilted slightly, and he snorts when he hears a thud on the stairs followed by muffled cursing. She really is clumsy. The first thing he does when he gets out of bed is grab the phone and dial Bill’s number.

“Dude, you will not believe what just happened.”

VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT EXCHANGE!!!

For @sosoauthor ! Enjoy!!! 

I throw my house keys onto the couch as I walk into the living room of my apartment. “Hey, TJ,” my mom says from the kitchen. “Hey,” I reply, walking into my bedroom without looking up and dropping my backpack onto a pile of clothes. I jump on my bed and sigh, glad to finally rest after a day full of physical work and emotional stress. I still have a new math unit to worry about and a basketball practice which practically broke my back. I get up, rub my tired eyes, and rummage through my backpack for my math folder. I pull out my notes, sketching a right triangle so I can label and memorize the trigonometric ratios. This is the hardest math lesson yet, and it’s draining all my energy. I wish I could just sleep, but I have to start my homework early or I won’t finish it in time. Not that I could sleep anyway. Insomnia has been eating up my sleep schedule recently. In about an two hours, I’m just starting to get into the flow of the math homework and figuring out the problems without checking my notes. ️

I’m almost done when I hear the door open. Chelsea. My mom’s girlfriend. “Hey, Ty, could you take out the trash and feed the cats?” I hear my mom call from the kitchen. Ugh. Even though there’s not that much stuff to do, the few chores I have every night interrupt the flow of math homework enough to make it about an hour longer to finish. 

“Yes ma’am,” I say, closing my folder and getting up to start the nightly ordeal of chores and endless homework. An hour later, as I’m just starting up my homework again, I hear a buzz from across the room. ️

I walk over to my desk and pick up my phone. It’s Cyrus. Pick up, you idiot I think. I hesitate. I want to talk to Cyrus, but I won’t have the time to finish my homework if I take a call with him. It goes to voicemail. After I hesitate for a second, I put my phone face down on the desk. It hurts me inside to ignore Cyrus like that, but I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve always been a jerk, putting myself and my needs before others’, it was just a matter of time before I stopped trying to fool myself and started being classic, cold-hearted TJ again. 

* * * 

The next day I show up to school a little groggy. My cats, Macaroni and Cheese, found really weird places to take a shit, and I spent thirty extra minutes looking for where that bad smell was coming from. “Hey Teej, you ok?” Cyrus asks when he finds me by my locker.

“Yeah, just a slow morning. I woke up a little late and I almost missed the bus,” I reply, smiling softly through the tiredness.

“That stinks. Maybe a baby tater date at the Spoon would make you feel better?” A date? Cyrus must’ve seen my surprise. “But not like a date date. An outing, y’know?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I reply, smiling tiredly through my disappointment. Why would I ever think someone like Cyrus would want to go out with me? “So, you wanna hang out with me and the rest of the GHC until class starts?” Cyrus asks, smiling a sweet and inviting smile. He seems so innocent and pure. I have no place being such a bad friend to him....

 “Actually, I’ll catch you later,” I mumble, collecting my books and walking away.

“TJ?” Cyrus asks, sounding confused. He catches up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder and turns me around to face him. “Is everything ok?” I smile as genuinely as I can and take Cyrus’s hand off my shoulder. 

“I’ll be fine.” As I walk to my first class, I can’t help but feel guilty for my lie.

* * * 

After school Cyrus finds me at my locker. His immediate concern is apparent. “Are you ok, Teej?” I nod silently and smile. “Ok cool. I was worried something happened last night. You didn’t answer my call, and then this morning I couldn’t find you.” Oh. Right. TJ Kippen, being a heartless jerk as always. 

“Yeah, sorry about that.” I quickly grab my stuff out of my locker and walk away. 

“TJ, wait!” I walk faster to keep Cyrus from catching up to me. I shove the doors open and stomp out of the school. I have to go. In a little while, I come up to the park where Cyrus and I first had a real conversation. Here is where the first fond memory of the loving, caring guy I have as a friend now was made. Where I knew, even if he was my sweet little muffin, I was nothing more than a “scary basketball guy” to him. I sit down on the swing and look around at the somber winter sky, the sun already starting to set at 5:00 in the afternoon. I look at my shoes dejectedly. I’ll never be the kind of friend Cyrus needs me to be. I’ve put him in danger. I ignore him just so I can do my stupid homework. I leave him, out of the blue, just so I can sulk alone and— 

“TJ?” I whip my head around to see none other than Cyrus. “OK if I stay?” he asks. I smile half-heartedly. Cyrus sits down on the swing to the left of me.️

“Are you okay?” I stare at the ground and don’t answer. “...Have you been ignoring me?” I nod silently, still a stone-cold expression on my face. “Why?” 

I kick some wood chips on the ground around with the tip of my shoe. After a few unsettlingly silent seconds, I look up at Cyrus, who’s staring at me with pure, real concern. With the sad and caring look in his eyes, I break. “I’m sorry,” I tell him, my voice cracking. 

“Hey, it’s ok—“ 

“No, it’s not,” I interrupt him. “I’m selfish, and mean, and I put you in danger, and I keep ignoring you for no reason and I—“ 

“TJ.” Cyrus looks into my eyes with a warm, forgiving smile. “You’re fine. Do you want to talk about it? Because I know something’s going on.” I sigh a shaky breath through my unshed tears and begin. 

“Every night, when I get home,” I take a sharp breath and collect myself. “It takes me a while to do my homework. Mostly math. For hours. And as much as I want to talk to you... I just don’t have the time. Actually, I just don’t think I’ll have the time so I chicken out and end up ignoring you and—“ 

“That’s ok, TJ. Is there anything I can do to help?” Cyrus is closer now, his brown eyes filled with concern and his hand on my shoulder. “It’s not ok, Cyrus. It’s no excuse to ignore your calls and texts. I’m just a pathetic jerk who can’t even be nice to his friends.” 

“Why are you beating yourself up about this?” 

“Because I care about you, Cyrus! You’re sweet, and kind, and perfect, and I don’t want to mess that up. I’m afraid that me being mean will affect you somehow, or all my dumb problems are gonna stress you out.” Both of Cyrus’s hands are on my shoulders now, and he pulls me in for a tight hug. The swings are too far apart, though, and we end up falling to the ground into some wood chips. I laugh along with Cyrus, and I didn’t realize I was crying until he reached up and wiped a tear from my cheek.

“You’re ok, TJ. Better than ok. You’re one of my best friends, and nothing can change that.” Cyrus pulls me in for another hug and I readily accepted snuggling into his warm shirt. “Hey, how about tonight you come over to my house? If your mom’s ok with it. Then we could study together and you’d be able to finish your homework.” 

I dial my mom’s number and hit call. “Hey, Ty, what do you need?” she answers. I look up at Cyrus, skeptical that this would work. “Um, I just wanted to know if I could stay at someone’s house for a sleepover. Just tonight.” 

There was a long pause from the other line. She sighed. “Ok, but just for tonight. And give me a heads up next time you want to have a sleepover or it’s a no.”

 “OK OK THANK YOU LOVE YOU BYE,” I tell her smiling to my ears. “She said ok!” I tell Cyrus, and his eyes lit up as he hugged me close. This is going to be an awesome night.

 * * *

Later, after studying successfully for hours, Cyrus puts down the book we were reading together and looks up at me with his chocolate brown eyes. “You wanna watch a movie and go to bed? It’s late.” 

“Sure,” I answer, my heartbeat speeding up as he grabs my hand and brings me across the room to his beanbag. I sit down and he hands me a fuzzy blanket and starts logging into his laptop on the desk in front of me. He signs into Netflix and looks at me. 

“Uh... are you ok with a cheesy movie? I promise it’s good, just, I don’t know what you like and almost everyone likes this movie...” 

“Yeah, of course. Whatever you wanna watch, Underdog,” I reply, smiling up at Cyrus and mildly overwhelmed with his hospitality. 

“Ok,” he says and starts to walk out of his room. “I’m gonna go change into some more comfortable clothes and make some popcorn. Help yourself to a blanket.” 

“Wait, you don’t have to get me anything, Cy,” I tell him. 

“No, it’s ok,” he replies quickly, smiling warmly and leaving the room before I can respond. On Cyrus’ laptop screen, a light opening plays over a clip of a lush field. The screen reads A Netflix Original as the opening for To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before plays. When Cyrus returns with a bowl of popcorn, I’m already entranced in the movie. He flicks off the lights and his computer and the fairy lights decorating his room are the only thing illuminating the space. He hands me the bowl of popcorn and sits down in the floor next to the beanbag, his eyes locked on the screen. “Cy,” I say softly. “You don’t have to sit on the floor.” He glances at the beanbag for a second and then looks back at me. 

“No, it’s ok.” 

“No, you’ve been so hospitable and sweet. Here.” I scoot to the side of the beanbag and shift the blanket over so he can have some if he wants it. I look into his chocolate brown eyes and smile, offering the space next to me. Cyrus slowly gets up and sits next to me, tense at first, but slowly relaxing into the beanbag and leaning back into the wall. As the movie continues I can feel him unknowingly scooting closer to me. About twenty minutes into the movie he gives up trying to hide it and cuddles into my hoodie. After a second of not knowing what to do, I decide to wrap my arm around him and pull him closer. 

But he pulls away. 

He leans forward and pauses the movie. Then he looks at me, an unreadable expression in his deep brown eyes. “What is it? Did I make you uncomfortable or something?” I ask worriedly. 

“No you’re fine.” He pauses, biting his lip nervously. What did I say? Does he hate me now? He hates me now. I freakin— “I just...” Cyrus looks up from the ground to my eyes and my heart stops. He grabs my chin and pulls my face towards his and kisses me square on the lips. A rush of emotions wash over me. I’m surprised, but I knew this eventually had to happen. I’m nervous, but I had never felt more at home than sitting next to Cyrus with my hand over his. I’ve never felt so fulfilled, but I’m already hungry for more. 

“TJ, I’m—“ I  put my hand behind his head and pull him closer for a kiss. The fairy lights accented the mood perfectly as time stopped and I was just there, with Cyrus, just him and me. When I pulled away his smiling brown eyes stared into mine. He giggled a little bit. 

“What?” Oh, crap, was that bad? Did I just ruin the moment? I just— 

“Nothing.” Cyrus reaches over to his laptop and plays the movie. He wraps his arms around mine and snuggles into my shoulder. I free my hand from his grasp and wrap it around him, pulling him into my chest and hugging him close. Only thirty minutes later, Cyrus falls asleep in my arms. I reach over to the laptop slowly, trying not to wake him up, and close it gently. As I slowly drift off to sleep next to Cyrus, I know I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. ️

—

So that’s that! I hope you enjoyed this and have a fantastic Valentine’s Day!!!

Stars Collide

Rating: Teenish for some swearing

Warnings: My sad attempts at writing bipolar disorder, child neglect, very brief reference to abuse

Pairing: Reference to future Chris/Phil

Length: 4091 words

Summary: So here’s the long-teased prequel of Christmas Cheer and I Couldn’t Leave Him, found here in my Double Trouble Masterlist. A young Chris deals with bouncing around the foster care system and starting his family of choice. Erin in name stolen blatantly from @gracieminabox and her Horizons Universe which if you haven’t read through her stuff I dunno what you’re doing.

~*~*~*~

The first memory Chris had of his mother was at the age of five, trying to rouse her from bed. Both hands were pointing up on the clock and they were supposed to go the playground that day, but she was still curled up under the thin blanket.

“Mama’s just really tired today, baby,” She mumbled. “Go play in your room.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but she looked so sleepy that the words died on his tongue and he went to the kitchen to get himself some cereal instead. The milk didn’t smell so good so he settled in on the couch with his bowl to munch handfuls of dry, off-brand Cap’n Crunch. Bugs Bunny and his over the top antics couldn’t quite quell the niggling thought that something was wrong.

It took a few days for her to bounce back, but bounce back she did in a big way. Chris came home from preschool to a strong smell of cleaner and the whole place was nearly spotless. A few steps in and he was met with a chiding, “Take your shoes off!” and the look in her eyes almost scared him. They were wide and alive with a kind of focus Chris couldn’t remember ever seeing in her before.

The pattern repeated. She’d be okay for a while- months sometimes- but something would always make her spiral. Sometimes she’d fly so high, but Chris hated those times the most. Those days, he’d often come home to his ball cap hanging off the doorknob with a bag that always had a jar of peanut butter and cracker. He didn’t understand the sounds that came from inside the house, but he knew he wasn’t supposed to go in so he ate the crackers and wandered around the neighborhood until one of the neighbors eventually pulled him inside for dinner and put him to bed in their guest room. On nights when they didn’t, he’d pillow his head with his hat and settle in wherever he happened to feel like it.

That’s how he noticed the stars. As he lay awake staring up at the sky, he marveled at the way it seemed to come alive with a billion points of light the second the sun dipped below the horizon.

One day, not long after his sixth birthday, he came home to find a strange car in the driveway. His hat was nowhere to be found, so he just shrugged to himself and walked in. The quiet murmurs of voices from the kitchen drew him in. A woman was sitting at the table with his mother, a notebook in her hands and she looked so serious.

His mom’s eyes were rimmed red and dried tear tracks streaked her cheeks, but she gave him a weak smile when she saw him there. “Chris, baby… Come over here.”

She lifted him up into her lap and held him close, face burrowing into fluffy curls with a shaky breath. He twisted in her arms to look up at her as he asked, “What’s wrong, mama?”

“I’ve gotta go away for a while, baby. I’m sick and I’m gonna go somewhere where I can get better.”

He wanted to say he didn’t know what she was talking about, but the last year was more than proof enough that something was wrong with her. The woman across the table watched him piece things together until he finally spoke again, “Where am I gonna go?”

“This nice lady? Her name is Beth and she’s gonna bring you to live with another family until I’m better. Then we can be a family again.”

“Your mom is going to help you pack some things so we can get going,” Beth added, her tone so much gentler than her expression. “There’s a foster family lined up for you already.”

That first foster home was okay. Not great, but okay. The Guillmette’s were nice enough, but they were one of maybe five foster homes in the area so their space and resources were stretched thin. He shared a room with five other boys, the room they were in large enough to fit three bunk beds, a couple dressers, and that’s about it. It was crowded, loud, no one had any privacy, and the process of everyone getting up in the morning was so rushed that Chris just waited until everyone else left the room before he even attempted to climb down from his bunk.

Between the sounds of the boys roughhousing and the three girls down the hall shrieking at each other for some offense or another, Chris found himself tucking away in the library down the road until the lights dimmed and the wizened librarian told him it was time to go home more often than not. He would ask his foster mother to pack him a lunch- almost always a peanut butter and jelly with an apple in his Disney lunch box- and he’d make his way to the library where his nose was buried in any book his could get his hands on.

It’s where he decided he’d be a scientist one day. He couldn’t even read a lot of the words in the books he pulled from the shelves, but illustrations of the stars drew him in and he puzzled through as much as he could for days on end.

He was there for nearly a year.

Really, he was excited to go back home. His mother was on a pill that helped her a lot and those days where she couldn’t move out of bed were mostly a thing of the past. Gone, too, were the days of him coming home to peanut butter and crackers on the door and the nights of tucking in at the neighbors’. Things seemed almost normal.

Until the day he came home and she was tucked away in her room. After a couple days, he gave in and called Beth; if she helped last time, maybe she could help now.

His second foster home wasn’t as nice. It was less crowded, but it was in the middle of nowhere on a huge farm and he was expected to help out with the chores every morning. The sun wasn’t even up yet the first morning he was roused from slumber to drag heavy buckets out to the animals. When the bucket spilled from his hands, sending feed everywhere, the other kids just stared at him. He had welts on his behind by the time he left for school that made sitting in class torturous.

The pattern repeated itself year after year. His mama would spend time at the asylum, get on her medication and get better, they’d both go back home and be okay for a while, but she would always stop taking her medication when she was feeling good for a while. It didn’t matter that her doctors always said she had to keep taking it.

Beth was replaced with Eliza who was replaced by Alice. It didn’t seem like his social workers stuck around for long before another fresh-faced, well-intentioned person would take the place of harried, overworked workers experiencing burnout long before they hit retirement. Chris didn’t really bother letting himself get too attached after Beth left around the time he hit the age of eleven. He never let himself get attached to his foster families. Inevitably, he’d be sent back to his mother or be bounced to a different house and he’d never hear from any of them again. The library of whatever town he lived in became his only stability.

Then came the day that changed it all. Eliza showed up for her usual appointment and asked to speak to him alone. He was twelve, and not really sure what to expect.

“Chris… I know we said you would be going home soon, but…” She bit her lip and tried to find the right words. “Your mother is being committed indefinitely. Do you know what that means?”

“That she’s not coming home this time,” he answered dully, brain not fully wrapping around the idea. “Am I staying here?”

“For now, yes. You’re going to be put up for adoption, and you might end up in a different home on a more permanent basis. Do you have any questions?”

“No, ma’am…”

It wasn’t until he hit his teen years that he finally made a friend that wasn’t a librarian. He was hidden away in his usual corner until someone settled in on the other side of the couch. Mousy brown hair, glasses with frames so large they practically covered her face, and a hand-me-down striped shirt that probably belonged to an older brother or cousin at some point scrunched up over her hands while she read.

“I’m Erin,” she offered when she noticed him looking at her. “You mind if I sit here?”

“Chris… Go ahead, I guess,” he shrugged and buried his nose deeper into his book.

After a while of silence, Erin piped up again, “What’re you reading?”

“A book on astrophysics…”

“So that’s what? Stars and stuff?”

“Pretty much.”

She wrinkled her nose. “But it’s so dark and cold up there. Fish are cooler.”

Now he knew he probably wasn’t getting back to his book. “We’re in the desert. Where the hell would you even find fish that aren’t in the pet store?”

“I’m not gonna be here forever, you know. Are you?”

“No. I’m gonna go to MIT and be a scientist. Study space.”

“Where’s MIT?”

“Boston. It’s a really hard school to get into.”

“Is that why you’re here so much?”

That made him look up again. “How do you know I’m here a lot?”

Erin shrugged and pushed her glasses back up her nose. “Because I’m here a lot, too. You sit here all the time. You can go back to reading now I’ll be quiet. Promise.”

That first day turned into several weeks of the two of them reading mostly in silence. The silence evolved into talking about what they were reading. Quiet discussions in the library turned into Chris reading through Erin’s short stories while she edited his essays. He helped her with science and math while she walked him through the finer points of Shakespeare.

Their sophomore year found them in the same school. Chris had been moved to yet another foster home that finally put him in the same school district as his best, and really only friend. All their classes matched up and their library sessions turned into partnering up for homework.

On one such day, Chris found himself curious in a more biological way. Erin had blossomed a little over the summer and her flat chest had swelled to a nice B-cup. Her hair was always pinned up in a messy bun and her glasses were still too big for her face, but… Something about her was really appealing to Chris.

“Hey Erin?”

“Hm?” She hummed as she gnawed her way through yet another pencil while puzzling over her current writing project.

“Can I kiss you?”

Wary eyes scrutinized him for several long moments. “Why?”

“I dunno… We’ve known each other for years and you’re pretty and easy to talk to and I just think it’d be nice?” He would have continued, but warm, slightly chapped lips were suddenly pressed against his, silencing whatever babbling ramble would have come out next.

It was nice, but something didn’t feel right. They pulled apart almost as quickly as they had come together.

“I don’t think that was right,” Erin said softly.

“No… Me either,” Chris agreed and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Are we… Did I fuck this all up?”

“No, Chris, you didn’t. We’re just not gonna kiss again,” she shrugged and went back to her notebook. “I figured that would happen.”

“What that I’d wanna kiss you or that we wouldn’t like it?”

“Little bit of both. And I don’t think you like-like me anyway. You’re too comfortable with me and when you like someone you act like an idiot. Like when you went out with that girl Andrea last year.”

The memory still burned. Clumsy kisses and shy hand-holding with Andrea crashed and burned when she found out he was a foster kid. Not a brand of heartbreak he was keen to experience again.

“And I take it you don’t like-like me either…”

“No, I don’t,” she agreed before her tone softened to barely above a whisper, “I don’t even think I like men…”

Stunned silence reigned as every thought process in Chris’ brain came to a screeching halt. He stared at her and Erin shrank in on herself as she waited for a reaction.

“No wonder you wanna get outta here,” Chris finally managed. When Erin’s head snapped up to stare at him, he offered up a weak smile. “Don’t worry… Your secret’s safe with me. Promise.”

“But… Why?”

“You’re still Erin? And I’m not exactly in the position to throw away my only friend over something like that.”

He wasn’t expecting the armful of Erin he suddenly had, nor was he really sure what to do. What he ultimately settled for was awkwardly patting her on the back. Before he really knew what he was saying, he added, “And you could always come to Boston with me. Boston marriages are a thing, right?”

So maybe he deserved that elbow to the ribs. And the muttered ‘jackass’ that followed. Not even for a second did he think that the following year, he’d be thrilled to have someone to commiserate with.

His name was Andrew and he was absolutely beautiful. Being sixteen and having enough hormones coursing through his system to strangle all sense from his brain, Chris spent a lot of time in class shooting the other boy longing looks that would have made Erin roll her eyes if she weren’t so busy making the same exact eyes at a new girl in their class named Emily.

“So I think I like men, too,” he announced one day during a study session.

“No shit, Sherlock. What was your first clue?” Erin countered without even glancing up from her history textbook.”You okay with it?”

“Yeah… I think so anyway. I know I can’t exactly tell anyone else. God, if I said anything to Bob or Annie, I’d be tossed out on my ass. Good thing I won’t be their problem in about a year and a half…”

Spending your whole life studying wasn’t too bad when the alternative was to be like some of his foster siblings. At least one of them spent his afternoons behind the dumpster at the local diner scoring whatever drug of the week he was on, and another was barely passing high school. The fourteen year old seemed to be on track to go into trade school in the future, but there was nothing wrong with that. He’d make more of himself than the others at least.

Another bonus was that even if his foster parents barely gave a shit about any of them, his teachers were acutely interested in his future. He kept his head down, did his work, busted his ass through science fairs and even went as far as to take a college class or two through the local community college his senior year. All to sit in Erin’s living room staring at the envelope in his hands, fingers shaking as he carefully ripped it open.

“Dear Mr. Pike… Thank you for your interest in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s astrophysics program. It’s our pleasure to inform you that you’ve been accepted… Holy shit, Erin I’m in!”

“You are! Chrissy that’s amazing!” She hugged him tightly, both grinning ear to ear before pulling back and picking up her own envelope from Wellesley. “Now it’s my turn… I’m… I’m in, too. We’re both going to Boston!”

The two of them laughed and hugged each other tightly. When they were done, each settled back onto the couch to read the details of their paperwork. Chris could barely focus on the words his eyes skimmed until he came to a later page. “Erin… I’m going in on full scholarship. Room, board, all that.”

“You’ve worked hard for it. C’mon, let’s fill all this out so we can send it back and keep our spots.”

The rest of the year was a blur. Nothing that happened down there seemed to matter to him unless it had to do with Erin and before they knew it, the two of them were packing up their belongings into Erin’s VW bus and preparing for a cross-country drive from Mojave to Boston. Erin’s parents seemed more at ease knowing Chris was going with their daughter.

“And you’ll call us when you get there?” Her mother asked anxiously.

“We’re stopping at a motel or two along the way and we’ll call you when we stop for gas,” Erin promised while Chris tossed the last of her stuff in. “And with Chris’ route, we should be there in about three days.”

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t drive us off the road, ma’am,” Chris adds, ignoring the dirty look Erin shot his way.

“Thank you, Chris. You two drive safe.”

The drive itself was dull. Music played over the radio and Chris spent most of their time on the road making sure they were following the route he’d plotted out. Any long stretch of highway was spent making plans for Boston.

“We’ll only be about half an hour away from each other, right? So we’ll meet up for homework and coffee? At least once a week, right?”

“At least,” Chris agreed. “And we can find a good library spot to claim.”

“Bookworm buddies unite! One day, when I’m a famous author and you’re the next Stephen Hawking, we’ll go back to Mojave and be superstars.”

“Why the hell would I ever go back to Mojave?”

“For me, mostly.”

“Assuming I don’t drive you away with my stunning personality between now and then, sure.”

If she rolled her eyes any harder, Chris was sure they’d come out of her skull. “If you haven’t driven me off in the last five years, I’m pretty sure you’re stuck with me, Chrissy.”

“You say that now.”

“I say that always.”

Boston was a whirlwind of activity once they got there. The first few weeks, they managed to break their promise to meet up. Chris’ program didn’t waste any time kicking his ass, and Erin almost immediately found herself suddenly the center of a lot of female attention (turned out those womens college rumors were accurate). They both had their hands full, but managed a phone call once a week.

Winter break found them bundled up in the corner of a cafe about halfway between their two campuses. Erin had her girlfriend McKenzie tucked into the booth beside her and Chris listened in entertained silence as the two of them regaled him with their chance meeting and Erin spent more than her fair share of time griping about her finals.

“What about you, Chrissy? Your finals go okay? You get any of your grades yet?”

He groaned and dropped his head to the table. “Even with your help, that literature class probably kicked my ass… I think I kept my grade up enough to keep my scholarship, though. Hopefully.”

“I’m sure you did. You sent me your final draft and I thought it was a pretty good read. About as good as can be expected from a physics student whose brain works faster than the mouth that has to trip along behind it.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

He ended up passing just fine and while Erin flew back home for Christmas, Chris stuck around in Boston. Spring semester started with three snowstorms, delaying the first day of all four of his classes until the second week. The extra time was spent getting ahead on the reading and his notes, hoping his professors would start from chapter one so it wouldn’t be time wasted.

That second week, he found a flyer in the library. Carl Sagan would be at Boston College the first week of February and MIT had a few tickets reserved. He made a beeline for the front desk and asked about securing himself one. No way in hell would he miss out on that presentation if he could help it and the second he had the stub in his hand, Chris raced back to his dorm to tuck it safely away in his physics book.

Now Chris wasn’t a vain man. He didn’t really have the luxury to be, but the day he was set to take the bus over to Chestnut Hill, Christopher Pike spent a solid half hour staring critically at his two button down shirts hanging in the tiny closet of his dorm. There ultimately wasn’t any real reason behind choosing the white shirt; it just seemed like the best choice. Chris shrugged it on and grabbed his wallet and keys on his way out the door.

Three hundred and thirty-eight acres is a maze when you’ve never set foot on the campus before. Chris grumbled to himself and stood in the courtyard as he tried to piece his way through figuring out where he needed to be. That process was interrupted rather rudely by someone else barreling into him.

“What the fuck?” He yelped while barely managing to keep from ending up on his ass. A second later, he was swearing up a storm as hot liquid seeped into the fabric of his shirt and burned his skin.

“Oh shit! God I’m so sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going!” If the guy wasn’t so cute, Chris probably would have decked him. “I’m really really sorry but I’m running late um… Here take my card and just call me later I promise I’ll pay to clean your shirt okay?”

Before Chris could even get a word out, the guy was off like a shot and he was left wondering if that had even happened. The still hot feeling of the coffee soaking into his shirt was the only proof he had that it was real. After he made his way into a bathroom and shucked off his white shirt, he debated what to do for about half a second then just stuffed the damn thing in the trash and zipped up the hoodie he wore under his coat to hide his bare chest.

He didn’t even think about the guy that ran into him until he was back home later that night. The card was tucked in his wallet with the name Philip Boyce and a phone number. From the caduceus on the card, Chris assumed this Phil must be a doctor or a med student at the college.

Would it be worth it to call the guy over a $2 shirt? He was pretty good looking from the brief glimpse Chris caught of him, so maybe he’d get lucky enough to learn he was into guys.

“Fuck it,” he muttered to himself and grabbed the phone. After a few rings, a voice answered on the other end. “Yeah, is this Philip Boyce? Um… My name is Chris. You, uh… You ran into me earlier? In the courtyard at Boston College?”

“Oh! Right. Yeah I’m really sorry about that I was late for class and the professor is a real stickler for punctuality. How much do I owe you for the shirt?”

“About that… I was thinking maybe… You could buy me a coffee sometime instead?”

“Absolutely! Wait… Do you mean like a date? Or just coffee?”

A quick beat passed where a million possibilities flew through Chris’ head at once. Would this guy be okay with it? Would Chris show up expecting a date and get jumped instead? “A… Whatever you wanna call it, I guess.”

“A date, then. I’m swamped this week, but what about next Saturday?”

“Sounds great. I… Guess I’ll see you then? Um… I don’t really know that area well I go to MIT so where should I meet you?”

“How about I go to you? There’s a cafe on campus, right? And probably about a dozen in spitting distance.”

“Yeah… I go to Forbes a lot. I could meet you there?” Chris offered, still not believing the turn the day was taking.

“I’ll meet you there at 3?”

“That’s… Yeah okay. 3. I’ll see you then.” The second the other line went dead, Chris dialed Erin’s number. “Erin? You’re not gonna believe what happened.”

Tagging: @auduna-druitt @pinkamour1588 @thefanficfaerie  @bookcaseninja @ravencourt @ussihavelovedthestarstoofondly @aishahiwatari @reading-in-moonlight @gracieminabox @its-life-jim @insane-sociopath @logicallythyla

hiya 0v0 im new to regression, and i was wondering if you had any tips for doing it alone? im alone for 14+ hours a day, and i found regression makes my day more positive and it makes me a happier person!! but im having trouble staying in "little space" :")

I have a few tips!! I used to regress by myself before I met my girlfriend (who’s now my daddy 😇😚) so I learned a lil bit. I’m gonna break it into categories.

Chore/self care chart:Whether you have a caregiver who isn’t around often, or you’re a single little, it’s good to have a self care/chore chart to help keep you on track and still help you feel little while taking care of yourself and your home. Get yourself a pack of stickers that you can use to check off chores. Dishes done? Put a sticker next to it. Brushed your teeth? Sticker next to that too. Took the trash out? Sticker. Did homework? Sticker.

Meals:Have a list of simple meals that you can make for yourself as a snack or for breakfast/lunch/dinner, whichever mealtime you’re alone for. Do some experimenting and find out what “little” foods make you regress. If you can, eat off of cute plates/bowls. Even if you can’t get really kiddish bowls, you can find pastel pink/blue/mint dish sets for cheap online or at supermarkets. Put meals on your sticker chart so you can give yourself a sticker for eating.

Little activities:Like with food, experiment and find out what makes you regress most easily. For me that would be watching cartoons, play with my cat, wrapping myself in a blanket, and drinking out of my sippy cup or bottle. I also go on tumblr and talk to other littles, or I go on Ikea/pottery barn kids and design the perfect little space room (but that could just be me, I’m an interior design hoe), or I go on amazon and pick out things that I’d want to carry around with my in a diaper bag. But for someone else it could be anything from play with toys, taking a bath, or colouring. It’s all up to you, but mess around with different things and find what works for you.

Music:Make a fail-save little space playlist that makes you feel small!! When all else fails, listen to music that makes you feel little. Some people like Disney soundtrack songs. I really like the soundtrack from the heffalump movie, and I also like calm music with violins and acoustic guitars.

I hope that helps!

Back for More 87

Red herring, it’s what’s for dinner

If you’re reading this here or over on AO3 a reblog to share would be super cool.

AO3 mirror

The car still wasn’t in the driveway when Desmond got home. He texted his dad asking as he got off his bike. Where were they? As he did he saw Duncan had replied to him. ‘/Jaimie/ thinks you both look very cute together’.

Desmond snorted. ‘Sure she does.’

He unlocked the door, reading some more texts from Altair, so not paying attention at all, when he almost ran into someone. “Desmond!”

He jerked to a stop with a start. “Mom?” he asked, his heart hammering.

“Where have you been, young man?” Chloe demanded, hands on her hips.

“I went out for lunch with my friends,” he stammered.

“You didn’t leave a note. You didn’t text or call.”

“I did. I did! Uh—“ he opened his message with his mom on his phone. “See. I totally texted you.” Desmond could not handle when his mom went all super parent on him. His dad he could deal with because he knew what to expect from his dad. He was just a grumpy white dude. His half hispanic mother? Desmond hadn’t really known spanish as a kid but he sure knew when his mom had scolded Duncan or Dylan in Spanish so bad they’d literally turned inside out. She was a super nice lady ninty percent of the time unless she thought her sons were acting up or were in trouble. He’d also seen her go off on one of Duncan’s old principals when he’d gotten into a fight with some kid who’d called him a faggot.

She’d never had to yell at Desmond. Partially because he was her baby and partially because he was never got in trouble because he was so boring. He had no idea how to handle his mom when she got ‘protective Spanish mom’ on him but apparently, it was to make himself look as innocent as possible.

She narrowed her eyes a little and took his phone. “Did you get your father’s texts?”

“No,” Desmond shook his head quickly. “Last time I heard from dad was when I asked about having the sleepover.”

She looked over his phone and he peered over to make sure she wasn’t noticing his conversation with Altair. The texts had been fairly innocent but not all of them were. Instead, she just went to his conversation with William to check to make sure he wasn’t lying. Desmond licked his lips, waiting. “Okay,” she said and handed him his phone back. Then she hugged him and that was a bit unexpected. “I was so worried. You weren’t answering us.”

“Sorry. I was literally just here and then I went to lunch and came right back,” Desmond hugged her back. “I was wondering where you guys were too.”

“We went to the store.” She let him go. “Did you actually cook yourself breakfast this morning? I noticed some things were missing.”

“Uh- erm… my friend Altair likes to cook and insisted he make breakfast.”

Chloe’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really? Ha, you should get some pointers from him then.”

“Ah… yeah. Probably.”

“You’re home for the rest of the day?”

“Proooobably,” he said. Well there went going to hang out with Altair before work. “I have homework.”

“And your chores,” she reminded him sternly.

“Yeah. I didn’t forget,” he said. “Also me and my friends were going to go up to Sugarloaf tomorrow and do some fishing.”

“You won’t be bridge jumping, will you? You know I hate when you do that,” she said, voice full of concern.

“Ahhhh…

“Desmond,” she said sternly.

“I mean Clay might. I won’t,” he said and at the moment meant it.

“Good. I’m glad you’re going to spend time with all your friends. Seems like you only spend time with Clay anymore. Are they still doing well?”

“Yeah,” Desmond said. He felt so awkward lying to his mom. And poor Clay. He’d used him as an excuse since he and Altair had started dating to stay out late or spend the night somewhere. Was a great excuse but there was a reason his friends had had an ‘intervention’.

“Good.”

“I’m gonna go work on my homework. I have an evil English essay to do,” he groaned.

“It isn’t due on Monday is it?” Chloe asked with a knowing look of disapproval.

“No. It’s due next Monday. I’m just making myself suffer two weekends writing it instead of one.”

That made his mom laugh a little. “Alright. Well, I’m glad you weren’t purposefully ignoring us.”

“No way. I always respond to texts.” That wasn’t even a lie. He did. At least if he could and wasn’t at work or school.

With that, he went to his room and sat on his bed. “Holy shit,” he said to himself. Why had that made him so nervous? Probably because he’d seen what his mom did to Duncan when he would fuck off for the day. Or maybe cause he knew he could have been in actual trouble for skipping school on Friday and that would have been grounds for disappointment and probably grounding. Not to mention he hated lying to his mom. His dad he could do but his mom? She was just so great he felt so bad when he lied to her.

He opened his conversation with Altair. ‘Don’t think I can come over before work. Sorry :,c’

‘After work?’

‘My parents thought I was ignoring them so I don’t wanna push my luck’ ‘I’m going fishing with friends tomorrow though!’

‘Okay’

‘Wanna come?’

‘Fishing?’ ‘Where?’

‘Down at Sugarloaf’ ‘Lucy told me to invite you’

Altair didn’t respond right away. Desmond got up and went to his desk and opened his still shiny and new Macbook from Christmas to work on his essay and basically use it to cheat at math because he hated writing out the proofs for things when he could just do the problems. He’d start on the math first since that could be done rather quickly. He turned on some music as he worked and then his phone made Altair’s text tone.

‘Where are you going to fish?’

‘Off the bridge’

More silence. Maybe he was busy. Desmond went back to his math and had done half of the problems before Altair texted him again. ‘Wanna use my boat?’

Desmond cocked his head to the side. ‘What?’

‘I have a boat’

‘I know you have a boat’

‘Instead of bridge fishing we could just use my boat’ ‘If you wanted to’

‘Seriously?’

‘Sure’

Desmond immediately opened the big conversation he had with his friends. ‘Yoooooooooooo. Altair is offering a boat for the fishing tomorrow’

Clay replied, basically, instantly. ‘He’s got a boat?!?!!?!??!?!’

‘That’s super cool!’ Rebecca replied shortly after.

‘What do you think?’ Desmond asked them. ‘Boat instead of bridge?’

‘Fuck yeah!’

‘Hell yeah!’

‘So I have to drive all the way up to stock island? Uuuuuuuuhg’ Shaun finally chimed in.

‘Shaun fuck off we’re getting a /boat/‘ Clay said. ‘Rebecca tell your boyfriend to stop being a wet blanket’

The conversation was quiet for a little bit and then Lucy finally got around to reading it. ‘I’m cool with the boat idea.’

‘F I N E’ Shaun said.

‘Got him to agreeeeeee <3’ ‘thank me later’

‘Okay. I’ll tell him,’ Desmond told them.

‘Yaaaaa!’

‘Boat boat boat boat boat boat boat boat’

Desmond laughed and went back to his conversation with Altair even as he kept getting messages from the others as they talked about things. ‘Everyone thinks it’s really awesome you’re offering to let us use your boat’

‘k’

‘Unless you don’t want to now?’

‘No. It’s fine.’ ‘It’s fine.’

‘You sure?’ ‘You don’t have to hang out with me and my friends if you don’t want to’

‘I do’

‘Okay. So long as you’re okay’

There was a long bit of no response and Desmond checked the other conversation. It was practically a wall of text of everyone deciding on what to do and talking about food and drinks and who was bringing a cooler and if they should bring snorkel gear. Desmond just muted the conversation so he could keep working on his math homework. He’d finished it and was working on the research for his essay when Altair texted him again.

‘You sure you don’t wanna come over today? I’m kinda nervous’

‘I’ll try and come by for a few minutes before work. How’s that?’ Desmond texted back with a bit of a smile. He certainly hadn’t been lying about Altair being awkward. He was basically agreeing to be out in the middle of the ocean with a bunch of people he didn’t really know.

‘k’

Desmond did research and an hour before he had to do his chores so he’d be done with them before work. He took out the trash and cleaned his room and spot cleaned his bathroom. Then he took a shower and put on his work clothes so he could leave early. His mom had food for him before he left and he scarfed that down too before saying his shift was earlier than usual today and ducked out.

He rang the doorbell at Altair’s house and Altair let him in. “I can’t stay super long but I’m here,” he said as Altair closed the door behind him. “Your gramps home?”

“No. He’ll be home tomorrow though.”

“Oh good,” Desmond said and wrapped his arms around Altair’s neck. “You’re really nice letting me and my friends use your boat,” he said, smiling. “They’re all super excited about it.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh-huh! And plus side; I’m gonna be shirtless alllllllll day.” He laughed when Altair’s eyes got all glassy as he thought about it.

“Okay. I like this idea more,” Altair said.

“And they all get to be jealous cause my boyfriend is obviously the hottest one there,” he kissed Altair on the nose. “I mean it’s not even a competition.”

“Well that’s not true,” Altair said. Desmond rose his brows at him questioningly. “Cause I am gonna have the hottest boyfriend there.”

“I mean… I’m not going to argue that point,” Desmond said. He unwound his arms from around Altair’s neck and pulled out his phone. “But really, they’re all super excited.” He pulled Altair over to the living room to sit. “Freaking Lucy has been asking me how big it.”

“Thirty feet,” Altair said.

He typed that in to tell them. “And they’re all talking about food and drinks and who’s bringing what.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh,” Desmond nodded.

“Wow. Your friends are way better at this than mine. Whenever my friends go out on a boat they never bring anything and only don’t get dehydrated cause I bring water with me.”

“Really guys?” he groaned when a few new texts came in.

“What?”

“Clay said, ‘I didn’t know Altair had thirty feet.’ Rebecca said, ‘Well we know what Desmond likes at least’.”

“Your friends are weird,” Altair said.

“Yeah, they are,” Desmond sighed.

“They’re bringing food?”

“Yeah. From what I see mostly chips and snacks.”

“How long do they think this is going to be? And when are we going out?”

“Why?”

“Well it’s my boat. I kinda need to know, need to make sure I bring enough gas and water and all that.”

“I’ll ask them.” He did so and waited for them to argue it out. “Still feel nervous?”

“I’m always nervous.”

“That’s not nervous, that’s anxiety and totally different.”

“I don’t want it to be awkward, that’s all. I know what your friends think of me. Jock with too much money.”

“Which you are.”

“And they’re a bunch of nerds who play D&D-

“Which your friends also do,” Desmond pointed out.

“Yeah but my friends aren’t losers,” Altair said giving him a look.

“Mmmmm, fair enough,” Desmond agreed. His phone had been going the entire time. He looked down at it. “They’re thinking ten thirtyish to two or three depending on how far out we go. How’s that sound?”

“Okay.”

Desmond told them it sounded good and his phone vibrated for a solid minute straight after that. “They’re really excited,” he told Altair with a chuckle.

“I can tell,” Altair said. “When do you have to go?”

“Mmm, ten minutes.”

“Alright.”

“You literally spent all day with me yesterday. I think you can manage,” Desmond rolled his eyes a little. “And you’re gonna see me tomorrow too. I think you’re pretty set.”

“I guess,” Altair said morosely. “I just like seeing you all the time.”

“That’s pretty gay.”

“I’m literally. Your. Boyfriend,” Altair gave him a look and Desmond laughed.

Desmond gave Altair a vague play by play of the text conversation that was still going on and eventually Altair just pulled him into his lap to read over his shoulder. If nothing else Desmond was glad his friends were excited enough to not need his input in any way. All he had to do was show up. This only lasted so long before Desmond untangled himself from Altair saying he had to go to work. Altair walked him to the door and kissed him goodbye which was lovely. “You’re gonna spoil me,” Desmond said when they finished.

“Hmm?”

“Just how sweet and nice you are to me. I’m gonna be so spoiled.”

“Good,” Altair said and kissed him again. “You should be.”

Desmond had to drag himself away and got on his bike. He felt Altair watching him from the doorway. He looked back and waved, Altair waved back, before riding off and heading for work.

03142019 _ 10:50PM

Happy Pi Day! Another questions thing ‘cause I’m bored :D 

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed? I don’t have a closet where I sleep :’) 

(2) Do You Have Freckles? nope

(3) Can You Whistle? yeppp

(4) Last Song You Listened To. Rewrite the Stars - Zac Efron & Zendaya vers. from The Greatest Showman 

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour? black or blue

(6) Relationship Status. taken

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now? 42 degrees Fahrenheit outside 

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky? always.

(9) How Many Followers? 0. we gon’ keep it that way on this side blog

(10) Zodiac Sign. eastern - dog  western - aquarius 

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour? brown

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily? nahh. not yet lol 

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower? sometimes

(14) What Books Are You Reading? none right now. I should definitely get back into that

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14. literally too lazy to do this rn lol maybe i’ll come back to this question later

(16) Favourite Anime? aaahhh I can’t decide... probably banana fish 

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of? Nick

(18) Do You Collect Anything? pokemon on pogo :D 

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch? banana, honey-roasted cashews, & cheezits

(20) Do You Dance In The Car? no way that is so dangerous while driving lol 

(21) Favourite Animal? right now, probably jellyfish 

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics? depends on the event. 

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed? like 2AM

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now? nope

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean? pool. the ocean is scary :O 

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog? mine, obviously. lol 

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water? bottled! water can definitely taste different! 

(28) What Makes You Happy? food, anime merch, and the people I love :D 

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now. insert bored.gif here 

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music? with! I need some sort of chill music in the background. silence becomes distracting with the thoughts swimming around my head 

(31) Dogs Or Cats? honestly, both. 

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be? black or some shade of ocean blue 

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox. PC bitchessss. I will never understand xbox controls for my life. 

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean? neither!! deep water is scary no matter where. 

(35) Do You Believe In Magic? nope. there is always a trick underneath. 

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing? beige 

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue? noooo. I don’t know how people do it 

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It? both. I save a majority of my paycheck & gotta spend the rest on necessities ;) 

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You? uhhh.... a french cookie wrapper (unopened, cuz i’m not a slob like that who just leaves wrappers lying around) 

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now? SHEITH. uhhh... that’s pretty much it. lol 

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly? nahhh. we took care of some in first grade tho. 

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People? depends on what the event is, but I’d hope not. 

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams? oh yes. I can’t remember most of the details when I wake up, but the details I do remember, they are fcking weeeeird. 

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes? The idea of the adventure & traveling is fun, but I hate planes just for the popping of my ears ;~; and the landing. I hate that feeling of my stomach lurching. 

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry. ohmygod. KIMI NO NA WA. ;~; 

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds? uhhhh... peanuts? I guess? I don’t really like either though... 

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be? OLDCODEX <3 

(48) Are You A Picky Eater? I wouldn’t say so. As long as it doesn’t smell repulsive, I’ll try anything once. 

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper? if I don’t have any responsibilities in the morning 

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning? nahh. I love watching & hearing storms from inside. they’re pretty calming. 

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write? oh yeaaah. I should do both more often. I used to a lot back in middle school, but I still enjoy them. 

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud? only when I’m doing chores xD 

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents? oooh carve pumpkins! I’ve never carved one before in my life. 

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up? Kaze to Hoshi ni Dakarete - Kuribayashi Minami

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather) still winter~ spring is coming up next week though! 

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now? panda express, korean fried chicken, cajun shrimp, pasta, any food. LOL 

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed. it’s just all gay anime porn & memes lol 

(58) What Is Your Gender? female 

(59) Coffee Or Tea? tea! <3 

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About? nahhh.. life of an adult, dude. 

(61) What Is Your Sexuality? ima dirty hetero lmao 

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning? hayll nah. 

(63) Favourite Pokemon? milotic! sobble is coming in hot tho LOL 

(64) Favourite Social Media? twitter 

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories? dumbbbb. tried too hard to be like snapchat 

(66) Do You Get Homesick? nopee since I’m here everyday. lol 

(67) Are You A Virgin? nah

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now? suave - the cheap drug store brand :D 

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free? i’ll rent that crappy motel room. why not? 

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life? yaaa

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters? detective pikachu! 

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex? fuck no. I don’t wish the best for him either. 

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now? “Let justice be done, though the heavens fall.” 

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest? heterochromia :D doesn’t matter which colors

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set? LOVED swinging as a child. I don’t pass by many parks nowadays though. 

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate? sticky rice & broccoli :D 

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone? too many. lol pogo is the major one, then a bunch of idle tapping games 

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not? no, because I am not certified 

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight? oh yeah. 

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network? lol i’ve definitely tried 

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People? not really. I’m sooo antisocial and bad with people ;~;

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them. not on a regular basis. for special occasions? yes. 

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed? I don’t have a bedroom door :’) 

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today? went to work, ate, now I’m sitting on my ass. 

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed? t-shirt & shorts! 

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now. pretty much all the basic stuff. I don’t use most of it though. au natural :D 

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person? definitely a night person xD 

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc. noo that’s too many D; 

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened. I don’t remember any of them 

(90) Favourite Soda Drink? canada dry ginger ale :P 

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite? crunching leaves / crispy food 

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More? jeans 

(93) How Do You Look Right Now? comfy xD ready for bed. 

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You. laying in bed, in a warm pile of my blankets & pillows <3 

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want? I’ve only really contemplated two different ones..   first one is kinda nerdy - I want a blade of marmora insignia on the back of my neck  second one would be having cursive-calligraphy-written ‘agape’ on the inside of my left wrist 

(96) Favourite YouTuber? right now, it’s gotta be The Try Guys :D