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beom-pyu · 1 year

Text

txt as your boyfriend

txt x g/n!reader , tags; headcanons , fluff , non-idol au? , happy soft mushy feelings ew , no warnings!

(rest of the members after the cut!)

｡ °₊ yeonjun

∙ matching outfits allll the time

∙ if he sees a cute hoodie online, he'll buy you guys matching ones and surprise you with it

∙ takes aesthetic pictures of you

∙ you used to hate his constant candids of you because you were a little insecure

∙ but he always captures you in the most flattering, heart wrenching pics ever

∙ he wants you to see yourself in the way that he sees you

∙ a cute pic of you stopped on the sidewalk to pet a dog is his lockscreen <3

∙ constant forehead/top of the head kisses

∙ if he's slipping past you while you're cooking, he always plants a quick kiss on the crown of your head with a small "love u" before going back to whatever he was doing

∙ kissing your forehead is a mandatory step in his a nighttime routine

∙ when he has you wrapped up in his arms at night, your head resting on his chest and he just presses a few kisses into your hair before snuggling into you tighter

∙ fixes your hair and clothes for you

∙ makes it super romantic too

∙ like he'll run his finger down your cheek before tucking some hair behind your ear, gazing down at you with the most infatuated look ever

∙ if you try to cover your face in embarrassment, he'll gently remove your hands and cup your face in his before muttering how pretty you are

∙ "my pretty baby."

∙ soft smiles and loving gazes as he watches you do things you're passionate about

∙ like you could be reading a book on the couch and he'd be at the other end with your feet in his lap, just massaging your legs while watching you silently

∙ you've gotten used to the feeling of his eyes on you

∙ he just loves watching you exist

∙ like he's always in awe of your beauty, no matter how many times he's seen your face

∙ gives you those hugs where he wraps his arms around your neck and pulls you into his chest

∙ works especially well if you're shorter than him

∙ shows you off

∙ he's always posting you on his instagram story with captions like "my everything" or "my angel <3"

∙ wants everyone to know that he's proud of the fact that you chose him out of all the people in this big ole world

｡ °₊ soobin

∙ exists at your every beck and call

∙ you said you're thirsty? he's bringing you three water bottles in the blink of an eye

∙ oh your shoulders are tense? he's working his nimble fingers into your muscles with soft neck kisses in between

∙ he wants to make your life as easy as possible, and he's willing to do whatever it takes

∙ pouts with a small "hmf" when he wants kisses

∙ which is a common reoccurrence because he always wants kisses

∙ nuzzles his head into your neck when he laughs

∙ plays with your fingers when he can't fully hold your hand

∙ or has an arm around your waist to keep you close at all times

∙ takes silly couple pictures with you and makes them his profile picture

∙ feeds you

∙ he'll do that dumb airplane move and you'll just blink at him like "what..?"

∙ and he just goes "ahhh" with that cute little smile and you have no choice but to roll your eyes and give in when he looks that adorable

∙ please play with his hair, it's his favorite thing ever

∙ your hands are so gentle and calming, so it always helps him fall asleep

∙ gives you his jacket whenever you show even the slightest sign of being cold

∙ like he'll wrap it tightly around your body and kiss your nose when he's satisfied with the bundling

∙ always goes to you when he's feeling down because you always manage to lift his mood

∙ like you'll be laying in your bed on your laptop, and when he comes home, he's immediately at your side

∙ he hates feeling like a burden so he doesn't say anything until you ask him what's wrong

∙ and he just spills everything out as you hold him

∙ he feels comfortable showing you his emotions because you always take care of him

∙ especially because he's always the one taking care of you, so you appreciate when he lets his guard down around you

｡ °₊ beomgyu

∙ quite literally your bestfriend

∙ lovingly teases you because your reactions are so cute

∙ always kisses the pout off of your lips so you can't be mad at him

∙ he is soooo clingy

∙ always has to have a hand on you, whether it be holding yours, resting on your back, slung over your shoulders

∙ baby just loves being close to you

∙ teaches you how to play his favorite games

∙ sits you on his lap as he explains the controls

∙ but he may get a little sulky when you turn out to be better than him

∙ he'll be like "i let you win that time!" and you'll be like "you wish!!"

∙ tickle fights

∙ he lets you do his makeup or paint his nails if you ask very nicely

∙ but only if you let him do yours in return (and he's absolutely horrible at it every time)

∙ takes candids of you, but they're TERRIBLE

∙ like you'd be mid bite of a big sandwich and you just see the flash of his phone go off and you freeze

∙ and then you proceed to chase him around, whining at him to delete the picture with him cackling in the background

∙ you two are always bickering like an old married couple

∙ but you can never stay upset at each other for longer than 10 minutes before one of you gives in

∙ he's obsessed with kissing you

∙ will find any excuse to do so, even though you guys are quite literally dating

∙ "if i eat this in 10 seconds, you owe me 10 kisses"

∙ "gyu, you can literally just ask me to kiss you"

∙ "okay, but where's the fun in that..?"

∙ you guys joke around a lot because you know that you are each other's safe space

∙ you can always be yourself around beomgyu, and he loves that he can do the same with you

｡ °₊ taehyun

∙ mention anything you want around tyun and he's buying it for you in a heartbeat

∙ you could mutter how a necklace was pretty as you passed a shop, and it'd show up in your mailbox within the next 5 business days

∙ secretly loves when you wear his clothes

∙ you could walk out of your bedroom with one of his t-shirts on and his hands would be all over you immediately

∙ kisses the back of your hand while looking up at you with his pretty doe eyes

∙ literally makes you feel like royalty

∙ holds the door for you everywhere you go

∙ even if you beat him to the door, he'll literally jog to grab the door handle first

∙ never gives you unsolicited advice, but if you come to him first, get ready for a philosophy session

∙ he just wants to see you being your best self, so he's always open to giving you advice when you want it

∙ comfortable silence

∙ like you could be doing your own things in silence, and still feel like no time is being wasted because you are just that secure in eachother

∙ don't worry though, he makes sure to slip in a kiss every few minutes

∙ he isn't one to be sappy with his words, but when he does verbally compliment you, it's the most heartfelt sentence ever

∙ like you'll just be cuddled up next to him on a lazy day that consisted of napping, kisses, and more napping

∙ and he'll just slip out a, "being with you makes everything make sense"

∙ and you're just like "where did that come from?"

∙ and he just shakes his head with a smile and kisses your lips so tenderly, you forget everything you were going to say

∙ late night drives

∙ you'll call him at 1 a.m. because you can't fall asleep, your mind too full with thoughts and stress and the weight of life

∙ and tyun will be outside your place in seconds

∙ he lets you be the dj as he drives, rolling down the windows a bit to let the cool breeze run through the car

∙ his right hand is firmly planted on your thigh, glancing over at you every now and then to make sure you're okay

∙ and he lets you talk his ear off with the softest, most fond smile resting on his lips, just happy to see you feeling better

｡ °₊ kai

∙ napping together is the biggest love language in your relationship

∙ it'll be midday on a weekend and he'll come over with a few of his plushies, clad in character themed pajamas

∙ and you'd have your own character themed pajamas on too

∙ he loves sleeping on your chest, or as the big spoon

∙ napping together is just so soft and intimate to him

∙ plus he gets your beautiful face being the first thing he sees when he wakes up, which is a win in itself

∙ comes up with a new stupid pet name for you every single week

∙ one day you're "babe", the next day you're "boo bear", and the next, you're somehow "sweetie honeybun baby"

∙ he just thinks it's funny to see the confusion on your face as the names get worse and worse

∙ he lives to make you laugh

∙ he'll send you every funny video he comes across, or crack the most random jokes just to see your smile

∙ always looking for your praise and approval

∙ he could get a new haircut and you'd be the first one he texts with a selfie asking "new cut, does it look okay?"

∙ and even though you say yes yes yes, every single time without fail, he still does that shy laugh and the tips of his ears go red and turns into putty

∙ he's literally your boyfriend, but he has these moments where he can't believe he's your boyfriend

∙ like you could randomly straddle his lap while he's sitting on the couch and push his hair back with your fingers before kissing his nose

∙ and he'll just be staring up at you with the prettiest sparkly eyes and let out a quiet "woah", out of breath by simple looking at you

∙ back hugs back hugs back hugs

∙ if you're out at an event with friends, he'll just be hanging off of you like a koala

∙ literally doesn't care about pda

∙ he's super shy, but nothing but pride fills his chest when you hold his hand in public

∙ or if you lean up to kiss his cheek while standing in line to order ice cream

∙ you always manage to give him those goofy little butterflies in his chest

reblogs are highly cherished!

masterlist

©️BEOM-PYU

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celestialprincesse · 3 months

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can we get a mid/plus size reader feeling insecure x Soap :,) i love how you write his accent btw

UGHHH I forgot how much I love writing for Johnny he's just the cutest ever I want to squeeze his cheeks and live inside his ribs💕

Warnings: afab reader, tooth rotting fluff🎀

The mirror feels like your worst enemy today. You know, rationally, that you're being nitpicky and self critical, something that you're trying to stop, but today is just - it's not happening. Between PMSing and the giant crater of a pimple that decided to darken your day, you find yourself sniffling, glaring at your reflection like it's her fault.

"Hey, hey, hen?!" You didn't even realise Johnny had come in until you'd felt his calloused hands around your biceps, turning you to face him with his fingers tilting your head this way and that as though to discern what's wrong. "Now what's got ye all sniffly, hey? Ye gonna tell me?" He croons, brushing errant hairs that had been stuck to your face by salty tears. When you look at him, really look at him, at his unfairly blue eyes, framed by thick lashes and sheltered under brows furrowed in concern, you only serve to make yourself feel worse. He's so so beautiful it makes your gut wrench, and you're just you.

"It's nothing. Stupid." You grumble, trying to wrench away and hide your despair. Johnny, like a dog with a bone, won't have it. He's seen you're upset, and now he'll do everything in his power to make you happy again, anything to see that soft smile and a flush on your lovely soft cheeks. "Nah s'no nothin'. If it were nothin' ye wouldn't be crying now would ye? Hm?" It's practically impossible not to melt under that ever soft voice and the warmth of his palms cupping your cheeks, guiding you back out of your mind and towards him. "Just -" You grumble shyly, coaxed by a thumb brushing loving strokes across your cheekbone. "I dunno, I just feel insecure, I guess. Like I'm not pretty enough, good enough. I see all these girls online and on tv and stuff and they're so - so perfect. Why can't I be like that." "Right, ok." Johnny hums, taking a moment to process your words, looking at the wall as he tries to gather his thoughts, which are currently full of 'what the fuck' and 'how could she ever think that'.

"Ye're no perfect." He says bluntly, but the look in his eyes tells you he's far from finished speaking. "Ye're no perfect the same way I'm no perfect. The same way no one's perfect. So what if ye don't look like some shitty model or pornstar or whatever, ye hear me?" Johnny looks at you with an expression somewhere torn between reverence and frustration. "You think that?" You sniffle pathetically, wiping at your ruddy cheeks. "I think that if I wanted some perfect girl with no flaws whatsoever, I'd have to buy some fuckin' freaky sex robot or some shite. But I don't want perfect - and anyone who claims to be a man, but won't go near a woman with a pimple, or fuckin' - shite, I dunno, hairy pits or a wee bit of cellulite - is no man. You hear me?" You nod dumbly, a little surprised by the passion in his outburst, the way his blue eyes burn like the hottest part of a flame. "Real men want real women, and you, my beautiful, beautiful hen, are as real as they come, okay?"

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seat-safety-switch · 3 months

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Organizing a workshop is virtually impossible. If you try to plan ahead, you’ll quickly find out that your amazing plan didn’t match with reality. Eventually, you will run out of bins before you run out of kinds of things, and the entire endeavour will go to hell in a hand-basket. Having one bin store two kinds of things is awful, maybe even more so than having a bin that stores one single lonely, unloved part that you nevertheless will hold onto until your next of kin have to throw it away for you on the afternoon after your funeral.

If you look online, you’ll find a lot of fancy, designer-esque photos of workshops. They’re clean. They’re sorted. They’re well-lit. Everything is within reach. The secret, explain the owners, is minimalism. Make sure you only have good stuff, and put it back where you take it out. What they don’t show you is the entire basement full of random garbage that they’ll spend a whole weekend in as soon as they realize that their grand plan didn’t include a security-bit Torx T8 driver.

Me, I have a very different strategy for this. I buy doubles, triples of tools. Back in the day, tools were expensive, and having two sets of screwdrivers was a ridiculous, bourgeois expense. You’d buy one set of screwdrivers and hold onto it forever. Nowadays, tools are cheap. Why would you bother spending all that time walking upstairs to go get a Phillips #2 from your workshop when you could just buy another $16 set from Home Depot and chuck it downstairs, vaguely close to where you might have to work on a badly-made, inexpensive clothes dryer?

If there is a downside to this behaviour, it’s that once you use every room in your house for tool storage, you give up all hope of ever being able to quickly locate tools at all. In a workshop, there are only a few logical places in which to lose a wrench. On the workbench. Under the workbench. Under another tool. Inside a project. Raccoon took it, the little bastard. In the rest of your house, who knows? Last week I found a 3/8″-drive stubby ratchet inside my furnace when I went to go change the filter.

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princessasmosprincess · 1 year

Text

Sunkissed

Summary: After a fun day at a Human World beach, the brothers realize they're sunburned.

Characters: The demon brothers and GN Reader/MC (it could be Asmodeus x Reader if you squint because this is my fic and hey, you're the one who came to the Asmo kissing blog).

Genre: Sickfic (kinda), humor, fluff

Warnings: Canon-typical sibling on sibling violence, sunburn, nonsexual nudity, mild canon-typical innuendo, no major spoilers but MC is in possession of a certain object they obtain in season 2.

***

“I might have to get rid of that new toner we bought, MC,” said Asmo as he held the door open for you. “My face hurts.”

“Really? My skin feels fine.” You’d known demon skin to be stronger than your own in most cases, so this was perplexing.

Asmo had purchased the toner with you only three days ago from a Human World store famous for selling the most exclusive skincare. It had gone viral online despite its steep price tag, so naturally Asmo had to buy it.

Asmo gasped. “You don’t suppose it contains holy water, do you?”

“That’s not really a common skincare ingredient in the Human World,” you said.

“Humans don’t use it to purify their skin?” He asked.

You shook your head, suppressing a laugh. “But maybe there's something else in the toner that doesn't agree with your skin, let’s take a look at the bottle.”

“Ok! I’ll go get it. And while I'm at it I’ll prepare a bath for the two of us,” He slipped his arm around your waist, leaning into you with his charming smile.

“Maybe…” you said, bumping him gently with your hip.

“We can even try out those bath salts I brought back for you, wouldn't that be nice?”

You had to admit a relaxing bath did sound nice right now. You and the brothers were just coming in from a day at the private beach Diavolo owned in the Human World. The beach was protected by a magical barrier, cloaking it from anyone not authorized to be there. You and the brothers were free to do whatever you wished, including using magic.

It had been a very full day. In the morning you'd surfed a little with Beel, needing to relearn most of what he’d taught you before. And then as soon as you got back to shore, you’d been pulled into a water fight “to the death” that had begun when Satan dumped a handful of sand down Lucifer’s rash guard while he was resting in the shade. You’d mostly been used as a shield between Satan and Mammon against Lucifer. You didn't really mind, though, since you got to see Lucifer's conflicted expression every time he faced you; not that it had really saved you in the end, you’d ended up soaked anyway. Then, Asmo had whisked you away to collect shells in the water with him, with the assistance of mercandy. You’d so enjoyed being merpeople together on your last beach trip that this was truly a treat to experience again. In the water you’d gotten to watch Levi swimming with Lotan, from a distance, of course. Satisfied with the shells you’d collected, you and Asmo dragged yourselves back onto the beach and fell asleep under the umbrella with Belphie, completely exhausted from all the swimming you’d done. You hadn't woken up until the sun had shifted and you were no longer in the shade. At the end of the day, you and the brothers got to watch porpoises breaching in the distance as the sunset lit the sea in shades of pink and gold.

You were grateful the beach Diavolo had lent you came with a vacation home (more like a mansion) just steps away from the shore.

“I call the first shower!” Mammon declared, kicking off his flip-flops.

Levi grabbed his arm before he could run up the stairs. “No, I get the first shower. There’s a raid starting in an hour and I want to login early.”

“Too bad, little bro,” Mammon wrenched his arm out of Levi’s grip. “Hierarchy says I get to go first since I'm older.”

“Really, Mammon, if that’s the case then I’ll be taking the first shower.” said Lucifer.

The three oldest brothers shared one of the mansion’s bathrooms, while the youngest shared another (minus Asmo, since Barbatos had set up a portal to his bathroom at the House of Lamentation). You had your own private bathroom as well, but you didn't mind letting the brothers use it from time to time. It seemed like that would be happening tonight if you ever hoped to have a peaceful dinner.

“One of you can use my bathroom tonight,” You left the three oldest brothers in the foyer to argue, now that an offer to use your bathroom was on the table. You needed some water, you were starting to get a headache, you’d probably had too much sun.

Beel was already in the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge for something. Belphie was nearby, sitting at the kitchen island as he rested his cheek on the cool marble counter.

“We’ll have dinner soon, Beel, I just need a drink of water and I’ll get started cooking.”

Beel tossed you a water bottle before grabbing one for himself.

“Can I have a snack while I wait?” He bit into a nectarine, coming to lean against the counter.

“Well you’ve already started.” You teased. You took a long drink of water, mentally checking off all the ingredients you’d need to start dinner. Hopefully one or two of the brothers would agree to assist you, it would go much faster with help.

Beel rolled his cool water bottle against his neck, “I think I missed a spot when I reapplied my sunscreen,” he said. “Can you take a look for me?”

“Sure,” you slipped off the sunglasses you were still wearing as Beel turned around for you. “Oh, Beel I think-”

A blood-curdling scream tore through the mansion.

“Wha-” Belphie woke with a start.

You took of running upstairs, towards the source of the scream. You and the twins were the last to arrive at Asmo’s bathroom.

Asmo threw himself into your arms. “Oh, MC! I’m hideous!” He began to cry. His face was red everywhere except where his sunglasses had been, leaving a white impression of their shape behind, “I don't know how you can bear to look at me!”

“Asmo, you’re not hideous,” You stroked his hair. “I don’t think that’s even possible.”

“I’m not?” He sniffed.

“Not at all, you’re just a little…” You trailed off as you looked around the room. Lucifer, Levi, Satan, Beel, and Belphie (in addition to Asmo) were all severely sunburned. Several of them had already begun to shift uncomfortably. “You’re all-”

“MAMMON WHAT DID YOU DO?” Satan roared. Judging by the dark aura surrounding him, he was about to shift into his demon form.

“Wha’da’ya mean, what did I do?” Mammon ran to hide behind you for protection.

“Clearly this is your fault,” he seethed, the aura beginning to dissipate a little since you were in front of him, but his eyes were on Mammon, “We’ve been cursed, you probably wronged some Human World witch and now we’re all paying for it.”

“While that does sound like something he’d-” Lucifer began.

“You’re not cursed,” said Mammon, cutting him off. “You just have a sunburn.”

Satan paused. “You're saying this happened because we were outside in the sunlight?”

“Yeah,”

“Is this true, MC?” He looked at you.

You nodded, “It happens to some humans, too.”

“I did remind you to reapply your sunscreen earlier, Satan.” said Lucifer.

Satan growled. “I didn't think it would actually do anything. I’ve never had a sunburn before.” You noticed the new freckles sprinkled across his nose and cheeks. He would have looked so adorable if not for the anger glowing in his eyes.

“Really?” Beel asked.

“Me and Beel and Asmo used to get sunburned all the time when we snuck down to the Human World.” said Belphie.

“That was before sunscreen existed,” Asmo added. “I would never go out without putting it on now. Earlier I just–” He burst into tears again.

Belphie ignored him, continuing to talk to Satan, “You’ve been here a fair amount and it’s never happened?”

“I’m typically summoned to the Human World at night.” Satan answered flatly. “As are most demons, I’d wager.”

“Satan, your poor, virgin skin!” Asmo sobbed.

“My what?”

“Did anyone remember to reapply?” Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose, recalling that even he hadn’t remembered after the water fight, and then he’d even removed his rash guard, exposing himself further.

“I remembered, and I also put some on Belphie’s face,” said Beel. “But we got burned anyway,”

“What sunscreen did you use?” You asked.

“This one I got from Mammon,” Beel handed you his bottle of sunscreen. You read the label, it was 20 years past its expiration date and the brand name was misspelled.

You shot Mammon a look over your shoulder.

“Must’a got mixed up with my newer stock– uh, purchases.” he lied.

You looked around at the demons in front of you. All six of them were varying shades of red. Satan and Levi seemed to be in the worst condition as they’d been in full sun for most of the day. Asmo, Lucifer, and the twins hadn’t fared much better despite taking advantage of the umbrella’s shade. You could feel the heat of Asmo’s skin on yours, plus more warmth radiating off of Satan. It had to be so painful.

Satan turned back to you and Mammon. “Why don't you two seem to be affected?”

“I don’t get sunburns,” Mammon smirked before ducking behind you again when Satan turned his glare on him.

“Father blessed him with a golden tan complexion,” Asmo pouted. “He was like that when we were angels, too.”

“And you, MC, are you immune like Mammon or do you have some sort of talisman against the rays of the sun?” Satan asked. “I don’t understand how a human could be unaffected when we are all suffering.”

“I don’t have any special talismans, I put on sunscreen before I went outside just like everyone else,” You looked down at your arms. You hadn't been sunburned at all, and you hadn't reapplied your sunscreen either. Your eyes caught on the gold ring you wore on your finger.

“You might have been protected by my Ring of Light,” Lucifer said with a small smile, echoing your thoughts almost exactly.

The others nodded. It was a very powerful magical relic.

“Well now that we've cleared that up,” Satan said through thinly veiled rage. “How long is this agony supposed to last? It feels like spiders are crawling all over my skin.”

You really didn't want to tell him. Judging by the severity of his sunburn it might be… “A week?” you said. “Sometimes it takes longer. But most of the pain occurs in the first few days or so.”

Satan looked like he was about to explode with rage or drown Mammon in the bathtub. Maybe both.

Lucifer cut in before he could do anything. “As we are demons, our cell turnover is faster than humans, which will shorten our recovery time. It will be about 48 hours until we fully heal, I’d estimate, but that also means we’ll be feeling the worst of it tonight.”

***

You sent the sunburned demons downstairs to the living room, directing them to ice their skin while they waited, so you and Mammon could collect supplies. The mansion was well-stocked thanks to Diavolo and Barbatos preparing it for you ahead of time, but only with Human World essentials. They had wanted you to feel right at home. You doubted the brothers kept very many potion ingredients in their rooms, and definitely not anything that could give relief from a sunburn.

You had Mammon fetch the first aid kit from the kitchen cabinet while you looked through Asmo’s and Lucifer’s skincare collections to see if they had any skin-soothing products. When you were finished, the two of you deposited your loot on the living room’s coffee table. Mammon had found a tiny tube of lidocaine cream, one packet of colloidal oatmeal, and a small jar of aloe gel. You’d come up with a bottle of unscented body lotion and two small tubes of expensive healing ointment; you’d also found a half-full bottle of demon-strength ibuprofen in Lucifer's things, which would definitely be needed to get through the next couple of days. These were your only supplies. You might be able to get the aloe gel to stretch between your six sunburn victims but it would be pretty scarce. As for everything else… you’d cross that bridge when you got there.

Asmo and Beel got started slathering healing ointment and lotion on Belphie who was whining in his sleep.

You scooped some aloe gel into your hand so you could administer care to Satan as Mammon did the same with Levi.

Satan started reciting cat poems under his breath as you rubbed the cool gel into his skin as gently as you could.

“MC, there’s a bottle of Demonus in the basement fridge.” said Lucifer. He sat next to you, his perfect posture rigid, as if moving at all would cause him immense pain. “When you have a moment, please go get it.”

“Demonus would be really nice right now,” Asmo hummed, pressing a generous amount of healing ointment onto his own cheeks.

You gave a sympathetic smile, “You both know that’s just going to dehydrate you and make your skin feel worse.”

You knocked two ibuprofen into Lucifer’s palm as consolation. He gave you a look, taking the bottle from you. He poured out four more into his hand and then passed the rest to Asmo.

SMACK

Levi screamed at the top of his lungs.

“MAMMON!” You and Lucifer yelled at the same time.

You rushed to Levi’s side only to see the perfectly white handprint of Mammon’s slap contrasting with his lobster red skin. Levi began to cry, inhaling a ragged breath as tears started streaming down his face.

“He insulted me after all I’m doin’ for him?” Mammon defended himself. “He called me a scumbag!”

“Go help Lucifer,” you snapped.

“Ok, ok, I’m goin’.”

Levi couldn’t catch his breath, his shoulders convulsing as his sobs came out in a silent cry. It was a bit disturbing.

You gently placed your hand on the handprint. “May the vestiges of pain that linger within the demon before me be eliminated.” A gold flash sparkled under your hand as you recited the spell. Levi slumped against your shoulder, breathing once more. For once, he wasn't embarrassed that his bare skin was touching yours.

“Are you ok?” you asked him.

He sniffed a few times, still shaking, “The pain from the slap is gone but my skin still feels like it’s on fire,” he said, wiping away a tear.

You had a feeling the healing spell wouldn't be strong enough. It had been worth a try, though.

“MC,” Satan called your attention from the other side of the couch. “The aloe gel has dried and the infernal itching has returned.” He squirmed in his seat.

“Here, try this,” Mammon slid an ice pack over Satan’s shoulders.

“THAT’S MAKING IT WORSE!” Satan tore the ice pack from Mammon’s hands, throwing it at his face and knocking his sunglasses off.

“Ow!” Mammon rubbed the red mark just beginning to bloom on his cheek.

You sighed. This was proving more difficult than you’d expected. There wasn’t enough aloe gel to apply on each brother twice. You needed to come up with a solution.

“Is there any chance we can use a duplication spell on this?” You slid the jar to Mammon, who was still holding his cheek in pain.

He picked up the jar and scanned over the ingredients list. “There’s too much stuff in here, between the two of us we might end up with somethin’ similar but there’s also a chance it’ll make everything worse. I ain’t Lord Diavolo.”

You looked at the dwindling supplies on the table. Asmo and Beel had already exhausted the first tube of healing ointment. “That means we can’t duplicate any of that, either?”

“Probably not.”

“I’m hungry,” Beel complained.

Right. Everyone still needed dinner.

Lucifer handed you his credit card before Mammon had a chance to register what was happening. “Just buy anything we need. Supplies, takeout, I really don’t care right now.” He picked up the tube of lidocaine cream and squeezed the entire contents into his hand, rubbing half of it into his own chest and the other half into Satan’s shoulders.

Well, that certainly made things easier. You turned on an animated movie for them to watch while you and Mammon went to the kitchen. You picked a random takeout menu that was stuck to the fridge and ordered meals for everyone, and Mammon sat at the island and searched Akuzon for sunburn relief products on his D.D.D.

“Does Akuzon even deliver to the Human World?” You asked as you hung up the phone.

“They do for demon lords,” said Mammon as he added another item to the cart. “Levi pays for the premium shipping rate so they deliver anywhere.”

“You’re using Levi’s account?”

“Got locked outta mine…”

You sat next to him, helping him choose the best products to heal his brothers’ damaged skin. Lots of aloe gel and healing ointment, analgesic products too. You also purchased a balm that was supposedly infused with magic to speed up the healing process. The bill would be several hundred Grimm but you didn't think Lucifer would mind, considering the circumstances.

“We got three hour delivery, we just gotta keep ‘em happy ‘till then.” said Mammon.

“NO!” Asmo shrieked from the other room, right as the doorbell rang.

“That’s probably the food,” Mammon sighed, “Do you wanna find out what Asmo’s problem is or should I?”

You pressed your hand to your heart, your pulse still racing from being startled. “It would be better if I went to him,” You were less likely to start a fight between the brothers just by entering the room.

Mammon went to answer the door while you returned to the living room.

“Is everything alright?” You asked tentatively.

“Everything is not alright,” said Asmo. “How dare those disgusting eels tip over their boat, Ariel was just about to get her true love’s kiss!”

You breathed a sigh of relief. It was just about the movie.

“Mmm, eel…” Beel was almost drooling.

“Would the kiss have even worked?” Satan mused. “How could it be true love, Eric just barely learned her name and they’ve known each other for two days.”

“I wonder,” you smiled.

“Come sit with me, darling,” Asmo pulled you onto the couch between him and Lucifer, nuzzling into you, his skin still feverishly warm, “This movie is wonderful. Have you seen the sea witch’s makeup? I should try something like that for fun, don’t you think? It’s such an iconic look.”

They all seemed really into it, which left you pleasantly surprised. Satan was trying to figure out if the story would end the bittersweet way the original fairytale did, Lucifer argued that it wouldn't be appropriate for a children’s movie to end tragically; their conversation was very lighthearted and almost academic. Levi was using his tablet to draft cosplays of various characters from the film, asking you who you wanted to be. Beel was commenting about all the fish he’d like to eat every time they appeared onscreen, while Belphie hummed along to the score. Mammon brought in the food and then everyone was glad to eat while finishing the movie.

There wasn't a dry eye as the credits rolled after Ariel finally got her happy ending with her prince. Not even yours. A mermaid leaving her family to live with her true love in another realm, the irony wasn't lost on you.

“That was great,” said Mammon, dabbing at a tear with a handkerchief, “Should we watch another?”

Belphie’s shoulders shook as he cried quietly.

“What's wrong, Belphie?” Beel asked as all eyes turned to the youngest.

“M-my skin st-still h-hurts,” he hiccuped.

You were worried about that. They’d all been distracted by the movie for a while, the pain was bound to kick in once it ended.

“I’m starting to feel it again, too.” Lucifer popped a few more ibuprofen capsules.

“How much longer until the delivery, Mammon?” You asked.

He checked his D.D.D. “They’re a hundred stops away, should get here by ten.”

“That's two and a half hours from now,”

The brothers began to complain. You didn't blame them, they were still suffering, but it was starting to give you a headache on top of the one you already had. You needed to placate them and clearly Disney movies weren't enough.

They'd used up all of the supplies, the empty containers littering the table. All that was left was the packet of colloidal oatmeal. You picked it up.

Ingredients: Colloidal oatmeal 100%

“Everyone upstairs to Asmo’s bathroom,” you instructed. You took Mammon by the wrist and led him to the kitchen.

“Now what?” He asked.

“This has only one ingredient,” You held up the packet.

“So we can duplicate it. Good idea, MC!”

Mammon helped you locate a large mixing bowl and you emptied the packet into it. You both waved your hands over the bowl, reciting the duplication spell in unison. You had to repeat the spell six times to have enough for what you needed to do.

When you got upstairs, the brothers were all standing around the bathroom looking very uncomfortable, Asmo had already started filling the tub.

“Everyone needs to strip,” you tossed each of them a towel.

The room broke out in half-hearted groans. You were sure if their faces weren't so red from sunburn, most of them would have been blushing.

“It’s nothing I haven't seen before,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“What?” Mammon’s gaze shot to you.

“Nothing…” you gave an innocent smile.

Mammon crossed his arms, muttering something to himself.

“I c- I can’t strip in front of my brothers!” Levi whined.

“It’s no different than bathing at the hot springs,”

“Yeah but I usually–”

You raised an eyebrow, “Are you really in a position to be complaining, Leviathan?”

“N-no…” Levi sniffed.

“MC, look over here, ” Asmo cooed, winking. “I can strip for you, like a good boy.” He swayed his hips, dropping the towel from his shoulders. “Doo doo-doo doo-doo doo doo doo,” he was singing his own sexy background music.

You just stared at him.

Asmo bent down, giving you what was supposed to be a sensual smile, his lips curved wobbly and his eyes were hazed with pain and unshed tears as he moved. But the show must go on, as they say. “Touch me, tease me, feel me up,” He tossed his hair, sliding his hands to the waistband of his swim shorts, beginning to roll them down. “Touch me, tease me, feel me– AHH!” He screamed as the fabric brushed against his inflamed skin.

“Asmo!”

His swim shorts dropped to the ground unceremoniously, as he writhed in pain. Everywhere the shorts had previously covered was porcelain white. He squeaked, picking up the towel to cover himself. This was not how he wanted you to see him.

The others followed suit in a less dramatic fashion, all stripping out of their swimwear, some more bashful than others for being naked in front of you. You and Mammon dumped the contents of the bowl into the tub, allowing the running water to mix it around.

“Get in,” you said.

And they obeyed.

There was just enough room for the six of them to fit in the tub comfortably. They all relaxed in the warm water, their skin finally feeling soothed. They were quiet. Belphie fell asleep right away, and Satan’s eyes no longer glowed with barely concealed rage.

You sat down on the padded bench next to the tub, your muscles untensing at last, Mammon passed you a water bottle and a single demon-strength ibuprofen, just enough for a human headache.

“Thanks,” you took it, sinking deeper into the bench’s soft cushion.

“I’m gonna go put some music on,” he said.

“Sure, go ahead,” You said, your eyes slipping closed.

When Mammon returned with the portable speaker, you were fast asleep.

“Shh…” said Lucifer.

Mammon set the speaker down and lifted you into his arms.

“Thank you, MC,” the brothers each whispered as Mammon carried you off to your bedroom for a well-deserved rest.

“Sleep well,” said Mammon.

***

Cross-posted on AO3

#obey me #omswd #obey me shall we date #asmo obey me #asmodeus obey me #lucifer obey me #mammon obey me #levi obey me #leviathan obey me #satan obey me #beel obey me #beelzebub obey me #belphegor obey me #belphie obey me #obey me fluff #obey me sickfic

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slexenskee · 1 year

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MDNSY AU

Posting this WIP bc maybe if it sees the light of day I’ll actually get around to writing more of it

I originally wrote this right after the sick-fic arc even though its supposed to take place during the Eri arc so it gets kinda AU from there

It’s only afterwards— months afterwards, that he realizes the full extent of his own stupid actions.

So many things had to perfectly align in exactly the wrong way for this to happen. But each and every one of them was his own damn fault, so there’s really no one to blame here but himself.

It had to have happened when Hawks had been sick and recovering in his hotel room, that’s the only way the timing lines up. Gojo has always been good about practicing safe sex— considering how he sleeps around, he sort of has to— and has never slipped up even once… until Hawks. Multiple times, actually, not even counting the time he was sick. There’d also been that time in Palawan, when he hadn’t brought any condoms with him because he’d honestly thought he wouldn’t need them. That had been rather profoundly short sighted of him, in hindsight. And then of course there were the time(s) when Hawks was staying in his hotel room, when they couldn’t keep their hands off each other and once again Gojo hadn’t thought to go out and buy any condoms because he’d genuinely thought he wouldn’t need any. Hawks had been sick! Basically delirious! How was he supposed to know that the moment he’d recovered enough he’d jump him? And on a related note, how was Gojo supposed to summon up enough willpower to stop him?

To that point— how was Gojo even supposed to know he should stop him?

That too, though, is entirely his fault.

Apparently it’s a regular part of sex-ed during middle school— except Gojo never went to class in middle school, so he’d entirely missed the memo. With the advent of quirks came a rare genetic mutation that allows for male pregnancies among a small subset of the population. Rare, but not entirely unheard of, either. It was certainly common enough for a segment to be taught in public schools, and testing to be done as part of the gamut of health checks most kids go through around puberty. Most kids aside from Gojo, who was out terrorizing organized crime syndicates just for fun at that age.

God, he’s a fucking idiot. This entire situation was so laughably avoidable, and yet he’d managed to end up in it anyway.

Anyway so now he’s having an existential meltdown in the middle of his still unfinished bathroom, staring numbly at the flecks of grout still flaking off the new tile, wondering what the fuck he’s supposed to do now.

“Satoruuu,” a voice whines from the other side of the bathroom door. “I need to pee.”

Gojo scrambles to his feet, binning the evidence of all the pregnancy tests and burying it under a cloud of toilet paper just before he wrenches the door open, smile fixed in place. “Sorry Eri-chan! I was spacing out.”

Eri just takes the excuse at face value, bounding into the only current usable bathroom in the house and shutting the door behind her.

Gojo sighs wearily, slumping against the wall just outside the door.

Alright, first on the agenda is finding a temporary residence for them while he gets an army of contractors to fix the worst of the ‘home improvement’ sins he’s committed upon this house as quickly as possible. He’d originally thought redoing the rooms would be a fun bonding activity for him and Eri, but now he knows all those chemicals will be bad for… for the baby, so that’s probably a bad idea now. He’s also going to need this house in livable condition as fast as he can make it happen, because apparently… there’s going to be a baby here in less than six months.

He’s also going to need a doctor, and a very good and discreet one at that. From what he’s read in his mad frenzy of online searching, male pregnancies are very high risk. He’s not at all worried for himself, seeing as though he can heal from just about anything, but that same protection doesn’t extend to the other person currently taking up roost inside him. He frowns. Or does it? Wouldn’t his reversed-curse technique still work on them when they’re still a parasite leeching off of his body? When exactly does their cursed energy start to deviate from each others to the point he can no longer heal them as an extension of himself? Man, what he wouldn’t give for a conversation with Shoko right now.

He can worry about things like clothes and furniture and baby food after he’s settled the most immediate concerns on his list. Namely, fixing this house and finding a doctor. And telling Eri, although he doubts that will be much of an issue. The girl will be beyond excited to be an older sibling.

Now as for telling his family and telling Hawks…

Gojo winces.

Yeah, okay. It says a lot that he’d rather tell Endeavor, to his face, that he’s getting another grandchild than fessing up to Hawks about carrying his kid. Even the thought of it is going to give him a stress tumor.

Well, stress is bad for babies, right? So maybe he should just table the thought for later. You know, for his health.

#fic may death never stop you #spinoff fic #mpreg au #mdnsy oneshots

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pneutube · 10 months

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Buy Shinano Air Tools Online UK - Pneutube Limited

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hpalloy · 2 months

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The Complete Manual for Purchases of Adjustable Spanner Online

There aren't many tools as useful and adaptable as the adjustable spanner. Anybody who does DIY projects, works as a professional mechanic, or is a plumber needs to have a trustworthy adjustable spanner in their toolbox. It's never been simpler to get the ideal adjustable spanner thanks to the ease of internet buying. We'll cover all you need to know about purchasing adjustable spanner online in this extensive tutorial.

#adjustable spanner wrench #hp alloy steels & mill store #buy hand tool sets online #adjustable spanner online #taparia tools online

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actualbird · 3 months

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confession: i refrained from talking about It here (though i livetweeted the ordeal on my priv lsbdfsdlf) but now that things have calmed down, i wanted to share what's happened

from february 4 to february 12 of 2024, i experienced the most heartbreaking and heart wrenching week of my life. my mother tried to commit suicide several times, and the days were first spent taking care of her while in an overdosed state while she said over and over that she wanted to die before i finally broke and begged her to go to the hospital. up until that point, i was looking after her on my own. i was feeding her, getting her to sit up to drink water, walking her to the bathroom, checking if she was still breathing, and enduring it when she got mad at me and told me she was “fine.” i was hanging on by a thin thread. i’ve always been the house’s caretaker—always known as the pragmatic and responsible one—but this was more than I could ever handle.

“i don’t know how to help anymore,” i told my older sister when i myself had my own breakdown on the night of my mother’s hospitalization. as i hyperventilated and sobbed, the feeling of helplessness shook my body and my words. “i can’t help anymore.”

and then something really wonderful happened: people came and helped

when news got out of my mother's attempts, suddenly my phone was blowing up with texts and messages from people i didnt know. they were her friends: old friends from college, friends from the university she teaches at, her family from the province. they were all asking me and my siblings if they could help with anything: driving, food, money, emotional support. her family in the province drove hours from the province to meet us in the city just to lend a hand in keeping us calm. her friends from the university were the ones who drove her to the hospital and helped us out with a loan and financial aid for the ER bills.

my brother who lives in japan flew in back to the philippines despite having an academic conference just to help. his girlfriend drove him from the airport to the hospital despite having to study for an exam. my older sister's boyfriend came over just to buy us all donuts and food to make sure we were all eating while looking after everything. my girlfriend bought my sisters and i trinkets from a convention just to make us smile during these hard times, and she kept reminding me to sleep and eat and drink and take my meds. my online friends who knew were messaging me asking if i was okay, if i wanted to see some bird posts for serotonin or if i needed somebody to vent to or even to help with money too. hell, even my coworkers asked me if i was okay. they asked about my mom, and i told them, but then my supervisor asked "but how are YOU?" and i burst into tears

all this reminds me of that weird "discourse" i see around about how youre not supposed to ask friends for help because we're all adults and. i am 24. and in these weeks, i felt more like a helpless child than ive ever felt in my life

and yet

people came and helped

when youre needed, youre needed

and we didnt even ask. they just....showed up.

everybody we knew—friends, acquaintances, colleagues, family—they all showed up when we needed them

idk. i guess in this world it's really easy to feel really alone. i sure did. but youre really really not. i had no idea how many people were looking out for us, but they're here. they were here for us. ive lost count of how many people came to help, and isnt that a beautiful thing. i lost count of how many people helped

#i think this is what being human is about #dootdootdoot #things have calmed down now and everybodys okay now #and a large part of that is thanks to everybody who came in to help #cw suicide ment

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throwaway-yandere · 2 years

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"No." (Yandere!Albedo/Reader)

A/n: I got sick but it just so happens I live off of spite so I finally finished this fic. Most characters are a bit/really obnoxious here. Also, the reader's state of mind and relationships with friends are unhealthy so if you're sensitive to the following CW please skip this fic. (If you're wondering why the fic is... Like this then here's me rambling here)

Unreliable synopsis: You kissed the most popular professor on campus. (Subtle yan!fic)

gn!reader

Cw: yandere, unhealthy friendship dynamics with clingy!sucrose & other characters, student/teacher relationship implications, the reader is an eccentric "class clown" with implied mild impostor syndrome, and small mentions of sexual harassment. (I'm not a medical professional so please take the impostor syndrome warning with a grain of salt– just added it in case this type of content is triggering. This isn't smut and it doesn't fully explore the last topic, but still please reach out for support if you are a victim of sexual harassment. Title IX is a very real thing.)

-------

"Does accidentally kissing someone cross a line in Title IX?"

That sentence alone makes you sound incredibly criminal out of context, and it doesn't get better with it either.

Your long-time friend, Sucrose, became fixated on setting you up with a romantic partner after the breakup you had three months prior.

It was not a heart-wrenching tale, if anything, the entire relationship you had with Arataki Itto plays off as a major joke. You dated the man simply because you thought his impulsive behavior was entertaining, and oddly enough, he found your unpredictable temperament alluring. You just never anticipated that the idiot will buy an overpriced toy drum when you asked him to get a coke and "get something for yourself as well."

It's no surprise you permitted him to spend your money. But that wasn't even supposed to be a gamble. That was just an instruction, and he failed HARD. Arataki "I-swear-you-didn't-say-Pepsi(???)" Itto... got you orange juice.

Breaking up was a huge relief. Instead of adopting a façade of the partner he wants, you have at last discovered the temporary freedom to choose over what you enjoy. For a while, they didn't treat you like a court jester; instead, they gave you the tender care you'd reserve for a helpless person.

Sucrose was distraught when you two decided to stop everything after Itto wasted most of your money by falling for Dori's scam. She appeared to be more affected than you two. Sucrose must have thought of you two as "the Golden pair" since she is naturally fascinated by research about personalities and relationships— more notably the 16 personality types. Seeing you two break up was an antithesis to her defense on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test. You broke up due to (financial) differences, and there's no unreliable science needed to learn that.

Here lies the problem: Sucrose refused to give up.

You've heard concerns about her callous demeanor in person and online. Some people thought it endearing that you have a friend who genuinely cares about you, while others consider her nagging to be a burden, and rightfully so.

You felt icky after accidentally seeing her list of candidates, yet you can't bring yourself to make a strong effort to stop her. Sucrose lost two of her best friends last year in an accident, and you are essentially the only support that's keeping her sanity in check, but sometimes you feel as though you are risking your health on the line. She had written down some questionably extensive background on every man and woman she thought was worthy... You don't even want to know why Ajax is on that list.

No matter the reason, that didn't stop Timaeus from barfing out his triple-layered peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"W-WHAT on EARTH did you DO this time?!"

Sure is tough being a menace to society.

Hah... You're already on the brink of a mental breakdown and yet you still kept making self-deprecating jokes.

"WHAT'S with THE reaction?" You asked, casually copying his tone before you sank to your seat. "It's JUST a QUESTION."

"We know how you work, (Y/n)!" He knew you were purposefully trying to rile him up, yet Timaeus slammed a fist on the table in exaggerated disgust. "You did the EXACT same thing last time. You asked us 'hOw bAd woUld iT bE iF I datEd a gaNgstEr' and then you fucking did it anyways! What the hell– heck."

Timaeus's outburst was audible throughout the entire cafeteria, yet nobody seemed to care. The other people you shared the table with, Ying'er, Collei, and Tighnari all cast curious glances at you. It's not as though they have never heard of your misadventures before, frankly, whenever something happens they avidly observe it. You're all inseparable because of your shticks. However, apart from Sucrose, Dorian had been awol from your friend group, and it is no less due to the headline you're about to announce.

None of them took you too seriously, which they should have, given the nature of Title IX. As "good" friends, they should've worried over your safety and overall wellbeing.

You could feel tears of fear and frustration swell up in your eyes.

Yet you couldn't be mad at them for reacting this way.

You're the chaotic link– the friend that didn't quite fit in– assigned to the role of being the "funny one." It started with a single joke until you unintentionally formed a false sense of confidence that you're something bigger than what you are. Everyone thinks you're hilarious, and you're afraid of disappointing them. You weren't trying to be funny most of the time, they just want someone to laugh and point at. Even though you are academically above average yourself, without your carelessness and gambles, you practically have nothing to offer this otherwise brilliant population.

Timaeus may not always deliver the right answer in his alchemy test papers, but he's never wrong about you even if he's drunk off of two bottles of Death After Noon. You recall Timaeus specifically in that instance because he was right; you have no future and you won't amount to anything.

In short, your image dilemma can be summed up by something you said high out of your mind in front of the mirror: "I think I accidentally gained an ego after joking about being hot and sexy one too many times, and now I'm being punished for my hubris." (You're never asking Lisa for philosophy book recommendations on Sundays ever again.)

And if it's true that you have no future and that you're nothing more than an insecure fraud, then you might as well come clean right now and let your "friends" break their ties. It doesn't matter, not anymore.

Ying'er laughed heartily. Contrary to her lover, she loves it whenever you act like this since it makes her normally composed and optimistic boyfriend snap and curse... You would know because she constantly divulges pointless details about how "hot" it was in private messages. And you two weren't even that close when she first did that. But now she's practically your unofficial attorney with how many times she played devil's advocate. You'll miss her.

"Why are you already accusing them? Who knows, maybe they're the victim here, babe. You're being too insensitive."

"Yeah, Tim, you should listen to your girlfriend over here." You nudged him and he glared vehemently.

"(Y/n), you're not supposed to openly agree with me, but yeah, why don't you give them the benefit of the doubt?"

You gave Ying'er a weak friendly wink and a thumbs up, feeling repulsed at yourself deep down. It's incredibly flattering for her to insinuate a professor would find you attractive rather than filing a restraining order.

She'll probably hate you once she finds out the truth, right? She did have a crush on your victim.

"This is them we're talking about." Timaeus glared. "They're bound to do something stupid. C'mon, Tighnari, say something!"

Tighnari merely shrugged and stabbed his fork into a mushroom (presumably poisonous, given its unnatural blue color). He had grown tired of dealing with your antics over the years. No lecture had ever worked in the past, and you both telepathically agreed that streak was not going to end today. You're lying about being self-possessed. He knew that whenever this happens, you were trying to be an idiot, and did not allow yourself to be an idiot. There's a fine difference between those two, and he knows which is which.

In a way, Tighnari views you in a more positive light than most of your friends. And he could sense that you have more grave matters to say.

So, he played along to help you set the mood. "I said this yesterday and I'll say it again: we're studying to become botanists. We're growing plants. Our future job isn't to help them grow a brain."

"Facts." You snapped your fingers and smugly nodded.

"Don't just agree with him!"

"You can grow plants all you want but just know my Timaeus right here doesn't need any more growing if you catch my drift~."

"Ying'er." Collei groaned.

"What? I was just saying his height is perfect enough as it is."

"I feel like we're having thirty different conversations at once."

"Your mother is thirty different conversations at once–"

"Mx. (L/n)."

The table went silent. Except for yourself, who's still droning on, unfinished. Everyone noticed the uninvited man in the cafeteria and their lips were silenced.

Here he is.

"–eeegood evening, Professor Albedo." You stood up from your seat and slightly bowed your head down.

It's the untouchable Professor Albedo. The Alchemy Professor on this forsaken campus exudes a breath of freshness even if the scent of chemicals follows him like an affectionate dog. The only person that students would ogle at amid all the balding learning facilitators. Sucrose's mentor. Dorian's 32-year-old brother. The "Kreideprinz".

And the guy that might just sue you for your careless mistake.

Your circle caught the tension between you two and started watching the scene unfold like a car accident.

Professor Albedo cocked his head forward. You never claimed to be one of his adoring fans who can spot his emotions after one look, but your gut tells you that he's more than amused despite his stoic expression. He's similar to Dorian in that aspect.

"I trust that you've read the excerpt I've sent you?" He asked in almost a whisper.

You thoughtlessly lamely pulled up your library-borrowed copy of Title IX. In your perspective, nothing matters anymore, so you might as well let it out there.

Your friends jolted simultaneously, someone even dropped their utensils while Collei hit her knee up the table and hissed at the pain.

"Oh my God..." Timaeus shuddered.

Your friends had the face that collectively screamed "YOU MADE OUT WITH PROFESSOR ALBEDO?!" in all capitals, bold, italics, underlined, shadowed with thick black strokes– whatever makes it more out there. They're not in the wrong to react that way.

In one single move, you broke 2 rules on the so-called Bro Code, one being the infamous "don't fuck my brother" and the second being the lesser known "don't fuck my professor". Not only that, but most importantly you violated a line or two in Title IX.

Leave it to (Y/n) (L/n) to break more than three rules on the daily.

... You really should stop making jokes as a coping mechanism.

The cafeteria started to murmur, urging their seatmates for information they don't have. You released a small, clipped laugh. You should've thought that one through.

Tighnari meets your eyes with a sympathetic stare. You could tell he had more to say, but your heavy heart no longer wished to know.

"... Great work." The professor said just as nonchalantly. No doubt, he tried to salvage your reputation but you sabotaged it yourself. How wasteful. He beckoned you forward with one finger.

"Come with me. We'll talk somewhere more private."

You walked away from your table and gave them one look.

They were incredibly disturbed to see a small sad smile on your face, rather than the wide mischievous grin that they were used to. After seeing that, they all had one emotionally detached thought in mind:

So, it wasn't a joke after all.

--------------

You neither like nor dislike Professor Albedo.

There are multiple fluffs about how friendly and dorkish he is as a reclusive person, but none of them sparked your interest. You often feigned reactions whenever Dorian expresses his apparent disdain for his more successful brother, and your sly smile barely reaches your eyes. If anything, hearing about the same man over and over again makes him feel oversaturated rather than entertaining. He's too perfect in those gossips that you're bored to tears.

At least the rumors were positively right about one thing: his tastefully braided blonde hair and blue eyes make him no lesser than a portrait of a prince. But no more special than Dorian, in all honesty. You wouldn't be able to know which is which if they wore similar clothes and let their hair down. They're like clones of each other.

Albedo kept fidgeting a hand inside his pocket, and you can't hazard a guess as to what it is. A recording device, perhaps? You pride yourself on your ability to read and toy people like clockwork. That ability, however, does not translate well with Professor Albedo.

You snapped out of your trance as the professor began reading what was on his clipboard.

"(Y/n) (L/n). 27. Graduate School. Taking a Ph.D. Botany program– though if I hadn't known that, I would've guessed you were a music major." Albedo vaguely pointed at your face without looking. "Your tongue would've fooled me."

You flinched. Is he teasing you or scolding you– you can't make sense of his tone. He's too monotonous.

"Professor, are you uncomfortable right now? If so, I could leave if you wish and we can talk via email instead about your complaint."

Professor Albedo eyed you carefully this time, even though he's squirmish. The tone you used to address him and your overall body language differ greatly from how you behave in the company of your friend group. Your professionalism does not match how the rumors perceive you. This is probably the reason why young professor Kusanali didn't believe any rumors about you. He was impressed.

"Am I supposed to be happy that you’re not giving me a moment of your time?” He said. "It's a bit difficult to achieve that state when you have yet to slip out of my mind. You did assault me yesterday–"

"Yes, yes, I'm well aware of that, Professor." You cringed. "But–"

"Albedo."

"Sorry?"

"You kissed me, (Y/n). I think you can call me Albedo."

"Right." You chuckled nervously. "Like I was saying, P-Professor, it's all a major misunderstanding. I wasn't aiming to assault you."

Albedo raised an eyebrow. He did not miss the way you suavely dodged calling him by name. Other than that, assault is a strong word, and he did not expect you to use it as well.

You thought it was a fitting word to use. Albedo barely makes eye contact, and he probably doesn't like being reminded that you stole a kiss from him.

"It's Albedo. So, you were planning to sexually assault another student?"

He is relentlessly quick on the uptake. Albedo sounded like a cop. What he said was correct, absurdly phrased, but correct nonetheless.

"I mean..." You rubbed your hands against your pants. They were a bit sweaty, and you had to accept the fact you were not faking it. You are genuinely anxious. "When you put it like that, it does sound inexcusable doesn't it?"

"It is a positively hair-raising notion, yes." Albedo deadpanned. "And if I had to take an educated guess, you were planning to assault my younger brother Dorian and you mistook me for him instead."

"..."

Figuring that out was a no-brainer. Although Professor Albedo is older than his brother, their appearance and physique make them appear twin-like. Dorian once droned about how it happened due to Albedo's poor upbringing under their aunt Alice's guidance, making his growth stunted. And his tendency to talk your ear out is one of many reasons why your intrusive thoughts often suggest that Dorian had no personality outside being the renowned professor Albedo's younger brother. Hence, you don't absorb a word of what he says. You didn't listen to gossip often cause you figured that you were not one for trivial gossip like the rest of the student botanists.

... And based on the dilemma you find yourself in now, it appears as though you don't have common sense like the rest of your peers either–

"Please stop woolgathering. Is there a more interesting specimen to take note of on the floor? You seem to be more intrigued by what's on your shoes."

You cringed for what you felt like the 1000th milestone at that point.

"Professor, I know that I sound terrible–"

Albedo sighed. "I would never insinuate that, Mx. (L/n)."

"But you keep cutting me off." You said in a questioning tone. It sounded a lot more polite in your head, yet the famous Kreideprinz was flustered by your reply.

He cleared his throat. "Sorry. I didn't mean to. Carry on. You are aware that you sound like a sex offender, and?"

That came out incredibly cold. It felt like being under the cold blade of a frigid prince, and his icy stare and light complexion just adds the cherry on top. The professor said that he wasn't insulting you but his paraphrasing is exactly that. You didn't comment on it, figuring your education is more important than a harsh remark, and continued.

"... The truth is," you took a deep breath. "I only kissed you cause, well, I mistook you for Dorian, and also because I was trying to get Sucrose–."

"Sucrose?" Professor Albedo's eyebrows furrowed. "Sucrose, one of my–"

"Your student assistants? Y-Yes, sir." You nodded hesitantly. "We're best friends– not that it's unsurprising since I am a bad influence and she's a good person. I recently went through a breakup and she's worried about me. Dorian agreed to fake date and make Sucrose believe that she accidentally found us making out in a room to make it more believable but–"

"You mistook me for my brother."

"... Yeeaaahhh...."

"..."

This reminded you of your conversation with Dorian a while back. You asked if he and his brother would switch lives for a day, and he cackled and told you it happens more than the number you were thinking of. The moment you realized who you were kissing, you clung to the sliver of hope that it was Dorian wearing his brother's lab coat. It was not.

You looked down at your shoes again. It's too embarrassing and shameful that your entire lineage will probably be cursed.

"..."

Knowing that you won't talk until he does, Professor Albedo read through his notes for a topic.

"Understandable. I presume you know my brother because you're both on the same course and are on similar schedules?"

"Yes, sir." Should you tell him the whole fake-date thing was Dorian's idea as well?

"It's Albedo to you. And to add to that, Sucrose is under the impression that we're dating."

"I think so, sir."

"That's not a question, (Y/n), that's a fact." He said. "She recently confronted me to ask if we're dating."

You gulped. Moment of truth.

"What did you tell her, sir?"

"What do you want me to tell her?"

You could hear your pulse pounding in your ears.

On one hand, you want her to know what happened, but at the same time that would just blow you and Dorian's cover story.

But was that a smug tone you heard? Is he toying with you?

You bit your bottom lip.

"... Yes, I think? What did you say, professor?"

"Albedo."

You tilted your head. "What?"

"Respectfully, please call me by my name and I'll tell you the answer." He smirked curtly, but it was gone before you could process it.

"S-Sir!"

Albedo shrugged. "Guess you'll have to ask her directly–"

"Sir Albedo–"

"Hmm, I don't recall having 'Sir' in my birth certificate–"

"Albedo! Albedo!" Geez.

He gave a small smile, longer this time. But he was still avoiding eye contact. You puffed your cheeks, embarrassed.

Prof. Albedo has a slightly twisted sense of humor.

None of this was professional, at all.

You felt your face growing warmer. You can't believe this is the same Albedo everyone is crushing on.

You bit back a sharp retort. He sounded a lot more serious in campus gossip, and not the type to pull on your heartstrings like this. Your faith in that image is wearing thin.

The professor laughed. "I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting such an enthusiastic reply. You don't have to be nervous around me, (Y/n). I figured that if we were going to do this, you could use my first name.

"I refrained from answering. But, if you wish, I can confirm her suspicions. However, I must inform you in advance that I find relationships rather... Tiresome." Albedo robotically sighed. "I struggle to maintain them, so you will have to guide me."

Never in your life have you ever considered the possibility that a professor in your grad school would ask you to fake a romantic relationship with him.

You digressed, not wanting to make a decision just yet. "But isn't your job in danger?"

Albedo then spoke in a genuine trill of amusement.

"Not at all. Besides, I don't care enough to file a complaint about this incident. Also, you're not my student. Suffice it to say, I've thoroughly checked the handbook and consulted the headmaster herself. Rhinedottir sees no problem with this arrangement–"

Probably because she's your mother.

"–Granted, it will not be in full effect unless you give this a go signal. Will you?"

You looked away.

"This situation... Kinda reads like some cheap Harlequin novel, doesn't it?" You muttered.

It's a great offer. But it sounds too good to be true...

... Did he say that he wasn't going to file a complaint in the first place?

The professor watched as your impassive stare morphed into something uneven and sly but unavoidably empty. You clicked your tongue as your hands slip back to your pockets. Albedo could tell you're holding back an ugly laugh.

A switch had been flipped.

Professor Albedo immediately noticed the change in your demeanor and crossed his arms. He's anticipated this much. There's no way he didn't know about your "self-destructive patterns."

How interesting. For both you AND him.

"So, Albedo." You lazily pointed at him. "Something's fishy about this, don't you think?"

"You're too eager to help. I'd get it if you have something to gain from this, like scaring off your fangirls or something, but you fend them off just fine anyways." You grinned.

"I'm flattered that you think I send them away effortlessly." He answered point-blank.

Albedo turned to you, his face dim and heavily affected by his calm resignation.

"It's incredibly taxing work. I've told you before, haven't I? I may seem calm on the surface but people can be... A considerable handful."

His smile belied the severity of his inner turmoil.

But you can't help but doubt him. You don't buy his pitifulness.

You reassessed the situation in an instant. The Albedo you're talking to acts far from the untouchable Chalk Prince from the get-go. His words did not boast his usual research-riddled speech. This act is more than just premeditated.

Sure. You're the sort who is bound by what you "owe," but you can't say you can't empathize with his problems because he didn't seem-- he ISN'T troubled in the first place. And you're almost sure of it.

You believe you're not smart enough to remain in this university. But at least you have faith that you're perceptive and street-wise.

Still, you kept your hollow cheeky grin plastered to your face.

"Then why aren't you taking a less problematic approach? You could say you're dating Professor Alberich– you'd get some people off your back."

Translation: Can't you just bother someone else?

"By attracting other unpleasant folks pestering me about Kaeya instead, yes, seems like a sound suggestion. I'll keep it in mind for future reference."

Translator's note: He's being sarcastic. Stop trying to worm your way out of this one.

Albedo continued. "But right now that's not viable. If you feel guilty for stealing a kiss from me this may be a good opportunity to ease your conscience."

...

"That's it? But you won't report me if I didn't agree to these terms, right?"

"Of course. I have your best interests in mind and simply warned you." He gave you a faint smile, hoping to ease your nerves. "You're part of Rukkha's batch of dean's listers. I don't have the heart to file a complaint."

Rukkha was a great woman, but you don't deserve your scholarships and sponsors. You don't have any talent or skill to truly impress people, and it seems you fooled both Professor Rukkhadevata and Albedo into thinking you're something special as well.

"Professor...."

But with what he basically said just now is that there are no consequences for your actions.

"It's Albedo, and yes?"

"You seem to have reserved some very unrealistic expectations for me. You should be more distrusting."

"... What do you mean?"

"I don't see any reason to accept your offer." You honestly had no idea where this confidence is coming from. Perhaps your class clown persona had slowly rubbed off on the "real" you, and for once you didn't hate yourself for it.

Because you don't want to be in this relationship. It's legal, yes, and you're old enough, but you're incredibly wary. Albedo may be leagues better than Itto but that's beside the point: you're emotionally spent and you're not ready to get to know another person.

"Oh, understood. For starters, agreeing to these terms will make Sucrose less abrasive with her attempts to set you up, and I could help you with connections."

"That sounds as though I'll be abusing your influence..."

You paused.

Did you tell the professor about Sucrose's disturbing attempts to hook you up with people earlier...?

You don't recall ever sharing that bit of information. You made sure to pick your words carefully so Sucrose wouldn't be seen in a bad light. Since when did he...

"What? No, it's not. It's simply a small trade for your cooperation."

"No."

"And– sorry?"

You can see the appeal. You truly do. When you are chosen by someone of greater influence and intellect, it seems almost magical. He could undoubtedly help your botany profession thrive. Most people would conclude that if Professor Albedo chose them from the crowd, they must be extremely unique in comparison to their peers.

However, this is somewhat unethical. This is the kind of scenario you'd find in a shoddy coming-of-age novel that desperately tries to convince you that there are no other elements to consider but love. However, you must also consider your mental health, reputation, education, and other factors that influence every fiber of your being.

Albedo isn't the type of person who would jeopardize your future over a minor disagreement, but you never know with people. People change as much as seasons do. You are a living example of this. Itto would not have used that argument against you if it were untrue.

You have nothing against those who engage in lawful student-teacher relationships, but you're self-aware enough to recognize that you're not mentally fit to enter one. And sometimes the conclusion is as straightforward as that. Besides, you're sick of having others (including yourself) continually doubting your intelligence. Fake-dating a professor will only exacerbate the situation. Rumors will spread that you only earned your grades because of him and not out of your efforts. Dorian already had it rough, and you've learned what it's like through him. Simple self-preservation.

"Thanks for the offer, really, but no. If I'll date someone, even if it's fake, I want to set it under my terms as well."

You scratched your neck, eyes lifeless.

"I'm sorry, Professor. But I genuinely can't see why this agreement will help both of us, I especially can't see why this will benefit you compared to your other options. I could just come out and say I mistook you for Dorian and it's an easy fix to my problems and in turn, you wouldn't have to deal with the stigma of dating a student. I'm sorry, Prof. I'll take a rain check on it."

You shrugged uncomfortably. "Besides, this is still a student-teacher relationship. I'm uncomfortable being in an uneven power dynamic like that. I'd rather date Dorian instead."

...

Shit.

Okay, maybe accidentally implying that you're open to dating his kid brother had to be the second most uncomfortable thing you subjected Albedo to.

You didn't mean to come off as THAT honest.

A test tube must've cracked somewhere around the area cause you could've sworn you heard something shatter. You flinched, but he didn't.

"... Is that so." The professor muttered. You almost didn't hear him from how silent his defeat was.

You sighed in relief so intense that you physically felt your shoulder muscles relax and your eyes roll back. Seems like he gave up.

"I promise that I'll pay you back in other ways, professor. I owe you and I'm sorry. But I must refuse for both our sakes." You said. "I have taken something important from you, and I will respectfully understand if you file a complaint for what I've done. No one should have a kiss stolen like that."

He didn't reply. Albedo stood there, eyes unblinking as he mulled over your words. At the beginning of this conversation, he barely looked you directly in the eye, but now he refused to look away.

You waited for him to say something else and stood there for a solid minute. Nothing came.

"Please, excuse me."

You wanted to say that you left to give him more time to consider but the truth is that you couldn't bare standing there for a second more so you left in a frantic hurry.

It was only when you left did you realize what made you wary of him the entire conversation.

Professor Albedo wasn't breathing the entire time.

-------

Upon unlocking his door, Albedo was greeted by a boy with a face akin to his. He was waiting for him, and in turn, Albedo anticipated that he would be here, too. The boy sat idly and almost casually inside a room littered with wall to wall of red-stringed photographs and texts, and there was not a single hint of disgust or any other natural reaction on his face. Albedo's nose scrunched.

Dorian did not budge from his brother– master's office chair. He stared back with a blank expression. Most papers were by his feet, crumpled, but not discarded. How could they be, when all pictures centered around one very precious subject:

You.

You, in all forms, poses, and angles make you ineffably you. These are the candid shots that bring out the little moments that Albedo longed to study under a microscope. They didn't need to be dynamic, rather, Albedo adored the simplest pictures the most. Needless to say, images of you resting is the most popular. It's a lot more convenient and easy to take, but that doesn't cheapen the value and elation the professor feels upon holding the finished polaroid up close.

Every time he swapped schedules with Dorian, he couldn't help but be curious about you.

It doesn't stop there. Albedo clicked his tongue as he noticed the journal Dorian held. It was his dog-eared notes he cleanly put together when jotting down your schedule, private life, and other more delicate intricacies. The clipboard he had earlier is nothing more than a silly prop compared to his actual notes. There's something so breathtaking about making the "unknown" into the "known", and the same applies to every bit of your life that he was curious about. Albedo's aware that it's not something he should brag about. Retrieving paraphernalia such as worn-out gardening gloves and locks of hair from your shower drain was not something he acquired robotically. However, he didn't fancy the idea that Dorian read it and found it just as entertaining as he did. He didn't like the idea of sharing.

Maybe you were right.

Maybe he did reserve some very unrealistic and idolized expectations for you. But that was only because he can see your potential. He firmly believes that. It's an awful and objectifying train of thought, but the professor is convinced he'll be the one who can "fix" your people-pleasing issue.

He figured, if he wants to make sure you'd always be with him, he had to conduct some trial-and-error.

Albedo breathed harshly. He forgot how to do so. He never needed to breath.

"Did it work?" Dorian asked. "Did your plan work?"

His eyes went dim.

Albedo didn't answer.

He locked the door again. This time, he allowed Dorian to keep the lights on. If anything, it's a small reward for indirectly helping him. But not even his fellow creation can have what the genius professor of the century desires to attain. He has to face the truth.

Albedo pulled out a recording device from his pocket. You said no. There's nothing he could do about that.

"No."

"No. No. No. No. No--"

He played your refusal over and over again.

He thought he did everything right. He genuinely believed he followed the right procedure in getting you to say yes. What went wrong, then? Albedo doesn't get it. He was sure that he didn't say anything wrong or suspicious as well. You shouldn't have known that he had been following you from that conversation alone.

"No."

He practiced everything for hours.

"No."

Word for word.

"No."

He researched tips and tricks on how to let other people's guard down.

"No."

He thought not pressuring you to do it will make you more willing.

"No."

He even asked Alberich how to subtly flirt with someone.

"No."

So. What went wrong?

"No--"

Albedo slowly blinked before realizing he had thrown the device against the wall in full force. The batteries and their other internal components spilled on the floor. He didn't have the willpower to clean it up.

It's an undeniable error. He still can't believe his approach failed.

Master was right.

"Dearest Albedo, if you can't have them in their most authentic self, then what's stopping you from making an indistinguishable copy?"

#tag: no - albedo #yandere genshin x reader #yandere albedo #yandere genshin #yandere genshin impact #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere fanfiction #yandere #yandere genshin imagines #albedo x reader #yandere male #yandere oneshot #ansy-writes

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blakbonnet · 2 months

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Artist of the Week!

So last weekend, I announced that I'd like to feature an artist every weekend for both new fandom joinees who might not have seen some of this art and older fans who like the nostalgia. This week's artist is Ash @aha-my-villainous-thoughts 💖 who also, wonderful that they are, agreed to answer a few questions for me!

Which App Do You Use To Draw When I’m at my big set up I use Clip Studio Paint, I love it so much. It’s very straight forward to dip straight in, has all of the bells and whistles you need from an elite drawing program, and the community elements where you can see assets and brushes is a lot of fun - although I still to this day have no idea how to earn coins to buy assets?! I use a XPPen Artist 15.6 Pro Graphics Tablet to draw into the program, although my best tip with graphics tablets is to get a screen protector, mine got covered in marks before I noticed. Recently I also got an iPad 10.9 to use as a digital sketchbook I can carry around, and while I am enjoying Procreate, I think CSP is a better art program overall.

Fave Brushes? On iPad I stick to the technical pen, studio pen and the soft airbrush, along with the textures and the light pen. I don’t think Procreate has great ‘painting’ brushes, whereas on CSP I would marry the Gouache brushes, I love how they blend and texture as you work.

Your favourite piece you’ve drawn? I’m a super self indulgent artist, I try to draw the kind of stuff I like to look at, so it’s a lot of colour, a lot of fabric and details. My fave piece for detail is the one I did for the OFMD RBB last year - Crescente Devotione, there’s a blushing sentient stool in it! For colour I’m in love with this sleepy time Ed in a lil negligee and a Holly Golightly eyemask, he's my lock screen because I'm trash.

Who harder to draw: Ed or Stede? Oh for sure Stede. I love Rhys Darby, but the man has like no lips. I stand by this meltdown.

One essential tip for beginner artists? Comparison is the thief of joy, don’t measure yourself against others - particularly when you’re finding your groove. Be self indulgent af. Also get a screen protector for whatever digital screen you draw on, and BACK. THINGS. UP. Whether in an online account, or on an external harddrive - or both?! BACK THAT SHIT UP.

Why OFMD? I’ve been in a few fandoms in the past, always as a pretty passive enjoyer, little fanart here or there, little fanfic sprinkled around, but there’s just something about the way this fandom feels? It feels like a group of friends who’ve got their own lives and their goals, but they still exist in each other's orbit, it’s like this feeling of returning home to somewhere you’re always welcome. There’s so many good moments in the show for both comedy and some gut wrenching pathos. Sign up for the hot guy in leather and get got by this beautiful delicate little love story. It’s something about queer joy of thriving, not just surviving. Something about finding love and romance no matter your age or what’s past before. Something about found family, and unlikely friendships, and community and silliness. I was already a goner when Taika put on the wig, but then when he teared up in a blanket fort while trying not to die? Excuse me sir, I did not need feelings that powerful. It was literally waking me up at night thinking about his last shot weeping in the nook - like are you kidding me?! I’m supposed to finish watching and be normal after that??

#artist of the week #everyone go follow ash and gear up for all the amazing art that would now be posted heheh

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castletown-cafe · 9 months

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Castletown Café Episode 26: Ralsei’s Cauldron Cake

In the beginning of Deltarune Chapter 2, we return to the Dark World located within the school's supply closet. This becomes the main hub where Darkeners from all kinds of Dark Worlds call home after their respective fountains are sealed. After the inhabitants of the Card Kingdom move in and you've explored the town named after your save file, you get to explore Ralsei's castle! Greeting you upon your entrance is a huge cauldron, which Ralsei explains as the cauldron he does all his cooking with. During the cutscene, a cake rockets out of the cauldron, complete with explosion sound effects. As it falls, Susie catches it in her mouth and devours the entire thing, claiming it to be thick on the frosting. But all that frosting makes for a pretty cake!

I recall another cake popping out that Susie also devours on the second interaction with the cauldron, where she says something about it being chocolate-flavored. Unfortunately, I don't see a lot of recordings about later cauldron interactions, so I should replay again sometime to see if this happens or not. The final time, however, Susie asks for a strawberry cake as a room-warming gift (which may or may not happen until after you visit the rooms on the top floor...yep, I need to replay). Ralsei tells her there is a slice of cake in her fridge, and Susie protests that it's "not cauldron-fresh".

As I thought of the different kinds of food that appear in this game, from consumable items to cutscene-related foods, the Caldron cake had been brewing in my mind since last year. Originally I thought it'd be great for October, but I found the flavor to be more appropriate for summer: a Neapolitan cake. Three layers of strawberry, vanilla, and chocolatey goodness with likewise-flavored frosting! Why not, after all, combine the flavors together into one tall, beautiful cake?

But life decided to throw wrenches in this plan. For one, there had been a shortage of buttercream frosting. Said frosting was unavailable in all nearby stores, across all brands, and even online, buttercream was overpriced. I assumed scalpers were snatching the stuff up to sell for a higher price. Even in 2023, we're still feeling the effects of the pandemic, and as such, some ingredients are difficult to get your hands on.

It seems that life was trying to tell me to make my own frosting, as unsurprisingly, the scalpers I tried to buy frosting from didn't place them in a box with cooling packs during the hottest month on Earth ever recorded (this all took place a month prior to the writing of this blog entry). So, of course, the seals burst when travelling under the heat dome that had covered a good portion of the country, though I don't know exactly WHERE the seller was located.

That's when I found recipes for a type of frosting I had never heard of before: ermine frosting. It's like buttercream, but way less sweet. You make a base using flour, sugar, and milk, cook it over the stove until it's thick like pudding, then cool it before whipping unsalted butter and adding your mixture to that plus vanilla and a pinch of salt. So I made two ermine frostings, one vanilla, and one strawberry. I had already purchased some chocolate frosting so I didn't need to make chocolate, but I came up with a recipe for chocolate ermine frosting included in the recipe portion of this blog entry.

Summer may not be the best season to make cakes, given the warm weather. Because many homes in Oregon, especially older ones, don't have air conditioning pre-installed, I needed to keep the cake refrigerated to prevent the frosting from melting and the cake from falling apart, as a precaution. Therefore, spring would be a better season to make this cake, this way, there may be less worry of melting.

I fought a lot of obstacles, and learned a lot as well making this cake. While it is an involved project, especially since you may need or want to make different flavored frostings (which taste way better than the pre-made stuff), the cake itself isn't that tough. While a Neapolitan cake may sound daunting as you're making a cake with three different flavors, all you really need to do is just make a large amount of vanilla batter, divide it into three batches, and add cocoa to one bowl and strawberry reduction to the other.

For the strawberry cake, you first need to make strawberry reduction. You take half a cup of strawberry puree and cook it in a saucepan over medium-low heat to reduce the amount of liquid. After a while, you should end up with 1/4 cup of thick strawberry puree. You don't need to make a reduction for the frosting however, just take another half-cup of unreduced puree.

For the chocolate, combine three tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa powder with three tablespoons of hot water, stir, and let sit for a few minutes before adding it into the cake batter. This lets the cocoa "bloom", adds moisture to the cocoa, and also explains why you add a couple tablespoons of hot water or coffee to a chocolate cake (if you make it from scratch). This gave me the idea to do the same thing if you were to make a chocolate ermine frosting.

Because this is a big project, I found it easiest to divide making the reduction, frosting, cake, and assembly over three days. On Day 1, I thawed about 1 and 1/2 cups of frozen strawberries, pureed them in the blender, and then used half a cup of it in the strawberry frosting. After that, I made the vanilla frosting, and finally, the strawberry reduction.

Day 2 came the cake baking. I followed the recipe by My Cake School, making a vanilla batter, dividing it into three, and adding the strawberry reduction to one batch and the cocoa to the other. While I made the cake during the nighttime so they'd be ready the next morning, I think it's best to store them in the freezer overnight. BUT FIRST! Once your cakes are cool, remove them from the pans and level the tops of your cakes so they're nice and even. Then you can store them in the freezer. This way the cakes will be easier to assemble and decorate the next day.

The final day was the day I assembled and decorated the cake. These pictures show the pattern I used for the filling: rings of strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate frosting.

The pattern inside:

As a three-layer cake, it has two layers of delicious frosting filling in between. The chocolate cake is usually the densest, so it often is the bottom layer, which I recommend. You can layer your cake any way you want, I put the vanilla in the middle and the strawberry on top, even though the strawberry cake is probably denser and should go in the middle, though it worked out fine for me.

The cake would get placed in the freezer after each cake was stacked on top of a filling layer. This made it easier for the cake to stick together and for the frosting to be firmer, to make the cake as a whole easier to decorate. I suggest 15 to 20 minutes for each time the cake gets returned to the freezer.

The next step was to seal the cake in a crumb coat, which I used a thin layer of the vanilla ermine frosting for. Professionals use this trick all the time, to keep the cake crumbs sealed inside and to prevent mess when the final layer of frosting is applied. The cake gets frozen again after the crumb coat to give the cake a smoother and more solid surface when decorated.

I then applied strawberry frosting on the top and around the topmost sides, covering the strawberry layer. Vanilla was piped in the middle, with chocolate on the bottom. Between applying the different frostings, I returned the cake to the freezer at 20 minute intervals to prevent the sides from getting too messy and the frosting from mixing.

Lastly came the decorative blobs of frosting on top, arranged in an alternating circular pattern of strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate. On the bottom of the cake, a border of chocolate frosting is piped around the circumference. A delicious project like this was worth the time and effort! It is a delightful, edible work of art.

RALSEI'S CAULDRON CAKE:

Strawberry reduction:

About 1 cup (or more) fresh strawberries, or 2 cups frozen

1/2 cup strawberry puree, from either fresh or frozen strawberries (I thawed about 2 cups of frozen strawberries so I'd have 1/2 cup of puree for the reduction, and another 1/2 cup for the frosting)

Note: You'll need about 1 cup of puree because while half will be reduced for the cake batter, the other half goes into the strawberry ermine frosting. You'll have leftover puree that you can use for whatever you want. The reason I'm overestimating is to make sure there's plenty for the cake and for the frosting.

Either wash, dry, hull, and slice enough fresh strawberries for 1 cup of puree, OR thaw about 2 cups of frozen strawberries.

Place fresh or thawed frozen strawberries into a blender or food processor and use the puree setting.

Measure 1/2 cup for the reduction and pour into a saucepan over medium heat. Cook for 10 minutes or until liquid is greatly reduced, leaving you with 1/4 cup of a thick strawberry puree. Have it cool and set aside. If you're doing the cake over multiple days, store the reduction in your refrigerator.

Vanilla ermine frosting (from Nagi on recipetineats):

1 cup granulated sugar

5 tablespoons all-purpose flour

1 cup milk

2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter

1 pinch salt

1 & 1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Remove unsalted butter from your refrigerator and set it out to soften. Measure your sugar and flour, and add them to your saucepan.

Turn on your stove to medium heat and give your flour/sugar mixture a good stir with a whisk for about 30 seconds or so.

While whisking, slowly pour in the milk to avoid lumps from forming.

Keep stirring with your whisk as your mixture cooks and thickens. This is to prevent your roux from sticking to the bottom of the pan or burning.

Once your frosting base has reached a pudding-like consistency, it's ready. The thicker it is, the more structure your frosting will have.

Pour your frosting base into a bowl and cover the surface with food wrap to prevent a skin from forming.

After your frosting base has cooled completely (and if you stored it in the fridge overnight, take it out to let it soften for an hour or more so it mixes easily with the butter), beat your softened butter on medium speed for a few minutes. You want the butter to go from a pale yellow to a near-white.

Once your butter has been whipped for a bit, slowly add your frosting base, a spoonful at a time. It should take a minute or two to add the entire base to your butter.

Add salt and vanilla, and keep beating for a few more minutes until your frosting has reached its desired consistency.

Strawberry ermine frosting (from Mimi on eatsdelightful):

1 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup strawberry puree

1/2 cup milk

1/3 cup flour

2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 pinch salt

Measure another 1/2 cup of leftover strawberry puree from making the reduction for the cake, or that more frozen strawberries/hull and slice more fresh strawberries and puree in a blender or food processor if you need more. Set aside.

Once again, set aside another 2 sticks of unsalted butter to soften.

Combine flour and sugar in a saucepan over medium heat and stir with a whisk for about 30 seconds.

While whisking, slowly pour in the milk to avoid lumps, and then the strawberry puree.

Keep stirring your frosting base until thickened, just like with the vanilla frosting base.

Once the consistency has reached that of a thick pudding, pour into a bowl, cover the surface to prevent a skin from forming, and let cool completely.

Once the frosting base has completely cooled, whip unsalted butter on medium speed for a few minutes.

Slowly add in strawberry frosting base to the whipping butter, a spoonful at a time, over the course of a minute or so.

Add salt and vanilla, then keep whipping for a few more minutes until your frosting has reached the desired consistency.

Bonus: Chocolate Ermine Frosting (based off of the strawberry ermine frosting recipe):

3 tablespoons cocoa powder

3 tablespoons hot water

1 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup milk

1/3 cup flour

2 sticks (1 cup) softened unsalted butter

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 pinch salt

Combine 3 tablespoons of cocoa powder with 3 tablespoons of hot water in a small bowl. Stir together and set aside.

Set aside another 2 sticks of unsalted butter for softening and combine sugar and flour in a saucepan over medium heat, whisking for 30 seconds.

Slowly add in the milk while whisking to avoid lumps, then add in the cocoa mixture. Stir to combine.

Stir constantly while your frosting base cooks and thickens. When it reaches a pudding-like consistency, it's ready.

Pour mixture into a bowl and cover the surface to prevent a skin from forming. Cool completely.

After the frosting base has completely cooled, whip butter for a few minutes on medium speed until light in color and fluffy.

Slowly add the frosting base a spoonful at a time over the course of a minute or longer.

Add salt and vanilla and continue to beat for another few minutes until the frosting has reached the desired consistency.

The cake itself (from Melissa Diamond on My Cake School):

3 cups cake flour, spooned and leveled

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1 & 1/4 cups buttermilk (or 1 & 1/4 cup milk mixed with 1 tablespoon lemon juice and sat aside for 5 or more minutes if you can't find buttermilk)

1/4 cup vegetable oil

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 & 1/2 sticks (or 3/4 cup) softened unsalted butter

2 cups sugar

4 large, room temperature eggs

3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

3 tablespoons hot water

1/4 cup strawberry reduction

Get the butter out and let it reach room temperature. After that, set out other cold ingredients such as eggs, buttermilk, and the strawberry reduction. Gather the rest of your ingredients as well, so they're all together.

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F, and grease and flour three 8x2 cake pans.

Spoon and level 3 cups of cake flour into a sifter, add baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Sift together into a mixing bowl, then stir together for 30 seconds. Finally, set aside your dry ingredients.

Measure and combine buttermilk, vanilla, and vegetable oil in another mixing bowl and set aside.

In yet another mixing bowl, whip softened unsalted butter on medium speed until smooth. Add your sugar, a little at a time, then keep mixing for another few minutes, anywhere from 3 to 5, until your butter and sugar is fully creamed together, light, and fluffy.

Add eggs, but only one at a time as you beat. Once the yolk disappears and is fully incorporated, add in the next egg, beat, etc., etc.

Once all the eggs are in and beaten, reduce the speed to low and alternate between adding the flour mixture and the buttermilk mixture, starting and ending with the flour mixture. Just remember the pattern: flour, mix, buttermilk, mix, flour, mix, buttermilk, mix, flour, mix. Stop immediately once everything's fully incorporated to prevent overmixing.

You've made an enormous batch of vanilla cake batter! Now's the time to divide it up into three flavors. Here's how to divide it evenly: the batter should yield about 7 and 1/2 cups....divide that by three....and you have 2 and 1/2 cups of batter for 3 bowls.

Combine 3 tablespoons of cocoa powder with 3 tablespoons of hot water in a small bowl. Stir and set aside for a few minutes.

This is a good time to add the strawberry reduction to one bowl for the strawberry batter. Just pour in that thickened strawberry puree and carefully fold it in to combine, in order to prevent over-mixing the batter. Once you've got yourself a bowl of pink cake batter without any vanilla swirls remaining, your strawberry batter is ready!

Now, pour in the cocoa mixture into another bowl of cake batter, and gently fold it in, until the batter is completely chocolatey. You remaining vanilla batter will be left as-is.

Now that we have all three flavors ready, we can finally pour them into our prepared cake pans. Give these a good gentle tap on the counter to remove any huge air pockets. If you want, you can wrap the sides of each cake pan (before filling them with batter, of course) with wet baking strips to ensure an even bake, which will hopefully make later leveling much easier.

Stick your cakes in the oven on the same middle rack to ensure they all bake together at the same time, about 25 to 30 minutes, depending on how hot your oven runs. They may not all fit on one rack, so you can just put in two in one 25 to 30-minute interval and bake the remainder in the other. To check when they're done, insert a toothpick in the center of each cake. If they come out clean with just crumbs, they're done!

Let your cakes cool before removing them from the pan.

Once your cakes have cooled, get your cake leveler and level them so that they're even. If you don't have a leveler, a knife may do, however, they may not be as even this way.

If you're assembling and decorating the next day or later, wrap and store cakes in the freezer. Freezing them will make it easier to crumb coat, pipe on filling, frost and decorate.

Take out your frostings and let them soften to room temperature. Get three piping bags fitted with the tips of your choice, and stand them up in glasses to make them easier to fill.

Place your bottom cake layer (the chocolate is usually the densest, so it's best to use that one as the bottom layer) on a round cake board. Set it down on a turntable or small Lazy Susan and pipe in an arrangement of the strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate frostings.

Place your second layer on top and freeze for 10 minutes or so to harden the frosting. Take out, and then pipe on another layer of the three frostings in whatever pattern you'd like. Top with the top cake layer and freeze again.

Remove stacked cakes from the freezer and pipe on a thin layer of vanilla frosting for the crumb coat. Cover the cakes in this thin layer to seal in the crumbs so you have a better surface to decorate your cake with. Freeze for 10 to 15 minutes for a more solid and sealed surface.

You can do whatever layer you want to start decorating with. I began with the top layer and worked downward. Pipe on a thick layer of frosting covering the top of the cake and smooth out with a frosting spatula or scraper, giving it that nice, flat top surface seen by professionals. Because the sides will have those strawberry-vanilla-chocolate stripes coinciding with the cakes, freeze between flavors to prevent your frostings from sticking and blending together. So, as an example, after you've done the top and the sides of the top layer of the cake, stick it in the freezer for about 15 or 20 minutes. Next, pipe on a layer of frosting matching the middle flavor and smooth it out like you did with the top flavor, and freeze again. Lastly, do the same for the bottom, then freeze. What I mean to say is: freeze between the stripes on the sides!

Like this!

22. Now that the stripey sides are done as well as the top of the cake, we get to pipe on the fun blobs. One way to do it is to do big blobs of the three flavors on top in a pattern....or you could do whatever design you want. Don't forget to pipe a border around the very bottom of the cake to make it look nice and neat!

23. Your cake is done! Unless you want to add sprinkles, candles, or even candy. You decorate how YOU want, of course, this is just an idea going off of how I did it.

24. Enjoy your tall triple-layered cake full of three-flavored goodness!

Sources:

Nagi, "My Secret, Less-Sweet Fluffy Vanilla Frosting", RecipeTin Eats, recipetineats.com. Link: https://www.recipetineats.com/fluffy-vanilla-frosting/

Mimi, "Strawberry Ermine Frosting", Eats Delightful, eatsdelightful.com. Link: https://eatsdelightful.com/strawberry-ermine-frosting/

Diamond, Melissa, "Neapolitan Cake", My Cake School, mycakeschool.com. Link: https://www.mycakeschool.com/neapolitan-cake/

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