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romanoffsbish · 1 day

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I’m Fine 🙂 / Save Me 🙃

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader (Familial / Sisters)

Warnings: Angst w/Bittersweet Ending | Reader Dies | Black Widow / Red Room Canon | Addiction | “Cry for Help”

All she had left was the memory of you. | WC: 1,512

"Do you ever feel like you're all alone in this world?"

Natasha looked up from her laptop quick. "What?"

"Like, no matter how hard you try, no one will ever love or regard you in the same way you do them?"

——

Natasha tried to approach you gently, "Y/N." Yet she wasn't quick enough as you jumped back. "Shut up."

There was a fire in your eyes she hardly recognized, and she took a step back. Looking in your eyes hurt, because you were not the same little girl who used to pick flowers from the garden just for her hair and part of her took blame for that. "Don't try and pretend like you do." If you were a wine you'd be the most bitter. "I don't know why you even keep me around Natasha."

The redhead scoffed bitterly, "because I love you!" It stung to feel the burden in her words—you're hurting yourself just to spite her, but she hurt you first and with the way your mind was racing this made sense.

"Or is it because you feel guilty?" You countered, and hit it on the head as she whispered, "Y/N, please..."

Crushing her the same way she did you the day she left you behind, in a place built to destroy a dreamer like you, in the hands of a man set out to punish you for the mistakes of the woman you loved the most. Ouch.

"Do you think the world would miss me if I vanished?"

"Of cou—." You mindlessly cut her off, words tinged with vitriol, "Of course not. You're the one they'd hold the candlelight vigils for, you'll be on a mural and I'd be the one the stray cats would miss, because just like them I know what it's like to truly have no place."

"Have you been smoking pot?" It reeked the longer she stood closer to you. Then you all but confirmed it as you grew defensive. "Is that all you can ask Natasha?"

Natasha clicked her tongue. "Answer the question."

"Yes," you monotoned, "what does that change?"

"Everything." You grew rather frustrated, "but how?"

“You’re not making any sense,” she tried to reason but you laughed incredulously, “this is the first time in my entire life that I am making complete sense, Natalia.”

"I don't like it when you're like this, sestra."

"I'm always like this." Natasha sighed, "yeah..."

"Yeah?" Natasha nodded shamefully and you couldn't stop the sob from breaking. She hated you.

"Then I won't be anything to you, anymore."

Natasha shot up in a cold sweat, her wife beater tank top sticking to her skin, the words of your last fight still ringing in her head; a cry for help and she was useless.

"Fuck," she hiccuped, her knees pulled to her chest as she sobbed alongside the sky just outside the window. She dug the heels of her palms into her eyes and tried to force the pity she felt for herself away, the grief...

There were so many things she could have said; done.

I don't understand, but I want to; talk to me...

Had she ran after you, would it be different now?

Could've grabbed you by the arm. Don't go. Stay.

I love you more than you could ever know.

Instead she scoffed, 'at least I can finish my paperwork now,' and let you storm out the door without noticing the keys to her brand new jet black Porsche were gone.

Yelena still won't return her calls. Melina and Alexei are beside themselves in a grief harsher than her own. Though she internally wagers that her loss was the greatest, because you were her little widow first...

~-~-~———————-~-~———————-~-~-~

"Natty?" the blue haired girl looked at you with a wide grin, the innocence of the nickname you gave her was endearing and in the same breath, twisted. It was clear to her you didn't remember much of the before. You were four years her junior, so similar to Yelena, this life was honestly all you'd known. "Da, malen'kiy pauk?"

Natasha laughed just as soon as you giggled. It brought her joy to know, that for a while, you could be free of the harsh shackles that awaited you all back home.

"A little girl at school today told me about how in her family, when a person goes away, that they can become something else when they visit." Natasha nearly lost the joy on her face as you curiously approached death. In her mind the hope you held onto was futile, that when you shoot someone between the eyes, they are as good as gone, but she could never destroy you like that.

Instead, she gave life to your wonder, "What would you want to be then, a kitty?" You shook your head and blurted your answer easily, "malen'kiy pauk." The gaps in your teeth only made your smile more endearing, and the redhead opened her arms to you. You launched yourself into your sister's arms and gripped her tight.

"Then I could visit you," you mumbled against her shirt and the natural redhead tensed. The idea of you no longer existing felt unpleasant—her walls crumbled the moment you and Yelena entered her life but this was the first time she'd felt anything excruciating.

"Moya malen'kiy pauk," she chuckled softly so as to not cry instead, she placed a kiss to your cheek then hoped your childlike attention span would change the tune.

Then a familiar jingle sounded and you were scrambling into the house, shrieking for your mom.

Natasha shook her head and walked to the old man who knowingly parked out front of your house. He handed the redhead three ice creams, and a disk.

—————

You stood next to Natasha in the line for lunch, which was just a tasteless tray variety of essential nutrients. It was rule of thumb not to talk in line, but you were never one to follow the rules, and neither was Natasha.

"Are you scared of death?" Natasha frowned. "What?"

"I think a healthy fear for the end is fair, but I'm not losing sleep over the concept. Why do you ask?"

"Because I'm honestly not," you shrugged, stance indifferent but Natasha unfortunately believed you as you went on to say, "just wondering if I'm alone."

"Never with us," Yelena chimed in. "Death is an inevitability, just a matter of the when and how."

It wasn't hard to see to the fear in the blonde's eyes as she kept up her indifferent demeanor. Deep down, Natasha knew she was still that little girl from Ohio, who up until recently called fireflies, forest stars.

—

"I can't believe it," your tone clipped, the warmth you used to greet her with was gone. "I'll be back," she lied without realizing, but you could see it clearly. "Izhets."

(Liar)

"Y/N, I am going to end it once and for all," she hoped you could see the bigger picture, a promised freedom.

"Tozhe tupoy," you chuckled humorlessly. "There is no end, just more opportunities to build up defense."

(Dumb too)

Natasha fell for the American's words of ignorance.

"I love you," she said with certainty before she was one with the shadows, the last piece of your hope gone as it'd been years since you last caught sight of Lena.

~-~-~———————-~-~———————-~-~-~

A loud cry outside the purposely cracked window pulled her from her bittersweet thoughts of you...

Natasha stood beneath the tarp of your balcony, eyes downcast on a gorgeous white cat, paws soiled by the mud she trudged through with her three kittens. The redhead set a plate of food down for her then settled down beside her, towel in hand as she dried her babies.

The light of the moon cast over the kittens, reflecting off their varied fur patterns. A black one meowed, calling to her first among the litter, he hissed softly at the unfamiliar lift but settled fast as she began to dry his fur, pulling off grime and putting him to sleep.

The same occurred with the next boy cat, who was a gorgeous shade of gray, with faint swirls of orange.

Lastly, the smallest of the three, a gorgeous blend of white, brown and orange. She was the most vocal.

A grateful purr came from the mama cat when the redhead moved on to her paws, her eyes fluttered open at the unexpected contact, and when Natasha lifted her own gaze she gasped. With the light now on her face the color of her eyes was clear, a tear streamed down Nat's face without warning. The color and deep feeling of understanding behind them were just so, you.

"Oh my," a subdued laugh left her as she caught sight of something else, she scooped the feline into her lap, and placed a finger on her wet, pink nose in waiting. The blur of black transferred right on over and the woman smiled truly for the first time in eight months. "Dobro pozhalovat' domoy, moy malen'kiy pauk."

(Welcome home, my little spider)

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yenonnoff · 2 days

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TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE! 25. fame is not for the weak

today, you weren’t “rising actress y/n l/n.” you were just a normal, law-abiding citizen spending the weekend watching oikawa tooru’s new film. that sentence alone should’ve been the first red flag that the trip would turn disastrous. the next was your co-star’s quote-unquote disguise. you cared less about the former: if you didn’t watch daybreak today, you’d be bombarded with spoilers from your friends later on. the latter, however, was inexcusable.

“you’re ridiculous,” you said, eyeing the blond actor up and down. “you don’t blend in, atsumu, you blend out.”

“glad you’re enjoying the view. it didn’t take me long to pull this together.”

it was true: the outfit was completely minimal. it barely required any thought, yet, it still looked perfectly coordinated and eye-catching. that was just atsumu’s irking influence on things—but that was exactly the problem. you’ve seen him in casual clothing before but it was even more salient today. compared to the people walking in and out of the movie theater, atsumu stood out like a sore thumb. it made you realize he was born to be on stage.

“your good looks are betraying you,” you sighed, eyes surveying the area hurriedly. the two of you had made sure to arrive an hour early for precautions, of course. still, with the small crowds coming and leaving, it made the two of you even more vulnerable and undeniably conspicuous. you tugged on atsumu’s sleeves, lowering him closer to the theater’s large indoor planters. you made a face, “what about our plans of not drawing attention to ourselves?”

you couldn’t see the teasing smile behind his white mask, but you had caught the twinkling amusement in his eyes. he wore a basic hoodie with his usual denim cap concealing his blond hair. (though, you made him remove his hood since someone was bound to mistake him for a creep or member of the paparazzi. you realized later that it was intentional, he just wanted to see your flustered expression).

atsumu leaned forward to say, “don’t worry. if someone recognizes us, just act clueless.”

“that doesn’t sound like a good plan.”

“i know,” he agreed. “i’ve never been caught before so i don’t think about backup plans too much.”

you were about to retaliate, call him ridiculous once more, but he stopped you before you could. grabbing your shoulders, he ushered you towards the dozy security guard at the end of the corner. atsumu chuckled, “let’s stop gawking and actually get in before your worst nightmare comes true.”

yeah, this was not the plan you had in mind.

you took your seats in the center all the way in the back row. it was for precautions, but at least you could see the whole screen. strangely enough, atsumu had let you take the middle armrest. he also humored you by answering all your spontaneous questions to pass the time.

the first topic was about your fellow co-stars.

“jolie… is loud. she’s too friendly for her own good, but she’s a hard worker; she rarely slacks off too. you should see her at parties though, she’s scary.” when he realized everything he said was mostly positive, atsumu crossed his arms to think. “don’t be fooled, she also has a really clumsy and high-maintenance side to her.”

“who? jolie?” you stifled a surprised laugh. you always saw her as incredibly charming and supportive so this was news to you.

“yeah, she always loses her phone. it’s a bigger hassle when she comes to you asking where it is. honestly, this girl thinks you’re the one to blame for her phone being lost.”

atsumu went on to recall other things too: “we met when i was acting during university. can you believe she’s a year older than me? we’ve been friends for a while so she was there when i broke up with emma.”

it was the slight grimace that made you change the subject. he seemed glad when you asked about semi. “he’s completely stoic and too professional. he reminds me of you in a way, but he does have his moments.”

he continued promptly. “this is my first time working with sugawara. though, i heard he’s pretty popular in the industry, both on and off-screen. for akane, i met her in some minor roles. she likes to ask me for tips and tricks sometimes.”

you listened and hummed while he spoke. you understood what was so enthralling about atsumu now. his good looks draw you in, sure—but it was the way he spoke so naturally and full of confidence that made you stay. he made you want to hear more: about himself and his casual attitude on things.

when atsumu finished speaking, there was still enough time to buy snacks before the theater got crowded for daybreak. he took the liberty to do so, sneaking back in before people started to swarm. they didn’t seem to notice the two of you all the way in the back. the middle rows were usually more favored anyway. then, the lights dimmed further and the room was consumed with darkness.

there were perks to being friends with thrill seekers. it meant you were immune to most things: horror movies being one of them.

everyone in the group had their own signature hangouts. you guys liked to rotate between each other’s preferences, it only seemed fair that way (this was only true during high school, however. during university and nowadays, you simply decided on things that worked with everyone’s schedules).

kuroo liked study dates and movie theaters the most. he’d always drag everyone to watch the latest movies, usually either horror or action. due to that, you’ve built an immunity to jump scares and supernaturals; it would take a lot to frighten you.

while you weren’t screaming or gripping the edge of your seat like others in the theater, you still enjoyed the movie nonetheless. oikawa’s flawless acting had completely occupied your attention, and on more than one occasion, you were watching with your jaw hung open. he was a man of many achievements, worthy of every praise for his charms and incredible acting skills. he was your inspiration, and you hoped fervently to be on the same stage as him one day.

before the ending credits could even roll, you and atsumu had already snuck out. it took you a while to steady yourself. the bright lights from outside the theater room had mercilessly attacked you when you stepped out, and you felt dizzy from staring at such a massive screen for so long.

atsumu saved you the cruel embarrassment, excusing himself to the restroom. you teased him before he went: “what—were you scared of the movie?”

“if i was, i wouldn’t be going to the restroom alone.”

“i’m sorry, i don’t think i can accompany you,” you said sincerely.

atsumu scoffed, not knowing whether to be vexed at the sheer genuineness in your voice or the embarrassment he was feeling. he grumbled, “i wasn’t going to ask you to!” then he stormed off with his hands shoved in his hoodie pocket.

while he did his business, you ventured to the merchandise area of the movie theater. surprisingly, you spotted merch for vengeance, your previous film, in the corner. shirts in various colors; tote bags; and small prints decorated the shelves from top to bottom. the bags were nearly sold out, it made you feel grateful that people still poured so much love into the film. besides you was a large poster hung from the ceiling. there was a close-up shot of you and your other co-stars. the editing was immaculate, they even made kuroo look g—

“y/n l/n?”

the unfamiliar voice that spoke your name made you freeze in place. in front of you was a girl you’ve never seen before. you staggered slightly, realization hitting you at full speed. this was a fan. her oikawa shirt, oikawa lanyard, oikawa pins, oikawa— they all gave her away instantly. your first thought was wow, too taken-aback by the girl’s clear devotion. your next thought was run, get away from the corner that would soon reveal your identity.

the fan didn’t waste a breath. she pointed to the large poster next to you, the one you’d been admiring. “look! that’s you right? you worked with tooru on vengeance!” she nearly squealed his first name.

you coughed to get her attention. her assumption was unbelievable, really. even if you were y/n l/n, your face was heavily concealed with a mask and cap. “what are you talking about? you’ve got the wrong person, my name is—“

“everyone, come! i think i found y/n l/n!” she turned to face you again, her eyes widened in excitement. “hey, can i get your autograph? how about a picture?”

you nearly facepalmed yourself. daybreak had just ended, all these people rushing into the merchandise store came from the same theater room as you. fuck.

you should’ve realized sooner that you were in the heart of tokyo, where the chances of running into a celebrity was augmented by at least 70%. of course there would be radical fans everywhere you went. diehard oikawa fans were possibly the worst of them all, this fan especially.

you were about to gently coax her that this was a misunderstanding when a large hoard of people started crowding towards your tiny corner. being suffocated by hardcore fans was not on your bucket list—seeing people get shoved and nearly trampled on wasn’t there either!

people pushed; they ran; they shouted. phones were shoved in your face, adrenaline rushed through your veins, and you had to yell over the mass to stop them from forcing their way towards you.

pandemonium struck the movie theater.

the dozy security guard from earlier bolted towards the herd in a hurry. clearly he’d finally snapped out of his drowsy state and commanded the crowd to disperse. then, a hand slid around your wrist and pulled you away from the mob. your breath hitched in your throat as the tall figure hurried you into a sprint out the building. you heard the roaring yelling resume when they realized you weren’t there anymore.

this was definitely not conspicuous at all. you were pretty sure your cover was blown… your blond co-star’s as well.

you raced with your heartbeat thundering against your rib cage. the two of you ran until you stopped by a short alleyway next to the street. you were furious at yourself for ruining your plans of being discreet, but for also destroying the pleasant movie trip for the both of you.

“atsumu, i’m sorry. that wasn’t supposed to happen.”

he didn’t answer you, his breathing still heavy. one of his hands remained enclosed around yours, the other went up to soothe the back of your head. you heard him say, “are you alright? first time that’s happened?”

you nodded to both questions. you were just flustered and shaken up by the whole ordeal. even if it wasn’t what atsumu meant by his second question, you understood what it conveyed about your reality as an actress. you were too naive and inexperienced. if the security guard hadn't come, someone would’ve been injured and you were to blame for not handling the situation properly. it was something you should’ve known as a public figure. diehard fans already lack respect and morality; the chances of them learning how to be decent human beings were obscenely low. it seems you’re the only one who can take control of these situations, even if it’s not your fault—even if you dislike it.

you felt atsumu take both of your hands in his. they were warm and full of comfort, they held yours gently with so much care that you could melt.

“don’t blame yourself, y/n. it’s never your fault, that should’ve never happened.” atsumu’s tone was full of frustration—not at you, but rather at himself.

you didn't have the energy to fight back. it was obvious: if you hadn’t gone into the merchandise area, you would’ve never been recognized. you walked into the lion’s den all by yourself; it was a situation you had complete control over.

minutes passed and atsumu ended his call with the taxi driver. he wanted to see you off at your condo, and you didn’t refuse. the damage has already been done. sure, this could land you in more trouble but you couldn’t help it. you were human. you were selfish. you wanted to stay with atsumu for a little longer, just a couple moments more.

you let out a low chuckle. “are you going to continue holding my hands, atsumu?” you brought them up in front of you. “both of them?”

his face finally softened. “maybe i’ll let go of one. just one though, the other is needed to open the door.”

the small moment was cut short by the arrival of the taxi. still, it was more than enough to console your dispirited heart.

as always, atsumu remained true to his words: your hands found each other again in the silent taxi, warm and heartbreakingly soothing.

“you’re not allowed to blame yourself, atsumu.”

your co-star exhaled a heavy breath. “isn’t that what i should be telling you?”

“i’m fully aware of what happened. it was my fault i was in that situation—don’t try and deny it, atsumu. i’ll take responsibility for whatever happens tomorrow.”

“you’re too professional, y’know that?” he asked and you nodded vehemently. “i’d like to talk to y/n, the one that likes roller coasters and lives off of coffee, not the y/n that’s a prim workaholic. can you ring her up for me?”

you huffed, squeezing his hand. you were currently standing in front of your condo still holding your stubborn co-star’s hand. perhaps you were both stubborn—too focused on different priorities to understand one another. “i’m being serious. i enjoyed today. thank you for letting me watch daybreak before getting every detail spoiled.”

atsumu was about to counter, but you beat him to it. “don’t say that today was a mistake! i knew the consequences but i still went… if you’re going to blame yourself, you might as well blame me too for agreeing to go.”

“hey, you can’t do that to me. now i’m backed into a corner,” he frowned beneath his mask. “then promise me you won’t beat yourself over this. if things get out of hand tomorrow in the media, you’ll let me help you. please rely on me too, y/n.”

“i promise. i’m an adult too, atsumu.”

“yes,” he breathed, slow and firm. “you’re so incredibly strong you put all the other adults to shame.”

you could crumble at the underlying softness in his voice. you could crumble from how clearly upset he was at everything that’s transpired. “then i should probably head inside. thanks for walking me all the way up here, you’ll be sneaky when you leave, right?”

the sound of his laughter eased your mind, and you let go of his hand. the two of you shared a moment of sweetened silence before he watched you disappear behind your door. you both knew then that it’ll be a while before you would spend time with one another again.

atsumu lowered his head and removed his denim cap. with a rough hand, he raked it through his messy hair and sighed. he desperately needed something to clear his mind, perhaps a nap that would last at least three hours. the blond turned away from the closed door to do just that. he was going to go home, shower, eat, and doze until the next day.

“atsumu miya?”

the tall blond whispered a curse in his mind before spotting a black haired lady in front of him. he looked left and right, behind and in front. he pointed a confused finger at himself. “me?”

the pretty lady with the distinctive mole near her lips laughed softly. “yes, you. i saw you in front of y/n’s door. were you two hanging out earlier?”

atsumu’s face bloomed in realization. she was undeniably familiar, and he was sure he’d seen her somewhere before. that’s right, she was a model in the same agency as emma. what a small world.

atsumu rubbed the back of his neck, only saying, “yeah.” how long was she there for? how much did she see? god, did she see them holding hands? atsumu grumbled under his breath, heat rising unexpectedly to his cheeks. it was just one after another, the two of you needed a break.

“actually, i wanted to talk to you for a moment if that’s alright with you.”

he tilted his head in curiosity. she said it would only be a moment and that where they were standing would suffice. however, her expression was inexplicably serious. he braced himself for her few words.

“i know that you and y/n have spent a lot of time together, but i want to know how you feel towards her. with your current situation, y/n could be affected negatively if people found out.”

it was a sensible question but one that was hard to answer. atsumu wondered how close the two of them were; it was understandable why she would be concerned about her friend’s career and his intentions. and he fully understood what she’d meant by “current situation.” he was completely aware. even if he hated it, emma’s foolish shenanigans and her crazy fans were targeted at him and only him. you shouldn’t be dragged into it.

“she brings me comfort in a way. there’s not many people that i feel comfortable around, so I’m grateful towards her. i’ll take responsibility for anything that happens; it’s my fault anyway since i was the one that wanted to hang out. don’t worry, we probably won’t be spending time together again any time soon.”

his words hinted at two meanings. first, filming that summer was the number one priority. second, atsumu would do anything to protect your career and peace of mind.

the pleasant lady in front of atsumu nodded. her eyes were clear of any doubt, shining instead with gratitude. “thank you for your time. i hope you have a safe trip back.”

“thank you,” the blond replied, walking towards the elevator at the end of the hall.

atsumu didn’t have the words to sum up today’s events. however, everything had unfolded in front of him and he was face-to-face with a realization. a cruel one that he needed to accept. it wasn’t the right time for the two of you. no matter how much atsumu might want it, he couldn’t deny that now wasn’t the time. it might never be the time, but that was something he needed to realize.

the world was heartlessly cruel.

masterlist ⌒☆ previous ⌒☆ next

fun facts:

if it were anyone else, atsumu would've definitely hogged the middle armrest all to himself. he would do it with the popcorn and snacks too. the bucket stays with him! he finds it too troublesome to reach over and grab it.

it's why he doesn't like going to the movie theaters (mentioned in chapter 19) since he only ever goes with either osamu or rin. it always ends in an argument and the other people there hate them all.

jolie is the type to look for her phone while on call with someone.

whenever she does lose it during filming, she always goes to semi because she knows he'll (begrudgingly) look for it with her.

can you tell i have the biggest, fattest crush on shimizu. i wanted to go full rampant on describing how pretty she is but i had to control myself!

i felt very bad writing this chapter. no matter how careful you may try to be, people make mistakes and they always blame themselves for it. there are external factors that you can't control; it's just the harsh reality of things.

TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE! ｡ｏ♡ an atsumu miya smau

synopsis: when y/n l/n, a rising actress, decides to star in a romance film that could make or break her career, she’s unable to showcase her skills, revealing her inexperience within the romance department instead. worst of all, atsumu miya, her co-star and the main lead’s love interest, seems to hate her guts! with absolutely, unbearably zero chemistry between the two, an idea was proposed: spend time with one another in the upcoming weeks. will y/n be able to ignore her professionalism and listen to her heart? and will she, a clueless romantic, be able to pick up on the signs her co-star is sending her?

a/n: i think this ch was a little heavier than i intended it to be but it was also a lot easier to write than i thought. yay! drama! haha! i'm always learning how to be more impactful and purposeful with my writing. words don't always come as easily as i would like them to be but this ch was a step in the right direction! i hope that was how it felt to you guys as well!

taglist is open! dm or ask to be a part of it! (those bolded were unable to be tagged)

@kqbukimono @empathum @clyver @chosoluv @oceansfloor @sunarots @marga-j @rukia-uchiha-98 @wyrcan @thechaosoflonging @rintarousgirl @ast4rg1rl @seiamor @saiewithakatana @usermins @literally-a-ferret @terrarain @iuspired @haruskatana @wolffmaiden @ris-krispie @vellichxrr6782 @animenaces-world @reignsaway @emii4evr @writing-for-the-hell-of-it @yuminako @tojirin @v3nusplanetofluv @vyvixen @secondary-character-25 @tenjikusstuff4 @444choso @mylahrins @deimmortales99 @hisfuture @staywhelmed8801 @dl-yum @nessaasstuff @milesmoralesluvs @101tsumu @ryeyeyer @cherrypieyourface @azharyy @mimi3lover @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @dazball

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spence-whore · 2 days

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Nice to Meet You

Spencer Agnew x Reader

Request: what about a nice lil meet cute with spencer like at a bar or maybe vidcon

A/N this is gonna be a little on the platonic side. Some flirty comments here and then but some fun, cute, witty banter between two new friends:) also, friendly reminder, i fucking despise editing tons. so overlook any mistakes:)

Vidcon had been beyond stressful for you.

You started YouTube around five years ago and this was your first event! You were so excited going into it and still are. There’s just been so much you have been doing. You haven’t been able to really take a moment to yourself and take everything in.

You were lucky enough to have gotten a break for the night, which has led to you hanging out at a bar at a little party with some streamers and other fellow YouTubers. Some people made some small chat with you and you had gotten to meet a lot of content creators you really look up to! So, this experience had been going pretty decently besides being beyond drained.

“Hi, can I just get a water?” You asked the woman working the bar and she gave you a quick smile before gathering your drink for you.

“Here you go hun.” She said and slid it across the bar to you.

You grabbed the drink and turned around to just people watch. A lot of people have joined within the last two hours, so you didn’t know a majority of the people here.

“Hi, is it cool if I sit here?” You hear a voice ask from beside you.

It’s a guy with dark curly hair, wearing glasses and a jean jacket.

“Yeah! What brings you here tonight?” You ask trying to make small talk but then visibly cringe realizing you sounded like you were throwing the, “you come here often?” line at the poor man.

He just chuckles at you, “What was that face for? I’m with Smosh. I direct on the Smosh Games channel.”

“Holy shit! That’s really cool! I’m a content creator as well, I do streams and just random ass videos.” You responded with a soft smile on your face. “Also, I apologize for the face a minute ago. I was trying to make small chat and realized it sounded like I was trying to be like oh, you come here often.” You say in a mocking tone while trying to act like a ‘Chad’

The guy died out laughing over you attempting to be a fuck boy. “Oh, you’re fine. I didn’t pay any mind to it. I’m Spencer, by the way. It’s nice to meet you…” He trails off, waiting for you to fill in your name.

“Oh, yeah, I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you too.” You say, offering your hand to shake his hand.

He quickly shook your hand then the two of you sat in silent for a minute.

“Would you like to come and meet some of the team that came tonight? I promise, we’re not that weird.” Spencer suggests, showing slight fear on his face.

“I think that look says other wise but yeah, I would love to meet them!” You hop out of your chair, with your water in your hand.

“What are you drinking tonight?” Spencer asks, nodding towards the cup in your hand.

“Oh, I��m drinking water. I was drinking some mixed drink around an hour ago. I realized very quickly though, I didn’t want to be drunk at an event like this. I saw Markiplier after I had a few drinks and was a little tipsy. I have loved that man since I was a child and embarrassed the hell out of myself. So, I decided water was best for me here on out.”

Spencer laughed at your words while guiding you in the direction of his friends.

The two of you approached a small group of four other people.

“Hey guys, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Erin, Courtney, Noah, and Keith.” Spencer says and points at each person.

Everyone politely waved at you and Courtney shook your hand.

“You are absolutely stunning!” Courtney squeals and pulls you towards them.

“Oh, thank you! I’m honestly in more laid back clothing tonight than what I have been wearing all week.” You responded, giggling.

“You look amazing, you definitely stood out to this guy.” Courtney whispers and nods her head towards Spencer, standing there staring at you.

“I probably looked like a poor wounded dog sitting at the bar.” You said laughing and shaking your head. “I’m trying to sober up, hence the water. I embarrassed myself earlier in front of some people.” You awkwardly laugh and hold up your water to show Courtney.

Everyone started talking about their day and then slowly venturing into their own conversations.

“What’s your favorite thing been about vidcon so far?” Spencer asks from beside you.

“It’s been really nice to meet some of the people I’ve made gaming videos with. It’s also been really nice to just meet a lot of the viewers. It’s been crazy because you see a face and it just registers, these are one of the thousands of people that have literally given you a living. It’s just crazy to sit and think about. It makes you really thankful for what you do, even though it can be tiring sometimes.” You explain, turning to slightly face Spencer.

Spencer nods his head for a minute and takes a sip of his drink. “It really is crazy whenever you’re faced with it all.”

“I’ve also got to meet a lot of really cool creators, some really cute ones too.” You say avoiding Spencer’s gaze and quickly drink the rest of your water.

“Wow, not gonna lie, that caught me off guard.” Spencer laughed a little. “I mean hey, I approached you because I thought you looked like a cute, ‘poor wounded dog”, like you said to Courtney.”

“Woooooaaaah, pretty boy.” You cracked up at his call back to what you had said to Courtney.

The two of you sat talking close to an hour with the group and something had hit you after sitting there for a little bit. He is the first person you have met at this event, including his friends, that actually feels like they’re being real people. He doesn’t have up his content creator front. He is just being a genuine guy. You had eventually realized though it was getting close to 1am and you had to get up kind of early in the morning.

“I’m so sorry to run but I have to get up in the morning Spencer.” You explain, standing up very quickly.

“I actually think we’re about to head back to our hotel as well. You could maybe walk back with us, if you like? You totally don’t have to if you’re not comfortable with that though.” Spencer says very quickly, sounding quite flustered.

“I’d actually like that, if everyone else is cool with it.” You suggest looking towards everyone else around you.

“Hey guys,” Spencer says loudly, waiting on everyone to look at him. “Is it cool if Y/N walks back with us?”

Everyone quickly responds with yeahs and of courses, so you all stand together and head towards the door.

“Hey, we’re gonna head to the restroom before heading out. If you two want to go ahead, you can.” Courtney shouts to Spencer over the music, looking towards you as well.

“Yeah, we’re gonna get a head start.” Spencer nods his head and turns towards you.

You smile and wave at Courtney then step out the door in front of Spencer. Spencer steps beside you and the two of you start to walk towards your hotel. It’s funny because you two (including the rest of the Smosh cast) happen to be staying at the same hotel!

“Maybe we could meet up one day before this is all over and hang out or something?” Spencer requests, trying to hide his nerves but failing very obviously.

“I’d love that! I have a meet and greet tomorrow then a panel I have to attend but after that, I think the rest of the day is free for me. I’m not sure about the last few days though.” You tell Spencer glancing between him and the sidewalk to not fall.

“Well, aren’t I quite lucky? I actually have a completely free day tomorrow. Some of the crew of a panel but I don’t have to be there for it. I was gonna actually walk around on the floor or go somewheres and get something to eat.” Spencer suggests while staring hard at the sidewalk.

“I finish I believe at 3 tomorrow. If you want, you can stop by the panel whenever it’s close to finishing. Whenever I get done, we could walk around the floor then go grab food?” You nudged his shoulder with yours and flashed a smile at him, trying to ease his nerves.

“Yeah, that sounds fun!”

The two of you walked for a few more minutes before heading into the hotel and into an elevator. The two of you pressed different floors, so Spencer very quickly shoves his phone towards you after turning it on.

“Before I forget, here’s my phone. Could I possibly get your number? You know, to message you and know where to meet you tomorrow?” Spencer explains very rushed.

You just grabbed his phone with a smile on your face and typed in your number and name with a smily face at the end.

“Here you go.” As soon as you handed his phone back, the door had opened.

“Well, I suppose this is my stop. It was really nice to meet you Spencer.” You say with a smile on your face and awkwardly waving at the man while stepping off the elevator.

“It was nice to meet you too!” Spencer barely gets out before the elevator doors close.

You walked to your hotel room with a smile on your face and thinking about the cute, sweet man you had just met. It was like he was reading your mind because a minute passes before your phone goes off.

It was a text from Spencer and it said,

“I’m really glad I met you tonight. Let me know where your panel is tomorrow and what time it starts, I’d love to come watch:)”

#spencer agnew x reader #spencer agnew imagines #smosh x reader #spencer agnew fluff #smosh imagine

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safe-from-sharp-teeth · 2 days

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Ayo! I haven't answered asks in FOREVER, so it's time for some spring cleaning :) Also answering other stuff, like what I've been up to.

If you sent an ask and it's not here, sorry! I may have deleted it because the prompt required too much work of me and I wasn't feeling it, or I was uncomfortable.

Let's gooooo !

Firstly - where have I been? Work REALLY picked up in a way I wasn't expecting over the last...4 months? I was working double and often triple the hours I was used to. With work, vacations, random illnesses, and many video games I got a bit too obsessed with, this blog took a backseat. Plus, sometimes I get disinterested in vore when obsessed with something else. Sometimes, that lasts months, and it did this time.

But now I can confirm that work will FINALLY chill for a long period of time. I'm free! And more motivated than ever! Wahoo! Thanks for your support ALWAYS.

Next big question - when am I going to do more of my story? The one with Asyr? AHHHHHGHHGHH this story has consumed my life. I think about it daily. I dream about it. And yet I'm not as comfortable writing as I am drawing, so writing is a slow process that my perfectionist ass struggles with. I can assure you that there is a story in the works - and I am working on it at a snail's pace.

Okay, ask time...

@ponyluvesonic09 AYO maybe I'll make a full ghost pred pros/con list for you, because that sounds awesome! Kir//by is one of the silliest canon preds out there. Honestly getting eaten by him would be like getting vored by a vacuum, LOL. Galaxy tummy!! Imagine a prey floating around in one of those item bubbles all grumpy. Thank u for the ask, this is good stuff.

no. ( /・・)ノ

UWAGHHHHH I LIKE HER!!! Never played O/verwat/ch but what a gem!! I have a random fondness for centaur-like preds nowadays. She looks so cozy. THANK U I LOVE HER!!!

@tiger9o0 I have not played r//ain w//orld or know what it's about, LOL. Looks like a platformer? Man, I'm terrrriiiiibblleee at those. But whoever this is on the cover, I LIKE EM. A+. (That might not answer ur question shdjbghkjg SORRY)

@heimkoheimkofan LOVE THAT I GOT THE ROBOT ENJOYERS AFTER THAT ONE POST....YES yall are so right and I'm so wrong for just hard metal robot tums. I will rectify my mistake soon I PROMISE. Also oh! You were the one asking about stomachs other than elemental ones! IVE HAD THAT IN MY DRAFTS FOREVER IM SORRY AHHHH. I REALLY love your imagination with tums and you've inspired me to think of some awesome environments! THANKS

@fastfur07 BWAH?? Ugh I'm all over the place when it comes to art. Some pieces take 30 min (like the zangooc I drew at the top of this post), most take 2 days. Some really hard drawings like my wolf bat creechur from a few months ago and my shrimp from last year took a month. THANK U??

We're going back so far that I think this is about my naga oc (which I'm in the midst of redesigning cough cough). For him, he would never tolerate being prey, extremely unwilling bahaha. In general, I haven't thought much about naga or snake prey! I get the appeal of slurping up a noodle, but I just prefer human prey :)

@fastfur07 you fiend, you always give me the best drawing ideas. UNFORTUNATELY, I didn't have time to draw something for this one. BUTTTT....

(i've had this next one in my drafts for forever)

then i had a silly comic. I'll post the wip here because I won't finish it, so enjoy bahaha.

@blizzaria123-blog THANK U im rapidly melting into a puddle from ur words

@mrpotatomanversionsix relevant. i will continue drawing them 4 u

?!??!!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!? how dare u enter my ask box with this blasphemy

@sfwsillynoms WAH!!! you!!! I'm currently redesigning my naga oc but when I finish I'll tag you, if you're still around! And he can 100% be drawn with ur preysona :)

@mystorl i am SO late to this, but SMART. I like it. I shall give my lil guy this friend. I just want to let u know that I see this and it's wonderful and I will do something abt it.

I remember this ask made me laugh a ton when I first got it. thank u. idk why I find this so funny

@sillylilprey IM CRYING RIGHT BACK AHHHH this is an ancient ask, but thank u! hope you're still enjoying!

@terrytheinsane finally, the last ask in my askbox. I love it. You have been wronged with how long it took me to answer you. I have gained knowledge from your ask. THANKS

AND THAT'S IT!! Thanks guys, I hope to make you proud! Feel free to send more asks, and hopefully I will answer in a TIMELY manner.

Goodnight! And remember: Nice Vore ᕕ༼⌐■-■༽��

#zan asks #phew that was an essay #tldr im a lot more free now aaaanddd I shall answer asks in a more timely manner from now on #and i say thank u a lot #i appreciate and read EVERY ask #zan art #zangooc

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lauren-ce · 2 days

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An excellent twitter post talks at length about the confession in episode 8, and how it represents the destruction of Momoka's plan to mold Nina into a more successful version of herself. So, let's talk about some of the framing used in episode 4! It's relatively simple stuff, but I like looking for this sort of thing.

When Nina asks what Momoka thinks about Diamond Dust's success, Momoka dismisses her genuine question. As she does so, she walks from the light half of the screen to the darker section.

Here the filter really plays up the act—she's not being honest with herself or Nina. The dark framing matches her emotional state, she's literally in a dark place. The light of truth does not apply!

Nina presses on despite the distance between them, which is represented by the tree that literally cuts the scene in half, separating light from dark. Nina's curiosity wars with Momoka's insincerity.

"Does it matter?" Momoka asks, once again dismissing Nina's concern. She picks up the guitar, placing both a physical and aural barrier between them. The guitar obscures her. Though the camera has pulled back, no more of Momoka is visible than before.

In response, Nina steps into the open part of the frame. In doing so, she's boxed Momoka in between herself and the tree. She won't take dismissal for an answer. Notice how claustrophobic this shot is! Momoka is trapped on three sides.

And then Nina crouches down, mostly hidden by the counter in the background. Not only has she placed herself below Momoka as a way to plead for a straight answer, she's also joined her in the darkness. "I'll join you in your dark past."

Momoka leaves to step into the light while Nina remains in the dark. Not only are the two of them pushed to the far right of the frame to begin with, but consider: the pillar, counter, and the thresholds of the sliding doors serve to once again frame our two characters, dividing them.

Momoka returns and explains from the side of light, the informed member, while Nina listens. Her answer is literally illuminating.

And of course, this line comes up later in the episode when Subaru talks about her grandmother wanting her to become an actor. "When I tell her I'll follow in her footsteps, she smiles. It's the only time she shows a real smile, and not a fake one." The shot that follows isn't subtle! Nina thinks about the photograph in which Momoka is smiling honestly! This whole episode is setting the stage: Momoka sees Nina as a version of her that hasn't yet made the mistakes she herself has. In Momoka's eyes, Nina is not an individual yet.

The end of the scene shows them in the same portion of the apartment, the pillar no longer separating them. But all is not well. Nina has an answer, but she doesn't know that she's being projected upon. She's still in the dark. The light from the kitchen likewise does not reach Momoka, who is doing the projecting. Furthermore, Momoka stands above the kneeling Nina, cementing her position as the more powerful party.

#girls band cry #kawaragi momoka #nina iseri

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 3 days

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Oops just made the mistake of going into the hotd tag things seem a bit heated and not really in a good way. But I saw some of the promos I missed and figured while I was here, I'd put my two pennies worth in.

So concerning the daemon and rhaenyra clip, I'm not actually that concerned about it just yet. I saw a lot of posts before I saw the actual clip talking about how daemon was being abusive towards rhaenyra again, and I was a little worried thinking great here we go again. Had a few flashbacks to 1x10 and that whole fiasco. But then I saw the actual clip and being real it's a 2 sec long clip that has absolutely no context at all and the only thing daemon was abusive towards in those 2 sec was some crockery. All we know is that he is upset/angry about something. We don't know what he is angry about or even if that anger is directed at rhaenyra herself. So until I see the full clip with all its context I am choosing not to worry about it.

The other thing I want to talk about are the interviews talking about how rhaena has some resentment towards baela because she grew up with her grandparents, where as rhaena grew up with her parent/step parent. This is another thing I think I'll need to see within context to fully decide how I feel about it. It has potential to be interesting if done right, but I really don't want them to pit the two girls against each other. Like I could see rhaena having some feelings of jealousy and a bit of misplaced resentment towards baela, that would make sense to me. Baela has a dragon and she doesn't, she believes baela is their father's favourite, the fact that baela was chosen to go live at driftmark with rhaenys might make her think baela is also rhaenys favourite. I think it is similar to how aemond has feelings of resentment and jealousy towards his older brother and it could be an interesting foil to see how the brothers deal with those feelings on tg compared to how the sisters deal with them on tb. So I am good with rhaena having those feelings so long as she works through them with her sister as opposed to letting them take over and turn her against her sister. If that makes sense.

I won't lie I am a little worried about season 2 as a whole, but I said right after season 1 ended that I would give season 2 a chance so that's what I am going to do, but honestly whether I watch past that is going to depend entirely on what they do in season 2. I signed up for a show where a messy family go to war against each other and have dragon fights, that's what drew me in. What I didn't sign up for was a show constantly depicting unnecessary violence and abuse against its female characters with a feminist label slapped on it. That's just my preference so if the show is still going to go heavy with that then I may have to stop watching. But I guess we'll see.

#house of the dragon #hotd thoughts #hotd #team black #rhaena targaryen #daemon targeryan #rhaenyra targaryen #hotd season 2

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lawbreaker13 · 2 years

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Hot Take:

The risk Ladybug took in Strikeback wasn’t bringing Felix in to use the miraculous. It was allowing him to stay when he was done.

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murasaki-cha · 3 months

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Me: *explaining to my friend the torment that is Hirano not realising he's in love with Kagiura* AND IT'S JUST SO OBVIOUS YET HE STILL DOESN'T GET IT EVEN WHEN EVERYONE KNOWS!!! THE SLOWBURN IS KILLING ME!!

My bff: That's on you for being a sucker for slowburns bro

Me: Shut up they're adorable it's just that Hirano is one dense motherfuc-

My bff: Hey how long is this manga anyway?

Me: Well in total it's around 30 chapters so you can read it if you want

My bff: wait that's it? You make it seem like it's 200 chapters or something

Me: Hoe you don't get it. It only updates bimonthly...

My bff: ....oh god you're fucked

#now she won't read hirano to kagiura I have made a mistake #but honestly bimonthly updates are evil #the author is working on 2 mangas at the same time tho so I don't blame them #hirano to kagiura #hirano and kagiura #hirano taiga #kagiura akira #bl manga #shounen ai

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aboutnavi · 1 year

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I was brushing my teeth, reflecting about life, & my mind went back to AFTG and there is a scene on the first book that it has been stuck on my brain since I read the trilogy again this January and it's about Seth. Now, I know the fandom -in general- barely talk about Seth because Nora decided to kill him off for shock value and when people try to talk about him, it always comes back to 'he was a homophobic, disgusting piece of shit' which yes, valid but also, are we forgetting Aaron? The babyfication of Aaron in this fandom had everyone collectively forgetting he was exactly like Seth (even worse: towards his family!!!). Two wrongs doesn't make one right & I'm in no way justifying Seth's action but if we never talk about characters on AFTG just because they were problematic, we are not talking about any of them, ever (ok maybe some of them, but still).

My point is: the scene. Neil is confused as to why Seth hates Kevin -specifically him- so much, since Seth could get along with most people if he wanted and tried hard enough but he refused to give ground to Kevin & his answer is just so humanly heartbreaking it goes to my list of moments Nora did something right in AFTG. The scene goes like this:

Neil: Why do you hate him?

Seth: Because I'm sick of him getting everything he wants just because he's Kevin Day. Do you know what fame gets you, shitface? Everything. All he has to do is ask for it, and someone will give it to him. Doesn't matter what. Doesn't matter who. The world is dying to give him anything he wants. When he broke his hand, his fans cried for him. They flooded our locker room with letters and flowers. The amazing Kevin Day can't play anymore. Their lives were over. They'd grieve the loss forever. But tell me when's the last time anyone cried over you? Never, right? They're there for Kevin every step of the way, but where were they when we needed them?

Neil, stupidly: So you're jealous.

Seth: His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.

Neil first instinct is to say jealousy because jealousy is something he understands (he felt jealous of Kevin for having a future, for being able to play, for the talent, for the life he never got to live when his mother ran away, etc.) but for me what Seth is trying to portrait is more like the painful awareness that you get when you realize you're also worthy of love and care. Seth is such an unexplored character who had so much potential if Nora hadn't killed him for the sake of showing how Riko could be/was dangerous (and she could have done that in so many different ways!!!) & you can see that on, for example, Nora's post about his life. Seth was always the no-priority person, the kid no one payed attention to, the boy that if killed, not even his mother would come for the funeral. He was every aspect a Fox and he spent his entire life being told he was no one and to be able to say his life is not more important than mine shows so much development; the chance he had put on himself for being open to love, to care, to second and third chances... it was all there. It breaks my heart that he never got the chance to become something. & I do not believe he was an inherently bad person? They are so young in AFTG, all of them. Maybe Seth wasn't bad; maybe he was just twenty-two, you know?

& on the extra content when they tell Allison he died and she goes 'He called me not even an hour ago! He was drunk and rambling but he was happy for the first time in weeks. He was talking about how he finally thought graduating would be okay, about how he wanted me to help him look into grad schools. He wanted to go into social work and help people like he helps us. I know he wanted to die! Everyone knows he wanted to die! Every time he said he was done with life I walked away from him and every time he came chasing after me. This is the first time--he wanted to live.' breaks my heart.

Because, ok, Seth dies. Let's pretend it was a good idea for him to die to set some sort of impact on the story for a second. Except his death goes without much fuss. The shock Nora wanted is felt for maybe three seconds, in one paragraph in the last page of TFC and then we barely talk about Seth on TRK and TKM. Neil can't even understand how impactful was Seth's death - he only cares about how it will affect the game & his guilt is more about how Allison would feel towards him then sadness over losing a teammate - and this insight we get from Allison is from the extra content and not everyone goes on to read those so if Nora wanted something out of his death - pity, shock, sadness, or whatever - she should have put this scene IN THE BOOKS.

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eddis-not-eeddis · 1 month

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Dealing with newcomer's embarrassment gets easier if you are surrounded by people you have no respect for.

#oh this other professional saw me do something stupid that messed up my paperwork?#but she does shady things worse than the mistake i just made on purpose to make a buck #oh i just said something dumb to my boss #give him a few hours and he'll say something even dumber to me #oh no the guy who has been working at this job for twenty years just saw me make a rookie mistake #agony abounds but he just did six other things a lot worse than I did all in one day so i'll live with it #oh no the manager is a little disappointed with my performance?#so what he's a pushover and he won't say or do anything about it anyway i'll do better next time #oh no my one coworker hates my guts #she hate's everyone else's guts too and literally never shuts up about it #i'm not special #it sounds kind of depressing--and it can be #but i have a lot of affection for these people regardless of their issues #i just don't really let my failures around them bother me too much anymore because i honestly don't care what these people think of me #i'm not going to make the same mistakes ever again #but i don't have to let this stuff keep me up at night because i did something wrong #if i'm not going to go to them for advice why do i care what they think about me?#it was something that i realized a few months ago and ever since it's made things a LOT easier to deal with #plus #these people aren't dwelling on my failures either #they all have their own stuff going on #yeah they might harp on it for a while bit new things will come up and eventually they forget #they aren't thinking about me that much anyway #XD

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swinging-stars-from-satellites · 11 months

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girl help

#the only two girls I actually honestly get along with and enjoy hanging out with #are two girls who both have parents who go to our church but they're like in their early 20s #and are kind of rebelling and not sticking to their faith super well at this point in their lives #which like I can UNDERSTAND even if I don't APPROVE of. I'm the most faithful of the three of us tbh :/#like they've both made some (imo not SUPER damaging. I've seen plenty of young women come back from stuff like this) mistakes #and despite that I like them and like to chat with them and stuff. but my mom has said that she's proud of me for NOT #hanging out with them because they're not the kind of people I should be friends with #so how do I explain to her that like. people make mistakes. even bad ones sometimes. and they still have a pretty solid #foundation in both of their sets of parents and I don't see any actual huge issue with being friends with them #like.... these are the ONLY girls my age who have actively invited me to be friends. I would LIKE to be friends #I just ran into one of them and she asked if I wanted to go to the farmer's market together this weekend. how do I tell my mom #without her Disapproving because of this girl's current issues in keeping with her faith???#how do *I* make up my mind if it's even ok to be friends with these girls. idk how it works!!!!

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raveartts · 2 months

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#raveartts #rave.characters #furry art #animation #me after i re-export everything to add dithering only for tumblr to put the shitty color banding back ;_;#anyways i think this took like..3 and a half hours? maybe 4 idk #8 frames on 12fps and i managed to get it looking pretty darn smooth 😍#there's some mistakes in there which will only bother specifically me forever #but like #honestly this is the best animation i've ever made #she looks so fucking adorable and i'm gonna pat myself on the back about that #it's nice being able to shade with multiply layers on an animation too #ANYWAYS goodnight tumblr #my hand is cramped to infinity and beyond #but loooook i added her hair gradient AND the stripes #incredible stuff right here #i could've added a nicer bg but i had zero ideas and again..my hand...it hurts

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yourqueenb · 7 months

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I think Dirty Little Secrets is interesting so far. And I’m surprised I haven’t seen more about it. It feels different than PB’s usual in some ways

#choices dls #choices dirty little secrets #choices #choices stories you play #playchoices #yeah it seems like they’re still gonna lean heavily on smut #that’s no surprise #but at least the LI has a little allure to him #and we’re not fucking cheating for once 🙄#I’m sure the HOA bitch won’t be too different from their usual antagonists either #she def gives Vanessa from MoTY vibes #but I like the messiness of having a book centered around a neighborhood #I wanna know all the tea lol #and I want our neighbors gossiping about us and the LI #and obviously I’m especially intrigued by Sadie saying he killed his wife #the mystery aspect makes all of this even more interesting #so yeah overall we’ll see how PB handles it #hopefully they learned from the mistakes they made in MoTY with Vanessa and the PTA #and hopefully they don’t drop the ball on the mystery like they usually do #which is honestly very likely since they have a tendency to ignore plot in favor of smut 🤦🏽‍♀️#either way though I’m tentatively optimistic #choices app

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titsthedamnseason · 7 months

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my roommate cut my hair for me tonight and at first i was (secretly) sad because it is wayyyyy too short but then i realized. i literally just got the 1989 chop. like this was all meant to happen this way

#nooo bc like 😭 it is NOT her fault. it is entirely my fault #i have curly hair (maybe i should start straightening it just to fully live out the aesthetic lmao) and i made the rookie mistake of showing #her where i wanted it to fall when it was DRY #and on top of that obviously when it comes to hair cutting everyone is always doing too much #but my friend is soooo cautious and gets anxious about these things so i honestly thought she wouldn’t do enough #and would kind of ask me while doing it in increments #like last time when i had my roommate cut my hair i couldn’t even tell that she did ANYTHING #but anyway yeah she definitely went shorter than where i pointed which already was faulty in the first place because i forgot how much it #would curl up #i mean i’m actually happy because it’s been frustrating me how absolutely tangled it’s been getting so that’s a relief #but i’m mostly sad because it’s about to be halloween #and i wanted my dead ends GONE for halloween because i am being barbie. who has notoriously perfect hair!#and they definitely are but i also lost all my length #like i’m trying to tell myself it’ll grow back soon but the last time my hair was this short was maybe like two years ago #and i’ve missed my long hair so bad it was finally starting to come back #but now it’s gone again and i have to start all over ☹️ and my barbie hairstyle options are severely limited #i will probably do braided pigtails #mine

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kitkatnerds3 · 7 days

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I think she should be more insane, actually.

#genshin impact #genshin faruzan #Inspiration struck me like an unexpected boxing match and I finished this in like an hour #The heavy stylization and lack of shading probably helped contribute to that. But I'm still proud of myself!#Faruzan has honestly one of my favorite backstories ever #It's so simple yet awful #It was a normal day. She was exploring some ruins in the desert like she had done many times before because she's a professional.#And she just made one simple small basic mistake and it ruined her life #Do you think she was calm at first? Do you think she thought it would just take a couple hours. Maybe a day?#Or that someone outside would come to help her out?#When do you think she realized it would take so much more then just a day for her to get out?#When do you think she excepted that she would die before getting out?#And how do you think she felt when she found out she wouldn't?#Was she hopeful? And how long did it take for that hope to turn to dread as she realized she couldn't even escape through death?#Do you think she ever gave up on trying to solve her way out?#Do you think the walls have marks on them from when she tried to claw her way out with desperate bloody fingers?#Do you think that empty old domain still echos with the sound of her screams?#I have so many thoughts about faruzan and her time alone in that domain #I really need to play her hangout quest

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silentalltheseyearsnomore · 9 months

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In and out of constant crisis... to be expected. Its brutal. SO brutal.

There's a line though, where it is either pain being released and parts processing.. or just retraumatising. And the difference between what makes it one or the other can be so small! And usually to do with if we feel alone or not, connected to S or not, allowed to reach out or not.

Yet we are seeing we survive each time? And it passes. Same with S... we reconnect each time. She doesn't leave.

Today we made a huge leap! An email she sent landed badly. A part wrote a reply, not meanly at all (we never do that and are proud of our ability to communicate these days), but saying how it felt and how upset. But we didn't send... because we knew it wouldn't help. Its how they felt and it was real and valid. But she'd likely feel more defeated and stressed, then we'd feel more disconnected, and the same old cycle. (Also, we figured even IF it was intended how it felt.. we no longer beg for people to understand or care, and that has to be true for her too.) So we didn't send, and instead chose to trust our overall relationship instead of these moments and details.. and just turn up today as unguarded as humanly possible. Which was still hugely guarded lol.

It was SO hard to do. But I am so proud of us. And it went so well. It allowed us both to connect so much quicker and easier and see we are on the same side. We didn't hug her straight away like normal and just hid ourselves not looking at her, but as she started talking and we could hear there weren't bad intentions, we managed to lift a finger up and she reached for it and held our hand. And we were SO proud of us in that moment. It doesn't seem big. But for us it is huge. To be able to reach for connection without going through every detail of what hurt, ask a lot of questions, pick it all through, stay in defense... instead we just listened to how it felt right in that moment. And it allowed us to connect quicker. We made a new choice and it paid off.

She made a comment about us seeming to not want to be there, possibly hating her (kind of jokingly) and we realised that's how it may seem.. like to us it is OBVIOUS we never hate her, always want her. But then to her it is obvious how much she cares etc, and that doesn't mean we always see it. It softened so many protective parts and we looked up and we both smiled and we said of course we don't. It's just all painful. But the pain isn't from her, it's everything before her. And then cuddled in to her. It was so simple in that moment. We are on the same side.

And the whole session was so connecting and simple. Despite the fact we never talked through what happened earlier in the week really.. and despite it being one of the last sessions. It was just simple. The ending of therapy is terrifying but also helping us let go of details and see the big picture. She's SO on our side. We aren't on opposite sides. She's fighting a whole system for us. She's paying for her specialised supervisor she got just for us, even after we arent a client, to help us both through this transition and to help us fight the system as she's a very high up contact. She is thinking everything about this transition through so she doesnt rush things or make mistakes others did. She cares so much. So yeah, she's not perfect, she misses the mark, and she can't be everything we wish she could. But she is a human who wants us in her life and cares deeply and is fighting to get us the right support. We can get lost in all the pain or we can look at how lucky we are to have her.

#s #pls let us remember this #pleaseee can we all stay in this reality more #but honestly! choosing to not pick apart hurts and know that the intentions werent harmful.... so BIG #ofc theres a balance because we cant just let people harm us from good intentions #like k #but looking at the big picture and seeing what really matters #the big picture with k was a lot of harm amongst the love for example #the big picture with s is so much support and care and some mistakes and hurt because we are both human #we could spend the times we have with her pulling apart those mistakes or missings #or we could spend the time feeling connected #like i know its not that simple lol #we never felt we had a choice before #but right now we do!!!!!!#we saw the choice and made it and it was so much better #we need as much comfort and connection and joy as possible right now #and that means maybe just letting some things go #maybe its okay to let mistakes and missings go in safe relationships #maybe shes not going anywhere so if we feel the need to bring something up down the line we can #!!!!#maybe theres no urgency #maybe we can let things go and see how it feels #and if they cant be fully let go we can bring it up at another time #because maybe there is time and space and ????#wild

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