“Each bough and branch gave me a map, not only of that moment but also of what had been lived by me and what might still be found. The nature in that forest harboured my life within her lap and held it out for me to retrace and to know again. She had it all, inscribed into her bark. I had become part of her body; there were traces of me laced among the trees, scattered on the forest floor, caught inside the mosses, harboured in the damp air of the night. The forest knew me simply because I had walked through her remembering heart.”
~ Carolyn Hillyer, Book of Hag
Photo: Ancient forests near Hatfield River, Tarkine, Tasmania. Photographed by Hillary Younger, Tarkine in Motion 2016.
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Forever heartbroken at the thought that Lucien was another victim of a hag, at the mercy of someone else's bargain with them--like Beau, like Veth. A deal he never made, but was still forced to pay the price. Even as it tore his family apart. Lucien, young and terrified and wallowing in guilt, haunted for years by all the people he was forced to lead to a little house in the woods. Unable to bear it any longer.
"'We did owe her. Mum and Da did, I mean, but I was the one who paid that blood price.' I'm not surprised you remember the way. His stomach lurched. 'I'd...lure folk out to her cottage. Da would hand me a little paper slip, and whoever it said, I'd convince them to come along, get them near her cottage, and she would charm them. You saw what happens after that.'"
"'We were punished for seeing what they couldn't. After a while I couldn't let it go on, couldn't look at myself or live with myself, so I burned down the caravan with all three of them inside, took my sister, and that was that...No more little songs. No more farces.'"
"If all along her demise only required a dagger to the heart, then why had he let it go on so long? A parade of faces whipped by, and Lucien abruptly had to know, had to see...he raced to the cottage and threw open the door. And there he saw the parade of faces again, lifeless and now stretched..."
Lucien who knows so intimately the same pain of Caleb's past, both of them desperate to do everything they can to turn back time, get their family back. But Lucien's parents never loved him like that, were never the kind and warm family that Caleb had. They abused him and his siblings for years. And then they forced him to be part of their deal with a hag.
And all the while, as a young child Lucien was leading dangerous people deep into the woods all alone, that very same witch always intended to add him to her collection one day too. Lucien's father sends others to their deaths so easily. If the hag had outright asked for his own child instead, would he even care? Because he didn't when the hag made their first son Empty, turned him into a hollow puppet.
And what Azrahari says to Lucien is just so chilling, such a violation of his autonomy. "My beautiful boy...I had hoped to make you mine one day. What a perfect specimen you would have made. Oh, how you would have been merry with laughter and dance..." (And the comment about being beautiful? Can't help remembering Jester calling Lucien dreamy, and how it takes him by surprise. How all his life he was made to feel different, cursed--an outcast--)
Thinking about "no more little songs." Thinking about how much Lucien actually loved the little plays and performances his family put on, still remembers his lines all these years later, still carries a love for song and dance that bleeds into Mollymauk. Molly, who does get to be "merry with laughter and dance," who fills the Emptiness Lucien always so feared with joy and warmth and love.
Making a happy life for himself, taking back the freedom and autonomy the hag and the Eyes all tried to steal from Lucien. And maybe a part of Lucien always recoils from Mollymauk because he reminds him too much of the haunting mirror image the hag tried to make him, the promise of eternal happiness while tying him with puppet strings. Lucien never quite believing that Molly is real or whole or free, that such a charmed life can be anything but a dream--like the one he always chased--
Thinking of how the thing Lucien wanted most was a happy family, the "once upon a time" fairytale life from the stories he always cherished, merry little songs and plays and dance. Stories as an escape, a familiar place of childhood comfort, something to cling to in his darkest moments.
"'Once upon a time, there was a happy family.' (He recognized the sweet, musical voice of Elatis...) 'Mother and Father loved their three children dearly, and they all lived in a green wooden house with tall windows and strong doors. Mother taught the young of a fine, rich family, and Father carved instruments for the kingdom's musicians. They never went hungry, they never quarreled, and their lives were golden for all their days.'"
"'Once upon a time,' he said, eyes open and staring across the dome gathering snow. 'There was a happy family, and they were that way for a little while. Something tore them apart from the inside out...There was a happy family, and then it was gone.'"
"Once upon a time, there was a happy family... In the dream they would be whole again. In Cognouza, it would all be fixed...He told himself it wasn't too far gone, then pulled his shoulders back and clawed raw wounds down his monstrous face, smiling all the while, his teeth becoming fangs becoming tusks. Once upon a time..."
Thinking of how it's ultimately the Moonweaver who's able to make those dreams a reality, who gives them the second chance he's always begged for. "Once upon a time--" "Twice upon a time--" "Thrice upon a time--" When a part of him became Molly. When the two of them become Kingsley.
"'Once upon a time,' she says, then her milk-white eyes pop upon in surprise and she giggles. You want to stay here forever, in her odd, forever-moving sensuality. 'No, twice upon a time. Now we can begin. Begin again, I mean.'"
"Here we go: Once upon a time, twice upon a time. She pauses and giggles. 'Thrice upon a time, f--' Her white brow furrows. 'Hang on. What comes after thrice? Does anyone know?...Isn't that the strangest thing? There is nothing after thrice in the sequence, it just ends there. But that doesn't seem right, does it? Or fair. Well. I think we shall just have to make it up."
Thinking about a young and terrified tiefling whose parents handed him over to a witch, who was offered the illusion of happiness and freedom again and again, but always it came with chains. Who always feared becoming Empty, who was almost made into a doll, a puppet, a hollow shell for a hag's entertainment, something to put on display like a grisly trophy, to puppet the strings like a marionette. Thinking about a goddess of Love who cradled this wounded soul in her arms, cut him free and sang him songs, made him the beloved king of a fairytale--
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Propaganda under the cut
Eileen
Eileen is an assassin whose sworn duty is to dispose of other hunters that have been corrupted by their lust for blood.
She won the Old Woman Tourney from the Elderly Tourney.
Nanase
she's old she's catty and sarcastic she casually uses yokai as bait or blackmail material she picks fights with teenagers on behalf of her teen/twenty-something exorcist boss. she often wears suits in a series where other women are always in skirts or kimono and yokai disguise themselves as beautiful women to try to get her favor; she ignores them bc its her worldview that you shouldnt let yourself be soft enough to be fooled by anything. she is sick as hell <3
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yeah ruby how dare you write about sex 🤬🤬🤬
some of us just enjoy writing it more than other genres. If you don’t like smut, don’t follow a smut writer? easy peary babes! and anyways, i love your smuts 💓
Yeah, how dare I harness my sexual frustration and needs and turn it into pieces of artistic filth?
It's like the equivalent of when ppl say you shouldn't call idols sexy but it's okay to call them cute.
Because a man in their 20s is totally going to prefer being called cute over being called sexy.
Obviously its even better to comment on their talents, contributions and amazing personality but if you're going to focus on appearance, I feel they would still preferred to be called hot.
Especially Wooyoung,
In majority of his fancalls when ppl say he's cute he'll be like...
'Sexy not cute'
And you know what? He deserves it haha
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