#Anyways I’m on my lunch break crying in a park and I just want to stop existing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yenqa · 1 year

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APPLE CIDER!

thank u @soov for helping me pick the banner!

sypnosis : you haven’t experienced much love in your life. well reciprocated romantic love, your first “boyfriend”, was only with you because a bet. until you unexpectedly meet jay, a frat boy whose known for breaking hearts. you’d be a fool to give him a chance right? too bad you both like apple cider.

when a heartbroken girl meets a heart breaker and they bond over apple cider.

featuring : enhypen, chaewon of lsfm, eunbi, one member of txt (EL OH EL THERES LIKE NO ONE)

warnings : literally the most cliche story ever, swearing, underage drinking, food, parties, crying, kissing (not in detail), being drunk (not reader), crying, angsty, reader hates parties, mentions of hooking up/sex, mentions of weed, reader has bad habits, blood, i think thats it?

wc : 7.9k (only 900 words over the expected amount!!)

pairing : jay x fem!reader (uses she/her)

a/n : hey guys… this fic is the most cliche shit ever and idk how it happened,,, u would think this would be like original but its not 😂 🤣. heres the playlist i listened to while making it! and everyone thank @wonieleles and @redm4ri for proof reading it !! anyways,,, enjoy!

READ PART TWO HERE!

cut glitch pls spare me

001 THE INVITATION

“c’mon y/n! i know you’re not over hyun-woo but please! one party! it’s been like a month since you broke up, and yeonjun personally invited me to this party!”

“way to put it lightly chaewon,” you’re tempted to leave and sit somewhere else. can’t she just understand you don’t want to go?

“please! i’ll get you um- coffee for a week!”

you scoff at her suggestion, but after thinking about it, it does seem like a pretty good offer. i mean, it will be just one party right?

“when’s the party ?” you ask, almost persuaded.

“it’s this friday, i can pick you up, and we can get there at nine. the party starts at like eight, but everyone goes at nine.” she pauses for a moment before continuing.

“if you’re uncomfortable, we can leave right away! plus, your beloved chaewon would be right next to you the whole time! isn’t that tempting?” she elbows you softly, and you give her a disgusted look before changing back to your normal one.

“fine. but! you have to let me borrow a dress because i don’t really have any party dresses.”

“you have that one green one! that’s like a v-neck!” chaewon shapes the dress out with her hands, trying to prove her point.

“it’s too big,” you point out, taking a bite out of your forgotten lunch.

“okay fine… i’ll pick you up at seven, and we can get ready and stuff at my house! i’m not lending you any makeup though.” she picks back up her fork, stuffing her mouth with food.

“fine with me.” you shrug, taking a sip of water.

chaewon’s voice suddenly goes quiet, “y/n, you know those really popular guys? well one of them is looking at you!” she whisper-shouts, trying her best to hide her expression.

“so? you’re popular too, maybe he’s staring at you.” you brush it off, why would it even matter anyways?

“no y/n- that’s jay park. he’s like- he has some major beef with hyun-woo.”

“and what does that have to do with me?”

“jay is a heartbreaker, maybe you’re his next subject to get hyun-woo mad or some shit because i know sunghoon told him about you two.”

“so? hyun-woo didn’t even like me, nothing bad will happen,” you reassure her, patting her shoulder. okay, but who the hell is sunghoon? you wonder.

“whatever you say. but stay away from him okay?” she looks at you seriously.

“okay but what does he even look like-?” you whip your head around to see a group of guys laughing. one shamelessly staring at you. he smirks at you, a wink coming soon after. you look at him in disgust, turning around.

“why did you look y/n!” chaewon whisper-shouts again.

“what? i was curious. how am i supposed to stay away from him if i don’t know who he is?” you put your hands up in defense.

“okay fine…” she groans.

“you’re still going to the party right?”

“yeah sure, whatever.”

002 FIRST MEETING

you enter your last period of the day, which also happens to be your least favorite, math. you never really understood why it was necessary in the real world, when would you need to figure out what the integral of a function is? but it’s not like you want to retake math in your senior year. so you get your notebook, and mechanical pencil out, clicking the end a few times before writing the date at the top of the page.

as you’re writing the date down, you can hear the repeated taps on your shoulder from the person behind you, so you turn around to face eunbi.

“hey, are you going to yeonjun’s party?” eunbi asked curiously.

you don’t know why she asked considering you two weren’t the closest of friends, and honestly, you thought she trusted people too easily, which included you. but it wouldn’t hurt to answer right?

“yeah i’m going with chaewon, are you?”

“yeah, me and hyun-woo will be there,” she says almost teasingly. eunbi gives you a genuine smile like she had no clue that you and hyun-woo ever dated. but in reality, she didn’t.

you and hyun-woo kept it on the low, so no one really knew about you two unless they saw you on dates. maybe he did that so he could cheat on you at parties you didn’t go to without anyone knowing. but you tried not to think about him anymore. it’s not like he’s going to beg on his knees for you to take him back.

“oh, well i think class is starting soon, but i’ll make sure to say hi at the party.” you notice how your voice almost deflates after she mentioned him. and eunbi almost notices it too. until her train of thought is broken when your math teacher, mrs. lim, walks in.

one thing you had forgotten was that jay was in your math class. he seems to be having the time of his life on his phone, and sometimes during that period, it’s obvious that mrs. lim catches him, clearly typing away under his desk, but she never seems to point it out.

you never seemed to be mrs. lim favorite. but you definitely weren’t her least favorite. you participated sometimes, usually getting the answers right, and you never really talked or interrupted anything in that class. it was obvious to you at least, that jay was mrs. lim’s favorite. he never got detention for being late, didn’t even have his laptop charged a majority of the time, and he never seemed to look at the board. any of this would’ve easily gotten you detention with an email to your parents, but unless mrs. lim had been doing this on the down low (which she never does), then it’s obvious she favors him over the rest.

mrs. lim had this annoying thing where she would write three questions on the board, and would draw sticks with each person's name on it to see who would answer the question. and to your luck, you were the second person to be called.

you step up to the whiteboard, trying to solve the equation as efficiently as possible so you could quickly sit back down. she calls out the next person's name to which you didn’t really care, it’s not like it would change anything. well until you saw a familiar sharp jawline, standing right next to you. whatever side fate was on, it wasn’t on yours because just as you had suspected, he had no idea what to write.

“y/n right?” he whispers closely to your ear, making you scoot away, “can you help me solve this?”

“no i can’t” you smile sarcastically, “maybe if you’d pay attention you would know.” you finish writing the answer as you place the cap back onto the marker, walking back to your seat. he smirks at your interaction, writing his solution on the whiteboard. okay, so he did know how to solve the equation? he just asked me for fun i guess. you internally groan, realizing that chaewon was right, you truly were jay’s new target.

003 THE PARTY

friday rolled around more quickly than you would like. you told your parents previously that you were going to sleep over at chaewon’s house, and luckily they allowed it. so, you grabbed your makeup bag and everything you needed to stay the night, (including some medicine in case chaewon got a hangover). you wave goodbye to your parents when you see chaewon’s car parked outside your house. as you head to her house, you start to regret even agreeing to her deal. was a week’s worth of coffee really worth going to some stupid fuck-boys party? it was already too late when you started to put on your makeup, deciding to have some slightly brighter eyeshadow than your usual going-out look.

“no one will notice my eyeshadow, right? i feel like it’s kind of bright.” you turn to face chaewon, who’s picking an outfit out for the both of you.

she scans your eyes, stopping with an outfit in her hands.

“put more on your left eye, to balance it out.” she replies, laying out the clothes on her bed.

you touch up your eye, adding your eyeliner and some lip tint to your lips as you turn to see all the outfit options.

“ta-daa~ do you like these?” she gives you jazz hands, picking the clothes up and imagining they’re on you. in the end, you both chose the outfit with the skirt rather than the dresses. chaewon picked out her outfit, and you both left the house. luckily, chaewon’s parents were taking a vacation somewhere for a week. you two sang your hearts out, laughing at whatever joke you guys made, or every time one of your voices would crack or sing completely wrong. you thought you enjoyed the ride more than whatever the party had to offer, (which wasn’t much).

you could hear the music booming once you entered the small neighborhood. it played softly as you entered, soon becoming much louder as chaewon parked her car. when you finally exited the car and entered the house, you felt like you could go blind from the rainbow lights moving around as you and chaewon tried to navigate your way through the dancing crowd and to the kitchen where all the drinks are. you enter the kitchen, which happens to be much less crowded than the living room.

“it’s so loud in here, why would you bring me here?” you joke, projecting your voice as she shrugs.

“whatever! but i’m going to go find yeonjun, bye! don’t take drinks from anyone!” she yells much louder than you did, walking away and trying to spot her familiar ‘friend’.

you groan, she said she wasn’t going to leave me here. you decide to get a drink, looking at each bottle to find your favorite one. soon, you turn one to see the words “sparkling apple cider”; you smile, grabbing the drink and pouring it into your own.

“not a drinker?”

you turn to see the infamous jay park next to you again.

“not really no, someone has to drive home, and i just really like apple cider,” you take a small sip of the carbonated drink, feeling the fizzy feeling in your throat. jay pours himself some apple cider, looking up while drinking it.

“yeah, i enjoy sparkling apple cider a lot too, i don’t really like the taste of any alcoholic drinks too much, i only really take shots, unlike my friends.” he chuckles at his sentence, sneakily placing his hand on your waist, looking slightly down at you. you slightly flinch at the contact, taking another sip of the cider to cover your reddening cheeks.

you hum, acknowledging his sentence, he continues. “you look nice in that skirt, you should wear it more often.” he flashes you a wink, to which you roll your eyes.

“maybe i’ll wear them less then,” you answer, escaping from his grasp; you grab the bottle of apple cider again and pouring more for yourself. he smirks at the scene, leaving you confused.

“what’s so funny about me pouring apple cider?” you defend yourself, giving him a confused look.

“nothing, you just pour it weirdly, honey.” he flashes you a smile, pushing back his hair.

“don’t call me that, and i’m just pouring it? what’s the difference?” you ask, bewildered by what he said.

“i’ll show you, can you pour it for me?” he hands you his cup, gesturing you to give him some.

“is this a trick for me to pour your drink for you?”

“just do it apple,” he chuckles at your accusation. you place the cup down and pick up the bottle with both hands.

“apple? why that nickname?” you ask, pouring some cider into his plastic cup.

“isn’t it obvious? you love apple cider so much so why can’t it?”

jay notices how you didn’t exactly deny his request for a nickname. apple it is, he thinks as you roll your eyes and place the bottle down, turning to face him. “what is so wrong with how i pour the drink?”

“here let me show you.” he grabs your hand, guiding it with his hands on your own, tilting both items towards each other. letting the bottle spill out into the cup.

“that way, there are fewer bubbles on the top babe,” he continues, taking yet another gulp of his apple cider.

“i-i’ll make sure to wash my hands after this.” you try to make a rude remark back at him without sounding flustered.

he feels giggly at your flustered state. wait, what is wrong with him? he softly lifts your chin to face him, a teasing smile evident on his face.

“why so flustered apple?”

he stares at you, waiting for your answer.

“what?”

“i said,” he maintains eye contact with you, “why-”

“y/n!” you quickly push jay away from you, turning your head to see eunbi, waving at you. you wave back, smiling at her. next to her, was hyun-woo, you noticed he had been trying to keep eye contact with you, which you avoided.

“i love your skirt y/n! where’d you get it?” she checks you out, grabbing whatever clean cup was near to pour herself a drink. you give a knowing look to jay smiling at her.

“i actually have no idea,” you chuckle, “i’m wearing chaewon’s clothes because i had nothing to wear, but i can ask her for you! she might be a little busy with yeonjun though.”

she pats your shoulder, “it’s okay hun! i’ll ask her later, but it was nice talking to you! come on hyun-woo let’s go back to the dance floor.” she grabs his arm walking away. you let out a sigh of relief, forgetting jay was there.

“i told you that skirt looked good on you.” he confidently adds, putting your hair behind your ear.

“it’s different when it comes from the school's heartbreaker, you should know that with your reputation and all.” instead of being offended, he looks at you in a flirty manner.

“and what do you know about my reputation?”

“i know you’re probably toying with me right now like you’ve done with countless of girls, yet somehow you have a bunch of fangirls waiting in line for their chance,” you pick at your skin, watching as the skin turns a dark shade of red.

he’s almost stunned at your reply, sure he did have a pretty bad reputation with girls, but since when was he that easy to read?

you acknowledge his silence, nodding in acceptance. walking away from the conversation before it could get any worse. he's tempted to follow you before he sees you walking up to chaewon, begging to go home. however, yeonjun and chaewon insist that you two would stay, as the party hasn’t even started yet. you were stubborn as always, walking outside, sitting on the edge of the sidewalk, and waiting for chaewon to leave. jay almost thanks yeonjun, for making you stay longer. this way, it would be easier for hyun-woo to spot you two together again. making jay’s job even easier.

he starts thinking of what to say, to maybe change your view of him. so he stands in the doorway, he notices how you shiver in the cold, but you ignore it, putting all your focus on stopping your finger from bleeding more.

jay gracefully takes off his jacket, walks over to you, and places it on your shoulders, you pause the round you were playing, looking at him in annoyance. you take off his jacket, placing it back in his hands.

“i don’t need your jacket, i’m fine.”

jay continues your previous conversation, handing back his jacket and firmly placing his arm around your shoulder, so you wouldn’t take it off.

“what could i do to prove i’m not trying to break your heart?” jay asks, trying his best to look saddened at what you had said earlier.

this time you’re the one left stunned, however, you quickly pick yourself back up, “by leaving me alone,” you answer, continuing the game you had just paused.

he chuckles at your response, leaning towards you, “you know i can’t do that apple.” he flirtatiously replies. you for the nth time that day, roll your eyes at him. you scoot away from him, coming up with a bright idea.

“then can you take me to chaewon’s house then? i am so sick of this party.” jay smirks at your reply.

“are you sure i’m the one who wants to hook up with you so bad?” he gets up, grabbing his key, “but yeah, i’ll drive you to her house.”

you smile at him, texting chaewon that somebody offered to take you home and that she’d have fun. Then jay leads you to his car, making some small talk on the way. he opens your door for you, letting you in. “wow, what a gentleman.” you sarcastically say, stepping into the car. he just smiles.

“just trying to prove that i’m not trying to break your heart.”

in his car, he luckily had a bandage, which you gladly accepted.

while he was driving, jay almost felt bad he was playing you. i mean you had just broken up with hyun-woo weeks ago, or was it months ago? whatever, it’s not like i care. he thought as he stopped at the red light. he looked over at you, smiling while watching whatever was outside the window. he turned back to the road, ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach as he listened to your directions.

“oh! take a left at the next light.”

he nods, and the lights turn green. his car blends in with the crowd by keeping up with the pace. jay places his right hand on your thigh. he notices how your legs tense at the feeling, slowly relaxing.

jay usually never made the first moves, usually, the girl made the first moves and he played along with it. he didn’t seem to realize why he was so consistent with you. usually, if the girl left, or played hard to get, he gave up on her. for the reason that he could always find another girl. this is to get back at hyun-woo. he thought. but did hyun-woo really deserve this? jay definitely thought he did.

he remembered how distraught he was when hyun-woo was chosen by the coach to be captain of the rugby team. not that he was a bad player or he was a sore loser, but jay thought that hyun-woo was such a stuck-up, which was probably why he was chosen to be captain. the whole team truly believed jay would get the role. he always knew how to pull the team together and get them to play their best. hyun-woo however, always seemed to bring the mood down. after hyun-woo started to continuously mock jay for not getting captain, he knew that his time with that team was over. so he left. even now, a majority of the team still talks to jay, the few who he was close to, told him that hyun-woo was always talking shit about him.

he didn’t care at first. it’s not like it’ll do anything to my reputation. he assured himself, continuing to ignore every time he was told hyun-woo said that stuff. but when sunoo told him hyun-woo felt guilty for breaking your heart and how he only dated you because of a bet. jay knew he had to take the opportunity and seize the girl. he didn’t think this would backfire on him feeling guilt. but here he was, driving you home from a party he desperately wanted to stay at.

you remember suddenly why you were so warm inside and outside the car, you quickly take his jacket off placing it in the middle of your seat.

“you can return it to me on monday, just in case you get cold over the weekend” he sends you a flirty smile, quickly turning back to the road.

“are you sure? i mean it looks pretty expensive, and it seems special since it had your initials on it.” you flip the jacket around, showcasing to him the large letters spelling P.J.

“yeah, i’m sure.”

“and if you’re fangirls see me with your jacket, they’ll go crazy and think we’re dating! i don’t want that, so please take it.” you almost beg, holding the jacket near his shoulder.

“why would they think we’re dating?”

“oh, i don’t know. maybe it’s because your initials are on the back of it? and you’re in the rugby team and it says decelis rugby team under it?” you sarcastically answer.

“well i’m not on the team anymore, but also it could stand for peanut butter and jelly for all they know. so who cares?” he chuckles at his own joke, as you look at him in disgust.

you wonder if hyun-woo would care, hopefully, he did. hyun-woo had always been a jealous man. well, he might’ve been faking it for all you know, he was faking it the whole relationship, why would that be different? you quickly pull yourself together, responding to jay’s joke. “very funny. take a right at the light then turn left on the first turn.” you almost forget your job, quickly directing him the right way and placing the jacket on your lap.

he nods, moving through the road until you spot chaewon’s familiar brown house. you point at it, “that’s hers,” you say, as he pulls into the driveway.

you exit the car and wave goodbye as he drives away. you look at your hand and realize, shit, you’re holding his jacket. you must’ve picked it up when getting out of the car. damn it! now you have to deal with jay, one more time.

004 TEARS

when you had gotten onto chaewon’s bed after washing up, you couldn’t but feel saddened by the deja vu you were experiencing.

every second you were talking to him, you were reminded of hyun-woo.

his flirty words, his smirk, his infamous charming smile, his party boy persona. all lead you back to hyun-woo.

all jay did was remind you of hyun-woo.

you don’t even know when you had fallen so deeply for hyun-woo. maybe it was because he noticed things nobody else did. maybe it was because of his stupid smile. his stupid smile that made you fall in love.

when you got to the party you two were meeting at and he drunkenly admitted to the bet he had made, you knew you should’ve listened to what everyone had said, to what chaewon said. chaewon was always right. and you should’ve known that.

so with tears slowly trickling down your face, you opened his contact. looking through old text messages since you didn’t dare to text him. you ignored the ones where you were arguing since they weren’t the most comforting. but the more you read, the more blurry your eyes got.

deciding it was time for you to go to sleep, you roll over plugging in your phone charger and staring at the ceiling of chaewon’s room.

005 CONFRONTATION

the monday of, you believed the math gods were testing you every day. who decided to make you take calculus and then put jay park in my class? if you could ask your homeroom teacher to change your schedule, you would do it in a heartbeat, if he wasn’t creepy. but that's beside the point, whatever curse was placed on you, it was working.

you sit down in your usual seat. doing your usual routine as eunbi sits behind you. you turn around, feeling bad she always started the conversations.

“hi eunbi! did you have fun at the party?” you ask, knowing she probably loved it much more than you.

“yeah i did!” she leans towards you, quieting down “you know the guy i was with? hyun-woo?” you nod, praying that they didn’t do much together. “i made out with him.” she giggles at her sentence, as your face falls, quickly changing it to a smile, “congrats girl!” you clap a little bit for her, “i thought you were already dating, to be honest.” you didn’t think that, but it wouldn’t hurt to be nice sometimes.

“i wish, i have such a huge crush on him. what about you? do you have a crush on anyone? i won’t tell anyone i promise!” she pulls out her pinky, you don’t bring yours, as you don’t have a secret to tell. you glance at jay walking in, and eunbi’s eyes follow yours.

“you have a crush on jay park?” she whispers shouts, looking at you in disbelief.

“no!” you quickly exclaim, earning the stares of classmates around you, you apologize, quickly immersing yourself back into the conversation.

“i literally don’t even like him-”

“who don’t you like apple?” of course, jay joins your conversations, moving the seat next to you to sit down. you glare at him, “why are you even here? go sit at your seat.” you signal him to move away, to which he doesn’t listen. “well you have my jacket don’t you, princess?” eunbi watches the scene in shock as you pull out his jacket from your bag, handing it to him. “don’t call me that, i barely even know you,” you add, zipping up your bag.

“it won’t be like that for long, i'm sure,” he replies, moving the chair back as he sits in his assigned seat. eunbi, still in shock from the scene, hits you on the shoulder.

“what was that y/n?” she covers her mouth with her hand, laying her other hand on your shoulder. you hear the bell ring, meaning your conversation is over, “i’ll tell you later,” you whisper to her, turning to face the front.

when you told eunbi you would be telling her later, you didn’t mean her and chaewon. chaewon was waiting for you outside your class like always, when eunbi asked what happened between you and jay as you passed by the doorway she knew she had to join in.

“wait so jay did what?” chaewon asks, almost disappointed.

“while you were busy dancing your ass off with yeonjun, i was talking to jay in the kitchen and he kept flirting with me so i told him i knew he was playing with me and left. then i went to you and ya know, asked to go home. you declined so i went outside and sat on the sidewalk. he followed me outside and was like what can i do to prove i’m not playing you,” eunbi snickers at your imitation of him, as chaewon nods, letting you keep talking.

“and i guess he noticed i was cold so he gave me his jacket. anyways, i was like leave me alone and he was like no! so i was like okay can you drive me to your house?” you point to chaewon, so they know whose house it was. “and he did, and i tried to return the jacket and he was like no keep it and i was like no! but i accidentally brought it out of the car so i returned it to him today.” you finally finish, taking a deep breath.

“also chaewon you forgot my coffee today.”

“y/n, i told you to stay away from him! not ask him to drive you home!” chaewon disappointedly mentions, as you roll your eyes.

“that wouldn't've happened if you drove me home!” you counter, as eunbi watches the scene unfold.

“hey why don’t you give jay a chance? he might’ve changed his ways.” eunbi suggests, shrugging at your little argument.

“eunbi, we’re talking about jay park here. he wouldn't randomly just change his ways because of one girl.” you mention, reminding yourself of hyun-woo.

“you never know! maybe he will!” eunbi argues.

“yeah right, eunbi” you almost scoff.

006 ONE CHANCE

when you finally lie down after getting home, you feel a little vibration coming from your phone. you look at the notification, thinking it was a text from chaewon or eunbi, you open it.

unknown

hi apple, this is jay. are you free this saturday?

read 3:24pm

you

how’d you get my number?

jay

i have my ways 😉

are you free?

you

i am,,, i think, why?

jay

because i want to take you out

you

jay

we can go to the drive in, watch the movie yk

you

what movie?

jay

spirited away

you

jay

cmon it’s just one date

you

whatever

jay

i’ll pick you up at 7 apple ;)

read 3:32

the fact you knew you were going on that date almost infuriated you. it’s like you were begging for another hyun-woo situation. you didn’t want to say this was different, but something about it was. you had heard that jay doesn’t make first moves, so why was he so keen on you? what was so different about you that he wanted?

you couldn’t think of anything, nothing really made you special from anyone else, and you were fine with that.

but maybe, you could give jay a chance, just one.

007 THE DATE

the week felt much quicker knowing your date was on saturday, not like that was a good thing. you weren’t sure how you felt about the ‘giving jay a chance’ thing, but if this date goes well, hopefully, you wouldn’t be as opposed to it as you are now.

you looked in the mirror, deciding on your outfit. which took a lot longer than necessary. after about ten minutes, you chose your outfit, sprayed on some perfume, and packed things in your purse. the familiar sound of your phone vibrating filled the room, as you checked your messages, seeing that jay was outside your house. you rushed to the front door, carefully putting on your shoes and locking the door. in your driveway, you spot jay inside his familiar black car. you stepped inside, placing your bag on your lap.

“hi apple,” he smiles at you, backing out of the driveway, “you look nice,” he says, looking through the back window.

“thank you.” you return his smile, picking at the skin on your fingernails. he quickly notices, grabbing your hands and encasing it in his.

your face turns warm, as jay keeps his eyes on the road. “stop picking at your hands, i don’t have enough bandages for you.”

you side-eye him, turning to the window, watching each tree and car as they pass by. “have you watched spirited away before?” you ask, keeping your head facing the window,

he brushes your hand with his thumb, “i have when i was younger, i haven’t watched it for a while though.” he replies, turning the steering wheel to the left.

“i’m so excited to watch it!” you squeal, letting your excitement out. he chuckles, slightly turning down the music he played.

he turns into an open field, with a huge screen at the end of it, he continues to drive forward to find a spot and parks as carefully as he can, to help others park near him too.

he glances at you, then your lips only for a second, and looks back to your eyes. he leans forward as you stay frozen. was he trying to kiss you? right now? you want to move but you can’t. almost like your waist is frozen as you look at him with wide eyes.

he quickly grabs a bag behind your seat, looking in the bag with his infamous smirk. you try to ignore that trick, looking in the bag which is filled with snacks. you look up at him, asking for permission to take one, he nods, a smirk turning into a smile as you look through the (many) options he brought. noticing he brought your favorite, you take it, open it, and pop one into your mouth.

“thank you,” you say, taking another one.

he opens his bag, looking at you “you’re welcome, the cashier thought i was buying snacks for a party.”

“well, you didn’t have to buy so many snacks! you would’ve saved money if you had just asked me what i wanted,” you argue, looking at the filled grocery bag.

“well, spending money isn’t a problem when it’s for you.”

“yeah okay,” you turn your head to the window, whatever car had driven in suddenly seeming more interesting than the conversation you guys were having.

he almost giggles at your fake obliviousness, a toothy smile spreading on his face as he glances at the screen, looking for the countdown.

“the movie starts in under a minute, hope you aren’t looking to your side the whole time.”

“why would i be looking at you?” you scoff, shuffling around to comfortably sit as a yawn comes out of you.

“that’s not what i meant,” he teasingly adds, placing his arm back onto your thigh, leaning towards you.

“okay then what did you-” you quickly get interrupted when the countdown on the screen ends, starting the movie (idk how drive in theaters work). “nevermind,” you give in, leaning your arm on the side of the car as you prop your hand up to keep your head up. around halfway into the movie, your drowsiness slowly takes hold of you putting you to sleep.

008 DROWSINESS

you didn’t think you were that tired once you got there to the drive-in, but something about jay must’ve put you to sleep like a baby because why had you woken up in front of your house, on jay’s shoulder?

“when did we get here?” you mumble, sitting up and stretching your arms.

his eyes soften at your slightly messed up hair, barely being able to keep yourself awake.

“i just parked, you missed the whole movie,” he replies, turning towards you.

“what!” you exclaim, “but i was so excited to watch spirited away!” you complain, a pout forming on your face.

“so excited to watch the movie you fell asleep yeah?”

“shut up, i was tired!” you argue, grabbing your purse and opening the door to leave, “thank you for taking me, i had fun.” you blurt out, a red tint appearing on your face.

“i did too,” he smiles warmly at you, waving goodbye as you close the door and enter your house.

009 JAY’S DILEMMA

jay wasn’t usually one to fall in love he wasn’t one at all. every girlfriend he had, every situationship he had. never even came close to what falling in love was. jay wasn’t one to worry too much about a lot of things. but one thing he did care a lot about was his reputation. if he wasn’t able to make you fall in love with him. then he would be claimed as a homewrecker even if he didn’t even like you. but that’s not the point jay was trying to make.

the point was he could never get you out of his head. whether it would be a math question he was having trouble solving or even some of sunghoon’s arrogant comments, everything reminded him of you. jay never had this problem before. he never really cared about his old relationships, until you came in. messing up jay’s whole heartbreaker persona, with only him knowing.

jay still didn’t know what he felt for you on the drive home after dropping you off.

jay still didn’t know what he felt for you when he was laying in bed thinking at ungodly hours.

jay still didn’t know what he felt for you when you waved at him the monday after your date, which he waved back.

jay still didn’t know what he felt for you when he walked into your shared math class, watching you excitedly talk to eunbi about whatever.

he had embarrassed himself during the period because he was too busy with the thought of dating you, would he like that? would he like you to kiss him on the cheek or maybe on the lips? jay thought his answer was no.

but deep down, he knew it was yes.

but he would never admit that at least not to you.

010 LOVE

by now, jay had taken you on several dates throughout december to january. whether it would be studying, ice cream dates, or even museum dates. whatever date idea there was, he probably had done it. but one date he was saving for the big question, was a walk. late at night, with the moon shining brightly above the both of you, and only you two.

you two had already decided to meet at the closest park to your house. which he said was fine since it was the closest to his. he parked his car in a hidden spot, and walked to the swings, sitting down and rocking his legs slightly.

when he saw you excitedly walking towards him, he smiled.

this time, jay knew what he felt for you.

he didn’t have a simple crush or attraction towards you.

love is what he felt towards you.

love.

this wasn’t supposed to happen, but deep down, he knew all along.

love is what he felt when you walked side by side, talking about whatever came to mind.

love is what he felt when you stopped to take a picture of the moon, as he stopped to secretly take a photo of you.

love is what he felt when he asked you to be his girlfriend, to which you had said yes.

love is what he felt when you cuddled into his arm when you were cold.

love is what he felt when you stopped to tie his shoe.

jay’s night was filled with love. and so was yours.

jay hoped it would be like that forever.

011 BUS STATION

it had been two months since he asked you out. and since then he was always asking you to go to parties with him. this time, he asked for you to go to jungwon’s birthday party the following saturday (which was tomorrow).

you hesitate as always, declining to go, opting for a cuddle session in your room.

“apple, please! just for one of my closest friends!” he sulks, as he walks you to the bus stop you share.

he knows you can’t say no to him. which he always uses to his benefit.

“they’ll be some sparkling apple cider there, i know you don’t get to drink that a lot.” he confidently raises his eyebrows, trying to get something out of you.

you look back at him, putting on your pretend thinking face, “hmmm, maybe, i’ll think about it.”

he gives you a quick peck on the lips, to which your hands suddenly become jittery. “fine.” you mumble, looking away. he giggles, wrapping his arm around your waist, keeping you close as you continue to walk towards the bus station.

when you finally got there you quickly ran to the convenience store right next to the stop with jay. buying snacks as quickly as you could before running back out, not wanting to miss the bus.

that was a routine you two always had, and never had you missing the bus. you two proudly ate your snacks as the bus started to move. another routine you two had was jay giving you one of his airpods, to which you accepted listening to the cheesy love songs he enjoyed.

when you had gotten to your stop you two had both gotten up, hands intertwined as you exited the bus, turning the way to your neighborhood. you had stopped in place when you noticed apple cider by beabadoobee was playing.

“this doesn’t sound like the kind of songs you listen to. how do you know about beabadoobee?” you ask curiously.

“i don’t,” he answers honestly, before continuing, “i was looking at your playlist and i saw this song. and since it was called apple cider i decided to play it since you know, apple cider is kind of your thing.”

your smile grows, as you look at him with soft eyes, “then i decided to look at the lyrics, and it reminded me of us.”

if you weren’t blushing before, you were a flaming tomato now, butterflies erupted in your stomach as you try to keep your cool and keep walking, to which he noticed (but he didn’t say anything.)

when you had finally made it yourself you had given him a quick kiss goodbye, as he drove off to his house.

later you decided to facetime him to pick an outfit for you. which he did and stayed on call until hours on end. the call ended when you fell asleep, and jay hung up, letting himself get some sleep too.

012 APPLE CIDER

when you two arrived at the party it seemed much more sweaty than you had expected, the smell of weed and alcohol filled the air as you navigated your way to wish the birthday boy a happy birthday,

jay had finally spotted him in the living room, squeezing your hand and walking towards him.

“happy birthday jungwon!” you exclaim, projecting your voice over the speakers.

jay gives jungwon a side hug wishing him a happy birthday too.

“thank you for coming!” he points to a hallway, “drinks are over there, and jay, do you wanna play beer pong? losers have to take a shot after each round.” he grins at him, as jay looks at you for approval. you nod, as he smiles back at you. jay turns back to jungwon with a smile on his face.

“yeah for sure! uh let me get a drink first with y/n,” he tells jungwon, jungwon nods sending you two off to the kitchen.

when you walk into the kitchen you both grab a cup, you fill yours with sparkling apple cider as always, filling jay’s cup too.

“guess you listened to my pouring advice didn’t you?” he asks as you hand him his drink.

“i listen to all your advice.”

“but that was before we started dating,” he adds, you roll your eyes, handing him his drink and heading back to the living room to watch them play.

the teams were revealed as jay and jungwon teamed up versus heeseung and sunoo, you weren’t paying attention to any other games.

heeseung and sunoo had lost miserably, taking 5/5 shots. which was definitely too much alcohol for sunoo’s system.

sunoo seemed to be blabbering nonsense, as you and jay tried to bring him up to jungwon’s bedroom, where he could get some rest.

“ya know what jay once saidd,'' his voice came out slurred, as he stumbled after each step he took. jay looks at him confused.

“what did jay say?” you asked amused, hoping you would get some kind of blackmail against him.

“he saidd that he waz going to make you fall in love with him-” he trips with jay barely catching him.

“so he could get back on hyun-woo,”

“what?” you ask, looking at jay’s face worriedly.

sunoo’s drunk, you assure yourself. not capable of thinking straight at all.

“come on, let’s get you to bed,” jay responds, opening the door to jungwon’s room and laying him down on the bed.

don’t do this to me jay, not again. you worry, exiting the room and letting him fall asleep. jay looks at you anxious about what to say.

silence fills the hallway. you try to analyze his face to see some sort of innocence in his expression.

he didn’t seem to start talking, so you did, “was what sunoo said true? was i just your girlfriend so you could get back at hyun-woo and that stupid grudge you had against him?” your fingers automatically start picking near the nail bed.

he sighs in defeat, “look, yes you were but let me explain-”

“no! you don’t get to explain because you’ve been playing me for two months! two fucking months i could’ve spent with someone who actually loved me.” you argue, as he looks at you with guilt.

“i do love you apple! i swear-”

“if you loved me why didn’t you tell me earlier? I'm sure we would’ve resolved it by now instead of keeping it from me and letting me run along all oblivious to your plan.” you scoff, trying to head back downstairs.

the wound on your finger just seems to grow with each step you take, the red liquid slowly covering the new injury.

“apple please let me explain-”

you face him again, “did you not feel any guilt keeping this from me? every date we went on, every kiss we shared, was that all because of a stupid revenge plan? were you faking it throughout this whole relationship?” your lips quiver, as you prayed and prayed he would say the right thing.

but for some reason, he's frozen. like his world has stopped and so has he.

he knows he loves you and he knows he wasn’t faking it. so why was he blanking now?

you nod, wiping your tears away, wincing at the soreness of your picked finger as you leave that cursed hallway, heading to the stairwell.

“i don’t even get a goodbye?” was he serious right now?

you turn around, “jay, i was just told you dated me to get back on hyun-woo, do you think you deserve fucking goodbye?” you scoff, “honestly, i don’t even know why i gave you a chance,” and with that, you walked down the stairs, your legs slumping after each step.

you should have known, was all you could think. you should have known at the first party when he was shamelessly flirting with you. you should’ve learned that when you cried because he reminded you of hyun-woo. you should’ve known when he confidently asked you on that date. you should’ve known because chaewon warned you.

you should’ve known because it was all the same.

the flirting, the dates, the guy, and the breakup.

you grab your forgotten drink, throwing it in the trash, as you ask eunbi to drive you home.

eunbi had always been by your side. and you were always by hers. you two got so close that when you told her about hyun-woo, she immediately blocked him, and continued supporting you for which you were ever so grateful.

eunbi hurriedly rushes you to her car after seeing your messed up mascara, helping you get in.

“what happened?” eunbi asks once you're both settled, handing you tissues from the glove compartment and rubbing your shoulder.

“he dated me because he had a grudge against hyun-woo.”

“he what?” she exclaims, mouth hanging open.

i know,” you sniffle, trying to wipe away the tears coming down.

“i’m so sorry honey,” she mutters.

you don’t even want to hear any nicknames again, you don’t want to hear any “sorrys”. all you wanted was to be home.

why was it always you? why did you always have to be played? what was so bad about you that people just needed to break your heart? maybe jay would know, or hyun-woo.

“isn’t it crazy?” you laugh through your blocked nose, “is what crazy?” eunbi asks.

“this all started because i chose some dumb apple cider as a drink.”

taglist : @bookishcalls @jwonsociety @byhees @trsrina @quokkas-leebit @captivq @felixsunshine28 @lojocas @yeniiverse @starikizs @hanniluvi @misojunghwan

sorry if i missed yours!

yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

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broflovski-brah · 2 months

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rating south park characters on the hugs they give

1st is of course, Butters.

Butters would give the softest hugs imaginable. Hugs are his go to comfort method, and they’re his favorite method of being comforted. As a kid his hugs are probably extremely tight and full of love. You can basically feel it radiating off of him. As a teenager the hugs become less, because I do headcanon he becomes an angrier teenager. He has his small group of friends but he secludes himself. When he does get hugged, he just starts crying at that point. He believes nobody could ever love him enough to actually give him hugs. So when it does happen it’s very special for him. Likewise for the opposite. When he’s giving hugs, it’s rare, but sweet. It starts off looser but then eventually he just starts holding that person with all the strength he has.

2nd would probably be Cartman, shockingly

I only give him this ranking because I feel like if he DOES genuinely care about someone…which he probably never would…he would likely end up giving good hugs. He gives bear hugs, as a kid and as a teenager. Hes soft. Hes VERY soft. Usually the only things he hugs are his mom or his stuffed animals. But his hugs are nearly bone crushing. He would smother the person he’s hugging, either out of malice or out of place of somewhat genuine care. And honestly he probably would smell good. He has good hygiene because his mom probably taught him at a young age. Plus he loves bubble baths lol-anyway. He probably has cheesy poifs stains on his hands but that’s the extent. He gives alright hugs. But it’s rare-VERY rare to receive one. unless you’re a stuffed animal or his mom you likely never will

3rd goes to Kenny

Kenny would give genuinely good hugs. Not perfect. but pretty good. He’s probably really dirty-he’s got dust and rat shit on his parka. but if you really want a hug, he’ll give you one. (He’d probably take off his parka tho). I feel like he’s really lanky, so he just wraps his long ass arms around the person being hugged. His hugs usually start off with his arms just barely grazing the person, but after a moment he suddenly just yanks them into his chest/ He’s not very soft. He doesn’t really have any muscle or fat to soften the hug (at least not as a kid-I like to hdc that Kyle and Butters take notice of how thin Kenny is and how little food he eats and they bring him double lunches at school, and he goes to Kyle’s house to shower. Butters would probably get grounded for letting him in without permission) But as a teenager, he actually gets some muscle and skin on his bones, so his hugs are a lot softer. And tighter. He just presses his body against the person being hugged.

4th goes to Kyle.

I love Kyle. I really do. But I feel like he would either be WAY too rough when it comes to hugging or he’s way too soft. Like he’s barely even touching you and his arm is basically slung over your shoulder. But once he gets it just right, he actually does give very good hugs. Especially to Ike. He isn’t very soft. He’s quite solid. (Like in the way that if you throw him at a glass window he would most definitely shatter it) He’s what I like to call a Goldilocks hugger. He’s either way too hard or way too soft. Because he figures different people like different amounts of pressure. Ike likes really tight hugs while his mom’s back would probably break if he hugged her as tight as he did Ike. Hes kinda awkward about it at first if he doesn’t know you but he will (maybe slightly begrudgingly) hug you while slowly hugging tighter and tighter while repeatedly asking ‘this good?’ It isn’t out of a place of ‘I don’t want you near me” as much as it is “I don’t wanna hurt you and I don’t want you to be dissatisfied with my hug’. He’s like this as a kid and a teenager. But his hugs were softer as a kid. He’s kinda built as a teenager lol

5th is Stan.

I’m sort. But Stan would not give good hugs. ‘Nuff said

#i’m sorry for nothing for stan #i’m doing this on the bus and i have no time for him lol #skipper speaks #south park #eric cartman #stan marsh #kyle broflovski #kenny mccormick #butters stotch

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glitterhartslittleuniverse · 7 months

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Not without you (part 2)

Summery: Seungcheol reveals the bad news to Haerim.

Warning: Crying :( (might be badly written, that’s a warning)

Year: 2014

Note: I got annoyed with this sitting in my drafts so I decided to just go ahead and finish it. It might be a bit messy towards the end but anyways here’s part 2 hehe. I hope you like it and don’t forget I always appreciate your comments and feedback:)

part 1

Today was a good day for Haerim. She had woken up at her usual time, made breakfast with Jun, had vocal and dance lessons during the day, had lunch with Joshua and Jihoon, beat Soonyoung at arm wrestling and the group practice that evening went smoothly. The one thing that threw her off about today was the fact Seungcheol was invited to a meeting with the CEO without her. She tried not to let it bother her to much and continued with the day like nothing happened. It must not have been that important if Mr Han only wanted to see one of them and she knew Seungcheol would tell her if it was something important. When he returned to the practice room after the meeting he didn’t say anything to her so she assumed it was nothing major. There was nothing to worry about.

Only hours later when everyone was back at the dorm and settling down for the night did Seungcheol approach her.

“Hey,” he called to her, getting her attention immediately. “Would you like to go for a walk?”

Haerim was a little confused by his sudden request. “Now? It’s late, everyone’s going to bed and we should too.”

“Please Haerim.” There was a hint of urgency in his voice. Taking a closer look at her friend she could see the anxiousness in his eyes. She sighed and gave him a reassuring smile.

“Let me get my jacket.” She said before making her way to her room. She heard Seungcheol’s quiet ‘okay’ from behind her. Reaching her room she hastily grabbed her jacket and her cap getting the attention of the three girls in the room.

“Where are you going Unnie?” Yejin asked sleepily from her bed.

“I’m going for a walk with Seungcheol. We won’t be long.” she replied. Heading out the door again she turned back to the girls. “Good night.”

Seungcheol was waiting for her by the door. He seemed to be lost in thought, staring at his shoes and didn’t hear her approaching. She softly called his name to get his attention. He jumped slightly and looked up at her quickly before reaching for the door handle. “Let’s go.” he said, opening the door and ushering Haerim through the doorway.

“What’s up with you? Why are you so jumpy tonight?” Haerim questioned him, finding his behavior a little strange.

“It’s nothing.” he said. “I think I’m just tired, that’s all.”

That was a terrible excuse but she didn’t say anything. The way he refused to look her in the eyes worried her. He only does that when there’s something he has to tell her but is afraid to. What could it be? Could it be about the meeting earlier? Suddenly Haerim felt nervous. If Seungcheol felt the need to get her out of the dorm away from the other members, it must be bad news. Not able to bear the tension she grabbed Seungcheol’s arm, stopping him in his tracks.

“What is it Cheol? If there’s something you have to tell me just tell me!”

Seungcheol looked like a deer caught in headlights. He should have known Haerim would catch on. But he wasn’t ready. All evening he’d been stressing over how he should break the news to her, going over what he would say and cursing the CEO for being a coward and not telling her himself. Poor Seungcheol could feel Haerim’s eyes burning holes into him as he tried to regain his composer.

“Let’s find somewhere we can talk.” He said. Taking the hand that she grabbed his arm with in his, he lead her to a nearby park. Haerim followed behind still nervous and confused.

The park was empty on the late, cold night. Finding a bench in sit on, the two friends sat beside each other in silence. It was an unusual, uncomfortable silence as Seungcheol tried his best to figure out the right words to say while Haerim waited anxiously for him to say something, anything. Sighing he turned to her.

“I had a meeting with Mr Han today,” he started. “He wanted to talk about Project Seventeen.” Haerim nodded, so this was about the meeting today. She didn’t say anything and waited for him to continue. “I’m sure you’ve been wondering why you didn’t go too.”

“Yes.” she answered shortly.

“I’m sorry Haerim, believe me I wish you were there. I...” he trailed off, looking away from her. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She almost couldn’t hear the last part that he whispered under his breath but she did. “What are you saying? Seungcheol, what did he say to you?”

He looked back and her and now she could see the tears that had started to fill his eyes. “He said that you and the girls might not be debuting with Seventeen.”

Haerim froze, her breath stuck in her throat. It felt like her heart had stopped in that moment. All she could do was stare at Seungcheol as she took his words in. With a shaky breath she asked “Are you serious?”

“I wish I wasn’t.” The slight crack in Seungcheol’s voice caused tears to well up in Haerim’s eyes as well. Looking away she run her fingers through her hair and tried not to break down in front of her friend.

Seungcheol felt bad. He had been dreading this the moment he heard the words from Mr Han himself. Dreading Haerim’s reaction. He knows how hard she’s worked for this and just how badly she wants it. Although her face was turned away he knew she was fighting back tears.

Haerim let out an exasperated breath. “What do we do Cheol?” Her voice coming out broken from the tears she been trying to keep at bay.

Placing a hand on her shoulder, he spoke softly. “Look at me.”

Slowly Haerim turned to look at her friend, meeting his equally teary eyes. With both his hands on her shoulders he spoke with all the confidents we could muster. “We’ll figurer it out okay, I promise.”

“How do you know?” Never had Haerim felt so powerless. She’s always been so confident, so sure that this was it. This is the group she belongs in, the people she belongs with. Hearing that all that might be taken away was just unbearable to her.

“Because you are one for the most talented, hard working, kindest, most affectionate people I know.” Seungcheol said to her, letting go of her shoulders to take both her hands instead. “And if anyone deserves to debut, it’s you.” He gave her a sad smile before he continued, “If they don’t want you in this group then I won’t debut either.”

His statement left Haerim is shock. “Seungcheol you can’t do that. The boy’s need you.”

“And I need you!” The raised tone in which he spoke clearly surprised Haerim. He was also taken aback by the sudden outburst. “Sorry, it’s just...” He tried to search of a way to explain himself. Haerim squeezed his hands, a silent sign that it was okay and that she understood. This was about much more then Haerim and the girls losing their dream and all they’ve worked so hard for, this was about losing the friendships they’d made along the way.

“I promised myself long ago that I won’t leave anyone behind.” Seungcheol said, looking into her eyes. “I’m keeping that promise and I promise you, Jeon Haerim, I will find a way. I won’t give up on you or the girls.”

His words held so much confidents and certainty it caused the walls to come down, finally letting her tears fall. Seungcheol immediately took his friend into his arms, holding her tightly and letting his own tears fall too.

After they both calmed down they returned to the dorms. Giving each other one last comforting hug they went their separate ways. Entering the room she shared with the three other girls, Haerim looked over their sleeping figures. They all looked so peaceful, so innocent and full of dreams. They’ve worked so hard to get where they are. She’d seen them improve and grow so much. She has so much pride in them for making it so far but now...

“I promise,” she whispered into the quiet room, knowing none of them could hear her. “I won’t let you down.”

#kpop oc #additional members #kpop addition #seventeen additional members #seventeen additions #seventeen 14th member #seventeen 15th member #seventeen 16th member #seventeen 17th member #seventeen imagine #glitterhart_svtgirls #ficnetfairy

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anniesocsandgeneralstore · 1 year

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@indynerdgirl requested: numbers 12, 120, 137 from the random prompts list

|| prompt list ||

prompt: "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified." + "Take my jacket, it's cold" + "Do you know how beautiful you are? It's truly distracting."

au: nfl

word count: 3582

warnings: pregnancy, nausea, inaccurate nfl stuff probs, mentions of weight gain due to pregnancy, EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT 18+ ONLY MINORS DNI (pregnancy sex, shower sex, vaginal fingering, unprotected pinv, size kink, nfl jake is 6'4 and HUNG okay)

It was just one of those days. Ronnie knew that. She had them aplenty before she started sleeping with Jake Seresin and let him get her knocked up and before she started living with him like they were just roommates instead of ex-lovers. But all of that made a shit day just a bit more.

The day didn’t even start well.

Stupid pregnancy brain made her forget she was out of her usual decaf coffee. Leaving her tired body without its morning placebo. Then during the offensive meeting, Coach Barton was wearing a new cologne that made her feel on the precipice of throwing up the entire hour. And during the lunch she could no longer stomach due to nausea, the press asked yet again who the father of her baby was. Yet again, she told them as politely as she could to fuck off. Then during actual practice, her players just were not getting the changes they needed to make in order to perform better for the weekend’s game. She wanted to just get out there and demonstrate, but there was no way that was happening at twenty weeks pregnant. So she just had to repeat herself over and over and try not to scream.

And on top of all that, Jake was looking at her like she was a porcelain doll about ready to crack, her entire body felt foreign and achy in one way or another, and one second she felt like crying, the next she wanted to bite her player’s heads off, and the next everything was hilarious.

But she couldn’t let it show that any of it was bothering her. It didn’t matter that she was tired, it didn’t matter that she was pregnant, it didn’t matter that she had about a million excuses to break down and scream and cry. Ronnie was the Tight Ends Coach with the Indianapolis Colts. One of the first female positioned coaches in NFL history. She wasn’t allowed to show weakness.

The media was already chewing her up for getting pregnant. And then stomping all over for refusing to divulge who the father is.

But nobody could know. Nobody could know that it was one of her own players. Nobody could know that she fucked up that badly. She would lose her job, which she was already at risk for anyway.

Ronnie groaned as she lifted her backpack up from her office floor. Baby swirling and kicking around inside her like a pack of butterflies.

But before she could get the bag on her shoulders, Jake entered the room with his own duffle tossed over his shoulder. “Here, lemme get that.”

“I can get my own bag, Seresin,” she grunted back, but before she could protest further he pulled it from her grasp to carry at his side. She stared at the floor, defeated. “Fine.”

“Come on, let’s go.” Jake nodded towards the door.

She followed silently, hand on her bump to try and soothe the baby within. The last thing she needed was a sudden shift and for her to nearly piss her pants. Just the cherry on top of an already shit-cake day. But Ronnie nodded and smiled and said her goodbyes to everyone they passed like nothing was wrong. Then they headed out the doors to the parking lot sprinkled with orange and yellow leaves.

A shiver ran through her as the wind blew around them. “Shit — it got cold.”

“I’ve got a jacket in my bag if you want,” Jake supplied as they walked, already reaching down to unzip his duffle.

“I’m fine,” she replied, “We’re almost to the truck.”

“Gonna be cold in there too, and I don’t wanna listen to you whine.”

There was a joking lilt to his tone, but still, the words stung. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew he meant nothing by it. But the rest of her brain, especially the hormonal part of her brain, couldn’t help but think he was being serious. Maybe she did complain too much.

Ronnie kept a tight lip as she caught the jacket he tossed her and slipped it on. It was huge on her, sleeves going well past her fingertips and the edge touching her mid-thigh. It was easy to forget sometimes, being surrounded by professional football players nearly all her life, just how big Jake was. She knew his stats like the back of her hand. Six foot four, 265 pounds of pure muscle.

265 pounds of pure muscle that thought she complained too much.

Picking up the pace, Ronnie got to the truck first, fingers already poised around the handle to open the passenger door. Hoping that he wouldn’t try to do that stupid Southern boy thing and help her into the truck. Jake didn’t comment as he unlocked it and threw their bags into the bed.

“You okay?” he questioned once he was in the driver’s seat, key turning the ignition.

“Yeah,” she quipped back, taking a deep breath to keep the tears that so desperately wanted to fall at bay. “Just tired. Ready to be at the house.”

He didn’t push it any further.

She just needed to get through the thirty-minute drive home. Then she could jump in the shower and wash away the day. Eat the food she prepped that morning. And then just go to bed. Tomorrow was a brand new day with new chances to not suck entire ass.

And that’s exactly what she did. As soon as she was through the front door she dashed up the stairs, shouting over her shoulder as she went what she was doing.

One of the best features of staying with Jake in his Carmel McMansion was the shower. One of those massive floor-to-ceiling booths the size of a normal person's entire bathroom. Glass on all sides and the showerhead like a waterfall built into the ceiling. In only a minute the spacious bathroom was filled with steam as the water poured down over Ronnie’s naked form.

It felt amazing. Not just cleansing, but purifying. She hummed as she just let the water rain on her, gentle and soothing. The baby moved inside her again and this time it wasn’t a nuisance, it made her smile something small as she put a hand on her belly.

The world may think she was making a huge mistake, but how could she feel the same when she felt so much love for that little bug already?

She reached for her bottle of shampoo — it slipped out of her grasp from the moisture and crashed to the tile with several thuds. A bolt of frustration like white-hot lightning shot through her. Tears suddenly sprung to her eyes. It was okay. It was okay. She just had to pick it up. No use in crying over dropped shampoo.

But when she bent over, she found that she couldn’t. Hand on the glass to support herself she stretched as hard as she could but there was no reaching the bottle. Her belly big and in the way.

The dam broke. The camel’s back caved in.

Ronnie pulled in a sharp breath, trying to hold it in for just a second longer, but she couldn’t. The tears came sudden and fast and overwhelming. Then the tears turned into blubbering — then the blubbering transformd into full on sobs as she held herself up against the glass. Shoulders shaking and breaths ragged and gasping as she cried. And once she started she really couldn’t stop.

Distantly, like she was in an entirely different room of the house, she heard the bathroom door open. Heard Jake call her name. Heard the glass door of the shower open.

Everything snapped back into focus, the sounds of the shower and her sobbing acute in her ears, when she felt Jake’s large hands against her waist. Comfortingly warm, like a mug filled with steaming cocoa after a day spent in the snow.

“Hey, hey, breathe — breathe, Ronnie, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

His voice was deep but sweet as honey in her ear as he pulled her back into the solid wall of his chest. Wet fabric. He hadn’t taken the time to strip before getting into the shower with her.

“No, it’s not! And I know you don’t wanna listen to me whine but I’m gonna do it anyway!” she cried back woefully, then she hiccuped and stuttered her way through all the things that had gone wrong that day before concluding: “And — And I used to have abs and tiny nipples and now every part of me is just huge and it’s all — all your fault!”

Jake chuckled softly behind her. A rumble deep in his chest that was aggravating and calming all at once.

“You’re not huge,” he muttered.

Ronnie sniffed indignantly, tears abated. “Have you seen me? I look hideous.”

His hands hesitated. Then one rough palm slid across her bare, wet skin to cradle her belly. The part of her that, for the most part, he had only ever looked at warily. He never touched. Never asked. And she didn’t mind. He didn’t ask for it, told her explicitly he didn’t want it. But there was some sort of reverent awe in the way his palm moved to hold the lowest part of her bump. Some sort of protectiveness. It made the breath stutter in her lungs despite her sobs having stopped.

“You’re growing a whole ass person, Ronnie, I — that’s amazing. You’re amazing. You can complain all you want. And it’s…It’s fucking distracting how beautiful you are.”

She turned her head to look up at him for the first time. Water dripped off the tip of his nose. Hair damp and darker than its usual blond. His white t-shirt soaked to the skin. And his eyes, green as spring grass, glanced down at her lips. And she looked at his. Pink and parted and she missed them.

Missed him. Missed the way he would hold her and make her feel powerful and tell her quietly in the dark solace of wherever they found themselves that she ruined him. It was in those moments of darkness she knew she had touched him in a way only the sun had ever done before.

Jake leaned down and kissed her softly. So softly. The stubble he grew out between games scratched her chin. He had never been that gentle with her in all her time of knowing him. But it was just like him to deepen it with a big hand encompassing her cheek, her neck. Taking and taking and taking from her till there was nothing left but the feeling of his lips and his tongue as he passed it into her mouth.

Nothing but the ache that pulsed between her thighs.

Backing her up slowly, he pushed until she collided with one of the walls of the shower. Only breaking the kiss for a moment to pull his sopping-wet shirt off and over his head. She grabbed at him greedily, fingers digging into his sides. Pulling him as close as she could get as she whined into his kiss.

“Careful,” Jake panted once he pulled away, hand passing over her bump briefly. “We’ve got precious cargo on board.”

Ronnie whined quietly as she leaned her forehead against his chest. Dragged sloppy kisses against his skin that had him breathing harder with a hand against the tile wall by her head. She flicked her tongue across his nipple and he gasped short and sweet. He always had been so sensitive despite being adamant that he wasn’t. Against the swell of her stomach, she could feel his cock hardening within the soaked fabric of his shorts.

But then his other hand snaked up her side and cupped the weight of one breast in its palm. The rough pad of his thumb passed over her own swollen nipple and she keened. Head thrown back against the tile as she fought the sensitivity, feeling like a live wire was connected directly to her core as she clenched around nothing. He kept going, watching her intently like game day footage, as he circled and pressed and kneaded her soft flesh in his hand. As he gave the same attention to the other.

“J-Jake,” she whined with some feeble attempt to reach around her belly and play with her neglected pussy. “Please — need you.”

He leaned his forehead heavily against her own with a sharp draw of breath. “Fuck. Are you sure?”

There was no going back after this. No redrawing the walls or creating the distance again. This moment before she let him in completely felt final. Heavy. The world on bated breath as brown eyes as tilled earth met the green wheat fields ready to take root. To break down the walls, close the distance — maybe build a home with her instead.

“Please,” she repeated simply and he nodded.

“Okay, okay — I’m gonna take care of you, mama, don’t worry.”

The nickname had her whimpering as he gently urged her to turn around. Hands flat against the cool tile as she listened to his shorts drop to the floor with an unceremonious thlop.

He nudged her legs further apart with his knee. And it surprised her the time and care he was taking. She was so used to his usual way. Fast, dirty, rough, large and overwhelming in the best way possible. But now, now when there was so much between them and there was actually something at stake, his hands roamed with worship embedded in his fingertips. Traced the bumps in her spine, gathered her dark hair to one shoulder. His lips followed his mecca from the top of her head and down, down to kiss the backs of her thighs — nip playfully where the strong flesh joined with her ass.

Then, still knelt behind her, he ever so slowly swiped his fingers through her puffy folds.

“Oh, f-fuck,” Ronnie breathed out in something close to relief.

“You’re drippin’, mama,” he said as he teased her entrance. “This all for me?”

Her knees wobbled when two of his thick digits swirled precise and heavy over her clit. Chin dropped down to her chest as everything within her turned molten.

“And the hormones,” she finally managed to reply, a whine slipping past her lips as she rocked into his hand. “Feels like I’m wet — and horny all the time.”

Jake groaned into the small of her back. “Fuck — why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think you would…”

She trailed off and he didn’t let her finish. They both knew what sentiments lie at the end of that sentence. What insecurities. What failures. They didn’t matter now. Not when the two of them were like this again. Not when satisfaction was so close. Her words broke off into a shuddering moan as he sunk two fingers into her cunt — curled just right against that spongey spot inside her that had her head tilting back in a silent scream.

He stood, and suddenly he was whispering right into her ear, breath hot as coals against the shell of it as he spoke, “Right there still where you need me? Shit, I can feel it. You’re close already.”

All she could do was nod. It was so much. All of it. Everything. The feel of him tall and broad at her back. His thick fingers stretching her open. The push and pull as he nudged against that sweet spot with such gentle care. It left her panting for breath, feeling like no amount of air was ever going to be enough again. Like stars were dancing in her vision. Like a symphony swelled and swelled and swelled within her building to the crucial moment, the turn within the song.

And then it happened.

Ronnie moaned on a half-formed whine as it overpowered her, forced her on her tiptoes, and her walls spasmed around his fingers.

“There ya go, mama, there ya go. So good, yeah?”

“So good, Jay,” she cried, sobbed.

He chuckled softly, hand resting against her belly to hold her gently to him. “Missed you callin’ me that.”

I missed it too, she wanted to say. But didn’t.

When she stopped trembling, Jake began to scissor his fingers inside her. Stretching her out even further. She whined as she took it, hands balling into fists against the wall.

“I know — “ He kissed the back of her head. “Got to get you good and ready for me, remember?”

God, she remembered. Everything about Jake was big. Everything. No brags or over-exaggerations. She remembered all those times she tried to take him with little to no prep and it felt like she was being split in two. Just on the wrong side of painful. Part of her felt like she had already been patient enough. She felt ready as he slipped that third finger inside her. But then she opened her eyes and when she looked down all she could see was the swell of her bump — and she remembered they had to be careful.

Precious cargo on board.

It wasn’t until he could jam four fingers into her core and she was on the verge of another release that he deemed her ready for him. His heat pulled away from her and she whimpered, pushing her hips back as best she could.

The heavy weight of him returned, arm banding around her chest to help keep her upright, as he teased the plush tip of his cock against her entrance.

“Be gentle,” she reminded him in a whisper.

Was the shower still running? Yes. She could hear it. Like a waterfall. Warm droplets splashed against her calves — the rest of her concealed by Jake’s hulking form.

“Y-Yeah,” he replied breathlessly.

Then he was pushing in, slowly. Inch by agonizing inch. He prepped her as best he could, but the stretch felt limitless. Some choked noise slipped past her lips as he pushed further. And when he was finally, finally sheathed to hilt…She cried out. Her walls fluttered as she tried to adjust, a deep groan rumbling in Jake’s chest at the way she held him so tight.

“J-Jay,” she stuttered out, hands scrambling for purchase against something, anything to hold her to this plane of existence. “I — I can’t…”

He caught one of her hands and held it against the tile, long fingers slotting between her own to ground her in place as he pressed firm kisses to the side of her neck.

“I’m right here, Ronnie. We’re okay. You just tell me to stop, and we’ll stop.”

“No, don’t wanna stop,” she replied, voice so small. “Need this — need you.”

Her hips rocked back into him and Jake made some sound like he’d just been tackled into the sidelines. He placed a final kiss on her damp skin.

Jake moved softly. So softly. His stubble scratched her neck. He had never been that gentle with her in all her time of knowing him. But it was just like him to deepen the slow drag of it, releasing her chest to work his fingers slow and powerful into her sensitive bundle of nerves. Taking and taking and taking from her till there was nothing left but the feeling of him in her and all around her.

Everything was Jake. And everything was good.

It overpowered her again and she screamed, her nails digging into him as it washed over her like a sudden ice bath. Jake panted into her ear, hips working short and stunted — and then he stilled with a groan. His shoulders curling over her as he filled her to the brim.

A comfortable silence filled the spaces between as Jake moved her back under the spray of the shower. He washed her hair, and cleaned her skin just as she instructed him to. Told her to wait as he fetched one of his shirts for her to wear. Slipped it on over her head and let it fall to the tops of her thighs. He told her to go lay down, that he would go heat up dinner and bring it to her.

Some small part of her, maybe the part that was still scared of letting him in, told her he was just trying to make up for all the shit he did.

But she didn’t even care. For the first time in months, she felt loved and appreciated and cared for. So, she slipped into his room instead of her own. And found his shocked face when he found her there adorable.

They watched a movie while she ate. Snuggled under the covers with his hand encompassing her thigh. It felt like how things were always meant to be between them. So, she laid down in his bed. Let him pull her back into his chest and let his wide palm rest against the curve of her belly. Where their baby squirmed and kicked within.

“Is — uh — Is that…?” he questioned quietly into the dark solace of the place they had found themselves in.

“Yeah.” She moved his hand so he might feel the butterfly-like movements better. “That’s your daughter.”

Ronnie fell asleep shortly after that. Chest moving with deep and slow breaths.

But she left Jake laying there, holding her in his arms, with his heart beating out of his chest and his mind racing.

“I think I’m in love with you,” he whispered to her, knowing she couldn’t hear. “And I’m terrified.”

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#my darling darling indy #writing prompt #oc: ronnie bradshaw #fic: the red zone #fd: top gun #nfl au #nfl!topgun #football player jake #football player hangman #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin #hangman #jake hangman sersin x oc #jake seresin x oc #hangman x oc #jake hangman seresin imagine #jake seresin imagine #hangman imagine

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ssahotstuff · 2 years

Text

Hotch x Reader Playlist Collection 💕

These are stand-alone and do not go with any series!

Based off Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls

This one was a bit of therapy for me; if you’ve read my series Home then you’ll understand why.

Reader is a member of the BAU, and for story’s sake, has an estranged brother. Wild ride. You’re welcome. So sorry. I just pumped this out in a couple of hours and it was really therapeutic but enjoy I guess

Word count: 3.1k

Warnings: mentions of drug addiction, upset reader, no death but a bit of sadness, comfort, smut, penetration, oral/male receiving

Office parties weren’t particularly your favorite, and after the day you’d had, the last thing you wanted to do was celebrate with your coworkers. But Garcia had insisted on having a small party for your birthday, which meant you had to attend.

You spent your birthday the same way every year; down at Fulton Park, looking for your estranged brother. You hadn’t seen him in years, and you doubted he would remember you if he did, and your fears were confirmed today when you had lunch with a stranger that had no clue who you were. He thought you were a nice lady from the church who came to feed the less fortunate; his brain hadn’t worked right in a long time, riddled with the disease that crippled so many people: addiction.

You were doing good at hiding the pain you were in; great, even. The only person who knew why your mood was so out of sorts was Reid, and thankfully he was the only other person around so you could talk before the dreaded party started. You motioned for him to join you in the round table room and you closed the door behind you, choking back a sob as you broke down to your best friend. He tried to comfort you as best as he could, which was a hand on your shoulder and logical statistics about memory loss linked to drug use, but you tuned him out. You didn’t need his brains; you’d just needed to tell another person so you weren’t alone in your mental turmoil.

“I’ve got to get my shit together so I can enjoy this party for Penelope,” you dabbed furiously at your face with a tissue, turning abruptly when the door to the round table room opened and your Unit Chief was staring you down, concern plastered all over his face. He looked between you and Spencer, who simply shrugged because it wasn’t his place to explain what was taking place.

“I’m sorry, sir. I just had a really bad morning,” you choked, unable to meet his eyes. If anyone could get the full truth from you, it was Hotch, but that wasn’t a portion of your life you were willing to share with everyone just yet.

“You—You don’t have to apologize. Are you alright?” You were so used to hearing him barking orders that to hear his voice soften sounded foreign to you; you imagined he was this way with his child, but you never expected warmth from the man who so ruthlessly ran your team.

“I’m fine.”

He didn’t push further, he let you leave the room. You ran straight to the restroom to clean up your smudged makeup and hoped Spencer wouldn’t tell Hotch why you were so upset. As the newest member of the team, you were still getting to know everyone, and sharing something so personal wasn’t on your list of things to do.

You got most of the mascara and fixed your lip gloss, sighing to yourself in the mirror before you shoved open the door and painted a smile on your face. It was your birthday, and you deserved to have a good time.

✨✨✨

I couldn’t get the image of her crying out of my head, and it only got worse when she joined everyone and acted perfectly fine. Spencer was quick at her side to check on her, but she nodded her head and shot him a more than fake smile, and carried on with her morning. It was a paperwork day, but we were mostly just in the office to celebrate Y/n’s birthday. I’d given everyone the OK to leave after the party since they put in so many hours anyway.

It was already noon and we were all gathering in the small kitchenette we used as a break room, everyone was excited to be having cake and partying rather than chasing down criminals, even me. But it was hard to focus on anything other than the sadness of the birthday girl, and what could possibly be done to cheer her up.

“Open this one first, mama!” Derek’s voice cut through my thoughts as he handed her a box, heavy enough to need both hands. She quickly unwrapped it and was dumbfounded at the giant box set of her favorite show on DVD.

“How did you know? This is my biggest guilty pleasure,” she raved, thanking him for his excellent choice. Everyone had chosen well for her; it was only her second birthday spent with us, but we’d all grown to know and care for her in the last two years. I’d bought her two tickets to a show at a local playhouse and secretly hoped she’d invite me to tag along with her, but they were tucked away in my office for a reason. When everyone was finished and the cake was cut, people started to scatter and dissipate, leaving myself, Spencer and the birthday girl.

“Do you have plans tonight?” She hadn’t expected my question, but she answered it anyway, telling me she was planning to spend the evening at home.

“I have your gift in my office if you want to come up and grab it,” I called from the stairs, so she told Spencer goodnight and followed me up, shutting the door behind her.

“I hope you had a good time,” she nodded, taking the chair across from mine as I sat down at my desk.

“It was nice, yeah. I’ve just felt off today. I’m sorry,” she thought I was upset with her, and that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

“You don’t need to apologize. But if you want, I don’t have any plans today, and we can talk about it somewhere that isn’t here,” I offered, shocked when she almost immediately agreed. It would be refreshing to get to know her somewhere that wasn’t the office.

“My place isn’t far,” she told me, so I offered to drive, but halfway there she asked me to make a pit stop at a local sandwich shop.

“Whatever you want,” we pulled in and she ordered a single meal before turning to me, explaining what she was doing.

“My brother lives down here,” she looked around, pointing to an old abandoned building near the opposite corner.

“Today was the first time I’ve actually been able to find him and he didn’t remember me.”

I followed her to the empty storefront she’d pointed out, where a man maybe three years older than her emerged, smiling happily to see her. You’d think he knew exactly who she was, until he spoke.

“Miss, I’m sorry, I forgot your name this morning! I didn’t think I’d see you again!”

“It’s okay, honey. I brought you some dinner, okay? I’ll be back in the morning to check on you,” she told him, and I could only stand and watch the interaction take place, completely dumbfounded. She did it despite the fact that he had no clue they were even related; she did this and then came to work everyday, like it wasn’t one of the heaviest loads a person could carry.

When she was done we walked back to my car, and she waited to break down until we were behind the comfort of the doors closing. I lifted the console and let her climb into my arms, and she did without any hesitation. I didn’t know how she found the strength to do it everyday; surely it was driving her insane, and she’d had no one to turn to.

“I’ve got you. You’re okay,” her arms only hugged me tighter, keeping me close whether I liked it or not. She smelled like honey, like something sweet and delicious, and I took a moment to breathe her in; I didn’t know when I’d have her like this again and I wanted to map it out in my memory forever.

“Thank you,” was all she said, her lips on my collar and her head buried in my neck. Her mouth radiated heat all over my body unintentionally, but it had been a long time since I’d had let anyone get close to me, but she needed me, and I wasn’t going to let her feel alone at a time like this.

“I’m so sorry. I wish I knew what to say,” I knew nothing I could say would help the situation, so I offered her a distraction instead.

“I know your place is closer, but if you’d rather, we can go to my house and watch the first season of that show Morgan bought you,” I suggested, and her eyes met mine briefly before her hand gently touched my face.

“I think that sounds like a good idea,” she whispered, so I let her situate in the middle so she could keep her arm wrapped around mine, and we drove off to my place so I could keep her safe from the horrors of the world for just a little while longer. I invited her in, gave her a t-shirt to change into, and set to work on putting in the first disc of her show while she cozied in on the couch.

“Thank you for this,” she said softly when I joined her, unsure of how close was too close. As if she sensed my indecision, she patted the space next to her, so I let my arm rest on her shoulders. The wind was picking up quickly outside, storms blowing the trees through the window. I was thankful for a short day at the office, and even more so for the opportunity that I had to spend time with Y/n.

“I should be thanking you. I’d be working if you weren’t here,” I hadn’t taken the time to watch a show that wasn’t a cartoon in ages; it was nice to experience the more mundane side of things with someone else.

“I know you would be. Don’t let me distract you too much,” she joked, but that was exactly what I was hoping for: a sweet distraction.

“This evening is all about you, birthday girl. So you can distract me all you want,” she let her hand wander into mine, her dainty fingers lacing together like my hand was where hers had always belonged. Neither of us dared to say anything and ruin such s sweet moment, because all that mattered to me was that she was seeing me as more than her boss. It was evident that she saw me as something greater, and the intensity was electrifying. She’d been running through my brain for months now; I wasn’t sure whether it was her generally sweet disposition or her caring nature, but I’d grown more than fond of her over the time she’d been at the BAU.

I wasn’t sure how to proceed. It seemed innocent at first in the car, but now she was still holding me, and her face was just inches from mine. She was impossible to read, and I didn’t want to make her upset by making an unwanted move on her, so I was torn, waiting for a signal that she wanted me.

“I’m glad we’re doing this,” she said finally, her heading turning up slightly so I could meet her gaze.

“I’m just really glad I’m with you and not at home alone,” she finished, leaning forward the tiniest bit. It was the moment of truth, so I leaned down and kissed her without thinking of the consequences, grateful to be met by her eager mouth kissing me back. Her tongue slipped into my mouth, tasting me, enjoying me, and her hands set to work on the buttons of my shirt. She slipped it off my shoulders and climbed into my lap, her hips grinding into mine for friction as her mouth was feverish against my own.

“You want this, right?” It was her voice that stopped me in my tracks, my hands freezing on her hips just below her shirt.

“Of course I do. Is this what you want for your birthday?” I teased, and she rolled her eyes playfully before pulling her shirt over her head, leaving her in just her underwear.

“This is it,” she breathed, dragging my shirt over my head so she could splay kisses across my chest and neck, her tongue blazing a hot trail across my skin. My hands fumbled with the clasp on my belt so she took over for me, unbuttoning my pants and undoing my zipper in one fluid motion. Once she had me in my boxers, she was scrambling to her knees in front of me, shimmying my boxers down so she could take my cock in her mouth. I was helpless as she spat on my length, using her spit as lube so she could pump me in her small hands. Her hands continued to work my length but her mouth took the rest of me in, opening wide to accommodate all of me. She choked back a whimper as she swirled her tongue around the tip, bobbing and gagging like there was no place she’d rather be.

“Sweet girl, your mouth feels so good,” I nearly saw spots when she hollowed her cheeks out and began sucking faster, my hands securing her hair away from her face. She finally came up for a breath, my cock slick with spit as she ghosted her hand around my length once more, stroking me with a feather light touch. My hips had a mind of their own as I thrusted into her hand, needy, desperate for her touch any way she’d give it to me.

“You’re so sexy, Aaron. I can’t believe I have you like this,” her took all of me back into her mouth before I could reply, a moan coming out instead. She was the sexiest woman I’d ever seen, going out of her way to give me more pleasure than I’d ever had.

“Any time you want,” I promised her, and I meant it. I’d always be around for her to use as a distraction; she could use me however she wanted and I wouldn’t mind at all.

She was tugging her panties past her hips, slipping them off so she could climb back onto my lap. I could only blink at her as she hovered over me, preparing to lower herself onto my cock.

“Can I ride you?” She stopped her hips and waited on my answer, so I tugged her down to bridge the distance between us, the tip of my cock teasing her slit. She groaned, sliding against my member for relief, shivering at the contact.

“Please, don’t be a tease,” I begged, my eyes fluttering shut as she drug herself down on me, grinding her hips until she’d filled herself up with me, lightly bouncing at first, but then her rhythm changed and she was speeding up, making things more intense for the both of us. I gave her ass an encouraging squeeze, watching in awe as she grounded her hips perfectly so I wouldn’t slip out of her. It was mesmerizing, watching my cock disappear inside of her as she clenched and squeezed around me, slowly letting me slip out until only the tip remained inside of her. Then suddenly her hips slammed against mine, and I bit back a yell at how she constricted around my cock, finding her release as she rode out her high.

“That was good, but I think you can do better,” I held her tightly before I flipped her over, putting her on her back, her legs spread wide.

“Let’s see how well you can take it when I’m in control.”

✨✨✨

You were seeing stars as he pounded into you, your legs in the air and his hips slamming melodiously against yours in a frenzy of sweat and arousal. You were holding onto his arms for dear life, his hands holding your ankles steady as he rocked back and forth into you. It was nearly too much; the feeling of his dick pulsing inside of you and the way he never seemed to get enough of you, it was driving you mad.

“I need more,” you cried, his arms picking you up as he told you to hold on. He was navigating his way to the bedroom all while still inside you; his main focus was keeping you in place. When he got to the bedroom, he laid you down on the edge of the bed, your legs dangling off the side as he remade his home in you, his eyes trained on his cock sliding into your soaked center. You couldn’t help but watch too, captivated by the man between your legs.

“You like to watch?” It was a genuine question, because his eyes were glued to your core, his fingers reaching between your thighs to toy with your clit. You watched as he spread your arousal along your slit and then rubbed small, delicate circles on your aching clit, your legs shaking as he started to slowly thrust into you.

“I’d watch anything that involves you between my legs,” you shot back, earning a cocky grin from him in response. He hooked his arms under your knees and pulled you further into him, burying himself as deep as he could inside of you. It sent you over the edge, gripping the sheets tightly as you moaned his name.

“I’ll never get tired of hearing that. I love the noises you make,” he told you, one final thrust and he was finishing in you, sputtering and groaning as he connected his lips to yours. He stayed inside of you for a moment, his cock twitching as he tried to steady his breathing.

“Can I expect this every year for my birthday?” You chuckled, his nose brushing yours lightly as he laid down next to you.

“Any time you want me, I’m yours,” he assured you, his arm wrapping snugly around your waist. The wind was blowing ferociously outside, a storm brewing on the rainy city streets.

“Will you stay tonight? I don’t want you to go,” he admitted, and there was no way you’d leave in the current weather conditions anyway, but you’d never say no when he’d asked so nicely.

“Of course I’ll stay. You kind of saved my whole birthday, why would I want to leave?”

His fingers caressed your cheek while you spoke, his head resting on the crook of your neck.

“I have an actual gift for you in my jacket. Tickets to that Playhouse you wanted to go to,” he whispered in your ear, making you shiver.

“You really do know how to make a girl feel better,” you giggled, rolling on your side so you could pull him in for a hug. He held you tightly, making sure you knew he’d always be there, even on the darkest of days. You knew he would always be there to come through for you.

#aaron hotchner smut #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #hotch #ssa hotchner #ssa aaron hotchner #hotchner #criminal minds fandom #aaron hotchner x you #Aaron Hotchner playlist collection

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cecilysass · 2 years

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The Kaleidoscope (2/4)

Read on AO3 | Angst, JealousMulder, MSR | Tagging @today-in-fic

Sorrow.

He’s distracted as he enters the garage, deep in the shadows of his mind, so he is not as alert to his environment as he typically is.

The black Camaro barrels down the ramp, much too fast, only ten feet ahead of him. He doesn’t even process it.

It flies by: a gust of air, a screech of wheels.

Blinking rapidly, mouth agape, he watches it tear out of the garage. If he had come out only a few seconds earlier, he realizes, he would have stepped right into its path. He certainly would have been hit. At that speed, the Camaro could have killed him.

Running his hands down his face and taking a deep steadying breath, he takes that in. Someone would have identified his body from his badge. They would have informed the Bureau, and the Bureau would let his emergency contact know.

Would they have called her this evening? He imagines her taking the call, getting up from her dinner with Ryan, going outside to hear better. He imagines her face as she takes in the news. Even though he longs for Scully’s attention right now, even though he wants evidence she cares, Mulder finds that the idea of her crying for him isn’t pleasant.

He doesn’t like to think of her crying at all.

Yet he’s been the cause of her tears, directly or indirectly, so, so often. More often than he has made her happy, for sure.

Somberly, he crosses the road to his car, parked just a few steps away.

He slides, dazed, into the driver’s seat. Gazing straight out the front windshield of his car, his eyes refocus on the concrete wall in front of him.

The faint ring of his cell phone breaks him out of his trance. He raises his hips to fish it out of his pocket.

He presses it to his ear without thinking. “Mulder.”

“You’re a difficult man to reach, Fox.”

He has to concentrate for a moment on this voice, to put it in context. “Diana.”

“I left you three messages today. Didn’t you get them?”

“Yeah … actually, no. I didn’t. I didn’t read them. ”

“Is everything all right, Fox?”

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“I was calling to make sure we were still on for lunch next week. I really want to pick your brain about the Deloitte case. There are some very interesting inconsistencies, and I know you’ll be able to make sense of it.”

“Sure, yeah.”

“We could get together this weekend instead, if that’s more convenient?”

“I don’t know,” he says. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Fox, are you sure everything’s all right?”

“Diana…” he says. He stops, thinking hard.

“Yes?”

“Do you remember that time you called me emotionally arrested?” Mulder leans his head back into the headrest and closes his eyes. “You said I was emotionally arrested because of trauma, and that it made me unable to have functioning adult relationships with women.”

There was a pause on the line.

“You’re talking about years ago?”

“Yeah.”

“When I said that, we were having an argument,” she says carefully. “Things were heated. I don’t think I really meant it.”

“I’m not angry about it, Diana,” he says. “I’m just trying to understand.”

“Did something … happen?”

“When you said that,” Mulder asks, closing his eyes tighter, “do you remember what you meant? Did you mean I was unable to have relationships because I didn’t communicate well? Or because I was self-centered? Or did you maybe … sense that I might be someone whose actions could ruin your life? Is that why you ended things?”

Another pause.

“I ended things with you because of my job. Not because I thought there was something wrong with you, Fox.”

“Hmm.” Mulder nods. “Okay.” There is another pause, and then he adds weakly: “Well, it worked out for the best anyway, huh.”

Some might even say she dodged a bullet, he thought.

“Fox, where are you? I don’t like how you sound right now. Let me come find you.”

“I’m okay. I’m fine.”

“Are you alone? Is someone with you?

“Don’t worry about it, Diana. I’m just … thinking. No big deal.”

“Fox—”

“We’ll talk later. About the case. I’ll call you.”

He hangs up. Then he starts the ignition.

***

Before he goes home, he drives past Oiseaux, a bar he knows just a few blocks from work. It’s a glossy, fashionable place that Scully admires but he doesn’t. If he had to, that’s where he would guess she and Ryan probably went for drinks. He wonders if he might see them inside, sitting at a table through a window.

He looks closely as he drives by. He doesn’t see anything. Only the stupid hip exterior of the bar.

Maybe they aren’t even at that particular place. Maybe he doesn’t know Scully as well as he thinks he does.

He wishes he had thought to take her to that bar sometime. He would have bought her whatever dumb overpriced drink she wanted.

***

When he gets home, his melancholy deepens.

He calls Frohike and asks a favor: find out all he can about someone named Ryan, working for Citibank, living on Scully’s street, aged 25-35. Frohike is suspicious but tactful. He’s able to come up with information very promptly, of course.

“You sure you want to know all this?”

“Yes,” Mulder says sullenly.

“What’s it for?”

“I told you, research for a side project.”

“But this guy lives on Scully’s street?”

“I want it, Frohike.”

“All right, all right,” Frohike says. “You’re free to make your own self-destructive choices. The man’s full name is Ryan James Kelly, born 5/6/67, Boston, Mass, making him 32 years old. Asset manager for Citibank. Bachelor's degree in finance from Georgetown.”

Mulder makes a noncommittal noise that sounds like a grunt.

“Kind of a looker, too. If you’re into the Ken doll thing,” Frohike comments. “There‘s a photo on the Citibank website.”

“Yep,” says Mulder glumly.

“Doesn’t look like there’s a ton more to find. Not anything to raise obvious red flags. Article here says he ran in a 5K race a few years back,” Frohike remarks. “And he went to some charity golf competition last year.”

He doesn’t sound very interesting, Mulder thinks childishly. What could she possibly find to talk to him about? Finance? Golf? Suburban Boston?

“Here’s something else,” Frohike continues. “He lost his sister in a car crash, looks like 6-7 years ago. Drunk driver.”

Mulder grimaces. Oh, okay. The lost sister club. They could always talk about that. About grief. About the assholes responsible for taking their sisters away.

He rubs the bridge of his nose, feeling stabs of guilt. He’s acting like a world-class asshole right now, and he knows it. Using Frohike. Digging up information on Scully’s date. Trivializing real tragedy in service of petty jealousy.

“Ooh, looky here. Here he is a couple years ago in Thirty Promising Catholic Leaders Under Thirty. He’s got a big old smile and a sharp tie.”

“Irish Catholic. Of course,” Mulder mutters. “This guy’s perfect. An unbelievable catch.”

There’s a pause on the line.

“You know, Mulder, I’m not loving the energy I’m picking up from you right now.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Frohike. This is just research.”

“Riiiiight,” Frohike replies. “All the same, I think you better stop. I’m gonna cut you off, friend.”

Mulder huffs. “I—well, okay, but you’re…”

“You should stop torturing yourself, man,” Frohike advises. He hesitates. “And you know, I’m pretty sure if you actually offered her the choice, she’d pick you.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Okay, fine, never mind,” Frohike sighs. “I’ll talk to you later, Mulder.”

***

Mulder isn’t someone who has minded living alone. He’s lived alone for the majority of his adult life, except for a series of roommates when he was at Quantico and those ill-fated months with Diana. He has eccentric habits, he appreciates privacy, and his memories of living with his parents are not great. He has always liked having his own place.

Walking around his empty apartment tonight, he reflects that living on your own feels different when it sinks in that this is the way you will live for the rest of your life.

It doesn’t seem as much like a choice. It feels more like something that naturally happens to someone who is “emotionally arrested,” as younger Diana described it. Or “a sorry son of a bitch” as angry Bill Scully said. Or “spineless” or “worthless,” as drunken 1976 Bill Mulder put it.

He stands in front of an empty kitchen cabinet. He is dismally low on groceries. Half-heartedly grabbing a box of expired Ritz crackers, he heads towards his couch, where he flops himself down to eat his dinner.

The crackers are stale, of course, with a mealy texture. He makes a face and tries to swallow them down anyway.

He considers the idea of watching a video. There’s a tape perched in the VCR right now, ready to go, and the fantasy of porn has been one of the most reliable forms of comfort in his life. But he hesitates.

The characters in “Breast Side Story” don’t seem to have deep abiding bonds with their partners, sure — but they do have someone to have sex with, someone to touch them. He normally has no trouble engaging with the visuals and ignoring reality, but right now he’s finding even the world of porn makes him feel lonely.

Is there a scenario where he could be living with someone now? A wife, a girlfriend? It seems unimaginable, given his lifestyle, his impulsive comings and goings, his insomnia, his obsessive middle-of-the-night pacing. His general dark and difficult personality. His tendency to get people close to him hurt or killed.

He tries to think of the last time he went on a date, an actual date with a woman who was aware it was a date.

It’s been at least five years. There was that woman whom he met getting coffee— he can’t even remember her name now. She was a lawyer at the justice department. He can’t remember if this happened when he was already partnered with Scully, early on, or if it was before he knew her. In any case, he recalls having a pleasant dinner with this woman, and he even kissed her, he thinks, at the end of the night. But they only went out once, and he can’t recall why. Did he neglect to call her? Did she turn down a second date? Did she find out about his job or his otherworldly interests?

He suspects it was his fault, whatever happened. It can’t be a good sign that he doesn’t even remember.

The crackers taste funny, sort of the way a hospital room smells, and it’s starting to turn his stomach. Dinner’s over then. He tosses the box across the room.

He crosses his arms, falling backwards to recline on the couch. Is there a scenario where he would be with Scully? He’s imagined it, for sure. In raunchy ways, in emotional ways, in sentimental ways. He has a good imagination.

This… subtext, this subtext that he has always thought was mutually understood, gave him hope it would eventually happen.

But it hasn’t. Despite lots of opportunities.

Maybe he needs to think about why. Maybe he needs to really face what it means that she has decided to start dating now.

It could mean he has just always been wrong, and this so-called mutual subtext has always originated from him alone, from the active imagination, lonely heart, and starved libido of Fox Mulder.

Oh no. He covers his face with his hands. That miserable idea actually makes his eyes prickle. He feels a wave of self-loathing: a man in his late thirties pathetically deluding himself about his co-worker’s feelings like a moody teenage boy. He stands up, disgusted, and walks over to feed his fish.

He watches the glittering flakes fall into the tank, spinning and refracting light like the shards of the kaleidoscope, only to be snapped up by hungry mollies.

No. He’s not deluding himself, he decides. He knows that it’s not only his imagination. Sometimes, he can see that Scully’s eyes examine his body in the same way his eyes examine hers. It’s not all innocent.

And when she was at her sickest, he remembers how she always looked like she had something else she really wanted to tell him. Like there was something always teetering on the edge of her lips, something she never could work up the courage to say. And that terrible day right before Antarctica, when he was going to kiss her in the hall? She wasn’t going to stop him. He really doesn’t think she was. That was all real.

Yet the fact remains: she is on a date. Not with him. With Ryan Kelly, promising young Catholic leader and charity golf tournament player.

There’s no other way to view that but as a rejection.

He sinks slowly back into his couch. Across the room he spots his own ghostly reflection in the TV screen.

He’s startled out of this maudlin thought process by the ringing of his cell phone. Diana again, no doubt, and talking to her again will be a lot of work. Mulder stays where he is, letting it ring.

He knows Diana would probably be amenable to starting their sexual relationship up again, if he gave her the encouragement. He wonders why. Near the end of their relationship, right before she left, she had seemed so … disappointed all the time. It may have been her job that led her to end things, but he knew she wasn’t happy.

He can’t think of a woman who has been happy to be around him for any sustained period of time. Not any girlfriend. Not even his mother. Maybe if you went all the way back to Samantha.

Well, maybe Scully. In some respects she’s happy, isn’t she? She loves their work, when they are able to do it. She cares about him more than anyone. She would sacrifice herself for him, and she has before.

I’m pretty sure if you actually offered her the choice, she’d pick you.

Frohike was so confident.

And it starts to become clear to Mulder as he stares at his unmoving phantom self in the TV screen reflection. Scully chose to start dating because she knows Mulder so well. She knows him better than anyone—better than Diana, better than Frohike. She senses the truth about him that he already knows, deep down.

In the end, for Mulder, relationships are all just like the porn. It’s all pretend, great in theory, but there is nothing there. He can’t really do it.

Mulder can imagine being with Scully, imagine taking her out to restaurants and pulling out her chair, imagine spending long delightful hours in bed with her, imagine idle sunny weekends with her. But this is just a fantasy; it’s not real. It isn’t the kind of relationship he can sustain. He’s flawed and broken in this way. He can only work towards hypotheticals, and in the present he’s only suffering. That’s why he’s here in this apartment by himself.

On some level Scully understands that he’s a box of stale crackers. A night at home alone. A dead sister. A stolen future. A broken heart.

Oh, she would never say that. It’s Scully, and she loves him, and Frohike is right. She very well might choose him if he gave her the choice. She’s definitely sacrificed herself before. He can’t let her.

Whatever happens to him, he doesn’t want to make Scully unhappy. That’s a guiding principle. A star to steer by.

His cell is ringing again. Goddamnit, Diana, Mulder thinks. He puts a couch cushion over his face.

It stops ringing. And immediately starts again.

He groans in defeated frustration, rolls over and reaches across the coffee table to pick it up.

“Hello?” he says roughly, most of his face crushed into the couch.

There’s a slight pause.

“Mulder, it’s me.”

“Oh.” He pulls himself together and sits up. “Oh, Scully. Hey.”

“I’m calling to see if…” She clears her throat a little. “I’m calling to make sure everything is okay.”

Swallow. Breath. “What do you mean? Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I got a call from Diana Fowley a little while ago,” she says. “She said she had a conversation with you that worried her, and you hadn’t been answering her calls. She was hoping I would know where you were.”

“I went on a run,” Mulder lies. “She just missed me. I’ve talked to her since.”

“Oh.”

There is an uneasy pause.

He senses she doesn’t buy it. He’s going to have to do a more convincing job.

He opts for a lighter, more casual tone of voice. “How’s your date, Scully? You order the surf and turf?”

“It’s fine,” she says.

“You’re keeping the autopsy small talk to a minimum, right?”

“Mulder,” she says. “If there’s something upsetting you, you can tell me.”

“Upset? I’m not upset.” He shut his eyes. “It’s sunshine and roses here.”

“Okay.” He can hear the sound of her swallow. “It’s just that Diana didn’t seem to think so. You know you can tell me … anything.”

“I know that, Scully.”

“I would … want to know.”

“Would you stop worrying?” he says, making his voice playful. “I’m a grown man. I ordered some food. The fish and I are going to play Trivial Pursuit.”

An awkward little pause.

“I’m coming over.”

“What? No. You’re on a date.”

“I’ll be there in twenty.”

“No,” he says. “Don’t do that.”

“You don’t sound right, Mulder.”

“Diana’s coming over,” he says, improvising. “She’s going to come over, and we’re eating together. So I’ll have company. Stay on your date.”

In the background he hears something faintly, the sound of someone talking, a radio reporter, like the NPR news programming Scully listens to all the time in the car by herself. He wonders where she is that they are playing NPR.

“All right,” she says at last. Her voice sounds soft, subdued, far away. “If you’re really going to be okay.”

He has a desperate, selfish urge to say no, to say it was a lie, to ask her to come over after all.

“I will.”

“Then … that’s good.”

“Scully, please just enjoy yourself,” he says, his voice softening. “Order dessert. Take a walk with what’s-his-name after dinner or something. Don’t think about work at all.”

There’s a strange pause. “You’re not work, Mulder.”

“No, I — I know. I know. I just mean…”

“You meant don’t think about you.”

“I guess so.” He tries to laugh, even though he wants to sob.

“I’ll try not to, Mulder,” she says. “Have a good night.”

“You, too,” he says. “Really, Scully.”

When they hang up, he takes a deep breath and wipes his eyes. If she’s happy, maybe he can find a way to be, too. He’s not that fucking selfless, but this is how it has to be.

It’s just… she didn’t sound as happy as he would have thought.

#x files fanfic #xfiles fanfic #the x files

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