#Like. Hey stop sending me emotionally manipulative texts I keep having panic attacks when I see them <3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fakeloveaskblog · 3 years

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Hi Logan, how do I even start? Save this number, if you want to. I have been supporting Remy through texts for a bit. They have revealed to me some very troubling things in the past. Things like, their boyfriend kicking their cane from under them as a ‘joke’? Those kinds of things.

Virgil, that's his name by the way, also kind of yells at them a lot at times, and tells them they're worthless except for the use he can give to their body and that nobody else will ever love them. They believe they are horrible. They believe they deserve it. They appear to think their disability makes them only a burden to him and nothing else and while I have tried to convince them to the contrary I honestly don't believe I can when they're still trapped by choice in such a toxic environment.

I have tried to help and give them the tools to better their self-esteem and combat that, and send them nice text messages in general, but that hasn't helped in anything more than a superficial level. If you can do something, anything, or could take their case to someone who can something, I'd really appreciate that.

(Words: 2088)

(Talk of U!Virgil)

Logan: "That is...That is" He took a moment to gather himself "That is even worse than I had estimated"

"This must have been happening the other times we met them too right? And we didn't notice anything. We should have- we-" Patty mumbled out. Her voice was shaky.

She had just gotten home half an hour ago or so, she wasn't even fully out of her cosplay makeup. Logan had immediately pulled her into a hug which wasn't uncommon but he'd held onto her so hard it hurt and he’d been close to collapsing into the hug.

All it took was her asking if he was alright for him to tell her everything. He couldn't keep a secret from her even if he tried.

Now they sat in the couch. Logan had his head leaned on her chest and she had moved her arms around his waist. All they'd eaten was some of the leftover pie from Lo's date a few days ago because both of them were far too worked up to even think about cooking.

Patty pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to think "Okay well if they're being emotionally abused as what we know suggest then...I..is there even anyone we can contact that could help. I mean there's no- there's no evidence right? Or well- it's just- it's their word against Virgil's and if they won't even say Virgil is abusing them then there's nothing!"

"We can kidnap them" Logan pointed out.

"That we can"

Logan sighed “Do you think talking to them would even make a difference? They seem to already hate me so now it’s even less likely that they’ll listen”

“Well honey you can always try. They go to the same therapist as Janus right? So you can just casually ‘run into them’ right?” She gave him a loving kiss “I know my lil smarty-sweetheart can help them”

He sent her a tired smile “I’ll try”

Remy wasn’t as upset from the therapy session as they usually were. It had mostly been discussing how they felt about maybe being poly. They still thought they deserved a smoke break afterwards though so now they sat on bench right outside the entrance, they were on their third cigarette.

They had their head leaned against the back of the bench and was looking up at the greying sky and falling leaves so they didn’t notice when Logan sat down. He kept his distance to not startle them but cleared his throat to get their attention.

“Are you also waiting for someone?” He asked.

They glanced over to him “Girl go fuck yourself with a rake”

“Noted. I will put it in my calender. I for one am here to pick up Janus after his therapy is over for the day. Mayhaps I will show him some more star trek”

“Okay great gal. Then I’m just like waiting for Remus I guess” They pressed the cigarette into their leather jacket to put it out so they could leave as soon as they saw their cru- friend.

Logan inched closer “Is your bruise healing well?”

“Just ‘cause we’re in the same place doesn’t mean we have to talk to each other!” They snapped back.

“Exscuse me, I was simply worried about your physical health”

They rolled their eyes and crossed their arms before mumbling out “It’s fine. It’s whatever. I haven’t done it again so like forget it”

“I am relieved to hear that”

Silence fell over them. Remy refused to look at him. Logan tried to figure out what was the best way to ask them about Virgil.

“....Your boyfriend did not insult you once you came home right?” He asked them in such a soft tone as if any slight wrong saying would make them implode on themself.

“Girl there you go again with your stupid fucking bullshit. I don’t wanna like talk about it!....Not ‘cause anything happened but ‘cause I hate you! You don’t- we don’t- we’re not friends! Why are you just like forcing yourself in on my private life! It’s like- it’s like fucking stalking!”

Logan reached out his hand to comfort them but quickly stopped himself “I am sorry. I don’t know how to best formulate this but I sincerely don’t mean to upset you like, neither do I know how to not upset you. All I know is that I want you to be okay and that if my partner treated me like yours seem to do I wouldn’t be able to stay”

Remy’s hair fell in front of their face as they leant their head in their plams “You don’t get it” They muttered.

“I am sure I don-”

“IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING EASY! It’s not like I have any savings an-and I’m not able to keep a job and without Virgil I have no way to buy medicine and- Like do you just want me to walk out and become homeless and like starve to death? Is that it? Like even if I wanted to leave, which I don’t, It’s not like I have a choice!”

A quiet sniffle came from them. Logan gave them a moment to gather their breathe.

“I...I didn’t mean to make it sound like leaving was easy” Logan murmured “I understand that you have probably been forced to think like you have no choice but to stay. I am aware of how crippling manipulation like that can be”

He leaned closer and even though they didn’t look at him he still sent them his most caring look as he continued.

“But I promise you that there are other options. You aren’t stuck. I am willing to let you stay at my apartment for however long you need and if you aren’t comfortable with that I am sure Janus or Remus would let you stay as well. I can even pay for a motel if that would be better. Depending on what part of your disability is making you unable to work I am sure that could be fixed. For example a wheelchair could help! My point is that you do have a choice, even if it’s very understandably hard to think that”

Remy’s shoulders were shaking. Logan gently placed his hand on top of their bony shoulder. Every vein was visible through their light skin.

At just the hint of his touch they flinched away. They stumbled up from the bench and took a few steps away. They looked at him with reddened eyes.

“No. No. Girl you- you just don’t get it! That’s all!” They spat out, their voice was shaky as well “You haven’t like lived with me. Once you or Remus o-or anyone spends enough time with me you’ll realize what an annoying overemotional burden I am! An-and then I’ll get thrown out! Okay!? So-so it’s not really- I don’t actually have a choice ‘cause I’ll just get thrown out. Virgil is the only who will ever bother to deal with me for this long! ‘cause he loves me! And no one else will love me like he does. S-so just shut up!”

Logan stood up as well and took an unsure step towards them. They looked so weak, as if a single push from the wind would make them crumble.

“It’s okay. I hear what you are saying” Logan assured.

“An-and it’s like- Virgil needs me! And I need him! That’s like how it works! I can’t just leave him! What if- who will calm him down from his panic attacks?! And if I leave what if he gets s-so upset and like anxious he hurts himself! He’s said there was a chance he would!! I can’t risk it! I have to stay! He needs me! I-I need- I can’t- I can’t leave”

Logan nodded along “It’s okay. I understand. I understand”

“You don’t! You’re a idiotic bitch! I hope all your stupid fucking ties get destroyed in the washer!” Remy was close to yelling.

“Harsh but I see your point. To be honest everything you have said has made me even more worried. From my experience a relationship shouldn’t make you feel this way! It shouldn’t make you come up with reasons to stay! It shouldn’t hurt you!” Logan reached out to comfort them once more. “I promise it shouldn’t hurt”

“It’s not hurting me! YOU are hurting me!”

Logan was taken aback. He didn’t know what to say. His arms moved to hang helplessly along his sides. Remy opened their mouth to say something more but then

“Hey uh what’s going on? Are you roleplaying a death match?” Remus stood in the entrance to the building. He glanced between the two of them.

“This idiot is trying to destroy my relationship!” Remy exclaimed.

“While it is not my place to explain the full situation without their permission I can assure you that I am merely worrying for their mental and physical health and I am unsure if their relationship is good for them from what I’ve heard” Logan explained.

Remus barely even hesitated before moving in front of Remy. He moved his arms out and let them lean against him to catch their breathe, like he was a human shield protecting them from Logan.

Logan hadn’t seen Remus angry before and he didn’t look fully enraged, but there was a hint of anger in eyes as he sneered at him.

“Well I’m sorry Loganson but not every relationship is totally perfect and works without any arguments like you and your wife relationship apparently does!” He spat out.

“I can assure you that me and my wife’s relationship hasn’t been argument free but that doesn’t mean I have ever even thought about insulting her like Remy’s boyfriend seemingly ha-”

“You’re not Remy!” Remus snapped “You’re a guy who dresses like a 40 year old math teacher who is losing the children in the divorce! Leave them alone!”

Remy was bordering on cowering behind Remus. Their whole body seemed to shake as a few tears spilled down their cheeks. They met Logan’s eyes.

“If the bullshit you’re saying is true, which it like isn’t but if it was that- that means I’ve spent my whole life being abused” They forced out through tears “How can you Ever you expect me to live with that?”

Logan didn’t have an answer to that. He watched on as Remus placed his hands on Remy’s shoulders and gently guided them to turn away. He bonked their foreheads together and wiped their tears away.

“C’mon beanie-boo I can take you to the amusement park to cheer you up! Or we can find some lsd and get high so you can hallucinate beating the shit out of the stinky Log guy!” Remus exclaimed as they walked away.

A headache began to form in Logan’s head as he slumped back down on the bench. He stared out at the nearly empty parking lot. He didn’t understand what he did wrong.

He wished he could talk to Virgil. He wished he could see him eye to eye and chew him out for ever making Remy feel like a burden, for ever making them feel trapped. A part of him wanted to punch him.

He was so zoned out into the overthinking he didn’t realize how much time was passing until Janus got out from his therapy session. As soon as Jan saw his boyfriend he let up into a shining smile and hurried over to him.

“Hi dear! Aww did you miss me so much you had to come pick me up! How charming!” Janus hesitated before kissing Logan on the lips. It still made him all giggly.

Normally seeing him so giddy would have made Logan overabundant with happiness....but now all he could think about was if he should tell Janus about Remy’s situation or not. They were friends right? Could it help? Would they listen to their friend?

Logan’s head hurt so bad. None of it made sense. There was no logical answer. How Janus reacted could make everything worse. He didn’t want to ruin everything more than he already had.

“Darling? Are you feeling alright? Has something happened?” Janus asked while taking his hand.

“I....I....” Logan looked over to you.

Logan: “I am so sorry to do this but do you have any idea what to do? The human emotion and it’s reactions are so illogical I don’t- I don’t understand- I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry- Should I tell Janus about the suspected abuse or should I lie?”

#mini fic #or like a really long answer #logan sanders #remy sanders #sanders sides

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gracieisnotmuchofawriter · 4 years

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I Missed Them (I Need Sleep)

The moon sits facing the residence building, near the horizon. The sharp, white glow dulls the orange street lights. Leaves crinkled and crackled as they ran with the wind over the asphalt. The trees rustled like dry paper. The cool breeze brings a low hum over the hills. My nose was cold, my hair brushed over my face from the wind. I watched clouds pass over the moon, outlines of bumpy mounds glow as they waltz past. I was tired, I always was after dealing with withdrawal. ‘Instant Release’, whoever thought of that was already addicted to painkillers way before anyone else.

I’m a fucking idiot. After I started nodding off, Jude texted back with a very reasonable excuse. They forgot to pay their phone bill, that’s it. That’s all it had to be. It was also a very personal trip for them, apparently they haven’t been with their whole family for years. They didn’t tell me why, they just said it was the first time the Kent family would all be in the same room again. I’m happy for Jude, I’m glad they could be with their family.

Family. I pulled out my phone, I look over my texts. Messages from my family were weeks old. It was all just messages from when I first moved in.

‘Do you need anything else?’

‘Did you forget anything?’

‘Did you need your desk?’

‘Did you need your TV?’

All these questions. I’m tempted to call my aunt, but it’s Sunday, she sleeps early on Sundays and I don’t want to keep her up, nor do I want to bother a seemingly normal Sunday. How do you tell anyone you miss them? It seems so invasive, it feels manipulative. Like how do you respond to someone who just sends an out of the blue text saying they miss you? It used to come so easy as a child, but now everything is so messy. I need help, but I don’t want to bother anyone or disturb the peace and quiet that’s here. I don’t want to feel so removed from them. But my aunt and my cousins, I was forced onto them, they’ve been dealing with my mess for years now, they don’t need more.

“Hey, what’s up?” A voice calls out.

“Oh, hey—“ I stop myself, it was Edith, she was talking to someone else.

“Not much, just got back, what’s up with you?” A voice said, their voice was awkward and noncommittal. It was Jude. Seeing them makes me feel, embarrassed? They didn’t really talk to me all weekend. I felt like an idiot, on one hand I had a panic attack and abused my pain meds, on the other, maybe they were just happy to be away from me? A sinking feeling settled in my stomach. I wanted to ignore them, I wanted to act as if I didn’t notice they were there. Because, maybe I was right, maybe they were weary after Michael’s.

I pull my phone out again, scrolling through the myriad of square icons. Jude and Edith talked small. Edith went out with her boyfriend this weekend, it was nice and just what she needed. They drove down to some wildlife preserve, before heading East to some small city near Wisconsin. Seeing “what was apparently the ‘creation’ of Iowa, it was just like a castle watchtower thingy, like a rook from a chessboard or whatever it’s called.” Edith was very animated saying this. Am I jealous?

“That’s cool, that’s really cool.” Jude kept insisting whenever Edith would say anything. Like, did you know there was five coffeehouses on Main Street?

“So what were you doing in Lincoln?” Edith’s tiny, but loud voice asks.

“Oh, I went to go see my mom in the cemetery.” They answer. Jude’s mom died?

“Cool! Cemeteries can be very calming places! Especially when a loved ones resting there.” Edith says, her voice still chipper and high. Jude’s said more to her in five minutes than they’ve said to me in three days.

“Yeah, I guess, if you put it that way.” Jude says, a slight bit of confusion in her voice.

“Was it beautiful? Conner isn’t too into cemeteries, so I rarely go anymore.” She asks. Am I even allowed to be jealous? I’ve known Jude for a week and a half.

“As beautiful as it can get, I’m not too into cemeteries either, with my mom and all, but that’s- that’s some good perspective, thank you.” Jude says, they sounded genuine.

“Of course, well, it’s getting late, I better get going, it was good talking to you!” Edith says as she turns away from Jude. She looks over in my direction, her bright red lips curl up in a smile, “Hey Amber!”

I wave at her, giving her a tight smile. Jude walks over to me, they’re smiling. I feel something in my stomach expand. I missed them.

“Hey.” Jude says, simply. Sitting down next to me.

“Hi.” I squeak. “How was your trip home?”

“Intense. Very, very intense.” Their voice is quiet. “We laid our mom to rest, or we visited her, all of us.”

“How’s your family?” I ask. I missed them.

“They were good, to be honest, it felt like home again, I haven’t felt that since I was sixteen.” Jude says, they look at their feet for a while. “My brother’s kid is beautiful, my sister isn’t much of a smack head anymore, she’s actually a banker now.”

“A what?” I chuckle.

“A smack head, you know, heroin junkie, drug addict, a professional victim.” Jude says, their latter words cut into me, am I a professional victim?

“Nah, that’s mean, she’s a drug addict and a smack head and a heroin addict, too. Just in recovery these days.” Jude continues.

For some reason I want to tell Jude I think I’m one. I also want to tell them that I missed them like hell. I look over at them, their face is glowing from the moonlight. They were so beautiful. Before I could stop myself, I leaned over, resting my head on their shoulder.

“I missed you.” I say.

“I missed you, too.” Jude says, their words are quiet, but confident. A feeling expands in my chest as my stomach fluttered. I’m glad they’re back.

“So your mom died?” I ask. Maybe my reaction wouldn’t have been as strong if I’ve known, but I can’t blame them.

“Yeah, few years ago she fell down some stairs. She was out and never came back.” Jude says, I wonder if my mom is dead. The thought does make me feel relieved, does that make me a bad person? This isn’t about me.

“I’m sorry.” I say. It’s all I can offer.

“Thanks, I don’t like talking about this, how was your weekend?” They ask, how do I answer?

“It was okay, I just messed around with some paints, watched some TV.” I answered, I was lying. I already lied to my teacher, I already hide everything from family, why fix what isn’t broken?

“I thought you didn’t have a TV here?” Jude says.

‘Tell the truth. You thought they were ignoring you, so you did what any professional victim does, you got high.’ I thought, the words pounding through the plushy skin of my brain.

“I asked my aunt for the one I had at home, she sent my cousin over.” I say with a deadpan voice. Why am I lying? Why can’t I just tell them it was shit and move on?

‘Coward.’ My thoughts said.

An aching expands in my chest, my stomach flutters and a coldness runs through my intestines.

“Did you really miss me?” I said, I tried catching my words, it didn’t work.

“Of course.” Jude chuckles. They raise their arm, I fall against their body. They’re so warm. A lump rolls into my throat, they lightly stroke my shoulder. My sinus’ fill as my eyes begin to wet. I wipe my nose with my sleeve. God, I missed this person.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Jude’s memo, October first.

I think Amber is mad at me about something, she was short with me. It kind of annoys me, like why would she be mad? What right does she have to be mad at someone she’s known for barely a week? I told her I probably wouldn’t respond much to hers or anyone else’s texts. I even told her about not buying one of those refill cards for my phone. I should’ve asked her, asked her what’s wrong, but then I don’t even think she told the truth about her weekend in general. I don’t know, maybe I’m just coming off an emotionally draining weekend. My brother Jaime had a baby, it’s a girl. She’s a fucking giant. Like 80 pounds or some shit. I’m kidding, but she’s fucking heavy. Saw Julia, she looks healthy, happy. She has a job as a bank teller. Julia’s been two years sober since May, it’s awesome. I need some sleep.”

#queer romance #queer fiction #fiction #short fiction #short story #literary fiction #queer stories #queer representation

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cantaffordtherapist42069 · 5 years

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breakdown message/running journal

first and foremost i cannot believe I wasted time getting my nails done to not even get to see them on a dick this is what I get for going with something cool again

part of me feels just absolutely stupid. like i have no idea what's going on or what anything means because i am just so used to being manipulated or lied to or choked out in bathrooms. i want to believe u are a genuinely nice person like you seem but part of me feels like you are just really good at hiding that you're just an emotionally dead fuckboy.

but like would i recognize those traits if i were not also an emotionally dead fuckboy probably not.

which is exactly why this week has been so awful.

had this been a week ago i was ready to have the "hey i havent felt any real human emotion in years but if you want me to i can try but like ur dick bomb so i can swing whatever" conversation. deadass i was at times like if he really a fuckboy i guess i can finally get a threesome out of it. (in the interest of funny things I would message u about but wont because i can't tell if you give a shit or not i was so far done caring for alias i suggested he message felecia for a threesome. completely seriously.)

however on wednesday, my anxiety was at an all time high for no reason. and it just kept getting worse all night. and all i wanted was to talk to you. i didnt care if all you did was bitch i just wanted like a ten minute phone call with you because i missed you and talking to you would have made me happy. then on my way home i had to pass a very freshly killed deer which, while interesting to my inner freak because it was like split in half and dragged, all i could think about was that your dumb ass text and snaps all the fucking time while you're driving and that technically speaking you could just hit a deer at like 70 and die and that's it you never get to talk to Dillon again and i lost it i had to pull over to cry. this was partly because i was so high but also mostly because it has been so long since i have cared about the person i was fucking and i am terrified to get genuinely attached to another person like that again. but whatever i thought I could just deal with that later.

then of course the next day was Summers wedding. and yes it was cute and im very happy for them and love is beautiful but like, first off it was weird because i am literally getting a divorce that i could not be happier to finally be getting, but also i am kind of jealous of their relationship, and then when u hit me this week with the "never once contemplated marriage", Dillon i had never been more attracted to you than at that moment. and again all i wanted was to talk to you but you were barely responding so i just volunteered to work all night to get my mind off everything even though it was one of my nights off and i already felt miserable. Then the more i thought about it all night, u bitching about being hungover, i realized that u didnt send me a single drunk text and like.. cant relate! i want to talk to you literally all the time but especially when im drunk and miss you and havent talked to you all day!

friday morning i had mail from the court that the judge on my divorce case put in a removal for dismissal. on my way to the courthouse guess who was behind me! alias! guess who had a panic attack because shes so fucking scared of this actual pussy! me! guess who has to get her paperwork in by the 20th or she has to pay 250 fucking more dollars to the state to file again! me! and of course multiple people have told me that they dont think alias and felecia are doing well and im fucking terrified. i thought theyd at least last a year and buy me some time to heal but nah fuck me. i love feeling absolutely terrified everywhere i go.

i think its probably important you get the whole story. it really explains why im a freak and also why i was temporarily drinking almost every night. but like its really something you sit down and discuss not casually send over a message so a very short version is i knew alias would be abusive within the first week, broke up, got back together when he got back from basic and went to mos school, i knew i was making a mistake because i was crazy about him but i knew he was a piece of shit, cheated on him to convince myself to leave him, never told him and stayed instead, found him sending and receiving nudes and sexting with girls from gone wild on reddit, shit was absolutely awful and we fought non stop for years, he gets out of the marines we move back and he finally admits to me that he thought he wanted kids which i had known he did for a while so wasnt a shock, I smoked half a pack of camels and i was over it. didnt love him at all. didnt leave because he begged me to stay because "he didnt he just needed to discuss wanting kids", then after i specifically warned him i was going to be emotionally distant, he started getting crazy. he was so miserable all the time and reflected it by acting angry around me intentionally. then it was the busting in to my room at random times to accuse me of not loving him and like i wasnt going to admit to the psycho that i was just with him because i couldn't leave kira with him and yes i was def lying about loving him, and then one night he just flipped and was screaming at my accusing me of cheating on him (not that i even had the time to with how closely he monitored where i was and how long for), and then he choked me. he had both hands around my neck and was pushing so hard he basically threw me into the bathroom wall. then after he realized what he was doing he smashed his head into the bathroom mirror and came into my room begging me to kill him. every night after that i was terrified to stay and terrified to leave and terrified to do anything at all. i really thought killing myself would be how id finally get out. then the night with the police happened and now im staying with my mom and stepdad because i literally do not feel safe anywhere else.

or at least i didn't until i was able to sleep all night with you. i did not think i would ever feel safe sleeping with a guy again and now i miss waking up next to you.

there is so much about you that freaks me out but literally not one red flag and that also freaks me out. i know im a mess. you have a nice normal stable life and im sure you dont want a messy trauma bitch all up in it. but fuck Dillon, if you dont want to see me why the fuck are we always talking

like i know i have done everything possible to get you to keep your distance and all i know how to do is self sabotage but like i can't anymore. i am not capable of acting chill again for another whole fucking month and then imagine you hooking up with way hotter girls and cry every fucking night because i caught feelings for the fuckboy. i miss you, literally, all the time. i check my phone every morning just to see if i have a message from you. i think about you every night. and yes the way you fuck me is literally the best sex ive ever had but i am beyond dick crazy about you. i love just being around you. i could listen to you talk for hours, just nonstop. i am already daydreaming about dates we could go on next summer. and i want to tell you all this but i feel so stupid for feeling anything at all for you when you make me feel like i just dont matter to you and im just an ego boost for you.

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