#And I mean... It's not really crying because of sadness
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I’m suddenly getting swathes of Lancer hate across my feed… Has something happened in the fandom? “Union is ______ how could they paint them as even remotely good. They allow _____, and I hate the devs they are ______. The whole thing is just 40k with communist veneer”.
Like am I taking crazy pills…? I thought that all of the problems were literally like right there on the tin “we are a utopia in progress! We will obtain it by any means possible even if it means being everything we say we are not/fighting against. As the player you decide what is right. How much will you ignore for someone else’s idea of utopia?” Like doesn’t it mean all the tools to actually change are there and that is the HOPE aspect of all of this?
(Sorry if this in incoherent grammar is a weak point and I pulled something in my back simply standing up. Now I am sad and crook backed in spasmodic pain)
This isn't an argument I feel super enthusiastic about stepping into, because it gets the most annoying sort of people in your mentions eager to maliciously misrepresent what you say.
However, yeah, there are some pretty terrible readings of Union floating around. I'd invoke "media literacy" because think that a lot of this comes from people not really holistically engaging with the fictional future history of Lancer, but also from a sort of dogmatic purism that requires future societies to be flawless, else they're irredeemable.
It is important to note that ThirdComm is the direct descendant of two highly imperfect societies. FirstComm was formed as a response to the Three Great Traumas of discovering the Massif Vaults (and thus that they were the inheritors of a fallen world), the wars over the Massif Vaults, and the discovery of the lost colonies, all of which collectively showed humanity how close it had come to total extinction.
FirstComm decided that it had a responsibility to ensure that humanity never risked extinction again. It manifested this by trying to colonize every habitable planet it could find, pumping out ship after ship to seed the cosmos with as much human life as it possibly could. This led to problems when it encountered civilizations like the Karrakin Federation and the Aun, who had been carrying humanity's torch just fine by themselves, thank you very much.
SecComm was an Anthrochauvinist fascist state. The book defines it thusly:
We can see a lot of Anthrochauvinist historical romanticism in the mech naming schemes of Harrison Armory, SSC and IPS-N - the fact that Harrison Armory names its mechs after great military leaders of pre-Fall Earth history, IPS-N does the same with naval figures, and SSC uses the names of Earth animals. Even the GMS Everest is named for a mountain on Earth. It's very Cradle-centric.
Anthrochauvinism was, to be clear, largely just an excuse for colonialism and hegemony. Atrocities could easily be justified under by stating that whoever they're being committed against were a threat to the Continuance of Humanity - a term that SecComm got to define.
It's also at this point that we have to zoom in from broad sociopolitical points to address one very specific piece of history: the New Prosperity Agreement. This was signed to prevent the outbreak of a Second Union-Karrakin War, and mandated that the Karrakin Houses would maintain privileged levels of autonomy within Union, and that they would be granted colonial rights to the entire Dawnline Shore. This agreement, struck in 3007u, basically defines much of the current political situation today.
ThirdComm was a final and inevitable reaction to the atrocities, abuses and excesses of SecComm. The unspeakable horrors of Hercynia were the spark, but I need to stress how little Hercynia actually mattered in the larger Revolution - at the start of NRfaW, it's explicitly stated that almost nobody in the galaxy even knows where it is, let alone what happened there. The Revolution was a generalized response to SecComm's tyranny, with no single rallying cry.
The Revolution might also have failed entirely, but for a critical error by Harrison Armory: pissing off the Karrakin Trade Baronies. After getting kicked off Cradle, the Anthrochauvinist Party organised a fleet at Ras Shamra to try and retake Cradle. Simultaneously, however, they were attempting to secure protectorate agreements to steal worlds in the Dawnline Shore out from under the KTB. Putting these two together and making five, the KTB assumed that the fleet was pointed at Karrakis, and started the First Interest War.
The First Interest War initially favoured the KTB. They smashed the fleet above Ras Shamra and simultaneously conquered the moon of Creighton in the Dawnline Shore. However, they underestimated just how ruthless Harrison I was - he "retook" Creighton by relativistic bombardment, and then conquered four of the 12 worlds of the Dawnline Shore with mechanised chassis, a technology the KTB had not adopted and had no counter for.
To prevent further loss of life, Union was eventually forced to broker a peace agreement that saw Harrison I handing himself over to Union justice in return for Harrison Armory's continued sovereignty, and the KTB joining Union as a full member state.
So, with that historical context out of the way, let me get to the second part of this absurd essay I'm writing.
Third Committee Union isn't a civilization that arose from whole cloth. It's shaped by five thousand years of Union history, six thousand years of post-Fall history, and six thousand years of pre-Fall history before that. It is, ultimately, an extremely well-thought-out and well-worldbuilt fictional polity, in that all of its imperfections come from traceable root causes in its history.
Why does ThirdComm permit the abuses of the KTB? Because to stop them, it would likely have to go to war, and such a war would butcher billions. Worse, to do so, it would probably have to ally with Harrison Armory and make horrific concessions.
Why does ThirdComm permit the expansionism and cryptochauvinism of the Armory? Because to stop them, it would likely have to go to war, and such a war would butcher billions. Worse, to do so, it would probably have to ally with the KTB and make horrific concessions.
Nobody in CentComm likes that Harrison Armory are empire-building expansionists. Nobody in CentComm likes that the KTB has a hereditary nobility and enforces blockades against planets that rebel against it. The problem is that ThirdComm is, in historical terms, still relatively new. They've been around five hundred years, and compared to the 1600 years that SecComm was around and the 2800 years FirstComm existed for, that's not very much.
ThirdComm is attempting to decouple itself from the Cradle-first politics of its predecessor, and to amend the many, many atrocities committed in the name of Humanity. It is not easy to do any of these things. SecComm was defined almost entirely by the fact that if it didn't like what you were doing, it would send in the military as a first response. Every time ThirdComm chooses to do the same, its legitimacy erodes, because the mission of ThirdComm is to prove that diverse, vibrant and compassionate human civilization can exist without devolving into war and bloodshed. ThirdComm always tries diplomacy as a first response because if it doesn't, millions of people could die.
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~~~~ More kaishin incorrect quotes~~~~
*kaito trying to flirt with Shinichi*
Kaito: Dom or sub?
Shinichi: I guess Domino's, since I don't go to Subway that much. Don't see why you'd put them in the same category though.
~~~~~~
Kaito: You look good in that hoodie.
Shinichi: You know where else I'd look good?
Kaito, zero hesitation: My bed.
Shinichi, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?
~~~~~~~
Shinichi: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?
Kaito: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.
Shinichi: WHAT
~~~~~~~~
Shinichi: *Holding up a pack of pencils* These are kinda cute.
Kaito: Shinichi, that’s gay.
Shinichi: We’ve been dating for 2 years—
~~~~~~~~
*kaito trying to flirt with Shinichi part 2*
Kaito: I like your new pants!
Shinichi: Thanks, they were 50% off!
Kaito: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*
Shinichi: The store can’t just give away clothes for free.
Kaito: Thats’s… not what I meant.
Shinichi: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Kaito.
~~~~~~~
Shinichi: You know, Kaito, when you generalize, you tell general... lies.
Kaito: ...
Kaito: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.
~~~~~~~~~~
Kaito: Shinichi, why are you crying?
Shinichi: This book is so sad!!
Kaito, picking it up: But this is my diary-
Shinichi: your life is really sad kaito
~~~~~~~~~~
Kaito: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Shinichi: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.
Kaito, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.
~~~~~~~~
Shinichi: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.
Kaito: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.
Shinichi: But you’re always acting stupid?
Kaito: ...
Kaito: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.
~~~~~~~~~~
Shinichi: Did it hurt when you fell-
Kaito: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-
Shinichi: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Kaito: ...
Shinichi: You just laid there for 15 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~
Kaito: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?
Shinichi: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out in bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?
~~~~~~~~
Shinichi: Bonjour, Kaito. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi?
Kaito: No, I don't want to sleep with you.
Shinichi: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.
Kaito: WHAT
~~~~~~~
Shinichi: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.
Kaito: This is a lie.
Kaito: I'm literally dating him. This is a lie.
Kaito: HE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.
~~~~~~~~~~
Shinichi: I'm at a loss for words!
Kaito: Despite being ‘at a loss for words’, Shinichi yelled at me for the next 45 minutes.
~~~~~~~~
Kaito: Why are you like this??
Shinichi: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.
~~~~~~
Kaito, singing: He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's on thin fucking ice
Shinichi, also singing: Santa Claus is calling you out!
~~~~~~
Shinichi: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...
Kaito: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card?
Shinichi: Holy shit-
~~~~~~
Kaito: Shinichi and I are no longer dating.
Shinichi: Kaito, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.
#shinichi kudo#dcmk#kaishin#magic kaito#kaito kuroba#kuroba kaito#kudo shinichi#detective conan#detective conan kaishin#dcmk memes#incorrect dcmk quotes#(lol I think I added to many)#(oh well)#(this was fun to do!!!!)
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PINK VS. PINK, GO!
All propaganda and what each competitor is from under the cut
Miles Edgeworth (Ace Attorney)
The case in which his father died is the root of all the tragedy in the first 3 games. He even thinks he killed his father at first which is very sad and he has lasting trauma from the incident (his father died in an elevator during an earthquake. edgeworth is shown to panic and shut down during earthquakes or something similar like airplane turbulence and he avoids taking the elevator whenever possible)
Miles Edgeworth is the most repressed individual you'll ever meet. He is a chess player and everytime he has a chess board he puts the red pieces (him) cornering a blue piece (HIS RIVAL/THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE). He told the aforementioned rival his ex girlfriend died by telling him "her metabolic processes are concern of only historians". He dresses like a victorian child. He is a steel samurai fan. Almost christmas means it wasn't christmas
Sakuya Sakuma (A3!)
OUGH okay hello I’m gonna yell about my little guy here. Obviously he’s an orphan; parents died when he was really small, passed around to different family members, and BOY does it affect him. He’s not colossally depressed or anything but it does give him abandonment issues, a general sense of loneliness, and a latent fear that if he’s too sad or angry then he’ll get sent to live somewhere else. Even after he joins his live-in theater company, though he does start moving past it there. Despite all that, he always strives to be kind and caring and cheerful, yes in part because he felt like he had to be but also because he just generally is. He’s so very loved in the place he’s at to the point that a number of grown adults (he starts the series at 17!) openly admit that they look up to him. TRULY one of the characters ever I’m so incredibly normal about him
ok so i havent been caught up in years so forgive me if i get the details wrong but he's just a ball of sunshine despite all he's gone thru (multiple foster homes, never really feeling like he belonged anywhere). like he literally put his everything into acting because it was the only place he could go that wasn't back to a foster home (the company has dorms for the actors), to the point where he was doing "solo" shows (he had a bird as a supporting actor) just to bring in enough people to keep the acting company from shutting down completely. also it's the way that he FINALLY found a place to call home and people to call family and he was SO DESPERATE to hold onto that when his fellow troupe members threaten to leave (at least once for each of them for a minimum of 5, but only one at a time. u would think they would catch on at some point and not do that). also the sleepover cg in act 1 makes me feel like crying like they're finally on the same page and ready to work together and they look so comfortable and vulnerable with each other and it just AUGHH because they only did that after sakuya decided to sleep on the stage on his own and got caught by another troupe member who dragged in the rest of them too like hello?? crying
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You know, now I am afraid that the producers have decided that instead of Aegon outsmarting Rhaenyra and hiding in King's Landing under her nose before killing her, now Rhaenyra has cornered Aegon and make him look pityful and then in a way to save his life, he says Dracarys (but not a strong one but more like a weak whisper) and then Sunfyre does what he does.
I mean if they do that, I won't be surprise. I hope they don't tho. And we see how much attention Tom is getting these days so I think they actually gonna use Aegon in a good way or at least in a way?
I think they changed their rules, in season 2 we gonna get a good Aegon but I'm not to sure again. Because in promo one of actors said he's a sad boy, he wants to be good but he also wants the power.
So yeah we not gonna have a badass Aegon like in the book, they giving his best personality traits like his bravely to an actual coward like Rhaenyra. In promo again we see actors saying Rhaenyra is a good queen because she's smart, passion, have a good heart, care about her people and blah blah blah.
Well she wasn't any of that in book. So the only reason they changing Aegon is not because they want Aegon to be a cool character like he was in book. They need someone who can compare to Rhaenyra but still be hated.
Like we know how Rhaenyra was as bad as any other character and even worse, but in the show she's a saint. We see that when they told Aegon that a lot of people gonna die he said "Good. To war then." But we see they say Rhaenyra care about her people.
So they gonna make Aegon the only one who's at fault for destroying seven kingdoms. But we gonna have a Rhaenyra who can do no wrong and cry when her people die.
Small folks gonna love her, I'm sure. And the only reason they gonna turn against her is that the Greens tried to gets sympathy and support with that public funeral.
They not gonna make her do stupid things like in the book. But Aegon gonna make a lot of horrible choice, Tom said it himself. This Rhaenyra is not Rhaenyra in the book and this Aegon is not Aegon in the book. One of Aegon's good traits that make him more suitable than Rhaenyra was his bravely and the fact that he fought. Now we gonna see a smart, brave, good hearted Rhaenyra who gonna fight in war probably instead of Daeron. She may even use a sword.
So Aegon probably not going to outsmart Rhaenyra.
This show is nothing like book. They just have the same name. So I can't really say anything about it but we all know that Rhaenyra is a saint in the show but Aegon is a pussy...
But maybe, maybe 1% It is possible that we have a good Aegon. I mean look at these:
The greens one are more badass for sure.
But let's not fool ourselves, we know they hate Aegon.
#house of the dragon#aegon ii targaryen#house targaryen#hotd#house of dragons#aemond targaryen#a song of ice and fire#aegon the elder#king aegon#aegon the second#anti team black#anti hotd#anti rhaenyra targaryen#pro team green#team green#aegon ii targaryen x reader#aegon ii#hotd aegon#aegon targaryen#aegon targaryen x reader#asoif/got#asoiaf#fire and blood#hotd s2#hotd season 2
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Because I want more chaos child reader, can you do headcannons of how the other ancients react to pure vanilla technically adopted them?
Sure thing! Sorry this took took a while this ask got sent to me. At 3 am my time, and I had to then go get my nails done in the morning lol
Prompt: headcanons
Characters: Dark Cacao, Hollyberry, Golden Cheese, White lily
Pronouns: They/Them for child of chaos
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cacao:
He finds it rather cute, I mean, to think a child born of chaos could be this dang adorable
Then, he hears you call pure vanilla dad, and this, is one of the only times, you will ever hear cacao snicker. That snicker turns into laughter.
He will give, (not good-) tips to Vanilla on parenting
Mainly how it’s good to teach you the art of sword wielding young, pure vanilla, doesn’t take this advice
He’s like, Gordon Ramsey, he will call his friends stupid, but when it comes to you, you can do no wrong. Turned the clouds into Cotten candy? You were just experimenting.
Idk why, I just, see cacao as being really good with kids. For being kinda not the best dad to choco, he really try’s.
He’s happy pure vanilla adopted you, and he’s glad you’re able to get the world and more.
Hollyberry:
Holly as soon as pure vanilla gets called dad, she just says. “I call dips on being the wine grandma.”
Will brag about you to pitaya, tarte tatin, basically anyone who will listen.
“Have you heard of my other grandchild? Now you have.”
She absolutely loves you! She takes you and princess cookie out on trips.
So. Many. Gifts
“No kiddo, you can’t have Berry juice just yet!”
White lily:
Like your mom. Pure vanilla is fine with this.
She encourages you to use your powers.
Absolutely adores you, she has taken you from pure vanilla before, pure vanilla was very sad :(
They find you the perfect type of kid for Pure vanilla!
She will help explain your magic to pure vanilla, helping him understand the different types of magic you use, and how to reverse it!
Would cry if you called her mama (/pos way)
Golden cheese:
Makes fun of pure vanilla in like the friend way.
Cool aunt, it will always happen. Canon event for cheese.
She will buy you anything. ANYTHING. Pure vanilla has no say anymore
New toys, clothes, she loves throwing little fashion shows with you.
She will teach you how to fly, you have wings like her after all!!
She absolutely loves spoiling you, she doesn’t call it spoiling rotten she calls it spoiling sweet! Pure vanilla will have to take you back. Cheese would totally just keep you lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope you enjoy!
#child of chaos reader#child of chaos cookie#cookie run kingdom#cookie run#cr kingdom#cookie run kingdom x reader#cookie run x reader#platonic#platonic headcanons#platonic x reader#golden cheese cookie#dark cacao cookie#pure vanilla cookie#white lily cookie#hollyberry cookie#child reader
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911 7x06 Episode cuts
I’m so sad they seem to have cut a bunch of the bachelor party stuff from the episode. Like the logical part of me 100% gets it like yeah it’s maddie and chims wedding we want that to be the focus, and I’m so excited for that so it makes sense to cut the less plot relevant scenes but at the same time why did they promote the hell out of the karaoke and bachelor party scenes if it’s just gonna be cut that’s what irritates me more like I know why it’s being cut but why promote the shit outta it if it’s gonna get taken out.
I really am hoping they still include like a cut down version or a montage of all the drunkenness etc because I feel like it’d be a loss if not. And I mean there might be a chance we get the karaoke scene released as a clip at some point so at least there that.
Urgh I do have to say i know I’m gonna be so mad if I have to listen the buckley parents yap on for extended periods of time when we could have had buddie karaoke like im so sure the actors are lovely but I will slam my head into a wall if that’s the trade off.
Also I’m not too worried about stuff for madney getting cut unlike other ships because it’s their episode but I really am hoping for like a more light hearted sweet scene with them where they just get be happy because I love them so much and I’m worried the episode is going to be really sad and dramatic which I love but like I want happiness to they deserve it I just hope that isn’t sacrificed for drama
Anyway when it come to the buddie stuff since that’s what’s realistically probably been cut I’m choosing to listen to the extremely delusional part of my brain that is deciding it because the whole bachelor party Ryan and Oliver had way to much chemistry and way to much fun that it came across to buddie like and actually messes up a potential slow burn and the fact that both buck and Eddie are in relationships so they just had to cut it
Also final thing I swear to fuck if we also get a buck and Tommy kiss or slow dancing cut out as well I will cry they deserve a slow dance.
Ahh why couldn’t this season be longer and this be a 2 parter.
#this is from a MULTISHIPPER#911 on abc#911 thoughts#buddie#i’m delusional#bucktommy#madney#eddie diaz#evan buck buckely#maddie buckley#chimney han#buckley parents#evan buckley#madney wedding#911 7x06
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Swanjiwi's One Piece re watch journey
(This is not an analysis or a critique. Just me pointing out things I like)
Masterlist<3
> Episode 30
lmao
And he probably did mean to say it to sanji too
Gin please come back
luffy really meant it, but his body is just a separate entity
and the moment he says he wants so go to the grand line he's back at it again lmao
it hurts so bad AHHHHHHHHHHH
(and *manga spoilers* but with what's happening in the manga, I'm confused. I really wish the All Blue isn't real only when the world is under water. That would be very sad)
I don't like scenes where characters lie and try to push someone away for their sake, but I always end up crying when it happens in OP 💀
Sanji are you chasing your dreams now or???? Has he searched for it at all? has he been paying attention or did he just go with them just to end up as the protector of everyone's dreams but his again???
that ladle is not for you 😭😭
"We both have foolish dreams" ;;;;;;
I think this is where I started to appreciate luffy even more than I already did
THEY'RE FATHER AND SON
(Zeff never was prepared to be a dad, and he never was the best, but comparing that to Judge, it's easy to see why Sanji liked him still even when he was so violent. and also, with him, Sanji became what he is now. I can't imagine what would have been of sanji if Zeff had perished on that rock. Tbh back then i expected Sanji to be even tougher, and when he wasnt i thought maybe is bc of zeff? but that didn’t make sense? and then WCI arrived and it makes sense 🥲)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(I think the LA made a good job, but this version still impacts me the most (most probably because the whole don krieg fight and all))
oh he does not fear death, believe me 💀
idk why I'm have so little hope when it comes to the all blue tho. probably bc so much has happened to sanji that I don't know if Oda is planning on making his goal a reality💀
#one piece#one piece sanji#black leg sanji#one piece zeff#iwipiece#op rewatch#monkey d luffy#one piece luffy#monkey d. luffy#one piece episode 30#east blue saga#baratie#one piece screenshots#one piece spoilers
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⚜ Happy birthday @katsukes ⚜
I saw on your MAL you like Mafuyu and now it just so happens I love to color Given. So I was really happy to see him as one of your faves. I wish you a lovely birthday!
#Colored Manga#My Colored Manga#My work#Happy Birthday#Given#Mafuyu Satou#❀#⚜#animangacreators member birthday#I wasn't sure about picking a scene where he looks so sad as a present#But gosh I love this cap#And I mean... It's not really crying because of sadness#So I think it's fine??
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after these leaks i just genuinely think megumi has depression like not even in a “wow haha he always pulls out mahoraga!” way but in an Oh my god his WHOLE LIFE has been in shambles since he was like 8 and i think he is like forever messed up
#this might be a severe misunderstanding of his character but also#we do not have nearly enough detail about his backstory and that worries me#we don’t have enough detail about him PERIOD#or at least from how i understand jjk#like maybe he pulls out mahoraga all the time because he’s willing to sacrifice himself all the time in like the craziest way possible#what do you mean i have to see a panel of him kneeling and crying and saying ‘that’s enough i don’t care anymore’#LET ME OUT AAAA TELL ME ITS NOT TRUE TELL ME ITS NOT TRUE#i just think that having a really messed up family dynamic and being raised by a teenager for most of your life would really fuck you up#but also like yeah i think that having to watch u kill ur own sister in your body is pretty bad#i just think he’s sad he makes me sad every time i see him#jjk 251#jjk spoilers#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#jjk megumi
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HZD was such a magical experience. It was a game about the apocalypse, but it still left me feeling hopeful by the end, twisting the despair it made me feel over its past into something like appreciation for everything we still have. It was a game about life and death, about nature and both its vulnerability and its resilience, about how technology can be used for either good or bad, about how it could destroy us but also save us depending on how we use it. It was a game about GAIA and Elisabet's love for the world (and each other), it was about a lonely queer girl's personal quest to find her mother that turned into a quest to save her homeworld, it was the story of an outcast who became the chosen one she never wanted to be, who went from carrying the weight of negative expectations to the weight of positive ones on her shoulders, it was about showcasing both the best and the worst of humanity, while still reassuring us that the effort we put into this world is worth it, even against impossible odds, because this is a world worth fighting for, and there might always be bad but there will also always be good, and life on Earth is worth protecting.
It was so deeply beautiful and moving and at the end of the day it was just a game. I wish I could play it for the first time again
#this hope and sappiness is so uncharacteristic of me... i guess this game really does bring out things i didn't know i had in me huh.#of course i never thought hzd was perfect but.... it had such a strong emotional core that i really miss#yes i listened to sad machine and started crying about gaia again. how do you know?#because i only get this emotional about hzd when i listen to sad machine? ah yes of course.#i mean this is THE song that really sends me back and puts me in the mindset i was in when i was finishing the game for the first time....#maybe i should just replay hzd and pretend i don't know anything about it. i could use the pick-me-up#but i don't WANNA replay it i just wanna relive that first experience :( i miss her i just want her back#i'm just gonna keep crying for now brb#ramble#hzd
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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Hey, squeaker! (/affectionate /p)
I don't normally do stuff like this but I saw you liked Aizetsu and Gyutaro as a QPR and I have shipped them in secret since before I saw that. So it made my day to find. As an aro-spec person, I don't really see QPRs talked about much either and most people kind of just don't care about them as a result.
Anyway,
-> the actual point of my submission is that you recently reblogged one of my arts with the tag "good luck charm" as you were denoting affection to it for helping to uplift your mood during difficult times. It really warmed my heart, so I wanted to make something intentionally for you in that vein of "good luck charm".
I know your original tags were in reference to an endouma doodle, but I wanted to toss you something for one of your rarer pairings. (I was shocked to see it in the wild!! /pos)
Hope your week gets better, man!
I COULD COMPLETELY BURST INTO TEARS,!!!!!!! THEYRE SUCH DORK ASSES I hope someone stuffs them both in lockers they probably already do it to eachother as some odd affection ritual. Weirdos. OBSESSED.. sincerely I do not have the words to describe how MUCH I appreciate this 😭😭😭! Since you sent this things have thankfully gotten better so thank you!! Your charm worked!! (Things are still scary and new! But im feeling much better :-})
actually I am drawing a little something right now for you .holdon.
they're stargazing :-}.. I have so many little things in my head of these two but I wanted to make something quick right this second in exchange because AGWAA!!IM GRATEFUL!! I'll keep them close to my heart for EVER💥💥💥💥💥💥💥
#good luck charm#i adore how you draw Aizetsus facesososo.. i need to see him taking the worlds heaviest nap foreely.#theyre so NASTY!!!! united in grossness its good for them in a way its healthy#BUT YEAH I DIDNT SAY IT IN YHE POST ITSELF CUZ I GET NERBOUS TO RAMBLE UP THERE BUT QPR SND MAKING QPPS IS SOOO IMPORTANT TO ME#it forever makes me sad that people dont really care about it/care to learn what qpr is even about and its like!!!#pLEASE ROMANCE AND PLATONICISM MY HEART MY SOUL! !#i have a lot of qprs that mean a whole lot to me and this is definitely one that makes me giddy because as a concept its just.really fun#they both are shitheads a little but theyre also kinda feircely protective in their own rights so its a push and pull of trying to show off#while also trying to not have the combined emotional adeptness of a shelter dog#in other words they are like specimens to me.. studys them under.microscope..#agagagaga ANYWAYS EEEK. THANK YOU. IVERY MUCH APPRECIATE IT#i saw it earlier in the week and got super emotional but got too sidetracked to have the time to say anything but hiccup. cry. sniffle.#thought about it the .entire time...#explodes this entire website#UGHHH TYTYTYTYTYTY 💥🙇💥🙇💥🙇#gonna need to add staring wistfully at this and various endoumas to my self care routine inthink. good for my health#grhsekeke squeaker....#cw fast gif#<- jic!#that gif gets such a giggle out of me im fascinated by it
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his default recall is so cool..........
#not me arts tag#ive never used his default skin so i didnt even know what it looked like until now....ough#i wish u could mix and match sounds or recalls with skins................#i honestly forget half the time hes supposed to be like. Cool and Suave and a Competent Badass#because my brain is always like. god hes so small and floppy and will die if you breathe on him wrong#also hes always crying and breathing heavily in my ear so im just like. poor guy#he should be at the bed taking a nap not fighting....... who made him fight.... stop that he doesnt belong on the battle field#he might be a badass hitman or smth but my brain is like#this is just a sad theatre kid who took gymnastics#''aphelios how is your assassin training going'' aphelios who has only been reading the acrobatics textbook: my what#is there anyone still reading these tags. hi there#i have a lot of thoughts on him. im very obsessed with his animations#like he has a laugh animation for every weapon.......#all the various weapon animations...#maybe the real reason we wont have a legendary for 10 more years is all the animating they have to do#i mean his base animations are so good id honest be like OK if they reused them#cant rly do much better than already Top Tier animations#unless we get an alune legendary.....#hope alune is super awesome and badass and all the aphelios voicelines are a really shy awkward guy or smth#like you look so cool and awesome fighting and the whole world doesnt know ur listening to a lil guy in your brain the whole game#the contrast would be very funny methinks#if anyones still reading this. yes i know riot made up some reason about budget or whatever for voices#but i choose to believe aphelios is head empty no thoughts and thats why he doesnt talk to alune#(STILL GOOFY OF A REASON... lots of VAs can do both genders of voices.... like. what about kindred and kayn....)#then again wouldnt be surprised if they were overbudget on the animations but still smh my head into oblivion#can relate to a guy who simply doesnt wanna talk#(said after 10000 tags of talking to myself)#i should really put my thoughts onto a separate post or blog or something#anyways have i mentioned i think hes really cute
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only at the Moby-Dick reading will you hear people randomly singing both the Dave Malloy Moby-Dick musical and The Mountain Goats… the only other time i’ve been surrounded by this many fellow queer was The Mountain Goats concert.
#IT WILL BE TOO LATE BY THE TIME WE LEARN WHAT THESE CRYPTIC SYMBOLS MEAN!!!!!!!!!#(so true random person who i caught humming Palmcorder Yajna)#unfortunately i am (like with the Mountain Goats concert) ALONE#so a lot of this is just kind of exhausting and sad and scary#goats concert was good because it was just a few hours#but this is a LOT - i need people#i can’t be alone for this long#it makes me think about how much schoolwork i could have been getting done instead#which - tbf - i’m also working on#but also i’m lonely and sad and tired and i want to take a shower and sleep and cry#so like. i’m happy to be here - i really am - but i’m never doing this alone again#it objectively sucks
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Last man standing (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#It's lonely at the top :(#Poor dearest is worse for wear ah </3#This scene made me cry ;;#Like it was sad when he wrote down his missing canonmates but going back in and writing everyone else's names ;;;;#Even his shaky alliances! Even the people he hasn't seen for a while!! Wehhh <3 <3 <3#You soft heart ;; I see you Admiral ♥#Also had a lot of fun writing in VUK ZIX again hehe ♪#The translations from VUK ZIX to English aren't exact - for starters they're upside down haha#So if you started from the top down it would actually read KINLEZ NATPAK but I figured that wouldn't be as readable#You read from the bottom up! I also still headcanon it being written/read from left to right#So he started with Zelnick then Fwiffo then Tanaka and so on#Although I did change it up for the second one - Teisel then Xelloss then Xigbar then Asch and Van#The more I think of it the more I'm surprised there's no H :0#Even just as a demarcation of a pause before during or after a syllable#The ''sh'' sound makes complete sense tho hehe <3#Any incorrect shaping of letters/poor handwriting on my part can totally be chalked up to ZEX not being used to human hands!#Totallyyy lol#I really like the way specific syllables are shaped - like how Teisel and Zelnick almost share the same shaped between ''SEL'' and ''ZEL''#How Z is a more connected extension of S just agh it's so pretty <3 <3 Eco_Mono really did such a lovely job with it ♪#And then certain ''incorrectly'' spelled syllables still turned out so pretty! Like the ''ANA'' in Talana - look how swoopy and continuous!#The ''BAR'' in Xigbar looks really cool - honestly reminds me of the fanweapons I made ages ago for I? think? Xigbar's apprentice??#It's been too long I don't remember now lol but it's cool to me in particular because of that!! :D#Fwiffo looks so funny haha - Tanaka has a cool star-like kind of letter in his name?? Man it's just so neat <3#As for ZEX - I mean he made it this far :( Not one to give up easily that's for certain ♥ Tenacious#I want him to be happy :'0
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ILY FP 258
I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.
Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.
I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!
That's enough rambling, let's jump in.
There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.
But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.
A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.
This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.
I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.
There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.
As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.
Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.
And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.
How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).
He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.
He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.
And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;
For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.
I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...
Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.
But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.
I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.
I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.
And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.
Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.
#ILY Brainrot#ILY FP#ILY Spoilers#I Love Yoo#Kousuke Hirahara#Shinhye#idk what to tag her as because we know she isn't known as Shinhye anymore#and because Simhan and their mother never married AND she was from a previous relationship Yoo isn't even her family name#so I can't really use Shinhye Yoo lol#alas#anyway this episode was DEVASTATING and quimchee said it's the beginning of the sad episodes meant to happen in March#literally said 'It's all downhill from here'#which I take to mean til the timeskip#BUCKLE UP BABIES WE'RE GOING FOR A BIG CRY SESH ;______;#i gotta say tho this episode didn't even make me cry - i guess because none of this is new and I've been bracing myself for it#Kousuke is so fucking wet cat it agonizes me ;_____;#I could write a whole essay on how Yui destroyed him and Nol in one fell swoop#i think a lot about precocious little Kousuke who tried so hard to be a good little boy and rushed through school because he wanted so badl#to hurry up and catch up to his father and join him in the workplace#all the opportunities he lost#the way he tried to fit himself into a personality a person he never picked out but just believed would get him what he wanted#he lost himself in the process#or maybe he never even got to know himself#i think too a lot about Kousuke who played piano and gave it up when he came to believe it wasn't important to his dad#that it didn't garner the attention and praise he seeked#so he dropped it to better mold himself into someone he thought Rand WOULD be proud of#FUCKING DEVASTATED#I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF SOBS
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