#8- his name's tom and he's doing great! hes totally blind so we had to force-feed him but now he eats if you touch a mealworm to his lips. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

knivesareout · 3 years

Text

take on the world - chapter one

Pairing: Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.8k

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, bad jokes, flirting idiots and Tom doesn’t exist.

Summary: A whirlwind romance takes you by surprise when Frankie rescues you.

A/N: Well, here is the beginning of what is going to be a BEAST of a fic. There will probably be around 8-10 chapters in total and I’m already working on the next one (aka where the smut is). I will warn you all that this is going to deal with some heavy subject matter as we go along but I’ll put up proper warnings when they come. I hope you all enjoy and you can read it on AO3 here.

INSPO TAG | CHAPTER TWO

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There was a special place in hell for people who set their friends up on blind dates.

This wasn’t your first, or even your fifth, blind date in the last year that you’d agreed to go on to appease a happily married friend. This time it was Jessica’s husband’s co-worker who she’d shown you a picture of and you had wearily agreed, nodding as she told you how great he was.

He was in fact, not great, as he was now 30 minutes late and counting despite the numerous texts you’d sent him.

Thankfully the bar you were currently at was only a quick 10 minute walk from your apartment, a small miracle you were glad for. Surely you could stumble back the couple of blocks to your place if you decided to drown your sorrows in shots of tequila, a couple beers, and maybe a fruity drink or two if you were feeling spendy or particularly sad.

The bar was loud and, of course, overly crowded. It was a Saturday night after all.

Most tvs around the room were playing various baseball games at top volume with the season having only started a couple weeks prior. It wasn’t your favorite sport but you knew enough to keep up, eyes fixated on the Red Sox game just to the left of you.

“Need a refill?”

A cough sounds in your ear and you turn, realizing the question was meant for you. The man who’s taken up residence on the bar stool next to you is waiting for an answer, a distressed ball cap tugged low over his face and you wish you could see him better.

“Oh,” you laugh awkwardly, glancing down at the empty pint glass and back up again. When did you finish that? “Yeah, I mean. I need one.”

The man just nods, motioning the bartender over and he wordlessly clears your glass and sets a new one in front of you as well as one in front of the man next to you.

Muttering a quiet thanks to the bartender, you turn to the man in the cap and smile. “Thanks. Didn’t even realize I’d gone through it so fast.”

The man nods with a shrug of his shoulders, a slight smile on his face. “No worries. You looked like you were sucked into the game and figured I could help. I’m Frankie, by the way.”

Giving him your name, you reach a hand for him to shake- which he does. Rough, calloused hands envelope yours in a tight squeeze before he drops them with a cough.

You realize he must’ve been watching you before, if he knew you were with an empty cup.

Normally that was something you would find creepy because you were clearly alone, or at the very least weird but for some reason it’s endearing on this guy. Frankie. Out of the corner of your eye, you try to take in his features without being obvious, his attention now turned to the same game you’d been watching only moments before.

Dark hair curls outside of his baseball cap, a dimple embedded into his cheek on the right as he smiles. Patchy facial hair covers his jawline, bits of grey catching the light as he tilts his head back to take a swig of his beer and you wonder how old he is. At first you would’ve pegged him around your age, but now getting a somewhat better look he might have several years on you.

“Were you waiting on someone?” He asks, turning to you with his voice raised. A group of men are shouting in the back of the bar near the pool table and you wince.

You nod, downing half of your beer and swiping at your mouth. “Yeah. Blind date. I should know better but I can’t tell people no and he was cute.”

Frankie just laughs at your honesty, “So he just didn’t show?”

“Yep. Never had one that just didn’t show up. Figured I might as well get drunk to commemorate the occasion. Or commiserate. Either one.” You bring your glass up to his and cheers, shaking your head incredulously.

“His loss.”

You turn to Frankie with a raised brow, lowering your glass to watch him slowly check you out. You feel hot all over and clear your throat, teeth tugging on your bottom lip.

“What about you then? Here alone or did you ditch someone?”

Frankie presses a hand to his heart, fake wounded at your jab. “You already think so little of me? I was here with friends but they bailed on me,” he explains. “Saw you by yourself and thought we could both use the company.”

His answer puts you more at ease and you finish off your second beer of the night.

“So, figure I gotta ask. How old are you?” It really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things but if things are heading in the direction you hope they are, you don’t want to make him uncomfortable if you’re too young.

He seems startled by your question, like it’d never occurred to him to ask and he falters before answering. Did it make him uncomfortable?

“You know,” Frankie starts with a chuckle. “Normally, I’d be offended but I’m not. ‘M 42.”

Nodding, you blow out a breath that you didn’t realize you’d be holding. “Newly 30,” you tell him, bringing your refilled drink up to click against his own.

The age reveal doesn’t seem to bother him, at least from what you can tell. You’d never cursed your age before until now, hoping it hadn’t put him off.

You turn on the barstool to face Frankie, hoping to break the tension.

“So I have just one question for you, Frankie.”

He nods, turning to face you and waiting for you to continue.

You hold up a finger and place it on his jaw near his mouth, the one spot not filled up by wiry grey and black hair. His eyes are wide at your touch and he’s tense.

It was something you’d noticed right away when he sat next to you, your attention drawn to it for whatever reason. His terribly patchy facial hair was endearing.

“Why is this the perfect place for a kiss?”

The way Frankie looks when he laughs makes your heart ache in the best way. He tosses his head back, mouth wide as he tries to contain his laughter. His dark eyes crinkle, nose scrunched up at your blunt question and you retract your hand, satisfied with his response.

“How much have you had to drink?” He manages to get out between wheezing while he catches his breath.

“Couple shots of tequila while I stupidly waited. Two beers now, thanks to you,” you nod at the empty glass. “I might be drunk? It’s hard to tell, honestly. I think I’m fine.”

“So you’re just normally like this?” Frankie laughs, tilting his head. His fingers drum on the side of his almost empty pint glass, something you wonder is a nervous tick.

You push your empty glass away, hoping it’ll get the bartender’s attention and it does. Ordering Frankie another beer and a vodka cranberry for you, you turn back to him. “Guess so. If it’s too much though, I can pretend you never came over here and finish the game by myself.”

“Not what I meant,” he’s quick to tell you. “Just wanted to know what I’m getting myself into is all.”

Silently your lips tick up in a smirk and you start on your drink, turning your attention back to the game.

Over the next hour, you get to know Frankie and vice versa. He’s ex-Army; out for the last couple of years and he’s slowly getting back into the real world. Explains how he doesn’t have any family in North Carolina but all of his buddies live here, so he moved.

Frankie’s a helicopter pilot, giving city flyover tours to people coming in from out of town. He doesn’t love it but he loves flying so it’s enough for him, he tells you. You can see it in his eyes how passionate he is about flying and it makes you grin.

In turn, he asks about you. Normally you wouldn’t give up so much information about yourself to someone you don’t know all that well but Frankie has slowly started to feel like anything but and you feel guilty letting him give you so much only to get nothing in return- so you tell him. Maybe too much. About how your job working at a law firm is the most boring thing, especially when you had no interest in law. Which in turn sparks up his question- what do you want to do? That ends up setting you off on a tangent about your love of photography but how hard the industry is to break into to do it professionally or at the least get paid for it.

“Here, hang on.” You tell him, sliding your phone out of your back pocket and pulling up your Instagram. Social media was, normally, the bane of your existence but you used the app for your photos and nothing else, you tell him. He nods like he understands, telling you he isn’t much better technology wise.

Frankie’s quiet as he scrolls through your feed. He’s slow about it too, clicking on a few to see them bigger, and you bite your lip in anticipation at what he might be thinking. It’s nerve wracking to show anyone your passion and you manage to finish off your drink while he’s still scrolling, waving off the bartender as he asks if you want another.

“You’re fucking talented as shit, you know that?”

His response catches you off guard and you can instantly feel yourself getting warm at his compliment. It feels different, coming from him. A stranger who’s slowly becoming something more.

“You’ll have to let me take your picture some day,” you shoot back, kicking your dangling foot against his.

“You don’t have pictures of people on there though,” he’s quick to point out, handing you back your phone.

“Well no, but that doesn’t mean I don’t. It’s hard convincing people to hike with me is all.” Nature photography was your niche but you could already envision photographing a portrait of Frankie on a mountain with the sun illuminated behind him.

Frankie finishes off his beer and sighs loudly, turning to you with his brows raised. “Well, we’ll have to plan something then won’t we?”

You’d known that was coming and still, your stomach fills with butterflies as he all but asks you out. To see you again beyond this dark, crowded bar that smells like smoke and sweat.

“Definitely.”

Frankie asks if he can walk you home once the bar tab has been paid an hour later- he’s even covered yours too, in apology of your ruined date and unintentionally crashing your plan to wallow in self-pity afterwards.

“I’m just a couple blocks down,” you tell him, pulling your jacket tighter around your shoulders to combat the cool, spring breeze.

“No worries. Can’t complain about getting to spend a little more time with you,” he says cooly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

The line is smooth and cheesy but it still puts a smile on your face, which you’re sure was its intended effect.

You chuckle, turning to him so he can see the roll of your eyes. “Smooth, Casanova.”

Frankie puts his hands out in front of him in defense, scoffing at your jab.

“Cut me some slack, alright. Haven’t even dated a woman in years, let alone spent hours interrupted and talking with one,” he explains, knocking his shoulder with yours.

The little touch is something weirdly intimate and you cough, looking at him with a skeptical eye.

“I find that hard to believe, Frankie,” you chuckle, “You’re a good looking guy. Can even hold a decent conversation. No dates? Really?”

He shakes his head, shrugging. “Wasn’t in the right headspace for it. And now that I am, I just so happen to meet you and who knows. Was it fate?”

You spot the teasing tone of his voice immediately and you shove him lightly as you start to approach your apartment building. “You’re an ass,” you tell him, giggling as you try and pull your keys from your pocket, fingers fumbling and they drop to the ground with a clang.

You both reach down at the same time, heads knocking together and you can’t stop yourself from laughing. Laughing so much your chest aches with it and you can’t breathe, tears pricking the corner of your eyes and you glance over and Frankie’s no better, clutching his stomach as you both sit on the ground around your fallen keys.

“We’re a fucking mess,” you manage to get out between left over laughter and catching your breath.

Frankie lets out a loud breath, trying to calm himself and he nods in agreement. Picking up the keys, he hands them to you and stands, offering you a hand that you gladly take and try to steady yourself once you’re safely back on your feet.

“You alright?” He asks, running his hands over your hair and brushing at the crown of your head. As if he’s inspecting you for any injuries and you hold your breath.

The best you can manage is a nod, eyes flicking to meet his and you search them for any sign that he’s feeling exactly what you are.

He is. Expressive brown eyes that tell you everything you need to know.

Frankie sighs, pulling his hands back from your face and groans. Kicking at the pavement and mumbling quietly to himself.

Has the moment passed? Did you not react how he was expecting?

Turning back to you, he gives you a self-deprecating smile. “We’re drunk,” he explains. His tone is apologetic and you wonder why he’s saying the words if he feels bad about them in the first place.

“Maybe a little,” you agree. “Doesn’t mean I haven’t had, what I’m sure is, a much better date than I would’ve if that guy had shown up.”

You can tell your words mean something to him. It’s like he’s got this loose energy that he doesn’t know what to do with. Like he wants to shout and scream and run down the street. It makes you want to know more about him- what he’s thinking, how he’s feeling.

Bouncing on his toes, Frankie hurriedly pulls out his phone from his front pocket and hands it to you. “I wanna see you again. Put your number in there?”

The phone is old. Flip-phone old and you laugh as you figure out how to program your number in there, adding your name along with a smiley face at the end before handing it back over to him.

“I had a really great time tonight, Frankie,” you promise him, fiddling with your keys. “Thank you for saving me from what was probably going to be a terrible night.”

“Me too,” he agrees, pursing his lips.

It’s like he’s deciding his next move and it catches you off guard when he leans in to press a kiss to your cheek.

Once there’s a fair amount of distance between you, Frankie heads down the sidewalk and waves. “I’ll call you,” he tells you, calling over his shoulder.

“You better,” you yell back.

Your grin is huge and you’re sure he can see it, even as he continues to walk backwards, watching you, and he disappears into the night.

---

Frankie calls the next day.

Phone numbers that weren’t saved in your address book were usually sent straight to voicemail but there was a nagging feeling deep in your gut to just answer it so you move to the edge of the sidewalk and out of the crowd and pick up.

“Hello?”

You catch a sigh and Frankie’s voice sounds over the speaker, bringing a smile to your face instantly. “Hey, it’s uh. Frankie. From the bar last night?”

Laughing a little, you nod to yourself. “Yeah. I remember you. Almost knocked me out when we bumped heads trying to pick up my keys.”

“Oh good,” he sounds relieved and you glance around as you wait for him to speak again, hoping the conversation was more than just chit-chat. “I know we just saw each other yesterday but I was wondering if I could see you again. Tonight maybe? If you don’t have plans. It’s fine if you do, I just thought I’d ask.”

He’s rushing through his words and you can tell instantly that he’s had to psych himself up to call you from his nervous tone through the receiver.

You don’t have plans and you’re more than eager to see Frankie again. Wondering if last night was a fluke and hoping that it wasn’t. Relationships weren’t your forte but maybe this was the exceptiontion. He was the exception.

“Yeah, I’d really like that Frankie. Just wanna meet me outside of my building around 7?” You chew on your lip nervously.

“Yeah,” he tells you. “That- that would be great. I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” you chuckle. “Bye Frankie.”

“Bye.”

Suddenly thankful that you were done running your errands for the day, you headed back home with a grin on your face that didn’t seem like it wanted to leave. Cheeks aching, you wondered what and if he had anything planned.

It had been too long since you’d gone on any sort of date. A real date; something planned and thought out unlike the blind dates you were used to. Frankie didn’t seem the type for a typical dinner and a movie, and something about that idea had you even more excited to see him. Everything about the situation with him was unpredictable: the chance meeting at the bar, to the walk home where you laughed harder than you could remember. There was clearly something there between the two of you and it was exhilarating.

The rest of your day was spent cleaning and daydreaming about the night you might have with Frankie. You wondered if this was how it was supposed to feel when you liked someone. The concept was foreign to you, your relationship history basically nonexistent. Was it possible that he was just as nervous as you were?

As 7pm rolled around, a text sounded over your phone and you leaned over on the counter to see Frankie telling you he was outside. Grabbing a light coat on your way out, you took a deep breath and locked the door behind you. No turning back now.

Frankie was dressed similarly to last night. Jeans, a t-shirt and a tan jacket that looked like it’d seen better days. His hat was missing and his hair looked soft, the ends curling around his ears. You greeted him with a smile as you walked out of your building and he nodded, rocking back on his feet.

“This isn’t weird, is it?” He asks, nodding his head as you both started to walk left down the sidewalk. “The fact that we met last night and we’re seeing each other again?”

You chuckled, “It’s weird in the sense that I’ve never done this before. Any of it. But no, to answer your question. I wanted to see you again and I am, so.” Shrugging, you turn to listen to him as you both continue to walk, keeping to the side.

“Yeah, me too. I mean, I’ve met people in bars. Women. But it’s usually a one night kind of thing-,” Frankie stops himself and groans, running a hand down his face in embarrassment. “That sounds bad. Fuck.”

“Ain’t no shame in the game, Frankie. I’m not here to judge you,” you promise, pausing as you wait for the crosswalk sign to turn white so you can cross the street. “Where are we going, by the way?”

Frankie waits to answer until you’re both safely across the street and heading further into downtown, the crowds getting thicker and you push yourself against his side so as not to lose him. His arm finds its way across your shoulders to keep you close and he answers, leaning his head down closer to your ear. “There’s this bar and arcade thing down a couple more blocks that I figured we could spend some time at. Maybe head to the park after that and walk around. See where the night takes us?”

It’s easy to tell he hasn’t quite planned this out and something about that makes your heart race. He really had just wanted to see you, planning this as he goes only so you can spend more time together.

“The park can get a little murder-like late at night,” you point out with a laugh,

“That’s true. Well, we can always just see where the night takes us after we play a couple of games then if that’s alright?”

“That’s the part where you’re supposed to tell me you’ll protect me,” you poke a finger into his side and laugh. “But yeah of course, Frankie. Whatever you wanna do,” you reassure him. “I’m just along for the ride.”

The bar slash arcade was… something. You weren’t sure what you were expecting but it wasn’t what you walked into. The building was packed to the brim; loud noises, slots and different game noises sounding from every corner, and a small bar was tucked in the left corner with a tv playing what looked like The Shining above it.

“Have you been here before?” You raise your voice, balancing yourself on his shoulder to get closer to his ear.

He nods shouting back, “Yeah, once. Came with a couple of buddies of mine. They’ve got some cool retro games in the back that we used to play as a kid. Everyone loves air hockey too, right?”

You can see the air hockey table he’s referring to. The black light makes everything under the table glow and it reminds you of the arcades off of food courts that most malls used to have. The skeptical feeling you had when walking in seems to fade away and suddenly you’re excited, wondering why you hadn’t been here before when it was so close to your apartment to begin with.

“Once the table clears, I wanna play,” you say, tugging Frankie towards the back where you see a racing game that looks familiar.

Frankie exchanges a few bills for tokens while you hold the two racing games and once he’s slid in the appropriate amount, it’s immediately turned into a competition.

As the screen starts to countdown to your race, you turn to him quickly with a proposition. “If I win, you buy me a beer.”

“I was gonna buy you one anyway,” he tells you, shaking his head as if he’d do anything less. “But alright. If I win, you have to give me a kiss right here.”

He annoyingly points to the empty spot on his jaw where his facial hair didn’t seem to grow, that you had drunkenly pointed out the night before, and you can’t help the loud bark of laughter that escapes your lips as you quickly nod. “Deal.”

You’re almost tempted to lose once the race starts, just so you can kiss him there. But deep in your gut you feel like there’ll be plenty of opportunities to kiss him there in the future so you don’t hold back. The routes feel familiar as you and Frankie virtually drive through them and you’re sure you’ve played this game before, years ago.

As you both reach the last lap and the finish line, you just barely win and pump your fists as you cross. The screen declares you the winner in big font, a trophy spinning in circles and you turn to Frankie. “So, about that beer.”

You two end up at the bar for a little over an hour. The barstools surrounding the area are a hot commodity and once you and Frankie are sat down, you’re reluctant to give them up, especially with the bartender keeping your drinks filled without having to ask.

Frankie tells you about his friends. Benny, Will, and Santiago. How they’ve kept him going since returning back to civilian life. He says they’re all one big support group to each other, knowing that even if it feels like there’s no one you could count on, one of them is always around. There’s a tightness to his voice when he talks about them, like he can’t believe his luck that he has such supportive friends. The clear despair on his face has your chest aching, and you squeeze his hand in comfort.

It makes you yearn for a friendship like that. Most of your friends are married and it’s harder to relate to them when you’re single and living in the city while they’re still living in your hometown with a couple of kids. You tell Frankie as much and he sympathizes and points out that you have at least one friend in the city now, shaking off the emotions of such a heavy conversation.

“Looks like the air hockey table is free,” you nod, seeing the table free for the first time that night.

Frankie nods, standing up to grab his wallet. “You grab the table, I’m gonna close out the tab.”

You quickly walk over, grabbing the two handles and knock a few tokens into the machine when the lime green puck pops out. Frankie joins you a few seconds later, grabbing his handle and standing opposite you.

“So, what are we competing for this time?”

You think for a moment, “Well, I don’t think I need another drink. What about if I win, you have to cook me dinner sometime this week? Maybe Wednesday?”

Frankie seems taken aback by your suggestion but readily agrees. “I can do that. And if I win, you have to cook me breakfast Thursday morning.”

His offer isn’t lost on you and you toss the puck onto the table with a smirk as the air starts to push it around. “You’re on.”

The match is filled with trash talk as you two play. You even manage to gather a small crowd of people around you, cheering you both on. It’s close. For every point you get, Frankie’s one step behind you. Your wrist is starting to ache and the countdown starts on the side, signaling the end of your game in the next 30 seconds.

“You’re gonna lose, Frankie,” you taunt, scoring another point and he tosses the puck back on the table and shoots it towards you as you block it, sending it back across the table.

Except you lose. By a point.

There are cheers for Frankie and slaps on the back as another couple takes over the table and you both move to the side to watch.

“I can’t say I’m all that mad that I lost,” you tell him honestly, glancing up and locking your eyes with his own deep, brown ones.

“It was kind of a win-win for both of us either way,” he agrees, nudging his arm with yours. “So, another date Wednesday night?”

You nod quickly, “Sounds perfect.”

--- Frankie walks you home a few hours later.

After the arcade, you both grab slices of pizza from a small place down the block and walk around, grease staining your fingers and tongues burnt from being so hungry.

Most people are tucking themselves back into their beds at the late hour, your watch showing it was coming up on 2am as you both approach your building.

“A successful first date, I think,” you turn to him, arms wrapped around yourself as the wind turns cold around you. You sniff as your nose starts to drip, scrunching it up and Frankie laughs.

“I think you’re right,” he agrees, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you against chest in a hug.

You savor the warmth as you press your cheek against him, then turn your head. “I should go inside. And you should head home, it’s so fucking late.”

Untangling yourselves, Frankie shoves his hands into his pockets and knocks his arm against yours. “I’ll see you Wednesday?”

Nodding quickly, Frankie shoots you a smile and turns, jogging across the street to where his truck is parked.

It’s like seeing him walk away pushes something inside you, itching to see him just once more and you call out to him quickly before he can get in his truck, “Frankie! Wait! I forgot something!”

He turns to watch you run across the street as he stands in front of the driver’s side door, looking at you curiously once you’re stood in front of him.

“What did you forget?”

“This.” And you lean over to press a kiss to the bare spot along his jaw, the sparse hair around it tickling your lips and you pull away with a grin.

Turning to glance both ways before crossing the street you call behind you, “Goodnight Frankie!”

NEXT CHAPTER

#frankie 'catfish' morales #frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #frankie 'catfish' morales x reader #triple frontier fic #tom doesn't exist lmao #my writing #take on the world

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giveamadeuschohisownmovie · 4 years

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So, looking back at the MCU, I thought I’d just reflect on my experiences with the franchise (just for fun):

1) I never understood the Zendaya-MJ controversy when I first heard of it. I mean, I knew that there were some people going off about how Marvel cast a black actress for a traditionally white character but for me, I didn’t understand the controversy since I thought Zendaya was a great pick for the role. She’s a real life MJ, being a fashion model/actress/singer/social media icon. I could totally see her pull the part off. But then, of course, the MCU went a different direction with their take on MJ but still, I thought she was a great pick as the female lead of the Spider-Man franchise.

2) No joke, I understood the Endgame time travel mechanics from the first viewing. It really wasn’t that hard to understand and I thought it was kinda funny that some people replied to my posts, angry that I was trying to help people get the concept.

3) I fully admit that I was on the anti-Finn Jones train when I heard his casting. I wanted an Asian actor in the role, although I would’ve preferred an actual Asian superhero get the spotlight (like Shang-Chi, Silk, or Amadeus Cho). That said, I would’ve been fine with Finn’s interpretation of the character if it was good. And...it wasn’t. Which leads to my next point:

4) I might be a huge MCU fanboy but there are several movies and shows I dislike. Iron Fist is still the worst MCU property I’ve ever seen and it actually ranks up as one of the worst shows I’ve seen. The Defenders sucked. Inhumans sucked. I love Agents of SHIELD but I hated season 3 with a passion. For the movies, I definitely disliked Iron Man 2 and Thor 2. Age of Ultron didn’t age well. Civil War, while still good, is overrated in my opinion (the Zemo plot and the Sokovian Accords plot should’ve been their own movies).

5) I hated the MCU for at least two weeks when the Ghost Rider spin-off series was cancelled. Just...ugh. At least give me one season of the show!

6) So, Spider-Man is not just my favorite Marvel superhero, but my all-time favorite superhero. Among the 3 live-action takes on the character, I’m gonna say that Tom’s take is my favorite. I know that might sound sacrilegious to some people but for me, I just enjoyed the Holland-era movies more than the past two. For the Maguire trilogy, obvious issues with Spider-Man 3 aside, the first Spider-Man didn’t age that well for me (and this is coming from someone who grew up with the Tobey Maguire movies). And I was always iffy on the Andrew Garfield movies.

7) I actually had no idea the Avengers was happening back in 2012. Let me paint the picture; I was going into my freshman year of undergrad so for the past year, all I was focused on was school and work. I watched Iron Man 1 and 2 and the Hulk 2008 movie but I didn’t really think much of them, I just thought they were good movies. So one day, my friends say, “Hey, let’s go watch the Avengers in theaters!” I didn’t want to say that I had no idea what they were talking about so I just went along with them. So imagine my surprise when I saw Iron Man working together with all the other Avengers for the first time. I literally missed ALL the marketing and hype for this movie because I was so focused on school and work. But honestly, I’m glad I did since that made for a unique theater experience.

8) Similar to point 7, I had no idea Daredevil was a thing on Netflix. I went into it blind and finished the show in one day. Fucking amazing series and I was hyped the whole time. Also, I kept thinking that HYDRA was involved with Fisk and the Hand for some reason.

9) As far as actual moviegoing experiences, Far From Home was the worst. I loved the movie but I wish that I wasn’t sitting next to these Hot Topic-wearing fools who smelled like crap. One guy just straight up smelled like burnt plastic.

10) For the longest time, it was a running joke in my family that I was the one person who liked Thor 1. All I did was defend the movie because none of my cousins liked it and because of that, I got labeled a Thor super-fan. Obviously, it was all jokes, but I distinctly remember this one night, we were all watching Thor in the living room because one of my cousins had never seen it. We get to the scene where Jane Foster accidentally runs into Thor after he’s stripped of his power and my eldest cousin turns to the group and says, “Alright, here’s (my name) favorite superhero movie. Get ready.”

That’s it for now. I’m thinking of turning this into a series as I do have a lot more to share. I just didn’t want to make this post too long.

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wildchildvdm · 5 years

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When you lose small mind, you free your life.

26.01 - 05.03

Two months ago.... everything changed since then.

I am sitting in my room while listening to this song with my headphones. I guess you are about to say “Hey girl, are you not too crazy for System of a Down? Look, you even named herself after Serj Tankian!”...

*Sits with crossed legs*

Come on, guys! Are you serious? I guess you don’t know me... But back to the topic I guess I am going back to run this blog, as I said I will run it in Italian when I am talking about my stories but in English when everything is going to be personal. I guess today I will write more...

Between January and today everything got totally changed especially on this day: January 26th. It was a pretty sad day I guess. I was surely happy to going to Gefrierbrand concert with Ninian, Daniel, Chris, Max etc... I thought I could be happy, y’know? Great bands, I really loved Dark Zodiak that day. Simone was a great woman and a truly sweetheart.

At least I had fun on this day, right?... I don’t think so.

I never liked Ninian’s companions. Most of them were really mean to me... But I was blind. For an entire year and seven months, Ninian didn’t treat me good. He was always accusing me, mind abusing me, making me feeling I am always wrong that I cry just for attention, that I exagerate and I am just mentally ill. I was just a dog who walked with an electric collar around the neck. I was just the lioness abused in a punk and junkies circus. I was mentally abused the whole time but at the same time I was blind, I smiled the whole time... Even when left me into the streets in the middle of the night. The streets in the city where I live are very dangerous, especially next to the train station when you can easily be victim of rape, especially as woman. Do y’all think is it right? And I still loved him even if he left me into the streets and letting me walking home alone. I loved him even if he was always insulting me and making me feeling like nothing. Was I maybe such a masochist? O just blind? He never showed interest on what I do, when I do music, when I write my poetries or my stories.

Back in that night, wherever I walked I always told him where I am going. I finally met Lucio from The Italian Way (Check them out), I met Michi and her husband Matthias, I met the Gefrierbrand with their girlfriends and wives (Yannick is a forever alone). And wherever I went I always told Ninian. I talked to a “friend” of his, of course Gefrierbrand started play and I told him I was going inside to watching the band and I ran inside. During the concert I didn’t saw him. I asked Chris, I asked Daniel, I asked Max... But this last asshole was wasted as fuck. When I saw Ninian I told him that I was worried about him. He told me he cannot do whatever he wants because of my clingy behaviour... Maybe did I something wrong, again? Maybe... But I was just worried. He was pissed off and I started to hurt my arms and bite them having a panic attack. He was pissed off and cold. When the concert ended I helped and I hugged Yannick, he is a friend of mine I guess? But he came to me: “I am going home” “Hey take me with you with auto!” what Ninian told me that night? “There is no place for you in the car. Just walk alone at home.” I was broken when he went away. I just remember Yannick’s shocked face and trust me I still remember his words “You are a sweet and smart woman. You deserve better.” not just him... Even Mrs. Argast (his mother) and Bibi (Tom’s girlfriend). I remember how I cried that night, I almost died during that night.

Before I went away I did a photo with Simone from Dark Zodiak. Here you can see how I felt in that moment: happy that I have at least a photo but in my eyes I was devasted about what Ninian did that night and about what Yannick told me. I asked myself “Is he right about it?” I was awake till 3 AM, listening to the music I love and wiping my tears. I just have to do it.

That morning I broke up. I finally break free from that abusive relationship and told myself that it’s time to really rebirthing and not how I told here a month ago. Yes, Yeva was born... But not at all. I remeber he started to turn himself in the victim trying again to abusing of my mind with words like “Are you no thinking about what I did for you? I bought you everything. I did everything for you... And now you put our love into trash, again?” if I think about this now I laugh my fucking ass off. If you call that love... I call that an abusive relationship.

I passed the other half of january and the first half of february alone. I think that during Valentine’s Day time it just happened a... miracle? I thought miracle were just on Christmas time. I had some panic attacks on that time sometimes just suicide thoughts (You don’t say, Yeva.) but that week before Valentine’s Day something happened.

I remember I sended too much friend request on my facebook account because of a group of alternative, punks, metalheads, gothic people etc... I forgot to see my friendship list where I found a guy dressed like a ‘80 rockstar. Just like he got out from a Steel Panther’s concert or just came in 2019 with a fucking time maschine like Back to the Future.

*Back to the future intensifies*

Tim. Yes, he is 8 years older than me! We started to chatting, we talked the whole week day and night. We did some videocalls through Skype, he lives just one hour from me, more and less. We decided to go on a date in a resturant here where I live. We already fell in love with each other during that week. I remember when he came home really elegant with 10 roses and red wine. I was surprisedY’know readers, we understand each other really good. He treats me like a queen, he listens to me, he is by my side and he makes me feel sure about everything that I don’t have to be afraid. On those last week I confess I cried, because NOBODY treated me like this. Sometimes I am afraid that I don’t deserve it, that I don’t deserve all this attention and love. I have been at his home last weekend and it felt so good by his side. I love sleeping in his arms, he told me that he cuddled me while I was sleeping for two hours. He caress me and takes my hand everytime, even when we are in the auto.

I met his group of friends: Jessi, Laura, Lilli, Miki, Ronnie, Uwe (an half german and half filipino mad for Tobias Sammet), Domi and the list goes on... They make me feel like home. I felt for a moment like that they will not like me, maybe because of my age. But I felt like home, really like home. I had fun and especially in the middle of the night we had some time for us. I didn’t drink much but I felt alive and I had too much fun with them.

Meeting his family last week was like playing chess. They were really cool with me and his mom likes me. I smile if I think about my boyfriend when he came to the bed and he told me everything his mom told him about me. I felt like home. Is this a new start? At least I can say yes.

We did each other some surprises but he did the biggest one... I remember once we talked about buying things online and he knew about that I have Serj’s book “Cool Gardens” and I had the luck to having it with his autograph but that I miss his second book “Glaring Through Oblivion” I remember when he told me to close my eyes and put the book into my legs. I was surprised and about to cry for a moment. I was surprised about it. I read always before bed while wearing his Immortal t-shirt (2-3 sizes bigger).

Beside this, knowing what his ex did to him I promised myself to protect him and if here comes the time that his ex comes back surely I will kick her ass. Beside the bitch, I am rebirthing, but still not complete. It misses something...

Getting out from those fascist home. Pull more toxic people who thinks I am stupid or that I don’t know nothing or that I am stupid. Just one more year and if everything is going well (Sure it will) I will born again and telling myself that I am free. But every weekends I am already free while lying in his arms. Because his arms are already my home.

Two crazy months I guess...

My life is going on a good way. I still in my bed listening to the music I love, thinking about the man I love and now I know that world is less bastard.

And you know what? In a week Goodbye Monsters have their very first gig! I can’t fucking wait.

SUGAR!

Yeva Tankian

#system of a down #diary #borderline personality disorder #personal blog #strenght #abusive relationship #toxic people #new relationship #boyfriend #serj tankian #daron malakian #shavo odadjian #john dolmayan #dark zodiak #gefrierbrand #books #support your local band

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starchild--27 · 5 years

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85 questions

I was tagged by @kafkascupcake . This will be fun, so thanks ^^

rules: answer 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people

last

1. drink – water with lemon flavour

2. phone call - my hair dresser (if i ignore the fact that i accidently called my dad a few momnets ago when i wanted to look up my last phone call - ofc this had to happen xD)

3. text message - i told some kid from my spanish class tht we didn’t have spanish class last week

4. song you listened to – Californiacation by Red Hot Chili Peppers

5. time you cried - three days ago i think, but i waas at the verge of crying yesterday evening

6. dated someone twice? – nope. i never dated anyone

7. kissed someone and regretted it – nope

8. been cheated on – no

9. lost someone special – i’m so grateful to say that i never lost anyone in my life and i am so afraid of the day this will happen to me

10. been depressed - kind of. i have my depressed moments but everyone has at some point

11. gotten drunk and thrown up – never, i’m not drinking much

fave colours

12. navy blue

13. black

14. metallic shades of basically every colour

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends – i’m always careful with the word friend when it comes to my real life, but let’s say i got to know some people better that have been around for a longer time but i never really interacted with. on the internet things are a little different, so i can say i’ve interacted with a lot of people here and i can’t help but treat them as friends

16. fallen out of love – not in the last year

17. laughed until you cried - multiple times xD

18. found out someone was talking about you – i really don’t know and i hate that i can’t say this wouldn’t bother me because i really want to know what people think of me - just to be able to understand why they treat me how they do.

19. met someone who changed you - oh, i really don’t know. i think i didn’t change that much in the last 365 days

20. found out who your friends are – it was a little more than a year ago, but yes i did.

21. kissed someone on your Facebook friends list – i don’t even have facebook

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl – since i don’t have facebook i’ll do this for instagram and there it is probably a minority since i follow countless art pages, celebrities, fanpages, animal pages, political pages, people i don’t know in real life, …

23. do you have any pets - yes - a black cat with the name Black Pearl, which we gave him before i even knew about the song by EXO ^^ his name referred to the ship from Pirates of the Carribbean first xD

24. do you want to change your name – i did in the past, because my name is very rare where i live. but i started to like it after some time. the great thing is that it’s meaning differs since no one really knows it’s true origin.

25. what did you do for your last birthday - i invited my two best friends but one happened to be sick at that day (ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ) so we were only two but it was great anyway. since i was born the day after walpurgis night we went to the bonfire and spent some time there

26. what time did you wake up today – 7 am but i slept in again and got at 11:20

27. what were you doing at midnight last night – reading or sleeping, i don’t know for sure

28. what is something you can’t wait for – vacation with my family and the summer holidays in general (school was … much in the last weeks.)

30. what are you listening to right now – the sound of me slamming my fingers on my laptop’s keyboard while writing this lol

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom – i did, in fact to more than one

32. something that gets on your nerves – that i have to go to school for one more year (i hate this place wholeheartedly) but i don’t know what to do with my life after graduating

33. most visited website - tumblr and youtube

34. hair color – my natural hair colour is brown but i dye it ginger red and i love it

35. long or short hair – pretty long actually, but i have curls so it’s pretty hard to notice how long

36. do you have a crush on someone - if we ignore my celebrity crushes then … i don’t know…probably no. i’m not sure about this one boy though but…yeah, i don’t really know him that well and i probably only like the idea i have of how he could be. (this is btw so typical for me xD)

37. what do you like about yourself – don’t get me wrong, i know it sounds tragical and sad, but i don’t have something i like 100% about myself. i am used to it though because i’ve been this way since forever, having high standards for me (and for others probably too, which is very unfair from me) but the closest to 100% is my talent for music.

38. want any piercings? – only at my ears

39. blood type – A positive

40. nicknames – the most common nickname for my name is Selmi but hardly anyone except for my mom and my sister calls me like that anymore. other than that i have the feeling my friends and i don’t have nicknames but more like pet names for each other. like, i was called “Flauschebausch” (in english “Fluffpuff”) not that long ago (it referred to my hair). i would also count “squirrel”, “the stars” and all that stuff as nicknames but we don’t really call each other often like that in person xD

41. relationship status - single

42. zodiac - Taurus (but most of the stuff people say about tauruses are not 100% true for me)

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv shows – lately i finished Game Of Thrones and i liked it so damn much, especially the ending (i really don’t get why it was so hated, but i’ll not explain further - i don’t want to write an essay here xD). i also enjoy watching Gilmore Girls from time to time, but hardly anyone in my generation knows it. and since i read it at @kafkascupcake ‘s post for this tag i just remembered how much i liked Memories of the Alhambra too (gosh, how i waited for every episode to air … i still remember this impatient feeling so well)

45. tattoos – i’m not allowed to have any yet but i’m thinking about getting smaller ones later since i think tattoos are pretty. buuuuut i’m also afraid because i can’t really imagine the pain

46. right or left handed - right

47. ever had surgery – yeah. unspectecular story tho.

48. piercings - only earrings but one of my friends and i plan on getting helix piercings soon (originally this was planned to be done before last christmas but we never found time)

49. sport – no no no no no. i hate it. i always did. i did some horse riding in my childhood but that’s it. i’m just not able to coordinate my body so a fail at basically every kind of sport. and i am easily frustrated when i fail at something so i never really tried to ace sports.

50. vacation – my last vacation was when i visited Berlin with my two best friends and m next vacation will be in Denmark with my family

51. trainers – Converse Chucks, always and forever

more general

52. eating – i used to be a very picky eater but it gets better with every year. lately i really like spicy food. but i also have a terrible sweet tooth. i am surprised how i am still like super slim …

53. drinking – a trait i inherited from my dad: i love milk. but i also like juices, tea, coffee (with milk ofc xD) and plain water too

54. i’m about to watch – Avengers Endgame. like today. in 2 hrs.

55. waiting for – my train ride to the next bigger city for seeing endgame. and for me getting an idea what i want to do with my life

56. want – to travel and to make music. my two passions

57. get married – i don’t think it’s necessary for a happy relationship but it depends on the person. to be honest, i like the thought of getting married but i totally understand if someone doesn’t like it.

58. career – the biggest question mark in my life rn

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs. i can’t even explain why. but hugs.

60. lips or eyes - i thinj i look at the eyes first. but i am damned if a person has beautiful lips too

61. shorter or taller – taller

62. older or younger - not important

63. nice arms or stomach – yeah ofc stomachs are great. but let’s be real here: i’m a swooning bitch for nice arms.

64. hookup or relationship – relationship. i am a hopeless romantic

65. troublemaker or hesitant - i am an overthinker, which makes me the epitome of hesitant.

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger – never kissed anyone lol

67. drank hard liquor – only mixed with juice

68. lost glasses - yeah. wasn’t cool.bc without glasses i am literally blind

69. turned someone down - kind of.

70. sex on first date - no

71. broken someone’s heart – i hope not.

72. had your heart broken – yip. my first heavy crush was not that happy. but i am over it since the guy was and still is a jerk and i don’t even know why i fell for him anymore

73. been arrested - no

74. cried when someone died - yes

75. fallen for a friend – never

do you believe in

76. yourself – depends on the situation.

77. miracles - there are moments in which i do

78. love at first sight - yes

79. santa claus - no

80. kiss on a first date – yeah.. i think itmight happen xD

81. angels - who knows? it would be great though.

other

82. best friend’s name - deer of the sun @swiftfeatherscorner and cat of the moon @fille-de-janvier xD i don’t know if they’d like to have their real names published here but here you ahve their tumblrs

83. eye color - i looked it up someday and it’s called glasz - a strange mix between green, blue and grey with some golden dots and marks. depends on the lightning which colour is stronger.

84. fave movie – impossible to tell.

85. fave actor – also impossible to tell. there are so many good actors in this world

i’m not even sure if 20 people will read this so i’ll just tag everyone who has time to answer 85 questions xD

#tag game

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thespectacularspecter · 6 years

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85 statements about me

i was tagged by @qiuu-tong ty i love shit like this

last 1. drink - blueberry tea beer 2. phone call - i called my uni because i'm panicking about paperwork 3. text message - to my friend to answer a question about schoolwork we have 4. song you listened to - all i have to give by the backstreet boys IT'S ICONIC AND CLASSIC DON'T @ ME 5. time you cried - lowkey i watched the greatest showman recently and when they all performed as a circus for the first time i kinda maybe started crying ever 6. dated someone twice - nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it - nah regrets aren't my thing 8. been cheated on - probably not 9. lost someone special - yes, unfortunately. RIP gma nancy and jack you guys were amazing parts of my life and still amazing parts of my heart!!! 10. been depressed - lordy yes, been in some dark places 11. gotten drunk and thrown up - lmao yeah i drank an amount i knew i could handle BUT forgot i was totally sick not two days ago so my body was outta wack. it was nasty but my mom found me and was a complete pal about it fave colours 12. PINK 13. BLUE 14. UHHHHH GOLD OR LIKE SPRING SOFT GREEN in the last year have you… 15. made new friends - yes!! 16. fallen out of love - no!! 17. laughed until you cried - yes!! 18. found out someone was talking about you - my memory blows but i think so, yeah 19. met someone who changed you - not in any highkey way, maybe in some little ways but that's just life man 20. found out who your true friends are - i know who my people are 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - nope general 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - i don't really use my fb and i don't feel like looking forgive me. the amount that there is -2 or 3, probably 23. do you have any pets - YES i have my baby boy SIGMA, A SNAKE; i have my PUPPY, GUILDENSTERN; i have a collection of FINE, LARGE CHICKENS; and i have a cat with a serious bitchface, RAMSES 24. do you want to change your name - mmMMMMMMmm nah, like, i'd like other names better probably but my name is really tied to who i am for better or for worse. i'd totally change out my last name if i got married though 25. what did you do for your last birthday - i went to the zoo with my friend from northern ireland who visited me!!! at least i think that was last year lmao 26. what time did you wake up today - 9am I think?? i slept in 27. what were you doing at midnight last night - schoolwork. i'm working a lot these days... 28. what is something you can’t wait for - I'M GONNA GET TO DO AN ESCAPE ROOM WHEN I GO TO GENCON THIS YEAR I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO ONE 30. what are you listening to right now - siuil a run by celtic woman : D 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - YES the father of my best friend growing up was named tom. he recently (ish, over a year ago?) passed away from his parkinson's so rest in paradise to him, too uu 32. something that’s getting on your nerves - someone i know no shade. if you're reading this don't worry it's not you lmao 33. most visited website - probably reddit or tumblr 34. hair colour - brown 35. long or short hair - short!! i've been loving having shoulder length hair 36. do you have a crush on someone - i carry no real thirst at the moment 37. what do you like about yourself - i'm really patient when handling people i think that's a good thing. stuff that'd get a rise outta a lot of other people i can deal with pretty well, i think 38. want any piercings? - i WISH i used to have some actually but i'm dangerously allergic to a common metal and i learned the very hard way that slipping up on that when you have piercings leads to bad experiences in a hospital!! 39. blood type - i actually don't know 40. nicknames - rae is actually a nickname teehee. people pretty much just call me that except my dad calls me lil bro i guess. 41. relationship status - wonshades 42. zodiac - gemini 43. pronouns - she/her 44. fave tv shows - fIREFLY and pushing daisies and a lot of others 45. tattoos - none right now but i'm planning to get one since my mom is a tattoo artist and somehow i still haven't had her give me one 46. right or left handed - SOUTHPAWS REPRESENT 47. ever had surgery - nope! 48. piercings - see #38 heehee 49. sport - i did gymnastics for a few years, i do martial arts now 50. vacation - i'm not a vacation person but i'd love to go to japan. last time i left ohio, i went to chicago for the monsta x concert. last time i went out of country was canada for a study abroad program in the same year 51. trainers - my running shoes are expensive but less expensive because i got them in an ugly wanted color that i think is perfect (H O T P I N K). i'm a runner so the shoes are imPORTANT, MAN more general 52. eating - i had pizza tonight i really want cheap chinese food right now 53. drinking - still drinking my blueberry tea beer want another but it's 11:40pm so that's not happening 54. i’m about to watch - series of unfortunate events s2 once i find the fuckin netflix password i wrote down 55. waiting for - the BBMAs i need to support my boys live (also it's a blast to watch them with my sister-in-law who i'm tagging <3) 56. want - attention and clothing 57. get married - yes yes yes i'd love to get married someday 58. career - i'm an english teacher which is exactly where i wanna be which is better 59. hugs or kisses - attention 60. lips or eyes - eyes but both are great 61. shorter or taller - somehow i always end up dating shorter people. i like my men sturdy. but i have no real preference on height 62. older or younger - close to my age in either direction 63. nice arms or stomach - sweats 64. hookup or relationship - relationships i'm not much of a hookup person 65. troublemaker or hesitant - trouble teehee have you ever 66. kissed a stranger - nope 67. drank hard liquor - yes 68. lost glasses - yes and i'm too blind to find them once i do 69. turned someone down - yep 70. sex on first date - nope 71. broken someone’s heart - yes 72. had your heart broken - oh god yes lol 73. been arrested - nope 74. cried when someone died - i don't actually remember for one instance but i know i didn't in the other. i was crushed though don't get me wrong the tears just done didn’t happen 75. fallen for a friend - oh god yes lol do you believe in 76. yourself - i try to! 77. miracles - yeah 78. love at first sight - it's never happened to me but i won't say i don't believe in it, it might be real for other people and i can't invalidate that 79. santa claus - THE SPIRIT OF SANTA CLAUS 80. kiss on a first date - if it seems like a thing to do why not 81. angels - yes, in a sense other 82. best friend’s name - L I S S A MY GIRL 83. eye colour - very brown 84. fave movie - the lotr trilogy 85. fave actor - probably tim roth i love tim roth like a lo t and i don't really know why but shoutout to tatiana maslany for being the actual goddess of acting

i’m tagging @freohrdatia, @pyrrhesia, @roymblog, and @pastelroseprincess and anyone else who sees this who wants to!!

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evenstevensranked · 7 years

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#25: Season 1, Episode 12 - “Deep Chocolate”

LET THE TOP 25 COMMENCE!!!

Louis and Twitty’s friendship is put to the test when they end up competing against each other in the school chocolate sale. Meanwhile, Ren has made a deal with her parents to be nice to Louis for a week in order to get her own phone line.

This one opens with Ren giving a presentation to Steve and Eileen on why she deserves her own phone line. Yes, phone line. As in... a LANDLINE. Crazy how today she probably would’ve already had her own iPhone since the ripe ‘ol age of 8! But, yes. It’s 2000 and Ren wants her own landline in her bedroom.

Louis interrupts the presentation by running through the kitchen like a tornado and Ren naturally starts complaining about him. That’s when Eileen gets the smart idea to give Ren some incentive “If you can not put your brother down for a whole week, we will give you your own phone line.” Good idea, tbh.

Cut to school where Louis, Twitty and Tawny are in the auditorium for a chocolate sale assembly. This is one of my favorite bits ever omg. A rip-off of the 20th Century Fox jingle plays as this scam artist with a rats tail hairdo(n’t) named Wallace Randall from Real Good Chocolate Industries walks out on stage. He tries way too hard to motivate the kids -- telling bold-faced lies like “Zeus sold chocolate!” Sounds legit. He announces that the grand prize is this fancy motorized scooter with a cheetah print butt seat. Snazzy. Mr. Randall says the person who believes they were put on planet earth to sell chocolate is the person who’ll be the top seller and win the prize. Louis' mind is so clouded by the scooter, he feels the spirit.

youtube

I always crack up when Louis dramatically mumbles “that’s why I’m here...” to himself. I also love how Mr. Randall uses Shaq in “KAZAAM” -- a cinematic classic that boasts a 6% rating on Rotten Tomatoes -- as an impressive example.

Louis really, really wants that scooter. So he decides that he and Twitty should team up to sell 400 freakin’ boxes, ensuring that they’ll be the top sellers. Yeah, I don’t remember chocolate sales working like that? I remember every student was given a suitcase-size box of assorted chocolates and that’s it. What the hell is this 400 boxes nonsense?! Then again, I mostly remember doing the Hershey’s Fundraising sale. Obviously, this episode is a spoof on the “World’s Finest Chocolate” brand -- which I definitely remember selling at one point, too. I checked their website and it seems like they cap it at 25 boxes, although you CAN order more than that if you want. But, who would??? 400 IS SUCH A STRETCH.

I tried to check out with 400 boxes, and it said “TOO MANY ITEMS IN CART” ..........ya don’t say. Imagine paying $12,000 for chocolate.

Ren struggles to be nice to Louis throughout the week. It’s pretty funny. She’s constantly yelling at him, and then following it up with an awkward compliment lol. She also thinks selling 400 boxes is asinine “You actually think you’re going to sell 400 boxes? You are a total and complete........ i...nspiration to all of us.” Good save, Ren.

The next day Louis and Twitty are at the Stevens house trying to come up with creative (and insincere) ways to sell their 400 boxes, trying make the product seem amazing to prospective buyers. I think this is freaking hilarious. Louis says “I hand you the chocolate, you eat it, and then you say...” Twitty looks at his hand for the words “It’s a miracle. I can see again” which he repeats super robotically. Louis kills me here. “No... that’s not what ya say. ‘Cause you were blind -- and now you can see. That’s a miracle!!! YOU CAN SEE NOW.” He says that Mr. Randall said you have to make people feel that chocolate has changed your life. So Twitty dramatically falls to the ground shouting “IT’S A MIRACLEEEEE! I CAN SEE AGAINNNNNN AHHHHH!” and I die every time.

I’m pretty sure if one bite of chocolate could restore your eyesight, it would cost a little more than $1 per bar.

Just then, Mr. Randall unexpectedly visits to personally deliver and congratulate them for setting out to sell an ambitious 800 BOXES. Yeah. Turns out Louis ordered 400 boxes and Twitty also ordered 400 boxes. So now they’re stuck with 800 boxes they obviously will never be able to sell. This is where the drama really strikes. I love Louis’ face when he realizes the problem:

That zoom in, lol. It needed to be gif’d.

Mr. Randall goes on to tell them they’re financially responsible for every box they ordered. Are you kidding me? That’s roughly $24k according to the World’s Finest prices. They’re 13. I love how Twitty says the title of the episode here! “Louis, we’re in deep...... chocolate” haha. Louis gets super angry at Twitty for ordering 400 boxes without consulting him because that’s how all the great duos work according to Louis Stevens: “Batman, he rescues people. And Robin... Robin... checks with Batman before he orders 400 boxes of chocolate!!!” I love that line. This leads to an all out war between Louis and Twitty. Louis takes his 400 boxes, and Twitty takes his. They’re officially competing against each other now. Twitty even says “this friendship is over!” Yikes. Let’s take a moment to appreciate Twitty’s face as he tries to talk while carrying large boxes tho:

The next day, Louis wakes up to find his family tap dancing in the living room. The usual. He’s up at 6am ready to start selling some chocolate, but Twitty is way ahead of him. Eileen already bought 6 bars from Twitty not knowing that they’re no longer working as a team! I love two things about this scene. Louis says “Me and Twitty had creative differences -- Because I’m creative and he’s different,” which is incredible. I’ve used this line irl before. And the second is Steve tap dancing while passive aggressively telling Louis to get his 400 boxes of chocolate out of the garage so he can have his parking space back.

“I’m not gonna ask you again... *jazz hands* GET THEM OUTTA THERE!” Tom Virtue is hilarious.

Louis then sets out on his chocolate selling mission and he’s absolutely terrible at it. He’s breaking into people’s homes, jumping on their beds... I can’t. Meanwhile, Twitty is THRIVING and coming up with much more creative ideas than Louis. Which is ironic because Louis just said HE’S the creative one, lol. Twitty’s ideas include a tricycle cart shop and a “Chocopalooza” performance -- a spoof on Lollapalooza obviously.

Not sure how his fake Jamaican accent and hat with mock-dreads would go over today though.

Twitty’s raking it in, and Louis has yet to sell one bar. He goes to Tawny for help but she refuses to buy from either of them because 1. The chocolate tastes like dirt and 2. they’re ruining their friendship over nothing basically.

I love how Louis has a girl take a bite of the chocolate and asks her “Is that the best chocolate bar you’ve ever eaten?” and she says “That’s NOT the best chocolate bar I’ve ever eaten.” World’s Finest happens to be quite nasty tasting too apparently. Well, according to their Amazon reviews at least. So this episode is pretty much true-to-life all around, lol.

Back at home, Donnie has turned their bathroom into a steaming hot sauna. This ain’t good because he blasted the hot water heater to do so. Which happens to be located in the garage.......... where 400 boxes of chocolate are stashed.

It’s like that trope where someone puts too much soap in the washing machine and then leaves it unattended... except with chocolate, because this is Even Stevens.

Louis and Ren notice some chocolate leaking into the driveway and panic. I mean, how do you stop 400 boxes of melting chocolate? “WE GOTTA EAT IT!!!!” is Louis’ suggestion, which is so funny omg. The chocolate leaks EVERYWHERE and we get this terrible CGI aerial shot to prove it:

Mr. Randall decides to conveniently show up here and demands money for the chocolate. Of course, Louis doesn’t have the money. Steve comes waltzing over as well and both he and Mr. Randall start slippin and slidin all over the place. It’s a little annoying but... hey. Steve, being an attorney, threatens to shut down Real Good Chocolate for being a scam. One thing I do not understand: Steve says that Mr. Randall will get his money back. (WHY?! I’d refuse.) And he also tells Louis that he’ll be doing chores for the next few months to pay for the chocolate. Does he mean he’ll be doing chores for the entire neighborhood? No amount of chores would raise the $1,000s of dollars Louis needs, lol. (Again, I’m overthinking this. I know.)

Naturally, everything works out in the end though. Louis and Twitty make up. Twitty ends up winning the sale and gets the fancy scooter, which Louis is cool with because he at least gets to ride it now.

The last minute of the episode is Ren talking on her ~new private phone line~! Except it ain’t so private. Louis has rigged her conversations to be broadcast through two megaphones outside.

I love how everyone and their cousin decided to walk through this residential neighborhood right as Ren declares she has a “major crush on Bobby Deaver.”

And that’s it! I just really like this episode. I always have. Idk what it is about it! There are quite a few things I find hilarious, which I’ve mentioned here. This one went by lightening fast when I was re-watching it, which can only mean one thing to me: It’s entertaining! I like how this episode actually deals with Louis and Twitty’s friendship as well as a bit of the sibling rivalry between Louis and Ren. I just think this one is solid all around and a good one to kick off the Top 25! Ayyyyy! Can’t believe we’re at the Top 25. Wow.

Thanks for reading!!

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#rank #even stevens #louis stevens #shia labeouf #alan twitty #aj trauth #disney channel #old school #old disney #season 1 #top 25 #tv shows #tv #tv review

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the-bookler · 7 years

Text

85 questions

Rules: Answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people.

I was tagged by @honoraryshadowangel thank you so much! Honestly i’m still getting to know people so tagging uuhhh @quillbit-reads @coffeebooksorme @happybibliosaurus honestly i’d tag more but it’s 2am and im tired sorry!

the last 1. drink:omg pink lemonade with tamova vodka, not good. Kids, drink expensive vodka it makes the world of difference

2. phone call: A friend at 1am last night via FB messenger because my dog escaped and was heading her way

3. text message: uuuuh i dont use my phone’s intrinsic functions ie calls and texts so last person I messaged via FB messenger was my friend Jack about an award ceremony we were both at

4. song you listened to: haven’t the foggiest, I didn’t listen to music today

5. time you cried: I was drunk and upset over a friend who committed suicide in April I believe, would have been in June

6. dated someone twice: lmao i’ve dated one person properly and wouldn’t go near that person again with a ten foot pole if I was at gunpoint so sorry nope

7. kissed someone and regretted it: bahahah march i got into a fight with him he was demanding and i don’t care for people i barely know demanding large swathes of my time seeing as im so busy but apparently he’s cursed so i haven’t kissed anyone since it’s awful

8. been cheated on: November

9. lost someone special: April, RIP Rafa <3

10. been depressed: It was last bad in November, guess why

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: June it’s the second time i’ve ever been that drunk I hate it so much I usually just have a can or two and float around smiley and fun tbh

3 favourite colours 12. Green 13. Lilac 14: Pink

in the last year have you 15. made new friends: oh god yeah, at least 100 new people in my life and i’d count at least 50 of them as very good friends now

16. fallen out of love: hmmm not love i don’t think

17. laughed until you cried: yepppp

18. found out someone was talking about you: people always talk about me i’m great ;D no but like... of course people talk about you? not maliciously probably in my case

19. met someone who changed you: Yep!

20. found out who your friends are: totally

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: ahahaha yes a lot of them, we had a game of spin the bottle in November some time. I’m also a bit of a devilish rake by American standards but that’s just how youths in Ireland are.

General: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I know of them all but i’d say there’s about 30 i’ve never met in person or been introduced to

23. do you have any pets: Sascha the cat and his brother Charlie the Jack Russell!

24. do you want to change your name: I kinda instigated a change of it from megan jane to megjay but other than that nah

25. what did you do for your last birthday: went to a silent disco, had several complimentary jaegermeister shots, stayed overnight in my uni city instead of going home like i usually do, oh also a drama society quiz we failed spectacularly

26. what time did you wake up: this morning was about 12.30pm D: i’m bad in summer...

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: running around my neighbourhood and the surrounding roads and fields after my runaway dog in the lightning. I wish I was lying

28. name something you can’t wait for: To move to my uni city and get started on my second year of college!

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like two hours ago

30 has vanished? mysterious

31. what are you listening to right now: nothingggg other than the cars on the road

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: huh. not that i’m aware of, they’re all tomás or thomas here.

33. something that is getting on your nerves: people chewing loudly, people expecting me to help them without asking or being roundabout in the way they look for help like just being sneaky

34. most visited website: not sure tbh

35. hair colour: blonde

36. long or short hair: mine is mid length it’s growing, I usually keep it short for practicality but im a poor college student who cant afford cuts and i have mad curly hair so my friends cant do it for me, so it’s gonna be long soon lol

37. do you have a crush on someone: kiiiinda? im suppressing it, it’s a Bad Idea.

38. what do you like about yourself: everything, i’m glorious

39. piercings: i’ve two in each lobe

40. blood type: No idea, I waited 4 hours to donate blood and find out once but turns out my veins are too slim and i’m banned from giving blood now :) :) :)

41. nickname: megjay, megs, meggy, nutmeg

42. relationship status: single af

43. zodiac: Virgo

44. pronouns: she/her

45. favourite tv show: I don’t watch tv,.... maybe criminal minds? i like Reid

46. tattoos: not yet!

47. right or left handed: right

48. surgery: nothing yet but i feel like i’ll need work done to my knees sooner or later

50. favorite sport: volleyball! i’m hopeless at it despite being a spikeball coach lol

51. favorite vacation: Denmark or London

52. favorite pair of trainers: The pink ones i stole from my sister ;)

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: nothing

54. drinking: nothing

55. I’m about to: sleep

56. waiting for: second year of college wooooop

57. want: sweets

58. get married: idk i don’t really want to but i might change my mind

59. career: stage manager or actor or playwright or something related

WHICH IS BETTER:

60. hugs or kisses: both, i’m a slut for human contact come kiss and hug me i love it

61. lips or eyes: eyes

62. shorter or taller: taller pls

63. older or younger: older

64. nice arms or nice stomach: love makes you blind ie you dont really care like im not gonna pick someone to love based on their anatomy

65. hookup or relationship: relationship

66. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker, im a bit shy i need someone to get me into my mad situations

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: yea lol i got to know him later though

68. drank hard liquor: i dont even know what qualifies as hard... jaeger?

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: no

70. turned someone down: yeah tinder is rife with... interesting folk

71. sex on the first date: nope

73. had your heart broken: kinda

74. been arrested: no

75. cried when someone died: yes

76. fallen for a friend: yep! it ended really poorly i do not recommend!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

77. yourself: 100%

78. miracles: nope

79. love at first sight: kinda

80. santa claus: no

81. kiss on the first date: lol yep im loose with my affections

82. angels: nope

OTHER:

84. eye colour: blue 85. favourite movie: Kingsman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#tag games #all we've learned is i love people and myself lol

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confrontingbabble-on · 7 years

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Every religious belief system...is a complete blasphemy...in the eyes of every other religious belief system...and all are a complete blasphemy in the eyes of rational unbelief...

For example, as outlined by Atheist Ireland ...

“Here are the 25 blasphemous quotes that we first published on 1 January 2010, along with the quotation that has caused the Irish police to investigate Stephen Fry.

1. Jesus Christ, when asked if he was the son of God, in Matthew 26:64: “Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, Hereafter shall ye see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.” According to the Christian Bible, the Jewish chief priests and elders and council deemed this statement by Jesus to be blasphemous, and they sentenced Jesus to death for saying it.

2. Jesus Christ, talking to Jews about their God, in John 8:44: “Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him.” This is one of several chapters in the Christian Bible that can give a scriptural foundation to Christian anti-Semitism. The first part of John 8, the story of “whoever is without sin cast the first stone”, was not in the original version, but was added centuries later. The original John 8 is a debate between Jesus and some Jews. In brief, Jesus calls the Jews who disbelieve him sons of the Devil, the Jews try to stone him, and Jesus runs away and hides.

3. Muhammad, quoted in Hadith of Bukhari, Vol 1 Book 8 Hadith 427: “May Allah curse the Jews and Christians for they built the places of worship at the graves of their prophets.” This quote is attributed to Muhammad on his death-bed as a warning to Muslims not to copy this practice of the Jews and Christians. It is one of several passages in the Koran and in Hadith that can give a scriptural foundation to Islamic anti-Semitism, including the assertion in Sura 5:60 that Allah cursed Jews and turned some of them into apes and swine.

4. Mark Twain, describing the Christian Bible in Letters from the Earth, 1909: “Also it has another name – The Word of God. For the Christian thinks every word of it was dictated by God. It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies… But you notice that when the Lord God of Heaven and Earth, adored Father of Man, goes to war, there is no limit. He is totally without mercy — he, who is called the Fountain of Mercy. He slays, slays, slays! All the men, all the beasts, all the boys, all the babies; also all the women and all the girls, except those that have not been deflowered. He makes no distinction between innocent and guilty… What the insane Father required was blood and misery; he was indifferent as to who furnished it.” Twain’s book was published posthumously in 1939. His daughter, Clara Clemens, at first objected to it being published, but later changed her mind in 1960 when she believed that public opinion had grown more tolerant of the expression of such ideas. That was half a century before Fianna Fail and the Green Party imposed a new blasphemy law on the people of Ireland.

5. Tom Lehrer, The Vatican Rag, 1963: “Get in line in that processional, step into that small confessional. There, the guy who’s got religion’ll tell you if your sin’s original. If it is, try playing it safer, drink the wine and chew the wafer. Two, four, six, eight, time to transubstantiate!”

6. Randy Newman, God’s Song, 1972: “And the Lord said: I burn down your cities – how blind you must be. I take from you your children, and you say how blessed are we. You all must be crazy to put your faith in me. That’s why I love mankind.”

7. James Kirkup, The Love That Dares to Speak its Name, 1976: “While they prepared the tomb I kept guard over him. His mother and the Magdalen had gone to fetch clean linen to shroud his nakedness. I was alone with him… I laid my lips around the tip of that great cock, the instrument of our salvation, our eternal joy. The shaft, still throbbed, anointed with death’s final ejaculation.” This extract is from a poem that led to the last successful blasphemy prosecution in Britain, when Denis Lemon was given a suspended prison sentence after he published it in the now-defunct magazine Gay News. In 2002, a public reading of the poem, on the steps of St. Martin-in-the-Fields church in Trafalgar Square, failed to lead to any prosecution. In 2008, the British Parliament abolished the common law offences of blasphemy and blasphemous libel.

8. Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath, in Monty Python’s Life of Brian, 1979: “Look, I had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was that piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.”

9. Rev Ian Paisley MEP to the Pope in the European Parliament, 1988: “I denounce you as the Antichrist.” Paisley’s website describes the Antichrist as being “a liar, the true son of the father of lies, the original liar from the beginning… he will imitate Christ, a diabolical imitation, Satan transformed into an angel of light, which will deceive the world.”

10. Conor Cruise O’Brien, 1989: “In the last century the Arab thinker Jamal al-Afghani wrote: ‘Every Muslim is sick and his only remedy is in the Koran.’ Unfortunately the sickness gets worse the more the remedy is taken.”

11. Frank Zappa, 1989: “If you want to get together in any exclusive situation and have people love you, fine – but to hang all this desperate sociology on the idea of The Cloud-Guy who has The Big Book, who knows if you’ve been bad or good – and cares about any of it – to hang it all on that, folks, is the chimpanzee part of the brain working.”

12. Salman Rushdie, 1990: “The idea of the sacred is quite simply one of the most conservative notions in any culture, because it seeks to turn other ideas – uncertainty, progress, change – into crimes.” In 1989, Ayatollah Khomeini of Iran issued a fatwa ordering Muslims to kill Rushdie because of blasphemous passages in Rushdie’s novel The Satanic Verses.

13. Bjork, 1995: “I do not believe in religion, but if I had to choose one it would be Buddhism. It seems more livable, closer to men… I’ve been reading about reincarnation, and the Buddhists say we come back as animals and they refer to them as lesser beings. Well, animals aren’t lesser beings, they’re just like us. So I say fuck the Buddhists.”

14. Amanda Donohoe on her role in the Ken Russell movie Lair of the White Worm, 1995: “Spitting on Christ was a great deal of fun. I can’t embrace a male god who has persecuted female sexuality throughout the ages, and that persecution still goes on today all over the world.”

15. George Carlin, 1999: “Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time! But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!”

16. Paul Woodfull as Ding Dong Denny O’Reilly, The Ballad of Jaysus Christ, 2000: “He said me ma’s a virgin and sure no one disagreed, Cause they knew a lad who walks on water’s handy with his feet… Jaysus oh Jaysus, as cool as bleedin’ ice, With all the scrubbers in Israel he could not be enticed, Jaysus oh Jaysus, it’s funny you never rode, Cause it’s you I do be shoutin’ for each time I shoot me load.”

17. Jesus Christ, in Jerry Springer The Opera, 2003: “Actually, I’m a bit gay.” In 2005, the Christian Institute tried to bring a prosecution against the BBC for screening Jerry Springer the Opera, but the UK courts refused to issue a summons.

18. Tim Minchin, Ten-foot Cock and a Few Hundred Virgins, 2005: “So you’re gonna live in paradise, With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins, So you’re gonna sacrifice your life, For a shot at the greener grass, And when the Lord comes down with his shiny rod of judgment, He’s gonna kick my heathen ass.”

19. Richard Dawkins in The God Delusion, 2006: “The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.” In 2007 Turkish publisher Erol Karaaslan was charged with the crime of insulting believers for publishing a Turkish translation of The God Delusion. He was acquitted in 2008, but another charge was brought in 2009. Karaaslan told the court that “it is a right to criticise religions and beliefs as part of the freedom of thought and expression.”

20. Pope Benedict XVI quoting a 14th century Byzantine emperor, 2006: “Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.” This statement has already led to both outrage and condemnation of the outrage. The Organisation of the Islamic Conference, the world’s largest Muslim body, said it was a “character assassination of the prophet Muhammad”. The Malaysian Prime Minister said that “the Pope must not take lightly the spread of outrage that has been created.” Pakistan’s foreign Ministry spokesperson said that “anyone who describes Islam as a religion as intolerant encourages violence”. The European Commission said that “reactions which are disproportionate and which are tantamount to rejecting freedom of speech are unacceptable.”

21. Christopher Hitchens in God is not Great, 2007: “There is some question as to whether Islam is a separate religion at all… Islam when examined is not much more than a rather obvious and ill-arranged set of plagiarisms, helping itself from earlier books and traditions as occasion appeared to require… It makes immense claims for itself, invokes prostrate submission or ‘surrender’ as a maxim to its adherents, and demands deference and respect from nonbelievers into the bargain. There is nothing—absolutely nothing—in its teachings that can even begin to justify such arrogance and presumption.”

22. Ian O’Doherty, 2009: “(If defamation of religion was illegal) it would be a crime for me to say that the notion of transubstantiation is so ridiculous that even a small child should be able to see the insanity and utter physical impossibility of a piece of bread and some wine somehow taking on corporeal form. It would be a crime for me to say that Islam is a backward desert superstition that has no place in modern, enlightened Europe and it would be a crime to point out that Jewish settlers in Israel who believe they have a God given right to take the land are, frankly, mad. All the above assertions will, no doubt, offend someone or other.”

23. Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor, 2009: “Whether a person is atheist or any other, there is in fact in my view something not totally human if they leave out the transcendent… we call it God… I think that if you leave that out you are not fully human.” Because atheism is not a religion, the Irish blasphemy law does not protect atheists from abusive and insulting statements about their fundamental beliefs. While atheists are not seeking such protection, we include the statement here to point out that it is discriminatory that this law does not hold all citizens equal.

24. Dermot Ahern, Irish Minister for Justice, introducing his blasphemy law at an Oireachtas Justice Committee meeting, 2009, and referring to comments made about him personally: “They are blasphemous.” Deputy Pat Rabbitte replied: “Given the Minister’s self-image, it could very well be that we are blaspheming,” and Minister Ahern replied: “Deputy Rabbitte says that I am close to the baby Jesus, I am so pure.” So here we have an Irish Justice Minister joking about himself being blasphemed, at a parliamentary Justice Committee discussing his own blasphemy law, that could make his own jokes illegal.

25. As a bonus, Micheal Martin, Irish Minister for Foreign Affairs, opposing attempts by Islamic States to make defamation of religion a crime at UN level, 2009: “We believe that the concept of defamation of religion is not consistent with the promotion and protection of human rights. It can be used to justify arbitrary limitations on, or the denial of, freedom of expression. Indeed, Ireland considers that freedom of expression is a key and inherent element in the manifestation of freedom of thought and conscience and as such is complementary to freedom of religion or belief.” Just months after Minister Martin made this comment, his colleague Dermot Ahern introduced Ireland’s new blasphemy law.

26. Finally, here is the quote that has caused the Irish police to investigate Stephen Fry for blasphemy. Asked by Gay Byrne on RTE what he would say if he was confronted by God, Fry replied: “How dare you create a world in which there is such misery that is not our fault. It’s not right. It’s utterly, utterly evil. Why should I respect a capricious, mean-minded, stupid God who creates a world which is so full of injustice and pain?” Questioned on how he would react if he was locked outside the pearly gates, he responded: “I would say, ‘Bone cancer in children? What’s that about?’ Because the God who created this universe, if it was created by God, is quite clearly a maniac, utter maniac. Totally selfish. We have to spend our life on our knees thanking him? What kind of God would do that?””

https://atheist.ie/2017/05/25-blasphemous-quotes-in-solidarity-with-stephen-fry/

#atheist #agnostic #secular humanist #skeptic #Religion #Christianity #religious insanity

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cindersthoughts · 7 years

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Tom Holland x Medical Student (Part 2)

I hope you enjoyed the first part. Here is part 2 ;). Tell me your thoughts. plus, I’m sorry for the stupid mistakes. I always see them after I post the story. ^^

Part 1

Part 2

After Tom left time flew. Soon I was leaving the hospital through the same doors that Tom exited the building. My mind keeps going back to our goodbyes that we shared a few hours ago. The drive home was the usual. Entering my apartment, I threw my jacket and bag on the couch and went to the kitchen. It was 8 p.m. I still need to eat something and get ready for my friend’s party. I wanted to text my friend for the address of the club or bar that we are going. However, I find myself on google searching for something I might regret afterwards. Tom Holland is written on the search bar. I bite my lip, I really want to look him up, but I don’t want to at the same time. Before I can think it over again I press on the search button. I heart is racing, I feel like a teenager that is hiding some nasty secret of her parents, I am officially going insane. Soon pictures of those familiar brown eyes pop on my phone’s screen. My heart melting away. The google page revealing the latest news of the actor’s life.

Tom Holland injured

Spiderman rushed into the ER

There were some very dramatic statements of some journals telling that Tom had a near death experience. I laughed a little. Then I scroll and see his twitter.

Tom Holland

I am alright guys, just got some stitches ;) thanks for worrying though

3h ago

Tom Holland

[Posts pic of him and Harrison]

I wanted to be the first to congratulate my mate for his newest role in Spiderman 2. You are going to be a great Harry. ;) we got to celebrate that, see you later.

1h ago

Y/N you need to stop stalking this dude. I put my phone away, closing my eyes I exhale in frustration. Wait, why was I on my phone? As I remember my friend texts me and giving me the address of the club. I put the address into google maps, my eyes widen when I realize where we are going tonight. I dial the number of my friend.

“What’s up, Y/N?”

“Did you send me the right address?” “umm, yeah. Why would I send you the wrong address, duhh?”

“That club is really expensive and celebrities attend that place all the time, how were you able to get reservations in such an exclusive place?!”

“I have my contacts, darling. good thing that you’ve heard of that place. You need to wear something really nice tonight” she uses her ‘oh so very seductive voice’ to mock me and laughs afterwards

“haha, yeah. Let’s see what I’ll wear. See ya later.”

I open my closet and stare at my wardrobe. “Yeah, well shit…” I don’t have anything that is like really fancy. Suddenly, I remember that I do have a black dress from two or three years ago. I put it on and take a look at myself, it does still fit maybe it’s a little shorter now, but nothing too tragic. My makeup is pretty simple nothing too extravagant, since I’m not really in the mood to go out tonight. Putting my heels on, I call a cab that takes me to the club. I absolutely loathed entering a club alone, it’s a socially very awkward moment in my opinion. At the entrance there were two lines one that was endlessly long and another one that was pretty short because it was for private guests. My friends were already inside it was already 11 p.m. if I had to go to the end of the endless line I’d never get in. My phone starts ringing.

“Hey”

“Y/N where are you?!” I hear my friend shouting from the other end of the line. Loud music in the background

“I’m here outside of the club, but there is an endless line, I’m never going to get in.” I confess to her. Getting ready for nothing, yay. Who doesn’t love that.

“What if you try to enter through the other entrance, you know the line for the VIPs.”

“I-I don’t know… What if I get in trouble…?” I reply chewing my nail, terrible habit of mine. I pace around near the entrance.

“C’mon don’t be such a chicken” she was very persistent.

“If I get in jail or end up somewhere you come and find me, though!”

she laughs, “you are so dramatic, just try. I’m going towards the entrance to help you out with the security guys”

“or I could get you in. I mean you helped me out today and I got to return the favour, right. What do you say about that doctor?”, a familiar voice says from behind me interrupting my phone call. My heart stops for a second. No way. I turn around slowly revealing Tom Holland in a suit. Oh hell no this should be forbidden. My mouth drops open in disbelief.

“Tom”, I gasped, “w-what are you doing here?”

his grin is merciless and I hate him for that. He is making me all nervous. And when Y/N gets nervous she starts talking like a waterfall.

“Well, my friend and I are celebrating tonight. He landed a role in a very important movie.”

“Oh so that’s what you meant by ‘see you later’. He got the part in the next Spiderman mov-“ OH SHIT. Before I could think of what I was saying it was far too late. I just basically told him that I’ve been stalking him. My cheeks turn red and I start stuttering. He first gave me a weird look, but it soon turned into one of those smirks that says ‘so you were thinking about me’. I want to disappear right now.

All of a sudden there were the paparazzi around the corner, shouting and screaming for Tom.

“Umm, so do you mind if we get inside?” he says looking at the paparazzi giving them a tight smile. He puts a hand on my lower back to lead me inside.

Inside the music was blasting. I walk in front of Tom, right after the entrance I see my friend. Waving and calling her name she comes towards me. She looks at me, but the closer we get she gets her eyes on Tom. And honestly, I do not like how she’s looking at him.

“Y/N! you made it! I was right about to get you!” she explains in a very exaggerated manner. She was talking more to Tom than to me, but okay.

“Yeah, Umm, Y/F/N this is Tom. He helped me out.” I reply awkwardly making a weird hand gesture. “Tom this is my friend, Y/F/N”

“Y/N you didn’t tell me you knew Spiderman himself. How did you meet him?” Y/F/N continues flirting

“I-I actu-“ I try to explain and get interrupted by Mr. Tom Holland himself. I look over at him annoyed now.

“Actually,…”, he came closer and put a hand on my waist, I was all hot again, what the hell is he trying to do, “we met a while back and Y/N and I had to keep this whole thing a secret. You know privacy and media don’t get along well.”, he lied as if it was the most natural thing ever.

“Wait, ARE YOU GUYS LIKE TOGETHER?” my friend scoffed in disbelief. Geez, thanks? But I’m startled too. I mean I know guys don’t usually want to date me and that I’ve never been in a serious relationship before, but her reaction did kind of hurt a little. Nevertheless, I was shocked and it was one of those moments where, if I had a drink and I’d be drinking it I’d be spitting it out right now.

I laugh hysterically. “Yeah, no, no…” I tell her shaking my head.

“Well, no, we are not a couple, but we are dating or starting at least”, he admitted. What a big fat liar!

“Y/F/N can you hold that thought for a second. I need to talk with my almost boyfriend slash superhero.” I take Tom’s hand and head to a part that is more private. Fury the only thing that keeps me going right now.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?”, I shout at him.

“I thought it’d be fun to see your reaction.”, he confessed with a grin, “I’m sorry I put you through that”

“I can see it in your eyes. Mr. ‘I’m so sorry’, you aren’t sorry at all.”

“Touché, your friend was flirting way too obvious and I thought it would be amusing to see her all shocked that we’d be a thing. Plus, what kind of friend hits on someone else’s guy.” he laughs and his laughter is contagious because in that moment I realize how silly this is.

“Don’t tell me that you weren’t a little annoyed by how obvious she was trying to get into my pants.”, there was a challenge in his voice. The ‘laughing’ mood was turning into something more serious. I look away my cheeks turning a deep red.

“i-I guess it did bother me a little…” I shrug and he smiles in satisfaction.

“So, Y/N. Do you want to go back to your friend? And if you want to tell her the truth I’ll tell her that I was trying to prank her. No worries.”

“No, w-wait don’t tell her. Let’s keep it our little secret for tonight. I’ll tell her tomorrow morning that it was all a joke”, I admit biting my lower lip giving him a weak smile.

“okay, as you wish doc.” He smiles at me giving me a wink. “let’s head back” he offers me his arm that I take gladly.

The rest of the night was really fun. I danced with Tom and we had a drink together. His friend Harrison was a total sweetheart and we all had a blast. The next morning, I was woken up by the sunlight entering my room. I rub my eyes. What time is it? I get up and have a breakfast. Today I had to get some stuff done since it was my free day. I put some comfortable jeans and a t-shirt on. it was a sunny day and I can finally wear my new my sun glasses. I was about to close the door of my building, when I hear people running and shouting my name.

“What the heck?!”, I look at the mob running towards me.

“Y/N! Y/N! Y/N! look at the camera!”, a voice shouted. Flashes were blinding me, thankfully I had my sun glasses on.

“Y/N, how was your date-night with Tom yesterday?”

“Since when are you two guys dating?”

“Y/N what do you think of Tom’s upcoming movie!?”

The paparazzi were calling my name from all sides. Overwhelmed by the entire situation I began to run for my life. What the hell is going on here. How do they know me and where I live?

#tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #tom holland fluff #spiderman #spiderman imagine #spiderman homecoming #spiderman fanfiction #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #tom holland x reader #Avengers #avengers imagine

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fwittrocknews · 7 years

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The Gentleman Caller Cometh: Finn Wittrock on the Endurance of ‘The Glass Menagerie’

By Drew Grant • 03/16/17 6:00am - Posted on Observer.com (This interview goes along with the photoshoot in the previous post)

The first time I saw Finn Wittrock, he scared the shit out of me. As Dandy Mott in the fourth season of American Horror Story (that would be the “Freak Show” one, for those not keeping up), Wittrock, 32, was a rich mommy’s boy-turned-serial killing clown (because in a Ryan Murphy production, one naturally follows the other) who turned matricidal when he didn’t get his way. Wittrock, with his cleft chin and movie star good looks, has a polish that tends to cast him in a darker light: as mere mortals, it’s hard for us to imagine anyone that attractive hasn’t just been over-compensated for some defection of the soul. Which is why he’s made such a good foil in the last three seasons of Murphy’s seasonal anthology, playing everyone from Dandy to Rudolph Valentino to a vampire/male model named Tristan (and that was in the same season!) to, most recently, a backwoods inbred cannibal in American Horror Story: Roanoke …a role that required the actor to transform himself with so many prosthetics that he was barely recognizable.

But outside of AHS, Wittrock has enjoyed a killer career trajectory, beginning with an off-Broadway stint in 2011 for Tony Kushner’s The Illusion and a year later, on Broadway in Michael Nichols’ production of Death of a Salesman, a rendition made famous by its applauded reviews and Philip Seymour Hoffman’s performance. (Wittrock, along with future Spider-Man Andrew Garfield, played Hoffman’s prodigies.) Wittrock, like his AHS co-star Evan Peters, seems at home playing smaller parts in larger ensemble films, like his turn in Adam McKay’s The Big Short (where he played a young garage investor, Jamie Shipley) and most recently, as Emma Stone’s clueless, pre-Gosling boyfriend in La La Land.

Luckily, Wittrock didn’t manage to be part of the coterie on-stage during the epic #OscarFail of 2017, as he was in rehearsals for his return to Broadway in Sam Gold’s The Glass Menagerie. (Prior to that, he’d been working with Gold for New York Theatre Workshop’s production of Othello.) As he splits his time between Los Angeles–where he lives with his wife–and New York, where he performs alongside the likes of David Oyelowo, Daniel Craig and Sally Field, Wittrock sat down with us on his day off about Tennesse Williams, Ryan Murphy, and while he’ll always be brushing up his Shakespeare.

What do you think will surprise people most about this production of The Glass Menagerie?

I think people are surprised by how many laughs there are in the show. I was surprised when I first read it.

I don’t know how Sally Field managed to embody both my mother and my grandmother at the same time.

I heard she did some research on that, talked to them about it.

The play struck so close to home, the last third act I was just muttering into my hands “Shut up shut up shut up, you’re making it worse!” Both to your character and Field’s.

A lot of people have felt that it’s close to home, and maybe not in a totally comfortable way.

My first experience watching you was originally on American Horror Story, when she showed up in season 4 as the rich brat-turned-clown-serial-killer. But I had always wished that I had been able to see that performance of Death of a Salesman that you starred in with Philip Seymour Hoffman.

That was a life-changer.

Was that your first big introduction to theatre?

Not with theater as an art. I’ve been doing theater since I was a kid. But it was definitely like, in terms of my career, a big break for me. And just artistically too, working with those people opened me up, I would say, in a big way. So it’s kind of cool, looking back at what I think is five years ago, now.

You were what, in your early twenties?

I turned 27 during the production. It’s fun and beautiful to come back to Broadway, to see how I’m different, how my confidence is different.

As the Gentleman Caller, Jim O’Connor, you’re VERY confident.

Well…I’m acting that way. But I still feel like a kid when I’m onstage.

I was reading The New York Times‘ profile of Sam Gold putting on this production, and they gave you guys a glowing review. And I guess I hadn’t known that Madison Ferris, who plays Laura, has muscular dystrophy. That wheelchair she sits in through much of the play isn’t a prop. I just thought she was making a very specific character choice for a part that only requires a slight limp.

I think Sam is very sincere in trying to expand the pool of what we’re used to seeing onstage, and trying to crack that open; trying to crack open the norms: the normal shapes and sizes and colors of what we see onstage.

I imagine that makes the production extremely hard to block around. The scene where you are trying to get her to dance, and you knock over a figurine…the entire time, all I could think was “They must have rehearsed that scene endlessly.”

The blocking was very specific and very intricate. Though it seems very simple, there’s a lot of work that goes into making it seem that natural. The analogy is perfect for the whole production because the set looks completely bare-bones, but if you see that Times piece, you see there were, however, many thousands of pounds of concrete poured onto the stage. All the sprinklers. This contraption to make the table move back at one point, that’s an incredibly elaborate contraption of shifts and levers and things. Which, basically, no one notices. Because it’s all to make a table move back, seemingly on its own, when the spotlight is elsewhere. All the work that goes into making something seem effortless. But that’s the kind of magic of it.

I haven’t done theater since high school, but even then, I remembered just how exhausting it was. The everyday grind of it all. Rehearsal, rehearsal, rehearsal, opening night, all these performances…and that’s just like, a high school production of Guys and Girls. I can’t imagine what that must be like on Broadway, especially coming off doing television and film.

It is, it’s very different. The fundamentals of acting are still the same, but the kind of athleticism of doing a play is just more demanding.

I imagine everyone has to be in just really good shape.

Internally, too. Also, I think the biggest difference to me, is, say, I have a tough emotional scene to complete in a movie or a show. That will be like, a really tough day at work. It will be like 8-12 hours that are really rough, having to go there. And then it’s over; it’s done, and I never have to touch it ever again for the rest of my life. It’s in a can, it’s in a computer program somewhere and someone edits it, and it’s gone. But if I have an intense scene in a play that goes well one night, I have to go back the next day and do it again. There’s no finale, you know?

Your character, Jim, reminded me so much of most of my ex-boyfriends. One of these guys who means well, but is always trying to–for lack of a better word–“mansplain” everything. He’s a little bit of a blowhard.

I think he’s a guy who lives by self-help books. He’s a guy who lives by an idealistic, gung-ho America kind of thing. But I think he believes in it genuinely. And I think the trap is having him fall into a lecture-y egotist. I think he is selfish, but completely unconsciously. I think he is trying to help her, and the scene does play deeper.

The way he’s just hitting that beat over and over, that her problem is a lack of confidence.

I think he’s like a lot of people. A believer in hard and fast solutions. I started reading this book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. It’s one of the first kind of real self-help books. It may actually have been….Tennesse Williams might have taken some inspiration (for this character) from it. The way Jim speaks is very, very similar. So I read that every night before I go on stage.

At its core, the book actually has a nice message. It’s like “Make it about the other person, don’t make it about you.”

And explain their personalities to them.

That’s the trap, yes.

In general, I’m not the hugest Tennessee Williams fan. Melodrama is its own certain thing, and where we’re at right now as a country, it feels like watching a show that’s so claustrophobic in its view of family is maybe a bit…melodramatic. But the way Gold did the show felt very modern: there was a lot of physicality, the way the characters are constantly touching each other, that I’m pretty positive Williams didn’t write into those bare-bones stage directions.

I think Sam is always looking to how to be faithful to the play as written, but also be very affecting for people in 2017 walking into a theater. How to do both things at once, but always leaning to the side of what will affect people the most, rather than playing homage to another dead playwright.

At the very opening of the play, after Tom’s speech, someone right behind me yelled out “Sounds like Trump!”

Oh yes. I remember that. The line was about “the huge middle class of America was matriculating in a school for the blind.”

That’s a great line.

I know, Tom has all the best lines. You think of these plays as sort of dated, but it does become amazingly pertinent when you strip it down. And the stuff Jim says about America…it still hasn’t aged. We haven’t aged out of that mentality.

I think the play is really harkening back to a time that is simpler. Because the play is written just at the cusp of World War II, but is set in the 30s. Tom is looking back at a time just before the world blew up with a kind of nostalgia, but also, things weren’t so great then, you know?

No, it seems almost…uncomfortably tight.

Tight, exactly. Claustrophobic. The family as the microcosm for the national blow-up that was about to happen. And I feel like there’s a sense of that now. People are, even from a few months ago, nostalgic about the past.

Oh my god, do you remember a couple months ago? Things were great!

I know right? The world was so simple!

The play is about memory, and that never gets old. You don’t think about memory in a vacuum. Every memory you have is connected. You feel something about that memory. Anything you harken back to, you feel a certain way. Your stomach is connected to your head. I think that’s what the play was after: really stripping memories down and making them about bare-bone human essentials.

Let’s go back a little bit. You said you did theater in high school?

Even before that. I was born in Massachusetts, in Lenox, and my dad worked at this theater company called Shakespeare and Company. Mostly summer, but they do some stuff year round with Shakespeare. I kind of grew up running around the hills of the Berkshires, listening to actors do Shakespeare and being like the pageboy for whatever play was happening at the time. So that’s where I caught the bug. I was young.

Were you a big Shakespeare fan?

Yes. I would say so. It was nice, I got to Othello right before this with Sam, which was great. So that’s where I began, and then I moved to LA when I was 12 and went to this arts high school, called LA High School for the Arts.

Then you came here, did Death of a Salesman…so how does this lead you back to Los Angeles and getting hooked up with the Ryan Murphy crew for American Horror Story?

Ha, it’s funny how life becomes like a domino effect, right? You can track back like “How did I meet that, from that, from that?” I was in a movie called The Normal Heart, which Ryan directed, which Mark Ruffalo was in…and actually, so was Joe Mantello (from Menagerie). He was in it on Broadway, but plays a different part. It’s a beautiful movie. I just got that from an audition. Salesman had exposed me to a lot more casting directors at the time, so I started going out a lot when that was over, and I went out for The Normal Heart and found out three months later that I got it. And then shot the scene…I mean, it’s a nice part, but it’s a smallish part. Really intense and cool, though.

I met all those guys, and then Ryan one day on the set was like, “I have this crazy idea for a character in my show. Do you want to do it?”

What he doesn’t tell you is that the following season, you have to play two characters.

Or I’ll have to wear so many prosthetics that no one recognizes me.

American Horror Story: Roanoke, will live forever in my memory as “the season we barely saw Evan Peters or Finn Wittrock.”

Yeah, it’s the season where everyone showed up and immediately died.

Well, to be fair, that’s often how AHS plots develop.

But that’s the thing about the show! Being dead doesn’t mean you’re not going to work! Kathy Bates I think, talked more AFTER she was dead.

Are you a dancer as well?

(laughs) Who told you that?

In the Hotel season of American Horror Story, you have a great tango with Lady Gaga. I thought “This guy has some moves!” And then watching the heartbreaking way you “dance” with Laura in the Menagerie…

Oh, that’s sweet. I’m married to a dancer, actually, so maybe she’s rubbed off on me through osmosis. They do make me dance on that show, that’s right. They don’t make me sing, luckily…for everyone’s sake.

I have to say, for a lot of my friends, Dandy from American Horror Story: Freak Show is their fan favorite character.

That’s cool. That’s pretty wild. He creeps me out, personally.

Ryan Murphy is heading up approximately a million projects right now: AHS, American Crime Story: Katrina, Feud….are you going to be involved with any of these projects?

You know, Ryan is a very loyal guy. I’m sure I’ll get an email from him one of these days with something to do, and I’ll inevitably say yes.

So, let’s talk La La Land. You had a small role in the film as Mia’s boyfriend. Were you there at the Oscars?

No, I wasn’t. The nice thing about doing a play is it makes for a perfect excuse not to have to go to those things. Or anything else. I guess I might have been there, if I had been in LA.

Did you watch the now-historic moment when La La Land handed the Best Picture Oscar to Moonlight?

Yes, I watched the whole thing. It was…tense. I would say the word “tense” could be used.

But it also made for some great live television.

It did, it did. I have to say, I felt bad because the Oscars had done really well, up to that moment. The show was going really well, it was a relatively diverse year, the jokes were pretty funny, people had nice speeches…and the ONLY thing people are only going to remember this fiasco. The last few seconds.

But yes, it did make for a great moment on live TV. I just don’t know you’re supposed to compare La La Land to Moonlight; it’s like comparing two totally different art forms.

#Finn Wittrock #Interview #Observer #The Glass Menagerie #Broadway #American Horror Story #AHS #La La Land

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oohaw94 · 7 years

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Mind if we have a discussion?

It has been awhile since I have posted anything original here on Tumblr but today is that day!

Most people know I do not talk about my father much. In my opinion it's hard to be super proud of a guy who gave his son multiple concussions and bloody noses between the years of 8,9 and 10 in the course of disciplining him mostly for trivial things. With that said, he did give me two things that I have carried forward in life. Number one: An appreciation for the sport of baseball which bloomed into a full-fledged obsession with softball later in life. Number two: He told me, no matter how smart you think you are, there is ALWAYS someone who knows more.

The second one more so than the first is especially important I think. Don't get me wrong, softball is a good time and my only real form of exercise these days but that second one has so many more applications. Any one who has a social media account has been exposed or over-exposed to the opinions of those around them. There is an old adage about the corrolation between opinions and a certain part of the lower human anatomy that notes everyone has both and they both stink. So for what it is worth, I don't mind hearing other people's opinions. Unfortunately, everyone is so caught up in having to be right all the time because to be wrong means being shunned by the herd and having to live in exile with leperous wildebeasts for the remainder of your days apparently.

I'm not scared to be wrong or to fail. Some of the most fundamental learning comes from being wrong. When I was 10 or 11, I had a bike. Nothing fancy, just a red bike with handle bars, a seat, hand brakes and two tires. I got pretty cocky when riding the trails around our house in Dittmer, MO. Popping over logs and anticipating the slide of a hill rounding into the turn of each trail and such. But one fall day when the leaves were off the trees and clogging the trails, I took off pedaling into the woods. In the trees there were birds and squirrels noting my progress but keeping their distance. I got to a section of trail that I had not ridden in awhile. In addition to the leaves, there were branches downed from summer storms and overgrown dead weeds. Being young and feeling invincible, I proceeded through the section without clearing the debris first. Most of the branches were rotten and the weeds posed no real impedence so I crunched my way through easily. Farther along the trail was more of the same with this part being a bit more of a downhill incline. So I puffed out my chest (not really) and flew along with high confidence. This is where the universe put down the magazine it was flipping through and was like: let me give you a tiny life lesson right now.

Up to this point in the ride, I was getting by even though a few of the decisions were questionable. Halfway down the incline I jounced over a not so rotten branch that flicked up an unseen string of rusted barbed wire that caught on my shoe lace. The next few seconds saw me go flying diagonally over the handle bars and land on some rough gravelly ground, shoulder and face first. My takeaways from the experience: #1 OUCH. #2 Picking gravel out of your chin is not a great feeling. #3 I should've known better.

What is the point of this tidbit from my youth? Simple, use your brain. I knew that riding over the branches and whatnot on the flat ground had caused some unplanned movement and a few precarious seconds where I was not in control. But from the outcome, I learned to avoid making that same mistake again. Was it a dumba$$ moment on my part? Sure. I didn't learn that from a book, I learned from the experience. Also I could've probably got there by using some common sense but hindsight as they say is 20/20.

In my life I have met and interacted with many, many people. Some only in a virtual context but still a large portion have been in person. Through these conversations and sharing of words and ideas I have gotten different perspectives and opinions thrust upon me. Some clinically presented and some passionately expressed in ALL CAPS! Not every one who has made an opposing point or argument to me has changed my opinion on a topic. But, actually listening to them, I got at least a sense of where they garnered their information from and how invested they were in the idea(s) expressed. Most people lock into their beliefs (non-religious) on politics, sports, traffic, certain types of jobs, ethnic groups, books, social media, divorce, etc and there is no budging them. Which is fine. They have collected the pertinent information to support why they are pro or anti on each. And here's a little secret that most people should know but don't. You aren't going to change their minds. Simply put you are not. Through reading, social contact or experience those things are locked down and will not be swayed in their minds. So save your breath or typing.

I am not saying I'm better than anyone. I'm just not. Am I more receptive? Perhaps. But the whole concept of being better than someone is pompous and ludacris. Put me on a dessert island and I could probably survive but in the end I'm probably closer to the character Tom Hanks portrayed in Castaway: scruffy and looking a little caveman-ish. Take someone else to that same island and they probably pimp that (stuff) out. Build themselves a log cabin with a natural jaccuzzi. Make a little alley for coconut skeeball or bowling. Now tying this back to what my father was saying: everyone has blind spots in their knowledge, places where their pool of knowledge is as deep as an $8 kiddie pool at Walmart. There is no one alive roaming this Earth or that has ever roamed this Earth who knows everything. Think you are the ultimate authority on Superman...guess what someone else knows more (see Stan Lee). Think you know every single element related to the Star Trek universe...nope, try again. You can solve a Rubik's Cube in 13 seconds? Someone knows how to do it in 10 seconds. But in those same scenarios the Superman expert may not be able to hang and mud a roomful of drywall. The Star Trekkie could be lost trying to make lasgna from scratch. And the Robik's Cube master would most likely would not be able to throw a knuckleball. With this on the table, let's all take a collective breath and listen to what the other person has to say with an open mind. No one should be asking anyone to mindlessly bow to anyone person's belief structure or logic process. In truth it may flat out be wrong for the other person based on home life, religion, diet, conditioning and pet preference.

Through my friends and family I've learned how to love, to hate, to be compassionate, to empathize, to betray, to be selfish, to be selfless and most of all how to stay humble. I do not see myself achieving the pinnacle of any given field or being the yardstick of what a softball player should be. However, by using my logical process, life experiences and Google, I think I can at least come across as not a totally floundering moron (most days). People tend to take themselves waaaaaay too seriously. Not everything in today's existence is a competition or life and death for that matter. If more people would allow their ideas to be questioned, I think they would grow more as a person. As a personal philosophy, I try to learn something new every day. It may be insignificant, it may be something taught to me by a child but learning keeps life interesting. Otherwise you are stuck listening to the same Hair Metal hits of the 80's. Don't get me wrong, there are some great songs there but if that is the only pool of music you draw from then over time those songs will grow stale and even those will lose their fun qualities.

Now, try to hop on one foot for a minute with your eyes closed. Google your last name and read the 31st search entry. Memorize the entire emsemble of a person you saw on lunch. Count the parking spaces at Kohl's. Think of how many Adele songs are actually good (spoiler alert: zero). Google map the cities you have traveled to and see which one is farthest. Walk into a business, pose like a superhero for four seconds then turn around and walk out. Ask a friend to name something they associate with you. Say "Taco Cat" forwards and backwards several times and then try to figure out if you ended up with the forwards or backwards format.

Through the silly we can relax and allow ourselves to be open to new ideas and learn new things. I'm not saying a joke or a comedian's bit will lead to us building a walking bridge to the moon, but someone else's bit of logic or OCD process may inspire a leap in a new direction. So for everyone calling down the Hellfire and brimstrone for the Trump supporters or the people who feel personally oppressed by a cartoon indian or are just offended by the sun coming up: I say chill. Others are entitled to their opinions and at the end of the day that's mostly what it boils down to - opinions. Save your expert witnesses, your filing cabinets of documents and the YouTube clip of Jesus backing your point of view. If you are not willing to allow the other person an open, non-hostile forum to discuss and probably eventually break off the conversation without recrimminations, then why bother?

The world as we know it will still continue to evolve. The iPhone 7 world as we know it is not the finished product. Great minds around the world will continue to shape it and lead the human race in directions no one has even dreamed of yet. Just wait and see. And those people who are leading, are doing so based on being open to new ideas and asking, "OK. What if..."

Everyone have a fantastic day. Please read my Blog (Wordpress: Scott Latta Blog), find me on Twitter (@oohaw94), follow along on Facebook (Scott.Latta.7), listen to me and two of my softball friends on Podbean (SportsStalkers) and my own little stupid niche of butthurt on Podbean as well (scottlatta). If you would like drop me an email to: [email protected].

Peace.

#blog #podcast #twitter #opinions #stink #podbean #sports stalkers #facebook #trump #open mind #jump the shark

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thesportssoundoff · 4 years

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Alex and Joey Do A Mock Draft Finalmente

It’s NFL Draft Week! With no sports to speak of, the NFL is rolling through with its own digital event in the 2020 NFL Draft. It’ll be done entirely in what I imagine will be an ultra laggy skype chat. Either way, the 32 NFL teams will pick 253 players across three days and we’ll all be watching because what else will we do? Alex and I got together to do a mock draft at like 10 PM at night and he’s got the odds while I’ve got the evens.

#1 - Cincinnati Bengals - QB Joe Burrow - LSU

Who are we kidding here, he's been the pick for the past like 4 months and unless someone dies, or steals all of the bandwith in Cincy? Then it's Burrow's time in his proverbial hometown. The question is where does Andy Dalton end up now?

#2- Washington Redskins- DE Chase Young- Ohio State University

There's not much to be said here. Despite having some superb edge help already on the team, the Redskins make the easy selection of Chase Young and build the sort of pass rush long term that can bolster Ron Rivera's defense and also pressure the likes of Daniel Jones, Carson Wentz and Dak Prescott. It's a safe pick.

#3 - Detroit Lions (ugh) - Jeff Okudah - CB, Ohio State

I feel like Matt Patricia, although an imbecile of the highest regard, can't possibly fuck this one up. You lost Darius Slay, you signed Desmond Trufant of all people and he doesn't move the needle. You select Okudah and get a guy who shuts down one side of the field for the next 6-8 years. Easy pick.

#4- New York Giants- OT Tristen Wirfs- University of Iowa

This pick is so for sale. The Dolphins, Chargers and maybe even Raiders will all be jockeying for this pick if the Giants want out. Rather than force Alex to live with a wacky trade scenario, I'll just say ONE WAY OR ANOTHER the Giants end up selecting Tristen Wirfs. It just fits the Gettleman playbook of being ridiculously old school in philosophy. He takes a big bodied OL to protect his QB and help pave lines for his stud RB.

#5 - Miami Dolphins - Justin Herbert - QB - Oregon

Welp, I agree with Joey about Wirfs going to the Giants, but I thought Miami and the Giants would swap 4 & 5 to get it done, with the Giants moving down a pick. That said? Let's get weird. People had Tua going here and well, he's not folks. The Dolphins make the mistake of a lifetime and continue their QB futility and select a dude who only completed 67 percent of his passes, struggled and disappeared for multiple times during the season, but he had a good Senior Bowl and combine, so that must mean it's smart. Justin Herbert is the product of the media being enamored with certain guys come draft time; either for being smart, likable, or having "intangibles"...all of those don't get you wins, though. But, he'll be servicable and with multiple picks in the first round, they can afford to reach.

#6- Los Angeles Chargers- OT Jedrick Wills- University of Alabama

I could see Tua here. I could see Isaiah Simmons here. If the Chargers are serious about Tyrod Taylor (they're not) then taking Tua or Love here would allow them the chance to develop him while Taylor gets his shot. That said I think taking a QB is contingent on the right guy being there and I'm not sure Tua and LA are a match right now. A desperate GM/head coach combination trying to keep their jobs will take somebody who can help right now. That's Wills who will protect whoever the QB is.

#7 - Carolina Panthers - Isiah Simmons - LB - Clemson

Luke is gone, you pretty much gave the team over to Teddy Bridgewater and Run CMC,/Dairy Sanders, so you go with the local product and you secure your second line of defense before anything else. Explosive, a leader, great in coverage, he's a cornerstone. Don't fuck it up.

#8- Arizona Cardinals - DT Derrick Brown- University of Auburn

You could totally sell me on the Cardinals going WR here, especially with Fitz on a one year deal and Arizona listening to offers on Christian Kirk. I feel like Carolina and Arizona will set each other up in theory as the Cards will take whoever Carolina doesn't select out of the duo of Simmons and Brown. Derrick Brown falling to #8 feels like a monumental misallocation of resources by teams 1-7 because he's got elite big nose tackle ability. Jacksonville would absolutely kick themselves to get THIS close to Brown and not get him.

#9 - Jacksonville Jaguars - Tua Tagovailoa - QB- Alabama

Honestly, he shouldn't have fallen this far. Hip injury be damned, he was the best QB / player in this draft before the injury. People will make a huge deal of the Wonderlic score, but that's overrated, to be honest. He's a freak specimen and for all intents and purposes, I'd be more concerned if there was blood flow loss to the hip, which there wasn't. Meaning the problems come at 35, not 25. So I'm optimistic here. Plus when your starter is a dude with a porn stache and getting benched by Nick Foles who you just got rid of? You take Tua. You're stupid not to.

#10- Cleveland Browns- OT Mekhi Beckton- University of Louisville

The Browns amassed stars at every spot on the OL and then watched their poor QB get beat to hell. Baker Mayfield simply couldn't be protected and there's nothing harder to rebuild for a young QB than a broken internal clock. The best way to protect Baker Mayfield is to ACTUALLY protect him and Mekhi Beckton is a mammoth left tackle prototype who can give Mayfield a shot to develop into the stud people expected him to be. You've basically got one more year to figure out if he's "the guy" or not before you have to consider the fifth year option.

#11 - NY Jets- CeeDee Lamb - WR - OU

I feel like at some point, you gotta get Sam Darnold weapons. Lamb is the best receiver in the draft, maybe not speed-wise, but in every other facet. Give Sam a shot to be good. Give him an opportunity to have a receiver who does more than slant routes. I'm looking at you, Jae Crowder.

#12- Oakland Raiders- WR Jerry Jeudy- University of Alabama

I wouldn't be stunned if Oakland legitimately opted to take a cornerback at 12 and then a wide receiver at 19. It wouldn't shock me if they traded out of the 12th pick either or traded up. I also wouldn't be shocked if they took Tua if he slipped here because Gruden and Mayock have endless job security. All things considered, give me Jerry Jeudy at 12 which is ironic because the Raiders HAD Jerry Jeudy in Amari Cooper. We're talking a route savvy big play WR with a low key demeanor who Gruden basically threw in the towel on in less than a year. If Carr can't win with Jacobs, Jeudy and Waller then he's just not the guy.

#13 - SF 49ers - Henry Ruggs III - WR - Alabama

Emmanuel Sanders' arrival midway through last season proved how much the Niners were missing another receiving threat beyond All-Pro George Kittle and rookie Deebo Samuel. They had NOBODY. While Samuel showed real playmaking ability in the short and intermediate range last year, Ruggs' ability to burn EVERYONE gives them a legitimate big play threat every time he lines up opposite a corner or an overmatched nickelback.

#14- Tampa Bay Buccaneers- OT Andrew Thomas - University of Georgia

You don't take Tom Brady without the plans to protect him and build around him. As much fun as it is to imagine the Bucs taking a developmental QB like Jordan Love, Andrew Thomas is the easiest pick. This is an old QB and an old head coach trying to make a run in a division with the likes of Drew Brees and Matt Ryan. Thomas gives them the best chance to win and honestly represents the last of the real good OT prospects.

#15 - Denver Broncos - Kenneth Murray - LB - OU

Jeudy would have been the pick here if he lasted this long, but you get the replacement for an aging Von Miller. Ruthless, with an elite motor and a high character guy who will captain your defense in two or three years. He's the prototype LB you're looking for nowadays.

#16- Atlanta Falcons- CB CJ Henderson- University of Florida

Wouldn't surprise me one bit if the Falcons made the move UP in the draft to get Henderson. CJ Henderson has a serious aversion to contact which is normally a deathknell for a cornerback but if the name of the game is coverage? Henderson is your guy. He's big, athletic and has been getting tested vs SEC level wideouts for the past three years. My guess is every team from 14 to 20 will have some level of interest in Henderson.

#17 - Dallas Cowboys - Javon Kinlaw - DT - The Real USC

Let's make Joey happy here. There are always one or two teams that use a first-round pick on a player they simply like a lot -- even if he doesn't address a glaring need. Kinlaw doesn't necessarily fill a need other than the hole in Cowboy fans hearts that Demarcus Ware doesn't line up on Sundays anymore. Kinlaw is the best guy on the board. Take him.

#18- Miami Dolphins- EDGE K'Lavon Chaisson- Louisiana State University

The Cowboys stop the slide of Kinlaw and the Dolphins step in and take the next sliding guy immediately thereafter. A really young impressive team leader, I can see Chaisson really appealing to Brian Flores and the Miami defense that's in the midst of a rebuild. Alex gives the Dolphins their QB of the future and I give them their new Robert Quinn with a super bendy bursty stand up edge rusher who can terrorize QBs off the blind side.

#19 - Las Vegas Raiders - Patrick Queen - LB - LSU

They need a defensive playmaker, and Queen embodies that. Quick, athletic and able to change a game on a dime, I like him better than Clemson's Terrell, but wouldn't be shocked to see either one go here.

#20- Jacksonville Jaguars- CB AJ Terrell- University of Clemson

Alex and I basically alternate picking each others players here. I had the Jaguars taking Queen if he fell here but with Queen gone, AJ Terrell sure SEEMS like a dude who is a lock to go before pick 25. Long athletic and heady, I could see the Jaguars loving Terrell for his upside. He's not a Jalen Ramsey replacement but for a defense bereft of talent and in the midst of a long rebuild, Terrell fits the mold of what they're aiming to build.

#21 - Philly Eagles - Justin Jefferson - WR - LSU

So... I don't love this pick, but admittedly the Eagles do not have receivers besides Zach Ertz at TE. I think they reach a tiny bit here and get themselves a tall, sure-handed receiver who may be as good as someone like Jeudy to be honest.

#22- Minnesota Vikings- CB Trevon Diggs- University of Alabama

Mike Zimmer likes long corners who can press and have athleticism to match up with their size. That's basically Diggs. He's going to need a lot of work and he's pretty raw but I think if you squint real hard, you can see some of the same traits that made Xavier Rhodes so good under Mike Zimmer and the Vikings scheme.

#23 - New England Patriots - Jordan Love - QB - Utah State

You think I'm kidding. I'm not. Love lead a Utah State team to an 11-2 record in his Junior Year when he had Matt Wells and a proper system in place, to the tune of 30 touchdowns and 5 interceptions. He carved up the conference and lead Utah State to their biggest bowl birth ever. Senior year saw problems when Wells left to Texas Tech to replace Kliff Kingsbury, but despite a new system, losing multiple targets to graduation, and massive injuries to his offensive line, Love put up numbers. Honestly? Jordan Love is an undeveloped Pat Mahomes. Belichick isn't going to ride with Stidham for long, and Hoyer is a stop-gap. You either take the chance on Love here, or you grab Jalen Hurts in Round 2.

#24- New Orleans Saints- WR Jalen Reagor- TCU

Reagor didn't quite rewrite the Combine record books with his performance but I think he's got some of the same traits that Brandin Cooks had back when the Saints moved heaven and earth to snag him. He's got speed, he's a big play every time the ball is in his hands, he's nifty and nimble as an open field runner and he's got just enough questions about his hands to fall to around the same spot Cooks did. Reagor is bigger and stronger though which gives Drew Brees arguably the best WR trio in the league with route savvy Emmanuel Sanders, top flight Michael Thomas and an insanely talented rookie in Reagor.

#25 - Minnesota Vikings - Yetur Gross-Matos - EDGE - PSU

It's possible the Vikings will trade this pick at some point, maybe for Jacksonville edge rusher Yannick Ngakoue or for Cleveland receiver Odell Beckham Jr. (I know the Browns have said they're not looking to move him, but crazier things have happened.) But for now, Gross-Matos is the pick here, as the Vikes address two of their top three needs in Round 1.

#26- Miami Dolphins- OT Joshua Jones- University of Houston

I have a firm "no first round running backs!" rule and I intend to stick by that. As such, give the Dolphins Josh Jones out of Houston. Jones would give the Dolphins a long term developmental tackle who could play at either spot and would be pretty important in protecting their QB Justin Herbert.

#27 - Seattle Seahawks - Ross Blacklock - DT- TCU

Versatile, high energy and beefy guy to shore up a defensive line that needs a bit of help. Ultimately forsee him playing off the edge, but in the mean time? Definitely a hogmolie you want on your line.

#28- Baltimore Ravens- LB Zack Baun- University of Wisconsin

Baun feels like the sort of versatile chess piece defender that Wink Martindale would absolutely have a plan for. He's a little undersized and sort of a jack of all trades but for a Ravens team that's not exactly heavy on needs, they could experiment a little bit. Baun could play any linebacker spot in a pinch, can cover enough to not be exposed and has the high level athleticism and instincts that when married together create for a Clay Matthews-y player.

#29 - Teneessee Titans - Kristian Fulton - CB - LSU

If they're moving on from Logan Ryan like is being floated around? Then he's your replacement. He's a "Do Your Job" / Lunchpail / Belichick disciple guy that Vrabel will love. Does all the dirty work, doesn't shy from contact, great cover corner and is potent on run defense as well. Fits perfect here.

#30- Green Bay Packers- WR Denzel Mims- Baylor University

A big bodied wide receiver who can help try to coax the last year or so out of the Aaron Rodgers Era? The Packers have amassed a nice collection of guys who profile as depth wide outs but Mims and Adams gives you a scary combination of size, strength and speed on the outside. Mims has so much Dez Bryant-y traits in his game that I'd imagine Rodgers will crash the zoom call to make this pick himself if he can.

#31- SF 49ers - Brando Aiyuk - ASU

You got your speed guy earlier in the day, now you get the slot guy who is for all intents and purposes, the Swiss Army Knife receiver who can do it all. Losing Sanders was a blow, but you can replace him now with Aiyuk while Ruggs and Samuel fly along the outside. That's a dangerous trio if they play their cards right.

#32- Kansas City Chiefs- CB Jeff Gladney- TCU

If ball skills are your thing then Gladney is your guy. He's can make plays on the ball, is physical enough to challenge wide receivers and fluid enough to stay with some of the shiftier guys over short distances. You'll often hear the word "dog" haphazardly thrown around as it pertains to cornerbacks but Gladney IS a dog and eerily reminiscent of former TCU CB Jason Verrett. He's just small-ish and slow-ish, a normally deadly combination when it comes to cornerbacks in the NFL.

#NFL #Draft #The like #and such #Football

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junker-town · 6 years

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A very deep dive into Tom Brady’s very weird social media presence

Including an investigation into a recurring reptile.

We need to talk about Tom Brady’s Instagram. I haven’t seen something this trippy since I got high in college and watched The Great Muppet Caper three times. Check out what the Patriots quarterback put up after New England beat the Dolphins on Sunday afternoon:

#tbtimes

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady) on Nov 26, 2017 at 1:16pm PST

There’s a lot to unpack here. Let’s start with the fact that when I initially saw it, I thought to myself, “Am I missing an obvious internet or football joke? Or is Tom Brady’s social media person just dropping tons of acid before he fires up Adobe Illustrator?”

Assuming there’s some semblance of sense to this cartoon (which is pretty well done, I have to admit), here are some questions it raises:

Why is a dolphin asking Brady if Brady and his turtle friend, lobster friend, alligator friend, and grouper friend want to buy some fidget spinners?

Are fidget spinners still cool?

Why is the dolphin a fidget spinner salesman with a SPIN 4 LIFE tattoo?

Is SOUTH BEACH SPINNERS the dolphins’ fidget spinning club?

Why does the dolphin have a questionable goatee and yellow teeth?

Why are they all underwater?

Dolphins can breathe above water, can’t they (I’m not a doctor, but I’ve seen Ace Ventura: Pet Detective before)?

Why does Brady’s alligator friend have dreadlocks, and what’s on the papers he’s holding?

Why does the turtle look like a blind jazz musician?

Why is the grouper a punk rock fish with pink hair and a lip ring?

Or is that a fish hook?

Why?

WHY!?

Here’s the thing: I could go on. But that would assume there are answers to any of these questions, when I’m worried — hopeful? — that there aren’t.

There used to be. To attempt to understand what’s going on now, we need to go back to the end of the 2015-2016 season. Brady’s people posted this to his Facebook page before a Broncos game, and it did major numbers in terms of likes. 106,000, to be exact:

(function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = 'http://ift.tt/2yFFsXX'; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, 'script', 'facebook-jssdk'));

8:30pm #SNF #letsgoooooo

Posted by Tom Brady on Sunday, November 29, 2015

After that success, the quarterback’s Facebook page started really going for it and getting weirder. At the time, Facebook was the only social media platform Brady was on, and I was as intrigued then as I am now by the change in direction. I wanted to know who was responsible and what was going on in what I assume is a social media lair underneath one of the TB12 workout facilities, where the work kitchen is stocked with wheatgrass shots and avocado beers. So I put on my Serious Reporter hat and tracked down the person responsible for Brady’s social media presence.

That person, however, didn’t want to go on the record or talk to me at all, preferring to stay behind the scenes and remain anonymous. So I don’t know how big the team is, who is doing what, or the extent to which Brady himself is or isn’t involved with the content. I also don’t know if that person is still in charge, but I would assume so, given how loyal Brady is.

Regardless, here’s what Brady said about his social media presence before the Super Bowl last year:

I want my pages to represent who I really am. The messages all root back to who I am and how I try to live my life. In reality, my goals and my approach to life are pretty simple. I want to be the best father and husband I can be, the best football player I can be, represent my family well, and share what I’ve learned over the years about sustaining peak athletic performance with athletes around the world.”

At the start of the 2016-2017 season, images from a fake newspaper (intentionally fake, not Fake News fake) started popping up on Brady’s Facebook page. The first one hit during his four-game suspension that was the result of the long-and-never-ending-dumb-football-situation-that-dragged-on-forever-and-had-to-do-with-air-in-footballs-and-shall-not-be-named. Perhaps no one in the QB’s camp realized that the TB Times is already a thing (The Tampa Bay Times). Perhaps they didn’t care. Either way, that’s the name they went with, and that’s the name that stuck.

Here’s the first edition, which went up after the Pats beat the Cardinals in the first game of the season:

Posted by Tom Brady on Sunday, September 11, 2016

It shows two Patriots players — Dont’a Hightower and Michael Bennett — shooting cardinals at the Arizona Cardinals’ stadium as though the cardinals were characters in the popular mobile game Angry Birds.

It’s funny! It’s topical! It’s cute! It’s a joke that makes sense!

So did many of the others, such as this picture of Rob Gronkowski dumping hot sauce on wings after the Pats beat the Bills in 2016:

Posted by Tom Brady on Sunday, October 30, 2016

Brady joined Instagram towards the end of last season, so this season’s images have been popping up there in addition to Facebook. Things started out fairly normal: Here’s a TB Times cover that hit after the Patriots’ win against the Chargers. It’s Halloween-themed, with Brady in a vampire costume (because he’s ageless, get it?) pretending to be afraid of a kid. The kid is dressed up as a Charger dressed up as a Greek god. Or something like that, I’m not totally sure:

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady) on Oct 29, 2017 at 1:08pm PDT

Either way, it makes some logical sense. The picture after the Falcons game did, too. It shows Brady sitting with a falcon after beating Atlanta, as though the two were little kids who just rode their bikes to town and were playing tic-tac-toe. Brady’s asking if the bird wants to play three-out-of-five, because he already beat him twice (once at the Super Bowl, once this year).

#tbtimes

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady) on Oct 22, 2017 at 8:31pm PDT

But this is where things start to get a little weird: check out the window of what appears to be an ice cream parlor. See who’s in there? An alligator. The same alligator who appeared in Sunday’s super bizarre under-the-sea cover. Once you start looking for it, you realize that this alligator also appears in many other versions of the TB Times from this season (he — I’ve decided it’s a male alligator — isn’t in any from last year).

After the Pats beat the Jets, you can see him in the lower right-hand corner in the last box of the cartoon, which is about a hot tub salesman trying to pass a bath tub with jets off as a hot tub (because, as everyone knows, that’s the most logical joke to make about jets).

#tbtimes

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady) on Oct 15, 2017 at 1:18pm PDT

Brady calls this alligator “Croc,” however, so I have been wrong this whole time: This is a crocodile, not an alligator. I’m not sure if that’s my fault for not knowing my reptiles better, or if it’s on the cartoonist for not making it visually clearer.

Croc also appears in this early-season cover after the Pats beat the Saints. See him in the back, with his hand (paw? claw?) or Brady’s shoulder?

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady) on Sep 17, 2017 at 2:26pm PDT

(Also, check out the bizarre ASK TOM graphic in the bottom right-hand corner, where Brady is dressed up as a psychic.)

Croc is even in this strange one from the Patriots’ win against the Raiders in Mexico City, in the lower left corner by the Aztec pyramid...

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady) on Nov 19, 2017 at 4:35pm PST

... and here after the Patriots beat the Texans, which features the Space Patriots and is a play on “Houston, we have a problem.”

Posted by Tom Brady on Sunday, September 24, 2017

One cartoon Croc doesn’t appear in is the post following the Patriots win against the Broncos in Denver, which is probably the strangest TB Times cover of all.

As a Centaur, I have a deep respect for and bond with the Broncos — not only as a true rival, but as a brother of a similar breed.

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady) on Nov 12, 2017 at 8:46pm PST

This is where all logic seems to go out the window. Why is Brady a centaur? I get that the Broncos’ mascot is a horse, but why does that make Brady a centaur? Has this whole exercise actually been an homage to Bojack Horseman, the dark cartoon for adults on Netflix starring a man with the head of a horse?

I have more questions after analyzing these images than I did when I started.

Who the hell is making these cartoons now?

Is it still the same Social Media Person who didn’t want to be named?

Is this why the Social Media Person didn’t want to be named, because they knew how weird things were about to get?

What is Croc?

Why is Croc?

Who is Croc?

Why does Croc only have dreadlocks in one picture?

Is Croc another inside joke that I’m missing?

Is this whole thing an obvious joke I’m missing, or even a not so obvious joke, but a joke nonetheless?

Or is this actually a sick prank that Brady and his team are playing on Patriots fans to see how far they can go before fans start to question what’s happening?

And, subsequently, is this Brady’s way of proving that Patriots fans will never doubt anything he, New England’s favorite son, ever does?

And am I that brainwashed of a Pats fan myself that I’m evidence of how correct Brady is about, seeing as I actually enjoy these nutty pictures?

Because I do, I like them. Yes, I think they’re totally whacked-out and defy all my attempts at corralling them with logic, but I find them delightful in their nonsensicality (is that a word?).

That last one wasn’t a question, sorry. Neither is this.

I guess that’s all I’ve got. My head is spinning. It’s South Beach Spinning. I feel high just from writing this blog. If anyone has more insight into these pictures (Croc, why!??!?!), or can tell me whether the person in charge of making them is okay, that would be great. I’m a little worried, a lot intrigued, and, at this point, very invested.

While I’m at it, a Hail Mary: If you’re the person responsible for these pictures and suddenly do want to talk, please, for the love of god, email me.

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