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pesterloglog · 5 months

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Karkat Vantas, Jade Harley

Act 5, page 3250-3253

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] --

CG: ATTENTION HARLEY.

CG: PLEASE STOP WEEPING WITH AND OR BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR SELF PROTOTYPED LUSUSPRITE

CG: STOP DOING ONE OF THOSE THINGS AT LEAST

CG: LONG ENOUGH TO ANSWER ME.

CG: PLEASE.

CG: PRETTY POLITE EARTH PLEASE.

CG: WHO AM I KIDDING

CG: I'M WASTING MY TIME AGAIN

GG: karkat!!!!!

CG: WHOA FUCK

CG: YOU ANSWERED ME, I DONT BELIEVE IT

GG: yes

GG: im going crazy here

GG: i never thought id say this, but im actually almost relieved to talk to you

CG: WHAT

CG: YOU ARE

GG: or really ANYBODY besides that lunatic

GG: SHE IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!

CG: OH YEAH?

CG: HOW SO, EVERYTHING HERE APPEARS TO BE PROCEEDING RATIONALLY.

CG: WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM

GG: are you joking??? look at this mess!

CG: MESS? JADE, NOW IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE *YOU'RE* THE ONE WHO'S JOKING.

CG: YOUR HIVE BALL ROLLED DOWN A BEAUTIFUL WINTER HILL, AND YOU ARE SPENDING SOME QUALITY TIME WITH FAMILY.

CG: YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO FILL ME IN ON THE NATURE OF THE PROBLEM.

GG: okay...

GG: i made the mistake of prototyping my dream self who has been dead for years

GG: and shes completely crazy and theres no talking any sense into her

CG: HMM.

GG: hmm?

CG: YES. "HMM."

GG: hmm what

CG: HMM AS IN HMM INTERESTING.

CG: AS IN HMM HOW VERY, VERY FUCKING INTERESTING INDEED.

GG: :\

GG: what are you getting at???

CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT AM I GETTING AT.

CG: I'M GETTING AT WHATEVER HMM INTERESTING GETS AT.

CG: PLEASE GO ON, I'M LISTENING TO YOUR PROBLEM.

GG: well...

GG: i mean, i understand why she is upset

GG: but she is completely inconsolable, and wont listen to reason about anything!

GG: and i guess i could deal with that but...

GG: the frustrating thing is that shes actually me :(

GG: i really dont think i would act like that

CG: HMMMMM.

GG: will you stop saying hmm!!!!!!

CG: OK, FINE.

CG: WHAT OTHER SEQUENCE OF LETTERS WOULD YOU HAVE ME USE TO REGISTER MY PROFOUND FASCINATION.

GG: fascination?

GG: what do you find so fascinating?

CG: I'M JUST TRYING TO UNDERSTAND.

CG: I AM BEING SENSITIVE ABOUT IT INSTEAD OF A RAGING FUCKASS, ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT.

CG: YES, IT IS, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME JUST ASK FUTURE YOU, ASSUMING THAT CONVERSATION DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY AS WELL.

CG: NOW TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.

GG: my feelings?

CG: YES, HOW DID THIS MAKE YOU FEEL.

GG: well...

GG: at first i was sad

GG: because she made me remember all the sad things that just happened

GG: but im trying to be strong about all that so we can keep moving forward

GG: and if i can then why cant she?

GG: but she just went on and on

GG: and i started getting angry...

GG: ugh i have never been so angry in my LIFE!!!

CG: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

GG: I SAID STOP SAYING FUCKING HMM

CG: o:B

GG: what does THAT mean?????

GG: is that supposed to be someone with a halo and goofy teeth?

GG: ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME?

CG: NO, NO

CG: YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT BACKWARDS

CG: THOSE ARE MY HORNS

GG: oh

GG: haha oops

CG: OK SO IF I'M UNDERSTANDING YOU

CG: YOU'RE ANGRY AT A VERSION OF YOURSELF FROM A DIFFERENT POINT IN TIME

CG: BECAUSE SHE'S BEING AN OVERLY EMOTIONAL SHITHEAD WHO IS BASICALLY THE MOST REVOLTING SELF LOATHING PIECE OF FILTH YOU HAVE EVER MET

CG: AM I FOLLOWING

GG: yeah, pretty much

CG: I'M NOT GOING TO SAY HMM AGAIN

CG: BUT COME ON

CG: DON'T YOU FIND THE SITUATION TO BE JUST THE SLIGHTEST BIT INTERESTING?

CG: I MEAN, CONSIDERING

GG: considering what??

CG: IF I RECALL, IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO FROM EITHER OF OUR PERSPECTIVES THAT YOU WERE RIPPING ON ME AND MY SMUG WINDBAG FUTURE SELF FOR ARGUING WITH EACH OTHER

GG: oh come on...

GG: this is NOTHING like that!

CG: HOW IS THIS NOT LIKE THAT

GG: because she's...

GG: well

GG: she's ACTUALLY INSANE

CG: OH I SEE, AND ALL THOSE IDIOT PAST AND FUTURE KARKATS WEREN'T???

GG: but

GG: those are you

GG: im not her!

CG: OH AREN'T YOU

CG: YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE, I JUST HEARD YOU SAY THAT

CG: SO TELL ME

CG: HOW IS THIS EVEN THE SLIGHTEST FUCKING BIT DIFFERENT?

GG: i dont know

GG: it just...

CG: YES, GO ON

CG: I'M REALLY CURIOUS

CG: HOW

GG: ...

GG: oh my god

GG: youre right :(

GG: so then i guess

GG: im a hypocrite :(

CG: NOT REALLY

CG: IT JUST MEANS YOU'RE A SANE RATIONAL PERSON, AND THERE JUST MIGHT BE HOPE FOR YOU YET

GG: wait...

GG: so me arguing with my dead dream self

GG: and smacking her around while screaming at her

GG: makes me SANE???

CG: YES, ABSOLUTELY.

CG: IT MEANS ALL OF YOUR HIDEOUS FLAWS DISGUST YOU.

CG: YOU ARE RIGHT TO BE DISGUSTED, IT'S MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE CAN SAY FOR THEMSELVES.

CG: REALLY, CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER.

GG: hahaha, wow

GG: you are so weird

CG: CONGRATULATIONS, IN ADDITION TO, JUST MAYBE, AN APOLOGY.

CG: DON'T YOU THINK?

GG: you want me to apologize?!

GG: for what, calling you crazy for arguing with yourself???

CG: WOULD IT REALLY KILL YOU TO CONSIDER IT?

GG: after taking so much crap from you for all those years?

GG: no forget it, im not apologizing that is BULLSHIT

CG: DEAD DREAM DOG JADE, IS THAT YOU??? YOU'RE SOUNDING A BIT HYSTERICAL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALM DOWN.

GG: shut uuuup!!!

CG: WELL IF YOU CAN MANAGE TO GET YOUR ANEURYSM UNDER CONTROL

CG: MAYBE YOU WILL REALIZE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SPECIFY TO WHOM AN APOLOGY WAS IN ORDER.

CG: IDIOT.

GG: what

GG: are you saying you want to apologize

CG: I GUESS

CG: THIS APOLOGY WAS GOING TO GO DOWN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, SO THIS MIGHT AS WELL BE THE TIME.

CG: AND LET'S FACE IT, I WAS REALLY BEING THE WORST KIND OF PHLEGM BUBBLE BLOWN OUT A NOISY GLISTENING ASS.

CG: SO I'M SORRY.

CG: BUT TO BE FAIR, IT WAS MY PAST SELF WHO WAS GIVING YOU SUCH A HARD TIME, AND HE'S COMPLETELY DERANGED.

GG: ok, i appreciate the THOUGHT of an apology, but i dont know if it really counts if you are just going to pawn off responsibility on your "past self" again!

GG: maybe your "present self" should own up to it!

CG: YEAH THAT'S WHAT HE'S DOING.

CG: HE, BEING ME, RIGHT NOW, IS OWNING UP TO WHAT A FUCKING RETARD PAST ME WAS, AND CONTINUES TO BE.

GG: laaaaame

CG: YES, I KNOW IT'S LAME.

CG: OR I KNOW THAT YOU THINK IT'S LAME WHEN I SAY SHIT LIKE THAT.

CG: BECAUSE REMEMBER

CG: I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO YOU FROM THE FUTURE, AND I KNOW YOU DON'T COTTON TO MY PCG/FCG STUPIDITY.

CG: BUT SEE, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT YET.

CG: OR MORE SPECIFICALLY, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT YET.

CG: SO I'M KIND OF PULLING A FAST ONE HERE.

GG: hahahaha, that is so ridiculous

GG: why dont you stop it with all this nonsense and own up to being terrible unequivocally?

CG: YEAH I'M GOING TO.

CG: THE THING IS, I KIND OF MISREPRESENTED MYSELF.

CG: I'M NOT AS MUCH OF A SCUMBAG AS I WAS SO DETERMINED TO MAKE OUT WITH MYSELF TO BE.

CG: FUCK I MEAN

CG: MAKE MYSELF OUT TO BE

GG: :o

CG: I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY I TROLLED YOU LIKE THAT SO PERSISTENTLY

CG: FOR SOME REASON DEEP DOWN I JUST KNEW THAT I HAD TO

CG: EVEN IF IT MEANT DIGGING MYSELF INTO A HUGE HOLE WITH YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT WOULD BE HARD TO CLIMB OUT OF

CG: AND LIKE PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING I SAID WAS COMPLETELY BASELESS BECAUSE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY KNOW YOU

CG: JUST LIKE YOU DIDN'T AND STILL DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW ME

CG: SO I GUESS I AM APOLOGIZING FOR IT, LIKE REALLY SERIOUSLY NOW.

CG: I, PRESENT KARKAT, IN THE CURRENT MOMENT, APOLOGIZE ON BEHALF OF MY STUPID PAST SELF, *WHO IS ACTUALLY ME*.

CG: THE GUY TALKING RIGHT NOW.

CG: LIKE, THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE GUYS, OK?

GG: hmmmm...

CG: HMMMM???????

GG: yes, hm

CG: HM WHAT

GG: ok karkat, that sounds pretty sincere to me

GG: and youre right, i dont actually know you

GG: i just know the part of you who acted like a bully

GG: i understand there can be more to a person than just the stuff they say when theyre angry

GG: so i will accept your apology and give you another chance

CG: OK, GREAT.

GG: and i will apologize for calling you crazy

GG: obviously i am not in much position to judge :|

CG: NO BUT

CG: YOU WERE RIGHT, I AM CRAZY

CG: BUT THANKS ANYWAY

GG: so you say you have been talking to me from the future?

CG: YEAH

CG: MAKING PLANS AND WHATNOT

CG: TO PRY OURSELVES MUTUALLY OUT OF THIS MASSIVE MOBIUS DOUBLE CLUSTERFUCK.

GG: ok, so what is the plan?

GG: i mean, why did you want me to contact you at this moment so badly?

CG: OK WELL THE MOST IMMEDIATE POINT OF BUSINESS IS

CG: YOU SEE THAT GLOWING BLUE SCREEN BEHIND YOU?

GG: yes

CG: YOU NEED TO TURN THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT OFF.

GG: ok, i can do that

GG: but why, what does it do?

GG: its been here my whole life and i could never figure it out

CG: I'M NOT GOING TO SAY MUCH ABOUT IT.

CG: BUT SUFFICE TO SAY THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO SCREW WITH.

CG: THERE ARE OUTCOMES THAT ARE EVEN WORSE THAN THE COMPLETE ANNIHILATION OF EXISTENCE ITSELF

CG: FORCES MORE DAMAGING TO THE INTEGRITY OF REALITY THAN THOSE CAPABLE OF TURNING IMAGINATION INTO PURE VOID

CG: THEY ARE FORCES WHICH IF HANDLED RECKLESSLY WILL NULLIFY THE BASIC ABILITY OF INTELLIGENT BEINGS IN ALL REAL AND HYPOTHETICAL PLANES OF EXISTENCE TO GIVE A SHIT.

GG: i dont think im following...

CG: YOU DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW

CG: ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TURN THE THING OFF

CG: AND THEN DO THE NEXT THING I WAS TOLD TO TELL YOU TO DO.

GG: you were told?

GG: by who?

CG: BY YOU.

GG: oh...

GG: future me?

CG: YES.

CG: YOU COULD BE TELLING YOURSELF THIS RIGHT NOW, BUT WE'RE SORT OF WORKING ON A STRICT NO MEMO POLICY.

CG: WHICH IS YOUR IDEA OF COURSE.

CG: DID I MENTION HOW YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN WE ARGUE WITH OUR PAST/FUTURE SELVES? YES, PRETTY SURE I DID.

CG: SO I'M GOING ALONG WITH THE POLICY AS BEST I CAN.

CG: I AM BEING PLEASANT AND AGREEABLE, AND I WILL GENTLY LOWER A MAGNIFICENT, CORUSCATING COLUMN OF HOT FUCK YOU DOWN THE PROTEIN CHUTE OF ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.

GG: uh... ok

GG: well it sounds like a pretty good policy to me!

CG: YOU DON'T SAY.

CG: SO ANYWAY, BECAUSE OF THAT, MY ROLE AT THE MOMENT IS TO ACT AS A SORT OF GO BETWEEN FOR YOU AND YOUR FUTURE SELF

CG: TO HELP ALONG THE PROCESS OF MAKING THESE PLANS

CG: WHILE YOUR FUTURE SELF IS DELIBERATELY VAGUE ABOUT SOME STUFF SO AS NOT TO "JINX" THE CONCEPTION OF THE IDEAS IN THE FIRST PLACE I GUESS?

CG: ALL WHILE YOUR CURRENT SELF IS NECESSARILY KIND OF DUMB ABOUT EVERYTHING.

GG: hey!!!

CG: SORRY, OK, JUST KIND OF IGNORANT

CG: BECAUSE STUFF HASN'T HAPPENED YET

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

CG: IT'S NOT ALL THAT STRAIGHTFORWARD FOR ME EITHER, BUT I'M USED TO THIS SORT OF IDIOCY BY NOW.

CG: IT'S A LOT BETTER THAN THE MORONIC REVERSE CONVERSATION WITH EGBERT I TRAPPED MYSELF INTO.

CG: MEANWHILE TIME IS KIND OF RUNNING OUT HERE, WHERE I AM

CG: WE'RE COUNTING DOWN TO SOMETHING

CG: SOMETHING LOOMING ON THE TROLLIAN TIMELINE AND NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT IS

CG: AND MY TEAM IS KIND OF FALLING APART

CG: I'M COMPLETELY LOSING TRACK OF EVERYONE AND WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

CG: SO AT THIS POINT I'M JUST GOING ALONG WITH WHATEVER THERE IS TO GO ALONG WITH.

CG: AND THAT IS YOU AND YOUR CRAZY FUTURE PLANS.

CG: AND THE SCRATCH.

GG: oh yeah! dave told me about that.

GG: what is it?

CG: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!

CG: AT ONE POINT I THOUGHT I DID, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST WHATEVER SENT JACK HERE.

CG: BUT CLEARLY IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.

CG: ARADIA KNEW BUT SHE DIDN'T SAY, AND THEN SHE WENT AND GODDAMN EXPLODED.

CG: YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME EITHER, BECAUSE I'M NOT "SUPPOSED TO KNOW" YET.

CG: WHATEVER, I DON'T EVEN CARE, LET'S JUST DO IT.

GG: ok then...

GG: what was the thing i told you to tell me to do?

GG: right now, i mean

CG: OK, DON'T ASK ME WHY, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THAT EITHER.

CG: BUT THAT BLUE SCREEN THERE

CG: FIRST, LIKE I SAID, SHUT IT OFF

GG: ok

GG: then what

CG: THEN YOU NEED TO DRAW IT.

GG: draw it?

CG: YES

GG: and then?

CG: THEN NOTHING

CG: THAT'S IT.

#homestuck #karkat vantas #jade harley #homestuck act 5 #page 3250 #page 3251 #page 3252 #page 3253 #homestuck act 5 act 2

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kellystar321 · 9 months

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#periodical life updates #(short one though)#oughhh i dont think i'll ever get below 3000 drafts again. we're at 3251 and im sooo tired #i have queued 159 things tonight so. hopefully it'll last a bit #ugh shtty headache. okay off to wash the dishes bye goodnight ily

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fr4ndszk · 1 month

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"the ideal medium for this story would be a series of greek vases" i say, a fool without faith. LO! my ocs have already been appropriately depicted by a single vase painted 2500+ years ago. my work here is done.

#berlin antikensammlung 3251 my beloved #this is about the castle country guys btw not any of the others #me

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bobbie-robron · 2 years

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It was never gonna work out with her.

What would you know? You’re dead from the waist down for years.

Dearest brother Andy is not too supportive of ‘loser’ Robert’s current state of heartbreak having been dumped by both Lucy and ‘a right weirdo’ Nicola so much so he has a good laugh about it with Ollie (having had ‘the best day’ of his life with Katie also having returned)😒. Jack empathizes for Robert (and isn’t happy with Andy for ‘stirring it’) but it would never have worked anyway. Robert has words with Nicola the ‘evil cow’ for having crushed him like that and hopes Syd uses her like she did him. Nicola’s response: ‘You see… you’re learning already.’ Gifs will be posted separately.

26-Aug-2002

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cryptid-creations · 11 months

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3251. King Fisher

FAQ • Twitter • Facebook • Instagram • DeviantArt

#cute #art #illustration #artists on tumblr #birds

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mostlymarvelsstuff · 1 year

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For the romantic dialogue prompt 11. “Don’t make me say it. I can’t say the words.” Nat is in love with reader but doesn’t want to say it because she doesn’t think reader will feel the same/she’s insecure and doesn’t think she deserves reader. Ofc reader loves Nat (who wouldn’t?) and they get together and live happily ever after. lots of hurt/comfort

Authors note: sorry its so late, but I hope you enjoy it!

Authors note 2.0: requests are still closed. I’m trying to clear my inbox before opening them again. Thank you for your patience 💖

Word count: 3251 Nat Masterlist Marvel Masterlist

Natashas heart hammers in her chest as she runs down the compound's various hallways. The quinjet landed only minutes ago so she's racing to make it to the med bay where she knows the team, and therefore you will be.

As she enters through the double doors the sound of Peter sniffling coupled with the crestfallen looks on Tony and Clints faces tell her all her worst fears are coming true, and she almost doesn’t want to face that. But she knows she has to. If not for herself, then for you. She can be strong for you.

“How- how is she?”

Tony lowers his gaze, “Not good. She got hit really hard out there.”

“We honestly didn’t think we’d get her back in time. She's very lucky.” Clint admits, looking at Nat in a way the billionaire had never seen before. If he had to describe it he’d say it was a mix of stern disappointment yet hopeful encouragement. How a person can combine those looks is beyond him, but he's sure it's some sort of signal. A way for the two spies to communicate without words like they so often do.

“Y/ns strong.” the redhead proclaims, trying to calm herself, “She’ll be ok.”

Clint looks away from her then too and she can feel her stomach drop and her mouth go dry at his lack of agreement and comfort. She swallows harshly, desperate to keep her tears at bay. If she doesn't cry then she can act like this doesn’t affect her, like none of this is really happening. You aren’t in some operating room right now hanging on against the odds, fighting for your life. She's not head over heels in love with you, desperate to be yours and be by your side forever…But you are, and she is.

She very much is, and right now she can’t help but feel like an absolute moron. Despite her fears and insecurities she should have risked it. Maybe then she would have had time with you. To hold you, to cherish and love you and get the same from you in return. But now…no, no she can’t think like that. You’ll be ok. You have to be, because if you're not, then she won’t be.

“I’m so sorry Miss Romanoff” Peter whimpers, and her head swivels to look at him, “I really messed up. Y/ns hurt because of me….I’m so so sorry”

Natasha doesn’t know what happened out there, but she knows your affinity for the boy, how you became attached to him nearly the second Tony brought him in. So much so that your protectiveness for him rivals the fatherly instincts the billionaire himself has for the young hero. And she knows Peter, she's been training him, so she knows him better than he even thinks she does. He doesn’t always watch his six and he would never hurt a teammate on purpose, least of all you. This was an accident. Sometimes missions just went wrong, it wasn’t anyone's fault but the enemies and she knows you wouldn’t want Peter to be blaming himself for this.

“Malen'kiy pauk(little spider), Y/n would do anything to keep you safe. Whatever happened was not your fault, because you've done nothing wrong.”

Faster than humanly possible Peter launches himself into her arms, and as his head comes to rest against her shoulder she finally lets her resolve crumble. Hot tears run down her cheeks faster than she ever thought imaginable, and she hopes Peter can't feel the sheer volume that's landing against his neck, though she knows he wouldn't say anything about it even if he did.

“She's hurt really bad” Peter whimpers out through his sobs, “She might be dying”

Natasha desperately shakes her head, “No. She'll pull through.”

A few moments of silence pass before she's brave enough to speak again, “She…she’ll pull through. She has to. I- I need her to be ok.”

Finally Clint comes over and wraps his arms around the two of them. He knows by the way Natasha trembles that she’s close to her absolute breaking point. And he's not sure that she’d be comfortable being that vulnerable in front of Tony and Peter, even if the genius absolutely knew about the not so secret pining. And of course the teen had his own suspicions. Nat was secretive when it came to emotions, and she had her reasons to be. So he’ll do what he can to help her keep some comfort.

She clutches onto the archers shirt as if it were her lifeline, and he tentatively squeezes her shoulder to prove he's there for her. He’ll be her rock whenever she needs him to be, it's been this way since she opened up to him all those years ago and he’ll happily let it stay that way until the very end. He considers it an honor that she trusts him enough to let him see this perceived weaker version of herself.

“Tell me she'll pull through Clint, please.”

He sighs, the answer won’t be what she wants to hear and it will break her further, but he owes the truth to her. He can’t give her false hope. She needs to be prepared. “I wish I could Nat, truly. But she really was in a really bad state when we got her here. If Tony hadn’t flown her here from the quinjet I don’t know if she would have been breathing”

Sure enough a sob escapes her, and her trembling only worsens as Peter all but collapses against her. Clint holds them up to the best of his ability while sparing an urgent glance in Tony's direction. The older man quickly makes his way over to the three and gently loops his arms under Peters.

“C'mon kid. I got ya. Let's get you sitting down, alright?”

Peter only manages to nod as Tony walks away with him, leading him back to where he’d first been sat. Natasha allows Clint to fully envelope her in his embrace then, and she finds the guilt of all the possibilities that could have been between the two of you is crashing down on her shoulders with the weight of cinder blocks.

“I never told her” she whispers into his chest, and he doesn’t ask for clarification because he knows all too well what she means. He'd been trying to convince her to admit her feelings for years now, “I need more time…I just wasn’t ready, but I should have pushed myself. I should have found a way to make her understand even if I can’t say the words.”

He pulls back from her, places his hands on both her shoulders and looks her dead in the eyes, “Then Natasha, if she makes it through this, that's exactly what you do, ok? You march in there and you do whatever you have to to get your chance.”

Her lower lip quivers, “B- but what do I do if she doesn’t? What if…what if I never get my chance because I was a coward?”

“Oh honey” he coos, pulling her back into a hug, “You were scared. Scared to be loved and to be vulnerable. Scared Y/n wouldn't feel the same. Scared that you wouldn’t know what to do. Scared you didn’t deserve her. And all these are normal feelings somebody has in this kinda situation. Unfortunately the circumstances of your past made those fears even worse for you, that doesn’t make you a coward.”

She looks at him, tears streaming down her reddened face with her lower lip trembling. His heart sinks in his chest seeing her like this. So open and with her feelings, so scared to lose you. He gently wipes her cheeks with his calloused thumbs, “You're the strongest and bravest person I know Nat.”

“I second that statement” Tony speaks up from next to the teen, “And I’m lab partners with the Hulk so i know a thing or two about strength.”

His reply gets a small twitch of her lip and roll of her eyes in response, and he knows that with the way she feels right now that those actions were worth more than a Hollywood actor's showstopping grin. And the fact that he was able to gain that response makes him beam with pride. He cheered her up, if only just a tiny smidge, but he’d gladly take it.

Before anything else can be said by anyone the med bays main doors open, and a doctor steps through. Natashas attention is on him at once, and she quickly approaches, “Is Y/n- er, Agent Y/l/n alright?”

“We’ve got her stable now. It was touch and go there for a bit. Her heart stopped on us once but- ” That's all she registers beforese zones out of the conversation. The same words playing on repeat are all she can focus on. Her heart stopped.

You had died. If anything had happened to slow the quinjet down and keep it from bringing you in then the doctors wouldn't have been there to revive you, and instead of worrying in the med bay she would have been mourning your loss at the landing platform. And that fact terrifies her.

She isn’t even aware that she zoned out for as long as she had until Tony's hand grasps her shoulder, “Nat?”

“W- what?” she stutters, blinking her previous thoughts away while looking around, “I’m sorry”

The doctor nods in understanding, “It’s alright. Agent Y/l/n was successfully resuscitated and though she's currently stable she's still in critical condition. She's still sedated, so that coupled with her original trauma will most likely keep her unconscious for at least the rest of today and potentially into tomorrow.”

“But she’ll be ok, right?” she asks, needing to hear something hopeful

“I'm afraid it’s still too early to tell. For now all we can do is wait and see if she makes it through the night. But if she wakes we can properly assess her.”

The Russian can feel her chest tighten, “If…if she wakes? I don’t understand?”

“She acquired a lot of head trauma. Alone that trauma is enough to potentially keep her comatose, but when you add in the use of anesthesia that risk becomes even higher.” he explains, “Now normally we wouldn’t have used any, but with her multiple stab wounds we were left with no other options.”

Her lower lip trembles as she swallows the lump in her throat, “Can I see her? Please?”

He nods, “Follow me”

When she arrives in your room a feeling of nausea fills her. The room is dull, with its lights dimmed and blinds closed but she can still see you clearly. Your skin is paler than normal, lacking its usual glow and she can already see the swelling and bruising settling in on your face, arms and collarbone. The steady beating of the heart monitor is the only noise that fills the small room, and while normally such a noise would put her on edge she finds it calms her this time, because it tells her that you're still here. You're alive.

Tears roll down her cheeks as her hand makes its way to yours, “Y/n, I...I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m here. I’m right here dorogoy(sweetheart), so please don’t go anywhere.”

As the hours pass by she continues to sit with you, she's too afraid to leave your side or let you out of her sight. She worries that if she allows either of those things, then the worst will happen to you. Which rationally she knows is ridiculous, her presence and vigilante watch wouldn’t be enough to stop death from taking you if that's truly what was in store for you. But still, being here with you gives her some small comfort and right now she needs all the comfort she can get.

At some point she had fallen asleep, it had been rather restless as she didn’t want to risk sleeping through anything that may occur, so she forced herself to stay out of her REM cycle. So what little rest she did manage couldn’t even be classified as such really, but it did end up working the way she intended it to.

The faint beeping that she'd become accustomed to suddenly picks up in speed slightly, and her eyes immediately shoot open. She quickly scans the machine to make sure it wasn't malfunctioning and once satisfied they move to you. Nothing appears different, at least not in a bad way. Your skin seems to have gained back a bit more of its natural color and though this relieves her she's still uncertain about your heart rate. Before she can worry any more, a nurse enters.

“What's going on? Is she ok?”

The nurse smiles kindly at her while checking your chart, “She's doing just fine Agent Romanoff, the slight increase in heart rate is a good thing. It means she's trying to wake up”

Natasha can’t hide the excitement that takes over her features, and she grabs your hand once more, “Pozhaluysta, vernis' ko mne. Ty mne nuzhen zdes'(Please come back to me. I need you here.)”

As if hearing, and understanding, her whispered words, your eyelids begin to flutter and though the room is nearly completely dark you still groan at the way the light affects your sensitive eyes. Sensitive or not though there's no mistaking that bright red hair, or who it belongs to. Even if her form is a bit blurry.

“Uggh…Nat?” you rasp out, and she immediately moves closer

“I’m right here” she responds, hoping you don’t notice the tears rolling down her cheeks, “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit”

Your honest reply pulls a laugh from her and she gently squeezes your hand as the nurse walks over to your other side to begin checking you over. Once she's done with her various tests and writing notes in her chart she leaves the room, leaving you alone with the Russian you've come to love. Your eyes glance at your hand to see that your suspicions are correct, the weight you feel in your hand is indeed her own. You gently squeeze it before allowing your gaze to meet hers.

“You've been crying” you state, allowing your free hand to brush against her reddened cheek. The way she nuzzles her face into your palm takes you by surprise, but you allow to seek comfort this way and cup her cheek. You watch in awe as her whole body relaxes at this embrace

“I thought…I thought I was going to lose you” she admits in a whisper and her lower lip trembles as she closes her eyes. Despite this another tear slips down her face, but you quickly brush it away. A small whimper leaves her at this gesture, and she leans further into your hand

And that's when things start to click. Sure, you've had your suspicions that the Russian spy had feelings for you, but she's so closed off to emotions that it's hard to get an accurate read on her. If you were reading too much into her friendship and just projecting your own feelings you didn’t want to make things awkward by confessing your love for her, so you stayed quiet. Those suspicions never quite went away though. And now yearn to know if there's any validation to your thoughts.

“Nat, I- ” you start to talk but she cuts you off with a shake of her head

“No Y/n, you don’t understand. When you got here, your heart stopped. You….you died” she trembles slightly, “And you never would have known…”

You look at her softly, the weight of what she said sinking in. You knew the dangers of this job when you took it, still you're glad to be alive and you can’t help but feel guilty for what Natasha has gone through since you decided to throw caution to the wind and blow your own cover in a means to get attention away from a stuttering and fumbling Peter that had just raised suspicion by admitting to be a Stark Industries intern.

“What wouldn’t I have known?”

She thought that by now, after everything she'd be able to get those three words out, but when she tries her throat goes impossibly dry and her mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water.

“I- I…” she huffs, “Don’t make me say it. I can’t say the words.”

You smile at her sympathetically, “How about you show me then? Think you can do that?”

She eagerly nods her head, desperate to prove to you how much she cares. She moves even closer and you remove your hand from her face to give her full freedom of movement. She removes her hand from yours and gently cups your face. Her thumb brushes over a small bruise while her other hand tucks a stray hair behind your ear, and her eyes swim with a multitude of emotions as they take in your appearance close up. She takes one last deep breath and surges forward, allowing her lips to meet yours.

It's sloppy, full of desperation and tears, but it's also full of other things too. Regret, fear, and most importantly, love. She finds she needs air far too quickly for her liking so she relents in breaking the kiss. She doesn't move away though, instead she rests her forehead against yours and lets her nose bump yours too. You melt against her, grateful for her open show of affection, her way of saying she loves you without having to actually say it. That will come when she's ready, and you won’t push.

“I love you too Natasha”

She gives you a wide watery smile, gratefully that you not only understood her gesture but that you felt the same way she does. She carefully and quickly crawls into the bed next to you and gently wraps an arm around you as she buries her face against your neck.

“I was so scared” she admits as your own arm wraps around her waist

“I can imagine. But I’m ok, Natty. I’m here and I’ve got you.”

She sniffles, “You promise?”

You tighten your hold on her and plant a kiss to the top of her head, “I promise”

She nods against you but you can tell she's still not fully at ease. To help calm her fears you take the hand that's around your waist and place it on your chest. She can feel each strong beat of the muscle under your sternum and it's only then that she relaxes against you.

“You're ok” she says, more to herself than you

“Mhm, I’m ok” you reply, “Great actually, now that I have you”

She moves her face away from your neck to look at you with a softness you've never seen before but know is only reserved only for you, “You mean that?”

“Of course I do. This is all I’ve ever wanted, you're all I ever wanted.” She smiles widely before settling against you once more, kissing your collarbone affectionately and you somehow know what that means, “Love you too Natty, love you too.”

By the time Clint comes to check in he finds you both fast asleep, intertwined with each other in the small hospital bed, and he happily smiles because you were ok, and now all was as it should be.

Taglist:@wandaromamoff69 @mmmmokdok @nataliasknife @natashasilverfox @when-wolves-howl @danveration @naomi-m3ndez @sheneonromanoff @sayah13 @likefirenrain @nighttime-dreaming @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @readings-stuff @chaoticevilbakugo @crystalstark02 @wackymcstupid @xchaiix @iaminluvwithnat @lovelyy-moonlight @blackwidow-3 @mistressofinsomnia @that-one-gay-mosquito @yomamagf @yourfavdummy @justarandomreaderxoxo @scoutlp23-blog @whoischanelle15 @lissaaaa145 @eline03 @wizardofstories @imthenatynat @marvelonmymind @fluffyblanketgecko @bitch-616 @dakotastormm @zoomdeathknight @rayeofmoonlight

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha x y/n #marvel #marvel fanfiction #fanfic

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evercries · 6 months

Text

奇𓂃 the mara's tether is firmly in her grasp. she will not pull upon it before the designated time, but nor shall she relinquish it.

[blade x reader] ╏[unedited] ╏ [draft] ♫ word count: 3251

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The sound of the blade plunged into the flesh of the visibly injured man brought you back to reality as your eyes remained on the scene in front of you. Hiding behind the bookshelf inside the room, you shuffled your body around carefully as you covered your shivering lips that were overwhelmed with fear and wet from the tears that dripped. The sound of the blade continued as the man screamed in agony while you cowardly hid from the attackers who showed no mercy towards the man. Voices were heard, but you were panicking too much to realize what was being said before you shifted and accidentally bumped into the back of the bookshelf with your arms, which caused the shelf to shake, a few books falling off the shelves and unto the floor. The sound startled you, meaning the other people present in the room also witnessed it with the additional noise.

That’s when the noises started revealing its owner. The sound of heels were heard as they approached where you sat slowly before pausing when the injured man, you assumed tried escaping which caused who you believed was a woman to laugh, next thing you knew, loud groans of were heard from the man.

“Oh, darling, hush.” A voice said, a voice you recognized easily as you removed your hands that were pressed against your ears, peek your eyes once more from the corner where you sat and there she was, Kafka’s back was faced away from you, but you could easily tell it was her from her clothes, her heels, and her luscious hair that flowed down her back. Confused on why Kafka was doing, you shifted your body accordingly to get a better view of the scene, but nothing could prepare you from the sight you saw. A tall man stood opposite to Kafka, his back leaned against the desk while his hands were crossed. His usual nonchalant expression as he stared at the mess in front of him, occasionally staring down at the man who was struggling and possibly in front of death’s doorstep. The man who you dedicated your time and love to, the same man you promised to love through health and sickness, the same man who would never harm a person was standing in front of you torturing an assuming, innocent man. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ᥫ᭡

Still perplexed, you stood there frozen as you watched the interaction between Kafka and Blade, your husband.

“I can pay you the money I owe, I beg of you to spare me. I have children and a wife that is of child.” The man begged, his hands pressed together as he knelt in front of Kafka, tears streaming down his face despite the wound that had worsened, crimson blood stains all over his body dripping down to his clothes.

Kafka stared at the man, smiled, glanced over at Blade before giggling. Her index finger tilted his head as she caressed his cheek softly. “It’s not the money I want, dear, the information about the stellaron you were entrusted with.”

The stellaron? That name sounded familiar to you for a second before being left with a blank. Blade mumbled something to Kafka before more footsteps were heard approaching the room. The man had gone completely silent, his complexion changing into a pale colour, his lips twisted while his eyes darted from left to the right side of the room before finally looking back at Kafka with both of his hands entwined with each other.

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��That I cannot tell.” This created Kafka to have an assumed look on her face, hummed softly, but remained silent as if she was thinking about something. The seconds that passed felt like minutes to you, trapped behind the bookshelf, regretting your decision to come inside Blade’s study.

“Get rid of the body.” Blade mumbled to Kafka, seems like his patience had run out, was what you thought as you watched your husband have an annoyed expression on his face. Before you knew it, Men stood in the doorway or the room before turning towards the room. “Be mindful of the blood stain. I’m afraid that little nose of hers is quite sensitive.” Was all he said before he and Kafka exited the room leaving behind the injured man, men dressed in black carrying a knife, and unknowingly, you.

The man was dragged forcefully out of the room, leaving you alone in the room, completely confused on what you just witnessed. Finally catching a breath, you peaked in front of the bookshelf to ensure there was no one present before crawling out of the space you hid in. Collecting yourself, you stood up, dusted your now stained dress, grabbed the book you were looking for before heading out of the room. However, as you pressed your hand against the door, a strong scent hit your nose causing you to pinch both entrances of your nostrils, spun your head around to inspect what awful smell was bothering you before hearing someone down the hallway. Deciding to ignore the awful smell, you slid the door open, checked both sides, and walked straight to your chambers in the most collected and calm way you could.

“My lady.” Someone called from behind, you stopped to look at a young girl running towards you with towels around her shoulders. That girl was your helper, Asta, an assistant in your opinion, but seeing her run while her beautiful pale skin glowed with a light shade of red made you chuckle a bit. As she stopped running once she got closer to you and caught her breath slowly, Asta grabbed the edge of the towel before lightly hitting your shoulder with it.

“Hast thou lost it? Where hast thou been? Do you realize the stress of being worried about your whereabouts?” Asta started seeming frustrated while talking about completely unrelated things before she suddenly paused. Her eyes glanced down at the book in your hand, then at the dark spots covering the bottom of your dress, to the way you smiled nervously.

“The book?” She questioned, an eyebrow lifted after you remained silent. “Did you? No, you didn’t. I trust you, my lady.” She was definitely referring to the office of blade, the same office he had personally spoken to you about, to never enter it without speaking to him first. But, curiosity got the best of you, plus you had sneaked into his office a couple of times, no injured man present or men in black during your previous visits, just a wonderful sight out of his window and extraordinarily detailed books.

“Just for a second, Asta. No harm was done.” You responded before turning around and walking towards your chambers while Asta followed behind, her mouth however remained opened as she asked any question she could plus the additional speech about how dangerous your decision was. Pausing in your tracks, you turned around to face Asta, tilted your head before speaking, “Asta, darling, your mouth is running away.” This causes Asta to roll her eye dramatically, her arms crossed with an unimpressed expression on her face. After a few seconds passed with you having an awkward stare-down with Asta, she sighed.

“What did you find?” She asked, her eyes staring at your book as she walked along. You joined her with a huge grin on your face, excited to tell her everything about the book you searched for everywhere, but realized it was sitting idle on Blade’s bookshelf all this time. As if she could sense your happiness, Asta stared back with a glare, causing your smile to disappear as both of you walked back to your chambers.

She was so adorable, you wanted to pinch her cheek, but held back. Raising the book towards her direction, allowing her to read the book's title directly. When she was done, both of you focused on heading towards your chambers, which was weirdly across from where you stood. Being careful to glance right and left, you found it odd that there was no sight of Kafka or Blade, this made you unbelievably uncomfortable and uneasy. The house you lived in was filled with light and positive energy from the staff team that scrambled around the house with their big smiles and almost easy to hear whispering as you and Astra walked through the halls. Reaching your chambers, you quietly opened the door, allowing yourself in and Astra before closing it.

“Ah, the beauty of silence, isn’t it so incredible?” You asked Astra, the book still in your hands, before you placed it on your desk, turned to Astra and smiled with your hands behind your back.

“I suppose so.” She answered back, went into the bathroom to place back the towel that had been sitting on her arm before coming out to where you were. She walked past you to the covered windows, held unto the sides of the curtains before pulling them aside, revealing the view from outside. The sunset was beginning, but was bright from where you stood, the pink coloured clouds held hands with the bright baby blue sky, creating a beautiful scenery. Just as you and Astra both stood there mesmerized by the view, a knock was heard from behind before the sound of a door opening.

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In the doorway stood Blade, he seemed rather shy to see Astra inside the room with you because while standing in your doorway, Blade continued to rub his neck with a nervous smile on his face, almost like he had seen something he wasn’t supposed to. Astra coughed, causing you to turn around to face her, she gestured over at the doorway where blade stood. You hadn’t noticed another person standing right behind Blade, her eyes glancing at the decor of the door. Once she met eye contact with you, Kafka smiled widely, her red tinted lips really making her look gorgeous as you stared back. Trying to stay calm, you walked over to the table where the book and other items were scattered around, grabbed them, this included some mailed letters, paper filled with designs, and some letters you had written that remained idle until now.

Passing them to Astra to go “throw” them away, Astra raised an eyebrow in confusion before walking past Blade and Kafka. You could feel the awkwardness as Astra exited the room, however, you caught Blade’s eyes glancing down at the items inside Astra arms as she passed, almost like he was reading something, Blade’s eyes shifted to a focused look. Unlike you, the letters that were sent to you were opened, who sent them visible as well as the content of the letter. While Kafka was more interested in the decorations hanging around your room, Blade turned back to you, his whole demeanour changed. His eyes narrowed, both filled with anger, while having his jaw clenched and a smirk appearing on the corner of his lips.

Walking over to where your tea station was to avoid what Blade was thinking, you filled the kettle with water, turned around and invited Kafka and Blade to sit comfortably on the table while you prepared the tea. Kafka giggled as she walked over to the table, rubbed her fingers on the table, whipped it, and lifted the finger to her face as she blew on the invisible dust. Sitting down, Kafka had her legs crossed, her elbow on the table, while her eyes remained on you. Blade on the other hand leaned against the doorway, his eyes also staring at you. Almost like a light raze, you should feel the intense staring both Blade and Kafka were doing while preparing the cups. You dropped a few tablespoons of your favourite leaf, a mint flavoured leaf, poured a bit of honey before adding the hot water from the kettle.

A few stirs with the spoon you had, when finished, you placed the cups carefully on a tray before walking to the table, placed the tray down, and sat down across Kafka. Excited, Kafka reached out, held the cup handle before bringing the cup up towards her face, breathing in the incredible warmth and smell the cup brought, Kafka smiled at you before saying thank you. Blade remained where he was, his anger seemed to subside as he stared over at the window.

Kafka placed the cup down, her smile disappearing before she spoke. “I have a question, do you mind?”

“Not at all, go ahead.” You told her, reaching out and taking the handle of one of the cups remaining on the tray, blowing it before sipping the tea. While sipping, Kafka suddenly asked a strange question.

“Do you know what a stellaron is?”

This caused you to suddenly choke on your drink, placing it back down before covering your mouth as you coughed. “Oh, heavens. I thought I was in trouble.” You said with a smile on your face. Blade walked from he stood, grabbed the napkin in his pocket and whipped the corners of your mouth with it. Saying thank you and holding the napkin, your gaze returned to Kafka, whose facial expression was serious.

“No, I do not know what it is. This is my first time hearing about it.” That was an awful lie you just made, but it was true. Half true, if you were being completely honest. The name was familiar to you, but you heard it earlier today already between Kafka, Blade, and the strange man.

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Kafka nodded, thanked you before exiting the room. She paused in the doorway, turned around, stormed to where you sat. Worried she realized how awful your lie was, you backed in your chair, but Kafka reached out and grabbed the handle of the cup that remained on the table. Seeing your reaction, she stared at Blade, chuckled, ruffled your hair carefully before finally leaving. She and blade exchanged glances, that you couldn’t interpret, but she waved by before disappearing into the halls.

Exhaling, you stood up, grabbed the tray and walked over to your tea table to place it down there.

“You can drop the act now.” Blade spoke first, his voice rubbing you the wrong way, it sounded so annoying. Turning towards him, you were met with a glare.

“Don’t look at me like that, all I did was answer her question.”

“The answer that you lied about? Since when are we lying?”

This caused you to physically freeze, your eyebrows narrowed against each other out of frustration. Not in the mood, you tried walking past the table where Blade stood, but he grabbed your wrist, pulling you towards him.

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“You’re not denying it.” He said, his eyes staring down at you. You couldn’t exactly deny what he was saying because he was right. Your silence gave him his answer as he got up in your face, his jaw clearly clenched. “What else are you lying about?”

“What are you talking about?”

“The letters. Who are they from?”

Now this made you curious, with an eyebrow raised and an amused smile on your face, you asked him the same question you’ve been wondering. “What letters?”

This caused Blake to stare at you for a moment to process the joke, his face went from confused to very concerned. “Did you go into my office earlier today?”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“No, I did not.” Another obvious and vague lie, your eyes staring into his eyes as the seconds went by. You could feel the sweat roll down the side of your face as you stood there, almost like a lion gazing down at its prey, Blade just stared.

His eyes shifted from yours to your dress, specifically the bottom of your dress. “Really?”

“Running. I was running and then I fell.” You said quickly, your hands trying to cover the stain that covered the bottom of your dress.

“You don’t like running.” Blade commented, his eyes now filled with curiosity.

“I tried something new.” You replied, a nervous grin on your face even though you were met with an emotionless expression, Blade.

“You never try something new.” He pointed out before his hands were up, making the quotation marks with his fingers. “You said you were too lazy.”

“Are you using this opportunity to mock me?” Hands on your hips, your face closer to him as you continued humming him for an answer.

His finger pressed against your forehead, moving you away from him before continuing. “No, I’m curious about why you were in my office this afternoon.”

“Haven’t we already discussed this?” You questioned him, turning your body around to admire the view, or at least that’s what he saw. You were hiding the fact that you chewed on your lips repeatedly, wondering where Astra was.

“As far as I know, every question I’ve asked you, you’ve lied about.”

“Huh? What questions?”

“The letters, care to explain yourself?” Your back was still faced towards him, which annoyed Blade more than anything, even more than how bad you were at lying. Placing his hand on your shoulder, Blade turned you around to face him, his eyes immediately glancing down at your known swollen lips caused by the constant chewing.

“What do you think those letters are?”

“Love letters.”

A snort of laughter came out of your mouth, you paused, stared at Blade’s confused but stern face before exploding into laughter. Just as you were hysterically laughing, the doorbell rang loudly through the hallways.

Blade did not look amused, his face still looked stern, but you were already used to it. “I’ll wait for you here.” It was all he said, but you just stood there confused of what he meant with your head tilted.

“For you to change your dre-“ Blade’s sentence was cut short when the sound of an explosion sounded from the main entrance. Glancing at you, you finally saw the real him coming out, a worried expression was on his face before he turned around and walked out of your chambers. Deciding to follow him, you grabbed the first thing you saw, which had to be an empty plant pot. Walking behind Blade towards the main entrance while trying to be careful and quiet, you soon reached the front entrance and saw different people.

As Kafka stood in the doorway, which was now blown down, two large robots stood beside her. In front of her, there were three individuals - a girl, a boy, and another girl. Astra was standing behind them, which surprised you. However, you didn't hesitate to approach her. Blade noticed your shocked expression, grabbed your wrist, pulled you back into his arms, bent down, and whispered, "Listen and watch carefully."

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You were completely shocked and couldn't say anything. You just stared at Astra, eagerly waiting for answers to your questions. Stella, who was positioned in front, walked up to Kafka and bombarded her with questions, while the other female, who introduced herself as March 7th, supported Stella. The boy, Dan Heng, remained silent and simply observed the two females in front of him, attempting to intimidate Kafka.

Hold on. How did you know that the girl's name was Stella? And how did you know the identity of Dan Heng?

It was at this moment that you realized you had some unexplained knowledge about the people in front of you. Perhaps there was a hidden connection or a mysterious backstory that was yet to be revealed. Your curiosity grew, and you couldn't help but wonder how these characters were intertwined in your journey.

₊ ♡ thank you for reading.

updates plans: finishing novelette (50/50 friday), starting gojo, changing toji fanfic.

#ao3 #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 tags #ao3 stuff #honkai blade #honkai star rail #blade honkai #blade fanart #honkai smut #blade x reader #blade x you #blade x y/n #kafka honkai star rail #dan heng #astra honkai #march 7th #stella honkai #honkai x reader

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