#30 days of skam
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Yellow Curtains - Chapter Two - Wanda Maximoff Series
Summary: Wanda Maximoff's senior year at Novi Grad School is duly planned for her. She has good friends, good grades, and a good system to hide who she really is. Or, the one based on Evak from the Norway Skam series, where Wanda is queer and tries to survive the last year without anyone knowing about it.
Warnings: (+18), general warnings about language and violence, legal drug use, mentions of underage drinking, high school, internalized homophobia and discovery of sexuality, explicit mentions of mental disorders (bipolarity and depression), dysfunctional family, making out, and eventual smut.
Skamverse | Series | General Masterlist | AO3 | Wattpad
--//--
Chapter Two - The Cabin
Ponedeljek 7:30 (Monday 7:30 am)
"Who can dissertate on the Sokovian Revolution of '74?"
The history teacher's question echoed in the classroom, but all he got in response were crestfallen students and soft giggles. T'Challa sighed, a small smile on his lips. "Come on guys, pay attention." He asked, nodding to the digital board where some information from the day's subject matter read. "We discussed last class how the labor revolution allowed Sokovia to become a first-world country in less than fifty years and about how that..."
Wanda's attention fell on the outside, birds flying in the sky above the main courtyard. She watched a few students walk by, and monitors asking what they were doing outside the room, before trying to force her attention back to the matter.
The minutes dragged on as Professor T'Challa explained about Sokovian independence. Wanda didn't usually have trouble with humanities subjects, but lately, she had been so distracted.
Suddenly, the professor's talk was interrupted by the arrival of Vice Principal Harkness at the door. And she was not alone.
"Hi, T'Challa, good morning. We have a new student; She is late but is my fault, we had a problem with the paperwork. Is it okay if she watches the class?" Asked the woman - practically pushing the new student inside.
The teacher agreed, of course, smiling gently, and the whole room looked at the student.
Wanda held her breath, those eyes were so familiar...
"Shit, it's her!" Natasha whispered beside her with some indignation, and Wanda blinked away the new student to her best friend.
"Sorry, what?" the girl asks confused. Natasha nods to the new student's chair.
"It's the girl Carol brought to Tony's party." Nat explains in a low tone so the teacher won't hear. "Shit, I can't believe she's going to study right in our class. I am so unlucky."
T'Challa called for silence from the excited students, and Wanda tried to pay attention to the subject, not understanding why it bothered her that a stranger might be taken.
She was curious about the new student, but everyone else was. And when the class was over, and the table was filled with several other students greeting them and asking where they were from, Wanda gave up trying to find out too.
Natasha seemed willing to run away and practically dragged Wanda out into the courtyard.
They sat down at one of the outside tables, and it wasn't long before Pietro and Clint joined them.
"Maximoff, you have something of mine." Barton declared as soon as he sat down, and Wanda sighed in defeat.
"I don't." She retorted. "I probably lost it at the party."
"What? Damn it, Wanda, it was three hundred euros!"
"I know, sorry." She asks immediately. "What can I do to make it up to you?"
Clint raises an eyebrow. "Well..."
"Dude!" Pietro interrupts with an angry grimace, giving his friend a hard shove. "It's my sister!" He recalls, but Clint laughs, raising his hands as a sign of peace.
"I'm joking, relax!" He assures between laughs. He then slips an arm around Wanda's shoulders, hugging her for a moment. "You don't worry either. It was because of the police at Tony's apartment, right? You were quick to think of getting out of there, he would have gotten in trouble."
Wanda forces a smile. "Yeah, but now I owe you 300 euros."
Clint shrugs. "Pay me back when you can." He says pushing her shoulder against his lightly. "You can do my homework too."
Wanda rolls her eyes, laughing weakly. "I'll think about it."
They fall into casual conversation after that. Clint comments about the party, and the boys on the team, and Pietro talk about his date with Crystal going well. Natasha is distracted, her gaze keeps going to the other side of the yard, and Wanda sighs slightly when she realizes who her friend is staring at.
"Have you talked to Carol yet?" The younger Maximoff asks, receiving a deep sigh in return.
"Not really, but I don't need to right?" Nat retorts looking at Wanda. " She clearly moved on."
Wanda frowns slightly, looking at the small group. The new student seems close to Carol, and they're all laughing, but she's not as sure about it as Natasha is.
"I don't know, Nat, maybe they're just friends." She tries, and Natasha gives a sad laugh.
"Whatever, Wands. It's not like we have anything official."
"I think you should talk to her." Wanda insists, and Pietro and Clint join the conversation as well.
"Me too." Barton says. "Make things clear."
"I don't think so." Pietro comments shrugging. "Avoid her, make her anxious. She'll get the message."
Wanda rolls her eyes. "Don't listen to him."
Nat laughs lightly, and when he sees Tony's group entering the courtyard he lets out an exclamation. "Shit, speaking of crushes, I'll be right back." And walks off towards Tony Stark the next moment.
Wanda feels her blood run cold. From her friend's excitement and the giggles of the boys and glances Tony steals in her direction, she knows exactly what they are talking about.
Natasha runs back to them with a proud smile on her lips.
"Great news, Maximoff." She declares. "Tony told me he's taking his brother for the cabin on the holiday, so we'll all be together and you'll get a chance to get to know him better."
The boys make teasing sounds, and Wanda can only force a laugh.
When the bell rings, announcing the next class, and her gaze meets the new student's on the other side, she wants to believe she is imagining the way her heart speeds up.
The Independence holiday means four days off, and since eighth grade, Wanda's friends organize some trips, mainly to Stark’s winter cabin, even though it's not really cold.
The weeks go by quickly - which is great. Wanda's attention span at school doesn't improve, and she grows irritated at her brain's insistence on stealing glances at the new student, with whom she shares a single history class a week.
She learns a few things about the new student. Their first name, the taste for rock bands that she notices due to the black T-shirts, the skateboarding skills from the item they use to leave school. She learns that they are from New York and that they are not Carol's partner.
It is Natasha who is investigating, of course. And Wanda was in the middle of reading an article when her best friend addresses the whole thing.
"You won't believe it, Maximoff! I'm so stupid!"
Wanda frowns. "What? What are you-"
"Y/N is not Carol's girlfriend! They are sisters!" She declares, holding out her cell phone at the brunette's eye level. "She just posted this."
It is open on Instagram, a photo of Carol with the new student riding her skateboard in the city park. In the caption 'I missed you, little sister! Glad you're here now!" Wanda feels a wave of relief fill her body and doesn't know why.
Natasha exclaims excitedly, "You know what that means, right?"
"Žal ne (No, sorry)." Wanda mutters uncertainly, but Nat chuckles.
"Silly girl, it means I'm back in the game!" Declares the redhead. "I'll like her last few stories and put her back in the best friends. She'll get the message."
"Or you could just talk to her..."
Nat laughs through her nose. "You're funny, Wanda." Says the girl, turning her attention back to her cell phone.
Wanda doesn't want to think too much about the whole matter. She doesn't really know you, and it seems ridiculous that you don't leave her thoughts. She is sure that it is Nat's fault and her momentary obsession with Carol.
When the Independence holiday arrives, and she finds herself in a crowded car heading for Tony Stark's cabin, her anxiety returns. She remembers that there, it would be Vision, and that everyone expected her to leave the cabin with a new boyfriend. Would it be too late to give up the trip?
"I'll take the window bed!" Clint and Pietro got into a pushing fight over the largest room as soon as they arrived. Wanda just wanted to sit down, because Tony's group was finishing checking out the entrance to the cabin's compound - Rich people's stuff - and they were all stealing glances at her.
By the time Carol's car arrived, Wanda was dressed more comfortably and smelled of soap. She had taken advantage of the fight for rooms to use the shower before everyone else, and although she only got one bunk, she was satisfied with the impossibility of sleeping with someone else next to her. It read Vision.
"I swear to god this girl is trying to kill me." Natasha gasps low from the balcony next to Wanda, watching Carol get out of the car in short shorts and a button-down shirt practically all open, showing off a sports top underneath. Wanda laughs at her friend's reaction, but when you get down from the back of the truck, she shallows dry.
You are busy pulling a motorcycle out of the back, and Wanda's brain clicks.
She recognizes the vehicle, and the helmet, and her heart speed up so much that it's the only thing she hears in her ears for a moment.
"Her sister's hot too, huh?" Natasha comments half-impressed, and Wanda immediately looks away.
"I don't know, I don't like girls." She retorts, surprising Nat with her aggressiveness. The redhead gives a confused laugh.
"Okay? But you can tell a girl is pretty without being attracted to her." The redhead says, but Wanda clears her throat and hugs her own body.
"Sure, whatever." She murmurs. "I'm gonna take a nap, I'm tired from the trip." She says, practically running inside.
She doesn't notice your gaze searching for her.
–//–
Petek, 20:40 (Friday, 8:40am)
Wanda awoke in a very quiet cabin.
She wasn't surprised that everyone went to bed early, after all the trip had been equally tiring for everyone, yet it bothered her a little to be the first to wake up.
She left her bunk as quietly as she could, watching her brother in the bottom bed snore lightly as he slept on his stomach.
After going to the bathroom, she was disappointed to find a completely empty kitchen and thought about waking Nat or Tony for a company to the market when she heard footsteps in the living room.
You opened the door making some noise, because the key got stuck in the doorknob.
"Shit." You muttered to yourself, struggling a bit to unhook the item. Wanda stepped into the kitchen doorway, hands in front of her body, and you jumped slightly when she wished you good morning half uncertainly. But your surprise gave way to a smile the next second. "Zdravo! (Hello) Sorry about the noise!"
Wanda shook her head, smiling as well. "Don't worry, you're Y/N, right? Carol's sister."
You raise an eyebrow at her, a charming smile playing on your lips. Wanda hates it. Hates how gorgeous you look right now, the twist in her stomach. She swallows dryly, and you lean on the door.
"She mentioned me, huh?" you ask. "Or maybe you asked."
Wanda's cheeks flush, and she grimaces to disguise it. "She mentioned it." She assures you with a half-trembling voice, which seems to amuse you. "Anyway, do you know where I can find food in this place? I'm starving."
You chuckle lightly, tossing the door key on the small table next to you and reaching out to grab your wallet from there and another set of keys from the support, which has a keychain that Wanda recognizes as belonging to Carol.
"Of course, princess, we'll find food for you." You say, and Wanda knows she is blushing at the nickname, but follows you anyway, just like the first night. And outside, walking side by side toward Carol's truck, you extend your hand to her. "I'm Y/N Danvers, by the way. We haven't officially introduced ourselves."
Wanda shakes your hand. "I'm-"
"Wanda Maximoff." You complete with a small smile, still holding her hand. "And I asked about it."
Wanda pulls her hand away before you realize that she is shaking.
You get in the car first, whistling lightly as you start the truck. Wanda tries to play it cool, keeping her arms crossed the whole way to the market. It's not far, but it seems like every minute drags.
"Did you get home safely after that day?" Your sudden question surprises her a little. Wanda frowns until she remembers what you are talking about.
"Hmm, yeah." She answers. "Someone else gave me a ride home." She says with a small smile.
You don't take your eyes off the road. "You lied to me, Maximoff." You comment then, to which Wanda looks at you with confusion. A small smile plays on her lips. "You are not part of the Avengers. You snuck into an event of ours, I could have ended up in trouble..."
"Hey, you're the one who practically kidnapped me from Tony's party!" Wanda defends herself. "And you asked if I was his friend, which I am, not if I was part of his group of protesters!"
You laugh, shaking your head. "Relax, I'm just messing with you." You comment, but Wanda can only give a nervous laugh because you give her thigh a gentle squeeze and she forgets how to breathe. The touch fades away at the same speed as it happened, your hands returning to the steering wheel, but Wanda's skin is still prickling. "I asked Carol about the mystery girl and she told me you weren't part of the group, but you were trustworthy and welcome in everything. So relax."
Wanda smiles half proudly, glad that Carol trusts her so much even though they are not so close. You cross a green light, and at the next turn, you find the supermarket parking lot.
Whatever this conversation means, it completely improves the atmosphere between you, making the interaction very light and fun. Wanda is unfamiliar at first - Pietro would recognize that Wanda had a shy and alert nature even better than she did. He would constantly tease her about being too self-conscious, and in need of relaxing, and would surely be surprised to see her laugh as easily as she is doing now.
You picked up a shopping cart and seemed to have made it your morning mission to make her laugh as you sort through the groceries. You did little dances with the objects, threw bad jokes and flirtations at her, and even told loose facts as if you were close friends.
Wanda now knew that you lived in a shared apartment with Carol and two other girls and that you could speak Sokovian fluently. You were not a vegetarian even though you tried about three times, and you couldn't have pets even though you really wanted a cat because your roommates were allergic. And you could sing Lorde.
"She's so dramatic, I love it." You declare as the music starts on the speakers in the marketplace. You and Wanda are in the pasta aisle, and she giggles softly. "She's like a Taylor Swift of lesbians, but more alternative."
Wanda chuckles, soft anxiety rising in her stomach. She follows you down the hallway. "But there's a theory that Taylor Swift likes girls too, you know?"
You chuckle, shrugging. "Yeah, I've heard of it. But I think I prefer the ones who actually came out. Nothing against Taylor, of course, she's a great artist. I just won't refer to her as a queer icon when she's never really taken her place in the community."
Wanda bites her tongue, the question about your sexuality on the tip. Would it be weird to question whether you liked girls in the middle of pasta hall? And why would that make a difference to her?
Your cell phone vibrates, and as soon as you read the notification, you huff softly. Wanda is curious to know what it is, but you put the device away and hurry up the pace. "Come on, Maximoff, our friends are hungry too."
You are distant on the way back, and Wanda twists the fabric of her shorts in curiosity as to why.
Luckily, you accompany her to the kitchen with the groceries.
The guys in the cabin are waking up a bit, but the space is small enough that no one will bother you two with breakfast, even if the living room fills up with teenagers.
"Can you make the coffee while I prepare sandwiches for us?" You ask so gently that Wanda doesn't even hear the question properly, and only nods in agreement. She moves around, trying not to touch you - which is practically impossible in that small space - but you don't seem to notice much, busy with bread and cheese. "You're not a vegetarian, are you Maximoff? I was going to put some ham on this."
"I'm not, you can follow your recipe." Wanda retorts with a small smile, a curious look at the double sandwiches you are preparing. She bites her lip when you catch her looking and offers her a wink before returning to the task.
Carol appears in the kitchen doorway next.
"Good morning, cuties. Got any coffee?" She asks. Wanda denies it with her head.
"It's not ready yet."
Carol yawns, moving closer to look at the market bags you have brought. She chuckles then. "Jesus, Y/N, did you buy anything healthy?" You shrug, indifferent to the question. Carol sighs. "You know you have half the soccer team here, right?"
"If they're bothered they buy their own food." You retort impolitely. Carol rolls her eyes.
"Don't be rude; you know you should eat better too-"
"Sure, Mom." You cut her off, turning your back on her to hand Wanda her sandwich. "Here you go, princess."
The brunette smiles half-heartedly at the nickname in Carol's presence, but the blonde only sighs in defeat at the argument and doesn't even seem to notice. She leaves the kitchen, and you stare at Wanda expectantly. She smiles shyly before taking a bite of the sandwich and is surprised at how good it tastes.
"Wow, what did you put in here?"
You chuckle. "Chef's secret." You joke, wrinkling your nose in an adorable way as you pick up your sandwich. You eat together for a moment until the kettle beeps and Wanda leaves the rest of the sandwich on the countertop to finish the coffee.
"Did you like it?" you ask as she pours the drink. Wanda smiles.
"Yeah, quite a bit." She assures you. "Too bad it's a chef's secret, I'd love to learn how to make it."
You chuckle, finishing chewing your piece before clarifying:
"Well, it's a family recipe. That's why it's a secret. You'd have to be part Danvers to earn the legal right to know the ingredients." You joke, getting a soft chuckle from Wanda. You stare at her, almost fascinated. "What about you? Don't you have any family traditions?"
Wanda is thoughtful for a moment, an expression on her face that you would describe as adorable to say the least. And then she gives a small laugh.
"I think so." She says, pouring a mug. "Mom always prepares Šišky on birthdays. I think it looks like American doughnuts."
"Yummy." You murmur causing me to smile in agreement. "And when is your birthday?"
Wanda is surprised but smiles, "February 10th." She answers and watches you pull your cell phone out of your pocket at the same minute.
"Well, let me save the date then." You comment, putting her birth date into the calendar app with the greatest tranquility in the world. Wanda thinks she is blushing.
"What about your...?"
But her question goes unanswered because a tall boy appears in the kitchen doorway. It's Peter Parker, another of Tony's classmates who is on the soccer team. He stretches out gently and you put your cell phone away, placing your snack away on the counter to greet him.
"Good morning, sleepyhead." You say, and it is so affectionate that Wanda swallows dry. He chuckles sleepily, moving closer. Wanda's heart stops when he kisses you on the mouth. "Did you sleep well?"
He mumbles in agreement, shrugging before looking at Wanda and wishing her good morning.
"What's for breakfast?" He asks.
"Food." You retort amusedly, making him chuckle and roll his eyes.
"Okay, smarty pants." He grumbles, yawning a little. "Clearly you didn't buy anything healthy, you know Steve's gonna give you a hard time for that, right?"
You shrug, letting him hug your waist. "I'm terrified." You comment wryly, making Peter laugh.
Wanda feels sick. He kisses your cheek again, and she clears her throat. She grabs the coffee mug, and barely manages to force a smile before practically running out of the kitchen.
The rest of the folks are gradually waking up, and when Wanda is on the porch drinking coffee, Vision comes over to greet her.
"You're Wanda, right? Tony told me about you."
He is gentle, and he is good-looking. And Wanda remembers Peter Parker kissing you in the kitchen, so she smiles and asks Vision to sit with her. It's exactly as it should be, she convinces herself.
–//–
Ponedeljek, 14:30 (Monday, 2.40 am)
Whatever Wanda expected from this holiday, she was not prepared for anything that actually happened.
On Saturday, everyone played paintball between the cabins. Vision was her partner. He was a good player, but you hit him on the top of his helmet two minutes into the game.
You looked Wanda in the eye but didn't shoot her, disappearing between the cabins the next minute. She kept thinking about this interaction all day.
On Sunday, the gang went outside to play soccer and it was a real mess. Wanda was discreetly watching you play, annoyed at the line her thoughts took with the image of you sweating and panting, but she had no choice but to stay outside because Carol and Natasha were making out in her bedroom. She wasn't sure when they happened again, but she wasn't surprised that she missed it, having been too busy the whole holiday trying not to pay attention to you.
When it was finally time to leave, and everyone was finishing cleaning the cabin in pairs, Wanda caught you and Peter fighting outside when she went to put some bottles out for recycling.
"I don't need a babysitter, Parker!" You angrily declared, gesturing a little.
"I'm just taking care of you-"
"I'm not a fucking child!"
Peter rolls his eyes. "No, but you act like one." He accuses annoyed, and you chuckle humorlessly, crossing your arms. He sighs in defeat, raising a hand to your arm but you pull away from the touch. "Okay, whatever. Go chill out, then we'll talk."
He walks off angrily into the cabin through the kitchen entrance, and Wanda makes a noise so as not to startle you.
You run a hand across your face, forcing a smile before approaching her, "Let me help you with this." You say, taking the case of beers from her hand without waiting for a response. Wanda swallows dryly, but decides to follow your cue, and picks up another box further away before following you to the recyclable trash cans.
You place one box next to the other on top of Carol's open truck, in the intention of separating the bottles and cans. Wanda takes a risk:
"Is everything okay between you and Peter?"
You chuckle weakly, grabbing two bottles from the pile.
"Sure, just a silly argument." You mutter moving away to put the bottles in the correct garbage can. "He's sweet, but he's still a man."
Wanda frowns. "What do you mean?"
You short, shrugging; "You've never had a boyfriend?" You ask, and Wanda denies it with her head. You sigh, searching for the right words. "Well, boys can be... obnoxious." You comment with a short laugh. "It's just, they're different. How they treat us, how they act with us and with other people. Peter is really sweet when he's with me, but when he's around his friends he's a jerk and kind of controlling. And by god, don't even get me started when it's around my father... Fucking treating me like I'm something he owns just to please the old man."
Wanda separates a few bottles, thoughtful towards your statements. "I'm sorry."
You hum, shrugging. "Okay, it's not really our fault that society is patriarchal and sexist. It's going to take Peter some time to break the norms and act decently, but I'm under no obligation whatsoever to deal with it."
Wanda swallows dryly. "D-did you broke up with him?"
You look at her with surprise. "No? I meant that I don't have to take pity on him. If he acts like an idiot, we'll fight. And if he doesn't change, then we'll break up."
The brunette tries to hide her disappointment with a hum of understanding. You look at her curiously.
"You and Vision seem to be getting along well."
She forces a chuckle, nodding. She grabs more bottles and runs away from your gaze as she replies, "I guess so."
"Is he your boyfriend now or what?"
Wanda laughs nervously, shaking her head. "No, not really."
"He seems interested in changing that." You insist, studying her reactions. Wanda swallows dryly, putting away other bottles.
"I think so." She murmurs. You hum almost angry all of a sudden - Wanda jumps when you mash a can with a hard punch - and she swallows dryly before raising her gaze to you again. "Do you think...I should accept? If he asks."
You stare at her with an indecipherable expression, biting the inside of your cheek. Wanda almost takes back the question, but you sigh and look away.
"I don't know, you're the one who has to know." You retort with forced casualness. "If you like him, say yes. You were together the whole holiday, I don't see what the problem is."
Wanda stares at the bottles in her hands, her heart racing in her chest.
"Maybe... I was just scared." She murmurs, surprising you. You stare at her expectantly, but Wanda doesn't meet your gaze, her fingers on the bottles. "Maybe I think Vision is likely my only option."
You grimace softly. "What are you talking about?"
Wanda laughs sadly, looking at you. "Like... I don't think there's anyone else to love me. Maybe Vision is my only option, and I just... I'm tired of being alone."
The heartfelt confession takes her by surprise as well. But at this point, Wanda shouldn't be impressed that your presence in her life has come to turn everything upside down at once.
And when you simply step forward, and bring a hand to her face, pulling a lock of hair out of front of her eyes, Wanda thinks you are doing it on purpose.
"Don't you think it's selfish to stick by someone just for convenience, Wanda? Vis has feelings too." The seriousness of your words doesn't do justice to the gentle touch on her face, and Wanda feels a mix of conflicting emotions in her chest.
"Maybe I'm just a bad person." She declares with a sad laugh, but you don't smile.
"I don't think so." You whisper, your thumb caressing her cheek. "I think you are very sweet. And maybe you just need to understand that lots of people love you. And you won't be alone if you say no to a boy you don't like."
Wanda lets out a shuddering breath. "Who says I don't like him?" She teases, her knees going weak as you firm your grip on her cheek and lean in all at once.
Your breath hits her lips, and Wanda closes her eyes, waiting for the impact that doesn't come. You gasp softly, your breath heavy against her cheek.
Your hand leaves her cheek and goes down to a bottle beside you.
You step back a half second before Carol appears in the area where you are standing. Wanda didn't even hear her coming, in fact, she doesn't think she heard much beyond her own heart beating in her ears.
"Aren't you guys done with that yet? Come on people, we have to get on the road soon." Carol repressed, but you forced a laugh at her, muttering something about her being a pain in the ass.
If you noticed how Wanda's hands were shaking as she held the next bottles, you didn't say.
#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda x reader#elizabeth olsen x reader#skamverse collection#alt er love series#yellow curtains#wanda maximoff imagines
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30 DAYS of PRIDE
↳ even bech naesheim (skam)
#even bech naeshiem#skam#skamedit#dailylgbtq#tuserhidden#nellsdani#useragatha#tuseranya#tusersunflower#usertas#userdyamond#tusercaro#30dop#antedits#characterstudy
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COMING SOON!!!
Close to a 100 writers, artists, betas & mods have been hard at work creating 30 new stories and art for the Skam fandom! We’re excited to bring you sneak peeks of these stories and their creators over the coming days. The range of ideas and creativity is incredible and we can’t wait to share! Buckle up!
#skam#wtfock#skam italia#skam españa#druck#skam france#skam fanfic#skam fanart#skambigbang#skam art#wtfockedit#skam germany#skam norway#skam artists#skam fan art#skam fanfiction
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I turn 30 in 8 days 😱🤭🤗🫣😄😭😵😎
I was rereading my favorite Skam fic series and the author incorporated the artist Jenny Holzer into the story and linked to a piece she did that contains the quote "It is in your self interest to find a way to be very tender."
I feel like this is an appropriate quote to take with me into my thirties. I've been quietly freaking out about turning 30 as I get closer to it. Didn't think I would but it's only natural, I think. The passage of time comes for us all; it makes sense to be acutely aware of it when entering your new decade.
I'm hard on myself a lot. Most of the time, I'm very lonely. I don't want to be lonely anymore.
Tenderness is a concept unfamiliar to me. But I want to embrace it.
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Hi, my lovelies. If you've been looking for a female roleplayer with a novella-like writing style, look no further—I'm here!
I would love to collaborate with a long-term writing partner who is as passionate as I am and can match my writing length. Depending on where we are in our little story, I don't necessarily require a lot of paragraphs, but three or more will do the trick.
I’m fine with portraying females and males, so please feel comfortable in doing the same. Twenty-one or older to interact.
Due to my current full-time job and fluctuating off days, I'm also searching for partners who aren't seeking a (roleplay) reply every day. Of course, I'll continuously update everyone with whom I roleplay about my availability so that no one is left in the dark or believes I've lost interest. In return, I would appreciate the same.
Lastly, I’m interested in mxf and mxm pairings.
- Historical fiction themed.
Has an undertone or is based on Pride and Prejudice, Anna Karenina, Atonement, Marie Antoinette, Emily, Young Victoria, Jane Eyre, or Becoming Jane.
- Supernatural elements themed (monster romance w/ vampires, werewolves, mermaids/sirens, etc).
Has an undertone or is based on Twilight, Queen Of The Damned, Interview With The Vampire, Crimson Peak, Only Lovers Left Alive, The Vampire Diaries, Meet Joe Black, or Teen Wolf.
- 2000s themed.
Has an undertone or is based on Gossip Girl, A Walk To Remember, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, The Notebook, 50 First Dates, 13 going on 30, 10 Things I Hate About You, The Wedding Date, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, 27 Dresses, A Cinderella Story, or The O.C.
- Dystopia, science fiction, and apocalyptic themed.
Has an undertone or is based on The Hunger Games, The Darkest Minds, Divergent, The Walking Dead, I Am Legend, A.I. Artificial Intelligence, Her, or I’m Your Man.
- Horror (dark) themed.
Has an undertone or is based on Scream, Jennifer’s Body, Carrie, Heathers, American Horror Stories, Black Swan, The Love Witch, or The Craft.
- Honorable mentions!
Has an undertone or is based on Normal People, Perks Of Being a Wildflower, Love Rosie, Skam, Fleabag, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Skins uk, Titanic, Pretty Woman, Love & Other Drugs, Almost Famous, The Fault In Our Stars, American Honey, or Pretty In Pink.
The films and television shows I've listed serve as mere suggestions meant to be useful while we're coming up with possible plot lines.
Overall, I'm hoping for a lot of romance, character growth, and world-building.
NSFW, playlists, and Pinterest friendly.
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PART 2
Out of all of Ian's songs, "So Beautiful" is one of my absolute favorites, especially the MV because of [again] the visuals and how accurately they convey what being Bipolar is like or what going through an episode is like.
Often I have the hardest times knowing I'm in an episode (until it's escalated significantly) because I go from being "unable" or "meh" to being able, and --like the quote above;
I can't tell if I've entered into a mood episode, or if I'm generally just having a good day.
You'll see this in a lot of my journal entries, but lack of control is major when (in my experience) it comes to being Bipolar.
Having no control over your own mental stability is "maddening"...for lack of a better term.
Around three years ago, I watched SKAM France and began to wonder if I was Bipolar.
Seeing Eliot, all I could think was: "Yeah that's me."
But since I didn’t know if I actually had it — I started mood journaling — and eventually I went to a psychiatrist (don’t get it twisted, I went for depression LOL — and because I was seeking to find an ADHD evaluation), and yeah. I was diagnosed with both ADHD and Bipolar.
Now — you might ask: “How can you NOT know or realize you have bipolar disorder?” And ohooooo my friend, let me TELL you.
— Depressive Episodes—
In Bipolar (though no one experiences it the same way — it’s a spectrum, but there are some general commonalities), there tend to be more depressive episodes than manic or hypomanic episodes.
“Although mania and hypomania specifically identify bipolar illness, depression is of major concern in patients with bipolar disorder, because depressive symptoms are far more frequent than manic symptoms and most suicides occur during the depressive phase.” (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1324957/)
In this academic article about the burden of bipolar depression within bipolar disorder, it shares studies particularly on how Bipolar
Depression significantly impacts Bipolar patients.
People with Bipolar usually seek help when they’re in a depressive phase; and are therefore often misdiagnosed as MDD — Major Depressive Disorder. The problem with this is that MDD treatment, usually going onto antidepressants, can send the Bipolar patient into acute mania, mixed states, and/or rapid cycling states. (I will define these in a second.)
...
“Bipolar disorder has a negative impact on virtually every facet of a patient's life, with depressive symptoms having a particularly strong effect on patient well-being. Depressive symptoms predominate over hypomanic/manic symptoms in the courses of both bipolar I and bipolar II disorders. In prospective studies of the natural history of bipolar disorder, bipolar I patients reported experiencing depression for 31.9% of weeks and hypomanic/manic symptoms for only 8.9%, whereas bipolar II patients reported depression for 50.3% of weeks and hypomanic/ manic symptoms for only 1.3%.”
“Similar findings on the prevalence of depressive symptoms were reported in a study of 258 outpatients admitted to the Stanley Foundation Bipolar Network. Approximately 25% of these patients reported being ill for more than three quarters of the year, with a mean of 214 days depressed, and 40% were intermittently ill, with a mean of 120 days depressed. An overview of findings from the Stanley Foundation Bipolar Network concluded that, despite treatment, bipolar outpatients remain significantly affected by their illness, with depressive symptoms posing a greater problem for effective treatment than mania.”
“Over 60% of patients in the Stanley Center Bipolar Disorder Registry were unemployed, despite the fact that 30% had completed college.”
“Termination of mood stabilizers may also have negative effects in patients with bipolar disorder. In published studies of patients with bipolar disorder who discontinued lithium treatment, suicide rates rose 20-fold and affective illness recurred in 67% of patients during the first year after discontinuation of lithium. Termination of treatment with other mood stabilizers, including the atypical antipsychotics, may be associated with negative outcomes.”
These are quotes taken from the same source quoted above in red.
[Right.]
So — for me, since my onset of Bipolar was around puberty (late middle school; early high school), added in with the emotional dysregulation of ADHD, my mood episodes were something I had gotten used to, and that I thought were normal. (LOL.)
Plus, I didn’t realize or know what hypomania and mania was; ergo—I only really recognized the major depressive episodes. “Ah, everyone gets depressed <33.” ←My bonkers thought process.
I didn’t realize my intensity of depression was something that people didn’t normally experience — in fact, I remember talking to my little sister, and she told me she barely ever got depressed, and when she did it was just for a short period of time. The ‘surprised pikachu’ meme would be apt here, LOL!
My wake-up call that it wasn’t normal was a tv show (SKAM — the french one; though I have watched the OG one.) that had an accurate portrayal of Bipolar Disorder in one of the main characters. The way they went from happy elation; that flirty feeling of being on-top of the world, to the fall into a major depressive episode.
That depression was all too familiar to me. Literally looked the EXACT fvcking same.
...
Three best portrayals of what my sudden depressive episodes look like:
[1] Mr. Robot — Eliot bawling his eyes out in episode 1. (20:00 Minutes in Timestamp)
(Link clip example here)
[2] Eliot Demury — Skam France (And Even — OG SKAM)
[3] Ian Gallagher, Shameless (U.S)
— (Linked clip example here)
...
I don’t know how to exactly describe it. Sometimes there’s just this overflow of emotion that makes me either cry or laugh or both. But mostly….it’s the apathy. Nothing matters. Nothing. The reason I don’t really care anymore about others’ opinions is because once I felt that apathy — that feeling of emptiness; of not caring — because life was nothing; I was nothing. So anyone’s negative opinions of me didn’t matter, I didn’t care about myself, so whatever they said ‘was probably right’ ←in my head; but it was as good as dust to me because nothing and no one could beat the hate I had for myself, OR the sh*t I was telling myself.
It’s fvcked up, I know. Even more fvcked up — is that there would be days I couldn’t get out of bed for a week. I would lay in bed. I wouldn't eat, it would be rare if I got up to use the bathroom— and any responsibility I had, I would not attend to — and you couldn’t make me. I would sleep 17-18 hours a day. Tired of everything, I would have no energy.
I ended up losing a lot of weight in college because of this LOL. I also fainted because of this (rip). When I could function enough to eat, go to class, I would still be empty and fatigued. I would go to class, eat, and then spend the rest of my time sleeping.
Even in high school, I would have an exorbitant amount of “sick days.” And when I did go to school, when I got home I would do my (1) chore and then sleep. School, chore, sleep. School, chore, sleep. It was to the point that my parents thought I was on drugs because all I would do was sleep. LOL.
And that depression would last for months. If it lasted two weeks or less that would be lucky. Anyways, there was a period of time (a few months after I graduated college) that I was normal. I felt normal, I acted normal, I had normal amounts of energy.
I remember telling my friends that (because I made a psychiatrist appointment) I wouldn’t tell them (the psychiatrist) about my depression because “Bah, it’s not that bad. I can sleep it off 🤪.” Anyways — I suddenly (and for no reason) fell into a depressive episode, and when that hit I was like, “Yeah I need to go tell the psychiatrist and get this figured out.”
I actually started treatment for depression before ADHD. And my depression was so bad, the antidepressants just barely made me functionable. Literally could not tell if they were working and my depression was that bad, or if they genuinely didn’t work. Anyways; yes they WERE working, my depression was just that bad. LOL.
(TW: Suicidal Ideation)
When I get low like this, if I start spiraling (which often happens) I get to the point where I think, constantly: “I don’t want to wake up anymore.” Sometimes I would even pray not to wake up anymore. I had crippling fatigue — so there was no energy to hurt myself. Which is why most of my mixed episodes are so dangerous.
Mostly though, when I’m down / dipping, I sleep. I just let myself do nothing, and sleep. Until it leaves, however long that may take.
I've talked about my experience being manic a few times.
Here I talked about being euphoric
Mania Episodes
I have had both euphoric AND irritated mania. And I have got to say — I liked the euphoric one; but FVCK the other one.
Mixed Episodes
Ok. Mixed episodes — where one has energy (manic symptoms) but irritation or depression / fatigue (depressive symptoms); basically it's a mix of both mania and depression.
For me — this is when I get into the most dangerous states.
Most of the time I’m so tired it actually hurts. It feels like the fatigue is killing me; like I’ve sunken into the dark circles under my eyes. Except the moment I lay down? BOOM! Wide fvcking awake.
The fatigue doesn’t leave, nor does the pain, but there’s this energy buzzing through me and it quickly turns into irritation because all I want to do is SLEEP, but I can’t! I fvcking can’t; and it kills me.
Theses are the times where any passive suicidal ideation become more active thoughts. Mostly about prescription drugs and overdosing. (Or things like drinking windex.)
Anyways —
I don’t ever act on these thoughts because I do like living (thank you very much >:o ); but that doesn’t mean those kinds of thoughts don’t happen. In fact ---a whole spiraling intrusive thought chain decides to party in my head until I DO fall asleep, or find something to distract me. (Not a fun time.)
First — let’s just get this out of the way; Bipolar — aka the episodes, whether depressive, manic, or mixed — , are not caused by purely external events. It’s literal chemicals in the brain playing limbo with your mental health.
Now, can external events trigger an episode? Absolutely.
In fact, sleep is one of the strongest triggers for people with Bipolar disorder.
And I quote:
“ — It is essential that people with bipolar disorder practice good sleep hygiene. Ideally, you should go to sleep and wake up in a regular, predictable pattern and avoid activities that interfere with this schedule, including staying up late, drinking alcohol, and consuming caffeine. In order to promote a restful and regular sleep, create a ritual for yourself to get your mind and body prepared for bed. If you struggle to sleep, be sure to talk to your doctor about it so you can identify whether these sleep disturbances are a symptom of a mood episode and gain control over your sleep cycle before it triggers mood switching.”
— bridgestorecovery.com ‘Understanding Bipolar Disorder Trigger And How to Prevent Them’
I have stated this before here and here
But blackouts can happen when you're in a manic state; these last few months I've had at least three black outs, spanning from a day, to a couple of days.
/End of part 2 <333 /
[Prev] [Next]
PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6], [7] , [8], [9]
And of course the MV:
youtube
Visuals of a Depressive Episode: (1), (2)
Journal Entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5)
#part 2#after this i'll liveblog some more#lmao#seeing as it's 10 minutes from midnight#my thougts#bipolaire#bipolar disorder#manic depression#actually bipolar#mental health#neurodiversity#neurodivergencies#dpr ian#dpr we gang gang#christian yu#fvcking moodswings ⚡️✌️#a scoup of life 🔫🦆#Youtube
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people are truly babying bobbie way too much. she's messy and a delinquent but if anyone points that out they're the devil
you are absolutely right anon. like even during the angsty times where anais was trying to figure her own shit out ppl on twitter were all like “omg what about bobbie😞 she has no one😞😞” meanwhile she literally sitting on the other side of the cafeteria with a whole other friend group.
and look i have my issues with anaïs’ friends but i don’t get why y’all reacting so overly annoyed with hanne. the fact is anytime someone starts to significantly change after they get in a relationship, their friends are going to notice AND view it as a bad thing.
and rightfully so i love anobbie they are my #1 skam ship right now BUT if my bestie went from goody two shoes to a criminal in 30 days i would be freaked out too😭😭
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Hello dear lgbtqs and other associates, I'm gonna live blog GAP the series episode one. Here we go.
There are Thai captions!!! And that’s Ayan’s mom!
What does GAP stand for? My guess is Girls Are Pretty. I’m wearing fleece on fleece and fluffy socks I snatched from the laundry basket, I’m sure this episode will not make me self-conscious about my appearance haha.
A bit confused by the tilted camera angle. Does it accentuate Mon’s quirky personality? Or does she suffer from vertigo? Maybe we’ll find out!
Not even five minutes in and something lgbt is happening in Mon’s head, love her already!
I don’t know these men.
You’re in her dms, I’m in the shrine I’ve built for her over the past twelve years. A bit intense but I post fanfiction on the internet so I’d never judge a girl Daydreaming about Scenarios.
I sort of wish Sam were an assassin or a mafia overlord, I’d find it easier to excuse than being a toxic boss in a regular office.
Girl boss has arrived!!
I am sensing trauma around rules and broken trust.
Heels are a health hazard.
Mon is mentally stronger than me because if my first day at work had gone anything like that I’d be in the bathroom crying.
Mon’s family is cute! But what is this camera angle.
This is not the grandmacore I enjoy.
Finally a 30-year-old in my tv show!!
Okay, another arranged marriage.
I would rank this as the third most uncomfortable homophobic family dinner I’ve seen on Thai television this year after the corpse mushrooms in Khun chai and the celebratory mental breakdown in 180 degree longitude.
Do teenagers these days even look at web pages?
Sam in this outfit, wow. I am looking respectfully.
Go Mon, speak your truth!!! I like that she’s not a pushover by any means.
I love their tension! This bathroom scene reminds me of the iconic did you also want paper towels from Skam season three episode one Friday clip.
Are we gonna get a romantic feeding scene later, I think so.
I love this trope.
A promising first episode!! Some expository dialogue and odd camera angles but an overall fun experience. More of this please.
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rewatching skam isak's season, started the other day when I took an edible & it's was just soooo 😝 funny, isak is so pressed about being gay, they some how do so much and so little in those 20-30 minutes
#skam#isak valtersen#this show had me in a choke hold back in the day#idk when I watch things when high it's kind a just like wtf you pretending??? so a lil cringe#at the same time isak and even has so little time together lol their scenes were kinda awkward looking back
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this is part 2 of my extremely long lore update of my missing month in tumblr. here's part 1 <3
i'll also put this one behind the cut just in case
26. we start when this extremely important event happened !!!
THEY'RE PLAYING 'MÚSICA LIGERA' IN THE SUPERMARKET
[there is a lyric in música ligera [go listen to it. or else] that goes 'la música de fondo en los supermercados' so 'the background music at the supermarkets']
27. when spring officially started and suddenly life was bearable once again
28. the sequel.
bomb the ucm [yes. i tweeted the exact same thing]
24 nearly 25 years old and i just learned how to sign stuff with the electronic certificate. i want to shoot my foot i can't do this anymore
the thing is today i've been 3 hours calling the same 4 fucking numbers every 10 minutes only for them to tell me 'hahah everything you did last week is useless lol. but don't worry the deadline is thursday you still have time :)' [this was on a tuesday btw]
the world if the digital certificate and autofirma didn't exist
so yeah. everything i did on march 15th was useless. lol. i sent proof of my physical deposit of the application and they told me i couldn't <3. in the end i had to sign it digitally through a different administrative process and lol. i hate bureoucracy so fucking much.
28. i do love taylor swift but yeah
the eras tour: bellodrama tour:
-without ana mena -with ana mena
-52728€ tickets -22€ tickets
-she doesn't sing 'las 12' -she sings 'las 12'
the choice is yours
29. it's time for the 'hole in the bedroom' arc <3
[pic 1]
today my bedroom disappears
it wasn't a joke
[pic 2]
do you like my new setup?
SO. i honestly can't remember if i said this here but idk almost a month ago now i guess some of my floorplanks strated to lift. out of nowhere. so we called people to look into it and there was a water leak. so they had to dismantle my bed (you can see the frame in the lighter floorboards lol) and now i sleep in the attic; a room my dad has always used to hoard stuff <3 yesterday they filled the hole so that's nice, but now they have to slash the floor and for that they need all of the furniture gone. my house is basically just a long hallway so there just isn't enough space. it's gonna be fun :) oh and also we've decided to paint the room while we're at it. so i'll probably won't be able to sleep here for at least a month i imagine. this is my current setup btw, i'm writing this from here:
30. this one's a preamble of what's to come. i'm so sorry.
me: existing at any moment
my brain: i think it's time to play 'me he pillao x ti' on a loop
[now it's doing the same but with 'un clásico' <3]
31. ANA MENA WORLD DOMINATION DAY
i'll do the small tweets first and then go in chronological through pics 5, 6, and 7
GOOD DAY
the way i know for a fact that 'me he pillao x ti' would've appeared on skam españa s2 if the show had been made now
if i am already annoying with ana mena the day i fall for someone i'll be incredibly unbearable i want y'all to know it
i want ana mena to know she's changed lives today
[pic 6]
the pause in the first listen of bellodrama to listen on loop to 'me he pillao x ti' is so real actually
no words with 'un millón de lunas'
MENAmoro [i fall in love]... her mind
ana mena has made me want to go out and party for the first time in my life i can't
[pic 7]
why all songs in bellodrama have their titles with the first letter capitalized Like This except Tomorrow god Will Say? what is she trying to tell us
reply to the tweet: atheist legend
[pic 8]
i didn't choose to be anamenista i only was lucky
ana mena you gave us everything
ana mena you are the pop artist of this generation. you are everything and you are summer and the sun and margaritas. you give everything and you're the best.
i love you ana mena
32. i went back to working on my fantasy book :)
i am gonna try working on my fantasy book after more than half a year. wish me luck.
665 words #slay
33. i know you missed me talking about fictional shows that don't even exist but here you go
i need there to exist some kind of glee españa specifically so a character can sing this song to their crush and i can finish losing my mind
33. this is the last ana mena post I SWEAR
(chronologically)
half of the views are mine
the way i hadn't listened to it before the album dropped and now i'm OBSESSED
34. la caixa incident
can someone explain to me how la caixa, a catalan business, is telling me to send them documents in english for the scholarship??
so yeah. the sent me an email telling me they needed some documents in english i had sent them in spanish (which lol) and after doing so proceeded to accept my application :) apparently it's a pretty fucking good scholarship so i'm a bit hopeful i'll be able to make it <3
35. places i've been to in spain!
i know i have to visit the north more i know
36. my most listened to songs in march 💀
37. MANDATORY MEMORIAS DE IDHÚN TWEET THAT IS SCARILY ACCURATE TO MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
i am fascinated with the fact that one day laura gallego wrote three fat ass books projecting herself into a unicorn girlie that's involved with two dudes without knowing that with them she would forever change the brain chemicals of a new generation of spanish writers
38. and that's it :)
PEOPLE I GOT BACK MY TUMBLR ACCOUNT WE WON
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lil post-SKAM reflection/review (?) thing!! more photos incoming leading up to SCI cause i have well over a thousand that i need to finish uploading and editing but as u all know i do love to talk so i wrote down some stuff here!
random logistics stuff:
i know rink temps tend to vary but in case anyone is heading to a comp and wondering: a light sweatshirt over a regular t shirt over a heattech turtleneck was enough to keep me comfortable, my legs generally do not get cold but i did need to wear two pairs of socks, and i brought a heavier jacket in case that i ended up using mostly as a blanket lol
i was pretty careful to adhere to the security rules so not too many problems there, officially umbrellas were banned to bring in but i did see that security was holding them for people to collect once they left the building
def bring a portable charger and keep it juiced up because you will need it
nothing will make you wish for skaters to have greater ice coverage more than trying to photograph them while sitting opposite the judges, a massive chunk of my shots are just faceless or awkwardly angled because of this LOL
comp highlights:
koshiro and katya being the cutiepie crowd favorites!! their energy and ability to roll with the punches is unmatched and everyone was absolutely loving them
kanadai hot
how much i enjoyed the entire ice dance event in general? ngl i came in not particularly excited about the lineup and ended up finding something to love about everyone
ilia's 4A directly in front of my corner, we screamed for like 30 seconds more after that and then everyone just kept on screaming for him
madison chock hot
MISS GRACIE!!! MISS GOLD!!!
donovan carrillo has thee most radiant smile
my random encounters in passing with goatssl and his fabulous skates at this event have made me a full on stan, i forgot that the skating club of boston is his home rink now so it was wonderful to see that he was feeling the love and having a great time all weekend!
isababy levito charming the hell out of the audience!
jun is absolute magic live
making two seconds of very intense eye contact with kaitlin hawayek during the rhythm dance warmup
kaitlin and jean luc absolutely killing it in both the dance events?? they did that for me
kaori's speed, flow, and musicality — in person her skating really fills the entire space!!
the pairs event featuring both baby pairs making their debuts as well as the most powerful skating aunties' showdown, genuinely so exciting
seeing everyone let loose at the exhibition!
there is def way more to add here but this is getting too long already oops
general big W's:
understand that i never really figured out how to use the nikon and i basically spent the entirety of the first day practices draining my phone's battery while frantically attempting to google how to use it on the arena's shitty wifi, so i'm really glad that the photos came out pretty nice and that ur all loving them <3
costumes are so SPARKLY irl like in a way cameras can never quite capture, even really subtle detail like the beading on kaori’s sp dress just catches the light beautifully
the size of the arena made the whole comp feel very intimate, plus the low angle seating made it so everything felt so up close and you basically got a great view from anywhere around! i picked a corner where i suspected some jumping passes would be happening and it was very cool to see it a stone's throw away
the crowd energy was absolutely ON at this comp, everyone was there first and foremost to hype up every skater that stepped on the ice and it felt so good to be in the middle of it!
i met amwide range of hardcore fans, fans just getting into the sport, and competing adult skaters which was dope!! was surprised at how many people i met who didn't know the competitive field too well, although it gave me an excuse to infodump so not too many complaints there! love love loved talking to people and just being around people who are equally invested in the sport since i suspect my friends here are tired of me talking about it LOL
food truck food and concessions were pretty great? pricey obvs but i mean the $12 lobster roll not only didn't kill me but was actually pretty tasty for a $12 lobster roll
staff was super super nice, at least from my experience — very patient at security, despite the labyrinthian shuttle system there was staff on the ground who were very committed to directing you to them, generally felt like everything was run very smoothly
i loved dj romeo and his weird mixes idc!!!
it was probably harder here to *not* run into a skater or coach than making an active effort LOL everyone was milling about and you might get to talk to a competitor at pretty much any given moment
big L's:
i stupidly booked accommodations that were part of the USFS "spectator block" that ended up being way too far from the arena, and ended up blowing off pretty much my entire last paycheck on lyfts so that sucked
i left my umbrella in said lyft so thats gone for good now
wifi in the arena was absolute ass
i had to book lyfts from the train station (where the shuttle to and from the venue was running) which was partially under construction so the cell service was garbage and drivers were repeatedly cancelling on me, so on two of the three nights i was stranded at the train station past midnight which was def not fun (i did eventually get back dont worry)
got scared about the sign policy and left my notebook even though it turned out they were allowing handheld signs
i really really wish i had come with someone else i knew :,,) it was great meeting people but at times i just got very anxious and nervy being there by myself surrounded by groups of people who knew each other from twitter or elsewhere, they all seemed really nice and were offering banners and other fun stuff that i didnt ask for or get because i was so nervous oops
for the same reasons as above i was also too scared to talk to any of the skaters who were hanging around the venue even with the numerous opportunities that presented themselves so i am kicking myself a little bit for that
overall im so glad that this was my first competition to see in person!! that list of L's looks big but i really do think it was all worth it, i had a great time and am def looking forward to hopefully attending more competitions (and being more prepared for them) in the future :)))
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30 DAYS of PRIDE
↳ wlw + cuddling
Emily & Sue (Dickinson 2019-2021)
Root & Shaw (Person of Interest 2011-2016)Kieu My & Fatou (Druck 2018-)
Dani & Jamie (The Haunting of Bly Manor 2020)Lola & Maya (Skam France 2018 -)
#emily x sue#root x shaw#kieutou#dani x jamie#mayla#30dop#multi#wlwsource#wlwedit#dailylgbtq#femalecharacters#tuserhidden#nellsdani#useragatha#useream#usertas#uservera#tuserjackie#antedits
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I posted 67 times in 2022
18 posts created (27%)
49 posts reblogged (73%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@florawelch
@joanatheskammer
@katesharmasheart
@sotorubio
@superflytrap
I tagged 66 of my posts in 2022
Only 1% of my posts had no tags
#druck - 58 posts
#skam es - 4 posts
#skam nl - 2 posts
#'ava has become more likeable' they literally stripped her of her personality what - 1 post
#zoe i love you - 1 post
#answered - 1 post
#awww - 1 post
#this exactly - 1 post
#prev tags she sure is - 1 post
#literally - 1 post
Longest Tag: 82 characters
#'ava has become more likeable' they literally stripped her of her personality what
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Whyyyyy is Mailin our main like literally the new writers gave her so few clips on Isi's season it doesn't make sense that this is who they're going with??? Literally everyone else is right there also an Ava season is long overdue.
6 notes - Posted February 17, 2022
#4
Love how the first clip is out and I couldn't care less lmao
7 notes - Posted April 24, 2022
#3
Well the combination of my disinterest for Mailin and how busy I am got to me and I haven't watched the last few episodes of Druck. I hear Zoe and Yara are together so good for them.
9 notes - Posted June 11, 2022
#2
THEY FINALLY REMEMBERED TO MAKE YARA'S INSTAGRAM PUBLIC
19 notes - Posted April 30, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
The power that bi Zoe has making me watch every clip on the day that it drops when last week I couldn't care less
43 notes - Posted May 16, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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2, 6, 17, 30
Wooh! I come home after my last school day of the year and here is a lovely little bunch of numbers to explore 💜 It's been so busy that I haven't been writing much lately, so this was a really lovely excuse to revisit my stuff from this year. Thank you!
2. How many works did you publish this year? ... only 3 (????!!!!????) but I guess that's mostly because I spent much of the time writing the Skam big bang fic and so I kind of didn't do much else.
6. Favorite title you used. Heh, well since there aren't many to choose from, I guess it has to be Shadows Dance in the Heart because it's the one that I took the most time and care over. The others were just kind of descriptive of their contents really.
17. Your favorite character to write this year? I mean, it was, as it always is, Matteo. That boy has such a strangle hold on me that he'll probably keep this spot for... well, ever 💜
30. Biggest surprise while writing this year? I honestly think it was probably just how much I noticed about Druck s3 while writing Shadows... it was supposed to just be a fun way to revisit the season, but I kept noticing little bits and bobs as I went along (and then polished them so they'd be more entrenched obviously). When I started to think about what might change if one character (Matteo in this case) was in a different headspace, it really brought home how much about that season depends on his head being specifically where it is. I only ended up doing half of the season in the main story, but part of me kind of wonders what it might look like in the rest of the season. Or from David's PoV
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12/20/2023; Onsdag/Wednesday
[i wanna try and start daily study protocols again to hold myself accountable, or if not daily, at least every few days]
started using Polylogger a few days ago; I think I'll keep using it!
📚 SPQR: A History Of Ancient Rome- Mary Beard [350/536]
📺 SKAM 1x02
🎵 Perhaps Vampires Is A Bit Strong But...- Arctic Monkeys
🎧 Nuacht Mhall: 1 Lúnasa 2020 (Tír Eoghain) // Lær norsk nå: 2- Kan drap rettferdiggjøres? // Litterae Latinae Simplices: (1) De litteris Latinis // Easy Russian: 1: Как мы уехали из России
Duolingo: 1 block Latin
Clozemaster: 30 sentences Latin, Irish, Russian, Norwegian
Language Reactor: 142 cards Irish
that's it for today, it was a really productive day!! I'm really excited to start watching Percy Jackson now!
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73 questions: 1 year later
one. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? solid 5
two. describe yourself in a hashtag? #hater
three. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? maybe maya hawke? or audrey plaza.... now i'm thinking ab audrey plaza...
four. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? "and so it continues"
five. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? this is hard bc i literally never shut the fuck up especially on the internet, but i guess most people don't know i'm from bum-fuck alabama bc i don't have a southern accent
six. what’s your wake-up ritual? i read in bed for an hour, make a cup of tea and breakfast (usually cereal or toast), and then get ready, i always have music on
seven. what’s your go-to bed ritual? i don't go on my phone an hour before bed, but i listen to music or rain noises, take a hot bath, read whilst in the bath, do skincare, get into my pyjamas, read a bit more, put on aquaphor, go to sleep (i've been trying to work on my sleep hygiene, i don't think it's working.)
eight. what’s your favourite time of day? i've weirdly become a big fan of 4:30 - 6am ?? despite not being an early bird, usually i wake up at 4am against my will
nine. your go-to for having a good laugh? brittany broski!! either on youtube or tiktok
ten. dream country to visit? i wanna hike in the alps so i guess switzerland? also new zealand would be cool
eleven. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? finding out my dad is not my biological father and i have a half-sister who lives in france
twelve. heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers
thirteen. vintage or new? vintage furniture & trinkets, new clothes
fourteen. who do you want to write your obituary? if my mom were still alive, her. if not, probably my friend virginia, we've been friends since grade 9
fifteen. style icon? noora amalie saetre from skam, also elio perlman from call my by your name (i wish i had the body of a twink ngl)
sixteen. what are three things you cannot live without? my adhd medication (lmao), my baby blanket, notebook and mechanical pencil, or something to write in
seventeen. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? probably butter lmao
eighteen. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? my grandma, daniel handler (lemony snicket), and giula tofana
nineteen. what’s your biggest fear in life? dying alone and never falling in love again
twenty. window or aisle seat? aisle seat #gopissgirl
twenty-one. what’s your current tv obsession? i am too busy to watch tv, instead i watch stuff like mike's mic or the broski report on youtube- but if i had to choose probably fleabag or abbott elementary
twenty-two. favourite app? i think obsidian is really cool for note taking and such, i'm also guilty of loving tiktok
twenty-three. secret talent? i am really flexible because i'm hypermobile lmao
twenty-four. the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? study abroad in norway :)
twenty-six. how would you define yourself in three words? earnest, persistent, and sadly, insecure.
twenty-seven. favourite piece of clothing you own? my emotional support uni sweatshirt that looks like a hand-me-down from the 80s because i wash it so often (i spill food on it lmao)
twenty-eight. a must-have clothing item that everyone should have? cozy knitted sweater
twenty-nine. a superpower you would want? shape shifting, always and forever
thirty. what’s inspiring you in life right now? honestly therapy?? idk i feel like i'm finally making progress and working on issues i was in denial about
thirty-one. the best piece of advice you’ve received? my dad wrote me a letter for my 16th birthday since he had to miss it. he said "it is always darkest before dawn"
thirty-two. best advice you’d give your teenage self? nothing lasts forever. also please don't let her treat you like that
thirty-three. a book everyone should read? tiny, beautiful things by cheryl strayed
thirty-four. what would you like to be remembered for? leaving the world a bit better than when i found it, whether that be on a small or grander scale.
thirty-five. how do you define beauty? obvi it's subjective, but i think someone or something that warms me inside, something so beautiful it brings me joy? also women
thirty-six. what do you love most about your body? i love my freckles and my eyes. i have blue eyes with a gold ring in the middle :)
thirty-seven. best way to take a rest/decompress? taking a hot bath whilst eating two bomb pops and reading fanfiction
thirty-eight. favourite place to view art? a museum, i love the gift shops hehe
thirty-nine. if your life was a song, what would the title be? "how long will this last?"
forty. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano!!
forty-one. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? probably somewhere relatively hidden, like my ankle or ribs
forty-two. dolphins or koalas? koalas, dolphins are literally evil
forty-three. what’s your spirit animal? according to a random quizzes, a bumblebee
forty-four. best gift you’ve ever received? tbh the best gift i received i never got because my ex and i broke up before she could give it to me, it was tickets to play with sea otters at the aquarium. if i have to choose a gift i actually received, probably my silver bean earrings from tiffany's that i got for my high school graduation
forty-five. best gift you’ve given? i gave my sister lily of the valley earrings (our birth month flower) + a candle with her fav fandom theme
forty-six. what’s your favourite board game? ...does cards against humanity count?
forty-seven. what’s your favourite colour? i've been fond of a dark cool toned red, forest green, and sage lately
forty-eight. least favourite colour? orange or any bright colour
forty-nine. diamond or pearls? pearls 4ever
fifty. drugstore makeup or designer? designer but there are the occasional drugstore products i love
fifty-one. blow-dry or air-dry? air-dry, i cannot blow-dry my hair to save my life :')
fifty-two. pilates or yoga? pilates, i love reformer pilates tbh
fifty-three. coffee or tea? tea unless it's a cappuccino
fifty-four. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? cattywampus like ??
fifty-five. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk chocolate, i have grown to enjoy dark or semisweet though
fifty-six. stairs or elevators? elevators i have a bad knee from tearing my meniscus lmao
fifty-seven. summer or winter? winter, i hate sweating
fifty-eight. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? logically it should be something healthy but my heart is saying great grains cranberry almond crunch cereal with fairlife 2% milk
fifty-nine. a dessert you don’t like? any fruit-flavoured ice cream,
sixty. a skill you’re working on mastering? not being ashamed of my hobbies, like writing, being kinder to myself.
sixty-one. best thing to happen to you today? went to knitting club :))
sixty-two. worst thing to happen to you today? waking up for work with what i fear is bronchitis
sixty-three. best compliment you’ve ever received? i usually get told i'm funny and have pretty eyes so i guess that?
sixty-four. favourite smell? this is so embarrassing but probably whatever they spray in abercrombie and fitch stores ?? i do love a yankee candle though (specifically christmas eve)
sixty-five. hugs or kisses? hugs
sixty-six. if you made a documentary, what would it be about? pro-ed communities on social media + the new potrayal of diet culture on social media (i'm writing my senior thesis on this)
sixty-seven. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? i can't really remember but i would say a tiktok about dogs aging with the text "to be loved is to be changed"
sixty-eight. lipstick or lipgloss? lipgloss!! i have lipstick dysphoria
sixty-nine. sweet or savoury? sweet, i always need a lil treat
seventy. girl crush? i am a lesbian all of my crushes are women, atm probably havana rose liu
seventy-one. a song you can listen to on repeat? i don't smoke by mitski
seventy-two. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? zendaya, i want to date tom holland and be hot as fuck
seventy-three. what are you most excited for about this time in your life? graduating and being free from homework and exams, finally having a place to live for more than 9 months at a time
link to 2022 73 questions
#this was originally a tag game soooo if you see this you're tagged lmao#g.text#i'm mostly doing this for me
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