#*guitar riff* I walk this lonely road... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chierafied · 10 months

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Crossroads

Written for @jilychallenge August 2022. | Partner @wearingaberetinparis

Prompt: “One of the things your parents warned you about: Never pick up a hitchhiker. But she/he looked so lost and also a bit familiar so I did it anyway.”

Also for @gobletofweasleys' Jily week 2023 Meet Cute AU.

Thanks to @siriuslychessi for helping me out with this. 💖

Also on AO3

Tears burned in Lily’s eyes and choked sobs rattled in her throat. She paced the narrow shoulder of the four-lane motorway and kicked at the innocent grass. Her mind was whirling with stinging swearwords while in her heart the gut-twisting anger warred with the stranglehold of loss and grief. Her suitcase sat neatly near her feet while Lily walked a tight circle, stuck in the torrent of emotion.

Stuck here, on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, with nothing in sight but trees, grass, and the cars and lorries hurrying past. With nothing but her dark thoughts and hurt feelings to keep her company.

Lily’s breath stuttered in her throat as the enormity of her predicament crashed down on her and the tears finally tore free, rolling down her cheeks.

It hadn’t even been two hours and James was already bored. Even the guitar riffs of the classic rock playlist blasting in his car didn’t quite pump him up anymore. His restless fingers drummed at the steering wheel and he shifted in his seat. Maybe he should have stopped in Glasgow, after all. Taken a break. Stretched his legs. Got himself a big cup of coffee.

There was nothing in front of him now but hours and hours of driving south along the motorway stretching before him. There wouldn’t even be any big cities on the way for the next hundred miles or two. The mere thought of all the miles still ahead of him was enough to make him lose his bloody mind. How was he going to be able to keep himself occupied for so many hours on end?

He’d ring Sirius but that blighter was probably already on his way to Greece right now. Off to his stupid romantic holiday with his stupid boyfriend. Blowing off a road trip with his best mate like the right sod he was.

The long trip back home from uni was a complete snooze fest now that he was forced to drive through the day alone.

Although it took the whole day to drive to James’ parents’ place, back in June when they had gone back for the summer holidays the miles had flown by. They’d taken turns driving. Taken breaks in some of the towns and rest stops along the way. And all the while, the car had been filled with talk and laughter. Not James’ lonely playlist and frustrated sighs.

Maybe it was time to play a game. It wouldn’t be much fun by himself, but if it was a choice between a boring road trip game and the general boring everything, he’d rather pick the option that wouldn’t slowly turn his brain into mush.

“I spy with my little eye…” James muttered under his breath.

His gaze swept the scenery before him. There was the grey, endless road. Grass. The railing between the lanes. Trees lining the road. Cars of all makes, models and colours, interspersed with lorries.

Ah! Now there was something to break the monotony. An overhead bridge. That perked James up briefly, but as soon as he drove under it, the boredom started to creep back in.

More of the stretching road, more cars, more trees, and more inertia eating his brain until all that would remain was mush.

Hold on, what was that?

James switched lanes.

A person standing by the side of the road? In the middle of nowhere?

That was unboring. James started to slow down.

Their arm was outstretched. His parents had always warned him against hitchhikers — though James wasn’t sure why since he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d seen one — but any company would do right now.

Slowly, James pulled to a stop by the side of the road.

As he turned to look at the red-haired woman through the passenger-side window, a jolt of recognition jittered down his spine.

He knew that face. It was red and splotchy right now, but he knew he’d seen it, more than once. He just couldn’t place it, didn’t know who she was.

The woman hesitated for a moment longer. Then, she reached out and opened the door.

"Hi," she said and sniffed.

"Hi," James replied, offering her a smile he hoped was reassuring. "Need a lift?"

"Yes, please."

"Hop on in."

The woman picked up her suitcase and hoisted it into the backseat before climbing into the passenger seat next to James.

"Where are you headed?" James asked as he steered back into the traffic.

"Just drop me off at the nearest town with a train station."

James slanted her a quick glance. She was looking out of the window, turned away from him. Disappointment pressed tight around his throat.

"Ok, just tell me where. Don't have the railway map in my head."

"I'll have to look that up, too," she admitted. "Give me a moment."

While she fumbled with her phone, James turned down his music. Drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. Second-guessed himself at least four times.

Then, finally, he couldn't hold back the words anymore.

"It's too bad, though. I really could have used the company."

She looked up from her phone and frowned at him.

Great, now he'd probably come across as some kind of a creep.

"Just, it's a long drive home for me and in the previous years we've made a whole road trip out of it with my friend but this time it's just me and at this rate, I'm pretty sure the boredom will rot my brain before I reach Manchester."

"You're driving all the way to Manchester?" she asked, sounding surprised.

"No, I'm driving all the way to Devon."

She blinked. Stared at him. Slowly tilted her head.

"Are you crazy?"

"Yes," James readily replied. "But not the homicidal kind. I promise."

That startled a laugh out of her.

And that piece that had been puzzling and nagging at him at the back of his mind clicked into place. The red hair. The bright eyes. That easily recognisable voice. The laugh.

“You’re Lily, right? Remus Lupin’s friend?”

Her eyebrows rose sharply in surprise.

"Yeah. We have a lot of classes together. Are you a friend of Remus, too?"

"Yeah. I'm best mates with Remus' boyfriend. He also happens to be my flatmate so I see Remus around. A lot."

A smile tugged at Lily’s lips. "I can only imagine."

"I'm James, by the way. James Potter. I don’t think we've ever officially met though I've seen you around the campus."

"Nice to meet you, James. Officially." Her voice was warm and light with her smile.

Hearing it lifted his heart and made him smile at the road in front of them.

"Likewise. And it's nice to have someone to talk with. The time's already flying by," James told her.

"Well, I guess keeping your brain rot away is the least I can do," Lily quipped.

"That would be much appreciated," he said. "I also really appreciate this opportunity of playing a knight in shining armour. It’s doing good things for my ego."

"Nurturing male egos is the primary focus of any woman’s life," Lily spoke in a wry tone.

James burst into laughter.

"I can see why you're friends with Remus," he said

"Yeah, we have a similar sense of humour." Lily shrugged.

"You have a brilliant sense of humour," James replied.

"Thanks."

For a moment, a silence settled over them. Then, Lily asked: "So what's in Devon?"

And so the conversation took root again. They talked about their plans for the autumn break, about their studies, about university life. They complained about their assignments and exams. They shared anecdotes of their professors and classes and the antics of their friends. They confessed where all their favourite spots on the campus were.

They chatted so easily with one another that before either of them realised it, more than an hour had passed.

It wasn’t until James saw the signpost of Gretna Green that he jolted back to reality.

“Should we stop at Gretna Green?” he asked Lily, his genial mood starting to deflate.

He could feel the weight of Lily’s long stare.

“What for, an obliging blacksmith? You seem like a nice enough guy, James, but I’d like to get to know you a bit better before we put marriage on the table.”

James’ surprise burst out in a wild guffaw.

“You’re getting ahead of yourself, Lily,” he told her, trying to match her joking tone. “I’m the grand gestures type. When the marriage is on the table, you’ll know.”

He shot her a glance and winked, before turning his attention back to the road. “What I was actually after was, I’m pretty sure Gretna fits your definition of the nearest town with a train station. If I drop you off there, I’m sure you can get a train or a coach to take you home.”

While Lily stayed silent, James held his breath.

“I don’t want to be a bother,” she said slowly, after a long moment, “but if you’re really driving all the way to Devon, it wouldn’t be a huge detour to swing by Derby, would it?”

“Not at all, it’s practically on the way,” James said, perking up and breathing easy once again.

“I’m just concerned about the state of your brain,” she continued, deadpan. “We should keep it as rot-free as possible.”

“Definitely.” James nodded. “And seriously, I would appreciate the company.”

“Well then, looks like you’re stuck with me for a while longer.”

James grinned. And though he’d only just met her, he was starting to think that he wouldn’t mind being stuck with her for the rest of his life.

Lily was laughing so hard her cheeks were hurting. She wasn’t sure she’d stopped laughing since they’d crossed over to Lancashire. How strange it was that in the span of only two odd hours, her mood had taken such a complete and abrupt turn, from the bleakest, darkest pit into bright, boundless joy.

Really, it was all thanks to James. James, who was funny and nice and sweet and friendly and more than easy on the eyes.

And maybe a little crazy, yes, but definitely in a good way.

It was weird that their paths hadn’t crossed much on campus before. Sure, the campus was big and they studied in different faculties and had no classes in common. But Lily didn’t shy away from parties or pub quizzes or any of the varied events peppering the social calendar of student life. So they well could have—should have—met before today. Especially given the Remus-Sirius connection. James probably spent more time in the social scene of the campus than in class, too, Lily mused. Judging by their short acquaintance, James seemed even more outgoing than she was. After all, he’d been starved enough for company to pick up a stranger from the side of the road.

Which had been fortunate for her and very decent of him. A smile playing on her lips, Lily slanted a glance at James, wondering. Really, he was a decent bloke.

That thought combined with her returned good humour and the congenial mood in the car—as well as all the many miles still ahead of them—spurred her to speak before her brain had fully caught up with her tongue.

“Aren’t you going to ask?”

His eyebrows shot up. “Ask what?”

“How I ended up hitchhiking by the side of the road.”

James kept his eyes on the road and his voice even. “I figured you’d have a good reason for that and I didn’t want to pry. Felt like there was a story there and you seemed upset enough so I decided you needed space, not questions.”

Warmth bloomed in Lily’s chest even as a mirthless chuckle left her lips. “Oh, there’s a story all right. A long one.”

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“I know. But I think I want to.”

He gave her a slow nod, still looking at the road ahead, and muted the rock music that had been faintly playing in the background.

Lily glanced out of the window and took a deep, fortifying breath. “I was heading back home with a friend. He’s from my hometown; we’ve actually been friends since primary school.”

“Wow, that’s a long time,” James said.

“Yeah, it is. Which makes it all the more wretched.” She sighed. “We wanted to go to the same uni, though we have different majors. We haven’t actually seen each other much in the past year or two, which is why I hadn’t realised how much he’s changed.”

“People grow apart,” James murmured.

“We did. Since I started uni, I’ve been so busy trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be.”

“I know what you mean. It’s been the same for me. Living across the entire country from my parents has made me glad to at least have Sirius. I like my major and I feel like I’m on the right path but it definitely has me thinking about myself as a person in a way I haven’t needed to before.”

Lily nodded. His words resonated a lot with her, reassuring her once again that James, unlike Severus, understood. “I feel so, too. Except that for me, I’ve been exploring this side of myself more that I haven’t fully even realised was there before.” Lily had to pause then because her breath painfully caught in her throat. “I suppose I’m the one who’s changed. Or maybe just becoming more of myself, if that makes sense?”

“Makes perfect sense to me,” James replied.

“So maybe that’s true for him, too,” Lily mused, more to herself than to James. Her stomach churned as she finally fully faced the possibility she’d been shying away from since this morning. “Maybe he hasn’t actually changed for the worse. Maybe I just haven’t been paying attention and this is who he’s always been.”

As the awful certainty pummeled her heart, James’ fingers tapped against the steering wheel in a lulling pattern as he waited, silent and patient, for Lily to continue. She took a deep breath and steeled her mind. She’d be going over her and Severus’ fight several times in the near future, but right now she didn’t want to dwell on it. He’d ruined enough of her day and she wasn’t going to let him get the best of her. So she took back control of the narrative. Literally.

“Last November,” Lily said, her heartbeat kicking up as her nerves made their appearance, “I was at this party. Dancing with this girl. A few drinks in. She kissed me.”

Lily paused, but James’ fingers still kept tapping. His face showed nothing but curiosity.

“Did you kiss her back?” he asked.

That was it. A simple question, lacking any kind of judgement. Lily felt like crying and beaming at the same time but chose to go on with her story instead.

“I did,” she replied. “And it was like I was seeing in colour for the first time in my life.”

“I felt that way, too, when I had my first kiss,” James said. “Though I haven’t tried kissing blokes. I’ll leave them to Sirius.”

Lily laughed. “Well, long story short, I’ve been pretty openly bisexual since then. To the point that I forgot I hadn’t actually told my childhood friend about it. And today, we were driving back home together, as we’ve done a few times before. I don’t even remember what we were initially talking about but he made a really homophobic comment which I of course immediately called him out on but the whole thing escalated and I couldn’t deal with it, couldn’t deal with him anymore. So I had him drop me off by the side of the road.”

Lily had to swallow against the knot of bitter fury in her throat. It was too soon for recollections. She needed distance right now, both from Severus and her own emotions. With a grimace, she shoved Severus into a box and slammed the lid shut. It was time to wrap this story up and move on.

“I was pretty much a mess at that point,” Lily said, her voice neutral now. “His comments and beliefs hurt, the argument had been super draining. I was riding on the anger. It was easier being angry than admitting that I’d just lost a friend.”

“I’m sorry,” James murmured in a soft voice. “Sounds like you’ve had a really shitty day.”

“I have,” she answered, “but thankfully it’s looking up now. At this rate, I might be able to end this day on a good note.”

“I hope you will.” James spared her a quick glance. “And if I can help with that, let me know.”

She managed a small smile. “Oh, you already have. You picked me up from the side of the road. Offered to drive me all the way home. You made me laugh when I wasn’t sure I had any laughter left in me. And now you’re just sitting there, listening and letting me dump this whole sordid story of my life on you like some absolute madwoman.”

“Well, we’ve already established that I’m crazy, so you’re in good company,” James joked.

“I really am,” Lily agreed wholeheartedly. “Thank you, James. For everything.”

“You’re welcome. And honestly, I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to confide in me. I mean,” James fumbled. “I, at least, think better out loud. Helps me process. And when you keep something like this in for too long, it starts to fester. So I think it’s better for you to let it out.”

“You’re right.” Lily wasn’t all right yet. She probably wouldn’t be all right for a while yet. But she was in a much better place than she had been just a few short hours ago, and she couldn’t have got here without James.

“Also, the way I see it…” James paused, his ears growing a little pink. “You’ve also gained a new friend today. If you want one.”

“The way I see it,” Lily said, “I could really use a friend like you right now. Thanks, James.”

He grinned.

She smiled back and let her head fall to rest against the window. For the next mile or two, they sat in companionable silence.

The clock was slowly nearing six in the evening and they were getting closer to Derby. They’d taken a few breaks on the way, for food and coffee as well as rest. And while James was getting tired, it hadn’t really felt like a 350-mile drive. All thanks to Lily, who’d turned out to be the best company. She’d really saved the whole trip and he was already growing a bit gloomy and fidgety at the prospect of parting ways.

For more reasons than one, if he was honest with himself. But no matter how he felt about her, he was not gonna make it weird and be the creep making moves on a woman while he had her entrapped in a vehicle with him and while she was probably still in a vulnerable place emotionally speaking.

“Oh, I love this song,” Lily breathed out suddenly. “Turn it up.”

James did, and to his delight, Lily started singing along. He grinned at the road ahead, absolutely delighted with her and hoping he could imprint this moment on himself so he could always return to it. Speeding down the motorway, her presence beside him warm and bright like the sun, the song intertwining with her lovely voice swelling in the car and filling his heart.

“You sing really well,” he told her as the song came to an end.

“Thanks.”

A while later, they turned off the motorway. Lily started to give James instructions and to point out familiar places and while it was fascinating to get these additional glimpses into her life, the bottom of James’ stomach was sinking.

The end was getting near.

And then they were driving along a quiet residential street and Lily spoke up, her voice subdued, “It’s the third house on the right.”

A minute later, James pulled the car to a stop. They both stared at the ordinary-looking house in silence.

Lily turned to him. “Well, here we are.”

“Here we are,” James echoed.

“Thank you again for everything, James. You’ve been great.”

“So have you. My brain has remained fully rot-free thanks to you.”

Lily smiled. “I’m glad. Are you gonna be fine for the rest of the trip?”

James shrugged a shoulder. “I’ll manage, it’s only a couple more hours.”

Lily glanced back at the house. “Yeah… I’d invite you in, for tea or coffee or a bathroom break or whatever but it’s my parents’ house and I just don’t want to deal with all the questions they’d have.”

“I get it. It’s fine. I should get going anyway so it won’t be too late when I get home.”

“Right. This is a goodbye then.” Lily’s lips twitched into a small smile.

“For now.” James winked. “You agreed to be my friend so you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Lily laughed. If James could bottle the sound he’d always carry it around in his pocket.

“Fine with me.”

She opened the car door and James got out to help her with her luggage.

They stood by the side of the street, staring at one another, each of them seemingly unwilling to move. Finally, James held out his hand.

“Can I get your phone?”

Lily raised her eyebrow. “Why?”

He opted for humour. It was always so easy to hide behind. “If you get too concerned about the status of my poor brain which will surely start to rot in your absence, you could ring me. Or text me. If you had my number.”

Lily’s green eyes sparked. She unlocked her phone and handed it over to James. “I guess it would be good to have your number. I might stay up all night worrying about your rotting brain otherwise.”

James beamed like an idiot as he put in his number, then handed Lily’s phone back.

“There you go.”

“Thanks.” Lily tapped at the number and after a brief moment, James’ phone started to ring in the car. “Just checking that it works.”

“Never hurts to check,” James said, both comforted and giddy about the fact that he now had Lily’s number, too.

“Goodbye, James. For now. Drive safe.”

“Thanks. Take care, Lily.”

She nodded, smiled, and turned to leave. But after just a few steps, she was back, abruptly pulling James into a hug.

He held her close, barely having time to register the warm weight of her body against his and the softness of her hair under his hand and just the utter perfection of her before she had backed away again.

“Sorry. I guess I needed to get that out of my system.”

“No need to apologise. For the record, I love hugs.”

“Good to know. Ok. Bye. For real now.”

“Bye.”

He stood by the car, hands stuffed in his pockets. When Lily reached the door, she turned back to wave. And before James could help himself, he called out to her: “You know, after the break, I’m gonna drive back to Scotland to uni. If you need a ride, I could use the company.”

Lily’s smile was so wide it lit up her face. She tucked a strand of her red hair behind her ear.

“Sure,” she replied. “It’s a date.”

#jily #jily fanfiction #meet cute #jily week 2023 #jilychallenge #chie writes #fic: jl

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notafraidofredyellowandblue · 3 years

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Richard Kruspe interview - Oxmox Hamburg Stadtmagazin 2021-12

Published 2021-12-04

Richard about Emigrate's new album, working with Till and Lemmy, cover songs, an Emigrate idea that ended up on a Rammstein album and more..

Disclaimer:

Before taking offense with anything RZK says in this interview, please consider

although my intention is do translate as correct as possible, there may be nuances lost in translation (neither english nor german is my first language)

the interviewer may have written down RZK's answers with a different nuance than Richard intended

Exclusive interview with Richard Kruspe

I had to break out of the Rammstein cosmos

Richard Kruspe (54) has shaped the sound of Rammstein with his massive guitar riffs for more than 25 years . The guitarist, singer and songwriter also works with Rammstein- Frontmann Till Lindemann on his own project, Emigrate .

Richard Kruspe: I had a difficult time. After our stadium tour, I fell into a hole. When at Rammstein concerts you hear every day how great you , you become addicted to it in a way. As a result, before the pandemic, for the first time in my life I had no motivation to even think about music . I had to move into the past to re-find myself. And in the process I came across old songs that I thought were beautiful. A very important process for me to again make music at all.

Just like the album “The Persistence Of Memory” there is a painting by Salvador Dali by that name. An coincidence?

No. I thought this name and this picture were so fitting for the time I had just experienced. I needed this urgency of memory to write this album ... The music has to touch me, for me to have images in my head. These can also be abstract. That happens to me in a very extreme way when I write and mix music.

What images did you have in mind during the dark “Blood Stained Wedding”?

With this song I had pictures from the movie "I Am The Legend" in my head, in which Will Smith walks alone through the streets of New York. "I am the last survivor in this world" . I often write intuitively about things I see or process. It doesn't always have to be about current affairs. Sometimes these themes come back ... Personally I already isolated myself before the pandemic. When that started, being isolated was nothing new to me. Dealing with yourself is something that makes you lonely. This always logically results in lyrics or music .

" Freeze My Mind" is one of the very first Emigrate songs, written in 2001.

Yes. That originated at a time when I felt I had to break out of the Rammstein-cosmos in order to create a balance. At that time I needed distance to define myself and developed the desire for something of my own. I always want to take new roads. While showering this morning, I wondered when the next musical revolution is coming. I don't know if it will ever happen. Rock music was the sound of the revolution in the 60s and 70s. Later came the rave-techno-electro wave. The rebellion of hip-hop I didn't really understand anymore.

Emigrate is a balance to your artistic work with Rammstein.

I needed this balance. Through Rammstein I learned that the big picture is more important than your own ego. On the other hand, I also have a vision. You can't necessarily enforce that in a democracy. I could only do that in my own world.

Till Lindemann also belongs to the Emigrate family. He did the lead vocals for the cover “Always On My Mind”. Is Lindemann your muse who always inspires you to new songs?

Yeahno. Naturally Till is part of my life. The original idea was that Till and I wanted to do Emigrate together . Understandably, the band had a problem with that. The Elvis song actually had nothing to do with Till . Years ago our record company wanted to make an album with Elvis songs. I thought Elvis ' voice incredibly exciting and started working on the song "Always On My Mind" . Later I considered who else could sing it.

And then you thought of Till Lindemann?

That was only at the last moment. Till has a very special voice and immediately agreed. I then sang along to it myself, which is very emotional ... It's exciting to bring what is muscially inside you, into a cover.

Is a good cover as labor-intensive as a completely new song?

Definitely. Sometimes even more labor intensive. When Rammstein covered “Stripped” by Depeche Mode , it was more difficult for us than writing a new song. Because you always try to keep the balance between the original and your own trademark.

Are you particularly happy when the original artists like your new versions?

In Elvis' case, that's difficult. The last Rammstein cover was made by Balbina . (Note: "Sonne" ) I thought that was really good. I heard it on Radio Eins , where it was played all the time. On the new “Black Album” there are also a couple of extremely good Metallica covers.

Did you still find Emigrate songs from the early days with Till Lindemann in your archive?

No. The basic building block back then was the song "Don't Die Before I Do" . We later recorded it with Rammstein and Sharleen Spiteri for the album "Rosenrot" . After that I continued Emigrate on my own. And the new album closes an era. I would like to move in a completely different direction. I like to play the piano and electronic instruments because nothing new happens to me on the guitar.

With Emigrate you also worked with Lemmy Kilmister from Motörhead. Was that exciting?

Of course! The idea was to do something exactly with people I adore. With Lemmy it was a very special moment shortly before his death. Even though he was already very ill, he particpated. Especially when you have grown up in the East like me and have idealized certain musicians, at such a moment you feel as if Christmas, Easter and a birthday happened at the same time.

How did you work with Lemmy back then?

I sent him the song and he sang on it. Lemmy was a rock *).

At the end of the 80s, Till Lindemann and you and your band, First Arsch, applied for a playing permit in order to be able to perform publicly in the GDR.

That was the time of the rebellion when punk bands suddenly came together. Punk arrived relatively late in Schwerin. Anyone who wanted to make music in the East needed a degree. The idea that you just pick up a guitar and start playing - you had to get used to this at first. At First Arsch we thrashed and let out emotions. Till on drums and me on guitar went on stage without rehearsing. I don't even know if that was even music, but the audience thought it was super awesome. Because it just was different. A liberation from the state and society.

What did you sing about back then?

There were no lyrics with First Arsch . Our bass player just made noises. It was a really exciting time. I went to the conservatory for four years, where I learned to play jazz guitar. And it took me another four years to forget it all again. Music that happens intuitively cannot be made on a drawing board. In retrospect, of course, I use parts of classical music to understand things. But you don't need a degree for these types of emotions.

Rammstein will go on a European tour in 2022.

You always like to do things that you haven't done for a long time. What I missed most during the pandemic was going to concerts myself.

-----

*) the word used is 'Urgestein' which literally translates 'Premieval rock', and means something like 'Founding member', 'Old guard' or something.. My feeling is that Richard thinks of Lemmy as a very experienced singer, very professional in getting the song done.

#richard interview #my translation #richard kruspe #emigrate #rammstein

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gay-ghosts-committing-crimes · 3 years

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Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

based off of this post by @ificouldtakeusback

AO3 link

Warnings: death and grief, bee mention

Summary: Bobby deals with losing Sunset Curve <3

Writing taglist (ask to be added or removed): @barrel-of-cat-mituna @completekeefitztrash @tiergan-andrin-alenefar @lemontarto @hershis-kotlc @genesiscaveat @everything-else-and-mars @juline-dizznee @chaotic-basics @an-absolute-travesty @classyfunnyquotesmuffin7 @smolanxiouscatvoids @itstiger720 @introvertedscarecrow @sunset-telepath @an-idiot-in-a-trenchcoat @cowboypossume @anaccidentwaitingtohappen @sofia-not-sophie @fire-sapphics @dr-alan-grant @real-smooth @juline-dizznee

“There’s a grief that can’t be spoken There’s a pain goes on and on Empty chairs at empty tables Now my friends are dead and gone”

The morning arrived like a man condemned to death, slow-plodding and weighed down by guilt... by grief. The night before had been a swirl of energy; the energy of playing The Orpheum, the energy of being together, about to succeed, on the edge of everything they’d dreamed of. And then... the anxious energy and sick-to-the-stomach feeling of knowing something’s not right. A panicked rush to find his bandmates, his friends, because they were about to go on but they weren’t there, they weren’t there and something wasn’t right, something wasn’t-

Then came the sirens. The red and blue lights. The churning in his stomach became a cold stone.

But now Bobby sat alone, the morning sun streaming in like a memorial to the light in their eyes before it was snuffed out, and he didn’t have energy. He didn’t have the energy to feel anymore, he was exhausted.

He reached up to scrub at his face, wiping away tears that had long stopped falling, eyes dry and scratchy from crying until 3 a.m. and not sleeping at all. He wished he could sleep. He wished he could close his eyes and see something other than the bodies of his friends, something other than the way they had died in each others arms, wished he could think about anything other than the fact that he’d never hug them again or play music with them until his fingers bled and his throat was hoarse and his face sore from smiling.

He just sat. Alone. Exhausted.

The garage-made-studio was silent around him, and he longed to scream. Scream because he was never getting them back, scream because he was hurting, scream scream scream because the studio wasn’t meant to be quiet. It was meant to be filled with life and sound and four boys who loved each other in a way their ‘real’ families never would, playing music and goofing off and being together. It wasn’t meant for a single boy too tired to even cry anymore.

“Here they talked of revolution Here it was they lit the flame Here they sang about tomorrow And tomorrow never came

From the table in the corner They could see a world reborn And they rose with voices ringing And I can hear them now!”

Bobby grabbed another box and shoved on top of one he had already stacked, angry tears burning behind his eyes. He hated this room and he hated this garage and he hated that he was alive and his friends were dead and he hated the fact that he was expected to be okay.

Because he wasn’t. He wasn’t okay and he had watched his friends take their last breaths and maybe if he was there sooner they would be alive, but it didn’t matter because they were gone and he wasn’t okay.

He grabbed another box and choked back a sob, anger and guilt and mourning caught and tangled in his chest like a swarm of bees swarming in his lungs until he felt suffocated and smothered. He tripped over a box and bit back a scream, choosing instead to kick at the box before falling to his knees. He couldn’t do this. He was just a kid, and he couldn’t do this.

The tears fell, hot and messy and his voice was choked and gasping, nose snotty and eyes red. Was it less than a week ago that the four of them had stood, side by side, in this very place? Singing and laughing together because they were doing it, they were finally making their place in the world! They were going to turn the music industry on its head and become something.

Bobby remembered how it had started; he and Reggie were the first to meet. They learned guitar together, they sung and played and thought ‘maybe this could be something’. And then Luke came with his voice and guitar and it was something. It was incredible and it was new and they found a place that could be their own and they claimed it for themselves, claimed it for who they were and who they were going to be. And then Alex... Alex with his anxious hands and killer drums came along and suddenly Bobby had a family again.

He remembered the late evenings of lukewarm pizza and song-writing challenges and four boys who were in love with music. It was freedom and it was flying and it was loving and being loved for who you were and not because you were what people wanted from you. It was four boys singing their hearts out. Singing their lives. Their hopes.

They had sung about their future, and now they didn’t even have one.

“The very words that they had sung Became their last communion On this lonely barricade At dawn

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me That I live and you are gone There's a grief that can't be spoken There's a pain goes on and on”

Bobby thrashed, sweat dripping down his face and his eyes flew open, chest heaving and heart racing. He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face, sighing when he realized he was too tightly wound to go back to sleep. Reluctantly, he got out of bed, tugging on a light sweatshirt and grabbing his guitar before slipping out of his room and heading out.

The night air was muggy and thick, but chilly enough that he was glad he remembered to put something on over his t-shirt. The walk to their... his studio was mostly quiet save for the rare passing of cars, and he let himself get lost in the way the stop-lights reflected in the water on the road, a broken and distorted portrayal of their mirror image. It’s like him, he thinks, and wishes he wasn’t a seventeen year-old boy who had to think of things in terms of ‘Before’ and ‘After’.

He finally got to the studio and slammed the door behind him. It wasn’t like he was going to be quiet when he practiced anyway.

The music started soft. Started gentle and intriguing, and then began to harden, to twist into something loud and broken. It was jagged and hurting and Bobby sang till his throat was dry, like maybe if he sang hard enough they would come back, like maybe if he ruined his voice he wouldn’t have to live with what his best friends had died for, like maybe the universe would bend its uncaring ear and hear him, hear his grief and anger and grant him some semblance of peace, something like an ending.

He played for hours, the pads of his fingers sore, his voice choked and strained from yelling the lyrics, but he kept on. He kept on because when he played it was like the ghosts of them stayed behind to listen.

Luke would be grinning from somewhere beside him, hands moving deftly over his own guitar, Reggie beside him getting flustered when Bobby winked and then playing an incredible riff despite it, and Alex behind them, his hands playing magic on his set, smile wide as he enjoyed the music. And Bobby.

Bobby strumming and looking at his bandmates and maybe it hurt worse when it was all over, losing them again and again every time he stopped playing, but for that brief moment his friends were back and he wasn’t the lonely teenager in an empty garage with only a few boxes around him to remind him of what is was like to have a home in other people. For a brief moment he was ‘Bobbers’ and ‘Bobbins’ and he was winning a tickle fight with Reggie and getting his hair floofed by Luke, for a brief moment he stopped being ‘Bobby, the boy who lost his best friends and bandmates at age seventeen’ and was ‘Bobby, who was getting chided by Alex for putting his stuff everywhere’.

For a brief moment he wasn’t grieving the only people who really knew what it was like to love him.

“Phantom faces at the window Phantom shadows on the floor Empty chairs at empty tables Where my friends will meet no more

Oh my friends, my friends Don't ask me what your sacrifice was for Empty chairs at empty tables Where my friends will sing no more”

Bobby got older and changed his name. He didn’t want to be the boy that lost his friends, the boy left behind, so he became Trevor, a man who wasn’t brokenhearted.

It didn’t stop him from being brokenhearted though.

He still saw them in everything, and it wasn’t fair. He’d go to the beach to stare at the water only to jerk his head around when he heard Reggie’s laughter. He’d go to a café but when he’d sit down he’d see Alex drumming his fingers on the table, waiting to order, hear Luke rambling excitedly about a new song he was working on.

The boys may have been dead, but he’d never escape their memory.

He could shove it down as hard as he could, but in the end he’d turn around a corner and catch a glimpse of Reggie walking by, he’d be in the grocery store and overhear Alex sassing Luke. It was a never-ending cycle of shock, hope, and then crushing sadness, because it was never them and it never would be.

The beach was always silent, and the chairs were always empty.

Bobby was alone.

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andrewdz · 4 years

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Favorite Albums of 2019

2019 was a big year for me in music. According to my Last.FM stats, it’s the most music I’ve listened to in one year. That played a big role in why I have a top 50 albums list for the year. There was a lot of stuff I really enjoyed.

I tried to find new bands this year because I’m over 30 now which they say is around the time you stop seeking new music and I want to prove that wrong. 14 out of my top 50 were brand new artists to me, which I wish was higher, but that’s a goal for next year now.

I also reignited my love for some bands. I got really into the Go-Betweens in 2019. I bought a documentary about them, a book about the two founders of the band, and got a box set of their last three albums that is now one of most prized music possessions. I also found some Deerhunter records in Nashville that I listened to quite a bit. I also got to see them live this year which was a real treat. Other artists I got really into this year was Townes Van Zandt, Guy Clark, Bombay Bicycle Club, Chris Isaak, Hightide Hotel, The Brave Little Abacus and Titus Andronicus (who I was already into, but got almost all of their albums on vinyl now).

It was another terrific year for live shows as well, as I got to see a lot of artists I loved as well as ones on my bucket list. Kacey Musgraves, Sharon Van Etten, Priests, mewithoutyou (2nd time), Tigers Jaw, Titus Andronicus (2nd Time), Angel Olsen (3rd Time), Deerhunter, Trampled by Turtles, and Miami Horror. The best month was late April to late May when I got to go to five amazing but very different shows. It was one of the most fun months of my life. I got to see the Drums (2nd Time), PUP, Ratboys, Doomsquad, Operators, Desire, Chromatics, and Passion Pit! All of them were some of the best shows I’ve ever been to.

Now enough about my music year, let’s get to the list. I only wrote things about the top 30 but wanted to highlight some other ones so expanded the list to 50. Like I mentioned earlier, it was a really great year of music. Not sure if I will release a list of favorite songs this year, but we’ll see. I’ve lately become more of an album fan instead of singles. Let me know what you checked out this year!

50. Chromatics – Closer to Grey

49. Hatchie – Keepsake

48. Nilufer Yana – Miss Universe

47. Denzel Curry - ZUU

46. Pedro the Lion - Phoenix

45. Proper. - I Spent the Winter Writing Songs About Getting Better

44. Turnover – Altogether

43. Jay Som – Anak Ko

42. Big Thief – Two Hands

41. Jimmy Eat World - Surviving

40. Titus Andronicus – An Obelisk

39. The National – I Am Easy to Find

38. Priests – Seduction of Kansas

37. DIIV – Deceiver

36. Mildura - Mildura

35. Jamila Woods – LEGACY! LEGACY!

34. Doomsquad – Let Yourself Be Seen

33. Charly Bliss – Young Enough

32. Operators – Radiant Dawn

31. Black Marble – Bigger Than Life

30. The Get Up Kids – Problems

I was late on the Get Up Kids (I know, I know, I’ll turn in my emo card after this article), and I’ve been trying to catch-up these past couple years. And what perfect timing because it’s the first album in eight years (They also had a terrific EP in 2018). It’s a really good return album from them. They can still write amazing pop punk anthems, and few bands leave songs stuck in my head as often as the Get Up Kids do. It’s interesting that the early wave of emo are now elder statesmen of the scene and they touch on that a little in this album. Reflecting on the past and what it means to be a band in 2019. It’s always good to see a band not only not just rely on nostalgia to tour on, but still release relevant music that stands up with some of their best material.

Favorite Track: Satellite

29. Bon Iver – i,i

It’s interesting where Bon Iver has gone in the past decade. First bursting on the scene with the perfect story of going to a cabin and recording a heartbreaking breakup album. Since then he’s won some Grammys, been featured on Kanye West songs, and embraced the synthesizer. For some reason, however, this album reminds me more of “For Emma, Forever Go” than his previous couple albums despite still using the more electronic approach. It has that same raw honesty that his debut had. He’s not alone in the woods anymore. He’s commanding a large group of musicians now, creating this huge sound without losing any of his heart. He also sounds more assured in himself. It’s seems like the beginning of a new era for Justin Vernon and the last song “RABi” sounds like his “riding off into the sunset” moment. Awaiting the next adventure.

Favorite Track: Faith

28. Yola – Walk Through Fire

A really strong debut album from singer/songwriter Yola. It’s really soothing with a nice wall of sound production that just sweeps you away. It also helps that she has such an amazing voice. Songs like “Faraway Look” & “Lonely the Night” feel like songs I’ve known my entire life, but was just waiting for Yola to record them. Really excited to see what she does next.

Favorite Track: Lonely the Night

27. Prince Daddy & the Hyena – Cosmic Thrill Seekers

“Cosmic Thrill Seekers” is an ambitious album, like “The Monitor” level of ambitious. It’s written almost entirely by Kory Gregory about his cycles of struggling with mental health with allusions to Wizard of Oz. They take you on a journey on this album. The feelings of self-destruction, to wanting to escape from people who aren’t even your friends, and not quite fitting in with rest of the world while also playing the most anthemic guitar riffs and crashing cymbals. I can only imaging what the experience is like seeing this album performed live. It would have to feel like a sonic tornado, and you would wonder what just happened after you’re walking away on the street. This album didn’t make it number one on any charts, but this album is going to mean so much to so many people. Also, the last track goes right back into the first one to begin the cycle again.

Favorite Track: Lauren (Track 2)

26. Strange Ranger – Remembering the Rockets

It’s amazing how much this album reminds me of 90’s indie rock. It is so easy to picture Strange Ranger playing this album in between sets of Mazzy Star and Teenage Fanclub. I had not really clicked with Strange Ranger’s earlier stuff, but this album just seemed to make sense to me. It sounds like a fully formed album with a band that is confident enough to be more adventurous. There are some incredibly poppy hooks, but also some interesting synth beat choices. Also the switch of singing songs about the end of the world to being excited to go on a date gives the album a little extra something. A good mixture of despair and hope.

Favorite Track: Leona

25. Lost Under Heaven – Love Hates What You’ve Become

I love when a band just says “F*** It! Let’s make songs meant to be heard in a stadium,” even though they will never get a chance to. This is one of those albums that is meant to be turned all the way up with you screaming along to every chorus in your car. They are definitely wearing their hearts on their sleeve on this one, encouraging you be the best version of ourselves so by the time the album reaches it’s colossal closer “For the Wild,” you are ready to take on the world. It’s fun when a band decides to be super sincere on an album. You actually feel like rock and roll will save us, just like you did when you were a teenager and first found music for yourself.

Favorite Track: For the Wild

24. Mark Ronson – Late Night Feelings

I think my favorite thing about a Mark Ronson record is how much they seem like an awesome compilation album, and this one lives up to its name and is a perfect soundtrack for late night out on the town. He’s got a great ear for collaborators creating the perfect songs to best suit their voices. Lykke Li, Angel Olsen, Alicia Keys, and even Miley Cyrus have some terrific showings on this record. There’s no super hit like “Uptown Funk” on this album, but it is a fun listening experience, and I cannot get enough of Angel Olsen’s “True Blue” on here (Which really should have ended the album. It’s a perfect end credits song).

Favorite Track: True Blue

23. The Drums – Brutalism

The Drums are a group that has had quite a decade. They’ve released four albums, and every member but Johnny has left the group. “Brutalism,” however, is still a strong album in one of the best indie rock discographies of the past 20 years. There are some throwback songs to the early Drums days (Body Chemistry), a rare acoustic ballad (Nervous), and one of the catchiest songs they’ve ever written (626 Bedford Ave). The Drums get overlooked, but they’ve quietly created an impressive catalogue that is just begging to be reevaluated with “Brutalism“ adding a lot to that conversation. Not many indie rock bands make it to five albums, let alone having songs on that fifth album that fit along their biggest hits.

Favorite Track: 626 Bedford Ave.

22. Brittany Howard – Jaime

When I first heard this album was coming out, I thought it meant that Alabama Shakes were done as a band and Brittany was going to be an exclusively solo artist now. However, after listening to this album, I understand why it was not an Alabama Shakes record. This is a very personal record that just wouldn’t sound right as a band collaboration. This is Brittany’s story. She’s singing about life on the road, her faith, first crushes, family, and making sense of what it’s like growing up in the south. This solo record also gave her a chance to explore some different sounds than she would have on an Alabama Shakes record. You can hear some Prince influence, especially on the final track “Run to Me.” Not sure if she plans to release more solo records, but I hope this isn’t the last.

Favorite Track: History Repeats

21. (Sandy) Alex G – House of Sugar

“House of Sugar” has probably got my favorite Side A of any record this year. It just gives a chance to showcase what I love about (Sandy) Alex G so much. You’ve got the psychedelic drone style and that fast almost folk-punk style. It’s just filled with this fun eclectic sound and his voice, while probably viewed as limited in sense of range, just captures so much emotion in the music. I found this record to be one that rewards you the most the more you listen to it. I feel like I’m always discovering something new with each listen. I always enjoy checking out the latest (Sandy) Alex G record because his albums are always adventurous, and “House of Sugar” is definitely that. I would have a tough time describing this album. It’s like when you’re in a dream and there are those moments that completely change the scenario and location, but for some reason it makes sense to you in a way you can’t explain. That’s what this album is like for me.

Favorite Track: Gretal

20. Angel Olsen – All Mirrors

If I had to describe this album, I would say it’s Angel Olsen’s “Nebraska” if she had Bauhaus as her backing band. This is a big sounding record, and it’s easy to let the emotional crescendos take you away. You feel every emotion she’s putting on this record, and it is a wild ride. It’s a breakup record, and this album does a good job of capturing that feeling fresh off a breakup that just feels like a tornado of feelings. It’s a storm of emotions, but sometimes there’s a beauty in a storm as well. She said there’s an acoustic version of this album that will come out next year, but I’m glad we got to hear this version first. We get to feel the real raw emotion on this, and then when more time has passed a chance to be softer with a more reflective look back.

Favorite track: All Mirrors

19. billy woods + kenny segal – Hiding Places

It really sounds like Woods is letting it all out on this album; frustrations with music, other people, the current state of things, and his intensity is only amplified by the beats from Kenny Segal. The samples on this album are not catchy, and they shouldn’t be. This is an album that wants you to reckon with what Woods is saying. That’s what makes the final album so impressive. It’s a perfect blend between Wood’s lyrics and Segal’s beats. Complimenting each other in frustration and uneasiness. I was not familiar with either artists before this album, but I’m definitely a fan now, and I hope they will collaborate again in the near future.

Favorite Track: Red Dust

18. Truth Club – Not an Exit

There is something very old school about Truth Club. They’ve got this post-punk nasty guitar riff energy that just make this an album a delight to hear. They sound like a band with something to prove, delivering exactly what you want from a post-punk record. Sweet riffs, monotone vocals, and done in less than a half-hour. Love it.

Favorite Track: Student Housing

17. Helado Negro – This is How You Smile

Sometimes records just feel like a dream as if you can just see the music and travel in it. That’s how I feel every time I listen to “This is How you Smile.” The mixture of electronic and folk makes such beautiful music and Roberto Carlos Lange’s voice is perfect on top of these amazing collections of sound. Apparently he invited a lot of different musicians to play on this record and it really sounds like a group of friends got together and had the perfect jam with Lange’s artistic vision taking the lead. Some songs tackle today’s issues with even some field recordings from an Abolish ICE March in Brooklyn and singing about being proud of being Latinx, but not being confrontational about it. It’s beautiful music with a message.

Favorite Track: Please Won’t Please

16. Deerhunter - Why Hasn't Everything Already Disappeared?

You’ve got to give credit to Deerhunter for continuing to make really interesting albums throughout all of the 2010s, and this one seems like a good one to end the decade with. When so many of their contemporaries have disbanded or walked away from music, Deerhunter has kept going. Not resting on their past success, but creating new sounds and challenging their audience to go somewhere new with them. They can still write an amazing hook and the lyrics are as sharp as any previous album. It’s an ode to a world that seems to be on the brink of destruction by its own design.

Favorite Track: Plains

15. Anderson Paak – Ventura

Anderson Paak is on quite a creative streak with this being his fourth album in five years and I think this one may be my favorite. He’s got some amazing guests singers on this album including Andre 3000, Brandy, and the legendary Smokey Robinson. It just sounds terrific too. The 70’s soul-funk inspiration makes for some of the best grooves I’ve heard this year, and it’s a perfect album for a night drive.

Favorite Track: Jet Black

14. PUP – Morbid Stuff

Few bands do “ANGER” as good as PUP, but Morbid Stuff is not the typical angry record either. It’s like “I’m angry. You’re angry. Let’s be angry together” kind of record which is perfect for the general attitude of 2019. PUP inspires a real passionate fan base, and on this record it’s easy to see why. They packed it with cathartic anthems for the disenfranchised. Not getting along with your family? Not quite over your ex? Feel like you missed that turn you were supposed to take in life about four years ago? Get over here and let all that anger out by singing along with us. This album is community even though you can’t be with this group in person. It also helps that this is a band that can PLAY. The musicianship is just fantastic which is probably helped because this is a band. These four guys have been PUP since the beginning and they sound better and better on each album. So let’s get angry!

Favorite Track: Kids

13. Raphael Saadiq – Jimmy Lee

It’s been eight years since the last Raphael Saadiq album, and it’s understandable because this album is dealing with a lot of heavy issues; addiction, incarceration, faith, and losing family. It’s also an album that Raphael Saadiq could have only made after being a bit older with some life wisdom to look back at. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable to listen to, but also necessary. It feels like a very personal album, and you can tell how much work must have been put into producing it. The album sounds terrific, which makes sense for how much experience he’s had producing other projects in-between albums. I also forget how talented of a singer he is. This album is a real showcase of his vocal skills. Some songs sound like he’s pouring his soul into it, and just somehow keeping his voice from breaking. You get swept up in that anger he feels. This album will make you really think about where the world has been, where it’s at today, and where it’s going. A powerful and necessary album for 2019.

Favorite Track: Rearview

12. Orville Peck – Pony

Orville Peck’s music is the kind of music that would sound just as perfect being performed on stage at the Grand Ole Opry as it would hearing it off a jukebox in a dive bar in the middle of nowhere. Peck’s really tapped into that timeless country sound that just seems to sounds good anywhere in any situation. Feeling sad? Perfect. Feeling that freedom you get from just hitting the road alone? Perfect. That baritone voice is so beautiful to listen to as well. It’s a new generations Roy Orbison or Chris Isaak. Beautiful but haunting, and it wouldn’t sound out of place in a David Lynch film. The storytelling in the lyrics are also astounding. I can picture the desert riding while listening to “Dead of Night.” It’s fascinating to know that this is Peck’s first album because it’s so well formed in terms of lyrics, vocals, and hooks. Makes me even more excited for what the next album will sound like.

Favorite Track: Dead of Night

11. Great Grandpa – Four of Arrows

“Four of Arrows” sounds like a level up album from Great Grandpa after their terrific debut “Plastic Cough.” It’s a great example of a band expanding their sound without losing the identity that made their first album special. The band sounds tighter, richer (especially with the addition of strings and synths on some songs), and more ambitious. It also helps to have the amazing Alex Menne vocals. She really conveys an energy that escalates these songs’ emotional payoffs. Especially on a song like “Digger” where she sings (almost screams) “That’s why I hate you,” “That’s why I love you” with almost the same energy. You may not know what each song is about, but you certainly know how it feels.

Favorite Track: Treat Jar

10. Holy Ghost! – Work

Sometimes all you need is great dance album in your life, and Holy Ghost! provided that for me this year. They have a kind of style of dance music that has fallen out of critical favor by the end of this decade, but I still love to hear it. They continued the tradition of Daft Punk’s “Random Access Memories” of applying their flavor to 70’s dance music, and it’s terrific fun. This album is super catchy, has wonderfully danceable grooves, and features a 7-minute plus dance closer. A perfect dance record.

Favorite track: Do This

9. American Football - American Football (LP3)

With emo revival being a big topic of conversation this past decade in certain music critics’ world, it’s only fair that one of the greatest emo bands ends the decade with a terrific album. After reuniting a couple years ago for an okay album, I’m glad they went back to studio to create an album worthy of comparison to their first album that influenced so many amazing artists. The musicianship on this album is just stunning, with a rich tapestry of melancholy permeating throughout. They also happened to create possibly the best duet of the decade by having fellow emo legend Haley Williams join them for “Uncomfortably Numb.” Just beautiful. #defendemo

Favorite Track: Uncomfortably Numb

8. oso oso – Basking in the Glow

To be honest, I feel invested in oso oso. I remember a few years back he released “the yunahon mixtape” as a pay what you want on Bandcamp and planning to walk away from music. I checked it out, and loved it on first listen. Then the album got some nice shout-outs from critics and other artists and eventually found an audience. So to see not only oso oso stick with music, but to release this terrific follow up record as well, feels like a win for everyone. There is a common misconception that emo=sad music, but this album shows that is not the case. There’s a joy on this album that is super infectious. He wants you to feel a part of his joy. It’s an album of positivity that we needed in 2019, and it helps that so many of these songs are very catchy. This is the “dance around your bedroom” kind of album, and just let yourself go for a half-hour. I’m so happy that this album is getting recognized on so many year-end lists. It feels like a win for the entire emo scene that usually gets ignored. The fact that it happened to oso oso makes it all the better.

Favorite track: The View

7. Big Thief - U.F.O.F.

I always thought of Big Thief as a perfect band for fall. Something about their music feels like the end of something before dealing with something that will be tough but necessary. That they’re the ferryman taking us into the next stage in life, and the cost is you’re going to feel a little sad listening to some heartbreaking tales. U.F.O.F., their first album of 2019, can break you down. In the first track “Contact” we hear lead singer Adrianne Lenker let out these howling screams. Giving ua permission to let yourself go. Be your most pure self as this album takes you on a journey. I don’t mean to make this album sound depressing, because even though there’re numerous allusions to death it is quite hopeful. You get to LIVE because one day you will die. It makes life more important because it has an ending. This album doesn’t have a lot of hooks on it, but it just makes it more important to listen to it as an album. It’s one big piece that feels so right together. It’s hard to imagine anyone having as creatively successful year as Big Thief did in 2019. Kind of apt they got it in right before the end of a decade. A necessary end, I think.

Favorite Track: Cattails

6. Mini Dresses – Heaven Sent

Listening to Mini Dresses’ “Heaven Sent” feels like I found some hidden album demo from the early 2000s that was secretly a masterpiece. I truly do not know why hardly anyone seems to be talking about this album. If it came out in 2008 it feels like it would have been huge on indie blogs. This album is so catchy and a style of indie rock that doesn’t seem to be big anymore, which is a shame because it’s too good to miss. This album reminds me of Blondie if they would have been part of the indie wave of the mid-2000s, which if that sounds cool to you, please check this album out.

Favorite Track: Rank and File

5. Better Oblivion Community Center – Better Oblivion Community Center

After hearing “Would You Rather” on Phoebe Bridgers’ phenomenal debut album “Stranger in the Alps,” I suppose we were all secretly hoping for more songs from Conor Oberst and Phoebe. There are few songwriters that can capture the feeling of loneliness and emptiness, but still have that sense of hope that it can somehow get better like these two can. “If you’re not feeling ready, there’s always tomorrow” on their last song “Dominos” really hits that point home. Their voices sound great together and the production on this album is fantastic. They’ve got the hooks, they’ve got the ballads, and they’re ready to make you cry, but they will be the first ones to help pick you back up. This album feels like an old friend that knows you get sad sometimes, but is always there for you when you need them.

Favorite Track: Dylan Thomas

4. glass beach – the first glass beach album

There’s nothing better than when a band just goes for it on an album. I haven’t listened to an album that has made me think of emo, Disney, Hellogoodbye, and Playstation video game soundtracks all before I’ve even made it to track 5. It’s like they threw everything on the wall and everything stuck. I would not be surprised to find out that this band is around my age. It sounds like an album that only someone who grew up in the 90’s and early 2000’s could make. Just picking sounds from everything in that era and making an album out of it. It’s pure chaos, but somehow completely makes sense. This album is not for everybody, but if it clicks with you, it’s like it’s looking into your soul.

Favorite track: cold weather

3. Slaughter Beach Dog – Safe and Also No Fear

I was a big fan of Modern Baseball, like all good emo revival fans should be, and was super sad to hear they were going on indefinite hiatus. When I heard Jake Ewald was starting a new project as Slaughter Beach Dog, I checked out some songs from his album “Birdie” but didn’t really connect with it. Probably because I wanted something more like Modern Baseball. Then when this album came out, it had some buzz from critics whose opinions on music closely line up with mine, and I checked out this album. Whatever opinion I had on the first album, this one was the exact opposite. I really connected with. Listening to it feels like those times where you visit your old hometown, driving around the old spots you used to hang out. Then you realize these spots don’t mean what they did to you anymore, and they never could. No matter how much old friends want you to be that old person again, you can’t go backwards and you’re fine with that. This is also a beautiful sounding record. It sounds like Jake let the other musicians have a bit more say in the sound, and it does sound like a band collaboration. It’s a sweet indie/folk/alternative sound that just pierces my soul. If we don’t get another Modern Baseball reunion, that’s fine. It sounds like Jake has moved on, and I’m ready to follow wherever his new music takes him.

Favorite Track: Black Oak

2. Sharon Van Etten – Remind Me Tomorrow

It’s always exciting to witness an artist make the album they were always meant to. All of her work has lead up to her masterpiece. You feel her soul on this record. Not one moment feels faked. She’s not hiding anything from the listener. Talking about letting go of your past self (I Told You Everything), making a new version of yourself (Comeback Kid), letting yourself love again (Jupiter 4), and what it’s like to be a mother (Stay). Also, on this record she embraces the synth and it makes for some tremendous production. The anthems have an extra kick to them. Not only is this a terrific album for 2019, but one of the standouts of the decade from an artist who already had an impressive discography these past ten years. I’m not sure where she will go next, but I’m hoping this is a sign of what to expect from her in the 2020s.

Favorite Track: Seventeen

1. Purple Mountains – Purple Mountains

This is my favorite album of 2019, and it’s not even close. I was not familiar with David Berman until I heard the first couple singles before the album came out. His name was one that I heard critics tweet about or referenced by other artists, but had never really checked out his music. However, after hearing “All My Happiness is Gone” and “Darkness and Cold” I could not get enough of this music. The melodies were incredibly catchy, I thought the lyrics were super memorable, and they just felt like they really connected with me. He sounded like a natural storyteller, and I was hooked on every word he said. I’m not usually a lyrics person, but I paid attention when I heard these songs. Then when the album came out, it was a treasure trove of an album that I could really dive into. This heartland country sound with a terrific backing band, Woods, complimenting David Berman’s unique voice. I loved it immediately. Then when the tragic news came out of David Berman’s passing, it hit me hard. It’s difficult to talk about this album without acknowledging David committed suicide shortly after it was released. However, I don’t think of this album as a suicide note. This really felt like an album about life. There are struggles, but there are the good moments too. Find the happiness where you can. Margaritas at the mall, that lovely connection of a child with their parent, and if the snow is falling and it’s looking bad, enjoy how warm it will be inside. Berman’s legacy will be everything he contributed to culture; his poetry, his wit, his dark humor, and especially the music. Every once in awhile now when I hear “All My Happiness is Gone” on the radio or if it comes up on a shuffled playlist, my eyes start to well up. Not because I’m sad, but because I’m happy David shared a piece of his soul with us. That’s the real power of music.

Favorite Track: All My Happiness is Gone

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tillidontneedfantasy · 4 years

Text

‘Fine Line’ - Harry Styles REVIEW: Finding His Balance

“When I played it for the label, I told them, ‘This is the first single. It’s two minutes, thirty-five. You’re welcome,’” Harry Styles recalls when discussing “Lights Up” in a track-by-track breakdown of his second solo studio effort, Fine Line, with Rolling Stone writer Rob Sheffield. Thank you, indeed. “Lights Up” was an excellent first single choice for a number of reasons, now all the more clear in the context of the album. Though oddly structured and not particularly radio-friendly, it’s interesting, catchy, short and to the point: as much as you try to hide who you are, once the lights are up, those watching will know, so you might as well shine; but do you know?

Just as importantly, does Harry? Fine Line is a vague exploration of the self, both personally and musically, filled with cryptic platitudes and slick guitar riffs. However, the one aspect of himself Styles seems to be most acquainted with, and thus most comfortable sharing, is the “dark running through” his heart that cannot be extinguished by all the lights; in fact, it is amplified. Perhaps Styles finds it difficult to be honest in his relationships, but Fine Line is sprinkled with dark confessions, most notably in a series in the middle of the album (immediately following “Lights Up”): “I can tell that you are at your best / I’m selfish so I’m hating it” in “Cherry,” a track of spewing bitter jealousy; “There’s no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands” in “Falling,” a heart-wrenching ballad for the books; “I’m just an arrogant son of a bitch / who can’t admit when he’s sorry,” in the pleasant-sounding yet morose ditty “To Be So Lonely.”

Those confessionals are the strongest demonstrations of Styles’s songwriting potential, and are the meat and bones of Fine Line’s takeaway: losing someone you once loved can cause you to almost lose yourself. Hopefully, you find yourself along the road to healing; but Styles often leaves the listener wondering if he really does know who he is now or not. What we do know is two things: 1) The end of his last relationship caused a lot of pain and introspection and 2) The man likes to have sex. Understandable points. Good equation for a successful album.

BEST TRACK: “Fine Line”

The title track and closer, “Fine Line” immediately invokes emotion as soon as it begins, and it only intensifies throughout its six-minute and eighteen-second duration. As the song moves along, new elements are subtly and meticulously added, layered in with his low and almost careful singing in a way that sounds like nature. Around four minutes in, the song really starts to come alive, the instrumentation building and building towards an outro that reaches a crescendo at Styles’s final “we’ll be alright,” and then perfectly finishes with high-pitch vocal notes that feel like freedom before it drifts out with a few light piano notes. While its message about maintaining balance on the fine line between the extremes of love resonates, the real victory of this song is its ability to move you with just the music. Despite its length, it always feels like it ends too soon.

WEAKEST TRACK: “Golden”

While a pleasant-sounding opener and a good tone-setter for the rest of the record sonically, “Golden” could have been cut in half, with about twenty fewer repetitions of the title, and used as more of brief introduction or interlude instead. In contrast to the closer, “Fine Line,” which is the longest song on the album and includes just as much- if not more- repetitions of its title, it serves a purpose in that song, whereas in “Golden” it feels like filler. This monotonous track is the most prominent example of how often Styles’s lyrics seem to be lacking; he surely has the ability to improve, he just needs to access it.

THE IN-BETWEENS

Luckily for Styles, the production on this album is so outrageously good that it’s enough to keep you interested throughout. “She,” a six-minute psychedelic rock song is an epic trip (I mean, Styles’s guitarist, Mitch Rowland, wrote it on mushrooms, go figure) into a daydream with the perfect woman who doesn’t exist. “Canyon Moon” is a road-trip-ready, light, feel-good song where his musical influences are rather apparent; Styles cites Joni Mitchell and Crosby, Stills, and Nash as his muses, and another idol of his, Steve Nicks, claims it to be her favorite track on the record, a lovely feat. The pre-released singles “Lights Up,” “Watermelon Sugar,” and “Adore You” are sincerely all pop perfection, more mature and refined from his 1D days. The most experimental track, “Treat People With Kindness,” is interesting but falls short for a song that feels like years in the making, considering it has been a phrase Styles and his fans have claimed for the past few years. Although it is clear that Styles’s intention with the song was to spread a positive message which focuses on being kind and not taking life too seriously (though he proclaims that “if our friends all pass away / it’s okay,” and…I don’t know, is it really okay, Harry?!?) it feels like he could have done more with it. One particularly good line is towards the end of the track when he sings, “all we ever want is automatic all the time,” and perhaps he could’ve taken his own advice and given a song with such a grand title a bit more effort.

BEST PROSPECTIVE SINGLE: “Falling”

A close second to “Fine Line,” “Falling” is one of the strongest in Styles’s solo discography and more impressive considering he wrote it in about twenty minutes in a towel. In this beautiful ballad, Styles opens his heart, grabbing the listener’s in the process. “What am I now? / What if I’m someone I don’t want around?” he sings in a panic. This moment of self-reflection after the end of a relationship truly settles in as reality and you can no longer look away from your mistakes is painfully relatable. This track is the most honest of the bunch, and thus feels necessary. With all the previously mentioned pop jams already aptly released as singles, “Falling” feels like the wisest choice going forward to keep the momentum; listeners love a man openly grieving a heartbreak and taking responsibility for his actions (even cheating, I suppose, as is mildly implied in the first verse…I mean, this is your mans? Good thing his regret sounds sincere at least), and the unbelievable tone of his voice when he belts the last word of the bridge, “and I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again” is just the icing on the cake.

***

It is always a difficult task for a former group member to come into their own as a solo artist, and very few have done so with the admiration and reverence that Styles has accrued thus far. With his self-titled debut solo record in 2017, Styles made it clear, as most group-departing members do, that he had a sound different from that of his claim to fame in One Direction. His seriousness as a musician was now established through the positive reception of his debut, and thus his success allowed him to have a little more fun on Fine Line. It also allowed him to get a little more candid and authentic, knowing that the world has accepted him with open arms and has been begging for more. Styles mostly delivers with Fine Line, but in some ways it feels unfinished. The musical production is intriguing and exciting, and by far the best thing about this album, but is still somewhere between a regeneration of classic inspirations and a sound unique to Styles himself; all he needs is a little more time to find his own signature style (no pun intended) rather than just creating a conglomerate of musical elements from his influences and signing his name. But in the meantime, the music still holds up. The real conundrum is the lyrics, which are well and fine, but do not effectively communicate the truth hiding behind the sentiments yet give you just enough to let him get away with it. If he had given us just a bit more, Fine Line could have been a true triumph. However, this is only his second album, and being a confessional songwriting superstar while still preserving your right to privacy is, well, a fine line to walk (I had to, I’m sorry!), but I’m sure he’ll find his balance in no time. Grade: 3.5/5

DISCLAIMER – REVIEWER’S BIAS: I was a very casual One Direction fan during their peak of fame. I think Midnight Memories is a great pop album and I stand by that. I’ve always been more of a Niall girl, but I have never been able to completely resist Harry’s charisma; I’m only human. I listened to his debut album in 2017 maybe twice, three times at most, and just thought it was fine, but not particularly impressive. But since then it’s been impossible to deny his talent and star power. I was very intrigued by “Lights Up,” and with every single release I had found myself enjoying the songs more than I wanted to admit. I think Fine Line is a really great album. Sonically, it is in my exact sweet spot of the kind of music I absolutely love, so I was doomed to like it from the start. What stopped me from giving it a grade of 4 or higher though was that even with multiple listens I struggle to understand what the hell this guy is trying to say in his music. Many times, it takes me reading what die-hard stans say to understand what message he’s trying to send. Unfortunately, that is a failure to me. I know plenty of people love cryptic and ambiguous lyrics or poetry, but as a consumer, I want to be able to understand the story or the message with at least a couple of listens. Of course, lyrics can and should be left up to interpretation, but sometimes I don’t even know what he wants me to interpret! From my perception, this is just a reflection of Harry holding back from truly saying what he wants (with few exceptions, such as “Falling”). I think he is so talented and has so much potential but just needs a little more time unlocking it. I’m excited to see what he does in the future.

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vampyr-bite · 4 years

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hI! can you take a picture of that Sounds article and post it? i kinda want to read it lol

Hey! The archive I’m using at the moment is text only (thanks corona) but I’ve pasted the article below. Hope that’s good and u enjoy and u have a lovely day!

Pete Makowski, ‘Def Leppard: The Leppard Doesn't Sleep Tonight’, Sounds, 6 February 1982

ROUGH NOTES/ROUGH NOTES (Prelude)

THE SOUND of Ross Halfin's bouts of self induced vomiting...Steve Clarke smashing his guitar in a Blackmoresque frenzy...The black dude with a gold tooth who offers out cocaine in a packed McDonalds at eight o'clock in the morning...Sleepless nights, trying to get some shuteye on the tour bus which due to the lack of any form of suspension feels like a plane in the state of permanent turbulence...Waking up fully clothed feeling like an over abused cocktail shaker...Nights spent paralytic in bowling alleys and truck stops willing the hours away – If the rednecks with arms the size of those slabs of meat that adorn butcher shop windows don't kill you, the infra red fried chilli will...This is life on the road!

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT TEXAS RADIO AND THE BIG BEAT!

The Lone Star State is a place one could easily write volumes about and still nobody would believe half the stories you told them. It's a proverbial utopia and lunatic asylum rolled into one. Plenty of sunshine and healthy-looking women; in fact every form of debauchery is available at your beck and call.

This was the perfect location for Def Leppard to close their tour which had proved to be a long and arduous trek. The merciless blows endured during the six months of gigging are cushioned by the fact that the Leppard entourage are basically a closely knit family-like affair. Tour manager Robert Alan (brother of drummer, Richard) also doubles as sound engineer, and token Irish lunatic lighting man 'Famous' is a typically stocky, cheerful chap who spends half his time dreaming about his homeland where he dreams his days away with fishing rod in one hand and a proverbial pint of the dark velvet brew in the other. The band and crew eat, sleep and defecate together giving the whole thing a warm congenial atmosphere.

As I've mentioned in a previous feature the group and entourage are all so young it makes one want to retch with envy. And they are all far from being as blasé (as one might expect) in fact surprisingly enough they still come over as avid fans, although their attitude to work is surprisingly professional and they put every iota of energy they've got into their stage performances, giving headlining act Blackfoot a good run for their money.

After all these months of hard graft Leppard are beginning to reap their just rewards, meeting with ecstatic audiences at almost every show. In fact their performances are met with nothing less than fanmania from a crowd that is not short of wholesome looking nubiles who squeal in frenzied approval at everyone of Leppard's moves.

While the average Blackfoot fan can be seen lumbering around the auditorium wearing the almost uniform check shirt, hiking up his baggy denim pants, clutching some obscene piece of junk food in one hand and the obligatory doobie aka spliffette in the other, The Leppard-ites in contrast are a new breed of fresh faced kids out looking for a whole new brand of kicks.

Although Texas is supposed to be a stronghold for Blackfoot (who to be fair are a hardworking road band with no shortage of talent and energy and as people are very amiable, good time folk from Jacksonville who really enjoy their crazed life style – these dudes do walk it like they talk it) there's no doubt that this time round the lil' ol' band from Sheffield made a big impression on the locals and will be guaranteed a headlining spot the next time round.

Their best shows on the tour were undoubtedly at the tropical seaside resort town of Corpus Christi and in Houston – which is undoubtedly one of their biggest strongholds in Texas shitkickin' territory.

"Home Of The Encores" is the sign emblazoned outside the Ritz, which in reality from the inside comes over more like a pokey old cinema that should have been condemned many moons ago.

The backstage area resemble a derelict bombsite and the roadcrew were apprehensive about the voltage system, the main concern being whether the place had enough juice to feed the vast backline Leppard had put together for this tour.

At first a feeling of despondency hung thick, like an onimous cloud, in the air and people were beginning to draw straws to decide who was going to lynch the promoter. Feelings didn't improve after they saw the bathroom facilities, that resembled something that harked from the dark ages. But once they took to the stage Joe Elliot and crew demonstrated where their real commitment lay and amidst the sweat arid sawdust blasted their way through a set that had the audience frothing at the gills.

Powered along by Rick Allen's tireless drum work that gelled with Rick Savage's fluid and thunderous basslines, the frontline barrage guitar attack of Pete Willis and Steve Clarke projected the excitement and innovative soloing that was ever present with Lizzy in their Live And Dangerous days.

Elliot becomes a more proficient frontman as the days go by. With one foot on the monitor he beckons the punters on, working them into a state of euphoric frenzy while belting out the lyrics to such epics as 'Let It Roll' and 'Lady Strange' with effortless ease.

He had the people totally on his side during 'High And Dry' and rafters shook as the auditorium burst into a chorus of "Saturday night, high and dry". It was this night that convinced me without a shadow of a doubt that Leppard are going to be a giant force to be reckoned with in the next couple of years.

NEXT DAY

AS THE bus jerked its way into Houston the local radio station seemed to continually plug the evening's show touting Leppard as one of the Eighties' brightest hopes. Meanwhile, back in the sleeping area Joe Elliot sat leaning against his bunk perusing his evergrowing collection of cut out and bootleg records, proudly announcing that he almost owned the entire Matt The Hoople catalogue. The rest of the group attempted to catch up with the strain of non-stop touring by getting as much sleep as they could in between the bumps on the road that shook the road-battered vehicle with the effect of a series of land mines.

Like the rest of Texas, Houston is overwhelming and unlimited in size and possibilities. The general atmosphere seems to be warm and welcoming throughout the State although this place as it turned out seems to be that much crazier.

The first chore of the day was to attend an instore signing, a common on the road practice which involved the group going to a local record store where they meet their fans, converse and sign autographs. The ritual was performed at the gargantuan Texas Record And Tapes Store, which can only be described as a proverbial Santa Claus grotto for vinyl freaks, featuring a dazzling array of parapheranalia and owned by the very amiable and over generous Geoff Hamer, otherwise known as 'General Doo Dah' – who is without a doubt a true gonzo at heart.

As it happened the band drew a record amount of people, in fact there were more fans here than at the previous day's concert (which by the way was sold out) and that evening the group performed like troupers proving they had Houston like the rest of the US, so it seems, in the palm of their sweaty paws.

The rest of the night was spent celebrating with an end of the tour party that included an Awards Ceremony hosted by yours truly The Grand Toastmaster who presented prizes to members of this deranged crew for various offences some too obscene and illegal to mention in this respectable organ. This was followed by a totally incoherent and over the top night of debauchery, courtesy of 'General Doo Dah' which took myself, Rick Savage and Steve Clarke into the land of Never Never, making any episode of Fear And Loathing look like the teddy bears picnic. A champion finale to a fine tour.

THE INTERVIEW/A MORE SERIOUS FINALE

"We don't worry about England anymore, we're just trying to put across the point that everybody's missed out and that is that we've been shit on and people have said things about us that are a lot of bullshit." – Joe Elliot

"I always look forward to playing England 'cause that's where we're from like, but I don't think that it will do us any good at the moment because the kids, the kids meaning people like me, I'm not sure whether they want to listen to us at the moment...which is a bit of a shame because they're missing out on a good thing." – Rick Savage

WHILE LEPPARD continue to 'wow out' crowds in the US, they still seem to be at the butt of abuse as far as certain British media and fans are concerned. While groups like Saxon and Iron Maiden seem to be able to travel the world and lead a grandiose lifestyle and still retain that dubious street credibility factor, anything that Leppard do is regarded as being pompous and the general consensus of opinion from the average anglophile headbanger seems to be that they are egotistical popstars who sold their souls to the American rock and roll machine.

Which couldn't be further from the truth. It's hardly surprising that Leppard feel jaded and bitter with their audiences back home. I personally believe that they are producing some of the finest high quality heavy rock sounds around today.

They write songs, not just riffs with words loosely attached to them, with a sophistication and flair that puts some of their elder statesmen to shame and they knock the average so called NWOBHM ('scuse me while I wash my mouth out) into a cocked hat and it's unfortunate that they have to travel across the water to get an audience that actually appreciates this fact.

When we conducted this interview, the band were beginning to recover from the lunacy of an American tour which began earlier last year with Ozzy Osbourne, and the strain of the roadlife was beginning to make itself apparent. This nomadic way of life can be as strenuous as it is exciting and it may sound crazy when you hear a band yearning for the simple things in life like a good old English breakfast and a copy of the Daily Mirror, but it all makes sense once you get caught up in the insanity they've endured since the release of High'n'Dry which is already winning them Stateside acclaim.

Leppard are undoubtedly on the threshold of breaking America: everywhere they play the audience reaction is frenzied almost to the point of being rabid, but as it became obviously apparent on this drunken night Def Leppard still miss their home and feel slightly more than sore about the lack of respect they get from the press and punters alike, and seem to be constantly trying to find a reason for this unexplainable feeling of malice.

"As far as England is concerned people have got something against Def Leppard for purely non musical reasons," explained Joe Elliot, amidst a background noise of chinking glasses and people yelling for more beverage, "40,000 people bought our first album, but only 20,000 people bought High'n'Dry, you're not telling me the other 20,000 didn't buy it because they didn't like the album. I believe they didn't buy it because they read the article in Sounds saying that Leppard had changed their spots. They followed fads."

"American people don't follow fads", announced guitarist Pete Willis, "They go for what they like while England seems to follow trends. Foreigner and Fleetwood Mac are good, they write good songs while bands like Motorhead are a load of shit...don't say that because I don't want Lemmy to beat me up."

While I don't agree with the last part of this statement, I do feel that the GB is basically puppeteered by fashions which ultimately dictate taste and the majority of which come over as nothing more than a grand parade of lifeless packaging, including the new league of HM groups who I personally feel have a very limited lifespan with their generally dated and usually moronic stance.

Elliott: "There's two things you can do when you're in a band. You can go out and do what you wanna do, that's not trying to be pretentious to anybody and that's just satisfying your artistic temperament or whatever you want to call it for the want of a better saying. Or you can do things like Saxon...I don't believe anybody but Biff Byford would want lyrics like that on an album! I mean you're not telling me that he's writing those words so that everybody from people out of a mental institution to people with 'A' levels can understand them?"

"I could write lyrics like 'Denim And Leather', that's the kind of stuff a drummer could write. I write lyrics that are on a street level and that everybody can understand but they're on a different line. I'm not afraid to hide the influences that I've got."

It's a well known fact that Leppard were the first band of its genre to actually stick its collective neck out, undertake major headlining tours, sign a major record deal and venture across the water. Other bands as they pointed out followed after learning from their mistakes and generally avoiding the pitfalls somebody had to make as a kick off. They're also a rarity when you consider they haven't had any line up changes since they established themselves.

At this moment in time the group are preparing material for an album which will again be produced by 'Mutt' Lange. I wondered if they were at all perturbed by the comparisons drawn between them and AC/DC.

"I don't even think AC/DC are that hot!", exclaimed Rick Savage.

Elliot: "The only comparison is that we've got the same producer and because of that you're likely to get the same sound. We didn't use him because he produced a big album and in turn we thought we'd get a big album, we just think he's the best producer around. Anyhow, no way could AC/DC write a song like 'Bringing On The Heartbreak' or 'Switch 625'."

Savage: "We'd have been a big band in England if Mutt had produced On Through The Night because it wouldn't have got the slagging it did. It was still a better album than people made out for all its supposed commercialism for the USA. We were on the crest of a wave when that album came out and the reviews that album got, particularly in Sounds, were so bad and so anti the attitude bands like Saxon and Motorhead and their fans have got, that we totally lost it.

"If England had accepted us like they should have accepted us, things might be a bit different. I think we're a lot better than bands that are accepted more freely than us."

Here, here! C'mon you pommy bastards here's your chance to rectify...And JOIN THE ROCK BRIGADE!!!

#this is very long sjkfhs #asks #Anonymous #Def Leppard

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theenchantedgalleryofstories · 5 years

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Title: Boston Meets Country Pairing: Chris Evan x OFC (Evangeline Blackwood) Summary: Scott is a little shit of a brother. Warning: Fluff Beta: @themusicplayedherlife and @shellbilee Thank you ladies for betaing my stories and making them 10x times better. Notes: So I didnt think I was going to get more than drabbles or mood boards out of this but here we are.

Scott pulls up to Chris’ house and turns off the ignition, glancing out of the window before getting out of the car. He heads up the steps and pulls the key Chris gave him from his pocket, opens the door and lets himself inside. The house is quiet when he enters; Master and pet are nowhere to be found. As if on cue Scott hears the sound of Dodgers nails against the floor. He sees Chris walk around the corner clutching a bowl of cereal, still dressed in his sweats and a t-shirt.

“You’re not dressed yet?” Scott practically yells, startling Chris in the hallway.

“Jesus Christ, Scott!” Chris responds in a fright, clutching his hand to his chest and trying to balance the almost dropped bowl of cereal in his hands. "Where did you come from?"

“Mom,” Scott says sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at his brother. “Why aren’t you dressed yet?”

“Because I am not going,” Chris replies flatly, annoyed at his brother's intrusion. “I thought we already had this discussion.”

Chris shakes his head and turns to make his way into the living room. Scott steps in front of him, blocking Chris' path.

“Actually, you never gave me an official answer. And since you never gave me an official answer, I've decided to answer for you: you're going.” Chris glares at his younger brother, frowning as he watches Scott point to the stairs. "Get your ass upstairs, shower and get dressed, so we can go.”

With a grumble and a few choice words, Chris heads upstairs to get cleaned up. 20 minutes later he is back downstairs and looking better. “How do I look?”

“Much better. Thank you. Can we go now?” Scott asks curtly.

“Yes,” Chris says through a sigh. “Wait! No. Let me take Dodger out first.”

“Already done. Do you have any other excuses or can we leave now?” Scott inquires sarcastically, tilting his head and smiling sweetly at Chris.

Chris looks back at his brother flatly, “I guess not. You took them all. Lead the way, oh annoying one.” Scott rolls his eyes and Chris gives him a brotherly shove towards the door, grabbing his phone, wallet and keys from the side table before shutting the front door behind him.

Chris runs his fingers through his hair and looks over at Scott as they drive towards the arena. “Remind me again why I'm going to a country concert?”

“Because you've been holed up in your house for far too long,” Scott argues, glancing over at his brother in the passenger seat. “It's time to get out. Do something. Meet a hot country singer. Take her on date.”

“I have not been held up in my house!” Chris answers defensively, frowning and crossing his arms. “I've been trying to enjoy time away from the public eye. You brought me out here to set me up on a date.”

“You’ve been hermitting.” Scott retorts quickly, looking over at Chris and then back at the road. “Come on. It’ll be fun. You’ll get to hear some music and drink some beer. And you never know, maybe you won’t hit it off and then you won’t have to take her out.”

“I hope you’re right," Chris replies with a sigh, still unable to believe he'd let Scott talk him into this. "How did you get tickets to the show anyway? I heard it was sold out.”

“I may have bribed someone,” Scott answers nonchalantly. Chris looks at him skeptically. “Ok, I might know the drummer. And I might have mentioned that I have a lonely brother who could use a date with a girl who is semi-normal. And he agreed that his little country singer could use a night out as well.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “And how are country singers semi-normal?”

“How often do you see a country singer in the tabloids? I mean think about it really," Scott explains, gesturing with his hands. "They record. They go on tour and show up at award shows. Then, they go home. They have a knack for staying out of the public eye for the most part. Doesn’t that sound nice for once?”

Chris shrugged his shoulders and turned to look out the window, unable to deny the truth in his brother's words. For once, it would be nice to date someone who isn’t constantly in the public eye as much as he is. But how long would that last?

“Just meet her. If you don’t hit if off, then fine. But at least you tried," Scott reasons, glancing in the rearview mirror before he merged into the next lane. "And maybe you even get a friend out of the deal. What's the worst that could happen, really?"

Eventually Scott and Chris arrive at TD Garden. Chris' eyes widen when he sees the lines of people wrapped around the arena. “Please tell me we don’t have to wait in all of that?” Chris asks nervously, turning in his seat to look at Scott.

“Of course not,” Scott scoffs with a loud laugh. “What do I look like? A crazy person? Do you think I've learned nothing from all these years of having a celebrity brother?” Chris feels himself relax as Scott pulls the car to the back of the complex, rolls his window down to speak to a security guard. They're let through in a matter of seconds..

After pulling into a spot, Scott and Chris head for the VIP door, where a guard gives them passes and lets them know an assistant will be with them shortly to escort them to their seats. They are taken to their seats moments later, the assistant smiling and asking if they'd like any drinks to be brought out to them, adding that they can call at any time should they require anything throughout the show. They order two beers and the assistant says she'll have them brought out in a moment. Chris and Scott lean back in their seats as the stadium begins to fill up.

Chris watches as crowds of fans pour into their seats from all sides, unable to remember a time where he'd seen the TD Garden so packed.

Eventually, the lights come down and the crowd begins to cheer, roaring and clapping as they wait eagerly for the show to begin. A guitar riff plays and the crowd grows even louder. A lone figure steps out onto the empty stage underneath the lights.

“Hello, Boston. How y’all doin’ tonight?” Rebel Queen asks into the microphone, her voice echoing throughout the stadium as the crowd cheers in front of her. Her delighted laugh fills the crowded space. “That’s good to hear! Are you ready to get this party started?” she asks with a mischievous grin, winking at her audience before launching into her first song of the show.

Chris is completely memorized. Rebel Queen is not at all what he pictured for a country singer. Dark hair, tank top, short shorts, tattoos and a voice that would make you sign a deal with the Devil just so you could keep listening to her voice forever. Her energy is incredible, owning the entire stage as she dances and sings her way from one end to the other. She keeps the crowd on their feet with her rowdy country rock hits and stage diving into the audience. The roaring sound of her fans only seem to get louder as her show goes on.

How someone so small could possess so much energy is beyond Chris. His eyes are glued to Rebel Queen as she belts out her lyrics and sings her heart out to the crowd. Even when she slows for her soulful ballads she keeps the audience engaged, pulling fans up onto stage to sing along with her.

As the concert begins to wind down, one of the security guards stops by the VIP box to let Scott know he is ready to escort them backstage. Still completely enthralled by Rebel Queen's performance, Chris jumps when Scott touches his shoulder to let him know it's time to head backstage. Chris stands up from his seat and follows Scott and the guard out of the box, walking behind the stage to find an utter mess of chaos. People are running back and forth in every single direction, shouting and barking orders as Chris and Scott snake their way through the hustle and bustle. When they finally reach the VIP room, the guard tells them that the band and Rebel Queen should be off in about 15 minutes, inviting them to help themselves to refreshments.

“So, what did you think,” Scott asks, looking over at his brother as he flops down onto one of the couches.

“That was country? That's not at all what I thought country would sound like or look like,” Chris replied with a shrug, making himself comfortable on the couch beside Scott. “I couldn’t decide if she was the devil or an angel.”

Scott chuckles and flashes his brother a wicked grin. “Well, there’s a reason why they call her the Rebel Queen of Country. She's a bit more on the edge between rock and country. Says she likes it that way. Keeps everyone on their toes.”

They hear the sounds of the show coming to a close and the band heading backstage to pack up for the night. The door to the VIP room opens and Scott gets up from the couch with a grin.

“Scott!” Rebel Queen squeals, running forward and jumping into his arms with an enormous smile on her face. Scott laughs and spins her around, eyeing his old friend. “I didn’t know you were going to be here. Why didn’t Tommy tell me?”

“We wanted it to be a surprise, country girl,” Scott answers with a cheeky grin, putting her down and beaming at her. “Awesome show tonight too, you were incredible!”

“Thank you! I see you brought a guest with you. Are you going to introduce us?” Rebel Qqueen asks, looking over Scott's shoulder to where Chris is standing up from the couch.

Chris is in a daze, eyes glued to Rebel Queen. She iswas even more beautiful in person, his mind momentarily blanking as he takes in her gorgeous smile and bright violet eyes. Scott clears his throat and Chris shakes himself free from his thoughts, stepping forward to stand next to his brother.

“Chris, I would like for you to meet Evangeline Blackwood, the Rebel Queen of Country. Evie, this is my brother Chris,” Scott introduces them proudly, watching Chris with a smile.

“Hi,” Chris says, his voice squeaking as he offers his hand. He clears his throat and smiles as he takes her hand in his. “Hi, it's nice to meet you Evangeline.”

“My friends call me Evie,” Rebel Queen replies with a soft smile, shaking his hand and looking back at him shyly.

“I think I like Evangeline better,” Chris says, still holding her hand, grinning when she lets out a demure chuckle in response.

Scott watches the two of them together and high fives Tommy in the background, unable to help the grin plastered to his face.

“So, Evie,” Scott interrupts, clapping his hands and causing Chris and Evie to break apart. “How long are you going to be in Boston?”

She turns back to Scott and shrugs. “I'm not sure. Tonight was the last night of the tour. So I’d have to check and make sure nothing is scheduled. Why? Are you up to something?”

“What? No!! Not at all. Why would I be up to something?,” Scott defends quickly. Chris raises his eyebrow at his brother. Scott is up to something, and Chris knows what it is in an instant. “I just thought if there was nothing scheduled you might want to stick around. See the sights from a true Bostonian.”

Evie tilts her head and smiles at Scott. “A true Bostonian, huh? And who might be this true Bostonian be? You?”

“Sadly, no. I have to head back to LA. Chris, on the other hand, is planning to stick around for awhile. I just know he'd love to show you around Boston. Right, Chris?” Scott says looking over at Chris, a Cheshire cat grin on his face.

If looks could kill, Scott would be dead right now. “Um, sure. I mean, if you want to stick around that is. I would love to show you around Boston,” Chris replies rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “Maybe we could start with breakfast tomorrow morning if you aren’t too tired.”

“Mmm, that might be possible but let's make it brunch instead. I tend to sleep like the dead after a tour ends," Evie says with a chuckle. “Can I see your cell phone?” Chris hands Evie his cell so she can put in her number in, sending herself a text and handing the phone back to Chris. “I'll text you in the morning when I wake up.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Chris replies with a grin, trying to ignore the excited feeling in his stomach.

Scott and Tommy are celebrating behind them when Evie turns around, the two quickly freeze and act they hadn't just been jumping around like idiots. Innocent, they are not.

“We should probably start packing up. I'm sure there are others wanting to go home after a long tour and we are keeping them waiting,” Evie says with a small yawn, turning to look at Scott.. “Scott it was so great seeing you again! I wish you were going to be around longer.” She grins and she pulls him in for a hug, the two embracing for a quick moment.

“I wouldn’t worry. I'm sure we will be seeing a lot more of each other,” Scott replies when he unwraps himself from Evie, smiling down at her and turning to face his brother. Chris and Scott give her a kiss on the cheek and congratulate her on her performance once again, bidding her goodnight before heading out the door.

As they head back to the car, Scott jumps up and down excitedly. “Oh, man, you should have seen your face! I’m not sure when the last time you looked at woman like that was.”

“Oh, shut up, Scott," Chris says defensively, shaking his head at his brother. She’s beautiful, talented, and seems really sweet. "Who wouldn’t have been in awe of her?”

“Uh- huh. Sure,” Scott teases, raising an eyebrow and grinning as they both climb into the car.

Chris's phone suddenly buzzes; he reaches into his pocket to retrieve it and his eyes widen when he sees the name of the message sender on the screen. Evangeline.

I can’t wait for brunch tomorrow. See you soon.

Chris' face lights up, his stomach flip flopping at the thought of seeing Evie in the morning. He buckles his seatbelt as Scott switches on the ignition and pulls out of the parking lot, unable to help his smile as he thinks about what tomorrow will bring.

Tags: @tilltheendwilliwrite @theycallmebecca @whiskey-cokenfanfic @thegirlwithpaperheart @mrsgoodnight @givemethatgold @patzammit @ari-levinson @anyoneforteaus @nishanki1 @wordywarriorwrites @thinkxlovexloud @its-forevermore @jewels2876 @nomadicpixel @sian22redux @girl-next-door-writes @captain-rogers-beard @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @averyrogers83

#Chris Evans #Chris Evan x reader #Chris evans x ofc #Chris evan fanfiction #Rebel Queen #Evangeline Blackwood

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parks-involving-water · 5 years

Text

Review: Midnight by Set It Off

Okay let's just get straight to it. Yall know I’m a slut for Set It Off. This is just gonna be me going in-depth into all of my favorite parts of the songs and lyrics. Les go

1. Killer In The Mirror

This has been a bop since DAY ONE are you kidding me????? The sampling? The sheer amount of fuck you energy? The fast part during the pre-chorus? The DROP for the chorus? Cody saying “knock ‘em all the FUCK out” adds 10 years to my lifespan every time I hear it.

Favorite Lyrics: Now I know, there’s no one I can trust I used to think there was Tell me that I’m cut throat- I think you got your eyes closed Feel the fear, and swallow back the tears Let weakness disappear There’s nobody but me here- the killer in the mirror

We been knew this shit goes hard NEXT

2. Hourglass

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW BAD THIS DESTROYED ME WHEN I FIRST HEARD IT. The fucking,,,, instrumental!!! The beat!!!! Cinematics is on the phone and she said this is it chief!!!! God!!! Like can we PLEASE talk about the nananas during the bridge?? It’s such a small thing but it adds so fuckin much to the song,,,, unbelievable

Favorite Lyrics: I'm falling through the hourglass And I don't think I'll ever make it back So I throw stones at walls I'll never climb Victim to the sands of time

This is also such like? Such a defining song for the sound of the whole album, if you think about it. Quality shit

3. Lonely Dance

ANOTHER one we already knew slaps. The guitar? The trumpet? Iconic. This one has such a fucking Vibe. Also???? So relatable. Cody came through with the social anxiety moods and I owe him my life for it.

Favorite Lyrics: Some days I’m up, some days I’m down Some days, the world is way too loud Some days my bed won't let me out But I’m okay with missin’ out on the social anxiety Out on the phony friends I don’t need So I just turn off my phone, turn on TV Cause solo’s the only way I can breathe

Okay a great song but OLD NEWS let’s get to that Fresh Content

4. Different Songs

Possibly the danciest song on this album. The fucking guitar riff and the bass? The melodies? The harmonizing in the bg of the pre-chorus and the bridge? It all blends together and it’s SUCH a bop. The most poppin song about falling out of love I’ve ever heard

Favorite Lyrics: We once called it love, devolved into lust Jealousy speaks out to silence the trust We temper our words 'cause we're scared of the truth Humming tunes that we can't get through

5. For You Forever

The instrumental in this one KILLS me. So do Cody’s vocals, honestly. He really poured his heart out into those “forever”s and you FEEL it. This one really hits me in the heart tbh. The whole theme of giving up on something that you want so bad is big oof

Favorite Lyrics: She said; “I won't wait for you forever, for you forever So, don't you say it's for the better, it's for the better 'Cause I can't take later than never, later than never No, I won't wait for you forever”

6. Dancing With The Devil

THIS SHIT IS SO BRUTAL. Like even the opening- the distorted vocals,,, god. And the lyrics! So fucking pissed off. Cody once again KILLS the delivery. I will never be over the emotion he puts into every song he sings. And when that hook hits the second time with his normal vocals and then the distorted version UNDERNEATH? Hits so hard. Don't even TALK to me about the rap part god. Also,,,, idk if this is about who I Think It’s About but like either way,,, go off sis

Favorite Lyrics: You try to act as if you're saving me But you wouldn't cut the rope if it was hanging me I'm sick of people saying what you sow you reap 'Cause I've been counting down the minutes of that, so to speak Think of all the hours and hours of grindin’ That would turn into sour findings As I wonder if our resigning is becoming the silver lining But I’m not a coward, I’m fighting Cause if they’re the meat, then I’m biting So go ahead, ignoring and smiling Cause I’m climbing til’ I let you know

7. Go To Bed Angry (Feat. Wayfarers)

This is! Such a good song, and I love the message. Like, settling issues instead of being passive aggressive or quietly angry. And it’s so nice to listen? Like everything feels so clean and leads into each other so well. Also!!! I’ve never listened to Wayfarers before but GOD the guest vocalist is AMAZING. Her and Cody’s voices harmonize so well. All in all a fuckin BOP

Favorite Lyrics: So don't you walk away from me Let's settle this, rather hear you scream Than whisper shit- there's no in-between 'Cause if we sleep in our feelings, we'll never start healing

8. Midnight Thoughts

ANOTHER one with some heavy Cinematics vibes. Honestly, I feel like this one is a great example of how amazing this album’s production is. Like, there’s so many little background elements that come together to make it sound so fuckin cool. For example, that one hook near the end where it suddenly strips back to just a beat and vocals? KILLED me. Also, another relatable anxiety bop,

Favorite Lyrics: Dim the lights, shut the blinds, but I’m counting the time Am I nervous or am I insane? Try to turn up the sound, but I can’t shut it out 'Cause I’m hearing the pulse in my veins

9. Criminal Minds

The orchestral feel to this one is so nice, and the rhythm of the lyrics feels so cool. The strings were such a good touch, they go really well with the electric guitar somehow. Cody’s vocals also feel really smooth in this one? Like this is just a pretty sounding number I love it

Favorite Lyrics: This stress eats at my soul I can't tell if I'm breathing at all Street drama takes its toll So, hit the road

10. No Disrespect

UGHHHHH don't get me STARTED on the chorus here. The stripped back staccato rhythm of the vocals with the bursts of instrumental, and then the way it flows into the full instrumental for the repetition in the second half of the chorus. It sounds so fucking gooooooooooooooood I'm having a crisis

Favorite Lyrics: 'Cause I don't see you the way you want to Forget your rescue, we're dreaming, dreaming, dreaming We had our good times, but time has passed by Begin your new life, I'm reaching, pleading, screaming

11. Stitch Me Up

I have SO much to say about this song. Cody and Shay are so fucking cute and their relationship is so nice. Any time Cody talks or sings about Shay you can feel how fuckin in love they are. The only two nice love songs I can ever remember him writing (The other one being Diamond Girl) have been about her and they’ve both been absolute gems. This one especially. It has such a potent vibe that I can really only describe as a summer song. It’s so,,, bouncy and lively and genuinely sweet with just a faint hint of sadness and ughhhhhhhh. PLUS the fuckin commentary Cody gave for this song on his insta story,,,,

“One of my favorites. These lyrics came straight from the heart. [Shay] and I have both come from damaged relationships, but somehow being broken is what made us whole.”

Anyways love is real and I’m soft don't TOUCH ME

Favorite Lyrics: Stitch me up, stitch me up, don’t tear me apart I’ve been stuck in a rut, patched up in the dark Stitch me up, stitch me up, there’s pins in my heart Oh, pardon all my precious scars

12. Raise No Fool

Cody fuckin SNAPPED with this song and I’m living for it. One of the things Cody does so, so well, is delivering just the Most intense anger through his vocals and he brought it ALL for this one. You don’t know what happened but you fuckin FEEL it. Idk who this is about but like,,, killem Cody go Off bitch!!

Favorite Lyrics: Well, first you try to tell me that we're family Then you try to tell me that it's for the best You promise that you'll be there if I need ya But I don't need your handout, you can take it back!

13. I Want You (Gone) (Feat. Matt Appleton)

Another more mellow song, but it’s still so fuckin Good. It just has such a palpable vibe and feel. From what I can gather it’s about leaving a toxic relationship behind, and it Feels that way, in a sense? Like when I listen to it I just get this Feeling of something solemn yet triumphant and clean and new, like cutting someone shitty out of your life. PLUS, that sax? It adds SUCH a nice element to the second half of the song. Matt Appleton is a gift I’m so glad they brought him on for this song

Favorite Lyrics: I guess you'd say I'm blessed I threw away stress the moment I said I want you, I want you gone I'm on my own path, you're stuck in the past I want you, I want you gone

14. Unopened Windows

GOD,,, OKAY,,, HERE WE GO,,, Imma be real with yall. I cried the first time I heard this. It just be like that sometimes. But like this is LITERALLY Dad’s Song 2 and I wasn’t fuckin READY for that. There was no WARNING,,, I wasn’t told I was gonna get hit with that much EMOTION Okay okay for real though, this song is actually gorgeous. It’s just,,, pure fucking grief, so much of it, poured into a song. The composition, the vocals, every element of it is so powerful and heartbreaking. This is the kinda song you cry to- but like, a healing cry, the kind you have right before you take a deep breath and start moving on, y’know? The moment I heard Danny Boy near the end, I started crying all over again. Any time I hear this song or Dad’s Song, I cannot fucking begin to imagine how Cody must feel about what happened to his dad. It’s a kind of grief that can’t be explained. I’m just glad he feels like he can share it with all of us, and that he has a support system behind him. Also, I cannot communicate enough just how much this feels like a fucking,,, movie soundtrack. Like this shit would not feel out of place in a musical or something. The swelling orchestral music near the end fucking kills me. Gotta go cry again brb

Favorite Lyrics: All the stories left unwritten that we drew up in the past It's the game we never went to or the drinks we never had As I look up to the stars and make a wish to bring you back But I curse the roof above me and I learn to live behind all these Unopened windows, bound to my heart Fantasy so close feels so afar But I long to break the lock And live among the life we lost Through unopened windows; they tear me apart...

15. Happy All The Time (Feat. Skyler Acord)

WHAT a closing number. Addmmitedly a bit of a jarring followup to Unopened Windows, but it also makes a lot of sense, to go from a song about grief to a song about letting yourself process negative emotions. It also feels like SUCH a culmination of the album. Maxx even said in his Midnight release livestream, he thinks that it sort of represents the entire message of Midnight as a whole. The album was written to deal with a collection of sad, angry, and upsetting topics or experiences- this song takes all of those and says, “Dude, it’s fine, it’s okay to feel shitty, you don’t have to bottle it in or hide it” and honestly, there are so many people who need to hear that- it’s such an important message. Also??? The fucking???? Choir??? WHAT a touch. Honestly there are Several songs on this album that feel like they could be off a musical soundtrack and this is DEFINITELY one of them. It feels like a finale, and it’s so just powerful and uplifting and emotional, I love it so much.

Favorite Lyrics: It's okay, you're not crazy! Gotta taste the salt to love the sweet Let it out and scream “I'm okay, I'm not crazy!” 'Cause the tears remind me I'm alive It's fine to not be happy all the time!

Honestly, this may be my favorite album by them yet. It’s such a fucking monument to everything they’ve been through and learned and explored as a band for ten years, it has such a clear vision and comes together so well. The lyricism, vocals, instrumentals, composition, and production are all fucking fantastic. I’m so excited to see where this era leads us, and I’m so happy with what we’ve seen so far.

In conclusion, the boys did it again, I’m weeping, and stream Midnight on Itunes and Spotify. Peace out kids a bitch is gonna take a NAP

#set it off #set it off band #cody carson #maxx danziger #zach dewall #dan clermont #sio #midnight

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aiaranradnay · 6 years

Text

Grief

A/N: this is for the spn angst bingo challenge hosted by @spnangstbingo . I've finally begun this journey, and am really excited about it <3

Square filled: Free Space

Pairing : Dean x Reader

Warnings : Loads of Angst, canon typical violence, torture and tears.

word count : almost 5k.

Inspiration : Scientist by Coldplay. also shoutout to @effie-w coz its that vintage clock of hers that got me in love with this song <3

Betaed by @wingedcatninja who offered to help my rusty head. thank you so much<3 your support and guidance refined the fic a great deal. she’s also named the fic, so thank you<3

feedback is much appreciated :)

It had started out as a pretty decent morning – Sam just back from his morning run, Dean sifting through the newspaper pile looking for a case. He had been grouchy lately – ever since he had been stupid enough to drunk dial his ex at one in the morning. He had woken up the next day instantly regretting his actions. She had left him; it was not his fault.

No matter how many times he thought of it, he couldn’t help but blame himself for the end of that relationship. But that call, she had specifically told him that it wasn’t him, she had taken the blame; he should probably accept it.

But she sounded so broken ... was she hurting too, just like he was?

His head whirled around the same thoughts over and over as his eyes raked through the most recent paper, finding an article about a gruesome animal attack two towns over – nowhere close to the wild. An uneasy feeling crept into his gut, his mind repeating her last words; her voice sounding pained and forlorn – “Goodbye, Dean, take care.”

Then his phone rang out, your name flashing on the display as the guitar riff blared out.

“It’s Y/N,” he told Sam with a scowl of pure hatred, masking the tiny seed of hope that had blossomed in his chest.

Sam watched his brother answer the call with a gruff ‘hello’, his expression rapidly changing into one of shock and fear. His face got paler by the second as the person on the other side spoke.

Dean felt his eyes burn as he withheld the tears. The hand that held the newspaper trembled, the article now making sense. The officer at the other end of the call requested him to collect the body and ended the call.

The first tear rolled down his cheek and his world came crashing down as he looked back into Sam’s concerned eyes.

“It’s Y/N,” he whispered.

It took them a whole month to get done with your ‘funeral’ – to get your mangled remains and a handful of bloody photographs from the police, put you back together as best as they could and bury you; for Dean to begin coping with your death; for Sam to accept your absence; for them to start living like normal hunters again. Sam probably tried to get his closure, but neither one was over it yet. At least once every week, one of them would be at your grave, Dean wishing he could have prevented it all, wishing he could go back to where it all started.

The first week, he was a mess; it was supposed to be a short visit, but the nearer he got to your place of resting the more he shattered. The impala too had picked up his sombre mood; her purr sounded like mourning, her radio softly singing one of your favourite songs. He then clambered out and seated himself beside your grave, whispering apologies to you – for not being there, protecting you as he should have.

His mind flew back in time and stopped by the pool table at a dingy bar where he was hustling his daily quota from the other players. They were idiots, and he was taking complete advantage of that. Then you had sauntered in. You were a stranger looking for some fun time; at least that was what you said. Two rounds later, he had miserably lost his entire day’s income to you. While you gave him a victory smirk, he desperately tried convincing himself that it was not your skills but his distracted mind that got him losing. However, you split the money with him the moment the blokes left and the table was cleared. “For all the trouble we go through for these losers, I think we deserve the money”, you whispered showing him the anti-possession tattoo on your wrist. A few beers later, you had traded hunting stories and he had, to his own surprise, offered you a place at the bunker.

His entire frame shook as he sobbed over the death of his best friend, his love, who was unfairly snatched away from him.

Two weeks later, when he returned, he was exhausted – both physically and emotionally. The case they had just finished had been rather gory; but it wasn’t the gore that affected him – it was the victims. They all had something that eerily reminded him of you – the hair colour, the age, the physique. Every time they had a body in the morgue, the boys couldn’t help but remember your mangled form that lay six feet under. The third time, Dean refused to go, unable to stand the grief. That day, the reaper at the crime scene who had popped up to harvest the soul confirmed that your soul was somewhere deep in hell, in some maximum security cell, with the best torturers available. The exact location however was unknown.

Castiel had called in a few days later, only to let the boys know that he couldn’t get that deep in the pit. Crowley had been smart enough to stay away. Dean felt terribly helpless as he sat there by your grave, not knowing how to help you. The usual strings of self blame wove around his head as he thought of endless scenarios where it hadn’t ended this way, where he had managed to save you. What he wouldn’t give to make a deal and take your place... wait a moment.

He abruptly stood up, a plan formulating in his head. Hurrying to his car’s trunk he pulled out everything necessary. Half an hour later, he was ready. The traps and sigils were strategically placed, and the tiny box buried in the middle of the crossroads. The only thing missing now was the demon. Soon enough the putrid stench of sulphur filled the air and a young man in a dark suit popped up, his eyes blood red. At first, Dean bargained his own soul in exchange of yours. When that failed, he drew out the demon blade, threatening and torturing the dealer for information. However, his attempts were fruitless, and ended with the orange-red glow of a dying demon when Dean buried the knife into the monster’s chest in blind fury.

As the sun descended, the rays shone on his handsome face, making the splatter of demon blood glisten. The tips of his dirty blonde hair glowed like embers as he stormed towards his Baby, seething with rage.

When you had first joined their ranks, you had requested just one small thing. “Don’t ask me about my past,” you had said. Both boys had readily agreed; they respected your privacy, knowing firsthand that a hunter’s life never starts with a happy event.

As time passed any kind of discomfort or doubts you had about each other had evaporated into thin air. You had found a family you never thought you’d get again. The boys found you filling in the void they never knew they had in their lives.

To Dean you were like his saviour. He often watched you as you fooled around the bunker, loving how you patiently sat through research with Sam, despite being utterly bored. He loved your enthusiasm when he asked you to accompany him to the bar. He loved how the two of you had fun at the bar, even helping each other get someone for the night. It was all jokes and stupidity, for neither of you took anyone home. Ever since you’d waltzed into his life, his one night stands had diminished in number, and replaced by actual blissful sleep.

Sure, he still got nightmares and woke up in a cold sweat; but somehow every time that happened, you’d be at the door with a look of concern. Neither of you exchanged words – you just walked in and wrapped your arms around him, calming him down with your mere presence. He’d often apologize for it, but you’d always brush it off with a ‘doesn’t matter... wasn’t really sleeping anyways’. You would then soothingly coax the bad dream out of his mind; and he’d simply pour out all his secrets, answer all your questions and then spend hours reminiscing about the early days of hunting when things weren’t this painful. You’d listen earnestly, commenting at some points and by the end of it, Dean would be snoring softly yet again, a part of his burden having disappeared.

Sam loved how you took care of his brother; he saw the love you had for each other, the love that neither of you were even aware of yet. You had now become his best friend, and he often had hinted that Dean and you would make a good couple, but you were ignorant of it. He knew for sure though, that someday it would all click into place. He simply couldn’t wait for the day when his best friend would officially be family, be his sister-in-law.

Now, with you gone the world seemed to have lost colour. The research work was too tedious, the bar nights too lonely and the nightmares more gory and terrifying. The boys no longer had that caring hand comforting them, or that soothing voice loving them. The bunker was too quiet with no sound of high pitched laughter bouncing off the walls, or the steady hum of a song being sung.

Your death had ripped open a huge hole in their lives, and they had nothing to patch it back up with.

By now, it had become a very common sight to have a Winchester mourning at your grave; the mornings were filled with Sam’s tired yet ever hopeful voice, and the evenings reserved for Dean’s pain. They never came together; never even told each other about the frequent visits.

The fourth week thus passed with them wondering why you’d never told them that you were dying.

Dean had always considered you to be his rock; maybe it was your constant support, or your everlasting optimism... to him you were invincible, a constant. So, that one day when he saw you break down he panicked. He had never seen you so broken... and now the memory of your voice, you crying, fallen crumpled in the middle of the road, haunted his mind. It was obvious that hunting was affecting you too and he didn’t like that. So he did the only thing he thought was sensible – he benched you. He gave a different reason every time but it always ended with ‘you’re not going Y/N’. You didn’t like it one bit. You were a full fledged hunter who’d given up on everything other than hunting; to be forbidden from doing the one job you knew didn’t sit well with you... and thus the fights started. Misunderstandings and arguments escalated. Moreover the two of you had just begun being ‘more than friends’, and it didn’t work well.

Your fights left Dean restless and as a result, the hunts often got botched up. Both your minds were losing peace, your lifestyle got more reckless and your relationship got rockier. Sam tried his best to calm the two of you and make you see sense, but you were stubborn and you butted heads ever so often. It finally took one hunt to sever whatever was left. You were benched but you broke protocol and followed them. Time wasn’t on your side, and you almost ruined it for all of them. Cas had turned up last minute and saved you all.

By the time you reached home, Dean was seething with rage. The usual argument turned heated, both your voices loud and bellowing, a volley of angry accusations tossing back and forth until you broke. “You know what?! I quit! I FUCKING QUIT!! I’ve had enough, Dean! It’s clearly not working. We’re over.” Minutes later, you were at the front door, a duffel bag hitched up your shoulder.

Time froze for a millisecond before Dean exploded. “Y/N, DON’T YOU DARE! You walk out that door, don’t you ever think of coming back! IF YOU LEAVE, YOU ARE DEAD TO ME! YOU GET THAT?” for a split second he sounded so much like his father, even Sam flinched at the turn of events – like history repeating itself.

Maybe Dean would hate himself for doing it if only he was thinking straight. Maybe he’d have noticed your tortured face, his comment hitting much closer than he could have possibly imagined. Maybe he’d have apologized and things would be okay. But at that moment, it was a game of egos. “That would be just perfect, wouldn’t it?” you hissed, before storming out, the door clanging shut behind you. The silence that followed was deafening.

The silence seemed to have seeped into the bunker to this date.

In the stifled whimpers of the older Winchester, living his nightmares on repeat.

In the slumped frame of Sam Winchester, aching with suppressed emotions.

In the hushed flutter of the angel wings, as Cas popped by your grave, his eyes sunken with helplessness.

In the quiet of your absence, your grave remained still.

A dull grey evening.

A broken black car, grey with soot and dust.

A lonely grey headstone in the middle of nowhere.

A defeated young man with a pale grey face staring hopelessly at the grave, leaning against the car.

He doesn’t know how to bring you back; he doesn’t know how to move on. The world has stopped for him, it doesn’t even have a meaning.

Regrets. A billion regrets; it’s the same thing haunting him.

Realization... of how the two of you had wasted your time fighting; all the time that you could’ve spent together; if only...

Memories... flooding in – cheesy lines and flirting; hugs of comfort, of love; stolen kisses, fearing the risk; giving in to your feelings; the nights together, loving each other.

“Hey Dean?” you mumbled, your head resting against his shoulder as the two of you sat, leaning against a tree in a tiny meadow Dean had discovered. It was hidden in the woods, a tiny paradise for the two of you. “Yea?” he whispered, not wanting the moment to end.

“Tag. You’re it,” you squeaked, before dashing into the wilderness. It took him a second to process, before he got up and sprinted in your direction. Peals of laughter echoed through the trees as you ran, Dean right at your tail. You knew he'd easily catch you, despite the headstart. “Gotcha,” he growled as he tackled you, holding you close as the two of you came crashing down onto the forest floor. You squirmed under him, giggling the whole while as he watched you in awe.

And suddenly, you looked him in the eye, and he saw pure fear in yours. “Dean!” you gasped out. Startled, Dean pulled back slightly. “Dean!!” you cried out.

A blink of his eyes; you were gone.

“Dean!!!” your voice called out... but you weren’t there.

Sheer panic filled in Dean’s heart as he looked around in vain. Where did you go?

“DEAN!!!!” your voice was right there... where was it coming from? Under the ground?

That just didn’t make any sense.... yet there it was. Right from the depths of the earth.

A voice of pain; a voice of fear.

“DEAN!!!”

A sharp pain burnt his cheek as Cas slapped him out of his stupor; eyes focusing as he came back to the real world, his gaze meeting the concerned looks of Sam and Castiel. No one uttered a word. They simply helped him into the car and drove home.

The skies turned dark; the grave, once again, lonely.

Another case was done and dusted; and here he was yet again. His legs folded beneath him, his shoulders hunched carrying immense grief. A single tear rolling off his cheek and many unshed ones held within. His hands trembled, as he clutched a scrapbook – your scrapbook – tightly.

You had called it a journal; an art journal. And you wrote nothing about monsters in there. Dean hadn’t got it then; now that he had gone through it, he understood it all; hell, now he knew every little thing that was in it. It started out from when you’d joined the boys and contained every happy event that had followed. There were a million photos, drawings and cute cut-out crafts woven into a beautiful tale of a lonely huntress who found the best family. Faces – his, Sammy’s, Castiel’s – were delicately drawn around the day’s events. He didn’t even know how you’d gotten so many photos and it made him smile as he went through over and over. Those tiny flip-book motion pictures of the boys peeked out here and there. His smile only widened when he reached the timeline where the two of you had gotten together. There weren’t many photos – “I can’t even think straight around him, much less take photos”, you’d written. There were drawings though, where you had tried to recreate the time spent together as best as you could... and it was magical; like a fairy tale dream where you’d made him the prince. His heartstrings tugged in grief at the few missing photos, because he knew they were the best ones. They weren’t lost; as a matter of fact they were right there in his hand – slightly frayed and caked with grime and the remnants of your blood from when you had held them while you got torn into ribbons. Why had you made that deal anyway?

His vision blurred as the tears took over, his body casting a long shadow of a broken man, as the sun slipped below the horizon.

Almost the end of week ten; yet Dean hadn’t come to you. Sam however did.

He knew that you were gone, and probably wouldn’t hear what he had to say; but if you could – then you had to know.

The young man knelt by the headstone, a bunch of fresh flowers in his hand – your favourite ones. “He wanted to come... Dean I mean; he wanted to see you, even put up a fight... but I... I just couldn’t let him out; he isn’t well, you know. Mentally – he...he’s crumbling, Y/N/N. He’s hallucinating; he sees you everywhere, and he...he just keeps saying that it’s his fault. He’s drinking himself to sleep, he’s hurting himself... it’s like your break-up all over again; a million times worse this time.” His eyes clouded with unshed tears as he remembered your heated arguments; the way you two butted heads. It seemed all so trivial then; all couples tended to fight – he could see the intense love you had for each other despite all the bicker.

But over the days, your fights simply intensified; almost as if you were doing it all on purpose. And finally one day, it erupted with a final,’it’s over’ and you had walked out, never to return.

This time when the sun set, it cast its final rays on the longer locks of your best friend. “He’s losing it, Y/N; the pain, its killing him. He couldn’t even stand straight today, but he was so persistent about meeting you,” he chuckled sadly, “I had to add a few sleep meds into his drink to knock him out... I know that he’ll hate me when he wakes up, but you do understand my intentions right?”

Sighing softly, he rose. “Y/N, if you can hear me, come back to us. We miss you... Dean needs you back; hell, I need you back. I miss my best friend,” his voice broke towards the end.

The darkness settled in as he drove away.

Week eleven and yet you were still dead; they hadn’t found anything that could get you back. It was a Thursday and would have been your birthday if you were still alive. Sam had visited in the morning, a bouquet of your favourite flowers in his hand. He had sat there for quite a long while talking to you. He was suffering – it was even worse for him because he hadn’t just lost you but also his brother; no matter what show Dean put up every day, he knew that the older one was no more the same.

That evening as the sun set, loud screeching of tires burned away the thick silence around your grave. A car – sleek, black, classic from the 60’s – swerved violently before shuddering to a stop right where the dirt trail to get to your grave started. A man stumbled out; a bottle of whiskey in his hand. He was drunk beyond measure, struggling to stand upright.

How many could he have possibly downed just so he could get to this stage?

He fell on his knees with a thud. “I’m so sorry, baby. I was going to celebrate your birthday you know? But you weren’t there,” his broad frame violently shook as the pent up grief and sorrow flowed out of him.

“Why’d you leave? We could have worked it out, why’d you just give up like that?”

The ‘angry young man out for revenge’ facade that he held all day had crumbled, leaving behind a broken shell.

The worst part of it was that you were helplessly seeing everything. Hell apparently had wonderful reception to watch the outside world. Ever since the traditional chop-chop techniques of torture had ceased to affect you, the demons had improvised their torture methods – mind games.

They started out with a regular dose – your family dying, all your best memories with them changing into horror flicks while you watched helplessly. Surprisingly it didn’t affect you; years of recurring nightmares, Dean’s reassuring arms telling you that it wasn’t real, Sam’s wise counselling and all the love you got from them, had finally let you find the closure you sought. You now had a new family.

Then the visions of your family were replaced by the boys – you betraying the two, them suffering, dying, asking you over and over “why, Y/N/N?”... But you survived those too, convincing yourself that it was just trickery and that the boys were safe; they were Winchesters.

And finally one day they just let you see what the world upstairs was up to. That was where you crumbled – at their mourning faces; at Dean’s reckless attempts to bring you back, at Sam’s silence and their frequent visits to your grave. That week was the worst, both for you and Dean. He visited everyday and you watched helplessly as he blamed himself for your death. The boys hadn’t taken a case that week, yet Dean seemed to have injured himself – bruised knuckles, multiple cuts and burns on his arms; never anything serious enough to kill him, but immensely painful. You screamed and bled freely as they carved into your skin, knowing that you were slowly giving up.

The last day of that week or maybe it was the next (or so you assumed for time ran differently out there), the torture seemed way more intense, and though you put up your best fight, you felt your body collapse and black spots dancing around your eyes. The last thing you remember before blacking out being a blinding light encompassed in gigantic golden wings followed by a searing pain in your shoulder.

Four months since your death, three since your funeral and yet he was there every week, reminiscing the time you spent, wishing he could go back to where it had all started.

Thirteen weeks since your funeral; yet he wasn’t over your death. He still found himself pining, wishing, praying, hell even begging for you to come back. This week too, when they returned from the hunt, his hand automatically sought Baby’s keys. Despite the exhaustion, and the desperate need for some booze, he had yet again driven straight to your burial site. Like every week, ever since the funeral, he flopped down on his knees with a soft thud, right beside your grave. His eyes all teary, his voice all hoarse, he repeated the same three words he always said.

“I’m so sorry.”

The sun crawled down towards the horizon, casting its glow on the grief stricken man who sat by the grave. Silent tears rolled down his cheek as they did every time. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, as always, before recounting the week’s events. Soft noises of the underground rodents scraping through and scampering filled the silence as the darkness crept in. The noises – they seemed louder today; not that it mattered to Dean.

Then, just as he rose to leave, the soil that marked your grave started caving inwards, forming a shallow ditch. A hand shot out, feebly pushing off the dirt. A head followed, coughing and spitting out mud. The man’s tired green eyes widened, a gasp escaping his lips.

“Y/N.” He breathed.

@writingthingsisdifficult @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @petrovadixon @the–blackdahlia @peddlergirl @eturtle2002 @laura160604 @super100012 @rosey-persephone @theas-bedtime-stories @firedhomearrow @trollhunter94 @percywinchester27 @mrs-squirrel-chester

#spnangstbingo #dean x reader #spn fanfic #angst #oneshot #spn verse

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zenteli · 6 years

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Walking To Class: A Playlist to make your walk to class a little less miserable.

Being a college student, the daily trip to class can be a lonely, depressing, painstaking, and overall dreadful experience. Depending on the school, the walk can either be short or stressfully long. Personally, as a student at Rutgers University, walking to class can take a chunk of time out of the day. The trips to class sometimes involve traveling to different campuses through the use of buses; which are usually packed with other stress-induced students. The misery of standing shoulder-to-shoulder on a bus stuck in traffic is hard to withstand without any source of entertainment. We all have our personal therapies, and music is a common way to let our emotions escape the present and follow the sonic flow of melody. This playlist is meant for that miserable day of traveling to different classes. The sound and essence of each song keep a consistent positivity that distracts the listener from the sadly boring everyday trip to class.

PLAYLIST HERE

Track 01: “Mr. Blue Sky” by Electric Light Orchestra

I wanted to start the playlist with this song because it has been a favorite of mine since I was a little boy. Overall the song is upbeat, powerful, and motivational. The lyrics send a message to the listener to get up and enjoy life.

“Sun is shinin' in the sky

There ain't a cloud in sight

It's stopped rainin' everybody's in a play

And don't you know

It's a beautiful new day, hey hey”

Leaving the dorm and running off to class, the weather could be cold, rainy, or just overall unpleasant; however, this song will lead the listener into a delusional state where the sun is shining and the day is beautiful and happy. It is the music equivalent to finding a twenty dollar bill on the sidewalk. If you find a twenty dollar bill while listening to this song; well, you might already be in heaven. “Mr. Blue Sky” has multiple melodic and rhythmic transitions that take the mind on a playful and stimulating ride of pure joy and content. The apocalypse could be in full effect and this song will still keep your chin up with a grin on your face.

Track 02: “Cooking Up Something Good” by Mac Demarco

Mac Demarco never fails to embrace his goofy, playful nature within his music. “Cooking Up Something Good” is an early song from his album 2, and perfectly embodies Mac’s persona and ability to make your head bump, and your feet tap. The track starts off with a very catchy, twangy guitar riff, then along comes a smooth bass line that compliments the catchy melody perfectly. There is a chorus to the song, where the melody changes up and turns a bit out of tune.

Chorus: “Ooh, when life moves this slowly, Ooh just try and let it go”

The lyrics, in particular, can speak to the student listener walking to class. The whole experience of walking to class might seem slow; but, if we “just try and let it go” and listen to our favorite music then life might seem to catch up to speed.

Track 03: “Somebody” by J.I.D

J.I.D is a wonderfully talented yet underrated rapper. His song “Somebody”, from his album The Never Story, has a very upbeat rhythm, and the synth in the background just puts the listener in an overall great mood. Listening to this song makes me want to just strut down the road and do it with confidence. It’s a feeling that is super helpful before entering a class. It makes me feel cooler than I actually am. The song spreads pure energy, affecting the mind and the body.

Track 04: “Misty Morning” by Bob Marley

Bob Marley is a magician when it comes down to spreading positivity; “Misty Morning” is a beautiful example of this. It begins with a brass-filled melody that rises up and peaks at the entry of vocals from, reggae god, Bob Marley. Most of the time our minds might seem “misty” or foggy at the beginning of the day or before class. This song clears that mental fog and wipes all negative emotions away.

Track 05: “Only A Fool Would Say That” by Steely Dan

The musical perfection that Steely Dan produces is apparent in every song they have put out. “Only A Fool Would Say That” has a jazzy, sunshine filled ora that truly affects the mood of any listener. It is extremely catchy and personally leaves me at the temptation to drop all my possessions and break into dance. Steely Dan are experts at their craft and it is obvious in this song. Every instrument ties in seamlessly with each other and never breaks focus to following the sonic formula that it creates. Part of the percussion ensemble includes a bongo; and what’s more upbeat and catchy than the classic bongo? I put this song in the middle of the playlist because it keeps the overall positive vibe of the compilation strong and effective for the listener. It is a good transition to expose an unspoken message to keep listening to further increase positive emotions.

Track 06: “The End Has No End” by The Strokes

I have recently rediscovered this song from the Strokes’ album, Room on Fire. I added it to the playlist mainly due to the overall feel of the song. This track is a perfect mixture of punk and early 2000s alt-rock, which The Strokes are famous for reviving. “The End Has No End” makes the listener energetic and euphoric at the same time. The song acts as a slap in the face, at first, but then follows with a comforting hug of reflection, then repeats. In some ways, my emotions during this song allow me to be ready for the day ahead of me. I know it will be rough at moments but if I push through it I will be comforted by the reflection of my accomplished day. I hope this track sparks a similar emotion to every person listening.

Track 07: “I’m a Cuckoo” by Belle and Sebastian

“I’m a Cuckoo”, in my opinion, is the epitome of catchy. It has a strong lyricism that tells a story along with the upbeat rhythm and guitar filled melody that produces no other feeling than happiness. Towards the middle of the song, there is a bridge that introduces a brass ensemble that further emphasizes happy vibes for the remainder of the track. Play this song loud in your headphones and no packed bus will seem as miserable than it actually is.

Track 08: “It Runs Through Me” by Tom Misch

Tom Misch and his sexy smooth guitar skills take the mind off into a fantasy like no other. What Misch expresses in his lyrics is that music and the groove it creates effects the mood, body, and soul of any individual.

Chorus: “You can’t take this away from me

The way I hear the melody

The waves bring clarity

Running through me”

I implemented this song into this playlist because of the lyrics and the catchy rhythm that is impossible to ignore. The purpose of this playlist is to let the music take control of our emotions and change the blue mood we all feel on our way to class. “It Runs Through Me”, directly speaks to the listener, exposing the overall purpose of listening to this playlist; let the music take control and feel better.

Track 09: “Devotion” by Earth, Wind & Fire

We are all devoted to something: school, family, careers, friendship, etc. What I wanted to emphasize with this last track, “Devotion”, is that we have responsibilities and ambitions that we all need the inspiration to achieve. “Devotion” is a soulful compilation of impressive vocal performance, instrumental talent, and heart-warming lyrics that comforts any person lucky enough to listen. This song spreads a message of love, commitment, and passion. It is beautiful in all forms and inspiring to all listeners. It’s a great conclusion to a collection of songs that sparks positivity and forces misery to transform into pleasure.

#playlist #college #class #walk #Earth #Wind #Fire #Mac Demarco #Tom Misch #The Strokes #electric light orchestra #belle and sebastian #Steely Dan #j.i.d #bob marley #musician #Music #positivevibes

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thisismyroaring20s · 6 years

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My track-by-track review of Pray for the Wicked (spoilers)

and by review I mean literally just my stream of consciousness while listening to the songs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ If that interests you feel free to read on. (Update: the ratings are based on other Panic songs, not just songs in general)

1. (Fuck A) Silver Lining

I think this was the first song I listened to off of the new album, loved it then, still love it now "Out of the old, and into the new, we dedicate, this song to you" GREAT INTRO TO AN ALBUM, felt very We're So Starving-esque, except instead of 'don't worry we're still the same' it's 'we're different but it's fine' (you know what maybe it's more 'swear to shake it up if you swear to listen') and then you get slammed with FUCK A. SILVER LINING. heck yes fuck it up Bren. I like how he's like 'silver isn't good enough, we aiming higher dammit' Shoutout to 'Yonce. The bleep part at like 2:07 reminds me of the radio edit of Raise Your Glass by P!nk. This song is just a little too repetitive for me tbh 5/10

2. Say Amen (Saturday Night)

Does anyone know wtf the intro is saying? What language is that? Is it a language or is it gibberish? Someone help. I hear "ah-deh-jah". Chorus makes me wanna smash stuff, but that may be because of the mv. Again, what are these words? "mah-key-key-yeah" I need answers. Vocals are amazing, obvi. I like this song a lot, and it's my boyfriend's fav as of rn. Saturday, SATurday, SATURDAYEEEEE. YES. incredible tbh. 9/10

3. Hey Look Ma, I Made It

Wasn't sold on the intro at first, sounded boring compared to the others. "i'm a hooker selling songs and my pimps a record label" I love it, great line, was the first thing that I liked about this song. I really like the sound of the pre-chorus. "IF YOU LOSE BOO HOO, HEY LOOK MA I MADE IT" 😂😂😂 I screeched honestly. Chorus is super fun. "if it’s a dream, don't wake me" reminded me of Stay Frosty (shoutout to FOB, love ya 😘) "see it, I want it, I take it" reminded me of two things: 1. Emperor's New Clothes, lbr, "see what's mine and take it" and 2. Fireball by Pitbull "I came, I saw, I conquered or should I say I saw, I conquered, I came" IDK WHY DON'T ASK i hate myself for thinking of that too lmao. I really like the way the song ends, idk why, just sounds cool. As for the music video, honestly wtf. It just reminded me of glee and Ed Sheeran. lmao. I loved it though. Anyways, great song, fun as all get out 8.5/10

4. High Hopes

Yes that brass! 🎺 "didn't have a dime but I always had a vision" "I was gonna be that one in a million" A++ lines. I also live-tweeted/tumbld this song when it was released.

And I did this:

and Panic retweeted me nbd. Honestly I love this song sm, and I relate to it a lot because people are always like "you're never gonna make it (and I'm like "I don't wanna make it. I just. wanna. *guitar riff*" jk lmao) but my mom is like my biggest fan and believes in me a lot and I love her a lot. And I always feel like I do have high hopes for everything, and it doesn't always work out but like... you gotta try for what you want in life. And you gotta be you unapologetically. Okay, sappy time over. The stripped back part that starts at like 2:20 with just his vocals and the background vocals. I've ascended, that part is amazing and then the drums kick in and you feel it building �� YES. 9.5/10

5. Roaring 20s

Holy shit I love this song so much. Perfect anthem for the summer I turn 21. The sound of the band at first and then the piano joins in?! Hell yes. "the oddest of summers" would you say it's.. pretty odd?👀👀 lmao I'll see myself out. The line "maybe I'll medicate, maybe inebriate" really stuck with me for some reason, like I like it, but it also kinda concerns me. "Maybe I'll smile a bit, maybe the opposite" I just really like the way this sounds. "My telltale heart's a hammer in my chest" ya girl's an english major and we just studied this last semester, love it. ROLL ME LIKE A BLUNT CAUSE I WANNA GO HOME lmao. Super peppy, makes me wanna dance kinda chorus. "Oscars and Emmys and Grammys, everyone here is a trophy" honestly? Tea ☕. "Hallucinations only mean that your brain is on fire" I just like this line and wanted to point it out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ The slowed down chorus is incredible, This. Is. My. ROARING. Roaring 20s. Can you tell this is one of my absolute favs on the album? Incredible. 10/10 👏👏👏

6. Dancing's Not a Crime

Started strong. Could tell from the first second this was gonna be catchy af. Shoutout to MJ, amirite? Lots of rhyming. Marauders. Harry Potter. "Dancing's not a crime unless you do it without me" adorable omg Bren ily. "Don't be throwin shade now"

Lmao, no but really, got a little repetitive tbh but adorable anyway. Honestly don't have much to say about this song, it was okay 4/10

7. One of the Drunks

Love the beginning. "orange juice" reminded me of 400 Lux by Lorde and I started laughing. I love the way he pronounces words in this song (esp "times" and "remedy") 😍 "Damn it's all good... I guess" relatable af. "high as the sun, uncomfortably numb" I just like this. The speaking at the end omgggg 😂😂"I SAW YOU FUCKIN LIFT THAT SAX UP TOWARD THE MICROPHONE! AND I FELL IN LOVE" i cried 😂 8/10

8. The Overpass

Um??...yes 😍 that big band opening? hell yea. "sorry to get sentimental tonight" but sentimental boy is his nomme de plume tho. "Someone still loves you" 👀 The song is super fkn catchy, i love it. "sketchy girls and lipstick boys" upgrade from testosterone boys and harlequin girls or nah? I think nah. The mere mention of perfume by panic will always make me think of nearly witches, sorry not sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ THIS SLOW PART IS AMAZING I’M IN LOVE. "down to your blood type" a lil creepy but okay Bren cute. 9/10

9. King of the Clouds

Starts kinda abruptly tbh, but I like it. interesting lyrically imo, and I really like the emphasis he puts on parts of words. music is stellar. lyric video looks really cool w/the song. (Side note: Does anyone know what the symbols in the video that aren't hieroglyphics are? I wanna know, hmu if you know.) Not too crazy about the fast-forward-y high pitched part at about a minute in, it was a choice. "some only live to die, I'm alive to fly high-er than angels in outfields, inside of my mind" I love this line a lot tbh "I'm lost but I better find it alone" made me real sad bruh please you don't gotta be alone 😭 7/10

10. Old Fashioned

Very, very beginning, like first 5 seconds, gave me like Right Where You Want Me/Beautiful Soul era Jesse McCartney vibes. And then the intro went into cellphone/car commercial territory. Then the vocals started and it felt less commercial-y. Love the beat, it's real fun. Verse vocals felt like they didn't quite fit with the music. "seventeen's so gone" "remember your youth...they were the best of times" i'm cryign 😭. "always tip your bartenders" "get boozy" just made me laugh and the rest of the song made me sad. I live for parts of songs when like a chorus of people sing a line together, like gives you hell and the last chorus of this (esp the "pour out some liquor, make it an old-fashioned") #fuckmeup. The very end felt like it should have gone into a peppier iteration of the chorus, felt like it shouldn't have ended there. 7/10

11. Dying in LA

So pretty at the start. VOCALS OMG. "Stars are on the ground" walk of fame? "Every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you" I WALK THIS LONELY ROAD. "when ya DYin in la" 😂 Is this just a continuation of LA Devotee? Is this what happens to LA Devotees? Wow the instruments in this song are so pretty. I wouldn't say it fades into WTDMTN like someone said, but it definitely sounds similar, it's just the choice of instruments. That was such a beautiful song. ❤️❤️❤️ Wow. 9/10

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concerthopperblog · 3 years

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Review: Aaron Lee Tasjan Finally Brings All His Influences Into Perfect Harmony on 'Tasjan! Tasjan! Tasjan!'

Americana has become such a broad genre that it's become a running joke among its fans, going so far that 2019 Americana Music Award host The Milk Carton Kids performed a song called “What Even Is Americana Anyway?” So in a genre that is basically defined by its complete unwillingness to be defined, it takes a special artist to stand out. Aaron Lee Tasjan is one of those artists and, on his new album Tasjan! Tasjan! Tasjan! (spoken, one presumes, in the voice of Jan Brady), he once again proves that he's not only one of Americana's most unique artists, but consistently one of its best.

The thing that sets Tasjan apart from other Americana artists is that he emerged not from the usual country, soul, Southern rock, or punk scenes, but from glam rock. A founding member of androgynous New York rockers (and Lady Gaga favorites) Semi-Precious Weapons, Tasjan did a year on guitar with glam rock pioneers New York Dolls before heading to Nashville to make his way as a singer-songwriter, while retaining all of the self-deprecation, showmanship, and clothing (he's the only man in Nashville to have a bigger share in the sequin trade than Porter Waggoner) of his past.

All of these things and more are present on Tasjan! Tasjan! Tasjan! and make it one of the most unique roots music albums in years. Tasjan's past albums have been good, but never completely sure of their identity. Fortunately for all of us, those days are past and he has embraced all his musical journey. The result is a set of songs that bounce between psychedelia, glam hooks, ELO-style pomp, and folk. It's as chaotic as it sounds but, rather than being a chaotic mess, it serves as a glimpse into the multi-faceted mind of the songwriter.

The album's highlight is “Computer of Love.” An uptempo ditty with a whistled intro and catchy piano hook, the candy floss production only serves to accentuate Tasjan's commentary on the fake world of social media, falling in love with a beautiful avatar but lamenting “I'll never know who you really are.” But he also gets some humorous digs in at the semi-yearly pronouncements by hipster-cool rags that the “age of the guitar is dead.” The fact that these articles keep being produced is a testament to just how much truth there is on them. With a smirk that can be heard through the speakers, Tasjan croons “May the guitar rest in peace... before it dies once more.”

On “Up All Night”, Tasjan does a pretty darned good Tom Petty drawl, or more accurately The Traveling Wilburys (that Jeff Lynne-style vocal layering cinching the deal). It's another of Tasjan's strongest lyrical moments, with him owning up to his vices (including one involving having anxiety about the others). Wrapped up in the costume of a party anthem (Staying up all night! It could be good, it could be bad for you), Tasjan struggles with his sexuality, and his inability to make either work (“broke up with my boyfriend to go out with my girlfriend, but love is like that”), concerns about what life on the road, and not a few pharmaceuticals, has done to his health (“went to my doctor. She said you might have a problem”), and his inability to save money (“saved up all my money... and blew all of my money”). It takes real talent to write a raw autobiographical song and turn it into a sing-along ditty, but I'll be damned if Tasjan didn't do just that.

Tasjan shows off his best Beatles riffs on album bookend songs “Sunday Women” and “Got What I Wanted.” The songs will draw comparisons to Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band because every psychedelic Britpop infused album does, but both songs sound to me much more like their follow up, Magical Mystery Tour, which is fine by me as I hold the highly unpopular opinion that the latter is, top to bottom, the better album.

If I went on about all of the album's 11 songs (and I could), this would take longer to read than the album's 37 minute run time, but other highlights include a poke at vapid radio hits (“Cartoon Music”), genre fluidity (“Feminine Walk”), and a desperation for human contact of any kind (“Dada Bois”, in which he croons “I'll love anyone who tells me to.”)

I run through so many pre-release albums that most go into a file folder and come out again when I'm trying to rank my year-end list. Tasjan! Tasjan! Tasjan! is staying in my regular rotation. After a week of pretty constant listening (which I do for most review albums), I'm not ready to put it away for a while (which is very unusual no matter how good the album was).

Tasjan! Tasjan! Tasjan releases on February 5 and if you haven't figured out I'm calling it a must by at this point, I'm not sure telling you again would help.

#aaron lee tasjan #americana #glam rock #nashville #2021 #concerthopper #music #album review #review

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fckeddiemunson · 7 years

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The Guitarist - Chapter One

ALRIGHT SO I GOT BORED AND WANTED TO DO THIS I WILL UPLOAD AGAIN SOON AND YES IT WILL BE SMUTTY

Harry wasn’t sure how he ended up in a crowded venue, surrounded by beefy guys with beer in sleeveless leather jackets. But there he was regardless. He wanted to be alone, but not be alone. Going anywhere public would have been futile and resulted in hastily taken pictures and the definite hassle of paparazzi. It took him a while to think of a place, but he was driving down a quiet street of London when he saw an advertisement for a small metal band, playing a show of about 500. The tickets were dirt cheap and the risk of someone recognising him there was so slim, Harry was convinced he could use a fake name with no second glances. Harry hadn’t the faintest idea what kind of show he was in for, but he was excited to witness something new. Something where cameras weren’t watching and he could just watch, without being watched. He was to the left of the stage, people packed in closer but he stood his ground, at a good distance from the stage.

The lights dimmed completely and a dark red light illuminated the stage, hauling in whistles and screams from the audience. Harry chuckled and whistled with them, relishing in the feeling of being on the other side. Harry blended in and didn’t feel too out of place with his black t-shirt and tattooed arms, but he knew he was different. Harry dressed like a rock star but had the personality of a bumble bee dancing around a stage in a flower crown. He was a delicate creature who liked the simplicities of life and liked his privacy. He had learned over the years who he was and that person should not have been at a metal concert. The band was called Living With Insanity and he felt somehow captivated to their contrasting elements and desire for something new.

The band came on one by one, in traditional fashion and his eyes landed on the lead guitarist. The guitarist was a girl around 20, wild curly dark brown hair and cascading tattoos down her slim body. He felt entranced by her playing, the way her fingers plucked the riffs and murdered the solos. She stood on his side of the stage and mainly looked out at the crowd, smiling. Harry could just see her hazel eyes wondering the crowd as she danced across the strings on her black electric guitar. A few men in the crowd heckled at her during intervals but she took it in her stride and answered their crude and ridiculous pleas. He was captivated by her, nobody else mattered in the band, the crowd’s screams dulled in his ears as he listened only to the playing of her guitar. His body moved to the playing of her guitar, much like rest of the crowd. Her eyes wondered out to the crowd, searching for faces but Harry knew this attempt was pointless in such a dark venue. The show came to a close and all Harry wanted to do was find that girl and talk to her. Her aura on stage was enthralling and he felt possessed by it. He wandered lethargically out of the venue and to the back of the building where he saw them packing up. Chords lay tangled everywhere and she was crouched down wrapping them around her arm, cigarette between her lips and hair wild.

“Hey.” Harry said softly as he walked up in front of her, her eyes darted up and eyebrows quirked at him.

“Hi.” She replied in a huffed tone and continued wrapping up the chords.

“I’m Harry” he said with an assured tone, attempting to strike up a conversation, maybe even help her.

“I am aware. I’m Piper” Harry was slightly taken aback but didn’t let it faze him.

“Can I help you with anything?” Harry said, grinning and looking down at the chords she had to wrap up.

“Sure, just don’t mess up the chords.” She handed him a loose chord, making brief eye contact with him. Piper wasn’t quite sure why Harry was at their show, in fact she was quite confused.

“What are you doing here, pretty boy?” Her tone was somewhat accusing but she was mostly outrageously curious.

“I came to enjoy the show.” He said sincerely, Piper’s expression was somewhat hard and unreadable.

“Yeah okay.” Piper went back to wrapping the chords and took a ling drag of her cigarette causing Harry to cough innocently. Piper rolled her eyes, her expression covered by her cascading looks.

“Look, I just wanted to tell you the show was really good by the way, and you are an amazing player.” Harry smiled at the girl, her piercing mixed hazel eyes looked at him, attempting to decipher his meaning.

“Look, flattery will get you nowhere, pretty boy.” Piper retorted, accusation lacing her soothing voice.

“I wasn’t- ” Harry was cut off by Piper standing up and walking away, he quickly got up to follow her, desperate for her attention. Harry almost slapped himself for being so whiney. Piper turned around and took a step toward Harry to which he took one back. Piper took another and so did Harry, he felt his back touch a wall and Piper stood awfully close to him.

“Pretty boy, what do you want?” Piper spoke softly, holding a firm and slightly frustrated tone.

“A drink, with you.” Harry’s breathing had quickened and he could feel the hair on his neck rising in nervousness.

“I don’t do the whole mega star thing.” She gestured to his body and he shook his head.

“I’m not like the media portrays me.”

“And what would that be?” Piper challenged

“A stuck-up asshole with too much money and who doesn’t care.” Harry breathed out quickly, burning under Piper’s stare. Piper weighed up her options, she could either go home to her messy liquor filled apartment and drink herself to sleep or she could go out with popstar Harry and go to a poncy bar with a dress code.

“I pick the bar.” Piper stepped away from Harry and he exhaled sharply, nodding while looking her in the eye. Piper asked one of the roadies if he could pack up the chords and she told Harry to wait while she collected her belongings. He waited anxiously, somewhat intimidated by her. They started walking down the alley way, Piper led the way, her strides fast and snappy, Harry kept up with his long legs. He couldn’t help but trail his eyes down her body when she got slightly ahead, her jeans clung tightly to her figure and her hair flowed wildly behind her, mimicking her fierce personality. Harry didn’t want to seem like the other guys she clearly disliked so he kept his eyes down on the road as they walked. Harry didn’t even expect to acquire her number at the end of the night but her endearing personality attracted him, in an unexpected manner. He usually went for a quiet girl who didn’t cause the media any scandals, although, he felt Piper admired privacy and didn’t want hers stripped away from her.

“So, how long have you been playing guitar?” Harry smiled as they walked down a quiet street with a few lone people lurking around.

“Since I was eight. How long have you been singing?” Piper looked at Harry, making an attempt to be nicer than she had.

“Ever since I could talk really, but I didn’t think I had any real potential.” Piper couldn’t help but roll her eyes, but hid them from Harry who was watching her intently.

“Yeah, well singing seemed to turn out pretty well for you.” Piper attempted a smile that ended up like a pained Cheshire cat. Harry however smiled his toothy grin back and Piper stopped at a door. The door led to a downtown bar, the slightly dodgy and dirty part of town. Even as a teenager, Harry didn’t venture down here, unlike Piper, his life was more sheltered than hers. Harry had lived a relatively normal and cosy life as a child compared to the backlashing harsh life of Piper.

The lights inside the bar were dim and a few strippers adorned poles in the back corner of the room. Middle aged men threw money at them, their white singlets showing their protruding beer bellies. Shift workers loved this place. They loved the dark decor, the cheap strippers and the near twenty-four-hour service for any and all needs. Harry felt a bit uncomfortable but slung his body down on a faux leather lounge that was chipping and peeling. Piper ordered shots for the two of them, clearly knowing her way around the claustrophobic, smoke ridden bar. She laid down on the lounge opposite him and he coughed slightly, engaging her attention.

“So, tell me about your life?” Piper was shocked by his constant optimistic glow but shrugged, sitting up to look him in the eye.

“I bust my ass in a band that is seemingly going nowhere, but I love making music so I stay. I work occasionally at this bar when our gig money doesn’t cut the rent and electricity and water bills. I could’ve gone to university; my marks were good enough but I chose the band life and started touring the UK with a bunch of twenty-five-year old guys who learnt pretty quickly that I was an equal member of this band and we got along ever since.” Harry wasn’t expecting such a length response, but he was glad they were managing to get a conversation rolling. Piper didn’t ask about his life and she knew it would completely shadow her small little life.

“What was your first job?” Harry questioned as their shots came and they downed them simultaneously.

“I used to work at a coffee shop that was on the river. It was lovely there, but they changed owners and it wasn’t the greatest after that. What about you?” Piper seemed to look fondly back on this memory, a smile curled on her lips and Harry wanted to see more of it.

“I used to work in a bakery.” They made eye contact and Piper giggled at Harry’s answer.

“What?” he giggled back at her, confused at her sudden outburst, but intrigued.

“I’ve lived a safe life and I am a huge rock star and I used to work in a bakery.” Piper taunted him, Harry’s grin widened as he shook his head at her impression.

They ordered another round of shots, this time Harry watched her drink hers before he downed his. He watched the scrunch of her nose as she swallowed and the crinkle of her eyes as the spirit hit her throat. His eyes stared into hers as she bit her lip, hollering for more shots. Shot after shot they took and soon they were huddled together on the same lounge, Harry ran his hand through her dark curly mess. Harry’s phone began to buzz relentlessly and Piper had ended up turning it off and shoving it in her pocket, claiming he wasn’t allowed to have it. Harry was surprised by Piper’s demeaner in her drunken state. She stopped pretending to be an intimidating guitarist and let herself laugh and smile. She snuggled into his chest as they sat there, the music subtle in the bar, a few truck drivers had stopped and then left again. They had been there the longest, cheesy laughing at every shot they took and slamming the glasses down on the scratched dark wooden table.

“I think we better go.” Piper stated, in between every word a hiccup.

“I’ll call my driver.” Harry said loudly and started patting Piper down in an attempt to locate his phone. He found it and smirked at Piper before taking it off her. Piper dazily sat up from the lounge and stood up, stretching widely as Harry made the call.

“Okay, let’s go!” Piper was in an excited state and dragged Harry up from the lounge, he grabbed his coat and stumbled with her out the front door. They stood in the freezing air, dancing from foot to foot, trying to keep themselves warm. Harry felt light headed and looked towards Piper, her face lit up as she made eye contact with a freezing Harry. Harry saw a car turn a corner, recognising it immediately he walked closer to the road. It was being followed by several vans, he knew they contained paps. He looked to his driver and his driver was shaking his head, Harry knew he had been stalked on the way over. Piper seemed gleefully unaware of them and Harry wanted to keep it that way, knowing that even in her happy drunken state, she would lash out, claiming he was something he wasn’t. He wrapped an arm around her waist and hustled her into the car as soon as it pulled up. He saw the distant flash of a camera but didn’t turn his head in acknowledgment and instead buckled himself into the dark car.

“Piper, where do you live?” he slurred lightly but smiled earnestly at her. She seemed somewhat more aware and gave the driver explicit directions, her hands gesturing as she spoke. Harry tried to take a mental note of her place when they arrived, it was in a quiet street. The apartment building towering menacingly over the drunken boy. He stepped out of the car with her, walking her to the entrance of the building. Piper regained a sober moment and pushed him unexpectedly against the red brick wall.

“Like I said pretty boy, flattery will get you nowhere.” She breathed to him, her eyes flutter as she leant in and kissed the corner of his mouth teasingly. He tried to kiss back but she stopped and smirked at him, fumbled with her keys and unlocked the apartment entrance.

“See you later, pretty boy.” Her voice, like velvet rang in his ears as he walked back to his car, already in need to see her again.

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #weird concept #smut #i like #harry #cute #hot #af #baby #beauty #guitar #love #harold #the guitarist

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japanessie · 7 years

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MY FIRST STORY ~ ALL LEAD TRACKS review「レビュー」

(c) Japanessie. Photo is mine (^^) Back : ALL LEAD TRACKS 1st Edition (L), Amazon Edition (R ) Front : STORYTELLER Edition. The disc is the bonus DVD

MFS’s ALL LEAD TRACKS had been the fastest postal delivery I had ever experienced in all my time doing online shopping from overseas. The Amazon package reached me on 20th July 2017. The album release was 19th. Amazing, wasn’t it? Sadly, it reached me on the same date of Chester Bennington’s death and my musical world stopped for a moment. So, this post took a back seat. But here it is now.

Being the Limited Edition nutso that I am, just as I “declared” in a previous post, I got myself the 1st Edition, the Amazon Edition and of course the STORYTELLER Edition. Goodbye money ... XD. By the way, it’s called ALL LEAD TRACKS to reflect that each song on this album is a theme song.

I had ONE intention when I bought this album. That was to hear HOW Teruki Nishizawa would bring himself out of his shell and project that more into their music. Generally, MFS is not breaking any new ground with this one. Not an issue as they have never been that type of band to me anyway. What I was expecting was how they would revive and update already-explored musical territories, particularly Teruki and man, he did not disappoint me. I was a bit disappointed by his lack of solos on ANTITHESE. So, he kind of made up for it on ALL LEAD TRACKS. Though not up to the “guitar hero era” level he grew up with, it’s flashier than his guitar solo work on ANTITHESE.

These are my thoughts.

1. LET IT DIE

(Music: Nob, Lyrics: Hiro; Theme for PS4 Game LET IT DIE )

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My first impression when I saw the trailer was that it sounded like it was something they had written to be given to ナノ @ nano. I could just hear her singing that chorus. There was a feminine quality to it of which its rock edginess was compensated by Hiro’s scream at the end. However, a few people gave feedback that they preferred this song over the earlier released trailer REVIVER. I, on the other hand, just felt the sweet chorus was contrasting to the image of Grim Reaper in that trailer.

Teru said on STORYTELLER that this song is his favourite from this album. I so believe him XD It’s easy to tell that the guitar riffs were created by a big Metallica fan. Not even the current Metallica but the classic Metallica from the 1980s. Teru knows his heavy metal history and it shows. Of course, he doesn’t do it quite as aggressive as them because MFS isn’t a straight-ahead metal band but it’s impossible for me not to hear influences of a certain classic Metallica song in it (^^)

The bass lines are particularly heavy on the intro and the breakdowns throughout. Not surprising when the song composition is credited to Nob. Ever since MFS became a 4-piece band, he has been making the bass sound more prominent in the band’s overall music arrangement. Then, I also feel that the combination of Teru’s clean guitar lines on top of the thick rhythm section steers the sound towards something that would fit Linkin Park around New Divide era.

* I wish Chester was still around and eventually discovered Taka’s little brother’s band. It was so close. He already befriended Taka and he did like the LET IT DIE game very much.

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But still, despite the heavy rhythm and the Metallica-inspired guitar riffs, the overall feel of the song is still sugary sweet to me. I guess I was just expecting something "harsher”. It’s not that I think it’s bad but to me it’s just an odd pairing for a bloody survival game like LET IT DIE.

2. REVIVER MV Version

(Music: Hiro/ZENTA, Lyrics: Hiro; Theme for smartphone game Hortensia Saga)

The thing that caught me most about the MV was “Hey, this song is different from the Trailer!”. I noticed certain guitar line was missing from the intro and the echo produced when one holds the notes on the guitar strings at the end was not there either. I was looking forward to seeing Teru’s hand as he held the notes there but it didn’t happen. The camera shot showed him but his hand was in the power chord position instead.

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Yes, as it turned out, MFS recorded another version. Overall, the rhythm guitars on this version are thicker. This one sounds like it would be the one to actually be played Live. It’s easier to handle onstage for a single-guitarist band. It’s power chords and then a short solo and then back to the crunchy power chords again. The faint here-and-there guitar embellishments can be left to backing tracks. Teru brings out his inner old-school rocker with the solo. Short but leaves an impression through the way he ends it. Hey, finger-tapping always will never fail anyone!

Hiro took a big risk changing the key at one point of the song a.k.a the part he fell underwater in the MV. Considering his naturally high-toned voice, low notes are not his forte. He had problems singing the lower notes Live when MFS showcased Last Call on Sukkiri. It’s understandable considering his natural voice. Which is why it surprised me he dared to change the key here. The key change itself is tricky but hitting low notes for a high-pitched vocalist is entirely another challenge.

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As predicted, Hiro really did have problems handling that part when they performed it Live for Fukuoka Hawks.

As a theme song, to me REVIVER is more fitting to the game it is intended for compared to LET IT DIE. The entire song sounds like a journey and the way the song ends gives you the feeling that the hero of the story will meet his triumph in the end.

3. この世界で一番の幸せ者にはする事など出来ないかもしれないけど .....

(Music: Hiro, Lyrics: Hiro; Theme for Buzz Rhythm July 2017)

Who in the world would put THAT as a song title but Hiroki Moriuchi, huh? His version of “normal” is another world on its own XD.

Title reading & translation: kono sekai de ichiban no shiawase-sha ni suru koto nado dekinai kamoshirenai kedo ..... Though being the happiest person in this world is something I may not be able to do .....

Just like my feelings towards LET IT DIE, this one also has that ナノ @ nano-ish vibe to me. Yes, I can imagine her appearing at the chorus.

My fav part is the bridge at the first half of the song (00:20 ~ 00:39). It’s such a sweet melancholic melody which suits Hiro’s soft voice perfectly. It brings out the yearning feeling for a person really well which is what the lyrics are about. Sadly, this part never gets repeated.

Teru’s solo on this one is moderate and well-paced. Not the flashy hair metal style at all but more towards what Steve Lukather of Toto would play. I'm sure the majority of my readers don't know who is Steve or Toto. Well, Steve Lukather is one of the most recorded guitarists in history because he played on so many records of major artists in the world.

Lyrics-wise, I am hoping that this is just an exaggeration of Hiro’s imagination because if it’s real, then the object-of-affection is likely to be ........... . I think I’ll just keep my thought to myself for that ....haha ...but I really do hope it is just an exaggerated story of his crush on a celebrity or something XD

4. The Storyteller

(Music: Hiro, Lyrics: Hiro; Theme for 全心 aka Zenshin Documentary)

This song is so like an updated version of old school Bon Jovi (^^). Back in 1986 and 1987. Never Say Goodbye to be exact. While the sound is not something new, to me it fits the purpose it was intended for.

The Storyteller has this somewhat lethargic feel like something you do while chilling out or recurperating from being drained out of energy after a long hard battle. Lethargic was also the exact word I used to describe Bon Jovi’s Never Say Goodbye back then

Like a badly wounded soldier after a war struggling to walk home on a lonely road and thanking the ones who came and offered to hold his hands along the way. Like somewhat apologetically saying to the kind-hearted supporters, “I'm sorry that I'm broken ..... but ..... thank you ..... thank you for your kindness and for believing in me,".

That's exactly what the song is about. With his bandmates by his side, Hiro fought long and hard. ..... and it's exhausting. The Storyteller feels exactly that. Hiro wrote it from that state of mind and his bandmates complemented it with the sound. Honestly, I don’t relate much to many song lyrics but I do relate to this one. It’s my story. I started this blog to help clear up so many misunderstandings towards them particularly Hiro. It takes hard work & sheer dedication and this song captures that feeling of exhaustion. I’m grateful for my journey though (^^)

The song topics are different but look at how both songs end with almost similar sentiments. What a co-incidence (^^):

Bon Jovi: Holding on we've got to try .... holding on to never say goodbye

MY FIRST STORY: So let's keep on walking till we reach the end .... till we reach the end

The moment I knew that this song was specially written as the Zenshin theme song and dedicated to the Storytellers, I could already imagine the video it would be presented with. Band members footage, fans footage, behind the scenes footage, onstage, offstage ... all in slow motion and black & white filters. Bon Jovi, Bon Jovi, Bon Jovi, eh?

Ooh ... even the MV is old school Bon Jovi circa Slippery When Wet album. All Bon Jovi MVs at that point were about the band and the fans. Bingo!

Written as a “gift" to Storytellers, they keep the MV private for the Fan Club. So, non-members may just trust my words on this.

My only gripe is it’s a missed opportunity for an emotional guitar solo. Ok, It takes a lot for Teru to show his emotions to the world. So, maybe it was still awkward for him to put one in. Someday dear (^^)

* Still it tickles me to hear Hiro's mumbled pronounciation especially when his "reach" sounds like "rish" (^^)

5. Smash Out!! Budokan LIVE version

(Music: Hiro* (?), Lyrics: Hiro; Theme for Shinjuku Swan II)

* This is confusing because in Zenshin, the music was credited to Nob

Now I'm contradicting myself. I openly admitted that I wasn’t fond of this song when I reviewed ANTITHESE because I was disapproving of some choices of words in the lyrics. Strangely, with this particular Live version, I get so drawn to Hiro shouting out the swear word “Uze!!!”. Besides him saying it out loud at the Budokan with his parents in attendance, I guess it tickles me because Teru once tweeted a photo of Hiro and captioned it “Uze~”. Aahh! Now they’re equal ^^

The music is louder and livelier than the recorded version. The guys played the music faithfully to the album. Teruki replicated his guitar solo perfectly note for note. From my experience watching him play this song in front of me, I think Teru enjoys doing this one Live. Then, Hiro's live vocals are ...... well, he's not Taka. But that's expected XD

Me : I'll take this version over the studio version.

Common sense : The lyrics are the same yo!

Me : But Hiro said “Uze~!!" here.

With that, I concluded that it's more worth it to listen to the Budokan Live version just to hear Hiro shout out .....

“UZE~!!"

Refer here and here for its meaning. Could be directed to his haters XD

6. 花0714 special acoustic version feat. UK from Moroha

(Music & Lyrics : MY FIRST STORY; Theme for a friend's wedding*)

* Reportedly it was for KTR

I have always been a fan of good acoustic guitar ballads. Glad to see this being kept alive by younger generation of guitarists like YouTube star Sungha Jung.

UK's playing is reminiscent of Artful Dodger or that kind of artists. A rock guitarist I can think of who has this kind of acoustic flair is Vito Bratta formerly of White Lion. A certain sound UK made is a technique my brother once tried to teach me many years ago. You do it by lightly pressing the string with your finger joint rather than your fingertip. It was bloody hell difficult and I gave up.

* UK is pronounced as "oo-kay". Check him out here. He’s the one with the acoustic guitar.

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This version is also Nob's favourite from this album. He said so in this NO Music NO Life interview with Tower Records. Of all the tracks on this album, he hopes the most for people to listen to this one.

How fitting! I was thinking of Nob the whole time when I first listened to this version, knowing that he played the acoustic guitar on 21 Miles. I commented in my ANTITHESE review that Nob has this touch of gentleness with his guitar playing. No surprise he likes UK's style.

This version finally fulfils what I want a wedding song to be. At least for my kind of wedding. Romantic and intimate. Just like a wedding should be a celebration of you and your spouse, this one celebrates the intimacy of a soft singing voice and a gently picked guitar.

At the end of the day though, whether you choose this or the original, it depends on what kind of a wedding it is. I personally will take this one. But as romantic as it is, this one will get lost in a grand wedding XD

7. REVIVER Original Hortensia Saga version

(Music: Hiro & ZENTA, Lyrics: Hiro; Theme for Hortensia Saga smartphone game)

This is the one that originally went to the trailer. I have no idea why they made another version but "double REVIVER", I'm not complaining. Hey, I get to hear Teruki Nishizawa working it up TWICE!

The guitars really are different. This one has less crunchy rhythm guitar. The clean guitar line in the intro plays along interchangeably with the synthesizer instead. This version would sound stronger Live with actual TWO guitarists in my opinion. I would say once Sho comes back, they can opt to play this instead of the MV version.

Teru created a different and speedier guitar solo for this version. He left all the power chords to the other one. He also built up the guitar line towards the ending and held the notes there. This is the part that I initially found missing when I first watched the MV.

Both versions are good. I don't really prefer one over the other. I just feel that the MV version is more suitable for a single guitarist Live. This one needs two guitarists onstage to bring out the Live feel for the double guitar layering. One guitarist with backing tracks doesn't have the same impact, at least to my ears. But if you don't mind that, it doesn't matter which version they choose then (^^)

Additional thoughts:

I'm glad I got those 3 Editions of the album. Understandably, some musically younger fans can feel totally alienated by the old school references the guys kept making throughout the album. Looks like the members' tastes are from a different generation than their audience. Strangely, I did not mention Kid'z at all in any of the songs. He kinda not stood out too much this time. He's high-energy as usual. He played his parts well but he didn't dominate the band. Live is a different story I'm sure XD

#my first story #all lead tracks #review #hiroki moriuchi #teruki nishizawa #nobuaki katou #kid'z

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kvetchlandia · 7 years

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Dave Gahr Sam Shepard and Patti Smith in Front of the Chelsea Hotel, New York City 1971

He would call me late in the night from somewhere on the road, a ghost town in Texas, a rest stop near Pittsburgh, or from Santa Fe, where he was parked in the desert, listening to the coyotes howling. But most often he would call from his place in Kentucky, on a cold, still night, when one could hear the stars breathing. Just a late-night phone call out of a blue, as startling as a canvas by Yves Klein; a blue to get lost in, a blue that might lead anywhere. I’d happily awake, stir up some Nescafé and we’d talk about anything. About the emeralds of Cortez, or the white crosses in Flanders Fields, about our kids, or the history of the Kentucky Derby. But mostly we talked about writers and their books. Latin writers. Rudy Wurlitzer. Nabokov. Bruno Schulz.

“Gogol was Ukrainian,” he once said, seemingly out of nowhere. Only not just any nowhere, but a sliver of a many-faceted nowhere that, when lifted in a certain light, became a somewhere. I’d pick up the thread, and we’d improvise into dawn, like two beat-up tenor saxophones, exchanging riffs

He sent a message from the mountains of Bolivia, where Mateo Gil was shooting “Blackthorn.” The air was thin up there in the Andes, but he navigated it fine, outlasting, and surely outriding, the younger fellows, saddling up no fewer than five different horses. He said that he would bring me back a serape, a black one with rust-colored stripes. He sang in those mountains by a bonfire, old songs written by broken men in love with their own vanishing nature. Wrapped in blankets, he slept under the stars, adrift on Magellanic Clouds.

Sam liked being on the move. He’d throw a fishing rod or an old acoustic guitar in the back seat of his truck, maybe take a dog, but for sure a notebook, and a pen, and a pile of books. He liked packing up and leaving just like that, going west. He liked getting a role that would take him somewhere he really didn’t want to be, but where he would wind up taking in its strangeness; lonely fodder for future work.

In the winter of 2012, we met up in Dublin, where he received an Honorary Doctorate of Letters from Trinity College. He was often embarrassed by accolades but embraced this one, coming from the same institution where Samuel Beckett walked and studied. He loved Beckett, and had a few pieces of writing, in Beckett’s own hand, framed in the kitchen, along with pictures of his kids. That day, we saw the typewriter of John Millington Synge and James Joyce’s spectacles, and, in the night, we joined musicians at Sam’s favorite local pub, the Cobblestone, on the other side of the river. As we playfully staggered across the bridge, he recited reams of Beckett off the top of his head.

Sam promised me that one day he’d show me the landscape of the Southwest, for though well-travelled, I’d not seen much of our own country. But Sam was dealt a whole other hand, stricken with a debilitating affliction. He eventually stopped picking up and leaving. From then on, I visited him, and we read and talked, but mostly we worked. Laboring over his last manuscript, he courageously summoned a reservoir of mental stamina, facing each challenge that fate apportioned him. His hand, with a crescent moon tattooed between his thumb and forefinger, rested on the table before him. The tattoo was a souvenir from our younger days, mine a lightning bolt on the left knee.

Going over a passage describing the Western landscape, he suddenly looked up and said, “I’m sorry I can’t take you there.” I just smiled, for somehow he had already done just that. Without a word, eyes closed, we tramped through the American desert that rolled out a carpet of many colors—saffron dust, then russet, even the color of green glass, golden greens, and then, suddenly, an almost inhuman blue. Blue sand, I said, filled with wonder. Blue everything, he said, and the songs we sang had a color of their own.

We had our routine: Awake. Prepare for the day. Have coffee, a little grub. Set to work, writing. Then a break, outside, to sit in the Adirondack chairs and look at the land. We didn’t have to talk then, and that is real friendship. Never uncomfortable with silence, which, in its welcome form, is yet an extension of conversation. We knew each other for such a long time. Our ways could not be defined or dismissed with a few words describing a careless youth. We were friends; good or bad, we were just ourselves. The passing of time did nothing but strengthen that. Challenges escalated, but we kept going and he finished his work on the manuscript. It was sitting on the table. Nothing was left unsaid. When I departed, Sam was reading Proust.

Long, slow days passed. It was a Kentucky evening filled with the darting light of fireflies, and the sound of the crickets and choruses of bullfrogs. Sam walked to his bed and lay down and went to sleep, a stoic, noble sleep. A sleep that led to an unwitnessed moment, as love surrounded him and breathed the same air. The rain fell when he took his last breath, quietly, just as he would have wished. Sam was a private man. I know something of such men. You have to let them dictate how things go, even to the end. The rain fell, obscuring tears. His children, Jesse, Walker, and Hannah, said goodbye to their father. His sisters Roxanne and Sandy said goodbye to their brother.

I was far away, standing in the rain before the sleeping lion of Lucerne, a colossal, noble, stoic lion carved from the rock of a low cliff. The rain fell, obscuring tears. I knew that I would see Sam again somewhere in the landscape of dream, but at that moment I imagined I was back in Kentucky, with the rolling fields and the creek that widens into a small river. I pictured Sam’s books lining the shelves, his boots lined against the wall, beneath the window where he would watch the horses grazing by the wooden fence. I pictured myself sitting at the kitchen table, reaching for that tattooed hand.

A long time ago, Sam sent me a letter. A long one, where he told me of a dream that he had hoped would never end. “He dreams of horses,” I told the lion. “Fix it for him, will you? Have Big Red waiting for him, a true champion. He won’t need a saddle, he won’t need anything.” I headed to the French border, a crescent moon rising in the black sky. I said goodbye to my buddy, calling to him, in the dead of night.

--Patti Smith, “My Buddy” The New Yorker, Aug. 1, 2017

Sam Shepard - 1943-2017 - Ave atque Vale

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