To be so lonely
TBSL is a drunk phone call with regret for how a relationship turned out. It has similarities to Say donโt go and Ready for it. Harry said (10:30) it was written in Bath. He said it was one of his favourites and a shame that people shout arrogant SOB at him. I love him so much:
Arrogant son of a bitch
Arrogant SOB is a quote from this Notebook scene. It's a vulnerable, honest line from a hopeless romantic's favourite movie. Why would people scream it at him? Only played at 12 shows.
Timeline
Harry wrote Fine Line in the first half 2018 and Cherry and Falling mid-year.
In October - January he was in Japan. The last Reputation show was in Tokyo in November. He wrote Little Freak & Ophelia then.
Taylor went back to the UK with Joe, In February she and Joe went to the Spaniards Inn (aka Harry's local) and she released Me!
To be so lonely is a drunk phone call when he is back in England around June 2019. (see also 2018-2020 and Fine line timelines
Lyrics
[Verse 1]
Don't blame me for falling
I was just a little boy
Donโt blame the drunk caller
Wasn't readyโ
forโ
it all
The first verse is clear that he's calling taylor:
โDon't blame him for fallingโ has a layered meaning, falling in love in the 1989 TV era (the irony now with vaults), falling off the friendship fine line (also in Daylight) and now falling into depression as in Falling.
He was just a little boy refers to his immaturity in the 1989 TV era, as detailed in Say don't go.
he responds to Taylorโs vengeful open to the Reputation tour and album: "Are you Ready for it.." with a soft gentle 'I wasn't ready at all'. This is layered, he wasn't ready to date an adult, for the fame, to be there for her insecurities in Slut and Say donโt go or to loose that love then or now.
[Pre-Chorus]
You can'tโ
blame me, darling
Not even a littleโ
bit, I was away
And Iโm just an arrogant son of a bitch
Who can't admit when he's sorry
He's feeling sorry for himself, reflecting on having been emotionally numb when they dated (I was away). To Howard Stern he said every decision heโd made from 16 to 22 was as part of a group, going to therapy and working through his thoughts at that time.
the arrogant SOB line reminds us he is a gentle soul, he is sorry, he has done the work and can now see the effect he had on her. I love that line and wish people didnโt yell it.
heโs sorry, but as an arrogant sob thatโs hard
[Chorus]
Don't call me "baby" again, you got your reasons
I know that you're tryna be friends, I know you mean it
Don't call me "baby" again, it's hard for me to go home
Be so lonely
Harry asked his muse to not call him baby, because heโs not with them. They are trying to be friends despite chemistry, they crossed the fine line of friendship and heโs drunk calling lonely that his beloved is not with him.
In Taylorโs later track, illicit affairs she has a similar line โAnd you wanna scream / Don't call me "kid" / Don't call me "baby" / Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me / You showed me colors / You know I can't see with anyone elseโ
He closes that itโs hard for him to be so lonely, it seems his beloved is not lonely because they are not single
[Verse 2]
I just hope you see me in a little better light
Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?
โCause I miss the shape of your lips
Youโll win, it's just a trick
And this is it, so Iโm sorry
He and this person have history, he wants to right. Little Freak โnever saw his birthmarkโ is similar to me, Harry feels like Taylor did not get to see the real him, he was a little boy who wasnโt ready for it all. He regrets how things turned out and how she sees him.
He misses the shape of her lips, (red lips in style and two ghosts) in a leaked โI just wanna love youโ he sang โ'Cause I just wanna kiss you / And that's never gonna change / At least I'm honest with you, babeโ
Heโs jealous sheโs with someone else, wishes they were together. He agrees itโs just a trick to get her attention, and heโs sorry.
[Bridge]
And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch
Who can't admit when he's sorry
[Chorus]
Don't call me "baby" again, you got your reasons
I know that you're tryna be friends, I know you mean it
Don't call me "baby" again, it's hard for me to go home
Be so lonely
To be so lonely x5
:( heโs sad for how it ended, misses her
sees she wants to be friends but he canโt cope if she calls him baby because he wants her. Taylor has a similar sentiment โ Now that we donโt talk โTruth is, I can't pretend it's / Platonic, it's just ended, soโ
Sheโs in a relationship and he wants to be with her.
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๐๐พ๐.
๐ค.๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐
๐๐ ๐ ๐
๐๐... โช ๐ฎ๐ฃ๐ต๐ช. ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ด. ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ. โซ
โ
.๐
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๐๐บ๐๐ ๐ซ๐ข๐ค๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ถ๐ฑ!! ึดึถึธ
๐ฆ ๐
๐๐๐พ, ๐
๐๐๐พ ๐บ๐๐ฝ ๐
๐๐๐๐พ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฟ๐ ๐๐๐๐น๐ฒ๐ หแช โ
๐ฅ ื
เฃช. ๐ก๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐๐๐
๐๐. ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐. ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐๐๐.
๐ป๐ฎ๐บ๐ฒ;; (๐๐พ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐พ ๐๐ฟ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ป๐๐๐๐๐พ๐๐) ๐ฅ
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TO BE SO LONELY
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๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐ป๐๐. ๐๐๐๐ ๐บ๐ ๐บ๐๐๐๐๐บ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ฟ ๐บ ๐ป๐๐๐ผ๐.
๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ก๐๐ ๐๐พ๐
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๐ฟ๐๐๐พ ๐
๐๐๐พ. ๐๐ฎ๐น๐น๐. ๐๐๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ผ๐ผ๐. ๐ป๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐พ.
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Summary: Basically I turned To Be So Lonely into a smut one shot. Harry comes back after ghosting y/n for his tour and they end up getting into a lot.
Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, lots of arguing, hair pulling, some oral, fingering, unprotected sex, mentions of alcohol, filth
Master
โโโงโโ ๐๐๐ฟ๐๐ โโโงโโ
I swirled my wine in my glass as I scrolled down through my twitter page. My eyes read over a tweet,
Harry Styles home from his world tour with an attached picture of him smiling as he got off his plane.
โYippee.โ I roll my eyes and finish my glass. I look at it and pout slightly, Oh I guess.โ I get up and walk over to the counter and empty the bottle into my glass. I lean down and grab another from the rack and grab the bottle opener.
As I pop the cork out, my door bell rings.
I top my wine off and set the bottle on the counter and scoop my glass up. โIโm coming.โ I yell as they ring the bell again.
I open the door and my heart sinks, anger instantly filling my body, โNope. Not doing this tonight.โ I go to shut the door but Harry stops me from closing it, โWait. Y/N. Just-โ
I step back and he stumbles through the door, โPlease.โ
I stare at him as I grip my glass, โGet out.โ
โWe need to talk.โ
I laugh and loosen my grip before my glass shatters, โYou had all the time in world when you werenโt doing shows, Harry.โ
โAbout that, I shou-โ
โShould be leaving, yeah what a great idea.โ I walk over to the door, tears welling in my eyes, โJust go.โ He stays still, his eyes stay locked on me, โI was away-โ
โYou ghosted me Harry.โ I slam the door shut and turn to him, โFucking ghosted me like I meant absolutely nothing to you.โ
He shakes his head, โNo. no. That-โ
โJust.. shut up for a second.โ I sigh and take a big gulp of my wine, holding it in my mouth for a few seconds before I swallow, โLet me get this straight.. you-โ I point to him.
โJust, what? Couldnโt handle telling me that I wasnโt enough for you? Couldnโt handle telling me goodbye?โ I drop my hand, โWhat? Was I that bad of a person to you?โ
He shakes his head quickly and steps towards me, โIโm just.. an arrogant son of a bitch, y/n.โ
I laugh, โWhat? Is that supposed to make me feel better? Please.โ I finish off my wine and walk over to refill it. I let out a sigh after staring at the bottle, โDo you want some?โ
I keep my head turned away from him until he answers me, โPlease.โ
I grab another glass and fill it up. I turn and hand it to him and his fingers brush mine as he takes it. My eyes move to the roses he laid on the counter. I bite my lip and shake my head, โNo. Iโm pissed at you.โ I mumble bringing my glass up to my lips.
โWhat?โ He asks with a slight smile.
โDonโt do that.โ I speak into my glass before I drink more, โDonโt fucking do that.โ
โYou canโt blame me, darling. Not even a little bit.โ He steps towards me and lightly drags a finger down my hand thatโs holding my glass.
I close my eyes, my body taking in his touch.
โNo.โ I shake my head and run a hand through my hair, โYou just.. you just left me Harry. No phone call. No nothing.โ
โI did call you.โ He argues.
โYou drunk dialed me and I could barely understand a word you said. All I heard was noise.โ I finish my glass and debate on pouring another.
Yeah, I need it.
I walk over and set my glass down. Harry walks over, โDonโt blame the drunk calling. You still picked up.โ
I sigh and shake my head, โI donโt know why.. I really wasn't ready for it all..โ I lift my full glass and chug for a few seconds.
โI was expecting an apology, I guess.โ I take a deep breathe and walk over to sit on the couch. Harry follows me over and sits down at the opposite end, โAs I said, Iโm just an arrogant son of a bitch who just canโt admit that heโs sorry.โ
I ignore his slight sarcasm and snap my fingers, โThat. That right there, Harry.โ
He scoffs, โPlease. Iโve said Iโm sorry.โ
โWhen?โ I bring my knee up and rest my elbow on it, โName one time right now.โ
He stares at me and sighs, โIโve wanted to.โ
โWanted to what? Call and give me a fucking explanation as to why you just left without another word?โ I sigh, โNo texts, no phone calls. You just left me with nothing. Like I was nothing.โ My voice breaks and I down the rest of my wine.
โI think youโve had enough, baby.โ
Harryโs words anger me, โDonโt call me baby again.โ I snap as I stand up, the wine hitting me from sitting down, โFuck.โ I shake my head and walk over to the counter and lean on it.
โWhy not? Oh, right, you got your reasons.โ Harry says walking over behind me.
โWhat are you really doing here?โ I whip around and slam my hand on the counter, โBesides causing me more pain.โ
โY/N, what do you mea-โ
โDo you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?โ I cut him off, my drunken thoughts becoming horrendous word vomit, โSeeing you all over twitter and Instagram, touring the world. Hanging out with people. Seeing selfies you take with beautiful girls. You give them the time of day but not me? Not someone who truly loved you..โ my voice fades and the tears fall from my eyes, โLoves.. you.โ
His facial expression goes soft, โY/N.โ He slowly walks up to me, โIโm sorry.โ He whispers as he places a hand on my shoulder, sliding it down my arm to my wrist.
โIt was you or the tour, and my manager wouldnโt let me have both. Or an option, for that matter.โ
His words shock me, โWh-what?โ
He looks down, โThe tour was already set and I-I fought, I wanted you to come but they left me with no choice but to-โ
โWhy didnโt you just call and tell me that?โ
โBecause I would have canceled my tour if I actually talked to you.โ His look is serious, โI would have came right back here.โ
He rubs his thumb on my cheek, his eyes scanning my face as heโs taking a mental picture, โCause I miss the shape of your lips.โ His thumb slowly drags over my bottom one and I close my eyes.
My hands grab his shirt and I pull him towards me, โHarry.โ I whisper as I look up at him. He looks down at me, โI just hope you see me in a little better light now..โ
โWhy didnโt you just tell me that when you first got here?โ I trace circles onto his side with my finger, โWould have just cleared everything right up.โ I laugh slightly and he shakes his head.
โI wanted to see you, I didnโt want to tell you then have you kick me out right away.โ He lays a hand on my cheek, โIt's hard for me to go home to an empty house.. Iโd be so lonely without you there.โ
โSo you came here?โ
โStraight here.โ He sighs, โIโve missed you. In more ways than one, baby.โ
I bite my lip, โYeah?โ
He nods, โIve missed your hair on my face in the mornings.โ He brushes my hair back with his hand, โYou wearing my shirts.โ He pulls at the shirt Iโm wearing and smirks.
I totally forgot that I threw this on this morning, โY-yeah, Iโve missed you too.โ
He leans in, his lips brush my cheek, โIโve having my cock in that pretty little mouth of yours.โ
My body tenses at his words. His lips trail lightly down my neck and I grip his shirt tighter, โHarry.โ I whisper as I tilt my head.
He pulls me closer to his body and I can feel his bulge pushing into my hip, โIโm here now. Iโm not going anywhere without you ever again, And this is it, so I'm sorry.โ
โYou-โ I gasp quietly as he bites down onto my collar bone gently, โYou have a lot of proving just how sorry you are to do.โ
He lifts me up and my legs find their place around his waist, โIโve been waiting to hear you say that.โ He walks me into my bedroom and lays me down on the bed. He stays on top of me and my hungry lips meet his.
He works at taking his shirt off, only breaking the kiss to take it off. He slides my shirt up and kisses down my chest. I arch my back as he leaves quick little kisses all over my stomach, โIโve.. missed you..โ
โI missed you.โ I look down at him and he stares at me while he slips his fingers into the band of my sweats, slowly working them down as he maintains eye contact with me.
I raise my hips so he can slide them down my legs and he tosses them, his hands feeling every spot of my legs, โIโve missed these beautiful legs of yours.โ He leans in, kissing from my ankle to my knee, โI missed you spreading them for me, too.โ
His words are the key and my legs spread open, โPlease.โ I whimper, desperate for his touch, โBaby.โ
His lips curl into a smirk and he licks his lips, โAnything for you.โ His hands slide down my inner thighs and his finger tips grip them as he pulls himself into me.
My moans are loud as his tongue works between my folds. My fingers find their way to his hair and pull as my back arches off the bed, โFuck, Harry.โ
He groans against me and squeezes my thighs harder. I tilt my head back and squeeze my eyes shut as I already feel an orgasm coming on.
Fuck, my body craved him more than I wanted to admit. I needed him.
He slips a finger inside of me and moves to suck my clit. His finger curls up at the perfect angle and my thighs squeeze around his head.
I let out a scream so full of pleasure that I swear it echoed off the walls.
Harry continues to eat me out through my high and he slowly pulls away. He quickly gets undressed and slides his body on top of mine.
No words are spoken as he enters me. His lips crash onto mine and his hand grips and digs at my thigh, pulling me closer to him as he thrusts deep into me.
I moan and wrap an arm around his neck, twirling the hair at the nape of his neck around my fingers.
โI love you.โ He whispers into my ear, โIโm so, so sorry.โ
I bite my lip, feeling the tears well up in my eyes, โItโs okay.โ I whisper, my voice barely audible, โItโs okay.โ
He moves to rest his forehead on mine and I lay a hand on his cheek as I arch, pressing my chest against his, โI love you.โ
โI love you so much.โ He moans and kisses me, his tongue pushing against mine, โIโm so sorry.โ
I moan and run a hand through his hair, โBaby. Itโs okay.โ
He smiles and buries his face into my neck, moaning against my skin as he thrusts slow and deep each time, โI was so lonely without you.โ
I pull him closer, โIโm not going anywhere unless itโs with you.โ I kiss his neck and suck a little spot onto it. He moans as I repeat my actions, โFuck, y/n.โ
I gasp and lay my other leg over his back, โMm, Harry.โ I dig my nails into his shoulder and drag down as I cum around him.
He kisses up my neck and across my jaw line, โFeel good?โ He whispers as he nips at my skin.
I nod and whimper, โMhm.โ
He smiles, โI thought about this moment. Having you with me. Kissing you, being inside you. All of it.โ
I listen to him speak and lay a hand on his cheek, โMe too.โ His eyes close and he turns his head to kiss my palm, โIโm gunna cum.โ He groans and his thrusts slow down as he prepares to pull out.
He releases himself onto my stomach, groaning against my lips as I kiss him. He tilts his head back and sighs, โThat was a lot better than I imagined it.โ
I laugh slightly and nod, โAgreed.โ
He cleans us up and lays down next to me, pulling me into his arms. I lay my head on his chest as he pulls the blankets up around us.
โI wanted to hate you, you know.. but I just couldnโt bring myself to do it.โ I trace the outline of his tattoo and he plays with my hair, โI would have hated me if I were you, what I did was..โ he blows air and I look up at him.
โYou came back for me.โ
โAs soon as my feet hit the pavement, I was on my way.โ He smiles, โIโm glad you didnโt kick me out, though.โ
โYeah, if I could have I probably would have, I guess I just didnโt want to spend another night alone.โ I wink with a smirk and he shakes his head laughing.
โโ
I was pretty exited to get this one out for you all to read so please let me know how I did and let me know if thereโs any other Harry songs you want turned into one shots or any ideas in general!
Just send them my way!ย ย
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