#(or dont. again im not your mom so)
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i just finished dark heir
#me foaming at the mouth during the last chapters: HE IS! FUCKING! SAVING YOU!#i am huddled around will kempen hissing like a mama cat none of these fuckers are allowed to look at him#dark rise#okay but like. cyrian at literally every moment in the book you see will anticipating things and making connections#that you never make. doing things like a leader & being fucking smart and strategic. and your dumb ass really thought.#hm. must mean i shouldnt listen to him about the magic staff that can literally stop the end of the world. must be evil.#me: [screams into the abyss]#i know i cant expect characters to react like readers and they DID all react like i knew they would but god it was so infuriating!!!!!#and heart breaking! god!!!! god!!!!! will reliving his mother's initial betrayal over and over and OVER again#and thinking about all the little moments we get where the novel tells us: if these 'evil' characters had just been accepted#instead of tossed aside maybe they wouldnt have fallen. if they had been protected instead of killed maybe they would have#become protectors instead of killers. maybe if will's mom hadn't tried to butcher him for the sin of his own birth#he wouldn't have been so scared to tell people he lied to them.#anyway im not normal about will kempen and if book 3 doesnt give me his friends fucking accepting him i'll kill someone#me looking directly at visander: i dont care how charming you are i'll murder your ass about it#i read this book in like 5 hrs im being very normal about it
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hi vaguely serious messy post about hermitblr and new members and just. letting everyone know that we’ve had history with cc interaction on here before that i think would be useful for people to learn about
Trafficblr/Hermitblr has seen a lot of growth lately, largely in part from people migrating over here from the DSMP side of MCYTblr. This in of itself is completely fine! New people jumping onto the bus with us are always welcome, and the growth of the community as a whole is really nice to see.
However, I have noticed a lot of these newer blogs sharing the same very specific behaviours, and if possible, I’d like to just make a few things about the community and our history clear. Because this isn’t DSMP, and the CCs here handle content creation and their own fanbases very differently to them.
While I’m not going to go in-depth on 2019 since I don’t have nearly as much information about it as other people do, I would like to say that back then, Hermitblr was kind of an active war zone. It was comparable to how Hermittwt is now, with infighting about shipping and similar topics being the norm (however in Hermitblr’s case many of these argument were far more personal due to the smaller fandom size). What I want to point out specifically however, is when one of the CCs, Cleo, was thrown into the community infighting. I don’t remember the specifics of it, but she was sent an ask asking about shipping, and her opinions on it, and eventually dealt with so much backlash that she was forced to leave the site entirely (this post here has a slightly more comprehensive summary, if need be).
I’m just a little concerned, because there seems to have been a slight increase in that demographic of people recently. Specifically, members of the community who want to rely on CCs to dictate what happens in fan spaces; for them to give us bullet point lists of what their exact boundaries are for every single situation.
This rarely ends well. As in, it almost always just causes infighting and hostility. There will always be people making content that will “break boundaries”, regardless of any creator’s wishes. However, this is usually mitigated by the fact that many of these CCs aren’t on Tumblr (at least not anymore....mostly). The problem arises when members of the community attempt to act as Heroes Of Justice, and go out of their way to send asks to other blogs, informing them exactly of how they’ve broken the boundaries of some 40 year old adult. This is all despite the fact that said adult will....never see whatever post went against their wishes. It just encourages policing and this weird superiority....thing, where despite the lack of content creators, people are still fighting to make sure that the site is clean from any possibly upsetting posts.
I say this all while also acknowledging that many of the creators in this sphere also don’t have a very comprehensive understanding of how fandom interacts with their “characters”. To them, “shipping” has always been RPF, and there are so many other aspects of the community that simply can’t be explained easily, as they haven’t been immersed in this culture like we have. This is to say that asking for “boundaries” is likely to get you a very confused and unhelpful answer, as the Hermits have always had a very different way of interacting and viewing their fanbase than the DSMP creators do. There is no “c!” or “cc!” to them, to put it simply.
Essentially, the Hermits are adults. They’ve been doing content creation for years, and I can guarantee you they’ve seen worse things in their lives than art of their Minecraft character kissing another Minecraft character. They’ve dealt with this shit before, and if they wanted it to stop, they’re free to make a post about it whenever want. And yet, they haven’t. They leave fandom up to us. Boundaries and rules and infighting and just...all of that? Let’s leave it to the Twitter users, please. Post what you want, make sure to tag your posts correctly, and we’ll all be fine.
Also, while I’m going to try not to rehash any discourse about inviting CCs to Tumblr, I also do just want to implore you guys to consider that the environment on Hermittwt is partially the way it is because of the active presence of the Hermits there, with people flocking for attention or a single notice, and obsessively checking posts to make sure they’re not potentially “boundary-breaking” and such. Please just consider that many people are here to avoid the dynamics of that site. Tumblr is a site for fans, not for the CCs. So we create content here for ourselves, and not for them. Having creators join almost always leads to the culture of their fanbase on here changing, with content posted in the maintags being catered more towards them rather than the fanbase. (This isn’t to say that they can’t join!! But at least keeping in mind why many of us are here in the first place and weighing that against potential CC interactions would mean a lot).
I fear that my point may have been lost a little bit, but I hope my explanation at least brings a little bit of light to why many members of the community here are wary of Creators coming over to the site, and also of how many newer blogs tend to treat the CCs. Hermitblr has had some really bad history in the past when it comes to this stuff, and seeing newer fans bring over similar ideas from DSMPblr just worries me a little bit.
TL:DR - Just...please treat the Hermits like the adults they are, and keep in mind they have a very different dynamic with their fanbases to the DSMP creators. Asking for “boundaries” and granting CCs control of the fanbase will likely lead you nowhere; attempting to police fanspaces here just brings up bad memories of times when Hermitblr was a much more miserable place to be in. Plus, if you want CC interactions, please just go to twitter. Nobody here wants to deal with an attempted “cleanse” of the site to make it more palatable to CCs.
#i hope this is ok. again im not. trying to police or be a ''fandom mom'' or fucking. whatever#just giving my 2 cents on the subject. take it or leave it i don't care im not the boss of you and you dont have to listen to me#also gen if you see this and want me to remove your post just send me an ask and i'll take it out#discourse#if i said anything goofy or fucked up lmk because while i did try 2 proofread this im also not very concise nor clear#just gonna hit post. assuming this isn't gonna get more than like. 20 notes anyway so i likely wont have to worry abt ppl getting mad @ me
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a love like burning
#my art#my stuff#art#comics#comic#original art#WOAH i have nothing to tag for this since it's just mine!!!! so cool#revolutionary concept even#already went ham in the instagram caption (@ corpsentry same username) so i dont rlly wanna ham again#i would prefer to Tofu Based Substitute in the words of the ideological west#tofu is really just its own thing i dont know why theyre obsessed with making it a Healthy Vegan Food#your Mom is vegan shut the fuck up karen#anyway . we will do a shortened version of it#i am from a place and community and society wherein being vaguely unintentionally homophobic Is the norm#i am also Gay#what this means is if i cut off everyone who was even a little in disagreement with my identity i would have like 1 person left in my life#and that kinda fuckin sucks. but i also love them. my grandma is cool af#And So. we Carry These Contradictions In Us And We Keep Peeing or whatever#ill leave you folks now adoo adeu adobe acrobat etc#its summer im drawing again! thats right baby#bye#updating this to say if you’re not from southeast asia and you call this hypocritical in any way ill cleave your ass in half with my tongue
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the hashtag about the life series making you anxious while its ongoing is so real btw
OKAY! so my friend and i have been talking about the scarian dynamics in the life series for a while and while a lot of it REALLY hurts me (i have a very weak angst heart) ive discovered some aspects about this current dynamic that im absolutely chewing on.
SO! In limited life there was a family dynamic where Scar was the son of Cleo and Etho, and i can still see that playing out in secret life! Allow me to explain:
In the most recent episode Scar had to do the opposite of what everyone told him to do, so when grian asked him if he wanted to team, his response was very weird and "avoid"ey. Grian brought up MULTIPLE TIME in his video how "scar got really weird about teaming with me" (which to me totally reads as Grian overthinking the situation and thinking Scar doesnt like him anymore)
So anyway, Grian asks to use the enchanter and Scar says that Etho has it and he trusts Etho with it because "Etho is honest". Grian goes to Etho and Cleo and asks to use the enchanter only to find out that its NOT scar's enchanter. Etho says something along the lines of "well I dont know why Scar thinks hes in charge of our enchanter but yes we do have one" which TOTALLY sounded to me like a parent who's adult child feels a sense of entitlement to things they share with their parents (Ex. an adult child calling their parent's car theirs even though they share it).
Etho lets Grian use the enchanter and starts asking him how he's been and if hes been making any friends and the WHOLE interaction between Grian, Cleo, and Etho feels like parents trying to make conversation with their son's ex or something
AND THEN CLEO AND ETHO TELL GRIAN THEY HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH SPACE IN THEIR HOUSE AND THAT HE CAN STAY WITH THEM IF HE WANTS BECAUSE HES TALKING ABOUT HOW HES ALL ALONE AND HE HATES WHERE HES LIVING AND AND AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Grian also brings up how he asked to be friends with Scar and "he got really strange about it.." and Etho went "yep that sounds about right" and Cleo agreed- WHICH SOUNDS LIKE PARENTS BEING LIKE "oh we know our son still loves his ex and everytime he talks about their interactions its awkward" LIKE THEY KNOW THAT ITS SO AWKWARD BETWEEN GRIAN AND SCAR AND THEYRE AAAAAAAAH
anyway the whole interaction to me seems like Scar's parents trying to welcome Grian back into their lives as part of the family in the hopes of setting the two of them up again because they love them both and can see how silly theyre being with all this miscommunication
do you hear me screaming
-Binge Reader
WOXNWKDNWKDNEKDNKWJDKEK WHEEEEEEEZE oh my gods i heard some stuff abt the scarian interactions this last episode and that grian teamed up with cletho but AKBDWKDNKADKSK THATS SO FUNNY HELP,,,,,,, "that sounds about right" ETHO WHAT ARE YOU TELLINGG USSSSSSSS ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ /SILLY
This is hysterical thank u for telling me abt whats going on AKDNQKSNWKSJDBWKS gods,,,,, i cant wait to hear abt what happens next week this is insane
#shouting speaks#asks#scarian#secret life#secret life spoilers#i dont personally subscribe to the family dynamic thing from limlife (if only bc im very familiar with that kind of joke--#-- like srsly so many of my friends call me ''mom'' or ''dad'' or some variation WHEEEZE)#but this is such a funny interpretation of it im obsessed. cletho voice can u PLEASE get together with our son again#hes too much of a loose canon without you#[scarian gets back together and becomes TWO loose canons] NEVERMIND WE TAKE IT BACK#/SILLY#your honor theyre like a stick of live dynamite#to Me#txt
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financial independence changed my whole outlook on life i really mean that. i will work my ass off and i will do it for MYSELF and it feels so rewarding to know that i dont have to answer to anyone about my time or money but ME. it gives me the motivation to do the best i can so i can give myself the best life possible u know
#talky cherub#JUST THINKIN ABOUT THIS#sometimes im so grateful for that 7 yr relationship ending because it forced me to take care of myself#well i mean. i have to answer to my job ALKFDLA but u kno what i mean. personal relationships. tjats what im referring to.#the other day#my mom was like . lecturing me abt something about my car and i was like gurl u dont pay my insurance. u cant tell me a thing#and she likes to tell me how to spend my money#DONT buy this DONT buy that#HELLO I HAVE A WHOLE BUDGET and u dont have access to my accounts . mind your business!#sorry for oversharing again <3#tmi cherub
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So I saw a screenshot of Ralph without his hat (for his wedding outfit + I think a DLC outfit didn't have it?) and honestly. There's a reason he wears it. It's unfair if he doesn't. Olive Town really is just "hot bisexuals in your area" and they would thrive if they advertised it as such.
#sos pioneers of olive town#ralph#jack#i will never not love jack ok i have been playing again and i cant help it#once i unlock giant bear carvings to craft i make him the happiest man on the planet#its just something i have to do ok i love jack a lot#i do still really enjoy bringing ralph soup to the woods like a loser and handing it over while he eats lunch#but the point im trying to make is i cant stop loving jack and it really hinders my desire to romance others lmao#also i was googling some refs of ralph after i found the wedding ss because it was a lil cut off and i wanted the full look#and i saw a lot of questions like is poot worth it or comments about how its incredibly avg for a game#or how its not as great as past installments and im like ........... but the cast is so endearing to me#again its different strokes for different folks and not everyone will love the same farming sim as i will but still#dont be mean to my olive town babies......#the fact there are so many cutscenes in there of families interacting and moms being mom friends and gossip buddies#the fact there are so many cutscenes just about how these people live their lives is so wholesome to me#like sure the farmer is featured in the heart events#but there are so many where you arent the center ! youre just a bystander to like#a bro putting his younger bros motorcycle in the museum and the museum owner being mad theres a motorcycle in the museum#while then having multiple other people show up like YO SICK BIKE YOU GUYS HAVE THIS STUFF IN THE MUSEUM#while the younger bro is beaming cause thats his baby he loves his motorcycle and you better love it too#like its just so fascinating to exist in the town but not be the entire reason everyone keeps on going about their lives#yeah you interact and befriend them and you do tasks to help develop the island but it doesnt feel like thats why people like you#which is really important to me bc i feel like i have to do things to make people like me#i have to have a reason to interact with people irl or its just me being in their way#and poot lets me just live alongside people peacefully and talk to lil harvest sprites that hand me food and rocks and logs#anyway that is SO MUCH propaganda for a story of seasons game that no one asked for thanks gnight
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recently thinking about the tcwg episode where mochis mob spell finally starts running out. apparently its maximum possible usage is 10 years (which they find out from pom) and appearently tiramisu put it on her too soon,,... when they ask her she says "Oh...you were such a cute kid I didn't want to wait too long!!" while pinching her cheeks, and suddenly theres a few more people at school who are like "Hey...I never really noticed but...Mochi is kinda pretty, huh?"
for the people who start to notice, they chalk it up to "Maybe she hit puberty late...?" or something, but regardless she has 1 or 2 more people actually ask her out, and lime starts to realize how much it bothers him
#text#bpp#lore#she is....not used to it#mayhaps let this be the moment lime realizes#the pitcher on the baseball team one day standing next to lime and goes (So....mochi doesnt have a boyfriend right?)#and lime takes a very long pause#(technically no but first of all what the hell? no one ever notices her. and second of all i feel sick to my stomach) -lime thoughts#pom: it should be fine. youre almost graduated so you dont have to deal with it much longer#and mochi trying to grapple with the idea that some people actually think shes pretty#(besides her mom and coco. theyre the only people who tell her and she thinks theyre being nice)#shes like (i think theyre lying...)#(they are definately not lying) -lime thoughts again#only like 2 people have enough bravery. the others are like (shit shes limes girl though....how am i supposed to compete with that)#the mob spell is op but only for a little while#and after it runs out it cant be recast on the same person#lime didnt realize that she doesnt think shes pretty at all#when that guy confesses to her the first thing she says is (you...think im pretty?)#coco oscar and lime all hovering outside the classroom listening
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I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.
#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it#like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago#so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows#but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown#AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS#1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject#and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS#or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's#AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way#okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there.#also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that#well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there#ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE#also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines#IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT#AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS#i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen.#its VITAL that that did not happen!!!!#its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan#and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died#SO. logically it must have been like#fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?)#and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist?#like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote?#that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro#god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke.#NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW#in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw)#does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab????#oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute
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NINNAAAA WHATS SPCD STAND FOR??
oh, it's not that exciting, it's actualy awful. i mentioned it towards the tail end of chapter five of rm. it's basically what cartman used to call kyle when they were growing up. a really cruel fucked up nickname.
the s.p.c.d,
or rather,
the south park city dump. :(
the sp boys used to be fucking horrible to kyle because cartman ruled their elementary/middle school. and when cartman and the boys saw kyle in the hallway they were like "what are you doing here, broflovski? trash day's tomorrow" or omg whenever he walked ANYWHERE they made the "Beep! Beep! Beep!" trash truck noises, but worst of all was that they used to dump out...Full Trashcans On Him. like spoiled milk, rotted food stuffs, glass bottles that werent put in recycling, crushed aluminum cans that cut his cheeks, all kinds of awful, foul smelling sludge...sigh. :/ ily so much baby jersey.
also, if you want to cry extra hard, i think that being covered in all that disgusting lunchroom trash, feeling it soak thru his shirt, stink down to the skin, pool around his shoes, get buried in his hair -- just feeling that dirty and disgusting and Unclean was one of the factors that made his ocd so severe and it's a large part as to why he takes scorching showers and rubs his skin raw bc especially if he smells something weird or its trash day, he gets triggered & has to SCRUB.
but anygays! you bet your ass that tiny lil stan was giving them ALL the business rippin around on his bike brandishing his hockey stick like a big sword, running them out of town and back to their mommas crying and screaming bloody murder all in that giant wayne gretsky *ravenstan vc* yersey...they were SCARED, lolllll!!!
which is a very interesting juxtaposition to sweet, gentle stan very lovingly picking all the food debris out of his kyles beautiful curly whirly hair before marching him over to the bathroom where while kyle showers, stan always sits on the toliet bc their running joke is that kyle might drown ( yes yersey also can't swim ) while stan listens to rock n colors his nails in w/ sharpie or stolen nail polish from shell.
and he's just like "dude, Fuck them, kyle! those fkn gilipollas are just mad because theyre all total perros and you're the most handsome guy in school, hands down." wHICH? AAA??? tbf stan does say shit like that all the time & Means It bc ravenstan has loved jers from the moment he Heard him but kyle thinks he's fuckin w/ him
bc haha!
very fun joke, stan! hit on the weird, overweight, clunky, awkward, nerdy loser boy to make him feel better about himself! great joke, bro!
bUT ITS NOT A JOKE, BESTIE!!!!
HE WANTS TO KISS YOU SO BAD!!!!!!!!
not them both bein secretly and painfully in love with each other but convinced that acting on their feelings would ruin their friendship/be unrequited and both of them being like "he is perfect, what would he want with a fuckin Loser like me?" :/ </3 WERE IN HELL!!!
regardless of thinking it was a joke, it totally made kyle blush, my rosecea king and stan was sooo nervous like oh my god, you are SO stupid, stanley marsh!!!!! guapo??? gUAPO BITCH??!!!! ARE U ACTUALLY INSANE!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??!!!
i love nervous ass tiny stan with his massive universe sized crush on kyle broflovski that he carries around in his black jansport backpack at all times...along with the weight of the world, ofc. we know this.
but anyways..off topic.
closing thoughts?
fuck you fartman.
-uncle nina, tiny but big baby jersey kyle defense club
( don't touch my sweet son!!! MY BABY!!!!! )
p.s. i'm sorry i just started making new sections without warning. i wanted a way to post about what the boys looked or acted like during different periods of their lives -- so like, satana ( which is what stans mom called him ) refers to the period of time before the fire and kyle's 'the s.p.c.d.' section also refers to that period of time.
it's cool you guys are so perceptive tho! i hope you like them <333 you're always welcome to ask me questions about them xx
#the spcd nickname always makes me want to cry#i love you baby jersey kyle he is my angel#the world was so cruel to him#just for being fat too like#everyone who has ever hurt jersey can go hell right after they meet with me and i beat the living shit out of them...til they Die#stan was mad over protective too and stan was weird but he had Clout from being pretty so he was like IF I SEE THAT SHIT AGAIN ITS OVER#and then goes to lovingly tend to kyle like dude im so sorry you dont deserve this shit look im gonna tell their moms#and theyre gonna get so busted and have to pay you back for al your clothes...then we pretend to hit the gap and go to good will instead#and use the rest to buy tokens at the arcade or buy the new mario game and see who can finish a pizza faster its me btw#theyre in love ur honor like why didnt i give them a chance like they were...so married#ALSO AN ANON ASKED ME ABOUT BALLET KY#YES JERSEY TOOK BALLET it wasn't his idea it was an accident bc they were marking electives#and ballet was RIGHT next to basketball and then basketbal got full and sheila was like I ALREADY BOUGHT YOU SHOES UR GOING#and like at first it was really awkward but i think kyle actually really liked the structure of ballet and when u dance beautifully#what he found is that no one had anything to say about his weight just that his pirouette was perfect it was freeing#he dropped it during the kyley b era#but picked it up again in college and its kind of a form of self harm and he fucks up his feet very badly trying to be perfect#also hes like fuck all those people who laughed at me im perfect now im fucking perfect i have to show them i have to be the best#sigh...kyle kyle kyle...ill elaborate on that more in one of the ballet kyle asks but kyle loves ballet and going to preformances#ice skating and dainty refined stuff which is cute bc theyre very nosm like jers on ice skates and stan w the hockey stick during winter
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everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me
#rant#i guess#it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever#like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning#i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry#its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too#it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but#a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container#or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside.#it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time.#i hate this survivalistic shit#its not long before i move out thank god but still#he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything#like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice.#i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it.#and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive#at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont#let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know#writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy
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cassavania midturne thoughts (watched eps 1-2):
Who's that. that's not maria. what the hell happened to her, I can't articulate it well but she always feels like she's at a boiling point, of course she would be pissed at being stifled bc she's 12 but it doesn't feel like her ok..... I think their template for angry little girls is all the same but if she could go "my parents died ^__^" and tell dracula to shut his evil shit up silly style and you KNOW she's mourning, you could've done that with one of her parents alive. idk idkkkkk and richter oh my god
I don't like how quickly everyone seems to go along with stuff it's weird as well, you're getting rid of cvs campiness and for what. you got rid of their whimsy. it's got great handles on grief and you speedran it it's weirdddd
#speak iza#dont take this seriously i cant articulate my thoughts but its also weird. with the loredumps#i can handle those but yk how in cv games you get journals in your menu and stuff#i fucking lost my shit when edouard just went omg its the vampire who killed annettes mom and enslaved her SORRY.#YOU COULDNT INTRODUCE THTA BETTER???????#anyways i did count the references.they have once again not rly included the gamw motifs in their music but idk its been a while#and im only on 2. we'll see#netflixvania tw#call him a wanker again why dont you. god fuck this characterization#calling it richters cuck magic bc its so doodoo (jokes)#thats not even them......closes eyes forever#i cant even begin to imagine what ken thinks#survive......
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i haven't been having the best time lately
#sorry vent incoming in tags. you dont have to read you really can skip this#/so the day before yesterday i had a major argument with mom. about something incredibly small but she got super mad at me (basically i#suggested she might have made a mistake while cleaning the oven bc when i turned it on i smelled and felt burning chemicals. like-#-teary eyes and sneezing i wasn't imagining it. and she got super mad and started yelling)#for the whole afternoon it was either silent treatment or yelling abt how what i said is 'unforgivable'#and ofc rejecting apologies and attempts to calm the situation down bc 'this isn't something you can just fix with an apology'#i literally just asked if she's sure everything went right with the oven cleaning. bc it was done in a rush.#so anyway at 10pm i HAD to get the situation to a manageable level bc i was starving and she was in the living room (we have an open kitchen#) so if i wanted to get sth to eat i'd have to confront her. so screaming match ensued again with me apologizing and explaining my point -#and her yelling over me. it went on for 40 minutes. finally after me apologizing like 70 times she calmed down but said that 'what i did is-#-unacceaptable and she does not give permission for it to happen again'. i went to sleep without getting anything to eat of course.#and this fucked me up. bc i really thought we were doing better. i really thought our relationship would only get better now esp after we -#-bonded on vacation. but turns out not. and shes still lowkey mad.#THEN yesterday im studying for a zoology exam and mention it on the phone with her#she goes 'who do you have zoology for'. i respond with the name of the teacher. confused.#'professor (x) died on friday.'#??????????#'it's not published anywhere yet so yeah YOU have to tell your class'#i had a panic attack legit. i threw up from stress. i couldnt do it. first off bc of shock and secondly bc how am i supposed tojust jump#into group chat like 'oh hey btw professor died'#thankfully the info was posted officially by uni at 10pm. so i didnt have to do it. but mom kept pressing me to the whole day#i was nauseaous all of yesterday bc of it. i couldnt manage to study anymore after the shock. sure he was older but he was so energetic and#seemed healthy. i wouldnt have expected it it was just. a huge shock. im still not over it#like you cant know someone for half a year then not be shaken when they suddenly die yknow. and mom is lowkey making fun of me like#'what were you emotionally attached??? he wasnt anyone close'#no he wasnt but im still shaken. and being mocked is only making it worse. as is having to keep studying for his subject for the next few-#-days.#sorry ok vent over theres just. a lot happening for me and im struggling i needed to let it out ig. theres just too much at once#vent#death mention
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moms getting competitive w her eating disorder again
#she keeps mimicking how ive been living and now that ive been sliding back and restricting again due to stress#she's been body checking around me more talking about how much she works out how 'toned' she looks#and dishing up smaller portions than me only eating half and then saying 'oh i'm so full...marie#if you can't finish yours just throw the rest out...'#she had her friend over yesterday and the poor woman made the mistake of confiding in my mother and i about her ed#and i gave her some advice for recovery & let her know that anorexia is hard to tackle esp when you're taking care of someone else at the#same time but its doable..and she was asking about what i do when i relapse#and obv i didnt go into detail so as not to like. give any ideas. but it was nice to have someone Nice to relate to on that front#immediately my mom jumps in with 'oh i restrict too! thats what i do! i go days without eating and count my calories.#marie doesnt work out like i do because their therapist said not to..but i work out so i can stay toned and confident.' like no you dont#it hurts me that shes doing this shit to herself but i know shes doing it in front of me to feel superior because she Always Has#its CYCLICAL with her. as soon as my gf left the mask came back off and she was right back to the mama i know#using MY CLOTHES to body check using MY MIRROR infront of me i feel insane.#like i told her i feel disgusting because i gained two pounds and im at 114 now and she immediately started talking about her weight and#that we need to stop buying 'junk food'#MOMM....OH MY GOOOD...#whatever whatever . i'll get over it in a few mins im just pissy in general and i feel like i live with a 15 yr old sometimes.#ed ment#i will say it uswd to be worse when she wasnt in therapy n shit but hhghhthtnf even my dad who is Never Home has picked up pn it and has#started checking her and telling her to keep it between yhem bc i dont. i canr handle that rn dude
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speaking of the swana region look at my own personal hcs for some parts of Pandora :3!
For the highlands, im thinking abt Levantine mountain ranges :3
and The Dust reminds me of Syrian deserts
and ofc i love hollow point being in a city in a cave, it reminds me a lot of how older civilizations in Jordan/Palestine resided in caves! Most notably the ancient city of Petra!
#ewbie.txt#hiiii rubs my arab hands all over half your planet. mine now.#again. personal hcs. but captain scarlett being from pandora + sasha fiona being described as meditteranean....hehe!#the whole point being corporations trying to take over a planet... me omg thats just like recent history of my own homeland! weow!#obviously my part of the world isnt the only part of the world that looks like this but see above. and thats my inspo LOL#this is just for hashtag fun. also my OCs are from the highlands! and also also. that mountain range is very close to where my moms from#i was just there last august :')!#also rbs are turned off because i dont want ppl to laugh at me or be racist which has sadly happened last time i talked abt this so. womp.#but ily guys :) <3! any questions or anything im open to talk abt :3 this is just a few minute google search nothing srs#<3
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i dont use this word lightly but my roommate is the biggest narcissist ive ever fucking met and that is fucking saying something
#shes MAD at me that im sick because i guess im not paying her enough fucking attention since im on ordered bed rest.#like are you fucking kidding me#and then shes gaslighting and manipulating me into feeling bad about it because i was like ‘i am on medical orders to stay in bed and not#talk what do you want from me’#and her response? ‘well i wish you wouldve told me! were friends i wish you would tell me things!’#and literally the only words I’ve exchanged with her in the psy week have been her asking if somethings wrong and me telling her i dont feel#well and her being like oh what is it and me saying its my lungs being shitty again#like i have said that to her so many fucking times#and shes STILL upset that im not giving her attention and acting like i owe it to her??????#im not your fucking mom or your babysitter!!!!!!#you are 33 and nearly a decade fucking older than me. act like it for fucks sake#like literally just fuck all the way off#personal#its also like i dont owe you information about my provate medical problems???#what finally prompted me to message her was he going in the most bitchy fucking voice#‘well if you dont feel well then you need to call a doctor And not just stay in your room’#like a voice CLEARLY fucking implying she didnt believe i didnt feel well#so I finally was like i HAVE seen a doctor so fuck off#like this is the last thing i should be dealing with when i dont fucking feel well!!!!#and also SHES bwen sick and hacking up a fucking lung without covering her mouth#so YES ive been avoiding her too bc i dont want to get sick!!!! I literally cannot afford to get sick rn id end up in the hospital#and shes offended by that bc ‘its not covid i tested’ and its like okay thats freat but 1) i dont trust your ability to take a covid test#properly since you literally dont know how to do anything#and 2) i domt want whatever the fuck else you have????????#its just all so fucking infuriating
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#another day another therapy session for a girl who has everything i could only ever dream of 🤡#like i admit her family fucking sucks ngl#but idk if it's her being tone-deaf about this or if im just hypersensitive af on this topic but#'there's also this pressure to always be pretty and all' 'why tho like did your dad/mom ever comment on your looks?'#'well no haha not to be all braggy but there was never anything to comment on (negatively) yknow'#spoken to my face like oh right yeah well fuck me ig haha. once again reminded how different lives we live lol#and on top of this its this constant showing me that im being a bad friend to her which ig is true what with all my non responding to texts#but like. its like there is no real understanding towards me in turn. its like only she has problems and crippling mental issues#i dont call YOU out on your bullshit. i keep quiet and let you do and say whatever it is you need to make yourself feel better#even if it is actively capital H Hurting me and i come back home and end up sobbing in the pillow#and hating myself even more lol so cant you do the same and just take a deep breath and try to understand that i NEED a break sometimes#ANYWAY.#really feeling like scratching my face off my skull again
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