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sorrowsofsilence · 3 months

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Burning out • VI

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loud That we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.

Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.

Words: 5.4k

Warnings: 18+, explicit language, mentions of drugs and alcohol/drinking

Authors note: Chapter Six - Moral Antimatter. Hey lovelies, I am so sorry it took so long for this chapter to come out. I've been so overwhelmed with school this month, and it'll only get worse once I begin my practicum in a couple weeks- but I'll aim to have the next chapter out way sooner than this one was. Enjoy xx

THIS IS A FANFICTION USING REAL PEOPLE IN A FICTIONAL SITUATION! I AM NOT IMPLYING THESE PEOPLE WOULD DO THE THINGS IN THE STORY OR ACT THE WAY THEY DO IN THE STORY IN REAL LIFE! IT IS FICTION! IT IS JUST FOR FUN! <3

Tags: @crimson-calligraphyx @lma1986 @spicywhenspeaking @sammyjoeee @shilohrosechicken @princessmarshmallowx @laurpartyprogram @cookiesupplier @nojoyontheburn @lacktoesandtoddlerant @veronicaphoenix @er3nslovergirl @cncohshit @thescarlettvvitch @scrumptiousfestivalpost @melcchs @flowery-mess @mentallynot-here @darkmxgician @judging-from-afar

“I- the whole reason I did this robbery in specific,” I stated, opening the glovebox in front of her, revealing the plastic bottles, “was to get back your meds. That’s why I’ve been so distant.”

She stared at the orange bottles, detached.

“I have felt so fucking guilty, that I have barely been able to look at you knowing what I did,” my voice began to raise, “Like how fucked up am I? That I could do that to you, knowing, that they’re supposed to be helping you?”

I scoffed at myself as I slammed the glovebox, making Y/N jump in the process.

The more I fool myself The more I feel it creeping in I think I lost my mind again

“Y/N,” I whispered now, “I am so sorry I did this to you. I am so sorry I dragged you into this.”

The more I start to fall The more I don't see me at all I think I lost my mind again”

+++++

Y/N

I pulled my knees to my chest beneath the sheets of my bed as soft sobs escaped my chest. I breathed in and out heavily, lips parted as I coughed, congested from the tears that stained my cheeks.

So much happened, and my overwhelmed mind began to spiral. I wanted to blame myself for Noah’s decision, but at the same time how could I blame him? He needed the money, and I let him into my life without looking at the consequences. I shouldn’t look past his actions, and if I was a normal person I’d kick him out of my life… but I was already wrapped around his finger.

I really was so naive, huh?

I wanted to trust Noah. I still trust Noah.

So in the end it was all my fault, because why did I trust someone who had just come into my life so deeply?

When will that trust wear thin till the point it breaks and crumbles, shattering into an unfixable mess?

As I cried my tears for Noah, my chest heaved from the anxiety of my past. I swore to myself that I wouldn't go back to that fucking mask; that I wouldn’t let them find me. Yet, here I was, completely exposed again and traceable.

That dealer in the alleyway. He knew the mask, and he knew the code.

“We live in a twilight world: And there are no friends at dusk.”

I didn’t recognize him, but I knew that he could link me back to those I ran from. They haven’t worn the masquerade masks since I left.

I squeezed my eyes shut, the heat of my breath beginning to suffocate my body that lay beneath the covers of my duvet, shielding me from the world and all the problems within it.

"I'll See You At The Beginning, Friend."

I was going to be found, and it was going to be a mess.

If Kiean and Kade were about to be back in my life, I would need a saving grace.

As much as I didn’t want to talk to Noah about anything, or forgive him, I needed him.

I told him that I would risk it all for him, and I’ve proven it; but would he risk it all for me?

You think that I can’t see through it all? Who would walk back and risk it all for me now? Is this how breaking point sounds?

In the end, Noah isn’t the bad guy. If anything, once he finds out everything, I am.

I let the tears fall for a moment longer as I anxiously lived within my mind before the soft creak of my door opening snapped me away from my wading.

“Go away,” I mumbled, curling closer to my knees before the bed dipped gently. A soft purr came from behind the blanket and I sniffed, opening the covers to reveal Juice who waddled towards me. His head pushed into my hand, the soft orange fur of his coat instantly soothing me as my fingers ran through it.

“I thought you’d need a furry friend right now.” I heard from behind the door and I turned my head, noticing Nicholas peaking in.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, sitting up as I held Juice in my arms. He purred harder at the touch, closing his eyes in contentment.

Nicholas pushed the door open more and he held out a mug in offering, “I brought you some tea?”

I sniffed, rubbing my eyes with my free hands in an attempt to erase the tears.

Nicholas entered, placing the mug on my nightstand as he looked down at me in worry, his brows narrowed with sorrow, “I’m here to talk if you need someone to vent to.”

I nodded and Nicholas sad on the edge of my bed politely, as if afraid he was overstepping. Juice squirmed in my grasp and I let him go, and he immediately walked over to Nicholas, rubbing along his arm.

I scoffed, smiling gently, “Seems he has a new favourite.”

“What can I say, I guess I’m a cat whisperer.” Nicholas laughed, petting the cat.

I laughed lowly, rubbing my eyes again before glancing at the man before me.

As if he read my mind, he spoke first.

“I knew.” He said, and although I had a suspicion, my heart still clenched at his words.

“How long?” I whispered, picking at the fabric of my sheets.

Nicholas sighed, “The day it happened. I caught him replacing your pills.”

I nodded, unsure what to say. Not only did he steal them, he replaced them with lies. He didn’t want me to know.

“Was he ever going to tell me?” I asked, tears welling up in my eyes again.

Nicholas sucked in a breath, “Yes. I tried to get him to do it right away, but he wanted to wait until he paid everything off and could buy you more.”

I was quiet, my mind racing.

“He fucked up Y/N, and he knows that. But Noah cares about you so much.”

I laughed bitterly, “Yeah, he cares so much he went behind my back to purposefully deceit me. I probably would’ve given him the pills anyway if he asked, considering they were doing fuck all.”

Nicholas turned to face me on the bed, watching me carefully as another tear fell from my eyes.

“Why do I still want to trust him?” My voice strained as my vision blurred.

“Because you care about him too.”

I let out a frustrated groan as I pressed my palms into my eyes, “I see so much of myself in him. So much of who I was; and If I got out, so can he.”

“Who were you?” Nicholas asked now, curiously staring. I knew he had questions too. He knew that I had a bigger role within their world than initially presented; that was evident after he saw my involvement last night. The two of us have grown closer, and I knew that I’d have to trust him, and the other boys.

But It was hard to admit the shit I’ve done wrong.

“I’ll tell you guys soon,” I said as I turned away, afraid to look a him, “Once I get over the fear of you guys knowing who I used to be.”

Nicholas reached over, placing a hand on top of my own. He gave me a warm smile, “We of all people can’t judge you Y/N.”

My breath hitched in my throat as shame coated my throat, “Maybe, but there’s a reason I ran from who I used to be.”

+++++

NOAH

I sucked in a breath as my padded fist collided with the covered fabric, the punching bag swinging back towards me before throwing another punch at it again, sending the bag spiralling.

And you know that we’re racing sand But we’re stronger than we were before And their forked tongues won’t lead the way You’re not pure anymore

My forehead beaded with sweat as my headphones blared, chest heaved with the adrenaline.

I bounced back and forth as I threw more punches, letting the anger seep through me.

The sins run red, but they won’t live forever You’ll be forever fake Will the marks I lay out there come back to me?

I needed to apologize properly to Y/N, even if she didn’t want to talk to me. My heart also ached because I wanted her to see our first live show tonight; but I was worried she would request to take the night off, just as she did at the cafe this morning.

I punched the bag a few more times before stepping back and grabbing my water bottle that lay against the wall. I threw the boxing glove off of my hand before I took a few sips of water, letting the cool liquid coat my throat.

Going to the gym was a way I could let out my frustration; an escape to physically release the pent-up energy that began to suffocate me. Thankfully no one else was in the gym, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

All of this was my fault, and I was ashamed- but if Y/N and I were going to have any form of relationship moving forward, we needed to be honest with each other; no more secrets.

I was going to make an effort to earn her trust back, but I also needed to know more about her past.

I wiped my forehead with the bottom of my shirt, sighing heaving as the lyrics rang through my mind.

Together we’re trapped inside of the scales Under the greed, and the ego’s weight I won’t be slipping when we all fall into Into moral decay

I slid the glove back on, amping myself up to continue throwing punches. As I heaved I swung my arms, connecting with the bag a few more times, before the lights inside the gym turned off, leaving me in complete darkness.

Pulling out an earbud I spun around, staring at the vacant area. The windows were small, barely leading any light into the room. My chest tightened as I furrowed my brows. Was there a power outage?

I breathed heavily for a moment as I stood still, analyzing the room in confusion before walking towards the light switch. I flicked up the knob and the lights turned on, leaving me even more perplexed. They had just been shut off.

As I turned around I came face to face with a man and I jumped back in surprise, audibly yelling as my stomach dropped.

“What the fuck!”

He stared at me for a moment, and my eyes gazed over all his tattoos.

“Sebastian,” He smiled, the grillz shining amongst his teeth.

It was Vincent, unmasked. Thick brows laid above sunken blue eyes and a hollow jaw. He was bonier than I thought, with slight facial hair scruffed around his features.

“The fuck are you doing?” I held a hand on my chest as I stepped back from him.

“Theatrics?” He shrugged as he began running his fingers along the metal bars of the machinery. His hair lay until his shoulders was brunette and curly.

I watched him cautiously, “uh- how did you find me?”

Vincent chuckled, “a little birdie.”

My eyebrows furrowed at his response, “What do you want?”

The shine of his grillz taunted me as he glanced between me and the equipment. My stomach began to churn with uneasiness. He didn’t know what I looked like unmasked. How would he know I was here, of all places?

Vincent reached into his pocket, pulling out a silver quarter. He began twirling it between his fingers, watching it spin, “How about this…”

I eyed him, taking another step back.

“Heads, you tell me about your little friend Y/N.”

My gaze narrowed and my fists clenched at the mention of her name. What did he want with Y/N?

“Tails, you tell me about your masked friend.”

I chewed my cheek as I glared. So he didn’t know they were the same person, but I didn’t know why the mask was relevant, or Y/N for that matter. “Why do you need to know about either?”

Vincent smirked as he held up the coin, ignoring my question, “What do you think it’ll be? Heads or tails?”

He then flipped the coin with his thumb, the both is us watching it spin in the air before landing in his palm. He glanced at me in excitement before flipping it onto the back of his palm. He removed his hand, revealing tails.

“ah, I was hoping for this one.”

I frowned, “I have nothing to tell you about it.”

“You know who wears the mask.”

I shook my head, “I don’t.”

Vincent’s eyes gleamed in knowing, “but you do.”

“I just hired someone to help,” I said, walking back towards my backpack and water bottle. The man followed behind.

“But how did you come in contact with a member of Fidelio. Specifically the volto mask.”

“Fidelio?” I raised a brow, “I have no fucking idea what you’re on about.”

Vincent grabbed my arm, pulling me back toward him.

“Fuck off!” I yelled, riping from his grasp, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. So can you back off?”

“That member has been missing for months,” He said hastily.

I stared at him in incredulity. This guy was nuts.

He paused, watching me for a moment, eyes darting across my lost expression, “you seriously have no idea?”

“No!” I yelled, grabbing my backpack from the ground, and swinging it over my shoulder.

“Have you ever seen the movie Eyes Wide Shut?” Vincent asked. I shook my head again.

“Ok,” He ran a hand over his face, “Well Fidelio is a cult that took inspiration from the movie- minus all the weird sex and orgy stuff.”

I scoffed, “And this is relevant, why?”

“Because that cult is one of the biggest groups of underground drug dealers and crime syndicates in North America, and they’ve stopped business since that mask has disappeared.”

Something clicked once he mentioned crime syndicate; I remember briefly hearing from Jolly about how there were a few heists pulled off by a group with masks… Venetian masquerade masks. I sucked in a quick breath, hoping Vincent didn’t notice.

“Ok, great.” I shrugged, clenching the strap of my bag, “So this person I hired was probably inspired by their work and liked the mask.”

Vincent shook his head rapidly, “They knew the code.”

I watched him, “Well so did you. Are you a member then?”

He laughed at me as if what I had said was hilarious, “Me? Psh I’m flattered you’d assume, but no. My boss has been trying to take them down for years.”

“So you know the code, how?”

Vincent shrugged, “Boss knows that’s how they communicate.”

“Well, then your point of my hire knowing the code is useless if others know it too,” I stated, beginning to walk past him, “Nice chat. I’ll see you at the end of the week with more drugs.”

Vincent yelled after me, “Wait. I need to know more about this Y/N Y/L/N.”

I halted to a stop, refusing to turn around as my jaw tightened. He may not know that Y/N was wearing that mask, but he knew something related to her name.

“You stole the meds from her?” He asked.

I turned my head to the side, body remaining still as I refused to look at him, “Your coin landed on tails.”

Vincent ignored my comment, “My boss wonders where all the drugs I get come from; especially if they’re prescription. Keep track in case anything begins to link back to us.” I wanted to walk out, but curiosity kept me frozen in place.

“I told him her name, and he says he knows her,” Vincent said slowly, “been looking for her for years. So do you know her? Or was it a random theft?”

The pace of my heart picked up, but I didn’t want Vincent to notice my nerves.

“Random theft,” I faced him now, responding without hesitation, “No fucking idea who that bitch is. Do you know how many people I steal from? And have stolen from since then?”

My throat clenched as I insulted Y/N, but I needed to make it believable.

Vincent nodded, eyes analyzing my own as we started each other down. After a brief moment of silence, he spoke again, “Do you remember her address?”

With a hard expression, I bore into his blue orbs, “No.”

He glanced at me, flipping the coin in his hand once again, “Well, if you do, you know who to call.”

His shoulder brushed mine as he walked past me toward the entrance of the gym, “See ya, Noah.”

My eyes slimmed in distaste as I followed his figure before I froze at the realization of what he called me.

Noah.

I’ve never told him my first name.

+++++

Y/N

“You gonna come to the show tonight?” Folio asked as we lay on the couch in the living room, watching TV. I had put on Naturo as a way to calm my nerves, and Ruffilo and Folio had heard the intro, immediately bolting up the stairs in excitement.

I rolled my head to look at him, “I do work tonight, so you couldn’t make me not go even if you wanted to.”

Folio and Ruffilo laughed, and I smiled, turning my attention back to the show.

“How are we gonna celebrate?” Nicholas asked, nudging my side, “We gotta have some drinks together.”

I squirmed at his touch, laughing, “I don’t know. I can ask to be off early since I’m starting at 4 today. You guys play at 11 pm, right?”

Nicholas nodded, “Yeah, 45 min set or something.”

“Noah will be happy you’re coming,” Nick said, and as if Noah heard his name, the front door opened, revealing the long-haired brunette, his face dishevelled.

The three of us looked at him, and I immediately sunk into the couch in an attempt to hide myself, but Noah’s eyes locked onto mine. He kicked off his shoes before standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“We need to talk. Bedroom, now.” He said with haste, grubbing the wooden railing.

“Yeesh,” Folio mumbled, glancing at me before back at Noah, “That’s not how you turn a girl on Noah.”

“Fuck off Nick,” Noah said, waiting for me to get up.

“Y/N.”

His stern tone left my body shivering and so I obliged, standing up and leaving the Nick’s to follow Noah up the stairs.

I trailed behind him and he closed the door to my bedroom once both of us were inside. He turned to look at me with accusation.

“Does Fidelio ring a bell?”

My mouth dried as the word left his lips, my lungs struggling to suck in a much-needed breath. How did he know?

My palms began to sweat as my fingers wrapped around each other, a form of distraction, “Like uh, Beethoven’s Opera?”

Noah rolled his eyes, “Don’t play dumb. The mask.”

My throat warmed in apprehension with the heartbeat that began trailing up the skin, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I should just tell him. What’s stopping me?

“Are you the missing member with the Volto mask?” Noah asked, holding the sides of my arms, his fingers squeezing against the dark blue long sleeve I wore.

Fear.

Tears pricked my eyes as my chest rose quickly, the onset of a panic attack beginning to set in. Noah noticed, his grip loosening as his chestnut eyes softened.

“You need to tell me Y/N,” He whispered as I began shaking. Noah pulled me into his chest, enveloping me against his body.

I whispered into the fabric he wore, “Yes.”

Noah’s hand trailed up my back, cupping my head in a comforting manner as he held me. Our bodies swayed gently in a moment of brief silence.

“Do you know Vincent?” He asked.

I hiccuped as tears fell, shaking my head, “No I don’t think so…but he knows the code.”

You think that I can’t see through it all? Who would walk back and risk it all for me now? Is this how breaking point sounds?

“He found me at the gym,” Noah began, pulling me from his body to look up at him, “He was asking about you. With the mask, and without.”

My eyes widened as I stared at him, shaky breaths on the verge of hyperventilation crawling from my chest, “Does he know it’s me?”

Noah shook his head, “No, but his boss recognizes your name. And of course, he knows about the Fidelio syndicate.”

I swallowed harshly, digesting the information.

“He knows your name because it was on the bottle when I sold your pills; I guess recognized it.” Noah sighed, taking a step back from me, turning on his heel with a hand on his forehead.

“I thought I recognized your mask,” He threw his head back in frustration, “But I couldn’t remember from where… and then I googled after Vincent told me.”

Noah slid his phone out of his pocket, scrolling for a moment before pulling up a news article from a few months ago.

Aftermath Broken promises collapse Bodies lay like shattered glass Hold the pieces, feel how nothing ever lasts

With tunnel vision fading in How I've thirsted for the end Pull me closer till I'm in over my head

My eyes skimmed the news article, and any words I had forming caught in my throat.

Noah’s eyes were hollow, “You came here, to Los Angeles not long after this was released…”

I sucked in a breath, “I told you I was running.”

“That’s why you gave me a chance,” Noah said, pulling the phone from my face, and placing it back into his pocket, “You were no better than I am.”

Were.

Past tense. He knew things had changed.

To have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy, and Noah read every part of me at this moment.

“I escaped,” I whispered, barely audible as my voice cracked, “I didn’t want that life. I was used, angry, and unworthy.”

We are broken bodies bound for еach other In the impact, we become antimatter The dust hasn't settled but we feel the decay

“Your past does not define you,” Noah breathed softly, pulling me into another hug, “You were a result of circumstance…If anything it makes me respect you even more with how far you’ve come.”

Torn limb from limb, I am swearing your name Our hands collide, we brace together In the impact, we become antimatter

“I’m proud of you.”

Noah’s words rang in my ear as I cried, holding myself against his chest. My knuckles whitened through the grip I held on his sweater, my body vibrating through the pain. I’m proud of you. No one has ever said that to me.

I sobbed into his body for a few more moments as he squeezed me with compassion, taking in all the emotions I displayed for him.

“I knew what it was like being in your shoes,” I sniffed, “I’m still lost, but I’m finding my way. You deserve to escape too.”

Noah’s grip tightened before he pulled away, “I see it now.”

My mind was still racing at Vincent and the information Noah brought.

“Do you know who his boss is?” I asked Noah, even more nervous now. I didn’t know many people within the drug ring; I always played on the sidelines.

Was it someone who knew my true identity?

We're waiting in the wreckage for the sun to rise I'm staring at the fractures no one else can see, they're so complete When morning comes, will there be anyone left to find? My vision starts to surrender, as colors subvert the night

“I went by a different name,” I watched Noah carefully, “Y/N Y/L/N is my real name. Only two people back home know it, other than my extended family… that I know of.”

“I mean that’s smart. I don’t know who his boss is,” Noah said, his face contorting, “but maybe he’s tied back to you?”

I sighed anxiously. I had no idea who Vincent’s boss could be, but my stomach churned at the idea of it being one of the members of Fidelio.

“You risked everything coming to help me rob the pharmacy then… why?” Noah grabbed my hands, placing them gently within his, “Especially because you chose to wear the mask.”

I shrugged, hands warming from his touch, “I-I don’t know. I just- I would do anything to help you escape from this life. You asked me for help, how could I say no? Especially when I have enough experience?”

One of Noah’s hands travelled up my arm, resting below my chin. He pushed gently, making me look up into his October eyes.

Stolen by auroras, our bodies re-align Magnetic in the impulse, show me the other side Suspended in the ether, till I felt you in my chest I know we're not alone, but I'm in over my head

“I’m sorry I broke your trust. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you about the pills, and I’m sorry I stole them.” His eyes darted across my face, sincerity radiating from his pupils, “I will never do anything like that again; over my dead body.”

His words burned into my skin through the touch of his fingertips. I knew he was sorry, and I knew he felt bad. He made a mistake, he wasn’t perfect. He was human.

“I forgive you, Noah. You need the money,” I said, “You’re almost free.”

Noah pulled me closer to his chest and I leaned into his touch, our lips brushing against each other gently. My stomach spiralled with nerves as Noah’s warm breath escaped his lips before he placed them delicately against my own. It was a different kind of kiss; my limbs tingled as my mind warmed with admiration. It wasn’t hungry or desperate, it wasn’t filled with haste. It was proof that Noah accepted me as I was- just as had accepted him. It made me feel vulnerable.

We are broken bodies bound for each other In the impact, we become antimatter

+++++

The boys arrived at Sammy’s around 9 pm, sitting along the bar as they waited. They periodically kept trying to talk to me as I waited tables and catered to guests.

“Folio I’m so glad you’re telling me a story about the biggest fish you ever caught,” I began as I poured a few shots, “But you do know I am on the clock, right?”

Nick frowned and I gave him an empathetic smile. I loved having them here since it made work much more entertaining, but at the same time, I couldn’t stop getting distracted by their conversation and by Noah’s presence.

I couldn't help but steal glances at the long-haired gentleman when he would look away, admiring the way his smile lit up his eyes, or the scrunch of his nose when Nicholas made a joke; and I could feel his eyes burning into me every time I walked away, or turned to make a drink.

“Well,” Nick took a sip of his beer, “if you could fuck Noah in the bathroom at work you can hear about my fish,” He pouted and my eyes widened, along with Noah’s.

Noah and I shared eye contact in a knowing glance. Both of us immediately flushed and looked away in awkwardness. I shot Nick a glare before I turned around, bringing the shots to the customers who ordered.

Nicholas burst out laughing behind me as he doubled over the counter, pulling Jolly down with him.

“Dude that was so out of pocket,” Nicholas wheezed as Jolly’s chortle echoed through the busy room.

The bar was decently packed tonight with people anticipating the first live music showcase. I was just as excited; because I couldn’t wait to hear them perform somewhere outside of the basement.

My mind kept tracing back to the realization that now that the mask was back, I was going to be traceable. My entire shift I felt uneasy, worried that with every turning corner someone who knew could show up; but I pushed away those thoughts, remaining happy and supportive as the boys were going to be on stage soon.

I walked back behind the counter, smiling at them.

“Guys want a shot for some liquid courage?” I asked, holding up a bottle of tequila.

“You know it,” Folio nodded.

“We should probably do a soundcheck, yeah?” Jolly raised a brow at Noah who nodded in agreement.

“That’s what bands do, right?” Noah said, spinning on the bar chair as I placed the shot and a lime wedge in front of each of them.

“To uh-” I raised my empty glass to cheer with them, but I couldn’t finish my sentence, because they hadn’t chosen a name for the band.

“To Glass Houses?” Jolly shrugged, and Noah mimicked him. The four boys took the drink, squinting at the bitterness before sucking on the lime.

“We haven’t chosen a name… but we can go by glass houses for now,” Noah laughed, before standing up.

I smiled up at them, giving the boys a thumbs up, “Good luck gentlemen, you got this!”

“Thanks, Y/N,” Nicholas smiled back, following Jolly and Nick towards the stage.

Noah turned to look at me, “Don’t judge us too hard, ok?”

“I’m not the cool one in a band,” I chuckled as I mixed another drink, “No judgment here, only proud to say I know you personally.”

“Ah yes,” Noah licked his lips before flashing a wide smile, “personally.” His tone insinuated something much more and I couldn’t help but shake my head as my face warmed once again.

“Break a leg, as they say.” I cheered, and Noah nodded at me before meeting the rest of the boys.

Half an hour later it was eleven, and I asked my boss if I could be off early. She didn’t mind, so I grabbed a rum and coke before sitting at the seats that were in front of the stage.

I could tell they were nervous as each of them fiddled with their equipment. A few moments later the stereo died down and Noah tapped the microphone, his hair cascading over his face as he spoke.

“Uh, hey!” He began the feedback echoing slightly through the bar. I smiled encouragingly up at him as his eyes met mine, and he smiled back as if speaking to me.

“So this is our first gig, we don’t have an official name but call us Glass Houses for now!”

The small crowd clapped as Noah looked towards the boys, nodding at them.

“So I guess we’ll start with a cover of Come Undone by Duran Duran!”

Another applause sounded and Jolly began playing the riff before Folio’s drums and Ruffilo’s bass joined.

Noah jumped on the floor as his hair whipped around, feeling the into and the crowd cheered, before he gripped the mic stand, preparing to sing.

“Mine immaculate dream Made breath and skin, I've been waiting for you Signed, with a home tattoo Happy birthday to you was created for you.”

I bobbed my head, proud as guests began singing along. It wasn’t until Noah’s voice became deeper and raspier with the chorus that I smiled wider, heart hammering as he sang, watching me periodically from the stand.

“Who do you need? Who do you love When you come undone? Who do you need? Who do you love When you come undone?”

The evening went on as the boys covered various songs, before getting ready to perform their last song for the night.

“Thank you guys so much for jamming along!” Noah yelled before sipping his water bottle, “It’s about to get heavy, so I want to see you mother fuckers headbang!”

The crowd cheered as Noah introduced Glass Houses, and the song began.

I banged my head with the music as their hair flew in spirals, pulling out my phone to record them.

As I opened my phone I saw a text message from an unknown number. Clicking on it my stomach immediately dropped as my limbs warmed with complete terror.

Los Angeles, hey? It’s about time we booked a vacation anyway. See you soon, my volto x

+++++

Chapter 7

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vincentscrumpet · 8 months

Text

High with my lover

Reader X Conrad Fisher

mostly fluff (Spicy fluff but still fluff) may or may not write a smutty part two

Reader and Conrad wake and bake.

It was a cool summer morning in cousins, you had been up all night tossing and turning thinking about Conrad.

So before sunrise you hurried down to the beach in your Pajamas and a jacket you found hanging up by the door.

As you near the end of the path, you notice a familiar tawny head of hair.

"Conrad what are you doing up so early?" You say with fake shock in. your tone.

He gives you a sassy look before responding

"I couldn't sleep"

you two really were like two peas in a pod.

"What's on your mind?" you ask softly

"its not important," he replies quickly.

You decide to leave it as there was a sense of seriousness in his tone, that softly told you to drop it.

You plop down next to him and silently sit in each others presence for a few minutes, before Conrad pulls out a joint and starts trying to light it.

"Dude it is 5:45 in the morning are you serious?"

"What its summer, It's not like I have anything better to do anyway." He defends himself

"Fair enough" you say and pull out a blunt of your own.

"What the fuck, since when did you start smoking y/n???"

"Pretty recently, it has the same effects as my anxiety meds without the horrible side effects." you shrug

He just stares at you for a minute as you light up and take a hit.

"Our moms are going to fucking murder me if we get caught." Conrad grumbles.

You just shrug once again and offer him a hit, he just chuckles and takes a long drag.

You can't help but stare as he exhales, there's something so sexy yet so wrong about watching your childhood best friend smoke.

"What, are you going to take a picture or something?" Conrad jokes

"Oh fuck off." you laugh and take the joint back.

Suddenly you get a brilliant idea. May it be the haze starting to wash over your mind? Maybe but brilliant none the less.

"Do you want to try something?" you ask

"Depends on what you have in mind..." He trails off

"Do you trust me?"

He just nods in response, his red eyes wide with anticipation.

You take a long drag from the blunt and Then kiss him while blowing the smoke into his mouth.

Conrad groans in appreciation and kisses you back, before exhaling through his nose.

"That was so fucking hot,"

He takes the blunt from between your fingers and does the same to you. He inhales the smoke and then grabs the back of your head and kisses you roughly while exhaling the smoke into your mouth as you had done to him seconds prior.

As you exhale the smoke he pulls you onto his lap.

"You know I think that was one of the best ideas you've ever had" he says in a raspy voice

You wrap your arms around his shoulders and rest your head in the crook of his neck to hide your blushing face.

"Don't get all shy now you started it Y/n." Conrad teases while pulling you back to look at you.

Your cheeks had gone vermillion at that point. You glance up into Conrads eyes and kiss him once more, this time he takes control and crawls over you, carefully laying your head down in the sand.

He gasps when you start to kiss his neck, and abruptly pulls back.

"Are you sure you're okay with this we don't have to do anything" Conrad states with a worried look in his eye.

" Believe me I want to, are you okay though?" You ask

He pulls back and sits next to you, "Okay promise not to laugh at me" He pleads

"Why would I laugh at you Conrad?" you say in a serious tone,

"Okay, this is sort of cheesy but I've wanted to do this for a really long time and well as hot as that was I want us both to be totally sober for this. I want to remember every single second of this"

you were too stunned to speak. Literally.

"Please say something you're freaking me out." Conrad says and pulls you closer.

"I feel the same way.. I love you Conrad.'

the two of you sit in comfortable silence and watch the sun rise the rest of the way before going back up to the house...

the end.. maybe. Let me know if you want a part two.

#conrad fisher #conrad x y/n #conrad x reader #tsitp #the summer i turned pretty #jeremiah fisher #conrad fisher x you #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher fanfic #team conrad #tsitp s2

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lu-lus-duckies · 2 months

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You all need sleep and I may not be the best sleeper but here's some tips. these especially go out to @xxx-angie @nunalastor and @the-aprilfools-bitch . I will be in your closets making sure you all get good sleep >:(

rest your eyes from tv and phone. Just blue light in general. instead you could listen to music or podcasts. those are much better.

try sleeping between 2-4 PM at the latest (which means either that or EARLIER). your body produces the most melatonin (the thing you need to sleep) at those times. It will be much harder to fall asleep later than that

Take a warm bath or shower. If I didn't have a bad relationship with liquids, I would be doing this all day. the warmness helps drop your body temperature and generally lower temperatures signal to the body that it's nighttime and consequently bedtime.

no coffee if you drink some, unless you got ADHD (angie). I've heard caffeine works backwards for people with ADHD

If you grew up in a home with the TV on constantly or just generally had some noise around you in your childhood whenever you went to bed, TURN ON SOME NOISE. It is what happens with me and I can't sleep without some noise.

It would be nice if your bed was only used for sleeping, but I know that's not happening lmao

midgnight snacks disturb your sleep. try to avoid those, since your body starts metabolism during nights. it doesn't need more food to process. but if you must grab a snack, it's best to choose something that's easily digestible and maybe even increases the production of melatonin. some of these are milk (obviously), bananas, nuts, eggs, tea, vegetables and such.

Don't rely too much on meds, otherwise your body will get used to it and will depend on it for you to go to sleep. Instead you could try pavlov effecting yourself with something similar that can always be available. For example, before going to sleep, perform a certain action (I used this method in school and my version was patting myself on the head or touching my cheek with the hand opposite to it). once you've done this enough times before sleep, your brain will associate that action with sleep and you'll get a little sleepy if you do it again. This takes a long time though, A month maybe I have stopped doing this, but if nothing else works this can be an option. Though this isn't perfect lulu side rant: tried to condition myself with a ring once. was really bad with doing homework on time, so everytime I was doing homework I would switch a ring I wore to my forefinger. And this was only used for that situation. I never moved my ring to my forefinger for any reason at all. Thought this would work, but the only conditional response I got was that everytime I moved that ring to my forefinger I started thinking about homework and not really doing it.

If that doesn't work, try changing your enviorment. It doesn't have to be drastic. for example: sleep backwards. lay your head where your feet usually are and your head where your feet usually are. or maybe try sleeping on the floor. I am paranoid about sleeping in other peoples houses but this is the reason I tend to fall asleep anyway

If your lack of sleep is caused by anxiety (like intrusive thoughts or thinking about the future), try listening to a mindless podcast or a youtube video. It will help distract from your thoughts and give you something to focus your mind on, plus most content these days tend to try and turn your mind off to get that sweet sweet watchtime.

If all else fails, you can try to tire your brain out I guess. that's my method for extemely bad sleepless nights. I start reading because that's the most tiring activity I can do in bed and usually I fall asleep in the middle of it.

#lulu facts #lulu is delulu #lulu is caring for you all so he can be the most mentally ill #lulu lore

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only-angel-28 · 8 months

Text

1999, part four - final part!

oh my gosh. final part and what a surprise, she's a long one again💀💀ive loved writing this silly little series so so much and i love all of you very very much🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽please give me requests on what to write next bc my mind is completely blank rn, all i can think of is the cold war and bolsheviks from my history revison and i dont think they would make v good fics🤡🤡

lmk what you think of this part and your fav moments, enjoy!!

warnings: tiny angst, mostly fluff, swearing

1999, part one

1999, part two

1999, part three

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conrad’s pov

Since Y/n is unable to hold a phone herself, I'm tasked with a lot, but I didn't fully realize the worry of her family until she had me working through each task with her.

No wonder she’s overwhelmed. The number of texts from Laurel, Mom, Belly, Jere and Steven she has to sift through in a given hour would drive anyone insane.

Or maybe I'm just going crazy by sitting this close to her. The smell of her coconut soap is permanently ingrained into my memory as she sits flush against me, pointing at different texts with her uninjured hand.

I can tell her nerves grow stronger as the Uber near the hospital.

Her knees bounce up and down as she dictates message after message I need to send, confusing me more and more with every word.

The work doesn't stop there. After we check in, a nurse hands us a clipboard filled with pages of information that need to be filled out. Y/n stares at it like it might catch on fire at any moment.

"Here." I pass it to her.

Her eyes shift toward the exit. "Will you help me please? I can't write like this." Her voice drops to a barely audible whisper.

"Okay. Tell me your answers and I'll write them down."

Her throat bobs as she scans the first line. It takes her far longer than necessary to read the first question.

"Do you mind reading the questions aloud for me? I'm too stressed to concentrate right now." Her overcompensating smile irritates me.

"Are you sure? Some of the questions are probably personal."

Don't be a dick. Just do what she says.

"I don't care.”

The rigid way she sits in her chair says the complete opposite.

She seems to be one minute away from breaking down, so I concede. I sigh as I grab the pen and get started on the first question. The paperwork doesn't take us as long as I anticipated, so Y/n and I sit together in silence. She stares at the exit longingly.

The way her eyes dart around the room as she gnaws on her bottom lip makes me feel merciful enough to save her from the anxiety eating her up inside.

“If it's any consolation, I hate hospitals too."

Her head swings toward the direction of my voice.

"Yeah?"

I nod. "Haven't been to one since…"

"I know." she says as she sees my chest heaves as I remember the millions of times we’ve been here before.

I keep my eyes focused on the soundless television playing in one corner.

Her good hand clasps onto mine and gives it a squeeze. I'm grateful she understands me enough not to ask any other questions. The idea of offering another raw part of myself feels like a betrayal of the years I've spent carefully developing a certain kind of persona.

"I hate them too." Her voice cracks.

"Why?"

She stares down at her swollen hand. “My dad…” She pauses, and I give her hand a reassuring squeeze like she gave me. "Let's just say mom ended up in the ER a couple of times for being clumsy."

I take a deep breath to stave off the anger bubbling beneath the surface. "And did you have issues with being clumsy?" If she says yes, I swear to God two men will end up floating in the Chicago River tonight.

She shakes her head rather aggressively. "No. No." My rapid heart rate can be heard through my ears. "If you were, you can tell me." While I can't promise I won't do anything about it, I can promise to make him hurt. A lot. With sulfuric acid or something, those pre-med studies are starting to come in handy now.

The overwhelming sense of protectiveness hits me hard, and I don't shy away from it. There is nothing I hate more than men who use their fists against innocent women and children.

"It never got to that point. Suze made sure of it." she says with a small smile.

"How?"

"She caught onto the signs and interfered before things got bad. Used her savings from my grandpa's life insurance policy to help Mom get a divorce and start a new life." A tear slips down her face, and I can't stand the sight of it.

I brush it away with the pad of my thumb, but the damp trail still lingers. A driving force inside of me wants to erase the sad look on her face. "Did her plan also happen to include a jug of sulfuric acid?"

She forces out a laugh. "I think concrete shoes were more in style back then."

I fake shudder. "Remind me to never make mom angry again."

"Forget her, you'd have to deal with me." She holds up her injured hand like a war trophy.

"I'm absolutely terrified."

"Miss Y/n?" a nurse calls out.

Y/n doesn't move at the sound of her name.

"That's you." I place my hand on her thigh and give it a squeeze.

She sucks in a deep breath as she stares down at my hand.

Her chair nearly tumbles behind her as she bolts out of the seat, throwing her one good hand up in the air. "I'm here!"

The nurse leads us through the emergency room bay.

Individual beds line the wall, each area divided by a paper curtain.

The empty bed meant for Y/n is unacceptable. Between the person retching behind one partition and the individual on the other side hacking up their lung, I refuse to let her be seen here.

"I'd like my…my friend, to be taken care of in a private suite," I speak up. I know I sound snotty right now but honestly, I’ll be damned if I let her already horrible hospital experience get any worse.

The nurse grimaces as her gaze licks across my body. "This is a hospital. Not the Ritz. Take a seat and wait for the doctor like everyone else."

Y/n hops on the bed without any complaint, and I'm tempted to grab her and go elsewhere. The nurse doesn't seem the least bit bothered by all the noise happening around us as she checks Y/n’s vitals and asks some routine questions.

Y/n answers each one while chewing her bottom lip raw. This atmosphere couldn't put anyone at ease, least of all her.

The nurse hangs the clipboard at the foot of the bed, and I decide to try again.

"I'll pay whatever it takes to have her seen somewhere quieter. Money is no object."

The nurse only replies by shutting the paper curtain in my face.

Y/n laughs while I stare at the curtain, dumbfounded to be treated like this.

"You find this funny?"

She nods, her eyes alight for the first time all night. "Did you see her face when you said money is no object? I think if she didn't put the clipboard away, she would have slapped your face with it."

"It's not my fault she isn't accustomed to how things are done in the real world."

"Wake up baby. You're living in the real world." She waves around our room.

"It's terrifying." I say, looking away so she couldn’t see the blush that appeared on my face at the nickname.

"Come here. I'II make it better." Y/n pats the bed.

Doubtful, but I'm a glutton for giving her what she wants lately. Paper crinkles as I sit next to her. I take up most of the bed, giving her little room to get away from me. My thigh brushes against hers. She tries to scoot away, but there isn't enough space.

“Isn’t this cozy?" she quips.

I give her a small smile before she asks, “Hey! Let me see your tattoo.”

God I’d forgotten all about them. I move the collar of my shirt to show the two small ivy leaves we’d gotten. She gasps and gently touches my skin, “Oh my gosh it’s so pretty Connie.” she stares at it for a moment before I ask to see hers.

She lifts up her shirt on the side, exposing her ribcage and the two matching leaves.

“I can’t believe you agreed to get a Taylor Swift referenced tattoo with me Con.” she says as I admire the tattoo for a bit.

I smile until saying, “Hey I might be quiet and mopey but at least I have good taste in music.”

She softly smiles at me before eyeing the IV bag with horror before checking out the exit.

"What’s wrong?”

She leans closer to me and whispers, "Is now a bad time to admit I pass out whenever someone tries to stick a needle in me?"

My lips lift at the corners. I don't know why I find the idea hilarious, given her ability to watch eight consecutive hours of true crime documentaries without so much as flinching.

"You're afraid of needles?"

She sputters. "No. I'm not afraid. It just happens to be a bodily reaction I can't control."

“That's good then because the nurse needs to set you up with that IV when she comes back."

“No! Don't tell me that! I thought she was one of the good ones.”

I nod, pressing my lips together to prevent myself from laughing.

"She lied to me!" She bolts from the seat and would have tripped over her own heels if I didn't reach out and catch her.

*Careful." I place her back on the bed and decide to stand guard in case she gets any ideas to flee the scene.

Her eyes fit from me to the gap between two curtains, as if she is thinking how she can get past me.

"I'm joking.”

She scans my face for the truth before she slaps my shoulder with her good hand. "Asshole! I believed you!"

Laughter explodes out of me like a bomb, stunning her.

“Did you just laugh?”

"No."

“Yes." Someone calls out from the other side of the curtain.

“Now, do you mind shutting up? Some of us are trying to get some sleep over here after having our stomach pumped."

Fuck this place and the people in here. "We're leaving."

"Not so fast. You can't leave before I check you out." The doctor strolls in and points at the bed with his clipboard.

Y/n remains tight-lipped as the doctor checks her chart. He asks her some questions about how she got hurt, all while staring me up and down like I'm the person she was trying to injure. She is taken away for a few scans, and my breathing doesn't return to normal until the nurse brings her back.

That should be my first sign that things are getting out of hand on my end. I'm inching closer to an emotional minefield without any kind of map, only one wrong step away from exploding.

The doctor checks the scans. "It looks like you have a boxer's fracture."

Her face brightens. "That sounds badass."

I glare at her. "Calm down, Muhammad Ali. I wouldn't count today as a victory by any means."

The doctor's eyes lighten. "Next time, avoid any initial contact on the fourth and fifth knuckles."

"Please don't encourage her."

The doctor shakes his head with a laugh before giving Y/n a detailed set of instructions regarding the healing time. I'm skeptical about the whole visit and, given the setting, doubtful about the level of care. I'll be damned if Y/n sustains permanent injuries because of Dean. My chest tightens at the idea.

“Great Thanks, Doc!" She hops off the bed, but I hold my arm out, stopping her

"I’d like a second opinion." The command bursts out of me without any rhyme or reason. Deep down, I know a boxer's fracture isn't the worst thing that could have happened. But things aren't right in my head where Y/n is concerned. At least not anymore.

Both of the doctor's eyebrows arch. "For a small fracture?"

"Don't mind him. He tends to be a bit overbearing." She shoots me a look as if I'm the crazy one out of the two of us.

"Okay..." the doctor says.

Maybe I am losing it because why else would I care?

You hate it when she cries.

You wouldn't mind murdering someone who hurt her.

You took her to the hospital even though you despise them with every fibre of your being.

The signs all point to one thing: our situation is quickly crumbling, and I'm the only one to blame.

Y/n interrupts my thoughts. "I'll be sure to wear the brace for a few weeks and avoid any kind of activities that could aggravate the injury."

"Perfect. And don't forget to schedule a follow-up visit with your physician. "The doctor gives me one last look before handing Y/n the discharge paperwork. "Nice meeting you."

"Will you help me with this?" She holds out the clipboard with her left hand as the doctor leaves.

I grab it from her and fill it out.

She checks the time on her phone. "Well, at least that didn't take as long as I thought it would. I'm sure you're dying to get back home."

That's the scary thing. I didn't think about anything or anyone once during our entire time here because making sure she was taken care of was my only concern. I've spent the past seventeen years of my life thinking solely about my future, and all it took was one girl to make me completely forget about my responsibilities for a few hours.

As if that doesn't scare me enough, it only takes one glance at her makeshift brace to make my blood burn hot under my skin. I know exactly why her injury angers me more than anything else.

It's the same reason I feel the urge to push Jere away from her whenever he gets too close or the way I unexplainably need to see her whenever she is out of my sight for longer than a few hours.

You’re in love with her.

Fuck.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

y/n’s pov

We’re in an Uber on the way home, sitting in comfortable silence until Conrad breaks it.

“Why’d you get with Dean anyway?” My stomach doubles over.

Comfortable silence is so overrated.

I sigh. I’ve been dreading this question for ages now.

“I don’t know.” I answer vaguely.

Conrad gives me a puzzled look, “What do you mean you don't know? You must’ve had a reason.”

His restlessness gets me more agitated.

“I don’t know Conrad. I don’t know why I got with him, I don’t know why I was waiting on you for so long either.” I look out the window as the car stops in front of the house.

“What? What do you mean?” he says as I get out the car and speed up to the front door, taking the keys out of my pocket and refusing to carry on with this conversation anymore.

Conrad keeps yelling after me as he follows me upstairs to my room, both of us trying to ignore everyone else who joined Conrad and are trying to ask their own questions.

I slam my door shut and collapse on my bed hearing Conrad trying to calm everyone down and telling them everything that's happened until he asks them all to give me some space for now.

I cry in the silence as I hear everyone leaving from outside the door until it opens.

“Hey.”

Steven. Thank God.

“Steve…” I say sniffling.

He looks at me with a sad smile before sitting on the bed with me and taking me in his arms.

“Con told us everything,” he says after a few minutes of holding me, “did you really get a boxer's fracture?”

I laugh in tears before showing him my hand and saying, “You should see the other guy.”

Steven and I laugh together before going back to the silence as he hugs me.

“He really cares about you, you know.”

“No he doesn’t. He hates me. I yelled at him and now I’m crying here on my bed like an idiot.”

“Did he say anything to you?” Steven looks down at me.

I shake my head before saying, “He asked why I got with Dean.”

“Oh. That’s not too bad.”

“No it’s not.”

“Then why are you so upset?”

“Because I’ve been waiting for Conrad for so long and I’m just sick and tired of always being there to help him get over his breakups when he’d be so much better off with me. I know I sound selfish and none of my reasons are justified but I just thought that after everything we’ve been through together, he’d maybe like me just a little bit.”

Steven hugs me again and softly says, “He does.”

After that almost everyone but Conrad came in to check up on me and make sure I was okay, making me feel even more guilty about being all emotional like this. It’s not until Susannah’s holding me and whispering sweet nothings that my eyes start to feel heavy.

I think I fell asleep after that, I don’t remember much except waking up to the sun shining its very unwelcome face in my eyes.

I step out of my room after freshening up and I’m about to make my way to the kitchen for food until I’m stopped by something in the hallway.

Or should I say someone.

“Conrad,” I bend down and stroke his hair out of his face, “Conrad wake up.” I say gently.

He stirs for a minute before sitting up and taking my hands in his.

“Have you been out here all night?” I ask.

“Yes.” he says in a raspy voice.

God that voice would make my knees give out if I wasn’t already on the floor with him.

“Why?”

“I need to talk to you.”

I sigh before he interrupts me, “Listen, I heard everything you said to Steven last night and I know I shouldn’t have and I was eavesdropping but I’m sorry it was by accident. And I know I don’t deserve any more of your time…I’ve already wasted a lot of it but just hear me out for ten minutes.”

“No.” I try to get out of his grasp.

“Stop fighting and give me ten minutes.”

“No way.”

“Nine then.”

“Five.”

“Eight and a half.”

“Six.”

“Seven.”

I pause, knowing that he won’t let me go anywhere before I hear him out.

“You don’t deserve seven seconds, let alone seven minutes of my time.”

“How about seven words then?”

I laugh. “I’d like to see you try.”

“I am falling in love with you.”

I blink up at him. Either I am still sleeping or I must have not heard him correctly because there is no way Conrad Fisher just admitted that he is falling in love with me.

Absolutely no fucking way.

Right?

I squeeze my eyes shut as if that can erase the words from my memory.

"You're joking.

"I'm not."

"This is just another part of your game." I try to push him away, but he doesn't budge.

"It stopped being a game for me a long time ago."

"You're lying."

His brows pull together. "Ask me why I hate when people touch my bookshelf."

"Are you serious right now? What does that have to do with any of this?" I think back to his bookshelf he won’t let any of the others go near but loves to let me organise and re-organise each year.

"Because I did it for you."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I read somewhere online that organising objects like books and things is good for people with anxiety, because then they can feel in control of something and know exactly what to expect especially if things are the same as they've predicted all the time. You love reading too, so I changed it. Bought all the books you like to read so that you’d stay and read with me more often. I forced everyone else out of my room and especially away from that bookshelf. All because I wanted to help you."

Emotions clog my throat, preventing my ability to reply.

What can I possibly say that could compare to that?

Conrad doesn't give me an option as he continues. "Want to know why I kept this plant you got me?" he says pointing to the small green cactus with “Don’t be a prick” written on the pot that we could see looking into his room from the hallway.

I nod.

"Because it was the first time someone got me a present that made me laugh."

If hearts could melt into puddles, mine would be liquified right about now.

I take a deep breath.

Remember what he did.

“Con that doesn't change anything you still ignored me for a whole year. Every time I tried to call you or text you, you’d just leave me on read or decline, and now you’re telling me you love me? Who does that?"

"Someone who doesn't understand the first thing about loving someone, but is willing to try if you give me a chance."

"You want me to give you a chance after everything? Do you think I'm stupid?"

He winces, and a bit of my anger fades away at his vulnerability.

"Intelligence has nothing to do with this."

"Easy for you to say when you're not the one who feels like a fool."

"Really? Because based on your reaction today, I'm feeling pretty damn foolish for ever admitting that I'm falling in love with you." He gets up off the floor, leaving me feeling chilled to the bone.

"Con..." I reach out, but he takes a step back.

My eyes sting from his rejection. It hurts.

“I’m not asking you to love me back. I don't expect that and I'm not sure if I ever will because I'm the furthest thing for lovable. I'm selfish, and rude, and don't know the first thing about being in a proper relationship with someone. But that doesn't mean I’m not willing to try for you if you let me."

How am I supposed to be angry at him when he thinks he is unlovable?

A pain rips through my chest at the thought of him talking about himself this way.

I get up off the floor and walk straight into his chest. His arms quickly wrap themselves around my waist, holding me even tighter.

"Just because you make selfish choices doesn't mean you're a selfish person. At least not completely."

This boy had been there for Belly, Steven, me and Jere for years without any kind of payback, especially when Susannah was going through her cancer and despite feeling an immense amount of pain himself, he shoved all his emotions aside so that he could be there for us. For me. If that isn't a selfless sacrifice, I don't know what is.

"Your logic is half-baked at best."

"So is yours, seeing as you called yourself unlovable."

His body tenses. "I'm stating facts."

"I don't know what bullshit your father told you over the years, but it's not true. Your brother loves you."

"He’s obligated to."

"No one is obligated to love someone else. Blood or not."

He takes a deep breath. "You're right."

I smile up at him. "I could get used to hearing those words."

He reaches up and cups my cheek. "Give me a chance and I'll tell you them every single day."

I sigh and look away. "I don't know.”

"Tell me what's stopping you."

"You don't do relationships."

“Good thing our feelings lead us here rather than our minds, and mine are willing to try then."

I avoid his penetrating gaze. "What if my feelings are telling me to run?”

“It's cute you think you can outrun me, but I'll give you a head start just to make things interesting." he smiles down at me.

"Do you always have an answer for everything?"

"Not for the one that matters most." The way he looks at me stirs up something deep inside of me.

Longing. I want to give him a chance, regardless of the potential fallout.

You might get hurt.

I might, but I might miss out on something special because I’m too afraid of the what ifs. I'm done being that person. Even if it means getting hurt, I'd rather try and fail than never try at all.

I stand on the tips of my toes and press my lips against his.

He holds me tight against his chest, as if he is afraid of letting me go.

I pull away, only to clasp onto his chin. "This could be a disaster, but I'm willing to try."

He shuts me up by pushing his lips against mine, sealing our new deal. The way he kisses me is different than any time before. He cups my face with the palms of his hands as his lips mold against mine, teasing me until I feel dizzy. His thumb brushes across my cheek back and forth, and heat rushes down my spine straight to my belly. He makes me feel cherished. Protected.

Loved in a way that makes me never want to come back down to reality.

I could spend forever being kissed like this and still feel like it isn't enough. While Conrad might not be the best with words, his kiss says it all.

He is falling in love with me. And I’m falling in love with him. No translation necessary.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

ahh i cant believe its finished omg😔💔...

anyways, onto the next one😍🙏

again please lmk what you think of this and please give me requests on what to do next!!

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #fanfic #fics #tsitp #belly conklin #jeremiah fisher #steven conklin #the summer i turned pretty #1999 #conrad x reader fluff #conrad x y/n angst #conrad x y/n fluff #conrad x reader #conrad x y/n

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

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AITA for talking about how happy I am that I switched medications and discussing side effects I had?

CW for mention of eating disorders and vomiting

Sorry if that question is phrased weirdly.

I (F24) am in a fandom Discord server with about 50 or so people in it. I'm friends with a few of the people in the server, but the rest are just sort of acquaintances that I sometimes talk to.

We have the usual non-fandom areas for talking, sharing pictures, a vent channel, etc. There's also a sort-of vent channel that's more for discussing life stuff and getting advice.

We were talking about medications for depression/anxiety and I basically said "Yeah I used to be on SSRI's but stopped because of a few specific side effects, and then when I finally switched to a non-SSRI and realized that it was MASSIVELY fucking with my appetite to the point of causing severe binge eating issues."

The person (who was asking if we had experience with any meds) asked what I meant, so I told them how obsessed with food I was, how I would wait until my parents went to bed (I live with them because fuck this economy) and then go around the house looking for candy, I could eat an entire bag of chips in one night, and one night ate so much candy to the point I got sick and vomited.

I told them that once I started Vyvance for my ADHD the issue improved quite a bit (turns out it's used to treat binge eating disorders), but now that I'm not on a SSRI my appetite and relationship with food is actually normal.

I'm not constantly thinking about food 24/7, I would actually feel full after eating a meal, and I'm no longer having extreme cravings for sugar and salty stuff. I don't have an obsession with taking all the candy in the house and eating it in one sitting, I can just... Leave it there and have some the next day.

I also mentioned that because of that, I've lost 50lbs and I no longer get out of breath just from going up the stairs, and my chronic ankle pain is SO much better to the point I barely notice it (I fucked it up when I was younger). I also no longer have high cholesterol, and when I go outside in the summer I don't feel like I'm going to die.

All of this was put under a cut, with a CW for eating disorders. The person I was talking to basically said "Holy shit thank you so much for letting me know"

I sort of forgot about it afterwards, but a few days later I went onto Discord and saw that the server was gone. I thought Discord was glitching out, but eventually messaged a friend (F20s) who's also in the server and asked her what was going on and if something happened to the server.

She said no, and was confused as to why I wasn't in it anymore. I didn't leave it on accident, it was just... Not there. She sent me an invite link, but it said the link was expired.

She messaged one of the mods (NB28) and asked them if anyone else was having problems joining the server/it disappearing, and they told her that I was permanently banned from the server.

She asked them why, and they said that I was banned for fatphobia and promoting an eating disorder.

She asked them how I was promoting an eating disorder (since I literally talked about recovering from one), and they said that it was because I was discussing weight loss as something positive, which I guess to them automatically = anorexia???

My friend, without me asking to, told me that she tore the mod a new one and called them a dumbfuck for thinking me no longer having binge eating issues and feeling healthier after losing weight is even close to promoting an eating disorder.

Context: My friend literally has anorexia, so she's familiar with how eating disorders work.

The mod then told her she and I are both fatphobic pieces of shit, and banned HER too. The mod in question has posted multiple selfies before, and they're not even fat. I'm like twice the size they are, even after losing weight.

AWTA or is the mod just on some kind of weird savior-complex powertrip?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #eating disorder cw #emetophobia cw

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yanderes-galore · 6 days

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I've been waiting for this! Darling almost gets caught by the Unknown before the fog gets them. Darling thinks she's "safe" (away from the Unknown) before going on trial and seeing it again. I think Unknown would be happy to see a previous almost victim.

I was originally going to make this a concept but I don't think that would do it justice. So, here's a one shot :) The cool thing about this killer is I don't have to do much research since you're meant to not know anything about it.

Gender is Gender-Neutral as I just... Never said any pronouns- I got too focused on the spooky.

I got really into this, sorry it isn't fully spell checked 😅 I am my only editor, lol.

Reoccurring Nightmare

"Yandere!" The Unknown Story

Pairing: Dubious intentions

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, "Obsession", Stalking, Kidnapping (Technically), Grotesque descriptions, Primarily just horror themes, Violence, Dubious intentions.

Sometimes people get into things they shouldn't. Sometimes you come across something that you shouldn't have known about. Unfortunately, accident or not, there is still consequences.

Poor you probably didn't even mean to get involved with The Fog or The Unknown. If anything, you just wanted to know what happened to your lost friends. Mikaela and Sable have been gone for a long time now....

The search for your friends accidentally got you involved in a darker scheme than you thought. Unbeknownst to you, simply searching got you caught in the crosshairs of something... otherworldly. You had no clue until it decided to strike.

It started with an uneasy feeling. The constant feeling of being watched. Perhaps that was just you being anxious... You are worried about your friends, after all.

But as your research and leads got deeper and deeper... You began to realize you were too deep in this web. You kept finding research and articles about strange phenomenon. Things like dark fog and cryptid sightings.

The entire time the feeling only ever got worse.

Days turned to weeks as you looked over the information you had. The police never bothered to help and you kept finding rabbit holes. No matter how much calming teas or meds you take, you can't shake your anxiety.

Are you being followed...?

Are you insane?

In the middle of the night you hear noises. Things like skittering or... voices. You swear you see silhouettes pass your window or banging across your walls.

You haven't gotten enough sleep... Maybe you're just hallucinating?

Your fears kept getting worse as you continued on. You kept thinking you heard the voices of your friends outside. Yet there was nothing ever there.

Your mind felt coated in a mental fog. You just couldn't think straight. Why did it feel like you were seeing things?

One night marked the conclusion of your fears....

Late at night you kept scrolling through research. At this point you were too far gone into this rabbit hole. There had to be something that took them... right?

"H-Hell..o?"

You freeze when you hear something speak. You look around, yet once again nothing's there. The voice sounds corrupted... inhuman... you can't read it.

"H-Help...!"

The voice croaks again, sounding oddly familiar. You shoot up from your seat and look around. However... You begin to breathe heavily when there's nothing...

Except for a sudden bang.

Your gaze shoots to your window, seeing something skitter off. The brief glance you got wasn't enough to tell you what it is. Yet you can tell it's playing with you...

It's taunting you....

You quickly run through your house in search of a weapon. Something... Wasn't right. With the amount of research you've done, you have your suspicions on what's wrong.

But you're still unable to comprehend it...

Let alone what it wants.

"S-Scar...ed?"

The voice croaks from outside, thumping hitting your walls. It's trying to find a way in. Your heart won't stop racing.

You grit your teeth, grabbing a knife from the kitchen to defend yourself. It's all you've got right now.... However, if this is what you think it is...

It doesn't really matter....

"Cu...te...!"

You grimace at the voice, the gender swapping between a distorted male and female. You can't decipher it. It's all a threat you can't fight....

With a loud crash, an axe smashes through your window. You jump back to keep your distance. Although... You freeze when something crawls through the broken glass.

It looks... Twisted. The cracking of bones fills the room, leaving you unnerved. The...Creature twitches and cracks around until it goes from all fours to on its twisted legs.

You feel bile bubble within you at the sight. You don't even dare look at its face. It's a twisted mimic of some sort of man.

That thing isn't human, however...

Nowhere close to it.

"I-I have... something... for you...!"

You brandish the knife as if it would do anything against it. Even if you had a gun, you doubt it would kill it. Black smoke pours into the room as the creature snaps and twitches closer to you.

"S-Stay... still...!"

The creature echoes before swinging the fire axe. You dodge it but the weapon manages to snag your knife. You curse to yourself as you dodge.

Not like it would've helped you anyways.

The creature turns around to look at you, a twisted grin never leaving its face. Your fear excited it. Such wonderful prey.

However, as you both plot your next move, the fog continues to fill the room until there was nothing but darkness.

You panic, having only vague ideas of what this meant for you. However... When you awoke, your adrenaline began to settle. You were left in a forest...

With nothing but a campfire in front of you...

Along with your two missing friends.

The two are filled with surprise when they see your shaking form on the ground. You stare back at them in confusion. Then...

You begin to cry.

Mikaela and Sable quickly run over to you and embrace you. You sob into them, calming down from your near death experience. Such a thing Mikaela and Sable have grown used to by this point.

They comfort you, rambling about how they didn't expect to see you again. They express concern and worry. After all... No one tries to get here on purpose.

You were happy to find them, even if it isn't safe here. All that mattered to you was the fact you were away from the creature. You never had to see it again...

Even if you had other issues to deal with...

But you could face those with your newly found friends by your side, right?

---

By this point you've gotten used to these new trials. These loops of death and illusions of escape was supposedly what Mikaela and Sable had been going through the entire time you've been looking from them. You were sent from one hell to another....

Yet you were quickly beginning to adapt.

Perhaps you were always meant to come here. If you stopped looking for your friends, would it still happen? You aren't sure... But does it matter anymore?

All you know is death now.

However, with Mikaela and Sable you could get used to the cycles. With them... You felt you could get through this. At least here... you could comprehend most horrors.

Every trial seemed to blend together eventually...

Then you saw it again.

You could never forget the twisted body and unnerving aura. You nearly freeze again in the middle of a generator when you see it shambling around that decrepit movie theater. You fidget with the wires as best you can but you're soon thrown off.

Upon roiling across the dingy movie carpet, you look up to see the very same creature you thought you escaped. It crawls on all fours towards you with that same cracking sound. Your memories flash before you...

Aren't you used to death at this point?

"Fo~und... y~ou~!"

The creature coos in a distorted voice... Shuffling closer in a rapid pace.

Your scream to echoes through the trial as it advances, your mind flashing a reminder that whatever happens... There's no escaping it now.

#yandere dead by daylight #yandere dbd #yandere the unknown

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