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#sorrows of silence
sorrowsofsilence · 1 month
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Kingdom of Cards
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a choose your lover bad omens fic || coming soon
You are an undercover spy at a prestigious private university, tasked with seducing and manipulating each of the boys for information regarding artifacts stolen from The Grey museum. Along the way, you end up developing genuine feelings for one of them. Spades: Noah, house of knowledge; Hearts: Ruffilo, house of emotion; Diamonds: Joakim, house of progress; Clubs: Folio, house of youth.
Which one will you choose?
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warnings: 18+ fem!reader x bad omens, smut, explicit language
• this is a gamified fanfic, meaning that you will get to choose the members story you’d like to follow. (it’ll be a fun lil interactive thing, i hope!) parts for this fic won’t be as long, solely because it’s going to take a bajillion years to write four different paths lol. i also don’t plan on it being too many parts.
If you’d like to be tagged, pls let me know :3
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dk-thrive · 11 months
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And my sorrow sat next to me, stared at me for a while, then it burst into tears and I remained silent.
— Ghada el-Samman, كنـــا اثنين: أنــــــا وحزني (via Alive on All Channels)
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azukilynn · 4 months
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acknowledgetheabsurd · 2 months
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I have lost the roundness of each of my movements, the elasticity, the relaxation, the grace. Twisted, turned inside out like a glove that has been removed, I feel my skin tugging as if it had been squeezed like a lemon, and when I stretch out my arm, I have the unpleasant impression that my bones are screaming. The interior goes with it; the dull eye, the wrinkled eyebrows, the corners of the mouth low, the folded, crumpled face, I jump in front of me like an albatross that has lost its wings.
Ah, no; I am not beautiful. But it is nothing; when a letter from you arrives, when I linger on the "photo" that remains beside my bed, when an insignificant detail brings me back to you in the midst of people or things that I hardly see, the wave, the flood, the storm, which then fills me up all over, proves to me unceasingly that everything is there and that I will still be able to become beautiful, very beautiful and for a moment unequaled. Deep down, I am not made for the life I lead and I wonder what will happen the day when nothing around me will push me, the day when, alone, I will have no one to please in a certain way and I will be free to do what I please, to live as I please. Will I not then choose misery rather than this exhausting struggle that swallows up my hours and drains me in vain? What to do, Albert darling? What to do?
Oh, I know deep down what I would need... The sea, the wind and you for a while. Afterwards, I would easily agree to sleep a little in the noise and turmoil of Paris. But at the moment, the loss of time and energy makes me suffer from an anguish that I can no longer keep to myself, and that you must help me to share. The days pass... and the sea is far away. What a pity! I often close my eyes, I breathe hard, and I see myself, far away, in an unknown country that smells of seaweed and salt, with you lying next to me. We live there for a few seconds, free of everything, detached from everything, lost forever for a few seconds to this world that surrounds us so closely. We do nothing. We are lying on our backs, facing the sky. It is hot. It smells good. We hold hands, without saying anything. We only know that we are here and for a few moments, that we are free of everything, heavy only with ourselves. When I open my eyes again I feel lighter, fresh, clean, rested. Alas! This does not last long.
I can't let myself go on this soft slope anymore. I feel dirty and uncombed, although I have just taken a bath and my hair is tighter and straighter than ever. Oh yes! That's enough. Time seems to have stopped and since I don't know when, I live a long day - or a long night - dull, flat, grey, without relief. I have the awful double impression of letting the fast, dizzying passing days flow away from me and of having remained clinging to one of them, which I keep reliving. I feel divided between the anguish of lost hours and the impossibility of being able to catch one of them and make it mine.
I slip on everything; on the minutes, on the beings, on the things; I feel incapable of deepening anything, of letting myself be moved, of discerning and tasting beauty, of searching, of taking an interest. Everything touches me and I no longer see what can awaken an echo somewhere in me. Besides, even if I could see, I wonder if I would have the courage to make a gesture to get there. Only you remain alive in my dreams, but in the form of dreams. Is it fatigue? Worn-out nerves? Dulled strength? The exhausted sensitivity? Do I owe this state to the bad period passed during the last months? Is it Dora who drains me more than I think? Is it Paris that exhausts me? Is it the lack of rest and air during these vacations? Is it all of this together?
Perhaps it is. At first I hoped it was the cold, but if the present weather is not very soothing and changes from one minute to the next, at least it is no longer cold. So! Resting? That's all I do. Air? Alas, I have to make do with the air of the rue de Vaugirard and the boulevard des Batignolles. Ah! The "silence" that has settled in me has come "from within" and it is still "from within" that "the cry" must come out. Perhaps if you wrote me a friendly, detailed letter, a letter that spoke to me about us without lyricism but with all that you think - certainly more difficult to say than what you feel - perhaps a cry would come out of this dough that I have become, a cry of pain, perhaps, but a cry!
Yes, I am at this point, my beloved Albert. To desire anything as long as I scream and burn again. What else? I love you. I love you and I'm dying of desire and love. Darling, write to me, all of you - sorrows and joys, hopes and fears - write everything to me. I want all of you. All of it. Wake me up. Shake me. Scold me. Beat me, if necessary. I long. I fade away. Good night, darling, see you in the morning. Ah! wrap me around you...
Maria Casarès to Albert Camus, Correspondance, February 8, 1950 [#179]
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soldier-poet-king · 5 months
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I regret to inform u. We have once again returned to thara celehar
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kay-elle-cee · 6 months
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the silence in the sorrow || Read on Ao3 || 4.3K Words
After an Order mission goes awry, James has to grapple with his concern for someone who's only supposed to be his fellow soldier (but in reality, is so much more). Written for the @jilytoberfest 2023 Masquerade with the prompt: "What if it doesn't work?" (40% of you guessed right!)
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aquaticsoul · 7 months
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for the stars of @shiroi---kumo ->
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This section of the forest is different than the rest. The trees grow taller here, thicker but not quite thick enough to block the sky. A strange floral smell hangs in the air that's of some familiarity but not enough for him to place with any degree of precision. It's surely a plant he's been around before.
He doesn't think about when or where. Rather, his eyes focus instead on the brush. Twisted, tangled briars full of jagged brown thorns will surely punish any step even slightly off the barely-visible path quite brutally. Perhaps most notable about this area, though, is the distinct lack of animal life. Not a single heart other than theirs beats, not a single chirp from any bird or scamper from any little feet. The plants aren't acting too bad today, and for once he almost misses their harassment.
It feels oppressive and it makes him uneasy, but he chooses to stay quiet about his discomfort like he usually does in favor of settling down to rest with the others.
It's not like they can go much farther without it. Tiamat be blessed, he himself can hardly stand, and he's sure Revon is tiring of carrying him. A short break and they'll be on their way, right?
He finds himself starting to doze off again. Everything is still so quiet and he can hardly keep himself awake for longer than five minutes.
There's near-silence for quite some time. Then he's being shifted off of Revon and having to tune his mind into the words being exchanged, back in the waking world and all its strangeness.
"En tiedä mikä se oli," Revon says as he stands. "Luultavasti ei mitään, mutta se on turvallisempaa tarkistaa."
It's never nothing. Not in Wonderland.
Sielu doesn't have time to tell him this before there is a low growl from the trees. Well-trained ears that, at least right now, are not ringing have his head pointed to a specific place, yet...
Yet there isn't a single living thing in sight. Not where it's supposed to be, anyway. Rather, several feet away there lurks a shadowy-black beast as tall as Revon. It almost shimmers in an unnatural way, but -
Its eyes. He knows that kind of look. He's stared right into a gaze of pure malevolence before on more than one occasion. This one is no different.
"Revon-"
He's cut off by a mighty howl that again is not placed correctly, a declaration of hatred and violence that sends his heart rate towards the sky. And it then proceeds to lunge forward, charging past him on six muscular legs towards the knight in question. The ground on his opposite side is what vibrates, and he finds himself wondering if he's losing his mind.
Regardless of his exhaustion, the adrenaline now coursing through his system allows him at least to gather himself into standing so he can figure out if Revon needs his help.
The monster makes it to the aurorean in what would normally be a mediocre speed to Mistericans, one of the long, barbed, tentacle-like limbs growing out of its shoulders lashing towards the man like a whip in what Sielu assumes is an attempt to knock him prone.
He just needs to wait for an order. Wait even though he feels the urge to rush forward himself, let Revon handle things for now because he's actually trained, let Revon take charge because he's not as likely to get everyone killed.
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chirpsythismorning · 1 year
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Now, here's how they can feature Mad World by Tears For Fears in a teaser for s5 focused on Will, specifically ending cryptically on the lyrics Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday--
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noblepilcher · 18 days
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little bit of graff from the other day
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thisis-elijah · 1 year
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featuring special guests @exsecrabar & (snack queen) @caughtbetweenworlds – (and no, she didn't let my have a single french fry :( )
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sorrowsofsilence · 5 days
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Burning Out • VIII
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Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader
I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loud That we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.
Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.
Words: 5k
Warnings: 18+, explicit language, mentions of suggested abuse, mentions of weapons, kidnapping/restraints.
Authors note: Chapter Eight - The Drain: thanks for waiting so patiently for me to update beautiful humans <3
Tags: @crimson-calligraphyx @lma1986 @spicywhenspeaking @sammyjoeee @shilohrosechicken @princessmarshmallowx @laurpartyprogram @cookiesupplier @nojoyontheburn @lacktoesandtoddlerant @veronicaphoenix @er3nslovergirl @cncohshit @thescarlettvvitch @scrumptiousfestivalpost @melcchs @flowery-mess @mentallynot-here @judging-from-afar @darkmxgician @badomensls @hoe-for-daddywise @philomenie @xxkittenkissesxx @venturethroughtheveil
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THIS IS A FANFICTION USING REAL PEOPLE IN A FICTIONAL SITUATION! I AM NOT IMPLYING THESE PEOPLE WOULD DO THE THINGS IN THE STORY OR ACT THE WAY THEY DO IN THE STORY IN REAL LIFE! IT IS FICTION! IT IS JUST FOR FUN! <3
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I picked at the grass for a moment, playing nervously with the strands I pulled from the dirt, “she’s gone. I don’t know how to find her.”
My vision blurred as silent tears fell, and my head bowed again.
“I miss you, mom.” I used my sleeve to dry my cheeks, “and you, dad.”
The three of us sat in silence, the trees above the courtyard singing with the autumn air. I spoke to them for a few more minutes. I tried to make it quick, knowing that if I stayed longer I wouldn't be able to leave.
“I hope you get to meet her someday,” I murmured as I stood, dusting off my pants.
“I’d like to hear about this girl.”
My stomach dropped as I whipped around in alarm, my heart thumping rapidly once I met his silver completion.
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U̧̢̼̹͓͇̮͈͕̰͑͗ͭ̂̐̓̾̇̑̀̑̌̅̈͟͢͞Ń̷̙͎͍̘͈̰̫̫̭̼͇̻̱͈̝̇͐̌ͧͥ̅͑̏̈̐̉ͫ͝͡͠K̷̴̷̸͇̤̝̥͓̤̖̣̇̏ͭ̇̇̍ͨ͞_̸̸̨̡͎̭̄NͨO̅��WͨŅ̷̢̮̣̰͚̝̮ͫ̑̾ͤ͌̉̀ͧͪͅͅ
Soon, I’ll kill my final piece of evidence… and soon, I’ll have control of Fidelio.
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RUFFILO
I paced around the room with my phone in hand, Jolly and Folio’s eyes following me with every step. Juice mewed from Folio’s lap, and I sighed, staring at the screen. Not even a cat could make me feel better right now.
I ran my thumb across the glass to refresh the app once more. No new messages. Clicking the call button for the hundredth time I almost screamed once it rang until voicemail again.
“Noah’s been gone for hours.” I swallowed harshly, “and there’s still no trace of Y/N.”
“Nicky-” Jolly began, standing up from the couch to place a soothing hand on my shoulder, stopping my pacing briefly, “I’m sure Noah’s fine- he’s probably freaking the fuck out looking for Y/N. Maybe even went to the cafe and Sammy’s to fill her bosses in…”
My stomach sunk at his words, and my mind began to race. Something didn’t feel right. I knew Noah, and something felt wrong. He told me he was going to go to the cemetery to clear his mind- and I don’t think he wouldn’t go find Y/N by himself, not after everything that happened. He knew we were stronger in a group.
I shook my head, refreshing my phone for the hundredth time before moaning in frustration, “No. I think he’s in trouble.”
“He’s probably still at the cemetery,” Nick reassured me, standing up with Juice in his arms.
“Can we go look?” I asked, eying both of them as I pressed call, ringing Noah again. No answer.
“He took Y/N’s car so we’d have to walk…” Jolly groaned.
Nick snorted, “Walking is for plebs. Let’s just Uber.”
“Really?” I sighed, giving my brothers a look of relief that they’d come with me.
Jolly laughed, patting my back as we grabbed our shoes, “If it eases your mind seeing him talking to some headstones, then let’s go.”
I threw him a look, glaring, “You know it’s not just any headstone.”
“I know, Nicholas. I know.” Jolly reassured me and I nodded curtly.
We arrived at the cemetery half an hour later, and Y/N’s car was still in the parking lot. A spark of hope filled my mind as we wandered down the overgrown path- however the air felt heavy and still as my throat clenched in anticipation.
The closer we got to Noah’s parents, the more hopeless I felt, as he wasn’t anywhere to be seen.
“I don’t see him,” I mumbled, walking with haste down the path.
The graves were now in sight and I sucked in a breath, shaking my head. Even though the car was still here, something was wrong.
There was a fresh set of white flowers scattered across the front of the graves, the vase that normally sat between the stones lying on the drying grass.
“He could have just left,” Nick chimed in, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“Without the car?” I shrugged him off, pointing at the flowers, “He wouldn’t have laid them out like that. Why is the vase knocked onto the ground?”
Squinting my eyes at something that lay a few feet away from the stone, I felt my chest warm, my head beginning to shake. My limbs halted and I watched Jolly brush past me, his head tilting as he bent down, picking up the black object.
“Is this-” He began, flipping it in his hand, inspecting the singular sneaker.
“Noah’s,” I said, my stomach dropping.
Folio shrugged, “It could be anyone’s.”
I reached for the shoe, pointing to the hole that was beginning to form on the toe, “No this is one hundred percent Noah’s- the hole forming? He’s had this pair of vans for over a year. Plus, they’re a size twelve.” I peeled back the tongue, analyzing the faded tag.
“How would he lose a shoe here?” Folio asked.
“He wouldn’t,” Jolly said, looking around the cemetery, his body turning quickly as he scoped out the trees, “He would have taken it off on purpose.”
I turned around, my mind beginning to spiral. First Y/N, now Noah.
He had to have been taken.
“Do you think he’s leaving a clue?” I whispered, staring at my brothers before glancing at the grass, my feet carrying me further into the cemetery.
“Those twins must’ve taken him,” Folio spit angrily, his fists clenching.
I watched Jolly as he leaned around the headstones, his fingers tracing the rock for any signs Noah may have left, before picking up one of the flowers. He twirled it between the pad of his thumb and index finger, staring at the dishevelled petals.
“There aren’t enough flowers here to be a full bouquet, and some of the petals are ripped…” Jolly’s eyes locked with mine briefly before I scanned the ground and trees, landing on a speck of white in the distance.
I pointed as my feet carried me towards the spec, “There.”
A few petals were dispersed down the path, and as I peered ahead, another sprinkle of white caught my gaze.
“I think he’s left a trail,” I said, my breathing becoming erratic as my eyes widened, fear sinking in.
“Well, what are we waiting for?” Nick jogged up to me, pushing my shoulder to send me forward.
The three of us ventured deeper into the graveyard, passing various weathered tombstones, and surveying the ground every few feet for new petals. The further we walked, the more sparse the trail became. Eventually, it stopped altogether.
“Should we keep going?” Jolly asked, pointing to the gate that was open at the back of the cemetery.
Shrugging my shoulders, I kept walking, “We might as well.”
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Y/N
The room lights flickered in a staggered pattern, the yellow tint that created shadows against the wall causing my head to spin. The room was stuffy and damp, an eternal sense of hopelessness radiating from the aura within.
I coughed, my tear-stained eyes squeezing shut as I lay on the motel bed, my limbs tied down. I tugged for the hundredth time, the rope digging into the wound that had formed from the tension.
I’ve been here for what felt like an eternity, but was really only two days.
Two days of complete hell.
The motel door clicked open and I winced in fear but relaxed slightly once I saw it was Kiean. He emerged, holding a bag of fast food.
The aroma made my mouth begin to water, but I swallowed away the hunger, attempting to push away the urge. The sounds that erupted from my stomach gave me away as Kiean locked the door, his head tilting to the side in worry.
“Are you finally going to agree to eat?” He sighed, tossing the key onto the rickety wooden table that was near the wall in front of the bed. I avoided his gaze, my mouth shut, refusing to talk.
The blonde walked over to me, the ice in the soft drink chittering against the paper cup as he placed it on the nightstand. He then opened the brown paper bag, pulling out some fries and some chicken strips.
“I got your usual…” Kiean tried giving me a small smile, but I turned my head. He sighed again, sitting on the edge of the bed. I pulled against the rope to push myself away from his presence, but my leg was stuck touching his back. The contact made my skin burn in fury.
“I even got your favourite sauce.”
Old friends, same disease I'm killing myself again Old friends, same to me I can't get away from it
I sent a glare in his direction as my stomach churned again, rumbling from the delicious, greasy scent. I felt sick from how hungry I was, and my throat felt dry from the lack of water.
Kiean watched me with concern as he unwrapped the straw and placed it into the drink, holding it up to my mouth.
“Drink Y/N, for fucksake.”
The paper brushed against my lips and I squeezed them together, closing my eyes in resentment. He held the cup for almost a minute before I broke, taking the straw into my mouth and sucking up the liquid. I downed the entire thing, gasping for air once I stopped.
“Thank you,” Kiean murmured, opening the box of chicken strips and sauce. I tugged at the rope again before wincing as it dug into the laceration that formed.
Kiean’s brows furrowed as he stared at my wrist, before holding the strip to my mouth for me. No longer able to resist I took a bite and almost moaned at the flavour, swallowing greedily.
“Stop tugging on the rope,” He almost pleaded, “I’m sorry it’s hurting you. Kade would kill me if I took them off.”
Old friends are just a memory That I didn't need
His green eyes bore into me with unease, “You know how he is.” Yeah, I do.
We sat in an uncomfortable silence for a while as he fed me. I was grateful for the food nonetheless, despite them kidnapping me and tying me to a bed frame. I don’t think I could have made it much longer without eating.
One question frequented my mind, and as much as I didn’t want to talk, I knew that deep down I was safer with Kiean than his brother; and I was afraid that at any moment, he would step through the door.
“Where is Kade?”
Kiean’s head snapped toward me in shock, surprised that I finally spoke.
“Oh- he’s out right now,” Kiean shrugged, turning his gaze to the floor, “I think he’s looking for your boyfriend.”
My heart clenched in worry, mind wandering to Noah and the boys. Were they okay after the crash? Were they hurt?
Were they looking for me?
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I mumbled, staring at the blonde. He turned to face me, eyes analyzing my expression. His pupils dilated in knowing, his stillness a telltale sign he knew something was up.
Kiean was always able to read through me.
“But you have feelings for him,” He said as we watched each other, the gaze between us speaking for me.
I tried my best to remain stiff, but I nodded, tears beginning to well in my eyes.
“I know why you left Y/N,” Kiean looked away, looking at his hands that were folded in his lap, playing with his fingers, “and I don’t blame you for leaving.”
“I couldn’t handle it anymore. So many people were hurt. So many people dead.” I whispered, my voice wavering. I blinked in an attempt to hide my tears, but that only made them fall down the skin of my cheeks.
Kiean picked at his nails, “I’m not gonna lie, you fucked us over.”
My mouth formed a straight line as I stared at the patterned bedsheets.
“The whole syndicate fell once you left. Matt followed. Then Orie, then Bryan. Our organization collapsed after you disappeared…and the Rule Maker took over. You know how much that would have pissed Kade off.”
My body stiffened at the mention of the Rule Maker. He was the biggest crime syndicate in North America other than us; always trying to take Fidelio down.
“Once business shifted and we tried building up again- but since we lost the crew it was almost impossible. We became petty dealers for a bit, but no one wanted to deal with Kade anymore. So, we’ve been working under the Rule Maker as the foxes.” Kiean sighed.
“And he’s blamed me for everything,” I laughed bitterly.
Kiean nodded, “I mean, our business fell apart once you left Y/N. We have nothing now.”
“So you blame me too?” I asked, glaring at him. Kiean didn’t say anything.
“It’s not my fault I didn’t want to be part of that shitty lifestyle anymore. I was tired of being used, and I was tired of being part of a problem,” my voice began to rise, “So many people got hurt, and I did some heinous things. I needed out, especially after everything with Kade happened.”
“Kade has issues, I know… but he loves you Y/N-”
“Oh fuck off!” I yelled, my body pulling against the restraints in frustration, “Don’t you dare say he loves me.”
My chest heaved as venomous words left my tongue, “What he did to me was not love. I wish he was dead.”
“Look-” Kiean placed a hand on my own, which caused me to flinch. I tried pulling away, but couldn’t due to the ropes grasp, “I know you’re angry. You hate him, and you hate me, but we need your help.”
“Why would I ever help you,” my teeth clenched in animosity.
Kiean watched me carefully, “You put that mask back on for your friend.”
I avoided his gaze once again.
“You knew we’d be able to find you, and you knew Kade would come in a heartbeat…So why did you risk everything you ran from, for him? If you were so done with this life, why are you willing to return for this guy?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered, “He needed help.”
“Y/N,” Kiean’s green irises begged, “If you’re willing to help someone you just met, can’t you help us? Help me?”
Kiean knew he was my weakness. He had always been there to save me from Kade’s hands. He protected me and kept me safe, despite how awful life was back in Canada. He was my best friend. He was my brother.
“We’re going to take down the Rule Maker,” He said firmly, standing up from the bed now.
“Excuse me?” I scoffed, a laugh almost escaping my lips from disbelief, “What?”
Kiean turned to the closer in the motel room, pulling out three fox head masks. Kiean’s, Kade’s, and…
“Yours,” Kiean said, holding up one of the masks. The silver paint glinted slightly from the flickering yellow motel light.
“We need your help, just this one last time. I promise we’ll leave your life for good if you help us.”
I stared at the mask, almost rolling my eyes, “And if I say no?”
The motel door opened, and I sucked in an anxious breath. Kade slammed the door, his expression furious as his sweat-stained hair hung over his forehead. My limbs warmed nervously as my lungs collapsed, air unable to escape.
I can't be saved Reaching for the life we threw away
Had he been listening this whole time?
“Then I’ll kill you, and your little fuck toy,” Kade seethed, lifeless orbs glaring in my direction.
Watching as it circles in the drain With everything I loved, that's gone to waste With everything I was but couldn't change
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NOAH
It was the fear of the unknown that amplified the sense of vulnerability and helplessness I felt. Being at the mercy of someone else and unable to anticipate their next move, left me terrified and completely hopeless.
The blindfold that covered my vision left me anxious as my body thrashed back and forth from the restraints that tied my arms back, the metal cold against my skin. As I attempted to wiggle free the chains that held me swung against the chair, clanging in my ears. The wind whistled around the building I must’ve been in, causing me to shiver.
I screamed angrily, swinging aimlessly before the chair toppled over and I landed on the cement ground with a thud, the side of my head smacking into the pavement.
I didn’t necessarily believe in a God- but I prayed.
I prayed that Y/N was okay and that she knew I was sorry for everything.
I prayed that whatever happened to me, my brothers knew I loved them. That they knew how sorry I was that our lives were ruined because of me.
I prayed that they would be able to find the trail I left behind.
Old friends, same disease I can't get away from it Old friends, same as enemies
“There’s no way you pulled that pharmacy heist off by yourself,” Anger seeped through every word, every syllable.
“Who is she?”
I laughed, my body aching against the ground as I continued wrestling the chains, “You underestimating me?”
The man growled, pushing my face into the cement forcefully, causing me to laugh in resentment. Even through the blindfold, I could tell a snarle was embedded on his face.
“I stole your fucking car at fourteen. I can do anything I need to myself.”
“You sure about that?” I felt my body swing back up from the ground, two sets of hands sitting me upright in the chair.
“Who was wearing the Volto mask?”
I'm killing myself again I'm killing myself again I'm killing myself
“Fuck that I know,” I jeered, “What’s with the theatrics of all this?”
With my question ignored, I felt something cold and sharp press against my arm, “How do you know Y/N Y/L/N?”
I tried to not let my sarcastic smile fade at the mention of her name, “Who?”
“I’m not stupid boy,” The man yelled, a stinging warmth bolting up my arm, causing me to scream.
“Fuck!” I hollered, attempting to pull away, but I couldn’t move, nor see. Hands held my shoulders in place.
“I did some digging. You didn’t just break into her house, No,” he laughed, “No, you’ve been living there.”
I can't be saved Reaching for the life we threw away Watching as it circles in the drain
Why was he asking about the mask and Y/N?
My mind wandered back to Vincent, recalling our conversation days prior.
“Heads, you tell me about your little friend Y/N.”
My gaze narrowed and my fists clenched at the mention of her name. What did he want with Y/N?
“Tails, you tell me about your masked friend.”
Vincent said his boss wanted to know.
“So tell me,” I felt the blade dance across my skin, threatening, “Is she my missing mask?”
With everything I loved, that's gone to waste With everything I was but couldn't change
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RUFFILO
“So, who do you think Y/N is?” Folio asked as we walked down the street. We finally found another set of crumpled petals on the sidewalk past the cemetery, and have been following the road ever since.
“What does that mean?” My brows furrowed in his direction.
“Well,” He jeered, “The fact that two masked men chased us down, stole Y/N and now Noah, AND she is some badass hacking-heist guru? Doesn’t seem like some ordinary 9-5 barista if you ask me.”
I shrugged, “Well I don’t know. The only thing she ever mentioned to me was that she was running from who she used to be and that she was afraid we’d judge her.”
“She took us in without a thought,” Jolly piped in, “Maybe she had a similar lifestyle. No one would just take in a group of criminals.” He then stopped walking, reaching into his pocket.
Jolly stared at his screen confused, “Vincent?”
Putting the phone against his ear he watched us, a confused look glazing over his features. I stood closer to him, trying to listen in on the conversation. Jolly rolled his eyes, pushing me gently.
“Fuck you calling me for? I don’t have shit bro.”
“Yo, you know where Noah is? Did this asshole flake?”
“Why?” Jolly asked, “You were supposed to meet him?”
“Yea, he had more shit for me- didn’t show up at the ally. Thought that maybe I scared him off since the last time we talked.”
“Well, he didn’t show up because he’s fucking missing.”
“Missing? The hell you mean missing.”
“Missing as in we have no idea where the fuck he is, and we think he was kidnapped; so your deal’s gonna have to wait.”
“Wait- I think I know who may have taken him.”
Immediately I stepped back to share a look with Jolly and Nick. Did Vincent know the twins?
“Shit I gotta go. Meet me at the pier in 20.”
I heard the phone beep and Jolly stared at the screen in confusion, “Folio?”
Nick hummed, “What?”
“Did Noah ever use his first name when dealing with Vincent?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, shaking his head, “Pretty sure I told him to just go by Sebastian.”
Jolly shoved his phone back into his pocket, pushing past us and walking quickly down the street, “Seems to me Vincent may be more involved in this.”
+
We practically had to run to make it to the pier in twenty minutes since the cemetery was so far away, and travelling by foot was not ideal. It was windy and cold, the water droplets being swept up by the gusts of air slapping me in the face, causing me to shiver.
A man leaned against the pier, his arms resting over the wooden railing as he stared off into the water. He turned to face us, sharing a small smile as he stood up straight.
“Jolly? Folio?” He acknowledged them, and Jolly whistled in response.
“Strange seeing you unmasked.”
“Well, I’m not going to wear it where everyone can see us,” He threw his hood over his head, shielding himself from the wind.
“So what do you mean you think you know who took Noah?” I asked.
He looked at me, thick brows sitting heavily above his eyes, “Who are you?”
“Nicholas. Ruffilo.”
“Ah,” Vincent mumbled, “The one that convinced Jolly to stop selling to me in the first place all those years ago.”
I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Jolly placed a supportive hand on my shoulder.
“It was a mutual agreement, Vince. You know why we stopped, we got a new boss.”
“Yeah, whatever,” He huffed, leaning against the railing once again, “Well speaking of bosses, I think mine took him.”
“Is your boss a set of twins that wear these stupid fox masks?” Nick asked.
Vincent laughed, raising a brow, “Uh, no. But that’s interesting.”
Jolly, Nick and I looked at each other. So who took him if it wasn’t the twins?
“Who is your boss?” I asked.
With a shrug, Vincent turned to look out at the water again, “I dunno. I’ve never met him before, and we only communicate through his little henchmen. We call him the Rule Maker.”
“The Rule Maker?” Jolly laughed for a moment, before his smile faded, “Wait you mean to tell me, THE Rule Maker?”
“Who is that?” I asked, feeling out of the loop.
Folio ran his hands through his hair, “Only like the biggest drug lord in North America.”
“Well, why would he kidnap Noah? We haven’t done much related to drugs in years, other than the past month”
Vincent shrugged, “I got asked a shit ton of questions the other day by one of his minions. He wanted to know about the person who did the heist with him, since the mask they were wearing belonged to the missing member of Fidelio.”
I glanced at Folio and Jolly briefly, catching their eyes.
“Fidelio- that was a drug syndicate in Canada, right?” Jolly asked.
Vincent nodded, “Yep. Guess that was the first time that mask was seen in months. Then my boss went on asking about some chick named Y/N Y/L/N.”
Now my eyes widened and I physically turned to my brothers, both matching my expression.
“Ah- so you do know her,” Vincent began.
“I mean-” Nick scratched his neck.
“Well, my boss knows her. He has been looking for her for years,” Vincent sighed, “So, Sebastian knows Y/N, and has a connection to the Volto mask. Yada yada, the boss wants answers that I couldn’t get out of Noah the other day. So he probably took him.”
I ran a hand over my face, groaning audibly. This is bad.
Jolly stared at me concerned, “Y/N is the missing member of Fidelio. The timeline would add up.”
Fuck.
“Interesting,” Vincent chimed in, “So it’s the same person. That girl is the mask.”
“Well, did your boss say how he knows her?” Nick questioned.
The dealer shook his head, “Nope. And I don’t know where Sebastian would be either- but I think that’s who took him.”
“Why are you helping us?” I said warily.
Vincent smiled, his grillz shining against the setting sun, “Well, he provided good business. I got paid well.”
“I don’t know how we are supposed to find him though,” Nick said, “We were following a trail of flowers for a bit.”
Wait… following…
“Oh my god,” I smacked my forehead in annoyance, “Our trackers!” I lifted my pant leg, showing it off to the boys.
I wasn’t sure how we didn’t realize it sooner, but Noah still had his tracker attached to his ankle. At least, I hoped.
“How are we supposed to track it? It was Y/N who had the system,” Jolly said.
“Noah’s number might still be on her laptop. It’s worth a shot.”
+++++
Y/N
“Where is your laptop?” Kade asked, sitting across the room. His back sunk into the chair as he glared at me.
“Why would I tell you?” I spat.
He snickered, running his fingers through his blonde locks, “Do you have a fucking death wish?”
I snarled at him, “It’s not my fault you didn’t lock down your system well enough. Figure it out yourself.”
“Well, I didn’t exactly expect you to stab me in the back and wipe everything from us.” He shared a pathetic, cold smile.
“Y/N,” Kiean pleaded, and I rolled my head to look at him. He sat on the other bed, eyes begging, “Just cooperate. Like I said, if you help we will leave your life forever.”
“How am I supposed to know that’ll happen?” I mocked, “You chased me and my friends, almost killed us in a car crash with guns, and fucking kidnapped me?”
The room was silent for a moment before Kade spoke up.
“I just want my fucking business back.” He growled, “So like I said, help me, or he is dead.”
I swallowed harshly, knowing that Kade’s threats were never empty. He always followed through with them, and I know he most certainly would kill him.
I didn’t want to help them… but I didn’t want to risk Noah’s life.
“It’s at my place,” I sighed.
Kade stood up, clapping his hands together, which caused me to close my eyes and flinch, “Then let’s go.”
+
We pulled up to my house in a car the Twins rented. I picked at the bandages that Kiean had wrapped around my wrists to prevent the wounds from getting infected, wincing.
As we sat outside the front my stomach churned, worried the boys would be there. As much as I wanted them to be, so they could get me out of this situation; I knew if they were, that they’d be in danger.
“Are your boyfriend’s minions home?” Kade spat, turning off the engine.
“How am I supposed to know, I’ve been held hostage.” I sneered.
Kiean shot me a look and I rolled my eyes before the three of us headed to the door.
Kade had taken my key and unlocked the house, stepping inside quietly. The twins listened for movement and I looked around, the boys’ shoes missing.
“I don’t think they’re home,” I said. The twins nodded to each other, following me up the stairs to my room. Juice mewed behind, following us.
Once we entered I went to my desk, pulling the laptop off the charger. I handed it to Kiean who opened it, prompting me to type in my password.
“So now what?” I asked just before the front door opened.
The twins glanced at each other, holding a finger to their lips and my breath quickened, listening to the voices of the boys. They were here.
“So where is her laptop?”
“Probably upstairs. C’mon.”
Was Noah here too?
The shuffle of various sets of footsteps ran up the stairs and as soon as Folio turned the corner he let out a surprised yelp when our eyes met briefly.
“Y/N!” He screamed, taking a step forward before Kade cocked his pistol, holding it straight ahead.
“What the fuck-” I heard Ruffilo and saw him peer behind the corner, his eyes widening once he saw me.
“Move, or I’ll shoot,” Kade threatened, gripping my wrist and I winced. I saw Folio and Ruffilo raise their hands in surrender and Kade pulled me out of the room, past the boys. However as we exited the room and I saw Jolly, I then made eye contact with someone I didn’t know- and there was no Noah to be seen.
I pulled against Kade as he tried prying me down the stairs, gun still pointed towards the boys.
“Wait-” I begged, causing Kade to stop, “Where’s Noah?”
As I stared up at Ruffilo from the stairs his gaze made my heart sink.
“He was kidnapped,” Ruffilo muttered.
“C’mon,” Kade spoke through gritted teeth, giving zero fucks about Noah. We reached the bottom of the stairs and Kiean pushed me softly toward the door.
“What?” I yelled back, complete worry taking over me, “By who?”
“The Rule Maker,” Jolly hollered back, and the twins stopped at the door, sharing a look.
I can't be saved Reaching for the life we threw away Watching as it circles in the drain With everything I loved, that's gone to waste With everything I was but couldn't change
+++++
Chapter 9 coming soon
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dk-thrive · 1 year
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How do you calm the monster? Manage their rage? But in this silence, after it’s over, that’s when the sorrow finds you.
Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma (Ballantine Books, February 22, 2022) 
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This morning I woke up with a headache. But I was waiting for your letter and I was thinking of leaving another Sunday behind me. Your letter arrived. To tell the truth, it is a poor little piece of letter. Why didn't you write to me on Friday evening? I'm still counting on this evening, which I foolishly think will give you time to vent. But I also understand very well that it's the evening when the machine, which is too tense on other days, stops. And then I guess that you're debating, that boredom wins, and with it, emptiness and dryness.
How can you not succumb to boredom? Ah! I don't know, my poor love! I'm willing to help you. I'll do it. I do it every day and I talk, I talk, I talk, even when I feel like planting everything there and going to bed to sleep until spring. But I know that you have to be there, that love sometimes hurts against itself and that a silence of one day hurts for a week. So here I say my love...  Resist, be strong.  Succumb to nothing. When a weakness comes to me, I repeat your name and the weakness goes away. I am sad with you, furious with you. The few joys I have are yours.
This is all I am, all I can say to you. But it is that I am alone and apart from life. For you it's a little different. Just relax. If love becomes mute, it doesn't force anything. Live according to your desires, go out, read, sleep. The most important thing is that you preserve me inside you. If you don't feel like writing, stop - then the words and the cries will flow back - what better way to express my love, the sorrow I feel for you, the worry and sadness where I live too! I love you and I am waiting without patience. I love you and I despair of these lost days with no return. But I'm waiting, that's for sure. See you soon, my darling child. I kiss you; love me!
Albert Camus to Maria Casarès, Correspondance, January 30, 1950 [#155]
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phntasmgoria · 1 month
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redoing the tags for my project moon muses so i can have them all in one place, especially since i just got new ones added lol
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lemonadebombery · 9 months
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i dont know what the fuck hes going through but whatever it is im feeling it
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davincilouelle · 7 months
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Silence
Seems futile, as I let the wind carry me
Like a lifeless leaf from a withering tree.
Tree that used to flourish in the summer breeze
As the wind of time whispered the word of ease.
Cosmic wave danced in the tune of my despair
The end is rearing. Beginning is nowhere.
Come, my beloved! As night engulfed the sky.
Let’s cherish the sound of silence as stars cry.
Would it be funny if things were what they seem?
Like a changing season of one’s vivid dream.
Come, my love! The time of solitude is fleeting.
Let us embrace, the silence of retreating.
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