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curi0us-gh0st · 5 months

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Shameless (Park Yeonjin, Lee Sara, Choi Hyejeong)

pairings: Choi Hyejeong x Fem!Reader, Park Yeonjin x Fem!Reader, Park Yeonjin x Fem!Reader x Choi Hyejeong, Park Yeonjin x Fem!Reader x Lee Sara (Is this the order?

word count: 1,2k

genre: smut, smut, smut, smut... and smut!

summary: You didn't care if any neighbors could hear, being fucked without a brain made it impossible to think coherently.

warnings: sex without plot (?), use of strap-on and vibrator, pussy slapping, superficial choking, overstimulation, quick mommy kink, insinuation about procreation, exhibitionism, anal, double penetration, degradation, dirty talk, fingering, brief mention of marijuana, etc. [no review| translation is fucked]

a/n: Okay, they are the red flags that I would literally give them without thinking twice... Posting so as not to say that I am literally a ghost lol

"Oh, look what she's doing!" Hyejeong announced, seeing her pussy come heavily, the moans increased during this torture of overstimulation. It was one, two, three, he barely knew where to be.

You don't need to ask why you are that way, your attitude with the intention of just playing with the bad-tempered way they made you is in that position, completely without any shame. Her head buried in the sofa, her body naked as the cold breeze hit her body and fingers entering her greedy and hungry pussy, she could be sad about this senseless punishment but confess that she is loving reaching the limit.

"You really are a bitch!" Yeonjin pulled her hair hard, completely bewildered, she didn't know how many times in that time she had cum so quickly. What she took now was the simple fact that you left the room in almost transparent clothes when Sara called you to take a bath in the pool.

The porch being illuminated by the yellowish light of Lee's house, the sound of grasshoppers, frogs and their moans. Your eyes almost popped out when you saw her with a big, thick strap on, she smiled naughty, pulling Choi and his fingers away from you, making her moan from the lack of contact, she turned you around to leave you with her chest up, a layer of sweat covering his body, some strands sticking to his forehead, his skin stained by hickeys and bites.

"I'm going to eat you until you can't take it anymore!" A slap was delivered to her soaked pussy, making her let out a loud and painful scream, that spot was so sensitive. "My little slut. Are you going to swallow Mommy's cock pretty girl?" His mouth on her neck kissing him, the fat tip of the toy teasing her entrance. "Are you going to show Sara what a good job you're doing?" She moaned with the speech, her eyes being glued to the woman who was smoking her cigarette, looking firmly at her naked body while Hyejeong had her fingers stuck in her pussy in search of relief.

"Y-yes, I will!" She claimed, the cock being pushed mercilessly inside her pussy, a drawn out moan, her punching the strap without any pity, her hips pounding frantically at a fast pace, the violent thrusts that were making her squirm. "Yeonjin!" She screamed with the movement she made, placing one of her legs on her shoulder, giving way to fuck her even deeper, hitting spots she didn't even know she had, she laughed at her desperation.

"Oh honey, you're making too much noise." She said placing her hands on his waist. "Don't you think so, Sara?" She asked making her eyes focus on the woman who was mesmerized by the most pornographic scene in front of her, she swallowed hard at the question — still buoyant from the marijuana she was smoking.

"Yes, the neighbors might complain about that." She replied and looked at Hyejeong. "Why don't you shut her up?" She proposed, Choi moaned in response, taking her fingers out of herself and walked towards the women, placing herself on top of you, she was on all fours, those mounds on her face that she didn't let go, sucking them causing the woman to moan , her ass hitting Park's torso causing friction to her pussy.

"Fuck you little bitch!" She moaned seeing you suck hard, your lips wrapping around her breast, her tongue running over the hard nipple while her free hand pinched her other breast. "You look like a hungry baby." Hyejeong brushed the strands of hair out of her face. "You like it when you get fucked like that, right?" She smiled devilishly, a loud moan left her lips feeling on edge again.

"I-I'm going to cum again!" She announced with eyes full of tears, held Hyejeong's waist, penetrating three fingers into her pussy. "And you're coming with me..." He bit her lips, a rough and thirsty kiss, his fingers being embraced by her hot and wet insides, Yeonjin slapping Choi's fat ass and focusing on making her cum, a unison moan from you feeling your insides exploding with pleasure cumming once again that night. Park stood up watching Hyejeong on top of you, both of them weak and tired, she smiled.

"You look so good together, two sex-crazed sluts." You smiled smugly before walking into the house, while hugging Choi's body, Lee's eyes eating you up by sight, she was so wet from the latest things she was seeing, you guys being completely fucked moaning Yeonjin's name, you moaning for them. When Park came back, she didn't come back alone, she was holding another strap and went back to Sara. "Put." She ordered and she just obeyed.

She took off pants and put on dick, only wearing his white dress blouse, unlike the three of you who were completely naked in the open air, the heat of someone watching them fucking was completely exciting, after Lee put it on, Yeonjin told her to sit where you were and did so. "So, Y/N here." She pointed to Sara, you left Hyejeong and sat on Lee. "Hyejeong here." She lay down next to you, Park placed a vibrator inside the woman's pussy making her moan, holding it tight. "You stupid little girl, we're going to fuck your ass and your pussy."

Sara fitted herself at your entrance, while Yeonjin began to penetrate your tight hole, both trying to fit inside you, starting — or at least trying — a rhythm so that the two of you came in and out together, your insides squeezed. by them, his arms holding onto Lee who had her lips on his neck mistreating him, while Yeonjin pressed her breasts against his back and pushing her waist to sit on the dicks while pressing the vibrator on Hyejeong, her eyes that met they were filled with tears.

Sly moans filled the place, the smell of sex, bodies going as hard as they could, you came with Hyejeong but the women didn't stop, their eyes crying from so much stimulation. "Yeonjin! Sara!" She called for them so sensitively. "S-slower! P-please! Ah!" She moaned desperately.

"I have a surprise for you.." She spoke close to her neck. "Do you want all of our cum?" She bit off a piece of her skin. "Do you want to have our seeds in you?" She asked wrapping her hand around her neck, squeezing it.

"Ah! Yes! I want your cum filling me up" She replied slyly, the women and their movements reaching their insides with their thick and sticky liquids, filling their holes completely, their lips being taken by Sara, a kiss sweetly caressing her face delicately as if it were the most precious thing in the world, they slowly withdrew from her inside, her head resting on Lee's shoulder, Yeonjin sitting next to her caressing Hyejeong who was almost completely asleep, breathing panting, the temperature returning to normal, they felt the liquids coming out of their holes, biting their lips, so exciting.

"Are you okay? Were you hurt?" Sara whispered, kissing her cheek. "I'm fine, you guys were great." She smiled, moving her face away to see them all. "I'm almost sure I won't be able to sit down.." She said, making them laugh.

"You started!" Hyejeong accused. "We wouldn't be fucked like this if you hadn't come up with the idea of us wearing almost see-through nightgowns."

"Doesn't sound like a complaint to me." Yeonjin told Sara that she agreed. "Let's go inside before we catch a cold or someone shows up, Doyeong must have already called." Sara held her on her lap taking her inside and Park helped Hyejeong walk into the house.

#👻 gh0st fic !#smut #kdrama smut #kdrama fic #kdrama #the glory #the glory kdrama #choi hyejeong x reader #park yeonjin x reader #lee sara x reader #park yeonjin x lee sara x choi hyejeong x reader #choi hye jeong #park yeon jin #lee sara

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coltrainbat · 1 year

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Part 2 of bubba? Would love to see more of protective!chris 🥺

Bubba Part 2: Bump

A/N: Everyone grasp your loins i'm back... lol and a funny update after being bullied by my roommates they found this account and followed it to "keep tabs" so everyone say heyyy to my inner circle who I recommend sleep with one eye open 🥰

"Stay beside me yeah?" Chris held you tightly, staring at you intently as he helped you out of the car.

"I can barely walk, you don't have to worry about me pulling a runner." Chris gave a small smile at your light hearted joke.

At this stage, you were 6 months pregnant and HUGE. The last thing Chris wanted to do is shove you in front of a thousand cameras and screaming crowds but you insisted you two go. You desperately wanted to get out of the house and do yourself up after living in sweatpants.

Chris couldn't deny despite the heartburn, oily hair, night sweats and cankles you were glowing and looked absolutely stunning tonight to the point he had to hold himself back from giving you another baby.

"We can go home at anytime." He rubbed the small of your back lightly, fidgeting with the top layer of your dress.

You two approached the interview platform, Chris easing you gently yet forcing your whole body weight on him as he helped up the short 2 inch step.

You smiled at him endearingly as you approached the report. He wasn’t necessarily a bad reporter he just was a bit too enthusiastic for you and Chris’s liking not to mention a little invasive both figuratively and physically.

Chris knowing this placed himself between you and the reporter, hand encasing yours between you two.

“And here we have Chris, Y/N and the bump..” He outstretched his hand, verging towards your bump but not before the ever alert Chris, pushed his hand away promptly

“Absolutely not.” Chris said sternly, eyeing the report with challenging eyes.

He laughed nervously, moving his hands back into his pockets.

“Well do you guys know the gender yet?”

“We do!” You both said proudly, at the same time.

“Well how about giving us a W News exclusive huh?”

“Yeah no we plan to keep that information between us and our family for the time being.”

“Oh come on is Captain America having a strong boy or beautiful girl… let it out.”

Chris was getting annoyed at this point, so you gave his forearm a soft squeeze.

“I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl and either can be beautiful and strong at the same time. I’m just grateful for a so far healthy baby and wife. Thanks for your questions.”

You smiled up at him as he led you off the platform, reaching his limit on stupid questions.

Moving off the platform you let out a groan of pain. Chris’s eyes shot to your face concern written all over his;

“What’s wrong? You hurt?”

“No no.” You waved him “My feet are killing me.”

“I did tell you not to wear them.” You glared at his hindsight for now was not the time to play the “I told you so” game.

“It’s called an OUTFIT Christopher.” You spat at him through gritted teeth.

“Sorry sorry… here take ‘em off.” He crouched down, pulling up his slacks slightly to get on one knee.

“I can’t just do that in public!”

“You’re pregnant, you can get away with anything.” He brushed you off.

Chris lifted up the skirt of your dress, slowly easing your foot out of the shoes.

You sighed with relief as he gave your feet a quick massage in his large hands.

“Better right?”

“So much better. Thank you.” You gave him a quick peck on the lips.

Holding the heels in his hands, you walked the rest of the event barefoot and in way less pain.

#chris evans fic #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagines #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans one shot #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x plus size reader #chris evans x you #chris evans fluff #cevans #chris evans x pregnant!reader #chris evans x reader fluff

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userlando · 9 months

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ivy here!!

im stuck thinking about being in a fwb/situationship type thing with lando and you guys decide to play a game. the first person to touch the other loses. you guys are at a party, and you're in a tight dress, purposely dancing with other guys, borderline grinding on them, and just watching as he holds himself back, tongue in cheek as his eyes never leave you. it gets to the point where your arms are linked around another persons neck, about to kiss them, before he gives in and drags you away. your stuck in the passenger side of his car, trying to get hin to at least place a hand on your thigh, give you some form of relief as you can feel a heat growing in your core, but he gives you nothing. you drive back in silence until you finally get to his flat.

he throws you against the wall, making out passionately and agressively, just pure lust in both of your minds. he brings you to his bed, uses his belt to tie your hands up so you're not allowed to touch him, before eating you out like a starved man over and over, until you can't even remember how many times you've came. your hair sticks to your foreheard with a sheen layer of sweat, as you're so overstimulated yet begging for release over and over. he chuckles at you, calling you 'his desperate little whore' and teasing you for just how desperate you are. finally, after however many orgasms, he gently fucks you, and its loving now, soft thrusts as he knows you're sensitive, leaving kisses all over your head and neck, sucking in the spots he knows you love.

and afterwards he's just the sweetest. bc he knows he's pushed you to your limits, he knows he's tiptoeing on the line you guys have set, as he gently cleans your thighs he demands you drink some water. he allows you to just cuddle into him, his heartbeat slowly calming you down, whispering kind words of how much he appreciates you and how good you are for him (he def calls u his good girl as well) and just as you're drifting off he wishes how much he loves u, bc he cant say it any other time, even though its true.

lol this went a bit far im so down bad for little racer boy

ivy how do you manage to render me speechless EVERY TIME? this is so good oh my god, him making you come until you reach your limit before he fucks you? magnificent, extraordinary, AMAZING 😭😭😭🫶🏼

#zee’s asks 💌#lando brainrot #WHEWWW

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hyatoro · 1 year

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Can you tell us more about Kayden's powers? Like what they are over the first of training? Reader's too.

TLDR:

Kayden’s Powers: Mind Reading, Mind Manipulation, Psychokinesis, Scanning, Telepathy, Clairvoyance, Pyrokinesis.

Reader’s Powers: Mind Reading, Mind Manipulation, Psychokinesis, Scanning, Telepathy, Clairvoyance, Pyrokinesis. Basically all the same things he learns, but to a higher degree since you’ve had the time and practice. Astral Projection, Body Possession (Both remote and trading bodies), Iron Will, and Materialization (You make physical objects but they’re temporary and made up of your psychic energy). He can also learn these but he doesn't know them in what I'm describing as the current state of time.

Kayden’s powers were of course limited to Mind Reading before he met you. The way it works is that there’s a bubble around him that harvests these thoughts and it’s annoying as hell when you can barely hear yourself. Because it’s not like thinking in a loud room, where your thoughts are still isolated from the actual noise. It’s more like trying to speak and hear yourself in a loud room since it’s all happening on the same psychic layer.

As he got older he was able to shrink this area of effect, but it’s similar to flexing. It was really hard to do at first but he eventually got the hang of it to the extent that he could function again. Still, it’s easier to just relax in a space where there’s no people which is why it was such a relief when they moved out of their city apartment and into a quiet suburban neighborhood.

The first thing he tries to do is what you showed him on that park bench. Psychokinesis. He’s unsuccessful at first, having no idea how to approach the matter. But the next time you meet you explain the general feel and he has a better time trying. He can only move tiny shit like dust at first and he genuinely doesn’t know if it’s just him breathing until he makes a mini tornado. That has him feeling exhausted though. Which is also when he realized that practicing to the point of exhaustion made it so that his passive mind-reading ability shuts off. Cause it’s all psychic energy.

A good portion of his training is just dedicated to Psychokinesis. It’s not until he gets to the point where he can move medium sized objects like a pillow that he says he’s ready to learn more. This is also what he uses to trip people lol. He does keep building up this skill though for fun.

It’s not like this is a dojo with planned lessons and steps so you don’t really care if he only learns some skills to a certain point.

The next thing you teach him is closer to his original power, where it’s like an area of effect thing. Basically you’re two grown adults playing hide and seek but he’s finding you through like a radar system. Here he struggles because his wires get a little crossed with the mind-reading, which is exactly why you chose this to be the next one. It’s okay. Once he gets over that hurdle he learns how to Scan easily.

Next is Telepathy. When you teach him this it’s through example. You project your thoughts into his mind, and he picks this up fairly easily. Makes you wonder why you didn’t teach him this earlier. Oh well. He gets super happy when he learns this skill because now you two have this secret communication line. With this skill though you also teach him how to throw up walls and such so that you two can respect each other’s privacy. They kind of act like locked doors where you can knock on each other’s mind and see if reaching out is fine, but for the most part neither of you are probing each other in the first place. Surprising I know. But that’s because you both can tell when the other is around mentally so there’s not really any secret spying to be done.

Other skills learned but I can’t be bothered to explain are Clairvoyance,and Pyrokinesis.

He likes to peek at you when you’re out and about sometimes. Swoons when you throw him a peace sign or any other sign of acknowledgement. Pyrokinesis makes for fun fireworks dates in the middle of the night in secluded locations.

The things that he does in the intro post are basically forms of Mind Manipulation. Basically in both cases he got overwhelmed and his will went into this fight or flight mode, which kind of leaned more towards fight in both cases. It’s fascinating since in the physical world he’s so used to running away, but when faced with the mental stimulation after training his mind screams for him to get rid of the problem in both cases.

He is so remorseful for lashing out at you and never wants to do that again. (It also wouldn’t work because you have the will to tell him to fuck off even if he did try again.)

As for those people vying for your attention? He doesn’t have any issue scrambling their thoughts till they remember they left their hair iron plugged in or something. If they’re persistent though, that’s when things get messy. The mind manipulation at first is just persuasion and suggestion, so any passing fancy gets off light.

If they are adamant about trying to get in between you two then he wants murder. But why murder when you can just delete their mind? Just put the fucker in a coma and he won’t need to deal with the law or anything. But he’s not stupid. He knows that this method can’t be used too often or else a pattern would be found. It really is just an emergency case scenario. But if it keeps happening and he goes off the deep end he will just uh. Suggest they stop existing. Works just as well.

#sub!yandere #dom!reader #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere oc x reader #dom reader #yandere oc #request #Kayden Nguyen #psychic!yandere #psychic!reader #ill link this to his intro post too since its lore heavy #sub yandere

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slowlydifferentbluebird · 7 months

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I had a dream that Lisa was giving me an under the covers, blowjob. 🥴

I believe you have the best dreams ever lol, like, I only have nightmares or dreams without a sense🙈

Lisa X Male Reader (or G!P Reader)

Just imagine waking up a day of october. The weather is chilly, so it's not too cold but it's nice to sleep under a thick layer of blankets.

You didn't open your eyes yet, but for some reason you feel good, and the sensation is becoming always stronger over time.

It's definitely a feeling you know too well at this point. You lift the blankets only to see Lisa basically choking herself on your fat cock, keeping it warm in her mouth.

"Lisa?", you ask between chuckles and soft moan. "Goodmorning baby", she says, smiling like a child in the only instant she has her mouth not busy. "Just getting my breakfast".

She immediately return to her duty, swirling her tongue all around the shaft before eating It again, giving you a full deepthroat that almost takes your breath away.

Her head goes up and down until you reach your limit and give her all the "milk" she needs for her breakfast. Waking up everyday with Lisa is always a good morning.

Zazá

#ask me anything #kpop #kpop girls #kpop smut #blackpink lisa #blackpink smut #blackpink x reader #lisa smut #lisa x reader

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knotalot · 13 days

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Hi ! I saw your Aether doll, and I was just wondering what's your process for the hair and the clothes? A friend's birthday is coming up (very) soon, and they really like Aether, so I'd love to know how to make this kind of stuff. I think you're really talented! :)

Hi! Thank you for your kind words :)

My process is largely on a ‘trial and error’ basis, but I’ve done my best to make a guide for you (using Aether as an example, since you mentioned him specifically). Unfortunately right now all of my stuff is in storage due to unstable living conditions, so I hope you’ll forgive me for only being able to offer pre-existing photos and hand-drawn diagrams. When I get access to my stuff again, I might do a step-by-step process for hair (for Lumine, since she’s my current WIP) but that could be quite a while yet.

Stuck under a read more because this is gonna get long lol

I’ll start with clothes because I always leave hair til last.

The first thing I do is hoard as many references as I possibly can, from as many different angles as possible. These are the one I used for Aether (made myself because I couldn’t find any online that met my needs), though I did also sometimes log into my game and rotate him in the character menu haha

From here, the next step is to start dissecting the layers. Work from the base up, and break it down specifically into what you would make as a single piece, rather than say the shirt base AND the sleeves AND the decal. If that makes sense.

I don’t normally draw diagrams or anything like I will be for this, but if that helps you visualise it by all means do!

(I also tend to go really ham on the details because I’m a perfectionist, but please don’t torture yourself unless you really want to. Making things a little more simplistic is perfectly fine and valid.)

I won’t do the whole thing or I’ll reach image limit but here’s an example of how you might break it down:

The more you simplify it, the easier time you’re going to have.

The next step for me, after I raid my cupboard and the local craft store for the right colours, is to work out which pieces of the clothing I’m going to incorporate into the doll’s base body and which will be separate.

For Aether, for example, the ‘hand’ part of his gloves are the actual doll’s hands, but the bit that flares up his arm isn’t. The boots are part of his actual legs up until the part where it flares up over the top of his pants, which I made as a separate piece. The seat of his pants are the bottom half of his base body, but the pant legs themselves are add-ons. Does that make sense?

Next, make your base body! If you’d like to use my pattern, you can find it in my pinned post :)

Once you’ve got the base doll, I start adding layers of clothing. I always use a smaller hook size for the clothes than I do for the base body. In my case I like 2.5mm (and a teeny tiny 1.25mm for fine details and thin layers – but we’ll get to that later). I normally start with the pants.

My normal method of doing pants is this:

Essentially, I crochet directly into the base body in a circle around the base of the leg (so I am not chaining, but actually single crocheting through random stitches on the base in a loose circle shape), and then work in rounds until I reach the length I want.

Because Aether’s pants are puffy at the bottom and have two colours (*shakes fist at hoyo designers*), though, the process ends up being a little different.

I made his pants in two pieces: the outer side and the inner side. So instead of rounds, it ends up being rows. To get that nice puff, just do some standard increases in the right spot and make sure to decrease on the lower rows to taper it back in.

Once you have both pieces, you can just sew the two halves together.

The flare of the boot over the top of the pants is exactly the same process. Attach and single crochet directly onto the leg from the top of the boot, working up towards the waist.

For trickier shapes like the gloves, it’s sort of just familiarising yourself with what kinds of effects different stitches do and allowing yourself to get it wrong about a dozen times before it actually works lol

If you break down the gloves properly, you end up with a shape similar to this:

(this is not great i am so sorry – I am realising once again my reference was awful for the gloves)

But you can kind of see how it’s largely bulb shapes for the brown part, which is easy to do with increases and decreases. The white part I made separately and attached afterwards. Yes it was a huge, tedious pain in the ass.

For finer details, like his jewellery and, like, the shoulder armour, etc etc, I use the smallest hook I can tolerate. Please do not attempt this unless you lowkey hate yourself because it is torture.

So when you look at yarn, you can see that it has a bunch of smaller strands wound together, right?

You gotta split em.

Like this.

(image borrowed from http://illuminatecrochet.blogspot.com/2015/03/what-is-ply.html)

And then. You are going to use that tiny ass hook. And crochet those individual strands. It sucks. It breaks constantly. It makes you want to commit a crime. But damn if it doesn’t look good.

On a similar note, don’t be afraid to use the 2.5mm/whatever hook you use for clothes with less than the full ply of the skein you’re using. For Aether’s cape, I did the outer facing white part with only 2 of the strands in my 8ply yarn, and the inside orangey part with the 1.25mm and one strand. It’s still a little fatter than I’d like but it’s better than doing the whole thing in single strand torture mode lol

I’ll wrap up clothing here but if you want some help with anything specific just let me know!

On to hair!

For hair, I use felt square sheets that are like $1 each. Except for Aether because he has to have a Very Special Hair Colour that my craft store doesn’t stock so his cost me $7 :/

It’s a similar kind of deal for hair as it is for clothes. Break down the shapes and start from the bottom up.

(This is not a good look for him rip)

Layers are your friend! As are sewing pins! For real, do not glue anything down until you’ve got the whole thing pinned down because once you glue you’re in for a bad time if you need to fix something.

I’ve made two Aethers (one as a custom gift commission, one for myself) and they’re both a little different from each other, but this should help give you an idea of how I translated it to felt. I like to simplify if I can, purely because larger pieces tend to look a bit neater and less chaotic than a bunch of smaller ones.

For his braid, I found the easiest way to do it was to just cut three really long straight pieces, braid em, and then trim the end to the length I needed.

My absolute biggest #1 tip for hair:

If it looks bad but you haven’t finished, do not stop and restart.

It will always looks stupid as hell in the early stages. Don’t make a judgement call on whether or not it looks right until you’ve at least got the whole front part/fringe area fully pinned in place. Trust me.

I think that’s probably about all I have the energy for right at this second, but again if you have any questions or want help on anything specific, my inbox/DMs are always open – and that goes for anyone reading this! I’m always happy to help :)

#hope this is useful for you!#answered

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quidfree · 6 months

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It's mentioned in one of the extras in bnha (by Horikoshi himself) that Bakugou isolates himself on the path to greatness as a defence mechanism since he's actually a sensitive soul...

You've written the 🌟best🌟 true to character Bakugou in all the fanfics I've ever read, so I wanted to ask how you balance Bakugou's brashness with his sensitivity, and his harshness with his specific brand of kindness. He has strong moral code/values that he staunchly follows but that's still different from the occasional bouts of care he shows to people.

Thank you 😊

hmm you know i don't know if i think that's the best 'in' to bakugou's character because while he is sensitive to a degree (dramatic crier, big emotions, not a bad people reader if he cares) i really feel like that quote is sort of overplaying that angle. bakugou's definitely got his depths but i'm leery of leaning too far into the idea he's some kind of scintillating empath that no one gets.

in terms of characterisation i'm glad you feel that way! i've written breakdowns of my characterisation before so those would be a good starting point on my analysis. but to your specific points, and focusing on teen canon bakugou:

so his base attitude is like….. constant intense commitment to his goals (🤝bakudeku) mixed with pretty solid awareness of self (will elaborate). which means at repose he’s just super serious & then you layer in the brash persona (not feigned, just exaggerated and sometimes blustering, lot of it comes from (unjustly lol) holding everything to his standard). that’s base level bakugou i think. he gets half the personality from his mom & the other is all his.

by self aware i don’t mean he’s like psychologically healthy. but he has a good grasp of his own abilities and skills. early days his blind spot are his limitations but that’s mostly bc up to that point he’s never been confronted with the fact he has any. that’s why he’s allowed so much arrogance / confidence, even when facing down sports fest or the league. he knows what he can do. rmr even early on he got worried when seeing todoroki’s abilities; he’s pissed at him at sports fest bc he’s well aware that would have been a fair fight. by now in canon that’s obviously reached a more mature self-awareness.

ig that’s kind of tied to the sensitivity point. i think bakugou isn’t bad with people; he does have a good read on them & has established leadership skills (amplified once he stops being so domineering; he and izuku have long been coded as 1A coleaders). that said younger bakugou certainly did not give a shit abt other people’s interiority so hes not exactly a bleeding heart lol. i think he’s more perceptive than empathetic (can understand but does not relate), which colors his nicer moments- and i say that with love, bc i think that’s more interesting.

bakugou is just a harsh / brash guy- very direct, abrupt and in your face with it. that’s his fighting style, his personal style, his communication style, even his choice of hobbies; he doesn’t tolerate wishy washy bullshit and isn’t one for niceties. that said he can keep in line / watch his approach around authority figures, bc he’s a pretty pragmatic guy. that also comes thru in his fighting. he will mouth off within reason.

the interpersonal struggle for him is that in UA he was forced out of his top dog role real quick and it made him extra aggro/tsundere bc he spent way too long only interacting w peers from a superior position or as extras, so having to connect on a genuine level w people he would once have seen as below him feels weird and overly exposing. it obviously starts going better for him as development marches on, especially when there’s like a concrete common goal involved. i think he’s consciously trying to find a happy medium by later in canon- see the ‘casual’ way he hangs around cracking jokes abt dabi when they’re trying to support todoroki, snarky but present. from what i gather his current default is to veer overly serious but that’s also bc canon is very Dark and Serious rn.

the moral code thing is funny bc OG flavor bakugou has less of that and more of an understanding of the rules he’s playing by to win. the league disgusts him bc theyre baddies yes but also bc they’re losers. bc bakugou at that point is an asshole teen bully who told his childhood bestie he was less than nothing as a daily hobby, and i don’t doubt that he could have gone down the endeavor route had he not had common sense knock him around a few significant times. that said he does certainly always have sort of a personal code of, idk, self-discipline and aiming to exceed all expectation, but that ties back to what i’ve already addressed. anyways by present day he’s obviously recalibrated his moral compass massively but it’s always most interesting to me in the minor personal detail- for example, his kneejerk “my mom used to knock me around and i’m fine!” reaction to justify beating kids up but then begrudgingly letting todoroki lead their approach because he recognises his input on the subject. it’s consistent writing because it’s not that he’s a perfect saint now, but he is growing.

this is very long and very late, but tldr those are my takes on your questions!

to me bakugou is one of the best written parts of bnha, but he is a complicated character to get right if you don’t have a good handle on why he works so well- i don’t know if i’ve made that more or less confusing for you but i’m hoping the latter.

#qui parle #qui repond #anon #katsuki bakugou #bnha #ref #writing #qui ecrit

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54bpm · 1 year

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Hi there, say I want to post a bunch of images and some of them are nsfw, how do i tag this, just tag nsfw at the bottom, or is there something to do with the individual images, thank you for your advice.

OH this reminds me of something I meant to mention earlier, it's more of an observation than like Hard Fact but art does better when it's split up on multiple posts unless it like, goes together.

That's just like what I've noticed over time, people like it when you only got one big art! Plus thats more content to throw in the queue so win/win.

Moving onto your actual question, there's layers to it:

Step 1: Is it lewds or porn.

Straight up porn is technically banned and I advise NOT putting it on your main blog since it could get the account put into adult mode (which puts a lot of limits on the account like hidden for some users, not searchable, no proper blog only the logged in dashboard mode) If its tasteful lewds, continue.

Step 2: Is there a lot of liquid happening

From what I've heard the dividing line on if a post is flagged or not lately is how much liquid is happening, if not much then continue

Step 3: Tags & Labels.

Okay now for what you actually asked lol. The tag "NSFW" is shadow banned. It will get your post flagged. There ARE alternatives though, I've seen NSFT (not safe for tumblr) as the main one but I'm sure you can also find more if you get specific in your searches.

THE THING IS: using just tags can get you reported. Because we have a brand new feature too. If you're using the BETA post editor there's a button by the post button that says "Everyone" in there is a menu for labeling the post with mature themes.

It's up in the air if this will effect your post getting into searches, I've seen them in the wild of searches but you'll find that on tumblr it's not always consistent. But what it will do is make sure people under 18 do not see it!! Oh and you can still put tags on it to reach people.

Wait what, gimme a TLDR

Yeah fair, basically if you think you fit within the vague constraints outlined here you can post with the mature label and be fine (probably) you can also try to post without it at risk of being reported. You can use tags either way and you should still come up in searches, just not for kiddies (and not for users that haven't turned off the filter in the settings, thats on them though, people who don't check their settings regularly deserve horny jail to me) ALSO super don't use tags that don't apply, you'll get mega reported. Nobody wants an ass jumpscare.

If your post does get flagged you probably have too much liquid or used tags that tumblr did not like. You can edit the post and contest it or just make a new post. If you're worried about your whole account getting flagged then experiment on a side, (sides can be flagged without hurting your main) but you can also contest this status too.

Phew, okay, hope that helps! Good luck with the titties!

#vtuber #vtuber uprising #livs words #gonna properly tag this for searches bc im sure more people have the same worry #you have to be posting like despicable shit to get all the way banned #so dont worry about your like #body pillow art thats soft core #resource #tutorial #livs answers

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lizardsarecute · 1 month

Text

made a new tag for my blog, blendering, as a reference point for myself when I tackle rigging other characters in the cast. Different models have different rigging needs, but they all share a few characteristics. I don't plan on sharing my finished rigs, but I will share my notes along the way, for me and for anyone else who may find it useful.

honestly it's been fun learning. a game that gets me hyperfixated enough to learn a whole new skill is ✨✨✨ pretty damn nice ✨✨✨ if i do say so myself

For my old attempt, I ran into a problem where the eyes would go outside of the socket whenever I move it too far left or right.

This is because Korsica (and the other characters) don't actually have eyeballs. They're just flat planes.

Later, I finally found out why they have a bone called EYEBASE there. I figured that I needed to add a mechanism that would have the eye plane rotate around that base.

So I made a bone with a Damped Track (to follow the Eyebase) and Limit Distance constraint (so eye plane doesn't pop out the socket)-- that seems to behave as intended. No more eyes popping out of the socket.

Might have to adjust those constraints, because when viewed from an angle, the eye just kinda veer to the side pretty steeply and the eye doesnt reach the edge of the socket (just thinking out loud but maybe a driver for the limit distance influence would be ideal?)

but that's just the parmesan cheese sprinkle. When I start learning to animate I can adjust the settings accordingly.

my layout for the mechanisms so far. I've learned that it's good to try keep different mechanisms and their behaviors in different bones, so there's less fuckery.

I also made an EYE_TARGET bone so the head can look at something in space. With a driver from the custom properties, which allows me to turn this behavior on or off really easily through the properties bone.

I feel like I could probably clean up the eye target mch a bit more, but for now, it works as intended so far.

The original imported armature from the game had only the relevant moving bones to save memory (I think the animation gets baked and the mechanism bones are gone, which is what we are trying to recreate/add to). So the original bone count is about 400.

I've added about 800 more just for the mechanisms, fk ik layers, visualizations. And I haven't even finished the hair, jacket and weapons yet lol.

ty for reading my ramblings, i ppreciate it

#blendering #eye mechanisms #studies

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hypherr · 1 year

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Hi, I am contacting you because I saw you mentioned somewhere that you have adhd, and I was wondering how did you still reached such incredible level. I have adhd too, and drawing has always been my passion also. But despite a whole life of practice, and doodling almost all the time, I always had a very hard time to understand anatomy and other technics, and because of adhd, I can’t focus neither motivate myself consistently to learn technics. I am also very inconsistent to draw proper illustrations, and also struggle to get things finished. Because of this, I have the feeling that I will never improve, and I gave up my life dream to become an illustrator. So, I was wondering how did you reached such incredible level despite of adhd difficulties, and if you had some helpful tips. Best regards.

Hey dude! Yeah, I can totally give you some tips that worked for me up until I got medicated :D I know a LOT of folks have to deal with ADHD, so I’m more than happy to try and give you some advice.

I will preface that I tend to hyperfixate on things like drawing, so I put 200% effort into learning about it and I enjoy trying new methods of painting/drawing/whatever else. It’s still moreso reliant on the individual artist, but the below list is what I do and have done that kept me going:

Make studying into something that is interesting. By that I mean you don’t have to simply draw/study a pose for life drawing, you can make it interesting by drawing a character in that pose/doing that action so that it becomes something you’re more invested in instead of something you’re doing to just get better. I usually draw my OCs in the poses that I’m studying from pinterest or whatever, and it makes the process a lot more fun -

Do what YOU want, not what others say you should do. Not every style or process is for everyone. Stick with what interests you and it’ll make your ADHD brain happier. Getting trapped into the idea of “Oh, I should be good at line art” or “Oh, I should be really good at drawing in X style” when you’re not really interested in either of those things will bore you to no end. Personally, I settled with the fact that I don’t have patience for line art, I loathe using opaque brushes, and I despise having a million layers on my paintings. SO, I don’t do a line art pass; I just clean up my sketch layer which becomes my line art, I don’t use opaque brushes, and I keep my layers really limited. My way of drawing and painting is kinda unorthodox and I always have to explain it to clients when I send WIPs (I’m srs the way I work confuses ppl, especially non-artists lol), but the end result is always what they hired me for, so there are no complaints. Plus, I am MUCH comfier drawing and painting in my own “unique” way, and they’re cool with that. **NOTE: I still recommend checking out tutorials and such, but don’t feel like the artist who created the tutorial is god and that you must follow their teachings to a T. Ex. I love the artist kawanocy, and I have some Patreon stuff from him. His art process is too slow and clinical for me personally, but I still take bits and pieces from his teachings to incorporate them into my own workflow/my own art hacks. -

Only study when you want to. Naturally this doesn’t apply to you being in school for art (sometimes u gotta cry and just study away for an assignment), but if you’re not in the mood for drawing/studying, just don’t do it. It’s fine to take some time off!! I’ve had periods of months w/o drawing, especially during summer when I was in Uni. Sometimes you need to wait for inspiration to find u again -

Study from artists you admire and it won’t feel like studying. FIRSTLY do not steal from artists you admire, just study their work. It is fine to trace AS LONG AS YOU DO NOT POST IT AND/OR CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN WORK. DO NOT DO THAT. I REPEAT, DO NOT CLAIM TRACED WORK AS YOUR OWN WORK. IT IS NOT YOUR OWN WORK. IF YOU POST TRACED WORK, YOU ARE STEALING ARTWORK AND BEING DISGRACEFUL AND DISRESPECTFUL TO THE ARTIST. Tracing is fine for STUDYING ONLY because your hand follows the path of the original artist’s hand and you get a literal feel for how they work and where their pen goes. I don’t rlly do this anymore, but I used to, esp when I wanted to do some low-brainpower studying. The main point of #4 tho is to not be shy abt taking bits of ppl’s style and using it for yourself. Ex: I really really REALLY admire the art of @/xafeelgood on instagram. I am particularly in love with the way they draw bodies and faces. @/chenbearpig on insta has an amazing style too, and I love love LOVE the way he paints. @/kawanocy has a very beautiful rendering style, and his lighting is v dramatic and impactful. Obvi there are more ppl I admire than just those 3, but those were a lot of my inspirations with art when I was in uni, and they helped shape my style and made me excited to keep pursuing art and trying their styles/painting methods. You have to find artists who make you excited to keep going, and just study their art a bit, or watch a speedpaint to see how they make such glorious art. It is really fun and I always enjoy trying to breakdown how they do their art stuffs so that I can try and do smth similar!! -

Don’t give a fuck about how fast other people draw, how good other people are compared to you, or your follower count. The most helpful thing I told myself this year that has sent my career and drawing/painting ability into the next level is, “I don’t care.” So what if other people are better than me? So what if I’m not the greatest artist ever? I’m still good. I’m still getting paid. I’m loving art again. I’m still trying hard. I’m just not getting that worked up abt art anymore. It’s HARD to not give a fuck, I know that, but it’s only art. It’s really not that serious. It’s not life or death. You’re just here to have a good time and work towards getting better at illustration/drawing/whatever, yeah? It’s so cheesy, but we all have our own paths to take to get to where we want to go. I have died inside realizing that people who are like 16 are 100x better than me already. I used to feel like shit and like my progress didn’t mean anything compared to how amazing other people are, but now? I just don’t care. I’m doing my own thing and I’m vibing and enjoying my drawing time, and that is all I can hope for!!

That is all I can think of right now u3u I guess a final note to leave off on is that all of these tips probably won’t 100% work for you, and that’s totally cool. Again, it’s highly dependent on the individual, but I still hope some of these thoughts and suggestions can help you find ways to make drawing fun and interesting for you.

I hope you keep drawing and illustrating, my dude u7u that is the best way to keep getting better

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soaringwide · 26 days

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Hello! Hope all is well and thank you for opening up free readings! I’ve been trying to clear my head of overthinking which is what I tend to lean on and do. Working on it for sure 😅

I was wondering how MF feels about me and what I could do to make things work. I find his talent, drive and heart super attractive and I want to get to know him better and see if there’s a real connection. What are your thoughts?

- FM (Libra) ❤️🌟

Hello @luvnshade and thank you for reaching out :)

I feel you on the overthinking, I'm the same lol So my goal with this reading is to provide some clarity and advice on how to move forward with this relationship.

Free readings are currently closed since I have a lot of asks to go through.

To start off I wanted to inquire about you vs him in this relationship. I didn't want to pry into his thoughts and feelings but rather inquire about both of your current state and see what came out.

So first, you: you said it yourself that you were overthinking and that definitely shows in the cards. You mind is quite active, turning and turning scenarios in your head trying to figure out what's happening and what's gonna happen. This is making you very stressed and you end up feeling super confused because everything is mixed up in your mind and your heart is heavy. It is significant that you appear looking on his side of the spread, but you don't really know if you can trust the situation so you appear unstable and indecisive, not grounded or centered on yourself. You seem to be in a situation where you're trying to run away from your own inner chaos and look outside for answers instead of looking in.

What's very interesting on his side though is that he seems to be very focused on himself, going through an time of introspection, working on his limiting beliefs and behaviors in a quest to better himself and feel more whole and balanced. It seems he's either about or in the process of breaking free from past burdens which may or may not have to do with love and which may be have been getting in the way of him exploring that side of life and of himself. So he may appear a bit closed off.

The state of the relationship right now is represented by the Queen of Pentacles rx, which indicates that both sides are going through things. As you saw in the first part of this reading, both you and him have issues you're currently facing and have to work on. Right now you both don't seem ready to step into a new relationship heads on, but don't worry it doesn't mean nothing will happen, simply that there's some progress to make first, which we will see in a second.

For what's going for the relationship, you got Wheel of Fortune and Wounded heart rx which I interpret as meaning that this new burgeoning relationship is very stimulating in term of emotional growth for both of you and you should ride that movement because that's the best thing to do in this situation. It is possible that you will face ups and downs but overall, try not to get too hang up on the downs and keep going with the flow. Things have the potential to change for the better but it may seem surprising and unpredictable, and maybe a bit up in the air at times.

What's going against, I think you need to be careful about playing mind games here. We already saw you were too much in your head and that may gives off the wrong signal by being too distant or behaving in a confusing way. He may be doing the same due to what he's dealing with internally. There seem to be some type of fear to get hurt which is adding a layer to the already conflicted internal feelings. I'd say you need to focus on being authentic, in the sense that your intentions must align with your thoughts and feelings. I know it's hard though and I've been in the same situation many times, and more often than not it's because 1) i'm spending too much time in my head trying to control someone else's behavior and feelings and 2) i'm massively scared of being hurt and disappointed which makes me go to 1) even harder and the cycle worsens.

Now for the advice on how to progress things further. You got the Knight of Pentacles and the 7 of Pentacles. Pentacles are by nature slow moving but supporting energies. I think it's very telling here in the sense that if you want to let this relationship progress, you need to invest time and slow nurturing care into it. You mentioned wanting to get to know him better and I think that's definitely an excellent idea. Take things easy, get to know him on a deeper level and also let him get to know you. Either things will grow in their time or you will want to take a different route. I'm really struck by the knight offering a coin, it's a very stable and steady card showing you the way to behave. It's really not about rushing into something in fear it's going to be too late if you take too much time.

That's it for this reading! I hope it was useful and I'd love to have some feedback if you feel so inclined :)

#tarot reading #free tarot reading #divination #soaringwide tarot reading #tarot #soaringwide

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cordrazine-official · 8 months

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🎀🕯️🎙️for the ask game!

Hi! Thank you for your ask!

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

I’ve recently found a new thing I’m very interested in, which is telling stories through documents - forms, transcripts, encyclopedia entries are the three types I’ve tried my hand at so far & I think they all turned out very good. Controlled language especially is something I’m obsessed with (to the extent that I’ve literally turned it into a job, lol) & I like trying to twist these languages to get them to say new things. Change the context, add some layers, combine things that aren’t usually combined & you can tell entire stories with a limited, standardised vocabulary. I’ve even managed to do that successfully in an explicit fic, which I think is quite a feat.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

Past the divine really tested the limits of my imagination in that I am obviously corporeal & have never experienced non-corporeal, non-linear existence. It took all I had & a lot of work to try and figure out how you’d make sense of the experience(s) of being anchored back into a body after being in the Celestial Temple, & I still think I could have taken it further if I’d followed along all the threads I pulled at while thinking about that fic. It really seemed like every time I had reached a conclusion there was something else to consider: if Ben has no concept for this, then how could he make sense of that, & what does that mean for what I have already written? That fic took a lot of rewriting & rethinking & I’m still not fully happy with what I did. I think I would have needed more space than what I gave myself to tell that story. Ideally I would write another piece about Ben’s return from Ben’s POV: it would be a full-length novel full of his own impressions & slow return to linearity, there would be next to no plot, it would be an experimental river-like text with barely a beginning & an end full of floating images & it would entail a considerable amount of work on language.

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

I already answered this one here.

#ask game

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oreozfox · 2 years

Text

Alone Together

Fandom: Sally Face

Pairing: SalAsh

Words: 866 (lol this is a v short drabble)

Notes: This was inspired by @beholdthemem 's tags on my drawing of the same name, which was in turn inspired by a scene in SU.

Warnings: None!

Ashley Campbell wasn’t a shy person. That was a given, from the time Sal had met her. She loved to meet new people, and was friendly to anyone who didn’t give her or her friends a hard time. And for those who did give them a hard time, Ash certainly wasn’t shy about giving them a piece of her mind. She also seemed to love physical contact, never being afraid to put an arm around or just straight up squeeze one of her friends. As much as it made Sal’s heart jump every time she leaned on him, or draped an arm around his shoulders, or gave him a hug, he loved that aspect of her personality very much.

Still, there were other parts of herself that Ash kept hidden away, under layers of grins and jokes and sarcastic remarks, never to be indulged in front of others. She never let them out beyond the comfort of solitude, no matter how happy those parts of herself made her.

And yet, she let Sal see some of those things. Not all of them. Not yet. But she trusted him, at least a little bit, and that touched Sal more deeply than he’d ever be able to express. She trusted him enough to know he wouldn’t judge her.

Perhaps that was why she told Sal that she loved to dance.

They’d gotten on the subject of dancing somehow, while talking one evening under the treehouse, as Larry’s boombox softly played. Probably through discussion of music, which turned into them taking turns admiring how musically talented Larry was. Even his dancing was great!

“I know, it’s crazy.” Ash had agreed with a short laugh, pulling her knees up to her chest. “I could never do what he does.”

“What do you mean?”

“I love to dance but I’ve… never danced in front of anyone before.” Ash admitted, her voice lowering like it did anytime she shared one of those secret sides of herself.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I can never bring myself to go to our school dances, no matter how much I want to. I just can’t stand the thought of everyone staring at me.”

“Well… nobody’s staring right now.” Sal told her, his voice questioning, offering. Normally he’d never, ever think to offer to dance with her. The thought of it would probably make his heart combust, but the thought of Ash limiting herself, keeping herself from doing something she really loved out of fear of being judged for it, broke Sal’s heart. There was no way he could let it be.

Ash turned to look at him, performing the hard task of searching his hidden face for signs he was joking. After she’d been silent long enough for it to be awkward, she snorted and gave his shoulder a light shove. “Yeah, nobody except for you, Sally Face.”

“Oh… yeah.” Sal murmured, embarrassed. He averted his gaze for a moment, wringing his hands in contemplation. “Uh, one sec.” He got up, moving towards the boombox and turning it up. Satisfied with the song choice, he stood and turned to face Ash, though he covered the eye holes of his mask with one hand as he held the other out invitingly. No one would stare at her; not even him. “So, what I was trying to say was… come dance with me.”

There was a pause, before Ash gave a short laugh, and Sal felt her take his hand. Frankly surprised that she’d accepted his offer, Sal removed his hand from his eyes to take her other hand and pull her to her feet.

For a time, they just shuffled back and forth on the grass, keeping their hands interlocked. Once they settled into a rhythm, Sal reached way up to twirl her around, and she happily went with the motion.

Once she turned back to face him, she was smiling, and Sal found himself the shy one, as per usual. With a laugh he hurried away a short distance to dance on his own, hopefully encouraging her to do the same.

And it did. Ash began to dance, letting go of the fear of people staring. He witnessed the Ash he knew returning, vivid and moving and laughing and so… alive. He didn’t stare, he watched as he danced, completely captivated.

Their dances led them to run past each other a couple of times, but the second or third time that happened, Sal tripped over Ash’s foot and felt himself pitching backwards. That was, until Ash caught him halfway, wrapping her arms securely around his midsection. Sal would have thanked her, but realizing how close her face was to his made the words get caught in his throat. His face heated up, from his ears to his collar, as he gazed up at her with wide eyes.

But then, Ash laughed again, and Sal found himself put at ease. She pulled him closer still, resting her forehead against his, and Sal recognized that she was wordlessly thanking him. Sal felt there was no need to. After all, if this was a way to get Ash to express herself without fear, then how could Sal possibly do anything else?

#sally face #salash #sal fisher #ashley campbell #sal x ash #my writing #steven universe

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thecloserkin · 2 years

Text

fic rec: Another Brick in the Wall by road_rhythm

fandom: Supernatural

pairing: Sam Winchester/Dean Winchester

word count: 171k

Is it explicit: no

Bottom line: the best casefic i have ever read in all my born days

Alright lads let’s start by calibrating our expectations: road_rhythm is not for everyone. I do not think I would have put myself through the emotional wringer of this fic if I didn’t already at least have Gnaw and The Operative Word under my belt. This fic is not the fic I would reach for were I at 20% brain capacity. But I trust roadie. I trust them to give me, not a happy ending—you’re barking up the wrong tree for that—but a satisfying answer to the questions raised by the story, and it is in this sense that roadie always, always delivers. The question this fic asks is: How does Sam reconcile his need for independence with his need for Dean?

That’s not the only question—it’s a really dense story—but it’s the one I’m most interested in. Sam is abducted and wakes up in a sewer. That’s how it opens. He waits and waits for Dean to rescue him. Spoiler alert: He rescues himself. Which is not to say he doesn’t still need Dean—the reason he had the physical and psychological resources to escape was due to a sacrificial ritual Dean performed on his behalf. It was not an easy ritual; Dean went on a whole hero’s quest and in the end Sam saved himself. But what Dean did for Sam still matters. That’s the crux of it. In an author’s note that made me tear up, roadie returns from a two-year hiatus to confess she had doubts that the fic was too long, too plotty, too boring …and then kept writing anyway. Thank you for caring about this dumb show about dumb brothers doing dumb shit, roadie. Thank you for reassuring us that they matter, and that our investment in them matters.

In the hands of a lesser author, a casefic might be merely an opportunity to refract some aspect of the Winchesters’ relationship back at them. Another Brick in the Wall does this too, but the scope of its vision is staggering. There are themes that you see in roadie’s earlier work that come to fruition here: Sam and bodily autonomy, Sam and faith, Dean and food-as-caretaking, the-city-as-character (the number of maps of Providence, Rhode Island she must’ve pored over to write the car chase scene alone).

roadie’s take on brotherfucking is: It is a thing that has fucked them both up but it is also nowhere close to being the most fucked-up thing about them. Half the time you’re reading a roadie fic you don’t even realize it’s established relationship until they have sex and then you’re like whoah whoah roll back the tape, what?! This fic is no exception. There’s no pining, no dancing around the line, no guilt—I mean there’s plenty of guilt but very little of it on account of gay incest. Again: The point of the sex is it’s not the most fucked-up thing about them. In a lot of mutual pining stories the stakes are “does he want me back” but in THIS fic the stakes are “does he need me (in every sense of the word need, including but not limited to sexually) as much as I need him” and the answer is, obviously, both of you idiots need to find a dictionary and look up the word ‘codependent.’

I think it’s so telling that while the boys are reunited by the end of the fic, it doesn’t solve any of their underlying issues, and the only time they actually know peace is in their fantasies. Not sexual fantasies, either—the fantasy is about being together being enough for both of them. I legit wept. No one has ever accused roadie of over-romanticizing samdean lol but the thing that gets me about her writing is that it’s so layered, there’s always 5-8 bowling pins in the air at once, one of which is invariably the impulse to reach for an ideal love. An unobtainable ideal given who and what the Winchesters are, but they keep reaching for it. It’s a theme that crops up throughout roadie’s work: the gulf between what they want and what they are allowed to have (see especially Finding Harmony and This is All Very Meta ).

Finally before we get started I just want to register my admiration for roadie’s command of canon. I have never seen its equal. The fic is not constructed so that you can’t understand it without the canon background—I confess the first time I read it I had not seen Season 6—but I am floored by the amount of care and thought that went into situating it chronologically within canon so that events could unfold to their inevitable conclusion. It’s set in Season 6 which means Castiel is too busy waging a heavenly civil war to heed Dean’s prayers. It’s set after 06x16 “And Then There Were None” which means that Bobby’s too busy mourning Rufus to answer Dean’s calls. It’s set in Season 6 which means Ellen, Jo and Ash are gone but we don’t have access to Jody, Garth, Charlie, and a host of other allies that might have been available in later seasons. All in all roadie has done an airtight job of isolating our boys; of ushering every potential outside resource offstage. It’s just Sam and Dean, and the two of them aren’t reunited until the 80% mark. Which lets you see just how dysfunctional they both are without the other. The real payoff of the “isolate the crap out of samdean” strategy, though, comes later, in the Lisa scene: Crucially, this fic is set before 06x21 “Let It Bleed,” the episode where Crowley kidnaps Ben and Lisa. roadie apparently looked at the way Dean lost Lisa in canon and went “Nope, not painful enough, how about I twist the knife in harder.” In canon, Lisa and Ben were vulnerable to Crowley because Dean wasn’t with them, because Dean had chosen to hunt with Sam rather than settle down with Lisa. And that choice had passively endangered Lisa and Ben. In this fic, however, Dean is faced with a much starker choice: In order to save Sam he has to actively endanger Lisa by recruiting her as his confederate in a scheme that has a nonzero chance of resulting in a felony conviction. But Dean’s got no one else. There is literally no one else he can turn to whom he can trust, and as much as it pains him he does not hesitate to burn this final bridge because when it comes to Sam he will cross every line and burn every bridge.

Ok guys let’s do a close reading!

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

The first time I read this I wondered why we open with Sam in the sewer and, via flashbacks, fill in the gaps how he wound up there. Why not start with the Winchesters rolling into Providence to solve a missing persons case? Then it hit me: Sam being abducted starts the clock ticking. It is an exceedingly plotty fic, and it needs that time-crunch urgency lent by “Sam is slowly starving to death” to keep the motor of the story going. (Dean doesn’t know Sam’s starving but the reader does.) And we need the background on the case because frankly, Dean doesn’t think there is a case here. He’s here to humor Sam and Sam knows it and boy, does Sam resent it. There’s a line in the first chapter that packed a helluva punch, given everything that comes after:

Dean didn’t think Sam knew. Dean never did, when he tried to make Sam’s decisions for him.

GODDAMN. Paired with this:

every hunt Dean tried to get Sam to sit out, because apparently no one at all or even some stranger was better at your back than a time bomb.

We get a fair estimation of where Sam’s head’s at. He doesn’t doubt that Dean would sell his soul for him but does Dean trust his judgment and his competence? Is Dean willing to rely on him as a partner or is Dean just waiting for him to blow it again? Getting himself kidnapped by the monster they’re hunting is, in this context, a particularly bad look. Sam fears he’ll live the rest of his life with Dean hovering over his shoulder, waiting to clean up his messes. So that’s our starting point.

What is hilarious about Sam’s anxieties is that we are treated immediately, via Dean’s alternating POV, to how baseless they are. Within 48 hours of Sam going MIA Dean manages to be careless enough to bring the local police down on him, and when they initiate a manhunt and start erecting roadblocks he has to race out of Providence driving the most conspicuous car ever made. The whole time Dean’s thinking “wish Sam was here to set my dislocated shoulder”, “wish Sam was here to fiddle with the police scanner so I could hear better,” etc etc. Dean literally has to make up “rules” as guardrails for himself because it’s too overwhelming to navigate the world and make decisions without Sam. Meanwhile Sam, back in the sewer, has one thought that keeps him going and it’s “Dean would need him ready to fight.” At this early juncture he doesn’t doubt that Dean will come for him, it’s just a matter of when. The doubts come later.

Before we move too far from Providence and the case itself I want to highlight two things, one is the use of OCs and two is the attention to detail. The OCs—we’re talking about the victims and their friends/family—are all so distinct, and everything they have to say about the case is relevant so we’re not wandering off on Dickensian tangents, and yet I can believe that they all have fully realized interior lives somewhere offstage. This is, needless to say, a colossal achievement. As far as the detail thing: roadie does her research, and it pays off in spades. I’ve only been to Providence a few times but the way she writes about it evokes the city, both in broad strokes and in weirdly specific ways. This story could not be taking place in any other locale. Here’s a line from Dean’s internal monologue during the nail-biter of a car chase:

He fucking hated this town. It was pointless and it couldn't decide whether it was city or suburbia and the buildings were ugly. It was too close to the bay and too far from the ocean and what even was the point of Rhode Island?

Which tells us as much about Dean’s state of mind as about the city of Providence. Later on there’s a scene between Sam and one of his fellow captives. Sam wonders what they eat down here and he doesn’t like the answer he receives (“ectoplasm”). The other captive, Lindsey, snipes, “You want to hold out for Boston Market, that’s your business.” Boston Market is a fast-casual restaurant chain that’s ubiquitous in the U.S. Northeast. roadie could, of course, have reached for Chipotle, but I think for two reasons Boston Market was the better choice: It’s got regional connotations that Chipotle lacks, and it’s a lot less bougie (Lindsey is decidedly working-class). I’m using “ease of online ordering” as a proxy for bougieness. In 2011 when this fic is set, obviously nobody was ordering anything online or via phone apps, but the point is that roadie put a shitton of consideration into a one-off line about what kind of a restaurant a nursing home aide would fantasize about eating at. Newsflash: Lindsey, Sam, and the other captives dine on cockroaches and rats for the next month. When they’re not tripping on fungus, that is. No restaurants in their future.

While we’re on the subject of food I want to juxtapose two passages, Sam POV and Dean POV, against each other. These are part of long introspective scenes where they each wrestle with their guilt for what happened in the runup to the Apocalypse:

at least the blood, he’d told himself, didn’t ask anything of Dean. But maybe the blood had nothing to do with it. Maybe Sam was a born junkie.

So much shit crowding up between them. Ruby, principally; Dean hadn’t known then that the bitch was feeding him, like that was anybody else’s job.

I am. Speechless. Sam blames himself for being too needy, for asking too much of Dean; consoles himself that at least his demon blood addiction could be cleanly separated from his crippling addiction to Dean. Dean, otoh, is more enraged by the fact Ruby was feeding Sam than the fact she was fucking him. This is INCREDIBLE. How is roadie this good. If we jump ahead to post-reunion, Sam is discharged from the hospital and Dean carefully measures out all Sam’s nutrients, watches with a gimlet eye every ounce of caloric intake:

Apparently it wasn’t enough for him to fail so badly his brother starved for a month. Once Sam had saved himself, Dean had to sabotage him

I’m going to sit here for a sec and marvel at how this scenario was designed specifically to push all of Dean’s buttons, because not only did he “fail” Sam in the sense of failing to rescue him, but “feeding Sam” is uniquely Dean’s job. Sure, Dean takes it as a personal affront when he’s unable to satisfy any of Sam’s needs, no matter how esoteric, but eating is such a base physiological need. It’s the very first thing Dean ever learned to do for Sammy. The most basic fact about Dean Winchester is he’s never learned to orchestrate his existence around anything other than doing everything for Sammy.

On the subject of Sam, blood, and bodily autonomy, this line knocked me flat on my ass:

Many other things were not: your body, your mind, your actions. But the blood, that was yours.

In case you had forgotten that Sam Winchester’s entire arc is about how he has NO CONTROL over the evil ends other people (angels, demons, his soulless self) use his body for, but feels responsible for the consequences nonetheless, that was your reminder!!!

A non-exhaustive list of things Sam blames himself for in this fic: Mary burning up on the ceiling. Jess burning up on the ceiling. Ruining the only pure thing in his life by initiating a sexual relationship with Dean. Not yanking Dean out of Hell himself. Failing to save the monster who locked him up in a sewer. With all this guilt sloshing around, you can see why “Sam and faith” is such a cornerstone of this fic. Sam at this point in the series has lost his faith in God but a really scary thing happens when he marinates for a few weeks underground: he begins to lose his faith in Dean. And we realize that not only is Sam’s faith in Dean the only thing keeping Dean upright most days; it’s the only thing keeping Sam from flying apart at the seams. The universe may throw all kinds of nonsense at these boys but the darkness before the dawn is whenever Sam’s faith wavers. This was always where this fic was going, by the bye. This is why it had to be set in Providence, so we could rope in Father Reynolds from 02x13 “Houses of the Holy.” Angelic possession requires a willing vessel, and the hallmark of a good vessel is openness—remember that to receive Communion you need a cup, a chalice, a vessel. Sam Winchester is, as the show has taken pains to establish, the perfect vessel. This is not because Sam is weak. It is because he is uncomfortable with certainty (in marked contrast to Dean, who thrives on it). A person of faith is not someone who itches for answers; he is someone who is driven to ask questions. To have faith one must first have doubts. Sam’s faith in Dean is exactly as strong as his doubt that Dean needs him back.

Sam curled up tight on his side, away from the voice that wasn’t Dean’s, and his face crumpled. He wanted his brother. He wanted his brother.

The second repetition of “He wanted his brother,” and the implied undercurrent of all the ways Sam wants and needs Dean, and simultaneously resents Dean for making Sam need him so bad…I’m over here ready to gnaw my own arm off.

Meanwhile what’s Dean been up to? After his first interview with Canby (aka the man who got himself blotted out of Rufus’s phonebook for showing too much mercy; jfc how does roadie invent OCs like this) he ties up a demon and tortures it unsuccessfully for Sam’s location:

Dean burned her. The barn was rotten and combustible, and he had brought motel sheets for winding. He'd known going into this that he could never just let a demon who knew that they were separated go. Part of him didn't want to take the time. To do things in any manner other than as feverishly as possible meant admitting that enough time had passed, at this point, that an extra hour here or there didn't really matter. In the end, he did it anyway, because he knew that Sam would want it.

BECAUSE HE KNEW SAM WOULD WANT IT. Even now, when the most mission-critical priority ought to be ensuring Sam’s physical safety, his actions are still guided by who Sam is as a person. That’s the difference between Dean and all those supernatural entities who violated Sam’s autonomy—it doesn’t make Dean’s violations okay, but it does make my stomach want to eat itself.

This is after Dean’s hooked back up with Canby and agreed to his terms; Dean calls to append a codicil in which Canby gives him daily Sam-status updates:

”I want you to do the ritual every day."

”I’m out of blood."

”I’m overnighting you a pint." Dean found a thermos with a good screw-top seal. Perfect. "You run low, you call me. Something changes, you call me."

”All right."

”Say it, make it a statement that's ironclad with your truth spell or whatever."

”I will perform the same pyromancy I showed you daily with your blood unless physically prevented from doing so, and I will inform you of the status of your brother's vitality." Canby paused. "Do you really want this distraction, Dean?"

Dean's jaw clenched. "I'll text you the expected delivery time."

Dean is running on what, energy drinks and adrenaline and four hours of sleep? He can’t afford to be siphoning off pints of blood. The mission (saving Sam) again takes a backseat to Dean’s pathological compulsion to know where and what Sam is doing at all times. Not even to know that Sam is okay—Sam is clearly not okay—just the bare fact of Sam’s existence, he’s got to keep reassuring himself of that or he’ll go insane.

Finally, this is after Dean kills the cyclops (and regrettably, also the cyclops’ sheepdog):

“’M sorry,” he told it. He mustered up a crooked smile from somewhere. “Don’t tell my little brother. He’d be so sad.”

This apology to the dog fucked me up so much!! The dog almost took a chunk out of his neck because Dean had to make a split-second decision, stab the cyclops or turn and face the dog, and of course he chose the cyclops because the cyclops holds the key to finding Sammy, so anyway this dog just attacked him but he’s apologizing to the dog?!!! Don’t tell my little brother adfdkfjdkfd I am deceased.

Ok onto the central motif of this fic, Dean sacrificing his heart and Sam eating it:

“Dean, what did you think you were doing all this time? The magic we’re working—it requires a power source, and that’s you. Your bond. Your devotion …You’re on a path. A quest, if you like. It must be completed. There’s nothing to work with, otherwise. If you want my help finding Sam, you have to finish this.”

Dean didn’t have a clue he was on a hero’s quest, which is par for the course. I should have known, though, and this line hit me like a sledgehammer in the chest. Sid in Chicago came right out and said “you heroes are all the same” and I still didn’t cotton on!!!! Hello my name is thecloserkin and I’m really good at not seeing the forest for the trees. Awhile ago I read a book where the protagonist kept getting shipwrecked and captured/detained in prison camps, steered a narrow isthmus between two sea monsters, washed up on an island where a strange woman roofied his entire crew…and I somehow managed not to catch on. Given, you know, the story was retreading the Odyssey beat-for-beat. This is a long-winded way of saying that this is my second reread of Another Brick and I still have no idea which pagan god Canby sacrificed Dean’s heart to (was it Horus? because of the falcon) but the scene where he does it retains all its potency. Canby telling Dean’s heart to “Fly home” is e v e r y t h i n g. The notion that Dean and Sam are soulmates—not in the destined-to-be-together sense but in the sense of being a single soul ripped in two—that’s what this is about. That’s why they’re not functional when they’re not together. That’s why their dynamic doesn’t leave room for anyone else in their lives. This scene, this heart-sacrifice scene, is suffused with so much sincerity I almost keeled over. From the moment Canby asked for a focus object to do the ritual and Dean clutched at the empty space in front of his chest, I could not breathe. I think a lot of our investment in samdean comes from how multilayered it is, how much there is to unpack etc….but sometimes you just need to remember how much they love each other. And this scene accomplishes that. What follows is the dream sequence of Sam consuming Dean’s heart, which gives him the psychic wherewithal to make good his escape. The imagery is so motherfucking visceral. I find I have nothing intelligible to say about it because I am bad at analyzing dream sequences, but this is 100% a me problem and not a failing on roadie’s part.

Parenthetically Canby’s “Stay on the path” and “Don’t waver” (repeated twice!!) gave me major Orpheus-descending-to-Hades-to-rescue-Euridyce vibes.

I want to return to Sam in the sewer now, and talk about the OCs. Like in every well-constructed mystery the bad guy is not who you think it is. The real monster is not the vengeful spirit who’s abducted Sam but the monstrous humans who have been abducted alongside Sam. The other captives are cold-blooded murderers, every one of them. Sam being Sam, he learns he’s landed in a den of thieves and immediately begins to doubt his own innocence. This boy!!! He thinks he deserves it. “It” being whatever fresh new suffering fate has chosen to mete out to him. He believes he deserves it all and worse, believes he must expiate his real and imagined sins, and if he can’t seem to tell the former from the latter well that’s okay—all the world’s sins are his to bear. They oughta just nail him to a cross and call it a day. Actually, the common denominator amongst Sam’s fellow captives is not that they’re murderers but that 1) they got away with it and 2) they don’t feel bad about it. Sam Winchester carries all the excess guilt that ought by right to have been theirs.

Let’s talk about Jacob. Marian felt remorse; Lindsey felt no remorse but she was at least upfront with Sam (the world had never given her a fair shake so the world could fuck right off). Jacob, though. Jacob is a piece of work. Jacob asks Sam to put his fingers through the grate and spins him a sob story about needing human contact blahblahblah, and even on a reread, even knowing Jacob is the biggest psychopath of the bunch, I still didn’t tweak to what was happening until someone in the comments pointed out Jacob is sizing Sam up by the size of his hands. Jfc Sam is out here trying to save their worthless asses and Jacob is already laying plans to take him down if he gets so much as a whiff of Jacob’s murderous secret.

This is Sam coaxing Jacob to tell him about the circumstances of his twin sister’s death:

”It could be important. Come on. She would want you to make it out of here.”

Jacob laughed, shot and caustic. “Don’t be so sure.”

”It wasn’t your fault.”

”Of course it was my fault.”

This is the sister whom Jacob himself murdered! He made it look like an accident! It gave him the confidence to go on and commit more murders! He keeps a picture of her as a daily reminder of how he got away scot-free! If you, like me, would like to shake Sam until he sees the red flags, don’t worry, that’s intentional on roadie’s part. roadie is very good at controlling Sam’s third-person-limited POV. There was one moment when Lindsey almost said something—she almost warned Sam not to trust Jacob, because as much as Lindsey hates everybody and everything she hates Jacob most for his hypocrisy; for pretending to be the normal, sane one. There was another moment when Sam’s questions were hitting a little too close to home and Jacob deflected Sam by pointing to Lindsey’s crazypants behavior, and I was like: surely now Sam will see it? Sam, this man is playing you like a fiddle! And of course Sam doesn’t see it. Dean would have. Dean is more suspicious by nature (he’s got something to protect, after all: Sammy) but Dean’s skillset is also just better suited to thriving in the human jungle. Sam recognizes this. The narrative also recognizes this: Dean’s quest brings him to rural Utah—that’s where he assassinates the cyclops and steals the McGuffin—and he’s just not built for this wilderness/survival stuff. “Sam would have gotten more out of this,” Dean thinks to himself, and that’s the point: roadie is deliberately putting our boys in environments in which they’re not well suited.

We need to talk about the voicemail. Yes, the voicemail (“Listen, you bloodsucking freak…”). Sam saved a copy of it on an mp3 player, and when Dean finds it he predictably goes apeshit. Let’s back up a sec: Dean doesn’t touch the mp3 player, or any of Sam’s private belongings, until halfway into the fic, when he is at his lowest ebb. There’s a solid storytelling reason for this—the voicemail represents the nadir of the brothers’ relationship, so its revelation should coincide with the lowest point of the fic—but the in-universe reason for it is that Dean actually does recognize Sam’s desire for boundaries. He can’t usually bring himself to respect it, but he acknowledges that it’s a thing that Sam wants (see also: Easy to Fool When You Were in School). Tbh Dean seems almost as pissed that Sam kept the voicemail’s existence a secret as he is that Sam repeatedly listens to a fake voicemail that Dean never sent. As far as Dean’s concerned Sam isn’t entitled to privacy or secrets:

He wanted to know absolutely every corner and detail that belonged in that month-long gap the same way when he'd been twenty-two, he'd wanted to know what every piece of clothing Sam owned smelled like. He wanted to know the way when he'd been fifteen, he'd stolen a bite of every food item Sam had put in his mouth

That’s from later, after Dean’s gotten Sam back. Do you see how having Sam physically in his possession isn’t enough for Dean—how he can’t countenance there being any piece of Sam that he doesn’t have access to? So the role of the voicemail, in this fic, is that it’s one more way that Dean violates Sam’s boundaries. This is a thing Sam deliberately kept from him and Sam’s reasons may have been unhinged but it was Sam’s choice. And Dean took that away from him.

This is the money quote, this is Sam ready to ragequit the whole being alive gig because what even is the point:

Fuck anyone who was that sure they had it right. Fuck anyone who was that convinced their vices were less vicious. Fuck anyone who could take every screwup he'd ever made and twist it into a personal betrayal, who could find a way to make every single thing about him about them. Fuck anyone who still held a grudge because he'd gone to Flagstaff when he was nine, but would go to Hell and expect to be thanked for it. Fuck anyone who'd spit on him for going to college and then lock him in a cage to choke when they'd had their fill. Fuck anyone who'd throw him in the garbage because he'd once liked a Thanksgiving dinner that didn't have them in it. Fuck anyone who brought him back from the dead just to tell him he couldn't be trusted, anyone who dragged him back in and waited for him to blow it. Because here they were again: he'd blown it.

Fuck anyone who called him something to be put down and didn't even bother to follow through.

…And that’s how Sam incorporates the voicemail into his worldview. And the scariest thing about Sam's rage is it's nowhere near as scary as his despair. See what I mean about this being the emotional rock-bottom point of the story? Like, the placement of this monologue is after Lindsey and Marian are dead (unclear how much Sam contributed to their deaths but Sam ofc holds himself entirely responsible) but before Sam finds out the truth aka that he’s been bunking down with a merry band of murderers. It happens after Dean listens to the voicemail but before Dean performs the heart-sacrifice. In short, roadie has wrought upon us miles of emotional devastation mitigated by …..absolutely nothing yet. That’s why Sam’s “Fuck anyone” speech lands so hard. The thing that kills me is this monologue occurs in the same chapter in which Dean unearths the voicemail, right? And in this selfsame chapter Dean evinces none of the sentiments Sam attributes to him; his main preoccupation is he misses Sam like a limb:

Then he went around to the trunk and got Sam’s duffel. He was aware that this wasn’t accomplishing anything. He just needed to feel close to his brother for a while.

This is part of a longstanding pattern. For instance, back when Sam was at Stanford, Dean had:

pressed his face into things of Sam’s, gotten fuzzy enough to sort of believe he was really there. Every time, he’d woken up feeling like he’d swallowed poison.

And now:

What he did know was that if he failed, there was every chance Sam would die believing Dean had said it {the voicemail}. Jesus. This entire time.

Dean’s still framing this in terms of his failure; everything and anything that happens to Sam is ultimately his responsibility. The gap between what matters to Sam and what matters to Dean here is wider than the goddamn Grand Canyon. Imagine if you married someone only to find out you have incompatible life goals, only you can’t get divorced because they’re not just your spouse they’re your cool older sibling and your coworker and your golf buddy and your pastor and also your mom! Fuuuuuuck.

One final note on the caseness of this casefic before we move on to the post-reunion part:

Half of hunting anything is sitting still. Sam made himself still in his mind and held out his hand. “All soft and gooey inside,” he said. “Come on in.”

It’s notable that Sam invites the ghost to possess him. Which is a lot more agency than he had with Gadreel or Meg or Soulless or whoever. Sam solves the case, yes. He sends the ghost to its eternal rest. But by applying his oceans-wide empathy to the ghost’s broken psyche, Sam also saves himself. By the end of the fic he is saying stuff to Dean like “Nobody is purified by suffering,” which, way to go, Sam!!! That’s a good place to start.

So, the samdean reunion. It’s a reunion but not much of a reconciliation or a rapprochement. What I keep coming back to is the helplessness of the gravitational pull they exert upon each other:

Sam was rancid, to look at and to smell, but the need to touch him felt almost like a pull, like Dean suddenly had iron filings in his cells.

It’s never bothered Dean none that he’s apparently just wired this way—he makes no bones about Sam being his numero uno—but the fact that their bond precedes and precludes any active volition is highly troubling for Sam. For obvious bodily-autonomy reasons. And that’s a tension the fic does not and cannot resolve. Hell, canon couldn’t resolve it. In the final scene Dean gives Sam a bath and you know how bathfic is typically a window into intimacy because physical —> emotional intimacy? Yeah no. This is not that. Here is Sam, prior to the bath, asserting his right to change his own bandages:

”You don’t have to…It’s all in places I can reach.”

”Sam, what is your malfunction? Just take your shirt off, I’m not going to molest you, Christ.”

And this is the bath itself:

Sam was naked in the water and Dean was fully dressed. The was what vivisection felt like. “If you want a bath with knives,” Dean said, “you can get it where everything else is supposed to come from.”

Jesus god, what a line. What a fic.

So Sam has suffered a serious trauma, the most obvious effect of which is he gets slammed with sensory overload whenever he tries to look at objects. The less obvious effects….I mean, Sam wishes he could crawl back into the sewer where at least he wouldn’t have to be Perceived. A friend of mine who suffers from chronic illness read the final chapter of Another Brick and told me that the suicidal ideation in it was suffocating and borderline triggering for her. And I said, what suicidal ideation? And she said, it isn’t necessarily anything in the text it’s the vibes, it’s Sam’s whole headspace. And I sat with that. I am bringing it up because I’ve now spent 6k words on this review, which sounds like a lot, and I do try to be thorough, but I am just one person with one perspective. Mine is no more or less valid than the (apparently many, many) people who were disappointed or confused by the fic’s ending. I like to think that I read with a careful mind and an open heart, but there’s bound to be acres of meaning that I missed, just as there are swathes of experience that I am not privy to. I don’t even know why I’m doing this, or who even is reading this, I just feel this compulsion to pull these stories apart. I did not and cannot do a definitive job of it, because Another Brick is such a rich text that’d be impossible. All I know is I love these brothers and I love this fic. It’s a masterpiece.

#wincest #sam x dean #fic rec

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