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minimujina · 7 months

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ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴇʟᴘ

scara drabble turned emotional, not clickbait🔥had to put a readmore cause it got long, i didnt fkn plan this

thinking violently about taking care of scara’s wounds even though he’s not human and they’re literally going to fix themselves (let’s just. go with that. since idk how his body actually works LMFAOO). and he doesn’t even have the heart to tell you the first time you see him lightly injured—he tries to, really, but he can hardly get a word in with how firmly you insist on patching him up. he can’t find it in himself to interject with the real reason he’d be fine without your help, because good god you’re just so stubborn—and normally he wouldn’t give a lick about something as trivial as the feelings of a sentimental human, but there’s a part of him that finds it.. sweet, the way you care so much. even though it’s actually for no reason. even though this “purpose” you’ve found—following him around to take care of him when he gets hurt—is actually pointless in a way. even though he could spare both you and him extra work by telling you.

he just cant find it in himself to be the one to deflate you. he could deflate anyone, anyone at all—but not you. never you. somehow, you’re special. there is something about you that makes insults catch in his throat and ugly comments die before they even become a wisp of a thought.

your earnest gaze as you rush for him when his porcelain skin has been blemished—that, in particular, feels strangely familiar to him, but he does not know why. and your unabashed naivety irks him in a way, but it’s also one of the sole reasons he could not possibly ruin the moments between you two where you are touching him so gently and so lovingly, the only sounds being being the rustling of bandages and the chirping of insects, his leg bouncing violently and stomach playing jumprope at the feeling of your soft fingers ghosting over his artificial skin and his artificial wounds. your palms are sweaty as you work and your breathing is a bit loud, but he could not possibly care about anything less. things that would piss him off if done by anyone else—existing, for example, or any of the former mentioned “imperfections”—could pass very easily if the person was you.

and then there’s the selfish part of him, the part that can’t tell you because he would then be forced to forfeit those special moments of intimacy he had not experienced the likes of since his first breath of life. he wants you so selfishly; he sees no reason to squish your good, false faith while losing you in the process. that’s just a lose-lose scenario. what would he gain in return—a real relationship? pah. with relationships come suffering, and the fact that it is all entirely out of his control makes his empty chest convulse a bit.

he figured it’s alright to live a little white, harmless lie. it meant he could be close to you, it meant he could keep you around without being blatantly obvious about his affection (read: he could beat around the bush for as long as possible). he could avoid his feelings while still reaping the benefit of your presence.

but oh, trust me, it will certainly bite him in the ass eventually. he can’t run forever. you’ll get tired; you’ll think he’s sick of you. that he hates you. that he doesn’t want you around—he doesn’t need you.

and it’s true, actually, that he doesn’t need you.

however, there is a point to be made about relationships out of need versus relationships out of choice.

wouldn’t it be such a beautiful thing for him to finally stop pretending he only has you around because of necessity? if he makes it known that no, this is a choice that i am making—i am choosing to love you—his chest will be left wide open in all its empty glory, where there is no heart, but instead a vulnerable child. he’d be left with nothing but the hope that you will respond with grace, and that terrifies him.

and no, he is certainly not sick of you, nor does he hate you. he wants nothing more than you, than your presence. he wants everything to do with you. he wants you more than anything he’s ever wanted in his miserable, pathetic life, if it could even be called a life.

but does he need you? no.

and you know what’s so fascinating? he has not needed you all this time, and yet he’s kept you around. isn’t that interesting?

he chose you from the beginning with the guise of necessity. he pretended that it was because he needed it, needed you, needed your help—because somehow the idea that it was a choice made entirely of his own volition, for literally no reason other than he liked you, is absolutely mortifying. the last time he made such a choice, it destroyed him.

how is he supposed to justify keeping you around if he doesn’t even have a reason for it other than the butterflies in his artificial stomach? how can he justify it with his mere feelings?

his feelings make him weak. his feelings are the reason he was cast away in the first place.

it’s so much easier to pretend he’s detached. but detachment means he will only ever feel your artificial touch on his artificial skin, and nothing more. your well-intentioned hands on his fake skin, on his fake wounds. the porcelain cracks are spreading quickly, and he will do nothing about it.

the saddest part about all of it is the fact that he thinks he has to justify his feelings to anyone at all. he does not know what it means to do anything without immediately thinking about how to explain it should someone question him.

what he needs is not you. what he needs is to stop treating you like you’re a ghost from his past who will echo the aches and pains of all the people who hurt him. he can choose you in his mind, but if he holds you at an arm’s distance and does nothing about that choice, it will then mean nothing.

what he needs is to stop wishing he could have you without exposing himself in the process.

if he is to have you, he will be vulnerable with you. there is no choice in that matter. but what he does not understand is that such vulnerability is not dangerous if it’s you he’s with.

so that’s the one thing that you can do to help him—you must not only tell him, but show him, that you are not going to leave him at the drop of a hat if he is anything more than apathetic. that’s it. your only job will be to show him you are safe. that’s all you can do.

and then you must wait for him to believe you.

it’s not your job to fix him. and he can’t sit around and wait for someone to be his savior, the yin to his yang, the angel who will purify his sin. you cannot be any of that. nobody can.

but what you can be is his safe place, his heart, his joy, his lover. you can be—you are—the only one who is able to receive his angst and transform it into understanding. you can choose to love him, not because you need him, but because you want him, amidst all of his angst and suffering.

so that’s his job—realizing it’s possible that you could ever choose him, not of need, but of want, despite everything about him that is less than desirable. despite how difficult it will be. he already knows he’s chosen you, that’s not the hard part—he doesn’t have difficulty believing the lovability of others. the hard part is believing the lovability of himself.

and even when he finally accepts that you want him, even after he tells you the reason he does not need you to fix his injuries, you are still there to lovingly wrap a cloth around his fake, weeping skin.

he does not need you, and yet you remain, because you’ve made your choice—it doesn’t matter whether he needs you or not. he will have you because you chose to give yourself to him.

you will take care of his body not because you need to, but because you want to. you will love him simply because you can.

it’ll take him some time to understand that, but he’ll get there, i promise. please do be patient.

#scaramouche x reader #wanderer x reader #genshin impact #scara x reader #scaramouche drabble #wanderer imagine #genshin drabble #scaramouche x you #mujimade

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blueangelcakes · 7 months

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Hi :)! How are you ? I hope you're well ! I was wondering if I could request a headcanon or one shots? Or just a request actually lol.Would it be a headcanon or a one shot (which would be whatever you prefer but what do you care about a headcanon I think?) on Soukoku with a reader who would be like Ai Hoshino in the port mafia? The reader would have known each of them since approximately when they both entered the mafia and would have entered into it themselves after the mafia took them in. And the more Dazai and Chuuya know the reader the more they appreciate her but romantically despite the fact that she has never loved and that she is not sure of loving someone one day, especially since she noticed that Dazai and Chuuya loved him.And if you don't mind, add the reader's death like Ai's but with one of her subordinates stabbing her because he was sure she was lying when she said she liked her subordinates and that she would do its best to suffer as few losses as possible during the missions but there were a lot of them? And therefore replace Ruby and Aqua with Dazai and Chuuya when she dies?Sorry I wrote a paragraph, I didn't think I would write so much for a simple request - But sorry! Especially since I find that I asked A LOT instead of just asking for something simple🤦‍♀️ especially with the death of the reader (I cried so much when Ai died that my father thought I was crazy I think) Besides, if you are not comfortable with writing his death, don't do it. I wrote the reader's gender as female in the request but if you prefer you can make it gender neutral.And if you don't want to write the request or anything, don't do it and if you want to do it, take all the time you need!

Je ne parle pas anglais, alors j'ai utilisé Google Translate (mon meilleur ami) pour écrire ceci, donc je suis vraiment très très désolé pour les erreurs.

Prenez soin de vous et passez une bonne journée/soirée (ou nuit mdr) !

(and once again I am so sorry for my big request which is also super long)

Warnings:death, bad grammar i dint seperate dazai and chuuya separately so it coukd be just one thing

My honest reaction to this was excitement cause I am obsessed with Soukoku and ai so this is an amazing request!

Dazai and Chuuya were close tho niether of them acknowledged this cause of how stubborn they both are.

So when you entered the mafia everything was diffrent to say the least, they both were on guard around you cause of your eyes and positivity dispite being in the mafia.

Chuuya wasn’t particularly rude but not kind toward you he was neutral.he was unnerved by your eyes, how could someone with such bright eyes be in the mafia? He never questioned it too much as to not stress himself out but over the course of I’d say about 1 year he’d let his guard down not fully,and slowly he fell in love.

Dazai on the other hand was acting like “himself’ cheerfully eccentric as he is most time but he never truly let his guard slip. He’s a causious person who has been proven time and time again to not trust after all.So even after 2 or even 3 year his guard wouldn’t fall nor would his mask but thats not to say he didnt also felt romantic feelings toward you.As you three got even closer the more they got concerned,you were and overly cheerful and bright person they belive that a star like you shouldn’t be in a place like the mafia.But you had your reasons so the just left it alone.Until,they noticed how your eyes never held an once of sincerity when you told your subordinates that you loved them. your eyes were bright but so full of lies and deceit with a hint of desperation a desperation to belive your own words it always confused them.

You’ve know that they love you, it’s painfully obvious though you would like to return the sentiment you can’t you’ve never felt love towards anyone your entire life and resorted to lying about your love in how that it some day comes true.

You’ve had your eyes on one of your subordinates who’s benn acting strange they were alsways glaring when you’re around Chuuya an dazai you’ve brushed it off thinking they will just go away but it never stop it was always constant stares and glares in your direction Chuuya and dazai noticed and kept an eye on him.

So it wasn’t a big surprise to you when you got stabbed and it wasn’t to them either they were there as you bled out profusely you held Chuuya in your arms as dazai just stood there hovering over you two a mix of saddness and numbness swirling in his eyes completely frozen in his stop as if he was rooted there.

Chuuya on the other hand was sobbing in your hold he was loosing yet another person he cares about it’s heartbreaking and he only stoped once he realized you were actully dead but even then he was still sad even more so than chuuya one might say.

As you slowly lost consciousness you lifted chuuyas head up and whispered to the both of them”i.. love you guys..” when The realization settelesd in that it wasnt a lie a look of slight surprise coverd you face”now i know …that wasnt a lie..”

Im really not sure if im satisfied with this fic or jot but ive been putting off posting it for too long

#soukoku #chuuya nakahara #chuuya #bsd #bungou stray dogs #chuuya bsd #chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #dazai osamu #dazai #pm!dazai #past dazai #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #pm!dazai x reader #dark era dazai

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sketchehm · 1 month

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I think another way of people treating the world around then differently as c!dream is how people act about his role as admin. He has to intervent in conflict to solve them and make sure people follows the rules. But at least with l'manberg and c!tommy's situation people want him to take others roles. On l'manberg c!will wants him to take the role of the tyrant just for doing his job (aside of his actions on it) and the rest of the server that arent his allies wants him to just give up the rules and give it a pass. But they also kinda want him to be responsible to look for others bad habits too. Like how when it's point put ctommy's bad actions sometimes it's just tell "he's just a kid" and act as it's cdream's fault for not looking out for him like some guardian, or how some blamed him for c!wilbur taking his life when yeah cdream didnt help him much but his decision was only his. For c!dream his role it's to make people follow the rules and not created conflicts and that's all but some treat him like he's some sort of teacher or guardian

Hi!!

That's very true! Its how the other server members treat and receive Dream that they practically put his role as an admin/owner on a pedestal.

It's Dream being the owner that he has to have all this power. Him being genuinely kind to his server members in the beginning is completely overlooked solely by the joining of Wilbur when he puts Dream in this frame as something more than an equal. Because Dream had regarded himself as an equal to everyone else, he was no different to them. Just someone who had more a voice of reason compared to many of his friends.

It isn't that he didn't want his friends to fight because he's the owner, but because he didn't want anyone upset. He didn't want anything griefed because he didn't want anyone to genuinely be affected by the destruction. He didn't uphold his role because it's his job, but because he genuinely wanted everyone to have fun. People want Dream to let them be and do whatever chaotic nonsense they want, but Dream knows that not everyone has that same mindset and is better to keep a more relatively calmer atmosphere. Tommy being added to the bag, if anything, had allowed Dream to find different ways to work around destructive behavior. Dream banning Tommy, if anything, showed how Dream was not used to someone just listening to him and saw an immediate threat in that. This was someone outside of his circle and he recognized it, so he did start being more lenient to Tommy's behaviors and learning about them. Such as engaging in stealing the discs. And I really don't regard this as him taking his role of an owner for the betterment of his server, but as someone who is finding a new kind of fun with someone else on his server.

However, that is quick to take a turn when people aren't regarding him as a fellow player that you should also hear out and respect but as someone in the way of what they want. Power. Something that was never on the table and something that never was to be contested before.

So Dream had to stand his ground and say no. Because a fight for some silly discs in a back and forth during the beginning was just that, a back and forth. It wasn't until Wilbur was claiming he had the right to take and control the land L'manburg stood on that pushed too far. Because the land was for everyone. But once he did this, no one had ever saw Dream the same again. And almost vice-versa. Dream could never again see the others being destructive as a way of entertainment but as a way to go against him and his server. They could never really be equals ever again.

Dream had taken his role as owner to try and stomp out the one thing he was being accused of abusing throughout the server's lifetime. Power, hierarchy, tyranny. And isn't that an amazing paradox?

Dream had to provide to the server in every which way because he was the owner, not too little and not too much. But it was always too little or too much. He was no longer someone working alongside them, someone also trying to work out the same problems they were facing and experiencing. He was just someone above them who should already know the answers. And with that, others didn't want someone above them, so they aimed to bring him below them and take whatever Dream had claimed to power.

But all Dream wanted was to stand by them again.

Of course, this is all personally speaking!

#ehm asks #ehm yaps #*foaming at the mouth*#dreblr #he just wanted to be friends :(#i swear im misremembering everything I've ever known because it's been years since I thought about this #but I still love it all so #its midnight i have work orz

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cupoftaae · 1 year

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Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ college spirit (chapter 7)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5k

Chapter warnings- okay so this is probably the chapter with the most warnings, there is a lot of alchohol, lots of swearing, theres themes of relationship abuse, physical abuse, manipulation, blood mention, we see jungkook btw (bc its party time) Taehyungs heart is in the right place but he does something bad. Kaito is a dickhead say it with me. dont read if youre sensitive to domestic abuse themes, this one was rough yall. also apologies for spelling errors.

A/N- So this is the chapter I would label as story changing, everything kind of takes a giant move in an opposite direction from here on out, Its crazy but hope you enjoy!!

Growing up, you thought that life would just magically align the moment you hit your 20's, you would be married with 2 kids living somewhere that provided everything you needed, and anything you wanted. You can laugh at yourself now for thinking, or even considering, that your early 20's would be any different from your teen years.

Because, with that said, here you were laying in bed with Taehyung as he slept, while your boyfriend was out doing God knows what. Granted, he isnt the best boy to use as an example, but just a few hours ago you almost kissed your best friend. You are a lot of things, but despite the shitty situation, you are not a cheater.

You could have yelled at him, you could have made a big deal about what happened outside, but you didnt.

You told yourself that this was taehyungs night to shine, so you dropped it and did what you both always do, forget it even happened. He is stubborn though, and snuck into your bed right before you fell asleep.

Its not unusual for you both to sleep near one another, but you would think he would get the hint that things needed to simmer down for a few.....guess not.

"youre awake?"

you turned your head to the raspy voice beside you, rubbing your eyes as you hummed. "yeah"

He smiled and stretched, burying his face into the pillow before reluctantly sitting up against the headboard.

"You sleep okay?" you ask

"yeah" tae chuckled, "Sort of have a headache..."

"ah" you reached into your nightstand and grabbed some Tylenol, handing the pills over to him along with your not drunk water bottle from last night.

He smiled graciously and took the medicine, sipping the bottle before clearing his throat. "thanks" the boy yawned. "any plans today?" he looked at you

You pulled down the sheet and sat up as well, groaning at the stubborn sunlight peaking through your curtains. "Um...yeah. shit I forgot....some of my friends are throwing a party and I said I would show up. I dont know why I agreed"

"what?" tae whined "just dont go"

"nah they will be pissed at me, they already called me a prude for working and being home all day after school" you shrug

Tae sunk into the bed, upset that you would be out and about while he stayed in the apartment. "I'll just make an appearance, then make my exit, okay? it wont be like an all night thing, swear" you rambled.

"can I go at least?" he pleaded with big eyes

sighing, you look up at the ceiling. "eh, Im not sure thats....I dont know if its a good idea"

"why not?"

"because you dont know anyone over there except from Chae and Dahyun...who youve only met a few times, and-"

"whos throwing the party?"

"...I dont know? Some kid named Jungkook"

"see? you dont even know whos gonna be there so whats the difference if I go?" he insisted

"Because I definitely will recognize people, we all are on the same campus, you wont know a soul"

"Pleaseeee" he jokingly whined and held onto your arm.

"tae"

"Is kaito going?"

"yes"

"then I will too"

you scoff and pull back, "youre going just because he is?"

He looks at you, "no, I just- whatever im going" he stands up and flairs his arms around dramatically before going into the bathroom to wash up, not giving any room to further the conversation.

you fall back against the pillows and sigh. You never wanted to go, but you thought perhaps you had a chance at having fun, now that chance was at like....0.0002%. You loved tae, but certain people in your life dont, certain people who will be at that party, certain people who told you not to bring him.

"Yes mom, i-...yes yes, I already said that" you paced around the kitchen with your cellphone pressed to your ear, attempting to clean off the counters while conversing with your mother who was back in Gwangju.

"Well im just saying, your birthday is next month and I would come to Busan myself but my back is still giving issues, doctor said no travel. Would love to see you and kaito come visit me"

You looked around the kitchen as you listened to your mom speak, eyes catching on taehyung who was eating an english muffin in the living room, writing an email to his mom about how he won the art contest.

"I'll talk to him, we both have crazy schedules right now and the semester isnt over until the end of next month, so-"

"its okay if you cant, im just throwing it out there"

"no no, i'll find a way, ok? I only turn 23 once, and Im sure Kaito will love to meet you too."

Tae took a bite of his food and cocked his head to you, raising his eyebrows as you silently shrugged in response.

"Ok....mhm. I love you too mama, text me, okay? ...bye bye" you sigh and put your phone down.

"early birthday festivities?"

"yeah....Im gonna visit mom in a few weeks and she asked me to bring the..boy" you giggle, making him smile.

"she doesnt wanna see me?"

"I think she just wants to meet my current boyfriend, youll see her on easter" you pat his back and walk into your room.

"I think Jungkook is cute" Dahyun spoke up, biting into her donut as she scrolled through social media, showing his photos to Chae.

"eh he is oka- woah, yeah hes hot" she leaned closer into her friends phone as Kaito sighed and handed over their coffees. "thanks bean boy" chae chuckled and sipped her drink.

"If you guys are gonna harass me on my shift you can go" he adjusted his apron before wiping off the counter. "do you seriously plan on waiting until I get off of work? you cant drive yourself to the party?"

"what else do we have to do? and....its raining" dahyun drank her coffee, turning to Kaito. "plus you only have another 30 minuets, hurry up"

Chae laughed and walked over to sit in one of the booths as kaito took a new customers order.

"dahyun cmere"

The girl walked over and sat with her friend, looking down at her phone. "whats that?"

"Its Y/N and taehyung" she snickered, scrolling through the collected photos you took last night on your instagram.

Kaito peered over at his friends, curious upon hearing your name brought up. "Oh, yeah, they had this stupid art thing last night, guess he won or whatever" he dried his hands and handed the customer their drink.

"this doesnt look like a art thing" Dahyun smirked

"what?" he came from behind the counter, walking over to see a video of you, drunk, at some bar with taehyung, eating fries.

"she said she was going home after" he pouted and took the girls phone into his hands

"hey!" chae snatched her phone back

"she lied to me" he scoffs and looks again at the videos. "this was last night? youre sure?"

"it says 18 hours ago, yes"

He scratched his head and silently walked back to his position, not speaking a single word until his shift ended. The girls sharing humorous yet worried glances at eachother.

"He isnt picking you up"

"what?" you walk around the lobby of your apartment complex as you struggle to comprehend your friend on the other line.

"He said he cant pick you up, but he would see you at the party" Chae spoke louder.

"why cant he pick me up?, where-, what is he doing?"

"I dont know, but thats what he said, ask him" she responded shortly before getting distracted by someone else and hanging up on accident.

You sigh loudly and walk over to taehyung who was resting on the bench. "so hes not picking me up, big surprise"

"what?" he sat up and faced you

You two had gotten ready quickly around 6pm and waited in the lobby for your boyfriend, who you thought would be picking you up.

"I dont know" you shrug and pinch the bridge of your nose,

"hey its okay, i'll go back upstairs and get my keys...ill drive us" he patted your back as you looked at your feet.

"no its not that, I just....he's been acting so off and different. I sent him a cute message last night and he texted me back all lovey dovey this morning, now hes ignoring me, I cant take his fucking moodswings"

"im sorry" he mumbled, looking around at the busy lobby. "maybe...maybe I shouldnt go, like, do you think hes mad that we hung out last night?" he asked

"I dont know anymore, man" you look back at him, "I think we should just go, im not gonna hide from him...maybe I can get him to talk with me" you sigh and stand to your feet. "Im okay with you coming just really...keep your distance"

"from you?"

"from him"

he nods and stands, "okay, just wait here i'll get my keys"

The house party was loud, maybe too loud for an on campus event, especially considering it was only 7pm. You practically felt the music blaring inside of you as you timidly stepped into the crowded house. You were immediately met with the mixed aroma of sweat, alcohol, bath and body works perfume, and incense.

"eugh.." you turn to Taehyung and carefully grabbed his arm, leading him out of the busy room. "Just sit, im gonna go look for Kai an-"

"Y/N!"

you turn your head to be met with an already drunk Chae, bringing you into her sweaty arms.

"oh..hey, uh-"

"you need to come with me, we are doing Karaoke upstairs, and Im winning" she yelled, alcohol evident on her breath as it smacked your face.

"you can win Karaoke?" tae mumbled behind you

"yes, yes you can!!" she pointed at him and grabbed your arm, "lets go bitch"

"wait y/n, dont leave me" tae pouted and grasped your other arm.

"I promise ill be right back, okay?" you offered a slight apologetic smile before being whisked away by your friend upstairs, leaving the boy alone in a room full of unfamiliars.

As you made your way into some cleared out room, your eyes were drawn to the huge Karaoke machine set up. "woah..."

"Yeah woah cmon lets go sing a celine dion song"

"chae hold on, wheres Kaito?"

"who?"

you sighed and looked around before grabbing her shoulders, "my boyfriend, Kaito, I need to talk to him, like now. Tall, black hair, you know.....goes by kaito." you dramatically explained as you watched your best friends eyes widen

"Oh yeah.... he is mad at you" she snickered and was quickly distracted by other people, running away before you could question anything she had just said.

"what the fuck" you exhaled, pushing through everyone to try and find kai.

Meanwhile, Taehyung navigated the party downstairs as he awkwardly made his way to the kitchen. There was no order of cleanliness, there was no organization, and the looks of all the mixed red solo cups scattered throughout the entire room kind of disgusted him. He didnt trust any of it, he lifted up a bottle of what looked like tequila and sniffed it, nope, definitely not tequila.

He gave up on finding something to sip on, leaning against the kitchen island as he peered around the large space that seemed too loud for his liking.

Perhaps this was how you felt last night in the art museum.

" 'scuse me" a voice came up beside the boy, making him quickly turn his head and try to figure out who was talking to him, the dim lighting making it difficult.

"what?"

"youre standing in front of the vodka. excuse me" the man repeated, only then did Taehyung understand and scoot over to the side, allowing access to the alcohol. "sorry" he murmured.

"dont think Ive seen you around" the man joked, smiling as he poured and mixed two different bottles into his cup. "whats your name?"

Taehyung looked down to his feet and quickly decided if he should lie or be honest, figuring that these were all college kids, and well, he was not.

"uh, im taehyung. Kim taehyung" he decided, holding out his hand in a gesture of a handshake.

The man looked down and chuckled, ignoring the greeting and looking up at tae. "yeah? you seem unsure"

"yes, thats my name. sorry, i dont usually do parties and shit"

"i can tell man" he took a sip of his drink, audibly wincing before smiling. "Im Jungkook"

Tae raised his brow in acknowledgment

"wanna drink? you look tense" jungkook patted his shoulder and offered him a sip of his own cup, which taehyung reluctantly drank from.

"eugh, jesus christ, that tastes awful"

"I know, but it will get you fucked up" jungkook shrugged,

"hey jungkook wheres Jin at? he said he wou-" a voice came into the kitchen, stopping abruptly when he stood in front of Tae.

"hey" taehyung swallowed harshly

well. he found kaito.

Kaitos eyes drunkingly looked over his figure, a look of disgust and only disgust is what best could be described as his reaction to him being here.

"ah no way, you guys know eachother?" jungkook looked between the two of them happily,

"sort of..." taehyung chuckled, feeling sweat develop on his neck and back.

"wheres y/n?" he asked, looking at him intensly

"Uh, I genuinely dont know...she went away with chae and-"

"wait, y/n is here?" jungkook interrupted, stepping between them both.

"yeah" they both said at the same time before meeting eachothers eyes again.

"dude.....where is she? shes hot as hell" he whisper yelled, peaking into the next room excitedly.

Taehyung glared at the boy, waiting to see kaitos reaction.

"I know, shes my girlfriend"

"no shit dude!" jungkook slapped kaitos back, now ignoring tae completely. "lucky ass"

"nah man" they both stood a few feet away from tae in the doorway, speaking quietly. "she got the worst personality, stuck up as hell. walks and talks as if she doesnt know the only reason boys talk to her is for her tits" he slurs and bursts out laughing

"damn thats harsh man... even for you"

"whatever, i dont care. you can probably have her next...." he sipped his beer quickly

Taehyung felt the anger course through his chest, he wanted to run up and say something, but frankly, he was scared of Kaito, and you had mentioned something about him when he was drunk. If this was it, yeah, its scary.

He immediately stormed out of the room and pushed through the crowd to search for you, the music now blasting louder than before. He quickly walked up to someone familiar by the stairs

"Dahyun, is Y/N around? is she upstairs?"

"taehyung!" she hugged him, "uh...I think? Chae is probably working her. shes ok im sure" she giggled and dragged him over to a lighter area. "look at my manicure! give me an honest opinion. Jimin said it wasnt work $80 bucks and I should just do them myself now, but I think its cute and-"

she went on and on about something that had nothing to do with him for what seemed like forever. Whos jimin? who cares its just a manicure?

he thought to himself as he smiled and nodded.

"they look good, gotta go" he quickly spoke, politely tapping her shoulder before making a dash upstairs. He checked each door, opening up a bathroom to expose two randoms making out.

"oh! uh, im sorry" he covered his eyes and slammed the door shut, walking to the other hall and entering a loud and packed room. "hey chae..." he walked up to the girl, who was in the middle a very intense just dance session with some other poor girl who fell victim.

"heEyy!!" she slurred and danced over to him

He smiled and caught her as she tripped, helping her up. "whats upppp?"

He laughed and made sure she was able to stand on her own before speaking. "do you know where Y/N is?"

"did you see my dancing?" she randomly questioned

"yes, I saw your dancing chae, very nice, now have you seen y/n?"

she looked around curiously before speaking, "oh, yeah, she went to the bathroom!" she yelled into his face

"great, thanks" he gave a thumbs up as he went back into the hall. well he knew which bathroom you werent in.

He trailed down the hall and walked into a bedroom that seemed to be empty, he gently called out your name.

"I'll be out in a second" you shout back, making him exhale in relief. He shut the door to the bedroom and sat on the bed as he waited for you to exit the restroom.

"oh, tae, hi" you mumbled, walking out to him. "you okay?"

"y/n, we need to talk, like...now" he stood up as you made your way over, standing in front of him.

You saw the concern on his face as he spoke, clearing your throat. "wh-whats wrong? what happened?"

"I ran into Kaito and I think-

the door slowly creaked open, a certain someones head peaking in.

"Oh surprise surprise, youre in here with her" Kaito opened the door and walked over, stumbling over his feet.

You stepped closer to tae, feeling fear seep in as you took in your boyfriends very drunk state.

"get out" he looked at taehyung

"no im no-"

"just get the fuck out" he bit

"Taehyung please its okay just go" your voice choked, eyes tearing up as you led him to the door.

"dont let him do anything" he whispered, as you shut the door in his face, making him take a deep breath as he paced through the busy hall outside.

You slowly turned to the boy, waiting for him to speak.

"so, I know that...maybe this is not the best time or whatever to bring this up, but im ready to just..." he began, pausing after words as his thought process was slowed.

"ready to what?" you fidgeted with your bracelets, keeping by the door in case he tried to touch you again.

"move on with my life" he laughed and looked at you.

"wh..what?"

"y/n lets be honest, you dont give two fucking shits about me anymore, so why are we doing this. you dont care, you never have"

you scoffed, "Kaito you are drunk...stop this please, you have no idea what youre saying! How dare you say I dont care about you when all ive done is worry about where you have been and why you are upset!"

"oh please" he stood up and walked around. "you wouldnt care if I died tomorrow, you would find the next boy toy to move on to."

"stop" you mumble, "im not like that, you are being an awful person to me right now"

he walked over and laughed, "why? because im calling you out? calling you out for being a whore?"

you bit the inside of your cheek to avoid breaking out in tears right then and there. you couldnt even speak, you were too afraid and frankly confused on what even caused this sudden outburst.

"you are the one crying? really? I should be upset, I am upset."

he shook his head as he looked at you, " I dont think theres anything left for us right now, so just leave it at that, yeah?" he mumbled into your face as you shoved you aside, allowing him to open the door.

You were shocked, you planned on coming to fix whatever was going on between you both, all of the stressing, just to for him to get drunk and break up with you in some random bedroom. no.

You carefully grasped his arm before he left, "kai, please dont do this" you whispered, his arm forcefully pulling away from you. "dont"

Kaito stormed through the people out in the hall, making his way down the stairs as your eyes met taehyungs. You avoided stopping to talk with him as you decided to run after Kaito.

You were embarrassed. You tried to convince tae that you were in a happy and loving relationship, the little lie was now unraveling as the night ensued right in front of him and your friends.

"wait, please" you called out, following your boyfriend into the living room where the music blared. you tried your best to weave through as best you could, finally catching up to the boy and attempting to reason with him once more.

"baby please can we just talk?" you ask loudly, facing his back as he stood in the crowd.

"No, dont call me that" he mumbled.

"Y/N!!! whats up!" Jungkook ran out of the kitchen to your side, smiling and hugging you. "nice to formally meet you, are you enjoyin- why are you crying?" he pulled away and took in your appearance

"Im sorry Im just dealing with something" you calmly tried to explain, kaito turning around to the both of you. "dont listen to a word this slut says" he bit, making you swallow harshly.

Jungkook looked taken back, his eyes meeting yours sympathetically. "hey, cmon man, dont....dont say that. youre having another beer?" he asked, genuinely concerned for his friends behavior.

Taehyung pushed through and made his way to the living room, eyes wandering for you. He assumed it was best to just leave now, unaware of what had gone down just a few moments prior. He found you standing next to Kaito and Jungkook, watching from afar as he contemplated going over and taking you away.

"dont touch me" kaito shivered away from your touch, making you sigh. "lets go home to my apartment, we need to talk and get you sober, youve drunk too much" you spoke, looking at jungkook for support.

"yeah cmon, listen to her. its probably whats best." he nodded

Kaito looked down with anger at his feet as you stared at him for a moment, you were hesitant to speak any further, but the boy needed help and never listened. He needed to get sober and then probably never drink again. this....wasnt kaito.

"lets just go please? I'll take care of you sweetheart its okay, I-" your hand gently reached out to hold onto his jaw, carefully caressing it as you tried to get him to pick his head up.

You werent sure what exactly had happened, all you knew is that one second you were reasoning with him, the next, the side of your face was burning in pain.

Kaito had pulled back and struck you to the ground.

before you knew it there was a crowd of people surrounding the incident, Jungkook pulling Kaito away as he spit words out at you, none of which you could hear. The music had faded out of your hearing, and the lights were hazed. Your face burned with shame as you struggled to stand up, eyes watching you with concern and shock.

You felt hands immediately pick you up to your feet, turning to see it was Taehyung. You tried to explain but you didnt even comprehend what was coming out of your mouth.

he looked pale, in more pain than you were. His eyes glanced over you and back at kaito as he felt rage fill throughout him, carefully setting you aside as he approached the other boy and suddenly punched him across the face, the room gasping immediately.

"hey- fuck! stop guys!!!" Jungkook tried to seperate them, but there was no use. Taehyung had kaito by his collar, fist repeatedly punching into his face as he fell to the floor, blood on his skin and clothing.

You stood back, unable to fully understand what the fuck was happening. Once it kicked into your mind, your feet were racing over to him, yanking on the back of his shirt. "stop!!! Taehyung stop!!!!" you screamed, other guests joining in to help stop it as well. Your friends stood in the corner, shocked at what they had just witnessed.

"are you okay, miss?" some random man came up, asking you as you realized how many people had been around, asking you questions, none you even heard or noticed.

Someone finally pulled Taehyung away from kaito, who had passed out against the cold tile, nose and mouth bleeding as you watched in horror.

"What the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU?" you screamed at Taehyung, grabbing onto his shirt and shaking him, tears spilling as he looked down at you.

He didnt respond, he let you flip out as people tried to fix up the unconscious boy on the floor.

"you guys gotta go, fuck, the police were called" Jin ran out and spoke loudly, cueing the group of people to run out the door.

"we need to go" Taehyung spoke flatly, gently grasping your arms as he directed you out the door.

He led you to the car and put you into the back seat before getting into the drivers side. He didnt drive right away, instead he looked down at his bruised fist.

"why...why didnt you say anything to me"

You had curled up into the fetal position, tears falling down your cheeks as you tried to look out the window.

"all this time....all this time he was doing this and you never-" he stopped, leaning his head against the headrest and closing his eyes.

"im sorry" you choke out.

He took a deep breath, trying to collect himself so he could speak, let alone drive.

"we will have to talk, about all of this"

"what if you get in trouble?" you whisper

"I didnt do anything wrong, he fucking hit you. He hit a woman, they all saw it" he spoke louder, voice shaky.

you sniffled, the pain in your face and head suddenly becoming really obvious, making you wince.

"are you okay? shit, lets uh, lets get you to a hospital or something" he started his car

"no...I just need Ice"

"what if you have a concussion?"

you groan, "I dont, taehyung, he hit my cheekbone and jaw" you trace your hand over your face, hissing at the sharp sting.

"Im still gonna take you to a walk in clinic, im not risking it. we will go home and sleep right after, I dont want to hear you argue about anything tonight. Tomorrow morning we need to sit and talk." he sternly spoke, making his way down the street.

You didnt have the energy to fight, you were mad, but you didnt have the energy.

You were upset with Taehyung for making the situation worse, but you were even more mad with Kaito. you felt betrayed, he humiliated you in front of everyone you know. He put his hands on you, after saying he would never do it again, over what? nothing.

"there is no signs of concussion, but there will be signifigant bruising and damaged nerves." the doctor read over her chart as you sat in a hospital bed, taehyung by your side. it was late, you missed your bed, you missed Yeontan. You didnt think you would be here, especially for this reason.

"thats..good, better than having something serious" he exhaled

"do you wish to file a report against the person who did this to you?"

Tae opened up his mouth to speak, but you cut in

"no, its already being taken care of, thank you though"

She nodded sadly and walked off, giving you too permission to go home.

you felt over your cheek, now covered with bandages.

"Im so sorry" he whispered, looking at you.

"tae.."

"no, im sorry. im so fucking sorry. I know I shouldnt have done that, but I.....I saw him hit you. I saw him hit you, y/n."

"i know" you mumbled, looking down.

"when I saw it happening, I just couldnt control myself. It was wrong of me, I take blame, but jesus y/n...."

"I know..." you repeated, voice cracking slightly. "tae please I just wanna go home, okay? I dont wanna relive it right now"

He nodded softly, standing to get to your side. "yeah, lets go home." he held your ice pack for you, leading you back to the car.

The sounds of the city surrounding you infiltrated your ears. You really couldve been anywhere in the world tonight, but here you were, in this position.

You knew you shouldnt have gone to the party, you regret it with your whole being, because not only did you suffer, but you dragged Taehyung into it too.

You had yourself to blame. you wanted to cry and scream but all you could do is lay in bed that night once you got home as taehyung gently rubbed your back, reassuring you that it would be okay.

Yeah, about that thing you said earlier, about assuming your twenties would be fantastic and amazing......11 year old you needed a reality check.

taglist:

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 11 months

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i had sex for the first time and it was kind of a horrible experience. i was checking out a bdsm club for the first time and a man in his 50s invited me to check out a different (sex) club the next day and bc i genuinely, idiotically thought he just wanted to introduce me to the scene and show me around i went. at the club he bought me a couple drinks, we talked and then he took me to a private room and went down on me. i didnt say no bc i was drunk and curious, and im bad at saying no to people in general. i thought maybe it would be fun. i wasnt into it at all but felt too bad to let him know. i faked an orgasm and left after a while. as we parted he kissed my cheek and said he hopes we can be friends. drunk me told him of course we could. the next morning i was hit with the worst wave of self loathing ive ever felt in my life, as well as just general disgust and regret. i cannot believe my first time was with an old man i feel zero attraction to. i already knew im probably a lesbian, but still i keep trying to be with men and i dont know why. i guess my question is do you have advice on how to get over a sexual experience you regret? how do i come to terms with the fact that my first time was with someone i feel grossed out just thinking about? and was i taken advantage of? im in my early 20s, he didnt know i was a virgin (i active implied that im not), and i know if i had said no he wouldve stopped. i wasnt falling down drunk or anything. he didnt really do anything wrong. i feel so stupid and ashamed of myself. i just wish my first time had been with a woman. i wish i hadnt been so naive and stupid and i wish i hadnt gotten drunk. i know its not true but i feel like no woman will ever want me now. i cant even masturbate bc the idea of doing something sexual, even just alone, reminds me of him and what i let him do to me. how do i move on from this?

hi anon,

I'm deeply sorry that this happened to you.

in this case, I would say the way to make peace with a sexual experience you regret is to understand that you aren't responsible for what was done to you.

to answer your question - yes, you were absolutely taken advantage of, and this person very much did do something wrong! quite a lot of somethings! he made the choice to lure someone younger and less knowledgeable to a secondary location you weren't familiar with, get you drunk, isolate you, and pressure you into sex that you didn't give enthusiastic consent to. all of that is CLASSIC predatory, manipulative behavior and reflects on him - not you.

you mentioned that you feel stupid; PLEASE don't. people are pressured into unpleasant sex all the time, very often in the exact same way you were: being entrapped in a situation where going along with it was easier than saying no. it's vile! and none of those people are at fault!

listen: you need to be on your side about this. would you tell anyone else who experienced this that they're stupid and naive? I hope not. I really hope you can find the compassion you'd extend to any other friend in this situation to yourself, because you're going to be the #1 person getting yourself through this.

feeling bad and gross about what happened is fine; what happened was bad and gross. please let those feelings happen and care for yourself while they do, because those feelings need to be felt! just be conscientious about which feelings you're indulging. it's fine to feel betrayed, violated, regretful, angry, sad, even to mourn for a better first sexual experience you could have had! just make sure to gently nudge yourself back if those feelings start veering into the realm of feeling guilty or responsible for the situation. not only is it unhelpful, it's not even true!

it's very sad that your first sexual experience was with someone you didn't want who treated you the way he did. in the future, when you're ready, I hope you'll be able to pursue healthier, mutually pleasurable experiences on your own terms. don't rush yourself to get back to any kind of sexuality, masturbation included - a good long break while you sort through your feelings may be very needed. there's no timeline you need to be on to recover from this; please don't get down on yourself for taking the time and space you need. if you don't have anyone in person you feel able to talk with, looking up online support and resources for people who have experienced sexual assault may be beneficial.

also, hey, please don't play the game of trying to say you don't belong in survivor spaces or how this wasn't an assault because your belief that he would have stopped if you'd told him to (a very generous assumption!) or because you led him to believe you had more sexual experience or it could have been worse or whatever. the feelings you're experience in the aftermath are textbook of assault survivors; that means the resources are for you!

also hey. listen to me. look at me. if any woman tries to tell you that you are less worthy of lesbian love and companionship because you have had sex with a man. ESPECIALLY a man who was taking advantage of you. you are going to send me their address and I will personally attack them with a baseball bat.

#sex edventures 2023

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aggressiveviking · 2 years

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i think a lot of people are misunderstanding Eddie Munson

i've seen very stereotypical interpretations of his character - a metalhead, long hair, outspoken and loud. So its easy to assume he is this angry-at-the-world teenager.

But Eddie didn't actually insult people, he didnt express hate for people (the way Billy does). He expressed a frustration for the way society forces people to conform to ridiculous ideas and imaginary hierarchy, and how that can ruin and often contribute in the deaths of kids.

The idea that Chrissy Cunningham is the only popular kid he is nice to (because he has a crush on her) is false, because he wasn't really mean to anyone.

I've seen a lot of posts about how eddie "hates popular kids" which is not true at all. he simply expresses that he finds the popularity culture ridiculous and even when he was insulted he just like made a face and smiled, he didn't respond beyond that, and there was no anger and hatered in it. in the cafeteria he even smiled at the cheerleaders and made way for them, literally

its really nice tbh how respectful he is even when he is publicly speaking against things. i havent really seen that much lately (online or in tv shows and movies). people always seem to attack other people, and its a given for outcasts to have a hate for popular kids.

eddie is just like "i dont hate you, i hate the things that divide us", which i completely agree with.

And when you consider all this - Eddie is so different from Billy. People place them in the same category but they are so different in character. the only thing they have in common is the music they listen to and maybe a bit of their fashion style (but not really because Eddie seems to love layering clothes and customizing them with pins and art of his favorite bands, while Billy dresses in more revealing, contemporary sexy style that generally appeals to all, with a little bit of metal vibes thrown in, for a sprinkle of danger)

billy is filled with hate and anger that he needs to express. he doesnt care who or what he projects that onto. (i could say a lot more about billy but this is not a post for him so i won't)

eddie on the other hand is not filled with anger. he seems like a person who is frustrated with society but he doesnt hate anyone. i dont see him even as a person who wants to fight. with anyone. i dont see him wanting to get physical with anyone. he truly is a sweet summer child.

which makes his death even more infuriating… he didnt want to fight and he didn't seem to know how to fight. he only fought because he was pressured into it. it was all about "people" thinking he is a coward because he runs away from danger and he felt ashamed from that. in the end the social expectations that he fought against were what contributed mostly into his death.

thats why i really didn't like anything that happened in the season because the characters actions were in clear contradiction with their personal values. it just didnt make any sense.

I liked Eddie's character as he was. He didn't need to be a hero. Not every person can be a hero. People who are willing to lay down their life for others or for the greater good are very few. Most people are afraid and most people would run away. I know I would and I wouldn't fault anyone for being scared.

I don't think it's brave and commendable to throw your life away, especially when there would have been a lot of different ways to handle the given situation without anyone losing their life.

#i'm just spitballing #this got pretty long so ill leave it at that #eddie munson #billy hargrove #stranger thing s4 #stranger things #st

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patrocles · 1 year

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*guy who knows fuck all about twilight voice* i cannot even begin to describe how interested i am in your extremely specific thoughts on twilight. especially in regard to its takes on classism

I appreciate you so much for saying that especially since everything following this will be so deeply incoherent.

This is mainly in regards to the films since I've seen them recently and I haven't read the books since I was like 14.

The thing about Twilight is that the two defining discourses that dominated this series were "Is Bella a bad Feminist" and "Team Edward vs Team Jacob".

The idea that Bella (aged 17), upon meeting Edward (aged 109) and begins dating him, is ready to give up everything in her life to marry him, die, and become a vampire and devoting her entire life to him; does this set back womanhood decades or is this simply Bella exercising her free will. And the other being which guy is better for Bella, the mega wealthy Edward who can provide everything for her or working class poor Jacob who's the childhood friend.

Twilight didnt define the tropes of love triangles or even the concept of the girl plucked from obscurity and given the fairytale life by someone so insanely rich who could have chosen anyone but still chooses her. It's not even an objectively bad fantasy to explore. But I think what's kinda unique to Twilight and I think what a lot of bad booktok romance novels can trace their tropes back to in Twilight, is this idea that wealth can excuse any wrong-doing.

Edward is deeply controlling of Bella, he's condescending and belittles her, he grooms her, he leaves her deeply traumatized when he randomly abandons her in the second book/novel to the point of near catatonic depression. But ultimately at the end of the day it's fine because what Edward can provide for Bella makes it all worth it! He can take her places and buy her things, of course she'll be humble but that's why she's so #real. Hell it doesn't even matter that we don't even know what they even like about each other beyond mutual obsession and possession in the general sense. And this is something that's so pervasive in the romance genre, it's what spawned 50 Shades specifically. Abuse, physical or emotional, is excused by obscene wealth because what's temporary discomfort and domineering misogyny to private jets and mansions.

If we're being honest, the question of whether or not Bella is a good or bad feminist character is sort of moot when what we're actually seeing is just a sad story of an emotionally isolated girl have her entire existence wrapped up in Edward and know that she's never going to have a come-to-Jesus moment and value her own self worth over Edward. There's a scene in Eclipse when she tells Jacob that immediately after graduation, she's going to marry Edward and become a vampire like him. Jacob is angry about this but it's not even a "pick him over me" moment, but as a friend who doesn't want to see his best friend give up her entire existence to this guy. Even says, "he's got his hooks in you so deep". There's another scene when her father, (the MVP), just wants her to see her other friends outside of Edward and have some sort of life outside of Edward and it's almost like a metatextual awareness that SOMEONE in this story recognizes that Bella is being groomed and that this is all really REALLY toxic. It's a horror story! But of course it immediately pivots back to star crossed lovers bullshit because LOOK, Edward took her to a private island and they can travel the world. But more than anything it feels like they’re trying to establish a sort or attempt at a balance but what’s scary is knowing that Jacob and Charlie’s concerns and reservations are essentially pointless and empty compared to Edward’s financial and physical capabilities and the depth of his grooming in Bella. It’s actually charming that Charlie thinks he can realistically stand a chance against Edward if he really wanted to establish true parental control over his child. Like it’s genuinely sad to watch, actually.

And sure, so much of that we can write off as just being dated at worst. But definitely not end of the world stuff especially considering where that kind of trope has grown into way more severe cases of straight of kidnap/rape fantasy in mafia romance erotica we see today. Which is kind of MAD when you think about what teen girls were reading in the 00s versus what the teens of today are reading. I guess thanks Steph for being Mormon and keeping it PG???

But for ME, PERSONALLY, what's been kinda itching my brain in relation to this is how this pertains to Jacob. It is hard to view Twilight as mere late 00s nostalgia campy mess when I think about how absolutely awful Jacob is treated by the narrative for the sole crime of not being Edward, and by extension, wealthy. This isn't even about which guy was better for Bella, but how the story decides it was necessary for the reader to know that Jacob was NOT the correct option. He goes from earnest good guy who genuinely cares for Bella's physical and emotional well being as just a friend to her when Edward abandoned her, to basically a fucking incel who can't respect boundaries, and then Edward and Bella's lapdog in their happily ever after for no other reason than the narrative demanding it happen for Bella and Edward to be together. And for you the reader to want that to happen.

I've never been able to divorce the racial and classist undertones to this narrative choice to this. In a lot of media that came after that deals with love triangles, the "Jacob archetype" eventually became the often times not white, best friend, good guy type who was never really The One, but just another option for our Main Girl to explore until she gets back to the The One.

But thing is, Jacob was never just random guy option 2. He was working class poor and indigenous. A lot of his character is defined by this and his culture. And this HONESTLY made the Cullens animosity towards Jacob and the Pack kind of actually ridiculous and racist. Like I get Steph was just using the trope of Vampires and Werewolves: eternal enemies, but that isn't really applicable here when the shapeshifting isn't an trait that can be passed on to anyone like vampirism, but something unique to these specific people whose land they're infringing upon. So the little side digs and remarks and the absolute audacity that the Quileutes are just being so unreasonable when the Cullens have the money and means to live anywhere, but choose this boundary of a poor people who're merely trying to keep what's theirs, and we're still supposed to root for the Cullens because they're the Good Ones is like........... girl okay.

And this is all completely secondary to the way Steph appropriated the Quileute tribe, fucked around with their cultural traditions to invent her own lore, never financially compensated the tribe despite her and the producers of the films making MILLIONS, and two of the actors featured in the first film were recast for New Moon because they wouldn't cut their hair. BUT I DIGRESS.

I watched the New Moon special features where Chaske Spencer (who plays Sam) talks about how Jacob's house was extremely authentic to places he lived on his reservation. I'm not indigenous, but I did grow up working class poor and I personally always loved that this was a factor to Jacob and the pack. It didn't define them as people, but provided a sort of grounding depth and relatability that makes you want to explore them more. It isn't a lot but it's something. And hell, even Bella comes from a working class background which I genuinely liked especially as a youth when I'm trying to find some way to connect to this perfectly pretty white character.

But what's kinda frustrating in so many ways is how despite the alleged importance of Jacob and the Pack to the overall story, they are shelved so much. So we really don't get to see them, explore them as characters, their dynamics, and the tribe much as much as they could have been except for the very few times it's relevant to Bella and Edward. And given that Breaking Dawn specifically was TWO FILMS, there was no excuse for it. And it feels insulting to have the concept of the Pack, but we have to save our precious screen time for Bella and Edward playing chess.

I don’t even think people really understand just how almost non existent it is to see authentic depictions of lower/working class people in these kinds of stories. If you’ve never grown up poor it’s probably not something you even notice, just how default upper middle class almost everything (especially in YA) actually is. I think it’s something people don’t want to have to tackle so it just gets avoided? Unless we specifically need the 1 side character who is The Poor Friend, we need to have characters be in financially comfortable positions so the Plot can happen without having to worry about pesky things like bills. And so again, in that sort of authenticity it’s a double edged sword because while that is great to have included in a series like this, the classist undertones are so pervasive in how so much of Edward’s allure to Bella is rooted in wealth. A sort of inherent superiority to her own simple, non important life because of the trappings of his dress, his car, his mansion. There’s an unearned moral goodness that’s applied to Edward because of how we as a society view wealthy people as being inherently good and well meaning despite their actions consistently contradicting this. And it isn’t hard to see the ways in which this grooms Bella and that we the viewer must applaud this, cheer this, and would be aghast and disgusted if Bella was put off by the grandeur and wealth and wanted nothing to do with it because why would you possibly give that up? Again she can have the allusion of financial independence with a cute little job, but we know it isn’t necessary. We arent really meant to support the Quileute’s animosity towards the Cullens because they’re being irrational despite having bigger stakes that are considered frivolous and irrelevant to the Cullens (like retaining land autonomy). The best that Jacob could ever achieve in this story is to be at service to the Cullens and that’s meant to be a happy ending for him. Whatever his hopes and dreams were are inherently inferior to how important being the guard dog to a half vampire miracle child.

So yeah. I get the whole Twilight Renaissance, I get why people go back to it especially as it pertains to girlhood nostalgia. The soundtracks remain in constant rotation. I get why people want to reclaim the thing that made them happy in their youth when society shamed them for it as being just Cringe Girl Stuff. But for ME, it is hard for me to watch these and not be icked with how a lot of things were portrayed especially when it could have been a better story.

#yeah idk #i dont even have a thesis here just a stream of consciousness #i cant even begin to think about the absolute shit show that the TV series is going to be #when i was in my sickbed like a year ago i wrote an outline of twilight as a psycho thriller horror series #then i thought-- why am i wasting my time on this #twilight

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69misato69 · 11 months

Note

(This is the anon who asked about Kaveh with ARFID)

I don’t have any specific requests! It hasn’t been written anywhere (that I can find) yet so I just want to see anything in general! I think mainly just focusing on the disorder. Maybe some worried Alhaitham - or Tighnari or Cyno - could be fun too. I also thought your idea of just Kaveh-centric throughout his Akademiya years also sounds fun. Just whatever is good! It’s up to you and I’m excited to see what comes out!

got it yes, i was away hope i didnt keep you waiting too long !!!

cw: eating disorder, disordered eating, mentions of self-harm

heartfelt thanks to my friend iris for informing me further about ARFID and beta reading this.

general masterlist ✦ reqs masterlist

— kaveh with avoidant restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID)

"is it—"

"cyno. cut it out, will you?"

kaveh snaps without realizing. he doesn't want to, yet it's far from enjoyable to sit at the dinner table with his dorm-mates like a scolded, ill-behaved child.

his junior seated right next to him, all eyes on kaveh even though he can't see it with his gaze facing down at his lap.

the mornings are a bit more manageable. nari and cyno have breakfast with eyes barely open, too spent to notice how he plays around with his eggs before discarding them swiftly.

haytham doesn't speak. he never does, regarding this topic at least. his face stays buried in his book when cyno pesters him or nari raises a brow as he dumps whatever's left on his plate in the trash can.

he cleans up the table in the mornings and sneaks an apple in kaveh's bag.

no judgement or curiosity from the looks of it.

kaveh likes apples.

they remind him of home. of all the times his mother would walk into the room with a plate in her hand, slices laid out neatly as he studied, crouched over his desk.

a warm hand ruffling his then brown hair, a loving kiss on his forehead.

kaveh takes it out of his bag at lunch break — juicy, crunchy sometimes. a bit rough to bite into when it's not their season. regardless, he eats it.

sometimes like a starved child, only realizing when he sinks his teeth into its flesh that he hasn't had a proper meal for days.

kaveh devours it — like a man sentenced to death, having his last wish come true.

he nibbles on it down to the bone, down to its very core of seeds that burn the tip of his tongue.

he loves apples because they taste like his childhood — ridden with blissful ignorance and foolish euphoria before life peeled him away layer by layer like what he holds in his hand.

"is it like a weight thing?"

cyno is persistent today, worried to a point where he can no longer let it slide.

"it's not."

it really isn't. kaveh is fine with the way he looks. well, not fully — sometimes he looks at haytham with envy, though he would never admit it to anyone, not even himself.

if he was a bit taller, with wider shoulders, thicker biceps. he looks frail and dainty.

cyno, despite having a smaller frame like his own, makes up for it by being so strong. and nari, well, he doesn't really give a shit.

kaveh does.

he always feels like his mother and looks like his father, which is an abhorrent combo.

it's why he loves taking care of himself. it feels like nurturing the one person that dedicated her life to making him happy but never smiled from the heart a day in her life.

it's also why he despises looking in the mirror. because he sees the one person he can never bring back.

that's not why he struggles, though. if anything, that would mean that he would be inclined to indulge more in food.

"is it because you don't like our cooking? we can go out to—"

"cyno."

haytham interjects. he warns.

though he can't see kaveh's face he can tell by the way his chest heaves that he's holding back tears. biting down on his lip like he always does, most probably.

cyno knows it too, how he should shut up and let it go. he wishes he could be more like nari, having the freedom to let people make mistakes so they can fall and get back up on their own.

or like haytham, only interfering when it's absolutely necessary. keeping to himself until a situation escalates to life or death.

but how can he sit idly by and watch kaveh wither away?

their beloved, their sunshine.

cyno doesn't have to understand, and he probably can't anyways. whatever kaveh is going through, cyno knows he's strong enough to handle it.

but he's just so tired of watching kaveh burn himself away as he does so. as he emerges from every fight victorious yet still loses himself day by day.

kaveh stares at the plate.

he's not crying because of cyno's questions.

he weeps because he doesn't have the answers either.

his hands tremble reaching for the cupboards, his joyous laughter as he sits on the counter when nari cooks for them and wags his tail to the music coming from the streets — it fades away so quickly when they sit down to finally enjoy the meal.

are you allergic? watching your form? don't worry about it, you're still young. beautiful figure. let go a little! you don't like it? but i made it just for you!

kaveh feels nauseous, sick to his stomach. he's suffocated by new recipes and drowned by ones he's used to stuffing his face with.

another tear rolls down from his cheek and he realizes how his right hand is held gently by haytham, and his left by cyno under the table.

he looks across to find nari with his ears lowered — on his face a compassionate look that lacks pity. sincere.

the table he loathes, surrounded by the people he holds in the most sacred chamber of his aching heart.

✦

thank you for requesting and reading, take care !

#genshin impact kaveh #genshin kaveh #kaveh angst #kaveh #fandom asks #completed request

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mobydingus · 1 month

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Hii um, really sorry about bugging you but I was scrolling through tags and I saw that you drew lovely Nathan and Leslie work a while back; I'm wirting a huge personal AU and one of the subplots is her breaking Nathan out of camp so they can do a world domination thing lol

I've never seen any headcanons of them ever so it's super hard to wirte (even if it is just for myself, but I love over analyzing both of them) so I was wondering if you had any cools ones that you're comfortable with sharing?? I'm really really sorry if this is random, from a random user but I'm just so content starved and your art on here is so comforting and I love the scene one so so much!!!!

So um, if you can please tell headcanons >⁠.⁠<

wow i really appreciate that! i have a few, nothing too exciting. im not sure if you meant for them interacting or independent headcanons but ill say what i remember. it might be a longer response than you asked for LOL

for more technical ones:

i headcanon that nathan knows at least a little about how leslie works as a robot so if she gets hurt he can help fix her (but hes no robotics engineer so he cant do much about major damage). i also think that she can continue to mimic voices (like when she pretended to be president). she can use this to help herself or nathan (usually blackmail) but she also uses it to taunt nathan (for example, mimicking jimmy to piss nathan off). i also think leslie can change her body temperature from colder than a human to scalding hot (sometimes not on purpose, if she isnt working properly she might overheat which could damage her). i always imagined that there was some sort of underground facility (i wanna draw this but lazy) where she went to recharge, but thats one of my more fantastical headcanons. i personally think she didnt have parents or a house to live in (only a facility) but thats just me. i imagined that after leslie died, nathan recuperated and went to the crime scene or wherever her body was held and either: a. she showed signs of being functional, so he broke her out. or b. assumed she was completely dead/a lost cause and left her there (and she was still alive but wasnt capable of showing signs). both are fun ideas . i imagine that nathan diverted a great deal of his savings from drug-dealing to help repair leslie if he had saved her.

as for their relationship, in my headcanon:

neither of them will admit that they care about one another, even though they do. leslie doesnt admit it because she thinks that being emotional could compromise her rational thinking. nathan does not admit it because i dont think hes ever admitted any true feelings of appreciation or friendship for anyone lol. he would not do anything that might make him emotionally vulnerable (not that hes really conscious of this).

they both taunt eachother and can be meaner than they intended to. they both have a habit of lying to others in canon, so i imagine they still do that.

from a rational standpoint, leslie considers nathan an important asset and his ability to keep quiet about important (and unethical) things makes him valuable for secret operations. from a not-so-rational standpoint, she appreciated his different approach to life and the fact that he is not phased by leslies bizarre nature (the way she acts when she drops her act of being some innocent kid). she has grown fond of him in a way that i believe resembles an unspoken friendship.

nathan first considered leslie as another person to harass, but after being "employed" by leslie, he began to actually appreciate her, and its probably the first time a girl did not instantly hate or pity him. he probably has some sort of crush, but maybe not because leslie is crazy. he also thinks leslie is scary (but so do most people who have dealt with her "mask-off"). i think nathan likes leslie more than leslie likes nathan, but nathan is the first person she goes to if she has a problem, so they are dependent on each other at least a little.

thank you for your ask. hope it wasnt too much of an answer

#ask

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justanothersyscourse · 1 year

Note

Im sorry I dont support driving drunk but that reblog kinda showed that you dont know what its like to be an addict?

Alcoholism can literally get to the point of if you stop drinking suddenly the withdrawals could KILL YOU. yeah they should plan ahead for rides but your whole attitude of “they choose to drink!” Was lowkey shitty and borderline blaming addicts for their addiction. Its not always as simple as “just dont drink” if a buddy whips out some alcohol or whatever.

If drug addiction was that simple to just stop and never relapse ever I wouldve been sober years ago. Drunk driving is bad but you really didnt have to do what op said and demonize addicts in the process. You made it to be like being an addict is because were too selfish to try to get sober. Thats not how it works.

Bitch, I am Newfie and the child of addicts, not just biologically but environmentally. My entire life has revolved around my own and my famiy's addictions. I have been around heavy drugs since I was a child. Three or four years ago I was heavily addicted to alcohol, and was hospitalized, which is when I was forced to quit drinking. Not chose to, forced to.

Trust me, I know what is like, and it's not demonization to admit that there is a level of selfishness involved in addiction, but that's also not what I said.

Also, how are you really going to come in here, comparing who has the high ground? "If they DON'T drink they could die, so them getting behind the wheel is justified, and if they just so happen to kill people in the process, it's not their fault ): it was their life or the other person's life, because buddy whipped out alcohol."

It's literally not like that. That's the stupidest thing I've ever read. Go sit in the corner and think about what you said.

Don't come back.

Addiction is not the START of the choices. You don't choose to be addicted to something, it's the result of a million smaller choices, and it could have been stopped or changed at ANY point. There are choices that lead up to addiction, and if you're not doing anything to try to make yourself better, me calling you selfish isn't demonization.

Addiction isn't as simple as choices and selfishness, either. Most addicts have a dual diagnosis-- that is, another mental health problem driving them to seek some kind of solace in impairment. There are biological and neurological predispositions that make it easier for some to become addicted to something.

Let's put it in simpler terms.

My step father is a heavy alcoholic. The type that, my entire life, spent birthday, rent or food money on alcohol, that was hardly ever home because he was at the bar buying rounds for everyone. The type that made stupid financial decision after stupid financial decision that drove his family into the ground. He CANNOT stop drinking at this point-- not because he's incapable, but because when he's not drinking, he has seizures now.

That wasn't true twenty years ago, though.

He reached that point because of one million smaller, more selfish decisions that lead him there, and that's not demonization. He was still a good person, he had good intentions, he always wanted everyone to be happy and have a good time. He had trauma and wanted to be liked by people. Unfortunately, he thought the only way to have a good time was to be intoxicated, and in the process of trying to keep everyone else in his life happy, he hurt and alienated his wife and children, and now he has no one. I haven't spoken to him in almost five years.

He hasn't killed anyone yet, but he might, and my mom and I know that all too well.

You can't talk about drunk driving without talking about addiction, and you're acting like that entire conversation is demonization, rather than constructive discussion about the how, why, and possible steps and outcomes.

You're acting like even talking about an addicts' decisions is demonization. Or are you saying they're not capable of making decisions and we should just... Accept that, and whatever dumbass decisions they make on the basis that they're being driven to make those decisions by addiction and could die otherwise? Even if they might kill other people?

Like, what are you even saying?

Don't answer that, I don't actually care.

People are allowed to call addicts fools for their decisions and are allowed to cut those people out of their life for their own mental health, and are allowed to choose not to be involved in whatever shitty outcome they find themselves in (up to and including accidentally killing people while under the influence), and that's not fucking demonization.

Being an addict is not an unchangeable part of them, it's not something they're born with but it's also not something they actively choose, either.

It is very much a changeable thing, provided they're willing and want to change. The longer they wait, the harder it is. Many of these people are given chance after chance, warning after warning. They can see the consequences coming, clearly, and continue to choose to feed the addiction rather than the health of their loved ones and strangers.

I know this, because I had to make the choice. My husband, or drinking. My mental health, or drinking.

By the time they're in a full-blown addiction, people on the outside forget that there was an entire journey up to that moment. That there WERE other options, in the past.

Addicts are very much victims of circumstances and biology, but the discussion around the effects and consequences of those addictions are not demonization. They're not inherently bad people, the discussions aren't bad, leaving a situation isn't bad.

What's bad is, using your example, choosing to pick up the bottle without a ride home, and without considering the harm that could be done to others because satiating your addiction is now more important than the innocent lives of others.

Talking about my biological father's death and the deaths he caused and how he ended up there isn't demonization.

It's a horrible true story that should serve as a reminder when people have to make their own decisions.

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unabashedlyinlove · 1 year

Note

Plus, he always so worried about his image outside acting in a way that actually impacts his acting negatively. That tells me that he did water down SB on purpose cause he didnt want to be seen as a asshole by GA in real life.

THIS! He totally ruined SB in his attempt to not be hated (or maybe he just couldn't pull it off...). He was hyped up as the worst Big Bad, worse than Homelander, worse than anyone we've seen. Then he was just a sad, whiny, homophobic/misogynistic assh*le with a few minor bouts of showing he was dangerous, but even that was mostly incidental and out of his control (the energy burst thing that happened when he was triggered or whatever). He watered it down so much that the whole season felt pointless and anticlimactic. You could skip s3 altogether and really wouldn't miss anything (although that has a lot to do with the writing for the season not just Jensen/SB. But the underwhelming nature of SB as the big bad of the season really didn't help things at all). The part of SB was written for someone like JDM who has shown he can pull off that dangerous cocky asshole swagger and somehow still make the character charismatic and somewhat likable (Negan). Jensen just.. was not it and it felt like he didn't even try.

I had the same impressions, Anon. I don't understand why (besides money) he took the job and didnt commit to deliver the performance his character deserved. Can you imagine if actors like Antony (Homelander), C Bale (Bateman in American Psycho) and Heath Ledger (Joker) have watered down their performances in order to keep the good guy image? What amazing performances we would have lost? Iconic scenes would never have the catharsis they supposed for the audience? All these performances have the culture impact they have because these actors were true to their characters!

If Jensen was so worried with his 'father of three dotting husband' image, he could have:

a. had his family flown somewhere, took pictures in a couple of different locations with different clothes and spacing out his posting to make it look he is present;

b. get his PR team write a few IG/Twitter posts about relevant subjects/charities (he is no stranger to slacktivism after all)

c. have paid fluff articles in different publications.

Jensen's has been doing all the above in the past few years, so its not like its anything different from what he is used to. I think he truly lost a great opportunity to be noticed by the industry by disentangling himself from SPN/Dean and opening up more doors to himself.

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ankhisms · 1 year

Text

ok i didnt take a lot of screenshots while i watched but i did write down some thoughts as i was watching so heres episode 41-44 thoughts

ep 41

really fucked up that ZECT has a like gas bomb that makes worms lose their mimic abilities and then they go in and kill them like honestly in that scene it seemed like the worms were like hiyori and rich boy and reina like just living normal lives not harming anyone. frankly im on the worms side here that was fucked up

tendou really climbed an entire mountain just to be dramatic on the top because of course he did

theres a new goth guy in town with a trench coat that hes got the hood pulled up on so you know he means evil business

"what does it mean that i am the top of zects son" kagami how have you gone this long without knowing that your dad is the boss of zect. like i know youre estranged. but you work for zect.

aw rich boy is so worried about his besties being hurt

kagami has admitted that it was a lavender marriage

tosses glitter and falls over, dead

KAGAMI HAS BEEN TACKLED AND HANDCUFFED FOR TRYING TO SEE HIS DAD. I HATE HIS DAD..kagami we need to kill your dad

renge voice how did you get an entire huge bed with a canopy over it inside our tiny ass cafe. did you really have to sleep here. tendou voice who cares. have breakfast. dont question anything that happens anymore

POURING SUGAR ALL OVER THE TOFU WHATRE YOU DOING

"the end is close" ok thats not ominous at all. normal things your dad says to you

"father why was i born" kagami..... kagami my friend kagami )): i havent seen anything about the end of kabuto but i do genuinely have a bad gut feeling about how everything might end for kagami like im concerned about him

the hoppers looking at rich boy and going god i wish someone would call me young master and spoil me and rich boy going hahaha so true. who the fuck are you guys again is so funny. and then theynjust start fighting for no reason like ok yeah sure

"please dont hold a grudge against my son" "i dont hold any grudges against kagami" dont worry mr zect president tendou is holding something else entirely against your son. as in hes holding him in his arms and um

"im not doing this for zect im doing it for someone i trust" aw kagami. i still think its a bad fucking plan

OK SURE HE WAS A WORM THE WHOLE TIME. SURE. WHY NOT.

"i wont trust anyone anymore" GOD. KAGAMI. IM VERY WORRIED ABOUT HIM LIKE WOW. HIS LIFE SUCKS CURRENTLY

THEYRE PUNCHING KAGAMI REALLY FAST HASNT HE GONE THRU ENOUGH

i get kagami might be a bit shocked that the guy hes been working with at zect and really trusted is a worm but like. i dont understand him having such a violent and like disgusted angry response to him like kagami knows that hiyori is a worm and knows that tsurugi is a worm and he has no issues with them?? and like his team mate guy was trying to protect him and help him and rushed over to see if he was ok and tried to help him up so its just kind of like. kagami i get you might be shocked but this is still the same guy youve always known and respected and trusted its just like. cmon now

ep 42

"time only flows for me" ok sure! whatever the fuck! i just am accepting every single thing that happens now because like yeah why not. this might as well happen enough bizarre unexplainable shit has happened already we might as well through something else in

watching a hostage tape ransom message on a projector

ok the zect counsel is like hooded mysterious figures. makes sense

TOFU DUEL......... TWO!!!!!!!!

i can not believe i forgot about kagami having a brother which was a whole thing in the beginning which was very tragic and sad it feels like the whole direction and feeling of the show has changed so much since then

baseball with feelings

"i kept seeing my sister in her" UM. DONT SAY THAT

i love kagami pushing open his jacket and touching the gattack belt in the same kind of movement an old wild west cowboy would do to reach for his gun holster in a shootout its very fun

misaki why did you say yes to going out with him suddenly. misaki please

it feels meaningful to me that tadokoro comes to save kagami and fight the other worm in his human form.... and then him reaching out to help kagami up and kagami taking his hand vs how kagami reacted when he first found out. cries

you may be able to stop time but consider this: im the fucking sun

not gorou chan is so mad about not being able to launch a missile attack. typical government behavior

TENDOU DITCHED THEIR TOFU DUEL

uh oh the other tendou is here

ep 43

other tendou skips into the cafe and is like lalalaaa im going to kill tendou. okay byeeeeeeee and skips out

"hiyori doesnt want to see you any more" DONT SAY THAAAAT HES HER BIG BROTHERRRRR

i do enjoy tendou two as a character so far hes fun

"how did you come here from the edge of time and space" "lol not telling you"

help this really is like this universe isnt big enough for two tendous

tendou two, while beating tendou up: whyre you hitting yourself stop hitting yourself

why must we fight the goth evil worm guy why cant we kiss him

cant visit your boyfriend in the emergency care ward of the hospital unless you look hot

the evil goth worm guy being able to copy any attack he gets hit with is a fun twist

IM NOT MISAKINU. IM MISAKI. YOU TELL HIM GO

"when my mimic defeats me" tendou. dont fucking say that. but also it makes sense. hes the kind of big brother who would sacrifice himself to save his little sisters. but like tendou. tendou your sisters need you alive. kagami needs you alive

"keep it all a secret from kagami" STOP!+!!!!!!! NO. YOU KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BREAK HIS HEART YOU KNOW HE WOILD DO ANYTHING TO STOP YOU FROM SACRIFICING YOURSELF

crying and sobbing about tendou teaching jyuka to cook. he loves both his little sisters so much but also he misses hiyori and cooking with hiyori was their sibling bonding activity

aw tendou two loves hiyori in his own way and doesnt want hiyori to be sad ):

the scene with tendou saying i have to die to save hiyori and kagami trembling and yelling AND I HAVE TO WATCH AND DO NOTHING WHILE YOU DIE?? they were in love there

yknow what i cant even blame hiyori for saying shes not returning to the world ever again. its her choice she should be allowed to make that choice. but also. sad

ep 44

i kind of wonder if hiyori was written out of the show because her actress was needing to do something else but i could always be wrong it just is kind of what the whole deal felt like

NOT MY RICH BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!

did not at all expect kageyama to stop his hopper-isms and put on a suit and be THA BEE again but im proud of him

oh he fucking got his ass kicked. well he tried

LETS GO HOME.... WAAAAAA... I LOVE YOU SIBLINGS...

i do feel bad for tendou two like it kind of seems like his entire existence was made to revolve around pretending to be tendou to keep hiyori there or whatever but also they had him fucking chained up and locked away tortured and now hes all alone. that sucks so bad for that guy

oop kageyama took off his suit hes back on the path of hell

OK TENDOU TWO IS GOING CRAZY. OK. DID HE JUST FUVKING KILL HIYORI. HOLY SHIT

#kr kabuto lb

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jjhyn · 1 year

Photo

just follow my lead

pairing: johnny suh x reader

genre: slice of life, angst? im so bad at these

plot: you find yourself alone with johnny in his room at a party

warning: slight nsfw, drugs and drinking, reader is peer pressured to smoke

notes: this is a very similar situation to something that happened with me and my ex, i promise nothing crazy happens! pls enjoy! and if you find any typos or have feedback pls lmk!

mentions: mark and jaehyun

words: 1876

a few moments ago you were contemplating going to this party your best friend invited you to. your best friend mark is a 3 year frat member in neo kappa. the two of you are like two peas in a pod, but completely different from each other. mark is a ball of sunshine, making friends left and right, the ultimate life of the party. you, however, are the opposite. a bit more reserved and tend to keep to yourself, mark is truly what could bring you out of your shell. hes been trying to convince you to go to his frats party all week because the two of you had just finished midterms and he thinks you need to get shitfaced this weekend to release some steam.

so here you are now, outside marks frat house trying to get in contact with him so he could come get you at the door so you dont have to awkwardly wander around the house and potentially run into someone you dont want to. you had been standing outside for a couple minutes and havent heard back from mark so you decide you were just going to take a breathe and just walk in. as youre approaching the door and reaching for the door knob, someone opens the door and you meet face to face with the one person you didnt want to run into. your ex, jaehyun. “woah. yn, what are you doing here?” he says halting his steps as he almost runs into you while youre trying to enter the house.

youre just as shocked as he is when he asks you the question, because honestly, why were you there? “um, mark invited me, is he in there?” you ask. jaehyun grabs his phone to seemingly check the time and he shoves it back in his pocket. “yeah, he is. let me walk you to him” he says. “oh, you dont have to do that, its fine.” you respond and he just looks at you before you sigh and follow him into the house. youre walking through the familiar frat house, being reminded of all the times you awkwardly exited the house after a night with jaehyun, cringing at the memory.

jaehyun leads you to the basement where youre greeted with partygoers cheering and a game of beer pong. you spot mark drinking from a red solo cup in defeat and he returns the gaze when he finishes his cup. “yo! yn! i didnt think youd come!” he yells as he waves you over into a hug. “yeah, i thought id come, i didnt have anything better to do.” you confessed to him as you separate from your hug. “aye, jae i thought you were stepping out real quick?” a voice from the other side of the room asks and you shift your head to see who the voice is coming from. johnny suh, 2nd in command and VP in Neo Kappa. “nah, i decided not to” jaehyun responds and mark scoffs at him, “bro, you just decided to stay because yn showed up and youre still down bad for her just say that” mark says jokingly but deep down he and you know its true. “yeah, yeah. whatever. anyone wanna smoke?” jaehyun asks to change the subject. a few nods and “yeahs” are thrown around in agreement. mark asks, “you tryna smoke?”. you quickly contemplate your answer and decline but tell him you’re going to grab a drink and meet them out back where theyre planning to smoke.

you enter the kitchen and grab a drink but not before you take a deep breathe. you didnt realize how much seeing your ex would affect you even though it has been almost half a year since you broke it off. you and mark never really say it out loud so him calling out jaehyun for still having feelings for you was a little jarring. you find your way to the frats backyard and see them sitting around a small bonfire, mark sitting on a lawn chair. you approach him and he asks if you want to sit in the chair hes in but you just shake your hard, opting to stand next to him. you take a sip of your drink when a tall figure approaches you with a chair, “here, have a seat” johnny says with a smile. you quietly thank him and move the chair closer to mark, turning your head away from the crowd to hide the blush forming on your cheeks.

everyones been passing the joint around and youve breathed in enough smoke to get slightly high. you close your eyes and shake your head slightly, trying to rid your head of this unfamiliar feeling when jaehyun notices you. “yn, you wanna hit?” he asks. you look at him for a moment before just shaking your head. “oh come on, its just some weed. youre not scared are you?” jaehyun responds and at this point hes getting on your nerves. you dont know if its a combination of the alcohol and the weed in the air or the anger getting to you but you just stand up and walk towards him. everyones eyes on you, waiting to see what youre about to do but you just grab the joint out of jaehyuns hands which shocks him, making him flinch. you take a lengthy puff out of the joint before blowing it back into jaehyuns face. when the smoke clears from obstructing your vision of jaehyuns face, hes got a smug smile on his face. you scoff and toss the joint into his lap and storm back into the house. this makes me panic as the joint was still lit, he hurriedly picks it up from his lap and dusts off the ash from his clothes.

mark watched this go down and stands up to go after you but johnny stops him and just gives him a look, somehow letting mark know that he would take care of it. mark watches as johnny follows you and turns back around walks over to jaehyun asking him why he would do that.

as youre walking back into the house, you have no idea where to go, you couldnt go home because you were too under the influence to drive and your apartment was way too far to walk. you find yourself walking up the stairs and passing by jaehyuns room. you give his bedroom door a kick but whip your head towards the stairwell when you hear a laugh. johnny is halfway up the stairs when he sees you kick the door and he laughs. “what?” you angrily ask. he laughs, “i know you wanted to kick jaehyuns room but he moved to that room.” he explains while pointing to a room a couple doors down. you huff and walk over to the door johnny pointed to and you kick it harder than you kicked the other door. “did that feel good?” he asks. you look at him before sighing, “god, jaehyun is such an ass.” johnny makes his way over to you, grabbing your hand and guides you to his room. you dont put up much resistance because for some reason, johnny made you feel safe even though this was your first real interaction with him. you had known him since mark joined the frat your freshmen year but never got the chance to talk to him.

the two of you enter johnnys room and your met with a warm smell. hints of vanilla and oak. you look around a bit as johnny walks over to his bed and pulls something from under it. you watch him from the door and he invites you over to sit with him on the floor with slight nod. you walk over and sit across from him on the floor. “jaehyun is an ass. i dont know what you saw in him” he says, breaking the silence. he notices you dont respond so he looks up and sees you looking down, fiddling with the hem of your skirt. he inserts his hand with a joint in it into your line of vision and you look up with a confused look. “i know you probably dont really smoke and by the way you reacted to jaehyun forcing you to smoke, i thought i could give you a lesson.” he explains. “a lesson? like on..” you start before he finishes your question, “like on smoking, yeah” he says with a bright smile. this makes you blush, “i dont know, yeah i dont smoke but he was making me so angry i just wanted him to shut up. literally how most of our relationship was.” you confess. “dont worry, i wont force you to if you dont want, but i will say im a good teacher, i did teach mark” johnny says in a slight bragging voice. this makes the two of you laugh and johnny realizes how pretty you are, especially when you smile.

“okay, fine. professor johnny, what do i do?” you ask while grabbing the joint from his hand. “woah, slow down. dont get too ahead of yourself pothead” johnny says after you snatch the joint from his hand. the two of you are laughing for a moment before he holds your hand in his and puts the joint to his lips, giving it a light with his other hand holding the lighter. youre just staring into his eyes as he lights the joint, breathing in, and holding it in lungs, before slowly breathing out. “just like that.” he says without breaking eye contact. you open your mouth to respond but nothing seems to come out. he notices your hesitance and says, “here, just follow my lead.” hes still holding your hand that holds the joint when he brings it to his lips and takes another puff. he uses his other hand to bring himself closer to you and softly holds your chin open and he slowly blows the smoke into your mouth. when hes released the smoke from his mouth into yours, he says, “breathe in. slowly.” and you follow orders. “good, just like that. now slowly breathe out.” and you do exactly that. the smoke clouding your vision of his face and when the smoke fades you see johnnys face, a lot closer than it did before with a smile that made you realize how handsome he was. “see, youre a natural” he compliments you and youre brought back to reality, blinking yourself out of a daze. “no, youre just a good teacher.” you tell him and he chuckles, sitting back down. “i told you im a good teacher” he smiles at you. a sudden wave of confidence whelms you and you crawl towards johnny and sit on his lap. you take a hit from the joint and connect your lips with his. his hands find themselves holding onto your waist and you grab onto his neck as he deepens the kiss. when the two of you separate, johnny breathes out and releases the smoke into your face, making you giggle. needless to say, you spent the rest of the night in johnnys room, getting to know each other, getting high, kissing, and just following his lead.

all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.

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