labib when al mualim asked him what he was doing while two young boys were fighting each other and bleeding to the death

uh this is gonna be me processing how i feel one year after the news of technoblades passing. skip this one.

it was 10am on july 1st when i learned of the news. the first thing i saw when i woke up was dreams tweet and i just saw 'fuck cancer' and my heart fucking dropped. in that split second i was thinking 'oh no, did it get bad again?' i didnt think that he died. i had hope. when i watched the video and listened to his last words, my heart was shattered and i simply did not know what to do but cry for hours.

i had just got out of a week long 'down' state, when i had felt the worst ive been in years and i had one good day before i heard the news. i fell back into the sadness and it sucked. it sucked so bad.

every few hours id go on twitter and see more people react to it throughout the day. i watched as his family, friends, and community mourned him. every passing tweet made me cry. technoblade meant so much to a lot of people. he meant a lot to me too. and his death hit me so hard i was blindsided by the pain.

its an insane feeling to grieve over someone i dont know or never met, whom i only started watching for less than two years. it makes me feel insane to cry about it when none of my friends knew him. it feels insane how there is no tangible way techno had changed my life because i built no friendships through him, or made art of him, or was even an active member of the community. all i got was/is my love for him and his friends that he introduced me to. idk how to explain it, but it felt like i dont deserve to grieve him.

but obviously his community has been so loving through and through. we held each other, even though i personally spoke to nobody about it (given the fact that i dont talk to anyone or tweet on twitter and nobody irl knew him). theres still a weird feeling of loneliness and isolation despite the collective grief.

the toughest thing to watch was his father grieving him together with us. i had lost my father when i was a child and i watched his mother mourn him. it never made sense then that a parent should watch their kid die. it still doesnt make sense now. in some egotistical, nonsensical way, it felt like the universe did a trade with me.

i have never had any direct communication with technodad, but i think he had helped a lot in my processing my pre-existing grief over my father, together with our grief over technoblade, and everyone else i have lost in between. i will forever appreciate him for that.

sidenote: the dream technodad had about being at a gathering and he couldn't find technoblade. but turns out he was in the other room playing a game. and in the dream he was like 'oh thank god he's not dead' but when he woke up reality hit him like a truck?

yeah well, that was how it felt when i found out my dad passed away all those years ago. i woke up to a house filled with relatives and my mother pulled me aside to tell me my dad had passed away. he was the only person who wasnt there.

the grief i have for technoblade is so deeply intertwined with my grief for my father and i dont think i can ever succinctly explain it to anyone in my life. because they happened 16 years apart and had no connection whatsoever except for me whos in the middle. slowly processing my own grief.

(midwriting this i suddenly realized that after my birthday this year i will be older than technoblade could ever be and im sobbing silently in my room so my roommates cant hear me)

it sucks being someone who doesnt cry in front of people and struggle to ask for help or even a hug. the loneliness is palpable. thats why i wrote everything here.

i love you, technoblade.

i love you, dad.

im sorry to lump the two of you together like this. im a little insane, i know. i hope its okay.

Miracle Queen

At long last, my late Miracle Queen analysis is here....I apologize for the wait, this would have been out yesterday but unfortunately I realized I had places to be. 

As usual, spoilers are below

Marinette and Luka

DId anyone else take Marinette asking Luka about that “perfect tune” as a different take on asking someone out? Because she asked about it, but then Luka didn’t play it because she was still thinking about Adrien.  Then at the end of the episode, he ass “Are you sure you want to hear it” after she was done thinking about what Master Fu said about life not always giving you what you want or expect but it not necessarily being a bad thing. 

Low-key I interpreted the end of Miracle Queen being the start of a Lukanette relationship. 

And he pulled a Chat Noir here.

“No!” for once when Adrien doesn’t want someone’s advances they actually stop. Kagami respect.

“I mean, yes!” This boy is so confused... I mean, clearly he likes Kagami. He could probably see himself being in a sucessful relationship with her but he’s so confused by his feelings for Ladybug, these surfacing feelings for Kagami and his repressed feelings for Marinette...poor kid.

“Your indecision is hurtful, Adrien” I like that she’s not pushing him, but letting him know that he needs to gather himself soon. 

---

“For a moment there, I thought you only had to wear glasses to get a miraculous” 

Hawkmoth and Mayura: Well....

“Dont know this one, he’s cute,  but he gets his clothes from a dumpstser” Luka X Chloe has been canonically shot down. 

Okay so...now Hawkmoth knows the identies of ALL the miraculous wearers outside of Ladybug and Chat Noir...what now? I mean, these all have to be people Ladybug knows and trusts right?- Hawkmoth now knows all their identities, so, he can find out what they have in common. 

They all go to the same school. If he found that out, he could narrow it down to have Ladybug be going to their school as well. 

Then, he could find out WHO they all have in common. Most of them are class mates, so it’s likely someone in THEIR class, but what about Kagami and Luka? The classmates all have relationships with their fellow classmates in common, but Kagami and Luka? Who do they have in common with the class? 

Marinette and Adrien. If it weren’t for Kagami, Juleka. So this is actually kinda dangerous for Marinette if Gabriel and Nathalie followed that line of thinking. 

---

Oh my sweet stars...

She’s going down

He’s yelling timber

No but like she was legit just falling down and he just

I don’t know I just get the feeling this scared him.She completely rag-dolled like on some of those video games, and his instinct wasn’t to just catch her either, no, it was to just completely wrap her up in his arms like a burrito.

Then he’s asking her forgiveness, like...he knows he’s in the wrong letting her use it even if she is willing to help him or not. But he can’t do it without her. 

“Don’t blame yourself. From the very first day, I knew that I’d do anything for you.”

So basically what happened was, she was quite fond of Gabriel and loved his family before all of this. But as soon as he told her he was going supervillain, she got smacked in the face with something more because she got to see how much he was willing to do to keep his family intact. 

And he pulls her closer

And then just absolutely melts into her hand

And I am here for it.

I love them and they love each other. 

She’s so pretty. Now, that aside- she brought back Hawkmoth’s sentimonster. Is it a new one or the same one? It certainly looks the same...but what emotion has it been created from, exactly? Does that matter when reviving a sentimonster, assuming it’s supposed to be the same one? Or is it completely different aside from appearance? Her eyes are pretty in these shots.

I am in no way attracted to Gabriel but when we get shots like this I can kinda understand why Nathalie would be.

---

This positive reinforcement...absolutely wonderful. She already had a breakdown and was on the verge of another. Chat kept that from happening and did his job as her kitty to keep her grounded and focused. They’re starting to see each other in different lights, her opening up to him so much emotionally like that proves that no matter what they’ll always have an unbreakable bond. They’re literally each other’s pillar of support.

“Littlebug” I love it. Imagine if that’s what he calls his future daughter assuming they get together in the future? Adorable. 

“No, its to dangerous! To many powers at the same time”- Master Fu has obviously been teaching Chat Noir too. He’s been getting all the info Ladybug has it seems, just from that line. I like that detail. 

Sometimes I like to imagine Gabriel or Nathalie in place of Hawkmoth and Mayura and this started cracking me up because it reminded me of Simon Says. Flutter flutter. Flap flap.

Who knew snakes liked cheese?

Cutie. And I like how the second time Adrien got the snake miraculous, he was actually able to wield it as necessary because he wasn’t trying to impress Ladybug, 

Okay so, I like how in this shot they didn’t have him breathing or talking and all the noise seemed to kinda stop. It’s realistic and I like that attention to detail.

Gabriel, honey...ily but you’re dumb. Ladybug is right there, her purifying that akuma before it even reaches it’s target was predictable. 

Also when Chloe opened up there, and Ladybug’s face as she realized exactly what all of this was about- I think it hurt both of them. But Ladybug’s already explained herself. Chloe should have known that if she wanted her miraculous back from Ladybug it wasn’t going to be easy. She already told her so...yeah I understand though. She’s just hurt and let it get the best of her. Girl needs to get her emotions in check. 

Sometimes you an really Tell Gabriel lives in the present without thinking much about the consequences of certain things. He looks so freaking happy about Chloe being so adamantly against Ladybug now and wearing all the miraculous, but how is she going to know what to say to transform before Ladybug gets the miraculous away from her? I understand the excitement of a new ally but “I don’t even need to do anything” Idk if you really want her to be able to use all the miraculous and potentially lose her mind as implied from Kwami Buster you might want to distract Ladybug and Chat so she can figure out the right transformation words. 

“Checkmate, Ladybug!” I have little to say except I love it when villains say “checkmate” during battle. 10/10 dialogue. 

He evil laughs so much in this sequence. I wonder if he’s practiced it? Has Nathalie ever walked in on him practicing his evil laugh in the mirror? and this...

Don’t say checkmate until the opponent has no more pawns to move, And the reactiosn the kwamis have? How many masters have they grown to love and admire that they lost just like that? Also I recall someone saying that this thing has a plot hole in it, but I think that Master Fu really was the true guardian of this particular box just from the backstory he has, he was given the miraculous box and grimoir by another master to protect. So he was in a way established as guardian of that box and so I see no reason why he shouldn’t be able to hand ownership over to anyone of his choice. 

“Hawkmoth! Tell them to give me my box back!” Did anyone else find that hilarious? Like a spoiled child running to a father who has the backbone of a chocolate eclair. 

Except in this case he has the backbone of like...a steel rod. 

And then he just goes to scoop up Mayura. 

“How disappointing...”

I like Mayura’s face here too. “Oh, he’s picking me up? Alright, okay I guess so, that’s fine.”

I literally slow down the playback scenes to watch these scenes go slower. It looks like their heads are touching.

That’s a whole mood. Me too. 

“Im going to New York with Mommy!” Chloe you’re a comedian. 

Wow, she really looks like she’s hurting. 

“Oh my Nathalie...” 

There’s not even a comma, he called her his. 

“There are no words to express how sorry I am”

“No, not for nothing” she still remains the optimistic one. She’s comforting him when she’s the one in need. He obviously thinks she should be upset with him but she just continues telling him its okay. All she cares about is making sure he’s happy and doesn’t want him to blame himself for her choices. Gabriel get this woman a ring. 

---

“Goodbye....Master”

I feel so bad for these kwamis. How long does it take before they break after watching everyone they love eventually just die? Have any of them ever emotionally distanced themselves from mortals to avoid the heartbreak when they inevitably lose them? And without Wayzz how long does Master Fu have left being almost 200 years old?

Chloe is really putting on her clown wig in this episode. Mommy is staying in Paris so she can’t go to New York now. Karma, am I right?

“Even if like doesn’t give us the gifts we were hoping for, the true gift is life itself”....And that’s why I think Lukanette is basically canon by the end of the episode. Master Fu’s words play out in her head as she sits next to Luka and she’s not stuttering around Adrien. Her ice cream changes, and I just can’t help but feel like the whole melody thing was symbolic of her accepting Luka’s love and deciding to move on.

They can finally be together...

“Thank you young lady, I will never forget you” if only he knew...

And the way it ended, the endcard...it was all just very sweet and fitting. I do hope Marinette and Adrien will be together by the time Miraculous ends (it’s obviously endgame) but them developing a strong, loving friendship that isn’t plagued with stuttering and stalking is going to be crucial for them to really have a chance at making it. Adrien and Kagami and Luka and Marinette do make sense as couples as we get to know Kagami and Luka more. Still though, I do hope that Adrien and Marinette find each other in the end. There’s to much symbolism pointing to them being (as much as I hate the term) soul mates for them not to. 

And for the record, same with Gabenath imo. Gabriel IS losing his certainties, after all...

|| Eremika Fanfic: Remember Me!? ||

This is basically continuation from Manga plot with some changes ....you will get to know as story progresses! Do read, share & comment!

Chapter : 1

Just like any day....the sun rose from East making the whole city glow from its heat!

Just like every day everyone is back to their own chores !

Since that day of the new history of Shinganshina or to be more accurate the new Paradis....where there is no more walls, no more eldians & marliyans hatred....it was more like a new Era....Everything has just changed!

People know more about the truth with No Memory Loss....No Misconception Of Titans & Their Existence....Cause Titans Are Just A History Now Which Kids In Their Schools Learn About Their Past Existance!

6 Years....

6 Years Since He Disappeared....Vanished Just Into The Thin Air Just Like That! Leaving her alone once again in this Cruel World! He is known as humanity's Biggest Enemy Now....Who was once recognised as Humanity's Only Hope! But Something Tells Her....His Decision Changed The Whole Prespective! He Actually Changed This World....United Them To Fight Against Him! Sacrificed Himself....For The Cause Of His Own People! No Matter In Which Way But He Succeeded...Even If It Is By Being Cold Hearted Mass Murderer....She knows he was The Saviour, He Was No Monster!

But.....The Sad Part Is He Just Disappeared Like That 6 Years Back After That Rumbling Ended!

No One Noticed Him Since Then Nor His Giantic Titanic Body!

Did he deceive her all again? After making her that promise of returning back alive....wrapping around her that piece of cloth...before going for that final battle against everyone....Did he just die like that after doing so much....not even once meeting her again! Is he actually dead? Where is he? Where is Eren Yeager?

Just like any day....Mikasa starts her day thinking about him....just when her thoughts broke off hearing the powerful scream of her son....shrieking the hell out of her!

“ MOOMMM “

“Ahhh....Heyyy....” says Mikasa shocked watching that little guy running to her hurriedly with a backpack in his hand.

“ MOMMMM! GETTT ME MY FOOD HURRY! I GOTTA BE LATE FOR MY SCHOOL IF YOU JUST KEEP ON SITTING LIKE THAT! I AM HUNGRY” says the little guy with his loud voice.

“ Hush! Cant you speak a bit normally? I mean whats with all these shouting! I am not deaf!” scowls Mikasa as she gets up from the dining table.

The boy simply shrugs- Look Mom! I have no time for this....Alright! I am HUNGGRRYYY!

Ah that pout....thinks Mikasa....his cute little pout always makes her heart melt....and those Green eyes...it just reminds her of him! Thinking about him makes her Sad again!

Mikasa brings a plate full of noodles as she pushes it slightly towards the little devil on the other side of dining table.

The little guy hungrily takes the spoon out of it as he starts rolling the strands of noodles in it....and hurriedly stuffs them in his mouth.

Mikasa stares at her little boy silently observing his every features....his antics were just completely like his dad. Mikasa sighs....only if he was here! Suddenly her eyes fell on a small bruise on his forhead...Mikasa frowned....

When did he got that! Damn....did he just again fight with someone in his school yesterday!

This boy will surely make her crazy....

Mikasa glares at the green eyed little boy who was busy in gulping down his glass of water without noticing his mother's furious glare!

Mikasa in serious tone- Eli.....Look at me!

Eli looks at his mother in confusion as he stops munching his food for a moment...

Eli mumbling – Yes Mom!

Mikasa scowls- What is with that scar on your head!

Eli gasps in shock as he looks else where but not in her eyes....he surely tried to hide that thing by bringing his most of the black hair upto his forehead so that his mother wont notice that scar!

Eli nervously while fidgeting a little as he speaks in his child like voice- Errmm...Its nothing...actually...I fell on the way while returning to home so I guess Got hurt a little!

Mikasa glares- Eli...Shut up! Dont dare you lie to me! Since you got admitted to the school...I have been receiving lots of complain due to your rude behaviour towards children! So dont give me that crap! Did you fight again with someone?

Eli glares back at his mother as he says raising his voice- Rude behaviour? I am not Rude! Its not my fault if those kids of my class bumps into me intentionally just to tease me ! I am not gonna keep my mouth shut if they taunts me by calling me Monster Baby! I am gonna punch their freaking ugly face for calling me that! I had enough of it! I am not weak or Something....

Mikasa scolds him as she raises her voice- Eli! Stop it! If they taunts you....its not necessary for you to reply them back! Stop being impulsive! You cant just beat up people if they tell you something! Learn to control yourself!

Eli tries to defend himself- But...

Mikasa holds his shoulders softly- Eli listen to me!

As Eli stares with his big green eyes, Mikasa with broken voice tells him- Punching someone or beating someone wont prove you strong! I know how it feels but you gonna get adjusted to this! You dont need to start a fight with someone if they say hateful words to you! I know you are strong Eli! But you need to control yourself! Your anger wont do any good....

Eli remains mum as he softly shrugs off his mother's hand....taking his back pack on his back.

Eli calmly- I am done with my breakfast! Bye Mom!

Before Mikasa could say anything, Eli runs out of the house way to his school while Mikasa just whispers watching him running away- Bye! Just dont fall into any trouble Eli! You are the only one I have! I have lost everything in my life....I dont want to loose you!

Mikasa stares at sky scattered with clouds and the sun rays with birds flying...

Mikasa murmers as lone tear escapes from her eyes- Eren....I Wish You Were Here!

***********

Eli has been walking merrily along the way towards his school when he hears someone calling him from behind....

Eli turns around and squeals in happiness seeing the blonde hair guy with that scout uniform- Uncle Arlert!

The blond guy walks hurriedly towards him as he laughs- Its Armin!

Eli rolls eyes- oh yeah its the same thing! Arlert is also your name anyways!

Armin giggle- oh well young man ! Off to school ha? Come I will take you there!

Eli with his head high- No need! I can walk to my school myself!

Armin nods his head gently- ofcourse you can! But I have to make sure you dont fall in any trouble you know....or else your mom will be worried!

Eli frowns as he chirps in his child voice- Wait Mom asked you to follow me!

Armin nods in negetive as he nervously says- No No....Not that lately she is being really worried about you! So I thought to have a check on you....

Eli yells angrily- Heyyyy! What the hell is wrong with everyone damn it! I am not a toddler or something! I dont need anyone! I can look out for myself! I am freaking 5 years! Leave me Alone uncle Arlert ! You have your own daughter....Just look after that pathetic princess of Yours!

Saying this....Eli ran off hurriedly before Armin could follow him any further.

Armin was shocked by his reaction! He wasnt expecting such outburst! He was not told by Mikasa to follow him....he just did it cause he felt he had some responsibility towards his best friend's son after what just happened a week back in his school!

But today this out burst....he just completely reminded of HIM!

It wasnt for first time....Eli was like this anyways since he was born....stubborn & pure brat with that pathetic anger of him but he usually doesnt talk like this with him....he is really fond of his uncle Arlert & his only friend Alina Arlert....his & Annie ‘s daughter! Yes They are no more titan shifters now! That power & the curse got ended 6 years back immediately after the rumbling! They were all normal now....

Alina is 4 now....a year younger than Eli...She still didnt get admission in school yet , most probably after she turns 5....she will also start going to school and accompany Eli too...

But well right now Armin is concerned about Eli sudden outburst....did he get into an argument with Mikasa again in morning! He seemed really pissed off hearing his mother’s name!

He needs to talk to Mikasa right now....

***********

Eli was breathing heavily as he stops mid way & looks back....damn his little legs are paining now! He just ran a marathon to escape from Armin.

Aaahhh He hates just being lectured every damn time! Nobody just understands him & his point of view! His mom only thinks him of as some brat who doesnt listen to her or something! What she doesnt understand is....Eli is just tired of this daily bully of him in school by calling him some monster's child, Titan baby, illegitimate kid etc etc ! When he tries to explain this to his mom....all she tells him to not react to them! Like how the hell....why wont he react to those carzy bunch of people who simply insults him! Eli's anger just rose thinking about all these! He realises...he just ran off bit too far from his school....in some empty area with less people walking around! The area has some broken houses all around....people dont live here now much! Duh he is in no mood to walk back to his school....missing a day at school wont be any harm ,thinks Eli.

He just notices a bench a bit far.....and walks towards it & sit down!

He wants to be alone from his mother's scoldings and lectures! Eli always wondered why he didnt have a father like every other kid! He has been numerous times taunted about this by some adults in their neighbours! They simply call him Titan Baby & he hate that Word Titan! He doesnt really know what are those but once he heard some students in school talking about it....Titans were some bad ugly creatures who used to be on this land some years back! And Eli understood he was simply called those ugly creature's kid....

Once he dared to ask his mother about his own dad....but didnt get any answer from her instead he made her sad for some unknown reasons. He hates his mom to be sad or to cry! Its true his mom is strict in many ways and over protective too but Eli loves his Mom very much....just only he wishes if only she understood his feelings! Since Eli never questioned his mom about his Dad whom he never met!

Eli was lost in his thoughts as he was swinging his small legs over the bench absent mindedly....when all of a sudden he felt some one was watching him from far....Eli’s eyes travelled up infront of him as he felt alert all of sudden....

He noticed a Silhouette infront of him......on the wall ahead of that old broken house...someone is standing behind HIM!

To be continued.....

Chapter : 2 - click here

Think of a movie and now give me that movie title: random Elvira: Mistress of the Dark 

Quote a line from that movie:

Name a song: random MARUV & Boosin — I Want You 

What’s a line from that song? Baby turn me, turn me on All night long What’s the last word spelled backwords of that line? GNOL XD Whats the relationship between you and the last person you texted? my fiancee What would your name be if you replaced T’s with S’s & A’s with E’s? Zuzenne Would you ever legally change you name to that? nah Your boyfriend/girlfriend say they can’t hang out & it’s been two weeks. You? ok How often do you think about death? all the time Where were you when you had your first sleepover? Your house or a friends’? friend’s - P.W.

Are you hungry?: thirsty

What did you buy last time you went to the store?: food? bread not food? trinkets - for example - two books and a tiny stuffed dog

Do you think stained glass windows are pretty?: I don’t know tbh

Are you a chocoholic?: not at all

Have you ever been carded when buying something? : not even when I was buying cigarettes

Do you have a favorite highlighter color?: yellow

Do you have a flashlight?: I do

Do you like watermelon?: nah

Has anyone ever walked in on you while you were on the toilet?: obvi, many times but usually just family members

Do you like a lot of ice in your drinks?: noooo

Have you ever painted a room?: bathroom Have you ever petted a donkey? from what I remember

Out of all 24 hours, which one is your favourite? hmm... Have you ever been in a lighthouse? nope

What time are you planning on going to bed tonight? no idea Have you ever been bit by an animal? yeah Did it rain today? kinda What was the name of the last dog you pet? it was my dog - Łasuch Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? sure Are you constantly judging people? could say so Have you ever had anything stolen from you? sorta Which would you rather, a snowy day, sunny day, rainy day or cloudy day?: cloudy or sunny maybe rainy but definitely not snowy How long have you ever spent away from home? month? Has your luggage ever been lost at the airport? Did you get it back? - About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? few Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds? no What scent of candle do you burn the most? we don’t For what reason did you last cry? ugh... What kind of surveys do you wish there were more of? deep

Last time you were attacked by an animal? this summer? Are you paranoid all the time or just during the night? more often during the day actually  Have you ever dated someone without knowing their name? last name, not first, I was a stupid kid and was dating a guy online once and several boys at camp just to show off somebody likes me that way even tho I wasn’t really interested nor knew anything about those matters

If you go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, how much do you really eat? a tiny bit If you need to ask a question in class do you raise your hand? of course How many times have you been engaged (if any at all)? once, currently Do you have to see something to really believe it? jak niewierny Tomasz - często Have you ever gotten so dehydrated that you passed out? I’m surprised that I didn’t :x If your friend was being cheated on, would you tell them? absolutely Do you always assume the worst? that me indeed Are you sick and tired of life? sadly Have you ever been busted for under age drinking? I wasn’t drinking underage, I still don’t drink  Do you have a picture of you and your lover kissing? 1 and a tik tok Have you witnessed a fight at school? bunch

What is your favorite time of day to run? when I’m late for the bus lmfao

When was the last time you talked to your mom? recently Do your parents crush your dreams? sometimes Did you sleep in today? I didn’t Do you hate sleeping in? I love sleeping in  How late do you consider too late to sleep in? noon, 11am is already late  How long have you had a smartphone? less than 5 years Do you keep lists of names that you like? even tho I don’t want kids :P Have you ever butt-dialed someone? it happened

First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed, like *that*; M.

Do you like going to school sports games? eww, boring Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? guy from camp gave me his cap for a day Have you ever stolen your sibling’s clothes? I had to wear them when she was growing up, gross Have you ever loved someone and HATED it? later? Do you like Starbucks or would you rather just have water or something? just water lol Have you ever walked into a door before? po maturze zapomniałam, że woźny zamknął drzwi, które się same otwierały i walnęłam w nie, raz przytrzepałam sie w futrynę bo za szybko skręciłam w nocy do pokoju, mama uderzyła mnie drzwiami jak byłam mała i stałam za blisko wejścia dzwoniąc do domu więc spadłam ze schodów, a ojciec stuknął mnie tymi dworcowymi przy wiadukcie i wylałam na siebie sok - to chyba wszystkie przypadki Do you know anyone who’s like, psycho-religious? fanatic? my uncle is one of those Have you ever been stuck on a ski lift? luckily never been there to begin with Do you know who Nancy Sinatra is? ain’t this the gal who sings “those boots were made for walking” or smth like that? Have you ever bought anything from an airport? I wasn’t there so... If I asked you who you were gonna marry a year ago, you would say; omg Do you snore, talk, sleepwalk, or drool? drool at times, sorry also roll/kick around and fart ^^” When you woke up this morning, what was your first thought? I was wondering why Nat fronted If you could start completely over knowing what you do now, would you? possibly

If you drink coffee, do you have a favorite flavor & brand? If so, what? not applicable Have you ever personally known a pair of Conjoined twins? woah What is your first thought when you see people kissing in public? "get a room” Would you ever consider being a professional stunt-person? I have no abilities/skills/health etc for that kind of job and it’s really sad actors get prizes for stunt-ppl’s work

How about a Mailman? my father was and that ruined his body so I doubt it (Besides Hello kitty) Do you have a favorite Sanrio character? If so, Who? Hello Kitty is evil Do you flinch when strangers touch you? don’t touch me! Can you remember the first time you went to a movie theater? I believe Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it? I have strange interests... Do you actually like the taste of Diet Soda? didn’t try and don’t plan to What brand of toliet paper do you normally use? I don’t give a shit ;) Do the Charmin bears make you feel uncomfortable? xD fact that they’re red makes me uneasy On average, how many cans of soda would you say you drink daily? zero Did/do you ever stick your chewed -up gum under tables? I spat it on grass when I was younger and had stuck it in my hair years before as well but every other gum I trashed properly Can you remember the last thing you watched on the news that upset you? that’s why I avoid news How do you feel about red lipstick, is it whorish? it’s my fav but I no longer use makeup What is your definition of feminism? fighting for equal rights between women and men like pay in workplaces Are you comfortable in shorts? am not So, have you watched that Bob’s Burgers show? Do you like it? fragments 

Do you ever get the feeling you dont belong? always Do you believe actions speak louder than words? good actors will use both ways to lie

If your friend tried to commit suicide infront of you how would you react? how, why, who, when etc. Ever had a rumour spread about you? plenty Have you ever tried to impress someone before? majority of my life and I hate myself for that If someone jumped on your back what would you do? die? If you had a child and they turned out just like you would you be happy? poor kid... If you could choose the gender of your child what gender would you choose? not that I want kids but girl

Name three people you want to meet in Heaven. from those who died or are alive rn?

What could be the theme song of your life? I was taking a quiz today and they gave me Kero Kero Bonito - I'd Rather Sleep

Do you have any embarrassing health issues? :( Who do you wish you could talk to? grandma and/or brother Do you lose or misplace things a lot? very rarely lose, misplace more often but still usually same item like my scissors What was the name of the street you grew up on (if you don’t live there now) I live here! Does it still feel like summer where you live? it’s too cold for that Do you have a Paypal account? I wish Have you ever had a brand or company reach out to you on Instagram? polyvore What is the last thing you purchased from Etsy? I have no bank account to be able to buy stuff there Do you sell on Etsy? I’d like to someday Do you have a favorite aunt, and if so, who is it? aunt Alice Who is your favorite cousin? no one Have you bought next year’s calendar yet? yup What year did/will you turn 30? 2022 What’s a food that you like, but it makes you feel sick? no comment Do you like the name Addison? sounds like a shoe Is there anything that you regret getting rid of? ... Have you ever stood up to a bully? couple of times Do you own striped tights? nude and transparent Have you ever made your own Halloween costume out of clothes from ur closet? yep When was the last time you received a hug? this day Do you have anyone who hugs you regularly? dad? Would you rather have the bottom bunk or top bunk? bottom Window seat or aisle seat? window, aisle if in church  Have you ever thrown up on an airplane? that’s one of the reasons I won’t fly Have you ever seen anyone else throw up on an airplane? that’s another... Have you ever gotten sick in the car? almost Do you still wear clothes from the children’s section? whoops you got me What color is your watch? I need to buy watch for Nat... What color was the last pair of flip-flops you wore? last time I was wearing flip flops was before middle school and they were pink I suppose Were you born in your favorite season? in the worst! Have you eaten oatmeal lately? regularly... Do you enjoy editing photos? if not a snapchat filter selfie then I prefer them “natural” What is your favorite app on your phone? Choices forever! lately I begun playing The arcana and it’s pretty good, Lisa downloaded Addams family mystery mansion or smth but it’s not that cool and I used to play the detective story which was awesome <3  Do you answer your phone every time it rings? hell no Do you like to decoupage things? scrapbooks/collages are way better How many tabs are open on your browser right now? 9 with this one but I forgot to close the background music 

How many times have you had sex within the past two years? Guesstimate? personal How many times in a month do you go to the movies? How much do you spend? not at all

When was the last time you heard thunder? Where were you at anyway? this month? home When was the last time you were in trouble with your parents? If so. it’s complicated Do you know anyone who claims to have the ability to see the future? I have dreams that come true and my parents do, also my gf When you go to the movies, do you actually watch the movies or not? ... what else would I do in the cinema? oh, you mean kiss and such? waste of money Do you love or loathe the Eurovision? I don’t mind it Have you ever wielded a sword? wanna try :D If you were famous would you want a statue or a building names after you? what for Can you erect a tent? hope I didn’t forgot How tall is the tallest person you know? didn’t ask Have you ever ridden a camel? might try What’s your opinion on rats? cute

what do u guys think about a fic that focuses on mental health? barry w ptsd & depression... len w ptsd.. caitlin w ocd... cisco w anxiety... hartley w depression...

cause I've been thinking how much they've actually really been through. And how almost none of then have gone for therapy or something (for those that did... uh well it's more of a couples therapy thing and i-).

len was abused and neglected as a child and as an adult he had to repress his emotions to keep up his criminal persona.

barry's childhood was also rough in a different way. he lost both his parents and everyone thought he was crazy. that, on top of the bullying and probable isolation for being 'that kid' mist have impacted him q a bit. a n d, his life changed in an instant, suddenly he has all this responsibility of being a hero and saving lives. yea, he doesnt mind it because he loves it... but all the people he couldnt save? all the chaos and terror? the mistakes he's made? the betrayal of his mentor? losing his other parent again? having to witness something traumatic time and time again? knowing when you're going to go missing and not being able to do something about it? all the deaths (hr, bette, watching iris die)? plus, non-canon: maybe losing len and thinking he was 100% dead after the oculus? i love Barry as a cinnamon roll full of happiness and all that but woah he's been through a lot (send love pls)

and caitlin... her life's been out of control since she was a kid to the point where she has repressed memories ( the car accident thing w frost ). also, her dad e x p e r i m e n t e d on her... yea. her parents seemed to have a messy 'divorce' and she was lied to and told her father was dead. things were definently not easy as a child and adolescent if she ended up distancing herself from her mother so much that she didnt even work in the same place as her even though it's the same profession and stuff. and post-Barry getting his powers... well she played a part in the particle accelerator explosion, she lost her fiance, she was betrayed by her mentor, people have died infront of her, she's under constant pressure to keep Barry physically healthy, she 'developes' powers, she loses her identity, being kidnapped .... it's like she has no control over so many things that affected her so much. i feel like we can even see how she tries to control as much of what she can (Barry's health w all the tests and stuff, working late alone in a lab doing research etc). i can see how it could develope into ocd/an eating disorder/something that strongly relates to control

and Cisco... neglected as a child and being "outshined" by his brother. Whether the latter actually happened or not, it clearly affected him and that's enough to impact someone's self esteem. He was clearly a geek since he was a child (and yes we love that a out him) but I doubt his childhood went swell w all the things happening at home. he either isolated himself in school or was picked on :( he even mentioned his childhood bullies and his distaste for high school in the show. i can see him as someone who doubts himself and thinks lowly of himself to the point where he questions everything and is anxious when hes overwhelmed.

And Hartley well. We all know about his family situation. Gay, disowned and shunned. Yeah, I can see how this could affect a person. Being happy and having everything u want (not just in monetary terms, it was mentioned somewhere that he came out because he felt happy in life and wanted to finally tell his parents) to suddenly having nothing and no one? The struggles of being homeless on top of the effects of being shunned by his parents is just... unimaginable. Plus, with his sexual orientation being the problem, he probably had the "am I wrong? am i a freak? do i not deserved to be loved? im wrong. why am i like this." type of thoughts going through his head. it even led to him having issues with forming bonds in the future (see: Cisco, caitlin and ronnie. The most was eowells but we know how eo was a manipulator. He even mentioned how he spent months in pain alone while making his hearing aids. He didnt even seek help. He didnt have someone to help him through his suffering).

I mean yea idk just a thought. I've been going through shit recently so mayb I'm just projecting but yea I thought about doing a fic where they're struggling, falling deeper and deeper, seeking help, getting help and support and the aftermath. Idk? It might be very angsty cause I dont think I know anyone who's had a smooth and easy recovery (nonetheless, anyone in the dctv universe).

If I do, i might have a chapter on Julian or Ralph or someone who looks like they're going to spiral or crash but their friends, who've been through shit before and got help, saw the signs and managed to get them help. Cause that's true irl... not everyone has to spiral, crash and burn before they get the help they need. And sometimes, they dont even notice they're about to spiral, but someone on the outside sees the signs

And yea that idk mhm okay bye love yall

There’s no place like home

No ones pov

It was only a week but everyone knew spider-man was gone.

Dewey couldn’t believe it, he lost his girlfriend, his best friend, his brother, his father, and his mother. At least that’s what he thought on the last one (this next part is going to parody the deleted tasm 2 ending)Dewey was standing by webbys grave, and Behind dewey, was Della Duck, back from defeating a cosmic army after her children, and the stones.

“Dewey” Said Della

Dewey turned around

“I don’t want to frighten you”Said Della,”*sight*

Della starts to walk towards Dewey

“Stay there, stay right there, don’t move” said dewey

“But I’d like to tell you a few things if that’s alright, i know this is impossible to understand Dewy, i thought i knew what to say but i don’t, I don’t know what to say to you except I’m sorry, I’ts me, I’s me Dewey I’m Sorry”

Dewey’s POV

I couldn’t believe what im seeing, my mom, no she is dead like my father. This is all a very mean prank

“You’re not my mother”

“I am your mother Dewey, now why dont you just listen to-”

“My MoThEr Is DeAD”

“Dewey listen to me”

ShE’s DeAd, WHO ARE YOU!”

“I had to disappear and I’m sorry understand that I had disappear to keep you saf- to keep you safe Like wha-”

“WHAT SAY IT, SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY, WHERE YOU BEEN, your dead”

I screamed at her, with my eyes filling with tears, why would she leave me, why wouldn’t she want to be with me until now.

“I had to die to keep you alive, I had to disappear to keep you safe, listen listen to me, I had to disappear to keep my mistakes from catching up with you, I had to stay away to keep certain people from hurting you, do you understand What im saying, there was no other way to keep you safe, im so sorry”

I ran into my mothers arms, for the first time. I get to hug my mother. And then I start crying.we were walking and Talking, And that was when I decided to ask my mom an important question.

“why now, why’d you come back now?”

“Your father knew there would come a time in you life when you would need us more than anyone else, before he died, I promised that I’d be there for you no matter what, and that time came……..I know what its like to lose everything you love, now we both speak for the dead, if you lose hope, the the glomgolds of the world really have won, then your father would have died for nothing, Webby would have died for nothing, I can’t come to terms with the world like that”

“I dont know……..I dont Know how to go on without her”

“you don’t, take her with you,…..I’m not the same duck i used to be, i used to be arrogant enough to believe that it was my destiny to save people at one point, but after everything i did, to hide my discoveries, only you and your brothers were able to find it, and i realize now maybe it wasn’t my destiny to save anything, its yours, with great power, comes great responsibility, i love you son”

This scene goes with this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3Ifhzsa4L4, Ill tell you when to stop the song (specifically at 4:22) I thought it would complete this scene

I went back to the Mansion. Della said she would be there later. I walked in my room, and i went through a few pictures of me and webby. I need to find a way to bring her back. I played webbys speech from school. It was amazing, And I learned i was supposed to stand for hope, this is my destiny, i cant quit, i am dewford duck, nephew of scrooge mcduck, son of James and Della duck, and as i look at my lenses, i know that the world needs spiderman.

No ones pov

It was chaos, there was a man in a mechanized suit of armor. And he was on a rampage through duckberg.

The police tried shooting at him, but he was loaded with machine guns.”I AM THE RHINO” Screamed the beagle boy that tried to ambush spider man from part 1, in the suit. That’s when an 8 year old duck in a spider-man cosplay suit walks out into the field. The officers stopped firing.

Officer,”kid you have to get-”

The rhino starts shooting at the officer to make him be quiet, but he missed the officer.

“LOOK DUCKBERG,”said the rhino,” SPIDER-MAN IS BACK”

the kid puts on the spider-man goggles and mouth cover (really just a piece of black cloth)

“brave boy huh, does the rhino scare you little boy”

The rhino starts walking closer, people are thinking that the boy is going to die, then THWIP……….THWIP............THWIP. the rhino stops walking

“hey spider-man” said dewey

The boy turned around, he lifted the lenses off

“I knew you would come back”

“yeah, thanks for stepping up for me, you’re the bravest kid I’ve ever seen, Im gonna take care of this jerk you go take care of your mom, okay”

Dewey fist bumps the kid, then the kid walks off

Dewey’s POV

“YOU FIGHT ME, YOU FIGHT ME NOW”

Then an officer handed me a megaphone.

“ON BEHALF OF THE FINE PEOPLE OF DUCKBERG AN REAL RHINOS EVERYWHERE, I DEMAND THAT YOU PUT YOUR MECHANIZED PAWS IN THE AIR”

Then the sinister six forms, Goblin, doc ock, waddle duck, the captain of the sky pirates, and glomgold in his own suit of armor, and there was the rhino. I named them by the way, the sinister six trademark dewey duck.

“NEVER” they screamed,” WE WILL CRUSH YOU, WE WILL DESTROY YOU”

“YOU WANT ME TO COME DOWN THERE SO YOU ALL CAN KILL ME”

“YES” screamed the sinister six

“ILL BE RIGHT THERE”I tossed the megaphone back at the officer, then i told myself,” there’s no place like home”

The rhino launches 2 missiles at me , but I used the space stone to shield myself, Then I jumped using a sewer lid as a shield, and I hit the rhino with the sewer lid

(you can now stop the song at 4:22, because this is not the end, but you will use this song later, unless you are reading this on mobile then idk)

I knocked down the rhino, o traded a few punches with waddle duck and Glomgold, and i saw Della from a distance cheering me on. Then i tied up dock ock, and after a while, the last one standing was goblin, now to finish this.

“I thought i broke you”said louie

“you did, but I had some encouragement from mom”

“LIAR”

We had a long fight, and i could tell Della was still processing that im fighting my brother

“No, she…..is ……dead”

“she is alive”

“LIAR, LYING IS WHAT GOT ME I  THIS MESS, SO STOP IT”

Then I injected him with an antidote, BTW i made a pit stop at the lab before this, for once i thought of something smart.

Louie laying there, unconscious. This should have neutralized the goblin formula, then he looked normal. The police took him away. Later I went home, and i had to tell everyone the truth, i opened the door and i saw everyone waiting for me.

“where half you been lad”

“sorry, i was talking to someone”

Then Della walked in, everyone was surprised, after a little talk, i decided to tell everyone.”everyone, the reason on why i was acting all shady these past 2 months is because.......Im spider man” Everyone was shocked, but also happy, they somehow knew that i would make a great hero, despite all my flaws. Then I saw lena walk up to her room. So Me and Huey walked in and i Heard her crying. 

“Lena”

“what”

play this again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3Ifhzsa4L4, from 2:24 until 4:40

“Are you ok”

”No, its my fault, i should have told him but instead i lost him and webby, im sorry”

“we forgive you”

“really”

“yes it was also my fault, i should have saved her, im sorry”

Then we went in for a hug, we were all sad that webby was gone, we were crying but i needed to find a way to get her back

 then I heard police cars, and they all nodded at me, so i put on my suit, then i slingshot myself out the window, I Am The Amazing Spider-Man

4:23

Then this should appear on screen

Dewey duck will return, In Spider Verse

Lena’s family drama is not comparable with Winn, Alex or Kara. There is a huge difference!

Sooo i dont get comparing Lena with say Winn, Alex or Kara when it comes to her name or her morals. ‘They all had bad families to and they know what is right and wrong and they dont milk it like Lena does’. 

is it the same though?

Winn- had a nice father he watched go crazy, he tried to talk his dad down but to no avail and his mother left him. ‘Winn didn't let that get to him’. Well no he didn't, but Winn kept his past (dads past) a complete secret. Kara and Alex didnt know and neither did James or Jonn or the DEO. Winn is an insignificant nobody whose father killed people. When i say ‘insignificant nobody’ i mean to the masses, nobody in National City  cares who Winn is. Winn was able to build up relationships with the super friends and no one knew about his families past until he had already established his relationships with his friends and the DEO. 

Now Lena? Lena has always been in the public eye with a famous family. She watched her brother go crazy all the while trying to talk him down, her mother isn't much better. Lena is the reason Lex was caught. Now the differences to her and Winn? Everybody knows who Lena Luthor is, no one gave a a fig who Winn Schott Jr was. Maybe they cared when his father went to prison but that hype would have died down and no on would care what happened to his son. Winn could start anew and he had years for his family drama to die down, but Lena? Lena is the sister of the crazy infamous murderer who wanted to kill Superman. No one is going to ever forget Lex or anyone with the Luthor name. Lena didn't have the luxury of building a support system where her past was unknown like Winn did. Remember how shocked the gang were to learn about his dad? The police however? They went straight to Winn and suspected him. But the superfriends? All Team WInn no matter what. 

Lena on the other hand turned up with a stigma and judgments being made before anyone had had a chance to even speak with her. (Im looking at you James). Lena had to convince the super friends (save Kara) that she was trust worthy. Lena had no support system (save Sam and Jack, who weren't around when she first arrived) that we have heard of. Winn already HAD his support system firmly in place when his family mess came to light, Lena didn't. By rights Winn should have been questionable to everyone  just like Lena was, but he wasn't. 

‘Well Alex didn't let her bad family get in her way’. Well no, because as far as Alex knew her dad had died. Her mother may have been a bit neglectful and favored Kara but its hardly a traumatic abusive upbringing she had like say Winn and Lena. Alex didn't even know her dad was a part of Cadmus until she was already working for the DEO and she had the super friends as a support system. 

‘Well Alex doesnt whine that her family member was bad all the time like Lena does’. Well of course not, no one is treating Alex in a different light. No one outside of the DEO knows or gives a rats ass that Jeremiah Danvers is alive and part of Cadmus. Is this effecting Alex’s day to  day life? Is she getting called a ‘Danvers!’ in the same awful way that Lena is branded a ’Luthor!’ Of course not. Alex’s family drama doesn't go beyond the DEO, Lena’s family drama is world wide and known by all. 

‘Well Kara has a bad family to!’ Well yes she does have bad family members. But again, Kara didnt grow up with bad family members as far as she was aware. She retained only good memories of her parents, then she had a wonderful, loving adopted family. Kara grew up with a loving, supportive system and never had to prove to anyone she was worthy of love, people just gave Kara love. Kara’s family issues didn't spring up until later, but no one judged Kara for the sins of her parents or for her fellow Kryptonians

Lena is the instrumental force that sent Lex to jail (go back and watch it, it wasn't Clark like they said in Season 1 and 2, it was Lena, she wore the wire that led the cops to find Lex). Yet Lena is deemed untrustworthy and questionable from the moment she arrives. (Still looking at you James, oh and Mon El ‘that woman is bad news’ the guy didn't even know what a Luthor was). Yet Kara’s dad creates Medusa, Kara’s mother condemned all the people in Fort Rozz, Kara’s aunt and uncle appear creating havoc. we learn Kara’s mother knew all along that Krypton would be destroyed. Yet Kara isnt held responsible or even questionable by the gang because she already had their love and support, they got to know her, like Winn and like Alex before any family drama came to light. This isn't the same as Lena, Lena finds herself in same situation and she is always deemed questionable. Why? because no one had known her before all of the family drama came to light. Except for Jack and Sam, they would have known all about the Luthor drama but they didn't treat Lena any differently, this is a luxury that Winn, Alex and Kara have had, But it isn't a luxury that was extended to Lena (save for Kara). 

‘Lena is always bringing up ‘im a Luthor’. Well yes she is, because no matter what Lena does the first thing anyone would think would be ‘that LUTHOR did it’. If it goes right? Well Lena isnt usually the one thanked when her good deeds and tech saves the day, its more often or not Kara that gets hailed as the hero. If something goes wrong? e.g. The time Edge framed her for poising kids? EVERYTHING Lena had done up to then was thrown out of the window and the masses turned on her. Why? because everyone knows who Lena Luthor is. If some random had poisoned the kids it wouldn't have the same impact. No matter what Lena does, someone, somewhere will take issue with it. 

‘Lena doesn't have the same morals’. No she doesn't, and whats wring with that? Does one have to think exactly the same way as the super friends to be considered moral? Its the Super friends way or the highway? Lena doesn't always bring other in on her plans and ideas because she knows for a fact they may not agree with her. ‘Well if they dont agree then she should know its wrong’ why? Because Kara. Alex and James etc. are the authority on all things? Remember that Lena still doesn't know that Kara is Supergirl, there really isn't any reason why Lena would tell her ordinary friends what she’s doing or even the DEO. The DEO have always been happy to use Lena when convenient or when they are really lost but never asked her to join them. 

Im not saying Lena is always right, of course she isnt. The girl does some questionable things. But Lena learns from her mistakes. ‘She killed Adam!’ Adam knew exactly what he signed up for, Lena even gave him to chance to back out, she was cancelling the whole thing until HE convinced her to keep going. Now it was waaay to soon to start human trials, Lena learned from this, she refused to do more trials at the DEO. Does this excuse Adams death? No, but both of them gambled and they lost. I like Lena as a character because she is REAL! She makes mistakes,  she makes judgments calls and she has to live with the consequences. 

‘Lena’s actions led to a death’ she should be arrested. OK, well Jonn murdered Manchester Black in a rage after he had already disarmed him. If Lena is arrested i want to Jonn arrested to. Lena didnt want Adam to die, Jonn straight u murdered Manchester. Plus Kara hits humans so hard lately that by rights they should ALL be dead!

OK that was a lot. but the point was Lena’s past experiences are NOT the same as Kara, Alex or Winn’s. They were/are nobodies who family drama isnt even known outside of the circle of friends and the DEO. Plus they have always had a secure support system in place before their drama came to light. Lena hasn't and still doesn't have that luxury.

Lena doesn't forget she’s a Luthor? Well that’s because no matter what the rest of the world wont either. 

Caius’s Mate Chapter Eight

Two weeks had passed and I was just barely able to make it to the bathroom on my own. Derek had moved shifts so I had a new physical therapist and he wasn't -- encouraging.

Jonathan was my nurse today he was super kind. He came in with some papers handed it to me. "No more ensure drinks! We're going to try some real food today," he said enthusiastically.

"Hell yea!" I said taking the menu.

"Alright. No solids or hard food. Think mashed potatoes... ice cream. Soup... beans --"

"Can I have some tomato soup and a milkshake... or some mashed potatoes and gravy?"

"How about mashed potatoes and gravy and if you can keep it down a milkshake?" He said.

"Sounds perfect," I said and smiled looking at the clock. Well my visitors are late.

I looked up at the ceiling. And heard a knock on the door. It was a girl I never had met before.

"Hi.." she said smiling coming in.

I looked at her curiously. "Who are you?" She asks.

"Im Jane. Im Alec's sister ," she said. "He talks about you... a lot."

She smiled sitting next to me.

"I came to visit when you were in the coma..." she said.

"Thank you," I looked down.

She nodded.

"Izzy. I know you probably think that Aro is an ass but he isn't all that bad," she said.

"He's the most inconsiderate person I have ever met," I mumbled.

"Why do you say that?" She watched curiously.

"I..." I paused, "He wont let me talk to my mom. I have to make secret calls to her. I... I need her. He wants to take me back to that hell hole, I can barely walk.." I sighed.

"He... he does that for a reason Izzy. He has had a rough past," she said. "He has to protect our kind from humans... you are a threat. So we must keep you at the castle. Every day you are here is a day closer to someone finding out about who we are," she said lowly.

I just looked down not responding. Jonathan brought my my tray of food. "Thank you," I said feebly taking a small bite of the mashed potatoes.

"Take small bites. Don't rush it," he said and left.

Jane sighs watching me. I took the small bowl of mashed potatoes and took a bite. "How come he's so inconsiderate?" I asked

"It's not my story to tell," she bit her lip.

"Maybe not, but I might be able to understand why he is such an ass," I mumbled. "This is the best thing I have ever eaten,"

She chuckled a bit.

"Hey when you don't eat for two weeks anything probably tastes like heaven" I sighed.

She nodded.

"So about that story..." I nudged.

"Fine. But dont. Dont tell Aro I told you," she said.

I nodded taking another bite.

"Aro was born in 1300 B.C," she started.

"Woah. Woah. No way..." I interrupted her. "No way in hell..."

Jane chuckled at my reaction. "Yes. He is very very old," she said. "And wise," she paused.

"You know being old doesn't make you wise," I raised my eyebrow.

She chuckled a bit. "May I go on?"

I nodded.  "He grew up with a brother and a younger sister. His mother died in childbirth with the third child. Aro was around ten when that had happened. He was happy... but things changed when his father died of an illness when he was fifteen. He was left to provide for the family," she paused. "He had to scavenge for food... hide. Move from place to place. He would steal from the local market place," she paused.

I listened very carefully.

"The first time he got caught they just gave him a warning. The second they brought him to the center of town and had him whipped," he said. "It happened multiple times. But he continued to steal just for his family," she paused.

I looked down. "Is that why? He punishes people. Because he learned it?" I whispered.

She shrugged. "I guess. He was still human at this point... when Aro was 17  his sister died of illness...  him and his brother separated and lost contact," she said looking down.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"He met a girl... they fell in love immediately and got married 6 months later and had their first kid. They moved far away and built their own home.  Aro had a job at the market place. Every day he would walk into town just so he could make money to support his family," 

"Thats cute," I smiled.

"Yes..." she said. "They lived happily and his second kid was on the way. Aro was 20 when he was changed. He was on his way home from the town when he was attacked. He was bitten. He forced himself all the way home through the pain. And laid in bed for three days. Not able to move or get up. His wife had went to town to getting the doctor. They could not figure out what the illness was but they suspected that he would die. So his wife began to dig a grave. But three days later he woke -- his skin ice cold. His throat burning. He had completely changed. He had no idea what he was. He heard his wife talking to his child. 'Your father is dead son..' she said to him. Aro was quite surprised because he was very much alive. He went out seeing his wife holding his boy who was only three. The closer he got to them the more his throat burned. When she saw him she was in complete shock. "I'm alive" Aro told her. He held his wife close. He was so confused on why his throat had burned.  His wife was in shock while his son only clung onto him..." she took a deep breath. "A few days later the doctor came and he seemed healthier than ever. Other than his ice cold skin... and his burning throat... and his eyes... his yes were a blood red... when the doctor had checked his pulse there was none. He was completely frozen on the inside. His heart had stopped. But Aro had no idea what he had became until one night when he went out. He smelt blood.  He found someone and he killed him. He fed. Aro told me that he never felt so guilty in his entire life... he had killed someone. But it made the burn go away.  But only three days later the burn had came back. He went to talk to his wife saying how he had changed. His wife just brushed it off saying it was just the illness but when he showed her that he had no heartbeat she was realized something was seriously wrong," she paused.

"He headed out to the town paranoid. He could hear everyone's conversation. He hated it. When someone tapped him on the shoulder that was the second time he fed. It was daylight. But he was so thirsty he killed the man right there not caring who saw. He finally realized what he was. He drank blood. He was a vampire. He ran home needing to talk to his wife and he told her everything about the attack. About killing two people. About being a vampire," she said.

"Did she leave?" I asked.

"No. She loved him. And supported him... but people saw him... people saw him and figured it out. People from the town grabbed her and his son... they got them to the center of town... and were going to execute them. Aro was out hunting and didn't see either of them home.... went to town seeing it. He saw his pregnant wife and his three year old boy, a noose around their neck... "

"D-did he save them?" I said tears dwelling.

"No... as soon as he got there men grabbed trying to pull him to be burned... his family was executed right in front of him... they were hung right there while he was being pulled away,"

Tears fell onto my cheeks.

"Aro lost it... he was devastated... he used his newborn strength and killed the whole entire town... he didn't want anyone of them living," she looked down.

I wiped my eyes.

"He let down his wife and child and immediately tried to bite them but nothing happened. He listened to her stomach but the fetus was dead," she said.

More tears fell. I wiped it with my shirt. "Im sorry... I'm so sorry," I whispered.

She paused for a long while.

"That's why he started the Volturi..." she said. "He met Caius... and Marcus along the way. And he saved me and Alec from being burned at the stake..." she said.

"Did he find anyone else?" I whispered feeling horrible.

"Yes... one day a woman came into the castle after the Volturi was started.... it was pouring rain... she came into the throne room wanting warmth. She saw Aro. They have this thing called a mate bond... someone's true love. Her name is Sulpicia," she said.

I nodded and smiled a bit. "He's not a bad man.... he is just scared..." I said.

She nodded. "Yes. Scared for our kind," she said.

"Thank you Jane," I said hugging her gently.

----

I have something I need to share. Not with you, with someone else but that'll never happen, its simply not possible, but I need this off my chest and dont have a safe place for it. With your stance on abortion, I figured you would be a good place, sense you wont see the fetus in this story as a "clump of cells" Growing up, my dad was not okay. He was abusive. It took me years and years to say this because through all the running away and calling the police, not going home- I was told over and over that it was fine because he wasnt raping me or punching me in the face. The pushing, screaming inches from my face, tearing apart my stuff, throwing things at me, making me change in front of him, refusing to be by me in public if I didnt look good enough...didnt matter. I was told I was being ridiculous and should be greatful. My friends.. I would beg them please dont leave me alone with him if he ask you to leave the room. But they always would what were they suppose to do? I wouldnt be allowed to talk to anyone to go out for months at a time. So there was a huge foundation of fear, and protecting myself. At some point, i met this guy (brother of my friend), and I just loved him, and he loved me to. He was a POC, once we started with each other his sister hated me for some reason, which made his mom hate me. And my parents hated him (I later figured this was a race and class thing for my father) so being together involved a lot of sneaking around, a lot of giving up, a lot of trying again, the sneaking around would get me in more trouble, especially if it was known it was with him. At this point, I didnt tell anyone how bad it was, I started self mutation. If I wasnt with him (we will call him Kay for the sake of thevstory) I would do any drug I could get and have sex or mess with whoever showed interest (well almost). It was how I would cope as I didnt think I could tell anyone. How could I say anything about what I was going through when I had a friend being raped by her brother, a friend who's dad just up and left, a friend whos mom called her fat and made her diet? I was literally a wreck and the worst part of the cycle was being this wreck made him more angry, he'd treat me worse, and I'd further wreck myself. So about Kay, we went on and off for years, then he moved in with a friend who was only a street away, I wasnt at a 8-3 school anymore and he graduated do it was really easy to be together. I immediately broke up with this other guy I was seeing (we will call him Colin) that my dad liked so I would use him to be able to leave the house ect so I could be with Kay. It was only a month and a half of perfection before it started falling apart. Kay wanted to talk to my father, he didnt know what things were like except that he didnt like him. He thought he could talk to him about how much he loved me and make things better, and I freaked out. He knew I was hurting myself, a few months before my father** had saw the marks and yelled at me asking if I was crazy, asking what the hell was wrong with me, telling me it was disgusting and I stayed in a padded room for a night before being released sense I wasnt suicidal, and Kay saw on my body that I had found a new more hidden place after that incident. He thought he could save me, and we would get married and be happy, but I knew if he went to talk to my father that my father would send him off and I would pay for trying such a thing. * That's when I made multiple huge mistakes that I havent shared with people, 9 years later. First, i broke up with him and told him i didnt even like him and needed time to discover myself,stuff like that. I never stopped loving him. To this day, I'm sure I'd still fall apart at his touch. *Within that same week, I missed my period, I again wasnt able to leave the house, I bought a tested while at the store with my mom, was caught and ordered to take it as soon as we were back. This was bad because if it was negative, I was going to be in trouble for basically no reason. And again this "trouble" wasnt normal. It meant my things wouldbe torn apart. I would be held down and screamed at, spit on not allowed to talk. But it wasnt negative, it was positive. And my mom was waiting downstairs, and I knew this only had a small handful of outcomes. Either they would send me off and have me give the baby up for adoption while being under close watch the whole time, or they would make me get rid of the baby. Abortion. So I did the first thing that came to mind, I called Colin. I told him I was pregnant and it was his. And that I couldnt talk right now. Then I told my mom, and immediately told her that Colin knew. To me, this was security. If he knew, someone would be checking in on me, he would tell his parents, another adult would he involved, if I disappeared there would be questions. And I knew I was right because I told my mom he knew and immediately she was upset I did that. I went in for an ultrasound, found out how far I was, quickly gave Colin a photo and shut the door on him. And the problems started. The dates dont match up, Colin said. I told him hes wrong. His parents wanted a paternity test, I said that's not possible itll hurt the baby. They claimed it wouldnt. I convinced Colin it was his and I just knew. He knew i had been seeing Kay but took my word.Then i heard from Kay, he heard I was pregnant. If he even thought it was his he would be at my door, trying to figure things out, trying to talk to my parents. But my father would not respect him the way he would Colin, so if anyone knew it was Kay's, I would be hurt, punished, sent away. I was terrified, I cant even explain the level of panic I had for my safety. I told Kay it wasnt his, there was no single way, and to leave me alone forever. It hurt so much to tell him that, it felt so wrong and I hated it and I knew it hurt him and I was so broken over it. After that, i was still stuck. The dates didnt match, Colin's parents wanted a paternity test, *the baby was partly a POC and might not come out white, so I wouldnt be able to pass them off as Colin's. I couldnt sleep. My father wasmt speaking to me and wasnt even around, really. I stayed in my room. My parents were pushing for me to get an abortion. "Were just going to the clinic so you can see what its like" my mom said when she took me to the abortion clinic. It was down a stair case, there were no protesters. They took my blood, they walked me through everything and asked when they could set up an appointment. They asked me one time if I wanted to do this, in front of my mom who stared me down. When she brought me back, she paid extra for them to put me to sleep. While I waited with the IV and the last ultra sound pictures I'd have done, I started crying. My mom wasnt there for this part, a nurse asked me why I was crying, she was so angry about it. I said sorry and tried to stop. She didnt ask if i wanted to do this, no one told me that i was at the point where the baby was like a small miniature looking baby, only slightly misshapen. No one told me it had tiny hands and feet, or what they would do with it afterward. And no one made sure i wanted this. When I went in the room I was alone with a Male doctor, and I remember how unusual that was as I had always been asked if I wanted someone else in the room if left with a Male doctor. And I laid on the doctor bed, and I remember think I should say something, this is my last chance, and then I was asleep. When I woke up I was given pads, they told my mom, not me, even though I was 17, that I would bleed for a few days. I never went to the check up appointment. I stayed in my room, I scanned every blood clot for a piece of the baby. I slept and cried, when I heard from Colin I told him that I lost the baby. That's all. I lost the baby. People spread rumors it wasnt ever real. I didn't care. I didnt leave my room. I didnt shower, I barely ate. I gave up Kay, and all my friends connected to him, Colin started dating my bestfriend and they talked shit about me, I lost everyone connected to them. I was just alone. My father came back and was around more. They never talked to me about it, never asked if I was okay. I was like that for months, before finding friends online, forcing myself to listen to happy music, go out, pretending. Fake it till you make it. I met two people, we will call Slw and Ice- who helped me in that time more than they will ever know because they didnt know about it. Slw once asked why we didnt hang out with my friends and I got really upset with him but they both helped me so much. Ice reminded me it was okay to hurt and not be okay, he just didnt know what about. I made more friends, I am so greatful for every single one because they are the only reason I dudnt take my own life in those following years. Things got bad again. I got bad. I am better now, I have kids. People say I am a good mom. But ever sense "getting better" I think about that baby everyday. I worry life will take one of my babies that are here because I let that one die. How can I be a good mom when I let that happen? And I dont deserve them. And I am so sorry to that child. I could have found another way. I could have spoke more. That childs dad would have loved them and had no choice. I hate myself for this, every day. And again, have no where to go to talk about it. Like I said I just needed to get it off my chest because it eats me alive, everyday. Regardless of if people think abortion is right or wrong. To me, I know I got rid of a baby with a future, and its minimalized.

Everyone Deserves To Be Happy.

How to be thankful for your journey.

I am a standing , living testimony that you can go through tragedy, loss of a child or parent, physical abuse, and so much more sorrow that life has to hold. But i also want to tell others, who may be suffering now..that it can get better. There is hope and a light at the end of your dark tunnel..and that there is purpose God wants you to find in your pain.

I'm not sharing my story because I want pity or attention. I've never wanted to make anyone feel bad for my first 30 yrs of life. It took me that long to figure out how to explain it to my damn self..but I am a walking talking truth.

My story is almost unbelievable and I am not asking you to try to do the same things I have. But i swear these stories are honest to Gods mercy and love the best i can explain.

I have always battled drugs. As a kid, i always felt lost.. Like i didnt really belong anywhere. I found friends with drugs..or at least i felt like i belonged.

I met the father of my daughter early in my senior year. A month later, i was pregnant. Boom!! Life changed. By prom time i was married, had no clue what i was doing, and had zero idea what or how to take care of a baby inside my belly. I was so ugly. I thought that my Hailey was the end of my fun life. I resented giving up all i thought i had because i had been so careless with my future.

Things got worse, my new husband was just a couple years older than I and he had no clue about life either. But as i began to grow my bump, feel the baby move..you know, really start to understand what a gift God had given me. When i accepted and began to love that little person inside me...well it was stripped from me.

On July 20, 2002. I gave birth to my sweet angel..Hailey Danielle. She was only a little over 1 pound. I could feel her move until I pushed her out. She died minutes later..

There is no greater feeling of despair. Of guilt and self blame. I have an incompetent cervix..the Dr's voices were blocked out by total gut wrenching blame and failure. I have never been so hopelessly lost. No matter what anyone said..i was her protector and i was guilty of not wanting her. I was being taught this lessson, i thought. I was inconsolable.

I look at pictures of myself after Haileys death..it is a photo of a struggling soul. I almost completely had a breakdown. I locked myself in a room and refused anyone and everyone who tried to offer words..love or support. I didn't even sleep for 3 days..until we finally laid her to rest.

Now im not sure about other mother's but i was a wreak..at the private service i layied on the ground next to her little white coffin..the pastor could not raise his voice over the wailing. Ive only heard that sound twice since that day. I was completely distrout.

That was the moment my grandfather knelt down beside me. He gave me the best advice anyone has ever given me on being adult and mother. He said," The day that God takes us home is the best day of your life. You will never know the worry for her soul..because she is in heaven. We should thank God for his mercy always." He looked at me and squeezed me tight.."now..sis you get up in this chair and stop behaving like you dont know you will see her again. Sit and behave like the mother God wants you to be." He is the only peron who i allowed to touch me. But I did as he said.

I never like to call people after a loss. I know that saying I'm sorry is not practical or kind. Nor do i tell others that it will get better..because i dont want to lie to them. I can only assure them what my Pop told me. We will only be apart for a time.

I wish i could tell you that i got better. But that would too..be a lie. The next few years i didnt try to feel anything. I punished myself. I just wanted to get it over with. I had the reoccurring dreams of giving birth and watching her die over and over.

I didn't understand how God could give me something to rip it back and leave me nothing but all that guilt and regret. I was for sure i was being punished for my bad thoughts of Hailey. For not wanting her. That's still a big pill to swollow.

I just want to stop my story here because i want you all to know that guilt and regret will kill u from the inside out.

Hailey would have been 16 yrs old this last July. To everyone else it was so long ago and all that stuff. Not to me. It was the day i would have taken her to get her driver's license. It would have been an important day for her.

I know know after all these years that Haileys trip back home was between God and Hailey. Im not saying i dont have guilt still deep inside..its a big hole. Its always there..you just have to learn to live around it. To trust that God knows best. It was not easy. But i love her everyday. I look forward to meeting her in heaven one day.

It took me a long time..i dealt with the trama in every wrong way. I had even had my son. Even after finally succeeded in caring a heathy baby..i had a hard time accepting the truth. I ended up in rehab..thank God!

I wrote Hailey and told her goodbye and any thing i wanted her to know. I had to stop carrying around her when God had seen fit to make me a mother again. I had to realize that God loved me and Hailey. Her purpose in this life was over.

I still talk to her. My brain wanders sometimes..what would she look like..who would she be?? But i have to be Noahs mom now...forgiveness is one of GOD'S mercies. I had to forgive myself. And give that time in my early life a bit of grace.

I tell this story because its mine to bear. After all this time i want to maybe just help or be there for others who were just like me. Because instead living life unable to feel grace and understanding that we are a special group of strong people. I dont ever want anyone to feel as alone and lost as i have found myself. I know its hard..but god does not make mistakes..he has still got plans for you. Be someones light in the darkness!!

I honor Hailey instead of grieve for my angel. I honor her at St. Judes Hospital. I make as much money as i can for the March of Dimes Premature Babies..

I honor the little life that changed mine. I am thankful for her part in my journey. I hope u can see it in your hearts to do the same!!

Please if u have an angel baby in heaven comment their name..lets give our loss purpose and hope!!

Stay tuned...because theres alot more to my story i hope to share!!!

Love y'all...blesss you!

Oh! Oh! What do you think Leaf's and Green's childhood was like together?

NICE,,

➞

(this one actually will be a lil angsty)

the oaks have always lived in pallet town, the redwoods moved in when leafs mom was still pregnant, and her dad was still there. they ended up being great friends with the whole oak family!! at this time daisy was 5, and their mom was pregnant with green

leafs dad was a big adventurer type, his first love was his wife and his second was THE GREAT ADVENTURE he liked to explore other regions and such, and he was also fabulously rich (probably from his family). he died in an accident while off in another region before leaf was born, which is why her dad isnt around. her mom did inherit the money however, which is why the mom never had to work LOL

leafs dad is also the reason she went traveling later on. she thought that if she traveled she would somehow. find him. or connect with him in some way. like she would find him in the adventure out there. she never did. 

green is about 2-3 months older than leaf!!! so he was born first, and then leaf, both beautiful babies!!!!!! 

despite being born in the same town, they didnt start actually interacting until they were about 3 years old. 

they first met when green was outside with daisy and their parents, and he looked over and saw mrs. redwood in her garden showing leaf all the pretty flowers. so ofc hes like. WOW ANOTHER PERSON!! FRIEND!!! and goes over

so hes all excited. but polite. with a “Morning Mrs. Redwood!! Whos that???” and leaf is shy af at this age. shes just quiet and kind of scared tbh. her mom has to push her towards him like “Say hi!” 

leaf wore her hat all the time, and often hid her eyes because she’d been teased about it before. so greens smiling ear to ear because friend!!!! “Hi I’m Green whats your name???!!!”. hes a happy child. very exicted 

and she answers with a really quiet “L-Leaf-” and he IMMEDIATLY “COOL!!!!!! LETS GO PLAY!!!!!” AND GRABS HER HAND AND DRAGS HER OFF TO GO PLAY SOMEWHERE

he was a very cute kid fyi. everyone in the oak family is phenominally beautiful and no one knows why. everyone loves him

so while theyre playing he asks why shes hiding her eyes, she answers because they look weird, and he laughs it off and says he wants to see. at  first shes like no!!!! but he starts playfully fighting her over it and takes her hat off and he has this. wow moment. because. her eyes are like shining rubies and he just stares at her for. a reallly long time.

so shes blushing and gonna cry soon and says “I told you-” and meanwhile hes just. completely enamoured. and this moment pretty much stays with him for the rest of his life because he always thinks she has the most beautiful eyes. 

so after a while of just staring at her his mouth is just hanging open and he blurts out “Pretty.” and SHES SHOCKED.. this is one of the reaons why starts to develop a crush on him. 

ofc from this point on theyre like. best friends. they do everything together . its mostly green dragging her around doing dumb shit and eating daisys baking and watching tv. prof oak completly adores leaf and is thrilled that green is her best friend. he cant wait to see them as researchers or trainers. hes already brainstorming what pokemon he should give them first. hes planning their wedding 15 years in advance. 

they spend a lot of time in the lab watching prof oak do his research and playing with his pokemon. he tells them a bunch of stories about his old adventures.

when theyre about 5 they watch one of the pokemon league matches being shown on tv and this is the defining moment. where they both decide independantly that “one day, im gonna be champion too”

greens parents support him 100%. his father tells him that he will always believe in him and that hes gonna be the best champion ever when he grows up, unlike any champion before him, and to never give up on his dream. this is the reason why green is obsessed with being the best trainer in the world. 

when theyre 7, green and daisys parents die in an accident. this is the point where green gets more kinda bitter and nasty, and daisy becomes more mature and motherly. Its a few weeks after the funeral when leaf tries to go over and see green, daisy tells her he doesnt want to see anyone.

another few weeks after that, she finds him outside on the oceanside at the end of pallet town. even though leaf lost her father, she never knew him, so she’d never feel the level of hurt that green is feeling. at this age, she doesnt understand the gravity of the situation. 

she asks green if he wants to play or watch tv. hes angry, and shes insistant, and when he yells at her to leave him alone, they have a fight. this is the point when green says something mean and hurtful to her and the point where they stop being friends and start being something closer to rivals. 

after this leaf goes home and cries, and after a week or so daisy brings green over to apologize to her. hug it out kiddos. 

over the years they develop into rivals over grades, sports, and literally everything else. despite their rivalry, theyre still surpringly pretty close, and they become the most competative pair of kids anyone has ever scene. 

When theyre about 10 and throughout their middle school, green starts to develop into his snarky and arrogant self. the fact that hes the prettiest, smartest, most atheltic and teacher-beloved kid in school doesnt help his overinflated ego. he starts teasing and kind of bullying leaf more, though he still secretly watches out for her and backhandedly sticks up for her sometimes

meanwhile, leaf becomes more confident in herself and works her butt off to be right at the top with green in everything. even though green is being more of a jerk to her, she still sees that he cares when he does things like defending her against the other kids who make fun of her and grabbing her homework for her when shes sick. 

green seems to pick on leaf a lot more now, and mrs redwood claims its because he has a crush on her. at this point, leaf starts to have a crush on green, which stays for p much the rest of her life LOL,,,,

prof oak is developing the pokedex this whole time. hes concerned about green because of how obsessed he is with being the best and worries he wont treat his pokemon right because hes seen this kind of behavior and motivations when he was on his journey (this story is for another time its long). so he wants green to be a researcher like him, but green is hellbent on being the very best. this puts a lot of tension on their relationship. 

when they both get to trainers school(high school) DAMN THEYRE LIKE THE BEST STUDENTS IN THE DAMN PLACE. THEYRE BOTH FRICKEN BEAUTIFUL ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE WITH GOOD GRADES AND ATHLETICS AND EVERYONE LOVES THEM ITS FRIHFJGN…WEIRD…….all the girls like green and all the guys like leaf.,,.

leafs crush on green only gets worse, especially since he becomes this tall handsome snarky arrogant hot piece of ass that teases her. green never admits it but hes attracted to her too. he thinks shes the most super friggin cutest girl hes ever seen and he still loves her eyes. but he never says this so instead he picks on her lol. 

greens whole trainers school life is p much just. having most of his classes the same as leafs, teasing her probably as an excuse to hang out with her in the halls, getting jealous of any other guy who tries to spend time with her because damnit thats MY RIVAL and whenever anyone sees him with her its just a long session of “…are you SURE he doesnt like her???” “man, idk anymore.”

and leafs trainers school life is trying to keep up with and competeing with green, getting flustered whenever he teases her, being the subject of A LOT of jealousy because she spends the most time with green out of literally anyone, and soft smiles whenever he helps/hangs out with her because shes just. a fool in love

when push comes to shove though, they actually care about each other a lot. green always sticks up for her when another guy or girl is picking on her, or if the teacher is being unfair, or if she gets in a fight with someone, and leaf always takes care of green, gets his homework for him and keeps him on his toes, and they help each other with school subjects and wait for each other after school to go home together and overall, it seems like they dont like each other but they have a good relationship.

I know you might see this and i know you wont like reading this but yes, i am dieing.. the day my heart broke was the day these emotions came out. When you told me what you were holding back for so long, it felt like a bullet straight through my heart. I stopped breathing, felt the blood rushing but going nowhere.. it killed me knowing that i kept moving forward with those emotions where you werent moving at all. Too see now those emotions with someone else just feels like the shrapnel in my heart just expand and start growing in there. The way we spent our time together was so undescribable that still to this day i remember when you got so drunk i helped you into bed and took care of your baby. You were so beautiful yet you didnt know it. Everyday i got that much closer to you because i never had anyone like you, you were and still are the only person i love. You made me feel things i didnt even know existed, shit that ive never seen in movies. You gave them to me. But it all just turned into darkness that day you told me it wasnt the same. I didnt think that after aaaaall the time i knew you and you telling me who you were that you werent the person to hold back certain things that you held back from me for 2 months. I know it wasnt a long time but i thought about those 2 months and those 2 months all i wanted was to bethere for you even throughout all the fights we went through. Before i started working i knew it wouldve came and i told you and asked you “do you reckon we will stop texting cause ill be working full time” and i didnt expect us to stop talking so soon and it hasnt even been a year of working 😔 i didnt realise how much of an impact you have in my life. I an depressed and emotionally broken and it seems like i want to just leave and hate life but its mainly just clouding all the deep emotions of love i have for you. Im holding it all in as if ive been swimming for a thousand metres for you. Unable to breathe and look forward but yet i knew that you would be at the end of the line holding out your hand for me. The way i see you speak and act now was so different to when i use to see you on the weekly basis, i guess this is me realising how attched i was to you seeing you grow but now that we dont talk i see you growing into a different path and i dont know if its a good or bad path only you will know it. But i just hope that path leads to a beautiful family and endless love for you. You dont deserve anything less and its surprising to see how much love you have stored in you and i never saw any of it. And now that you let it all out i dont know what i see in you anymore cause i knew that we would never be together but seeing how much love was inside of you and now seeing it cloud your thoughts is making me so scared cause you always told me that you didnt want love now and you were just gonna wait but it all changed within a week. We both spoke about focusing on school and not getting to close with friends regardless of gender yet it all get side casted when you met him. I have no doubt you may like him, but i know who you are. And i know you dont love him. He gives you a feelig you thought you lost but what if you are feeding yourself the feelig wth your own emotions? You know who you are and we both know what we have been through and we know how your brain works yet you really want to believe that it is love. You say that you guys wont be how you were before yet you guys keep feeding eachother more and more making you guys crumble more inside. You are doing things you never EVER did with me and it fucken hurts so damn much 😅 but i cant say anything cause you always think of a something to say that shows im wrong when i know deep down that i am right and you know it too but you just cant admit it to yourself and that i dont even know why. This is just a weird rant about us but i dont want to send this to you directly because i dont know what we would say after this.. 😓 When i made you laugh, it made me laugh.. you gave me genuine giggles and bubbles in my stomache and not even in the way of affection, but just nervousness cause i didnt want to do anythig thaat unimpresses you 🙈 you made me feel great about myself and you made me understand more about myself than i thought i already knew. You made me come in so close to you i knew every little feature about you and all the insecurities you have. I loved you in every way and i loved you in ways you havent even realised still to this day and you wont ever notice them now cause your love faded away months ago and is directed to someone else. I dont know how i feel about us from talking every day to not talking anymore and to you talking to him everyday and not me anymore. It was all such a rush and such a sudden change you gave me no time to think and no time to heal and you dont show any help towards me in koving forward or try visting me or taking me out because of the relation you have with my sisters, how can we be bestfriends if you dont even feel comfortable at my house.. i never wanted to believe it but i just feel like im being used but i like it. I actually want you to cause you are the reason for my daily smiles. You dont realise what you gave me and what you took away from me. You say you will never ever forget me as a bestfriend and never will forget me in general. But i see it in your heart, you have. 5 months ago we used to tell eachother every time we leave the house and send “Get home safely” messages before i even make it half way home and then 2 months ago i started having to text you “i got home safely “ after ive been in my room for 5 mins and that showed me the meaning of “i love you” and “love you” Little things like that i dont think you realised and i know youll accuse it cause of the situation we are in but no, its not 😒 you started dropping all of out little gestures and thoughts about one another untill i had to bring it up or let you know for you to tell me that you forgot or felt bad. I am sorry that you stopped loving me and i dont know how you moved on so fast but maybe in time ill move on from you too. I am sorry that i am not truly your bestfriend but i dont know how to talk to you anymore when every day it is spent with another guy talking to you, so why should i bother aha I dont know what this whole thing is about but its just shit on my mind so dont judge I love you, honestly i do. But lately... your actions are showing me otherwise. You literally are becoming someone you didnt want to be and i dont know what to say about it cause youll just get hurt and shut me out. You never stayed out so late to complete work or to hang with friends till you met him. And not even wit me either. And its just making me realise that you never loved me that way and how much you are willing to be with him. Three times now i have not told you yet but whilst you were not home i just had to go to your home just so i could say hello to your beautiful baby. Yes i know i never told you but i just had to show adeline that regardless where her mother was and ehats going on in her life she still has an uncle to care for her when she needs it. Ive seen lately that she has started getting slimmer and more aggressive but i dont know wether its cause of how she acts at home or what she is watching but she is changing to fast and it hurts me seeing her this way and i can only imagine how it must be on you 😔 The only dream ive had this past week was me going to my primary school but not as a child. As a father to my own kids picking them up , i didnt have a wife or girlfriend cause ive always wanted to be a lone dad but i remember taking a step into the school and seeing Adeline run right past me.. it fucken broke my heart knowing how much she meant to me but for the slghtest moment , she stopped and waved at me. 😦 i hated this fream so much cause i woke up straight after that at 3 am and was crying till 5 am and drove to work dreaded in tears. I hope i am there to pick up Adeline after school to take her to get ice cream and toys as the great uncle i always should be. I just hope her mother is there to realise what she has and how much the two of them mean to him. Goodnight biffle ♥️👐🏼

~Nazif Bujupi 18/06/2018

the ice that froze fire ( 1 ) | myg / ijb

a/n: this is a multichaptered game of thrones au!! but u dont need to know anything about the franchise to read this,, anyhting u need to know will be explained :’) it will have bts, got7, twice, wonder girls, and shinee characters eventually ! more a/n at the end .

warnings: mentions of death, general angst

word count: 4094

“What do you mean we’re going north? There’s little north of where we are.” You asked the man in front of you. He sighs deeply before laying his eyes on you, an apologetic look masking his usually relaxed features.

“I’m going north. Not we. Tomorrow you’ll ride for King’s Landing, find a woman named Kim Yubin. She’ll care for you until you can find a craft and make a living.”

“I don’t understand, we’re fine right where we are, Yoongi. Where are you even going?”

“I’ve had a spot reserved within the night’s watch, it seems they’re low on men and they need help.” His power of the words he said with ease knocked the breath right out of you. The night’s watch. You felt like you could bitterly laugh at the seemingly cruel joke your boyfriend was playing on you.

“That’s a permanent position. You’ll never be able to see me again. You'll be stuck there until you die, be it by hypothermia or a wildling. Do you think that lowly of me?” You ranted and raved hoping to get your point across.

“I’m going so that you and the rest of the people in Westeros don’t lose your lives to the-”

“They can find another man. Why does it have to be you? Will you say their oath? You’ll promise to never be wed and to never father a child, knowing damn well that you’ve left a pregnant girlfriend back home so that you could feel like a hero for a couple of years.” You knew your words were hurting him yet you couldn’t find it in you to stop. “You’re a coward, Min Yoongi, never forget that.”

Not much was said the rest of the night. You angrily glared at him while he finished packing the rest of his things and you both lie on opposite sides of the bed facing away from each other. Neither of you slept, there was too much to think about, too many unspoken words that needed to be said that lingered in the quiet air with a deafening silence. 

Both of you were up and active by sunrise. You, watching him load his cargo onto the saddlebags of a horse, and him, moving as slow as possible doing so, trying to prolong the inevitable end. He said his goodbyes to his family, saving you for last. “Hoseok promised me he’d take you south to the Capitol and make sure you found Yubin before returning. Please listen to his instructions.” You had wanted so badly to apologize for your previous harsh words, to hug him and tell him bye, good luck, I love you, but you didn’t. A decision you’d surely come to hate yourself for later.

“Go.” You spit at him, turning your back to him and walking away, fastly pacing to a hiding spot away from the public eye. You didn’t look back once, only knowing he was gone by the galloping sound of horse hooves that was getting farther away by the second. You’re not sure how long you spent behind the stables crying, only being interrupted when you saw two boots stop in front of you. 

“Are you ready to leave?” the comforting yet slightly intimidating voice of Jung Hoseok asked you.

“I’m not going anywhere. What’s there for me in King’s Landing?”

“What’s there for you here?” He asked, and he was right. Yoongi was the reason you were here and now he was gone. He left you and your unborn child for a reason you still couldn’t pinpoint. “Go pack your things. We need to leave soon so that you can get there by nightfall.”

You did as you were told in the hopes that maybe something good would come out of the move. Hoseok was waiting for you by his horse by the time you were finished. He smiled at you when he saw you approaching, grabbing what little luggage you had from under your arms and loading it onto the animal. He helped you up onto the horse before jumping on himself. Your arms wrapped around his middle for stability, a friendly gesture that you wished could’ve been done with Yoongi instead.

“Hoseok, why did he join the night’s watch? Why would he ever go to a place as unsafe as the wall?” You asked lowly, doubtful he even heard you over the wind. Surprisingly, he did.

“Because it’s unsafe. The wildlings have been killing men who’ve gone past the wall and the one’s who survived have come back and told stories to scare the watchmen. Everyone’s a little shaken up there. I’m following him there after I drop you off here.” You become quiet again after hearing his words, trying to find some piece of you to sympathize with his decision but ultimately coming up with nothing. 

You had begun dozing off by the time you reached King’s Landing. The sun was far enough behind the horizon line that it was darkening the sky, but still visible enough that the sky seemed painted with orange and red bloodshed. You came to when the horse you both were on came to a halt, stopping in front of the wall enclosing the city.

“My name is Jung Hoseok, future Ranger for the night’s watch. I’m here to meet a woman named Kim Yubin. The guards at the border looked at each other before opening the gate without asking questions.

“Have you ever met Kim Yubin before?” you whispered in Hoseok’s ear. He shook his head no and you wondered who she was to Yoongi that he’d entrust you in her care. “Do you even know what she looks like? How are we supposed to find her?”

“Vaguely. I figured we would ask around until someone could give us directions to her residence.” King’s Landing was a lot different from home. It was warmer, more crowded, and more diverse in faces than the north could ever be. Once inside the gates, the both of you hopped down from the animal. It took a second to find your balance, Hoseok helped keep you upright, obviously used to riding long distances by now. “Excuse me, do you know where we could find a Kim Yubin?” The shop owner Hoseok asked the question to is momentarily taken aback but points down the overpopulated street before speaking.

“Go straight and take a left, keep walking until you come across a pleasure house, she lives right to the left of it. She should be home by now.” Both you and Hoseok bowed in thanks to his helpfulness but the sinking feeling had been in your gut all day had only gotten worse. 

Why does she live next to a brothel? Why does Yoongi know someone who lives next to a brothel? Has he ever been?

“Stop. I can see you overthinking things.” Hoseok said. You were clasping onto his arm trying not to get lost in the busy sea of people trying to get places before it got too late. You were dragging your feet though, and it was slowing both of you down. Making the first left, the street instantly calmed down some. It was quieter and it had less of a crowd. The pleasure house wasn’t too far down and before you knew it, you were standing in front of a wooden door. You could see light coming from underneath the doorway, signaling somebody was still awake.

Hoseok was the one to knock. This was happening too fast. You should be eating dinner with Yoongi in the north right now. Why the hell were you here?

The door opened to reveal a short woman with long dark hair. She looked confused at your presence. “Yes?” 

“Are you Ms. Kim Yubin?” Her eyebrows were knitted together in blatant confusion but she still managed a nod. “I’m Jung Hoseok, this is (L/N)(Y/N), we’ve come here per Min Yoongi’s request.” Her eyes nearly doubled in size before quickly inviting us in. 

“Min Yoongi? How is he doing?” She quickly asked once everyone was inside and getting comfortable. “Gods it’s been forever since I last saw him.”

“Who are you?” Your words were desperate and jealous, a plea to her to say they were distant cousins or something. 

“Kim Yubin. I used to watch over him when he was young while his dad was serving and his mother would be working in the nursery. She was an ironic woman, took care of other kids but not her own.” She said. A feeling of relief washed over you hearing the true connection between the two of them. “But earlier you said you were here per his request? What do you mean by that.”

Hoseok answered, “Yoongi has left to serve as a ranger for the night’s watch. He asked me to bring his girlfriend down to King’s Landing and find you.” She nodded, looking deep in thought. 

“I’d be happy to provide shelter for the two of you, however, I’m lacking a spare room.” 

“Don’t worry Kim Yubin, I don’t plan on staying. I came to make sure she arrived safely and found you.”

“I see, but please just call me Yubin. Have you eaten?” she asked the both of you. 

“We haven’t, but I must leave now so I can make it back to the north by morning.” She hummed in understanding. Hoseok stood up, making his way back to the door. “You’ve unloaded all of your things when we first walked through the gates, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. I’ll be taking my leave. Thank you Yubin, be safe.” The door closes and now it’s just the two of you. The isolated feeling you had been trying so hard to ignore seemed to quadruple in intensity as it sank in that the possibility of ever seeing Min Yoongi or Jung Hoseok ever again was slim to none. Both would be men of the Night’s Watch come tomorrow evening.

“I’ve made ox bone soup tonight. I hope that’s something you’ll eat.” Yubin’s words brought you ought of your depressing thoughts. 

“Yes, I will. Thank you.” You replied, watching her smile and rush into the kitchen at your approval. She was kind and timely and looked eager to help anyone that needed it. “Yubin, how old are you? You said you watched over Yoongi when he was younger so I take it you’re older than him.”

“Ah, yes, I’m 28. His mother and mine worked at the nursery together.” She said, reminiscing at simpler times and smiling. “How long have the two of you been together? Did you have any plans to marry?”

Her questions were invasive but you can tell her intentions were pure. “We were together for three years. We did have plans in the near future, as soon as he began making enough money as a blacksmith we planned to have a wedding. He was doing well, I’m still in shock that that goal is gone now.”

“Ah, so he became a blacksmith. The two of you are still quite young though. What was the rush?” You didn’t want to talk about this anymore but this was the curious woman’s home. Wouldn’t it be disrespectful to leave her questions unanswered?

“Uh, actually, that’s... Quite funny...” You tried to draw out your hesitation in an attempt to make her see your lack of comfort with the topic but your “pauses for dramatic effect” only made her more inquisitive. “Yoongi and I were going to have a baby.” You finally said, putting everything out in the open. Yubin nearly choked on the soup broth she had been tasting when she heard the word “baby”. 

“It’s good that it was just a plan. You’re both very young, maybe this is a blessing in disguise.”

“I’m still having the baby, just without him.”

“You’re already pregnant?!” She questioned before trying to calm herself down. “Okay, that’s okay. Stay here as long as you need.” She said in attempted comfort, setting down a bowl of soup in front of you which you attacked mercilessly. You hadn’t eaten anything since last night.

“What is your trade? I’ll help you find an employer after work tomorrow. I only make enough money to care for myself.” She said.

“I, uh, don’t have one. Both of my parents owned the only brewery in our town so we made pretty good money. When I moved in with Yoongi I was still receiving some support from my parents. I’ve never had the need to find a craft.” She nodded in understanding.

“Do you have anything that interests you? I’m a seamstress, I can take you with me tomorrow if you’d like.” She offered with a friendly smile.

“I’d like that.”

Yoongi never thought there was a warm part of the north until he reached Castle Black. The frigid temperatures at the wall made the climate of home seem tropical. He rode and rode and kept riding until he came up to the only structure he’d seen for miles. A series of buildings arranged in a square in front of the 244-meter wall he’d only ever heard about. 

He and his horse strode up to the entrance gate, being stopped by guards at the watchtower dressed in black. “State your name and business here.” One said.

“Min Yoongi, I’d like to serve.” A few minutes later the gate slowly started to open, out walked a man dressed just like the guards: in all black.

“Do you have any military training Min Yoongi?” The man asked.

“No, but my father has. He fought with the Kingsguard.”

“To protect which king?”

“Son Gyukwan.” 

“He didn’t do a very good job did he?” Yoongi was angry, furious, livid at his words yet did nothing. “We’ve been waiting for you, get inside.” He hopped down from his horse, still holding the reins and followed the man inside the border.

“It’s late now. Rest tonight and we’ll see how you fight tomorrow.” The man said and immediately began walking away. When he was out of sight, he began to tie the reigns of his steed to a post. A man taller than him approached him soon after. His hair was dark and he had a youthful face, Yoongi guessed he was younger than he was.

“I’ll lead you to the chambers when you’re ready.” The boy said, staring and waiting for Yoongi to give him the word. 

“Let’s go then,” Yoongi commanded. He began following the boy’s hasty steps. He must’ve been cold as he was oddly underdressed for the weather. “Are you training here too?” Yoongi asked, taking the boys apparent young age into account.

“No, I’ve been a ranger for a couple of months now. I’m Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook. You’re Min Yoongi, Namjoon has been talking about you for the last couple of days.”

Kim Namjoon. Yoongi remembered him. They were close friends during their teenage years and Yoongi remembers how confused and hurt he was when he woke up to see his parents informing everyone that he made way to Castle Black to serve in the Night’s Watch. Kind of like what he did to you.

Mornings were just as busy as evenings in King’s Landing, as children laughing and the bustling of shop owners trying to get people to stop and buy things was what woke you up. Yubin had given up her bed for you to sleep in, insisting that you needed good rest after riding all day and that a makeshift cot was plenty comfortable for her to sleep on. 

You could hear that she was already awake, most likely making breakfast. You walked out of the room to see that you were correct. She was already dressed for the day, quite fancy for a seamstress you thought.

“Good morning!” She chirped. You smiled back and sat down on a stool. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes I did, thank you.” Your sincere gratitude made her smile even bigger. 

“You’re still coming with me today, right? Go wash up and find something formal in my closet to wear.” She ordered. The woman’s house was nice and tidy, everything had a place. It was no challenge to find everything you needed to freshen up. It was also no trouble to find something “formal” as Yubin’s entire closet was filled with dresses that you only wore to special events and dinners.

You decided on the most simplistic dress, still over the top for your taste but it will do. You would’ve liked to wear your own clothes but apparently, that wasn’t an option. “You look great! Are you ready?” She asked. You smiled at her compliment and nodded, following her out the door.

She led you down a wide street, the same street you traveled down with Hoseok the night before. This time, however, you kept going straight, following a path to the inner part of the capital. You, in all your life, had never seen the castle so close up and it only seemed to be getting closer.

“Where is your shop located, Yubin?”

She giggled, and then laughed again at your confused face. “I’m a seamstress for Queen Nayeon and Lady Yeeun, I work in the castle.” You stopped dead in your tracks at her words, looking at her in disbelief. The formal dresses made more sense now. “Is something wrong?” She asked when she noticed you stopped following her.

“I suppose not, I’m just in shock.” 

“Understandable.”

“Will I really be able to meet her grace today?” You asked with hopeful eyes. Im Nayeon married into the royal family by the King’s request. She was a commoner from the north before that, and everyone has taken a liking to her. She’s a humble young woman who completely enamored King Jaebum. Park Yeeun is an older cousin of the King but was adopted by Jaebum’s late father before his passing. She’s lived in with the Im household since then. She has a certain power over the King that no other person has ever managed to obtain.

The castle was bigger than you’d thought it’d be and you weren’t even inside yet. Guards moved aside to let you and Yubin pass through the front doors, and inside you were met with another member of the Kingsguard, who escorted you up a staircase and down several confusing hallways to closed double doors. The guard stepped aside and Yubin knocked on the door. A faint “come in” was heard from the other side, too quiet for you to identify the voice.

Walking in, you were met with Queen Nayeon sitting at her vanity, she smiled seeing Yubin in the reflection of the mirror and turned around. Both you and Yubin bowed to the royal figure sitting before you.

“Your grace.” you both said at the same time.

“Welcome back Yubin. Who is this?” The sweet voice of the young Queen asked.

“This is an old friend of mine I’m training in tailoring, please forgive me for bringing a guest uninvited.”

“Don’t apologize! Yubin is very talented, you’ll learn a lot.” She replied, smiling genuinely at you. 

“Okay, should we get started?”

“Oh, yes! I’m supposed to wear this dress to the family dinner tomorrow night but the sleeves are too long.” the Queen said. Yubin mumbled a “no problem” before opening up a small bag you didn’t even realize she had to pull out a tape measure. You watched as she measured the length of the sleeve, most likely knowing all of Nayeon’s measurements by heart now. You guess you could see yourself doing this eventually, but exactly how much experience did Yubin have to be a personal tailor for the royal family?

The door opened, and when everyone saw who entered, everyone stood up. The atmosphere in the room completely changed and you finally understood why everyone saw Lady Yeeun as intimidating.

“Hello dove, Kim Yubin, guest. The King is expecting you for lunch, your grace, don’t keep him waiting.” She said, eyes fixed onto the young Queen, a smirk on her face that never seemed to leave.

“Give me an hour and a half and I’ll be back Yubin,” Nayeon said quickly, rushing out of the room. It was surprising how scared even the Queen seemed to be of the Lady.

“Kim Yubin, who is your guest?” Yubin flinched at Yeeun’s harmless words.

“She’s a friend I’m offering charity to, my Lady.” Lady Yeeun contentedly smiled at her answer before walking out of the room.

“How’s home? Does Kim Sowon still live there?” Namjoon asked from behind the dummy Namjoon was trying to “kill” with a dull sword. He ignored him, trying to focus on his training so that he could be inducted as soon as possible. “Come on, you’re not still mad at me, right? We’re here together again, there’ no need to be upset anymore!”

“Sowon doesn’t live there anymore. She ran off with a man to White Harbor.” A familiar voice that wasn’t Yoongi’s or Namjoon’s said. The two looked to their left and saw a smug Jung Hoseok approaching them. Namjoon ran excitedly to meet him half way and threw him into a hug. Yoongi dropped the sword he was holding and walked over to them.

“What are you doing here?” Yoongi asked. Namjoon’s face dropped at the harsh tone of his voice. Yoongi saw on their faces that his words came out angry, so in a silent apology, he opened his arms for a hug, to which Hoseok accepted.

“She made it to King’s Landing. We met Yubin and she ate a meal.” Hoseok’s words brought a few relieved tears to Yoongi’s eyes. You were okay. You were probably still mad but you were in one piece.

“You’re joining the Night’s Watch as well?” Yoongi asked once the two pulled away from their hug. Hoseok nodded.

“My uncle is a commander here, you know that. Are you surprised I followed you here?”

“Not at all,” Yoongi replied.

“Remember two weeks ago when I left for Oldtown for a couple of days?” He asked, continuing when Yoongi nodded. “I actually came here and trained. I went back home when your mother sent a raven saying you were probably coming down here as well. I figured we could do this together.” 

“You know this will be like we’re 15 again.” Namjoon’s voice cut through the sentimental moment. “We have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Jung Hoseok, Min Yoongi,” the man that greeted Yoongi when he first arrived said from behind him. “Your skills are definitely impressive for people who claim to have no military experience. Let me know when you want to take your oath.”

“Now is a good time. Hoseok are you ready?” Yoongi turned to look back at his friend who gave a confident “yeah” at his question.

“Very well.”

“You’re the queen, your grace. Why do you allow Lady Yeeun push you around still?” Yubin asked Nayeon. Her questions are so personal but with the most innocent intentions.

“If I were to stand up to her Jaebum would have my head.” the Queen said with a silly giggle although you were able to hear some truthfulness in her tone. 

Yubin continued working, and you continued watching as if it was interesting. It was a pretty repetitive process that she was doing but she was speedy about it. Nayeon watched too, not having anything better to look at. Yubin isn’t very talkative when she’s working, so the lightness in the air turns dull and boring.

“Where are you from, (Y/N)?”

“Breakstone hill, your grace, but I’m familiar with Hornwood as well.”

“Ah, another northerner.” the Queen mused delightedly before the room fell back into a comfortable but boring silence.

Yoongi and Hoseok followed Night’s Watch guards out of the safety of the wall and into the lands beyond. The oath must take place beyond the security of the wall, and even though it made Yoongi a little nervous to be outside of such protection, he followed through.

The pair knelt down in the snow and began to speak.

“Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come.”

a/n: this isn’t proof read bc i feel like if i reread it i’ll hate it and go another 8 months without posting anything bitch! jaebum will be in the chapter i promise yall

weird dream: spiderman was trying to escape someone idk and ended up in a band class being directed by hannibal lecter in a mustache (i say hannibal and not mads bc i knew in my heart it was hannibal at that moment in the dream) and spiderman picks up a accordion so he doesnt look like the odd one in and he played his parts perfectly. after the class hannibal walked over to spiderman, put his hand down on his shoulder, and told him he’d love for him to join the band now in my dreams i usually stay on the same topic, which was spiderman being the accordian player in hannibal’s band, but my brain decided to transition to a different place in this same time era, and that was two kids bored in detention. weird thing: their detention was located in a ward for the most dangerous criminals, which for some reason was located right by their school, which was connected via parking lot.  so the kids notice their supervisor walking away to go do whatever thee fuck supervisors do, and they took off. they decided to go investigate the most dangerous criminals. they looked through the slots at all of them, making jokes and whatever, before they get to the cell labelled hannibal lector. they noticed he wasnt in the room, so they somehow unlocked the door, and started investigating around the room. in doing so they found a piece of cloth covering this huge-ass hole, which went real far down into the earth, so far down they couldn’t see the end of it.  a little cut in my dream shows me hannibal in his prison uniform digging this hole with a plastic spoon and a plastic fork. back to the present, the supervisor grabs these two kids, however hannibal lector also grabs these two kids.  ‘naughty children shouldn’t go poking around other people’s homes’ is what he said. or something like that.

turns out hannibal lector is the supervisor, and he’s just wearing a mustache. he broke out of his cell and got a job as a band director and as a supervisor for detention. i have no idea how but he’s hannibal so i guess he had a way. the dream cuts and it seems the person watching the security cameras has figured out that hannibal lector isnt in his cell anymore, and calls for all the supervisors to go investigate. the kids hold onto two of their supervisors, one of whom appears to be jefferson davis, and tell them not to go investigate with the others, and that they dont want them to be ‘marked’ jefferson raises an eyebrow at this, but listens to the kids. a montage of the supervisors investigating hannibal’s cell, where they look into the hole, and go ‘oh thats a fuckin big hole the fuck?’ and supervisor hannibal goes ‘funny.’ and then kills all the supervisors in that room. he kills them all in weird ways, and eventual takes an eye from one, a tongue from another, an ear, a foot, and a hand.  its at this point that alarms are going red and all the kids from detention come running to hannibal’s room, where they accept the gifts he gives them. all the kids from detention were missing something, such as an eye, tongue, ear, foot, and a hand. they magically fuse onto their bodies? anyways hannibal and the kids escape into the parking lot, where they locate a big van, a la soccer mom style. him and the kids get the fuck out of there, and on the way they pick up the rest of the band, including spiderman whose still wearing his spidey suit. note: i have no idea which spiderman this is. at first it was tom’s, however it could be any spider at this point.  my dream gets fuzzy at this point because my cat was sneezing into my face and trying to wake me up. i managed to ignore her and go back to sleep. while im watching them do this cop escape scene, the cops not wanting to shoot the van, i say in my head ‘i wish will graham was here.’ and then realize he can be! because this is my dream! so. spiderman unmasks and it’s will graham, releasing a gasp from everyone and hannibal going ‘fuck’ because this is season 2 will graham, who wants him dead sometimes and wants him to marry him the other times. will looks at hannibal, andt hen at the kids. “we have to adopt all of them. and the whole orphanage, or the cops will never stop chasing after us.” will says “we?” hannibal replies back, dodging a massive hole in the ground “yes.” my dream fuzzes again because my cat is getting angrier that im not waking up, and spits in my face a bit. i realize that my cat is going to keep doing this and i need to wake up soon, but i want to continue my dream. so a montage it is. a montage of hannibal and will adopting a lot of kids, just a bunch of them, because for some reason the cops cant arrest them and send them to jail if they have this many kids?  anyways they find this little castle they live in and start to build out their territory, creating a beautiful kingdom, and hannibal goes ‘i must get something amazing for will’ and so he digs another hole/cave this time going under another kingdom which has this rare emerald that is a dark green and flashes to a deep red in the right sunlight. he manages to steal these emeralds, out of a well, from the king of this land, and returns to his holecave, when we hear the king go ‘NO!’ my cat once again tries to wake me up, causing the dream to fuzzy and go to a different time this time, hannibal and will arent here, instead its one of their sons whose become the king, and his wife that he married from somewhere the king is playing a game with his children where they avoid the spooky ghost lady, and try to find all the notes. only problem is that the king recognizes the spooky ghost lady to be a grown up version of his lost first born daughter, who has disappeared from her bed one morning. he figures out a way to save her, causing the black goo to fall off of her and for her to be revealed. she is quiet, but tears are still going down her face.  the king, over-excited about his daughter being alive, takes her back to the castle, but along the way he notices two cords on the ground, in a nature traily place, and follows them, to find an old corpse on the ground, with a noose around his throat, and a empty noose beside him. his daughter then speaks up. “‘i love her. she is the most perfect being on this planet and i would kill anyone if they tried to hurt her. i shall steal her from her bed, so that we can be one together.’ then he took me out here and hung both of us. but, a princess cannot die, so i just suffered for years instead. kids using me as a fun late-night game. until you saved me father.” and then they cry and the dream fastforwards again. this time its a prom? prom night? whatever. and the princess is talking with one of her siblings. they’re talking about who they’re going to dance with or whatever, when one of them gets a magical ping, and sees troops outside the city walls. they quickly alert the kingdom of the incoming battle a cut again, my cat is wanting me awake real bad, and this time i see a car. the car is a black fancy breed of car, and inside is three people. one a bouncer, another a noble british lady which you can tell by her tall powdered wig and her white face makeup, and the third is a young prince, who is sick and keeps complaining about a headache. the car pulls up to the wreakage of the city’s gate, where there’s dust and rocks everywhere, and we see the princess come out of the wreakage, and wave her hands. she’s wearing some sorta biker getup, but without a helmet. the car stops, and the bouncer rolls down the window “hey, are you okay?” asks the bouncer “like, no! i just want to go home. my boyfriend should be back where you came from.” the princess gets into the car, the bouncer having invited her in. “Alright. lets go find your boyfriend.” the bouncer backs the car up and turns around, heading back the way they went. “whats your name?” asks the prince “almara.” replies the princess “almara. that sounds familiar?” the prince scratches his head. “it should. this is a hostage situation.” almara pulls up her magic, placing it at the young prince’s head. “oh fuck!” scrreches the british lady “its okay guys, ive been in a hostage situation before. we will all make it out of this if we jhust listen to the princess.” almara has them turn the car back round, and has them drive it to the castle, where she gets out with only the young prince, and takes him to her father. “why?” is all her father asks of the prince “to get back the crystals your fathers stole from my father!” cries the young prince. my dream fuzzes again, and this time i get a little scene. the king and one of his kids, are looking at the crystals in a well.  ‘can we show mom?” asks one of them “no, she’d have a heartattack.” the king pulls out a straw, which contains a crystal a tip of the crystal is eaten. the scene changes back its weird because my cat is really mad at this point, and so i cant really described what happened that well. apparently the king gave the young prince some lip, and then hannibal and will appeared, dressed to the nines in fancy king clothes, and tell the young prince to fuck off and that they never stole the crystals. the prince screams as the pain in his head starts banging against his skull. the dream end. my cats are hungry and pissed at me for sleeping. i fed them and they are happy again.

jamaia the sequel || jace & maia

also known as the one where jace gives maia an idea re: what she’s getting herself into by procreating with him. it’s not all that pretty. @weremaiia  { set after the chatzy earlier this week with sebastian/camille turning up }

maia getting into her apartment, maia glanced over at jace as he moved behind her. the ride from magnus' to the lightwoods and now her place was longer than she imagined it would be but they had barely spoken after the mess that happened with their friends. she sighed, moving to take a seat on the couch as she kept her eyes on him. "jace?" she questioned as she tried to read him.

Jace hadn't even realized that she'd said his name until it clicked in that she was staring at him. he'd been lost in his thoughts, still back at magnus' apartment staring at someone he'd thought had to be long gone. dead, maybe, or fostered through the system - never to be seen or heard from again. but no, he'd been right there, standing a few feet away from him, and that smug look on his face had him seeing red. but he'd been unable to say a word - the mere mention of his father enough to freeze him in place. "huh?" he blinked, trying to clear the haze from his mind. "sorry, what'd you say?"

maia didn't want to pry but jace had been silent since the mention of a certain name back at magnus'. she didn't know much about his life but she had heard some stories. it must have been one of those that he stored in the back of his mind and never explored again. she shook her head as he answered her. "i just said your name."

Jace nodded as he took a seat on the couch beside her, a hand coming up to run through his hair. "right, sorry. you feeling okay?"

maia watched him closely but nodded at his comment. "i feel a lot better. my stomach was all over the place earlier. what about you? who was that guy?"

Jace leaned back against the sofa cushions, fingers twisting a stray string from his jeans as he spoke. "good. i didn't want to say much back there, otherwise everyone would figure out what was going on." her question about the guy was a loaded question, one he wasn't sure how to explain. "his name's sebastian." he replied after a moment's pause. "i haven't seen him since i was ten years old."

maia lifted a hand to rest in the space between the two of them, nodding to him as he spoke. "how do you know him?"

Jace reluctantly spit out, "he knew my father. i didn't see him much."

maia let her head fall to the side as she kept her eyes on him. "what does that mean?"

Jace knew that he owed her an explanation. she hadn't been around through the worst of it - the trial, the depositions, his private life exposed over the front pages of newspapers for all to see. sometimes he forgot that not everyone knew about valentine - that they were able to live in blissful ignorance. as much as he wanted to keep it all locked away, hidden from the light of day, he knew that he couldn't do that. she was a part of this now - she was stuck with him, at least for the next 18 years. she deserved to know what she was getting into. so he told her - about his father's time in the military, how his mother had died in childbirth and all he'd ever known was valentine, how he could be ​cruel​ one moment and kind the next, leaving his head spinning and a sour taste in his mouth. how his associates were always coming and going, and how he'd seen sebastian around the compound more than once. he didn't know who he was, or whose son he was, but valentine had always paid him attention. he'd been jealous as a kid, but he wasn't now. would he have ended up like sebastian if he'd stuck around valentine? "he was a terrible person, my father. he destroyed families, tried to start a war," he shuddered. "but he's my father. whether i like it or not." he didn't tell her that he still saw him. no, that was his cross to carry. an obligation that he hadn't been able to shake no matter how many years had passed.

maia wasn't sure how to react to jace's news. it was all kind of scary but she was proud of the guy that made it out of the worst part of his life. being from another state, maia was never informed about valentine through her entire life. she wasn't informed about much and didn't have much contact outside of her bedroom. her childhood was nothing like jace's but it was pretty terrible, thus the running away. she didn't know what to say to him, how to soothe him but she was going to be there for him if something arose with sebastian. she sat up straighter, reaching for his hand. "listen, that is all in the past. you're obviously better than both of them. you've overcome all that mess. that's the best we can do, right? overcome the worst and find ourselves. the lightwoods were good for you. they helped you a lot. valentine is just a memory. and you're not going to be anything like him. pregnant or not, i'll kick your ass if you try." she laughed a little but sighed to herself. "i'm sorry you had to go through all of that, though. it must have been rough."

Jace knew that he was lucky. while he'd been resistant at first when the lightwoods had taken him in, he'd grown to appreciate everything they'd done for him and it had made him a better person. he didn't regret a single thing. but seeing sebastian brought all that back and if he was partnered with magnus' psychotic ex, well, it didn't bode well. "you're right. i just didn't expect to see him there. " he admitted. "i never expected to see any of them, ever again. most of his associates disappeared after he was arrested." he squeezed her hand when she took it within her own, finally looking up and meeting her gaze. "no ass kicking required. i won't be like him."

maia while maia really didn't want help in her own life at the time she got arrested, she was grateful years down the road that luke was the one that helped her get her shit together. she wasn't a part of their family but at least she had people she could call friends, now. everything with the pregnancy seemed so obsolete when she heard jace's story. "i don't think anyone expected to see either of them. they were all pretty ambushed, especially magnus." her stomach jumped up to her throat when he squeezed her hand. no, maia, control yourself. "that's good. i'd probably make you feel worse than the bruise magnus left. i, too, have a killer hook. or so i've been told."

Jace had to laugh at that. "yeah, no, i'd believe it. i dont think my face can take anymore ​damage​ today." he vowed to text alec later, make sure that magnus was okay. from what he'd heard in passing about camille, he wasn't bound to be in the best place. "hopefully we've seen the last of them. but if history has taught me anything, people you don't want to see don't just disappear." he sighed. "not without a fight."

maia lifted a hand to touch jace's face, checking out the damage. "it's not as pretty right now. such a shame. how will you ever get dates now?" she was hoping that he wouldn't but if she knew him at all, it was probably the opposite. she let the smile fall from her face as she looked away from him. "so, we fight them off and keep magnus safe. i've no doubt that alec could take someone down but he shouldn't have to."

Jace raised his eyebrows, only wincing slightly when her fingers ghosted over the bruises on his face. it looked worse than it felt, but it certainly didn't tickle. "if i was looking for a date, it'd probably help me out." he pointed out. "chicks dig bad boys." it dawned on him then that he hadn't really seen anyone since they'd started sleeping together - not consciously, it had just never panned out. maybe that meant something, but with everything going on... was it really the time to think about that? "exactly. you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us. that's how it works."

maia rolled her eyes at jace's comment but kept her hand on his face. it was an okay looking face. she was glad for magnus defending her but really, it wasn't necessary. "you're terrible. vapid girls like bad guys. not all of us are like that." she put her hand down, resting it on her leg. she lived for the bantering between the two of them, isn't that how she got herself into this mess in the first place? "i love that about all of you. you have each other's backs no matter what. i've never had anything like that before."

Jace snorted. "really? no offence, but," he gestured between the two of us, "how do you explain this, then?" her words caused his brow to furrow ; was she blind? "you know you've got that too, right?" he questioned. "if anyone ever hurt you, there'd be a line of people waiting to help you bury the body. this," he gestured to his face, "only proves that. you're one of us. you have been for awhile."

maia shook her head in mock horror. "i am not vapid, jace lightwood! i am a smart and independent woman that does not need a man or woman to be in my life for happiness. though, it's kind of nice." she rolled her eyes again. "i don't know how to explain this but it's probably something about you being good looking and charming. i'll never be able to explain it. i tried to resist. i really did. i tried to kick you out but here you are. seems like all the time lately." not that she was complaining. she shrugged at his next comment though. "yes, i know. i meant before i met all of you. i still don't like the idea of people fighting because of me, though."

Jace rolled his eyes. "i wasn't implying that you're vapid. my point was that it's not ​only​ vapid girls who fall for my charm." he was well aware that they were still holding hands but he didn't pull it away - against his own reservations, he ​did​ have feelings for her... and while he wasn't sure that she felt the same way, they were in a good place. he wasn't about to mess with that. "just admit it, roberts. you're getting used to having me around." he chuckled. "eh, you'll get used to it. we're ride or die - all of us."

maia the more maia hung out with jace, the more she started to like him. it was almost a problem at this point. she felt bad for ditching him at work when she was sick and even for being so mean before she knew anything about him. she was grateful for his honesty and would tell him about her life eventually but right now it seemed so minuscule. she did like jace lightwood, though. he was growing on her. "you better not. i'm not one of those sorority girls that you bat your eyes at. i'm sure i fell for something other than the charm." she glanced down at their hands, feeling comfortable in the moment. she didn't want to let go. she wanted to protect him from the bad in his life. "yeah, i better get used to it if i'm not already. since you're not going anywhere for a while." she nodded. "i've noticed. it's comforting though."

Jace knew that she was right. "not for awhile, no." he parroted. "you've got me for 18 to life, depending on how badly we screw this kid up." it was odd to be so glib about the prospect of being a parent - but he knew they'd be okay. his family would be supportive, he knew that was true, and now that he'd sorted out a few of the messier details of his life he felt a little more in control. like maybe they could really do this. "i know you're not like the other girls," he rolled his eyes at his own words, "as cliché as that sounds. if you were, we would've had sex that night and never talked about it again." like i always do, he mentally added. but something about her had been different, and a part of him knew that she had felt it too. "it's not bad, knowing you've got a safety net."

maia wasn't upset about the prospect of having jace around through everything. she was still in the early stages and there were so many appointments that needed to be scheduled to check the progress of the baby but she wanted to wait until she told him to set anything up. plus, she had to coordinate with both of their schedules. it was going to be a lot of work. "well, we're both pretty screwed up so i doubt it will be hard to mess up his or her life." maia was glad for someone that actually wanted to be involved. any of her other exes would have told her to lose it or checked themselves out of the situation. "i did try to do that but you kept showing up at my work like a stalker." she teased. she was glad they hadn't stopped. she would never admit that to him, though. glancing down at their hands again, she knew it was more than sex. "yeah, it is nice. having real friends is good."

Jace couldn't fight the wry smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth. "great. we'll be paying for therapy until he - or she - is thirty." despite his words there was no heat to them. as young and inexperienced as they were, he had to hope that they'd find a way to make it work. to be better than the examples they'd had growing up. all he knew really about maia's past was that she didn't talk to - or about - her family, but he wasn't one to push. he got what that was like. "a stalker?" he scoffed. "please. i don't remember you ever ​pushing​ me away."

maia shook her head with a smile and lifted her free hand to nudge Jace away. "No we won't. She'll be a fighter and won't take any shit or believe any stories. She'll be strong." Ever since she found out, Maia had an inkling it would be a girl but it would probably end up being a boy to spite her. "I did! I pushed you out of bed mBy times. After."

Jace laughed as he avoided her nudging, leaning towards the edge of the bed. "hey, she can be strong and go to therapy. she can do whatever she wants." his eyes rolled. "no, you kicked me. i still have the bruises to show for it."

maia reached out to grab at jace's arm so she could get in a good hit. it wasn't too hard. he was already messed up enough in the face. she smiled, thinking about a few things, their future and child together. it was going to be different but jace wasn't a terrible person. especially now that he wasn't hiding anything from her anymore. "she won't need therapy. we will spoil her and treat her the best. she'll be happy." maia nodded, that's what she hoped for at least. "one time! i did it one time and you act like i broke you."

Jace played up the damage as he brought a hand up to rub at his arm, shaking his head. "was that necessary?" a shit eating grin spreads across his face. "you're right we will spoil her. or him. you did it one time, sure, but it still hurt." he commented with a roll of his eyes. "someone's got anger issues."

maia rolled her eyes, keeping a hold of his arm. "yes it was. you deserved that." she hated that grin so much but at the same time she liked it. "she will be so spoiled by everyone. all of your siblings and our friends. it will be terrible." with a wave of the hand, she sighed heavily. "you're so dramatic." shrugging a bit, she glanced to the floor. "a tiny anger problem but it's not unjustified."

Jace maia had to agree with her there. between all of their friends and his family, they'd be lucky if they ever got a moment's peace without someone dropping in. they were in their twenties now, it wasn't as taboo as if they were teenagers and didn't have a way to support themselves. they both had jobs, they were in school, and while it was a surprise and hasn't been planned he knew that they could handle it. at least he hoped so. "that's debatable." he countered. "I could be the innocent victim here." he had to suppress a snort when she justified her anger, shrugging half heartedly. "hey, I wouldn't kick me out of bed, that's all I'm saying."

maia every time maia talked to jace, she couldn't help but roll her eyes at his cockiness. sometimes it wasn't as bad but most times, it was. this was no different. it wasn't anything new to her at all. "you are not innocent. ever. at all. there's no way." she shrugged again, more non nonchalant than anything. "of course not. you think you're perfect. i was trying not to get attached and want you more. obviously that worked out well for me."

Jace knew that maia was probably right, but that didn't mean that he had to own up to it. "i was probably innocent at some point." he argued. "when is up for debate, but," he waved his hand dismissively. "whatever." he couldn't help but snort at the irony of her words. "you were playing it cool, trying to keep things casua, and now you're stuck with me for the next 18 years. i guess that backfired."

maia shook her head and smiled at Jace. "I believe that. You haven't been innocent since I've known you." She lifted her hand to grab his and sighed. "Honestly i'm glad it's you and not someone else. At least you're being an adult about it. Thanks for that."

Jace knew that this couldn't be easy for her. for him, he had to wonder if maybe it hadn't sunk in yet. if maybe that was the reason why he wasn't melting down from the inside out. "i've always wanted kids." he admitted after a moment, lazily tangling their fingers together. "maybe not this soon, but," he shrugged. "could be why i'm not freaking out. either that or it hasn't clicked and i'll lose my shit in a couple weeks. who knows?"

maia glanced down at their hands and couldn't help but smile again. it felt right. it felt safe and she was grateful for jace. "i wanted kids later in life. not right now. i'm scared but i'd never have an abortion. it's not right." she exhaled. "maybe but i think that's normal. it's happening though so there's nothing you can do about it."

Jace shifted uncomfortably. not once since she'd told him there was going to be a baby had he even ​considered​ that might have been an option. if anything about this terrified him, it was that. of not knowing until it was too late, and there was nothing left to know. if he squeezed her hand a little tighter, he didn't acknowledge it. some things were better left unsaid. "you're not wrong." he agreed. "now we just... figure our shit out." he could only hope that by the time the baby had arrived they'd smoothed everything out - that camille and that blonde guy, the one he ​knew​ he should know, were long gone - and that the only thing they'd need to worry about was not screwing the kid up. that, as far as he was concerned, was more than enough pressure.