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derangedanomaly · 2 days

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I have big brain idea.

Imagine, you can do reader x chaos fanfic thing-

IMAGINE- I WOULD LOVE THAT-

O.M.G. THAT WOULD BE SO COOL!! Alright... I've decided...since I'm also a writer, I'm gonna write this. (I'd be totally hyped if someone else besides me wrote something like this about Chaos)

Let's go folks!

MASTERLIST

CHAOS SANS X READER

Sitting outside, looking at the shining bright stars, and watching the constellations, with one peculiar skeleton.. Chaos. Or as Nightmare liked to address him, 'the faker'.

Chaos wasn't at all what you expected, when Killer informed you about Nightmares 'twin'. It's hard to imagine Nightmare, acting like Chaos does. Apparently, as Chaos explained to you, he wants to ruin his reputation. For some weird reason...

"Hey..Chaos?" He hummed, and looked at you with an encouraging smile. "Yeah? What's up doll?" You flushed upon hearing the nickname, still not used to it, especially being used by someone that looks identical to Nightmare. Nightmare was never one for affection, that much is obvious, so it's not all that shocking that he never gave you nicknames...but, hell! He could've at least addressed you by your name! It's always 'mortal' here 'mortal' that..

You snapped out of your thoughts, to fully respond to Chaos. "Can I ask you something?" He blinked at you, curious about your question. "Shoot!" He motioned for you to go on. You couldn't help but chuckle, seeing his silly demeanor.

"How far are you actually willing to go, just to lower Nightmares reputation?" His stare suddenly went empty, which was... unusual for him. You felt goosebumps when his eye-lights completely disappeared, now an emotionless look adoring his face. "....As long as my objective will be completed."

This only peaked your interest more.. an objective? He never mentioned something like that... Then a sad thought came up to you, the more you thought about it.. Does he actually see this as his whole reason for existing? Does he think that the sole reason he's alive....is because he has to ruin Nightmare?

You frowned at this. He shouldn't think like that..no one should ever think this way! You suddenly got determined, as you grabbed the sides of his face, and faced him. He widened his eye, and his cheeks gained a cyan color. "Now you listen here, you can't sacrifice your whole time just to humiliate Nightmare, the whole world doesn't revolve around him... You have to learn to make time for yourself! Do what you enjoy, relax!" He was even more quieter, if it was possible, after you uttered those words.

".....Time for......myself?" You nodded, and let go of his face. "Yeah, what do you like to do in your free time?" Even more stillness followed, his head suddenly lowered, almost in shame.. he looked quite sad...which made you frown.

"I don't..... have hobbies."

......

"Then we need to fix that!" You gave him an encouraging smile, which he returned. Seems like you'll have to go over quite a lot of activities, to find out Chaos' hobby.

#undertale #undertale fandom #sans undertale #sans x reader #undertale fanfiction #undertale au #nightmare sans x reader #nightmare sans #chaos sans x reader #chaos sans #writing #utmv #utmv au

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dragonfirerogue-writes · 8 hours

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hi this is my first time sending a request and this one was rejected by other writer so I wondered if you could write it instead. I love quinn and I was thinking about a quinn fabray x fem!reader where reader was quinn first love back in middle school in that old school of hers and they had confessed to each other. reader loved quinn since her lucy caboosey phase and you could add that russell or Judy found out and separated them and encouraged quinn to get the nose job and lose weight. anyways, reader goes to McKinley during season 2 where quinn is trying to get her life together and she snaps when reader tries to approach her using her old name they don't speak anymore but reader always look out for quinn from the sideways (she's not from the glee club but she befriends Rachel) and quinn gets even more pissed when she catches rachel mentioning you before glee starts. the whole mess with lucy caboosey gets out and they finally speaks w reader comforting Quinn. make it angsty with a happy ending do not spare our feelings😂

-🫧

Still By Your Side

You know you're staring, but you can't help it. Something about this girl in your class is so familiar. You just can't put your finger on it.

See, you used to live in Lima, but you moved away in middle school. Forced away, rather. Now you're back and junior year began at McKinley High. While you recognized a lot of people, this one person just couldn't jog your memory.

Not until her eyes bore into yours.

As soon as class ends, you pack up your things and dart after the blonde.

"Hey! Wait!"

The blonde turns around, eyebrows cocked with an annoyed look on her face. She doesn't say anything, waiting for you to tell her why you're bothering her.

You take a moment to take her in. This girl was beautiful, that's for sure. There was a grace about her to match. Even her annoyed face looked pretty. You shake the thought from your head before finally speaking.

"Lucy, right? Lucy Fabray? It's me, Y/N."

Almost immediately, a hand covers your mouth and you're shoved against the lockers. Eyes blazing with fury found your shocked ones.

"I don't care who you are. I don't care how we met. But you will NEVER utter that name ever again." She leans closer and dangerously lowers her voice. "I am not Lucy and I will never be again. I am Quinn Fabray. Lucy is dead."

She pushes off of you, shoving you further into the lockers before striding away. You just watch her leave, your heart breaking with each step she takes. You didn't even notice the person next to you until she spoke.

"Sorry about her. She's always been like that."

With a jolt of surprise, you turn to look at the short brunette next to you. There's a moment before you look towards Quinn again.

"No... Not always." A sigh escapes your lips before you turn your attention to your companion. "You're friends with Lu-er... Quinn?" The brunette lets out a soft, rueful laugh.

"Kind of? More like rivals, I guess. We're both in Glee Club together. I'm Rachel Berry." She holds out her hand, which you take to shake.

"Y/N," you reply. "Y/N Y/L."

"If you wanna get close to Quinn, you can join Glee. We always need more members anyway." She offers. You consider it for a moment before shaking your head.

"Nah. I won't bother her like that. And I'd rather get myself settled before joining any clubs." You smile. "Thanks though. Maybe in the future." Rachel returns your smile with her own wide one.

"I'll hold you to that."

-----+++++-----

As the days pass, you learn more about Quinn thanks to Rachel. Her pregnancy and the resulting fallout with her parents, her life with the Glee Club, and now her determination to return to life before her baby. It was a lot and you weren't surprised by how much it affected her. You've already decided to stay out of Quinn's way, but they didn't mean you weren't still drawn to her.

While you tried your best to avoid directly interacting with the blonde, there were times when it was inevitable. Much like when she and Santana got into a fight in the hallway and you made it a point to pull Quinn away while blocking the Latina's attacks with your body.

Quinn didn't even acknowledge you.

It wasn't ideal. Your heart squeezed in pain with every rebuff. But the love you held for her, from the moment you met Lucy, it was worth every glance.

Only once did Quinn speak to you after meeting again. It had been months of just being in her orbit. But suddenly, you're slammed against the wall.

"Stay away from Berry." She growls. "I already have to deal with you everywhere else. I don't need that dwarf opening her big mouth to speak your name."

Recovered from the push and sudden rant, you retort.

"We haven't spoken since the first day! I even honored your request, Quinn. I don't understand why you dislike me so much."

"You don't get it." She leans into your space. If you weren't so frustrated, you would've blushed. "You're the only one who knows about Lucy. About everything I had to go through because of her. You can ruin my reputation with that knowledge. How can I not hate you?"

You could only blink in shock. So much was forgotten. Or rather, repressed. After a moment, you sigh.

"Quinn... What would I gain from that?" With a slump, your head thumps against the wall. "You may have forgotten but I... I loved Lucy." You hear a soft gasp. "I still love her. Even after your parents forced me away. Even after all this time."

You finally look straight into Quinn's eyes.

"If I ever talk about Lucy, it will only be with love and adoration. But since you don't want any indication of her existence, then she'll live in my heart. I'm not here to hurt you, Quinn. You have my word."

With that last word, you push past Quinn, leaving her in the hallway. You laid everything out there and you hope the blonde would trust you.

You didn't notice the look of awe in her face.

-----+++++-----

The first thing you noticed when you walked into school the next week were the whispers. Gossip sprung up all around you. You were confused until you were faced with a poster of a familiar photo.

Lucy Caboosey.

Almost immediately, you move to look for Quinn. At the choir room, you were met with most of the New Directions. Upon seeing you, Rachel rushed up.

"Y/N!"

"What's going on?" Another girl piped up.

"Fabray was being more annoying than Rachel." You recognized her to be Lauren Zizes. "I found out her little secret and decided to even the odds for Prom Queen."

You just stared at her. "YOU WHAT!?"

Everyone jumped at your voice.

"Do you know what she had to go through because of that bullying? I basically had to be her bodyguard in middle school just so she wouldn't be pushed to do anything drastic. And. You. Bring. That. BACK!?"

It didn't matter that Zizes was twice your size and stronger. She shrunk at your rage.

"You better damn well hope I find her before I see you again."

You whirl around to continue your search for Quinn, leaving the group in fear and awe.

Eventually, you follow the trail of torn posters to a classroom where you find the blonde crying at a desk. Quietly, you take a place across from her and wait for her to acknowledge you. It didn't take long for her to look up at you with teary eyes.

"Y/N..."

You smile. "Hey, Luce. Sorry I wasn't around to protect you this time." Quinn let's out a scoff.

"Please. I pushed you away. It's my own fault." A sigh escapes her lips. "How am I going to face the school now?"

"The same way you always did."

Quinn just looks at you, confused.

"Sure, you had an outburst. But you can't let that, or your past, dictate what you do now." You reach out your hand, palm up in an inviting manner. "You show that it doesn't control you. Even if you're just faking it."

She stares at your hand.

"Why are you doing this? After everything that's happened between us." You just give her a sad smile.

"I told you before. I love Lucy. Always will. I told her that as long as I was around, I'd protect her. I intend to keep it."

A tear falls from Quinn's eyes as she looks at you with wonder. Her hand covers yours and she revels in its warmth.

"Do you think you can... Love Quinn like you did Lucy? I've changed so much since you left. I'm not Lucy Caboosey anymore."

"Quinn," you start. "I don't think I could love you like I did Lucy." The blonde wilts, her heart breaking. Her hand clutches tighter onto yours. She had been so scared of her reputation crumbling that it masked her own feelings for you. Feelings she held for so long.

Quinn's actions catch your attention and when you look into her eyes, you're struck by the emotion in them. In an instant, you're back in middle school and falling in love all over again. You let yourself stay in that moment for a bit before speaking again.

"Lucy has a special place in my heart. She's my first love." You watch as your thumb caresses Quinn's hand. "It'll always be there, but it'll never grow." Your eyes meet again. "It can grow with you though. I may not know Quinn as well as I did Lucy, but I'd like to."

The smile on your face is immediately covered by soft lips. In a surge of emotion, the blonde leaned forward to kiss you. Before you could even react, she retreats.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself..." The light blush on her face sparks another memory and your smile widens.

"And here I thought I'd be the one to break." You chuckle. Gently, you lift her hand and kiss each knuckle. "Maybe let me kiss back this time?"

Quinn's blush deepens.

#a dragon tries to write #asks #quinn fabray x reader #glee imagine #quinn fabray imagine #quinn fabray

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canonicallyobserving911 · 1 month

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“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 26 is now available on AO3.

Please note: Chapters 24 and 25 were posted at the same time.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Currently 26 chapters completed: 1M Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

___________

Here's a snippet from Chapter 26 of an emotionally distraught and hysterical Eddie while he's on the phone with 9-1-1.

___________

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

“Yes I’m at 4995 S. Bedford St. and I have an adult male, 31 years of age who's unconscious and unresponsive and I need medical response.”

“Ok sir, can I get your name?”

“Eddie Diaz! I’m a firefighter and a paramedic with the 118.”

“Eddie!” Linda asks.

“Yes! Linda, I’m so glad it’s you.” He heaves past the sob lodged in the back of his throat that feels like a ping pong ball and continues. “Listen, it’s Buck… SHIT!” He stops talking because he remembers he needs to follow protocol for her recording then he tries again. “I mean you need his first and last name for the call. It’s my husband Evan Diaz and he’s also a firefighter with the—the 118.”

“Ok Eddie, I’m checking to see which RA unit is closest to that address but can you tell me what happened?”

“I—I don’t know but I came into the living room; he was swaying back and forth and I caught him before he—he hit the floor. I manually checked his vitals by doing the ABC method… I opened his airway, checked his breathing along with his circulation, then I—I got my medical bag and checked his pupillary response which is fine but his pulse, his blood pressure and his heart rate... and all of them are still low which is why I believe he might be having a bradycardia event. Linda… oh my god, whatever is happening to him is more serious than syncope because he’s still unresponsive.”

“Can you tell me how long he’s been down?”

“It’s been more than two minutes but I didn’t start counting until after I caught him so I could be one or two seconds off.”

“Ok, Eddie, our closest unit is 6 minutes away.”

He frowns and loudly asks, “Six minutes? Why?! I’m sorry please—please forgive me for being loud but I... I—I’m asking because there’s a fire station less than 4 minutes away from here.” He feels like he’s about to crawl out of his skin because the proximity of their home to the closest fire station in this area is one of the reasons why he decided to purchase it. He wanted to be close to one for Chris just in case they ever have to call emergency services.

Will the RA unit arrive in time to save Buck or will Eddie lose the love of his life? 👀

___________

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago. They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial. But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories. Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie. It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.

Chapter 27 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-26 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #The Diaz Family #911 on abc #911 abc #911 fanfic #buddie fanfic #ao3 fanfic #buddie wip #“I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”#Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #Chapter 26 is available on AO3

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skrunksthatwunk · 4 months

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went back to the sketchbooks around when i was going through yyh for the first time in 2019 and found a pile of near-yearly sticky note updates about my relationship with the series next to my first yyh doodles, a page full of kuwabaras. thought it'd be fun to share

+ more thoughts and old yyh art below

(it's crazy i didn't find any kurama-centric pages for months bc i think he's the one i doodled in the margins of class notes and stuff the most. his hair's pwetty and he gives me the least trouble outta any of the main 4)

something i noticed while skimming the two sketchbooks i took these from was how mean i was to myself at the time about my art. i guess it hit me more because i don't really spend hours going through my old sketchbooks over and over to track my progress and growth like i used to quite often. i guess it was only a little after when my self esteem was lowest (8th grade, tale as old as time), but... idk. i knew back then that i'd grown a lot in the few years since i started drawing more seriously (that's why i looked through my art so much), but like... i guess that never translated into being nice to myself about it. i ended up going back through about ten more sketchbooks to find more yyh art, and in the coming years i'm glad to say that negativity in the margins went away. hell yeah

but even so, my love for yyh was a constant and effusive thing, as it is now. it's probably the oldest of my current media interests. i watched myself get into rgg and develop my ocs and watched others fade in and out, watched my style loop back on itself and go all over the place, passed by pages of writing about crushes and album releases and gender discoveries and my grandparents dying, all surrounded by little drawings of the characters i love. including kuwabara in a maid dress right next to my dead grandma grief rambling that one time (no i'm not kidding. my grandma died in like late 2020 and the page where i poured my heart out after finding out she was gone just trying to process everything had one with catboy maid dress kuwabara directly opposite it, who i'd drawn like the evening before she died in her sleep. he killed my grandma from like 100 miles away he was that powerful. that wasn't even the last time i drew him like that and i don't even care about catboys or maid dresses much. i think it was just a bigger meme and he was the guy i most associated with cats. i put that man in a situation and he fucking got her because the book couldn't contain him. some victor frankenstein shit. anyway)

i took about 150 pictures, most with multiple sketches. i decided not to add any more though bc 1) i posted some of them on old accounts but i don't remember which ones, and tbh i value my anonymity a little too much 2) All Of The Pictures Turned Out Bad in ways i don't feel like getting into but just trust me it's like 6 layers of fucked up illegible image bullshit 3) i found it hard to narrow it down to things i felt were indicative of the development or interesting or anything like that. idk. i figured it was an interesting exercise for me and it probably wouldn't really mean anything to anyone else. and that's ok :) it was nice anyway. i mostly mention it to be like Oh My God i've drawn these guys a lot and i STILL don't know what i'm doing... :| it's fun

however i did transcribe the notes i left:

7/9/19: yo it's been less than a week & i'm on ep. 80 wtf i love this show

8/14/20: 1/2way thru my 3rd watch (first dub, first [with older sibling]) & honestly still love it & kuwabara being the first one i drew makes me happy

7/28/21: i'm watching it w/ [younger sibling] now! 4th(ish) watch, 2nd time through the dub, which is so much better than the sub really elevates the text. we're at the semifinals of the DT, which means this is technically my 5th time through yyh up until that point but eh semantics anyway i still love & obsess over yyh! <3

1/14/24 (present day): hey, i'm rewatching yyh for the.. idk 5th or 6th time. still love it & never stopped. now i'm writing fic & drawing & posting about it. i have friends i talk to about it. [both siblings] have seen it. so much has changed, and so little, but it made me sad seeing how much i insulted my own art. i love you 2019 me. god knows you needed it

[+ this drawing]:

anyway. forever fornever. if you even care

#that's all. just kind of a personal post i thought was neat. skrunklore #skrunkart #yyh #yu yu hakusho #you can really feel the 14 y/o in a lot of the little notes and stuff but that too is part of the growth and change im trying to celebrate.#ripping my fingernails off about it but it needs to be done #also the hearts are because they love each other. and also me in like a cheering you on kinda way #ok more lore but around jr year i started feeling like my art was getting worse or at least stagnating and i kind of wished i could go back #to the era where a lot of that art is from bc there were little things i was better at and also bc i was much more prolific and adventurous #and while i'm sympathetic to it looking back after another couple of years it's like nah. no i was still growing i was just too close to se #like i'll be like oughh i haven't grown at all in years >:(( and then i'll look at the art i made over the course of 2023 and go oh nvm lol #some of it was more 'getting back into the swing of things' + traditional and tech issues being resolved but there was also growth #there is also stuff to be proud of and there always is and there always will be. that goes for you too reader #no matter what your art does or does not look like. i guess that's part of why im posting this too #part of what got me into visual art was seeing how people's art changed (sketchbook tours). it's cool and seeing that learning process so #well preserved and so easily analyzed kinda activated something in my brain. i think it got me past a lot of the 'im just not talented'#stuff a lotta ppl have that keeps them from drawing or sharing it or whatever. anyway art's cool i love art. gonna go draw now probably :D #ALSO really funny watching the way i drew myself change. all in ways that make sense but still funny to me. long hair glasses girl you'd #probably keel over if you saw what we look like now. hell yeah

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taeyungie · 7 months

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😺

#i haven't addressed yoongi's situation yet because i'm honestly still not hit by it i guess. like it didnt gwt to me yet #i dont think ill ever love anyone the same as i love him you know what i mean #he has been the first reason of my self development. like he literally raised me??? i learned from him how to be the person i am today #and its like im saying goodbye to a family member. the thing is i have never griefed anyone's absence like this #its like a part of my soul will be missing until he comes back #but at the same time i know what he would want for me. to move on and to become my own reason #he would want me to be kind to myself. to focus on myself and not miss him that much.#he would want that for all of us right #but i have a very hard time processing things. do you guys remeber the festa last year? when we found out theyll be going on hiatus #the reality of it snd the fact that it will be happening hit me onky after around 3 months.#thats when i first cried because i realized what it meant. ofc i knew but it didnt occur to the emotional part of my brain at that time #and i feel like im truly gonna fall apart when THIS hits me in 3 months lol #my life has never been worse and thats honestly the time when i need the reassurance the most #when i need the people i love and find comfort in the most.#but its just me and thats technically just my problem. but since i am talking about my view on this then thats okay i guess hahah anyway #i just hope he knows there are milions of ppl who love him as much as i do. and thats like extra love like forever & beyond type of shit #i honestly dont think other people ever truly fully understand how we feel towards them. especially when you really love somebody #because they have their own opinions about themselves. they debate whether they deserve some kind of treatment or not. we all do that right #and i just know he does that too. i just reslly want him to feel completely loved and cherished and appreciated.#i want him to see himself through our eyes. to surround himself with people who see him exactly the way we do.#to fall in love with somebody who will see him like we see him #nobody deserves better life than this man. and i hope that after our reunion he will live that life to the fullest 💓 i can't wait to see it #anyway. if somebody needs to talk about it or wants to get sadness out of your system - im here 💓#please keep your heads up and lets wait for him 💓#we have esch other and we will be okay 💓#sorry for typos i can barely see its 1am 🤓

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artykyn · 4 months

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Not me crying because I had a really bad beginning of 2023 and signed up for a program that would proceed to make the rest of my 2023 rough and I spent the whole first three months of 2023 trying to pick myself up and motivate myself like "I'm gonna make it through this year if it kills me" and well look at that I made it

#timeline for anyone not in the loop:#Late 2022: Moved a thousand miles from home to Oregon for a new job. I love LOVE the area.#new job gives me very nice salary so I get myself a nice apartment all to myself #January 2023: Company I moved for decides to close Oregon location. Offers me choice to relocate again to CA this time #*panic because I can't afford my apartment without that salary and I'm still on a lease for 7 more months. Also I love Oregon so much*#*continue to panic because there are no other companies nearby doing that same type of niche work so I'd be giving up my career if i stay*#February: Ultimately decide to stay in OR and figure it out. Look into my options #March: Sign up for an accelerated program to learn software engineering #Interview for it and get accepted. Take out loan to pay rent so I can stay in apartment where I'm settled and comfortable and can focus #My last day at my old company comes and I am officially unemployed #April: Start the program. Most bootcamps are 3 months. This one is 7-8 months. Up to 11ish if you struggle and need to repeat some sections #It's like 70-80 hours a week of commitment to both classes and homework #Mentally prepare myself for the rest of 2023 to be hell and possibly early 2024 #Still no idea how well I'll pick up software engineering so I might struggle and take up to 11 months #May through November: thankfully it turns out I'm really good at picking up the logic. I successfully complete in 7 months #December: My brain shuts down for a bit to rest and recover. Still unemployed but feeling optimistic and ready to hit the job hunt #Bring it on 2024. Bring it on #mine #memories

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astrxealis · 1 year

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sometimes i think of scenarios in my head with my ocs and then sometimes for happy brain i kinda crossover them with my favorite medias atm and also insert myself in bcs i like being self-indulgent and yeah my brain is so fucked up that i just keep repeating the same first bits and can't get far in thinking and i end up just having my s/i ramble my thoughts and it's hard to explain but yeah but anyways it's interesting thinking about who or what my ocs would like in video games or colors or whatever because all my ocs seem to reflect a certain part of me and i can get into the psychology of that but also its hard to explain my thoughts but also anyways yeah i find it interesting thinking about who my ocs would kin

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#feel free to just ignore me oopsies i am just rambling but yeah i love my ocs so much #sorry besties you are all subject once more to my brainrots and rambles and random thoughts now that i am on tumblr rn #my brain is very interesting to me and the way i think but also i can't properly think in such a way and i find it really hard to explain #and i'm such a mess but also man i don't know and i'm going off-track and god i love vgm so much and i don't want to do homework #but anyways back to the goddamn point !!! so my oc merle. i have little crossover thoughts in my head right and i realize #he's similar with akira and then it makes sense as to why i like characters like akira and it's a little woa fr bcs #the way i imagine merle is really similar to akira actually but with a more purple color scheme (but still dark) and he doesn't wear #glasses (at least. wait. actually. i don't really know anymore) GOD my mind never stops but yeah uhm yeah #i think humans are so unbelievably interesting and it's all just so fascinating and and and #also i've awakened to the fact i really like sharks i think they're very cute! i still prefer dolphins though #people who hurt animals make me really angry and sad... i think about it and already want to cry #i have never had a pet but my grandparents had lots and it's funny how memory works. i forgot they once had a pet turtle #until something in a school group project involved my group involving a pet turtle in our storyline for something #and then i remember that past. my past. once again. and clearly even! and... yeah #but yeah... i know i will never abandon my pet if ever i do get a pet. or pets. i would never do that and i really know this is a fact with #all my heart but what's stopping me from getting a pet is that i need to take better care of myself first and learn how to take care of #pets! i think where i live there's actually an opportunity for me to do so. i'll try to see more about that. and hmm... this is a really #busy year for school. and then the next. and then tbh everything onwards from 2023 so... i don't want to put time to something #i'm not even sure if i can really make time for. but. i think i really do want a pet! a dog esp. but also a cat. but a dog esp #bcs i've always wanted one !! i know when it comes to something i really want i am very dedicated and passionate #like how i already calculated xiv expenses months before actually got the game? and planned how me and lune would do things too #and then because i want to handle money better and take note of all that i yeah and yeah and yeah im tired of typing now BYE #will now disappear again after rambling quite a lot ^__^ maybe? maybe not? who knows!#my thoughts are so. whack. wack? idk. but uhm yeah it went from ocs to sharks to pets to money and idk huh #man w some things i'm really shy about being perceived or asked about. like my ocs. egbhebgjhbjehs ;;;;;#and people being nice to me T__T sorry i rlly appreciate it but i can't really comprehend it and my coping mechanism is avoidance

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llycaons · 2 years

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if you see a picture of me you will know. despite my mother’s fondest wishes I was not made for ballet. I’m dense and short and tough and I don’t care what I look like and I don’t perform and I fucking love flipping people over and being thrown on the ground and wrestling and grappling and pinning. it’s the best I feel so strong I feel so cool I feel so good. having a hobby than involves physical contact with other people + being active in a way that I can tolerate and suits my body type + learning fun new things >>>>>>

#also I have a heart condition I can't tolerate aerobic actilvity I never would have gotten past ballet for 10 yr old anyway #a lot of throws are perfect for shorter people! and a lot of pins it doesn't matter how strong or big you are #I'm not GOOD I still get thrown a lot and I've only ever managed to throw our senpai once #but if's okay! it was fun! and I didn't have to worry about how I looked!#and that plus the sense of power just being in a gi and learning these moves brought me. chef kiss. it's all I need #ballet just brought uhh misery and suffering and public humiliation #but I love how I look in the gi. I look like myself. I don't have to be pretty #cor.txt

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talkorsomething · 1 month

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Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................

Well, it's only half related.

We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.

I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...

I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.

Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?

Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.

November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?

There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.

I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.

...push it back down.

Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.

It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.

I don't know you.

I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?

Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.

It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.

I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.

... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.

I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.

...

I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.

I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.

Will someone just let me say that?

Will someone just fucking help for once?

#sh tw #(implied - i know i didnt actually say it in the post but yes i did c** myself sunday)#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #im cursed with being a bit too self aware so #i think its compounded by my nepotism hire ... not letting me do my nepotism hire things #(for legal reasons i cannot say)#and then to add to that not letting me do anything I probably COULD actually do given slightly more instruction (at guard)#its just ... im a very angry person actually . except right now thats because im not EATING RIGHT EITHER #BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS ARE COMBINING INTO ONE BIG INTERCONNECTED PROBLEM #back to my point.#guard instructors decided that for my first year i will not do anything cool because i'm not able to learn in about 2 seconds flat #[read: get very upset very quickly when i get things wrong and then . cant do them because im trying not to have a breakdown over]#[something REALLY STUPID like NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TURN WHILE MOVING WITH THE FLAG]#so like okay. i get it okay. i'm not good at this. could you at least TELL ME i suck so i can feel justified about feeling bad about it.#could you just fucking tell me this isn't a guard where you can show up with no experience. could you do me a real solid and tell me that.#i dont know maybe the real sign it wasnt for me was when i was seriously considering not turning up for the second 'audition'#really i just hate how much he yells at us. not even at ME because i do so little there is no room to fuck it up. just at everyone else .#it doesn't motivate me to come back but i NEED 'friends' so bad and i love performing so now i just get anxious enough that i cant eat ..#.. before going to rehearsal. which is stupid. because i've done it a million times before.#......#i'm just.... everyone says he isn't actually that bad. & he used to be worse. so it really is just me.#it's just me being oversensitive. because i've never had any REAL experience in ... just about anything #so; yes. it IS on me how I feel and obviously how I react. and I keep pushing it down because it's stupid; really; to still feel this way.#anyways. our last weekend without a competition is this very weekend #so you'll never guess who's having a REALLY FUCKING HARD TIME trying to practice #i'm like this close to going to bed early and without having done the dance warmup for the third day in a row.#лёва there is no TIME why are you STILL NOT PRACTICING for the love of god get it together #(oh also when i say 'friends' in quotes it is because i desparately want to believe we're friends but they dont even talk to me really)#(and because im not even IN most of the show theres not much to bond over. literally like i have everything down Decent enough (apparently)#so theres not even any 'i will help u with this toss' team bonding. no shared moment of we are all out of breath because i DONT DO ANYTHING

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medicinemane · 1 month

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I'm very tired, I have to do everything around the house myself (as in, I keep having to turn the water off and on to the kitchen sink until I teach myself to install a new faucet, and negative cleaning gets done if I don't do it), and the money is in the hands of the third worst person in the whole family when it comes to money (the worst being my grandpa who is dead, and my grandma who blows all her money on overpriced jackets and other junk)

I'm very tired, I have to teach myself how to do everything, and I have almost literally no support in any way shape or form ever

I can't remember the last time anyone said they were proud of me... I don't actually know if anyone's ever used that word with me before. When I do something like get the trailer cleaned out or buy a house, frankly no one gives a fuck, except my grandma who gets mad

I haven't actually had a chance to see anyone that counts as a friend in like 15 years, and I mean even in high school everyone liked me but no one could be bothered to actually ever even talk outside school... so even back then it's not like I had anyone I was close with

I'm providing this version where I totally remove how I feel or how I view myself from the description and instead try to provide something close to an objective description of things

So if you wonder why I say what I say about myself, honestly I think it's pretty much all summed up here

#mm tag so i can find things later #also this is why you can maybe piss off instead of coming around here and saying I should get off the internet and go to therapy #in spite of how morose I am; I'm actively working to fix this stuff by... at least learning more of the skills I need #like... learn to replace a faucet; then at least I don't have the sink issue weighing me down #and maybe if I fix enough of it someday things'll be ok #although... in my mind no matter what I do I'll still be alone and unlovable; but that's just a description of how I view things #regardless of how I may feel; I am trying to do stuff to fix how I feel by trying to fix my situation #so like... if you're gonna come here and tell me I need to fix my mental health #may I respectfully say either you can lend me a hand or maybe you should mind your own business #cause what the fuck do you think I'm trying to do?#not that anyone will read this or particularly care #not trying to be rude or something; just extrapolating past data to make a prediction #it's not that people here don't care or don't like me; it's just we're all busy with our own lives and no one really knows what to do #well I'm... I'm trying to write you a guide; I'm asking for help here #...to an extent it's totally fine if no one helps... but you kinda don't get to go around acting like you love being asked for help #I mean... you do; it's your life... but I'm just saying... this is me asking for help... yet again #but I expect nothing because that's what usually happens #I really don't mean to... to imply anything about anyone else; it's just descriptively I don't get help and I don't get support #and... based on all the information I have my model for the outcome of this says no one will even notice it #that tag of mine of things I can find later or whatever... it has me outright saying a number of things #...no one ever hears or listens #anyway; there it is... another pointless cry for help #...don't say I didn't warn you when I wind up killing myself one day #probably not anytime soon; maybe not ever... all I'm saying is don't pretend you didn't see it coming or like I didn't reach out #at least... as best I could... maybe I could have done better #like sure; could I walk up to specific people and say 'I need you to do this'; sure...#but I find... I find people just ignore it if I say that too #so I've given up; you know?#this is the best I can muster #don't say I didn't tell you

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nexus-nebulae · 2 months

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im trying to learn how to better keep & reheat leftovers (bc if i dont know how to do a specific thing my brain won't let me try At All) and im getting better at eating bc im learning how to rely on food i know i like & lasts me at least a few days but is very easily heatable

#frozen meals are quick but i cannot rely on them #because they always either taste really off or i'm allergic to like 5 things in them (BROCCOLI WHY ARE YOU EVERYWHERE)#but if i know a recipe my mom can make at home #then we just make like 4 servings and i eat that for 4 days #and i genuinely do really like eating the same meal every day (it's The Tism™) so it really works #usually i really only know how to reheat things with rice & pasta #because. well. i eat a lot of rice and pasta #but other foods like. my brain goes BAD NO when i get it out of the fridge bc its Not How Im Used To #like i always have a strong reaction to refrigerated chicken bc it smells SO BAD as a leftover but its still fine #but my brain is like *NO!!!! ROTTEN!!!!! SPOILED!!!!!!* i have to like convince it it's fine with Facts and Logic #and so i'm learning how these foods react to being refrigerated so it doesnt freak me out (REFRIGERATED SOUP MY BEFUDDLING)#and learning how to make them last longer (i can save my sandwiches now without the bread getting rock hard!!)#and its kind of helping me eat more often #it doesnt help as much with the days where brain says No Food No Thanks Fuck You #but it DOES help with the days where i dont have the energy/time/physical ability to make something else #usually i don't eat a lot when my mom isn't home because i need her help with Basically Everything now #but if i have something i can quickly shove into the microwave its a lot easier for me to get food by myself #AND i have our crappy old microwave in my room (its 700w lmao) so if i REALLY cant do much #i can just snatch the food from the fridge and sit in bed while it heats up #i'm planning on getting a mini fridge for my room soon to stock emergency meals #the one im looking at is only 200$ plus it has a mini freezer too so i might actually be able to in a couple months #which makes me happy i love finally making progress on accessibility goals

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robinsnest2111 · 5 months

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thinking about everyone who experienced me, premium front row seats and audience participation included, at my absolute worst and still want to have something to do with current day me. idk what I did to deserve you peeps in my life and I hope every single day I can be a good friend to you now that I'm actively trying to heal 🙏

#every single day i am trying to learn the intricacies of interpersonal etiquette and being a nice person #all the things i did not learn in childhood or teen years because i was too busy being actively traumatised and struggling to survive #i'm so incredibly sorry for what i did to everyone around me during that time and i know i was such a difficult creature to deal with #not looking to be forgiven. just putting it out there that i still hold a piece of love in my heart for everyone who crossed my path so far #it's getting close to my 27th birthday... guess i'm feeling very introspective and looking back on how far I've come #how much i have survived. all the bad and the ugly and the utterly fucked up #how far i've come and all the good things I've experienced too #and all the people who helped me grow into who i currently am #some things can never be forgiven or forgotten. and i still think about it every single day. it'll probably haunt me forever #that's okay tho. i just hope i'll gain the ability to see the whole picture and be less harsh with myself in the future #humans make mistakes and cause harm even if they don't mean to. being scared and confused make you do the most nonsensical shit #idk. just. thinking.#reason 24601 i need a competent therapist to work through all my accumulated issues of the past 27 years of my life #i know i'm decently self aware but that'll only get me so far. feel like i'm walking in circles

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canonicallyobserving911 · 3 months

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“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapters 22 & 23 are now available on AO3.

Please note: Chapter 22 was too large to be added to AO3 as one chapter, therefore it has been divided into two and they're both available on AO3.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Currently 23 chapters completed: 893.1K Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

___________

Two snippets are included below, one from Chapter 22 and one from Chapter 23. Both chapters are available on AO3.

___________

Here's a snippet from Buck and Eddie's marriage ceremony in Chapter 22 and it's romantically fluffy.

___________

Mayor: “Vuole, Signor Edmundo M. Diaz prendere quest’uomo, Signor Evan M. Buckley como suo legittimo marito?”

Antonio: “Do you Mr. Edmundo M. Diaz take this man Mr. Evan M. Buckley to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“Lo faccio.” [“I do.”] Eddie admits with a huge smile.

~~~

Mayor: “Vuole, Signor Evan M. Buckley, prendere quest’uomo Signor Edmundo M. Diaz como suo legittimo marito?”

Antonio: “Do you Mr. Evan M. Buckley take this man Mr. Edmundo M. Diaz to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“Lo faccio.” [“I do.”] Buck admits while his signature Eddie smile graces his lips.

~~~

Mayor: “Gli anelli, per favore.” Amerigo: “The rings please.”

It's their marriage ceremony but what's going to happen next?

___________

Here's a snippet from Chapter 23 of an emotionally angsty discussion happening between the newlyweds, Buck and Eddie.

___________

Buck says, “But babe… I don’t want it if we’d lose you in the process.”

Eddie furrows his eyebrows because he’s confused. “I don’t understand because I’m not going anywhere.”

“About two weeks ago we talked about how we were going to make decisions for this family together. We said some would be unilateral and some would have to be jointly discussed… do you remember that?”

The memory of that conversation slams into the front of Eddie’s mind like a tidal wave because he not only remembers it; he knows he was the one who suggested they talk about it. “Yes, I remember.”

“And about two months ago, we had two conversations… one happened the morning after we got engaged and the other one happened several days later. We uh, agreed we’re equals in this relationship and the money we have and earn is for our family.”

Eddie nods his head in agreement because they discussed those things too.

“EDDIE, ME AND CHRIS NEED YOU!” Buck whisper shouts with tears in his eyes.

Why is Buck upset and whisper shouting at Eddie when they've only been married for four days? 🤷🏽‍♀️

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 24 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-23 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #The Diaz Family #buddie fanfic #911 fanfic #ao3 fanfic #buddie wip #911 on abc #911 abc #Buck and Eddie get married in chapter 22 #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #Hiatus Reading #“I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”#Please note: Chapter 22 was so large that it had to be separated into two chapters. So there's two new chapters on AO3 and they're 22 & 23

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alsaurus-loves-dean · 6 months

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#last week my lead was like. Al i want you to support [junior engineer switched onto our app] as he writes his first test on our framework #and i was like okay cool i havent worked on the framework in so long because of spreadsheet hell #so i spent the week refactoring my old tests that i wrote pre-framework to use the framework #and just kept myself available for junior engineer's questions #this week we roll up to our meeting and its like okay how is everyone doing!#and the junior engineer is 'halfway done' with the page object model for his test....... the page object model #the. the page object model. the part that he is familiar with. the part that he already has worked with #for at least a year now. 💀#so in my head I'm like okay. its a new app for him. new project. xcode sucks and our app's dev team has a specialized architecture #so it can be hard to set up #so i slack him like. hey here is the POM i had to write last week for the page you're testing #AND here is part of the new framework i also had to write for it (my tests arent on that page but use that page for the teardown #and hes like. oh thanks i'll pull this branch and build from it. and I'm like. wait... he said he had his POM halfway finished?#i hate the grind so I'm not gonna actually say that to him lmao. i respect a lazy worker 100%#but I'm still over here like ... I have to 'support' this guy 💀 i am going to have to do like. alllll the heavy lifting for him #i respect a lazy worker but i don't enjoy when that laziness makes MY job harder. and hey maybe he's not even lazy #maybe he just needs some help! and i love teaching! so im gonna change all my plans for the week to pivot to supporting him!#HOPEFULLY HE ACTUALLY WANTS TO LEARN 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞

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joycrispy · 8 months

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I wanna talk about The Angel Who Would Be Crowley.

Because I had a certain set of expectations, which got thoroughly trashed in the first five minutes of S2, and my genuine response is, "Oh, fuck, yup. You're right. That's WAY better."

Looking around at GO fandom, I'm not alone in this. So let's talk about it.

Basically, a lot of people (myself included) believed that he was a high-ranking angel, and therefore as chilly and remote as every other powerful angel we'd seen at that point. We pictured Crowley-To-Be as long-haired, regal and imposing --and the fanart at the time reflected this. I'd link some if Tumblr didn't hate links.

Something like this:

We were collectively drawing on a few things --mostly, Crawly's appearance and general bearing in the Biblical scenes of S1--

--But also scattered hints of his importance, backed up by conspicuous absences in Heaven and a few profound displays of power. That's all better covered elsewhere, so I won't reiterate the arguments here. All I'm saying is: I think our headcanons were justified.

But it turns out he was this:

!!!

With his curly little--!!

And his neat white--!!

IT TURNS OUT, he was an angel who squeaked and squealed when he was happy; who flailed his arms around and made explosion noises with his mouth to explain nebulas; who preened when told his stars were pretty. Furfur, who knew him before the Fall, says:

"You used to jump on me back, little monkey in a waistcoat..."

(The use of a diminutive there, 'little'...oh, that fascinates me.)

In a pretty huge subversion of expectations, we're given these glimpses of an angel who was sweet, and joyful, and heart-meltingly silly.

In sum...an innocent.

(Perhaps innocent to a troubling degree.

We see how he troubles Aziraphale, during their first conversation. He starts looking around and behind them, checking to make sure that no one can HEAR the blithe and reckless things coming out of this angel's mouth. This angel who talks like he's never been reprimanded in his life; like it's never occurred to him that anyone would want to hurt him.

Before the Beginning, Aziraphale understood Heaven better than he did. The danger is plainly occurring to Aziraphale.)

So now, we the viewers are in on a cruel joke that Aziraphale has known all along, which is that this --THIS-- is the angel who--

*checks notes*

--did a million lightyear freestyle dive into a boiling pool of sulphur. For asking questions.

...Imagine you are Aziraphale, and everything inside you wants to believe Heaven are the Good Guys, and God is Good and Everything She does is capital-R Right...and now try to reconcile that. Keep trying. I don't think he ever totally managed it in 6000 years.

All this gets further complicated when we learn that, despite all of the above, we were still right. That sweet excitable babby up there?

He WAS a powerful and high-ranking angel.

That much is explicitly confirmed, with significant evidence that he could have been among the mightiest of archangels...

...Who apparently accosted his fellow angels for piggyback rides. And was remembered millennia later by those (now fallen) angels as something 'little.'

What does that tell us about who he was? Is?

Hell, Aziraphale has known to be wary of the archangels (and the judgements of Heaven in general) since before the Fall even happened. He chooses to believe they are Good; he can't fool himself into thinking they are Safe.

Yet he's absolutely certain that Crowley won't hurt Job's children. Enough to stand in a burning building and say to them, "I can't save you, but don't be afraid. I won't need to."

And what reason does he give?

("I know you."

"You do not know me."

"I know the angel you were.")

What does that tell us about who he was? Is?

("The angel you knew is not me."

But how is Aziraphale supposed to believe that, when he can see him all the time?)

tl;dr --yes, this is better. I love the tragedy of it.

'Innocence died screaming' and all that.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #Crowley #Aziraphale #good omens 2 #good omens meta

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luveline · 6 months

Note

spencer one shot where he’s angry at somebody else [bc he so does look so kissable when he’s angry >:(] maybe someone at one of the precincts they’re working at said something rude about r and he defends u and maybe he gets a lil kiss <3

im thinking “this is calm and it’s doctor” vibes bc that scene does things to me 😭

ty for requesting ♡ fem, 1.1k

cw for sexual harassment

"Jesus," Spencer says, rushing to stand behind you as you bend over.

"Mm?" you hum. You're fishing for your dropped change unsuccessfully by the precinct vending machines. "They have your chips, did you see?"

"Your pants are ripped," Spencer says, hand ghosting your thigh.

"What?" you ask, shooting up. You turn on the spot to hide, hand leaping back. You feel at the seam. "Where?"

"Top of your thigh."

"Shit, really? Can you see my–"

"Yeah," he says, meeting your wide eyes while you locate the rip. "How did you do that?" He laughs.

"Don't laugh!" you demand, though you're giggling as you do, hand covering your thigh and the bottom of your butt inefficiently.

"Do you want my jacket?"

"Don't cover it up, toots."

You and Spencer both blink. There's a crowd of grinning beat cops by the door of the cafeteria who've obviously witnessed your misdemeanour. "Toots?" Spencer asks.

"Sorry, boys, that's the end of the show," you say with a grin. Not because you particularly enjoy having been oggled, but it's always been like this. Men will always make weird comments to you, and you've learned to play nice until they're out of your jurisdiction.

"Turn back around," one says bravely, though you aren't sure which one.

Spencer stands in front of you subtly. "Do you know that thirty eight percent of women experience sexual harassment in the workplace?" he asks, quick but measured. "Thirty eight percent, but I'm sure a much smaller number of those women are federal agents, and a smaller number again have the capacity to break your arm. I've seen her give serial killers radial fractures. I've seen her do worse."

"We were just messing around," one says.

"No need to get defensive," says another. "Don't get mad, boy."

"I am defensive, but I'm not mad."

His tone attracts the attention of a precinct sergeant who barks at them to stop messing around and get back to work. "Were they bothering you?" he asks after they've filtered out with their heads down.

"No," you say swiftly. "Everything's fine."

Spencer frowns, worse when the sergeant leaves, turning to you to take your hand. A few weeks ago at a company picnic, when the sun was high and your spirits comparatively lower, you'd apologised to him for flirting. You love to flirt and especially with him, puppy eyed Spencer with his head of brown hair and his big brain, but some of the team suggested you were taking it too far. You apologised, but Spencer didn't really get what you were saying sorry for and took your hand to lead you out of the sun. He protects you.

"You okay?" he asks.

"I'm fine."

"You sure?" His voice fries.

"I'm sure," you say. His hand is an interesting thing on yours. He has long, long fingers that seem to possess their own willpower, moving even as they're sewn through yours. "I don't know what to do about my pants."

Spencer's eyebrows pinch together. "Well, I'll take care of that. I'll find you something. I can't believe those as–"

"Oh," you interrupt, taking your hand back in want of a better thing to hold, his cheek a mix of soft and scratchy against your palm. "You're still mad."

"I'm not mad," he insists, though eventually he relents, "Alright, I'm angry that they'd think it was okay to objectify you."

"What else?" you ask, letting your voice drop in pitch, the sound smooth as angora silk.

"I'm thinking about if I hadn't been here."

"I can protect myself," you murmur, endeared by the heat in his gaze. "You said it yourself, handsome. Radial fractures."

"You shouldn't have to."

"We both already know that," you say, the side of your hand slipping down his cheek reverently. He squints gently, his lashes dark triangles, his irises a browned sugar. His jaw clenches under your touch. "You're handsome."

"Right now?" he asks dryly.

"Are you handsome right now?"

"Are you really flirting with me right now?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" You draw a line under his ear whisper soft to curl a longer strand of his hair around the tip. "You look hot when you're winning."

"What did I win?" he asks, like he doesn't want to know.

You grin at him, stickying. "Would you like an itemised list?" you ask, rising on tiptoes to speak into the shell of his ear. "What do you think you deserve, handsome? For such a fearless defence?"

He's not immune to your whims, but he is used to them, planting his hands on your shoulders to ease you back on sure footing. "I don't want anything. I'll always defend you."

"Can I give you a small token of my gratitude, at least?"

His pinking cheeks practically emanate heat. "We don't have time for this," he says regretfully, "I still have to find you a coverup."

"Just a small token," you say.

He hums and haws. "Alright. Okay, whatever you want."

"You sure?"

He nods once, his jaw working with something unsaid. You touch his neck, fingertips trailing along the underside of his jaw until you're sure it's what he wants before you brace your hands behind his head and press a chaste kiss to his cheek, close enough that the corner of his lips align with yours but don't overlap. His neck is hot in your hands, his hair soft, his breath hooking as you lift your lips just a touch and your nose digs into his cheek. "Thank you, Spencer," you whisper.

He pulls you closer.

You shudder as his hand presses into the small of your back, wondering what it is he wants to do. His fingers spread. Your thoughts turn to white noise. Like he can sense it, he breathes out and steps away, but any sense of urgency is gone.

"As much as I might tease, I really do need some pants," you say. "I'm not very interested in anyone else seeing my panties today."

He rushes off to find you something and you press the backs of your fingers to your cheeks, feeling the heat there with a resigned embarrassment. He has no idea how much power he has over you, in his stony anger and his eager reception. The phantom of his hand warms your back until he returns, his sweater in hand. "Sorry, this is it."

"If you want me to wear your clothes, just say so."

"Hotch is pretty pissed at us."

"Ah," you sigh, tying his sweater around your waist, "another day in paradise, baby."

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader

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