#‘dean has the potential to get better?’ this we cannot deny
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anyway. it’s like. there’s nothing wrong with fan stuff about dean becoming a better person, learning better coping mechanisms, escaping the cycle. that’s what fan stuff is for: to have the opportunity to do that. but that’s also. very much not the story told about dean winchester on the cw’s superntural. he’s never getting out of the cycles, baby. he died in the cycles!!!
#spn#dean winchester#‘dean has the potential to get better?’ this we cannot deny#‘dean grew into a good father for jack and a good brother and friend and never hurt anyone ever because he learned his lesson’ this we can.
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With all the talk about Blake's bisexuality lately, I wanted to revisit the stream where this is "confirmed." I think it's really important not only that Blake's sexuality hasn't been confirmed in canon yet -- a fact which RWDE fans have explained ad nauseum and I won't rehash here -- but that our external "confirmation" is so tentative that it still leaves room for doubt. And that right there is the problem.
That video includes:
Arryn initially ignoring Blake's sexuality as a similarity between them because she "wasn't sure she was allowed to say that." If this were a 100% confirmed, established, 'We planned it from the beginning' bit of characterization, there wouldn't be any hesitation about what they're "allowed" to discuss in a stream. I'd understand the hesitation a little better if Blake/Yang were getting confirmed in the upcoming Volume and the crew was avoiding spoilers... but that wasn't the case.
"I think it's pretty obvious." You're either confirming a fact or you're not. Why the emphasis on what the audience should "obviously" be taking away? And as established, after the Golden Age of Queerbaiting there is no "obvious" reading when homophobic writers and executives can dodge a confirmation at any time.
"I confirm nor deny canonically, but in my headcanon? Oh, that's a whole other story!" This is LITERALLY dodging a confirmation. We are told outright that the crew cannot confirm that Blake is canonically bisexual, but they do support it in their own, RWBY imaginings. That's great! That's also, as explicitly stated, not canon.
The video link I could most easily find is attached to a RWBY Reddit thread titled "Arryn has basically confirmed once and for all that Blake is bisexual." There should be no "basically" in that sentence.
This is why so many fans are wary: because these kinds of "obvious" implications without an explicit confirmation is the definition of queerbaiting. That's what you do if you want your audience to stick around without actually producing a queer relationship. You put a blush here, a forehead touch there, a nudge-nudge-wink-wink from a VA, a comment about bisexual bobs, a ship-inspired song, a "Wait and see ;)" and, and, and ... and then you end the show with nothing ever coming of it. Or, it's a last moment addition so the writers never have to actually write the relationship. This is why Supernatural was (and in many ways still is) the most overt example of queerbaiting. It's not because fans saw the potential for a relationship between Cas and Dean, but the writers never capitalized on it; it's because the writers LOADED the story with "obvious" references and innuendos, spent YEARS having Misha, Jensen, and other cast members talk about the "obvious" love between them... and then just continued on their merry way for fourteen years, doing nothing with it, before throwing out a one-sided confession + death in the final hour. Fans were taught precisely how "obvious" a queer character can be without actually existing.
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As a bisexual woman watching RWBY, I want confirmation of this relationship and, furthermore, I have more hope for one than I would have a decade ago. I'd be more willing to put my money on these "obvious" references amounting to something in 2023 than I would have back in 2005. But those of us who are old enough to have been active in fandom during that time know that just because many shows have gotten better about their queer rep doesn't mean that every show is going to follow in their footsteps. I do wonder how many fans who take a "basically" as undeniable confirmation are on the younger side, with "younger" meaning... under 25? Because I can't imagine anyone who was immersed in popular media back then coming in with such confident takes built on so very little, or having such faith in a company with RT's reputation. We've been blessed with the likes of She-Ra, Owl House, Steven Universe, The Last of Us, and a wealth of other stories that have fought for and/or introduced queer rep, and I wonder if those raised on that bounty literally can't picture a show that would tease a popular ship so extensively and not bring it to fruition. The unexpected downside of getting more canonical rep is that there's a generation of viewers who are ignorant -- or at least appear ignorant -- of the history that gave us shows like Supernatural, Sherlock, Teen Wolf, Buffy. And if you're older still, you're familiar with the age of television when a canonically queer character wasn't even a possibility, but that didn't stop writers from both building the show around fans' desire for representation. Sometimes that was done kindly with coding that, legitimately, was the most they could hope to air and showcased the writers' own desire to diversify television... and sometimes it was cruel.
I've said a hundred times that I hope Blake/Yang shippers aren't hurt in the way so many older fans have been, either due to deliberate queerbaiting, or RWBY getting cancelled before a relationship can truly develop. We all deserve to have such prominent confidence in writers treating their queer characters well. But we can't allow hope or personal certainty to blind us to reality, not when that's resulting in a completely unnecessary antagonism within the fandom. And the reality is that no, Blake hasn't been confirmed in the show and her "confirmation" outside of it does not meet many fans' standards -- for very understandable reasons. I can say categorically that I have never seen anyone erase Blake's bi identity because that identity doesn't truly exist yet. The ambiguity of her attraction to Yang is precisely why queerbaiting is a problem and why RWDE folks call so loudly for a 100% canonical relationship: it's too easy to shrug off such moments as a "sisterly" thing, to use the unfortunate words of Arrowfell. And if you scoff and go, "What? Sister don't act like that!" then you don't understand queerbaiting. You don't understand the history of shows writing THE most "obvious" coding you've ever laid your queer little eyes on and then going nowhere with it. That's the point. That's the point! The entire point is to make the relationship as "obvious" as possible so that fans will stick around, praise the show, celebrate rep early, push everyone else to watch it...
...and then fall apart when the relationship never happens.
I hope to god that's not RWBY's future, but after three years of just a single hint each (hand-holding, blush, Blake's fury over Yang's "death") and the lack of hints in the Volume 9 trailer, please don't go after fans who don't have unwavering confidence in the girls' queerness being canonical. Posts that acknowledge Blake's attraction to men, ambiguous attraction to Yang, or point out the comparative wealth of straight confirmation compared to the queer coding aren't attacking queer fans. Those posts are written by queer fans who know precisely how quickly the "obvious" ship can get tossed aside. Or worse, the queer character never really confirmed as queer in the end.
RWBY can ditch Blake/Yang. They can shrug and say that a bi Blake was just Arryn's headcanon -- weren't you listening when we said it wasn't canon? They can make sweet apologies and explain that they never intended the animators to make that so romance coded. You know, just like they never meant for Clover to wink at Qrow. Real talk: I personally can't imagine having this much faith in the show after that fiasco. We got the EXACT same kind of coding (wink + bashful look + "obvious" romance tropes like their opposite semblances) and the ending was Clover dying a bloody death, Qrow hating him, and the writers backpedaling from the idea of an attraction like nobody's business. That set off SIREN alarms in every RWBY fan I know who understands queerbaiting history, but so many others appear ignorant to the warning signs. I'm not saying examples like this means we won't get queer rep in the title team, I'm saying it explains others' hesitation. RT has made no promises, is not beholden to their fanbase, and does not have a good history with its queer rep or its queer employees. If you're a queer fan who has confidence in bi Blake in the face of all that, fantastic, more power to you, but those who are wary aren't your enemy. They're also queer fans, just those who have been burned enough in the past and have learned not to put their whole heart into what they might not get. What we're likely to get? Probably, but you know what they say about counting chickens...
I just wish fandom was better about learning from these past experiences -- listening to older fans and acknowledging that history with an open mind -- rather than learning through another awful, first-hand experience. Though I'm crossing all my fingers and toes that this never happens, I wonder how many RWBY fans might be fruitlessly warning others someday if their queer rep crashes and burns.
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The death of Jack, the rise of the Evil Shadow-Child:
Jack dies.
On the battlefield, TFW is overwhelmed, and Cas more easily takes on the role of acting commander. This makes good sense to me, as angels are codified by open war, and hunters are more associated with guerilla tactics. The way the spirits hit look like bombs, further underlining the battlefield motif.
Cas calls for them to follow and cover him as they try to get Jack to "safety," as if they're still moving on heroic muscle memory.
As if things will be fine.
Cas takes Jack in a "fireman's carry." This emphasizes his strength and protector status.
Even though Sam and Dean clear the way ahead, at some point Dean drops back to run with Cas, covering his peripheral.
///
Inside, they're reeling. Not processing:
Cas looks away. Dean will do the same shortly, hiding his grief.
Dean's chest starts to heave after he looks down.
Meanwhile, Sam...bargains. Hopes Cas can fix it. (This recalls when Cas died, and Sam asked Dean: "What about Cas...is he really dead?")
Here, he looks to Cas to make things better:
Sam's chest breathes heavily in disbelief, like it's hitting him for the first time what's actually happened.
///
Meanwhile, Dean looks for someone to blame, trying to find a common enemy as a rallying point. He's also in fact trying to re-establish a connection with Cas for support and comfort. (But there is no comfort to be had here.)
His distress comes spilling out as anger. To me, it reads as irrational, panicked spousal anger. Cas is the one who makes it okay. "What do we do Cas?"
We get my favorite Dean-Cas sniping at each other. When one doesn't know what to do, there is appealing to one another + frustration.
["I don't know / I don't know what's going on here / I didn't know this would involve ingesting some magic sphere and disappearing, Dean!" Etc. (Cas has been doing this since at least season 6, and vice versa). TFW appeals to each other in general when they're lost, but the Dean-Cas appealing is typically a very emotional appeal.]
///
And here is the glimpse of aborted grief.
...followed by rationalizing and denying culpability: "Chuck. Man, I knew it." (It's like the script says: He didn't. He was wrong. He trusted the wrong person. It's like Metatron. Like Gadreel. Rinse, repeat.)
Jack's death hurts.
And it also hurts to be wrong.
Placing and displacing blame on Chuck allows grief to be sidestepped. Since Dean cannot face the weight of that grief, he turns to revenge. (Like how John could never look directly at Mary's death. Revenge is a shield against reality, delaying grief and intense emotions.)
So, Sam. Sam hops into solve-it mode:
Sensing a potential escape, they work to move the stones. Of note, they struggle with the stones. This is building towards the Evil Child motif, because like the fireman's carry, it serves to highlight Castiel's protector and strength imagery. Cas's difference in strength is usually hidden away by narrative mechanism, but here it's allowed to be more obvious.
Sam and Dean having to work together to drag the stone away from the wall, but when a zombie tunnels through, Cas just--
Cass nods-- welcome. Dean rises--
///
Side note: If Dean is playing the blame game in response to Jack's death, and Sam is in problem-solving mode, Cas grief gets channeled into stoic violence. We'll see this again when he absolutely obliterates Belphegor and "brutally" stabs the djinn. Like with Lucifer, his power is actually accented by anger. He is simmering, unable to do the peaceful things (healing, control, discipline). However, when he's angry? HIs powers almost work too well.
Instinctually, I think Cas pulls his powers back when he gets strong emotions, lest he become like Lucifer or soulless!Jack, powering it into a, to quote the 15x03 script, "rage kill."
Being gentle towards his loved ones, dutiful, and reserved is his emotions is something he seems to pride himself on. He doesn't want to lose that, so he steps away--distances.
///
And finally, we get Belphegor, the ultimate grief delaying tactic. His appearance functions to delay the reality of Jack's passing further:
CAS: That's not Jack. That's a demon.
And yet...it looks like him. It's almost like Jack's still alive--
But Belphegor is a false notion.
He's a shadow anxiety. Not "real," in a sense. It's authorial interference, superimposing discomfort on an already terrible trauma. Jack has been recently soulless, he's killed Mary, and Bel is a natural outcropping of every toxic anxiety you can think of.
///
The first thing Belphegor does is dons sunglasses.
He puts on the sunglasses to hide the reminder of his death, of course, but in doing so he also becoming a dark reflection. Jack reversed. Evil child. Changeling. The dark reflection of Jack contains all the shadow-family-unit anxieties--
--and most of those are focused on Dean and Cas, not Sam.
(Why? You know why.)
[Symbolically, sunglasses give you self-confidence and freedom to act against your personas. They hide our insecurities and our pain.]
Belpheghor will directly embody the narrative's trite cliche of "dark family" -> Freudian pop-psy shadow:
(a) The protector-father Cas "is muscle." But ultimately, he's a rival to be barraged with hostility and supplanted. That's why Bel's motif directly parallels Godstiel's past actions.
(b) The [other father] Dean is an object of desire to be admired and possessed: "You're gorgeous." Ultimately, he wants to drive the protector-parent away so he can suck up all the attention from the parent he admires.
There is no scientific basic for this particular pop-psy, and I find it something of a cliche/overused/overemphasized in media (to say nothing of what the flawed case studies usually reveal about the analysts themselves), but I do think Bel taps into this narrative anxiety as the "Evil Child / Supplanter."
It's a trope. If Bel were to become a recurring characters, he would narratively resolve by identifying with the object of hostility and subsequently abandoning the desire of false fixation. (Like how in Amara's case, healthily identifying with her hated brother and understanding his actions allowed her to abandon her Civil War-type aggression and see through the falsely constructed love object, Dean.)
But in Bel's case, he's not a recurring character. He's a falsity, a doppleganger. This false image is simply killed, and the Enchantment of Delayed Grief breaks. Jack's death has no root in this false construction of "secret psy-pop drama." Instead, it's a tragedy.
Nevertheless, AS a trope, it's a flashing neon sign that Bel pretty much...doesn't pay Sam a lick of attention, lol. This motif underlines that while Sam is a mentor type of parent, he's more of an older brother who shares in the village caretaking, not the root material for a pop drama the way that Dean and Cas are.
///
Anyway, OVERALL, Bel is just a symbol of anxiety in the viewer.
For the characters, he's simply a delaying and denial of reality . When Bel dies, Jack's death becomes real, and the grief is all the worse for the delay.
#belphagor#on grieving#aborted grief#incest mention#just to be safe#even though it isn't#that's not how shadow anxieties function#they're there to elicit discomfort#mcd death#jack kline#jack's death#belphegor as shadow jack
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15.20 Final Thoughts
Supernatural is over, and somehow, despite itself, it did the very best it could to please me. That was always going to be an impossible task. But truly, sincerely, that finale was as close to my desires as the show could ever bring itself to come, and so, so much closer than I ever dreamed it would dare.
I am so, so glad that no other regular characters were involved (Bobby aside, but he was brief). How better to encapsulate their own emptiness? How fundamentally fitting, than in the epilogue to their final battle, wherein the entire world beyond them was erased, the wider universe is merely set dressing for them to move through. And it was so quiet this way. This finale wasn’t overcrowded or rushed. It kept its own peace. And it preserved the tangible claustrophobia that 15.19 invoked: that tangled, lovely, solipsistic, toxic conviction that these are the only two people on earth that matter.
It’s unclear exactly how much time passed between 15.19 and 15.20. I like to think it’s been at least a year, given that they’ve settled into routine and that their grief seems less fresh. (Although yes, the concept of Dean dying on his very first hunt without a resurrection available is hilarious, I must confess.) Their calm domesticity, their peace, was lovely to watch (Sam kicking the laundry machine! Sam with wet hair! Sam running! Sam cooking, Sam looking a little less bulky than usual, and happy!) But man, it really is Dean’s world, isn’t it? Even the DOG, which really, really, really could reasonably have been primarily Sam’s, was Dean’s dog first and foremost. Then on Dean’s say-so, they get in Dean’s car to drive to a pie festival for Dean. Sam is perfectly content to go along with all of it.
As if we hadn’t gotten enough delightful fanservice, we also got one last scene of Sam threatening to torture someone to death. :) what a king.
I love that Dean died to an OSHA violation while fighting a random loose end from season 1 (which, by the way, I CALLED IT, I am so proud of myself). It’s perfectly mundane. I truly and deeply do not understand anyone complaining that Dean should have gone out in a way that’s more epic. He’s been there, done that, guys, and remember how miserable it was? Now there’s no cosmic safety net. Dean died in a broken down old barn, saving some kids. Moments like these are when Dean is at his best, at his most fundamentally sympathetic: when he’s not trying to control the shape of the universe or dictate righteousness or let his anger drive himself down into a destructive spiral. He’s just putting his money where his mouth is. He’s not making a broad moral statement. He’s simply putting his life on the line to defend someone who needs defending. It is not an unworthy end. It’s so much better than going out to, god forbid, God.
Did Dean earn a lifetime of peace? The concept of just desserts is fraught. But I also don’t think it’s something Dean wanted. He wanted to keep killing things in tetanus-infested barns until he died. He got what he wanted. And while the arc of his wants has adapted over the years, MOTW hunting is fulfilling for him.
Dean’s deathbed speech was, oh man. It got me good. Like many of the things I loved in this episode, it was quiet. No desperation, no revising history (or not too much, anyway). Just, “stay with me, please. I love you. Tell me it’s okay.”
The quiet of Sam’s grief, alone in the bunker. How still his face is, until for a little bit it crumples again, and then it comes back and goes still. He’s not trying to control his reactions or press back against his sorrow. There is no work to do, nothing to avenge, no one to find, nothing to defeat. He is alone, and the washes of visible grief simply come and go in waves that he doesn’t try to fight or force.
I need the gif of him flinching at the toaster. His startle reactions are my favorite thing. He’s alone underground, there is not a living soul for miles and miles, he’s just buried his brother, not for the first time, but this time, he knows, for the last. And the goddamn toaster goes off and he cannot control the way his heart leaps up into his throat and the way every one of his muscles tightens.
Sam grows old. Sam. Grows old. Sam grows old! SAM GROWS OLD.
Ohhh my God, Sam grows old. Without Dean! Without hunting! Without Cas! With people outside that claustrophobic world, beyond the four tight walls of SPN, beyond the people approved by Dean and by Fandom, who give him peace and love and fulfillment! SAM GOT OUT. Even with the truly terrible wig the image brings me to actual tears. I cannot believe SPN would allow him to have this. I cannot believe that the show let him be happy without Dean. I want to read the set of novelizations about Sam’s recovery.
Of course this was the only way for Sam to get unwound, and of course it had to happen offscreen in flashes. Thank god for the ambiguity. There’s so much potential there, years and years, we were simply told: and at some point Sam’s life gets better, at some point his mental health improves and he feels safe enough to start a family, with someone, and at some point he has a child, and he dies peacefully, he dies loved and with people who love him, and dammit I’m getting weepy again.
Sam quit hunting. Not in a sudden jolt. We see him leaving the bunker on another job. But when he leaves the bunker, he leaves for good. He has so much knowledge, but he does not preserve the Men of Letters. He does not honor their legacy of extermination and experimentation. Maybe he gives someone else the keys, for the books. Or maybe he’s digitized it all, and maybe it’s done.
Maybe his wife is Eileen, or maybe it’s Amelia, or maybe it’s Piper or Cara or maybe it’s someone new. Maybe it’s not even a woman. And maybe she’s a hunter, but I hope she isn’t, and when Sam tells her, haltingly, in fits and starts, the bare outline of the truth, she looks at him and she believes him. And she understands the shape of the trauma he carries, even if Sam can’t quite speak the details, and maybe Sam goes to therapy. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he wakes in pain and fear for many years, but over time, it dulls.
Sam’s son is still a young man when Sam is on his deathbed, probably in at least his eighties. Think about the mountain Sam had to climb to reach that point. How many years and years of work did it take before Sam felt safe enough to want a child? How long for him to gently conquer his terror at the legacy his blood might carry: Lucifer and Azazel are dead, he knows this, but how long before he lets himself believe it enough to permit the risk? And then he raises his child, not in fear and loneliness, but with love and support and care. And he makes sure his son is protected, that he knows to salt his thresholds and ward against demons, but his son will not suffer the way he suffered.
Maybe he untangles his thoughts about Dean, maybe he learns that to feel angry with his brother is not to betray him or to dishonor his memory, maybe he comes to a more complex understanding of their relationship. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he simply enshrines Dean, and Dean’s memory becomes ever more golden and untarnished, and the Impala becomes truly an altar. The details of how Sam carries Dean with him—the watch, the car, the absurdly large photos, his son’s name—perhaps these are played straight, and perhaps Sam never finds a more nuanced love. In the meta sense I think we are certainly meant to think this. We are meant to see Dean deified here, canonized into a saint. We are meant to view Sam’s fifty more years of life as worship, as a dedication and an offering.
This is the long shadow of the finale. These are the things untouched by necessity and by design: this is Dean’s apology in 15.18, this is Sam not wanting an apology, and not wanting to hear Dean offer one. This difficult work was always and inevitably going to be elided. But there is so much time, decades and decades, offscreen, for Sam to come to a quieter peace.
I think he can do it.
I think Sam can do anything.
I’m crying again.
I really didn’t think I would cry much about the finale. I thought I would cry at the concept of the show ending, but not at what the ending was. I didn’t think any details would actually affect me. But then Sam got old. I am truly and genuinely hung up on the canonical image of Sam finding peace. Good god. He had GLASSES. Help.
My chief complaint (aside from that absolutely awful Carry On cover, why oh why, they should have just played the original again), if I felt at all like complaining at the moment, would be how happy this ending is. But I can’t begrudge Sam that. I can’t even get too mad at the scene that I was SO SURE I would despise: that of Sam and Dean content in a Heaven that is now apparently Great, Actually (even though a prison dimension with an open floor plan is still a prison dimension, but hey, I guess we humans can’t leave earth either). Supernatural clearly wanted Sam and Dean to not be facing down an abyssally bleak afterlife, and I think I’d be complaining about the lack of bleakness a whole lot more if it didn’t have the (perhaps unintended??) side effect of giving Sam even more freedom from Dean than SPN already deigned to give him. Sam isn’t in a shared cell with Dean. He can be with his friends and his wife and his son.
One of the fundamental questions of SPN is, would Dean ever let Sam go? And it’s a question that the bulk of s13-15 has rendered moot with Sam’s growing passivity, and one that 15.20 neatly dodged. And I’m glad it did, because I wouldn’t have liked whatever 15.20 had to say on the matter. This deflection feels true to the spirit of what the show has become.
It was impossible for Sam to find peace while Dean was still alive. And on its own that kind of says everything, doesn’t it? And Sam is still forever denied the peace he truly longed for. Sam didn’t want death to force Dean’s hand. Sam wanted Dean to want to let him go. But the only way Sam and Dean could heal is apart. The potential of their relationship on earth becoming untangled is forever precluded, explictly. And yet Sam’s freedom is validated, Sam is allowed what he sought in season 1 and season 8, Sam is something beyond a hunter and Dean’s brother, and the show let him be, the show let him grow.
Supernatural said Sam Rights, and the world shook.
#spn spoilers#sam and dean#15.20#final thoughts#sam and romance#sam and peace#just leave me here to die#I did not realize how relieved I'd be#I do not believe how much tension has left me#at the realization that I liked this ending#and of COURSE there are so many people complaining about sam's peace#but guess what!!!#this isn't season 8!#this time the show agrees with ME!#SAM HAS riGHTs!
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Hey Everyone,
As you have probably noticed, I have neglected this blog for a long time now. I haven’t been on any fandom related social media at all actually. But I figured since I am currently in a good mindset, I want to write a post just outlining some things which basically boils down to a goodbye letter to Supernatural fandom.
Long rambling post below the cut...
This year (and the last) has just taken it out of me in terms of general negativity online both in fandom and in the real world. At first I got tired of fandom (mostly because Twitter is a cesspool of policing and bullying) and then I got tired of everything else (the world sucks right now, and my mental health basically stopped me from being able to participate in any form of online activism – just because I’m not blogging about something, doesn’t mean I don’t support the cause ya know?). Earlier this year, right around the time of the UK lockdowns, I had surgery and a recovery period in which I spent a lot of time with family, and just reacquainted myself with the real world. I think perhaps the coronavirus pandemic made me realise that long before lockdown began I had already been isolating myself from my real life and diving further and further into an online black hole.
It was years in the making. Supernatural fandom preoccupied my thoughts for such a long period of time it got to the point where every moment of my non working time seemed to be spent either online scrolling my tumblr dash or twitter feed, or reading fanfic or doing something fandom related. I invested so much of myself into this show and fandom that I think I forgot who I was before I was a Supernatural fan completely.
After my wake up call in late 2019, which lead me to break free from an extremely nasty clique, I have tried to re-enter fandom on my own terms, as well as attempt to enjoy the source material and the fandom creations to ignite some new spark of love and interest in the show. Yet as much as I have tried, I have failed to do so.
I was thinking recently about someone I used to follow years ago before I ever created a blog. When I was still just lurking in the tumblr shadows and followed the likes of Mittens, Lizbob, and other meta writers of the period, there was a blogger whose name I can’t remember but she was the funniest blogger I had come across. But when the show killed off Charlie Bradbury, she quit. I had never even interacted with her, as I was barely getting my blog started at the time, but I’ll never forget a post she wrote about her feelings on the show. She had recently started watching something else (I think it was Sense8 but can’t recall entirely), and that this new show had given her everything she had never thought she could have from her fave before. She wrote about how her relationship with Supernatural had become abusive. That for years the writers of Supernatural continued to throw punches at fans like her – women, LGBTQ+ people, people of colour, and yet she continued to give it all her time and attention, brushing off the punches because she was so damn devoted to the characters. Then this new show had come along, and it was like she had seen the light. The killing of Charlie Bradbury was the last straw, and she dumped Supernatural’s ass and fled into the arms of her new love.
I hope she is doing fantastically today.
What she wrote has resonated with me for years. I was a fairly new Supernatural fan at the time, and therefore didn’t really understand what she meant. A TV show can’t be abusive. Can it?
Of course, we are speaking in metaphor here, and in no way are these metaphors meant to reduce or limit the truly serious situation of actual abusive relationships, but every now and then, when a new episode of Supernatural has left me feeling upset, disappointed, frustrated and grossly let down, in some cases affecting my mood for days at a time, and therefore my mental health. I have thought back to those words she wrote and quietly agreed with them in my head. Yes. This is a metaphorically abusive relationship.
When I discovered earlier this year that Castiel was most likely going to be killed off in some sort of bullshit self sacrifice before the end of the show, I was extremely distressed. When I found out that my favourite person of all time Misha Collins, supported this ending for Castiel, and may have even been the one who pushed for it, I was more than distressed, I felt betrayed by the person I cared about most. I’ll admit to you all now that in my weakest moments I have fantasized about standing in front of Misha and screaming at him exactly just what kind of affect his “ideal ending” for Castiel will have on his fanbase, on their mental health, and potentially their own safety. This fantasy has me guilt tripping him and doing everything in my power to make him feel utterly shit about the decision. I know what you are thinking – don’t blame Misha, the guy has his own problems and we all know he projects his own self esteem issues onto Cas – and yes, I know this, like I said its only a fantasy to get me through my darkest moments. I don’t hate Misha at all. But perhaps I do love him a little less nowadays than I did back at the height of my fandom life. That’s at least still a little bit more than my feelings for Jensen and Jared which now I can only describe as complete indifference.
I am admitting all of this now knowing full well it will ignite shock and anger among the more die hard fans of J2M, to explain why I need to just leave this fandom completely, or more accurately, why I have already left fandom.
Over the past 10 months of 2020, I have watched a lot of TV (there isn’t much else to do during a lockdown when you are on crutches with your foot in a cast!) and the one thought that occurred to me over and over again was “this show is so much better than Supernatural”.
I kept comparing everything I watched, from the quality of the scripts, the actors, the special effects, to the inclusiveness of the shows. Just so many beautiful and interesting stories that seem to understand their audience, and understand how to entertain and impress without resorting to cringe humour, outdated jokes, and prejudice, not to mention misogyny and queerbaiting – yup, I said it.
The thing is, I think these thoughts have been creeping over me slowly for longer than just this year, but I have been desperately batting them away the way Dean Winchester bats away his own gay thoughts. Unlike Dean though, eventually I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I cannot continue to carve out space in my own soul for this show, which incessantly beats me down regardless of my devotion. The creators, the network, the writers, and sometimes even the cast, have all shown that they don’t care about me as a fan. I’m not some gun toting dudebro living in middle America, so why should they give a damn about me? I’m clearly not their target audience, nor have I ever been.
I know many of you will vehemently deny my personal opinion of Supernatural now. That is absolutely fine. I am sorry to be admitting it, but I had to. I feel like once I finally write out these words, I have got it off my chest and can close and lock the door on Supernatural for good.
Without Supernatural, I am able to focus on my real life, I am able to find pleasure in other things, new things, interesting things, that bring me joy and joy alone – not disappointment and frustration. I found a new job this year, which has been a huge accomplishment as I was stagnating in my old one, and several new hobbies under my belt. I moved to a new flat, I have a lovely flatmate who has been a godsend throughout lockdown, and I have rekindled friendships that I was neglecting due to my Supernatural obsession.
All in all, I am finding post-Supernatural life far more rewarding and content than my life in fandom. It has taken me a while, but I am over the show. And whilst I will always hold a special place in my heart for Castiel, it will be as I know him in my own mind; as the wonderful, strong, powerful and determined angel with a soul, who loves so strongly, and who is worth so much more than his own creators give him credit for. He is up there with Aziraphale and Crowley, with The Doctor, and Buffy, as one of the greatest characters of all time.
So the Supernatural writers and creators can take whatever ending they have decided upon, and shove it up their asses. I am sorry to say that Sam and Dean Winchester are also lost to me. Any love I had for them was destroyed by their later season depictions. Castiel alone is the only character worthy of that space in my heart now. If in time he longs for a companion, I will find one for him, but it won’t be the Dean Winchester of the canon show. Canon Dean hasn’t been deserving of Cas for a long time now.
Perhaps I am still a little bitter about the ending. Perhaps the finale won’t be the disaster I expect it to be, perhaps Dabb will somehow turn it all around last minute following whatever travesty Bucklemming have given us in 15x19. Either way, I won’t be watching.
So this is me saying goodbye to this blog, at least until I have decided what else to do with it. It certainly won’t be a Supernatural fandom blog anymore. It wasn’t all wasted though. I did get a wonderful friendship group out of this fandom, and I have certainly expanded my knowledge of film and television analysis, as well as having enjoyed a great many memes.
I guess in the end, my internal war with my inner bitter Cas girl finished with her winning, and writing this post. Once it is posted however, I will put her to sleep with thoughts of a happy Castiel, who has swapped his wings for a beating human heart, and is living on a beach somewhere beautiful, refurbishing an old Victorian house, and greeting his kindly elderly neighbours. There’s a gay bar on the main strip, and the bartender is quite a dish. Green eyes and light brown hair with a killer smile. Castiel thinks he looks familiar, like a memory from a past life, but they’ve definitely never met, because this man is kind.
Now that she is asleep, there is nothing left for me here. Goodbye everyone. Whether you manage to enjoy the finale or not, I truly hope you too, find your peace.
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Who is making the cut for England?
2020 should have been the year that England were able to show their credentials after successful showings in the Nations League and World Cup over the previous two years. However, the coronavirus pandemic halted proceedings quite dramatically part way through the 2019/20 season and therefore postponed the entire tournament.
With the tournament still expected to go ahead in some sort of capacity in the summer, Gareth Southgate will be observing his potential candidates very scrupulously and making sure he has picked the correct 23 men to lead the country rather than picking players based on their names. We are looking at you Fabio Capello!
Who are the guaranteed men?
There are always going to be several names that meet Southgate’s criteria and they come in the form of the players he trusts. It is notable that Southgate has tried to keep the core together from his 2018 semi final team that took Russia by surprise and produced one of the best summers that England has ever experienced. Just as I mention Russia, I find myself humming the Atomic Kitten tune “Whole Again”.
The players that you would assume that are guaranteed a place on the flight (if there is one!) would be captain Harry Kane and his supporting act of Marcus Rashford and Raheem Sterling. All three of these players are vital to how a Southgate England side tick. With control in the midfield from Jordan Henderson, another name guaranteed to be in the 23 man squad, these three can punish most defences in Europe.
Dropping further back into defence, you can see how much trust Southgate has in Harry Maguire as he has been an ever present member of the manager’s starting eleven since he made his debut in 2017. Across the back line with Maguire, you will expect to see Kyle Walker who can slot into a back four or a back three depending on how England setup.
Behind the defence is a contentious position according to many pundits and fans alike but it seems Southgate is going to stick with the man who ousted long term goalkeeper Joe Hart and that is Everton goalkeeper Jordan Pickford. There is no denying that Pickford is a great shot stopper but to quote Roy Keane, it's his job to make saves. With competition from Nick Pope and Dean Henderson for the number one spot, it would take something monumental to make Southgate change his mind on Pickford.
Who is certain to make the cut?
Since the heroics of 2018, Southgate has also put his trust in several players who have performed exceptionally for club and country. Declan Rice is one of these players to have really made an impact on the England side and deputised in both the midfield as well as the defence, proving his versatility and importance to this young emerging side. Rice fits into that same category as Mason Mount who is very trusted by Southgate, much to his detriment. Sometimes with Jack Grealish and James Maddison breathing down his neck Mount has come under a lot of pressure but the England manager sees him as the focal point in the attacking midfield and Mount is a very good talent.
Other young talents who have secured a place in Southgate’s reckoning include Dominic Calvert- Lewin, Jadon Sancho, Trent Alexander-Arnold, Phil Foden, Ben Chilllwell, Bukayo Saka and Reece James. These players are typical of a Southgate selection, young, hungry for success and relatable. When Southgate arrived he wanted his England side to be loved again and when you have fresh attacking talent like the aforementioned players it is hard not enjoy watching England play, the concern comes with Southgate not letting the shackles off a bit sooner in games to allow them to really prosper.
An honourable mention has to go to Kalvin Phillips who has taken to international football like a duck to water. When he was playing to Leeds United in the Championship it was clear he was playing below his standard but playing in the Premier League has made him an even better player. With England, he has brought a different dimension to the team and one that can not be overlooked.
However, despite a look towards the future, the former Middlesbrough manager does have his old realiables still in the likes of Kieran Trippier, Eric Dier and Harry Winks that you anticipate will make the final 23 man squad.
Who needs to prove a point?
There are several players who need to prove a point but for different reasons to impress Southgate. Pickford has already been mentioned about his shortcomings but someone who has not experienced many shortcomings for his club but is struggling to establish himself for his country is Jack Grealish. The Aston Villa man has been playing out of his skin for Villa and is a leading example, on the pitch maybe not so much off it, of how to create something out of nothing. It is hard to say what he needs to do next to be England’s creative man but he must carry on doing what he is doing so well to keep himself right in the thick of it.
An area that England are struggling to settle on is a centre back partner for Maguire. The main player to be challenging for that position is Grealish’s teammate Tyrone Mings. The towering centre back is a dominating figure and has stood out in Aston Villa’s season making them more stout in defence but also is an option from corners; which suits Southgate’s style of play.
Who could be the wildcard selections?
If form is anything to go by we could see a return to the England fold for John Stones and Luke Shaw. Both men have impressed in Manchester for their respective clubs. With Stones partnering Reuben Dias and looking the equal of his Portugeuese teammate we could see a return to the Maguire and Stones partnership of 2018.
The resurgence of form for Shaw must have grabbed the attention of the England manager as well as Stones’ because the full back has been maureding down the left hand side with a lot of freedom contributing four assists for the Red Devils.
England do need another option when going forward in attack and cannot just rely on Kane. Southgate has taken closer looks at Calvert-Lewin and Tammy Abraham more recently but names like Callum Wilson, Danny Ings and more importantly Patrick Bamford cannot be ignored. All have impressive goal scoring records with Ings finding the net seven times in the league this season, Wilson ten times and Bamford eleven. Bamford might be the one to get the nod due to his better injury record if Southgate decides to go down that route.
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Strange & Deranged
I couldn’t get the thought of a Drowley Addams family out of my head, and so I decided to write one for Valentine’s Day. Enjoy!
By now, everyone knew better than to disturb the mayor of their small town during his lunch break, so when three distinct knocks rang out, Dean sighed and drew back from his husband. “Guess we have to see what’s going on.”
“Oh, I am sure they can handle it, darling” Crowley drawled, trying to kiss him again.
“You are incorrigible.”
“And that is why you married me.”
Dean couldn’t very well deny it, but that wasn’t the point right now. “I am ready to bet that was Cas, and you know he only ever disturbs us when there’s an emergency.”
Crowley sighed. “You’re no fun when you’re being the voice of reason, Squirrel.”
“I am always fun, and you know it”. Dean quickly kissed him again, then re-arranged his clothing.
When he opened the door, Cas said, “I am sorry to disturb you, but we have a problem –“
“Yes, yes, I know, Apollo 13” Dean answered.
“I don’t understand that reference.”
“Of course you don’t. So while Crowley is busy pulling his pants up, why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”
The only answer to his corresponding grin was an unimpressed look.
“I told you it was nothing.”
“Crowley, a potential dam failure isn’t nothing. We’re lucky we managed to stop it.”
“If you say so” the demon replied lightly and Dean rolled his eyes.
“You’re just disappointed your lunch break was cut short.”
“What gave it away?” he asked, his hands settling on Dean’s hips.
“Oh, for God’s sake, can’t you two behave for five minutes?”
Dean sighed and once more stepped away from his husband. “Can you blame me, Sammy?”
The expression of their town’s sheriff seemed to suggest that he could and would indeed blame him for making him arrest them for indecent exposure. “The reporters are going to be here in just a few minutes, and…”
“Fine, fine, Samantha, don’t get your panties in a twist” Dean said. “We’re behaving, see?”
“Speak for yourself” Crowley said, his eyes changing to red because the bastard knew damn well it turned Dean on.
“Oh you –“
“Yes?” he asked innocently.
“You two are going to be the death of me” Sam sighed. “Aren’t you supposed to be getting back to school, anyway?”
Sadly, it was true, and so Dean kissed Crowley goodbye – maybe a bit more passionately than was appropriate, but what was the point if he couldn’t annoy his brother with his perfect marriage now and then? – and went on his way.
He only remembered it was Valentine’s Day when Charlie exclaimed, “Is that a hickey, Winchester? Have to say, I am not surprised, considering the date.”
Quite frankly, it was never a surprise when Dean showed up top work covered in hickeys, but one of the benefits of being the principal was that no one was there to judge him for it. “I just had lunch with my husband.”
She hummed. “Were the lunch, more likely.”
“Charlie Bradbury! Go look after your students!”
“Aye, aye boss”. She skipped past him with a cheeky grin on her face.
Sometimes, working with his closest friends wasn’t as much fun as Dean has always assumed it was going to be, but at the same time, he wouldn’t trade it for anything.
When he came home that evening, he was surprised when neither of the children made an appearance as soon as he opened the door. Normally, they cam running as soon as he showed up. “Emma? Gavin?” he called out.
Nothing. But there was soft classical music playing somewhere, and –
Oh. A trail of candles was leading from the front door towards the dining room.
Dean grinned.
This was going to be fun.
Crowley was awaiting him in the suit he had proposed to him ten years ago, the old softie.
“Hello there” Dean drew him into a kiss. “Are those your home-made burgers?”
“Yes. Since I have married someone with the appetite of a toddle, I have to bear the consequences.”
“Now, now, Mister, do you want to get lucky tonight or not?”
Crowley grinned, his eyes turning red again. “Oh, I do want to, and I will. You know I always get my way in the end.”
Dean just kissed him again as an answer then asked, “Where are the kids?”
“Cas took them to Charlie’s.”
Where they would no doubt get spoiled rotten. “Ah, so they helped?” Dean asked, indicating the roses and – was that a champagne fountain? On display.
Crowley hummed. “I originally planned the evening to include torturing our enemies, but Castiel assured me my esteemed brother-in-law wouldn’t have liked it.”
“He definitely wouldn’t have” Dean agreed. “I guess we’re stuck with torturing each other again.”
“Oh?” Crowley’s raised eyebrow was definitely a challenge, but Dean’s stomach was rumbling.
“Later, Casanova. I have to eat first.”
He sighed. “Serves me right for marrying a human with low stamina.”
“I am going to be showing off my stamina real soon” Dean grinned. “Just let me eat first.”
Crowley sighed again, but there was a sparkle in his eyes that Dean knew only too well.
“Now, what do you have to say about my stamina?” Dean sked quite some time later.
Crowley rolled over and looked down at him. “The night’s still young, Winchester.”
“I see” he complained, “Once the ring is on and you have two kids, the romance is gone. Is that how it is?”
“Says the man I just watched gobble down ten cheeseburgers against my better judgement.”
“It was five cheeseburgers, and you ate something too.”
“I snacked. There’s a difference.”
“If you say so, Peaches.” Dean hummed. “Mind, a little bit of torturing our enemies would have been nice…”
“Told him.”
“Well” Dean said with a grin, “I will just have to focus on torturing you instead.”
The next morning, Dean was woken up by a text from Charlie. Hey you two, I’ll be keeping the tow trouble makers until lunch time. God knows you need time to get it out of your system for a few hours at least.
“Seems like we have the morning for us” he announced just as Crowley materialized in front of him carrying a tablet.
“Is that so?”
“Oh yes” he happily accepted the offered breakfast. “Say, Crowley…”
“Yes?”
“Last night, you were completely unhinged. Every bit the scary demon people always assume you are. You downright scared me. Do me a favour?”
“Yes?”
Dean grinned. “As soon as I have finished these crepes… Do it again?”
It was a very happy Dean Winchester who all but skipped up the steps to Charlie’s house on this Saturday morning.
“Alright, I’m not even going to ask” Charlie said. “It’s pretty obvious someone had –“
“Dad!” The two children ran up to him and he quickly thank to his knees. “Did you have fun with Aunt Charlie?”
“Oh yes, and Uncle Cas stopped for dinner!”
Dean doubted that. In all the time he had known him, he had never seen him eat.
“I drew a picture. Look” Emma said proudly and held it out.
Huh. For a seven-year-old, she really did know how to draw her witch burnings. Dean showed himself duly impressed.
“And then we played car crash!” Gavin exclaimed, happily dancing around them.
There was a reason they loved staying with their Aunt Charlie. Uncle Sam usually tried to explain that car crashes were actually rather tragic and tended to cause people to die, which was little fun. Thankfully he and Aunt Sarah then came up with other games for them to play.
“Sounds like a lot of fun” he said, ruffling his hair.
“Yes! Did you and Father have fun too?” he asked.
“Oh, I bet” Charlie said.
“Yes we did” Dean said firmly. He spent his whole life being very very unapologetic about his marriage, he wasn’t going to feel ashamed about it in front of his children.
When he arrived home, he knew immediately something was amiss. One downside of marrying a demon was that their environment was magically affected by his moods, and the air around the house was cackling with static. If Crowley got any angrier, they’d have a storm on their hands.
Granted, that usually meant rather fun times for all of them, but the neighbours tended to complain eventually.
And so Dean left the children with Cas, who had returned from his day off, and went to see his husband.
He was currently on the phone, looking like he was ready to reach through it and strangle whoever he was talking to. “How dare you” he hissed. “I am perfectly capable of attracting –“
Dean thought it best to alert him to his presence since it usually calmed him down and he stepped up to him and gently laid a hand on his forearm.
Crowley’s eyes flashed up to him and he relaxed marginally. “You are lucky. My husband just came home. Do you want to talk to him about how I am holding him captive with my demon magic?”
Oh God. It was indeed lucky that he had returned. He quickly took the phone oust of Crowley’s hand. “Hello, Dean Winchester speaking.”
“Hello, Mr. Winchester.” He rolled his eyes. And he’d believed his husband sounded aggressively British when he wanted to. “My name is Arthur Ketch and I am with the Franklin Gazette. I was wondering if you were ready to comment on our upcoming story claiming that you were ensnared into marriage by –“
Seriously? Ensnared? He could only roll his eyes again. “Alright, listen, mister. I don’t care if you believe me or not, but I knew exactly who and what I was marrying hen I said yes. Yes, he’s a demon, and he can be a damn bastard when he wants to be. But he’s also romantic, kind and charming – again, when he wants to be. And he’s great damn good in bed to boot. He also tends to kill anyone who insults me or our children. I would tell you to be careful but frankly I am not concerned for your well-being at all. So now do me the favour and go to hell.” He hung up. “Is this going to be a problem?”
Crowley shrugged. “I was elected, so I have to assume people like me. And anyone who has seen us two together cannot possibly believe that you married me against your own free will.”
Damn right. And while they had been careful what information to release to the panic, Dean and the kids had figured prominently in Crowley’s successful re-election campaign. So really, this was just a storm in the water glass.
“I mean we can always deal with him if he annoys us too much…” his husband began hopefully.
“And have Sam bitch about it for the next ten years?”
He sighed. “Having the town sheriff for a brother-in-law is not the advantage I picture it to be.”
“So that’s why you proposed. You just wanted to use me to get to Sammy.”
“And what if I had?”
“Then, Crowley” Dean said carefully, reacting out and trailing a hand down his tie, “You need to be punished.” His voice dropped. “The children are with Cas.”
“Well then” Crowley drawled, “You may try to punish me although I doubt you’ll succeed.”
“Oh I have a lot of practice” he smirked.
Later that day, Dean was watching Crowley, Emma and Gavin play football in their yard, although he always thought that Crowley using his demon powers was unfair. The kids didn’t seem to mind, though.
Cas carried a fresh pitcher of lemonade out on the terrace. “Hey Cas. Come on, have a glass yourself.”
Their kind-of-butler-slash-kind-of-maid-slash-klind-of-nanny-slash-kind-of-roommate-slash-guy-whose-car-had-broken-down-in-town-one-day-and-who-had-apparently-randomly-decided-to-stay complied, although once again, Dean didn’t see him actually drink. The glass was empty after a few minutes, though.
“Your and Crowley’s Valentine celebration seems to have been… pleasant” Cas eventually said.
“Oh, hell yeah” Dean said, grinning at his husband, “It was.”
Alright, if he was being honest, so were most of their nights – and days – but that didn’t mean some couldn’t be more special than others now, could it?
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an angel’s grace
warnings: major character death| canon-typical violence
--
And as the sword in Dean’s hand runs through Lucifer, a scream filled the air states over and an even more gut-wrenching scream echoes across the land universes over.
--
A pair of pure graceful eyes turned their gaze upon the earth where the Morningstar has finally fallen. A son. A brother. A father. A lover. His light was gone, and the Father knew no more. He enveloped the world in his light… in his being. He would fix this. He would fix his family the way he should have from the beginning.
And his light begins to fade away, everything had changed.
--
The remaining angels in heaven gasped as they felt the pure grace that was their father roam over them. They felt strengthened brighter than anything they had ever felt and seen in all their millennia of life. The lights stopped flickering and the souls stopped stirring. There was peace and there was love.
What made it even better for them would be when they could feel the gates to the cage open and the strength of Michael’s grace pouring out. They dropped to their knees when they felt Raphael being piece back together. They smile when they felt Gabriel being pulled back to their world and life plunging back into him. And they felt confusion when life was breathed back into Lucifer despite being finally free of his presence. Was this what Father wanting all along?
They felt a different kind of hope and love when a long thought dead grace spikes on Earth. Lucifer’s beloved. The archangel of souls. The evening light. Ilene, the archangel made from the same grace as Lucifer and their long-deceased brother Azrael. The first love ordered to be put above their father.
But confusion washed over them when they felt the presence of more Archangels. They might not recognize it but there more powerful siblings do. Beings they had long lost. Dead at the hand of their aunt. Their light long extinguished by her darkness. Jophiel, Ariel, Azrael, and Chamuel. Though they had been gone, their stories had been told to the humans to keep their name alive. And now they are here. They are free.
All nine of the archangels looked down at the vessels they were currently residing in. All of them now young adults and filled with such strength. All their memories are at their fingertips all except Luciel for their Father didn’t not want to let the favored son be plagued by such memories. He wanted to give him a new start.
Ilene walks out of the pizza shop where she works and heads to a nearby alley. When she is sure no one is looking, she flies off to heaven for the first time in many millennia. The power of her grace stabilizes Heaven even more as she makes her way to the throne room. None of her siblings have made their way home just yet.
When she gets there, she sees the pitiful number of angels left and she knows this cannot stand. So many of her siblings gone because the elder angels wanted death and destruction of the other. She lets her grace wash over those that remain, and she takes a seat upon the throne.
She would fix heaven and then hell. And she will follow her father’s order to love humanity, but she will not let anything resembling a battle to the death come between her family come again.
For she knows that if Michael kills her beloved, she would have no choice but to kill him. And if Lucifer kills Michael, she would have no choice but to stand by his side and slaughter any of their siblings that stand against him.
“My brothers and sisters,” she starts capturing the attention of those that had not heard her voice since their wings had been too big for their bodies. “As you can all see, it is a new beginning for our people and of this world. Leave the past in where it belongs and let us bring about a new and better future.”
“My sister,” one of the newer angels began. One that could barely remember and one she did not know. “Though our Father has strengthened heaven, we are still short on forces. Many dangers have come to fruition in this last decade alone. We will not be enough to stop them.”
And Ilene smiled and the tension and anxiety that began to filled room dissipated in her light. “Aside from our Father, there is only one person that has the power to make angels.”
“Who,” Naomi questioned. She would have known about someone with that kind of power.
“Me,” Ilene stated. “It was one of the other gifts Father granted me besides mankind.”
And she can see the shock in the youngest one’s face. Not many knew that mankind was not because Father had wanted another pet project but because he gifted them to her from being different than her siblings. Different than the other celestials. Her wings were different with every switch or with every splash of light from the sun or the moon, they shined different. Different to the point where her father realized that they were not grace but souls so different and powerful.
Ilene stands gracefully and retrieves Michael’s keys to Heaven and Hell before walking to the side of Heaven the souls reside in. She washes her grace over them filling them with the love she had denied them for soul and welcoming back inside of her grace. And those that shined the brightest, she twisted their very soul until the light blinded them and when they awoke, they were nothing but mere fledging with bodies too small for the wings on them. It mattered not. They will grow into them.
She spared a glance in the direction of those allied with the Winchester family and though she caressed them with her love, she felt angry with them. Dean had killed her beloved. Samuel had trapped him and her brother in the cage. Gabriel had died because of them. But she could not fault them. Her family had not been the most welcoming angels.
She turned away from them. They will not receive angelhood. They deserved something peace after all these years.
It took her minute to remember how to use the angelic radio but when she remembered, she called for her family to come home. Called for them to come together. Called for their new beginning.
She felt Lucifer and Azrael before she felt anyone else. Her grace called for her other halves. Her morning star and the moon of her evening light. She blinked a little as Lucifer’s grace reached for hers. There was something different about it. Something purer. Something brighter. Something untainted. It was only half a second later that she realized that she was feeling the grace of her Luciel and not of the Lucifer he had become after he fell.
She made her way back to the throne room leaving her siblings to rally up the fledglings. The time for change had come and there was plenty of things for them to prepare for. It was only when she was flying over the what had been Luciel’s area did she feel it. Something she had cursed the existence of out of pure betrayal. Something that she also knows that heaven and earth is thoroughly unprepared for. The Anti-Christ had awakened. The bastard child between Lucifer and the Whore of Babylon from eons ago. When Luciel had fell and became Lucifer, when she ignored his calls and her tears began to flood the earth, he had taken a pure human as his lover to punish her and they bred a child. (Tis only right, despite her love for the race, she cursed the mortal to spend eons in the pits of Hell for her actions against the kingdom of her father. For the mortal accepted pleasure from Satan when her love for Father should have been greater. As for Lucifer, she had not been there when Michael cast him in the cage for she was the one to whisper the punishment in her eldest brother’s ear. Her guilt would not let her see him, but her anger burned as bright and fiercely as the souls in her wings. When her father created the cage, she knew he lacked the conviction to punish the Favored Son. He knew he needed to. He made to make the decision plenty of times. Yet he could not, and Ilene only ordered what he knew what was needed.) A child that had been in hiding for many millennia. Hiding from her wrath. Hiding from Heaven. Hiding from its destiny to be defeated by her half-brother, Jesus.
She needed to awaken the Savior, but she will do so once her family comes back to Heaven. The end of the world should not have come so soon, but maybe her father saw it as another new beginning. A way to start over. Her wings still fluttered with souls and as Azrael grew nearer, she could feel his pouch expanding for those that will soon need to be reaped.
Yes, this had to be a new beginning such a shame that so many souls had to die before what originally was their time.
Ilene continued to the throne room and reclined back in the seat as her brethren drew nearer. It was Luciel that reached her first, pulled her up, and gathered her in his arms. “My beloved. My evening star. It feels as if it has been eons since I have been by your side, yet I look back and know that we were just embraced two suns and moons ago.”
As if that didn’t confirm that the angel before her was Luciel before he received the Mark of Darkness. She remembers two days after the last time he had embraced he took on the task to be their aunt’s jailor accepting the key into his essence and she barely heard from him anymore. But she said nothing as she soaked in the light of his embrace (so pure and loving) before stepping away and turning as their other siblings walked into the room. All of them save Jophiel, Ariel, and Chamuel stared at their counterpart. Ilene was not to ignorant to know that they had been created to mirror their father and their aunt. Whereas Michael was their father… Luciel fell and became their aunt (Though it was obvious that Luciel doesn’t remember that). Where Raphael was their father… Gabriel had the potential to become their aunt. Where she was life… Azrael was death. Jophiel, Ariel, and Chamuel had been created to balance the others yet barely had a standing chance before they alongside Azrael had been swallowed by their aunt’s darkness.
“My brothers. My sisters. Welcome home. Much has happened since we all last stepped foot in Heaven and now it is time for a change,” she started watching all of them and inwardly purring at the feel of their graces. Heaven’s light was almost too bright to look at yet Luciel seemed to absorb it in as he had done ages ago. “Luciel, many eons have passed since you were last standing by my side. It would seem Father has either taken or locked away your memories for you are his greatest light and his strongest warrior. If you were to see some of things that have come to passed, you would weep. I believe he is trying to keep not only that from happening, but he also needs you to show strength for the younger angels.”
Luciel felt worried at the mention that he did not have access to all his memories but if his father thought it was a good idea, he would not argue with him. He would not rebel against his father’s judgement. Raphael, Michael, and Gabriel felt shocked and understood everything that she was not saying to them. Luciel does not remember being Lucifer and that brother they have come to know is not the brother that stands before them.
Ilene clears her throat bringing the attention to herself, “I have decided to take control of Heaven in our Father’s steed. An incident on Earth led to our aunt being set free and Father decide to give her a chance at rehabilitation than locking her away again.”
Here she turned to her four siblings that had been taken away. “’Tis the reason that your four stand before us now and can once again heal in the light of our father. Many things have change and you will all be given one earthen week to catch up on all that you have missed.”
She looks at her brethren in whole. “I have gifted souls with the right to become angels. You will all move out to the fledglings and find those that will be in your division. Michael, once they have gotten their garrisons together and they have learned the basics of their craft… you will start training for there is a new threat upon us and Earth. We will need everyone to be ready.”
“What is the threat,” Azrael questions and Ilene feels a flutter deep in her grace as she hears the gravelly yet smooth sound of his voice.
“An alternate version of our beloved Michael has crossed into our world. He plans to tear it all to pieces and wreak havoc over Father’s creation because well… because something is incredibly wrong with him. We must stop him or at least send him back to his own world.”
It was Gabriel who questioned her next. He had run away. He left her. He left. And ten Lucifer stabbed him and then he died. Why? Why? Why Father? Why Gabe? “There is something else that you are not telling us. What is it?”
She looked at her siblings that do not know of the horrors that have plagued the earth and stated, “There is a being named the Anti-Christ that has resided on earth for many millennia. His fate is to bring upon Armageddon. It will be up to our half-brother, Jesus to put a stop to him and his reign.”
“We have a half-sibling?” A small chorus of five beings questioned at the same time her eldest brother, Michael stepped forward, “What gives you the right to have the throne?”
Ilene tilted her head to the side, “Because of the circumstances that I will not name in respect for my beloved’s current metal stability, I as the ‘fifth-born’ hold the right. The four of you were gone. I hold the keys now.”
A smirked danced on her lips and she knew that Gabriel would appreciate this one with his knowledge of pop culture, “Nicki Minaj once said, ‘You can be the King, but watch the Queen conquer.’”
She was right. He snorted once before uncontrollable giggles escaped his mouth. He had finally managed to calm down before he caught the dumb-struck expression on Michael’s face and he was off again leaning against her to keep himself upright. Ilene had a huge smile on her face as her own shoulders shook with laughter.
It took them a few minutes to calm down and when they did, Ilene lounge back into the throne and kicked her feet up onto one of the armrests.
“I have things to do to prepare ourselves for these upcoming battles, so for now, I need you all to go get your fledglings and get them ready. Aside from the little ones, you will all need to visit different areas of to fix and heal. Ariel, I need you at the Garden as soon as possible. The quicker that heals. The better.”
She turned to towards Jophiel, “My sister, I need you at the choir house. Fill the heavens with songs of peace and prosperity. Sing the songs of hope and welcome the souls of the fallen into our home.”
Ilene tilted her head to look over at Chamuel, “I have need of you at the armory. Please take stock of all that we have and all that we will need. And there may be some tension between some of our younger siblings, I would like for you to delegate between them and ease them of their anxiety.”
She faced her twin. One of halves of her grace. Her opposite in power. “Dear Azrael, I do hope your pouch has enough room for all the souls that are about to grace our presence. I hear there is a new Death in town. I think you should go and negotiate with them.”
And then she turned to the four eldest, “Raphael, our infirmaries will need expansion. It will be up to you to keep the peace between our brethren and the fledglings.”
“Gabriel,” she started, and she smiled gently at him. “it will not be long before the general populace finds out about the beginning of the end. I need you to keep an eye out on what exactly is going on. Find the false messiahs and false prophets. We must be thoroughly prepared. And get in contact with the Winchesters and our fallen brother, Castiel. We must find out what they plan to do for the beast that shares our brother’s grace.”
And then she turned to the first two. The Warrior and The General. Her brother and her beloved. “Ah, my dearest brother, Michael. The First Born. This brings me much joy for your actions against Lucifer, dear brother, you are confined to the Heavens to continue with training and stabilizing our home. We do not need this twisted and not that far off version of you capturing, well you, and stealing your grace. We don’t need him stronger. We need him dead. So, I leave my beloved, Luciel as your guard. There will be no place in our home that you can go that he will not be able to follow. You two will stand as one in front of our brethren and bring hope upon them that we can survive these troubling times.”
She stood up slowly and smiled at them in whole, “Tis a wonderful thing for us all to be back together again. I love you all and I will not be separated from any of you ever again. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I also have things to do. Azrael, brother, as one half of my grace, I leave you in charge in my stead.”
With another smile, she flew from Heaven and down to hell to her beloved’s abandoned kingdom. She watches as his little demons immediately flock the completely dirty throne room. Which is honestly gross. A couple millennia in that cage does not give your permission to forget simple etiquette beloved. Honestly, it doesn’t matter how dark Hell is… this place could use some light. Maybe not as bright as Heaven but a couple lamps here or there. And serious old bricks with torches and this 1800s renaissance throne? Pathetic. If he had ever succeeded and made her his queen (cue eyeroll) she would have gutted him like a fish if he thought she’d stay anywhere near here.
She says nothing as they rushed into the room and she slid down into this throne also. Of course, after she changed it. There was no way in hell, pun fucking intended, was she sitting on that piece of shit.
“Who are you,” one of them asks. It was holding onto what looked like an angel blade. She almost laughed. That little thing couldn’t kill her. She was an archangel. She supposes she should learn these demons’ names. They are still her gifts. Maybe a little corrupted and murderous and sinful but still her gifts. And in a way, her step children for her beloved created them and are their father.
“I am Ilene,” she states. Her head tilts to the side as she reads his soul. “You are Darius. Born into a family that loved you yet set you up to be taken advantage of by many of your aunts. Sold your soul to a crossroad demon to slaughter them all for freedom.”
Darius tenses in front of her. Most demons do not remember their human life which she supposes is a sweet thing for her beloved to do. Good for them to not remember how blessed they used to be before they damned themselves.
“How do you know that,” the demon snarled his grip tightening on the blade in his hand. She sighed and stretched her hand for the blade.
“Silly little thing,” she tsked as the weapon sprung forward into her grasp. “This will not work on me. I am Ilene, the Archangel of Souls. The Archangel of Life. I am Lucifer’s Gracemate and Azrael’s Gracebond.”
“Lucifer is dead,” one of them spat. Black goo landed on her shoes and she signed deeply. She quite liked these shoes. Gabriel had bought them for her on one of the small occasions they crossed paths.
She snapped her fingers and engulf the demon in light. “As his mate, I have a right to everything that belongs to him which includes this pitiful excuse of a kingdom. Now I’m also warrior of a God. I am his first daughter, but even I understand the importance of hell now. It shall stay, but a new system will be in place.”
She flicked her hand wiped the goo away from her shoe before she stood up from the throne. “First, we’re going to start by cleaning this place up. All of this dust and dirt makes me want to run to the nearest shower.”
“Secondly, I will go through all of the demons and those with the strongest presence and soul will become the leader of their faction. I will eventually get around to bringing about new Princes and Knights of Hell.”
“There will be a new tracking system of the souls that enter Hell. And no demon will make deals with children just because their mother took their favorite teddy bear… a list of offense will be added along the wall to know what qualifies for deal making.”
“I will have to consult with my siblings to see what punishments shall be implemented for those that commit horrifying crimes. There will also be a training facility to learn how to properly defend oneself and to teach the darling hellhounds how to attack.”
Ilene had been pacing before the demons like a drill sergeant before turning to look at the demons before her. Her eyes started to bleed white with no pupils showing and the shadows of her wings spread out behind her.
“Failure to comply to the demands of your High Queen will lead to either immediately death or indefinite solitude in Lucifer’s old cage.”
She stood before them all with her head held high and her eyes still shining. “Also, my beloved is not dead. Our Father brought him back. But I have more need of him with me than you will ever have need of him suffering with you all.”
She shot them all a particularly nasty smile before flying out of there and make to her home. To her family.
--
When Ilene makes her way back to Heaven, she takes a few minutes to check in on her family. She sees that they had gathered all the fledglings and other angels into the Garden and showed them how to heal it. She saw how Lucifer, Raphael, and Jophiel all sat to the side and helped their too big wings. She remembers when she was in the same position waiting patiently for her Father to help with her wings.
She remembered him reaching out and grabbing his very light to pull and balance her wings. She remembered falling asleep at night hearing the screams of outrage from her Aunt in a deeper corner of Heaven where her Father’s light did not touch.
She remembered waking up in the middle of what had then been called Nyx with screams bouncing of her lips and her grace trembling in ways that made her fold over in pain. She remembered tears streaming down her face as she tried to drown out the voice of her aunt from her ears.
She remembers Azrael and Luciel coming into her room attempting to comfort her and trying to block out the sounds by their wings. She remembers the panic clawing at her throat whenever the resounding sound of yells and explosions took to a higher degree because her father went to yell at her aunt for scaring her.
She remembered the almost impossible pitch her voice reached as she watched her aunt envelop her twin brother in her darkness. She remembered glowing brighter than even Lucifer to get him back as she flew faster than she ever had to get to him.
She remembered how the light of her Father yanked her back far away from the battle when her aunt turned towards her. By the time she made it back near everyone, she had lost more siblings. The roar of anger that escaped her had been the blow her Father needed to severely weaken their aunt enough to lock her away.
And for millennia pass, Ilene felt the ghosts of pain from her Azrael as their aunt tortured and twisted and damaged him from within her grasp.
Ilene startles when she feels something wet on her face. She blinks and reaches a hand to her face. It takes her a second to realize that she had been crying. She looked back at the others and rolled her shoulders back to center herself.
Right. She had more important things to do than reminisce about the past. She got her siblings back and her beloved and that was all that mattered.
Ilene took to the air and headed towards the Archangel’s Abode. She smiled as she passed each of their apartments. By the time they had turn the equivalent of sixteen, each of them had built their own homes to reside in instead of staying in the home their father raised them in. It gave them the illusion of privacy from their father’s prying eyes.
She looked over Luciel’s area and smiled as she noticed the cloudy smoke that seemed to only exist in her nightmares disappear from around it.
She reached her Father’s home. Their brother was the only to stay in there. Seeing as after he came and found his ground, Father took to checking on the various prisons and strengthening the locks. All except Lucifer’s. He had admitted once that he was afraid to visit and free Lucifer without knowing if Lucifer had truly repented.
A guilty part of her had been relieved while another part of her had raged to not be reunited with her beloved.
Ilene walks into her half brother’s room and shakes her head. Honestly, it looked like Gabriel’s and that idiot had only been back for two days. (Not to mention, Gabriel’s room wasn’t all that clean to begin with)
Ilene tsked before she started picking up clothing off the floor. She saw her younger brother lying stretched out across his bed with his wings wrapped around him like a blanket. He had noise cancelling headphones on. There is no telling just what he could have missed. It was nice to see that he had not been cast out during Metatron’s bid for power. Then again, there was no spell written that was strong enough to kick an Archangel out of their areas or Heaven. Luckily for her brother, his area was higher up in Heaven near theirs.
He looked so peaceful. She remembered when he first came home to the Heavens. She was still grieving over the loss of Luciel, but her attention had been drawn like everyone else to the small Nephilim gracing our home.
He was physically a man, yet the nature of his grace was still of a child. She hadn’t wanted to be near him. She could feel the strength of light inside of him and it reminded her so much of her beloved.
She avoided him until she caught him curiously looking around Luciel’s area while she was there. Her feet were more silent then his as she followed him around the area. And her very core shook with grief when he came across Luciel’s drawing room. There had been a enlarge painting of the two of them that Luciel crafted himself hanging on the wall.
She watches her brother scrunch his nose up at the sight. “Who is she? Lucifer does not look so devious here.”
A snarl crossed her features, “His name is Luciel and I am his mate. I am Ilene. I am the Fifth Archangel. Luciel’s grace mate and Azrael’s grace bond. I am life.”
He spun around so fast that his wings didn’t even have enough time to catch up. “What?”
She sniffed in disdain, “I am your older sister, halfing.” Jehovah frowns before sneering in disgust. “Why do you all call me that? Are we not all of God’s children? And I am the one born of flesh and bone whereas he created you all. So, does that make him your Father or your Creator? Does that make you an object or a person?”
Her hand had been around his throat before he knew it, “Understand this, halfling. You could not be born until Father created you. So, is he your Father or your Creator? You are called halfing because that it what you are. Would you prefer mortal? Would you prefer bastard? Nephilim are not allowed to be born yet Father allowed you to be born. Allowed you to spread his word amongst those cockroaches.”
Before he had time to reply, she had already thrust her fist into his chest and into his soul. It was simply beautiful. It shined with so much light that she nearly weeps at how similar it was to her Luciel.
Luciel. Her beloved.
She removed herself from her brother’s space and turn to look at the gorgeous painting of the two of them. “Luciel or Lucifer since that what people seem have taken to calling him was not always so devious. He was a very devoted mate and friend. He cared for us all and kept us caressed in his light. I know the pureness of his heart even when the Mark of Darkness began to corrupt him. And yet, I am the reason he fell. I betrayed him, and my guilt will never let me forget. I love him, and he loved me.”
Her tears trailed down her face and she knew she had to control them. It will not do will to cause another great flood of the Earth because of her broken heart. “Oh, how he cherished me and our siblings. He sung hymns so bright and filled with life that the very souls in my wings danced with joy. Even if I hadn’t been born from his grace, there could be no other that I could love like he.”
“You miss him,” she heard him state from somewhere behind her.
“I do. I miss him oh so much just as I know that he is a victim to his circumstances. I am not the only one to betray him. Our Father did also. One by giving him the mark and two by siting aside as Michael and I cast him out.”
“He will be back one day.”
“Yes, he will. He will return with a destiny to either die or reign supreme. In either circumstance, I do not get the beloved that I crave for back.”
Ilene shook herself out of her memories. She had gotten her beloved back and that was all that mattered. She sat down on the edge of his bed near his head and pushed at him gently with her grace. He groaned slightly and rolled towards her. She huffed out a laugh while she ran her fingers through his hair. She pushed again with her grace and she could see his wings flutter in response. He peeked open an eye and seen her sitting beside him with a slight smile.
“Sister,” he voiced roughly. He yawned and stretched out on his limbs like a kitten. He sat up in the bed and removed his headphones. He looked at her and smiled and her heart ached. He looked so much younger. He looked like a fledging when he smiled, and she physically ached for her own. “Sister, I have not seen you.”
“Ah, I went to spend time with the mortals. It was quite the experience, but alas, trouble has brought me back home.”
Jehovah frowned, “Trouble? What kind?”
She patted his shoulder gently before maneuvering him around so that she could get to his wings. She untangled them and straighten them for him. It looked like he had gone a millennium since he had got a grooming.
“It’s time for argemmodon, dear brother.”
It hurt her to see the look of despair that crossed his features, “The end is here then? What of the Apocalypse? Who let Lucifer out of his cage?”
“’Tis a lot that you have missed, but this battle is not with Lucifer. Tis with Michael. Come. There is much for you to catch up on and so little time.”
--
Ilene is stressed. She has so much to do and so little time. That fucking alternate Michael was wrecking all types of havoc on Earth. He seemed to take such enjoyment in seeing the fear in all the humans’ eyes as he killed them.
And let’s not mention all the natural disasters he was causing especially how his power seemed to battle with her eldest brother. Mika had to be forcibly put on bedrest as Michael continuously tried to enter heaven. This sickness that plagued his grace effected Mika so negatively. Jophiel had to take over training for him.
She was going to end that fucking alternate if it’s the last thing she did.
But as of now, she had finally tracked down the Winchesters and the other alternates. And her step-son. She could rage bubble up inside of her, but she ignored it. She had more important things to worry about than her mate’s other bastard child. Luckily, since Lucifer siphoned him for majority of his grace, she didn’t have to worry about this one ending the world.
With Castiel’s return during an obviously busy time for them, he simply forgot to hide his presence from his more powerful siblings. It was quite easy to track down when she concentrated on him. But it wasn’t at the same time. This fucking bunker that kept masking his presence at every single turn. She would get a read on him only for it to disappear near this bunker. But she was persistent, and she would not be kept away.
She tilted her head and concentrated. It hurt a little to push her power through, but she was eventually able to feel the souls inside of the building. Right away, she could feel the souls that did not belong. Those were the easiest to compel.
Ilene reached for the easiest to manipulate and had them write her sigil along the wall. A bleeding hand was pressed against the wall and she quickly flew in. She landed on the table and smiled at all the weapons immediately trained on her.
“Oh, good. You’re all prepared,” she laughed. She effortlessly spotted the bastard child out of the group and she could feel the fury rip through her grace and the way both her beloved and her brother flinched away from it.
“Sister,” she heard Castiel gasp. Ilene turn to look at him. The pain in his face was raw. She felt guilty. The Angel of Thursday had been one of her favorites. It was on a what was now considered Thursday that she had been created. Thursday when she gained her brother Azrael. Thursday when her Father declared Luciel as her mate.
She quickly grew fond of the day and subsequently the Angel that held the title. “Castiel? I have not seen you since you were a fledging. Come. Let me get a look at you.”
Ilene moved gracefully across the table before stepping off and walking up to her brother. She ran a hand through his vessels’ hair. Her heart grew heavy at the sight of his wings. So lifeless. So brittle. Her poor little Thursday.
“What are you doing here, sister? No one has seen you for centuries,” he whispered brokenly. At the moment, he sounded like the fledging she remembered. Oh, how she wanted to strangle her Raphael and Michael both for sending her little warrior into the pits of hell. She doubts his wings had even healed from the excursion before they sent him off on other tasks.
“Um, Cass? Who is this,” she heard from behind her. When Ilene turn around, she nearly wept. This man’s soul was so beautiful. It sparkled and glowed and called out for her. It took her a moment to recognize the traces of Luciel intertwined into crevices of the soul.
He could only be his vessel. Samuel Winchester.
“Hello, Sam. I am Ilene. The Archangel of Souls and Life.”
“I have never heard of you,” he replied with a suspicious look. She smiled politely at him. “I doubt it. I had been left out of many texts. That was fine by me though. You little humans and your endless prayers are exhausting. I see why Father ignored them for so long.”
The blonde lady beside her scowled. Ilene gently tapped her soul and she could feel anger build up inside of her again. Someone brought a long-deceased soul back to life without her permission? No one touched souls other than she and Azrael. She cared little for Death or any of his reapers. Souls belonged to the twins.
It was Castiel’s gentle brush of grace that brought her out of her stupor. Right. She had other things to worry about than a stray soul. She would get to the bottom of that later.
“What are you here for,” Castiel inquired and she turned back to him. She had no worries about any of them attempting to kill her. She was fast. Faster than Gabriel and the pagan god Hermes put together. She was life and killing her meant killing everything else.
“I want to kill this alternate version of my brother and I believe the answer lies across the veil of reality. I need your help in getting there.”
One of the misplaced souls sneered, “And why should we help you?”
Ilene tilted her head, “You’re helping me help you. My siblings and I can fix your world. You can all start over and be better. Be purer. We can give heal you and your world from what was done to you by one of us because it was wrong.”
“That sounds like a load of bullshit, but go off sis,” one of the teenagers said in the back. Ilene blinked her eyes and turned to look at her. “Take it or leave it. You’re going to need an archangel to end this version of my brother and I wouldn’t count on any of my other siblings to come to your aid.”
“Aren’t you the only archangel left,” Sam questioned. A part of her wondered why the Nephilim hadn’t said a word, but she was perfectly fine with it keeping its mouth shut.
“No, Father brought my eldest brothers back and my Aunt Amara brought back my younger siblings. All nine original Archangels are back in Heaven since the beginning of time.”
She saw the fear in his eyes and wondered what for. She honestly didn’t keep up with how things went down when Lucifer was first set free. She avoided them all since she didn’t want see Michael and Lucifer kill each other. It must have been bad to bring such fear in ones’ eyes.
“You’re his mate,” she heard a new voice whisper. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the Nephilim. The boy looked every bit of his mother, but his grace and soul were all his father. She hated him oh so much. “You are Lucifer’s mate.”
“Luciel,” she corrected somewhat gently. She could see the bond Castiel built with this boy and it would not do her well if she killed him. “But you are right. I am his Evening Light. When Michael killed my beloved, it gave my Father a reason to start over. I was the only Archangel left and if I died, this world would look worse than anything you can imagine. Standing here right now, I’ve caught glimpses of the other world and I can tell you killing me would make that world look like candy land. My death would wipe out everything in existence until the only thing left would be those in Heaven and Hell. Until there is nothing left but ghosts and the silent echoes of screams from the fallen. So, my Father gave me back my siblings. He gave me back my beloved. And I am trying to give you all peace. But I cannot do that without your help.”
“Can you give me back my son,” she heard another voice question. This time she turned to a red headed woman. One with partial immortality. She reeked of Gabriel’s scent and Ilene mentally rolled her eyes at the thought of her older brother who was currently in Heaven adding ladies and men alike to his bed.
“Your son was a demon, but a soul is a soul. If I cannot bring him back, my brother Azrael can,” she nodded. “He would very much be in the empty and no reaper no matter how high ranking they are. No matter what title they take can bring a demonic soul back.”
“What about the natural order,” Sam questioned. Ilene furrowed her brows. She was on a timeline. She had things to do. “What about it? Your mother died years ago and yet here she stands. You have died more times than my wings beat a minute and yet here you stand. I have seen defeat many times over and yet somehow life still prevails. Natural order is an illusion.”
Sam chuckled, “Its funny. I remember a few years back your brother Michael saying the same thing about Free Will.”
“Free Will started as an illusion. It is not so anymore. You can thank my beloved for the reason you were able to make the conscious decision to go against Heaven.”
“Your Father didn’t want the Apocalypse.”
“My Father didn’t want a lot of things that happened, but did he stop them?”
“We won’t help you,” he snapped, and Ilene chuckled. “You won’t help me because you do not want to? You won’t help me because I am the mate of the Favored Son? Is it because I am archangel? You want your brother back and I want my family safe. You don’t even understand the shit Dean Winchester has kicked off by saying yes that monster. Congratulations to that idiot, Argemmodon is here. Welcome to the end of the world, jackasses.”
“See, no. We’ve faced the end of the world. We fought the angels when they tried to bring upon the Apocalypse and won- “
“Didn’t you end up in Hell,” she snorted.
“We defeated the Godstiel and the Leviathans- “
“Wasn’t it Castiel and Raphael dick measuring contest that led to that?”
“We defeated Eve- “
“I never liked that bitch,” she snarled.
“We beat the Darkness- “
“I’m pretty sure Aunt Amara kicked your asses from here and back again.”
“We beat the Knights of Hell.”
“Asmodeus had always been a pain in the ass. So weak and useless. But he had a silver tongue when needed.”
“We beat Lucifer again.”
“And yet he is once again alive.”
“We don’t need your help to save Dean or save the world.”
“Actually, you do. When the Alternate Michael dies, you will have to kill him in Dean’s body. You want to save Dean? You’re going to need his soul. And would you look at that? I am the Angel of Souls. While you guys are sitting here trying to find a way to stop him, I’ve already gotten the ball rolling in Heaven and Hell. I’m preparing for the shit show that’s about to come our way. So, you will either help or get the hell out of my way. “
Ilene spun around and dodge the bullet that was heading for her, “We won’t let you angels ruin this world also.” His soul did not belong here. Her eyes glowed as a fury recoiled off her in waves. She did not have time for this. “Sometimes I wish Father would’ve never created you all.”
She turned just as quickly to the witch with the demon son before she flew the two of them out of there. She could feel the Nephilim reach out for them with his powers, but they were still so weak from having his grace taken.
“Will you help us stop him from destroying our world,” she inquired as they landed in the throne room of Heaven. Her family were all lounging around when she landed. She could see the nervousness pouring out of the witch, but her eyes connected with Luciel and again with Gabriel. She could see the arousal pour into her at the sight and Ilene rolled her in disgust. “Excuse me, but we have important things to do.”
The witch snapped back to attention managing to reign in the blush dancing her features. Rowena’s eyes flicker around the room and she just cannot believe the power radiating from them all. “Yes, I promise to help as long as I get my son back.”
Ilene hummed, “I swear it on my grace.”
Rowena nodded and started naming the things that she needed to start the process. She stopped herself in the middle of one of her sentences, “You will save Dean Winchester, also? Feathers, I mean Castiel, has grown quite attached to him.”
Ilene sniffed and turned her nose up in disdain, “I don’t care much about saving Dean, but I’ll save him as long as I get to punch his lights out. How dare he kills my Luci!”
Luciel rolls his eyes in the corner, but he also subconsciously rubs the area where he just somehow knows a blade pierced him at. He hadn’t wanted to worry anyone, but he was sure he could feel his fallen’s conscious poking at the edge of his mind.
It takes only a few moments for Ariel to gather everything that the witch needs for the ritual. In the back of his mind, Luciel can see all the horrible things he had done to the witch in the name of power and self-preservation. He can understand the fear in her eyes a little better now.
“All that is left is angelic grace,” she states avoiding eye contact with all of them save Gabriel. He only has to take a deep breath to catch the honeysuckle scent of Gabriel surrounding the woman. All of them tense up at her words though. Immediately dozens of images and horrifying scenes are thrown over the link that only they share. He catches sight of yellow eyes and a syringe before it felt like a wall slam down onto him.
Chamuel still felt the ghost of a needle piercing her skin. She forced herself to not scratch at her arms. The sweet scent of wickleberries entered the atmosphere. She turned her head to see that Ariel had cut her arm open and her grace pouring into one of bowls near them.
“This shall be enough to keep the rift open while we get our answers. Do know that we all possess the knowledge of how tricky and mischievous that you can be and how fickle your loyalty is… we will be leaving our younger brother to watch over you. Do note that we have already placed protection wards over him. Your magic will have no effect on him if you try to betray us and he has our permission to slay you where you stand should choose to do so,” Jophiel announces. Her siblings can hear the taste for blood in her words and Ariel makes the mental note to help heal her sister of the rage within her.
The witch gulps in fear but nods her head. She takes a moment to analyze the new powerful player on the board that enters the room. It takes a moment to place him though it may be because he looks nothing like the portraits painted of him, yet he still gives off that vibe of power that she feels whenever she nears one.
Standing before her with sun-kissed skin and long dark brown dreaded-locks with a roguish yet boyish smile on his face was the begotten son. Jesus or Jehovah or well he went by a lot of names.
He smiles at her kindly and yet she can still see the spirit of a warrior in his eyes. Peace and Love radiates from him and she lets her guard down even more. She may not worship the Father of creation, but she knows that she is still one of his many children. Jehovah will not harm her.
“We shall depart now,” a gravely voice breaks into the conversation and she takes note of another angel that stands beside Ilene. She can’t get a good read on angels, but she could vaguely see the way their auras seemed to be drawn to one another yet never mixing.
“Return home safely,” Jehovah told them, and they all nodded before straightening their spines and stepping through. Immediately, they are all hit with another set of memories yet this time they can see Michael’s face and feel the pain of a blade running through them. Too late did the wall come crashing down to escape the memories even though they had only glimpsed the pain of death.
All eyes seek out Michael who had dropped to his knees and it takes full strength to not step away from him before his eyes flicker up and to Gabriel with such pain in both their eyes that they weep. “Brother, how can you stand the sight of me?”
Gabriel walks forward just a little before kneeling in front of their eldest brother. The first born. The one who was supposed to be the strongest of them all. “For I know it was not you that claimed my life just as I know it was not Luciel who attempted to slay me.”
Luciel startled as his own dark memories attacked him and nearly wept at the sight of fallen version of him attempting to kill their brother. They had raised Gabriel themselves. Taught him all their tricks and how to fly. Stood by his side as he carefully created his first animal and helped him shape moons and stars for their father to give light to and place.
He walked slowly towards the youngest of the first four and cradled him in his arms gently. “We will never hurt you. You are our brother. Our light. Our soul. No harm from any of us shall ever be bestowed against you again.”
Ilene turned her gaze from the sight of her kneeling loved ones and to the area around them. She can feel the presence of angels in the air. She also felt nauseous just from the sight of the world. So much death. The balance had been thrown off greatly.
She sighed deeply and nearly choked on her breath from the acidic air. This place was killing her. A glance at the ground around her showed life seeping into anything in a 3-mile radius of her.
If her home world looked like this, she could understand why the monstrous version of her brother left it.
You know other than being mental.
She lowers herself to her knees and throws her essence into the ground. She pulls from the small amount of light in the air. The purity from her touch begins to spread around when she finally notices Raphael and Ariel drop to the ground with her. The air around them super charges and the area begins to once again vibrate with life.
They can feel the other angels coming into awareness and heading in their direction, but then she feels Luciel’s light pouring into the atmosphere. It’s like watching a bath bomb explode.
Luciel’s light pours over them all and dark drops of corruption begins to pour out of them. Hatred. Insanity. Lust for power. All falls away and leaves the pure angelic nature of who they are… who they were made to be shown themselves.
Jophiel looks at them with graceful eyes as they all landed in front of her siblings. It was so few of them. They all look at them in confusion with their angel blades out. Not knowing if they should attack or let the siblings continue with their healing.
She knelt beside her siblings and poured her grace into the world. She smiled when she felt Chamuel follow her down. She smiles when she felt Michael and Gabriel’s grace turn from comforting each other to healing the world around them.
Her eyes shined glow brighter as she felt Luciel’s light wash over her and this world even more. Her eyes sought out his form and she noticed how his grace seemed to cradled Ilene’s close. Her sister seemed to be concentrating and her skin began to lose the pale pallor it had taken on.
Bit by bit they heal the world around them until the air is easier to breathe. Ilene doesn’t look as if she is at death’s door. Until Chamuel can just lift her hand and feel the life in the air. Maybe not to the extent Ilene can, but she can still feel it.
The angels from this world have dropped out of their semi-defensive stances and gaped at the world around them. Chamuel even sees one collapse to the ground and weeps for the world it had long forgotten.
Chamuel is inclined to join them. The humans in her universe have corrupted the world so. Too much pollution and not enough nature. She is not entirely surprise that Ilene does not recognize that their own earth is slowly dying. It is so many different life forms that her sister will not begin to feel the effects until the very end.
Chamuel looks at Ilene and notices the oddly determined look on her sister’s face. She wonders what her elder sister could be thinking when she feels a twinge in the air. Chamuel twitches and its take her a second to realize it. As the balance between the angels of life and death, Chamuel always held a sensitivity for each. Her grace a beautiful pink not unlike the color of her second eldest brother’s wings pulses under her skin before she realizes that Ilene’s grace is poking at her.
She turns fully this time right as Ilene grasps a small bit of her grace before poking at something again. Its not until the twinge in the air became a forceful push did she understand. Ilene was trying to create an archangel. Why she chose Chamuel to be her muse was confusing considering who both of her other halves were.
Ilene let go of her grace and Chamuel felt it slot back into place like a puzzle piece before another, harder pinkish colored light began to form in front of them.
It flickered in and out of existence and seemed to be reaching out. Chamuel didn’t even notice when she stepped forward and began to help ground the figure attempting to get out. She didn’t notice until it was her who was poking at the light and not Ilene when the figure features became oh so clear. She was looking at herself.
Her eyes are wide as they both stare at each other before she’s being yanked back by Jophiel barely dodging the other versions of her blade.
“What is this trickery? Michael does your treachery know no bounds? You would go behind our Father’s back and create another version of me. Well worry not, I will not be one of your puppets. I shall defeat this imposter and dispose of you next.”
Ariel knew she was in another universe other than her own. But now she feels like she stepped into ANOTHER universe because honestly, what in the purgatory is going on here? She always knew her eldest sister was capable of great things (honestly, she not only has souls as feathers for her wings, but she manages to quell the bloodthirstiness of Jophiel and keep Azrael from accidently killing everything he touches with just a smile), but this was one a completely different level.
She brought back an archangel.
She turns to look at Ilene in shock, but her shock turns to unbelievable worry at the sight of Ilene being held upright by Luciel and Raphael. She was pale once again and look one second away from fading out of existence.
“Sister,” she hears Raphael asks and before Ariel knew it, she was summoning a healing bag from her and Raphael’s pocket dimensions. Ilene furrowed her brow at the sight weakly flapping her hand like a penguin before leaning closer to Luciel’s light.
“I am fine. It just took a lot out of me to bring her back. Without Chamuel’s help, I surely would have perished.”
That doesn’t quell Ariel’s worry, but she does look over to the Alternate version of her youngest sister. The one that was currently in a battle with Jophiel.
The angels of this world watched in awe and confusion yet had also moved themselves back into their defensive stance. Ariel felt the shift in the air when her eldest brother assumed control.
It probably wasn’t a good idea considering the Michael of this world seemed to be power-hungry delusional dickhead but hey, it caught their attention. Jophiel immediately stepped away from the fight while the other version of Chamuel turned towards the eldest in unmistakable fury.
“I fear there has been a misunderstanding,” Michael starts. He pauses waiting for the girl to quip back or even attack, but all he gets is a single brow risen. “We are not from your world.”
“And why should I believe you, Deceitful One?”
Though it was obvious that she should not be up and moving, Ilene was doing so anyway. All the siblings flocked around her and used their grace to keep her upright as her eyes fixed upon the doppelganger.
“I am Ilene, the Archangel of Souls. The Archangel of Life. I am Lucifer’s Gracemate and Azrael’s Gracebond. My siblings and I hail from another world where life and death are equal. Over the course of the last decade, many evils had been released upon our world. Though nothing is comparable to the monster that your Michael is. He has laid waste to our people and loved ones simply because he can. You were dead. I presume he had killed you. I want to defeat him, so I found a way to his world and I brought you back. You can either help us and succeed where you failed, or I can kill you where you stand and find another way.”
Jophiel smiled. It was almost like the good old days before the war with their aunt. Back when Ilene was fiercer and more bloodthirsty. Back when she was simply Ilene. The Mate of the General. When Ilene was being built up to be their Father’s executioner. Jophiel snorts. The irony of it all. The Archangel of Life being tasked with taking life from those who had done wrong in the name of their Father. But that was before she and Azrael understood their powers and Ilene laid waste to anyone that looked at her siblings wrong.
It’s why Eve nearly died even inside of Purgatory. She had threatened Chamuel (and tried to get her grimy and dirty paws on Luciel). Ilene hadn’t spared her any mercy as she ruthlessly cut through Eve’s “children” to get to her. And when she did? Ilene tossed her around in a fierce battle like a ragdoll before she uncaringly stabbed her through the chest with her sword. It was only because of Father commanding her to stand down that Ilene didn’t finish off the job.
“I do not believe you,” the clone of Chamuel stated and Jophiel sneered. She wishes Michael would have just let her continue to lay waste to the real imposter. “But I cannot deny you the help. What do you need?”
This is a trap. Jophiel is sure of it. No one gives in so easily.
“I need to bring back the rest of your siblings.”
The clone is shocked for just one second before she nods her head with tears in her eyes. Ilene sags lightly with relief. “I am too weak to do so. Bringing you back was too much for me to handle, but if we all combine our powers and strength then maybe… maybe we can do this.”
“Show me and I shall help,” the other stated. Immediately all the present Archangels were hit with the memories of Ilene bringing back Chamuel. She had started small. Her grace poking at the life in the air. She sees the intent. She was looking for this version of Luciel. She had been unable to believe that he was dead. She had stumbled over a small bit of the alternate Chamuel’s essence.
Ilene immediately turned back to her sister to compare the two before she began to pull the alternate back. Constructing a vessel had been easy but pulling the younger one fully out of the Empty drained her. Life was not supposed to venture into Death without reason. If it weren’t for Chamuel pulling at the clone, the Empty would’ve claimed Ilene and destroyed everything else.
When the memory ended with Jophiel pulling her sister back, everyone turned to look at Ilene whom was leaning heavily against Luciel basking in his light. Her tired eyes flickered over them before she began to poke at something else in the air.
Gabriel smacked her away with his own grace and turned his attention to what she is fiddling with. One could imagine his shock to find out that it was his alternate that she felt. He began to pull at this other version of himself and when the alternate version of Chamuel felt the essence, she began to pull alongside of him.
Both could feel the Empty rage at their boldness and begin to suck them dry. But Chamuel would not go without a fight. This was her brother and she would get him back. She drew strength from the light around them and pulled with all her might.
Before they knew it, she was holding a small golden orb of grace in her hands. She immediately began to shed tears over it. She was not alone anymore.
Gabriel began to quickly construct a vessel for this alternate version of himself while the others spread their grace across the world and search for another archangel’s. They made a big enemy out of the Empty but for family? They were willing to sacrifice everything.
It wasn’t long before all of them had collapsed to the ground. All of them were pale and shivering and so close to death’s door. It was then when they felt it.
Grace so pure that they all felt blinded by it. Pure, white, and divine energy cradling them all so close and strengthening them.
Their father.
He left as quickly as he came, but they all felt the love he held for them.
Ilene and her siblings watched as the alternates broke into tears at the feel of their father. She strained her ears just a little to hear the others weep with joy to know that their father had not abandoned them.
She snorted. If only they knew.
She stood up and shook the unease and near-death experience away. It was time to get down to business. Every second was precious.
Ilene strolled over towards the other alternates and watches how they all slowly stop crying. “I need to defeat Michael and I need your help to do so.”
This alternate version of her beloved had the audacity to pout and his face scrunched up as if more tears were to come. “How are we to defeat him? He killed us all. We wouldn’t know how to stop him anymore than you. We failed. I failed.”
Ilene snarls. It matters not that this isn’t her Luciel. He bears his grace and she will not stand for his self-deprecating bullshit.
So, she pulls her fist back and punches him in the face.
“Get yourself together. You are LUCIEL! The second archangel! You can defeat that jackasss if you try. You are now the Leader of Heaven. Our Father left. He turned his back on us all. This is his way of mending bridges and to cover loose ends. You claim to be the Favored Son? You claim to be Father’s General. Then act like it. Your Michael is a danger to both of our worlds. He goes against Father’s word. Will you stand to the side and let this slight against our Father stand?”
Everyone looks on in shock. Ilene has never raged against Luciel in such a way. To question his loyalty to Father? It was unheard of.
“Tell me, Luciel? Why did our brother turn his back on Father? And what will you do to stop him,” she nearly growled. Her eyes pinned him in place and she would not stop staring at him with such intensity until she received an answer.
This other version of Luciel stared at her mouth wide before a dark shadow crossed his face. “I will destroy him where he stands, He destroyed our home and tore our family apart. He does not deserve to feel the glory of Father’s light ever again.”
He turned to his version of Ilene who had her head tilted towards the sky basking in the life surrounding her. “Ilene, my love, will you shoulder the responsibilities of ruling Heaven with me?”
“I will stand by your side for all eternity and what’s to come, my beloved,” she replied. Her voice just a smooth and silky as her doppelgänger.
Ilene looked at her alternate and rose a brow. They were almost exactly alike if you didn’t count the markings of constant battle marring her grace or the way that she never fully relaxed and stayed ready for battle.
“I still hear no words of why Michael turned his back on Father yet,” she stated impatiently, and her alternate turned towards her. There was nothing but pure anger and hatred in her eyes.
“He was sick with jealousy because my beloved was the Favored son,” she sneered, and Ilene felt so strange to see such a look on her face. Sure, she snarls, and she growls, and she scowls but she had never looked so disgusted. “He was jealous because he claimed to be a Good Son whereas Luciel was adaptable and freeing and borderline disobedient. He hated it when our Father gave Heaven to Luciel. So, he cast him out and named him Lucifer when our Father left to explore the universe. He twisted human souls and blamed them on my beloved, and when our brethren falsely called for Lucifer’s head… he attacked him with everything he had yet still somehow managed to feel betrayed when we rebelled against him. We knew how bright Lucifer shined. We knew the pureness of his heart even when the Mark of Darkness began to corrupt him.”
This alternate version of her turned quickly and punched her fist through the nearest tree. They all watched as all the trees surrounding it cracked and tumbled under the feel of her grace. When she turns back towards them, she is fuming, and her eyes are glowing with the power of her grace. “I will see him tortured and defeated before he could ever think to gain peace in death. I will lock him so far into the pits of hell that there will be no way to get to him let alone free him. He will spend the rest of his days begging for freedom and crying for forgiveness. And just when he thinks that I’d forget and give him peace, I will start all over again before I finally throw him into the deepest pits of our Aunt’s darkness where he can spend the rest of his days of eternity.”
--
With the Anti-Christ awakening, Luciel memories start to come back. He hates it. He didn’t even know what an anti-Christ was exactly.
Well he didn’t until he just so happened to be visiting his only begotten son with Ilene… the anti-Christ jumped out at them. Except she didn’t jump out exactly.
The sky had darkened, and Ilene stiffened with pure fury (enough that he felt it through their bond). He could see her grace powering up as a dark cloud emerge from the ground. Luciel immediately slid into a defensive position. Though he can admit a part of him (the deranged and evil and lonely, so lonely part of him) felt like this cloud was familiar. The answer came to him in the next second when he felt traces of his own grace intertwined with the soul.
“Father,” a distorted voice stated. It seemed impossible, but Ilene stiffened even more.
“You are not welcomed here,” his mate growled out. Her grace fluttered around, and she was ready to attack at any given moment.
“You would know the reason why,” the voice scoffed. Ilene growled lowly and her fingers twitched with a desperate need to free her blade. “I should end you now.”
“You should. You would. But you cannot,” the voice mocked before the smoke twisted around until they were looking at a young adult woman. Her skin was a milky chocolate and her hair hung in long, platinum blonde ringlets. Her eyes were brown but her wings? Her wings looked almost exactly like his own. A beautiful pinkish color except hers had traces of blue swirling through them. Blue like his eyes.
Ilene snarls before she took a deep breath and abruptly turned away. “What do you want, Disgraceful One?”
The woman turns her nose up at his mate before dismissing her with only a look, “I wish to speak with my father. Alone.”
“Not happening,” Ilene hiss. Luciel is hit with memories of the other version of him. This is days from after the fall. His voice had been sore and hoarse from screaming and weeping for Ilene to come down to be with him. The only response he received were her tears pouring down from the heavens to flood the earth.
The other version of him had searched through the humans in the area. He found one. She had reminded him so much of Ilene from the way she laughed to the way she smiled. It was as if life itself was in the woman’s smile.
So, he took her to bed and took pleasure in her flesh.
It was in the middle of Nyx when he realized what he had done exactly. Funny enough, he didn’t learn by paternal connection. He learned from the pure and white-hot fury emerging from Ilene and feeling her power up a strike from Heaven.
He left as quick as he came.
He never knew what happened after that. Seems like he knows now.
“It’s not really your decision though is it,” the girl smirked. Ilene’s fist clenched., “If you think for a second that I will willingly leave him with you, then you are sadly mistaken and if I could, I would strike you down where you stand.”
‘But you can’t,” the girl smiled before abruptly turning back towards Luciel. She stuck her hand out with a bright smile. “Hello, Father. It is so nice to finally meet you after so many years. I am Jezebeth.”
He could see the promise of violence flashing in Ilene’s eyes and knew that if it weren’t for how Jezebeth’s fate were to play out, she’d definitely cut that hand off alongside her head.
Luciel took a deep breath before wrapping his hand in some of his grace like a gauze and shaking her hand. From the hiss of pain that came from her, Luciel had made the right decision and interpretation that she might try to inflict him with anything that’d bring back his other side.
“Well that was rude,” she pouted. “Here I thought that you’d be happy to be back at your former glory. Lord Lucifer, ruler of the Heavens and Hell. With thousands and thousands of demons at your disposal Nothing to stand in your way.”
“His name is Luciel,” Ilene hissed. Her eyes were narrowed, and her grace was sparking.
“I wasn’t talking to you, wench,” the child snarled, and Ilene’s sword slipped into her hand. Luciel growled lowly, “Have care of how you speak to my mate. I will tolerate such disrespect to person.”
Before a smug smile could make its way to Ilene’s face, he turned to her, “I will ask that you leave, beloved. I will not be able to hold a constructive conversation with you and Jezebeth antagonizing each other at every turn.
Ilene looked shocked for only a second before she must have noticed the conflicting emotions across his face. She nodded at him and affectionately brushed his cheek with her grace. “I shall go expand the Heavens and then Hell for the onslaught of the fallen.”
Luciel nodded, “I will meet with you when it is time.”
Thy shared one last glance before Ilene was flying away and up towards their home. She didn’t want to leave him with that abomination, but if that was what he wanted then he had no choice but to respect it.
When she landed in Heaven, it took all her power to not eavesdrop on the conversation she had just left. Though she did open all her senses that she shared with Lucifer to be able to get to him quickly should he need it.
She turned towards the direction she could Chamuel in. The balance between life and death seemed to have taken it upon herself to strengthen the doors to Heaven. It was a wise decision as even now she could feel the deranged version of Michael trying to force his way in.
“The chips you have created for this temporary disturbance seem to be working quite well, sister,” Ilene stated as she watched the doors to Heaven open to other angels. The second they neared the doors their chips sent out a pulse confirming their grace matched with what was in the database and the doors open only long enough for them to slot through. Only those who bore the chips could enter and they could only enter one at a time through their own specific entrance.
It kept Michael from entering especially given when he saw one of the baby speedster angels unlocking a door. He tried to force his way through the little one’s passage, but he bounced off the lightening defenses Chamuel put up and the doorway closed as the angel ran away from Michael.
“I’ll admit that I did not think that it would work this well, but I am quite proud of the outcome,” she replied. “Where is Luciel? I thought you two went out for a stroll.”
Her gaze darkened as she remembered where she left her beloved before she stubbornly pushed it away. “He sent me back home. I believe that his memories are returning and he’s struggling to deal with the emotions.”
That’s the only reason she could believe he would push her away to stay and converse with that thing.
“You could ask Ariel and Raphael to look at the block in his mind,” her sister suggested. “Maybe they can fix it.”
Ilene stubbornly shook her head though, “I doubt it. Father created the block, so I would assume he let it down. He probably had not intended to keep it up permanently.”
“Probably,” Chamuel hummed.
Ilene turned her back on the entrance to Heaven and cast a glance around the land surrounding them. “Heaven and Hell needs to be expanded for this fight. “
“You think there is not enough room? Father created Heaven to be big enough so that we all could reside her comfortably.”
“While that much is true, Heaven would not be prepared of billions of souls entering all at once. It’s a gradual procedure not too much all those stuck in the veil.”
Ilene sighed and ran a hand through her hair, “Dad should’ve left me in charge to begin with. We wouldn’t be going through so much trouble.”
Before either of them could move, Ilene felt a flash of pain erupting through the bond between her and Lucifer at the same time a large blast of grace exploded on the earth.
The sisters immediately tensed as they looked at the carnage happening on the world below.
“It’s time.”
--
The battle had been raging on for hours. They had been unprepared and not enough defenses had been laid, but that did not stop them from pushing back their enemies. Somehow, the siblings split up and it was only Luciel and Ilene left.
And somehow, they ended up standing in front Michael himself. Ilene and Luciel could sense the duty-bound rage coming from their half brother as he fought with the opposite.
The end of the world was here.
And this monster that bore her brother’s grace but could never hold his love moved to attack Luciel. She could feel Luciel’s confusion and hesitation.
“Didn’t I already kill you? Twice,” the monster inquired mockingly. Ilene gritted her teeth and felt the hurt that ran through Luciel’s grace. He couldn’t believe that this being that’s supposed to be his brother would kill him. Twice. And would say it with a sick smile on its face. Luciel logically knew that he did not mean him but meant the fallen and evil being he had apparently become after the mark and the alternate version of himself. But it hurt nonetheless. And no matter how monstrous this alternative was, he was still his brother. He would not be able to strike against him.
Fortunately for Ilene, she held no qualms. So, when the alternate lifted his sword against Luciel, it was she who parried the attack. She would not stand on the sidelines while her beloved was murdered. Not again. This asshole will die if it’s the last thing she does.
“Come on, snake. Let’s rattle.”
He bore a derange smile as if he was strong enough to beat her. She was Life and only Death stood on equal footing. She definitely did not see Azrael nearby.
“Beloved, go help the others. I’ll come find you all when I’m finished here.”
Michael tilted his head, “You speak as if you have already won.”
Her eyes didn’t leave his as she gently pushed Luciel away with her grace, “Because I have.” When she felt her mate leave, she launched herself at the monstrous version of her brother. He was always the strongest. The First-Born whom was granted more powers and gifts than the rest of them.
It was time to show him that meant jack shit.
“You are a lot stronger than my Ilene. She may have lived to see another day if she was anything like you.”
Ilene growled. He cheated her alternate out of a sweet victory. Fucking pussy. She was going to kick his ass. She swung the blade in her hands in a wide ark before twisting around to dodge his attack.
“Not too much to say now, sister?”
Ilene ignored his words and aimed her blade at his neck.
“That’s fine. I always believed that you were more attractive when you were quiet. It seems to be the same thought in this world also.”
He moved slightly faster than her Michael though that may be only be because he was occupying the body of his true vessel. Aside from his obnoxious talking, the only sound in the area was the connecting of their blades, the rare grunt from the force of it, and the hiss of pain from the connection to one of them.
“I can see the appeal Lucifer had for you though I am gladdened Father did not make you my gracemate. All of that back talking and inability to follow simple orders would have not been tolerated,” he sneered.
She huffed out a chuckle, “It must break your heart to see me then. I’m only further proof of Father’s favor to Luciel. If you were the Good Son and the Heir, then how come my beloved had the right to a mate. Not only was he the first to be granted one, but out of all the angels Father created, Luciel was the lone angel to have a mate.”
“Maybe because Father saw Lucifer’s decent into the darkness and realized you women were too much trouble. I mean just look at Eve and Lilith.”
She broke his nose with her fist for that comment.
“You have always been jealous of Luciel in Heaven and in Hell. No matter which version of you it may be. You will always be jealous that Father gave him a mate. Father trusted him so much that he gave him the key to our aunt’s cell. Jealous that despite you having the title as Heir, it was really Luciel who would receive the throne. So jealous that no matter how hard you tried, it was the Luciel the mortals listened to and followed his way of free will. So jealous that even Father grew fond of the idea of free will and didn’t punish the mortal so severely about it anymore.”
“Lies! Free Will Is An Illusion. I Am The Good Son. I Would Never Turn My Back On My Father’s Word, And I Will Always Make Sure To Cleanse The World Of Evil Such As You And Him. I Did It In My World And I Will Do It Again In This One. Father Should Have Given Me That Mark I Would Have Proven That I Was Much Stronger Than Lucifer Than To Be So Influence By The Darkness. I Am The Heir. The Good Son. And Nothing And No One Can Take That Away From Me.”
She snorted softly to herself. It didn’t take much to get him so angry.
“I grow tired of your cretinous chatter. Quiet and battle me so that I may end your life quickly.”
He smirked before attacking as she quickly parried and retaliated. “You cannot defeat me, sister. I am unstoppable.”
“Shut the fuck up,” she growled as they continued their dance around each other. He threw his head back and laughed before flinging his hand at her.
“Let me give you a demonstration of all the power at my fingertips. You will not win in that puny mortal.”
He flies close to her and immediately punches her in the face. She cried out at such a humane experience of pain, but she didn’t let it stop trying to defend herself, yet his strength was too much to bear.
One punch. She could feel her skull crack.
Another punch. She could feel her jaw break.
A kick. She could feel her ribs cave in.
He continued the endless assault but something behind him had caught her attention. She looked and saw the familiar glow of the portal to the other world.
She had an idea.
Ilene is on death door before her eyes glow with the souls of the humans she patrons and she gain more strength before she grabs ahold of Dean’s soul to keep him alive. She uses her rejuvenate grace to heal herself and reaches out to her Father’s light grant herself more strength.
She yells out in anger before the tables turns and she’s the one beating the fuck out of him. He’s going to regret ever laying a hand on anyone.
“I wonder how fast you’ll bleed out now that you’re in your true vessel. Let’s see,” was all she said before took her blade across his throat. She punched him in the eye before throwing her leg out to kick him upside the head.
She reeled her arm back and punched him right through the stomach. She pulled her arm back not paying any mind to the blood and veins and muscles running down her body. She picks the asshole up and laughs sardonically as he tries to fight her back as she heads towards the veil.
--
Luciel regretted leaving Ilene with the deranged version of their brother, but he knew from the look on her face that she had no intentions of losing and that he should leave so she wouldn’t worry about that monster trying to kill him again.
He had barely left them completely when he felt the rise in power in both of their graces as they connected. He could feel the hum of pure rage and hatred coming from her not only through the bond but also through the angelic radio.
As he flew towards his siblings, he could see some of the younger ones and the fledglings looking on in worry and caution at the feeling of such raw emotions from her.
He pulls his sword out and cuts through some blackish smoke thing that flew at him. The part that was once Lucifer felt mixture of pity and disgust, so Luciel could only guess he must have killed a demon.
It will always be a shock to him to be able to see the difference in the type of angel he had become. He had been no better than Michael though a part of him can say it was definitely out of his control.
Did he like the little primates? Oh, Heavens no. He knew from then and he knows now the little creatures are worthless to him and tiresome. But they make Ilene happy and his father only asked him to love them more than he. But he didn’t say to love them more than Ilene and he was okay with that surprisingly.
Personally, he felt they were perfect when they were still little statues in Father’s creation room before they were granted a soul.
(He would never get over how strange it looked to see Ilene and their Father casually plucking her wings and letting the souls drown into the bodies. Nor would he get over seeing the feathered souls immediately grow back.)
He moved out of the way as some sort of missile headed in his direction before he looked to ground to see the puny little mortals attempting to fight him. He shook his in disgust that these things think they have a chance against an archangel.
He waved his hand and they went flying and with another wave he transported them to the bunker that he could feel overflowing with the amounts of mortals they were supposed to try to save.
He took a glance around the battle field and spotted his Nephilim brother fighting against the bastard child of his. Well one of them. The Lucifer part of him had honestly forgotten all about the child. He had thought it long dead. It couldn’t be prouder to see it defend its father.
“It is a she,” that part seemed to furiously remind him. Luciel ignored it. He had enough issues already than his own mental problems.
Luciel lands on the ground beside Jophiel who takes a deep breath and lets out a piercing high note. Demons dropped left to right at the sound of her true voice.
“Nicely done, sister,” he complimented, and she shot him a smile. “You think that’s good. Find me a lyre and I’ll have them all dropping like flies.”
He snorted, “You’ll have to ask Gabriel for that one. He was the one dancing around with the pagans.”
The two laugh before spinning around and both beheading vampires attempting to sneak up on them. “Brother,” Jophiel started, “Would you care for a dance?”
“It would be my pleasure,” Luciel replied. The siblings turned to each and got in standard formation before doing the most impressive version of tango the world would ever see. With each twist and turn and kick, a demon or monster hit the ground dead.
Luciel could feel the darker and more damaged version of him enjoy all the carnage around him. But he could also feel the bitterness in his grace. This was what they expected of him. To deal out death no matter how peaceful he may be.
From the memories he had, the fallen version of him had been so lonely and hurt. He hadn’t known what to do. His beloved had refused to even see him. His brothers and sisters seemingly hated him. His father cast him out. And that damned mark continued to corrupt him even after he passed it on to someone else.
He even remembers feeling the overwhelming grief through his bond with Ilene as she cried for him. Her tears flowed heavily as she cried and flooded the Earth. They were the only things to make their way to his cage.
He shook his head as he and Jophiel slowed to a stop. Everything within a three-hundred-mile radius had been flattened. Humans transported to safe houses or currently on their way to Heaven and/or Hell.
They looked up at the sound of beating wings to see the rest of their siblings near. Michael looked over them in worry and ran a soothing hand over each of their wings. Raphael had started healing Ariel and Chamuel from the little wounds they gathered from the random hunters or high-ranking demons that managed to get close and hurt them.
And then Luciel felt an overwhelming burning sensation forming inside of him. It was strong enough to knock him off his feet and in his peripheral he could see Azrael hit the ground also. He heard the yelps of surprise from their siblings and felt hands grab at him to keep him from falling face first.
He opened his eyes from the sensation and that’s when he noticed it. The life and love in the air flickering to a doomy grey. From the memories he had access to and the small time he experienced, the world started to look very much like the alternate world.
“Lulu,” Gabriel questioned as he bent down in front of him. His golden eyes shined with worry and Luciel groaned at the next round of pain.
“I believe they are feeling Ilene’s pain,” Ariel whispered while running her hand gently across Azrael’s wings.
“If this is the pain they are feeling, how bad is it for Ilene,” Chamuel inquired in silent worry.
“Where was she last,” Michael questioned bending down above his younger brothers. Luciel mentally pushed away the pain as he forces himself to sit straighter and not depend on Chamuel’s hand to hold him up, “She was battling you. The other you.”
Michael still wore that disturbed look on his face whenever the derange version of him was brought to mention. The Lucifer part of him like to whisper that if Michael had never fallen into the cage, then he would’ve ended up just like that. And from the memories he had access to, he couldn’t really deny the accusations.
“We must go and save her immediately,” Michael declared but before he could move to help them off the ground, the two began to glow with power as they felt the after effects of Ilene powering up on the souls.
In the same second, a cloud of darkness not too unlike their aunt exploded through the atmosphere. They had just managed to pick up a pained grunt from their halfing brother. In retaliation, a sharp beam of light coats the world and pierces the darkness.
Raphael sighed, “Tis almost like watching Father and our Aunt fight.”
Luciel felt the bond between he and Ilene cut off abruptly. “Ilene is gone. I do not feel Michael either. Do you think they are dead?”
Azrael shook his head and trembled just a little, “No, we would’ve felt if she was dead. We would know.”
Michael looked over his younger siblings gravely and stood tall. He had to be strong for them, “It is safe to assume that our sister has a plan. She may have cross over to the other world. But for now, Jehovah needs us. Earth needs us. Father left us here to protect this world and we must do so. Luciel, what is the plan?”
Luciel felt the worry about Ilene disappearance take a step back. This was his role. He was Luciel, the Morningstar. Luciel, the light bringer. Luciel, the General. Luciel, the Favored Son. This was his duty to make sure that his Father’s kingdom prevailed.
He could make a long and detailed plan, but it was simple. This was a fight they all knew how to battle. There was no need for elaborate positions and attacks. They weren’t fighting actual competition like their aunt or the Leviathans. (Or even himself).
“Kick ass and take names.”
--
The alternates are standing on the other side of the veil when she comes tumbling through with their Michael. He was still in Dean’s body which mattered little as Dean’s soul was protected in her grace.
She watched him rejuvenate his strength now that he was back in his home world. Now that his universe was stronger and brighter and pulsed with power. She watched as he began to take some for himself and she watched as he turned to stare at her in confusion. Why was she not already attacking? Was she so weak and honor-bound to not attack him while he was down?
But that was not the case. She leaned against one of the trees as her eyes watched as he finally took in the appearance of his siblings. All of them reborn new even the ones he had killed. But the only one he did not see was his Ilene.
Well he didn’t see her until the tell-tale sign of an unsheathed blade pierced the air. He turned back towards the other Ilene, but she only wore a cruel smirk. She was still bloody from their fight and a sort of tiredness began to grace her body. But she still smirked. None of his siblings had blades out, so who could it be?
He got his answer in mere seconds as his Ilene landed in front of him. She looked so much like she had before but now she confined herself to a different vessel. One that didn’t wear battle armor like casual clothing. Her hair wasn’t in its braid, and her face was free from the signs of a long-life battle. Now she was dressed in leathers and boots not even like her counterpart in jeans and hoodies. Her hair dangled freely in the air as a light breeze caressed the earth from the fluttering of their wings.
But she smiled, and he knew she had not changed for her smile was still blood thirsty and promised undeniable pain should she get her hands on him. It was the first smile he had ever seen her bear since he killed Lucifer so many eons ago.
“Brother, I would say how good it is to see you, but we both know I wish nothing more than your death. So, let’s get on with that, yes?”
She moved as fast as she always had. Even Gabriel who had been known for his speed could never match the pace Ilene moved. An old memory makes its way to his head as he dodges her attack.
[“Sister,” Michael hears Gabriel begins. He turns to see which sister it is that Gabriel is conversing with. It really doesn’t surprise him much when he sees speaking to Ilene. The middle triplet is sitting on a tree branch with her little legs swinging back and forth. She moves side to side grooming her wings with the rhythm of the hymns that Luciel is singing on the other side of the Garden.
She looks at Gabriel who flew to be on equal footing with her. “Yes, brother?”
“What is your secret,” the messenger demands. “I am speed. I am our Father’s messenger. I was created to get his word out as quickly and efficiently as possible yet somehow you defy his logic and are faster than me. What is your secret? How do you fare?”
Michael watches his younger siblings as Ilene tilts her head back and laugh. It is a beautiful thing and she reminds him of the sculptures that he saw the one time he snuck into Father’s creation room. A mortal toddler was it named. Father had wanted to get the design perfected before he created it. But it had been missing something.
“There is no secret. I am fast because I am the one taken for granted. Whereas Luciel is the light of hope that marks the beginning and Azrael is the light that marks the ending. I am simply here. You see Luciel and you see something new is to come and you see Azrael and realize it is time to end. But you never see me in-between. So there, I am fast because I am overlooked and by the time you do look back in search of me whether in regret or happiness, I am already gone.”
Michael ponders her words, but he still inwardly disagreed. She is not fast. She is something else. Evidently, Gabriel agreed with him. “No. No, I am fast. You are different. Something special.”
Ilene furrows her brother as she contemplates his words. “I am- I am life.”
That will also be the conversation Michael recalls when his father gifts Ilene humanity and orders them to love them more than He. Michael will remember that conversation even when he hears Luciel declaring his disgusts for those apes yet putting his love for Father and Ilene over the need to get rid of them. Michael will remember that conversation when he has her trapped in a ring of holy fire with her eyes pinning him in place with the hatred and pain and betrayal in her eyes. It will be that conversation he remembers when he steps forward and sinks his blade into her and watches as her grace implodes. He will watch as immediately as her light fades away; the beauty of his world turns gray and ashen. And he will know then and there that he could never hope for forgiveness as he killed life and life began its descent in killing him revenge.]
He brought himself back to reality when he felt the ghost of metal from her sword. She smiled a twisted smile, “What is it, brother? Scared to fight me like the warrior you claim to be?”
She moved quick and fast as their father’s lightning. She hit him with her free fist. He could feel the power behind her punch and he could hear Dean’s ribs break.
“Tell me, sister, just which puny human are you wearing? This body here has been made to hold my full power without breaking down. Can yours say the same?”
She smirks before twisting in the air and dodging his attack. “Is that so? This body was built through the combined powers of our alternates. Apparently, Father gave them a power boost back in their world. So sad that he forgot about you.”
He growled and attack her fiercer. “You are no hero, brother. You are nothing. I will enjoy seeing you fall,” she sneered before her eyes began to glow with the force of her power. With a beat of her wings, she disappeared from sight.
“Are you a coward, sister? Can you not fight me head on?” He shouted to the sky. He heard a growl and he turned to look at her other halves. Lucifer’s and Azrael’s wings were fluttering with agitation and he turned his smile on them. He made to advance but the other Ilene got in his way. The one holding onto Dean’s soul.
“Your fight isn’t with them asshole,” she snarled. The fluttering of wings sounded behind him and he turned to find his Ilene back in front of him. Yet she had changed out of her leathers and into her old clothes. Clothes that she had worn when their father had first left Heaven to Lucifer.
“I figured if I was going to end you, I was going to do it in a way that really mattered,” she shrugged. “Your ending should look like your beginning since your life will not matter.”
Michael readied his stance. He shouldn’t be turning his back on the others, but it wasn’t like it wasn’t known that she was his opponent. Her eyes still shined with her power and now he was completely unprepared for the speed she possessed. He had always had a hard time due to her speed, but he had sheer power on his side. He will make her come to him instead.
And come to him she did. Just not as he expected. She spun circles around him and landed on his back. He hadn’t even come to terms with her behind him until she slices off all his wings on his left side.
That was a type of pain he was not prepared for and his screamed pierce the air. The other Ilene slowly walked into his field of vision and she smiled at him before nodding at her counterpart. And with that nod, his other wing was gone. The pain was unbearable, and he couldn’t even stand.
His Ilene moved closer to him. He could feel the fingers roaming through his hair as she yanked his head back to look at her. He could only imagine how utterly pathetic he looked at the moment. He could only imagine the glossy shine to the vessels’ eyes. Foolish of him to not use the power of his reformed world to his advantage. He thought being in this true vessel would make him stronger and better. Unfortunately, it did not.
She smiled at him softly, “And above all, LOVE each other deeply because loves covers over a multitude of sin. 1 Peter 4:8. So my dear brother, I love you.”’
He could feel two twin swords piercing his grace and he screamed out as the life and light drained from inside of him.
And then he was no more.
Ilene and her alternate both stepped away from Michael as his vessel burned out and he lied motionless on the ground. It was over. At least this part.
She looks up at the alternates and smiles warmly at them. She watches as Lucifer (he wears the name with a pride. A battle scar he has no intention of forgetting) wraps his arms around the other version of her. She watches as tears leak from both of their eyes as they are finally together after so long and finally have peace.
She startles when this other version of Raphael appears before her. He was holding onto the body of Dean as he healed him. She inclined her head in thanks as she placed his soul back into his body. They lowered him to the ground and watched quickly as his soul slotted back into place. A few minutes later Dean sits up with a sharp inhale.
“Easy, Winchester,” she chides. “Just because you drop dead with every beat of a wing doesn’t make it any easier when you eventually come back.”
He looks at her blankly for a moment before his memories come back to him. “Michael!? He- “
“He’s dead,” she stated firmly. “And I doubt they’ll ever let him come back.”
“Chuck said that archangels are made from the stuff of the beginning. Primordial essence and shit,” Dean stated as his eyes flitted around his surroundings. Ilene smiled, and she ran a finger across his soul.
“We are. That was why my siblings and I were so weak when we returned our world,” her eyes looked at the alternates who all seem so tired yet so peaceful. “We brought them back and we fixed their world. Now they will start anew. Maybe Father will visit here next.”
“I would hope so,” the other Ilene replied with her own smile. “It has been a long time without him. A family reunion as we much need.”
Ilene lifted Dean up and slung him over her shoulder, “Send him our way if he comes here first.”
“Will do,” Lucifer nodded. “Be careful over there, my evening star.”
Ilene’s grace pulse brightly, “Be careful over here, my morning star.”
And then the two of them crossed back into their world.
--
Ilene watches on the sidelines with the rest of her many siblings as their half-brother fought with the disgraced. Jehovah did not hold back. Frighteningly so, Jezebeth seemed to gain all of Lucifer’s power and seemed to draw some straight from the Mark of Darkness. Luciel does not want to look. He feels as if it’s his fault that Jezebeth was born. But it was not. Not really.
She heard loud and clear what Lucifer had said to Michael in that graveyard many years ago. That if it were their destiny to fight then that meant Father made it so. And she believes him looking at all the parallels between them and her father and aunt. He was using them not to follow his word. Not to feed his ego like his aunt thought. He was using them. He created them to see if there was another way things could have turned out between him and Amara.
She wanted to be angry with her father, but all she could do was pity him.
A hand on her shoulder and she leaned into the touch. It had a long time since she had comfort in such a way. Ilene turned back towards the battle only to Jehovah building up his power and striking before Jezebeth could defend herself.
It was over. The halfling won.
There was now peace on Earth. It was time to start anew.
Ilene and her siblings spread their wings and caressed the Earth as they made their way down. She felt a despairing grief deep into her core and she turned to see Luciel weeping over the slowly dying body of Jezebeth.
“My love, why are thee weeping for life of the damned,” she questioned as she watched him gently picked up Jezebeth.
“She is mine, yet she isn’t. She deserved better, yet she didn’t. Does she get a second chance? Can she repent? ‘Tis all so confusing. I wish I had never gained those memories back for it would be better to deal with,” Luciel replies passionately. He brushes a strand of hair out of her face and the two of them watch as Jezebeth transform into the body of a teenaged girl.
“She is beautiful,” Ilene states. She knows a part of her will forever dislike the girl on principle. But her Father told them to forgive people of their sins. And though she had long cursed her existence, she could forgive the child for something that was out of her control. “She had meant to reign chaos upon Earth. She had meant to be Queen of Evil and Ruler of the Damned. I shall give her that chance.”
By now, all her siblings were staring at the pair. She wanted to be angry. Lucifer had hurt her twice over. First with Jezebeth and again with Jack. But she has seen their souls. Jezebeth had long ago accepted herself as the Anti-Christ and Jack wanted nothing to do with the title. Jezebeth had accepted her birthright while James unknowingly followed in the footsteps of his father’s love for freewill.
And though they may share her beloved’s grace, they weren’t her beloved’s children. He did not know or understand them the way Lucifer had. And even Lucifer had trouble with Jack.
But she could tell that he wanted to learn how to love them both and she can learn how to herself. If her beloved could love his illegitimate children that went against their father’s word, then so could she.
She took Jezebeth from Luciel’s arms and flew down to the throne room of Hell. She reached out with her grace to heal the child from her fatal wound.
Jezebeth sat up slowly and dizzyingly. Ilene watched as she took in her surroundings. “Where am I?”
Ilene tilted her head. This child had been fighting for a Kingdom she did not see. She did not understand. How had she gotten her demonic army without stepping foot into Hell.
“You are in Hell,” Ilene stated and felt a flicker of amusement as Jezebeth startled. “Be at ease. I am not here to hurt you.”
“I find that hard to believe,” Jezebeth sneered. “My mother told me all about how you cursed us. Damned us both all because my Father no longer loved you. That he wanted my mother as his mate instead.”
Ilene through her head back and laughed, “Your mother is delusional, child. I cursed you because I was angry at your father’s betrayal and for that I am sorry. He went against our bond and love and shared flesh with a mortal. I cursed your mother to spend eons in the pits of Hell for her actions against the kingdom of my father. For she accepted pleasure from Satan when her love for Father should have been greater. You, my dear, was to never be born. To never exist. Lucifer broke a lot of laws and rules to breed you. So, I, was the one to make sure the three of you were punished greatly for your crimes.”
Jezebeth laughed, “Why is that? I’m sure it says somewhere in that cursed book that the Big G-Daddio demanded for you all to love humans more than He. And so, my Father took a step further, what was the problem?”
“When Father created me, he created me from half of Luciel’s grace. When Father created Azrael, he created him from half of my grace. There were only two differences. He created me as Lucifer’s equal. We were the first Adam and Eve, so to be speak. Azrael was created to be my equal and my equal only. Do you understand what I am saying? Azrael is my twin, but I am Lucifer’s gracemate. A bond that cannot be severed or broken. Our love was to be put before God himself,” Ilene reclined in the throne she sat in. “Mortals were created as a gift for me and for one to not only go against my father… to attempt to break my bond? I was infuriated, and she had to pay. I do not regret cursing her into the pits or whispering the word to throw Lucifer into cage in Michael’s ear. You were a child. You did not deserve your fate.”
“And what of my brother? The other Nephilim? Jack? What will you do to him?”
Ilene sighed, “I hate him also. Just as much as I hated your existence, but I have learned to deal with you, so I will learn to deal with him. He takes after his mortal mother very much, and unfortunately for the poor boy, her soul is also here in hell. Heaven had refused to accept her for she had laid with Lucifer even under false pretenses.”
She shook her head, “Nonetheless, that is not why I brought you here. Like I said before, you are in Hell. You are in the Kingdom that you were born to lead. There is great power in you. Power that I do not have at my fingertips and power that even your Father cannot access at the moment.”
Jezebeth seemed to be interested, “What kind of powers?”
Ilene snorted, “Every demon that has been killed etc. etc. You have the power to bring them back to life. The Princes of Hell and the Knights. And everyone’s personal favorite… the First Demon, Lilith. Adam’s First Wife. As you know, you have lost the war against Jehovah. And now the Earth will reside in Eternal Peace. At least that’s what the word of the Bible has everyone to believe.”
“What am I supposed to fight him again?”
“Yes,” Ilene deadpanned and Jezebeth’s jaw dropped. “Heaven and Hell are on two different planes of existence. Earth will eventually die out and Father will start anew. This is a never-ending battle between the two of you.”
“What?! Why?”
“This is the first time we Angels have managed to gain control of it. These battles between the forces have happened repeatedly. And we finally can control it. There have been battles between Lucifer and Michael for eons where sometimes Michael won, and other times Lucifer won. There are many different worlds. Some where Lucifer never falls yet Hell still is created. Some where Michael falls or I fall or any of our siblings fall. Some where you Mortals decide to turn your back on the word God all on your own. But in this world and in this decade, we reached a standstill that threw off the balance of Fate and Destiny. We can keep it like this for eons more. The last grand battle is not between Heaven or Hell. It is between Light and Darkness. And right now, they both have skipped off into the sunset together.”
“I’m so confused,” Jezebeth whispered.
“To put it simply, you rebuild Hell’s forces to begin a reign of terror for the next time Earth is reborn and Free Will is created. You will become the new Ruler of the Damned. The new Queen of Hell. And Earth is, unfortunately for the mortals, your battle ground against Jehovah. And then in the end, there will a battle between my Father and my Aunt that will wipe out everything in existence and themselves.”
“So, I’m stuck here building a Kingdom to one day fight to death only to be trapped here again to do it all over until the Big Guy upstairs and his sister decide to duke it out WWE style,” Jezebeth tilted her head in consideration.
“Yes,” Ilene deadpanned. “I suggest you go to Hell’s library and learn its History. Then to the training room to learn how to use your powers to recreate your demons. Okay, bye. See you in a few millennia.”
Ilene flew out of Hell and back up to Earth where her siblings waited patiently for her. It was Jehovah who reached out for her first. “My brother, now that the battle is over, what are you going to do now?”
He smiled at her and she could see the light in him. He reminded her so much of a young Luciel. “I am going to do what I’ve always done. Teach the Mortals the way of God and lead them towards a life of Eternal Peace.”
She smiled at her brother, “Yes, but first we have some things to take care of.”
He inclined his head in acknowledgment before stepping back as Ilene and the others faced the mortals.
Ilene turned to Rowena, “As promised Rowena, daughter of Gideon Macleod, we give you back your son.”
Luciel and Azrael come to her side and the three of them close their eyes and spread their wings. Azrael pulls the soul back from nothing. Luciel, though it hurts him to do so, twists the soul back into its demonic form. And Ilene breathes life back into it.
The wings beat in synchronization and the body he used for vessel reconstructed itself in front of them. They brought the soul down onto the physical plain and the red misty soul poured itself back into its home. With three beats of a wing, Crowley opened his eyes.
Rowena dropped to her knees beside her son, “Thank you. Thank you.”
The three of them nodded in acknowledgement before turning towards the alternates. “It is sad to say, but you lot do not belong here anymore. It is time for you to return home.”
“You mess with the natural balance,” Michael began before Sam cut him off. “I thought Natural Order was an illusion.”
He was looking directly at Ilene. She shrugged. “It is, but the balance is not. There can never be more than other unless you want the Apocalypse Part Two to start here and now. Their souls have been tainted by the life they lived in their world, so it is not pure enough to coexist peacefully here. If they do not leave now, they will become demons and throw off the natural balance. There is a reason the door between worlds is not to be open so often.”
Ilene turned towards Rowena, “We can get you whatever supplies you need. Our alternates are on the other side waiting patiently for them and celebrating their own victory.”
“We’ve made good friends with them,” the alternate version of Charlie argued. Ilene turned to her. She looked over at Michael who looked perturbed. “I may be able to ask our brother Raziel to create something to help.”
Ilene snorted and spoke the language of ancient, “The last time we let Raziel create anything… he started his own race of warriors and set them out onto the world.”
“I thought you like the Shadowhunters,” Michael replied. Ilene shrugged, “I only like some such as the Herondale line. I have not visited them in years. I should have recruited their help with the war, yet I did not want to expose them to the hunters. Or bring attention to the fact that Raziel created a race of the forbidden.”
“Can you two talk English,” Dean demanded, and Ilene felt a spark of annoyance. She has not held a discussion with her eldest brother in centuries. It is quite rude of him to interrupt, but she supposes he had good reason.
She rolled her eyes at the mortal before turning back to the alternates, “We will consult with our brother Raziel to construct something so that you all may speak with your friends.”
Charlie inclined her head in thanks before Raphael and Chamuel walked forward with the supplies to open the rift. They stood in silence as Rowena completed everything needed for the ritual while also pushing each other teasingly with their graces.
It took only a few minutes to get everything situated before Ilene calmly reopened one of the wounds from the other Michael and let her grace flow through. The alternate version of her stepped through the portal with her Luciel. Both smiled at the sight of their alternates before turning towards the misplaced souls.
“Come, little ones. It is time for you all to have peace after a lifetime of pain,” the alternate version of Ilene stated. Her hand was clasped in her mate’s. She watched how his grace shuddered just a little before she turned her head to look for the cause. There was a man here and his soul was beautiful. It called out to her in desperate pleas. That was when she realized the traces of her beloved’s grace intertwined.
They all watched as hugs were shared all around and promises to find ways to stay in contact were exchanged. Both Ilene’s were pretty sure they heard plans to one day meet again for coffee.
When they were done the other Ilene and Lucifer stood on each side of the veil while the alternates crossed over. The angels around them watched how with each soul to pass through their Ilene’s wings started glow just a little less while her doppelgangers started to shine just a little more.
When the last of them went through, the matching pair of angels looked at each other once again and winked before their doppelgangers crossed back over.
Rowena closed the veil behind them and the archangels turned back to their half-brother. He smiled gently at all of them. “It Is time for me to go. It is time for me to once again guide the people of Earth to glory.”
The Arch Angels smiled, “We could help with that.” The nine of them knelt and placed their hands on the ground. They poured their essence into the world and smiled when the felt the angels around them do the same. Each of them could feel the very atoms of the Earth reconstructing themselves into one. They could see the Earth flourishing to beauty it had been many lifetimes ago. Unpolluted air and water. Fruits and vegetables in the prime and not mixed with the chemicals and pesticides. Fruits and vegetables that had long ago died out from crossbreeding. They managed to hold themselves back from adding some of the other things that died out. But those that were endangered, they created more. They poured as much as they could and then some into the Earth and once they felt like they did as good as it was going to get, they pulled back.
“Thank you, my brothers and sisters,” Jehovah stated before he turned and began his trek across the world to spread the word of God.
Ilene stared after him as he walked away, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
The Archangels turned to look at the Winchesters who were staring at the world around them with wide eyes. Ilene smiled, “We have a gift for you all.”
She waved her hand and a soul emerged from the Heavens. Azrael waved his hand and a body constructed itself right in front of them. Luciel waved his hand and the two joined together. Once it was complete, the Winchester stared in shock at the sight of John Winchester.
“You all now have the pleasure to live your life as it had meant to be. I apologize on the behalf of my siblings for every interference. Samael go on to get your degree. And Dean, you can go on to open your auto-body shop. Mary and John, you can now watch over your sons in peace. Nothing shall separate you all again before your time,” Ilene declared. She looked at the young angel before them. “Castiel, unfortunately, your grievances are too dire. So, for your crimes against Heaven, you shall remain on Earth as the Winchester’s guide unto it is time for the new era.”
She made to turn to move back towards her family, before she stopped and looked back at the Winchesters. “Before I forget…” Her fist connected with Dean’s face hard enough to bruise but not hard enough to kill. “That’s for killing my Luci.”
The angels all smiled before they fly back into the Heavens. Ilene stands in front of the throne with her siblings on your sides looking at the younger angels. “My brothers. My sisters. We shall have many more years of peace to come. We shall relish in it. Join a bracket and learn from them all. A new era is upon us. And let us thank our Father for that.”
Cheers and shouts of excitement filled the throne room before her brothers and sisters were each attacked by dozens of lesser angels in their need for more knowledge. They all flew off in separate directions which left Luciel and Ilene still in the throne.
He smiled gently at her and she closed her eyes as she felt his grace wash over her in love. “I think that I will go and take me a nap. I have so many thoughts to manage and I am tired. Having the Fallen Me’s memories is hard, and his emotions are so strong. I can practically taste his anger, his sadness, his grief and everything else. I need to learn to deal with it before I could be helpful to our siblings.”
She smiled sadly at him, “I figured. Go. Your area is just as it had been before. No one could bear going in there.”
He gave her another smile before he flew off, and she turned to look at the people manifesting in front of her. Her Father and her Aunt.
“You have done well my child,” he stated still dressed as prophet Chuck.
“This had been your plan all along,” she accused.
“No,” her aunt stated. “It was my plan. I saw the parallels my brother made of him and I in all of you. He was to be my equal, but he made you all instead. I had wanted someone for myself. Someone to love me despite my faults. So, when you were created and when I fought against you all, it was me who had manipulated fate and written out your destiny. You made the comparisons that the first six-born angels were created in my brother and I’s image. You thought you were him. When you were actually me. This. This is the life I should have had. One where I could have coexisted peacefully beside my brother and his creations with my own. I am proud of you. You shall rule well.”
Ilene was a little shocked, but she recovered quickly, “Thank you. Let us hope that the Winchesters do not accidently try to destroy the world… again.”
All of them laughed, “Yes. Let us pray.”
The End
#supernatural#dean winchester#sam winchester#mary winchester#chuck shurley#lucifer#gabriel#michael#raphael#archangel#good brother lucifer#lucifer redemption#castiel
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There’s no cursing in The Good Place... (spoilers for season 1)
This post may contain graphic and sexual language. Most of my blog does. Sorry this is way too fucking long.
I had a thought a few weeks ago about how the “no cursing” rule is used on The Good Place, and how a benign act of “appropriateness” is actually an early sign that the characters are living in a dystopian scenario. And how--bear with me here--this reads to me as a clear analogy for dramatic flailing of fandom groups this last two years. Now, I may not make this point in the most thorough or elegant way possible, as I feel vaguely intimidated talking about a show that has such thoughtful philosophical consideration behind it, but I’m going to give it a shot. If I flub, blame the messenger not the essence of the idea.
In season 1, Eleanor and the audience are presented with a world that is supposed heaven, specifically a “neighborhood” of the good place that is specifically curated to fit its residences (in this case, Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani, Jianyu, and others). Of course, we learn right away that Eleanor believes she’s there by mistake, and one of the first rules that demonstrates her “wrongness” is that she wants to curse, and can’t.
Eleanor: “Why can't I say ‘fork’?”
Chidi: “If you're trying to curse, you can't here. I guess a lot of people in this neighborhood don't like it, so it's prohibited.”
Eleanor: “That's bullshirt.”
The show glosses over this pretty quickly, and it’s played for laughs for the rest of the season. It very cleverly supports the show’s season 1 misdirect: any awkward or unsettling aspect of The Good Place is excused away by the audience (and by the characters) as simply being a side-effect of Eleanor’s misplacement. Of course you can’t swear in heaven! Swearing is for bad people, and good people wouldn’t even want to hear it. So, therefore, it doesn’t exist here.
And yet, this is not just a subtle form of personal torture for Eleanor (as she is, of course, really in The Bad Place), it’s actually a pretty grotesque form of censorship on all of the characters. Notice that Chidi doesn’t say he is particularly averse to swearing. He says “I guess a lot of people in this neighborhood don’t like it.” Although not nearly as much as others, Chidi does curse a couple times in the show, himself. So, clearly, it’s not a thing he feels particular discomfort about---so why is it censored when they’re alone? If this were truly a heavenly place customized for each soul, then Eleanor would be able to express herself and Chidi would be able to hear it, but other people who didn’t want to hear it would simply not be subjected to the cursing.
Instead, the neighborhood completely outlaws cursing anywhere, at any time. In the s1 premise, it’s not enough for the other citizens simply to not hear the swearing, it matters if it’s even happening anywhere in their environment, whether they themselves are witness or not. So why am I focusing on that idea, when we know the whole thing is manufactured, and the people who made up this rule did so as a lie, just to be cruel?
Because that line of thinking is so endemic to certain parts of fandom right now. Whether it’s making a story or fanart that contains content someone morally disapproves of, or whether it’s only a simple text post or meme going around, there’s thing now where people feel like content boundaries and warnings aren’t enough. It’s not enough to acknowledge that public platforms like Tumblr are unmoderated and that venturing forth to search or browse is accepting a certain amount of risk that one might run into something that makes one uncomfortable.
[read more below the cut]
When people are campaigning that content they disapprove of--sexually, romantically, politically, morally, paternalistically--shouldn’t exist, they’re doing what the demons of The Bad Place have done to Eleanor and Chidi. They’re saying “This offends me, so it should not exist anywhere that I can know about or ever possibly visit.” Yes, that’s fic about characters who are underage having sex. Yes, that’s fic about characters having sex in a way that doesn’t fit their canon sexuality. Yes, that’s fic about violence and torture being done to characters for brutal and bigoted reasons. Yes, that’s fic about rape, assault, and abuse. Yes, that’s fic about uncomfortable, even disgusting things. Yes, it’s fic about noncon, dubcon, bad bdsm, ABO, slavery, fetishism, power differences, incest, and unrealistic depictions of drugs or sex. It’s fanart and headcanons about those things too.
These ideas, posts, fanworks, and concepts are part of fiction and literature. They’re part of fandom too, and are in fact one of the ways that fandom has pushed the edge of creative development for decades. As they said in Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, “We do the weird stuff.” Now most people in fandom don’t want to be a dick and just shove things in the face of someone who isn’t interested in consuming it--the artists and writers usually want their work to be found by people who want to consume it. So various media platforms have tools or informal conventions for negotiating shared spaces: tags and ratings on AO3, for example, serve a primary service of sorting the archive and secondary service of warning people of undesired content. On tumblr, it’s most an honor thing where people typically don’t follow blogs that post stuff they know they don’t like, and if someone is going to post something controversial they usually throw up an “FYI” at the top, or put it behind a read-more tag. Those decisions are voluntary, however, and everyone who uses a site like Tumblr is doing so with the express acknowledgement that they cannot control what others post, and may in fact browse a post with content they don’t like. For emotional, personal, or political reasons. ((Note: I’m not referring to personal targeted bullying and harassment, which may violate the TOS of particular social media sites, and is off-topic for this discussion.))
What happens when you see that post that offends you? Well, you have three primary choices. You can engage with the OP, you can ignore it, or you can hit the “block user” or “report” options. At any given time, those various options may be what you decide to do, and that’s fine. That is, pretty much, the system working. It’s not a perfect system for sure, but it’s a reasonably functioning one on sites like Tumblr that try to accommodate the needs of millions of users. (don’t worry, fandom wont stay on tumblr and twitter forever.) AO3 has similar protections in place, with the difference being that AO3 is a far more opt-in user process: there is no personal “dashboard” or “my feed” on AO3. A person has to seek out content and utilize filters, and doing that only gets the user to the basics like title, summary, and tags. To actually SEE content, the user has to willfully click into the story.
I’m describing these processes (which most of you reading this will already know) because it’s important to keep in mind scope when we’re talking about content exposure and potential resulting damage. When you use these sites (and for the most part, the whole internet), the onus is on the user to curate their experience. On Tumblr that means blocking or blacklisting what you see, and on AO3 that means not clicking the link to a story unless you’ve read and accepted the warnings and description. On Google, it means don’t search “HS History teacher Dean takes teen Castiel in the locker room” if you don’t want to read something fitting that description. Yeah, it may offend you that it exists, but that doesn’t mean that you have to engage with it to prove that it’s harmful to you.
I’ve seen a lot of discussion this last 18 months about what people “can” or “cannot” write, draw, post, or squee about. I’ve seen it in The 100 fandom, I’ve seen it in Teen Wolf fandom, I’ve seen it in Star Wars fandom, I’ve heard about it in anime/cartoon fandom, and I’ve even seen it crop up in, OF ALL THINGS, Game of Thrones fandom. (side note: if you complain about sexual content in fic while also posting gifs of GoT or Sense8 then I personally would like to throw a pie in your stupid face.) For some people, the answer to “I don’t like that this thing exists” seems to be to aggressively rail against it, to the point of targeting the creator, harassing them, or campaigning for websites or forums to change their rules so that XYZ offensive content does not exist. They say “I don’t care if you write it, just don’t post it where I might find it.” The idea here is that the world around us is better without XYZ being part of our creative works or discussions, and that shunning that content and those creators makes the world (the internet) a kinder, softer, more welcoming place.
A good place.
A place where only good things can be. Where no one is made sad, and nothing that happens here can bring discomfort to anyone. And if you want something that’s not allowed in the good place, the righteous place, then it’s you who doesn’t belong.
To circle back, the show The Good Place has gotten more popular this season, and I couldn’t be happier. I think it’s a fascinating examination of the ambiguity of people, as well as how mental stress can be used to torture. It’s a funny show with a lot of heart, but it’s a dark show too. And one of the darkest, subtlest things the show has ever done was reach into Eleanor’s mouth and change the words she is speaking. Not to prevent actual harm, but to make sure that other people could live in a world where things they abstractly disapproved of didn’t exist at all. For that, Eleanor was denied her basic concept of self and expression. The elimination of communication like that is such a profound violation of individuality and self that it’s almost incomprehensible that any world in which that happens could be ever perceived as a “good” place. That’s not a nice neighborhood where everyone gets along and is sheltered. That’s mind control. That’s gaslighting. That’s Hell.
There are a lot of ways to handle the struggle of content filtering, and hopefully we’ll figure out new and better ways in the future to balance the needs of artists with the needs of consumers, but one way that doesn’t work is censorship. AO3 isn’t going to change its rules to prevent content you don’t like. They know where that road ends. Tumblr might someday, but I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for it. And if they do, this whole network of fan culture will migrate to another site without those constraints. It’s already happened twice since I’ve been around. Purity wank is an old problem for fandom, but it used to be an attack from the outside. Now it’s coming from the inside too, probably because the community is so much bigger. So it’s time to really examine the discussions we hear, and sort out if silencing each other is really going to fix anything.
#fandom#fandom politics#purity wank#fandom police#the good place#the 100#Supernatural#Teen Wolf#Voltron#game of thrones#mcu#star wars fandom#yaoi#yuri#some of the stuff I talk about here has been said by others before#things I've reblogged in the past year#I probaby should make a list of the great posts on this topic but then i'd probably just get depressed#but anyway#thanks to the others who've said it shorter and better#i get mad at my phone for autocorrecting my messages. i can't imagine how upset id be if the universe did that to my VOICE#because what even is reality then? I think therefore I am
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The Senate’s Obamacare “Repeal”
Friends, countrymen, lend me your ears! The Senate’s replacement bill for Obamacare is going to kill tens of thousands of poor children and the elderly! Wait, no, it’s going to keep Obamacare’s crushing regulations and taxes in place and the government will complete its dictatorial takeover of our pocketbooks! Wait, no…
The truth is in the middle. It’s always in the middle. The Republican Party has made the promise to repeal the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, Barack Obama’s proudest accomplishment as President, a core campaign issue for the last seven years, and after seven years they have unified control of all three branches of government. Wait, then why are we talking about this? Well, it turns out that even members of the same party can have vastly different opinions on healthcare. I’ll elaborate.
First, I’ll go over the history so far for those who haven’t been paying attention so far. (Don’t worry, it’s ok, as long as you’re here now. Better late than never.) In March the House of Representatives, led by Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI), released a bill called the American Health Care Act, or AHCA. The bill was received… poorly. I did a rundown of the bill’s contents and its tumultuous journey through the House two months ago, and I encourage you to read it if you haven’t yet. As I describe the Senate bill, I’ll also make sure to highlight how it differs from the House bill.
Anyways, the Senate signalled after the AHCA was passed that it was going to go its own way on healthcare reform and essentially ignore the House’s bill. And they did this for good reason: an underrated accomplishment of Obamacare’s passing was that it fundamentally changed the way America as a whole views healthcare. At its lowest, Obamacare had an astoundingly low approval rating of 37% in 2014-2015, as the law first began to take effect. However, in April polls found that the ACA had a 55% approval rating, the first time ever that more than half of Americans said they liked the law. We’ve seen, over the last 3-4 years, a fundamental shift in American culture, and that’s the growing attitude that affordable healthcare is something you’re entitled to, not something you have to earn. So naturally, Republicans in Congress had to move away from the idea of repealing Obamacare entirely and bringing us back to pre-2009 healthcare, and instead come up with a new system to make health insurance affordable.
The House used a system of flat tax credits in their bill, essentially giving people a set amount of money to pay for health insurance depending on how old you are. Twenty-year-olds would get $2000, forty-year-olds $3000, sixty-year olds $4000. Unfortunately, on average, sixty-year-olds making $20,000 a year would have to pay more than their monthly salary in order to pay their premiums under this bill, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation. The AHCA didn’t affect the young very much, since a twenty-year-old isn’t likely to get sick very often, but it had potentially bankrupting effects on the elderly.
ENTER THE SENATE. Now, Senators are renowned for being more level-headed and more moderate than their counterparts in the House. After all, they do represent entire states instead of just small districts (except for Rep. Liz Cheney from Wyoming, who represents the entire state because it’s so empty, but I digress.) Republican Senators took one look at the predictions that the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office made about the House’s bill (the ones that said that 23 million people would lose coverage if it passed), and took another look at the bill’s horrendous 21% approval rating and said “hmmm, let’s not do that.” Instead, the Senate’s newly-minted bill, boringly dubbed the Better Care Reconciliation Act or BCRA, keeps Obamacare’s system of government-run markets where you can buy health insurance at low prices paid for by government money. (Hint: this is the part that conservative Senators say is too similar to Obamacare. Hint #2: they’re saying that because it is very similar to Obamacare.) The Senate only tweaks this part of the system slightly, by making the markets available to only people making 350% or less of the Federal Poverty Line, which is $12060. Therefore, if you make $42,210 or less you can get government-subsidized health insurance, but if you make $42,210-$48,240 this bill just pulled the rug out from under you. Fortunately, at that level paying for health insurance is not as hard as it is for people making poverty-level salaries.
The new bill also keeps a number of important protective regulations from the ACA in effect. For example, children can still stay on their parents’ plans until they are 26. Most importantly, insurance companies cannot charge you more or deny your coverage if you have a pre-existing condition. This is where the bills’ similarities end, however.
A major issue that many have with the new bill is that it could possibly lead to an adverse-selection cost spiral, or “death spiral”. This term has been thrown out a lot in argument’s over the ACA’s future, and honestly, many people don’t seem to understand what it means. I’ll try to explain to the best of my ability why this bill has a possible issue: first of all, the BCRA protects people with pre-existing conditions, which is great. When this protection was first put in place, however, the drafters of the ACA encountered a problem. Essentially, if you don’t let insurance companies charge people with a lot of healthcare needs more, then they need to start charging everyone more money in premiums so that they don’t run out by spending it all on the people with chronic illnesses. This problem was made even worse by the fact that people who are young and healthy, and therefore pretty much never need to go to the doctor and don’t cost health insurance companies any money, oftentimes make the decision to just not buy any health insurance at all. So now, you’ve got permanently sick people using health insurance like crazy, you’ve got insurance companies running out of money because they can’t charge the really sick people more money than everyone else, and healthy people who pay in to insurance companies without taking much out choose to opt out of health insurance as prices increase. In short, prices skyrocket, and the market enters a “death spiral” as sick people take out more and more money, and healthy people bail. The architects of the ACA came up with a simple solution: if someone chooses not to buy health insurance, they pay a fine, called the “individual mandate” (it was officially called a “tax” to keep it constitutional, but it was basically a fine.) The fine would be paid back to the insurance companies and would help ensure that they don’t enter the death spiral; it would also encourage people to skip the hassle and just sign up for health insurance. You can tell that there’s a fundamental idea here: you can’t have a bill protect people with pre-existing conditions without some form of individual mandate. The financial contributions of healthy people who don’t need insurance basically pay for the extra healthcare that persistently sick people need. The BCRA, however, has no individual mandate. It keeps the protections for pre-existing conditions without ensuring healthy people stay in markets, and therefore the situation is ripe for a death spiral to occur. This is basic, logical economic stuff, and the Senate bill doesn’t have a good solution right now.
Another huge difference in the bill is that it cancels a massive planned money injection into the Medicaid system. Medicaid is a government-run health insurance program for people of low income. Under the ACA, Medicaid was massively expanded to any state that chose to accept funds from the federal government. Many states chose not to accept federal expansion funds, and over half of the nation’s uninsured live in the states that refused expanded funding. The BCRA does away with the expansion of Medicaid entirely, and the bill cuts about $772 billion from Medicaid according to the CBO’s score. The Republican authors of the bill believe that people who lose Medicaid coverage will be able to buy coverage from the subsidized insurance markets, but the CBO still asserts that 22 million will lose coverage by 2026 due to the bill. No one knows whether those numbers are accurate; the CBO has had difficulty forecasting coverage changes in the past, but the evidence is there to at least partially support what they’re saying. Senators Dean Heller (R-NV) and Susan Collins (R-ME) have both said they cannot vote for the bill because of these cuts. Senator Rob Portman (R-OH) and Senator Shelley Moore Capito (R-WV) both have expressed concerns about the cuts as well, since Medicaid funds have been important to those states’ fights against opioid abuse.
A final aspect of the bill I’ll go over is the fact that it cuts funding to Planned Parenthood for one year. This is an extremely polarizing issue for a lot of people, so I won’t editorialize at all, but I will say that Sen. Collins and Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK) have both said they will not vote for a bill that defunds Planned Parenthood.
Republicans have 52 Senators out of 100. That means they can only lose three Senators or the bill will not pass. So far, Republican Senators Heller and Collins have said they do not plan to vote for the bill because of the insurance coverage losses it will cause; they want the bill to move to the left. Republican Senators Paul, Cruz, Johnson, and Lee have said they will not vote for it because it is too similar to Obamacare; they want the bill to move to the right. Seven more Republicans have voiced concerns or disappointments with the bill but haven’t come out as a “yes” or “no”. Already, Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) has had to postpone a vote until after the July 4th break due to a lack of support. This bill is by no means the sure thing it seemed in January, but if the House of Representatives taught us anything, it’s that no bill is too unpopular or too controversial to bring back to life.
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annotated bibliography for my English class
I am focusing my research paper on religious influence and how religious influence can affect a mass population of people for the worse
Is religious influence a good thing?
Religious influence can sway the mass to conform to the opinions of an individual person or group.
Annotated bibliography possible support:
Ely, Gretchen E. “When Religious Ideology Drives Abortion Policy, Poor Women Suffer the Consequences.” The Conversation, 4 Jan. 2020, theconversation.com/when-religious-ideology-drives-abortion-policy-poor-women-suffer-the-consequences-121906.
Gretchen Ely is a proffessor and assosiate dean at the university of buffalo writes an artical about the abortion policies in other contries and what those countries predominant religion is. She writes about how strict laws are purposly put into effect to create it harder for a person to afford an abortion. She talks about how such laws and acts are advocated specifically by christian politicians in the United states.
“Title X funds have never been used to pay for abortion services. But by eliminating funding for facilities that offer abortions in addition to other reproductive services, the Trump administration rule may leave millions of low-income Planned Parenthood patients without family planning care. The new rule is part of an old American effort, promoted by Christian activists and lawmakers, to make legal abortions as difficult as possible to obtain”(Ely 2020).
The quote i have choosen supports my reasearch because it gives an example of how religouse influence can affect reproductive health, specifically abortion and how abortion can be a nessecity to women all over the world but due to some out dated laws influenced by certian belifs abortion are hard to get in certian areas of the world.
Veselka, Camille. “A Detrimental Influence: The Effect Religion Has on Laws.” HuffPost, HuffPost, 4 Feb. 2012, www.huffpost.com/entry/a-detrimental-influence-t_b_1106045.
Huffpost published an article entitled A Detrimental Influence: The Effect Religion has on Laws. The article goes on to explain the influence religion has on laws. It gives example such as how same-sex marrige used to be illegal in some states. It talks about certain forms of contraception are illegal because the predominant religion has placed a large importance on procreation. Not to long ago same-sex marrige was illegale until suprime court ruled against it. The laws against same-sex amrrige where all completly based on religion and personal befeifs. In no way was it causing any harm to anyone and yet it was still illegal.
“Religion should remain what it truly is — a voluntary belief, not science and not law. One of the main issues in the world today is the fact that to some people, religion and the Bible or the Torah or the Qur’an is science and the law. This belief has, and still is, causing fatal problems throughout the world. In many places, forms of contraception are illegal. Even if these women are extremely impoverished, and cannot feed themselves (let alone a child), and have a large chance of dying due to unsafe birth conditions, they have no choice but to have the baby. Even more controversial is the issue of abortion. 52 of the world’s 196 countries only allow abortions to save the mother’s life. That is 26 percent of the world. This prevents family planning worldwide and can be extremely detrimental to a woman’s mental and physical health.”(Veselka 2012).
The quote i chose from the huffpost article is important because it explains why religion should not be in lawmaking. It gives examples of how religion can influence people's personal lives by changing laws such as who they can or can not marry. Religion in many ways is a person's opinion. While it is important to have an opinion they shouldn’t be the determining factor in law making. If you decide to create a law based purely on your opinion you force everyone to follow something they don’t agree with. You're forcing your opinion on other people. Religion Is good to give people a moral compass. Don’t steal, don’t murder, don’t lie, all good advice from a moral stand point.
Deseret News. “Church Sends Email to Utah Latter-Day Saints Urging Them to Vote No on Marijuana Initiative.” Deseret News, Deseret News, 24 Aug. 2018, www.deseret.com/2018/8/23/20651840/church-sends-email-to-utah-latter-day-saints-urging-them-to-vote-no-on-marijuana-initiative
Last year the lds church sent an email out to the members of its church urging them to vote no to the law legalizing medical marijuana. The Deseret new writes and explains the reasoning behind the church's decision. The question is thought would this email be a breach of separation between church and state. No matter the reasoning behind the email it is blatantly telling its members how to vote.
“As a member of the coalition, we urge voters of Utah to vote NO on Proposition 2, and join us in a call to state elected officials to promptly work with medical experts, patients, and community leaders to find a solution that will work for all Utahns, without the harmful effects that will come to pass if Proposition 2 becomes law”(Deseret News 2018).
The quote I chose is taken directly from an email the lds sent to its members. It is a specific example of separation between church and state. The separation between church and state is the jurisprudential concept for defining political distance in the relationship between religious organizations and the nation state. Religions shouldn't tell people how to vote or what to vote for and politicians should not base their views or how the country should be run on their own personal religious values. Separation between church and state is a way to create balance between everyone's own personal views and morals.
History.com Editors. “Crusades.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 7 June 2010, www.history.com/topics/middle-ages/crusades.
Every major religion has some kind of crusade. Some kind of purification time period in which a religion tries to purge any other religion. Such is the case in the 13 century when the christian faith lead cursades to take back their holy lands such as jerusalem from other major religions such as muslim or jedaism through war and violence. In modern day Iran the christine population has dropped from 1.5 million to less than 120,000 because of religious persecution in the middle east.
“Throughout the remainder of the 13th century, a variety of Crusades aimed not so much to topple Muslim forces in the Holy Land but to combat any and all of those seen as enemies of the Christian faith. The Crusaders slaughtered hundreds of men, women, and children in their victorious entrance into Jerusalem.”(History.com Editors 2010)
I used the crusades as an ancient example to show that religious influence is not a new concept. Religious influence has been around as long as religion has. The crusade are specifically a christion example of a extreme way of converting people to their religion. There are religions that still do this today, it has never gone away.
“Scopes Monkey Trial Begins.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 29 July 2019, www.history.com/this-day-in-history/monkey-trial-begins.
The Scopes Monkey Trials is another example of separation between church and state. In which a teacher was arrested for teaching about evolution in a school in tennessee. Tennessee in 1925 passed a law which prohibits the teaching of darwinism in schools. It was the first law in the United states that banned the teaching of evolution. There are currently 14 states in the United States that use tax dollars to teach creationism within public schools.
“The Butler bill, which had been passed in March 1925, made it a misdemeanor punishable by fine to “teach any theory that denies the story of the Divine Creation of man as taught in the Bible, and to teach instead that man has descended from a lower order of animals.”
I wanted to use the scopes monkey trials as another historical example of religious influence and separation between church and state but the interesting twist about the scopes monkey trials is that the case was lost. The teacher who was convicted had to pay a fee in the end for breaking the law but the verdict was overturned due to a technicality. Even though the verdict was guilty the public recognized The scopes monkey trials raised the public's awareness of teaching theology and/or modoer science in public schools. The trail raises the distinct divide between urban and rural american life in the 1920’s. The scopes monkey trials is used as an emblem on the creationist v. elelutionist controversy.
azar, beth. “A Reason to Believe.” Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, Dec. 2010, www.apa.org/monitor/2010/12/believe.
The american Psychology Association entitled A reason to believe. The article talks about the history of how religion was first developed by prehistoric humans. It goes on to explain how religion was first developed as a way to explain the world around them. Before science was able to explain the word around ancient civilizations used legends and stories, those legends and stories were their religion. These stories influenced how they saw the world around them. They created the wrath of gods to explain natural phenomenons. The world influenced their beliefs. They needed to understand the world around them and created religion to compensate for a lack of understanding.
“most researchers don’t believe that the cognitive tendencies that bias us toward religious belief evolved specifically for thinking about religion. Rather, they likely served other adaptive purposes. For example, because people are quick to believe that someone or something is behind even the most benign experiences, they may perceive the sound of the wind rustling leaves as a potential predator. In evolutionary terms, says Atran, it was probably better for us to mistakenly assume that the wind was a lion than to ignore the rustling and risk death.”(azar 2010)
I wanted to use this quote to show that there are also physiological reasons to religious influence that before technology and we had the brain comprehension to understand the world around us, before we had complex thinking religious influence was there even before religion had a name. Iot was a sort of prehistoric thinking that kept us moving and aware of the world around us, it kept us alive before we had the understanding to do it ourselves.
“Why Do We Have Religion Anyway?” Association for Psychological Science - APS, 9 Nov. 2011,www.psychologicalscience.org/news/were-only-human/why-do-we-have-religion-anyway.html.
This article by the Association for Psychological Science explains how religion influences a person's self control. How growing up in a religion can influence how a person views themselves in a community. It can promote people to be more aware how others in their community view them. But it also leads to judging your neighbors and the way they live their life. It promotes a sense of community but also a sense of keeping up with the joneses. People have to make themselves look better than their neighbors. They convince themselves that the way they are living their life is more moral than another because they are living in a religious community that encourages this train of thought.
“It’s not entirely clear what cognitive mechanism is at work in religion’s influence on self-control. One possibility is that religion makes people mindful of an ever watchful God, and thus encourages more self-monitoring. Or religious priming may activate concerns of supernatural punishment. A more secular explanation is that religious priming makes people more concerned about their reputation in the community, leading to more careful self-monitoring.”
The quote I have chosen shows how religion influences how people act in their social groups. It is another example of how religion physiological effects people. It influences how they see themselves, how they see their neighbors and how they act around their neighbors. Y much influences how people act the same way we would train a pet, through punishment and reward. You do something good and moral, you follow the rules we set for you, you go to Heaven, Nirvana, Paradise, Moksha, you get blessed. If you're bad and break the rules you go to Hell, Hades, Samsara, you get punished. It is the same idea of when people use cautionary tales to scare young children into following the rules and being good.
Ludden, David. “Why Do People Believe in God?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 21 Aug. 2018, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/201808/why-do-people-believe-in-god.
Psychology Today writes an article entitled why do people believe in God. The article talks about how people use religion as a safety net in their everyday lives. How undeveloped countries have a higher religious rate than developed countries. This is because people use God and religion as a safety blanket for their cruel world. They believe in a higher power that will keep them or their family safe. The article talks about how affordable health care can also play a role in the religious rates because the United State has a high religious rate but the article argues that this is because we don’t have affordable health care. We don’t have that assurance that our government will come to our rescue when we are sick or injured so the idea of a higher power that will always be there for us looks more appealing.
“Finally, there are societal factors that influence the degree of religious belief within societies. As a general rule, religious belief is considerably lower in developed countries compared with the underdeveloped world. The United States, with its high standard of living and high religiosity, is the glaring exception. However, as Mercier and his colleagues point out, Japan and Western European have universal health care and extensive social safety nets, as opposed to the U.S. The Japanese and the Europeans know their governments will come to their aid in their hour of need. But the laissez-faire attitudes of American society make people’s futures less certain and the belief in a benevolent God more attractive.” (Ludden 2018).
This quote is to reflex that not only does religion influence the world but outside forces also influence a religion. People turn to God when the world has turned against them so it makes sense that underdeveloped countries have higher religious rates. It's the same when a dying atheist suddenly turns toward religion in his last moments, to have some sort of safety net. Religion is the escape, the light at the end of the tunnel for those who have nothing. Religion gives hope and peace, it brings people comfort in times or anxiety but if you're not worrying about where your next meal will come or if you have a safe place to sleep tonight or how you’ll get clean water then you don’t see God's guiding light as a necessity in your life.
Religious Aspects, msu.edu/~shahfaiz/Salem/religion.html.
In the 13th century the puritan church were slaughtering people on the premise that they were witches. The puritain church encouraged its members to condon their neighbors as witches. It was a moment where fear controlled a religion and anything they deemed different or going against their ways was evil and immoral and therefore put to death. The Salem witch trials are an example of religious influence and fear working together to slaughter innocent people. Some people at this time were so brainwashed into thinking that any little thing out of place was because of magic, anything they couldn’t explain through religion or the bible was thoroughfare witchcraft and evil.
Puritan lifestyle was influenced heavily by the church and Christian beliefs. According to Discovery Education, “Church was the cornerstone of the mainly Puritan society of the 17th century.” Puritan laws were extremely rigid and the members of society were expected to follow a strict moral code. Due to this fact, anything that was believed to go against this code was considered a sin and deserved to be punished. The Puritans also believed strongly in the wrath of God and did everything they could to prevent themselves from receiving it. This is why the witch scare was taken so seriously and the accused were punished harshly. The first women to be accused as witches were those who strayed from the Puritan lifestyle and were considered to be social outcasts.
Religion can influence a mass group of people for the worse is what this quote and the entire Salem witch trials show. It's a religious group of people who teach to be different is a sin. The puritan s were scared of God’s wrath and had to quel anything they deemed evil and sin immediately or else god would punish them. They used their religious influence to keep people in line and to accuse neighbors, friends, even family. It is an historical example of fear and religious influence coming together to create the perfect storm to slaughter the falsely accused people.
Fagan, Patrick. “Why Religion Matters: The Impact of Religious Practice on Social Stability.” The Heritage Foundation, www.heritage.org/civil-society/report/why-religion-matters-the-impact-religious-practice-social-stability.
While religious influence can definitely have a negative effect on the masses it can also have a positive effect as well. In the article by the heritage foundation talks about all of the positive things religion does for a person and community. Religion can influence people to become better by not smoking or drinking. It can encourage people to reach out and help those in need. It promotes the necessity of family and also gives young children a support system in case they can’t go to family. Religious influence has negative effects and positive effects just like anything else.
Considerable evidence indicates that religious involvement reduces "such problems as sexual permissiveness, teen pregnancy, suicide, drug abuse, alcoholism, and to some extent deviant and delinquent acts, and increases self esteem, family cohesiveness and general well being.... Some religious influences have a modest impact whereas another portion seem like the mental equivalent of nuclear energy.... More generally, social scientists are discovering the continuing power of religion to protect the family from the forces that would tear it down." (Fagan)
This last quote is to show the positive effect religion can have on one's life. It can give people hope and provide a strong moral compass for people. It gives young children strong morals to grow up with and a support system they can go to outside of their parents. Religion can provide good life advice and hope to those living in troubling times. It helps people from dark physiological places and even out of dangerous situations.
azar, beth. “A Reason to Believe.” Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, Dec. 2010, www.apa.org/monitor/2010/12/believe. (azar 2010)
Deseret News. “Church Sends Email to Utah Latter-Day Saints Urging Them to Vote No on Marijuana Initiative.” Deseret News, Deseret News, 24 Aug. 2018, www.deseret.com/2018/8/23/20651840/church-sends-email-to-utah-latter-day-saints-urging-them-to-vote-no-on-marijuana-initiative. (Deseret News 2018)
Ely, Gretchen E. “When Religious Ideology Drives Abortion Policy, Poor Women Suffer the Consequences.” The Conversation, 4 Jan. 2020, theconversation.com/when-religious-ideology-drives-abortion-policy-poor-women-suffer-the-consequences-121906.
Fagan, Patrick. “Why Religion Matters: The Impact of Religious Practice on Social Stability.” The Heritage Foundation, www.heritage.org/civil-society/report/why-religion-matters-the-impact-religious-practice-social-stability.
History.com Editors. “Crusades.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 7 June 2010, www.history.com/topics/middle-ages/crusades.
Ludden, David. “Why Do People Believe in God?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 21 Aug. 2018, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/201808/why-do-people-believe-in-god.
Religious Aspects, msu.edu/~shahfaiz/Salem/religion.html.
“Scopes Monkey Trial Begins.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 29 July 2019, www.history.com/this-day-in-history/monkey-trial-begins.
Veselka, Camille. “A Detrimental Influence: The Effect Religion Has on Laws.” HuffPost, HuffPost, 4 Feb. 2012, www.huffpost.com/entry/a-detrimental-influence-t_b_1106045.
“Why Do We Have Religion Anyway?” Association for Psychological Science - APS, 9 Nov. 2011, www.psychologicalscience.org/news/were-only-human/why-do-we-have-religion-anyway.html.
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Dragon Age (Cocktails and Cheese) / Supernatural Crossover
Chapter 6
A Conversation Between an ex-Templar and an Angel
Cullen sat back enjoying his beer while Alistair showed off behind the bar. Dean and Jo were getting the hang of juggling bottles, which allowed for Alistair to get a little fancier with his showing off. True to his word, he kept his feet off the bar, but the large space behind it allowed for some of his more elaborate backflips, twirls, and aerials while flipping bottles and bouncing various receptacles off his elbows.
He was definitely in his element.
Dean and Jo looked like they were having a great time. His companion at the table, however, appeared to be barely containing his displeasure with their playfulness. When Dean dropped yet another bottle, Alistair placed his hands on Dean’s hips to reposition his stance, then guided him into another toss, which he landed perfectly to cheers and high fives all around. To Cullen, this was a natural training tactic: redirect the stance and the sword work would follow. Castiel, however, seemed to have a different opinion on the matter.
He looked ready to kill .
His furrowed brow and pursed lips spoke volumes of how he felt about someone else putting their hands on his husband. With a gentle touch on Castiel’s wrist, Cullen brought his attention back to the table. After a tense moment, where he swore that Castiel’s eyes glowed blue, he smiled kindly and lifted his beer in a silent salute. Removing his hand from Castiel’s wrist, they both drank, eyes locked together, a silent challenge.
“Alistair and I are not a threat to you or your husband,” Cullen began. “He is naturally friendly and his humor tends to come off as flirty, but I can assure you that he and I do not waver from each other.”
Another cheer from the bar drew their attention; Dean was smiling over at Castiel , proudly waving the bottles in his hands.
Cullen continued, “Seeing Dean with you —y ou have to know how much you mean to him.”
Castiel frowned at him. “How do you—?”
“I’m a detective,” Cullen interjected, simply. “Observing people is what I do. I also get it. I’d be lying if I said that I’ve never felt jealous over how easily Alistair charms people.”
“But, how do you deal with it?” Castiel asked, hesitantly.
Cullen shrugged. “Honestly? Lots of really amazing sex!”
Castiel sputtered, “Really?”
“Really.” Cullen laughed. “It helps to know that when he closes the bar, he comes home to me and never lets me forget how much he loves me. So, I do my best to put my faith in us.” He grinned. “I see the way that you and Dean look at each other too… there’s something pure and perfect in that kind of love. It radiates off you both. You must have been through a lot to look at each other that way.”
Castiel looked into his beer with a small quirk to his mouth. “I pulled him out of hell.”
Cullen gaped at Castiel. “What? Like… literally ?”
He nodded. “My garrison was sent to retrieve ‘the righteous man’ from Hell. I was the first one to him and the only one to make it out alive.” He sighed sadly. “Dean was so broken when I found him. It’s not my place to tell you all the details, but suffice it to say, repairing him was no easy task. Going through that with him… well, it created a profound bond between us.” He picked at the paper on his beer with a sheepish smile.
“Wow,” Cullen muttered. “That’s just… I can’t even imagine. Have you been together ever since?”
Castiel shook his head. “It took us several years to finally admit our feelings for each other. As his brother is so fond of saying, we had to pull our heads out of our asses before we could see what was right in front of us. But, once we got past that rather large hurdle, there was no denying it. Dean…” Castiel looked longingly over to his husband. “Dean is my everything. I fell for him; not just in love—though there is that too. I gave up everything for him: the heavenly host, my wings; I even became human, for a time. My father had other plans for me though, and eventually gave me back my wings and angelic grace as a wedding present.”
“Your union was blessed by The Maker himself, and you’re still worried about someone else stealing your husband away?”
“I didn’t say my feelings were logical. In fact, there are many things that still don’t make sense to me. I’m doing my best to learn, though. There’s just so much that I don’t understand. Thankfully, Dean is a very patient man.”
“So, you really are a full fledged angel.” Cullen’s voice was full of awe. “Man, I just… wow. I’m sorry; I’m not sure what else I can say to that.”
Castiel nodded. “We’ve had Templars here on earth before—a long time ago—but they were just warriors fighting for the church. Regular men and women getting their hands dirty in the name of my father.” He scoffed, “As if my father would weigh in on those petty squabbles. He designed his children to have free-will, to make mistakes and learn from them. He never intended to micromanage everything.” He squinted at Cullen. “You’re not like they were, though. Your light shines almost as brightly as Dean’s, which makes me think that you’re more than just a simple warrior of God.”
Cullen nodded. “Templars, where I’m from, can be more than that, though we do have simple warriors of the Maker too. I’m what we call an awakened Templar. I can see things that the average person can’t. Supernatural phenomena, dark spawn, magic—”
“Not everyone can see these things where you are from?”
“No. I guess you could say that our world has two realities. There are regular humans leading normal, everyday lives. A small percentage of us have what we call the sight, we can see what the average person cannot. Of those who are aware, there are some that also have extra abilities. Alistair, for example, is faster and stronger than the average person. He needs to be to fight the things he fights. As a Warden, he is charged with protecting the world from things that come through little rifts in the veil. Warden’s fight darkspawn and demons, then clean up the area and weave stories so the average person doesn’t see the true horror that was there.”
“It sounds a little like being a Hunter here.” Castiel glanced quickly over to where Dean was carefully tossing bottles back and forth with Jo. “You said Alistair was faster and stronger, but we saw him seal the portal too…”
Cullen nodded. “As a guardian of the veil, Alistair can both open and close those tears. He can also sense the creatures that come through.”
“You mean the demons?”
“Demons and darkspawn are very different. The corpses on the ground near where we came through, those were darkspawn. They are fairly common where we’re from—at least, to those who can see them . ”
“They are fairly new to this world. Angels and Demons—we’ve been fighting for years; the battle between heaven and hell is as old as time. There are other supernatural creatures here as well: vampires, werewolves, ghouls, witches, and fae; these are all things we fight on a weekly basis. It’s only been the last few months that this new species has come into play. The first tear appeared the day my son was born.”
“Some of those creatures are familiar to me, but not others. Wait… you have a son?”
“Dean and I have taken in two children as our own. Claire shares my DNA, but lost both of her parents. She is a young adult now and shares time between our home in Lebanon, Kansas and here in Sioux Falls with her other guardian, Jody. Jack is a product of my brother, Lucifer, and a human woman named Kelly, who died in childbirth. I was there with his mother throughout her pregnancy and developed a bond with Jack, in utero. Unfortunately, Lucifer killed me before I could meet him on the day he was born and I--”
“Wait! You died!!?”
“A few times now, actually. It’s not pleasant; I don’t recommend it,” he deadpanned then smirked. “I’m… much better now.”
“I can see that.” Cullen chuckled. “You said something about your son being born correlating to the new creatures you’ve been seeing?”
“Like I said, Jack is a product of my brother, an archangel, and a human. He is a nephilim and is quite powerful.”
“A nephilim… is that dangerous?”
“They have the potential to be, but Jack isn’t… Jack was lucky to be with my husband and his brother when he was born. They are both good men with good hearts. They have taught me what it means to be a good man. To be a good human. I do my best, but even Angels falter in our paths sometime.” He chuckled to himself. “But Jack, he is pure and beautiful and not-perfect. He chooses free will over what his ‘destiny’ is supposed to be. I couldn’t be happier to call him my son.”
“You said that the darkspawn have only been coming through for the last six months or so… so Jack is just a baby?”
“Well, no… I mean, he should be, but, his growth was accelerated by necessity. It was too dangerous for him to be a baby for long, so he currently looks to be around eighteen or so.”
“How is that possible?”
“Apparently his powers have built-in self preservation mechanisms. When I died, he knew that he needed to be able to protect himself. Being an infant would have left him too vulnerable, so after he was born, he aged rapidly. When Dean and Sam found him, shortly after he was born, Jack already appeared to be teenager. He was frightened and alone. It was their love and support that kept my family together when they thought I was gone forever.” Castiel hung his head, sadly. “From what I’ve been told, it nearly broke Dean. He had a hard time bonding with Jack at first, but Sam was there and stepped in.” Castiel smiled wistfully. “I really am blessed with the best family.”
Cullen returned the smile. “I can see that. So, where is everyone now?”
“Sam is with my brother Gabriel, back at home. They’re currently trying to find a way for us to open our own portal for a rescue mission. Claire is with a local family of misfit hunters here in Sioux Falls. She recently lost someone very special to her and is having a hard time adjusting. Jack is… well, we hope that Jack is with my mother-in-law, Mary. He was trying to rescue her from another world, but he doesn’t have complete control of his powers yet and got separated from the rest of the group. We theorize that it’s his lack of control that might be causing all of these current rifts, especially if he’s trying to get home to us.”
“If there’s some way for us to identify where they are, maybe Alistair can help to get you there and bring them home again,” Cullen supplied.
“That is my hope. We’re not sure how to do that, though. There are infinite worlds and no way yet of showing you which way to go. In the meantime, we’ve been working overtime trying to figure out how to contain all of these rifts while trying to figure out how to open our own so we can go in and retrieve Mom and Jack.” He slumped over his beer with a long sigh. “I’m sorry, it’s just… we’re all a little exhausted and overwhelmed. You two have come at the most opportune time for us. I know you have your own troubles that you’re facing back home, but hopefully, we’ll be able to work together so I can get my family back together again.”
“Castiel, if it is within our power, we will do our best to assist you. You have my word.”
With a grateful nod, he turned his gaze back to the cheering crowd at the bar. “Thank you, Cullen. You don’t know what that means to me.” He paused a moment, then added, “and… thank you for the other advice as well. Like I said, some of these human emotions tend to get the better of me. At least now I may have a way of… working through some of the less desirable ones.” With a smirk, he drained the rest of his beer.
#We're Not in Thedas Anymore#Dragon Age#Supernatural#Crossover#Cocktails & Cheese#Cullistair#Destiel
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37 Quotes On Fighting Ego, Building Character And Developing Strength & Humility
New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/37-quotes-on-fighting-ego-building-character-and-developing-strength-humility/
37 Quotes On Fighting Ego, Building Character And Developing Strength & Humility
God & Man
Ego is one of those things that’s very hard to define, but easy to spot when you see it. Even as someone who spent years researching and then writing a book about the dangers of ego, I have trouble nailing it down exactly. Here’s a shot: Ego is that outsized sense of self-importance, that malignant self-absorption, a belief that one is somehow inherently better and entitled to more than everyone else. It’s the voice whispering in our ear, alternatively, that we’re invincible and that we’re a piece of shit who should make everyone pay. Ego is that toxic force that makes teamwork, empathy, vulnerability and artistry impossible.
We know this…and yet all of us are guilty of it. Perhaps that’s because the real insidious part of ego is that while we can immediately recognize it in other people, when it comes to our own behavior and our own thoughts, ego whispers once again that we’re different.
Below are some of my favorite quotes about ego—quotes I’ve written down in moments of battling my own ego—as well the awesome books from which they came. I hope you can find a use for them in your own writing, on social media, or better yet, use them in your real life.
Enjoy!
***
“Ego is an evil thing. Confidence is important but ego is something false. Humility is the way to build confidence, and ego is hugely dangerous in this sport, because if you’re running on ego you aren’t running on good clean emotions or cause and effect. You bypass it to support a false idea. It’s all garbage, the ego is garbage.” Frank Shamrock The Fighter’s Mind
“Your ego can become an obstacle to your work. If you start believing in your greatness, it is the death of your creativity.” Marina Abramovic Interview in The Economist
“William Burroughs always talks about the world is nothing but allies and enemies. And it’s important to understand what things around you are the enemies and a lot of the time your worst enemy is your ego.” John Frusciante (Source)
“At any moment in life you can convert to realism, which is not a belief system at all, but a way of looking at the world. It means every circumstance, every individual is different, and your task is to measure that difference, then take appropriate action. Your eyes are fixed on the world, not on yourself or your ego.” Robert Greene & 50 Cent The 50th Law
“You don’t make it far if you have a big ego. The guys that come in here with huge egos get smashed until they learn. Verbal reasoning won’t work, that’s where those guys live…you just gotta smash them until they get humble. And build them back up, if they can stand it.” Greg Jackson The Fighter’s Mind
“Whenever the world throws rose petals at you, which thrill and seduce the ego, beware. The cosmic banana peel is suddenly going to appear underfoot to make sure you don’t take it all too seriously, that you don’t fill up on junk food.” Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird
“Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings.” Stephen King On Writing
“‘Your job is to get on base,’ says my son’s baseball coach. Ego likes a line drive, resulting in a double or triple, but, end of day, the goal of getting on base eclipses the how of getting on base. Just get there.” Callie Oettinger on Steve Pressfield’s blog (Getting on Base and the Long Game post on Steve’s blog)
“From my very first real fighting experience in Thailand, I saw that the best fighters were the most humble. But much like jiu-jitsu, you start to see it as a ‘chicken-and-egg’ problem. Is it that great fighters lose their ego? Or is it that you cannot become great unless you lose your ego? Your ego keeps you out of the zone? Guys who can naturally control big egos do better?” Sam Sheridan The Fighter’s Mind
“Thus, a great deal of time and energy in the world of the New England Patriots went into selecting players who were at least partially immune to displays of ego and self. This did not mean Bill Belichick was without ego—far from it. His ego was exceptional, and it was reflected by his almost unique determination. He liked being the best and wanted credit for being the best, a quiet kind of credit. But his ego was about the doing; it was fused into a larger purpose, that of his team winning. It was never about the narcissistic celebration of self that television loved to amplify.” David Halberstam The Education of a Coach
“Perfectionism is the ego’s wicked demand. It denies us the pleasure of process. Instead, we are told by the ego that we must have instantaneous success— and our perfectionism believes it, lock, stock and barrel.” Julia Cameron (Source)
“[Bill Belichick] was a man for better or for worse, remarkably without artifice. He had little gift or interest in modern public relations—if anything, he seemed almost uniquely resistant to it for someone so much, however involuntarily, in the public eye. He was about one thing only—coaching—and wary of anything that detracted from hit, and in his mind, much of the modern media, especially television, did precisely that—not just because it took up time that could be better spent doing other things, like watching a bit of film for the tenth or eleventh time and working with assistant coaches, but because it was singularly dangerous, it fed egos, and swollen egos detracted from the essence of football, which was the idea of team. Modern media created a Me-Me-Me world, whereas he insisted on a We world.” David Halberstam The Education of a Coach
“I don’t want to see you. I don’t like you. I don’t like your face. You look like an insufferable egotist. You’re impertinent. You’re too sure of yourself. Twenty years ago I would have punched your face with the greatest of pleasure.” Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead
“[Level 5 leaders] are somewhat self-effacing individuals who deflect adulation, yet who have an almost Stoic resolve to do absolutely whatever it takes to make the company great, channeling their ego needs away from themselves and into the larger goal of building a great company. It’s not that Level 5 leaders have no ego or self-interest. Indeed, they are incredibly ambitious—but their ambition is first and foremost for the institution and its greatness, not for themselves.” Jim Collins (Source)
“Our job, as souls on this mortal journey, is to shift the seat of our identity from the ego to the Self. That’s it.” Steven Pressfield (Source)
“Resistance seems to come from outside ourselves. We locale it in spouses, jobs, bosses, kids. “Peripheral opponents,” as Pat Riley used to say when he coached the Los Angeles Lakers. Resistance is not a peripheral opponent. Resistance arises from within. It is self-generated and self-perpetuated. Resistance is the enemy within.” Steven Pressfield War of Art
“Leaders must be willing to put the ship’s performance ahead of their egos.” Michael Abrashoff It’s Your Ship: Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy
“The great corrupter of public men is the ego—corrupter because distracter.” Dean Acheson Fragments of my Fleece
“Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.” Colin Powell It Worked for Me: In Life and Leadership
“There’s no ego. Ego is the enemy, really. Being able to communicate in clear, concise fashion and make decisions as quickly as you possibly can. Knowing that first and foremost, we’re looking out for what’s best in the organization.” Seahawks GM John Schneider (Source)
“Ego says ‘I can do no wrong’, whereas confidence says ‘I can get this right.’ Confidence says ‘I’m valuable’ while ego says ‘I’m invaluable.’” Todd Henry (Source)
“The challenges they had faced together had taught them humility—the need to subsume their individual egos for the sake of the boat as a whole—and humility was the common gateway through which they were able now to come together and begin to do what they had not been able to do before.” Daniel James Brown The Boys in the Boat
“I believe that the biggest problem that humanity faces is an ego sensitivity to finding out whether one is right or wrong and identifying what one’s strengths and weaknesses are.” Ray Dalio (Source)
“Leaders must free their subordinates to fulfill their talents to the utmost. However, most obstacles that limit people’s potential are set in motion by the leader and are rooted in his or her own fears, ego needs, and unproductive habits. When leaders explore deep within their thoughts and feelings in order to understand themselves, a transformation can take shape.” Michael Abrashoff It’s Your Ship: Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy
“So here’s what you do: You say, “I have no ego at all.” Let’s start that way. “I have no ego, no cause to puff myself up.” Now let’s learn about the cosmic perspective. Yeah, we’re on a planet that’s orbiting a star, and a star is an energy source and it’s giving us energy, and we’re feeling this energy, and life is enabled by this energy in this star. And by the way, there’s a hundred billion other stars that have other planets. [..] So those who see the cosmic perspective as a depressing outlook, they really need to reassess how they think about the world. Because when I look up in the universe, I know I’m small, but I’m also big. I’m big because I’m connected to the universe and the universe is connected to me.” Neil deGrasse Tyson (Source)
“Steve Jobs had a remarkable knack for letting go of things that didn’t work. If you were in an argument with him, and you convinced him that you were right, he would instantly change his mind. He didn’t hold on to an idea because he had once believed it to be brilliant. His ego didn’t attach to the suggestions he made, even as he threw his full weight behind them. When Steve saw Pixar’s directors do the same, he recognized them as kindred spirits.” Ed Catmull Creativity Inc.
“Fight your own pride and ego and be open-minded and always learning new techniques, new things from anyone.” Sam Sheridan A Fighter’s Heart
“Egotism sucks us down like the law of gravity.” Cyril Connolly The Unquiet Grave
“The hallucination of separateness prevents one from seeing that to cherish the ego is to cherish misery. We do not realize that our so-called love and concern for the individual is simply the other face of our own fear of death or rejection. In his exaggerated valuation of separate identity, the personal ego is sawing off the branch on which he is sitting, and then getting more and more anxious about the coming crash!” Alan Watts The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are
“But there is another side [of ego] that can wreck a team or an organization. That is being distracted by your own importance. It can come from your insecurity in working with others. It can be the need to draw attention to yourself in the public arena. It can be a feeling that others are a threat to your own territory. These are all negative manifestations of ego, and if you are not alert to them, you get diverted and your work becomes diffused. Ego in these cases makes people insensitive to how they work with others and ends up interfering with the real goal of any group efforts.” Bill Walsh Interview (Source)
“Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves.” Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
“We’re all the stars of our own movies, but cutting back on the number of Do you know who I am? thoughts made my life infinitely smoother. When you don’t dig in your heels and let your ego get into entrenched positions from which you mount vigorous, often irrational defenses, you can navigate tricky situations in a much more agile way. For me humility was a relief, the opposite of humiliation.” Dan Harris 10% Happier
“The most striking features of the ego are three cognitive biases, which correspond disturbingly to thought control and propaganda devices that are to be defining characteristics of a totalitarian political system. The three biases are: egocentricity (self perceived as more central to events than it is), “beneffectance” (self perceived as selectively responsible for desired, but not undesired, outcomes), and conservatism (resistance to cognitive change).” Tony Greenwald, Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington (Source)
“But what about the huge egos of guys like Michael Jordan, who needed control over the court? Or Kobe Bryant? Their monstrous egos obviously don’t keep them out of the zone—Jordan’s the defining athlete of the concept. I can imagine it’s because they can compartmentalize and, in the moment, remove any trace of self-consciousness from what they do. They control it, like they control everything else. And they’re at peace with it, with taking the pressure shot.” Sam Sheridan The Fighter’s Mind
“[Bill Belichick] was completely dedicated to fighting off the virus caused by too much ego, all too aware of what it could do to his dominating purpose — playing championship-level team football. But a man like that, who was so driven to win, and who excelled again and again at such a high level, was hardly without ego. Instead, he had learned how to make his ego work for him, and to keep it from being a negative force.” David Halberstam The Education of a Coach
“When ego is gone, you wake up in the middle of the circle and now you’re a part of—not apart from—Life, Good, God.” Chuck C. A New Pair of Glasses
“The egotist does not stumble about, knocking things off his desk. He does not stammer or drool. No, instead, he becomes more and more arrogant, and some people, not knowing what is underneath such an attitude, mistake his arrogance for a sense of power and self-confidence.” Harold Geneen Managing
“My opponent is my teacher. My ego is my enemy” Renzo Gracie (Source)
***
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We Hear You: I’m a Sailor, a Marine, and a Transgender Woman Who Was Born This Way
Editor’s note: One reader who we heard from awhile back marked March 31 as Transgender Day of Visibility. So this weekend seemed like a fitting opportunity to publish the letter as the lead item in our mailbag.—Ken McIntyre
Dear Daily Signal: At first I was going to ignore Kelsey Harkness’ video report and the comments, but there comes a time when what I served our great nation for must be stated plainly (“Lost Voices in the Transgender Debate: Liberals and Conservatives Unite“).
I served for all Americans. I served so that you may hold opinions not based in logic, reason, or science. I served for your rights and freedoms. So by all means, feel free to express your beliefs and opinions.
I served as an enlisted person in the Navy and as an officer in the best fighting force in the world, the Marine Corps. I am a 1984 graduate of the Naval Academy, a parent of four, a grandparent of six, a serial entrepreneur, and I know me better than anyone.
The only people who know me and my body are my doctors at the KU Women’s Health Specialty Center in Overland Park, Kansas, and they know that I am a woman. Yes, I was born with male genitalia, but I am woman through and through.
I have studied me and the science behind me longer than many of you have been alive. For you to presume to know me, a transsexual woman, is absurd to the height of ignorance. I was born a woman from the very beginning, but my body physically and outwardly expressed as male.
The brain is the source of all gender, not what’s between your legs. Like 99.95 percent of all people, your gender most likely aligns with your brain so you have no issues to address personally. This is an evolutionary requirement for the survival of the species.
For the other .05 percent, the brain and genitals do not align: a statistical number that holds true for all human populations planetwide. Like all human physical characteristics, gender expresses on a statistical distribution, a spectrum.
There was a time in our country when conversion therapy was forced on those who were left-handed to make them right-handed, because righteous people were by definition right-handed. You can teach a person to use their right hand if they were born left-handed, but are they really right-handed? No.
What about hair color, texture, degree of curl, or straightness? What about tallness or shortness? Are all humans born with 10 fingers and 10 toes? Statistically, most humans are. However, some are born with more or less.
Do all humans fall into one standard shape and size and color, texture, functionality of genitals (whether male of female)? No. Huge statistical variety there, too.
Are only “real” humans born without physical impairments such as spina bifida, cleft palate, weakened heart valves, missing organs, extra organs? No. All of these occur on a statistical distribution, which means while they are less likely to occur than the norm, they can and do occur. Are those people any less human than you?
Why must gender be excluded from the statistical variability that is so easily observed in all of human nature? Well, it’s not.
So I am a transgender woman who was born this way whether you accept modern, evidence-based, peer-reviewed biological and psychological science or not. My being a woman is not dependent upon your approval. I am a woman. Period.
“It is your turn to stand in defense of my rights now,” Cassandra Leigh Williamson writes. “Trans people are under assault.” (Photo: Cassandra Leigh Williamson)
Gender dysphoria is caused by the lack of congruence, the misalignment, between expressed sexual and secondary sexual characteristics and the brain. It is not a mental disorder, but a physical issue much like being born with a physical disability.
Thank God, though, we know how to correct the misalignment.
So it is your turn to stand in defense of my rights now. Trans people are under assault. Our rights, our freedoms, the freedoms and rights you take for granted, are being rolled back or denied. Gender identity needs to be a protected class of minorities within our national and state laws. Stand with me. Hugs and Semper Fi!—Cassandra Leigh Williamson
Note: Cassandra Leigh Williamson, who lives in a small town in Missouri, has a website at cassandraleighwilliamson.com and recently began a video blog on YouTube called “Cassandra Leigh.”
Crashing the White House ‘Pool’ Party
Dear Daily Signal: You are more of a news organization than any of the “lamestream” media (“Journalists from BuzzFeed, New York Times Assess Daily Signal’s Splash in White House Press ‘Pool’“). Your Morning Bell email is the first one I read in the a.m. I look forward to reading it with my coffee.
I cannot trust any of the lamestream media. Look what they did all through the Obama administration. Lie upon lie. I have not read or watched any of them since the last two years of President George W. Bush.
How can anyone (with a brain) believe anything they say, especially after seeing their complete breakdown when my president, Donald Trump, won the election. I want you to know that you are a great news team. Don’t let anyone cause you to doubt that fact.—Hazel Sproull, Glendale, Ariz.
Dear Daily Signal: I’ve just started reading articles in The Daily Signal as a direct consequence of The Washington Post’s position that it shouldn’t be part of the White House press pool (“The Daily Signal Won’t Be Bullied by the Establishment Media“). I am supportive of more diverse voices in the media.
I’m not a Republican, but I am absolutely tired of one-sided coverage and the demonization of close to half the population in the U.S. I think it’s repugnant that conservatives are portrayed as racist, sexist xenophobes in most of what I read. That is not my first-hand experience, and I find it analogous to name-calling on the playground.
Disappointingly, this intellectually dishonest approach is what currently passes for thoughtful discourse in many circles. It forces one to be skeptical of anything one reads these days, which is the main reason why we need different views.—Dean Mathieson
The GOP Split Over Obamacare Replacement
Dear Daily Signal: The Heritage Foundation, and The Daily Signal, are quickly losing my support by turning on President Donald Trump and House Speaker Paul Ryan over the Republican leadership’s health care bill.
I am not a legislative guru, but I do understand that the enemy of a good plan is to hold out for the perfect plan. The American Health Care Act was not a clean repeal of Obamacare, but it was what could be passed within the rules that control the scheduling and procedures of both chambers, the House and the Senate.
Additionally, it looked to me that Trump and Ryan offered all that was possible to the bill, and the House Freedom Caucus still refused to compromise—with their own party, for goodness sake. I am very disappointed.
I am as conservative as they come, but Heritage and the folks of the Freedom Caucus are obstructing the chance for conservatives to govern.—Roger Rudd
Dear Daily Signal: I am a loyal voter for President Trump. Because of that, I am very worried that his administration’s declaring “war” on the House Freedom Caucus or the Congress in general will paralyze his potential.
How can we convince our president to work with and not against the GOP majority in both houses, including the patriots of the Freedom Caucus? —Hal Miner
A Day Without Men
Dear Daily Signal: OK, if it so revealing to have a Day Without Women, let’s try a Day Without Men (“‘A Day Without a Woman’ Strike Promotes Idea of Women as Helpless“). Let’s see what happens when citizens need the police, the fire department, the military, and a thousand common, everyday needs filled.
The local plumber, carpenter, electrician. Air conditioning service, garbage collection, highway construction and maintenance. And on and on and on. The greatest deficit in America today is old-fashioned common sense.—Jerry J.
Our Bodies, Our Lives
Dear Daily Signal: Amazing premise that we “own’” our bodies, Walter Williams (“Are You Really Pro-Liberty? Here Are a Few Tests“)! How did we get to “own” them? We did not buy them, correct? They were given to us by something that we cannot describe or understand fully.
Mr. Williams might be talking in his commentary about our “lives,” which would be a better analogy, except that we were taught how to live by our parents. They were taught by those before them, and so on back about a couple of million years or so, correct?
How far back do we go in choosing a particular way of living? Only 30 years? 50? 100? 500? 2000? There are many examples throughout history that seem to have worked much better, and many that have worked much worse, than today’s lifestyle. Maybe Mr. Williams could compare a few of the good ones and some of the bad ones for us, so we could make an informed decision for ourselves.
Also, much of what I want in life cannot be bought, in my opinion. I would like to hear what Mr. Williams thinks about those things that cannot be bought.—Barry Benjamin
How Are We Doing?
Great job. The Republicans better stand up to the Democrats and get Neil Gorsuch onto the Supreme Court. Now. Don’t let them delay any longer, as we need a positive vote on issues.—Audrey Lauer
Your Morning Bell emails have an unexpected pleasant twist to them. You actually have an email address for people to submit comments and a phone number where you can be contacted.—Paul Saucier
My compliments. You are doing great with your reports every day.—Ingrid Dohler, Esko, Minn.
Great reporting, thank you.—Helen McBroom
I get lots of emails on political news, but your Morning Bell is the most concise and informative. I like the headlines so I can read more if I have time.—Carolyn Gilbertson
Great job. I appreciate the work that you do to provide real news reports. I depend on The Daily Signal for true and accurate information.—Tommy Wilson, Lilburn, Ga.
Awesome. Signed a friend up and plan on becoming a donor. Keep up the good work, and thank you for helping save our country.—Madelyn Vanacore, Sterling, Conn.
The post We Hear You: I’m a Sailor, a Marine, and a Transgender Woman Who Was Born This Way appeared first on The Daily Signal.
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We Hear You: I’m a Sailor, a Marine, and a Transgender Woman Who Was Born This Way
New Post has been published on http://www.therightnewsnetwork.com/we-hear-you-im-a-sailor-a-marine-and-a-transgender-woman-who-was-born-this-way/
We Hear You: I’m a Sailor, a Marine, and a Transgender Woman Who Was Born This Way
Editor’s note: One reader who we heard from awhile back marked March 31 as Transgender Day of Visibility. So this weekend seemed like a fitting opportunity to publish the letter as the lead item in our mailbag.—Ken McIntyre
Dear Daily Signal: At first I was going to ignore Kelsey Harkness’ video report and the comments, but there comes a time when what I served our great nation for must be stated plainly (“Lost Voices in the Transgender Debate: Liberals and Conservatives Unite“).
I served for all Americans. I served so that you may hold opinions not based in logic, reason, or science. I served for your rights and freedoms. So by all means, feel free to express your beliefs and opinions.
I served as an enlisted person in the Navy and as an officer in the best fighting force in the world, the Marine Corps. I am a 1984 graduate of the Naval Academy, a parent of four, a grandparent of six, a serial entrepreneur, and I know me better than anyone.
The only people who know me and my body are my doctors at the KU Women’s Health Specialty Center in Overland Park, Kansas, and they know that I am a woman. Yes, I was born with male genitalia, but I am woman through and through.
I have studied me and the science behind me longer than many of you have been alive. For you to presume to know me, a transsexual woman, is absurd to the height of ignorance. I was born a woman from the very beginning, but my body physically and outwardly expressed as male.
The brain is the source of all gender, not what’s between your legs. Like 99.95 percent of all people, your gender most likely aligns with your brain so you have no issues to address personally. This is an evolutionary requirement for the survival of the species.
For the other .05 percent, the brain and genitals do not align: a statistical number that holds true for all human populations planetwide. Like all human physical characteristics, gender expresses on a statistical distribution, a spectrum.
There was a time in our country when conversion therapy was forced on those who were left-handed to make them right-handed, because righteous people were by definition right-handed. You can teach a person to use their right hand if they were born left-handed, but are they really right-handed? No.
What about hair color, texture, degree of curl, or straightness? What about tallness or shortness? Are all humans born with 10 fingers and 10 toes? Statistically, most humans are. However, some are born with more or less.
Do all humans fall into one standard shape and size and color, texture, functionality of genitals (whether male of female)? No. Huge statistical variety there, too.
Are only “real” humans born without physical impairments such as spina bifida, cleft palate, weakened heart valves, missing organs, extra organs? No. All of these occur on a statistical distribution, which means while they are less likely to occur than the norm, they can and do occur. Are those people any less human than you?
Why must gender be excluded from the statistical variability that is so easily observed in all of human nature? Well, it’s not.
So I am a transgender woman who was born this way whether you accept modern, evidence-based, peer-reviewed biological and psychological science or not. My being a woman is not dependent upon your approval. I am a woman. Period.
“It is your turn to stand in defense of my rights now,” Cassandra Leigh Williamson writes. “Trans people are under assault.” (Photo: Cassandra Leigh Williamson)
Gender dysphoria is caused by the lack of congruence, the misalignment, between expressed sexual and secondary sexual characteristics and the brain. It is not a mental disorder, but a physical issue much like being born with a physical disability.
Thank God, though, we know how to correct the misalignment.
So it is your turn to stand in defense of my rights now. Trans people are under assault. Our rights, our freedoms, the freedoms and rights you take for granted, are being rolled back or denied. Gender identity needs to be a protected class of minorities within our national and state laws. Stand with me. Hugs and Semper Fi!—Cassandra Leigh Williamson
Note: Cassandra Leigh Williamson, who lives in a small town in Missouri, has a website at cassandraleighwilliamson.com and recently began a video blog on YouTube called “Cassandra Leigh.”
Crashing the White House ‘Pool’ Party
Dear Daily Signal: You are more of a news organization than any of the “lamestream” media (“Journalists from BuzzFeed, New York Times Assess Daily Signal’s Splash in White House Press ‘Pool’“). Your Morning Bell email is the first one I read in the a.m. I look forward to reading it with my coffee.
I cannot trust any of the lamestream media. Look what they did all through the Obama administration. Lie upon lie. I have not read or watched any of them since the last two years of President George W. Bush.
How can anyone (with a brain) believe anything they say, especially after seeing their complete breakdown when my president, Donald Trump, won the election. I want you to know that you are a great news team. Don’t let anyone cause you to doubt that fact.—Hazel Sproull, Glendale, Ariz.
Dear Daily Signal: I’ve just started reading articles in The Daily Signal as a direct consequence of The Washington Post’s position that it shouldn’t be part of the White House press pool (“The Daily Signal Won’t Be Bullied by the Establishment Media“). I am supportive of more diverse voices in the media.
I’m not a Republican, but I am absolutely tired of one-sided coverage and the demonization of close to half the population in the U.S. I think it’s repugnant that conservatives are portrayed as racist, sexist xenophobes in most of what I read. That is not my first-hand experience, and I find it analogous to name-calling on the playground.
Disappointingly, this intellectually dishonest approach is what currently passes for thoughtful discourse in many circles. It forces one to be skeptical of anything one reads these days, which is the main reason why we need different views.—Dean Mathieson
The GOP Split Over Obamacare Replacement
Dear Daily Signal: The Heritage Foundation, and The Daily Signal, are quickly losing my support by turning on President Donald Trump and House Speaker Paul Ryan over the Republican leadership’s health care bill.
I am not a legislative guru, but I do understand that the enemy of a good plan is to hold out for the perfect plan. The American Health Care Act was not a clean repeal of Obamacare, but it was what could be passed within the rules that control the scheduling and procedures of both chambers, the House and the Senate.
Additionally, it looked to me that Trump and Ryan offered all that was possible to the bill, and the House Freedom Caucus still refused to compromise—with their own party, for goodness sake. I am very disappointed.
I am as conservative as they come, but Heritage and the folks of the Freedom Caucus are obstructing the chance for conservatives to govern.—Roger Rudd
Dear Daily Signal: I am a loyal voter for President Trump. Because of that, I am very worried that his administration’s declaring “war” on the House Freedom Caucus or the Congress in general will paralyze his potential.
How can we convince our president to work with and not against the GOP majority in both houses, including the patriots of the Freedom Caucus? —Hal Miner
A Day Without Men
Dear Daily Signal: OK, if it so revealing to have a Day Without Women, let’s try a Day Without Men (“‘A Day Without a Woman’ Strike Promotes Idea of Women as Helpless“). Let’s see what happens when citizens need the police, the fire department, the military, and a thousand common, everyday needs filled.
The local plumber, carpenter, electrician. Air conditioning service, garbage collection, highway construction and maintenance. And on and on and on. The greatest deficit in America today is old-fashioned common sense.—Jerry J.
Our Bodies, Our Lives
Dear Daily Signal: Amazing premise that we “own’” our bodies, Walter Williams (“Are You Really Pro-Liberty? Here Are a Few Tests“)! How did we get to “own” them? We did not buy them, correct? They were given to us by something that we cannot describe or understand fully.
Mr. Williams might be talking in his commentary about our “lives,” which would be a better analogy, except that we were taught how to live by our parents. They were taught by those before them, and so on back about a couple of million years or so, correct?
How far back do we go in choosing a particular way of living? Only 30 years? 50? 100? 500? 2000? There are many examples throughout history that seem to have worked much better, and many that have worked much worse, than today’s lifestyle. Maybe Mr. Williams could compare a few of the good ones and some of the bad ones for us, so we could make an informed decision for ourselves.
Also, much of what I want in life cannot be bought, in my opinion. I would like to hear what Mr. Williams thinks about those things that cannot be bought.—Barry Benjamin
How Are We Doing?
Great job. The Republicans better stand up to the Democrats and get Neil Gorsuch onto the Supreme Court. Now. Don’t let them delay any longer, as we need a positive vote on issues.—Audrey Lauer
Your Morning Bell emails have an unexpected pleasant twist to them. You actually have an email address for people to submit comments and a phone number where you can be contacted.—Paul Saucier
My compliments. You are doing great with your reports every day.—Ingrid Dohler, Esko, Minn.
Great reporting, thank you.—Helen McBroom
I get lots of emails on political news, but your Morning Bell is the most concise and informative. I like the headlines so I can read more if I have time.—Carolyn Gilbertson
Great job. I appreciate the work that you do to provide real news reports. I depend on The Daily Signal for true and accurate information.—Tommy Wilson, Lilburn, Ga.
Awesome. Signed a friend up and plan on becoming a donor. Keep up the good work, and thank you for helping save our country.—Madelyn Vanacore, Sterling, Conn.
The post We Hear You: I’m a Sailor, a Marine, and a Transgender Woman Who Was Born This Way appeared first on The Daily Signal.
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Episode Review - 14x01 - Want, Everything, Sunshine, and Beyonce
Hellatus is over everyone! Put away the crack memes and shit posts and bring out your meta caps because we are back in business! Oh boy are we back in business!
Right before @tinkdw came over to watch the premier with me, we discussed our expectations and both agreed that whilst our expectations were pretty much in our boots, we would consider the episode a success if it was even remotely meta. We wanted to be able to see clearly constructed themes both as a continuation of what had come previously and as a foundation for a strong season going forward. We were both hoping that at least from a meta perspective, that the episode would leave us happy and thirsting for more.
Dabb did not disappoint us.
It was such a strong episode meta-wise. There is a lot to pick apart that is ripe for discussion and I seriously hope that Dabb will keep a close eye on the other writers to ensure that these themes continue throughout the season. Plot-wise it was a weaker episode, but then again Dabb has always focused on the character emotional arcs more than the actual plot points in recent years, and I am grateful for that. The second half of season 13 felt stagnant to me simply because there was little to no character development and from a meta perspective it was also extremely weak. I went into this hellatus feeling negative about the show simply because I hadn’t actually enjoyed an episode properly since 13x12. However, the season 14 opener was most definitely enough to quench my thirst and get me excited for the coming season. Fingers crossed it goes from strength to strength.
Long review under the cut
Michael!Dean - What Do You Want
Straight in after the introductory Nyoooom of Baby (driven by a grim looking Sam and a pretty impressive swap from title music to diegetic music), we are introduced to the angel of the hour.
8 Things about Michael:
1. I am not sure how I feel about Jensen’s performance right now. He is playing Michael extremely straight and whilst I can see how this cold, calm portrayal can come across quite terrifying, it’s not a carry over from Christian Key’s performance. I don’t want to be too critical, because we only saw him in a few scenes so far, but when I compare it to how Tahmoh portrayed Gadreel alongside Jared, and the way Misha pretty much nailed Mark P’s performance (and greatly improved it), I guess I’m still waiting for Jensen to WOW me in the role. The one thing I will say is that he did terrify me and managed to come across creepy when acting alongside his own WIFE. So he's doing something right I'll give him that. When Jensen wants to have chemistry with someone, he does.
2. I like the fact that Michael’s goal right now seems to be to educate himself on our world. He’s not running around causing terror and mayhem like Lucifer, he’s learning how best to go about ��improving” the world. He also appears to be inspiring people with his words: “Holy men, leaders, killers” and we have seen the effect he had already on Kip the Demon - who was inspired to run for King of Hell until Sam Fucking Winchester ruined that plan. I wonder if we will be seeing the fallout of Michael’s specific type of inspiration throughout the season.
3. “What do you want?” Obviously this question is an important one. It was repeated like six times throughout the episode, though never to the main characters. It looks like this is going to be the theme of the season and as far as TFW’s personal journey’s go, this is now the question we are asking them and the question being explored. What does Sam want? Or Cas? Or Dean? This has an endgame flavour to it that has me extremely excited.
4.Michael’s own personal want of “A better world” is a follow on in a way of many of the villains that have come before him. For seasons now we have been exploring this concept of improving the world for the better. We had it first in season 8 when the brothers had the goal to do the trials to make a world without demons, in season 11 Amara’s vision was to destroy so she could reshape the world to her own blueprints that she saw as better than Chuck’s. Dabb era has been even more obvious, first with the goal of the British Men of Letters being “a world without monsters” which was shared by Mary wanting a better world for her boys, and then in season 13 Jack’s arrival floated the idea of “paradise world” to Castiel. I don’t think Michael is gonna fair any better than any of these others, and wonder exactly where all these escalated versions of “a better world” will end up. It's all exploring the notion that nothing is black and white, but in fact a grey area.
5. I already discussed Michael and Sister Jo here. Cas mirrors... Cas mirrors everywhere... I also side eye the "pretty things" line because it reaks of Dean and his whole sublimation thing. In that sense it seems Dabb is making Jo a mirror for both our boys. I'll be keeping a close eye on her from now on.
6. ”Why would he say yes to you?” “Love”. OH DEAN. Just, Dean wasn’t in this episode but my god did we feel his presence RIGHT HERE. And to think there are people out there that still think this is a macho mans show about macho manly men. I’ve never known another character with more heart than Dean Winchester. This show is about LOVE above all things. I wish people would stop trying to deny that fact.
7. Radioactive Pigeon:
Look I’m not trying to be critical okay it’s very pretty and this is the FIRST time they have attempted showing an angels true form and that is amazeballs and all, but still. He has little pigeon wings and a bent halo. Pfft.
8. The Purity of Vampires. I actually love this. I think it comes across a bit silly on the surface, but the whole idea of monsters being pure is a massive callback to purgatory and season 8 and anything that calls back to season 8 makes me happy.
Sam Fucking Winchester
Excuse me while I scream HELL YES. I have been waiting for Sam to take on the leadership role for AGES. Honestly this was always my dream endgame for Sam. To organise and lead the hunting community. There’s your better world guys. It was something that the writers flirted with in late season 12, but at the time Sam only took on the position with Dean’s approval and encouragement to go ahead. Sam has always stepped back and let Dean take the lead throughout the show as the big brother and parental figure. I think this was always a role he was destined to fill and something that has been building in the subtext for a long time (much the same way as the toxic codependency has been shown to hold Sam back.)
What’s of interest here is what will happen when Dean comes back and is fighting fit. Will Sam relinquish his leadership position to Dean? Or fight for it? Will this cause conflict? I read this amazing meta on this which turned into an epic discussion and I highly recommend reading it. My HEART.
Sam’s state in the episode is one of constant motion. He cannot stop for a second, always being pulled from one thing to another. He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t get to change out of his hideous blue and orange shirt (which is officially now my favourite Sam shirt), he doesn’t even get to finish his soup. I know Jared said that Sam had a ‘grief beard’ but Tink and I are adamant that the beard is simply due to the fact that Sam doesn’t get the time to shave. He has taken so much weight on his shoulders and in amongst that has to deal with horribly traumatic things such as face the face of his abuser and actually be a healer to him. Sam doesn't get a moment to himself and spends all his time concerned about others. It's very noble of him, but he's going through the motions.
Sam is the contrast here to both Cas and Dean, who are physically and mentally stuck in their awful situations. Sam is also stuck in a way, stuck with no time to actually contemplate the situation he has got himself in. Stuck without a moment to breath, or to grieve his brother. Stuck holding the weight of the world on his shoulders as every other single character looks to him for support, help and guidance. Sam is the motherfucking Beyonce of the episode, that is for certain.
He is also calling the shots on hell now...
(x)
... I find it amusing that back in the early days Sam's destiny was to be the boy king of hell, and it's almost like he's fulfilled that destiny, not by being king, but by being gatekeeper and in a position powerful enough to scare the demons into submission. This is probably what Crowley intended. Sam probably owns the moon now.
About Nick - Well, first of all, I TOLD YOU SO. I did say that I could tell the guy from the back of his head and I was damn right about that. Learn to trust me guys I am occasionally good at this stuff. Okay, now that that is out of my system, let’s talk about this. Round of applause for Jared in this scene. Because he takes Sam’s hell trauma extremely seriously and made sure that every nuance, every twitch, was picked up by those camera’s. I loved that. Potentially Nick could be a good way to help Sam heal in the coming season, as Sam has finally freed himself from Lucifer’s grasp. Is it fair that he should have to look after the face that tormented him for years? No. Not at all, but could it prove somewhat cathartic in the end? Maybe.
At the end of the day, Dabb must have considered Nick to have a purpose beyond “I want to give Bucklemming something to play with so they don’t fuck up my actual story” and “We need to keep stroking Mark P’s ego for some stupid reason”. Because otherwise I am really worried about how limited his power must be, and refuse to entertain the thought that he was overthrown by Singer and his horrid wife. I can see the potential in Nick being a dark mirror for Dean following his freedom from Michael’s possession. How Nick deals with the post possession trauma could be an indicator to how Dean is really coping even when he buries it.
At the same time, both Sam and Cas have been possessed by Lucifer, and therefore have all the experience between them to help Dean’s recovery without needing Nick to get involved. So I dunno guys. I’m trying to see the positive in something I otherwise despise.
Anyway I thought Jared was fucking superb in that scene and pretty much the whole episode and want to give him a round of applause because it is rare that he truly gets to shine on his own without Jensen by his side.
Now all we need is for Sam to get some sleep. How he is still functioning by the episodes end I will never understand.
Castiel Everything Winchester
(x)
Look at him. So defiant and done. You can almost imagine that fire behind him burning in his eyes as well. He’s such a dom.
Several things about Cas in 14x01:
1. He is 100% done with every demon on the planet and doesn’t give a fuck. Honestly though. The way he says “Oh God” when Kip walks in. The way he rolls his eyes. I wonder if he had Dean’s voice in his head saying “You know who wears sunglasses indoors Cas? Douchebags.”
2. He is making desperate choices in order to save Dean, which is certainly typical for him. The fact that he spends the entire episode stuck in a chair is a fantastic metaphor for his whole feelings on the situation, a metaphor then reinforced through a mirror at the end when he speaks with Jack (we never get anything explicit with Cas do we?). The fact that Cas can’t save Dean right now is weighing on him, but he is determined to do whatever it takes. The conversation he has with Sam at the end is a brilliantly short but important moment:
“I should never have gone to those demons”
“Cas no I don’t blame you. honestly I wish I had thought of it first. If it meant finding Dean I’d work with.. I’d do anything.”
The takeaway here is that actions speak louder than words. Sam HAS been distracted being leader of the hunters and having to face his own nightmares thanks to Nick, but Cas has literally been doing anything he can with a soul focus on saving Dean.
It's an intimate moment between them. In a bunker now bustling with life and movement this is the only time in the episode that it really seems still. The library has always been Sam's private space, where he feels most at home - like the kitchen is for Dean. But here he and Cas sit as equals together weighed down by their shared grief. It's the soft moments like this that I love the most about this show. They are both willing to do anything they can, but the difference is that whilst Sam is being pulled in lots of different directions, Cas’s sole focus is Dean. Note that heaven wasn’t mentioned once. It hasn’t even crossed his mind.
3. Everyone Knows, but Cas doesn’t give a shit.
“How is it you lost Dean, I thought you guys were joined at the... well you know, everything.”
It is an extremely explicit nod to Destiel. It is also the first time a line like this has made it into an episode since season 7 I think. The difference now being that we’ve had years of steady subtext and narrative building on the love story, hence the line has a different weight to those previously. It was very carefully written, careful not to imply that Cas was joined to BOTH Winchesters as the line was specifically about Dean. It was written by the showrunner, who would have known the significance of such a line, it encourages the view that all of heaven and hell have made their own assumptions about Dean and Cas’s relationship, and in case anyone wants to argue that the missing word was “hip” like the saying goes, the gesture and nod by Kip goes to prove otherwise. In other words, there is no platonic interpretation. Which is delightful.
Cas’s completely stoic silence is even more delightful. God I love him.
4. He can’t see demons true faces anymore. Like everyone else, Cas not realising those people were demons really threw me for a moment. Tink and I both agreed that the scene should have had Kip snap his fingers and have the demons smoke in and possess all those people instead - still catching Cas off guard but not making it seem like he is just super unobservant. I personally feel like this was just an error Dabb made. I have no desire to try to meta explain that one and I accept it as the error it is. I do like that it took an entire room of demons and 4 sets of enochian hand cuffs to overpower him though...The fact that he had to sit there and watch his family be beaten and almost killed around him whilst he was helpless again, is an excellent parallel to Dean’s current situation and what he will most likely have to face in the coming episodes, and also a reflection of Cas’s mental state (as mentioned above), Coming out of this episode it seems like this will be another season where Cas and Dean mirror each other and walk similar paths in terms of growth and development - if only those paths would meet with a kiss!
5. He’s the bait. Tink found this line hilarious straight away, where as I had to blink and ask why because I obviously took offence. But once we started discussing it and realised the quadruple entendre it is I found myself applauding Dabb on his genius. Cas IS used as bait, by the SPN PR people. Because he’s Mister Popularity. He’s also the character who causes the most conflict in fandom, with those who love him so much they are bitter and mean and those who simply hate him often complaining about the exact same things but in different ways - leaving the regular fans stuck in the middle (Tink explained this to me with delight - how both anti’s and bitter!cas girls alike will latch onto that line for completely different reasons). He’s also potentially a queerbait depending on how you look at it. But anyway. Cas’s epic eye rolls in this episode were almost enough to rival Sam’s bitchfaces. I am impressed.
6. He takes no pleasure for himself. I am forever going to obsess over Cas’s relationship with human food and drink:
“Coffee has no effect on me.”
“Me either, not anymore. But its like with saltwater taffee or infants, you know I just like the taste”
Although we can argue his refusal is out of stubbornness to not give the demon the satisfaction, even when accepting drinks from the Winchesters he doesn’t usually bother, or will stick with water. Even if he is seen ordering coffee it is usually only to avoid looking suspicious in diners. We know Cas enjoys some food and drink, but Cas rarely allows himself the pleasure. Even in 13x14 when Dean offered him a beer, it remained unopened. A symbolic metaphor for Cas refraining from indulging in other pleasures? This is why I am so so desperate for Michael to ask Cas what it is HE wants. Lucifer stated that Cas was a “pleasureless dullard” and I want to see this theme continue. Cas uses his grace as an excuse not to indulge and I consider this linked to meta about the “sacred oath” of heaven and Cas being duty bound and numbed by his grace. But these are all elements for a bigger meta at another time and the moment in this episode is just another snippet of that.
7. He looks awesome framed in fire. I just really liked the set up of Motown Meats as the new hang out for hell, with its fire pit and orange glowy bar. There is a lot of general symbolism there but I enjoyed the flames framed behind Cas in every shot he was in. Because even though he was mostly stuck in this episode, that fire raging inside him didn’t burn out once. He WILL save Dean. Just as he promised to Jack at the end, even if he get’s battered, beaten and bruised, his determined stubborness to save his husband will win eventually. Cas is no longer the broken thing of seasons 11/12. He well and truly rose like a phoenix in season 13 and now it’s showing through, as it’s a mission fueled by his own passion and love.
Jack Winchester (AKA my nougat son)
Poor Jack, like his father he hasn't had it easy in 14x01. He is struggling with his humanity now, his usefulness, in such a clear mirror to Cas that it kinda hits you in the face. He is desperately seeking guidance from those around him. First in the form of AU Bobby who has clearly bonded with Jack following their experiences together in apocalypse world.
It is great to finally see the Bunker gym! A room we all have ingrained in our fandom hive mind thanks to a 100 destiel fanfics. We all know what's gone on in there. >.>
Throughout the episode, Jack seeks out guidance first with Bobby, which goes badly, then with Sam, which is interrupted, and finally with Cas, which is when he finally gets told what he needs to hear. I am really happy that whilst Jack has so many father figures now, it is Cas who truly holds that torch and is able at least somewhat give Jack what he needs near the episodes end. If only he had damn well given his son a hug!
I loved the conversation so much that I transcripted it here:
JACK: I’m fine.
CAS: You did well
JACK: All I did was get punched. In the face
CAS: To be fair we all got punched in the face
JACK: That’s not - Before when I had my powers I could have done something
CAS: Jack you don’t have your powers, and your grace should regenerate in time, but until then..
JACK: I’m useless. I cant kill demons I cant find Dean and Michael is in our world and I cant stop him.
I can’t do anything. I don’t have anything.
CAS: Oh Jack. That’s just not true. You’ve got me. You have all of us. You have your family.
And we are going to find dean and we are going to beat Michael and we are going to do it together. Because that’s what we do.
This whole conversation was PERFECT. Every line chosen so specifically and weighted with meaning. Urgh Dabb I fucking love you for this.
Jack starts with “I’m fine” which Cas knows by now means you are not fine but he has also learned to recognise that sometimes it doesn’t mean “leave me alone” as Jack was crying out for guidance and support here.
The mirrored “got punched in the face” calls to attention the fact that Jack is a reflection of Cas himself here and everything he has felt both now and in the past.
Jack’s complaint about being useless without his powers is a fear Cas has carried with him since his fall in season 9. It’s something that still weighs on him and whilst Cas now knows his place by the Winchester’s side, knows that they are a family and that he is not just a hammer, I think that fear of losing his power and being cast out is still well and truly weighing him down. It will be cathartic for Cas to see the family accept Jack as one of their own even if he is “useless” and human.
Cas’s “That’s just not true” when Jack says he is useless - his voice breaks and you KNOW Cas has had those exact same thoughts.
“you’ve got me, you’ve got all of us. You have your family” compared to You’re my family, I love you, I love all of you” compared to “We're family. We need you. I need you.” The difference is there is no ambiguity in the word ME. Dabb turned it around, but had Cas clear it up. It’s the same line every time. The only difference is the placement of each individual statement. If this isn’t yet another clear example that the “I love you” was specifically directed at Dean I don’t know what is. THIS IS A CONTINUING PATTERN PEOPLE.
The determined promise to save Dean at the end, right after he specifies the singular and plural because obviously Dean was on Cas’s mind at that point - Mister I Don’t Get Words Wrong over here knows exactly what he means.
I love this whole conversation, but as I said above, it drums home the fact that whilst the Winchesters and others may be sources of guidance and support for Jack, he only has one true father, and I think Dabb wanted to make that clear in this episode. Remember:
Fingers crossed for more father/son bonding between these two in future episodes.
Mary and Bobby
(x)
Baring in mind I was expecting 1 small Destiel moment in the episode in the form of a line from a demon. You have NO IDEA how happy this moment between Mary and Bobby made me. If anyone saw that inktober pic I drew for premier day of me and Tink gasping in shock at the screen, it was for THIS moment. My face lit up in delight.
I said at the start of this long review that Dabb picked his moments well. With every second counting from a meta perspective. This was one of those.
Tell me, anyone, when watching that moment, would you deny that there was something between Bobby and Mary? As homework I'd like you all to play this scene to your heteronormative friends and family, or even be brave and ask a bibro. Would ANYONE deny that it was intended to be romantic?! I highly doubt it.
And yet there was nothing textually explicitly romantic about it. There was NOTHING in this scene that hasn’t been filmed a thousand times between Dean and Cas. The fact that Dabb chose to write this extremely small seemingly unimportant moment, in the kitchen, and for Bobby to use THOSE EXACT WORDS. As I have mentioned several times already, Dabb doesn’t fuck around when using well known moments from past canon in order to reinforce the importance of a thing. Dabb LOVES parallels. He wrote Bloodlines after all. He also knows the fandom hive mind and the things we pick up on and latch on to. This was a very smart calculated decision to include this in the episode and I am LIVING that he did it. GIVE ME ALL THE BOBBY x MARY/ DESTIEL PARALLELS.
...
I actually really liked Mary in this episode. There is so much discourse in fandom about her and whilst I find Sam Smith pretty cold and wooden, I have never understood the utter hatred of Mary as a character. Hence why I praise Dabb’s genius at this moment:
(x)
Because this line literally sums up her entire arc since her return. Tink and I paused the episode and basically flailed at each other because this is EXACTLY what Mary has been trying to do. She was in HEAVEN, with her BABIES and suddenly she is back on earth with two grown men who are strangers to her, telling her they are hunters and have suffered a life of HORRORS without her. So she ran. Hell, I would have ran too. She shoved herself into hunting because all she could think about was trying to make things GOOD for her boys. Trying to FIX her mistakes the only way she knew how: by HUNTING. She was drowning in the bad. So she found focus in trying to make things good. Like in this episode, she reassures Sam so much that he snaps at her. He doesn’t want to be reassured, and that’s fine. But my god this felt like the first time Mary has truly had a voice. I really weren’t kidding when I said that Dabb made sure every word counted.
OTHER THINGS
I am unsure how I feel about the title card:
Tink called it. I think it looks a bit odd, a bit too clean. I like the title cards to be grim and dark. Black angel wings though! And hey, at least the fiery halos in the title cards are perfectly spherical... so we know they CAN do it right...
*side eyes SFX team*
Kip as a wannabe Crowley was kinda fun for a one off episode but I am glad that they are stressing now that wannabe Crowley’s get killed. The last one we had was Bart in 13x08 who was very much the same flirtatious queer coded demon. I’m fed up with the villainous queer coding by now. It’s been done too often. Give me another Demon like Alastair or Ramiel or none at all.
“Asmodeus Kentucky Fried” DID ANYONE LIKE ASMODEUS OTHER THAN BUCKLEMMING? This made me LOL.
The fight scene at the end was really weird and overly long. I dunno why they decided on so many random slow mo and wooosh shots. the whole Mary slow mo throwing the blade at Sam was cringy. I wish they’d stop being experimental and stick with what they know! You think they’d learn after 13x23!
Maggie was a bit annoying. Why bring her along if she can’t fight? Also the random cuts to her reaction after Jack was angsty had me reeling. simply because in het couples that’s a brewing romance and that is a massive NOPE from me. I like her as an individual character, I DO NOT like her as a love interest to a 1 year old, and I certainly wouldn’t like some pining story for her where she falls for an unavailable guy. It’s not fair on her character. The one thing I did like was the “pointy end” comment. It reminded me of Charlie for some reason.
The throw away line about Ketch being in London looking for the golden egg Lucifer/president extractor. Nice closing of a plot hole there Dabb.
I liked the Jesus weapon expert hunter dude. He seemed quirky. Dead man’s blood bullets are an excellent idea.
DETROIT. Why does everything always happen in Detroit? I swear one day they are gonna reveal that Detroit is like a central universal power hub where the walls between the dimensions are thinnest or something. I could go on about this but I am sure a better meta writer elsewhere already has and this is waaay too long so I’m leaving this here.
If you got this far. Kudos and thank you for sticking around to read my thoughts. Feel free to ask me anything about any of the above. If I could hand out cookies through the internet I totally would right now.
Basically I enjoyed the episode. I have since re-watched it a dozen times and it is really the meta of it all that makes me love it. The story IS weak, and there ARE moments that are a bit odd, or infuriating depending on the way you look at it, but the heart of the episode was classic Dabb. All character driven and full of meaning. I am extremely well fed after this meta feast, perhaps even enough to get me through the horror show that will be Bucklemming’s 14x02.
So long as Cas continues to look like a sexy beast I’m sure I’ll get through it.
I’ll just leave this here:
God he’s such a dom. :P
#supernatural#spn meta#castiel#destiel#michael!dean#sam winchester#dean winchester#mary winchester#jack the nephilim#nougat winchester#episode review#14x01#spn spoilers#season 14#stranger in a strange land#andrew dabb#god bless andrew dabb#my review#my meta#my thoughts#mirrors and parallels#destiel dreaming#season themes#season what do we want 14
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