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system-of-a-feather · 5 months

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(CW: Vent, CSA, grooming, blind trust / faith / following, physical abuse mention)

Honestly, some talk about our oldest sister, but I find it very very fucking satisfying to see how poorly her relationship with the rest of the family tanked the moment I realized the damage she did to us and refused to serve her anymore. Among many other things - much more nefarious and fucked up - she raised us to be her personal attack dog and to blindly defend her regardless and I kid you not, growing up - when she was there, when she WASNT there, when she was miles away and not doing herself any services - I spoke for and adovcated for and kept secrets for her to keep her image in our family clean, to counter the THREE times she had been disowned by our parents, to make sure our parents kept an open door for her. She did nothing to keep in good graces with the family other than sometimes playing nice with them but deadass told me the only reason she came to any of the parties was to be with me.

Which cute, wonderful and all, but the bitch fucking wanted that support from our family and its been like what? Two years or so? Since we cut ties with her? Stopped reporting our life to her every two weeks? Stopped keeping secrets of shit she did and said to keep her image clean? Stopped coming up with reasons and excuses for her behavior?

And what now? Our parents, who are the ever "good parents" tolerate her - barely and disgruntled? My middle sister acknowledges her as a right wing Amazon-working transphobic and possibly homophobic republican when my sister is MORE radical left in a number of areas than we are and what? She's now avoiding me and the family for holidays which makes our middle sister - who has BPD - take that as a massive slight and worsens that relationship? Increases the distance between her and the parents?

Good man. Good, stay away.

You aren't welcome here and I'm so fucking glad shes not coming that I was not even sardonic when my mom told me she actually decided to double back and just not come again.

Honestly, I don't have to wish her ill because honestly, she makes her own life horrible and ruins her relationships without me anyways and its been a never ending sense of schadenfreude to watch her ruin her own shit.

I also will say, I don't think I am over the sheer level of disrespect and realization as to how little respect and value she held to me when after YEARS and YEARS of fighting our family (both physically and verbally) for her, after being a blind loyal fucking dog to her for years, after being OK with all the garbage she exposed us to, handed us off to, and hurt us - she decided that she drew the line at me *checks notes* saying I need space for one holiday because *check notes* her husband who is / was ten years older than me when I was a minor was sending me *checks notes* a shit ton of pornography games when *checks notes* I was already a known grooming / CSA survivor that *checks notes* she at least enable and possibly *checks notes* facilitated.

Apparently, being her ride or die who blindly and faithfully believed anything she told us (even to the point of believing we had 2D vision and had special vision at age 14-16), APPARENTLY she wasn't sure if she would be able to still walk with me if I *checks notes* stated that I needed emotional space because I was processing CSA trauma and her husband - while not the main perpetrator - was enough of a part of that to the point it made me extremely uncomfortable.

I had literally made the decisions that I was aware she played a large role in that and made the decision that I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt, the benefit of my thousands of excuses and contexts that I used to get her out of shit with our parents, and say I would forgive her and that I understood despite her never ONCE apologizing. I was completely overlooking it and letting it fly for her role in it, all I needed was for ONE holiday that her creepy fucking weeb ass husband maybe DIDNT talk to me beyond basic pleasantries. And *that* was too much.

I'm honestly kind of thankful she drew that line (and then proceeded to DARVO and victim blame me) cause I really don't know if I could have ever taken the XIV part of my brain seriously about how much he hated her and how toxic she was because at the time, most of our system saw her as our only ally growing up.

XIV won that, and he was absolutely fucking right about her and well damn man, bless XIV being right.

But anyways, I had mentioned her in terms of Christmas and remembered its like the second anniversary of her completely being a total bitch about shit and TOTALLY dropping the ball on her blindly loyal attack dog and getting the fuck bit out of her.

Fucking angry bless hallelujah a fucking bitch ate shit.

Best thing she ever did was be such an idiot it made me realize she was a fucking toxic parasite that needed me far far far far far more than I need her.

Cause fuck her man. She can fucking sit in her castle of shit and cry about it as if she didn't build it herself.

#alter: fei #<- fused vent #alter: riku #alter: xiv #vent #oldest sister #christmas vent #csa tw #grooming tw #physical abuse tw

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chocolatewoosh · 4 months

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Slow down and breathe- Calm down my mind- Lie to myself and think- EVERYTHING IS FINE 💣

#Kaileys Art #Kailey Makes A Queue #Fuse #To Note: Everything ACTUALLY IS FINE- this is not vent art of any kind I promise gklNJSFDKLJNSFDL #Everything Is Fine is actually the song that inspired Fuse!!! As lovingly designed by Gene icecreampizzer #Anyhow I was just vibing to music when suddenly his Theme came on and I was violently struck with the urge to draw. Thus this came to be!#had a LOT of fun with this brush. I've been learning how to make your own brushes in SAI and I made this squared off one :]

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blubushie · 4 months

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Weird as hell being told another man would hold you and rock you and getting emotional about it. Especially when you haven't been held by another bloke like that since you were a child. And that boy also stopped being your friend because he found out you liked boys and was cool with it until you liked him too and then you stopped being The Good Faggot and just became a faggot.

What the fuck do you mean I'm a human being with human emotions and it's ok to want to be held by another man without judgement or him thinking a certain way about me. No that's gay shit that's for those feminine gays that's not me. I don't want that I don't NEED that I don't need ANYONE actually and I'm fine being alone forever and never even looking at another man and wishing he'd hold me cuz that's gay.

But the thought persists and I think of men I've known and spent time around and if they act a certain way or look a certain way I inherently feel INFERIOR and it's a constant need to prove myself and my masculinity to them so they don't think I'm one of those other men. And there's nothing wrong with being one of those other men, it's just that that's NOT ME but everyone ASSUMES IT IS because of how I look. If a bloke is taller than me I can't be short girlfriend. If a bloke is taller than me I can't be the bottom during a root. If a bloke is taller or smarter or more masculine I constantly have to prove that I can compete, I can endure, I can be just like him and BETTER because if I DON'T I'm not man enough, I'm not male enough, my chromosomes betray me and I'm the girl I was genetically supposed to be before my anatomy fucked itself and I constantly have to PROVE. If I wasn't short if I wasn't intersex and I FAILED it would just be lack of skill or lack of a something else but it wouldn't be "because you were supposed to have been born a girl and your chromosomes and height reflect that."

But it means I miss out. I haven't been held by another man for 8 years. I've never danced with another man because I'd be the one holding onto him due to the height difference. And it enrages me. I want to I want to I want to but I CAN'T because more than I want to be held, more than I want to be danced with, more than I want to be kissed and assured and hugged and have fingers through my hair, more than anything I want to be seen as equal.

And I'll never be. And that really really sucks. And I wonder how many years are gonna keep going by where I don't let myself do things I want or need because despite my fear of how people perceive me I AM a man and my status is everything. I can't be lesser than and I don't want to be.

I HAVE to prove I'm better I HAVE to prove I'm more capable I have to prove it to myself or to the men around me or to the women or to GOD HERSELF that I am more than the sum of my parts I am more than the body she put me in I can rise above whatever fucking curse this is and be good. It's not enough to be good. I need to be BETTER. Better than I thought I could be, better than everyone around me, better than anyone ever thought I could be it's not enough to be good at something I have to excel I have to be THE BEST AT WHAT I DO or it's not enough. I don't want what they have I don't want to be them I wanna be better. I need to be better.

If I was tall I'd just be some bloke. If I was perisex I'd just be some bloke. But I'm not. I'm a short intersex man and so EVERYTHING is entwined, EVERYTHING is a catch, I am the short feminine bottom except that's NOT ME. That's all anyone ever assumes upon meeting me and trying to hook up and the amount of times I've gotten people ANGRY WITH ME for telling them that I don't bottom is insane. You wouldn't make that assumption if I wasn't short and androgynous!

So I just don't do things and it builds and it builds and it builds and then I'm told that yeah actually another man WOULD slow dance with me and hold me and press his face into my hair and he WOULDN'T think any different of me about it because I might like to be held sometimes I think that's pretty human but I'm also the bloke who hunts dangerous animals and is a fucking good shot and gets in pub fights and can sink piss better than anybody and can track anything that leaves a trail and can skin a rabbit in ten seconds and ties his own flies for fishing and I'm CAPABLE and my need for physical affection or the desire to just be HELD by another man doesn't change that.

And I'm left staring at my phone and crying and wondering why I'm so emotional and if maybe I really am just a faggot because men don't cry over just being held by someone. Even if it has been eight years. Even if he's desperate to just not feel alone for once. Even if.

But god, do I want to.

It's ok to reblog this but please DO NOT tag it with any trans tags. I love my trans siblings and I get that we might have similar experiences in some areas, but this is explicitly about my experience as an intersex man and homophobia I experienced growing up as a boy who was attracted to other boys, and how it's affected me as an adult man. I'd like that to be respected. You cannot separate this post from my experiences as an intersex man. Thank you.

#blu a fuse #intersex #homophobia #vent #i'm tagging it as that because i'm putting it in bigger tags

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art-goat · 9 days

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the symptoms

#chevre #fuse #fursona #blood #emeto #vent

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jasongraceenthusiast · 25 days

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identiy crisies are my favorite hobby

#please just let me feel normal brain challenge level hard #idk am i leo? fuck idk #(if im him) i was dealing with too much fucking shit and now idk did i fuse with someone? idfk #am i just dissociated??#sobs #vent #sys

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mewintheflesh-2 · 6 months

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I feel like I’m some ways Fusion is worse than just being killed.

Like. You’re your own soul. Your own being. But then you’re fused with someone else’s soul, merging into one another, your minds melding together. And suddenly it’s like you were never alive. You never existed. And neither did they. You’re just, someone. You don’t feel like your actions are your own you don’t feel like anyone is in control of anything. But you’re still one person, two people, nobody, everybody. You try to think about you being seperate and your own entity again but it’s like your minds can’t even comprehend it anymore. There was only ever this. You were never your own person. You were always this. You’re not even trying to do anything anymore, yet your body is still moving, grabbing, and pulling at things like it has a mind of its own. Your mind feels just like a melted, yet still solid mess. Two incompatible jigsaw pieces glued together with the strongest adhesives. You’d have to cut the two apart to finally be free. But even if you were free, there’d still be pieces of you inside the other, and pieces of them inside of you. And there’d be no taking them back. But god knows those scissors would break before they couldn’t even make a dent in your cursed body. You might as well forget you were ever your own person. It’s for the better.

#This isn’t even really about the fusion lab anymore but… whatever #Dr. Fuse #Fuchsia Orion #Don’t Trust Dr. Fuse #DTDF #The Fusion Lab #The Fusion Subjects #Human on Human Fusions #Fusion Science #i guess #this kind of bled into a sys vent at some points but let’s ignore that 👍

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p0is0n-is-th3-cur3 · 7 months

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AO3 AUTHOR CURSE IS REAL GUYS😭😭

#I’ve almost been hit by like 5 cars this trip #Our fuse went out at one point #We had to pull over because we almost had a bag fly out of the bed of our truck #We had a scare with our tire #I had an allergic reaction to the cold #I forgot my inhaler #we got delayed by an hour #my chronic pain is acting up #Vent post #tw vent

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tonya-the-chicken · 5 months

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Every day I log into twitter and read shit like this and I am asking myself what the actual fuck are you saying

#vent #it makes me think of that post talking how the narrative in fmab made it ok to kill nina fused with alexander cause she could never recover #but I disagree. narrative doesn't really say it. That's scar's opinion but with thing like philosopher stone and homunculi knowledge #of chimera she could have been fixed. seperated. but she is never given a chance #because why? suffering is worse than death? mercy killing? is this what we are supporting #I don't think nina wanted to die or that she wanted her father to die #this plotline is so much more complicated and most of the fandom just accepts that mercy killing was the solution

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nonbinary-vents · 7 months

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There is nothing as soul crushing as seeing people my age getting on t, even having top surgery sometimes. I want their lives so fucking badly. Why can’t I have that already, why do I have to wait longer

#if everything goes according to plan I’ll get on t before my bones fuse #but that doesn’t change how fucking envious I am right now #trans #nonbinary #transmasc #vent

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pissfizz · 1 year

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I am so tired

#i am tired of being so debilitatingly angry all the time #I’m tired of this awful superiority complex that fuses with a horrible inferiority one #I’m tired of hating all these people but I will never ever forgive them #I’m tired of my own stupid brain #vent

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ghostiboos · 1 year

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Anti-Capitalism and ChatGPT

(wordcount: 1,177)

Here’s the thing. I’ll be the first to admit that ChatGPT is cool, yeah? And I’m far from ignorant of the wonderful things it’s made possible. But there’s a pretty big problem with its professional usage,

and before you stop reading,

I promise that the point of this post is not "you have to stop using ChatGPT." Just. Stick with me for a minute, cuz contrary to what you might expect, this is not a problem contained to just the normies that don’t use ChatGPT: this is about how ChatGPT will affect you.

I’m about to use some scary words like “scalping” and “exploitation,” but remember I’m not accusing you of anything. In fact, let’s start with the good stuff.

Among other things, it could be argued that ChatGPT actually enhances workplace accessibility by “leveling the playing field,” in a way. Any job candidate can quickly make up for lack of time/skill/ability in one area by using ChatGPT to fill in the gaps, right? An individual’s personal quality of life can improve by “outsourcing” aspects of their work to ChatGPT — they have more free time, and maybe their work quality and pay grade improve too.

But I’d like to point out that this isn’t ChatGPT making life better for employees. This is actually ChatGPT eliminating the entire role of “employee.”

Okay, crazy statement time:

A person using ChatGPT in a professional setting is no longer an employee, but, in practice, actually a corporation.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Well, in concise terms, ChatGPT catalyzes the exploitation of labor by collecting it all in one place, meaning that the labor of hundreds of people can be scalped and represented as the work of a single entity: the individual using ChatGPT.

This essentially transforms the individual employee into a CEO of their own small corporation, which is being outsourced to larger corporations for work. Our new “CEO” doesn’t even have to pay any “employees,” keeping all of the profit they earned with the labor scalped by ChatGPT. This is why the individual is able to reap so much more profit from using ChatGPT than they ever could from working as a single employee.

You may think I’m trying to frame our new little “CEO” as the villain of this story, but it’s exactly the opposite. They’re just playing by the rules of the system, and within the system, it’s way nicer being a corporation than it is living as an employee. It’s just proof of concept that life on top is exactly as easy as we’ve all been guessing it is, and the only requirement for leveling up is a willingness to exploit labor. ChatGPT is a shiny new miracle tool that makes exploitation easy and accessible to everyone, and it doesn’t even look or feel like exploitation because there are no faces attached.

But that’s where this short-term improvement goes downhill: it’s accessible to everyone, including the actual corporations, who have already amassed the means to exploit labor en masse. If ChatGPT gives individuals a level-up by eliminating the role of employee and allowing them to act as corporations, how does that same level-up work when a corporation uses it? Well, I guess it’s a good thing the role of “employee” has been eliminated, because they aren’t needed anymore lol: not if your goal is to turn a profit, and we all know that’s just how things go.

But hey— galaxy brain here, but couldn’t that be kind of a good thing actually? The current system doesn’t function without people on the bottom who are available for exploitation, so if ChatGPT can automate the exploited parties for us by scalping labor from the past, then doesn’t that mean that the endless work necessitating human employment in the first place is finally… unnecessary? For the first time ever, we could be looking at a society where pretty much all of the labor is already accounted for, meaning all humans are free to pursue any passion they want regardless of their background, regardless of their class, regardless of how much money they- oh, right… Money.

The world I described above either sounds like a utopia to you or a dogshit stupid pipe dream, and unfortunately, both are true.

The problem is,

while technology has advanced to the point where it’s finally ready for automated labor, society has not.

We still live in a system where if you don’t work, you don’t eat, regardless of whether any work actually needs to be done. So… what actually happens in the current system if labor is automated?

Well, I won’t bore you with the typical “THE ROBOTS ARE TAKING ALL OUR JOBS” routine, but like. It’s only half wrong? I mean, we don’t even have the tech to automate all labor anyway, so it’s not like that’s literally what’s happening. But there are still… a lot of jobs that can be automated now, and that puts a lot of people in positions where they have to compete with ChatGPT in order to keep food on the table. It’s already a losing battle for a lot of people.

Using ChatGPT gives you a taste of corporate power, of the ability to exploit if it makes things financially easier for you. And that’s understandable, right? We’re all struggling in a system like this. Just don’t forget that line of reasoning when it comes full circle, where instead of getting to do the exploiting, you’re the one being exploited (again). Don’t forget what it was like to be on top: how normal it felt, reasonable, unremarkable. It didn’t feel like exploitation when you only experienced the profits. That is who owns you now. Let that radicalize you.

So long story short,

the existence and usage of ChatGPT is not the problem. In a better world, you’re right that ChatGPT could be a great ally, but the current structure of the job market has transformed it into a competitor. The human working class and ChatGPT are forced to compete against each other, not because it is rational for us to be enemies, but because the system pits all laborers against each other for the “privilege” of work. People are realizing that they really can’t beat the competition this time, so don’t scold them when they don’t share your enthusiasm. We’re all dogs in this fight, and ChatGPT has fucking lazer eyes.

It’s not the end of the world – the job market has always been prone to fluctuation – but this is different from your average fluctuation. It re-frames so much that used to seem impossible, but if we don’t change the system itself to match this advancement in technology, I guarantee it’s not gonna be the people at the top who pay the price.

The choice is not whether or not to use ChatGPT.

The choice is whether to discontinue ChatGPT so that society can continue with the relative stability it had before, or to embrace ChatGPT as the ally it could be by changing the structures that weaponize it against us.

(Okay I’m getting off my soapbox now, I sure hope nobody else is in this abandoned soapbox factory, can you imagine how embarrassing it would be if anyone actually heard me say all that lol)

#i could have written this in a more professional tone but so could ChatGPT so you get the manic rambling version #and again this isn’t an accusation of anyone and it’s not intended to make people feel guilty #it’s just me figuring out how to explain my position in a way that’s both concise and understantable i guess?#ive had several dude-bros mock me for being supposedly anti-progress or some shit but i never know how to respond cuz im just like #bro no if anything im saying it’s not enough progress and in this particular case it’s weirdly anachronistic in a way that has the potential #to destabilize a lot of people’s livelihoods #im not panicking about it cuz society already went to shit ages ago #(as if it ever wasn't going to shit)#but it would be kinda nice if things didn’t go even more to shit just because a bunch of supposedly ‘pro-progress’ humans refused to #acknowledge that their hardware was too old to run the new OS without blowing a fuse (if that makes sense)#(which it probably doesn’t cuz i suck at talking but im tired so i get to stop typing now)#(jesus christ wtf am i thinking posting this i dont wanna deal with it if anyone respondsss)#(whatever i spent like 3 hours on this so might as well)#anti capitalism #chat gpt #chatgpt #ai #tag rambles #text post #not vent

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unbreakable-oaths · 2 years

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Bad night and impending birthday has me feeling contemplative and I ended up with a short list of the small things my AS has taken from me over the past ~7 years:

My height. I’ve already lost an inch and will definitely lose more

My ability to drive at night

Drawing. Used to love doing it even if I wasn’t great at it, now it’s just painful

Standing up straight

My handwriting. I can no longer hold a pen properly to write and my handwriting has become terrible as a result

Dancing

Taking a deep breath

Standing up off the floor

Picking my dog up to give her a hug

Enjoying a rainy day

Martial arts

Climbing a ladder

Waking up and being able to get out of bed right away

Sitting without pain

There’s…a lot more that’s all big stuff, but honestly it’s the little things that have really gotten to me

#vent post #ankylosing spondylitis #my spine is fusing together and apparently it’s taking the rest of my body with it #will probably delete later

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lousyfuckingratboy · 2 years

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i'm so irritated with my housemate atm. she has all these habits that would probably be fine in small bursts but i just see her way too often so i'm just at capacity with her shit already with every interaction. like if she doesn't find something entertaining for about 20 seconds she does a big performative sigh. every time she does it my eye twitches.. like fair enough she has hyperactive adhd and autism, i try to take this into account and recalibrate my reactions, but sometimes annoying is just annoying. she finds long (more than a few sentences) conversations boring unless she has a strong opinion (and if she does she gets very bluntly defensive about her stance). if youre not able to keep what you're saying to under 2 lines or target her specific interests or keep it moving with light banter - she changes the subject to vacuous bullshit. but if you let it go quiet for 10 seconds *ssssiiiiigggghhh*. She just wants everything to be light and funny all the time and its so obnoxious and childish and it makes me feel like such an old joykill bitch- even though to not make things awkward i, and it seems everyone around her, try constantly to take her need for engagement into account. i was on the train with her today and she kept poking and trying to start thumb wars with her sister while she was trying to have an actual conversation. girl you are 20 years old this isn't as cute as you think it is... like, being childish sometimes is fine but acting like this 100% of the time we're not talking about your particular interests is just fucking unbearable. learn to cope with your shit yourself we're not your fucking stim toys. jesus.

#vent #personal #i hate being angry at people especially over such not morally important shit #but i am in such a pissy mood over her #i have a really long fuse but once im annoyed i'm fucking afuiaviuefgvlsrjbg

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technowings · 10 days

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I can't fathom how people like to work on cars for fun

I spent maybe an hour, hour and a half trying to do something that was supposed to be 'simple' and I'm in tears and ready to throw myself into the canal

#techno babble #my grandpa was a mechanic #my mom could do car repair #i can't even get the FUCKING STARTER FUSE out #going to commit a violence on the chucklefuck that decided it needed to be BOLTED TO THE INTERIOR OF THE FUSE BOX #venting

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andreajingling · 20 days

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Be me, actively panicking over the fact a fuse went out in my office room causing the whole office to darken while the rest of my house stayed lit up

look under desk

see space heater

remember that one time this had happened before and it was because of.

.

Y O U .

#venting #god this space heater is such a bitch #FUCKING SWITCHES OFF MY FUSES IN MY OFFICE APPARENTLY WHICH IS TERRIFYING #needless to say I will not be using it anymore

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venting-town · 2 months

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Fuck all of you

For being attached

For being disconnected

For wanting to leave

For needing to leave

For wanting to stay

For needing to stay

For love

For hate

Fuck you all

Fucking retarded assess

Fuck the selves

Fuck the possessors

Fuck the nations

Fuck every none some any every all no yes maybe neutral etc retarded asses

Fuck responsibility

Fuck accountability

Fuck complaining

Fuck grateful

Fuck mis

Fuck you. Fucking retarded asses

And you all get raped and it’s your fault because you’re all abusing others

And you don’t want to accept that it’s YOUR faults you won’t let go

So you continue to abuse and won’t fuck off then get abused back and try to claim victimhood

That’s not how it works

Real or fake or pretend or what or etc

Fuck you. You’re fucking retarded

Fuck you fucking retards

Trying to escape yet won’t let go

And then you all get fucked up. Fuck power. Fuck power no. Fuck weak. Fuck weak yes.

Fuck you all retards

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