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sad-clefable · 6 years

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backstreets back *ALRIGHT*

what is UP my guys it’s been a hot minute since i posted here. my life has changed a Lot recently (some good, some bad) and due to some of the circumstances i’m in i think i’m gonna come back to this blog at least for now?? so here’s a quick list of what’s been going down in Alex town:

-my bf/bff/fp of nearly three years broke up w me a couple of months ago. so that’s been REALLY hard of course, but not as bad as i thought it might be?? meaning i didn’t attempt anything harmful. this is mostly bc of school (which i’ll talk abt in a sec) and DBT (which i will also talk abt in a sec). so yeah that’s been a big sad thing and we haven’t talked since he broke up w me so ᕕ( ツ )ᕗ it’s weird

-the dbt group i’m in is a 64 week thing and next week is my last!! like i’m still sad and have problems but it’s really helped in some aspects, one of the biggest being interpersonal relationships. i’ve gotten a lot closer to a lot of good friends and ive learned how to text people first and ask for help and they’ve all helped me out a TON with my breakup. i love my friends and they’re amazing

-i graduated high school last saturday!! which is great bc i won’t have to see my ex and a few other ppl i don’t like for a long long time probably!!!! so that’s pretty great. and next year for college i’m going to university of minnesota twin cities and majoring in psych and minoring in spanish!!! so i’m excited to kinda start over a bit and be in a new place

-speaking of college, my roommate has been a big thing lately!!! i met her on snapchat and she’s amazing and i love her BUT she’s turning into my crush/fp which isn’t very good!!!!! the last like year of my relationship w my fp we were good at communicating and most of my problems surrounding the fp thing went away but now they’re coming back again and this time she’s Not neurotypical like my ex was so that makes it even trickier to figure out???? i also actually met her for the first time irl today!!!! which was amazing and surreal but uh the main reason i’m coming back here is i realized How Bad my fp problems are and i’m dying so!!!!! y’all will probably hear more about that later bc it’s a mess and i hate my brain a lot :-)

anyway that’s the main stuff!!!! also quick note i have a couple asks in my inbox and i have no idea how old they are so i’m gonna just delete them hdkshdksj so if u still want me to answer ur ask feel free to send it again bc i’m very happy to talk and give advice and receive advice or whatever!!! i just wanna start fresh w that. also idk how many active followers i have left lol but if ur still here hi ily thank u for reading this and sticking around

#personal

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sad-clefable · 6 years

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i hate that i get jealous when bad things happen to my friends because bitch!! i deserve it more!!

#yikes me #this is the hardest part abt group therapy #hi my name is alex and i get jealous when people who Arent Me go to the hospital :)

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sad-clefable · 6 years

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when u take off a face mask and u still got depression

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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one of my symptoms I hate most is that I “want” to hurt. I “want” to be in the worst situations possible. I “want” to sabotage myself. That means it’s in my impulsive plans, when I’m actually in the situation it’s not something I want at all. but I desire it as if it’s something good. and I don’t get why I have that.

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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i stopped taking my meds for two days and had a 20 minute breakdown at 1 am YEEHAW

#personal #mmmm sweet validation #and sympathy from my fp #the good shit👌👌👌

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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If someone would offer me a cure for this, I'm not sure if I’d take it. Because the lack of identity is my only identity and this empty shelter in my chest is the only home I’ve ever known.

A cure for my wrecked soul (via girl-with-a-lost-soul)

#this is the most relatable one yet #dbt has been helping me but im still not sure if i want to be helped #and feeling ok makes me want to die #its a weird cycle bc when i feel mentally ill im happy that my identity is back and i feel valid #but when im doing alright i hate myself for faking everything and i dont feel like i belong in my therapy group or on my own tumblr or w/e #and i still havent been diagnosed w bpd even tho ill be an adult soon #even tho it still feels right and its been years #ive been taking my meds less again #i want to be sent to the hospital again but it makes me feel sick to my stomach knowing what thatll put my parents through #i still feel stuck and i still dont know what to do #i thought this would pass but it hasnt yet #i just keep waiting but nothing is changing #and i dont know how to bring it up because i know everyone in my group will hate me for not wanting to be ok #when they have the real problems #and i dont #and i dont know how to explain it #im halfway through dbt and i feel better but that just makes me feel worse #i dont know what to do #wow this turned into a mini rant im sorry op or anyone else reading this #im having a rough time even though im not

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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damn rosie got too relatable today :/

#this is too much hhhdjsjshsjdj #ok to rb #animal crossing #pocket camp #bpd #borderline personality disorder #actuallybpd #actuallyborderline #bpd problems #borderline problems #actuallydepressed #depression #mine

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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me: *is bored for 0.5 seconds*

me: i wanna learn how to work wood. i need to build a boat

#SAME

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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When people think you've been happy lately and you feel the need to do something drastic and attention seeking to prove that you haven't???? Yeah mood

#oof me #ive been wanting to stop taking meds again :///#which landed me in the hospital last time

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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me: *forgets to take my meds*

carrie fisher’s holy ghost:

#SHIT I ACTUALLY FORGOT TO TAKE MY MEDS TODAY

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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#actuallypositive

So, I’ve decided to make a community tag for all ND people to make positive posts in, encourage recovery, talk about their recovery, and give tips by ND people for ND people! There are posts and some blogs like this already, but I think having this tag will make it all easier to find, and encourage positivity!

People can also use sub tags within it if they like, if people wanna seek out positivity for specific disorders. For example if your positivity post is specifically about bpd you can tag it with #bpdpositive, for anxiety you can tag it with #anxietypositive, etc.

As a note; this is a positive space but some people’s stories of recovery may have negative parts; positivity isn’t always uphill and we can slip up sometimes, and that’s okay! As long as the tag overall stays positive and supportive, that’s what matters.

Also as creator of this tag I want to say this tag is self dx friendly, and should stay that way!

If anyone has any additional ideas/points go ahead! Stay positive guys ❤️

#this is a great idea!!

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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bpd culture is screenshotting every supportive soft funny message your partner sends you because you need to periodically remind yourself that they love and care about you and you can’t burden them like “hi my brain’s insisting you lost feelings for me, could you tell me if you really did”

#shit yeah i do this #well #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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I like your icon 👌🏼

#asks #also YO i love ur blog sm!!#here have a follow

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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worlds saddest 6-word novel

for sale: impulse control, never used

#I CAME UP WITH THIS DURING LINCH AND I STARTED LAUGHING SO FCKING HARD #i’m proud of this please reblog it #bpd #borderline personality disorder #actuallybpd #actuallyborderline #bpd problems #borderline problems #actuallyneurodivergent #actuallybrainweird #mine

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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How I cope with my Emotional Nonsense

My brain comes with the fun little perk of really intense, overwhelming emotional reactions. My emotions are a series of on/off switches and it’s either blinding painful intensity or complete numbness. So here’s how I try to manage it:

Clean my room. Not like… calm gentle reorganization. No. I dump as much as I think I can handle onto the floor and put it back in its place. It’s intense. There’s usually loud angry music. Things almost always end up only slightly cleaner than they were but I feel way fuckin better afterwards.

Play video games. Preferably those ones where you’re way OP and just slice through enemies like butter. Or something you just plain can’t lose at, like Stardew Valley.

Watch vine compilations. Seriously, just search RIP Vine in youtube, click on the mix playlist, and you’re set forever.

Listen to podcasts. I like audio dramas. If you want recs, message me. I’ve got a list.

Take a walk. I’m confident in my ability to keep myself safe in doing so, so I will start walking and just not stop until I calm down. Usually I’m doing better after about half an hour for me.

Make something. Draw, knit, write, paint, make a fucking hand turkey. No one cares if it’s good. And even if I decide to throw it out, I usually feel better once I’ve actually made a thing.

Blanket fort. Really. It helps. Use a paper towel tube as a fake sword. Just… be silly and childish and imaginative. Those aren’t bad things to be.

Cut/dye my hair. Usually this takes a little planning but I always wind up deciding to do it during a breakdown of some sort.

Eat something. Sometimes a bag of gummy worms is all it takes to remember that the world isn’t entirely awful.

Go back to bed. Sometimes, I just don’t have the energy to put up with the world’s bullshit. And that’s okay. It’s not wise to pick this one every time, but sometimes the world can wait. I bury myself under the covers, put my phone on do not disturb, and either take a nap or listen to music.

Sometimes, I’m stuck. I can’t distract myself, and I can feel the wave coming, about to pull me under and turn me into a massive shitlord. Because I am an absolutely AWFUL person to be around when I’m in emotion-hell. Believe me, I hate myself during it too. Haven’t quite figured out what to do with it yet, but if I’m with someone I try to warn them that I’m really upset and just need a moment to freak out a bit. Then I try to just… let it pass. It’s a bad idea to talk to people you have strong feelings about, no matter the feelings, when you’re in this. Impulses are hard to manage. I tend to just ramble my feelings in a private post on tumblr or I talk to someone I don’t know that well and consequently don’t have strong feelings about. Just… keep breathing. It passes.

So yeah. Things I try to keep in mind:

Nothing is permanent. Our lives are short and, on a cosmic scale, relatively insignificant. The decisions I make aren’t actually that important, so I may as well have fun.

Our lives are the most important thing we experience. This is how we are, right now. It is so very real, so very vivid and meaningful and shapes future iterations of us. We are very much here.

Two opposing statements can be true at the same time. We are complex, beautiful creatures capable of complex planning and deep thought. We’re also bumbling apes who will ingest toxic substances because we like how they feel and frequently giggle at the thought of farts.

People in general are too busy worrying about what everyone else thinks of them to actually notice that a bit of someone else’s hair is sticking up or that their shirt was on inside out. It happens. We’ve all had those days.

There is no such thing as grown-ups. Only people who have gotten very good at pretending they know what they’re doing. We learn the rules by conformity, by watching everyone else and doing what they’re doing, even if we don’t actually know what the fuck is going on. It’s okay. There’s probably someone else just as confused as you in the same room. You’ll be fine, and if you’re too lost to pretend you know what’s going on, either ask someone who looks like they know, or bullshit it and hope for the best.

There is good in the world. If you need evidence, look at this dog. All dogs are good.

#this is......very helpful and Good #thank u op #reference #resource #advice

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sad-clefable · 7 years

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umm full offense @ myself but why am i still attracted to guys when girls are better in literally every conceivable way???

#personal #ok to rb if u relate tho #btw um i don’t think i’ve ever officially come out on this blog but i’m like 99% sure at this point i’m bi????#like i’m still paranoid i’m overthinking it or it’s just a phase or whatever #but i mean at this point?? i’m only getting gayer so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#ALSO why yes. i Am mad at my fp again :)#and i can’t tell how much of it is me being sensitive and taking things personally and how much it’s him actually being a real dick #who knows!!!#but i just want a loving caring girlfriend rn who’s thoughtful and pays attention to me and doesn’t flake out on friends :/#i’ll probably regret saying this stuff like like.......12 hours lol but for now i’m upset and gotta let it out hhfjjdhdjdj #ok now here come my Attention tags #wlw #bi problems #wlw problems #biseuxal #panseuxal #pan problems #women loving women

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