Preparing for summer in the city....

Healing; avoiding; reacting; relaxing.

Fueled by the support of others.

I drew this on the train today while trying not to throw up from exhaustion and anxiety because I’ve pushed myself to a place that is raw and unfamiliar but essential to what I want to become.

When anxiety meets mindfulness and I’m way too aware of what’s going on.

~~ Our Lady of Anxiety-Related Stomach Ailments ~~

"The majority of our burdens, pain and suffering are no longer ours to carry. And yet, we still keep choosing to be weighted down. They tamp us into flatness, distract us, leave us less than. Our experiences become confined. It is time to tear off this psychic scarlet letter; you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t know any better. It’s not your fault you were bullied, that your child self had insults hurled at you by adults. You weren’t asking for it. You are undeserving of shame and hatred. It is a challenging task to do this, but it is imperative to dismantle damaging internal weights while working with manifestation and magic. The majority of our burdens, pain and suffering are no longer ours to carry." - Many Moons Workbook by Sarah Faith

Fuck this president. Fuck feeling extra unsafe and anxious all the time because of him. Fuck wasting emotional energy on this shit. Fuck people who feel emboldened to be sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic. Stay mad y'all.

I haven't been doing any #howifeeltoday drawings in a while and I don't know if this is the beginning of a resurgence or what. All I know is that I have a LOT going on, mostly good things, but stressful nonetheless. Things that involve self-doubt and courage and change. I've been having panic attacks in crowded and/or small public spaces, which are impossible to avoid in New York. I start to feel nauseous, I sweat, and the room spins. I don't always tell people in the moment which makes it even worse. So now I'm telling all of you in an attempt to relieve the burden I put on myself. I hope being honest about this stuff will help ease the physical symptoms of my anxiety, because trying to keep it in isn't working anymore.

Feel your feelings, America. You're gonna need them.

Something I am learning.

I've done a lot of digging this year and made myself more vulnerable than I ever have. Thank you to all of you for engaging with me both on- and offline while I try to get to the bottom of these things we call "feelings". Looking forward to breaking new ground during the last year of my 20s!

The last couple months or so I've just been putting my head down and barreling through. At the beginning of Libra season, I'm resolving to surrender more to natural forces.

Blindly building mountains; hoping it works out.

Trying not to get sucked in.

An optimistic drawing for 2016, cuz we need it.

To my white friends: I know what it's like, especially when you live in a mostly white area, to dismiss what black people say about their own experiences; to dismiss their screams as whining. I grew up in a VERY white place. I know that's easier to turn a blind eye. To consider it not your problem. But it is so important that we listen to people of color. That we believe them when they tell us their stories. Do your research. Trust your fellow humans. Be compassionate. Do unto others. Question your fears and how they got there. Your fellow humans need you. Why does that scare you so much?