nbeetree
Wannabee skinny
{22} NB | disabled {5'7} HW: 220lbs | SW: 210lbs | LW: 123lbs | GW1 (end of 2021): 143lbs or less {Bed|Ana|Mia} pro harm reduction
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Cheesecake-ish
(200kcal)
100g non fat skyr/ Greek yogurt
100g cream cheese
20g vanilla protein powder
Lemon aroma
Sweetener to taste
It tastes like cheesecake filling and I like having it for lunch (I love sweet food). It has around 30g of protein which definitely helps to keep you full. Something I do sometimes is add 100kcal worth of full grain butter biscuit crumbs to have some variety in texture.
As for the lemon aroma: I use the little aroma tube thingies you get in the baking isle and I like it most with ten little drops, anything more and it's just too much. For sweetener I add around 5g of Stevia
(If you want lower kcal and more protein go for Skyr instead of Greek yogurt)
The best thing about this is that you can double the amount and feel absolutely stuffed if you really feel like binging on something and afterwards you don't want to kys. I'm someone who can easily eat thousands of kcal in one sitting but this is just too heavy to eat a lot of
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Idk when I last posted but update I guess?
So as usual I dealt with a lot of shit in my life, binged a lot and gained even more. I got a new HW which is just embarrassing at this point but that was like a month ago
Since then I've lost 3kg without exercise and without having to restrict calories (I'm so fat that I can eat 2000kcal and lose weight lmao)
Funnily enough this is the healthiest way I've ever lost weight despite still having binges and purges every now and then, so if that doesn't tell you how fucked I am idk what does.
I'm currently at 107.2kg but I did go to an all you can eat buffet yesterday (I did quite well though) and the day before I went to a concert, bars and hooters so not exactly a healthy day. Surprisingly I only gained like 300g so that's cool
I started weighing myself everyday so I can have a cool graph. I weigh myself with my PJs on and somehow that helps not completely going crazy. I can detach from the number pretty easily so I guess that's a plus. Never had that before so I'm definitely happy.
My goal for the next two years or so is to keep losing 2-3kg a month which doesn't sound like much but if I can keep it up it will be the fastest and most consistent weight loss I've ever had
I'll also get married soon ish and my partner and I want to move from Europe to the states (work) in a year or two so that's definitely motivating me to do my best to be a better me
If this is what the rest of my life will be like (monitoring food and weight, probably binging and purging every now and then because sh and stuff) I think I can deal with that
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Day 5 of no binging or purging
Tbh I can't remember the last time I managed to do this and I'm proud of myself. Even when I didn't purge for like a year or something I'd still binge almost every day (which is how I got do fat)
Now I think about doing it again but I don't miss the feeling. It's more sth I'm used to doing. It feels much better to feel light though. I'm also not exercising that much since it makes you hungry and I want to make sure I don't need that much food before doing that.
It doesn't usually work out going from binging to sticking to a kcal goal and working out
I haven't weighed myself yet either and for a while I wanted to wait until the end of the year but I am curious. But I always end up drinking sth before I remember that I wanted to weigh myself
Maybe I'll remember tomorrow
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Grandma
I love her to bits but ofc I ate stuff I didn't plan to. I was half thinking about saying "fuck it" and just eating whatever to then purge but nope. I'm on day 4 of no binging and purging, I'm not going to start again.
I had a protein pudding and coffee for breakfast which was a lot earlier than usual (9am) but I wanted to be alright and not walk around on an empty stomach. Just so I can be more sensible.
We went to IKEA and she insisted on having a hotdog together so I gave in and had a veggie one with some pickles, ketchup, hot mustard and a tiny sprinkle of onion. She had a veggie one too out of curiosity and tbh they taste better than the meat ones anyway. I sneakily threw away some of the bread since it's the least healthy part but then she gave me a bag of nuts. Cashews. I love them but they're roughly 350kcal for 60g. I tried not to eat them but her being a grandma she made sure I did haha
I rounded that up to 400+ ca 200 for the veggie dog
Plus my protein pudding that's closer to 150 but I round up to 200kcal.
Total so far ≈800
I round up to hundreds so I don't have to count stuff like sauce, almond milk, sugar free syrups etc and so it's easier to keep track of
I have a protein shake with iced coffee ready to drink before 5pm since my parents want me to come visit. They'll have cake but I'll just not eat it and say I feel sick or something idc. So the drink gets me up to 1000kcal
I have a Hokkaido pumpkin I need to finish, I have potatoes and a lot of veggies so I'll do a veggie plate with some fried egg whites (obviously without oil) for dinner and if I need to have something after that I'll have an ice lolly (80kcal aka 100)
I should be fine tho. It's 3:15pm and I'm not hungry. I'll do some light exercises and some chores before I go
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I don't really know what happened but I'm glad it did
It's like a switch just flipped in my brain because I have not binged or purged in days. I haven't even felt the need to do so. I don't crave my trigger foods either.
I just look at the stuff like meh
Which is obviously good but it's like how? What? Huh? But in the best way possible. I can fully appreciate the light feeling and feeling energised by healthy food opposed to feeling sluggish and gross after binging and purging. I'm not going to weigh myself until December so ima try to make this autumn skinny season haha
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Have you ever been in love?
Do you want me to describe it to you?
I fell back in love with almonds. I avoided them for a while because they didn't seem worth it to me (price and not filling enough by themselves) but my grocery store has store brand ones that are exactly the same as the expensive ones just not branded as fancy xD
I made myself some scrambled eggs (4 egg whites with tumeric, garlic powder, some herbs and broth (the powdery stuff) and tomatoes) and has 14 almonds after. 200kcal, satisfying, tasty and a good amount of protein
What more can you ask for
Oh and I put some hot sauce on top because why not
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My kcal limit today is 1000kcal, my breakfast and lunch were 200kcal each and I know that I'll want to eat a big dinner and some snacks so I doubled this recipe but because I don't think I could eat 600g of veggies I added another egg white for some more protein. I am so stuffed and if I wanted to I could have 200kcal worth of snacks
But at that point someone would have to roll me to my bed hahahahha
Btw by stuffed I say that as a binge eater so yeah I am stuffed but I don't feel disgustingly heavy. I do feel slightly uncomfortable because if the volume but that's exactly what I needed
190kcal rice bowl
Semi back to making healthier choices so I made myself a stirfry. I don't think I'll do it all the time because I'm content eating green beans out of a can with some hot sauce but this was a welcome change xD
Ingredients:
100kcal brown rice (30g)
69kcal frozen veg (300g) I used carrots, cauliflower and broccoli
18kcal Egg white (one egg)
Whatever spices
Instructions:
Boil the rice and veg in some salted water and drain. (They should both be done around the same time)
heat up a nonstick pan because who uses oil to fry, not me. Take the egg white, mix in some tumeric (it's good for you, doesn't taste of anything and makes the egg look like you have yolk in it). Fry the egg and scramble it in with the veggies & rice and add whatever sauces and spices you want.
I added a bit of tomato puree, water, Worcester sauce, soy sauce, masala and whatever hot sauce I want (usually sriracha or Carolina reaper). That's just what I personally like to do but I wouldn't be surprised if anyone called this combo ungodly. My partner gives me weird looks with my food combinations all the time so idk
#fat#food#low cal#miia#rexiia#ed stuff#bonespr0#losing weight#weight loss#model thin#kcal#calories#recipe
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I think I'm alright
Which is surprising, lol
Something I noticed recently is that I don't write down my calories. And I also don't use the exact amount of calories since there is no such thing (I'm sure we've all heard that food companies are allowed to lie about the kcal by a certain amount)
Instead I just round up to make life easy. I'm gay and don't want to constantly cry over maths. Jk but idk, I just don't really care that much anymore and don't even use apps. Not sure if it's my mental health or just me getting older, either way I'm fine with it.
It's 5pm and I've had
A protein pudding 200kcal (it's like 178 or something stupid so I just round up)
And just now I had two wraps with light mayo, stuffing, chicken and salt. I know the wrap has 123kcal and 15g of mayo have 80kcal. Stuffing is low kcal anyway and I only used very little chicken and mayo. I estimated it to be 300kcal each so 600kcal
Total of 800kcal and I feel full. Dinner will be a cooked chicken breast in BBQ sauce and fried peppers with onion
My mind is at ease and I know I won't binge so overall win
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Applesauce
Random but I just made myself some oatmeal and my go to is cinnamon and applesauce. I haven't had it in ages and assumed my applesauce was around 70kcal. Well, past me was smort and bought some with less sugar. 40kcal for 100g
I'm so happy and I'll definitely get more later (I sometimes like to just pour some applesauce in a small glass and eat it with a spoon soooo I'll definitely take the 40kcal)
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New motivation :)
Looks like I might be moving country and since moving is always starting fresh, I'd like to be at a much lower weight and not be the chunky person but rather the skinny one.
I have until April/may before we stay for a month and after that it's probably a year.
Even if we don't end up moving, I really want to be as skinny as possible for the one month trip so fingers crossed.
I'm also gonna work from home now so I probably need to make a new schedule that will work with that
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England update
(new weight loss inspiration)
On Thursday we're already heading back which I am kinda looking forward to. Just so I can really focus on losing weight. Not sure how I've been doing weight wise, I've definitely had more food than I am comfortable with and I did purge a lot more than usual but I also had a decent amount of food that doesn't come up easily.
Definitely interested to see my weight but also dreading to step on the scale.
I did found a new motivation for the next few kilos though. I wear leggings a lot since they're just comfy and my style is definitely on the sportier side. Problem with women's clothing are the pockets. I just got some nice leggings my partner got me and they only have a tiny pocket at the back that could maybe fit a bit of change or potentially a small MP3 player. Not sure why anyone would need a pocket that small at your tailbone but ok.
Anyway I also got a thatchers lanyard and I had this idea that I could just open it and use it as a belt so I could then hook my keys to it for when I'm too lazy to carry a bag.
Ofc I'm still too big to be able to do it but I only need to lose like a couple inches. Won't take too long and will be fun so I might as well
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47h into my "72"h fast
Well, despite feeling awesome and knowing I could definitely do it, looks like I'll have to break my fast tomorrow afternoon. It's almost 1am now and my partner and I talked.
I either do the three days and not fast until we leave or break the fast tomorrow and fast on Tuesday. I can do whatever as long as I don't fast longer than 3days and don't fast on Wednesday (because it's the day before the long car ride and since I'm the only one with a licence, I have to function. I know I'd be fine but ofc it's best to be safe than sorry)
So I'll see how long I can wait to break my fast tomorrow. Have some food and then fast again.
It's kind of annoying but I made a plan for the rest of the year to manage my mental bullshitery and have off days aka fasts so I don't have to think about binging, purging or low restriction
Based on what I now know about my body, I should be fine to do 24h, 48h, 72h, 48h, 24h of fasting at the start of each month and do 16:8 or more for normal days.
During my time in England I'll set my timer to 13h fasts but try to do 16:8. I just don't like not reaching my goal so I like to set a lower goal I can easily reach :)
#model thin#food#cal#0 kcal#kcal#fasts#water fast#thinspr0#anna#miia#rexiia#ed stuff#ed things#bonespr0#skinny#thin#low cal snacks#low cal
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34h into my 72h fast
Before my previous fast I made the mistake of purging right before, which made it unnecessarily hard to fast for 48h.
My current fast didn't have ideal conditions either. I was at a wedding and it dragged on for longer than I hoped. It was fun, don't get me wrong but I couldn't bring myself to purge in their bathroom. So I told myself I'd just do it at home since my partner wanted to get some more work done.
I was counting on that but as I munched on some more cake I had made, I was told that we're going to bed. There was no way I could purge and eat something small after so I decided not to purge. At least that way I'd have no excuse not to do the 72 hours.
I didn't eat/drink that much at the wedding but it's obviously more than I feel comfortable digesting. Oh well, I guess.
Another thing that annoyed me was that I started the fast at one in the morning. I feel better starting at like 8pm just to get more hours (it's easier rn not to eat at night. Unless I'm doing my b/p bs)
I will probably do another 24h fast after I broke the current fast just for the heck of it. I really like fasting now :) all I need to keep in mind is to drink enough and make sure I'm good on electrolytes.
#fat#food#low cal#miia#rexiia#ed stuff#bonespr0#losing weight#weight loss#calories#fasting#waterfast#72 hour fast#update
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43h into my fast✨
I'm feeling a bit sick and lightheaded. I did take my supplements but I was tempted to break my fast. I decided against it but wondered if I just can't fast more than a day right now. Then I remembered that I purged right before I started the fast so... Don't do that
Tomorrow is my eating day and after that I will try fasting for three days. If that doesn't work out I will do a two day fast followed by a one day fast.
Now I'm stuck with what I want to do from now on. Yesterday I thought I could do 1day of fasting, 2days, 3days, 2days, 1day (each with a day refeeding window in between fasts) then I thought maybe I should only do 1day, 2days, 1day but I was looking for a monthly thing to do, 4days of fasting would be biweekly
So I might as well just fast on two days per week
Idk, we'll see how I feel on my attempt at 3days of fasting. I'm not saying I absolutely can't, I just don't want to feel like absolute shit since I can't just lie around like a corpse and have stuff to take care of.
Edit: 45.5h in
Still not feeling too hot. I think instead of continuing the fast over night I'll just break the fast after the planned 48h with some blueberries. I'll also have a slice of lemon cheesecake so less than 200kcal. Tomorrow I will do my best to restrict so I don't start the fast after purging again, this isn't fun :/
I can't break the fast now because I already set the timer and I'd feel bad for not finishing the fast. It is completely stupid and ridiculous but my mind is messed up, what's new lol
#fat#food#low cal#miia#rexiia#ed stuff#bonespr0#losing weight#weight loss#calories#fasting#water fast
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August progress
SW: 95kg
CW: 94kg (after 40h fast)
Today is the 3rd of August so I have plenty of time to lose more than just water. In June and July I didn't really stick to anything and mostly b/p my way from 100kg to 95kg but hopefully I can now lose weight properly and a bit faster.
My goal for consistency sake would be to lose 5kg a month which would get me down to 70kg by the end of the year. It is doable so I need to get my shit together and do it.
I'm working on my bday present to myself. By the time I'm 22 I'd like to be at my goal weight and by the time I'm 23 I'd like to still be the same weight (etc). I guess my 21st bday will just have to suck but oh well, can't blame anyone but myself
#fat#food#low cal#miia#rexiia#ed stuff#bonespr0#losing weight#weight loss#calories#cw#hw#lw#sw#weight log#goals
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Blood test results ✨
I guess the older I get the less I care about keeping my ED hidden. I went to my GP and told him I want a blood test because I purge a lot and want to make sure I'm ok. I always tend to be deficient in iron and vitamin D anyway so that's something I wanted to know as well as how my thyroid is doing (last time I was on the edge of a Hashimoto diagnosis)
My vitamin D is so incredibly low I couldn't help but laugh. It was like 7.5ng/ml and the normal range is 40-80ng/ml so yeahhh slightly off. I'm also mixed and I've heard a lot of mixed/brown/black people who live in e.g. Europe have to take supplements anyway so guess that's something I will have to continuously do
Iron lowwww who would've thought
Thyroid could be better but could be worse
But the main reason was magnesium and potassium. Thanks to me supplementing I'm totally fine which tells me I can just keep doing what I do now
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28h into my fast✨
I feel great. I got some hunger pangs every now and then but nothing a cup of tea couldn't solve. I noticed that most of my cravings were just a habit I usually give in to (because I'm bulimic) but I actually feel so much better restricting.
I knew all of this already and fasting for the day is much easier than restricting low. It's kind of like when an alcoholic has a bit of alcohol and then just can't stop. That's me with food. A love hate relationship that's very toxic and harmful.
Not that I'm not harmful rn but I want to lose weight so whatever. At least I'm not killing my teeth as much.
Tomorrow I'll break my fast and try to only purge once. I'll keep some blueberries and soup in my system. Maybe a protein pudding and frozen strawberries, not sure yet but I'll be expected to eat "normal" which I don't want to do and can't do.
The two days after that are gonna be a fast again and I'm excited to see how I'll be. After that it's another day of eating (I'm invited to a wedding) followed by three days of fasting. I hope my appetite will be a lot smaller so I don't binge my way through my stay in England.
Overall my goal is to restrict instead of binging and purging. And when restricting I do want to choose healthy options. Fruit, veggies, protein where I can and some healthy fats to get those vitamins in.
#fat#food#low cal#miia#rexiia#ed stuff#bonespr0#losing weight#weight loss#calories#fast#liquid fast#zero calories
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