nadineprescott
nadine
i can snap twice
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Anakin Is A Mess. And The Others R2
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Au where Damian comes to Gotham with the goal of infiltrating and eventually overthrowing Batman instead of inheriting the mantle. Not much changes from canon except for the fact that he views everything that batman owns as his. That's his future cave and his future batmobile. This also includes his robins. After all everyone knows Batman wouldn't really be Batman without them.
Cue a very bewildered Tim being lectured on his eating habits by a righteous Damian who won't let one of his people take shortcuts with their health.
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he will use every chance he gets to be a drama queen and if he doesnt have one he will create one
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I wanna make DC comic short series about Gothamites who are just regular ass people.
Real estate agent trying DESPERATELY to sell a house to some people who aren’t from Gotham while Joker is laughing and setting bombs just outside and she’s pretending everything is fine.
A Batburger employee who always gets stuck with the graveyard shifts and that is, unfortunately the perfect time to get a few of Batman’s rogues, his family, or the Dark Knight himself, sometimes all on the same night and at the same time.
Principal who comes to the horrifying realization that they’re gonna have to change the school year to all year due to how many ‘days off’ from citywide threats they’ve taken
The lady who petsits Hailey sometimes and doesn’t even bother to question why NIGHTWING is the guy picking her up
Is there a maintenance guy for the Bat signal?? There should be. I think that should be a thing. Maybe sometimes Cass just sits there ominously while he works and he has long since stopped questioning it
Construction worker lady who regularly points where rogues try to hide when they’re running down the streets to The Signal. Theyre best buddies
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Bruce: Ste-Cass-Jay-Ti--Hel-Titu-Barb-Jarr-Dian-Dam-Dic-DUKE !
Duke: The starfish ?
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a non-comprehensive list of reasons why bruce has tried banning halloween in the manor
1. dick was overly trusting of clowns as a child. he still holds the family record for most kidnappings in a single night
2. jason tried wearing his robin uniform as a costume. every. year.
3. jason then graduated to dressing up as his corpse and haunting (traumatizing) his brothers
4. cass always manages to scare him. no clark he does not shriek.
5. tim, duke, and steph got ‘spooky scary skeletons’ stuck in his head and martian manhunter started laughing at him in a JL meeting because of it
6. damian was followed and subsequently kidnapped by what they assumed was a group of very tall trick or treaters, but were actually just the league
7. that time of year is when jerry the turkey gets a little self aware (re: defensive). there have been incidents.
8. he walked downstairs only to be greeted with every member of his family dressed like green lantern. even alfred.
9. young justice decided to throw a giant party and to get in you had to wear the shittiest batman costume possible for their contest
10. jason won said contest. he didn’t even stay for the party, he just wanted the excuse
11. gotham rogues are drama kids and are therefore sluts for good thematic irony, so half of them do special edition attacks on halloween
12. the kids all do a candy swap at the end of the night, they invite kate and not him
13. tim has an allergy to peppermint and never seems to be aware of this, so he has to keep multiple epi pens on standby
14. he’s expected to wear slutty costumes and that’s just not worth his playboy cover
15. alfred only confiscates the candy he gets
16. he was just really hungover one year
17. damian has made them all watch coraline so. many. times. he doesn’t even get nightmares anymore
18. tim goes on a sugar high and has to be put on tech lockdown or he might frame lex luthor for murder and extort 90% of gotham’s elite
19. when dick and jason were younger they left open pumpkins outside his door and he would accidentally step in them every morning
20. damian tried to convince them to bob for apples with lazarus water
21. tim fell asleep while bobbing for apples (in normal water) and almost drowned
22. dick and steph drew a glittery skeleton over the batsuit
23. when he complains they all call him the grinch. it’s not even christmas.
24. pumpkin carving always leads to them flinging the innards at eachother and making a mess even alfred refuses to clean
25. the validity of candy corn argument comes to blows. every. single. year.
26. duke lead a revolt one year against the tyranny of bruce’s “no slanderous costumes” policy (he wanted to be slutty batman)
27. the kids throw a rager in the cave and somehow never get caught. it’s the only time they’re all willing to clean and it pisses bruce off that he can’t prove it.
28. bruce got sick and clark walked around the watchtower in a batman costume pretending to be him for two days
29. steph and dick glued the lorax mustache to him while he was sleeping because he refused to pick a costume. it didn’t come off for a week, and lois posted an article speculating he was secretly a natural ginger.
30. all the kids stayed in once and watched ‘it’s the great pumpkin charlie brown’ instead of partying and he’s been trying to get them to do it again ever since
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My favourite wfa episode is where Bruce leaves his comm channel open. I am sure he is not the only one to do this, so any other shenanigans of the batfam leaving comms on when they really shouldn't?
Bruce: *turns on his comms*
Dick: Are you a terabyte of data? 'Cause you've been taking up my whole memory.
Barbara: *giggles*
Bruce: *switches channels*
Steph: Can you hold my drink while I check the perimeter again?
Cass: Sure.
Cass:
Cass: *sluuuurp—*
Bruce: *switch*
Tim: Relax, babe. My family's all on different missions and Alfred's flying to England in the morning. You should come over. Bart and Cassie are bringing food, Cissie's inviting a bunch of her friends, and Kon's putting on fireworks. It's gonna be the greatest party ever.
Bruce: *switch*
Damian: Shh, just stay under my cape until I give you the signal.
Damian's cape: Woof!
Bruce: *switch*
Jason: Roymeo, Roymeo, wherefore art thou Roymeo.
Roy: Motherfucker I'm right here!
Jason: This is why we're in couples therapy!
Bruce: *switch*
Kate: Who's a good bike? You are, yes you are—
Bruce: *switch*
Luke: Gordon Ramsay says pineapple doesn't belong on pizza.
Bette: I've talked to an Italian and they said it was okay, and Italians beat celebrity chef.
Helena: Well I raise you both a Mario Batali.
Harper: This is also Rock, Paper, Scissors to me.
Bruce: *switch*
Duke: PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME—
Bruce: *switch*
Bruce: Alfred, I've decided on a career change.
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damian: *posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
tim: if i had a dollar for every pixel in this image, i’d have 15 cents
damian: if i had a dollar for every ounce of rage i felt in my body after i read this text, i would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
barbara: actually i did the math, tim would have $225, not $0.15
tim: fam i’m right here....
duke: if i had a dollar i would buy a can of soda :)
steph: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
duke: sorry i only have a dollar
steph: :(
barbara: hey i just realized my friend is right, tim would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent
duke: if i had $22,500 i would buy a can of soda and an apply juice
barbara: you can buy anything you want with $22,500
damian: yeah and they wants soda and apply juice
barbara: apply juice to what
jason: directly to the forehead
tim: great chat everyone
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Bruce Wayne at a gala: Oh my goodness, have you met my babies yet?
Person: Babies? I thought-
Bruce, dragging them over to a group of people: Here we go! Meet my precious angels.
Dick, 29: Hi, pleasure to meet you.
Cass, 23: *waves*
Definitely-Not-Jason-The-Dead-Son, 23: Sup.
Tim, 17 21: Ah, nice to see you again. Are you enjoying the gala?
Stephanie, 22: I am not his, or an angel. I am precious though.
Duke, 16: Hi! Have you tried the cupcakes yet?
Damian, 14: Greetings. Goodbye now.
Bruce: Aren’t they adorable? I birthed them all!
Person: But.. But you’re a.. man?
Brucie, beaming brightly: Whats your point?
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[in battle]
Cassandra, trying to warn Duke: To the left!
Duke: Take it back now y'all.
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Wednesday: It's only a little stab wound.
Weems: Again, I'd like more information such as why you are standing here bleeding out on my carpet.
Wednesday: Well, funny story, I was just trying to stop a murderer and he took offence and rudely stabbed me.
Weems:
Wednesday: Not to worry though, he won't be committing any murders again. I dealt with it.
Weems: What do you mean you 'dealt with it.'
Wednesday: Well-
Weems, interrupting: You know what, I don't want to know.
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Game night at the manor is fun, until it comes time to choose what game to play
Twister? Nope. Not with Dick in the house.
Scrabble? Jason knows more words than anyone. Not to mention he's a world class bullshitter so they never know if he's making them up off the top of his head or not.
Poker? Cass somehow beats everyone. Every time. She also refuses to tell anyone who taught her the rules.
Monopoly? Alfred banned Monopoly. Forever. It was also the night he almost banned Damian from carrying weapons in the house.
Uno? Nobody can agree on the rules, and 'draw four' cards have resulted in stitches.
Jenga? Babs is world champion. No question. No contest.
Trivia? Steph and Duke teamed up and wiped the floor with every other team the last trivia night. Bruce has still not recovered.
Cards against humanity? Tim destroyed the deck after the last time they played turned into a therepy session.
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Tim about a video game: why are you covered in blood??
Damian: i am also covered in blood
Dick: okay.
Dick : but why, why are you covered in blood
Dick : i don’t understand why you would just say that out of nowhere
#batfam#tim drake#batsiblings#dick grayson#incorrect batboys quotes#incorrect quotes#batman#damian wayne#red robin#dc robin#nightwing
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Jason: i wanna go to a bar just to play that game
Dick: what game?
Jason: with the darts, i wanna throw them at people
Dick: NOOO
Tim: Steph has one
Tim: you can’t throw darts at Steph by the way, that would be a crime.
#batfam#tim drake#batsiblings#dick grayson#incorrect batboys quotes#incorrect quotes#jason todd#batman#stephanie brown#red hood#nightwing#red robin
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Damian: I'm bored, this is boring. Todd, amuse me.
Jason: Do you want silly putty or serious putty?
Tim: What the FUCK is "serious" putty.
Jason: *pulls a small package out of his jacket* :D
Dick: Is th- IS THAT C4?!?
Steph: Can I have some serious putty?
Jason: *handing the package to Damian and pulling out another for Steph* Absolutely.
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*watching live hostage situation on tv*
Jason: You call the insurance agent yet Alfie?
Alfred: The 10 million is already on its way Master Jason
Tim: We’re giving the kidnappers 10 million to let B go?
Damian: If Grayson would just let me—
Dick: We’re all insured for things like this Damian and—
Jason: Oh yeah? How much are you worth Goldie?
Dick:
Dick: 15 million
Jason: wtf??
Dick: Bruce values us more than him so we’re each worth 15 million in the event that we’re kidnapped!
*awkward British cough*
Alfred: actually, Master Richard… you are worth 20 million while Masters Timothy and Damian are worth 30 and 35 million
Dick:
Jason:
Tim:
Damian:
Jason: And since I died I guess I’m worth squat-diddily-nothing—
Alfred: 50 million
Jason:
Dick:
Damian:
Tim:
Alfred: Master Bruce wanted a 250 million dollar policy but that seemed rather excessive and—
Dick: Are you telling me I’ve been kidnapped three times this year and Bruce has only paid 15 million each time
Alfred:
Alfred: I’m saying Master Bruce loves you all very much and once the kidnappers have let him go you can discuss that matter further with him
Dick:
Tim:
Damian: Todd, what are you doing?
Jason: Arranging a kidnapping
Dick:
Tim:
Damian:
Jason: I wanna see if B will pay the full 50 million for me
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Jason: hey Tim, can I ask a quick question?
Tim: Shoot.
Jason, panicking, pulling out a gun: Shoot at what?
Tim, sleep-deprived, interpreting that as Jason's question: uhh, i guess, maybe that vase?
Jason, who has seen weirder things than an evil vase: got it.
-
Bruce, days later: ...what happened to my mother's vase?
Steph: Tim and Jason's brain cells cancel eachother out.
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