jaruto77
Space Ace
Jaruto | Greyromantic Asexual | Agender (they/he)
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“As Dante and I lay on our backs in the bed of my pickup and gazed out at the summer stars, I was free.”
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe
I recently just finished this book, and wow it’s really good. I definitely was not expecting it to be a story of internalized homophobia. I had only read that it was a queer YA novel, but man it hit me emotionally.
Im currently reading through the sequel, but I wanted to talk about how I often romanticize the stars if that makes sense. (Despite living in a city with a ton of light pollution)
I don’t know. I enjoy just being able to look and see constellations and patterns in the sky through the stars. I often think back to a couple of Vincent Van Gogh quotes where, to paraphrase, he says that night brings out emotions. It’s definitely why I enjoy talking to people more often at night than during the day.
- Jaruto (March 24)
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“You’ve got the most important qualification - a big heart!!”
Dr. Hiriluk (One Piece)
Time for the best doctor, Tony Tony Chopper.
Funny story, before I read One Piece, I hated Chopper. Now, I see why he’s my brother’s favorite character. (Mine is Shanks but that’s for another time)
Chopper and Sanji are the opposite of Nami and Zoro. Nami and Zoro are people who have loved and got hurt then built up walls while Choper and Sanji are people who loved and got hurt then welcomed people in.
Chopper is someone who despite all the hurt he’s been through, he refuses to give up on finding where he belongs, and he belongs on the Straw Hats.
Also, I think a lot of people forget he’s the youngest of the Straw Hats by a wide margin; he’s 15 when he joins and 17 post time skip. During the Davy Back games, he was genuinely terrified of not going back with the crew because that was the only place where he felt like he belonged. Of course he was going to cry his heart out. However, I liked that Zoro gave him a lesson.
I want to also state that Chopper really has taken a backseat post timeskip and hasn’t done anything too worthwhile. However, I don’t think it’s a bad thing; I think it’s part of his character. He’s a doctor, not a fighter. Post timeskip has been filled with fights against deadly enemies; Doflamingo, Big Mom, and Kaido to name a few. He showed what he’s capable of during Onigaishima, and that is healing people.
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“I will never lose again!!! Got a problem with that King of the Pirates?!”
Zoro (One Piece)
It was honestly very difficult for me to choose a quote from Zoro or about Zoro because there are so many good ones that really show what he is; Luffy’s first mate.
Luffy saves him, and he swears his loyalty until they both meet their dreams. There are two times where we see this perfectly, and I’m willing to bet you already know which I’ll point to.
1.) Usopp leaves the crew. Zoro makes Luffy and the rest of the straw hats understand that Luffy is the decision maker and is what keeps the crew together. It wasn’t to put Luffy on a pedestal, rather it was to show that each Straw Hat member has a role and Luffy’s role as captain is to make the tough decisions.
2.) Nothing happened. This is when Zoro puts Luffy on a pedestal. Right before, he states his dream coming true would mean nothing if Luffy couldn’t achieve his dream. Luffy saved Zoro, and it was time for Zoro to repay the favor by sacrificing himself when Kuma arrived.
Also, I want to state what I said about Nami again that they both put up walls because they lost someone they loved dearly and don’t want to feel that pain again, but Luffy breaks down these walls.
I also also want to state something that relates to Zoro, and it’s one of my few gripes with One Piece’s narrative. It really felt like Wano Country was going to be to Zoro what Wholecake was to Sanji. It’s a shame we didn’t even get to see Zoro visit Ryuma’s grave and properly return Shusui.
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“It may be painful for you now, but fight!!! Don’t dwell on what you’ve lost! What’s gone is gone forever! Try to remember what you still have!”
- Jimbei (One Piece)
Jimbei is my favorite straw hat member hands down. His introduction and set up is spectacular. He’s mentioned way early in Arlong Park as one of the seven warlords, and you think he’ll be a future villain. Then, he is shown during the Impel Down arc in Impel Down because he refuses to join the coming war. We find out that he looks up to Whitebeard. Then, we see him help Luffy escape Impel Down and later Marineford.
Obviously, we see him again in Fish Man Island where he even asks to join the Straw Hats after he finishes his business, which we find out is getting out of Big Mom’s deal. At the end of Whole Cake, he joins the Straw Hats and promises to meet back up in Wano with them. Finally, we see him officially join the crew during the Raid on Onigaishima.
I just find it fascinating that Jimbei is set up to be powerful foe especially since he’s introduced after Mihawk just almost killed Zoro. We learn that he only became a Warlord to protect Fish Man Island and allowed Big Mom to control Fish Man Island because of the power vacuum that was created after Marine Ford.
I find Jimbei to be an excellent example of Oda’s character writing. Someone who seemed to be at odds with Luffy to then become one of the most loyal members of the Straw Hats.
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“There comes a time when a man has to stand and fight! That time is when his friend’s dreams are laughed at.”
Usopp (One Piece)
Usopp is a very difficult character for me to pin down if I like him or not. There are times where he is intolerable because that’s when he just is not needed or is not contributing, which is most of the time. I think that’s because it is hard for him to stand out when his whole gimmick is to goof around. He’s the boy who cried wolf.
I also view him as someone who is constantly reaching for a goalpost that he himself is constantly pulling away. I do think he will eventually truly take on the moniker of Sniper King especially if we ever get to Elbaf.
I can’t not mention the Water 7 Saga though when talking about Usopp. He created a whole persona to become what he always wanted to, a great warrior of the sea. He fought Luffy knowing he was going to lose because he didn’t want to let go of the Going Merry. He felt he was losing a part of Kaya; the one person who never doubted his stories even though she knew they were made up.
I think Elbaf will be the Usopp arc just as Whole Cake was the Sanji arc.
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"That girl fights alone. To her, the most painful word of all is 'friend'."
Nojiko (One Piece)
Arlong Park is in my top five arcs because I think it perfectly exemplifies what One Piece is about.
Here are the reasons why:
Luffy wants to save someone for one reason; they are his friend. He does not care for that person's reasonings for doing something. He sees that Nami is trapped under Arlong, and Nami is his friends, so he has to save her.
The obvious imperialism themes. Arlong views humans as inferior beings and forces them to pay tribute. Luffy dismantles said system.
Now, to talk about Nami. She is very similar to Zoro, but she actually gets a backstory. She builds up walls and does not allow people to enter because she lost someone that she allowed to enter those walls. She did not allow anyone to enter those walls until she realized that there will come people that will save her even if she thinks she is undeserving to be saved.
I also need to state why I hate the LA version of Arlong Park. I hate that Luffy is told what Nami went through and how Nojiko and Genzo don't know what Nami is doing. Nami is Luffy's friend is not allowed to be free, so he feels he has to save her.
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"No one is born in this world to be alone."
Jaguar D. Saul (One Piece)
I just recently caught up on the entirety of the One Piece manga, and wow. One of the best stories told. Some parts are a little shaky, but overall phenomenal narrative. Obviously, it is still on-going, and right now the manga is getting even crazier.
I want to make a post on each of the straw hats, so I am sorry to fill my blog with One Piece content in advance.
The first one I want to start with is Nico Robin because wow does she have an amazing backstory and her introduction to the story is insane. I do have to say I knew who ended up in the crew, but I did not know she was Ms. All Sunday.
I think it is crazy that she is the straw hat that I most relate to. I grew up being surrounded by people but never really having close friends. I found solace in reading and learning random stuff. I am actually the "historian" of my current friend group.
Fast forward to about six years ago when I found my best friend who lets me info dump whatever I want to them, and they don't shame me. Obviously, I never had to run from the government, but I always felt (and still do on occasion) that I am not allowed to live or be who I am. It is why Robin's backstory really resonated with me.
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“Most times, a ghost is a wish.”
The Haunting of Hill House (Netflix, 2018)
I’ve watched The Haunting of Hill House about ten times through now. (I’ve also seen The Haunting of Bly Manor a hundred times through.) However, this quote is the quote that sticks out the most to me whenever I’ve finished watching it.
It perfectly sums up my beliefs on ghosts. I don’t think they are these astral beings, rather they are wishes. In the show, the woman has a leak in her house while hearing car horns outside her window; she believes it’s her dead husband communicating to her. Why? It gives her comfort and closure. She believes her husband is reaching out to her in someway while in his final moments.
Steven never says that she’s blissful for believing that, rather he assures her that it’s okay.
A little story from my childhood about ghosts. My great-grandmother died when I was 9. I had no memory of her other than her being bedridden. My mom, obviously, has a lot of fond memories of her. When she died, it hurt her a lot. I remember seeing her breakdown and not knowing what to do.
A week after she died, we had a lamp that would randomly start flickering on and off by itself. When we moved out about three months later, the same lamp would flicker the same way. Obviously, the lamp very well could’ve been broken. However, my mom believed (and still believes) the flickering of the light was her grandmother communicating with her.
My mom wasn’t able to be with her in her final moments, and she felt extremely guilty over it. However, the light was her grandmother’s way of saying that it’s okay. She understands why my mom couldn’t be there.
-Jaruto (Feb. 24)
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“I have romanticized every little thing that you've said to me.”
The Romantic (Lauryn Marie)
As a greyromantic asexual, I feel as though I romanticize romance. My friend made fun of me at this fact the other day actually. They said pointing to their partner “We are their favorite trope.”
My favorite trope is “friends to lovers.” I don’t know I like the idea of being someone’s best friend to the point that it becomes romantic. I guess that’s why I have trouble finding love. I don’t want it to just start. I want it to build.
This also leads me to question my romantic attraction, which I say greyromantic because I know I’m somewhere on the aromantic spectrum I just don’t know where, so slap that label there.
Also, when I was reaching out to my ex, I definitely romanticized everything they said to me as if it was a gesture to get back together. Nothing came of it, I don’t know if I mentioned that, it’s been a while since I posted.
-Jaruto (Jan. 3)
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“Your now is not your forever.”
Turtles All the Way Down
Look, I get I quote Turtles All the Way Down a lot. It’s a book that resonated way too much with me and each quote is able to be applied to my life.
I’m officially a college drop out, which is funny because I was the one that my whole family referred to be the first one to graduate out of my generation. I guess the whole burnt-out gifted kid trope is true. However, I wouldn’t really blame that. I think it’s more so that I was deemed too smart to be neurodivergent, so I succeeded in high school because it was easy to bullshit. College was not.
I couldn’t not do my homework and pass by just doing good on tests and exams. I had to participate and do homework. I had to read the assigned reading. I couldn’t do it. Then, I no longer wanted to be a teacher, and I thought “what’s the point?” What was the point of pursuing a history degree if I didn’t want to be a teacher? I stopped caring.
I failed so many classes, especially with quarantine and never having to attend class. I couldn’t do it anymore. I had to drop out or else I would’ve spiraled so far. And again to quote Turtles All the Way Down.
“The thing about a spiral is, if you follow it inward, it never actually ends. It just keeps tightening, infinitely.”
I am currently not attending college, which my parent thinks is a good thing. They said it was good to take a break, which I’m infinitely grateful for. I just feel as if I failed them. I did apply for a completely different major at a different college starting next fall, so let’s see.
-Jaruto (Nov. 7)
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“Who cares if she can kiss? She can see through the clouds.”
Turtles All the Way Down
I’ve talked about my sexual/romantic orientation on here before, but I want to continue that conversation. I have this weird ideation of romance that I do not think I am capable of achieving. This post might seem a little more scrambled than others by the way.
It goes in line with a few John Green characters: Davis Pickett, Aza Holmes, Will Greyson, and Pudge. I feel as if these characters view love to be an abstraction and doesn’t have a clear definition. Each of these characters do not care about physical attraction but rather intellectual attraction.
I feel intellectual attraction a lot more than any other type. I like to pick people’s brains and have a conversation with them about everything and anything. This is the weird part. I think that these types of conversations can only really happen at night.
People open up at night because in prehistoric times we had to stick together and connect with each other at night or we risked death. This could also be my fascination with the night sky.
I started this Tumblr with Davis Pickett in mind because he talks so much about Aza through the use of metaphors with the night sky. I think that’s the easiest way to describe my ideation of romance. It’s not cuddling, kissing, or anything physical; it’s connecting with each other through talking and opening up.
One of my first and biggest crushes was on somebody who I would stay up until 3:00 in the morning with asking each other different questions about our lives. It was never a physical crush but an intellectual crush.
I want to add that I am specifically avoiding saying emotional attraction because I don’t feel that. I don’t feel the desire to be emotionally open with somebody. I say intellectual attraction because I want to know how they view the world rather than how they feel. I want to know if they view the world the same as me or if they view it differently and why they view that way.
-Jaruto (Nov. 1)
#aroace#greyromantic#asexual issues#john green#turtles all the way down#davispickett#demiromantic#asexual#oriented aroace#intellectual attraction#emotional attraction
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for an aro person, I fantasize a lot about intimacy. but not in a romantic context like smoochy ooky pooky boo-boo...hell no.
intimacy as in being completely emotionally open to/with someone, being so comfortable with them that you just feel safe and warm. I want to have that type of closeness with someone without having to feel guilty that I won't be able to give them romantic love.
it can be something so very deep within my core, but it's just...not romantic. is that so bad?
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“I had...HAVE a mental illness.”
Charlie Spring (Heartstopper Ch. 6)
If it wasn’t obvious, I love Heartstopper. I was introduced to it last year through someone on a Asexual Discord I’m in. I love everything about it. I also love the Alice Oseman universe. I’ll also be honest by saying I had trouble choosing a quote from it, which is I haven’t talked about it.
I love Heartstopper not just because it’s a fantastic representation of queer people and queer relationships, but also because it has great representation of mental illness. It’s one of the few pieces of media that feels real.
I’ll talk about the queer representation in a future post. I really want to focus on Charlie’s mental illness and its portrayal.
First of all, it’s not something that comes out of the blue. It’s built up in the background until it becomes the main focus. Charlie isn’t finishing his food. I know I didn’t catch on to it until it was shown. Nick didn’t catch on to it either until the Paris trip. This even extends to the TV show. We see Charlie not eating or finishing his meals. It’s going to hurt a lot more in Seasons 2 and 3 when it becomes the main focus because we saw it building in season 1.
We also see the difficulties in just reaching out. Charlie felt he could only trust Nick, but Nick needed to face the fact that he cannot fix it, nor should he be expected to. Charlie recognized this when Nick told him outright. That letter still hurts to read. Charlie made an appointment with a therapist, but it wasn’t until months away very much so like in real life. Charlie gets worse because of this leading him to go into a psychiatric hospital. I cannot speak from experience from this, but I had a friend who can, and they’ve said it felt genuine. I cannot really expand on this because I’m not going to press my friend for answers.
Finally, that quote. Mental illnesses do not go away. However, they can become manageable. This is exactly why Turtles All the Way Down made me so emotional because it’s something I’ve had difficulties with. We see it in Heartstopper as well. Some days are great, but other days it gets to us. There’s not a lot we can do those days other than try to manage it.
I don’t know if I’m alone (well I do know I’m not), but I really hate pieces of media that make mental illnesses as something to overcome and defeat rather than manage. There is no cure to depression and anxiety like there is for athlete’s foot. We can treat it but even then there is no one size fits all treatments like there is for other diseases.
-Jaruto (Oct 5)
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“You said it was a ghost story. It isn't. It's a love story.” “Same thing, really.”
The Haunting of Bly Manor
I cannot express how much I love this show. I have rewatched it numerous times, and I usually don’t rewatch shows. I think the story told in this season is far better than in the first season, The Haunting of Hill House.
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I just have one thing to say. I disagree that the main focus of the story is “a dementia of the spirit.” I think the main focus of the story is that you cannot waste your life on a hope that isn’t there.
*******************Spoilers Obviously********************
In the past, Perdita wastes her life away hoping to live comfortably with her husband, Arthur. Viola wastes her life away hoping for a life with her daughter. These two both end up killing each other because of their hopes. They both refused to move on and ended up wasting their lives away.
In the present, Rebecca Jessel ends up wasting her life away due to a hope living with Peter Quint. Ultimately, this relationship was toxic and Rebecca learns that it is. She learns that she can’t linger on a hope that isn’t there and does get a happy ending in death by reliving her favorite memories with Peter. Peter Quint wasted his life away by hoping to break out of the broken system. Henry Wingrave almost wastes his life away of hoping to repair his damaged relationship with his brother and sister-in-law. He ends up breaking out of this realizing he can’t repair it because they’re dead.
Jamie, Owen, and Dani know not to linger onto a hope that isn’t possible because of trauma in their pasts. Jamie going to prison and being forced into foster care. Owen with having his mother being a burden on him due to her dementia. Dani with her never truly loving her fiancé and seeing him brutally die in front of her.
Hannah is the hardest to pin down. She is in a constant battle with herself of lingering and not lingering. The obvious being lingering on to her realization of her death, but she ends up recognizing this fault. She gets a happy ending by saving those who she loved the most.
In the future, Jamie is lingering on to seeing Dani one more time, but the difference here is that it’s a possible hope. She knows how to balance the two. She knows that she can linger onto her memories of Dani but not on a possibility that she can come back. Owen moved on and, once again, lingers onto the memories of Hannah instead of the hope. Jamie even tells an older Flora to not linger on the possibility of death. She tells her it will happen but to focus on the memories instead of the idea of her husband coming back.
I think Jamie interprets a love story as a ghost story because love is all about ghosts. Your memories of a past lover are ghosts because you can see your past lover in things. I know I do, and it hurts. However, you cannot linger on the idea that they’ll be back rather just linger on the memories of them.
-Jaruto (Oct 3)
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“Why do I still fall in love with everyone I meet?”
D&D + Asexuality (Skull Puppies)
We all know it was a matter of time before I used this song. I actually only recently discovered it about three weeks ago. I hate it because I relate to it too much.
I just like this line a lot. I especially like to pull it out of the context of the song and just think about it on its own because it’s a legitimate question I ask myself.
Do I like this person or do I like the idea of this person?
I feel queer people in general ask themselves this question a lot more than cishet people. Are we dating someone to feel validated? I have met bisexual people who either stayed in a toxic relationship because it was a same sex relationship or they forced themselves to like someone because it was a same sex relationship.
I know I am asking this question to myself extremely often because I want to feel validated by others. I’m a grayromantic asexual, and I hate that I am on occasion because it has ruined relationships for me in the past. However, I am extremely proud of my sexuality because it’s a part of me that I don’t want to change.
However, I feel as if I force myself to have romantic feelings for people because I need to feel validated by others. I’m questioning myself now if I ever loved my ex or even if my crushes are actual crushes.
-Jaruto (Sep 29)
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“There’s a blurry girl at the end of my nose // Her name is Closeface”
Closeface (Moral Orel)
I recently watched all of Moral Orel, and it’s an amazing show. Now, I do want to say that there’s problematic jokes ridden throughout it. It was a show that aired in 2005 on AdultSwim. It’s main problems are ableism and anti-semitism. You very much so can skip the episodes that contain that content. They are not important to the overall plot of the series.
There was a Vice article that stated Moral Orel walked so that Bojack Horseman could run. You watch as the main character loses his innocence, and you want him to keep it. However, you know the world is cruel, so once he loses it, you know he’ll never get it back.
**********Partial Spoilers for Moral Orel**********
The first season is very formulaic. Orel hears a lesson from his dad and church and then misconstrues it. He’s taught a lesson that’s even worse than the original. For example, in episode 3, Orel is told to give money to the poor and to never waste why you bought with your money. Orel gives a homeless guy money, who then gives Orel crack. Orel uses the crack, and his dad finds out. However, his dad tells him crack is dangerous because it can lead to you using slang.
This all gets flipped with the final episode. I’m not going to speak much about it other than this is the first episode we see Orel’s innocence getting stripped. It ends with Orel asking god to make it the best Christmas ever and looking up. However, nothing happens. We are left with a lack of a big ending.
Season Two starts off formulaic for the most part until the final two episodes. Orel is left with his entire innocence stripped. However, the season ends with a blank staring Orel once again.
Season Three is the entire reason to watch the show. All of season three takes place around the events that end season two. However, Orel does get a happy ending in one episode. The episode is titled “Closeface.” I don’t want to say too much because I really think it’s worth watching if you enjoyed Bojack Horseman.
-Jaruto (Sep 25)
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“You like to act as if you care about nothing, and if you carry on like that, then you’re going to drown in the abyss you have imagined for yourself”
Solitaire
I originally interpreted this quote wrong when I first read Solitaire. I thought it meant that everyone cares about something no matter what, which can be a possible interpretation. However, I started think about it more after consuming other media.
I think Solitaire, Bojack Horseman, and The Perks of Being a Wallflower all have a similar meaning. That meaning being: you shouldn’t romanticize your sadness. You romanticize your sadness by making it your personality and regularly engage in behavior that makes you sad.
In Solitaire, Tori is constantly pushing people away because she feels she is undeserving of people’s love. In Bojack Horseman, Bojack is constantly falling into his old habits because he believes that’s how he can keep people’s attention. In Perks, Charlie is putting people’s feelings over his own because his best friend killed himself before high school started.
I often find myself slipping into this if you couldn’t tell by my other posts. However, I don’t want you to think I post my sadness to get sympathy. I don’t need it because I genuinely do have a great support system of my friends and family. I mainly post it because it helps me get it out of my system. It’s a whole lot easier to type on my phone or laptop rather than writing in my journal.
#solitaire#perks of being a wallflower#bojack horseman#tori spring#charlie kelmeckis#journal#tw self destructive behavior
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