Paul: with all due respect, which there is none Paul: Please hesitate to contact me

Ted: Look, every man ends up here eventually. Every hero must fall from their pedestal, every angel must fall from the heavens, every god must fall from grace. It's fate, it's destiny, it's inevitable- Pete: Do you want a hand up? Ted, laying on the floor: Yes please

Ted: Dude don't sweat the fact that you got knocked out during phys ed. It happens to the best of us! Pete: Yeah? It happened to you too? Ted: ..... Well, no, but I'm not the best of us.

Emma: Coronavirus dies at 132°F so literally all we would have to do is put the weather machine at that temperature for ONE minute. ONE MINUTE! We would all be really musty but it’s literally just one minute... then boom! Pandemic over. Hidgens: You're onto something, Emma.

Zoey: Your man doesn’t have the mental strength to caramelize onions. Emma: Your man thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions Sam: Who’s fucking carmelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist? Zoey: ...Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions Emma: Your man doesn’t even know what it means to carmelize onions

Mr Davidson: Oh, you're back early. Paul 22: Moon's haunted. Mr Davidson: What? Paul 22: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket ship* Moon's haunted.

Paul: I've never understood why so many straight people settle romantically. Like your dating pool is literally the entirety of Hatchetfield and you settle for Sam. And he wants you to die. Charlotte: ...

Bill: Ted, why are you standing on your desk?

Ted: I think the more suitable question here, my dear Bill, is why WOULDN’T I be standing on my desk? I’m a man. this is my office, my jurisdiction, my protected place. I can stand wherever I want for no particular reason.

Bill: …where’s the spider?

Ted: I saw it go under the desk.

Bill: Hey, do you know the password to Ted’s computer?

Paul: Fuck you, Bill

Bill: Hey!!

Paul: No, you misunderstood, the password is “fuckyoubill”.

Bill: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

Ted: Hey, do you know the password to Bill’s computer?

Charlotte: Fuck you, Ted.

Ted: Hey!!

Charlotte: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouTed".

Ted: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

Miss Mulberry: Right, well Steph, keep at it! You know. You've got...,,,,,, Miss Mulberry: Steph: Potential? Were you gonna say I have potential? Steph: Was the rest of the sentence-- Miss Mulberry: Just... keep at it, Steph.

Grace: Did you guys, I was looking for books in that bookstore, and they didn't have any of the titles that I grew up with. Did you guys grow up with My Forsaken Classmates are Scum? You know, that like, children's book? Pete: Grace, I think your parents are in a cult, and are maybe directly involved in everything that's happening. Steph: Yes. Grace: I don't think so. Pete: Just saying maybe.

Paul: Do you guys ever feel like you got exactly what you wanted but then it didn't end up being the answer? Bill: Yes. Charlotte: No, I never get what I want. Ted: I mean, I often get what I want, and I'm often very satisfied, if not more, like, my expectations are surpassed time and time again.

Ted: Relationships should be 50/50. Charlotte cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

To: <[email protected]> from: <[email protected]> Subject: Gone home Hi Mr Davdison,

Kind regards, Charlotte

Brenda: Wait a minute! You're that bowtie kid, right? Pete: Guilty as charged! Stacy: You're friends with Grace Chasity, right? Pete: Again, guilty as charged! Branda: And this is like a freaky question, you probably have, like, your own parties and stuff. But like, I have a birthday coming up. If we were ever to have, like, a party and like, we couldn't have it at my place for some reason, you think that Waylon place Grace's dad is selling would be an option? Pete: Guilty as charged. Stacy: Oh my God, that doesn't apply there. Pete: I mean-- Brenda: It doesn't grammatically fit to what I said.

Richie: Isn't Ted, like, old enough to be one of our dads? Grace: Pete said a dad thing the other day. Do you guys all have, like, dad stuff? Or what's the deal? Richie: No, no, absolutely not. Steph: My father's the mayor, so. Grace: Sure, but like, you might still have dad stuff. Steph: I don't have dad stuff. Ruth: I mean, if we're speaking candidly, who doesn't have dad stuff? Grace: I don't have dad stuff. Pete: What is he doing right? Grace: I mean, he just raised me and was like, he was very loving and attentive. I don't know, he was like a solid parent. Ruth: All right, I stand corrected.