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andromarche · 4 months

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Hear me out, whenever one of the batlings does something good/bad, Bruce responds accordingly by changing his last will and testament. Most of them don’t even need or care about the money/company/manor, but they treat it in the same way young kids treat a sticker chart.

The batkids regularly break into Bruce’s lawyers office to check if they got any more stickers and forge the will so they get a bigger cut (more stickers). Bruce’s lawyer regularly returns to their office in the morning to papers and ink everywhere, and batarangs lodged in the side of the desk.

The lawyer thinks Bruce is just very fickle. Like this is BRUCIE WAYNE we’re talking about. He’s said on the record that he thinks the moon is made of cheese, he writes his signature with a cute little heart next to it. Very loveable. Not the brightest or most likely to think hard about the long term. They’re convinced the frequent and glaringly obvious Batman/Robin break ins is because Batman is one of Brucie Wayne’s kids and wants to keep checking he’s in the will.

•••

Tim: *mentions off-hand that he’s been awake for 48hours on 12 straight black coffees and sheer-will*

Bruce: *furiously calling his lawyer to cut Tim out of his will and leave the company to Jason*

•••

Lawyer: *holding the coffee pot to head back to their desk, to see Nightwing riffling through the drawers*

Lawyer:

Nightwing: *takes the entire coffee pot and pours it into his mouth, not breaking eye contact*

Lawyer: *sigh* Top drawer, right side. Had to move it because Robin spilled ink in the other drawer last night.

Nightwing: *devious grin, writing out “I leave my entire fortune, company and properties to Richard Grayson-Wayne. To my son, Damian Wayne, I leave one penny. To all of my other children, I leave a crisp $20 bill and this message ‘divide it amongst yourselves’.” And perfectly forging Brucie’s signature, complete with a heart next to the name.*

•••

Tim: B! B! What’s this I hear about you leaving us all a $20???

Steph: I DIDNT GET LEFT ANYTHING

Bruce, knows he explicitly mentioned Steph in his will: Oh well, since you didn’t want to be legally adopted-

Steph: IM EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY ADOPTED. I CLAIM SQUATTER’S RIGHTS.

Dick, knowing he changed it last night before Steph’s weekly snoop of the will: On… this family?

Steph: NO JUST THE WILL! ITS ABOUT THE PRINCIPLE.

•••

Lawyer, upon seeing Brucie Wayne for the third time this week to change his will: So, who did what this week? Was it Batman again?

Bruce: What?

Lawyer: Don’t worry, I’m not going to rat out that Batman is your kid.

Bruce: Right, thank you. I appreciate it.

Lawyer: *thinking more about Bruce’s high public profile and how judgemental Gotham’s high society can be than the vigilante stuff* I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to become a father so young. You must have still been in high school!

Bruce, confused and committed to the bit: Yeah, me and his mother still speak sometimes. He keeps getting annoyed by his brothers taking the car out for joyrides.

Lawyer: I hear ya, my eldest just started driving, she loves it though and keeps taking the car to Metropolis randomly.

#batman #batfamily #tim drake #bruce wayne #jason todd #dick grayson #damian wayne #red robin #dc universe #dcu #robin #red hood #nightwing #batfam #No it does not matter that Tim is already the CEO.#yes jason is legally dead here #yes jason does show up to next board meeting

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