ー侘寂ー

"You need to change it"

"You need to change it" that's what my friend said to me. Not "do you need help" or "I'm always here for you and will always give you support" oh no. Ofc not. Just a pure and simple "you need to change it" and I think to myself "I'm already trying, I am trying so so hard can't you see?" But ofc they can't see that I'm trying to change, ofc they can't see I'm trying to make a difference and ofc they can't see how badly I'm struggling. Oh no. All they see is what isn't there, what I need to improve on but instead of trying to help, because let's face it that's what we all need is help, but instead of trying to help he just tells me to change it, to do better and that's what started all of this in the first place, me wanting to change for others and do better for others. Even so deep into this illness I still haven't achieved it so I guess I'll just have to keep going.

someone: ….have you ever considered….how your mental illness makes ME feel?! how much you’re hurting Me????

me: i actually consider that every single day of my life and think about how much better it would be if i was dead but thank you for your contribution, i love being reminded of how much of a burden i am

Food diary, day 1:

10:26~ Yorkshire tea, semi skimmed milk, no sugar~20cal

1 cigarette~0cal

13:03~ Yorkshire tea, semi skimmed milk, no sugar~20cal

Anyone else’s self esteem go down like 90% when they try on clothes?

Because mine surely does

Why can’t I just eat like a normal person? Why does it has to be “eat until I feel my stomach is about to explote” or not eat at all? Why do I have to feel guilty after I binge or glorious after I fast? Why can’t I just eat like everybody else and don’t feel anything?

i guess i fully understood

the illness

when my friend caught me

refusing lunch

she turned me around

ran her finger down my back

“don’t worry guys,

she’s not thin enough to be anorexic”

i knew then

that the misconception of

mental illness

can be the cause of

mental illness

- e. c.

Before and after’s

Remember that no matter where you are now, your goals are within reach

* 🎀 *

Binge eating disorder is just as valid as anorexia or bulimia.

ー侘寂ー

Food diary tings

Soooo I lost my phone on the sesh and have only just got it back! Tf😂 I'll be starting the food diarys tomorrow!

Update:

I completely forgot about doing food diarys so tomorrow I will start it!

This☝️

guys, actually that’s not a secret of how i lost 17 pounds but i’ll explain what i did in the whole month. so if you ask me how many times i fasted in this month, i’m going to answer you “i didnt fast” and it’s true because liking or not, you need food, your body needs food or otherwise you won’t lose weight (you will but its not safe) i wake up everyday at 8am to go the gym, and i eat breakfast because if I don’t eat I won’t have strength to exercise right?? And btw you are going to burn all the calories you consumed on your breakfast. So i usually eat 6 or 7 crackers with yogurt and an apple. At gym i always i do 50 minutes of aerobic exercises and then 50 minutes i work on my arms and legs and at the end of my training i work on my abs. My instructor sometimes prepares special exercises for me, so you can ask your instructor to do something different, something that is going to make you lose weight faster. At weekends I usually i take my dog for a walk or i spend the day dancing to songs i like because it helps to lose weight I’m vegetarian, so i only eat vegetables and my mom always prepare soy meat for me ( that’s what i eat on lunch and dinner) So basically i consume everyday 500 calories. I don’t eat junk foods, and when i’m craving for junk foods i always look at myself at the mirror and then I breathe and i tell myself “you really gonna eat this? You don’t need this shit, you already know the taste” yes, i binged and i dont even know how many times i did it because i have been dealing with a lot so i always try to distract myself with food and yes sometimes i eat junk foods because i’m angry or sad and it’s ok, we are humans right? We got our ups and downs and it’s totally ok if you lose your control, use this as motivation ok? so basically when you binge, you tell yourself “ok yes i ate more than i should today but its ok because tomorrow i’m going to burn all the calories i consumed today, its not a problem i can do it” and YES you can. So guys there is no secret, i eat…i don’t skip meals because I’m afraid to get sick and my parents are always watching me, and i want to be skinny and healthy, i want to enjoy my life…I don’t want to be skinny and spend my life on a hospital bed. It’s exhausting, i cry sometimes, i wish i was dead sometimes because i see everyone around me being happy and eating and i’m there unhappy with myself but at least i’m working on it right? It doesn’t matter how much weight you lose in the week or month, just keep going, don’t give up. Don’t be disappointed with yourself if you dont lose the amount of pounds you wanted to, just keep working on it, and you will see the difference and i’m here for you. You can do it sweet. Please be safe ok? When you think about fasting remember yourself that it doesn’t worth because you won’t have strength to exercise right? And in the end you will end up binging because your body needs food. You need to eat, don’t eat too much. But eat. And be positive, you can do it. I believe in you.

Dear Ana,

Thank you for being there for me when everyone said they would be but left. You keep me sane, keep me together, keep me in control. You are my best and only friend, I love you Ana. Kindest regards,

The sick girl looking to be perfect, wanting to feel loved.

😇Thinspo requests welcome😇

Thinspo requests are now open I'll be taking any requests so message or anon me, stay sweet angels✌️😇

Update:

Ask is now open and ready for your thinspo requests💖