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wordsincolor · 10 months

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In The Blink Of An Eye

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“i really can’t imagine going through life without you.” i utter, my voice rattled by fear.

a soft smile graces my best friend’s face, causing my stomach to twist at the seemingly peaceful expression etched into her features. honestly, i had anticipated slow teardrops to stain her cheeks upon my confession, but it appears the words were only especially difficult for me to swallow. my eyes water painfully, a lump forming rapidly in my throat.

gazing anxiously at her frail figure placed carefully beneath the white sheet of the hospital bed, a cold chill washes over me as goosebumps travel across my skin. her thinned hair rests messily around her pallid face. the fragile condition of my best friend is incredibly foreign to me, and i find it difficult to keep my eyes on her any longer. i fight to make myself sit still, leg unconsciously bouncing in anticipation of the worst to come. i can’t seem to calm my rapid heartbeat or racing thoughts, thinking of the worst possible scenarios to come.

“w-why are you smiling?” i choke out, droopy eyes threatening to spill tears. my head hangs in defeat, wondering how much time we have left.

“because…” she sighs, smile growing wider, “i’m just thinking of all of our memories together.”

the softness of her eyes still remain as she lies here, and i recall the comfort i had felt observing that same glimmer in her eyes on the day we first met.

the sun stroked my plump cheeks, eyes squinting up at the clear sky. my little hands sunk further into the grass beneath me, memorizing the feeling of the green strands being crushed under my palms. sixty fifth graders ran across the field, laughing and screaming about newfound insects or an occasional ball flying over the fence. my eyes fluttered closed, relaxed by the warmth of the sun beaming down on me.

the warmth was short-lived, as a figure loomed over me, blocking the precious sunlight. i sensed this, eyes shooting open and glancing up at the curly-haired figure. she leaned down, scanning my face curiously.

“what’re you doing?” she inquired.

“nothing.” i blinked, looking down at my bare feet. her eyes followed mine, eyebrows raising in surprise.

“where are your shoes?” she asks, voice raised in disbelief.

“right here.” i patted the worn out sneakers to the left of me.

“oh.”

she plopped down on my right, joining me at the top of the hill. she slid her shoes off too, placing them on her other side.

“what’s your name?” she faced me, full hair framing her small face.

“brooke.” i mumbled.

“i’m maya.” she shared, cheeks rising as she smiles. there was a momentary pause, before she started again.

“i don’t like kickball either.” she stated, finally earning a glance in her direction.

“oh yeah…” i was unsure how to respond, intimidated by the inviting look in her brown orbs. no one had ever tried to hold a conversation with me for this long.

“look! it’s a ladybug!” she suddenly exclaimed, calling my attention to the tiny creature her finger pointed to.

i jumped, startled by the spotted red bug crawling up my pants.

“it’s okay. don’t scare it away.” she assured, gently guiding the ladybug to rest on the edge of her finger. she brought it up closer, eyes widening in amazement at the fluttering red wings. my hand reached my face, attempting to stifle my giggles at her amusing fascination with the bug. after a few moments of her studying the creature, i began to grow curious too. my body leaned closer to hers, joining her in inspecting the insect.

“it means you have good luck.” she smiled at me, and i returned the same smile, meeting her eyes this time.

excitedly, we turned our attention back to her finger. the ladybug fluttered its wings one last time, fleeing from both of our curious sights.

“brooke.” maya’s strained voice brings me back to the chilly hospital room we currently reside in.

my eyes meet her heavy ones, unable to speak against the suffocating pressure on my lungs. i blink another tear away, maya’s cold hand suddenly finding my own clammy ones. she’s in pain; the weakening of her body evident in the way her thin fingers shake against mine, a soft grunt leaving her lips.

“i’m so happy.” her voice is nearly a whisper, and her dry lips curl into a bittersweet smile. she closes her eyes, wheezing in an attempt to take a deep breath. i rush closer in concern, hovering over the railing of the hospital bed, but she squeezes my hand tighter.

“i’m okay,” she breathes, “just s-so happy that i met you, brooke.”

her touch is so delicate as she caresses the woven bracelet adorning my left wrist. faint wheezing can still be heard from her as she pauses.

“do you remember when we made these?” she questions. i merely nod, my mind still clouded with disbelief at the sight before me. i turn my face away from the bed, watery eyes scanning the quiet room; the only sound being our hushed voices and the consistent beeping of the heart rate monitor. it’s all too much. too real. her fragile touch. her labored breaths. the pale blue walls begin to shift closer to one another, the four corners closing us in–

“brooke, look at me.” maya speaks, hoarse voice laced with a hint of urgency, “do you remember?” her fingertips still nudging the bracelet.

my eyes return to her now hollow face, and i want so badly to keep a picture of it in my mind. i want to remember her soothing voice, her flowery scent, the way her eyes squint with laughter, her warm smile, the secure feeling of her embrace - all of it.

“how could i forget?” i exhale, only now realizing i’d been holding my breath.

she hums happily, trembling fingers tapping against my skin.

“you had taught me how to make one.” i chuckle softly at the recollection of our middle school selves. a plethora of supplies covered the plush white carpet of her plant-themed bedroom. we sat criss-crossed around the embroidery floss and colorful beads. for each material we had blue ones and green ones. those were our favorite colors - mine blue and hers green. she had made sure to find the letters of our names so we could each adorn our bracelets with each other’s initials.

“so we never forget each other, no matter where we go.” she smirked, passing me a silver “M”, covered in rhinestones. i giggled at the cheesy statement, but my heart felt warm to be bonding this closely with someone.

“what if it breaks?” i questioned, brows furrowed slightly at the thought.

“it better not, or i’m gluing it to your wrist.” she joked. laughter filled the room; we talked for hours, weaving the yarn and assembling our colorful beads.

somehow by the end of it, we had shifted even closer to one another than before.

“maya?” i called softly, eyes fixed on the outline of the hanging succulent against the wall in front of me. the dim evening light peered in through the sheer curtains on her windows, slowly lulling us to sleep. our backs rested against her bed; my head rested on her shoulder and her head on top of mine. her fluffy locks tickled my cheek.

“hmm?”

“thank you.”

“for what?” her face turned to look at me properly.

“i had fun,” i gave her a small smile, fingers playing with the bracelet i just made, “i’ve never done this before.”

she nodded in understanding, and an endearing smile graced her features. an understanding of our blossoming friendship. an understanding that she was my first friend, and my only one. an understanding that i was grateful to have someone - to not be alone.

“i had fun too,” she said sincerely, “yours looks beautiful y’know, especially with my initial on it.”

i rolled my eyes playfully, laughter filling the sage colored room. she could never be serious, but we balanced each other perfectly. i always wondered what i’d do without her. i love that she always knew just what to say to ease my—

beeeeepppp

a prolonged sound from the monitor pulls me back to the cold hospital room. my heart plummets to the pit of my stomach, noticing that maya’s fingers had come to a halt against my wrist. the beeping continues, my eyes darting over her fallen lids and still chest.

it can’t be.

tears blur my vision, and my breath escapes my lungs. everything feels so heavy.

“maya!”

sweaty hands feel her wrists, checking for any sign of life pumping through her thin frame.

“maya,” i cry out, “somebody help!”

hurried footsteps approach the open door just as i sink to the floor.

“please don’t leave me!”

kneeling beside the white bed, my tears drop onto the polished tiles. i wait for her hand to return my grasp, or for her voice to call my name. i wait for her to tell me how long it took me to answer. i wait for her laughter, or for her fingers to keep tapping - but it never comes.

“i remember…” my voice is quiet, lacking the strength to project it any louder. my vision slowly blackens, unable to process my surroundings. the sound of panicked voices and the beeping monitor begin to fade.

my chest, it hurts so much.

“excuse me, ma’am” a masked woman clad in blue scrubs gently places her hand on my shoulder, steadying me. she lifts me up, my body like dead weight in her arms.

“i remember, maya…” i sob quietly.

i continue to weep, body being carried away from my best friend. my voice is drowned out by the deafening ringing in my ears.

i can only feel now: the overwhelming feeling of heartache consuming me, squeezing me tight until i break into little pieces.

she’s gone.

i can no longer dial her number at the end of the day and tell her all of the things i’ve been holding in. i can no longer feel better after hearing her advice, relieved from everything that was troubling me. i can no longer laugh until i can’t breathe at her neverending jokes. i can no longer smile at the funny pictures we exchange over text. i can no longer buy her favorite candy and see the excited look on her face when i bring it to her the next day. i can no longer tell her everything my mouth is unwilling to say with a single glance in her direction. i can no longer see her face or feel her heartbeat against my palm. i can no longer look forward to surprising her on her eighteenth birthday – just a month away.

i was just holding her hand.

i was just listening to her voice.

i was just sitting next to my best friend. she was just looking at me.

but it’s all gone.

she’s all gone.

the memory of her being all i have left.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒

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