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thicccskulled · 16 days
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that horrible urge to tell people what you’re doing in detail but being torn because on one hand you wanna talk about it but you don’t want anyone to stop you and on the other you want them to see, to notice. God I just wish i was sick enough
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thicccskulled · 16 days
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I wanted to binge so bad today but I didn’t!!! hooray!!! very proud of myself for at least not pigging out like I usually do when I’m restricting
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thicccskulled · 17 days
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god I keep sleeping through classes, the only change is that I’m eating significantly less but come fucking on!!! i need to lose the weight
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thicccskulled · 18 days
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made a bet with my friend on who could lose the most weight at a three month mark we chose. He’s doing it healthily, and the bet was made with honest intentions, but now it’s almost 8pm on a Tuesday and i’ve only had 30 calories…… old habits die hard I suppose, although I can’t say I’m unhappy with how quickly I relapsed, or with how strongly
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thicccskulled · 19 days
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I’m always open for people to message! I’m usually semi-active on here, so if you ever want someone to talk to or maybe even a void to scream into then feel free!
If you're a vent blog and you struggle with mdd, gad, bpd, npd, ocd, ptsd, schizophrenia, have an ed or struggle with sh or substance a*use, please reblog this post if you're okay with making friends and if you're okay with people messaging you 🖤
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thicccskulled · 24 days
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god I just want someone to talk to!!!!!! to be able to tell all of my awful, hideous emotions and desires to without worrying them. I want someone to be sick with
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thicccskulled · 24 days
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REAL SPIEL
You know it’s bad when I’m back on tumblr.
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thicccskulled · 4 months
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sick of these bouts of severe tiredness and ideation. Even when they end I’m not happy, just back to maintenance. How much longer can i keep existing like this?
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thicccskulled · 4 months
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disappointed I relapsed, scared I got the taste for it again
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thicccskulled · 4 months
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i need someone who i can tell that i wanna kill myself and they won’t act differently whatsoever
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thicccskulled · 4 months
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I opened up, I talked about it. Why don’t I feel better? Why do I feel worse?
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thicccskulled · 4 months
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a gun lays before you
have you ever heard of Russian roulette?
one bullet
six chambers
a gamble like no other
a gun lays before you
ever considered playing with fate
 testing God?
prodding the powers outside your control 
a gun lays before you
perhaps you’re unhappy
destitute, isolated 
sad, tired
looking for a way out
a gun lays before you
maybe you’re affronted
disgusted with such blatant disregard 
hatred blooming at the thought
frowning at the prospect 
a gun lies before you
it’s already in your hand
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thicccskulled · 4 months
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i keep imagining that we had a deeper connection than we actually did. I’m mistaking my yearning for fruition and being aware of that doesn’t dull the punch
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thicccskulled · 4 months
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Materials
wood, stone, water
we have used them to build, to grow, to destroy 
we have manufactured, manipulated, manifested 
whatever our mind’s desire, our lust for knowledge , for power
it never ends
but there is one materiel 
one we all have
a finite, finicky, final little entity
we cannot master it
it’s not in our cards
we try and fight and run
but it is not our destiny 
we can build amazing, astounding, astonishing entities with it
but we cannot control it
no matter what gruesome, grotesque, garbage is created by it 
we cannot stop its birth 
even sometimes
when we felt it coming 
it runs out eventually 
for you
for me
we are no gods
there are no gods to pray to
there is only one certainty 
and that is
it will run out
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thicccskulled · 5 months
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I crave destruction and I crave telling someone about it, I want to scream it out from the rooftops but that’s selfish. So i’ll let it rot inside me until it spoils my insides
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thicccskulled · 5 months
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i could never see myself being loved tenderly, i’m so used to it being violent that i think i would run away if i was presented with soft touches instead of fists
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thicccskulled · 6 months
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i feel myself decaying but i can’t seem to bring myself to care
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