#you didn’t choose to have an abusive ex husband and i didn’t choose to grow up with emotionally abusive parents | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ruminate88 · 7 months

Text

Lesson Learned Too Well

There is many hard things I’ve come to face after narcissistic abuse….

one of them is, now, I observe every person I meet or come in contact with. No one gets close to me without I observe them first and even then, I’m afraid they could drop their “mask” at any point and time.

You NEED people and you NEED connections. A person can not survive in this world without love and human connections. You will starve yourself if you isolate yourself too far. You’ll be just as cold as the narcissist and honestly when you hang with a duck, you act like one.

when you’ve been with a narcissist and learn they can only damage you, you then are so hurt that it affects you negatively and you often end up hurting those who have tried to defend you against the narcissist. I know I pushed away friends who kept trying to open my eyes to truth. I was so angry and embarrassed that they were right about my ex and how he was lying/cheating. I found myself not wanting to even acknowledge their friendship because they told me the truth about my relationship with Andrew and I felt they “spoiled” it. I felt they wanted us to break up so bad and believed they were against me when they didn’t deserve me to treat them like that. 😔

I don’t wanna be cold because prior to the narcissist, I was the most loving and giving person to everyone I met. I could lend a helping hand to any stranger before but NOW I don’t wanna meet a stranger hardly. I stick to my small circle of people that I am choosing to trust and let in my door….

I literally have to now push myself to trust those in my life and I push myself to show them love and compassion. I often miss the days when I could show a hand of friendship to anyone BUT the pain of my ex narcissists was so great, I never wanna experience it again.

if I see ANY signs of narcissism from anyone, first I notice that person will be afraid to be around me because I can detect them and I can expose them but also I push them away and don’t even let them near me and I’m angry when they attach with people I love.

I know narcissist are humans too like me and need compassion same as me. I have tried to forgive my exes over and over. I’ve tried to feel sorry for them and I would never hurt them the way they hurt me but my opinions towards them is far from nice. 🥴 The anger my ex, Andrew, put inside me was more than I could handle. Andrew made me hate myself and hate everything around me. I didn’t wanna live after Andrew kept gaslighting me and treating me like I’m crazy.

from what I understand, most narcissists come from a place of “trauma” that’s why they cause you trauma… Being such an empathetic person, I had believed I could love Andrew enough to change him and affect him but nothing I said or did was enough to impact his life. He kept right on lying and cheating towards me. When I confronted his cheating, he put the blame back on me and tried to make me believe I was so stupid and did not know what the truth was. He tried to make believe I was misunderstanding the whole situation and that I didn’t “trust” him enough… wow. 🥺

Since Andrew, I put up a guard toward everyone. I did meet my husband and married him but I’ve battled trusting my husband and letting him 100% into my heart. I’ve almost expected him to lie and cheat. I’ve waited for “the let down” and I’ve waited to be disappointed. I’ve even mentally packed my bags to eventually have to move back home and YET my husband continues to show me he’s trustworthy. I’ve had to force myself to relax and get comfortable. I’ve had to work at convincing myself my marriage is good and will last forever.

I’ve not done all the work on my own!! I’ve prayed to Jesus over and over and over…. I’ve cried out for understanding and for the truth. Nothing has gotten better over night. It’s hard work to make progress daily. Each day is a new day to only grow as a person.

don’t let the narcissist steal your love, hope and dreams… don’t give up!! Don’t shut the whole world out over one or two bad apples. There is still people out there who CAN treat you with respect. No one is perfect!! Remember this, “you get what you give”!!! Maybe you’re scared to try again in love but some people are actually worth the risk!! 🥰 My husband was the nicest guy I ever met and I could literally feel a difference in being around him compared to my ex narcissists!!!

Don’t give up and don’t give in to the coldness brought on by the narcissist! Stay close to the light and continue to let love inside of you. Don’t lose your friends like I did… you can not survive alone!!

1 note · View note

cathygeha · 1 year

Text

REVIEW

Tempt Her by Kelly Finley

Scintillating, sizzling, steamy love story that sees four people finding their way to a nonconformist happily ever after that provides them a safe harbor, empowers them all, and provides them with the understanding and love they all desire. They are unbreakable together.

What I liked: * Stacey: beauty pageant winner, trophy wife, married to a despicable man, verbally abused and controlled, sweet, caring, kind, loves her father, trapped, grows a lot in this story

* Ford: ex-military, strong, lethal, dominant, grumpy, protective, in a committed relationship, living life to the fullest

* Mateo: high school classmate of Stacey’s, loving parents and siblings, protective, philosopher, reader, strong, caring, gentle…most of the time, works for and with Ford, in a committed relationship

* Luke: preparing to join the army and become a ranger, son of a war hero and military mother, works for and with Ford, youngest in the group, outgoing, observant, in a committed relationship

* That the relationship that develops between the four main characters is unconventional, filled with love and attraction, is open and honest, and shows how not everyone lives a vanilla life

* Stacey’s love for her father and how her parents impacted her life

* The way Stacey’s interactions with the three men strengthened her, gave her focus, empowered her, and set her free

* The loving – emotional and physical – that took place between the four people that found their way to one another and were there for one another…no matter what

* The feel-good ending that updated me on the characters from previous books

* Wondering what this author will write next

What I didn’t like:

* Gentry Evans: senator, spoiled rich guy, criminal, abusive husband, married to Stacey – with a mother that was no better

* Knowing that there are evil abusive people in the world like the ones in this book

* Having to say goodbye to the characters

Did I enjoy this book? Yes

Would I read more by this author? Yes

Thank you to the author for the ARC – This is my honest review.

5 Stars

BLURB

Behind every good woman are three men ready to tempt her.

I’ve snapped the necks of evil men already — but there’s one I never got to, and he took the most from me. So when a blonde beauty queen opens the door with tears in her eyes, heads are gonna roll. But I have my orders. I’m just here to paint the walls, not save a snobby seductress from a cruel man. Except my men have other plans… With Luke and Mateo’s blood rushing south, I’m the only one thinking clearly. Getting involved with a senator’s wife would screw us all sideways. Ain’t it my luck…that’s exactly what they want. Although they know how to tempt me, loss is the only truth I know — and for years, Luke and Mateo have been the one good thing in my life, and my bed. But this woman isn’t just looking for romance; she wants revenge. And you can resist Stacey Evans like you can resist gravity. You’ll fall for her no matter what. From the “Queen of Spice,” author Kelly Finley, comes an all-new steamy standalone that will burn your cheeks and pages. Tempt Her is a multi-POV, why choose, revenge romance with a HEA all will crave.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kelly Finley is an author of contemporary romances featuring bada** women and grown-a** men. She lives in the Carolinas with her husband and family. A rebel with many causes, she fancies black leather, dirty jokes, and smart mouths. Thrilled by a flipped script, she gives us steamy, sexy heroines who are often missing, particularly from suspense and military romance. Her books feature heat we almost can't handle & shameless characters we champion and love. She's most likely at her keyboard right now, putting the next heroine on the page.

#Kelly Finley #Tempt Her #MMMF Romance #Romance #Fiction #Revenge #Steamy

0 notes

darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 3 years

Text

What’s yours is mine 1

Warnings: nonconsent and rape, allusions to abuse, stalking, possessiveness, pregnancy, and more tags to be added.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Pairing: dark!Ransom Drysdale x pregnant!Reader

Summary: After five years, your past is far behind you but just as you think you can live your happily ever after, your ex shows up at the worst moment.

Note: I couldn’t sleep and ended up writing this and it will not be a long ongoing series but it will be a few parts. But Roo you say that all the time. Yes, well, I’m trying and I’m sorry but I’m gonna try to not be the worst.

Hope you enjoy it. Thank you. Love you guys!

Please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

“Oh my god, is that really you?” the voice made you stand stalk straight.

You took a breath and forced a smile before you turned to the indomitable woman. You never expected to see Linda again, not after you broke up with her son almost five years ago. And there she was, as rigid and righteous as ever, her thin lips curved in a mocking grin.

“Linda,” you greeted her in a singsong and looked around the grocery store. You never went to the overpriced organic market but your local shop didn’t have dragonfruit and you had a painful craving, “how are you?”

“Darling, I’m just great,” she held an empty basket on her arm, an odd sight as you never expected her to do her own shopping, “oh, and look at you!” Before you knew it, her hand was on your stomach and you struggled not shy away, “how far are you?”

“Um,” you looked down at the large ring on her finger and resisted the urge to step away as you often did in this situation, “almost five months.”

“And married?” she grabbed your left hand and pretended to admire the small teardrop diamond, “gorgeous.”

“Mhmm,” you waited for you to release you and swayed in place, “you barely look a day older than the last time I saw you.”

“You’re well? You look well,” she primped her short hair at the compliment, “oh, a baby.” She reached out again and you sighed as she rubbed your stomach, “for luck.”

You tried not to frown and ended up laughing at the tension, “well, it was nice running into you.”

“Oh, you know, I barely come down here but we’re headed up to my father’s place, you remember, such a cozy house, and Joni is in charge of food and well, I wouldn’t trust her with a plastic spoon so of course, I have a back up plan.”

You nodded along with her awkwardly, frozen in the spot as the dragon fruit barely seemed worth the torture. Linda was hard to please and alway derisive, but for as long as you were with Ransom, she had taken a keen shine to you. That alone came with an edge but it was rarely used to cut you.

You forced another laugh, “that sounds fun, getting away from the city.”

“Ugh, just another family gathering,” she waved it off with her free hand, “I’ll have to tell Ransom I ran into you, if he even shows up.”

“Well, I don’t think--”

“He’s grown up so much,” she interrupted, “you wouldn’t believe it. He got his own imprint in my father’s company publishing true crime. He’s really making a place for himself now.”

“That’s great,” you tried not to falter at the mention of her son. You hadn’t ended on the greatest terms and your relationship had been tumultuous and regrettable.

“I hope you have a great weekend, Linda,” you said, “but I got to--”

“Oh, not at all, I’m keeping you,” she squeezed your arm, “God, he was such an idiot to let you go.”

You nodded and swallowed through your tight throat, “I’m glad he’s doing better for himself.”

“You too,” she trilled, “oh, before I let you go, darling, is it a boy?”

You blinked and your smile wavered, “how did you know?”

“I could always tell,” she said, “so precious.”

She gave your stomach one last pat and disappeared into the produce section. You blinked as you looked down at the scaled fruit in your right hand. Chocolate, you needed chocolate.

You were rattled as you waited in the express line and put your things on the belt. You hadn’t thought of Ransom in a very long time. Not much. His shadow followed you around in those moments when your heart raced and your head spun, but you had learned to work through those fits. No one else knew what happened behind closed doors, they only knew Ransom, not Hugh.

You paid and shoved your fruit and candy into a paper bag. You headed out into the misty spring air. The rain had finally stopped and left the streets slick and shining. The sun was hazy as it clung to the last of the clouds and you inhaled the wet scent of grass and gravel.

You let your key hang from the ignition as you took a moment to gather yourself. You stared at the modest ring on your finger and held your stomach and you swore you could still feel Linda’s bony hand there.

You had a loving husband, Dez, and a son on the way. Ransom wasn’t a part of any of that and this was just a blip on radar, the aftershock of the storm that ended years before. You sniffed and turned the engine. You wouldn’t go back to that store, it was far too expensive and the clientele were certainly not of your ilk.

🍼

Dez was in the kitchen when you got home, the smell of steak and peppers rose from the frying pan. You kissed his cheek as he kept one hand on the spatula and you dropped your bag on the counter beside the stove. You went to the fridge and poured yourself a glass of water. You turned and leaned against the marble and drank deeply.

“So, hon, how was your day?” he asked as he put the spatula down and peeked in the bag, “hmm, odd pairing but I don’t hate it.”

“I had a craving,” you shrugged, “it was… okay,” you heaved, “what’s for dinner?”

“Steak fajitas,” he said, “I trimmed the fat for you and,” he turned and reached out to you, “and I got you some champagne… non-alcoholic, obviously.”

“You know it doesn’t have the same effects,” you kidded as you put your glass down and settled into his arms, “and well,” you looked down at your stomach, “we already got one drunken night growing.”

He laughed and bent to kiss you on the lips. He rocked you as the pan sizzled behind him. You closed your eyes and tensed as suddenly your head flashed with the memory of Ransom, of the way he’d kiss you, harder than Dez, and the way it always turned to more whether you wanted it or not.

“Hey,” Dez pulled back, “you okay?”

“Yeah,” you lied, “hormones.”

“Aw, hon, well I have the perfect dessert planned,” he purred.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmhmm, strawberry massage oil,” he framed your face with his hand, “a nice long back rub…”

“Perfect,” you giggled, “why are you spoiling me?”

“Don’t I always?” he smirked.

“Hmm, rarely without reason,” you said.

“Well…” he voice trailed off and slowly he dropped his arms. He turned his back to you and grabbed the pan, stirring the contents with a shake, “I didn’t want you to miss me too bad.”

“Miss you?” you came forward and bent your arms over the counter, “where are you going?”

“Chicago, there’s some evidence down there we need to look at and they refuse to transfer it to our office so… bullshit confidentiality clause, but we need it.”

“How long?” your heart dropped.

“Well, I gotta leave in the morning but I told Gary I won’t stay longer than Monday.”

“And what did he say?”

“He laughed,” Dez shook his head, “I promise, I’ll do my best to be back as soon as I can--”

“No, I understand,” you said gloomily, “it’s just…” you cupped your chin and tapped your lips with your fingertips, “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too,” he said as he turned the burner off, “and this little guy,” he touched your stomach and you shivered as you remembered how Linda had done the same with her cold palm, “so, you choose a name yet?”

“Still not naming him Superman, babe,” you chided, “but no, I can’t make up my mind. God, it’s like my mind is in shambles, I can’t remember why I go in a room or even focus on one thing for more than two minutes before I’m distracted by what colour I want to paint the nursery and I can’t even decide on that because then I’m thinking about what kind of wood the crib should be--”

“It’s fine, you’re fine,” he assured as he opened the bag of tortillas, “you’re still there, you’re just… sharing a brain right now.”

“Wasn’t enough to go around in the first place,” you scoffed.

“Shh,” he arranged the plates carefully, like a five star restaurant, tortillas stacked, steak and veg together, a little dish of cheese, some sour cream, lettuce, salsa, all divvied out in a spectacular salsa you would only make a mess of.

“I thought the pregnancy would give me a chance to finish my book, but--”

“Well, you got maternity leave after that,” he said.

“From what? Sitting at my keyboard and crying? I’ll just be holding a baby and crying,” you sighed, “you said you’d take some time off.”

“I did say that and I will,” he grabbed the plates and nodded you out of the kitchen. He set the plates on the table and you sat as he went to grab two glasses and as many bottles. He poured you your spineless champagne and had a beer for himself, “I don’t want to miss anything.”

“You can’t take forever off,” you muttered, “we both know that. I could go back to copywriting and maybe--”

“Babe, that job made you miserable and you will finish your book,” he handed you a napkin, “I’ve read your stuff, it’s… you said your ex was in publishing?”

“Did I?”

“I thought you did, you never really… talk about the exes, which I love but, I think you said something about it. You don’t think he would--”

“No,” you snapped, “no,” you said softer, “he wouldn’t.”

“Sorry,” he said startled by your reaction, “I didn’t--”

“It’s nothing, I just-- exes, right?”

“It was a stupid suggestion,” he said, “I’m sorry, but… I have a client, he might have some contacts.”

“You don’t have to do that--”

“I don’t have to, I want to because the world deserves to hear your voice,” he insisted, “I hate to share you but I’d be selfish to keep you to myself.”

You smiled and unfolded a tortilla. Still, your heart raced as the second mention of Ransom that day had you on edge. Dez watched you build your fajita and you looked up at him.

“Well, since you’ll be in Chicago, maybe I’ll get a few pages done.”

🍼

The call came on Monday, Dez wouldn’t be home that night. You contented yourself to stay in with your laptop and sugar cookies. Still, you barely got a sentence done before you snapped your computer closed and gave up with a frustrated grunt. You slept, not well, and got up with some trouble as your hips ached.

A good morning text from Dez made you smile but there was still no promise of an impending return. You felt pent up in the apartment and lonely as its emptiness reminded you of your absent husband. Too tense to sit down and type, you opted to go for a walk, hoping it would calm your nerves.

You walked past the shop windows and stopped to peek in at used books and handmade candles. You had no destination in mind, only a restless step. There was a little store at the corner with locally made quilts and knitted sweaters. The smell of potpourri wafted out from beneath the painted door and made your throat tickle. Even so, your curiosity drew you inside.

A small woman greeted you from behind the desk. She held two needles as she crocheted some indistinguishable craft. You smiled and said hello as you headed down the centre aisle. You looked along the racks of quilts, floral, striped, plaid, and polka dot. You stopped at a bright yellow piece with honey bees along the border. You hadn’t thought of yellow for the nursery.

You felt the soft fabric and checked the tag. You lifted the quilt from the bar, content that it was worth it and a great motivator. You stopped before you could turn back, a familiar voice chilled your blood.

“It’s cute,” Ransom said as he stepped up next to you, “kinda girly for a boy though.”

You glanced over at him and folded the blanket over your arm. You backed up but as you turned he did too. He blocked your bath as he stretched his arm across the aisle.

“My mother told me you were expecting,” he said, “and she was right, you look good.”

“What do you want?” you whispered as you clutched the quilt.

“Nothing, just saying hello,” his mouth slanted.

“Hugh, I’m not stupid,” you hissed, “it’s been five years.”

“Hugh,” he repeated dully, “you remember your manners.”

“Leave me alone and let me past,” you tried to duck under his arm but he shifted his body over and backed you up to the end of the aisle.

“And married,” he taunted.

“He’s outside,” you lied, “if I stay too long--”

“I didn’t see him when you walked up,” he intoned, “he must be easy to miss.”

“Have you been following me?” you uttered.

“Only from the cafe,” he shrugged, “short walk.”

“Please, get away from me,” you quivered.

“I’m not doing anything--”

“You know exactly what you’re doing,” you hissed, “now I will scream so move.”

“Mama Bear,” he crooned, “I love it, you’re so protective.”

“Hugh,” you warned.

“Sweetie,” he hummed.

You shoved his shoulder but he didn’t move. You hit him harder and he winced. He chuckled and stood straight. He waved his arm down the aisle and stepped aside.

“Don’t make a scene,” he said, “you always did like to be dramatic.”

“Fuck you,” you snarled, “don’t come near me again.”

“Don’t act like you don’t miss me,” he called after you as you dropped the quilt on the counter, “we were so good together.”

You left without buying, a shrill apology to the lady at the counter as you went as fast as you could out the door. The bell tinkled after you and the door clamored shut. You felt nauseous and dizzy. The last thing you wanted or needed was to ever see that man again.

#ransom drysdale #dark!ransom drysdale #dark ransom drysdale x reader #dark ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x reader #fic #series #knives out #dark fic #dark!fic #what's yours is mine

1K notes · View notes

dr-spencer-reids-queen · 3 years

Text

What Fresh Hell?: Part Two

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Word Count: ~1.7k

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill, fluff and angst, talk of child pornography, talk of sexual abuse with children

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there is any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated.

Feedback is gold, and it’s the only currency I take

Billie’s father is seen parking in the driveway, and even from where you’re at, you can feel how angry he is. He turns this whole blue energy of the house into a light purple. Both red and blue mix to create a whole mess of emotions. He’s not right in the head either, but that’s clearly not going to stop him from marching in here. As soon as he does, him and Billie’s mother just go at it.

“I have been calling you all night!” she yells.

“I'm sorry, Marilyn. I turned my phone off.”

“How could you turn your phone off? What if Billie got sick or—we needed you!”

“I said I was sorry!” he groans.

She slaps his arm and gives an angry scoff. She turns away and leaves the room. Thankfully, William stays put to give her time to cool off.

“What's being done to find my daughter?”

“We're assessing that right now,” you answer.

“She's been missing since yesterday! What the hell have you people been doing since then?!”

“Where have you been, Mr. Copeland?” Gideon wonders.

“Me?”

“Where were you all day and all night?”

“I have a cabin in Brandywine Valley,” he says, but that doesn’t tell you where he’s been this entire time.

“The police tried you there.”

“Well, maybe I was out at the time.”

“Billie tried your cell phone yesterday afternoon. You didn’t answer then,” you comment.

“Well, I shut it off sometimes. I like the solitude.”

“You didn't fight your wife for custody of your daughter, but you like being in her life,” Gideon rattles off the facts.

He wants to make him nervous. It’s working.

“I want her to grow up in her home with her friends around. This is the only place she's ever lived.”

“So, you love her very much.”

“Yes.”

“Why do you waste any precious time we have left?” Gideon sighs and cuts to the chase for this is taking too long. “You weren't at your cabin. You weren't at work or with friends. Police didn't call us until a little while ago because they thought your daughter might have been with you—that you might have taken your daughter. Until you can give us a satisfactory accounting of your whereabouts from the time your daughter went missing until—would you help me understand why a devoted father who talks to his daughter every night suddenly turns his phone off and disappears for almost twenty-four hours?”

“I was… busy,” he hesitates.

“It was 1:30 in the afternoon. You called your wife at 11:30 that morning and found out Billie was missing.”

“So?”

“Well, Brandywine Valley is fifteen minutes away. Where were you, Mr. Copeland?”

William knows he’s been caught, so he chooses the right option to tell the truth. He sighs heavily and sits down with a long and tired look on his face.

“I—I was at Sloane Kettering hospital in New York City. Dr. Baylan Mahal is the head of Oncology. You can call him if you want.”

“I will. Did you have a relapse?”

“It's in my lymph nodes now. There's nothing more they can—” he cuts himself off. “Please find my daughter. Find my daughter.”

“Call Sloane Kettering,” Gideon instructs of you.

“Yes sir,�� you say, already taking out your phone.

The bad news is that Sloane Kettering vouched for William, confirming he was with them the entire day with proof through cameras as well as the sign in sheet. If he didn’t take his own daughter, then that means it really is a stranger abduction—most likely. The good news is that Derek, Elle, and Hotch did have something when they returned from the park. You didn’t want to upset the parents even more, so you had a small meeting on their lawn as soon as they arrived.

“What do we know?” Gideon asks as he jogs up to the rest of the group.

“We talked to a kid who had contact with the unsub. He came back to the same street more than once,” Hotch informs.

“Well that tells us he's at ease in the neighborhood—comfortable talking to kids in plain view,” you fit the pieces together.

“He lured Billie with a story about a lost dog.”

“She recently lost one of her own.”

“That indicates previous knowledge of the victim,” Spencer says.

“But it doesn't necessarily mean that she knew him personally. This only means he's aware,” you counteract.

“Actually, it's not uncommon for predators like these to know the kids that live around his area. He’s from this neighborhood.”

“Then we go door to door and ask for voluntary searchers,” Detective Russet speaks up.

“The neighborhood is already crawling with uniforms. They're everywhere. Having more searchers is only going to make the man who did this go into hiding,” you point out.

“So far, you followed the child abduction response plan to the letter,” Gideon trails off.

“For the past few hours, yes,” the detective nods.

“So now we need to move past the guidelines and change tactics. If we don't, Billie isn't gonna make it past the next twenty-four hours. I want you to corral these clowns,” Gideon points to all of the news cameras. “We're gonna need 'em—all of 'em.”

Before you can deal with the press, it’s about time to give the profile. Usually, you’d have more time to put one together, but Billie is very high risk. If you don’t put one out now, she could die sooner rather than later. Every single cop that’s around this area is in one room, listening to your team give the profile. Each and every one of them are listening intently, taking down notes as you go along.

“Billie Copeland has been missing for twenty-two hours. It is vital that we locate her in the first twenty-four,” Gideon starts off.

“The unknown subject, or unsub, in this case is most likely a resident of one of the subdivisions around the park. We have cancelled the amber alert. We need to coordinate with all your officers to pull everyone off the street immediately,” Hotch explains.

“That’s fucking crazy,” a random officer scoffs.

“Just hear us out—”

“But it goes against court procedure. You guys wrote the damn thing.”

“Actually, Carp is just a guideline for immediate response to child abduction. Believe it or not, we're already late in the game, and we do know enough about this unsub to know that if he feels like we're closing in on him at all, he will kill Billie to avoid detection. If anything, we need to lessen the pressure on him,” Spencer spits out.

“This man fits in because nobody knows what he is. Can we really know our neighbors? He walks his dog and does yard work. Solitary activities appeal to him. However, if you watch closely, you'll see he pays a little too much attention to the neighborhood kids. Largely goes unnoticed because he isn't perceived as a threat. He’s a white male in his late twenties to thirties. He has a menial or temporary job and is socially marginalized and frustrated. He relates better to kids than he does to adults. It’s not his first offense to children, but it is his first abduction,” you explain.

“How do you know that?” Detective Russet asks.

“First-timers hunt closer to home. Experienced predators don't.”

“He's had a recent stressor—a job loss or other setback. Unable to maintain a normal relationship, he'll have extensive pornographic materials in his home and on his computer. And while they won't all involve children, some of them definitely will,” Hotch takes over.

“Since he used the missing dog ruse, and we believe him to be a regular fixture of the neighborhood, it's quite possible that he truly does own—or did at one point—own a dog named Candy. We recommend cross-checking veterinary records with residents in the neighborhood,” Spencer says.

“He will not inject himself into this investigation.”

“Don't these guys like to know what the cops know?” the detective says.

“No, not this type of unsub. He's hiding. He doesn't know what anyone saw. He doesn't know if there's any information about him out there. He's unlikely to walk in and ask us, ‘can I help you?’. But I can guarantee you he will be watching the news. So, how we handle them is very important,” Gideon stresses.

“Check your canvass records. One of you may have had contact with him in the early stages.”

“What about registered sex offenders?”

“We've got somebody working on that right now.”

“Okay, ladies and gentlemen, everyone clear on that? Good luck. Thank you,” Gideon closes this meeting out.

Derek immediately leaves off to the side to call Penelope to have her work her magic touch on the already growing pile of suspects. You’re scheduled to go back to Mrs. Copeland’s house with Elle just to make sure she and her ex-husband are doing alright. Before you do that, however, you walk over to Spencer who is kind of all by his lonesome.

“Hey, how are you holding up?” you ask.

“Could be better. What about you?”

“Same. This is just going to be another nightmare to add to my list,” you sigh sadly.

“Do you dream of children often?”

“It’s a lot less than what you’d think it’d be. I swear this job never gets easier. When I agreed to take this job when Gideon offered it, I was ecstatic. I thought I’d really make a difference.”

“But you are—”

“No, I’m not,” you cut him off. “All I get are some victims that are saved, and a shit ton of nightmares to follow it. The payoff is actually worse if I think about it. Just as I’m about to collapse from extreme depression, I think of this team. I think of you and Penelope and JJ and Derek. I think of kids like Billie. I think of everything good that comes out of these cases. While there isn’t much, I try to hold onto the good as tightly as I can in hopes some of it will rub off on me, you know?”

“Try going through life with an eidetic memory.”

“Bless your heart, Dr. Spencer Reid. Seriously. You’re doing a great job if it means anything.”

“It does. Thank you,” he smiles shyly but brightly.

“Y/N, come on!” Elle calls for you.

“Duty calls. Save that smile for me when I get back, yeah?” you flirt.

You’re already gone before Spencer can come up with anything clever to say. All he’s getting are flushed cheeks and a fuzzy brain. You actually make him forget what he’s about to do… and that’s saying something.

wanna be tagged? add yourself to this document! if your tag doesn’t work, find out why!

@averyhotchner @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @fan-girl-97 @paulaern @inkstainedwritergirl @estrela-rogers @abitchforjay @kwbaby24 @redsalv20 @joonie-centric @spencerreid-mgg @sixpencespencee @boygenius-reid @reidemandweep @prophecyflame @happynekochan1

#what fresh hell #series rewrite #criminal minds series rewrite #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #cm #cm fanfiction #season 1 episode 12 #s1e12

56 notes · View notes

sweet-sammy-kisses · 3 years

Text

I Can Feel the Magic Floating In the Air

For @tropetember day 7: mutual pining Fandom: 911 Pairing: Buck x Eddie, other canon relationships Word Count for this chapter: 1,810 Notes: This is a three part chapter story with each chapter a different prompt for tropetember each chapter will be posted on the other dates and the rating will rise in the third chapter. Also there is minor Eddie/Ana. Summary: With a distance growing between him and Eddie since Eddie started dating Ana Buck finds himself growing closer to Josh. When Josh admits to him that he hasn't tried dating since that horrible night Buck decides to introduce Josh to an ex that he remained friends with. Buck just would like to know why Eddie is acting like a jealous and possessive ex-husband when he talks about Henry. You can also read it on AO3

There was a distance between him and Eddie ever since Eddie had begun dating Ana. Most of the time Buck didn't recognize the man his best friend was. It was like Eddie was playing the part of Edmundo, Ana's perfect version of what she wants Eddie to be. He missed his Eddie. Not that Eddie was his and he had any claim to him but he still didn't like Ana's Edmundo.

Buck was doing his best to put aside and enjoying the time that he did have with Eddie and Christopher, which had dwindled down, even their movie nights which were once every Friday were now once a month. And sure it hurt when Eddie would call him to babysit Christopher, not that he didn't love spending time with his favourite Diaz, he just wishes that Eddie would call him for other reasons, even if it was just to hang out.

Then Ana started showing up on the few times that Buck had with Eddie and Christopher. He hadn't been the only one who had been disappointed in Ana's "surprise" visit as Christopher looked so downhearted before excusing himself to go play Legos in his room.

"You want to come Buck?" Christopher asked him with a soft smile on his face.

Buck's heart melted at that smile, "I will join you in a moment bud, why don't you get them picked out for us first and we will make something so epic that Karen and Michael will be so impressed that they will once again fight over who you take after more Karen or Michael." Buck suggested.

A series of giggles escaped Christopher as he recalled the science project that Buck had helped him create that wowed everyone that Karen and Michael had ended up in a heated debt about, Hen and David both informed them all that they were still arguing over whose footsteps Christopher should follow.

Watching Christopher leave the living room Buck didn't know why he stayed behind he didn't need to watch Ana drape herself all over Eddie, laying her claim that Eddie is hers.

"So Buck, do you think you can watch Christopher for Eddie and me this weekend? We wanted to have some grown-up alone time together." Ana asked in a sickeningly sweet voice as she stared at Buck with an expected look in her eyes like all she saw was an on-call babysitter and not someone who was woven so deeply into the Diaz family that he was considered family.

Glancing at Eddie he saw a surprised look in his best friend's eyes but Eddie made no move to correct her. Buck could understand Ana was perfect, his parents would love her and finally show him the approval he craves, the same that Buck craves from his parents only he would never get it while Eddie would as long as he twisted and turned himself into Edmundo.

Buck couldn't do this, he loves Christopher and he loves Eddie but he can't be downgraded to just a babysitter for them. He wouldn't survive it. With a heavy heart he put on a mask, "I'm so sorry Ana. I can't. I have plans with Josh this weekend. I'm sure that you can find someone else on short notice to babysit or did you ask me because you think I have no life and no one waiting for me at home that I am always free?" Buck asked in a pleasant tone.

Something unpleasant grew in Eddie's chest at Buck's response to Ana's question. He had asked not to say anything to Buck. He hadn't even agreed to go away this weekend with her. It was the first one he had off in a while and he had hoped to spend it with his son, who had been a champ about letting Ana spend more time with them when it was clear that he was missing Buck. As he was. He wanted to spend this weekend with Christopher and Buck, his boys, he hadn't made any plans with Ana and he hated how she seemed to disregard his feelings and thoughts and go ahead with what she wanted.

"Your spending the weekend with Josh?" Eddie didn't like that. What he has heard from Buck, Chimney and Maddie Josh is a nice guy but the idea of Buck spending time with another guy rubbed him the wrong way.

"Yep, Josh got a dog and he wanted to get her settled before introducing her to people. She is a rescue and came from an abusive owner. I can't wait to meet her." Buck's eyes were sparkling. Pulling out his phone he pulled up a picture of a sweet-looking brown with white on her underbelly pitbull smiling as happily wearing a flower crown. "Isn't she the sweetest thing? To think that anyone could hurt her, people can be monsters."

The sudden urge to hug Buck over took Eddie and the only reason he couldn't was the hold Ana had on him. "She looks adorable what is her name?"

"Adora." Buck happily told Eddie, "Named after the Princess of Power herself. Given everything she has gone through Josh thought she needed a strong and beautiful name."

Eddie didn't know why he found himself so jealous over Buck acting like a co-parent with Josh over Josh's dog. "Maybe Christopher can meet her someday." Eddie knew that Christopher would be over the moon at that, he had been begging him to get him a dog for months now.

"Sure. I think we can arrange for Adora to meet Christopher as well as Henry and Denny." Buck looks excited at that idea.

"I don't think that is wise. Pitbulls as a dangerous breed of dogs. I don't think a child as sensitive as Christopher should be around something so dangerous." Ana spoke up, she was tired of being ignored.

A dark look appeared in Buck's eyes, "There are no dangerous dogs they are just who they are because of how people treated them. Pitbulls get a bad reputation because of humans not because of them. They are hurt and beaten until they are turned into what their so-called owners want them to be. Adora is a sweetheart and Josh has shown her the love and kindness she has been denied all her life. Now if you excuse me I have a Lego time to get to with Christopher."

"Well, that was rude and uncalled for," Ana muttered under her breath once Buck was gone.

"Yes, what you said to Buck was uncalled for. I hope you apologize to him. And what is this about going away for an adult weekend? I don't recall being asked or agreeing to it." Eddie wasn't happy with his girlfriend.

A pout appeared on Ana's face as she attempted to snuggle close to him only for Eddie to pull away from her. "I thought it would be nice for the two of us to have some adult time. We have been dating for months I think it is time that we spend the nights together."

Eddie froze, he should be saying yes. Ana is his girlfriend, she is sweet, smart and sexy, he should be thrilled at the idea of them finally crossing that line but he isn't. He doesn't want to sleep with her. "I think that you should go. Today was the day that I was meant to spend with my son and Buck, just the three of us, a boy's day. You knew that but still invited yourself over. Now I am asking you to leave so I can salvage this day."

Stung Ana reared back a hurt look that gave way to anger appeared on her face, "Are you choosing Buck over me?" She demanded.

Looking at Ana Eddie realized that if she left and walked out of his life today he wouldn't miss her as much as he did miss spending time with Buck. "I am."

Climbing to her feet Ana grabbed her bag, "Call me Eddie when you come to your senses."

When he didn't feel the terror griping him like he did when Bobby had informed them that they couldn't talk to Buck during that horrible time of the lawsuit Eddie knew that he and Ana just weren't meant to be.

But right now it didn't matter what matter was spending time with his boys.

+******+

"So wait Eddie chose you over his girlfriend and you still came to visit me today? I'm touched, Buck." Josh grinned at his friend.

"Actually I came to spend time with Adora, you are just extra," Buck informed him from where he was kneeling beside Adora giving her belly rubs.

"Fair." Josh would choose to spend time with Adora over others, his sweet girl was the best. Studying his friend Josh felt his heart break for him, it was no secret - except to Eddie - that Buck was deeply in love with his best friend. Everything had been certain that those two were heading towards a relationship when Ana appeared and suddenly Eddie was head over heels for her. Josh had heard many rants about pod person Edmundo Ana was turning him into from Chimney and Maddie. Josh admired how Buck was able to put his heartbreak aside and still put on a happy smile for Eddie. "Come on let's show Adora off." Today was going to be an Eddie-free day Josh was going to make sure of it.

Buck smiled as he gave Adora one final belly rub, "How about that girl, ready to show off your amazing self."

Adora let out a happy bark.

+*****+

Eddie wasn't miserable or jealous over the fact that Buck had chosen to spend the day with Josh. He was perfectly happy hanging out with Hen and Karen as Denny and Christopher played in the Wilson's backyard.

"If you look any greener I think the trees are going to get jealous." Hen commented as she took a sip of her drink.

Refusing to look his friend in the eyes Eddie studied the label on his bottle. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Right," Hen drawled out, "You are not sulking and drowning your sorrows in a pack of beer over the fact that Buck is out having a guy's day with Josh and not attached to your side." Hen wasn't afraid to call out his bullshit.

Clenching his jaw Eddie refused to admit that he was jealous.

Hen and Karen exchanged a look, they both knew that if Buck kept spending time with Josh then Eddie's jealous and possessive side was only going to get worse and that just might be what finally pushes the boys to act on their feelings.

Hen hoped it was soon, she couldn't take much more of this pining between her two idiotic boys before she asked Athena for a pair of handcuffs.

#buddie #buck x eddie #otp: you can have my back anytime #tropetember #not ana flores friendly #sherri writes #my fics

18 notes · View notes

mrs-hilmarson · 4 years

Text

Run To Me (Part 4)

Pairing: Diane Sherman x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

TW: Brief mention of vomiting. I don’t want anyone getting triggered, so I would rather be overly cautious!

A/N: If you would like to be on a tag list for this fic, please add a comment below or shoot me a message! Excited about the next chapter, things are coming. Again thank you for the love. I am having so much fun writing this and it means even more when you have people who enjoy reading it!

Even though it had been four whole days since the accident, you were not feeling better. Diane had said that the day after was supposed to be the worst, but it seemed like you felt weaker each day. Diane was keeping a close eye on you though, making sure you weren't running a fever and that the road rash and cuts weren't getting worse. She said if you got any weaker, she would bring you to the local urgent care to make sure something serious wasn't going on.

Though you weren't feeling well, you enjoyed the days spent with Diane in the quiet little house, just the two of you. You had learned a lot about each other in the past few days, developing a routine with one another that always ended the day with a cup of that nasty ass tea, but deep and sweet conversation.

You hadn't gone into too much detail about your past quite yet, about your mother or father or what it was like in the foster home. You shared mainly surface level things and funny memories that were light hearted. You knew the heavier stuff would be discussed eventually. Although you were choosing to keep the painful memories of your past to yourself for the time being, Diane had opened to you almost immediately.

You found out she didn't have parents either, her mother dying when she was a child and she was married when she was very young, to an abusive husband that left her for another woman only a year and a half into the marriage. Soon after she found out she was pregnant and she decided to not reach out to her ex-husband and to just raise the baby on her own. Unfortunately she developed high blood pressure and delivered the baby too soon, and she died in Diane's arms before she even had time to discuss options. Her name was Chloe and Diane chose to live a quiet life after that. She moved to Washington only a few years ago and put herself into teaching, science, and her garden. She always wanted a child, but she was just never able have one again.

When she told you that, your heart broke for her. Of course she was so willing to take you home with her. She was lonely! She had promised to take care of you, but you knew as soon as you were back on your feet, you were going to try and care for her too. In whatever way she would let you. You weren't Chloe, and you could never be Chloe, but you could love her with all your heart.

It had been another rough day, as you had suddenly developed a bad headache and had felt queasy for most of it. You didn't really eat much of your dinner, pushing it around your plate. You didn't want to tell Diane you had vomited up breakfast. If she knew you were barely keeping things down, she may get worried.

Diane cleared the plates from the table and brought them to the sink. She noticed you didn't eat more than a few bites. She didn't say anything but turned to you and smiled.

"How about you go ahead and sit on the couch? I'll be there in just a minute," she said quietly. Her voice had seemed to grow more gentle towards you each day.

You smiled wearily and went to the living room, lazily sitting down on the couch. It could have only been a few minutes, but you somehow managed to fall asleep. You were constantly tired and wanting to nap. Diane said it was a good sign because it meant your body was trying to heal itself.

You were woken up by the couch dipping under Diane's weight. You opened your eyes and saw her smiling at you, holding a bowl of something brown. It smelled sweet and you looked at her suspiciously.

"What's that? No tea tonight?" you asked, hopeful.

Diane chuckled and pulled out two spoons, sticking it into the bowl.

"No, no tea tonight. I don't want you to get too much of those herbs and vitamins. And this, it's brownie batter. Me and my friends as teenagers would make a bowl of it and eat it as we talked about boys and school and our dreams," she said, picking up a spoon and licking off the chocolate from it.

You couldn't help but smile as you took a spoon and licked at it cautiously. You had never had the stuff and it was intoxicating. You shoved the whole spoon in your mouth, ready to inhale the entire bowl.

Diane laughed and pulled the bowl towards her.

"Alright, alright speedy... don't eat it too fast. You'll get sick."

You forced yourself to go slower, but the moment Diane turned around you would be sure to put as much of it in your mouth that would fit. This was worth getting sick over. Diane stared at you, drinking up the image of you enjoying the treat she had brought.

"You know," Diane hummed, "I always thought I'd do this one day with my daughter. Make it a tradition and she'd tell me her secrets and we would be best friends."

You're heart ached in your chest. You knew she meant Chloe and you knew she would rather her be on the couch than you. Suddenly the batter didn't taste as sweet. You put the spoon into the bowl and left it there. You looked up at Diane and saw she was almost beaming at you though.

"I'm glad I get to do it with you," she said, picking up the spoon with her other hand and letting you eat off it.

You felt really confused, but happy at the same time. You knew you weren't her daughter, but sometimes the way she said things or looked at you, it was like she wanted you to be. As if that's how she saw you. You weren't sure if you saw her as a mother though, you didn't really know what that felt like. It was complex for you.

"So, Y/n, tell me. What did you do with your friends? Did you have any special traditions with the girls?" Diane asked, eating another spoon of the batter, it dripping onto her lips.

It broke you from your anxious thoughts and had you now thinking about your past. It wasn't that much better but at least it would keep you talking.

"Well, I really wasn't in one place long enough to make any traditions with my friends. But me and my foster sister, the one who lives in town, we would go and sneak out of our group home and head to the woods behind it. The woods had fireflies in them and we would go see the 'light shows' and talk about a bunch of different things. What our families could have been like, what we were going to do when we aged out, the issues we had at the home."

You remembered those nights fondly, some of the few good memories you had growing up. You wondered if there were any woods in the area and if they had fireflies. Maybe you could go and see a 'light show' for old times sake. You would ask your sister when you saw her. But you needed to call her first.

"Uh Diane, could I possibly use your phone?"

Diane suddenly stiffened, the spoon thudding back into the batter. Her face seemed to harden just for a moment before quickly returning to the warm look she often gave you. It took her a moment to respond, making the air between you thick for some reason.

"Sure. Are you okay?" she said, her voice sounding concerned.

She seemed like she was worried and you wondered if she thought she had upset you.

"Oh yeah! I'm fine. I just actually wanted to call my sister and let her know I made it here and that I'm safe and see when she wanted to meet up," you said in a confident tone, hoping to ease her mind.

Her face seemed to twitch and she swallowed hard, clearing her throat. She smiled at you though and you just shrugged off her strange reaction. She pointed to the kitchen where the phone hung on the wall. Diane had phones with chords still in her house, which you found charming, but also a little inconvenient that you couldn't step outside.

"You're welcome to call your foster sister," she said, saying the word 'foster' strangely, "I'm going to go upstairs and get ready for bed to give you some privacy."

She smiled at you and brushed your hair behind your ear before getting up and heading to her room. You waited until you could no longer hear her footsteps before leaning over the brownie bowl and quickly stuffing your mouth with as much batter as you could. As soon as you swallowed it all, you realized you may have made a mistake, but you could regret it later.

You walked over to the phone and pressed the buttons to the number you had memorized by heart. You felt nervous suddenly even though nothing had changed and you had just talked to her a week ago. Your heart race increased with each ringer, anxious to hear her voice.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice on the other side of the phone croaked.

"Mandy? Mandy, its Y/n."

There was some rustling on the other side of the line and you were pretty sure you had woken Mandy up, but you knew she wouldn't mind.

"Hey! I was wondering when I would hear from you. I was a little worried. You were supposed to call me like two days ago," she yawned.

"Yeah I'm sorry. I had a little set back. But I'm here in town and I'm staying with a woman I met-"

Mandy cut you off with a very obnoxious "Ooooohhhhhh!"

"Shut up. It's not like that. She's just a really good friend that I was lucky enough to meet. Now before you say anything else stupid, when and where do you want to meet?"

Mandy chuckled on the other end. She knew you hated being picked on and anytime she sensed even the possibility of making you uncomfortable, she had to crack a joke.

"Well, I have class tomorrow, but I am free after lunch. There is a nice little coffee shop book store on Howard. You can meet me there at like 2PM. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah, that's perfect. I can't wait. I've missed you so much Mandy," you said, tears prickling at your eyes.

"I've missed you too lighting bug. So tell me, who is this lady you are-"

Suddenly Mandy's voice cut off. You pulled the phone away from your ear, not even hearing a dial tone. You messed with the phone for a moment before realizing the line was dead.

"Diane?" you called out, sticking your head around the corner.

Diane was right there, breathing heavy as if she had been running. She startled you and you stared at her, mindlessly passing the phone to her.

"Your phone line went dead," you mumbled.

Diane put the phone to her ear and pressed a few buttons before hanging up.

"I'll call the phone company in the morning. Sometimes someone hits a line and the whole thing goes dead. Were you able to call your friend though?" she asked, leaning against the wall.

You noticed she said friend this time, but you brushed it off. She didn't know the bond you and Mandy shared.

"Yes! I did. I'm going to meet her tomorrow for lunch."

Diane didn't hid her discomfort this time.

"Y/n, I don't think that's a good idea. You're still very weak. You didn't even eat dinner. I don't think you should go out by yourself. Maybe I should go with-"

"No. It's okay. I'll be fine for a couple of hours. I won't be running a marathon, just having a coffee with my sister."

You wanted to spend time with Mandy by yourself and while you appreciated the thought of Diane going with you, you were still an adult no matter how young you looked. It didn't help that at the moment the brownie batter was now fighting against you and you were hunched over slightly.

"Well maybe consider letting me drive you to town? I need to run some errands anyway so I can drive you and that way if you feel like you need to lay down or rest I wouldn't be far."

You would need a ride to town, but you just weren't sure.

"Let me sleep on it. I hate to think I would be using you just for a ride. And-" before you could finish, you start having a coughing fit. Coughing was nothing new to you thanks to the asthma, but this wasn't that. This was the batter.

You tried to keep it down, but it was too late. You threw up, all over yourself, all over the floor, and even on Diane's slippers. You expelled everything you had eaten that day and more and it took a moment before you stopped gagging, laying in a ball on the floor.

Suddenly fear over took you as you saw yourself and the floor covered in vomit. You know your mom would be so mad when she saw it and you would get punished. You didn't want to be punished. You began to cry and you scooted away until your body hit the wall.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to," you cried. You forgot where you were and suddenly you were back at home. You didn't like going back.

Diane quickly ran over to you, not phased by the vomit and held you in her arms. You fought her off at first but she shooshed you and smoothed your hair, holding you close to her. She knew a flashback when she saw one. She held you and whispered in your ear. It took a moment but eventually you came back to present day. You still felt sick, you now smelled awful, your head hurt, and you were embarrassed. For the first time since you had met Diane, you felt tears prickle you eyes and instead of hiding them, you let them flow.

You cried in Diane's arms as she rocked you back in forth, and you apologized over and over again. You weren't sure if you were saying sorry because you had thrown up on her or if it was because she lost her daughter or because you were the mess of a person she felt fate brought her. She kissed your head and took your face in her hands. She wiped your tears with the pads of her thumb and looked at you with tears in her eyes too.

"Hey. It's okay. Stop apologizing. You're safe now Y/n."

She pulled you back to her chest again and wrapped her arms around you tight as if she would never let you go.

"I've got you," she whispered, over and over.

"I've got you, and I'm not letting go."

#sarah paulson x reader #sarah paulson fic #sarah paulson #diane sherman #diane sherman x reader #run film

138 notes · View notes

willowfm · 3 years

Text

heeeeeey again besties !! it’s your favorite icon hailey coming at you with another dumpster fire . their name is willow and they’re a mix between a vodka aunt and stoner cousin who’s an actual mom !! i stg if one of you says ‘ step on me ’ .

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

( zoe kravitz, nonbinary, they/she, aquarius, 29 ) i spotted willow russell at the beach today. don’t you know them? they live down by the rocks and usually hang out with the skaters & families clique. from what i’ve heard, they can be destructive, but they’re also passionate. i always think of them when i hear cherry bomb - the runaways and tend to associate them with scarlet red lips, 70s band tees, & the bitterness of black coffee .

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒊. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞

willow dawn russell

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞(𝐬)

will & lola

𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲

february 14th

𝐚𝐠𝐞

twenty - nine ( 29 )

𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

five foot two inches ( 5′2″ )

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫

nonbinary

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬

they / them / theirs & she / her / hers

𝐨𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧(𝐬)

owner of the rocks skate park

manager at victoria’s

𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞(𝐬)

english & spanish

𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

pansexual & panromantic

𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦

zoe kravitz

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒊𝒊. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

𝐳𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜

aquarius sun, scorpio rising, & cancer moon

𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

chaotic good

𝐦𝐛𝐭𝐢

estj-t

𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞

type 3w2 ( the achiever )

𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

choleric-phlegmatic

𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

gryffindor

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬

how they love others - acts of service, words of affirmation, & physical touch

how they need to be loved - quality time & physical touch

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐨

princess carolyn ( bojack horseman ) , allison hargreeves ( umbrella academy ) , fiona gallagher ( shameless ) , steven hyde ( that 70s show ) , regina mills ( once upon a time )

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒗. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

triggers ( these are all the triggers as they appear throughout , they will be tagged accordingly ) : abuse tw , assault & abuse tw , fire tw , death tw , pregnancy tw , pregnancy tw , assault & death tw , death mention

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞.

born in the supposed “ rough side of town ” , willow was born into a somewhat nuclear family , two present parents , a younger sister , and all the love that a child could ask for .

her parents kristen and isaiah were your typical sunhollow couple , high school sweethearts , and madly in love . isaiah being the laid back stoner type and kristen being your stereotypical type a suburban mom .

isaiah was the more laid back of the pair , being the sole owner of the rocks skate park ( where he acted as a father figure for anyone who set foot on the ramps ) , and coming from a less than glamorous childhood himself , believed in giving your children space to grow and adapt into their own person .

their mother kristen , on the other hand the first to bring over fresh baked goods and homemade casseroles to the new neighbors , heavily involved in the pta , and the most visible parents at any school function geared towards their kids .

it was almost stifling how much the kristen was involved in their children’s lives , always on top of their grades , their extracurricular involvement , essentially any aspect of their children’s lives that she could control they took the liberty in doing so .

though that’s not to say that she wasn’t concerned with how her children felt , more so that she was convinced their way was the right way .

the russells balanced each other out perfectly , and it continued to be that way for as long as willow could remember it .

a rather well behaved child , willow tried their absolute best to fly under their mother’s radar , which is extremely difficult when you’re the eldest daughter of only two . so willow subsequently felt a lot of the pressure of her mother from a young age .

due to her mother’s overbearing nature willow naturally gravitated towards being a daddy’s girl . spending any and all free time she could with him and from the minute she was old enough to walk he taught her how to skate , something that became a bonding experience for both of them , as she got better and better , their bond grew stronger and stronger .

rain or shine , there wasn’t a single day that willow didn’t spend with her father . everyone in the rocks joked that she was a derivative of him , a spitting image if anyone had ever seen one .

and as willow grew up things became no different .

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐞.

high school came around and willow got two extremely different notions from their parents . their mother wanted her to buckle down and focus on choosing a sensible career , while their father wanted her to follow their passions in the same vein that he did ( his being a now infamous band , at least to willow )

willow tried their best to maintain a balance of both extracurriculars that appeased their mother , and free time spent with their father at the skate park , helping him out with general upkeep and sharpening their skills whenever possible .

during one of daily trips to the ramps , she happened to notice someone she’d never seen before , call it love at first sight , or just teenage hormones , but suddenly willow had a new goal in mind .

it didn’t take long before they also caught his attention , if for no other reason than that they were measurably a hundred times better than he was on the ramps , and soon enough a relationship formed .

for once willow didn’t care much about their mother’s pedantic tendencies or their father’s disapproval of the boy that she’d chose , they were in love , and no one could tell them otherwise .

ABUSE TW this was until their boyfriend proved to be more controlling than thier mother . she could hardly go to the ramps , all her free time was spent with him rather than her father , and if they ever dared challenge him things go physical .

they were all apperances in public , and to their parents , holding hands in the hallways and him slipping them handwritten love letters , but things only continued to escalate as their relationship continue further .

ASSAULT & ABUSE TW the final straw was when he threatened them with a knife to their throat due to them choosing to spend time with their father instead of sit in on his band practice without alerting him . it was then they realized they never wanted to fear someone like that again .

finally gathering the courage to share with their father what was happening behind the scenes , they successfully managed to break things off , and although they had escaped their situation , that relationship had lasting impacts on how they viewed love .

they clung to security after this , constantly attached to the hip of their father , worried about what the return of their ex lover might look like . thankfully this fear never came to fruition , though it still hauntingly lingers to this day .

they successfully graduated high school , and with heavy influence from their mother enrolled in sunhollow for a degree in journalism . and the minute they stepped foot on the sunhollow campus and swore not to fall in love , that’s exactly what they did .

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐡.

he was nothing like her last boyfriend all sweet words and gentle hands that knew exactly the spots to kiss to make her feel whole again .

the whiplash that came from going to a super toxic relationship to one where he was extremely loving and gentle was something that willow had to slowly become accustomed to .

she spent her days with him in the library , hushed giggles and hand holding , and her nights commuting back to the rocks to help out her family with her job that she got at victoria’s .

though journalism wasn’t exactly her main passion , there were plenty of opportunities to get involved with things that were . enter the band her and her boyfriend

they were nothing to write home about , they were good in a local dive bars , but they definitely weren’t going to be selling out stadiums any time soon , and honestly they preferred it that way .

this was her college experience , playing shows at victoria’s , splitting time between her boyfriend and her family , and working her way towards completing her bachelor’s degree .

she even saved up enough money with her boyfriend to afford a moderately sized condo in the rocks close to her childhood home . this condo would also become the place where he ended up proposing the idea of getting eloped . he was convinced they didn’t need a ceremony only each other .

the day she walked the stage with her husband was one of the proudest moments of her life , but soon enough it would devolve into the worst .

FIRE TW clamors of a house fire in the rocks , prompting an early departure from both willow and her husband who drove home to see willow’s childhood home in flames .

DEATH TW by the time that help had arrived , it was too late , both her parents had been consumed by the flames , childhood memories had been destroyed , and willow yet again felt broken .

the only family that remained was her , her sister , and her husband . and willow took every opportunity to step up to the plate and provide her sister whatever she could within her means .

willow decided to put her journalism degree to work to honor her parents and wrote for the local newspaper , bringing light to social issues at the rocks , and local news going on within the community from any side of town . but she also had the job of maintaining the skate park her father left for her , and part - time shifts at victoria’s , a job that gave her some semblance of normalcy .

four years seemed to pass willow by without seemingly anything interesting happening , life seemed to finally calm down .

PREGNANCY TW but soon enough after weeks of getting sick after rehearsal ( her college bad reuniting to play victoria’s on sunday nights ) , and waking up nauseated , willow realized she might have idea of what was going on . three pregnancy tests later she was staring down at a pink plus sign with tears in her eyes .

they were more than happy to finally settle down and seriously consider having a family , something that willow had always craved .

and the minute that life got better again it go exponentially worse .

PREGNANCY TW about a month before her twenty - fifth birthday , willow gave birth to twin girls which she named iris and imani , and the second time she ever held them in her arms she received life altering news .

ASSAULT & DEATH TW while on his way to the hospital , her husband was mugged , an assault which ultimately lead to his death .

once again willow was left to pick up the pieces of losing someone important to her , and as it stood she had four people who needed her , the most important two being the infants bundled in her arms in that moment .

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

that was four years ago now and iris and imani have been their main priority ever since .

DEATH MENTION since the passing of her husband , she realized that couldn’t keep living her life for other people , and so she quit her job at the paper , picked up more shifts at victoria’s ( even worked her way up to being a manager ) , and took over her dad’s place at the skate park .

similar to her dad , anyone who steps foot on the ramps is by proxy her child , and that’s no joke , she will never forget a face and she will get to know everything about you , she believes in taking care of the people who keep her dad’s legacy alive .

the best way that i can describe her personality is abrasive , extremely rough around the edges , and she is not one to let people in easily anymore . unless of course she considers you family , then she is by your side until the end of time .

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒗. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫

navy blue

𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

thunderstorms are her favorite for some reason she finds an odd comfort in them

𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐚𝐲

she tends to work a lot of nights so her favorite time of day is dusk, the moon is just coming up, and her day feels like it’s just getting started

𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐥(𝐬)

foxes

𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐣𝐢𝐬

😈😎🤔😘😴🥵😜💋

𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲

𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

kristen russell ; deceased

𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

isaiah russell ; deceased

𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬)

wanted connection ; sister

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧

iris russell ( 4 years old )

aquarius sun, libra rising, & aquarius moon

imani russell ( 4 years old )

aquarius sun, libra rising, & aquarius moon

𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞

𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

degree in journalism from sunhollow university

𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐬

n/a

𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬

writing , skateboarding , surfing , yoga , cooking , singing , running , photography , traveling , and playing bass .

𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

small two bedroom home that is just big enough for all of their and their daughter’s belongings .

𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬

between maintaining the skatepark during the day , working nights at victoria’s , and raising twin girls , willow doesn’t see a lot of sleep but she takes what she can get .

𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬

willow survives a lot on take - out and vending machine snacks , but the days she does have she makes sure to cook recipes handed down to her from her mother .

𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

70s band tee shirts and high waisted denim , burnt orange and olive green paisley , psychedelic rock, ginger and lime, loves post - apocalyptic sci-fi and films , scarlet red painted lips , insatiable wanderlust, muddy doc-martins and goofy thrift-store sweaters , feels soothed by the sound of thunder , fluorescent drug store signs reflected in parking lot puddles , angsty conversations on rooftops .

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒗𝒊. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

uhhhh so i have wasted all my brain power on this so i have no suggestions i can come up with at the moment ! but listen feel free to message me so we can brain storm some plot ideas i promise i will scream and cry over !

#hqclique.intro #abuse tw #assault tw #fire tw #death tw #pregnancy tw #death mention #( i've been WAITING for this one !! turn it up !! )

5 notes · View notes

ungoliants-lair · 3 years

Text

So this post is for everyone who says stay at home moms aka tradwifes are brainwashed, abused, stupid etc etc etc. some of these women legitimately choose this way of life and who cares if it’s not feminist? I get it it’s dangerous these women are putting all their eggs in one basket and with a male partner that is double or even triple as risky because he might leave or he might become abusive there’s no way to accurately tell the future and these women hope for the best but yelling at these women telling them their husband WILL leave, WILL cheat, WILL be abusive doesn’t help, because he might not they these women take their chances. Now I want to talk why they risk everything….because they actually enjoy it. My mom had 3 kids, 2 were in daycare or with family while she worked so with baby #3 she wanted to actually be a mom and see all of these moments she’d missed, and she loved it - we did museums, forest walks, historic tours and a bunch of other stuff that would’ve been possible if she had worked but limited to the days she had off. Then my dad cheated told my mom he loved the other woman and all of a sudden there were 4 people living in the spare bedroom of my grandmothers my mom managed to get a cna license and went back to work with a 9 year resume gap. It was tough, and it sucked but my mom told me years later and to this day stands by it: she loved being a sahm, she loved being there for everyone because she is a nurturer by nature. People will see that example as proof as to why being a sahm is stupid “see he cheated and she was left with nothing!” But in the end we have to acknowledge she had a choice and she made it - she wanted to be at home she wanted to care for her children. Was it feminist? No. But does it have to be? Instead of telling these women to do things they don’t want to let’s focus on making sure there are accessible back to work organizations for women in these situations, let’s make sure they can get a degree or certificate quickly and affordably so they can be back at work as soon as possible. And for the women that the years go by and everything seems fine? Well maybe it actually is maybe she found a halfway decent guy, and instead of scolding her about the growing gap in her resume wish her luck that everything keeps going a-ok while making sure she has an escape route if the need ever arises. Or if you don’t want to help these women because you think they deserve it for staying out of the job market then don’t but then maybe also don’t talk to her like garbage on the internet because if you’re talking to her with less respect than her husband is…you might have issues. I’d like to add just in case someone says this: no I am not a tradwife because I don’t trust any man with that much power over me, hell there was a news story about a lesbian couple that split and the sahm was screwed because they had disabled children (sperm donor had a disease the clinic didn’t tell them about) and the ex was not caring about any of them and it was a mess and so no I wouldn’t trust another woman with that much power over me either.

#this is a response to that one post but it got way to long so I just made this #feminism

1 note · View note

madame-x · 4 years

Text

hello, hello, hello !! i am here with my fifth muse (who i’ve been wanting to play for literally a month now dkfjgbkjsdfg so the muse is very, very, VERY strong with this one) and you can find more about her under the cut!!

trigger warnings: drugs, overdose & abuse

nina eloise connolly here was born and raised in a small town in the middle of nowhere. a little farm town where there were more cows and horses and goats than there were people

she’s the second eldest out of 4 kids and the first daughter

you’d think that the first daughter and the mother would be really close but NOPE like her parents..... should never have been parents in the first place becuse they love the pipe and the bottle more than they’ve ever loved their own kids

sometimes things were find in that household, but most of the time, it wasn’t. her mother was a quiet drunk, moreso when she was high but her father’s a pretty volatile person and wasn’t above laying his hands on his children to release some of his pent up anger

her older brother, the eldest of the connolly children, took up most of the abuse but sometimes nina was there too because she hated that her brother had this tendency to play the hero

by the time she was 13, her dad died because of an overdose, and you’d think her mother would actually step up and become a mother but even though she TRIED or said she would and even managed to be clean for a couple of months, she still hit that pipe every once in awhile and it was just a vicious cycle

eventually, nina just stopped caring, stopped hoping that she’d actually stick to her word because it was just a constant barrage of disappointment every single time

nina was working by the time she was 12, babysitting the kids nearby and just taking every chance she could get to get out of that house. she hated being there. she hated being around her mom. she hated feeling like her entire life was a burden when she never asked to be born in the first place, she hated just how relieved she feels that her father is no longer with them..............which made her feel horrible as a daughter

in school, nina is like whip-smart but she was always the girl who had potential and it was actually comical how frustrated the teachers get when it came to her and how she could go places if she just applied herself

she wanted to tell them that the last thing she wanted was to deal with schoolwork when they barely have food on the table because her parents spent all their money on their next heroin hit

she worked at the stables owned by a filipino couple for some extra money and her love for horses just grew like she adores the animals, loves just how majestic and free they are, and she sometimes sleeps over at that stable just because she doesn’t wanna go home to her house

the filipino couple lets her ride a mare that nina has pretty much come to think of as her own and they urged her to try and become a professional equestrian but nina didn’t have it in her to stay there in that tiny, tiny town and stick close to her family when all she wanted to do was leave

which was exactly what she did as soon as she graduated high school. she packed up her stuff, went with a friend to new york and that’s where she’s been the past couple of years

there was this weird limbo of time after graduating high school and before starting college that was just her working her butt off to save up enough to allow her to go to college and learning to play the piano because she wanted to actually be good at something other than riding (which she misses terribly)

during her first semester, she ended up meeting this cop who she ended up falling in love with and inspired her to shift her course to criminal justice which was a good move tbh because she’s always been a lover of mystery and murder documentaries (not like her parents were alarmed or anything since they never really cared about her existence except to complain or get angry about)

she got her degree, ended up marrying her cop boyfriend and then proceeded to work in new york as a private investigator once she passed the state exam to get her license, though she and her husband worked in different precincts

they had a pretty good marriage for awhile but she noticed when she was in her late twenties that her husband kept wanting them to have babies. at first, it was just questions here and there whether she’d want to -- the answer was always ‘not now’ -- until eventually he started demanding it from her which caused such a rift between them

nina wanted to focus on her career because she absolutely loved her profession and she definitely wasn’t ready to settle down and be a mom, especially when she has no idea if she’d actually be a good one since she never had a good example of on in her life

the final straw came when she received a job opportunity to work in charming two years ago and her husband FORBADE it. according to him, she wasn’t ALLOWED to go since they already had a great life in new york. he didn’t understand why she’d give that up to work in a small town on the other side of the country.

it was then that nina realized just how suffocated she was under all his demands -- wanting her to be the perfect wife for him, wanting him to have his children and she usually ended up tiptoeing around the issues and the fights until he’d calm down but not this time. she WANTED to go to charming and actually make a name for herself, and the more he said that she couldn’t, the more she wanted to, the more she fought on him about how it was her life and she had every right to choose what to do with it

they ended up divorcing right before she moved to charming two years ago for such a fresh start since she didn’t know anybody AT ALL

personality & extra!!

she................. loves books more than she loves people. bonus points if it’s a mystery novel because she always tries to solve it before she reaches the end

LITERALLY has a large af corkboard in her room, red string and all because she..... is that person when it comes to her cases omg

she’s part of a ragtag group of people who call themselves a band who performs at bars here in charming every other weekend for free beer. they know they have 0 chances of actually making it big but that’s totally fine with her since it’s more of a hobby anyway. she’s the pianist and back up vocals!!

she and her ex-husband do not talk. like at all. looking back, she doesn’t understand how she let that marriage go for as long as she did and why she allowed him to think it was okay to pressure her into having kids when she had said from the start that she didn’t really have any intentions of becoming a mother

she’s never done drugs and she has no plan to. she looks down on the gang solely because she doesn’t understand how they can sleep well at night knowing they’re getting richer by ruining other people’s lives through those drugs. she understands that the drugs were what killed her father and ruined any chance her parents had at becoming good parents so she tends to stay as far away from them as possible

her only vice is alcohol (but she rarely gets drunk because she doesn’t like how much it reminds her of how her parents were like when they were drunk) and smoking which she does when she’s stressed (which, depending on the case she’s working on, might be all the time)

her life is pretty much like a french movie - lots of smoking, lots of kissing, lots of staring off into the distance, tinged in like this weird gray color

she just !!! tries to keep herself composed and classy because the years of being called trailer trash are long gone now and those years of being called that just made her want to become a better person and she’s SO PROUD OF HERSELF for working her ass off so she could get to where she is now

that also means that she doesn’t really talk about her past a lot because she’s ashamed of being tied into that kind of lifestyle. when you ask her about her family, she’ll only talk to you about her siblings and that’s pretty much it. even the people she’s close to, she only mentions her parents in like.... VERY RARE moments of vulnerability and then she’s quick to change the subject because she....... doesn’t want to dwell on any of it. she’s very closed off in that sense and is an expert in deflecting conversation so that it like veers towards you and she’ll very happily listen instead

she talks to her sister a lot because she stayed behind in their tiny town because she 1. doesn’t want to leave and 2. actually likes looking out for their mom who somehow managed to stay clean when nina had already been in new york for a couple of years.

up to this day, she has never spoken to her mom. never even invited her to her wedding (though it was just in the courthouse but then was also just like a really tiny get together with a couple of their friends) and she just doesn’t believe she’s actually clean. she doesn’t know how to pair the image of a ‘good mom’ to the mom that she had growing up

(also *cue eleanor shellstrop moment* where she’s like hella bitter that she changed when it was just her sister there which meant that either she hadn’t been ready to change then when nina still wanted a mom or just never actually believed nina was good enough to be changed for)

is a pretty decent cook lbr but she loves pasta and pizza more than anything even tho she knows they’re not healthy

she just has this love for like art in every form, like she already shows her love for music by being in that band but she also paints sometimes but she can’t sketch to save her life like she’s just always wanting to try new things because like she’s really digging the fact that she CAN now. she has the absolute freedom to do whatever it is that she wanted and that’s so LIBERATING

literally has a horse tattoo on her side because she just ADORES them and it looks like this

she highkey volunteers at the stables here in charming too just because she wants to keep being around them, sometimes still rides here and there

she’s also like fairly moody but i think it would just be hard to tell because she’s fairly expressionless most of the time (or tries to be)

100000% bi

can be hella calculating tbh but don’t let that offend you because she’s like VERY into mysteries so if she thinks you’re one, that means she’s very intrigued by you!!

she tries very hard not to be flaky but it’s hard when she doesn’t want to be around people most of the time BUT will do her best to be there for her friends because she adores them all so much

some connections for her!!

her first friend in charming!

ride or die!!!

a drunken hookup/mistake (like i mentioned that she doesn’t drink until she’s drunk plus she doesn’t sleep around all that much either so she highkey would have considered what they did a mistake omg)

a hookup that was not a drunken mistake omg (but like i said, she doesn’t sleep around a lot so imma just limit this to like... 2)

enemies (probably in the gang lbr)

unexpected friendships!!!

opposites attract!!! someone who could be so extroverted and would help her get out of her (self-made) shell just a little

maybe someone she dated when she first got here but it didn’t work out for some reason?

people in the band!! (gonna send a wc for this to the main)

someone involved in a case at one point or maybe paid her to find something out for them !!!!!

fellow book NERDS

horse people RIDE UP (i was gonna say rise up but somehow....... this works)

people she works with!!!

neighbors!!!

someone who might be friends/related to her ex-husband (who will stay an NPC)

people she knew back in new york

literally just come at me if you have ideas because i’m pretty sure i’ll be 10000% up for them

#this..................became really long im so sorry sfdkgbjfsdg #charming.intro #drugs tw #abuse tw

7 notes · View notes

whumping-whumpees · 4 years

Text

A New Home -- Ex-Sacrifice

AN: Hope you all enjoy! This is the third piece in my Sacrifice story. Things are heating up!

Part: 1 , 2

Also, if anyone is wondering why he’s so ‘defiant’ even after going through so much, he’s learned only to be afraid and submissive to The Elders, and he associates them with pain and repenting. Other people he just doesn’t trust.

Warnings: mentions of past abuse, lots of self-deprication, trauma, hitting/pinching, implied abuse/belting, swearing

Blood. The Elders. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe, Please, please stop, it hurts, it hurts so much it hurts-

“Kid! Hey, hey, wake up, it’s just a nightmare, you’re ok!” The Sacrifice realized the person he was struggling against was none other than the agent, Nathan Scott. He blinked, looking around in confusion as he remembered where he was. Right. The Ceremony failed. He jumped as Nathan put a hand on his shoulder. Nathan, to his credit, took his hand away. “Sorry, are you alright? Sounded like some dream you were having.” The Sacrifice glared, shrugging off Nathan’s concern.

“Yeah, it was actually! A good dream. I was back, and the Ceremony actually was completed this time.” He huffed. “No thanks to you.” Nathan Scott chose not to comment as the Sacrifice sat up, running a hand through his tangled hair.

“You were crying in your sleep.” Nathan looked thoughtful, not accusatory, as the Sacrifice put a hand to his cheek. It was wet. That wasn’t right, why would he be sad when he dreamed about the Ceremony working? He was happy, it was a good dream.

“That’s just, that’s just because I’m sad you’re taking the Elders away!” Yeah, that was it! It wasn’t because he was scared of dying, or of the Elders hurting him more. Of course not, he was sad they were leaving! Nathan didn’t look too happy about his answer. He stood up, and walked over to his desk, where files were strewn across it. Nathan then smiled, reading something on a file.

“Oh, about that! I found a couple who wants to take you in!” The Sacrifice’s head shot up at that. Take him in? Someone... wants him? “Angela Lynwood is the sister of one of the agents here at the office, and when she and her husband, Victor, heard about what happened they offered to let you stay with them, because they knew about your... situation. They seem very nice!” The Sacrifice’s heart sank. They weren’t Elders, or even people part of the The Gathering... but he couldn’t help but feel relieved at that, which puzzled him. He should want to be with the Elders, but he just couldn’t bring himself to feel that. He was worried, maybe that was why the Ceremony had failed? Because he wasn’t pious enough? Nathan Scott brought him out of his thoughts.

“We thought it best not to room you with people from your... community.” Nathan seemed to be picking his words carefully, which just irked the Sacrifice. Nathan just didn’t trust him, that was it. He frowned, for some reason the thought of Nathan not liking him hurt. He was the first person ever to be, well, nice to him. Nathan Scott waved him over, and he reluctantly got to his feet. “C’mon, I’m gonna drive you over, let you get settled in.”

Most of the ride to the Lynwood’s was uneventful to the Sacrifice. Nathan had offered to go buy him some clothes, but he just shook his head. He was fine in the white T-shirt and pants the agency had given him. He just stared out the window, ignoring Nathan’s attempts at conversation.

“Hey,” Nathan said, and the Sacrifice’s eyes briefly glanced over, as they drove through the streets. “What’s your name? You never told us.” Name? The lady agent, he didn’t know her name, asked before, but he just never answered.

“The Sacrifice doesn’t have a name.” He finally answered. He had been told that many, many times before. He wasn’t deserving of one, he didn’t need one. “I’m just... the Sacrifice. That’s what I’ve always been.”

Nathan hummed, thinking. “Well, I suppose that just means you can pick your own name?” The Sacrifice just deepened his frown, and shook his head. He wasn’t going to ‘pick a name’. He couldn’t! That went against what he was taught! He wasn’t allowed! He was the Sacrifice, and he always would be. Only used as a catalyst for The Reckoning.

“No, I don’t think so.” He picked at his shirt, not looking Nathan in the eye. Truth be told, he did want a name. Something more than just a title. More than... The Sacrifice. He glanced to Nathan, who was drumming his fingers on the car.

“Here, let me throw some out there. It might be nice to have a name to introduce yourself as to the Lynwood’s, after all.” Damn, Nathan did have a point there. “How about... John?” He wrinkled his nose and shook his head. “Ok, how about Eugene? Charlie? Seth? Miles?” All of those got a headshake from the Sacrifice. He sunk lower into his seat. None of those were good. Nathan seemed to pick up on his growing despair.

“You know kid, you don’t have to pick one right away. Just, take your time.” He turned into a driveway, but the Sacrifice’s attention was turned completely to him. “It’s ultimately your decision.” His decision? He got to choose? He was so used to the Elders deciding everything for him, because they were smart and good and he was weak and useless, needing their guiding hand. This, was wrong, was it? Nathan trying to help him? It was all so much.

Sacrifice left the car, wanting to escape the weird conversation, heading to the door. It was a risky move, Nathan might hurt him for his insolence, but Nathan hadn’t gotten mad at him yet, so he was willing to test his luck. He stood on the front steps, too hesitant to knock. He had a bad feeling about this. Though, he had a bad feeling about everything.

Nathan ended up ringing the doorbell for him. A smiling young woman opened the door. The Sacrifice didn’t even attempt a smile back.

“Oh, you must be Agent Scott! And this is him?” She extended a hand to the Sacrifice, who gave a flinch, looking at her warily. Why would she want to shake hands with him? She just laughed. “It’s so good to meet you!” Angela gestured for them to follow her as she turned back into the house.

Nathan nudged him in the door, and he reluctantly followed the woman back to the kitchen. “We were just having breakfast!” She called.It was a nice house, he guessed. He didn’t really have anything to compare it too, but it was nice nonetheless. He entered the kitchen, shuffling his feet a little. His stomach let out a growl as the smell of pancakes, sausage, and syrup hit his nose. He never ate food like that before, the Elders didn’t let him, but he had seen it being cooked in The Gathering’s kitchens before.

A man in a nice suit with a scowl written over his face as he read the newspaper, glanced up as his wife entered. He gave her a smile and a peck on the cheek, and he surveyed the Sacrifice. He shifted his weight self-consciously.

“Have a seat,” Victor said in a nicer tone than expected. “Welcome.” Nathan extended a hand and Victor gave it a shake.

“Well, Mrs. and Mr. Lynwood, it was a pleasure to meet you two. And I’m so grateful that you’ve stepped up like this.” Nathan spoke.

“Oh, of course of course! Please, call me Angela. And I’m happy to do it! He’ll fit right in, right after we find the perfect name for him!” She reached out to cup his face, but he moved back, glaring. He looked at Nathan before he could see her reaction, and he gave him a smile.

“Well, I have to get going. Lot’s of paperwork to do.” The Sacrifice felt his heart pick up. Nathan was leaving him, just like that? But, but... No matter. Good riddance! Yeah, he didn’t need him!

“You can’t stay even for one cup of coffee?” Angela offered. Victor spoke up.

“Angela, dear, let the man go. Thank you Agent Scott.”

“No, no, it’s me who should be thanking you!” The Sacrifice’s panic, not panic, he didn’t care, must have shown on his face, because Nathan turned to him, and handed him a card. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back to check up on you. Here’s my card, if you ever want to talk.” He pocketed it, not planning on using it. But he couldn’t bring himself to rip it up in front of Nathan, even though he wanted too. He was so angry at him for leaving him alone- No! He was angry at Nathan for taking him from his home! That’s it.

Nathan left, with another chorus of goodbyes, and The Sacrifice stood awkwardly as Angela came back into the room, having walked Nathan out. He thought about what Nathan had told him, about names. He, he did deserve a name! His heart raced at this blasphemous thought. He decided to take a chance. These weren’t his Elders, after all, and if they didn’t find out...

“Uh, my n-na-” He struggled to even say it, Angela looked at him, interested. “You can call me, um, Arthur.” He felt a rush. He had always liked that name, how it sounded. He never thought to put it to himself. But Angela just laughed, and he looked up, surprised.

“Arthur?? Oh, honey, that’s such an old-fashioned name!” Arthur The Sacrifice felt his heart sink and he hunched his shoulders, face heating up in embarrassment. He flinched as Angela pinched his cheek, but it was too fast for him to move away. “No, we need a good name. One all my friends will love. Love, what do you think?” Victor looked up from his chair, unamused.

“I don’t see why we have to go through the bother of naming him.” He said, and The Sacrifice just stared at his feet.

“Aww, Victor, that’s no fun!” Angela exclaimed, looking over the Sacrifice, to his discomfort. “If you truly don’t care, I’ll pick one.” She thought for a moment. “I’ve got it! Kyler! It’s perfect, it’s trendy, it’s new... my friends will be so jealous!”

Kyler?? Kyler?? The Sacrifice opened his mouth to speak, anger getting in the way of self control. “That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard! I picked one, why don’t-” he was cut off by a sharp slap to his cheek. He brought a hand to his stinging face, shocked. It didn’t hurt that much, but it was surprising.

“Kyler, is that anyway to talk to me?? After all I’ve done?” He supposed she had a point. She did let him have a name, even though it wasn’t what he wanted... She continued. “So rude! Victor, will you teach Kyler some manners?” Victor stood from the table, looking at, well, he guessed he was Kyler now, with immense anger.

“Of course.” He strode over, grabbing his arm, tight enough to leave bruises.

“H-hey, ow!” He struggled against Victor, but he was far too weak.

“I’m gonna teach you to talk back to my wife like that!” Victor dragged him to what The Sacrifice assumed was their bedroom. Victor shoved him to the floor, grabbing a belt from his dresser. The Sacrifice looked at him in fear, mind flashing back to when the Elders used to torture him, to teach him how to be better. “You’re gonna learn your place, you brat!”

Learn his place. Yeah. He could do that. He closed his eyes, preparing for pain.

Tag list for Ex-Sacrifice: @theycomeinthrees

#my writing #whump #religious whump #abuse tw #nathan scott oc #sacrifice oc

28 notes · View notes

simonxriley · 4 years

Note

N for all your girls, if you can?

I definitely can do that, well for Skylar and Liz….and maybe Riley since they’re the only ones who are fully developed. But I’ll just do Skylar and Liz for this one. The others are slowly getting there.

ABCs of your OCs

N: Never Have I Ever

1. What would they never do?

Skylar: Abuse someone for personal satisfaction. Enduring all that she went through with her ex and how completely broken down she was for years, she would never do something like that to anyone. No matter how much she might hate or dislike the person. It’s gruel and it can ruin peoples lives. Then again it’s not in her nature to be that way.

Liz: Neglect/emotionally abuse her child. She personally had to live through that and in the end it resulted into her never speaking to her father and eldest brother again. It was for the best of course and now she’s living her life as she sees fit and raising her kids to be who they want to be and not a better version of herself.

2. What have they never done that they want to do?

Skylar: Travel the world and more specifically Russia. When she was in the Marines she was only deployed to Afghanistan and when she was with the FBI she was working strictly in LA and around it. Then she joined Rainbow and love England and will no doubt love Greece as well. But she’s always wanted to travel the world, see the sights, make memories with her loved ones.

Liz: Become an astronomer. That was her dream career growing up, but her dad didn’t really care and belittled it. Eventually she learned that he wouldn’t be happy unless she joined the Army, even then he ridiculed her for not being like her brothers’. In the end joining the Army wasn’t worth it, but it did get her to meet her future husband.

3. Is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

Skylar: Abusing other people. She’ll never understand why some people just choose to tear other people down to nothing. What do people get out of it besides personal satisfaction?

Liz: Neglect/emotionally abusing your own child. She’ll never understand how people can just bring another life into this world and completely neglect or make them feel worthless. If you’re not ready to have a child, don’t have a child. And don’t mold them to be a ‘better version’ of yourself, they’re their own person and deserve any love and support they can get.

4. What is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

Skylar: Avoiding Tachanka for two days straight after their hookup at the Holiday party. She woke up in his bed, had a mild panic attack and then avoided him. It was hard since they lived on base together and he could’ve easily gone to her room wondering why. But he didn’t and it wasn’t until her and Ash were going out shopping where she ran into Tachanka asking Thermite on where she was. It’s embarrassing, but they laugh about it now.

Liz: When talking with her friends she mentioned about how she wouldn’t mind fucking one of her teammates if she could. Said teammate was right behind her when she said that. Her face went red and she couldn’t make eye contact with him for like a week, she also had a boyfriend at the time.

5. Have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

Skylar: Having a multicultural home/family. It wasn’t something she never would have done, if you fall in love with someone from another country, you fall in love there’s no stopping that. She just kinda figured she would marry another American and that would be that. Then she joined Rainbow and met Tachanka and all of a sudden she’s surrounded by so many cultures. For Skylar family isn’t just blood, it’s the people she’s closest with, Ash, Glaz, Ela, Kapkan, Mira. They’re her family too. When she got together with Tachanka she’s learning so much more about Russia and eating new foods and falling in love with ST Petersburg. And eventually when all their 8 kids come along they get a mix of Russian and American culture..with a mix of Polish and Spanish as well.

Liz: Get married and have a family of her own. She never thought she would get married, let along have a few kids. Then she met Simon “Ghost” Riley and that changed all of that. They fell in love (after finding out they have a bunch in common) and eventually had 4 kids of their own.

#r6shippingdelivery #thank you!!#oc skylar jackson #oc liz walker

6 notes · View notes

magical-path-of-acoa-recovery · 4 years

Text

Family Violence

Dr. Lenore Walker developed the cycle of violence theory in 1979. She studied violence in the home and came to the conclusion that physical violence is unlikely to be a once-off episode. It is more often a constant presence in the home.

She based the cycle on the similarities in peoples’ stories of violence and broke it into three phases.

It starts with tension building. The home becomes tense; people get sensitive and argumentative. Others may attempt to reason and calm them. During this phase, people may antagonise each other.

Sometimes the waiting is worse than the violence.

Then there is the explosion, during which people get hurt in any number of ways. Others will try to protect themselves.

The honeymoon phase follows the explosion. During this phase, people will do anything to make up for what happened and make many promises. Some will believe them and forgive, and be happy and hopeful again.

Until next time…

My Story

In my home growing up, phases two and three would happen while we kids were in bed. We would hear it and not see it. We would know that Mum was getting ‘a hiding’. My mum always fought back as best as she could. But he was twice her size and he always won.

It was traumatising.

By the next morning, they would have patched it up again and then life would go on as normal. We never saw them making up after the fighting. It was confusing. I didn’t know how Mum could forgive him. I also didn’t see how they reconciled. The family rules dictated that I couldn’t ask what had happened. So nobody ever spoke about it. The trauma of witnessing family violence plus the power of our family rules crippled me.

The spell wrapped itself tighter and tighter around me.

Now that I’m older I can see that there was more to it. Yes the cycle of violence happened but Mum and Dad didn’t only want to control or hurt each other. They were acting out of their own frustration at not being able to communicate. Both of them were also acting out of their own hurt; they hurt each other and they weren’t equipped to talk it out. That wasn’t what we did in those days. The rules dictated how we acted. They were acting out their own patterns of learned behaviour. I also know that alcohol lowered their inhibitions.

Waipero was present and breathing fire into both of them.

Unfortunately for me, the violence became imprinted on my brain. It became the way things are and always will be to me. I grew to expect it, and recreated it with my friends and later my ex-husband. I would push him and goad him with words until one day he hit me. That hurt was a relief. Now I knew how things worked. After that I pushed and pushed, and he turned away. We grew further and further apart until he left. I kept on recreating the patterns as the spell had taught me to. I didn’t know any better. Desperately, I was pushing everyone away while inside I was crying out to them. Even though I didn’t drink, I still used the only ‘tools’ at my disposal.

Today

Now that I've started recovery, things are very different in my own family. I am more aware of how my actions and reactions affect those around me. Knowledge of the spell and my ACoA ways have helped me. I will be forever casting off the spell, turning to my counterspell.

All of a sudden, it seems, my children are now adults and have children of their own. They are breaking their own spells and casting new ones. It is liberating to see the little ones growing in a loving healthy family. I can see that the generational spell has been forever undone when I look into their innocent eyes.

This is true of you too. Things can change for you. You can cast a counterspell. You are not six any more; your eyes are opening. How things are today are not how they were when you were a child. You are an adult now, you can take responsibility for yourself. With this in mind, maybe you need to do an update? Was your daddy a pushover and easy to manipulate? Do you still do that to others? Did you need to look after your mother after she had had a beating? Are you forever in caretaker mode looking after everyone, whether they want it or not? Is it possible that your sister’s partner reminds you in some way of Uncle Donovan? The uncle who lived with your family and hit you or touched you when no one was looking?

Warning

If you think you have PTSD please go and talk to someone about it. There are many places to get help. You don't have to go through this alone. Here is a great PTSD coach, which does not replace therapy but can be used in combination with therapy. There is also an app available called PTSD Coach. You can download it on iTunes and Google Play.

Your past

No-one is solitary. You may be alone at the moment, but it hasn’t always been this way.

For you to have been born, there must have been some sort of union between two people. It doesn’t matter where your conception took place; in a marital bed, in a car, or at a nightclub. Even if your conception took place in a lab, there was genetic material from two people involved.

Psychodrama calls this social presence in your early life your ‘social atom’. You have parents, whether you see them or not. The absent parent is still part of your social atom. You may have siblings or step-siblings. You may have other family members or neighbours that are part of your circle. They may or may not have known about the abuse and addiction in your life.

Here's a way to illustrate your own social atom. You can use toys, rocks, leaves, socks or whatever you like to depict it. Choose an object to be you. Then choose objects to represent the people in your early life. You can place them close to you or far away, depending on how close you feel to them now. You can place them turned away or facing towards you. Place them in relation to each other. Use size, colour and texture to bring the different people to life. It's especially important to be thoughtful about this.

Secondly, draw your social atom onto a sheet of paper using symbols. Use lines to show the relationships between them and you. Also, show the relationships between each other. Now you can make meaning of the relationships in some way. The relationships can be positive/positive, or negative/negative, or positive/negative. You can use plus and minus signs or colours, or whatever makes sense to you. Can you see an overall pattern? Can you see anything significant that you didn’t know before?

Your present

The drive to recreate what we know is powerful. It is familiar to us even when it is painful. For this reason, we often hear people saying things like “why do I always go for the bad boys?" or “why do I always go for people I have to look after? All my friends need constant looking after. Why do I do this?”

We've all done it. Including me. One of the reasons I married my children’s father was that he was small and feminine. So I knew that he couldn’t physically hurt me much. We recreate the patterns we learned at home. We may not even know it, or we may do it on purpose. Even choosing someone opposite to your father is still basing your choice on him. You may choose someone that doesn’t drink, only to find that they are indifferent to you. Just like Mum.

Your future

Knowledge is the first step to change. If you would like to go a little further in this exercise I can coach you through it. Or you can buy the e-book which has the next step in it. See below for details.

#abuse

1 note · View note

lovejess92 · 5 years

Text

Questions of my heart ?

I’ve been going through it, these couple of months and if i am even more honest this past two years. I’ve been questioning where my life is going?, where am I going? and whether I’m ready for the next phase in my life.?. I’ve been so focused on just working that I have not thought about anything other then that.

These thoughts have in a sense resurfaced from begining to date someone. I’ve dated a lot during these past 4 to 5 years after my ex partner and in all this time I have tried to keep a open mind and allow for the opportunity to reopen the idea of “love” with a partner. During this entire time the one thing that is true as it can be, is that if I do decide to be in a relationship once again I am no longer looking for a “lover or boyfriend” but rather a partner. Someone I share my world with and also grow while continuing to experience life. Many of my relationship have always ended up in a place where I end up giving everything in a relationship and putting myself and my goals in the back burner for my typical dream to have my own “family”. Now this is something that typically can occur when you’re in a relationship especially when you’re young and in love. In a small yet big part of my life I was completely in love with a person that I was willing to go to the ends of the world for. Sadly that relationship ended with me feeling completely lost of who I was left with. I felt that I had gave everything I had and in the end it was never enough. Within the relationship I found myself not being able to trust the silence of my home and my partner. Bringing me to feel powerless in my life, the need to control and lack of trust and respect. Although I was giving it my all and all the love I had for him it was not enough or how I really felt “I was not enough”. The more time we had together, the more distant I felt we were and the more afraid I became. I was in a relationship in which I want it more then he did. Although I carried his last name I still felt like the home we were working towards was never going to happen. His evasive words, the lies and multiple of times he would go and gamble “our” money made me feel so afraid that the man I had chosen was more in his world then he was in mine. I felt I was carrying a lie and a love that I was holding all on my own.

Growing up I had experienced having a abusive alcoholic stepfather, seeing a overdose in the living room of one of my many homes and sexual abusers in my life. All that were addict’s in their own shape or form. But I had never thought that the man I would fall in love with would resemble them in such a educated and sufisdicated way that I could fall in love. When you experience what I had lived you dont think this is what I want In my world or this is how I picture my future husband to be. You dream of this amazing partner that doesn’t resemble any of part of your past. How loving, caring, respect, trust worthy and loyal he will be. I was defenitly not ready to understand or know how it would be to actually be in love with someone who is an addict. Even when I had prepared myself mentally as much I could, I couldn’t really see what was coming next. When me and him had began he had been sober so I couldn’t see anything more then the love he would show and how caring he was. He was my Bestfriend and one of the people that I had truly become vulnerable and open with more then any family member, friend or boyfriend I had ever had. I couldn’t have known how difficult it could be and how scary it could feel to know that this one person had me in the palm of their hands and could go from loving me to completely making me feel hopeless and afraid in a matter of seconds. But I knew I couldn’t blame anyone except myself I had chosen him and had continued to choose him more and more along the road. Once the relationship ended I felt like a stray dog that had been kicked out of their own home still loving their guardians that no longer wanted them. I have to admit that when the relationship ended I was a complete mess I had episodes of crying out of no where in public, missing him like crazy, completely torn to being angry with him and me for the way it was done. For the first years I was still living with hope that one day he would show up and say how much he had missed me and that his love was never a lie and then it turned to at least hoping he would one day show up and apologize for the pain he had caused. I would go to church hoping that some how god would change his heart and many more things that in the end could not be changed and none of those hopes were going to come through. No apology letter was ever going to be send and none of the pain was going to be erased. After all of that I decided to change my point of view and continue on with refocusing all my energy into me trying to salvage what was left of who I was. By then I no longer felt like the old me, then again I never complete felt like myself I had friendships in my old life that were toxic and a life style that in reality I didn’t want to be in. After I had met my best friends I knew how different it was to have healthy friends in my life and how even though their life was very different from mine it was amazing to feel like I had a family that only wished me nothing but the best.

During these past years that I have been single and have dated I have been focusing more in myself and wanting to get a hold of myself. Even when I’ve wanted to experience being in a relationship I have focused more in my life and working. That in the end in all of my goals I don’t know how to picture someone with me and that complete makes me feel so afraid to even want to share myself, my time and life with anyone that isn’t myself. I’m so afraid to loose track of what I want to do and all for being with someone once again. The many thoughts of giving it all, once again back tracking in my goals, falling for the wrong person and sharing myself. Without wanting to admit that in a away the scars that were left really left me feeling like it was all of my fault, that maybe I could of done something different or I didn’t do enough resurface like if it was all just yesterday. I have learned to love and hate being single but most of all I’ve learned to love myself that now I’m selfish with myself and time that I start to resend certain people for not being able to be home alone.

I went to China and Korea during this past July, cried tears of joy for accomplishing my goal that I had planned since I moved back into the states and being able to manage my anxiety problems while I was in my longest flight and being in a country were language was completely difficult to understand. I felt so happy to be able to know that I had made it happen that I was thanking god for the opportunity that had shown up. But here I am wondering once again if I am truly ready to open the door to my heart. Can I once again after years of being single give someone a place in my heart without questioning myself, side tracking my goals and continue to grow. Am I even ready to for a new phase in my life ? These are only a couple of my thoughts.

#divorce #writing #love #life #letters

3 notes · View notes

kizurai · 5 years

Text

Rain World Planning Process

This is for my fic spotlight, but I’m going to write out (or copy and paste) the stuff I did for my fic Rain World. Warning, MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD:

This is the summary I had for the artists to choose my fic. Thankfully I made something better on my actual fic, but this was what enticed my wonderful artist powerfulmagics so I must have done something right lol:

[Post Apocalyptic AU] A large portion of the population has died and Regina has found herself trying to survive day by day, scouring for food and water, protecting herself from other survivors, and fighting against nature. The 'Rain' would burn and kill and destroy everything in its path and there was nothing she could do about it. Until she met Emma, and the both of them go on a journey to survive, to find a better life for them. They both have baggage that they confess to each other under the cover of the night, in the silent darkness, and they grow closer day by day, month by month, until maybe, just maybe, they're a family.

This is what I had for planning. It’s a bit of a mess but I have it structured this way so I can build the world better? I suppose? Also, again, I didn’t use like half of this HAHAHA

Beginning setting Regina is… looting a small convenience store for food thinking about how her life became this way and how she wouldn't ever ingest all these carbs. But without electricity it'd be hard to cook with fire. Hmm Or she can go to a home Depot and just get a gas stove. I guess that works. None of the food are good though. Most are rotten from the lack of refrigeration.

World building Probably not too many flashbacks if any. Lamenting on the past? Maybe the reader will know what happened when other characters learn about them. Most things will be vaguely alluded to and the readers will fill in the blanks.

What is the end goal? It might end with everyone happily living on a cliff somewhere.

What is Rain World Post apocalyptic. Ish. The rain hurts. Governments in all countries built a limited supply of shelter/bunkers around the world so the rich tried to build their own. Most weren't successful. Regina was lucky enough to be waiting in one when the flood happened and Emma stole her way into one.

Characters Emma is an orphan bailbondsperson with a thief background. So really, not much change. She found her way into a shelter because her friend Neal, snuck her in. Neal died in a fight for resources and Emma had to leave the group fearing for her life.

Regina came from a rich family and married Robin due to her mother's insistence. Her husband however, is an abusive ass. Ever since their underground shelter was built, she would stay in there every time Robin beats her. She was lucky enough to be in there again after hiding from her husband's angry rampage. She listened as Robin swore at her and screamed profanities as the rain chipped away at his skin. She felt relief more than anything when she found him dead outside the shelter.

Henry is 5. He's immune to the rain for some reason. Emma and Regina found him hidden somewhere, running from someone/something.

Possible Reason For Henry's Immunity? - his body secretes a base chemical that negates the acidity of the rain - his parents were scientists that experimented on him - magic! (I'm kidding) - maybe he was just born that way, I don't know

Type of Enemies (sounding an awful lot like an RPG) - Other survivors - A small group of soldiers and scientists - monsters (yeah, you read right)

Last Comments It's a little Last of Us -ish where Emma and Regina are really just trying to get Henry somewhere safe. Logically, the only way to survive a post apocalyptic world is to find a way to live comfortably. That means end goal would have them in a place with shelter, food and safety. A cliff sounds good (lol). Henry might be a byproduct of scientists parents experimenting on their own kid since they weren't funded for human experiments. A small government group that managed to survive knows about Henry or has an idea of his parents working on a way to counter the rain and the want Henry to reverse engineer whatever his parents did and do it for everyone else.

It could also mean Henry doesn't survive and he's 5, seriously, Regina does not want this 5 year old subjected to any more experiments that he's probably had to endure all his life. Eventually, Emma and Regina become his mothers and they love and care for Henry who's smart and quiet but doesn't understand the concept staying put because he's curious.

Actually, you know what, I don't know why I'm trying to make this all science-y when there's MONSTERS. But anyway, these monsters are gloopy and grotesque, like animals but half melted by acid. They grew from the flood and hide in the rain, they can rise from a simple puddle if they were hiding there. A lot of survivors from the flood immediately died from the overrun of Rain Monsters and one bite from them can melt anything. They're blind and have a bad sense of smell but they can sense vibrations and in the rain, they are virtually invincible. The only way to kill it is starve it out. They feed from the rain like a recharge and blocking them from the rain causes it's body to eat itself.

BIRTHDAYS Emma - Oct 23 - Scorpio - Passionate, stubborn, resourceful and brave Regina - Feb 1 - Aquarius (LOL so many plans) - Deep, imaginative, original and uncompromising Henry - Aug 15 - Leo - Dramatic, outgoing, fiery and self-assured

I’m very sad I never got around to using the birthdays, I found it really amusing that Regina was a “water bearer”.

I also have a random scene in a file I literally call “Scrap” which I kinda half used? but it was heavily changed:

"Wait, this is a personalized shelter. You're one of those rich bitches aren't you?"

And she almost scoffed and was immediately offended by that comment but she knows how she looks from an outsiders perspective so she just kept quiet. There's no point in arguing about it now.

"Then that was your house across the street? Don't you have a garage? With probably a really nice car? You can get the hell away from here!"

"And where exactly will I go hmm?" And this time she does scoff, "I'm not exactly running from people, I'm running from the goddamn rain! The *elements* have forsaken us, there's no where *to* run!"

"But we can't stay here, those guys are dangerous. You wouldn't happen to own a gun would you?" No, she thinks bitterly, else I would've shot my ex husband a long time ago.

It’s kinda funny how much the tone changed.

Next I have a bunch of concept art.

Floor Plan of the Basement Lab:

Some concept of what the Lab was originally supposed to look like, the Lake, and the Machine (which I ended up never describing LOL):

Rain Monster concepts:

#sqsn #fic #fic planning

7 notes · View notes

deepestuniversallove · 5 years

Text

Selfship Positivity Day

So I heard that today is a day for some selfship positivity! I want to also thank a few people for tagging me in their posts!

I have joined the self-ship community on tumblr in early 2018. I have really started self-shipping when I was around 7 years old and fell in love with Bonkers D Bobcat, who was my first crush, but I promptly gave up on him when I saw that he had a crush on Fawn Deer in canon (as a kid I thought that canon was what was real, so....). I had a few minor crushes on a few other characters as well (like Johnny from S.O.S. Croco), but never actively self-shipped with them, I just found them really cool.

Then at 11 years old, I went to see the First Pokemon Movie and fell in love with Mewtwo at first sight. After Bonkers, he was the first character I actively started to self ship with, and he has been a great inspiration and help for me; I was raised in an emotionally abusive household, emotionally neglected, starved for affection that I never got. Plus my mother has narcissistic personality disorder and only sees me as a living plaything and extension of her - which this is no fun way to grow up. Add to this that I was pretty much the social outcast at school, and you would probably understand why I always had suicidal ideations, depression and eventually developed avoidant personality disorder. So yeah, seeing Mewtwo, neglected by the scientists who refused him warmth and him going against Giovanni... I wanted to be like Mewtwo, just as strong as him. Daydreaming of him in the evening was what kept me sane and gave me the feeling that at least someone loved me, even if he was fictional. Plus, through him, I learned about genetics and science and decided I wanna go into science (which led me to being a Biology PhD student today) - which led me into choosing Biology, Chemistry and English as my majors in our german school system.

I have always drawn the occasional self ship picture or sketch with Mewtwo, but back then, I mostly focused on shipping other pairings from other franchises. I came to the internet for the first time in 2005, when I joined Deviantart through other self shippers who had their sights on various Sonic characters and shipped their own OCs with them. In fact, I have made my own OC named Jamai Dark to ship her with Shadow the hedgehog.

The first picture with Mewtwo was one that I tried to trace from “Mewtwo Returns”. Though I still focused more on shipping other pairings and on the Sonic franchise. In any case, the Mewtwo artists back then were a huge inspiration for me.

My first fanchild with Mewtwo, Kunai, was posted online before I ever posted any of my selfship pictures, and even then, I avoided outright saying that she was supposed to be the daughter of me and Mewtwo because of the backlash I feared. I simply enjoyed watching the more daring artists who outright were able to profess their love for Mewtwo, which I didn’t have the courage for at first. My first other self shipper that I found was @desert-fairy-vixen, who had remained a loyal friend ever since I started out on Deviantart.

At 16, I became involved with a boy around my age and entered a relationship with him. He forbid me Mewtwo, stating that he wasn’t necessary any more, so I tearfully bid Mewtwo goodbye, writing him a poem as well as drawing one goodbye picture.

However, my relationship with my boyfriend was not that good, and without Mewtwo, I simply felt lost. My frist boyfriend belonged to a religious cult and was homeschooled; he was also heavily brainwashed that religion trumps over all, so I tried for years to reconcile his religion with my science, only finding that it was impossible. I have still stayed with this guy for 6 years, when he had started to control me even more with his abusive grip. I ended it with him then, and was heartbroken, feeling that I didn’t deserve Mewtwo after having left him to be with my boyfriend. So I couldn’t jump back into self shipping. Instead, I shipped certain pairings from the YuGiOh series, as well as Digimon, in the meantime. It was actually when I hit the Digimon stage that I started to self ship with Arukenimon. I also had a crush on Eridan Ampora.

In 2013, I had a dream in which Mewtwo fought and protected me from zombies. That was the point at which I decided that I want to be with Mewtwo again. Why deny myself this? Why hide? And so I drew my first comic in which I tried to remember my past with Mewtwo, and this is how I met my first self shippers on Deviantart who also self shipped with Mewtwo. In fact, @sweetwhitechoco was one of the first I openly talked with when it came to Mewtwo. I have watched Lullaby-of-the-Lost and Kokoro-Tokoro from afar and didn’t dare to talk to them because they were out of my league, but seeing other people post self ship Mewtwo art made me want to do the same.

I only found out about the self shipping community on tumblr in 2017, after having had haters who told me that my self ship is vile and bestiality. Finding an entire community of self shippers was a blessing after having gone through such shit. I think I am still not over the fact that I have tried to give up Mewtwo when I came together with my abusive ex-boyfriend for the first time. Sometimes I wonder if Mewtwo would really want to be back together with me, or I feel unworthy of him. I can only hope that I may overcome this one day. Or it’s just a symptom of my AvPD, because I tend to push away those I love to not taint them with my imperfections.

In any case, onwards to the shippers I met on here!

@star-platinums-wife was one of the first self shippers, and through her and her followers, I got to know more self shippers. Though the concept of having a self shipping blog is what I have seen from @gamzeeismyboyfriend for the first time, and this was actually when I decided to post my selfship art on my blog too.

@asa-de-ouro is one of the best friends I could have hoped to find, and she is the mom friend for sure!

I also got to know @husband-of-lucoa, who is also a great friend and really loved by both Lucoa and Palutena! They both told me so!

@lightningsconsort Your love and devotion to your queen Lightning is such an inspiration, I wish you both many happy years together for the future!

@slyvivi has such a cute self ship with Necrozma, it is always a delight to see someone who also self ships with a Pokemon! You and Necrozma are so cute together, and I am sure that he sees you as the Light of his life. And @come-along-here-and-spin-with-me, you and Oracion are also such cuties together!

@lildreamysoul, you are an absolute Queen, and I kind of count you in as “above my league”; I love the ideas you have for self shipping! Making your own self ship mugs? A book with collected artworks? Acrylic charms? Like dang, you make me want to try this out as well!

@mrs-rock-light You reminded of the time when I found Zero so cool! :D I am glad that he found someone to be happy with in you! God knows after all his fights, he certainly deserves some happiness for a change!

@charles-self-inserts I am so honored that you wanted my self ship to be included with yours in a comission! ;__; thank you so so much for that!

@only-mewtwo Highfives! You and Mewtwo are so cute together!

@malt-tango :D I love all the discussions about details for fanfics that I can have with you, and I love your idea for my fanfics. It is thanks to you that I am now even attempting to write my self-insert more true to myself which I didn’t have the courage for before.

@plucky-belmondo AHH, you and Richter are so cute, and I love all the awesome designs that you made for your self-insert for Smash Bros! Amazing!!!

@goldenworldsabound :D You, Spock, me and Mewtwo need to go out on a date together. :D

@rulersofthekoopakingdom You and Bowser are so cute! *_* <3 <3

I hope all of you had a great self ship positivity day! :D If I haven’t mentioned you in here, I am still probably watching you from afar and being too shy to say anything. ^^;; whoops.

#self ship #self shipping #self shipping community #self ship positivity

26 notes · View notes