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also worth noting that "abusive" doesn't actually mean "irredeemable" either.
there's a lot of people that have done things in the past that were bad, because they weren't taught any better, or they were in an overall toxic situation where EVERYONE was shitty (like a cult), or they were just at an especially low point and hurt others for it.
you don't have to forgive them. you don't have to ever speak to them again. you can be angry with them until you die if you want.
but society cannot function if we don't allow them to move on. to change their behavior and fuck off somewhere else and build meaningful relationships without bothering you again. we need a path for people to change, or nothing ever will.
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“In the war film, a soldier can hold his buddy—as long as his buddy is dying on the battlefield. In the western, Butch Cassidy can wash the Sundance Kid’s naked flesh—as long as it is wounded. In the boxing film, a trainer can rub the well-developed torso and sinewy back of his protege—as long as it is bruised. In the crime film, a mob lieutenant can embrace his boss like a lover—as long as he is riddled with bullets.
Violence makes the homo-eroticism of many “male” genres invisible; it is a structural mechanism of plausible deniability.”
–Tarantino’s Incarnational Theology: Reservoir Dogs, Crucifixions, and Spectacular Violence. Kent L. Brintnall.
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3D Lashes No.4
Please enjoy this new set of lush lashes for your sims 🍂
They are in 3 categories, glasses, nosering, and skin detail
4 Shape options
3 color options(12 swatches)
Custom catalog thumbnail
Base game compatible
F, T-E
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Early access, public release March. 1st
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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im actually obsessed with 2-4 phoenix he is tired of all this bullshit. i love how he does not say a word for like 5 minutes after edgeworth enters the room
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3D EYELASHES SET 👁👄👁
3D EYELASHES STRAIGHT: 40 swatches (2 colors, 10 styles, + upper lashes separately)
3D EYELASHES CURLY: 40 swatches (2 colors, 10 styles, + upper lashes separately)
3D EYELASHES EXTRA: 24 swatches (2 colors, 6 styles, + upper lashes separately)
everything is HQ compatible, previews were done with HQ mod, works with makeup sliders (but you need sliders mod by thepancake1 and MizoreYukii)
🧡DL ( early access at patreon )🧡
Thanks for supporting me!
🐾
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“She had a decided chin and a nose that… put [Nona] in mind of those big poison desert cats” - Nona the Ninth page 359
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yuri scollace
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Insane to me that certain comic book creators who shall not be named dismissed Jonathan Harker as a "milk sop" and a boring character. White-haired avenger with ambiguously vampiric superstrength Jonathan Harker. Most violent and unhinged member of the vampire hunters Jonathan Harker. Ran at Dracula with a kukri knife without skipping a beat and then tried to climb out of a window to pursue him Jonathan Harker. "Like a living flame" Jonathan Harker. Calls his bond with his wife "the holiest love" and determines that if she becomes a vampire, even if Dracula calls her to his side, "she shall not go into that dark night alone" Jonathan Harker. You know. That one.
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3D Lashes NO3
Hope you enjoy! 💛
There are 3 versions:
Glasses: Can be worn with any accessories except for glasses
Skindetail & nosering: Can be worn with any accessories except for rings and noserings
4 Shape options
3 color options(12 swatches)
Custom catalog thumbnail
Base game compatible
F, T-E
Report issue | Socials | T.o.u | ❤️ Become a patron ❤️
Hair by @simcelebrity00
If you'd like to help support my work, and keep an eye on future CC creations, consider supporting me on Patreon ❤️
✨ Download | Become a Patron ✨
Early access, public release August 23rd
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A conversation between my mother and sister
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