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i think the actual disconnect between nie mingjue and jin guangyao is that nie mingjue is dying and knows he's dying and has to stick so so so closely to his morals and virtues or else it'll have been for nothing and then he'll have to come to terms with the fact that maybe he didn't actually have to die after all vs jin guangyao who wants to live, he wants to live and be safe and have all the things he was told he could never have-was told he was never good enough to have-and will do almost anything to make it so. and these are two like irreconcilable point of views right (and both Correct and Wrong at the same time) and so they can't understand each other because they aren't even having the same argument and neither of them can see that
#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#nieyao#it's good!!!#i think nmj never expected to survive the war against the wen too maybe so after he's both floundering and STILL dying#characters that didn't HAVE to die like that but did anyways because societal/family/narrative pressure etc >>>>>>>#⚰️#I've been told it's real sweet to grow old#i think there's also this disconnect between the two of them in the story as a whole re that steinberg quote i posted earlier about kleos#nostos (glory seeking vs home coming)#where jgy is the kleos or glory seeker and nmj SHOULD be the nostos (@#(and he IS to an extent) but also he ISNT because again he is dying-he knows hes dying you cant extract that from his character#and so there SHOULD be this conflict here from that but there just isnt because nmj isnt filling that role properly and i think that's part#of why jgy cant understand him#jgy is the kleos but nmj isnt a glory seeker (not outside of like the war and he's not doing that for glory etc) but he's also not nostos#he's theseus in the king must die#(sorry for referencing a bunch of shit in th tags pls pls pls ignore my rambling to myself about characters that are barely ever on page/#screen and so we can never actually fully contextualize them because we dont actually know them but oh boy oh boy can we try)#so like what does a guy who will (allegedly) give up anyone and anything domestic to gain/retain status do against a guy who otherwise#would be the opposite and unwilling/unable to sacrifice anyone for these things do when said guy does neither 🤷‍♀️#mine
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mundifinis · 1 year
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i will never understand why so many queer people insist on how "love simon is for the straights" and it's like yeah there were some problems with how simon's outing was handled by his friends but i don't think some people understood the impact that film had? i remember seeing the trailer, in theaters, on new years eve 2017. i had realized almost a year earlier, at the age of 12, i was queer. seeing that trailer, being a scared 13 year old girl who had only came out to her lesbian best friend at that point, and seeing a mainstream popular film about a closeted queer teenager that was geared towards me and other teenagers about coming out and being queer and being ourselves-- that meant everything to me.
and when i read the book a week after i saw the movie, it was my first ever queer book i ever read and love, simon was the first queer movie i ever saw. to see a mainstream movie that dealt with being queer and coming out and seeing myself in film for the first time? it meant the world.
so no, love, simon is not for the straights and it's inherent. the writer of the book, becky albertali, is a queer woman. the director, greg berlanti, is a gay man. the love interest, blue, was played by a queer actor, keiynan lonsdale. and there are probably so many other queer voices who made that film so saying "for the straights" is just diminishing every single queer voice on that film and frankly, just an ignorant statement: a film that is unabashedly queer will never be for the straights.
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touchlikethesun · 6 months
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i think it's worth interrogating why, for some, "thinness" is associated with gender affirmation and niceness. i think it's worth interrogating why, for some, being bigger is associated with agression and ugliness. i think, if your first impulse to someone suggesting a character be depicted in a larger body is, "fuck you ewww how dare you," that maybe just maybe, you might have a few biases that you need to unpack. this is not saying that artists can't draw what they like, this isn't saying people can't headcanon what they like, but i wish people would think a bit deeper about why they view thinness as so desirable, and fatness as such an affront.
#i tried to be calm in the post but imma be a bitch in the tags#your skinny femme sirius is not fucking oppressed#and the way people in this fandom talk about thinness is genuinely triggering for me and for a lot of people#one thinness is not associated with a fucking gender#people of all sizes exist across the gender spectrum#what message do you thinks it sends if being skinny is integral to your conception of gender??? genuinely what do you think?#what message do you thinks it sends when fat characters are demonised ridiculed or flat out ignored???#clearly you guys read harry potter growing up because you talk just like JKR#now i'm a bit older and i've done so much fucking work on my body image on making peace with myself on breaking out of ED and diet culture#but if i was 16 and still deep in my ED i would absorb this message like a fucking sponge#and i would probably be right there with you being revolted by fatness#don't take this as an attack take it as a chance to reflect on why you think the things you do and on the effects your words have on others#for me personally i really find super skinny super femme sirius triggering because of my history with EDs and my own gender issues#but for the most part i've made my peace with the fact that this is MY issue and so i try not to comment on it#everyone has their own experiences and i think it's good to be mindful of that#and learn when the best policy is to just disengage#i didn't comment on the post that sparked this initially because that's what i was trying to do#but i kept seeing it and i kept seeing some really awful things being said about fatness and masculinity and i just don't think that's righ#marauders#sirius black#ed mention#fatphobia#fandom culture
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coldshrugs · 10 months
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close quarters
pairing: io laithe / estinien varlineau word count: 690 note: finally giving a little headcanoned moment a spotlight. is there ever a good time to notice your friend's hot?
“You are going easy on me,” Io says through gritted teeth, shoving Estinien’s wooden lance away with her own.
He takes an easy step back, falling into a relaxed lean against the practice lance, eyeing her stance as she repositions. Her feet are too close together, as are her hands on the pole, leading to unwieldy movements he can predict before she makes them.
To her credit, they’ve only been at this for a bell or so. He’s seen worse.
...But he's seen better too. So, yes, he is taking it easy on her.
“We don’t have to keep at this. Surely there’s something else to do–” “Estinien,” she huffs, standing at her full height and gesturing around them with the stick. “Have you forgotten we are at sea, and will be for another month? I need to train, and unfortunately, the occasional gull makes for poor sport.”
She all but pouts, beckoning him to continue with wide, pleading eyes. There is a thrum in his chest, something tiny and warm brushes against the fondness he holds for her.
Something new.
“Fine.”
If Io wants a lesson, he shall give her one. He slots his blunted weapon into the nearest rack and moves to her side.
“Hold it out,” he instructs. She does as he says with a giddy smile and without question, so he steps behind her. “Hands–” he covers hers with his own, then slides them into a more practical placement– “here, and here. Yes?”
“Wider grip, I can do that.” Io nods, her tied hair brushing his shoulder. A few strands lay across it completely.
Estinien inhales deeply, nodding too.
“Wider stance, as well. Stay low.” His hands move to her shoulder and waist, pushing her into a lunge position. He glances to the place his fingers meet her shoulder, ready to correct the slight stiffness she's still holding there, but his attention is drawn away.
Io's skin glistens in the midday sun, light twisting and refracting across the lean muscle of her back and arms, and under the thin sheen of sweat lie a dense scattering of freckles. Has he never noticed them? They spread across her back and down, down, to his other hand at her waist. Without a thought, his thumb slides over her skin, cutting a slow arc across her side. He watches it happen as if he’s lost control of his actions, expression turning to stone.
Estinien doesn’t move.
Doesn’t speak.
Doesn't breathe.
Io exhales at the touch, her firm posture betrayed by the unsteady breath. She seems otherwise unphased, even shifting further into the space of his arms. “Why must I be this low? It’s terribly uncomfortable.”
She turns her head, inspecting him from the corner of her eye, something like concern written on her brow. He’s been silent for too long. His hands are still on her, and his expression must be amusing if he takes Io’s sudden smile into account. She swallows, and he cannot help but watch the ripple of movement. Her lips, her throat...
“Stin. Silence can be an excellent tutor, but I do have questions.”
He steps away, clearing his throat as he ponders how to answer. There must be something else–anything else–on this godsforsaken deck to look at. “Store your energy so you’re ready to leap when the fight calls for it. You wouldn’t keep your bowstring at a full draw constantly. This is the same.”
“I see the logic in that. This looks better?” She holds her half-corrected stance, glancing at him for approval.
Estinien, busying himself with the small collection of practice weapons, peers at Io over his shoulder.
She does look much improved, but her form is no longer the only thing he notices. The sun on her skin, illuminating dark constellations broken only by her clothing. The delicate floral scent in her hair that faded as he moved away. Her gently teasing smile. The inexplicable compulsion to be next to her again. He now notices all these too.
Halone grant me the fucking strength.
“Aye,” he sighs, roughly jerking up a lance. “Much better. Let’s go again.”
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Any time I stumble across a fic with the tag "Bakugou Katsuki/Consequences", it's mute on sight lmao
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I Had Miraculous Ladybug Thoughts, Specifically the Chloe Lila Alliance Situation, and I'm Making It Your Problem! I am So Sorry!
Just. Read the title of this post. I am the most biased person you could have on this topic. You've been warned.
Okay, so. Chloe. If you are in the ML fandom, first off, my condolences, we shall suffer together. Second off, you know that Chloe is incredibly divisive. On the one hand, she's an absolute a**hole to everyone around her at any point in the series that is not season 2 and parts of season 3. On the other hand, it is clear that she has no adults teaching her how to not be an a**hole or regulating her behavior because the only people who have the necessary authority should not have ever been parents.
And then you have that whole thing in season 2 where they started to explain her awfulness and gave her the bee miraculous and she started getting better and developing a support structure, and then she stopped being allowed to have the bee miraculous and dove headfirst off the deep end. This frustrates pretty much the entire fandom. On the Chloe hate side, you wonder why they were wasting time with this. On the Chloe love side, you just got baited, and you're annoyed as heck, and you also are wondering why they wasted your time with this.
But fine, okay, it's dumb, but whatever, the fanfiction can work with this. What the fanfiction has a MUCH harder time working with is Chloe and Lila forming an unholy alliance over their mutual hatred of Marinette and Ladybug. Because the problem here is, it's redundant, it doesn't make sense, and makes Lila even more of a Mary Sue.
Tangent warning: YEAH I SAID IT! I think Lila is a Mary Sue. You don't have to think that. My definition of a Mary Sue is "a character that warps the fabric of the story around them without it making any sense because the author likes/hates/pities/has other strong emotion about this character/ too much to care about a coherent narrative." Not everybody defines a Mary Sue this way, but by this definition, Lila is a Mary Sue. Everyone immediately loses their brain cells around her despite being compassionate and sometimes intelligent individuals who will kill for Marinette in most other scenarios. Nonsensical story warping just because the author said so. Tangent aside:
What this alliance does is it gives you two manipulative lying b*tches who willingly get akumatized to further their petty schemes and are out to destroy Marinette and Ladybug and are weirdly possessive of but don't actually seem to care for Adrien. There's really no point in having two. They occupy the same narrative niche and it is awkward and stupid and I DO NOT LIKE IT. Neither does most of the fandom it seems, because this alliance rarely appears in fanfiction.
There are a couple default solutions in fanfiction:
1. Redeem Chloe. I like this solution. I like Chloe, I think she's entertaining, and I think her interactions with other characters as a good guy are especially entertaining, I think she brings a lot of valuable skills and perspective to the cast as a good guy, I think she has a lot of reasons for being an a**hole that should be properly addressed, and I think the reasons her redemptipn arc got aborted were stupid. Most fanfiction goes the route of having redeemed Chloe viscerally hate Lila too, because Chloe goes after enemies with passion and her whole heart. This is a clean solution, but not great if you don't like Chloe all that much or are trying to make it canon compliant (best of luck to you, canon is all over the place).
2. Only focus on one as a villain and yeet the other out of the story. If Chloe is the villain, set the story during the time that Lila was off being Cerise or wandering around Paris or whatever, or before she showed up. If Lila is the villain, give Chloe an unrelated reason to decide she's not dealing with that today, thank you very much. Usually used in salt fics to dunk on whichever character grinds your gears more without unwanted interruptions. I like salt fics, and this is also a good clean solution. Having both of them is redundant, so just remove one. For Lila, it makes sense because she's a Mary Sue and writing her is annoying, so pretending she never existed is a great fix to that. For Chloe, it makes sense because "lying manipulative ladybug hating b*tch" only really starts being her archetype after the writers screwed up her character with a million inconsistincies. Before that, she was more of a "comically loud, bossy, really obssessive fangirl b*tch," so Lila just works better for certain plots. Downside is that you can't focus on Chloe-Lila interactions, and you sometimes have to do a bit of finagling to figure out how to remove them from a situation they would ordinarily be VERY invested in.
3. Make them hate each other. This is one of my favorite solutions because I have a weakness for villain rivalries that are equal parts comedic and dramatic, but bias aside, this absolutely works. They both want Adrien's sole, undivided attention, and, prior to aforementioned screwing over of Chloe's character, Chloe is the world's biggest Ladybug stan, and Lila is her number 1 hater. They also both have a weird power over the adults in the story that two 14 year old girls really shouldn't have. All these factors make it very easy to guess they would clash. Watch as they try to destroy each other! This plays into the "they both suck, but it's different flavors of suck," and makes those flavors mix BADLY together. The one downside is that it is hard to not make this the central focus of the story, because both of them are so over the top that they're absolutely going to drown out most other going ons, and this is technically supposed to be about Marinette and Adrien. It also erases some of the storylines you can get from an actually thought out alliance.
4. Redeem Lila. I have only seen this in one place, but it is a prominent place and that's more places than my suggestion on this whole ordeal. The prominent place being the Scarlet Lady AU by the very talented and lovely ZoeOneesame. Her take on it was basically:
"Chloe in this AU has the ladybug miraculous, and Chloe sucks at her job, so Lila's ladybug hatred is justified. Marinette is in love with Chat and isn't involved in the ladybug drama, so Lila has no reason to hate her. Adrien is both much smarter and much more active in this AU, so he wouldn't deal with Lila in the same hands-off way. Everybody else is also smarter in this AU and would probably know Lila was lying and also not care because they are forgiving and compassionate. So Lila's lies would most likely get called out, she would have the freedom and desire to figure out who she is beneath the lies, and she would have a justified hatred of Scarlet Lady matched by other characters in the AU, and would probably band together with them."
And thus, no filter, vindictive good guy Lila was born! Again, I have only seen this in Scarlet Lady, but it is amazing over there, so I had to talk about it. Redeeming Lila is an unconventional choice for sure, but I think if you arrange for circumstances where Lila would rather ally with the heroes than the villains, then you can get a lot of mileage out of her people-reading/manipulation skills helping out the heroes while possibly scaring the crap out of them at the same time. This has basically all the same downsides as the Chloe redemption though. It's not fun to do if you're here for Lila salt, and it's ABSOLUTELY not canon compliant.
Now. You may have noticed that nobody who writes fanfiction for this show does the canon Chloe-Lila alliance. This is for a myriad of aforementioned reasons: it's redundant, it continues the confusion of Chloe's character arc, and Lila is a Mary Sue, so anything that involves her tends to be frustrating. But, I think there is a way to make it work, so I'm writing about it.
First of all, don't do what canon did where 6 just have Lila teach Chloe how to lie. Take full advantage of the fact that they are two very different types of a**hole. They can ally for the same reasons: they both are super possesive of Adrien and are raging about him getting together with Marinette. And while I don't like the arc of Marinette being a trash and controlling guardian who shows inordinate favoritism to Alya and Zoe and literally nobody else because she's gay for them, you can still do that and have them both hate Ladybug too. I don't like that plot beat, mostly because it's never really addressed that Marinette is in fact a bad guardian outside of some light sulking from Chat, but it can work. She's a 14 year old girl in way over her head with no adults left to help (except the kwamis, but they don't really count because they are very unhelpful). It makes sense that she wouldn't do a good job at first. But whatever their reasons for teaming up, lean into the fact that Lila is a two-faced secretively awful person while Chloe is an in-your-face publicly awful person. From there, it depends on the tone you're going for.
Chloe is a great villain for humor because she's so loud and dramatic. She can get away with saying and doing really insane and rude stuff on the grounds that she's insane and rude (and also rich and powerful). People don't have any expectations for Chloe to be nice or rational, so she can do stuff like try and write a Queen Banana character into the class film and be met with annoyance and frustration rather than outrage and shock. So if you're going a lighthearted route, let Chloe be the one who does all the public legwork for their schemes, and let her be absolutely over the top about it.
On the other hand, Chloe can also be threatening in a far more tangible way than Lila. Lila can make people think you're a bit of a jerk, but it takes a lot of work for her to come close to getting Marinette expelled, even with all her Mary Sueness to help. Chloe can just look at the principal and say "My dad will fire you and remove all school funding if you don't expel her." Chloe won't make people dislike Marinette because nobody likes her, but she can physically hurt Marinette in ways that Lila can't. So if you're going for drama, you can lean into that. Chloe is in a completely different social class than everyone else and has actual power.
Either way, let Chloe be a complete drama queen who is publicly out to get Marinette, because there isn't anything anyone can do about it.
Meanwhile, let Lila work in the background. Lila has never been a comedic villain, only getting introduced after the show had taken a turn for the more dramatic, so don't bother. Leave that to Chloe's antics. Let Lila be the actual threat who is driving their plans. A lot of the reason Chloe was manageable while Lila never was is because Chloe's rage tends to be directionless and impulsive. She has a short temper that can easily be triggered, but also easily soothed, and she doesn't have any thought out plans or long form schemes. She just does whatever she thinks will make her happy in the moment. Have Lila be the one who convinces her to think in the long-term, and who comes up with an overarching plot to get rid of Marinette, adding a sense of real tension to the situation. Sure, before Chloe could have you expelled on a whim, but she also would have stopped bothering the second Adrien paid attention to her. Lila will help Chloe drop that boundary.
Lila also has the advantage of people actually liking her and being willing to do things for her without threatening or bribing them. Lila can do things like make it so Marinette doesn't have any of her friends around to help in an emergency. She can make it so people believe Chloe might actually be justified in her crusade against Marinette this time. She can plant seeds of doubt and distrust and she can socially isolate Marinette in ways Chloe can't. Make people love and believe in her instead, slowly destroy Marinette's support system, and so on. It not only is really dramatic and upsetting, it basically leaves Mari with just Adrien and Chat to rely on, which is FANTASTIC ship fuel if that's your jam. This can also let you have some other prominent characters come to the fore. Have some Kagami focus. Have some Luka focus. Bring in Socqueline and Felix and see how that changes things.
Point is, between these two, you could have a genuine, non-redundant threat that you can get emotional mileage out of. Lila is on one side turning all of Mari's friends against her and scheming to destroy her in the long term. Chloe is on the other side threatening Marinette's lifestyle---her bakery, her school, her fashion career, her public image, her existence in Paris---anything that can be damaged by the Mayor and the Style Queen is under attack. And then you have Hawkmoth on the other end, throwing akumas in her face and forcing her to make impossible choices. I would imagine Lila also gets akumatized on purpose whenever she needs a little extra help, while Chloe just gets egged on and pushed off the deep end by Lila whenever Lila thinks it'd be advantageous. So that trifecta is super genuinely threatening. But you can also have Chloe being a really stupid drama queen whose fits of rage can still be silly and poorly thought out, even with Lila helping her. And you can have some really heartwarming stuff as the people left in Marinette's support system band together and become even closer to get rid of these two once and for all. I just think this plot beat has a lot of untapped potential if the writers didn't make then fulfill the same narrative role, and I haven't really seen it explored yet.
Feel free to use this idea in fanfic, tell me that it sucks and would be bad, or ignore me, I mostly just needed to write this down!
If the mood strikes me or multiple people express interest (yeah right), I will make a (probably much shorter) post explaining how you can redeem both of them effectively and also why I think that would be bad in most circumstances.
Congratulations if you read this whole rant, now please go to sleep. Please. So much please.
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sysig · 10 months
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If your eye causes you to [fear], pluck it out (P1 | P2 | P3 | B) (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#NEJ#Captain Sterling#Blood#Body horror#(I'll put the spoilers further down in the tags so if you'd rather wait to read all the way through first just ignore these for now)#Hey it's not spooky season yet! What the heck!#NEJ got me bad I super didn't expect it but thinking about his scopophobia exploded my brain#I don't know why! It's not like I forgot! Details just fuzzy enough to feel like novelty again I guess lol ♪ I'll take it#It was a fun concept to play in :D I guess I've never really thought about it but I do actually enjoy eye horror? :0#I have for a while when I look back at it I just never put the name to it haha#Poor Sterling haha he's only had a few sets to himself and then I do this to time - well he seems fine! Lol#Well maybe not Completely fine there's something weird about him hmm ♪#[Spoilers starting] I know Sterling hasn't had a lot of screentime so far but I can tell you this isn't how he'd normally talk#He /is/ still a human Captain so take from that what you will - he has some of his own mannerisms - at least enough to be recognizable#But there's something Not Quite Right about him besides the obvious lol#No he hasn't been possessed but he is Something of a puppet at the moment :3 How we appear to others through their own lense and all that#This is NEJ's interpretation of Sterling through his VUX frame hehe - probably not difficult to guess but NEJ isn't having a fun time of it#How might his fears manifest inside his mind? /And/ the opportunity for horror and blood? How could I resist?#[/Spoilers]#I really am quite pleased with how it turned out :D I initially intended for it to be a Scratch comic but then it kept turning out pretty!#I especially like the panel of Sterling leaning towards him and NEJ leaning away with his head tendrils up ah <3#His expression is intentionally hidden but you can still tell what he's feeling! Large and fearful! ♥#I also rather like Sterling's first panel of his eyes missing I think the toning came out particularly nice there :)#The guilt of putting my lads through Things is always outweighed by how fun it is to do so haha
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keeps-ache · 9 months
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my nose is runny.. it's the end of the woooooorlldd
#just me hi#oh the unbearable agony!!! [blows my nose very dramatically]#oh never mind lol#//anyway i'm drawing#i say 'drawing' and maybe i Meant drawing like three hours ago but i'm actually animating this darn thing now so thoughts and prayers guys#/also been trying to write#which has been going eeeehhhh [so-so gesture]#it's going. just not very well. or very fast lol :)#i need quality or quantity and currently i'm getting neither! it's a fantastic problem that i'm remedying by animating#i didn't even Mean to start animating but i was on the first frame and thought 'oh! this would look nice if it moved' and that was a#Terrible thought o' mine. thanks a lot. Me#/OH and also my brother has taken up writing!! which is really cool!! i convinced him he'd have a lot of fun doing it :3#yes that was probably mostly a lie. he Is enjoying himself though (i think hfvbshf)!#and we decided to both write something based off of a prompt :>#he's already started and we have until Oct. to finish#i. opened a new document the other day and have ignored it since then :)#//what is going ooon with the tags today man#c'mon tumblr what did you do today. why is my tag jiggling like this#and why do you keep trying to tell me i can colour my tag words ? don't lie to me like that#jiggle jiggle jiggle jiggle jiggle#ohh no it didn't like that#not doing that again fhvshd#//okay now i'm going to prance off#imagine the most graceful and..... what was the word........ i'll say fanciful- imagine the most graceful and fanciful prancing you've ever#contrived of! now imagine the opposite#ciao for now :3
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uselessnbee · 1 year
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sometimes i feel so petty i want to make a big post about all the times Will and El weren't that great towards Mike just to ..you know.. balance it out a bit
#it's always here's all the times Mike hurt Will and El's feelings and never here's all the times Will and El hurt Mike's feelings#it's so unfair like i saw people hating Mike over fucking MILKSHAKES because they just had to find a reason to hate him it's so stupid#if i went on here and started hating on Will and El for not laughing at Mike's vomit green joke cause it made him sad yall would call me#absolutely crazy and delusional like be fucking for real Mike just breathes wrong in Will's or El's direction and he's the devil himself#but Will and El could literally call Mike a slur to his face and yall would be like hE dESeRvEd iT tHeY DiDnT dO aNyThiNG wRoNG like fr#there are so many small times when Mike tried to get Will's attention like the vomit green joke or the they're conspiring against me moment#and everyone always just laughs how Mike is a loser trying to get their attention but they always just ignore him or whatever but if it was#reversed? if it was Will trying to get Mike's attention only for Mike to either ignore him or yell in his face how it's stupid to be#concerned about something so small? oh yall would go ballistic suddenly yall wouldn't care how small these things are suddenly you would#want Mike fucking dead but when it's the other way around it's just funny and embarassing for Mike? and not just small things like this#when we point out how El invalidated his feelings and dismissed his bullying everyone is like oh she didn't mean that she meant it like#this she meant it like that she said it because of this and that and the situation is like this so this is why she said that#and blah blah blah she didn't do anything wrong but when it comes to Mike suddenly it doesnt matter if he meant it differently or if it was#the situation and messy feelings making him say something hurtful no he's just an asshole oh i am cursing you all#i hope you step on lego every day and your favorite snack is always sold out in every shop i hope every cat you try to call will ignore you#or hiss at you i am so tired of the double standards when it comes to Mike and willel i am so angry#mike wheeler#mike wheeler protection squad#blue's 'mike's extreme defender' ramblings#i got a little carried away in the tags but i'm not sorry i said what i said#and idc if i get hate for it cause i'm right anyways
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elliesbelle · 9 months
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lol
#humungous trigger warning for the tags in the post#but i just need to vent somewhere and i don't want people irl to be in my business about this#or to get too worried and all...#tw: mentions of death and weapons and mental illness and suicide and sh-ing and abuse etc.#please feel free to ignore like i said i just need somewhere to vent#anyway i'm just so sick of being alive fr i've been so massively suicidal this past week and i'm so tired#having bpd AND bipolar AND depression AND ptsd and etc....#it really hurts so much#and my personal life is in fucking shambles like i just don't know what to do anymore#i feel so fucking alone all the goddamn time#so many friends don't give a fuck about anymore like they straight up just don't check up on me or anything#and my ex... i just. why can't you be more fucking understanding of what i'm fucking going through because of you#how the fuck did you turn my months-long depressive episode into me not caring about you cause i couldn't open about what i was going thru#i get you were fucking lonely but i was trying not to fucking die i was over here being talked off ledges#and then sending me a voice memo saying that you were lonely and trying to make an effort but i just didn't care about any of it#it's not fucking about you!!!! i didn't even let my own girlfriend or best friend in!!!! that's what fucking mental illness is!!!!!!#you promised that you'd be more understanding about my mental illnesses when we started talking again#what the fuck is this then?#why am i breaking down every time that you ignore me or take forever to text#like... she's gone back to calling me by my name instead of calling me 'baby' like she always has#she hasn't called me by my name since we first started talking it's been literally fucking years#and not saying i love you to me anymore...#and how can you fucking promise to stay in my life and still be my 'friend' and then fucking ignore me and don't answer my text messages#how the fuck am i supposed to feel that you haven't responded to me in over 24 hours but you react to days old ig messages from me#i fucking hate having borderline for fucking real i hate that she's my fp it hurts so fucking much#i feel like a fucking child i can't deal with this#i literally woke up from my sleep at like 3 or 4 am this morning nearly screaming#and then my gf found me on the living room couch crying and cuts all over my arm and a kitchen knife next to me#my left arm has been stinging all day from the fresh wounds#too painful to bandage them at the moment
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sylverspydersylk · 15 days
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The urge to write an angst fic just based on my most recent terrible experience,,, (a little venting in the tags)
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I’m having so many unpopular takes!
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ehlnofay · 29 days
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I should try writing something to evoke the very specific atmosphere I experience when I play too much first person 3D video game and then have mental illness symptoms. it's extremely singular. worth attempting to portray
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thecruellestmonth · 2 years
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If I had a nickel for every time a Gotham vigilante was severely brutalized by his own ally after being incorrectly accused of killing the Penguin, and subsequently rescued by the timely intervention of an archer friend, then I'd have 2 nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
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guardsbian · 3 months
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the Flight Rising tag is so much. Like why are you tagging your tangentially related personal post with Flight Rising. That's not dragons. I don't give a shit
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nat-20s · 1 year
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I don't want to sound dismissive because you're right and stories about adults are good, but that post about not relating to coming of age stories is so funny you just "came of age" like 6 years ago.
i definitely get where ur comin from anon but I didn't relate to coming age stories when i was """"coming of age""" either. I haven't even had a first love and i didn't start to understand my gender more until i was 23 skdfjkdflk which is why it's hilarious but also a little frustrating that ages like. 15-19 are supposed to be prime Discovering Yourself and Becoming Who You Are ages. most people are in a constant state of self discovery and becoming and i just find most coming of age stories uhhhh...kind of horseshit lol. I'm dunking on anyone that did find them relatable or did see themselves in them or value them but they r just. Not for me and never really have been even when I was the target age you know?
#replies#anon#'coming of age' we are ALWAYS coming of age you know? coming to know yourself in your 30s is still coming of age!!!#im not actually arguing with you personally anon this was a fun message and i get that like. yeah i cannot claim to be an Elder tm lol#but i think some people are misinterpreting that psot and are being like ugh how dare you maybe just stop reading YA??#and that NOT my fucking point. my fucking point is that like 75% of the shows and books that get recommended to me#(which jumps to like 90% if it's queer media :/) are about teens!!!#i don't want teenage stories and im sick of self discovery and first loves and fun adventures and cool space operas being#mostly starring teenagers as if only teenagers experience that stuff!!!#why are adults allowed to find new loves and passions and have a love triangle with a bad boy and their best friend if they so want#why are 40 somethings allowed to figure out their gender and sexuality!!!#THAT's what im complaining about im complaining that finding good Adult fiction that has some similar narrative beats to the imo best parts#common aspects of ya fiction is hard#where's the stories for those of us that didn't have first loves at 15 and haven't had first loves at 25 and are still figuring out things#tldr most high school/ya stories have some really cool elements that i don't think need to be exclusive to teenagers#extra tldr: stop telling me about fictional teens having sex i can not and will not fucking care anymore#SORRY FOR THE TAG RANT ANON YOU DIDN'T DESERVE THAT FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THIS LOL
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