#who were known to lose stuff and damage stuff before it even got to you due to throwing the stuff around
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Tfw you ordered the Hocus Pocus spell book but it got given to Evri to deliver and now its fucking lost.
#'we have successfully delivered your parcel' me and my parents looking everywhere we can outside: 'bitch where?'#like this is why we get dread when the notification comes through its evri who got the package#cause they just the renamed hermes company#who were known to lose stuff and damage stuff before it even got to you due to throwing the stuff around#so they still clearly the same under new name
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Safe with you
paring: (siren) clinic!wilbur x fem!civilian!reader
summary: reader does stupid things to get siren’s attention.
author’s note: I am completely obsessed with siren. every couple months he works his way back into my brain and takes over. this is a little darker than my usual stuff so feel free to skip it, I just felt like trying to write something different for once. this is so shit. i found this in my drafts from a few months ago. i needed to post something so, throwing this at you enjoyyy 🫠
warnings: please read the warnings before reading. reckless regard for safety, suggestive content, unhealthy obsession, alcohol, stalker behavior (both reader and siren) no spoilers for the fic if you haven’t read it, if I forgot anything let me know, unedited!
You knew it was wrong, so, so wrong. He was a villain, a terrible person in every way. but the small voice in the back of your brain told you otherwise. You couldn’t deny the pang in your heart that told you the opposite. For once your heart and brain were getting along on one subject.
It was late on a Saturday night. People on the upper east side of the city were out after another exhausting week of work. Getting drunk, laid, whatever.
Only a month ago it was a night like this you met him.
Wandering home late from a company party with coworkers at a bar. It was stupid to walk home alone, especially in this city. With all the criminals running rampant, and the heroes and villains getting into public brawls that caused city-wide damage, it was a wonder why anyone still lived in L’manberg. For many people, it was home, including yours. You never imagined living anywhere else, you grew up in this city, and it was all you knew.
A man had followed you for two blocks and you only noticed when you could hear his footsteps padding behind you. You had never been so scared of what this person might do to you. Trying to lose him by turning down a busy street, then getting turned around and ending up in an alleyway. The man had cornered you against the wall of one of the buildings.
Then he was being yanked away from you roughly. Another figure had appeared, dragging the man away from you before he could do anything. Scrambling away and mumbling incoherent words, he didn’t even look back twice. He ran and disappeared around the corner.
Allowing a shaking breath to pass your lips in relief, you began to thank whoever your savorer was when you finally got a look. He was tall, he dawned a dark trench coat and fingerless gloves. You caught the eye of the dark blue bandana that covered his eyes and it clicked in your brain. After watching countless news broadcasts it became clear and unmistakable who he was.
Siren.
Part of the supervillain group known as the syndicate, he was the most feared apart from The Blade and Zephyrus. The ability to control minds made him unpredictable. Unexplainably, he didn't seem to frighten you like the man who was following you. Siren's odd behavior fascinated you to a degree that since then almost every night you've skipped taking the bus and chosen to walk home alone in the dark. Determined to find him. It was foolish despite something inside giving you a rush to see him again.
For two weeks, you waited for him to show up and help you in dangerous situations. You got into trouble two more times, but each time you saw him, you felt better because you knew he would be there for you.
Tonight was no different. You had purposely gone into the bar with a mission to find the sketchiest man you could. Luckily, you didn’t have to look very far since there were creeps everywhere in this bar already giving you stares, licking their lips like you were an object, something they could take. It made your stomach turn, but you sat down two seats away from one guy who was drinking what looked like a rum and coke.
He eyed you up and down, his gaze lingering on your legs. You internally grimaced but kept your act up of seeming like you liked this man's attention. You ordered a drink and began to sip it slowly through the straw when a presence sat beside you.
A knowing smirk pulled at your lips, the plan worked.
after a about a minute of chatting the stranger put his hand on your thigh. bold move.
“what do you say we get out of here?”
So you pay for your drink, slip out the door with the stranger, taking off down the road as he pulls you into a dimly lit alley way.
He presses you against the rough wall of the building, hot breath fanning across your neck as he leans in. It makes bile rise in your throat the reeking smell of rum lingering on his tongue. He tries to whisper something seductive in your ear, it doesn’t even come close to being sexy. His words slur and his hands wander down your body.
Before you could try to push him off, he’s being yanked away in the blink of an eye and shoved to the opposite building wall with a grunt.
A tall figure stands tall over the stranger, and your breath hitches in your throat.
“We just keep meeting like this, don’t we sweetheart?”
Siren had the man from the bar pinned up against the opposite wall with a hand wrapped around his throat. You could practically see the creep's face shade growing purple by the second, Siren's knuckles white with his grip tightening, all while giving you a sickly sweet smirk that made your knees buckle.
The man from the bar was still struggling to breathe as you and Siren had your little exchange. You had completely forgotten his existence until he made a strangled noise. Your eye shifted over to him before they moved back to Sirren again.
"Please, don't hurt him, he didn't get the chance to do anything."
Without even looking away from your gaze Siren released the man as he slumped to the floor clutching his throat, sputtering out coughs. The guy had taken off before you could even blink.
Siren inched closer to you with a swaggering step that made your breath hitch. You could make out his features faintly through the glow of the street light casting against his jaw, handsome, just as you remembered him. Taking him in as he towered over you. His hair was longer than the last time you saw him, and a scar was healing over his cheek. No doubt from the fight two nights ago with him and Dream that was broadcasted on the news. Still, he was as handsome as ever.
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’ve been up to.” Siren's voice modulator makes his voice sound rough almost like he was warning you.
Your heart pounded in your ears, mainly from the adrenaline and anticipation of seeing him again, you swallowed and tried to keep your breathing steady.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you tried to play it coy, but he could probably tell if you were bullshitting.
“Don’t play dumb, you think I didn’t notice all those times I found you in a situation you couldn't get yourself out of was by accident? I know you’ve been looking for me, sweetheart.”
How would he have known?... unless.
"Have you been following me?" your voice sounding annoyed.
Siren scoffs and shakes his head in disbelief at your words.
"If you think I have time to babysit, then you clearly have no idea what really goes on in this city after dark."
"that still doesn't answer my question."
His lips were thin.
"let's just say I've kept an eye on you." he says. "weren't sure if you were hired by the heroes committee to find out information for a while, but turns out you're just a civilian with a death wish."
It seems like he was talking down to you and treating you as if you were a child. Maybe for good reason. He should turn around, and leave you in this ally like he did last time. However, there seems to be a force preventing him from moving away from standing just a few inches away from you.
“I mean what are you thinking? Don’t you know how stupid it is to get yourself into trouble like this? you could get hurt, or even worse end up dead.” his words are sharp. "There are other villains out there that would take advantage of you sweetheart, and I don't say that lightly."
He was right. You were this fucking dumb. All to get the attention of a supervillain.
“I wanted to see you again.”
You can’t see his eyes due to the fabric covering but you’re sure he’s blinking at you in surprise. His mouth parted in shock, like a fish out of water before his lips hardened into a snarl again. Never once had you noticed him falter like that. Even for a moment.
He leaned over you before he spoke.
“Forget about me. Go back to your civilian life and stop trying to find me.”
Your eyes narrow at him. Pushing away from the wall to stride towards him until you're tilting up to try and be level with him, but his tall height makes that challenging.
“Don’t you think I’ve tried? I can’t stop thinking about you. Ever since you saved me all those weeks ago. I couldn’t understand why,” you took a step closer. Siren wanted to back away, but something was keeping his feet glued to his position. “why, would a villain of all people help someone like me? maybe, I am dumb, maybe I'm insane for thinking all those times you helped me you actually cared about me in some sick twisted way."
You can feel his hard stare under the mask. He says nothing as you go on your tangent. Your breath heaving, tears streaming down your face. Maybe it was better before you knew him. At least you wouldn't feel pathetic for crying over someone who disregarded you as nothing more than a fool with misconceptions.
"I'm sorry I burdened you with my stupidity. I was delusional to ever think a person like you could ever change.”
“A person like me?” his tone was challenging.
He looms over you walking closer until your pressed back against the wall, trapped.
“You don’t understand what a person like me has to do in order to survive.” he spits.
Pushing off your toes, you grip the back of his neck and pull him into a searing kiss. You just had to know what he tasted like. Shocked, Siren didn't move. Your soft lips pressed to his, your hands threading through his hair made him lean into you. He couldn't deny how intoxicating you were.
Practically throwing yourself at him. Your hands carded through his soft curly locks, slipping under his silk bandana almost uncovering his eyes. Siren didn’t care in the moment. He kissed you back with just as much frustration and passion. His hands gripping your hips, pulling you closer as he groaned into your mouth when you parted your lips to let him in. The taste of him had you reeling and seeing stars. Everything you had yearned for since the moment he saved you all those months ago.
When he had separated himself from you, disconnecting your lips you couldn’t breathe.
When you finally open your eyes in a flash he was gone.
taglist: @trashcanduck @ax-y10 @mysticalsoot @idontreallyexistyet @loonalvjy
if anyone wants to be added or removed please let me know!!
#wilbur soot x reader#clinic!wilbur x reader#siren x reader#siren!wilbur x reader#my hyperfication with siren!wilbur continues#wilbur soot x fem!reader#fanfiction#tommyinnits clinic for supervillains#writing#x reader#clinic!wilbur soot x fem!reader
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Curiosity Killed the Cat
Ledger!Joker x Reader
Warnings: Mention of child abuse and domestic violence
Summary: One night you get a little too curious and try to pry J’s past out of him. He gives you some information but there are some things he’s just not ready to share.
Author’s Note: I’ve been piecing this one together for a while now but I really got to work last night and this morning. So here’s y’all a little Sunday snack. Aaaaaah the angst in this oneshot. Don’t hate me too much 😅
Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie @unholiiness
You and J were curled up together in your cozy bed one Saturday evening. J rested his head on your shoulder and hummed softly. It mimicked that of a cat purring. You basked in his warmth.
You were so lucky to be the one J chose to love. Most people wouldn’t get your relationship but you were fine with that. It was a bond that only you and J would understand.
You kept him grounded and from falling too deep into insanity. If something happened to you, he’d be lost forever.
And yet, you only knew a fraction of the complex man known as the Joker. He was still very much shrouded in mystery. Who is he? What is his name? Where did he come from? What was he like before he became a criminal?
You only knew what J told you and that wasn’t much. You knew when he was younger he grew up outside of Gotham (though you didn’t know where), his father may or may not have been abusive, he liked to skateboard, and was an outdoorsy kid. Between then and becoming the Joker, you knew nothing.
You understood that it was to keep himself a secret and, though he wouldn’t admit it, it pained him to get into his past. He wouldn’t even tell you what happened in Arkham. You hoped one day he’d tell you everything.
Why not get information out of him now? You had to start somewhere. Tonight was a good time because J was in a good mood. So you gathered your courage and spoke.
“J, what’s Arkham like?” You asked meekly.
Joker seemed surprised at your question. He was quiet for a while. Your heart sank. You hoped you hadn’t upset him. It was a sensitive topic after all.
“Uh, why do you ask?” He finally spoke.
“I-I’ve heard how horrible it is and I worry about you.” You replied.
“Well, it’s not that bad. When you’re locked up in a cell by yourself, it gives you time to think. People say that isolation makes you go crazy but that’s not true. Well, not for me at least. First of all, I’m already ‘crazy’. That’s why I’m there to begin with. Second, I like being left alone. If they forced me to socialize in the common area or go to group therapy, then I’d really lose it.”
“What did you do all day? That seems like it would get pretty boring.”
“Yeah, it did. When I wasn’t drugged all to hell, I mostly just doodled in the journal they let me have. They didn’t give me anything sharp to use of course. They gave me crayons. I guess they thought I couldn’t do any damage with it. Jokes on them, I could do a number of things with those. But I, uh, controlled myself because I didn’t want them taken. I also daydreamed a lot. When you’re that bored, you can’t help but try to escape reality for a while.”
“Did they mistreat you?”
J chuckled darkly.
Your eyes widened.
“Yes and no. My doctor seems to care about my well being. He makes sure that the nurses tend to my wounds when I’m brought in. He even had those asshole guards fired when they beat me to a bloody pulp. But then again, I was beaten, drugged constantly, they force fed me when I didn’t eat, stuck needles in me, and shoved pills down my throat. You know, the usual stuff.”
Your face softened. “I’m sorry J.”
“Pfft. What’re you sorry about? You didn’t do anything.”
“I know. But I still feel bad. Nobody should ever be treated that way.”
J sighed softly. “If only the rest of the world thought like you, y/n.”
You smiled as he hummed into your chest. It was quiet again until you remembered what you hoped to accomplish.
“What was your father like?” You asked randomly.
J stared up at you for a moment.
“Why are you asking me all these questions, bunny?”
You played with his hair and tried to figure out how to best answer him.
“I don’t mean to upset you, J. It’s just that I know so little about you. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I’m just curious.”
“Yeah, well, curiosity killed the cat.” Joker muttered.
His tone had gotten meaner. You hated when he did that. But you expected it, given that you were getting into his dark past. He was going into defensive mode.
Joker sighed.
“Fine. My father was horrible, y/n, He was a raging drunk. He beat me and my mother senselessly. One thing I remember very vividly was him breaking a glass bottle over my head. I should’ve gone to the hospital but he wouldn’t let Mom take me. I probably have a scar on my scalp.”
J paused to gather himself and his thoughts. Then he told another story.
“Another time when I was around 16 or 17, he was relentlessly beating Mom. I can’t even remember what triggered him. I could hear Mom screaming from my room. So I went out there and pried him off of her. He then turned his rage towards me but at least Mom was safe for a bit. When he finally quit kicking the shit out of me, he went to the liquor store to get more booze like nothing happened. Bastard…”
You didn’t know what to say. Maybe this was a bad idea.
“My mom was the sweetest woman ever. She didn’t deserve any of that. I tried to stop what I could. But I was so young and I could only do so much.” Joker said with a sad sigh.
“That was really brave of you. I’m sure she appreciated it.”
J just nodded. He seemed lost in thought. You had the biggest question spinning in your head but you knew to ask carefully. This might just set him off.
“J, what happened to you? Why’d you become the Joker? What changed you?”
The expression on Joker’s face made your heart break. He jerked away from you, darted into the bathroom, slammed the door, and locked it. You wanted to cry. You felt so stupid.
Way to go, y/n. You scolded yourself as tears welled in your eyes.
“J, I’m really sorry! I overstepped. I shouldn’t have gotten so personal. I know how much it hurts you but I did it anyway. That was so selfish of me. I shouldn’t pressure you to open up. Please just come out. I’m so sorry.” You pleaded with him.
At first there was no response. Then after what felt like hours, you finally heard Joker groan and stand up. He unlocked the door and opened it. He glared at you.
“There’s a reason why I don’t talk about it, y/n. I hate thinking about it. But it’s all I think about. It haunts me day and night. It’s in my nightmares. I don’t want to think about it any more than I have to. It would also reveal my identity and I can’t do that. I’ll tell you everything someday. Just not right now. I’m not ready.”
“Okay. I won’t ask about it again. But I’m always here if you want to vent.”
“I know bunny and I appreciate it.” J said and pulled you into a hug. He kissed the top of your head.
“I’m so sorry.” You mumbled into his chest over and over.
“S’okay, bunny. I’ve moved on. I know you didn’t mean any harm.” J reassured you.
He crawled back into bed and you followed him. You nestled close to him, burying your head in his chest.
J didn’t answer all your questions but you learned some more about him. He put up with so much yet was so full of courage. Even if he was a murderous psychopath, you had never met anyone braver than him.
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𝔓𝔢𝔯𝔣𝔢𝔠𝔱 ℜ𝔞𝔠𝔢
TW: Backshots, flashing, freaky stuff, sucking and violence (I hope these are enough warnings to be aware that this is more than these)
You were a young woman who had amazing drift skills, one of the most popular actually. You are well known in your city and create a lot of commotion just for being seen in public. There was an event that was very unexpected and exciting at the same time, you didn't know why? Why didn't you know? The men told you there was a guest visiting this event, participating as you may seem. The two men that told you were Satoru and Suguru! You're high-key supporters and help you with your awful and joyful conditions!
"Heyyy Y/N, you're probably super curious who this person is eh?" Satoru said sitting on those metal chairs drinking a white monster energy drink. He just stared at you waiting for an answer chuckling while Suguru standing in the back with his arms crossed leaning against a wall. "Well yes of course! Who is it!" You said with full excitement grabbing both Satoru's shoulders. He tilted his head with a gaze upon looking up at me, "What if I said it was the one and only, D.K." You let go of my grip and stepped a foot back from him. You had my mouth halfway open and my eyes widened like they were going to pop out my eye sockets. "Drift King!? Choso Kamo!? Number 1!?"
I noticed Suguru giggling behind Satoru nodding and keeping his head down. "You're fucking shitting me." You covered my mouth with all the unexpected things crossing by. Before Satoru spoke again a loud engine was heard nearby the parking lot. "Why ye-" He raised his eyebrows and smirked looking at you. "He's here~" Suguru walked towards Satoru always standing by his side placing a hand on both your guy's shoulder. "Why not meet him!" "What the fuck you think we'll do!" I ran away from them dashing to the parking lot seeing a car with thousands of stickers with lightning bolts on the sides of the car. Just by the looks of the car, it turns out it was a black Toyota Chaser with such a low skirt. "How is he able to drift this masterpiece!?" I thought to myself, the fact that I turned to the side of his car noticing he parked next to MY CAR!? I caught him staring at it looking at my car in millions of different angles looking any damages, he seemed impressed by the brand and looks if my beautiful car which I LOVE!
My car was not an ordinary Mazda RX7, it had champagne pink wrap on it while my favorite anime characters were on the back of my car. It was pretty girly until you see it being driven. The car plate was placed as "S1M9ER". "Ayy~ Choso! Looks like you've made it to see our pretty lady right there." Satoru chuckled pointing me out to him. I turned my head to Satoru starting to get embarrassed. "What the shit Satoru!" I gritted my teeth glaring at him, Choso giggled and got out his car. He leaned his side of the car gazing me. "Nice car." Choso stated to me. "I.. I-uhm.. Thanks?" "Shall we begin the race?" He questioned, you didn't know there would be a race just now, you flinched for a few seconds wonder what race? With who? "Hold on a race? Race who? With who!?" You were so confused, nobody told me anything! "Ah, I'm sorry looks like Satoru hasn't told you that you will be competing with Choso, Y/N." Suguru announced for me. "E-EH!? RACE!? NUMBER 1!?" "That's right, you're good. You can handle him, even if you do lose you owe him something." Suguru and Satoru smirked "It's his choice what you owe him." Suguru exclaimed
"I- uhm... Sure I guess..." I said in a quiet lowered voice as I walked over my car with baggy black sweats, they make you look even thicker than before. To hide your ass from them freaky boys, you wore a baggy car tag shirt on top. Your style did not match your car, which was very unusual of anybody who does that.
Both you and Choso revved your engines and drive to a track where nobody was suppose to even pass, this is where the town host the events where a whole freeway was built and difficult obstacles included.
I'm sorry to tell you this but my noodle arms can't handle this, y'all gonna have to wait for PART 2!! 😭I don't even know you guys but love you! Good night or Good morning!🩷
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Hello there ! Could I request the player being really doting and affectionate with Malleus/Kalim/Leona ? Like this others ask where they were the player favorite before and they continue to be. Like giving them pet name, gifts and attention ect
Consider this a continuation of those:
Leona Kingscholar
Kalim Al-Asim
Malleus Draconia
Self-aware au
I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!
WARNINGS: Yandere themes, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, violence, blood, murder, kidnapping, religion, marriage, manipulation
Leona Kingscholar/Kalim Al-Asim/Malleus Draconia-Continued affection
So he is still your favorite? That's great for him... at first...
Paranoia is a thing you know?
So what would a beastmen do if he was your favorite and afraid of losing that position?
Exactly! He deals “accordingly right” with the competition
What “accordingly eight” entails. Oh well...
Just a bit of violence...
A bit of broken bones...
A bit of blood...
*sigh* how can someone so lazy deal so much damage??!
But anyways, you now have a very aggressive cat as a pet... should I congratulate you for that? Probably not
Leona will make sure that no one even dares to question his position
Reggie is at that point a silent servant, not daring to talk back
And I mean silent, no friendly comments like before from him anymore
But let's talk about the fluffier part of this *sobs* otherwise this is just beating him up but shhh
Pet names, yes, please give him one or two
Might make him a bit friendlier and less aggressive
Emphasis on the might
Not to mention that our overgrown house cat likes it secretly but let's not dwell on that
If you are already in TWST and not behind a screen then gifts will also be great
He keeps every single one
Leona will also gift you stuff if you do that
But for you... Uh... not good
Even though this will strengthen your relationship this will also land you a room with locks on the door and bars in front of the windows
But no need to worry at least he will take great care of you... whilst the world burns
This sunshine stays sunshine as it seems... whilst you are there
You see, I can't imagine Kalim staying entirely naive whilst his relatives try to... uh... move him out of the way between them and the throne
So scheming is at least known to him
What does he do with it tough?
How about keeping as many as possible away so he alone can stay your favorite?
If you guessed that then great! You were right!
He will spread that you are “too mighty” to be close to anybody
Only he as a member of the Al-Asim family and heir to the throne is allowed to
What else... hmmmm
Influencing you as well!
Oh, Deuce was kinda great in the last event? Well you will never believe what he did to him!
[Insert made up lie]
Of course he can't say too much or else you will notice but... that subtle manipulation is there you know...
And he lives for the fluffy part of being your favorite
Pet names? How could he say no?
It may make him crank up the manipulation up though
Shows him that he can do more since you still trust him to a high degree
And at the same Tim it makes his chest area go all tingly, giddy and warm...
“So this is love... So this is love....” *side-eyes you to see if you got the reference*
But if you were in his world and give him gifts would not be the best thing to be honest
Firstly, he had doted on his entire life and, as mean as it sounds, do you think that self-knitted scarf means anything to him?
Oh no he doesn't try to be mean it's just nothing special for him
And he won't know what to give back even if he bought many presents for you even before you were in TWST
You are the Overseer, a few mountains of gold are probably nothing for you
Just keep the nice small talk and affection up and everything will be great
Otherwise, who knows what he will do to keep your attention and affection
*Happy dragon far noises*
If Malleus had to choose between being invited to something and being your favorite then he would yeet the first option out of the window
But at the same time, who would dare to steal you awty from him?
Yes there are still four other magicusers more powerful than him but... let's take a look at that kingdom mostly made off of faes which are ready to serve him the second he says “I want...”
But let's see what he does to prevent that this from being the scenario that happens
Malleus is well aware that he is rather (if not go say very) frightening to others
And he uses that a lot
He hears someone planning how to gain your favour?
Oh why hello? Aren't you that Heartslabyul student he heard from Lilia of? How about a small chat?
The next one who sees the poor student will not see them but a frightened poor thing which is rocking back and forth
But what if one of his subjects tries to gain your affection?
There are dungeons in his castle, just saying....
He is also not below sending Lilia, Sebek or Silver out to “visit” them
At this point it would have been better if you just saw him as another character...
Couldn't it have been, idk, Deuce? He isn't a nuclear bomb in fae version!
But let's not talk about possible future world-ending-scenarios and start talking about the fluff, ok??!
Pet names are a must
Just do it, it lets a poor soul see the light of another day simply because of Malleus good mood
It might not be good for you though
Unlike Leona Malleus doesn't just have a “special room” prepared in his him but also the dorm
The God forsaken dorm! For Cheesus sake!!!
But onto presents...
Great choice if you plan on becoming his prisoner... *cough* sorry misspoke darling sooner
In the end every road leads to eternally ruling his beloved Valley as his significant other
How would a wedding between a God and a person in their world look like? No seriously, I want to know. What the heck would one leading the ceremony say instead of all that God-talk??!
Look at that dear, they are all waiting for you to marry him! Don't say no now! You brought this over yourself!
#yandere twisted wonderland#yandere twst#yandere twisted wonderland x reader#yandere twst x reader#self aware au#yandere leona#yandere leona x reader#yandere leona kingscholar#yandere kalim al asim x reader#yandere kalim x reader#yandere kalim al asim#yandere malleus#yandere malleus x reader#yandere malleus draconia#tw: yandere#tw: obsessive behavior#tw: possessive behavior#tw: violence#tw: blood#tw: murder#tw: kidnapping#tw: religion#tw: marriage#tw: manipulation
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Last day on earth
warning: (twd stuff) violence, blood, emotional damage, cries, screams and everything: episodes 06x16 / 07x01 traumas
A/N: this is extremely sad, but I had the idea of just adding reader into this traumatic event, enjoy!
summary: Dixon fem!reader is Carl’s girlfriend, they leave for the Hilltop with sick Maggie, but not everything gets according to plan…
english is not my first language, be kind <3
At first, you came with the group because you were worried about Maggie, she was sick and she really needed to go to the Hilltop.
Carl didn’t want you to go but you begged him, you said you needed to be by her side.
Since you don’t have a mother and never remembered when you had one, Maggie really helped you with the feminine representation in your life.
Your brothers, Daryl and Merle basically raised you, you became tough like them, but you always had a huge heart and you are in fact really sensitive when it’s about people you love.
Hours before meeting Negan:
You’re sitting next to Maggie, she’s sleeping and you’re watching her with worrying eyes. Aaron is sitting with Eugene, trying to rest, eyes closed, Abe and Sasha are driving and Rick, Carl and Rosita are talking to them at the front of the van.
Carl comes to sit with you,
“What is going on, why aren’t we there yet?” you asked, whispering. “The Saviors are everywhere blocking the road, Abraham’s trying to find a way to avoid them.” he responds, kissing the side of your head.
“I’m scared, I don’t know where my brother is, Maggie is sick, I don’t like when we’re all split up, I have a bad feeling about this, Carl…” you said, not leaving your eyes of Maggie.
“Don’t worry, everything will be fine, I’m sure everyone is okay.” Carl says, not really believing himself.
He puts your hair behind your ear, admiring you, you turn your head to look at him “I hope you’re right, I feel like I’m too used to be safe in my little home at Alexandria. I’m not the same anymore.” you say, looking at him.
“We’ll always have this surviving thing inside of us, but Alexandria is home, it’s normal to be used to this safe feeling.” he tries his best to reassure you, he feels your anxiety growing, you have this face you make when you’re about to panic.
You lie your head on his shoulder, sighing, taking his hand in yours as Rick walks in to check on Maggie, “She’s still sleeping, i put my hand on her forehead and she seems less feverish” you told Rick as he sat next to Maggie.
It seemed like you were right, something bad was about to happen.
You got arrested by the Saviors and put on your knees. Your anxiety is exploding, You’re being sat next to your brother, “Daryl!” you say with teary eyes as your big brother takes your hand “It’s okay-” he says with a tired voice. You can see he’s physically hurt.
Michonne is next to you, she puts her hand on your back, you turn to look at her, she’s terrified.
You let go of your brother’s hand, looking at Michonne, you’ve never seen them so scared.
You turn to look at Carl, he seems so far away, he’s always there to comfort you, you feel bad whenever he’s away from you, maybe this is your last day on earth. Maybe it’s his.
Carl looks at you and makes a reassuring smile even though he’s also terrified.
You’re scared for Maggie as she is sick and pregnant, you know this night is going to be really tough.
You then turn to look at Glenn, he’s sweating, he looks exhausted, you would give anything to hug your best friend, you’ve known him since the beginning of all of this, he always took care of you and you love him so much. You love all of them so much, they’re all your family.
The moment of Negan choosing who he should kill, that moment seemed to last forever, you were shaking.
The only solution where you wouldn’t have to lose a member of your family is that he’d pick you. He’s pointing his baseball bat on you, you make yourself taller on your knees, he could choose you so you wouldn’t have to pass the rest of the night here.
Daryl obviously noticed what you were doing, he couldn’t resolve himself to loose you, he loves you too much. You’re like his daughter, luckily, Negan didn’t pick you. You wish he did but no, he wanted to hurt you not kill you.
As he hit Abraham, your dear friend, you burst into tears, your eyes fixed on the ground, you couldn’t look at him, you flinched every time you heard the sound of the bat hitting Abraham.
Negan keeps mocking you all, mocking Abraham, you don’t even listen to him you’re in pure shock. You see Negan pointing his bat on Rosita, laughing at her. Suddenly, your heart jumps as you feel your brother loosing his temper, he gets up, you try with all the force you still have to stop him sobbing and shouting with a broken and tired little voice “Daryl..!”
He punched Negan, you look up at the scene, the sight of the Saviors putting Daryl back on his knees as you cry harder and harder, that’s it, he’s going to kill your brother because of what he did, you pray on everything that you have, you never prayed before, but you pray that he’ll have mercy on Daryl.
Negan speaks but you only start listening to him when he says “No exceptions, now I don’t know what lying assholes you’ve been dealing with but, I’m a man of my word.” He has this smile on his face, you would give anything to jump on him and hit him until you die, “I need you, to know me.” you looked at him, praying that he’ll kill you next, begging with your eyes that he’ll achieve you now.
“So!” as he held his bat up, you closed your eyes followed the bat, “Back to it!” he just turned around and violently hit Glenn’s head. You heard Maggie screaming, you just said “Oh no” sobbing, searching for air as your heart beats at a hundred miles an hour.
Glenn got up, you were almost laying forward, your head close to the floor as you cried all the tears of your body, this is all you could do.
You got up to see Glenn still standing, his eyes out of his head, a bloody face, searching for his words. Daryl whispered to you “Don’t look (Y/N)” thinking Negan wouldn’t hear him.
“Ohhhh you should look at that, kiddo, my guy is disgusting look at that. You look shitty man! Your eye just popped out of your head it is gross as hell!” He says, first look at you, pointing his bat at you then at Glenn, “Maggie, i’ll find you”
Glenn got his words out of his mouth, before Negan hit him again, you lost it, you closed your eyes in disbelief, hearing the sound of the bat hitting his skull, you felt your whole body shaking, it seemed to last for an hour, you heard Negan’s laugh ringing in your head.
You open your eyes to see Glenn’s brain crushed on the ground, his hands still shaking violently on the ground as his body processes the shock.
You look at your hands in pure horror, you have blood on them, you have Glenn’s blood on your shaky hands and face, you look at them with widened eyes.
Negan drags Rick on the floor, puts him in the van. The Saviors watching you all closely as they leave for a ride as he says.
You turn to look at Maggie, her sobs breaking your heart even more than it is already. You looked at Carl, tears rolling down his face, he crossed your look, this time not knowing how to comfort you. He looked purely traumatized.
He wished he could crawl to you and hold you, wipe off the blood on your face and let you cry in his arms.
You’ve seen things in your life, but never so much cruelty. After this ride that seemed like days, they came back.
They took your brother, you held a scream when they put him in their truck, you don’t know where they take him, if they’ll hurt him or kill him.
You just watched your best friends getting savagely executed before your eyes, they took your brother, and if it wasn’t enough, Negan doesn’t want Rick to look at him that way.
He takes Carl, you can’t take it anymore, you can’t lose everyone you care about the most in one night, it’ll can’t fall apart so easily.
He makes Carl lay on the ground, at first you thought he’d cut his arm after the lineup, “You don’t have to do this, please, we understand” Michonne begs, crying. You look up at her with red eyes.
“Oh I know, you understand, but he doesn’t.” He wanted Rick to cut Carl’s arm off. You were loosing your mind. Why him? Why not you?
You closed your eyes, Rick screamed, begging Negan to cut his arm and not Carl’s, you open your eyes, Rick’s axe up in the air as he yells, he was gonna do it, your eyes widened in fear when Negan stopped Rick, you let out a loud relieved sigh, sobbing, your head up to face the sky. The sky’s so blue, not a single cloud, the sun shining as your life falls apart.
Then they left, they left all of you there, all traumatized. Your face is frozen because of the amount of tears you relieved, your face is wet and sticky, you wipe the tears off your neck.
Maggie gets up, gosh she’s so strong, you get up to stop her, she wants to take care of Glenn’s body, you walked to her, the boys comforted her, saying they got this,
“Mags, please, you have to go with Sasha to the Hilltop, we’ve got this. I’ll see you soon.” Maggie looks at you, kissing your forehead before leaving with Sasha.
They put Abraham and Glenn’s bodies in the truck, you were alone, you saw the puddle of blood Glenn left, you’re exhausted. This night was too much emotions for your body, and it isn’t over, they have your brother and you are their slaves.
You simply break down, you let your body fall, you’re sitting on the ground, bursting into tears, your hand on your mouth to contain your interior screams as you hear Carl’s voice in your ear, you fall apart in his arms, you sob against his chest as he holds you like he never did before, holding you tight, you stain his shirt with tears, his hand on the back of your head, his other rubbing your back as he holds you back and forth, he cradles you like you’re a baby.
You let out the last tears you have, you’re so tired, you could just fall asleep right now, on the ground in his arms, under his touch and never wake up again.
“It’s okay, we’ll be okay, I promise you.” He obviously starts crying, this night was awful for the whole group, and seeing you like this makes things worst, he tried to comfort you but his tears fell down his cheeks, he closes his eyes, hearing you sobbing rips his heart out, he can hear the pain in your voice as you try to talk “I’m so tired.” you feel selfish rethinking about it, because he also was tired and heartbroken, but at that time you just weren’t thinking anymore.
You felt like a child having a crisis, “We have to go, (Y/N)” you looked up at him, he kissed your forehead, you decided yourself to go, you both helped each other getting up, you’re so tired you can’t even walk straight.
He helps you walk by holding you, you go in the car with Michonne, Aaron, Rosita and Eugene, you sit next to Carl, closing your eyes, resting on him, “They have Daryl, Carl…They have my brother…” you say, not being able to get a tear out of your eyes anymore “We’ll get him back, I promise he’ll come back to us, we’ve got this, (Y/N), you can rest now, we’ll get revenge."
You start sleeping a bit on the way back to Alexandria, sitting next to Aaron, he puts his hand on your knee to comfort you, Rosita being on the back of the truck, sitting alone. Michonne driving, Eugene next to her.
Home will never feel the same ever again.
————————————————————————————
this is extremely sad but i’m going back to school in two days so i’m in an anxious depressed mood.
i really wanted to portray reader here as all of us watching this episode, lots of cries (truly so much crying in this) and someone with anxiety that would kind of dissociate from the scene because of the amount of emotions, and this feeling when you cried too much you just can’t do anything but fall asleep😫
listened to sparks of coldplay and family line of conan gray, I AM NOT OKAY.
anyways, rest in peace glenn and abe🍉❤️
#carl grimes#carl grimes x reader#carl grimes x y/n#carl grimes x you#reader insert#the walking dead
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I've said it before, and I'll say again and keep saying it until the fandom finally acknowledges this glaring plot hole. If Poppy didn't remember Viva, Branch shouldn't have remembered BroZone. he was a baby. It was said over and over again that he was a baby. I don't care if Poppy was implied to be younger than Branch was when their respective siblings disappeared, THEY WERE BOTH BABIES!!!
And I've seen the whole "we they're trolls and they work differently, just look at Tiny Diamond" argument, and I'll tell you why this doesn't have much merit. TD is a Glitter Troll, and it seems that Glitter Trolls have different biologies and customs than your average Pop Troll. Tiny came out of his egg singing and dancing, with full comprehension of the world around him. Branch in the flashback acted like a naive little kid/a literal baby, and Poppy also acted like an infant when they were shown as babies. And as you can tell, neither are Glitter Trolls. So I firmly believe that Branch could not have possibly remembered BZ as he did in the movies, and they would either be a blur or completely forgotten. The only way he could have possibly remembered is if he had a photographic memory of some kind, because otherwise, it would make no sense for him to remember BZ. Honestly, it was kind of cruel od DreamWorks to have Branch remember losing his brothers and have Poppy not remember losing her sister, and really shows how much they love to traumatize and bully Branch.
What are your thoughts on this?
I feel it is meant to be as simple as Branch being an older baby due to just overall being Bigger than Poppy was and capable of slightly more cohesive speech.
not to mention his adorable Big Head 😭😭😭😭 and like you said Tiny I think is meant to be an exception either due to being a glitter Troll or just due to being a Rare instance of a Baby coming out the Egg already capable of talking and walking and even driving.
like I agree it is somewhat cruel by the writers having Branch Remember his Brothers while Poppy forgot about Viva and got to live in Blissful ignorance for all these years.
if anything her remembering her sister and like her dad thinking she'd died in the escape could have maybe been a neat little bit of background for Poppy's character imo.
what I mean is if beneath her overly posotive demeanour she'd actually had a bit of past damage herself that she preferred to forget actually giving her and Branch something more to relate over.
Hell if this had been the case it'd actually make her earlier attitude towards Branch's negative feelings towards his Brothers more understandable and forgivable.
since she'd have for all she'd known lost a sibling forever hence why she'd be convinced that there wasn't a problem too big that Branch couldn't fix with his brothers to have another chance with them.
that'd make her reasons more understandable imo than simply her being suddenly insecure over growing up a happy single child with a supportive parent.
and thus blatantly ignoring justified grievances from Branch even tho before the wedding she was the one trying to get him to open up to her about his negative feelings of upset.
but hey that's the writers for you they can be cruel when it comes to Branch here's Hoping they don't add anything else to his backstory in the future.
like maybe his parents died on his Birthday when he was a baby or maybe after his Grandma died he was placed in a Troll foster home and was abused their for years before finally going off on his own to build his Bunker.
I swear its a good thing these films are meant for kids otherwise who knows what sort of messed up stuff they'd write into his backstory next 😅😅😅😅
they gotta give that Angst to someone else next like Bro zone or Poppy or maybe even Bridget or Gristle just anyone who isn't Branch.
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Early Purge/HPSC Purges the hero ranks AU
my brain is still on this.
But anyways so: Before Izuku goes to UA, there's a full scale purge of the hero ranks, where certain heroes are fired/arrested depending on what the HPSC gathered on them. Like for example: Death Arms gets sacked because 1) his performance in the sludge villain attack wasn't great and he's been noted to kind of have a bad time with collateral and 2) super strength is a dime a dozen, he's easy to lose.
Some agencies such as IdaTen, Put Your Hands Up, Endeavour's and Fatgum's all knew this was coming, so they hired a bunch of sidekicks out of the numerous competent heroes to keep them from the purge, which also targets glory hound indies unless of course they have a useful Quirk (such as Mt. Lady as I think Giantification Quirks are rare). When the purge ends, they begin letting the sidekicks loose to be heroes on their own terms.
This... changes things.
For example: Stain attacking Tensei in my head was related to how many sidekicks he had (oh, he gets the glory of them all/he takes advantage) and seeing that the Purge happens and Tensei lets a lot loose kind of... shakes up Stain. Because a lot of Stain's ideology is tied up in the idea he's a lone wolf who targets heroes who society will not punish. He along is the saviour of society, that the world will remember him as the voice of reason, that only the true hero All Might, blah, blah, blah. You get the point.
But here is the HPSC getting rid of so many heroes who were only in it for the money. Leaving behind competent ones, and even posting information on WHY.
Stain's entire shtick gets SHATTERED. And even if he decides they missed son, he's not going to have as big of a platform because people can look shit up about them.
There's other stuff to i would add:
-A purge like this happened about twenty years ago when All Might became known as the symbol of peace five years after he came back to Japan. It's far enough back people forgot about it and a majority of heroes now never experienced it. This is why only some agencies held on, because those heroes or retired heroes passed on the word to them.
-Aizawa gets his own eye-opening because I love the guy, I do. But I am very convinced he has a chip on his shoulder and a bit of a habit of assuming things and refusing to let them go. Seeing the HPSC step up kind of shakes up his own worldview, and he ends up learning that no one told him or warned him because they knew he'd be safe given UA and his Quirk, and because his attitude annoys some people. It leads to him revamping his teaching style upon realizing that the HPSC will take steps if needed to.
-Bakugou gets a very harsh reality check that strength isn't everything, as he looks at reasons why a lot of the heroes got fired. Collateral damage, attitude, popularity... admittedly he doesn't really connect it to himself until... well...
-Nezu cackles and revamps the entrance exam to. Now they get a much longer list of points and reasons why they got them or didn't get points. Bakugou gets a card announcing since he got no rescue points he isn't first for the entrance exam while also lambasting a few other things. He isn't happy.
-This also affects Shinsou. He got a few more points then canon due to the new system, but given they noticed his attitude around 'traditional' heroic Quirks and the fact he's a beanpole in canon until buffing up later, he gets a 'you'll get into the heroics course if you get to the one on ones during the sports festival/someone gets expelled'. His parents hear about this and stick him in therapy due to the fact his attitude cost him.
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Honestly I kind of adore this quote.
“When I am Weaker Than You, I ask you for Freedom because that is according to your principles; when I am Stronger than you, I take away your Freedom Because that is according to my principles.”
This is, for the most part, actual leftist logic. And before I get sh*t on and people lose their mind let me make something very clear. When I say leftist, I don't mean, "Person on the left". What I am referring to is, "A person on the left whom also worships and makes being on the left their entire identity."
So if I every complain about Leftists, that's what I mean. And often it's people that are also Communists or Socialists. And 85% of the time they are also Authoritarians.
But no really, that quote IS how Leftists think. And the rise of these types is a relatively recent occurrence. Because used to, people on the left used to be religious, and value not just the US but also have values more or less aligned with the right, though there were still differences. Now 98% of the people on the left are non religious, most are Atheist. And most have lost their spine and now bow to the Communist sect of the left.
Weirdly though, they are not even real communists most of the time. They are just jealous that they are not rich and powerful themselves, so they align themselves with groups that want to liquidate everyone else that's better off. Most often they are just petty and sad. And that's the honest truth about MOST people that claim to be Commies and Socialists. They are just entitled, jealous little sh*ts who are upset they can't get more stuff for free by exploiting the labor of others for their own gain, MEANWHILE not wanting to work at all themselves.
In short, they DO partly agree with Communism and Socialism. They just think if realized that THEY would be the ruling class. And everyone else would be the peasant and labor class beneath them having to work for their benefit. It's literally. GIMME GIMME GIMME.
Fact is a number on the people on the left fell prey to these peoples line of thinking because they think, that in fact, they "actually care" where as they make you believe that the "Right" (People on the moderate left, people in the middle, and people actually on the right, even the libertarians right) are uncaring monsters that hate the poor, hate the minorities, and are the biggest bigots in the world. And so the people ON the left listen to them and swallow it wholesale.
When in reality, the left are guilty of some of the worst atrocities known to man. The Democratic Left created the KKK. The Democratic Left supported segregation. The Democratic Left supported Slavery. The Democratic Left opposed Abolition. The Communist Left committed the Holodomor. The Communist Left starved millions in China. The Communist Left Massacred it's own people that stood against it.
And then I will hear people go "WELL THE RIGHT ARE CURRENTLY THE ONE~" Kindly STFU. The Left has been on a LONG journey to make the Right out to be the enemy of mankind. When in fact it's Marxist Ideology that has propagated that. And the institutions in the US have been captured by said ideology. And they often skew Left and Right for the sake of "hate crime" stats. But on a GLOBAL scale, the Left has done Far more damage, and to this day excuse it time after time.
And every single time you will hear, "Oh well it wasn't REAL Communism. It wasn't REAL Socialism." Yes it was. You were just to stupid to understand it worked like intended. And all the people that wanted it that GOT it, were lied to. Just like you all are being lied to. It's always real Communism and Socialism. It's just that YOU weren't the one on top. That's why it wasn't "Real". Because the only way you will call it real is when YOU are at the top. You are forcing laborers to work for nothing. YOU are forcing people that descent into Gulags. YOU are the one killing everyone that doesn't agree with you as well as their families.
It's always real. And as a person on the Left, I refuse to lie to people to allow you that kind of power. Because I will not work for a tyrant. I will not submit my friends to tyrants. Again. There are decent people and even good people on the Left just like there are on the Right. But if recent trends are anything to go by, I can promise you that the most modern leftists would have been on the side of the Nazis. Which in retrospect isn't a shock. Because the Nazis WERE Socialists (Though they like to claim otherwise because it makes their ideology look bad), because the "Roma (Gypsies) " were a drain on their system, and some of them were wealthy and owned land. IE: Landlords and Landowners. So the stereotype is that Jewish people are rich, landlords and control everything.
Which is the same stereotypes the the modern Left hold today and judge those same people on. And here's the wild thing people don't realize. The Nazi's were not "Far Right". If anything they were not that far off from Stalin. But unfortunately a lot of cover has been run by Marxists to make it seem like Hitler was the most Right that Right can be. He wasn't. He was a borderline Leftists that barely qualified as Right and was almost at the top of the Authoritarian scale. But if you bring that up the Left HAS to object. Because they can't live with the fact the possibility that the person they they have used as a bludgeon for years could be associated with any of them or their ideals.
Make no mistake. Leftists believe in slavery. They believe in segregation. They believe in anti LGBT ideals, etc. And the only reason that want you to believe otherwise is because they need a weapon against the other side. Right up until they subjugate the other side. Then all of the people they CLAIM to be allies with, will be useless. And will be lined up against the wall, or forced to labor. Or both. People need to stop letting them pull the wool over their eyes. They are not allies. They do not care. They are extremist collectivists They do not care about you. The want to rule the collective. That's ALL they want.
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wip whenever!
I got tagged by @convenientcoma for wip whenever and this is probably for the best, because I'm still in the middle of exchangetown and next week I will need to finish up stuff I still can't share.
Right now I have a few rando fics I started as like warmup exercises (partially because I think that might be a good idea for me to start doing since going into writing cold can sometimes be daunting. and partially because I'm at like critical mass of outstanding DADWC prompts lol).
So here's something from an as of yet untitled fic set in Cullen's early days in Kirkwall, which was when I like to imagine he and Samson were hanging out the most. Here they are, on assignment together, something that has never happened before.
---
“This is the first time I’ve been given anything bigger than a routine patrol,” Cullen commented, to see if this also struck Samson as strange.
His friend shrugged. “Congratulations?”
“And don’t you usually do night shifts?”
“You complainin’?” Samson scratched at a sideburn with the knuckle of his gauntlet.
“Of course not,” Cullen said quickly. “It’s just that… well.” The knights in the barracks gossiped, and when one was often the subject of such talk, his ears became quite attuned to the sound. It was well known that Cullen was considered damaged goods, sent away from the Ferelden Circle with the stench of betrayal clinging to him. And Raleigh Samson was considered trouble for a number of reasons — chief among them refusing to abide by the rules set by Knight-Commander Meredith.
Cullen looked around; the docks were deserted aside from themselves. Even so, he lowered his voice. “I’m surprised anyone in a position of authority would pair us together. For anything.”
Samson broke into a slow smirk. “Feels curious, don’t it?” He leaned against the white stone wall, waiting for the ferryman to return to row them over to Kirkwall proper. “Bloke making the schedule owed me a favor, is all.”
Cullen blinked. “What sort of favor?”
“Does it matter? You’re welcome, by the way. Or were you eager to do another dead-hour patrol with Ser Alrik?”
Cullen was not. Truth be told, Alrik made him nervous. The older knight liked to fill the silences with his own voice, and he was the sort of Templar whose ideas about safety and security straddled the lunatic fringe. Cullen could be nodding along in agreement one moment, only to lose the thread of Alrik’s argument the next, and with a jolt realize Alrik had veered into the delicate territory of Tranquility and Annulments with all the grace of a shipwreck.
“Even so,” Cullen pressed on, “why would you want to work with me?”
Samson shot him a look. He had deep set grey eyes that had a darting quality to them, like he was constantly assessing his surroundings — for what, Cullen could not be sure. He found Samson’s expressions difficult to read; this one seemed a cross between disgust and pity. “You have this shit of an opinion of yourself back in Ferelden, kid?”
Cullen opened his mouth and then closed it without answering. He turned away, hunching his shoulders, and tried to focus on the cool wind blowing off the harbor.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Samson muttered.
Cullen did not answer. Like most times his past emerged in conversation, he felt the words dry up in his throat, becoming embedded in his chest.
“Sure, sure, whatever.” Samson strolled past him as the ferryman pulled into the dock. “Stay mysterious, I don’t care.”
Sardonic tone aside, Cullen knew this to be true. Samson was one of the few knights who bothered with him at all, who surely knew the tales that accompanied him to Kirkwall, and yet hadn’t passed judgment for it. If anything, his ostracism seemed to earn respect in Samson’s eyes.
---
Tagging, if interested:
@oxygenforthewicked | @highwayphantoms | @monocytogenes | @inquisimer | @bluewren | @demarogue | @little--abyss | @whirrlinginrags | @theluckywizard
#cullen rutherford#raleigh samson#cullen & samson hours#wip wednesday#wip whenever#in the immortal words of eddie izzard: could be a whole series... with a lot of complaints#buddy cop dramedy of cullen and samson as the two outcasts in the kirkwall templars i'm just SAYIN#i love the idea ok
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"I believe it." — Why Gnosis Is Actually A Tragic Character
Original post on reddit.
(Disclaimer: unmarked spoilers for Break The Ice, Gnosis' operator profile, and a hefty amount of speculation and general nerding out over writing and literary analysis.)
Break The Ice is almost over and the lore discussion has largely died down, but there's one thing I'd like to talk about before Crimson Solitaire consumes us all! Maybe it will cast a contentious character in a new light, but this is mostly my personal interpretation.
We all know how heartwrenching the story of Arknights can be. But if I may, I feel that this section of Break The Ice doesn't get nearly enough credit for just how tragic it is and how deeply it would scar a person. But also, it wasn't the focus of the story, so I understand why it might have been just accepted at face value.
Boy Enciodes: Do you have to go?
Boy Gnosis: Yeah, my parents have already decided. There's no room for us in Kjerag anymore.
Boy Enciodes: I still don't believe it was your parents who did it, and it's definitely got nothing to do with you.
Boy Gnosis: I believe it, though.
Boy Enciodes: What do you mean?
Boy Gnosis: I don't know if my parents really did it, and I also don't know... if I was an accomplice somehow.
Boy Enciodes: Even if you were, I'd forgive you. No one looks up to my father more than you. I know that.
Boy Gnosis: Enciodes, remember our dream?
Boy Enciodes: Of course I remember. The two of us will turn Kjerag into the most powerful country in the world. But you're leaving...
Boy Gnosis: I'll be back.
Boy Enciodes: Really?
Boy Gnosis: Yeah. My parents are thinking of moving to Victoria, and I'll go to school there. This is a good opportunity. I'll study all the advanced stuff there, and once I am done, I'll come back and help you.
Boy Enciodes: Heh... You jerk. In that case, I'll let you in on this idea that I have. I haven't told anyone about this yet.
Boy Gnosis: What is it?
Boy Enciodes: I'm going to leave Kjerag once both Enya and Ensia have grown up. Like you, I'll study lots of things and come back.
Boy Gnosis: You're the future clan leader... Can you really leave Kjerag that long?
Boy Enciodes: I'll come find you when that happens.
— BI-6, Diversion, part 1
The Edelweisses have been close to the Silverashes for generations with their children being jointly raised, and Olafur and Elizabeth were likely a second pair of parents for Gnosis. Yet not only did he lose them, already traumatic in itself, but he and his family were blamed and hated for it (and because the affair was ruled an accident, there wasn't a trial for even a chance to prove their innocence), and ostracized to the point where they were compelled to leave Kjerag.
This is a tremendous upheaval for an adult—forced to leave an ancestral home for parts frightening and unknown, cut off from their community and everything they've ever known, especially in a place as isolated as Kjerag—let alone a child. Worse, consider witnessing the pain your closest and best friend had to be experiencing at losing his parents... and then other people believing you would make the decision to inflict that pain upon him. For how long was he forced to endure the gossip, the whispers, and the shunning from people who would never listen to the truth and whose minds couldn't be swayed...
...to the point where Gnosis himself believed it? The mind of a child is very impressionable, and susceptible to bullying. What a horrible thing to believe your own parents would do to their friends and yours. Think about how persistent and cruel people would have to be to convince someone into thinking they were an accomplice to something they didn't do, and how psychologically damaging that would be.
Through no fault or action of his own, Gnosis had everything taken away from him as a child: his home, his innocence, his friend, with the only thing left to hold onto being their dream, and a promise.
Think about how that would shape a person. Enciodes says during the flashback that Gnosis never used to sneer at people, but can you blame him? The only way to survive that kind of abuse would be to harden one's heart. Being hated by people for so long, it's only natural to begin to hate them back, especially if led to believe that you're inherently bad and evil. How would that twist a person and fill them with loathing, for themselves and for others?
Full of resentment, Gnosis practically jumps at the opportunity during BTI to, for once, be just as bad as people believe he is by becoming the "traitor again" to the Silverashes; even Degenbrecher comments she's never seen Gnosis so emotional as at the ceremony, "not that [he was] acting." He throws himself willingly into the role of villain with or without Enciodes' approval, because that's what he always is and always will be.
Even after all those years and a more mature adult mind, able to know rationally that the Edelweisses were innocent, the scars are still there, the list of charges still branded in his mind. Gnosis still believes Kjerag has no place for him, so he spurns it in turn and states he doesn't care. Why should he care how others see him when he can't change what they think anyway? He is still hated for something he had no part in, the blame still imprinted upon him, a belief that he can't get rid of. No matter what he does, Gnosis is an outcast, the "son of a sinner". Think about how messed up a person would have to be mentally to flippantly refer to having a "list of charges".
And the only one, pure and steadfast, who always believed in him and was willing to forgive him regardless, was Enciodes. Is it any wonder that for Gnosis, Enciodes is the sole thing he cares about other than his research? As far as we know, Enciodes is literally the only person who ever stood by him. (And even then, there's a flicker of doubt when he says, "Would you like to finish me, the traitor, and make this farce real?" as if he fears that even Enciodes will one day turn his back on him as well.)
And this is actually one thing that makes him contrast with Enciodes and makes Enciodes so incredible: by his own profile, he never gave into despair. Although, ultimately, his actions led to the breaking up of their family, which Enya is still bitter about and Ensia and Matterhorn want to find a way to undo, he never crumbled even though he was forced to grow up very fast to raise his sisters and become the head of the clan. He never had a choice; he could have grown resentful too; but he stayed strong. (It's possible even that the Browntails and the Paleroches were counting on him breaking under the pressure, given how crippled the Silverash clan would be without their leader and their closest ally.)
But Gnosis did not. He gave in. He despaired. He accepted what they wanted the truth to be. He dedicated himself to research because research is logical and there are no betrayals to be found in inanimate objects and formulas. People seek solace in their favorite things when they're under stress, and that was all he had until Enciodes met up with him again. He's apathetic about life and it's easy to see why.
And this is what makes his actions so remarkable. Despite all of this, he still founded Karlan Trade Co. with Enciodes. He still keeps his promise, still believes in their shared dream, though be it simply because Enciodes still does, it's not very clear and I can only speculate. But ultimately, despite Kjerag itself hating him, Gnosis still wants it to be better. "I'm not your pawn, and definitely not your underling," he tells Enciodes, so Gnosis is there collaborating because he wants to be. On some level, Kjerag is still his home. He still loves it, even if it's only the one he remembers from before, or the one it might be where people aren't effectively exiled for crimes they didn't commit.
I think this is the reasoning behind his image song, "Heal The World." At first blush, it's very sappy and almost unsuited to such a cold character, but looking deeper, I think it's meant to reveal a hidden side of him. The lines "can you please save me from the end / the end's calling fire raging deep within / Please don't leave", "the reason I fall", "here I am, just standing on the edge", "I want to see the system falling down", "the silence fills with screams", "through your eyes we'll find an endless future", "I'll continue forward"; these lines all pertain to his past and the unshakable faith that Enciodes has in him, and the future Enciodes offered him.
And this is what makes him tragic. Even though he'll never be accepted, he still works for the greater good and wants to change things for the better even if his methods might be questionable, and he'll spare no feelings in his quest because nobody will understand anyway. The end justifies the means, and he's already steeped in darkness anyway, so what's a few more crimes for a good cause?
What's even more, all of this can be inferred or extrapolated from the event story and Gnosis' file without being directly stated or even a single monologue. Isn't that remarkable and subtle writing?
As a final note, thanks for reading this ramble, and this isn't meant to be apologism for Gnosis being a cold and callous person; I'm very aware he's a jerk and I'm not trying to say he's not. (Because I know people are gonna say, "cool backstory, still an asshole." I have my own opinions on his most controversial act in the story, but that's not the point of this post.) This is just appreciating his writing, and why he's become one of my favorite characters.
TL;DR: Gnosis went through a truckload of trauma and it broke him, but he's still trying to do good things in bad ways and it's sad.
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Thinking about the the worst Hokage, minus Hiruzen is really difficult… it’s a bit like trying to make a mortal rating of characters based on decisions they made when they were in power. Problem with that is assuming that they are above human feelings and bias… No one is going to be completely good or completely evil, and while an improvement may not be perfect it can still be better than the previous situation.
Hashirama made a school to teach kids how to fight, yes. Which was better than what was happening before where they were sent off to “learn” on the battlefield.
Tobirama had very strong prejudices against the Uchiha, which were deeply ingrained in him as a means of survival after a lifetime of fighting against them. He also advanced a lot of the institutions and systems that set Konoha up to thrive.
Minato may not have done much but when faced with a catastrophe, he did his best to minimize the damage and casualties.
Hiruzen (and I say this as really despising him) probably genuinely thought he was doing the right thing when he took over as Hokage again after Minato’s death and in all of the terrible things that happened after.
Tsunade was doing the best she could moving from crisis to crisis but it was also a job that she didn’t want, and she made that known.
I don’t know enough about what Kakashi does as Hokage but there will certainly be things in it that weren’t the best option.
I think that sometime people forget that leaders are human too, capable of making less than perfect decisions or able to turn things into a perfect utopia in just a few years. There is another problem in there where changing people’s takes an incredibly long time and is a very slow and painful process… but I’ve already already dumped a bunch of stuff here.
See i don’t expect any of them to be perfect. I don’t think Kakashi is a ‘perfect Hokage’ as there is no such thing.
But i do hold a certain standard and ‘clan Massacure’ is far below that standard.
Tobirama loses points for admitting he thinks that ‘if the Uchiha clan died to protect Konoha then it’s a good thing’. That’s never an acceptable stance to have. Children were killed and there’s never an acceptable time to agree that it was alright to Massacure children.
As you said Tsunade was just trying to survive and keep the village going for the five years she was in power.
I’ve said it myself, Minato wasn’t Hokage long enough to be a good or bad Hokage. He never got a chance to do anything meaningful.
Kakashi’s time as Hokage are only really addressed in ‘Kakashi Retusden’ so you’d have to read the book, but even he’s bias against himself. Like this man actually did do some meaningful good changes (capture enemies instead if killing and even going so far as having iruka teach him how to knock an enemy out because he’s only ever known to kill. The Acadamy being open to everyone even if they’re not going to be Shinobi and just want to learn things that can help them in their every day life, creating trade agreements with the other villages and helping Konoha become an economic giant instead of just being a shinobi village). Kakashi did all of this and still craps on himself so much that he thinks Minato, a man who had no opportunity to do anything as hokage, was more deserving of a book than him. He also never expected anyone to like him. He thinks about an old woman in Kiri who spit on him during a visit and he holds no anger toward her because he understands people are going to be angry and hurt after all the war. Her son died to a Konoha shinobi and Kakashi accepts her anger being directed at him)
I will say that Tobirama making the system as is is honestly not something i look up to. Like, i know he may not have intended it to be used the way it was, but five year olds at the acadamy learning to fight? Six-ten year olds doing the chunin exams? He set those things up and as someone who was a child soldier for a war against the Uchiha i HATE it. His brother wanted so much better for future generations and Tobirama focused soley on making Konoha a military village and nothing else
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Yeah....we do not need a season 4 of the umbrella academy..
Spoilers.
They COULD make a movie special, to wrap up all the loose ends but if they don't, whatever.
Season 3 was the worst of all the seasons.
Fuck, Season 1 was their peak!
And because they destroyed the world, went back in time, etc, they seem to hit a lot of 'wtf' moments, and NEVER EVER explain them.
For some? Cool. Mysterious. But for ones that you tease all the time (what killed original ben) you never are given an answer just cuz...they don't want to? It could have really developed this alternative ben character, but nope; fuck us, right?
And so many fucking plot holes. Since they can use the excuse 'time travel/alternative time lines' anything from the first 2 seasons I won't cover (also cuz I barely remember those seasons. They were FUN to watch, not work).
1-so we find out #5 formed the commission (old version, 1 arm). He says don't save the universe (how the fuck did he survive let alone develop a 'paradox' free room). And has a tattoo on his chest that younger version cuts off. Then later he gets the same tattoo on his chest to 'keep with the time streams' or something. WHY? Reality is falling apart, do you think following the rules will somehow fix it? Also, he gets his arm cut off (then back when he saves time). How the fuck did the old him survive the attack, the end of the world, and get to the bunker? AND form the commission inbetween?
2-so, in theory, their dad for the entire series was trying to get to this magical room that resets existence (to bring back to life what appears to be his wife, on the moon, that Luthor was protecting...tho he couldn't access it, cuz it had its' own BARRIER. Kinda redundant.) Tho they never mentioned 1/2 of the stuff they show (how did he know about it? Understand the language? And he says 'the creators of this realm' so...not his species? Why does it look like their hotel if their dad created the hotel? etc). The 'defenders' never showed till the bell was rung. But...they only needed to access the machine. Why not look for the machine and activate it? Maybe the defenders would kill them during their vulnerability? The guards were clearly not immortal, so why not bomb the fuck out of them? See, they bring up new cool concepts, then when you question even some basic shit, it doesn't hold weight. Like, the bugs. WTF is with the bugs?
3-Allison can make anyone, anytime tell her the truth, and she can tell them to forget about it. I know, sounds evil, but she goes full evil (IMO) in this season, so why the fuck not? I would at minimum use it on my KNOWN PSYCHO dad, and when it didn't work, then I would know he has powers or isn't human. I mean, he never ages, and he made a robot mom....
4-robot mom goes cult leader (with a RANDOM flamethrower)? WHYYYYYYYYYYY!?
5-....a floating cube was born of a human mother? So...a box came from a box? haha. But seriously, c-section? His own language? This entire show should be called 'here's more questions, and even less answers than last time.'
6-mutiple times the human punching bag was interacted with (tripping, throwing, etc) and the person doesn't get any damage. Very inconsistent. Also, why does his a face fall apart? Why does he need an inhaler?
7-The ending was a (kinda) nice wrap up. Everybody (kinda) got what they wanted; no more power drama. Why did dick ben stay in old ben's body? And wasn't he dead well before the reset in the main universe? Only one to lose out was Luthor (his wife). She still exists, but where? There's no way they were called by the names on their birth certificate, so he has no idea where she was born or went. THAT sucks. Felt like the ending of the new spiderman.
Still...for the movie, they could explain a-dad, alien, now alive wife, mega corporation. Was that his plan the whole time? Why? And EVERYTHING with the back door to god machine. Who, what, where, why, how? b-how the FUCK did allison get her super dead from the past lover, young again, in the present? Does the machine make life PERFECT? c-why did their powers disappear? Who caused them in the first place? d-all that bull shit with the commission. Tho at the same time, with them resetting everything, you could just say it no longer exists.
Just this whole season felt campy, and everyone acting like over the top soap opera stars. Ben was better as a ghost...killing a bunch of characters we had no time to have grown attached to. Subplots that just straight up disappeared or are never covered again. All felt soap opera-y.
I do NOT need a whole season, just a wrap up movie. You owe me some damn answers!
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Nostalgia reading and the subsequent brain worms XP
//SO! Since I've had the animorphs!brain rot going on, I'm gonna put down what would be the verse!story if I made Darius a proper veres for it.
//Ok, so it's kind of dark and when it comes to Animorphs there's a lot of psychological torture you just don't pick up on when you're a kid
//and reading it now it's like "Whoa, okay hold up what about--" and now Darius is aaaaall caught up in the middle of it as a Controller/Host for a Yeerk (a parasitic brain slug that takes over its host's body)
//The guy is basically the walking personal computer of a yeerk leader looking at the Animorphs like "Sorry, wrong password. access denied."
//He's figured out that he has his dad's emotional depth, where he feels everything deeply and intensely and has just learned how to live and function with it.
//But when he was first made into a Controller, he discovered not everyone can handle what he handles every day. So he lets it all loose, first the glorious joy and euphoria, filling their sails with billows of excitement and wonder before shredding that balloon with a spear of his grief and emotional anguish over being a prisoner and separated from his family.
//With how intensely he makes and focuses his emotions, it's a very effective method of overwhelming the yeerks in his head and wresting control from them.
//This was literally Darius @ all the Yeerks that went into his head
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//He actually discovered this ability to overwhelm his yeerk with his first handler, Kilzar4113, who was just breaking him in as a host. Kilzar had a mean streak, a cruel streak, and even though it was against orders, he actually threatened Darius's family
//Which led Darius to absolutely EXPLODE with emotion
//all of his pent up, wound up emotions just BURST right out of him and into Kilzar. It was so intense that Kilzar actually went into shock and attempted to escape, only to get squished as soon as he was out of Darius's head.
//Darius's folks learned then what was going on with Darius, why he was acting so violently, and about the Yeerks. With a bit of help, his parents (Baribus, who was retired army, and Vienna his wife) & his brother (Mathafew) were able to move into the countryside closer to the center states away from where the known Yeerk pools were.
//However, Darius didn't make his flight out. He was recaptured after it was discovered Kilzar hadn't reported in like he was supposed to. His folks got out though, and that was all that mattered to him. From that point on, Darius figured out and honed his emotional attacks, realizing that Yeerks can not only control his body but also feel his emotions and read his thoughts. Which meant he had to work fast in dislodging them or they'd know what was coming.
//He went through about 5 yeerks, all of them still writhing from the psychic damage he was doing to them via emotional overload.
//Then came Tassir
//He was a Sub-Visser, 53 I think (If I remember, Yeerk numbers are their rankings and double didgets made them sub-vissers/just under generals, while Vissers are single digit ranks).
//anyway, he had been studying the effect of whatever Darius had been doing, getting first-hand accounts from the yeerks who survived Darius's attempts to kill them. (force 'em out and squish them)
//So when Tassir-53 came onto the scene, Darius did all of his stuff - empathy, wonder, joy, euphoria, every good and wonderful memory, everything amazing about the world! Sight! Sound! Smell! The best tastes!
//And then blew it out of the water with the exact opposite Hurt, betrayal, loss, grief, agony, Losing his buddies in war, the attempt on his family, grief at losing his older brother, agony at his first struggle in being trapped in his own body--
//Everything would be forced up into to Tassir
//Who took it all in stride
//and laughed at Darius's efforts.
//Unfortunately, Tassir had had many hosts, human and alien alike. He cycled through hosts regularly though he has a few hand picked favorites he keeps primed for himself. With what he knew of Darius, Tassir figured he would simply have to use Darius's own human limitations against him - and did.
//Utilizing all that he knew of humans and how to keep them functioning in high-stress situations (because you need that if you're going to war. You can't go to war with when your human-vehicle is breaking down), he managed to breathe through all of it, grounding himself even through the euphoria and despair - extreme emotions he himself experienced on his own when in his various hosts.
//See, Darius was counting on other Yeerks not experiencing feelings as intensely as he could
//Tassir, unfortunately, was one of those who could.
//Naturally, Darius fought, striking again and again with his emotions at Tassir.
//But Tassir excelled at utilizing grounding techniques and used them regularly and constantly with Darius. He would apply techniques to calm the parasympathetic nerve system so that even if Darius was trying to rile himself up, Tassir would counter him by physically calming the body down, thus undercutting the stronger effect of Darius's attacks.
//This brought Darius to a breaking point
//his only weapon, his only means of defense and attack against this invader, made useless
//and Tassir made it worse. Tassir told Darius that he knew where his parents were, knew who was around them and could have them rounded up and killed or brought back.
//It was like Spirit meeting his match except Darius didn't rally
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//Darius broke and told Tassir he would do anything to keep his family safe. Tassir agreed to this plea and would use this as leverage each time Darius ever thought about objecting or making a ruckus about whatever they were doing.
//unfortunately, Darius had to oblige Tassir. He couldn't risk disrespecting him lest Tassir order the round-up of his family. So he obeyed. He did his best and became so valuable that Tassir made him his primary host.
//This would prove useful, as Darius was a natural strategist and was quick to explore and establish plans and scenarios for Tassir, utilizing everything he'd learned from his father and from his time in the military.
//Basically, Darius was a host that made Tassir's job 100% easier bc Darius would do the calculations anyway to figure out other people's(the yeerks) plans in order to counter them. This also had a very unfortunate side effect.
//Because of the way Tassir was training him (because he was training him. He was training Darius very thoroughly to ensure his compliance even when Tassir was in the Yeerk pool) Darius began closing off certain parts of himself, emotional parts, parts that made him hurt at the thought of what he was doing to other people under Tassir's control.
//It was like being an owlet of the Pure Ones or St. Aggies where his metaphorical gizzard goes still, locked away, and he takes his orders as they're given.
//He becomes Tassir's "perfected host", a human extension of Tassir.
//it was in the middle of the time he and Tassir were developing plans to establish yeerk pools in big cities like LA, Memphis, and NYC that something happened and the Animorphs managed to infiltrate the Yeerk pool and rescue him by accident, using him as an unwitting host to get out of Dodge
//When they realized just WHO they grabbed, they immediately wanted to get him out
//But Darius wasn't having ANY OF IT
//He wolloped the Imposter like he did his first invader!
//Granted they were able to get him out and captured as pt much a POW, but like
//the man is changed by this point and the kids know he's got VERY important information and they NEED it but he won't tell them. He's refusing to tell them even under threats
//he just smiles at them like Tassir would and is like, "You think you can do anything worse to me than what has already been done? Please."
//But what really gets him
//Is when they learn his name
//Because up to that point, he hadn't given his name.
//he'd refused.
//But when they found out who he was, they bring two people they believe can break through the yeerk mold he's been made into (bc thanks to Tassir, he does in fact, act and think more like a Yeerk than a human).
//They bring back his parents
//and they break through to him.
//When he was infested by one of the animorphs in Yeerk morph, they saw that his mind not only thinks in strategy but feels in color and that the color started draining out of his personality when Tassir first became his "handler", his Yeerk, until he became what they saw and rescued: a human mirror of Tassir.
//But now, with his family reconnecting with him, he begins to slowly regain bits of his previously lost humanity
//Even better is that his joining the crew leads to more organized plans, greater strategic strikes against the Yeerks
//Which means certain casualties in canon might no longer be needed by the end of it.
#ooc || outofbeskar#darius#nostalgia reading#long post cw#animorphs based ideas#//Look I know it's a kids series but like it was a really good series and I really enjoyed it as a kiddo#//besides - the angst in this plot really just scratches that brain bug itch y'know?#//anyways can't say if I'm going to do anything with this but figured I might share it anyway.#Youtube
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Of Bilesacks and Magic; regarding type B
WAHOO more oc lore!! Refer to the first Bilesack post I made a few days ago for context!!
This is for the different things that type b folk got + a simple chart thing
As mentioned in the previous post, those with Type B handle the most physical/visible changes; said changes occuring after their first instance of 'turning'.
As I forgot to mention, this bilesack condition (regardless of type) can effect anyone with a bilesack; witches and demons alike
Typically, the color of the splotches on their skin match color of their magic. Generally their eyes also follow the same rule, however sometimes their eyes change to a complementary color.
The splotches tend to spread when the witch is stressed, or they go through another event that prompts them to transformation into their beast form. If the spread is caused by transforming, the splotches will be permanently covering more of the body when the form is reverted.
Horns can vary, and the effected party can have anywhere between 1-4 horns. Said horns always match the color of the splotches, UNLESS the character already had horns before the condition becomes active. In which case they more or less stay the same. The same applies to tails, which can sometimes occur after a transformation as a permanent addition. Similarly, they can also range in style and type.
Horns can also be antler-like in appearance, and the witch can feel when it gets knocked or broken. The horn will not grow back unless another transformation occurs. The same does not apply to tails or other appendages that the witch may gain (and possibly later lose)
Other appendages include;
Wings, of which can vary in size and style. These will not grow back. Fins can also be present, and will not grow back is damaged.
Claws, tufts of fur/patches of scales/patches of feathers, fangs, and gills are some examples of additions. Usually, they can come back if the witch re-transforms.
All who have Type B have fangs, usually the teeth that were there prior are broken and forced out when the fangs come in when the condition initially shows itself.
The splotches are usually tougher than the normal skin, being able to withstand more force and damage before breaking. This can be prove difficult when a witch transforms, as it will make it harder to contain and calm them down; be it they run out into the boiling rains (of which, their body can now handle), or they are unphased by attacks (which granted, why would you knowingly attack them).
Beasts can take the form of just about anything; from known beast demons, to hybrids, to something new altogether.
The most common additions/scars a witch with Type B has are, in descending order
Splotches (guaranteed)
Horns
Fangs
Claws
Discolored/greyed hair (ranging from streaks to full discoloration)
Fur/scales/feathers
Tails
Tentacles
Fins/gills
Wings
While not shown in the chart, many who have Type B tend to face fading of hair color. Ranging from grey to white, and like all changes, discoloration comes when a witch becomes a beast. Usually they get a streak of it first, before it eventually fully takes over as time passes. Though its not unheard of for the entire head to go white.
Even less common, the overall color of the witch's hair slowly fades altogether over time; far faster than normal aging would grey it.
And i think thats all of the main stuff regarding type b!! Wahoo!! I'll get to introducing characters soon!!
#toh#toh ocs#the owl house ocs#the owl house#owl house ocs#owl house#toh oc#owl house oc#the owl house oc#oc#oc tag#ocs of tumblr#original characters#original post#character design
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An Open Letter To My Best Friend
I've been staring at my laptop screen for about two minutes already, thinking about how to start this letter. Now that I figured it out, let me tell you a fact about something related to the universe.
Somewhere in the vast universe out there, a star is nearing the end of its lifespan. Stars die when they run out of nuclear fuel, and their life expectancy depends on their mass. So the bigger the star, the faster its fuel supply burns up. But unlike what most people imagine about dying, stars don't die quietly. They don't just close their eyes and fade into the dark fabric of time and space. They go all out, fusing a good number of elements on the periodic table and unparalleled brightness. They also sometimes damage their neighboring stars. A dramatic exit. A supernova.
Now, why am I telling you all this? I remember a conversation we had a long time ago where you asked me if I was afraid of dying. I can't remember your answer, but I remember saying no. It's the people I'm going to leave that I'm scared of. I'm afraid of being a pain in their ass, even in the afterlife. If ever there is such a thing. I've been having a rough time again. What I mean by that is all my what if, could have been, and why would cloud me and come all at once that I would feel helpless, not being able to fight them back. So I just let them. The following day after a night of crying myself to sleep, I got an email you wrote back in May 2022. That was the first ever "letter" that I got in my entire life.
I was cut off from the first question in your email. You are asking how I am. I mustered all the courage and energy to think about the best way to answer it.
I have always felt like I'm healing all the time. What I mean by that is I go through the usual things I do in life, get hurt, recover from it, and then start the process all over again. It gets draining, making me wonder if I will ever be in that "complete" state of healing. But I learned it from you to understand and go through the process because there is no other way.
Just a few months ago, we celebrated your win from passing the licensure exam. And just a few weeks ago, I had my teaching demonstration and interview for a teaching job I applied for. I know you know it already, but I just want to tell you again that I feel happy and relieved to be able to finally do something that my younger self would be proud of. I still remember our conversations back then talking about our dreams, and it makes me so happy that some of our aspirations are now slowly coming to life. We've known each other for I think, 11 years now, and I'm not kidding when I say that you are my best friend. Most people say that growing up means losing friends. But my definition of growing up would mean nothing if it meant not having you as my friend. A vivid memory I have about us was when I came to see you in Calbayog after not coming home for seven years, and we never even hugged, and I know it's because of the fact that we are not "physically" affectionate. It's amazing to think that it felt like I never really left. We grew, we changed, but our conversations still feels like the usual us back in high school.
The night before I read the email you sent me, I had "one of those nights". I thought about how my family would feel if the next morning they'd see me unalive. I thought about what my friends were all going to tell about me if they posted about their mourning. You know, I always believed that the universe was watching over me. And that she sends over signs even when I don't need them. I know the email you sent me was one of them.
I was reminded that life is still beautiful after all. There are beautiful things that are worth saving and parts worth staying at. There are people who value my life and consider me a part of theirs. Thank you for reminding me that all the bad stuff going on in my life right now is just part of that healing process. And that I have to go through them. I am learning.
I am proud of you. Of us. I may not know every detail in your life, but I know that you also have a fair share of the shittload this earth has. That you make mistakes, and I know you try to learn from them. Healing is not linear. Our future selves will thank our present selves for going through the tricky part. Most of the things that are difficult for us are often products of our thinking. We have to take things easy and control our minds. There are situations we can't manage, but our reactions can be. Let's not be afraid of healing, even when it gets complicated. The process will shape us into the person we are growing to be.
I can't wait to sit without and talk about death, heaven and earth, religion, politics, and all other things we can think about. I can't wait for the day when we will talk about our past selves and laugh about them. Are you afraid of dying? Whatever your answer is, I hope it will be peaceful for you. I want to think that all people dying on earth become stars. The good ones or those with more value for you get to be the brightest. I know one day, you will be one of them. If you are ever a star in the cosmos, your dying will outshine the galaxy. You will be very bright. Please don't ask me why. I can't think of any more metaphors for that.
Thank you, Kong, for everything. Life is indeed beautiful, after all. I love you, and I am proud of you. You are kind and not perfect, but you have a huge capacity for love.
Love,
One Of The May Lives You Inspire
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