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ddaehyeon · 3 years

Text

kalopsia; s. wb + reader + k. ty

pairing: seo woobin + reader + kim taeyoung

genre: angst, fluff, hanahaki au

word count: 10.4k

warnings: blood, hospital visit, light cursing, mentions of sickness, death, anxiety, and alcohol/drinking

summary: in each passing day that you grew fonder of taeyoung, more petals would come out of your lips. your heart, a garden of the most beautiful flowers, only that it was also a reminder of your unrequited love. and with the withering petals, woobin can't bear to simply watch.

-- video teaser; story playlist; masterlist; taglist form 🥀

a/n: my longest fic so far! aaaa this is for a fic exchange with the amazing @arieswonjin. ilysm <3 i enjoyed writing this a lot and i hope we can do more exchanges in the future! also, special thanks to @starrycrvty who helped me with the editing process and cheered me up while i was losing a braincell in the development of the scenes. you’re awesome and ily. <3

hope you will enjoy this ride. send me feedback through my ask/reblogs! i’ll appreciate it a lot :>

taglist: @bunnyseongmin

[ will edit this again in the future; ]

regardless of how the day was already ending, flowers seemed to not lose their vibrancy. whenever a gust of air blew by, it would dance along with the wind’s melody. you took a breath, the floral scent easing your body which was probably hugged with nothing but fatigue out of the ruthless writing sessions you gave yourself for hours.

a mélange of colors in the sky; the red hue engulfing the orange tint. it was funny how despite that war of colors, in the end, the sky will turn pitch-black with scattered twinkling stars.

sure, spring was one of the most beautiful seasons. but that small amount of fondness for the aforementioned season will never be enough to make you want to experience it for the whole year. life played favorites though— it was spring for you all year round.

you smiled to yourself, trying to shrug off the thought. good thing you weren’t in your room and the sidewalk wasn’t the quietest place to be at during this hour. it offered a space for distractions. most shops were closing, students were to go home from long hours of studying, workers with a weariness that yours couldn’t match walking to hubs for some sort of leisure activities. if you were in some kind of company work, you’d probably be in the same position. going for a drink or two with friends after working hours. but well, you weren’t.

instead of a bustling office requiring formal attire; you were usually in your pajamas, musing about life and writing about it through means of prose and poetry. a young published author who was known for having a great appreciation for flowers. in a few months, another book will be launched under your name. its spine holding all the papers inked by your love, not for flowers or anything else, but for a childhood friend who seemed to not have taken notice of the flower that began growing in your lungs— a rose.

reaching the convenience store, you contemplated which instant food would serve as your dinner tonight. ordered food seemed to have bored out your taste buds, a little change was needed. and to say, probably a more unhealthy choice. maybe a dosirak would do or a kimbap and peel sausage.

as you were to enter, a call of your name put your feet to a halt. you turned to look at the speaker. “oh hey, woobin?”

a weak smile graced his lips, opening the door for you. he spoke after the both of you had entered the store. “tired of ordered meals?”

“kind of,” you replied, a sigh punctuating your words. you walked up to the aisle of dosirak. the sight of it made you swiftly cross it out of your options. you wanted something else. “how about you?”

“craved for ice cream,” answered woobin who, unlike you, had made his mind in settling with a pint of almond ice cream.

grabbing some triangle kimbaps, you looked at him with a raised brow. “wouldn’t that harm your ever so majestic voice?”

if you made money through books, woobin earned his through singing. it ranged from covers to original song compositions. he was quite popular with all the ballad songs he covered that without a lie was a heart-melter. if home and serenity would be defined using a voice, woobin’s would be the perfect definition for it.

“not really.” a chuckle was heard from him as he watched you grab a cup of instant ramyun. “well, wouldn’t that harm your ever so wonderful brain?”

you shook your head but laughed at the remark. woobin had been your friend for quite a long time, probably one of the closest. light and playful banters seemed to have become a part of your usual talks.

walking towards the counter, you settled your items which the worker scanned quickly. the amount flashed by the small screen, and you pulled your wallet out to pay. woobin followed shortly.

“a healthy alternative after ice cream?” you asked, noticing a herbal medicine pouch being placed in his bag.

woobin hunched his shoulders up, and proceeded to go out of the store.

a soft breeze welcomed you as you stepped out. the sidewalk was no longer as busy as it was earlier and the sky was losing its colors bit by bit as if the flickering lights in the queued lampposts were sucking it all.

“so how is it coming out?” woobin asked as he walked beside you. your apartment and his were only a few blocks away. his apartment was inside a street, away from the main road filled with noises coming from horns and speeding cars, while yours was in a complex near the road. you liked watching people from up the balcony, it was like watching a film, only that everything that was happening was real and only the made-up dialogues of the strangers were sheer fiction.

“minor editings left,” you replied. “also, next week the possible art for the cover will be out. want to check it out with me?”

he didn’t reply right after as if he was mentally checking his schedule, weighing if he was free or not. though his answer indicated that the things he had to do had flexible deadlines. “sure, just tell me when.”

“i’ll call you once they message me about it.” a cough ended your sentence, you covered your mouth as you did so. something smooth touching your palm. it was happening… again.

“are you alright?” concern evident on woobin’s face, he went closer to you. his hand on your back, rubbing circles to ease your coughing.

but he was aware it would not be enough to stop it. a rub or any sort of medicine wouldn’t stop it. like how will those be enough to stop a flower from blooming in your lungs?

it was the reason why even though you admired the beauty of spring, you also disliked it.

flowers were in full bloom during spring. the way each petal was colored was pleasing to the eye. however, such beauty should have just stayed where they were supposed to be. on the ground, decorating the world with its vibrant color. it should only be there instead of clinging onto someone's lungs after failing to get their love returned.

hanahaki, a disease that causes someone to cough up flower petals when their love is one-sided.

there were different stages of it. at first, it was only a mere cough. something one would mistake for a regular cough. until petals come along with it on the next stage. followed by a mix of blood, acute chest pain, and shortness of breathing in the last.

two ways to resolve it. either undergo a surgery which will cost a fortune at the risk of wiping out not only your emotions but also the memory of all people you are close with or have your love reciprocated. inability to obtain any of the mentioned cures will result in the most unfortunate event. no more pain from the flower sprouting in your chest. no ache, coming from the bitter taste of being reminded every single night that your love wasn’t reciprocated— death.

“i’m alright.” it took quite a while before your coughing subsided. you were sure petals were already accumulated on your hand. bringing your hand down, you let go of the red petals. luckily, no blood. but you didn’t expect less. this disease had been giving you restless nights lately, worsening and worsening.

a sigh left woobin’s lips as he shook his head. “that’s not the look of someone alright for me.”

the rest of the walk was silent. woobin insisted on walking you home, to which you had no power to decline. even if you told him no, he still ended up doing so.

by the time you reached the front of your unit, night had already won the clash in the sky. the stars glimmering above at their triumph.

“don’t work up until late,” woobin reminded.

you smiled, wishing you could tell him that it wasn’t the writing that made you get less rest every evening. it was the rose that inhabited your lungs. “i will not.”

“here,” said woobin, handing you the bag of the things he bought earlier.

the ice cream was no longer of its same form as it was earlier. its mist soaked the insides of the plastic bag. “and why are you giving it to me?”

“just take it. you know in movies heartbroken people would eat ice cream as they mope around.”

the lighthearted remark made you laugh. woobin had his ways to make you feel better. “and what about the medicine?”

“you’re probably sad, but that won’t mean that you should not take care of yourself.” he was aware of your feelings for someone else. he was aware of the red roses in your chest. he was aware that your feelings weren’t reciprocated.

“makes sense.” you flashed him a smile, scrambling on your bag to take out one of the triangle kimbaps. the item tossed to his direction which he caught smoothly. “take that at least.”

“well, thank you?” he gazed at the food you gave him before returning the smile. “have a good night, y/n. call me if you need anything.”

you hummed as a response, watching woobin make his way to the stairs, descending afterward. another gust of wind passed by and you rushed to go inside. staring at the now melted ice cream, you shook your head. a laugh escaping your lips as you closed the door.

how long has it been? you thought.

collapsing on the bed, you stared at the ceiling. the coughing had already stopped, yet the burning pain in your chest remained.

what was the flower again?

a rose?

maybe the stabbing ache was caused by its thorns that came to hug your lungs. you sighed as if that would altogether pull out the suffocating sensation— of course, it wouldn’t. it would never.

a curt beep on your phone pulled you out of your cloudy thoughts, reaching for it to read the notification. a message from one of your friends which read,

it’s your debut book’s first anniversary today! congrats, y/n.

for a moment, your lips curled into a faint smile, so weak that it didn’t even last for a minute. sending a quick reply to show gratitude over the thought, you allowed yourself to drown over the same thoughts.

that book with inked poetry all meant to deliver a single message— your feelings for taeyoung. the words laced in each rhyme was a cover of the affection you had for him, and the petals you cough each night was his answer.

a childhood friend who you used to be neighbors with. he still lived under the comforts of his parents’ home, while you moved to live alone in an apartment, desperately seeking independence.

or maybe seeking for a way to not see his face every single day and be reminded that his favorite flower, a rose, had been blooming in your lungs.

the brightness taeyoung had never seemed to fade, his smile still carried sunlight of its own. a contagious one that would make anyone have the same smile (but maybe not as bright). his bubbliness was a comfort. whenever around him, the butterflies causing chaos in your stomach would make you forget about the evening ache he was subconsciously bringing.

taeyoung, ever since you were young, loved books and flowers. you preferred other things though, but somehow you found yourself conforming to what he liked. being the person you spent most of your time with, his interest became yours. whenever he would tell you about something he became inclined to, you would check it as quick, forcing yourself to like it. it was a repeated action that was implanted as a habit. in the process of trying to be his ideal person, your own identity was thrown away. a trap filled with nothing but thorns of his favorite flower.

shifting to your side, your eyes landed on the wall just above your working table. photographs of roses were stuck on it, along with verses other people might find painfully beautiful. you knew your words better though. its beauty was a mere delusion. hiding behind the pretty words were ugly cries— your reality.

another cough, a petal escaping from your lips. it danced in the air as it was freed, only to meet the cold floor of your room. with flowers blooming in the chest, you closed your eyes drifting to sleep. the pain no longer mattered as it was the usual sensation.

a soft instrumental had taken over your apartment. the sun was already up, its light filtering through the blinds. your potted plants were probably thankful for its generosity. you took a sip of your coffee, staring at the few words written in the new document reserved for a new manuscript. writing, or at least conceptualizing the main theme, of your next book was your top priority today. however, the continuous notifications coming from your close peers dragged you out of your bubble every single time.

with you celebrating the first anniversary of your debut book (which basically marked the day of your debut as a published writer), receiving messages was plain inevitable. your editor even asked if you’d be up for a drink later this night. an offer you turned down. silence and alone time this evening were everything you craved for.

putting your laptop on rest, you grabbed your own copy of withered roses, your book. it was silly how you decided to have perfectly blooming and lively roses as its cover when it contained the very title, your own withered roses hiding through beautiful verses.

flipping through the pages, you stopped on a certain poetry. undeniably, one of your favorites. it was one of the first poems that you wrote for this collection. grabbing a paper and a pen, you scribbled the words down, the same words still describing your situation perfectly. and maybe that was the reason why your condition was worsening.

you stuck the paper on the wall, just beside a photograph of a blue rose. for a moment, you stared at it, smiling at the words as if those were some kind of lost friends who rekindled with you. you smiled as if those were something that you should be smiling at.

three doorbells and a few knocks. a heavy sigh came out of your lips, tearing your eyes away from the poem. slow steps towards the door, the person on the other seemed rather impatient for the doorbell continuously made a sound. it was enough for another breath to escape the confines of your mouth.

swinging the door open, your eyes widened. the sight penetrating quickly to your senses and the sensation you hated the most overpowering you, your heartbeat loud. really loud. “taeyoung?”

for him to be able to give you the most wonderful feeling of warm cheeks and butterflies and still be able to poison you using his favorite flower lethal to your body, you wondered when it would end.

“it’s withered roses’ first anniversary!” his smile was a band-aid, too fleeting of a cure for you. he lifted a pot of cycnoches orchids, something that was probably from his parent’s flower shop. “here’s a gift for you.”

“thank you.” as he handed you the pot, you gave him enough space to enter your unit. placing it just beside the other plants you had, all coming from their shop, you turned to look at taeyoung. a pout appearing in your countenance. “you should have brought food.”

taeyoung scratched his head at your sudden words, a sheepish smile curving on his lips. “well, we can order.”

at the sight of a slightly flustered taeyoung, a string of laughter became your immediate response. “i was kidding.”

you went back to the couch to sit with taeyoung following you shortly. the music playing in your room had long ago stopped, something you only noticed after taeyoung came. after your awareness came to hug you once again.

his eyes wandered as if it was his first time in your unit. it was definitely not his first visit, to count how many times he’d been there was also impossible. just like how you frequented their flower shop, he was usually in your unit as well. maybe it was due to him being used to your company. childhood friends, former neighbors— inseparable, but in a manner that went nothing beyond romantic feelings. at least to his side.

glancing at him, you followed where his gaze was fixated on. it was focused on the wall that held photographs of roses and the poem you scribbled earlier from your book.

“wasn’t that the eighth poem in your book?” intrigued, he looked at you with a brow raised.

you didn't have to meet his gaze. a smile slowly crept out of your visage. it didn't hold an emotion though, more like a simple forced curve. "it is."

"i love it." it was a genuine remark, but somehow, instead of giving you a warm feeling, it did the opposite. standing up, he reached for the paper, detaching it from the wall. the words slipping out of his tongue as he read it out loud.

heat-haze; sunrays visible at the nighttime daydream under the cloud of deep distance built a sensation of unrequited affection innumerable actions-- satisfied, captured by mere existence. nevertheless, the heart was jinxed in a presence, a love, i cannot withdraw from.

as the final four lines were uttered, he looked at you in the eyes, a hint of gloom clouding his misty orbitals. he had the poem memorized, but it was only the words he had carved in his mind. the feelings sealed with it, unnoticed.

taeyoung was the reason why you began writing. a simple comment of his saying that you would make a good author and your words were all prettily laid out made you want to write.

or perhaps it was not the writing you were chasing for, rather the speaker who told you that he wished to see more of your writing.

for others, writing could be a form of escape. to be under a little spell that would pull someone out of their reality. you wished you were the same. you wished your writing wasn't your reality.

anywhere you go, you were surrounded by your reality. the potted plants you should not be taking care of if it wasn't for his interest in plants and flowers. the book that was published a year ago and the soon to be published one. the colors that accented your unit which he said was such a relaxing palette. the words in your head. the flower in your chest. it was the reality made out of nothing but the person you loved.

“wait.” taeyoung’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. he was peering over petals of red roses that were on your table.

it seemed like you forgot to clean it up earlier. well, you didn’t expect anyone to actually go to your house. such a realization was thought late.

“were you playing with roses?” taeyoung asked, frowning as he looked at it.

you’d consider that a stupid question, but taeyoung didn’t know a thing about your condition so you let it pass. there was no way in hell you’d tell him about it now. not yet. “yes.”

“so how was it?” the excitement and giddiness leaking in his tone as he plopped down next to you on the couch didn’t help. what was he even referring about? your hanahaki disease? what? as if hearing your question, he clarified his query, “does he love you?”

ah, the popular he loves me, he loves me not.

there was no need for that though, the petals you vomit each night was a clear answer. you smiled, leaning back to get seated more comfortably. “he doesn’t.”

the way those two words left your lips surprised you. no hint of hurt, sadness, or anything— it was laced with a calm tone as if retreating, surrendering, accepting. will it really be your fate?

taeyoung sighed, the smile he once had melting away. “don’t worry, it’s just a silly game anyway. the person you love probably loves you too.”

you turned to look at him. a mistake. kind eyes met yours, reassuring you of something you had already known for so long was false. there was no need to hang into that ray of hope when you were aware that it was not the case.

eyes glossy with the tears that never dared to fall, you offered him a tight-lipped smile. “thank you.”

he grinned, which you assumed was out of relief before he looked at your wall once again. “why use roses though? there are other flowers out there.”

“well, isn’t it the first flower you’d think of when you hear the word love?” you replied. “it means a lot more depending on its color, but in simple terms, it just means love and romance.”

“you seem to know a lot about it,” he remarked, not tearing his gaze away from the photograph. “why blue out of all colors?” he asked referring to the photograph you had on your wall.

“it stands for an impossible miracle.” a clear depiction of your situation. no word followed that sentence, and good thing taeyoung didn’t ask any further about why. maybe it was due to his perception that poetry writers had other symbolism hidden behind their verses, even when there was nothing and the message was just in front of their readers.

“roses are wonderful, aren’t they?”

not when they are blooming in your chest. not when its thorn embraces your lungs. not when it suffocates you. your thoughts were loud in your head. but you knew you can’t blame it for inhabiting your body. you can’t even have taeyoung blamed for it either. it was the universe’s fault for laying such a disease in humanity. “they truly are.”

“it’s my favorite,” taeyoung mused.

there was a smile that sat on your lips, a peck of gloom decorating its corners. “i know.”

how could you not when its petals were the ones that kept on coming out of your lips every evening?

a ringing coming from a device shattered the silence in your apartment. but this time, it wasn’t from yours. it was from taeyoung who was now about to leave your unit, his parents had called him to go and do his tasks in the flower shop. seemed like he had forgotten about it, considering that he’d been with you for almost an hour.

“take care and have fun for the rest of the day!” taeyoung ruffled your hair and left. his touch lingering.

your room suddenly felt empty. as if taeyoung had taken all the vibrancy it had after stepping out of it. taeyoung was your paradox— a home that housed nothing but emotions you shouldn’t regard as home, but you did. he was your home.

you coughed, a petal threatening to escape. the windpipe blocked, your chest tightening. a sorrowful smile was your only answer to the ache that was resurfacing. your gaze didn't falter, still locked on the photograph of the blue rose. to no one in particular, few words were whispered, “they are beautiful.”

“remind me again why i’m here with you?” woobin looked at the almost empty store; sleepwears displayed from the first showcase up to the last rack. it was a week after the first anniversary of your book, things had seemed to tranquil much more.

shopping during the working hours on weekdays was certainly one of the best things. the absence of people led to different advantages like having no long queue to the cashier, no people to deal with as you browse the clothes, and overall just serene shopping.

you didn’t mind it when a salesperson would go and ask you about what type or design you were looking for, they were probably getting bored having to stand for a long time and entertain just a few passing potential customers. the mall’s theme song was playing from a distant speaker, almost inaudible and muffled by the sweet piano music playing in the shop itself. keeping it up to the theme of the shop, if there was a bed in there, you’d probably be brought to sleep right after. something you weren’t sure to consider as a good aspect or bad aspect of the clothing store.

“well, you just finished posting another wonderful cover which hit a hundred thousand views in an hour, we must celebrate, right?” you replied as you picked up a pair of pastel plaid pajamas, checking the fabric quality to which you quickly marked as spandex.

woobin reached for the design next to what you picked up, eyeing it with less interest than you had. “but why are we buying pajamas?”

“because i need it.” a chuckle was heard from you after he let go of a sigh at your words. you stepped closer to him, peering over his shoulder to check the design he was checking.

“by the way,” he began, not wanting to ask more as he was aware of your love for comfortable clothes (pajamas being the top of it along with sweaters and hoodies). “i’m applying for a job in this pharmaceutical company located in another town as a medicinal chemist.”

“oh? the one you mentioned before?” you watched him go through another set of sleepwear.

it was a sudden reminder that before being known as the seo woobin who sang various songs in innumerable gigs and had built a name in the music side of youtube, he was the seo woobin who excelled in his major, organic chemistry. for years of him not applying for an actual job as a chemist anywhere and pursuing his dream career, that fact was swept out of your mind.

you met woobin in one of your electives— a chemistry class that you would probably have to retake only if he didn’t help you out. the limited slots in language classes were the ones you put your blame on, but it wasn’t completely that bad. after all, you had ended up making a good friend in the class you despised the most.

“are you going to quit singing?” worry was painted all over your face which earned a soft amused laughter from woobin. you adore his singing a lot, the comfort his mellifluous voice could bring was distinct, something you’d grown ever so fond of.

“you know, i just want to put my degree into proper use.” woobin smiled reassuringly as he tossed you a set of pajamas with the design he guessed was what you were searching for, the one with doodled roses decorating it from bottom to the top. “kind of had the urge to get a secured job.”

the clothing dumped to you went unnoticed as you fired off another question. “what about the album deal? i thought you already had one. what’s going to happen with that?”

“i will still sing.” there was no need to doubt woobin’s calm tone as he said those words. “don’t worry about it. i love singing and i’ll not stop doing it.”

“make sure to.” you walked towards another rack, finally noticing the pajamas woobin had thrown in your way earlier. staring at it for a moment, the initial thoughts about the flower easily came into your head. “this one’s cute. i’ll take it.”

unconvinced, woobin raised a brow at you. “are you sure you found it cute or there’s another reason behind you liking it?”

the other reason he was pertaining to was clear, enough to become a slap rather than a mere reminder. do you really like it or do you simply want the person you like to notice you for having something close to their favorite thing?

feeling lost to your own set of likes seemed like a normal thing. mind plagued with taeyoung’s interests that it mattered more than yours. at this point, you weren’t sure if you were doing it for him to like you back and finally get the fuzzy feeling of being loved back or you were simply desperate to stop the flowers from budding in your chest.

“i like it,” you answered after a long while of spacing out. you even nodded your head as if trying to convince yourself from a statement you weren’t sure whether to label as a lie or a truth.

“if you say so.” an indistinct sigh came across woobin, subtly shaking his head in disbelief. he didn’t go deeper into the topic though, instead uttered some words that made a bright smile grace your lips. “go and choose whichever you want. it’s on me today.”

wearing the new pair of a loose shirt and pajama, you gazed at your reflection. a curve spotted on your lips, satisfied with the new purchase. demeanor dropping as a familiar sensation crawled up to your senses. the calm night was taken aback when your chest began tightening. a petal quickly rising, stuck on your throat afterward as you tried to hold it in. however, it was a failed attempt. the urge strong that you had to run towards the bathroom to release all the petals of the vivid red rose that nurtured in your body, watered with nothing but unreturned affection.

just like any other night, the sickness came to do its visit. its terrible reminder playing in your mind. the blood that mingled with the petals was hard to discern as they were colored in the same hue; it tasted different though.

a ringing in your head as your vision started to blur, not noticing how tears had formed in your eyes as the pain emerged to be stronger than it usually was. the intensifying ache wasn’t the only one that made your tears fall. all your unnoticed efforts, regardless of how big they were, were the ones that brought salty tears. your knees buckled, allowing you to meet the ground unceremoniously. it was getting harder to breathe and the cold bathroom tiles were your only company.

it was a twisted melody. in each cough, petals would escape. it didn’t even take a long time for you to be surrounded by a sea of red petals. what a sickening view, you thought. how do people regard roses as something so beautiful?

a memory.

“dear, taeyoung is outside, waiting for you.” a few knocks on the door accompanied your mother’s call.

it was a hot summer, the sun giving no mercy with its ray as if angry with how it was neglected during the cold seasons. with a few remaining days before the start of a new quarter, you probably had spent most of your time in your room. oftentimes will you go out only at the call of a childhood friend.

“y/n.” as if stepping out of your thoughts, taeyoung had your name wrapped by his cheerful voice. “mom made homemade ice cream. come on, get out of your room already.”

if your own mother wasn’t able to pull you out of your room, taeyoung was. your feet quick to move as you checked on your reflection by the mirror, practicing a smile and some silent dialogues. all to which you weren’t really able to show when you opened the door. a faint blush crept on your cheeks as soon as your gaze landed on the bright smile taeyoung had on his own. butterflies flew free in your stomach, heart pounding.

maybe it was the way taeyoung would talk to you with an unmatched enthusiasm even if your words make no sense. maybe it was because of the vibrancy he had all around him that simply could bring comfort to anyone he was with. maybe it was due to the fact that he had been with you since you were a kid.

or maybe it was just because he was him, kim taeyoung, that your crush began budding as a love. and as soon as it did, his favorite flower, a rose, was caught in your lungs during middle school.

occupied by the sensation, your mind didn’t attend to the continuous doorbells ringing in your apartment. in a few, the door was opened, rushed footsteps along with your name uttered in sheer concern echoed in your unit. with the air knocked out by the relentless flower, from red your vision turned pitch black.

when dusk fell, woobin was already in the hospital with a drink in his hand, which was meant to be given to you. he’d been going back and forth to the hospital and his apartment to bring you food and some other items you needed.

the scene he witnessed last night was still fresh in his mind, the panic lingering. on your cold bathroom floor, you laid unconscious with petals of roses surrounding your figure. he was swift to get help, which ended up with you having to stay for almost a day in the lonely ward. your room making you feel sicker.

“oh, you’re back?” serim, the head nurse and a close friend of woobin, said as he walked towards the other.

woobin nodded, tracing the track he’d been stepping into since this morning. it was as if he could easily go to your room even with eyes closed. serim followed from behind and before he could say a word, woobin had already found your room empty. finally, he offered the nurse attention. “where’s y/n? already discharged?”

“yes, they just went to talk with their doctor for a few more reminders.” serim shook his head disapprovingly. “they should stay longer, but they seem like a very busy person.”

“y/n should just follow their doctor.” a sigh punctuated woobin’s sentence.

“and you should too,” said serim.

woobin began walking his way back to the nurse station reception to wait for you. “my case is different.”

“you’re slowly losing your voice because of your own sickness.” serim’s sigh was way heavier than woobin’s, his orbitals painted with worry. being one of woobin’s closest friends, he knew all about it. “orchids are blooming in your lungs, how are you different?”

a glare was darted to serim’s direction which became woobin’s sole reply since they both saw you approaching them. serim hunched his shoulders up, shaking his head once again before walking away.

“thank you for taking care of me,” you told woobin who handed you the drink he bought outside.

“of course,” woobin said, leading the way out.

there weren't a lot of people in the lobby. only a few were there, either the nurses turning for their night shifts or the relatives of those people staying in the hospital for the night.

“it’s getting worse, isn’t it?” woobin’s words slowed down your pace, your head turned to him as he continued. “shouldn’t you start trying to move on and finding someone who can actually love you back?”

“what do you mean?”

woobin shrugged. “it seems like it’s the only way for you to be properly healed.”

yes, moving on and falling for someone else was a considered cure as well. a change of feelings could remove the flower naturally. but doing so was easier said than done.

a sad smile became evident on your brim. how could you do that? you thought. “i can’t just fall in love with someone like it’s nothing, woobin.”

“give me a chance then.”

woobin’s words were powerful enough to make your feet stop from moving, to catch your breath and make it halt. it can’t be. you looked at him confused, wishing that you misunderstood what he said. you wished that it would be his regular sentences as he tried to make you feel better. you wished what you were thinking was a mere thought, an idea, a false gut feeling. “woobin?”

it was a question that didn’t need any elaboration. the simple call of his name with such perplexed tone was enough as a query. the same gloomy smile on his lips matched what you had earlier, accompanied by his faint chuckles. “yes,” to your horror, he confirmed. he let go of a breath, something that gave him a boost to finally utter the words he’d been meaning to say. “i’m in love with you and all i want is for the flowers in your chest to stop blossoming.”

“that means…”

to experience the same thing you had been experiencing. to give someone the same taste of your suffering. to plant a flower in someone’s chest and water it every day as you were failing to return their provided affection. it was something you didn’t wish to do, an extremely unfavorable idea which reminded you of how the universe had been unfair from the very start.

“yes, and they aren’t beautiful.” a tight-lipped smile became apparent on his countenance as he stared at the glass doors of the hospital. a few more steps and both of you will be out of the place the two of you frequented on different days, but for the same means— a fleeting cure for the ache caused by hanahaki. “the pain we’re both carrying out of unrequited love. it isn’t beautiful, y/n.”

a lump in your throat stopped any possible reply from coming out of your lips. you wanted to apologize, but an apology from taeyoung wasn’t the thing you’d want to hear from him after you confess and you assumed such wouldn’t give comfort to woobin as well. an apology wouldn’t be enough when you were already striping away someone with their lives.

rather untimely, the door opened, revealing taeyoung. he was holding a basket of flowers, probably for some kind of delivery. with hinted concern, he walked towards you and woobin. “what are you doing here?”

“stomach ache.” regardless of your mangled thoughts, it was a surprise that you were able to respond as soon. it was as if such sickness was a practiced lie.

“is that so?” taeyoung looked at woobin to confirm and the older just nodded not wanting to speak more. he turned to you, his worry dropping a few levels, but was still obvious. “let me just bring this flower to a friend and i’ll walk you home. will that be alright?”

you looked at woobin, silently asking if he would be okay with that. it was such a silly act, of course, he would be against it. but what can he do? just like him, the person you had grown fond of hasn't reciprocated your feelings yet. both of you probably wishing the same thing— for the flowers to wither and be gone. for the restless nights to end. to be loved back. the only difference was woobin was so focused on you that he had forgotten about his condition which was worsening at the same rate as yours.

he patted your shoulder. “sure, i need to head somewhere else anyway. get home safely?”

“i will, you too, woobin.” you gave woobin a smile, guilt sitting in your stomach which was continuously twisting.

woobin weakly mirrored the feature before turning his back to you and taeyoung. as he was stepping out of the establishment, he looked at the twinkling stars, hoping this night would be kinder. but he was certain he’d be the one coughing out orchids tonight, probably worse than your roses.

the stars from above watched you and taeyoung walk on the now empty sidewalk. even without the illumination coming from the lampposts, it was all so bright. all in gratitude for the moon which served as a ball of shining light in the clear night sky.

"you've been sick since we were kids, but you never told me what with." taeyoung broke the silence, uncertain if he should go further. “was it really because of stomach ache earlier?”

a chill ran down your spine, making you inwardly shiver. that wasn’t the talk you were so ready to face. and after what happened last night, you can’t simply bring another lie. however, telling taeyoung everything wasn’t something you planned to do as well. afraid that rejection would become the final straw.

taeyoung stopped dead on his tracks, looking at you with nothing but sheer concern. “is there anything bothering you?”

you gave him a smile which was obviously forced. “don’t worry about it.” you urged him to continue to walk and he did, but just as you thought that you were already safe from his questions, he asked another.

“it’s not a stomach ache wasn’t it?” hands on his back, his gaze was fixated on the road. “what was it, y/n?”

maybe it was time to tell taeyoung about it? maybe— “hanahaki.” the words subconsciously slipped out of your tongue.

“what?” surprised by the mention of the disease, his eyes were wide when he whipped his head to your direction. “you mean… your love is unrequited?”

taeyoung was quick to catch the gist of the disease. it was pretty much a popular sickness that had probably made some of his other friends suffer. the only thing he wasn’t quick to get was… who your feelings were for.

“woobin doesn’t like you back?” he asked, snapping you out of your thoughts which was purely of practicing the possible explanations if he ended up recognizing your feelings for him. and apparently, he didn’t.

it was your turn to shoot him a look. “what?”

“don’t you like woobin?” he averted his gaze and it trailed back to the road. “i mean the two of you seem like really close friends and you’re together most of the time.”

you didn’t know whether you should be relieved or not. but since you were still unprepared to offer any explanation, you just went with the flow. a bitter smile coming to your lips. your head had his name on your sentence, regardless of how you uttered another man’s name. “yes, i like woobin. but it seems like he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“maybe you should… try moving on?”

the way taeyoung suggested the same thing made you laugh, confusing the person beside you. to move on, huh? was that what the universe wanted you to do? to move on? a smile lingered on your visage, as you stepped on the stairs with taeyoung following you behind. it was just funny how he thought you were in love with woobin, when in fact the flower he adored the most was living in your lungs. that he was the person you were in love with, not any other person.

stopping at the front step, the worry that sat on his orbitals didn’t waver. the look asking if you’d be alright tonight— you already knew the answer. “take care, okay? if you need anything, just call me. good night.”

as soon as you closed the door, it began. the coughing that seemingly just waited for you to step into your unit came rushing. a petal waving in the air before meeting the ground. “i need your love, taeyoung. i badly need it.”

the smell of freshly done pancakes wafted up to your bed, a few noises coming from the kitchen followed. it was a gentle alarm that pushed you to wake up and get out of your bed. too groggy, a foot still on the dream you were having, you didn’t think that whoever was in the kitchen could be a thief or anything. well, who in their proper mind would cook food for the owner of the house if they were only to snatch things after?

a few days ago, you had an extreme case of hanahaki, something that led you to stay in the hospital overnight. after that, it had seemed to subside or at least be more gentle during the evening, resulting in more hours of sleep.

“woobin?” you called his name as you watched him turn off the stove, placing the fluffy pancakes onto a plate. there was already a hot chocolate ready for you to drink. you didn’t even question how he got inside. probably jungmo, the landowner, gave him the code to your room. oh, talk about privacy.

his smile was as warm as the morning sunrays. “good morning.” his voice was a little hoarse, normally you wouldn’t really pay attention to that. when he recorded songs too much in a day, he’d end up with such. but now that you knew he was experiencing hanahaki, a question hung in your head. was it because of the coughing? your thoughts dropped at the sound of his voice, still mellow regardless. “i’ve cooked you breakfast.”

“don’t you have work to do?” you asked, remembering how during the past days he’d been telling you about his new work— the slot in that pharmaceutical company as a medicinal chemist. you dragged a chair before occupying it, looking at him as he placed all the things he used in the sink. a curve became visible on your lips as your eyes fell to what he prepared. it was just pancakes, but it was woobin’s pancakes. he was such an amazing cook, you could vouch for that. “thank you by the way.”

“work? ah yeah.” he took the seat adjacent to yours, a cup of coffee in his hands. he grinned at you and you swore, your heart was in ultimate chaos when you heard his next words. “i took on the job of taking care of you for free starting today.”

sunlight filtered through the glass door of the flower shop, highlighting the wide variety of spring flowers. ranunculus, tulips, and calla lilies were all displayed along with other non-seasonal plants. there weren't a lot of customers coming, given that there were flowers available to be picked up in some public gardens. regardless, there were still a few who would come and get flowers arranged for some special occasions. but then again, it was just morning. it was rather too early to judge the possible count of customers later.

“jungmo’s coughing out petals now,” allen, one of the workers in the flower shop. said.

taeyoung looked at him, pausing his actions of tying a yellow ribbon in the bouquet of tulips. with a brow raised, he asked, “hanahaki?”

putting the freshly done arrangement of peonies, allen tapped on the counter which called the attention of the delivery man. he pointed out the card which contained the address and watched the other go out to deliver the item. dragging a stool to sit on, he stretched his arms. “seems to be. he’s coughing out petals of his crush’s favorite flower, crocus. i don’t think it’s a mere crush now though.”

“oh, so the flower that blooms in a body experiencing hanahaki would be the favorite flower of the person they like?” taeyoung asked as he finished the bouquet he was working on. he retrieved stems of roses and cut them nicely, removing the thorns and excess leaves.

“yes,” allen replied. “you like roses right?”

taeyoung only nodded, a memory alighting in his head. it can’t be—

“that means the person who likes you, but ends up with a one-sided love would end up having roses in their chest,” allen continued, causing taeyoung’s hand to stop from moving. the younger’s eyes fixated on the collection of red roses in his hands.

“it’s my favorite,” taeyoung mused.

there was a smile that sat on your lips, a peck of gloom decorating its corners. “i know.”

the flower growing in your chest was his favorite flower, roses?

it was him all this time?

right at that moment, there was one thing taeyoung would want to address himself as. an idiot. realizations came crashing to him like a powerful wave that held no mercy. it was ice cold, his body freezing at each thought that his mind welcomed.

the petals he found on your desk weren't there because of a silly game of he loves me, he loves me not. it was the petals you coughed out and forgot to clean.

“are you okay?” allen asked, momentarily snapping taeyoung out of his daze.

the twisting on taeyoung stomach was unbearable. his heart racing not with flutters, but rather with anxious thoughts. he was the cause of your pain?

with an almost inaudible voice, taeyoung let out of his horror. “y/n likes me.”

continuous taps on the keyboard, words appearing on the screen only for the flow to stop with punctuation. in sync, the doorbell rang. you no longer wondered who it was. it had always been him.

you stood up and shuffled towards the door, opening it before welcoming the male with a warm curve in your face. “it’s lunch already?”

woobin nodded, handing you a bag of still hot dishes he cooked probably not more than an hour ago. he followed you as you made your way to the dining area. when the male said he’d be taking care of you starting that specific breakfast, he stuck to his words, visiting you almost every day. the only exception was when he had to meet a producer. his own album was in the process of being finalized.

you placed the bag down and woobin walked towards your cupboard. where to find the things was already memorized. it was as if he was living in the very unit.

“so how’s your morning?” he asked as he placed two plates on the table.

“woke up a bit late, but i was able to finish the last set of poetry i’ve been meaning to write!” the spark in your eyes was a lot brighter than the past days. it was easily contagious as woobin found himself having the same amount of glee. “i’ll print the last parts and let you read, wait.”

woobin shook his head, a smile crossing his brim as he watched you go to your workspace to do what you said. as he finished setting up your lunch, he took a seat and waited for you. just like you, woobin was experiencing fewer symptoms. his voice was no longer that raspy and he was able to post new song covers almost every week regardless of his current busy schedule with other recordings.

“here!” with unwavering enthusiasm, you extended your hand for him to reach the printed papers. you sat on the seat across him, gazing at the food which only made your mouth water. eyes already feeding off the sight of the meat dishes.

“this is quite interesting,” woobin remarked. “is this the last one?”

you nodded at his words when he showed you the last page. “i figured that it could be the best way to end it.”

“it sure does.” woobin served you by putting meat on the top of your rice. “eat up.”

just like the past days, you enjoyed lunch with woobin. a few talks here and there, though most of the time the two of you were silent. not the terrible kind of silence, but a good one. something comforting. and maybe that kind of silence was all you needed.

after the meal, the two of you sat on the couch. the television served as background noise as you run down the things you have to do this afternoon.

“you seem to be happier the past days, did you get yourself another contract?” woobin asked once you were done telling him where to drive you today, the flower shop and to your editor’s place.

“i do?” you caught sight of the lone photograph of roses on your wall. the poetry that accompanied it once was now resting on your table. “i haven’t been coughing recently.” your cheerfulness evident when your eyes wrinkled into crescents as you turned your head towards the direction where woobin was sitting. “maybe he’s starting to like me!”

a soft beam hugged woobin’s visage, contented with the result you were having. for your own flower to stop blooming, that was all he wished for. his mind got him best though, speaking without much thought as he eyed the last poem you wrote once again. “or maybe you’re starting to like him less.”

blinking in confusion, woobin handed you back the printed papers you gave him earlier. it was on the last page. the words were probably a clear indication of your feelings.

zest gone. pen dropped. book closed. lock kept. no word survived.

those words weren’t the most gleeful of words, but it carried freedom. something you’d been wishing you could get out of taeyoung’s labyrinth of roses. something you never knew would finally come to you.

“right?” woobin pulled you out of your own thoughts. “i’ve been coughing less as well and i can guarantee that you’re the only one i like.”

“that means…?”

“you’re slowly moving on, y/n.” woobin gave your head a light pat. his beam growing warmer as he looked at you. “you’re moving on.”

before going to the place where you were to meet your editor, you asked woobin to stop by the flower shop. knowing your editor, she’d probably love some dahlias and irises.

upon entering the shop, the same floral scent you had been accustomed to since you were younger embraced you. however, instead of taeyoung greeting you, the expression in his face— wide eyes after a gasp— was a little perplexing. you raised a brow at him, stepping closer to the counter with woobin following you from behind.

“dah—”

“can we have a moment?” taeyoung’s question interrupted your own set of words.

with a head tilted to the side, you didn’t make an effort to hide your confusion. the seemingly forced smile he had, which was quite too awkward for your liking was not a help at all. you turned to look at woobin, asking if it would be alright for him to wait. “will it be okay?”

“sure.” woobin shrugged, trying to act as nonchalant as he could. something he was successful in doing so. “i’ll buy you a drink while i wait. just send me a message if you’re done.”

“thank you, woobin.” and with those words said, you watched woobin leave the establishment. as soon as he did, your stomach sunk. there was no one else in the flower shop, it seemed like the other staff had already left.

taeyoung gestured to you to sit on an empty stool next to the counter, but you declined. instead, you leaned to it, urging him to speak what he wanted to talk about. he wasn’t the kind to be hesitant with such, but now, it was as if his tongue was tied in hundreds of knots and words can’t just be delivered.

“you’re experiencing hanahaki, right?” a stiff start. not only you, but taeyoung could feel how unnatural it sounded. no cheeky grins, no bright tone. it was flat and dripping with nervousness you weren’t aware taeyoung could be under the state of. “how are you?”

“i’m alright.” you chuckled at his words, letting loose of the already tensed atmosphere. as much as you were nervous for what was to come, you didn’t want it to spread on your formerly cheerful mood. “come on, taeyoung. i’m not going to be mad or anything.”

it partially helped taeyoung who had a small smile on his visage. but his eyes were still unable to meet yours as he locked his gaze on something else, the flowers healthily blooming inside the shop. “you were coughing out… roses, right?”

you hummed as a reply. finally taking the offer to sit. “yes, your favorite.”

“that means that you like me?” taeyoung took the seat next to your stool.

surprisingly, instead of worrying about how your little secret got figured out, you had an opposite feeling. you were relieved. there was no anxiety about him giving you the possibly worst rejection, no concern about how he could possibly shatter a thorned heart.

whatever made him realize such a thing, you were thankful. at least you no longer have to go through excessive explanations.

but there was something you would want to clarify.

“i used to like you a lot,” you said, giving an emphasis to the phrase: used to. a relieved sigh left your lips, satisfied with how everything was happening. it wasn’t as bad as you imagined. “you don’t have to worry now though, i’m gradually moving on.”

“still. you had to suffer from that for years,” he trailed. “i’m sorry.”

“it’s okay taeyoung.” your tight-lipped smile turned into a genuine one. the moment you shifted your gaze to look at taeyoung, you met his eyes. regardless of the pain it brought you, there was in no way you saw yourself blaming taeyoung. you liked him. and that summed it up. “your brightness was a blessing and never did i regret liking you despite the thorns and petals brought by it.”

his slightly soaked eyes were an indication of his former worry, which was slowly being washed away by a good amount of reassurance. “i’m glad.”

“you no longer have to worry about the roses, taeyoung.” stripping down the photographs on your wall for the past days, you replaced them with other photographs. you were sure the delusion was coming to an end. yes, the roses were indeed beautiful. but its thorn wasn’t as astonishing. “it’s withering.”

a stray tear slipped out of your eye and taeyoung didn’t only catch the tear, his arms were wrapped around you in such a warm hug. you were sure no petals would come out of your lips again. the warmth that embraced your body conveyed a closing home.

it’s time to move out and find a home that has no garden.

you no longer despised the spring. the beautiful flowers surrounding the town were no longer catching distasteful looks from you. your lungs free from spring. hand wrapped around woobin’s, the warm rays of the remaining afternoon sunlight filtered through the thick leaves of the trees the two of you would pass by.

another book was published, all containing the last words for your former muse. the title didn’t hide anything, quite an obvious choice: kalopsia.

three times a week you would go out for a book signing while woobin, now your boyfriend, would fetch you every time. he was busy himself with the recording of his album which was to be released by the end of the month. but he never missed going to the venue where your book signing would take place. by now, he probably had about nine signed copies of your book.

“you experienced hanahaki as well, right?” you asked woobin as you passed by a shop that had orchids hanging on the wall. petals of lush yellow, pink and purple decorating it.

woobin chuckled, taken aback by your unexpected question. “i did.”

“how was it?”

“it was weird. i mean coughing out petals so suddenly.” he looked at you, only to see your furrowed brows. something that made him laugh once again. “what do you expect me to answer?”

“that made you realize that you like me?”

“don’t be silly. even before the first petal left my lips, i knew i already liked you.” a contented smile graced his brim. even before that, the way his heart would thump in his chest as if it had run a marathon, the way a dumb smile would hang on his lips once he saw you, the way he would be subconsciously adoring you while you were busy writing, the way he wanted to be beside you, the way he wished to hold you closer— it all happened before a petal of orchid escaped the confines of his mouth.

a faint blush became apparent on your cheeks, giving it such a cute color. “and up until now you still like me…”

“correction, it’s liked. past tense,” woobin said, laughing at how your expression shifted. he took a big step and stopped right in front of you, he turned to face you with his hand still holding yours. “now, i love you.”

the weather wasn’t as hot since the sun was preparing for the twilight, but your cheeks were. it was accompanied by the wild flutters in your stomach. letting go of woobin’s hand (a reflex to hide how flustered his words got you), your ears were enveloped by his sweet, sweet chuckle. you walked past through him in such rushed footsteps, a peal of laughter escaping your lips as you did so. “i can’t believe you had to say that in that way.”

however, you were not even that far from him when woobin caught you. your steps halted when he locked you in a back hug, giving your cheek a light peck which simply made it more flushed. “i love you more than you’d ever know,” he carefully whispered to your ear.

you chuckled at the gestures, his words tickling you. regardless of how playful it seemed to be, you knew woobin was dead serious with it. he detached himself from you, only to hold your hand once more and walk beside you.

glancing at your interlaced fingers, you leaned your head to his shoulder. “i love you too, woobin.”

“i love you so much, y/n,” he replied, gently squeezing your hand.

to be able to look at the flowers without thinking about how they budded in your body, to rest every evening without worrying about the petals disrupting your serene night, to be right next to the person you love and loves you, there was nothing else you could wish for.

the flowers in your chest had long ago stopped blooming. it went the same way with woobin. but little did you know... orchids started blooming on someone else’s body, slowly growing on the chest of the person who once caused you to have roses hugging your lungs.

and just like how you first found those roses beautiful, taeyoung thought those orchids were too.

#cravity imagines #cravitywriters #cravity oneshots #cravity x reader #kpop imagines #seo woobin #kim taeyoung #woobin x reader #taeyoung x reader #cravity

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makebank · 4 years

Text

silver lining

Request: “it's a day on set and you haven't been feeling good you pass out mid filming, and it turns out to be serious”

Warnings: nothing really, but mentions of surgery and emergency rooms

Rudy Pankow x reader

Word Count: 1.5k

A/N: i know i said i wouldn’t do the actor but i changed my mind bc this seemed innocent enough. not sure if i’ll do more, as i prefer the characters. but i figured i’d at least try once. if this bothers you i’m sorry. also not even a blurb lol, i can’t make them short unless they’re phrase prompts omg

You woke up this morning feeling like you had been hit by a truck. All last night you tossed and turned alternating between sweating and shivering. When your alarm sounds, you roll to the side to turn it off and are hit with a wave of nausea. Instantly, you rush out of bed and barrel towards the bathroom. You thought you were going to be sick, but thankfully nothing came up.

You sigh taking in your disheveled and damp appearance. Lifting up your shirt, you inspect your right lower stomach expecting to find a bruise. Oddly, there was nothing there but you felt a dull ache taking over the area. You were curious about why you suddenly felt so horrible, but knew you had to get to work. Turning on your shower, you steamed up the room and stepped in. You were hopeful that a nice, scorching shower would be enough.

In the shower you contemplate how important it is for you to be okay. You finally landed an acting role and didn’t want to mess it up. It wasn’t the largest part, but you were in the second half of the TV series season quite a bit. This spring you had auditioned for a love interest on Outer Banks and shrieked when you got it. Your character was supposed to start slowly falling in love with the character JJ Maybank, while he secluded himself off from his friends. He goes through a tragedy of dealing with John B. being gone and feels left out by his best friends dating. So, he meets you while surfing alone and they continue to meet up often. Anyways, you were among so many great actors that you felt insecure at times. And the last thing you needed was to be calling in sick and halting filming.

Besides, you had a huge crush on the actor who played JJ. You never did anything about it though. During filming it was professional and after you would smile and joke with the lively blond. It was hard not to like him. He was full of so much life, was intelligent, kind, and could have any room rolling with laughter. He was always so sweet and respectful towards you but that was it. You two had spent hours together rehearsing and filming. You were growing closer, but it didn’t seem that he wanted it to move any further. It wasn’t like him and his co-stars who were already all friends from the first season and had a visibly strong bond.

Pulling yourself from your thoughts as your long shower grew cold, you shut off the water and start to dry off. You would just have to fake it for the day. There was no way you weren’t going.

Arriving at set, your stomach pain only worsened. Instead now, it was sharper rather than dull. You head into your trailer and pop a couple painkillers before splashing water on your face and making your way to hair and makeup. Walking in you see the one person you got most excited to see, Rudy.

“Hey y/n.” he greets with his usual bright smile.

“Hi Rudy, what’s up?” you try to match his tone. “Oh, you know, just getting my flowing locks perfected” he jokes while the hairstylist sprays the hairspray to hold his flawless gold waves in place. You chuckle in response but try not to wince at the pain it causes. But to no avail, your face gives it away.

He frowns at your obvious discomfort. “Are you okay?” You beam at his genuine concern. “Sorta. I just have this weird stomach pain. But I’m fine!” you rush to reassure. He raises his eyebrow at you like he doesn’t believe you. “If you’re sure, just take care of yourself first please.” You actually fully smile this time, “Thanks, I will” you slightly lie.

He rises from his chair with his hair finished. “See you on set, lover” he gives you a two-finger salute as he heads to film scenes with the other cast members. You feel your neck heat up at the nickname. You knew it was only because you played his love interest, but you couldn’t help but feel flustered every time he did it.

After sitting through hair and makeup, you head to set overhearing a scene being filmed. It’s Rudy yelling at JD about something to do with his character JJ being distant and it being none of their business. You take in the sight of him now in different clothes. He’s wearing that cutoff you love that shows off every inch of his defined arms. They’re bulging even more, because he tenses with anger. His fingers covered in rings as they run through his hair. You admire Rudy’s acting and his seemingly effortless portrayal of JJ.

Suddenly, while waiting another wave of sharp pain hits you. You curl up in your chair and whimper. No one notices because they are too entranced with the scene. Taking a couple deep breaths, you try to distract the pain away. It didn’t alleviate it at all. Shortly after, they’re done filming and Rudy is walking towards your chair next to his. Bounding with a sense of pride in his work, he innocently smiles towards you. Once he’s close enough to see your expression, his demeanor falls.

“Y/n you don’t look too good. You sure you should be filming today? We can take you to the doctor.” he offers becoming increasingly concerned. You quickly shake your head no. “I’m okay. C’mon let’s go” you try to get him to drop it. He looks unsure but ultimately follows you to the towel on the sand to start your scene.

The director starts to give you both some instructions that you can hardly pay attention to. He yells “action”. The scene starts off well, Rudy is acting perfectly as always, and you deliver a few lines without issue.

Without warning, your stomach wrenches in agony. You start wincing and your eyes tear up. You curl your body up and start groaning. The camera men stop filming, and everyone rushes towards you. Rudy is the first to try to help. He places his hand on your arm to try to see if you’re okay.

“Y/N! What’s happening? What do you need me to do?” he’s frantic and rushing his words. You only cry in response until you muster the energy to speak. “I don’t know, it just hurts so much” you whimper. Immediately, Rudy is scooping you into his arms and hauling you to a vehicle. You hear everyone panicking in the background but can only focus on the soreness.

Rudy rushes you to the emergency room where people surround you and start performing a series of tests. Soon you’re being sped to surgery. You’re told you have appendicitis and need emergency removal. It all happens, so fast your family isn’t able to get there before it starts. They live all the way on the west coast, so sadly they won’t make it until way after.

You wake up from being put under on anesthesia in a hospital room. You slowly blink open your eyes to find an unexpected visitor. It’s Rudy nervously biting his nails and bouncing his leg in front of your bed. When he realizes you’re awake, you can see with weight being lifted off him

“Y/N! You’re awake! I’ve been so worried about you.” he looks so stressed and miserable. “I’m sorry.” you croak. He looks taken aback, “What? You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m just glad I forced you here when I did. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit” you tease and you both erupt into giggles. He grabs your hand and rubs his thumb softly on your fingers. “I’m really glad you’re okay.” “Me too. Thank you for everything you did and for waiting for me.” He stands up and places a gentle kiss on your cheek. “Are you kidding? There’s no way I was leaving you. I’ll go get the others, they’ll want to know you’re awake. Your family is about an hour out by the way.”

You sink further into your hospital bed feeling the butterflies taking over. You’re still slightly sore from surgery, but his lips and the pain medication make you feel on cloud nine. You weren’t sure if Rudy felt this way before and the emergency brought it out or if he’s just being kind, but you were loving every second of it.

A few days later you get to return home, but on bed rest for the next two weeks. Rudy spends every minute he can in bed with you watching movies and cooking for you both. He has to continue filming, but he reassures you that in a few short weeks you’ll get to pick up and finish the last few episodes you have with him.

You weren’t excited about having your appendix removed, but it did bring the boy you cared for full force into your life. He was your best friend. And now eagerly becoming more.

i didn’t add my everything tag list bc i dont normally write for actors and didn’t want to tag you guys for this just in case.

#rudy pankow #rudy pankow fic #des writing #obx #obx fic #outerbanks fic #obx cast #outer banks #outerbanks netflix #jj maybank #obx netflix

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btsandvmin · 3 years

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Hello, do you think it's possible that the real issue with bts (almost disbanding in the beggining of 2018) could be because of bighit finding out that two of the members are dating (mostly vmin)? I ask that because I noticed It happend around the same time when vmin tonned down their interactions and tried to be more subtle and started the "push and pull" thing (2018-2019) and also when they denied tae to sing the Christmas song with Jimin (end of 2017). I also think of that because when Jin mentioned the disband It seems to me that although all the members cried, vmin were the ones who cried the most (tae looked so hurt). Thanks for answering and forgive my english, it's not my mother language.

I mean... Of course it could be part of it. But personally what I think is that the main issue was them growing big so quick and that leading to a lot of new things and intense work and pressure to always do better, and that their mental health was being affected. Think “the bigger the light the bigger the shadow” that Yoongi started to bring up around this time.

We saw DNA era BTS being very thin and tired from how hard they went, and then in early 2018 they took their long break. I also suspect they were planning to perform at the Olympics but cancelled. For a while JK and Yoongi went basically missing, some say JK went home to stay with his parents. Hobi, Jimin and Tae still promoted a little in Japan, which was the first time we really saw smaller groups do promotion for a longer time rather than the whole group. (Namjoon did surgery)

Jin said this: “I remember early this year. We were mentally struggling at the beginning of the year,”

And Yoongi said this about their struggles: “ I think it’s because things got really hard at the start of the year. There were a lot of things to think about at the time, and there was a lot of doubt about this work. That was on all our minds that year since this job constantly demands that you be on a roller coaster ride. It turned out to be a year where we could reflect on ourselves. That’s what I think.”

We also saw some really worrying things with JK from late 2017 and 2018 (his covers for one thing). He also talked a little about his struggles in his letter to himself in Malta. Personally I think JK and Yoongi seemed to have the worst struggles as things were happening, not being sure what to do or in JK’s case likely lack of self-worth (which he still seem to struggle with looking at his interviews in Break the silence). Basically I think they all took a step back to look at their lives and see what they really wanted. Luckily they decided they wanted to keep going and resigned for 7 more years.

As for Vmin’s strong reaction, I think the whole group seemed pretty affected. I personally don’t see Vmin’s (and Hobi’s) reactions being bigger as a sign it had to be personal, because they already are some of the members more prone to crying. And it was after all a huge deal since they even considered disbanding, and that’s enough to make any member cry if you ask me.

But sure, a couple coming out could of course have happened and been part of it... I think Vmin being careful happened gradually though, and started already in 2016 with some things. After late 2016 and early 2017 both BTS and Vmin as a ship grew in popularity which I think is part of the reason they might have held back a little. But it could also be like I have said before that the start of 2017 they filmed Burn the stage and in general started to show themselves even more than before, and had a lot of bigger crews around them. This could also have been reason to act more careful (if they actually did or not is a whole question you can consider as well).

I also think the “Vmin being distant” rhetoric is a bit exaggerated. I think the mental state of all members likely would have played a part in what we saw. I also think Jimin being Jimin was very close to JK during this time because of his struggles and because we got more Jimin with JK it felt even more like “less Vmin”. It’s a bit like how Jimin got with Tae in Malta as well. You can see in interviews from that time how Jimin even sometimes says “JK needs to get out of his room more.” or how he seems to try to make him do things (like in Malta dragging him to the Cathedral). Namjoon has said before about JK that he isn’t the type of person to open up his feelings or share his hardships, as he usually tells people that he’s fine. And I think JK reaching a breaking point might actually have shocked BTS to the core, because they always heard he was fine etc. That’s my theory about the hardships of 2018 at least.

As for the Christmas song it was written sometime in 2017 acording to Tae, so what I see for 2018 is actually more likely a consequence of BTS having a more open relationship where they started to share more and talk about hardships and things they didn’t like. Tae basically complained about his label after all, and I think we just got a shift in BTS during 2018 in general as they started to open up about their personas vs them as real people with struggles and the importance of loving yourself. I really think their own message hit them hard and they realized how important it was to stop and think about what they did for themselves.

Anyways, I know this is a short answer to a complicated topic that we honestly don’t know too much about... But yeah, this is at least the things I have seen or felt and drawn into my own conclustions.

Either way I am glad they could move on and become stronger, and I really think they seem happier and more focused on doing things because they want to than because of pressure to get better. I just hope they can live as happily as possible and feeel comfortable to be honest when they aren’t.

Thanks for the ask, I hope you found it interesting even though I barely talked about the possibility of a couple coming out as the reason. I just don’t think there is a lot to go on to talk about in that regards.

#jimin #taehyung #vmin #bts #jungkook #yoongi #btsandvmin ask #btsandvmin answer #btsandvmin #bts disbandment

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kickingitwithkirk · 3 years

Text

Rain pt II

Summary: After Supernaturals end Jensen’s life turned upside down. A year later an unexpected movie offer gives his career a second chance but it comes with an unexpected surprises.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x OFC Lili

Word Count: 1034

Warnings: cursing, nervous Jensen

* This is a slow burn series

Part I

A/N: This story has components from my favorite W. Somerset Maugham short Rain and Lace by Shirley Conran.

“I swear.. your..trying to...fucking kill me,” Jensen gasped as he falls onto the grassy knoll. Jared looks down at him laughing. He had been running with Jensen four times a week for the last month, pushing him to go further each week.

“We’ve only gone five miles…”

“I’m not training for a fucking marathon!”

“You said you wanted to do this and told me not to go easy.”

Jensen lays back on the grass, “I know and I appreciate it Jay, I’m just cranky cause..”

“Your menopausal?”

“Funny. No, I’m fucking hungry! Last night I couldn't stop dreaming about those damn double bacon cheeseburgers Dean used to eat.”

Jensen’s new diet was similar to what the Marvel actors did and he swore he’d never do again.

He normally watched what he ate, exercised regularly and was lucky he didn’t have to push too hard to stay in shape but he’d gotten used to nibbling on sweets, thanks to Jared’s addiction, always having something surgery on set. It was the first time he envied his friends hummingbird metabolism, would’ve made this reduction so much easier.

The absolute worst was no alcohol at all ‘cause dammit, he likes his drink.

Jared sat down next to him stretching, “You're doing really good, I can see the changes already.” Jensen’s cheekbones were more prominent and the soft overlay on his abdomen was gone, his toned abs more noticeable, giving him the lean, muscular look like he had in his early twenties, even though he hadn’t put on any muscle mass.

“I still can’t wrap my head around why me? I don’t physically look the part, Davidson’s described more like you Sasquatch, all hair and rangly.” He smirks earning him bitchface.

“I read the book and yeah, you're not exactly type but by the time you lose the weight, makeup and wardrobe, you’ll pull it off. How much you down?”

“Eighteen.”

“That’s good, you’re slightly ahead. Once your there, it’s maintenance.”

Jensen sighed remembering how much Jared had to put away, on top of his already huge daily caloric intake, to bulk up and kept on for demon blood and soulless!Sam a decade ago.

Jared gets up extending his extra large hand and pulls a groaning Jensen with him.

***

October

Jensen's sitting by himself in the green room waiting for the press junket to start texting with Chris Kane about getting together while he was in California.

His other co-stars were seated close together chatting amicably, having either previously worked together on other projects or through events they’d attended.

“Cheer up mate, we’re not all a bunch of snobby assholes, well...some of us aren’t.” He looked up as David Tennant draped his lanky self over a nearby chair. He’d gotten to know the Scotsman a bit when his wife Emily guest starred as Kate the werewolf on Supernatural.

“Just watch yourself around Dockerty,” he says in a staged whisper making her glance over at them. David flashes his signature smile making her roll her eyes, resumes her conversation with Sally Hawking, Jamie Dornan and Jay Laga’aia, “she’s been known to make a porcupine look positively cuddly.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jensen remarks, “since she’s playing my wife,” the comment makes David chuckle, “Sally’s seems genuine, you lucked out there.”

David rubs his chin thoughtfully, “Since we don’t know who the leading lady of our ensemble is yet we might be better off cuddling up to the porcupine.”

Jensen remained noncommittal, figuring it’d be better not to antagonize anyone since they would be stuck together for the next four months; three weeks of rehearsals to shake any bugs left out of the script. costume fittings, makeup and hair while work was being completed on the island thousands of miles from the U.S. where they’d be filming during the region’s rainy season.

A PA walked in, “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to face the firing squad.”

***

Jensen nervously tapped his fingers against his thick thigh backstage waiting for his name to be called. This junket was making him uneasy, not knowing what the press would ask since Zimmer, who preferred to keep everything close to the vest with his projects, had only released minimal information about this production.

He hoped the coverage would be favorable since in this ensemble he was not only an odd man out but leading sticks out like a sore thumb man out.

They could hear Zimmer thanking the press, briefly answering questions about the minimal info in the press packets. The announcer went right into a bit of background filler about each of their carriers before introductions.

“At this moment we would usually introduce both leading actors together but unfortunately the lead actresses flight is delayed due to mechanical issues and is on another flight, hopefully to be here soon.”

There’s a brief pause, “This gentleman is better known for his previous hit television series, the longest running of its genre, ending last year after an unprecedented fifteen seasons. Please welcome Mr. Jensen Ackles.”

Jensen counted to five and stepped out onto the stage.

***

“Ms. Dockerty, how does this part compare to that of Lady Mary, since both characters are from roughly the same time period.”

“I’m not sure if we can compare…” Michelle was answering when David picked up his glasses putting them on distracting Jensen. Squinting at someone across the ballroom chucks softly to himself.

Jensen notices a woman dressed in a well worn leather jacket leaning against the back wall. He couldn’t make out her face clearly with the size of the hall but something was familiar.

It starts in the back of the room: a buzzing murmur along the last row of journalists, word spreading, people turning around to gander at the mysterious lady in the back turns into pandemonium.

It’s complete chaos as the whole press core got their full attention on her, some standing up on chairs shouting her name trying to get her to look their way for a coveted shot.

“It appears our leading lady has arrived.” David bemusedly yells to be heard as Michelle was caught saying “fucking hell,” over the open mic. Jensen can do nothing but sit in shocked silence.

Lili.

tbc

Tagging: SPN @donnaintx

Dean/Jensen: @flamencodiva

Rain @stoneyggirl

#Jensen Ackles #jensen ackles x ofc #Jensen Fanfiction #rpf fanfic #rpf #jesen ackles au #slow burn

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fallout-lou-begas · 3 years

Text

Thank you @theartofblossoming for tagging me in this fun little diversion while I sip my morning coffee, now you all get to reap the rewards of perceiving me

1. Favourite Color: Purple! A lot of people think Agnes’ signature neon pink is my favorite color, but I prefer either really deep violets or pastel purples.

2. Currently Reading: Black Ambrosia by Elizabeth Engstrom, a horror novel about a teenage girl who thinks that she’s a vampire and travels the country alone. I was reading A Canticle for Leibowitz but switched to Ambrosia because I only have Canticle on PDF and my phone battery was low on a particular commute, lol.

3. Last Song: This morning, it’s been “Material Girl” by Madonna. I keep trying to sing it as “Surgery Girl” because I’m the surgery girl but you gotta stretch a syllable kind of weird.

4. Last Film: Me, my husband, and our friends all cried watching Jon Bois’ sports documentary The Bob Emergency.

5. Last Series: Me and my husband will finish watching Naruto Shippuden sometime around the heat death of the universe.

6. Sweet, Savoury, or Spicy? Savory usually, but oh my god I’ve had a big sweet tooth lately.

7. Craving? A friend of mine baked me incredible blueberry muffins for my surgery recovery and I’m desperately wishing that I had more.

8: Tea or Coffee: A love of black coffee is a trait I share with Agnes.

9: Currently Working on: Recovering from my surgery, of course, and getting my apartment cleaned up and organized, mostly. Creatively, I’m juggling a half-dozen different comic book projects, the most pertinent to mention here being oversight on my lovely upcoming guest artists’ work on @ikroah #17 and #18 (coming soon!) and a short comic of my own that’s unrelated to IKROAH. And also don’t forget that I’ll be on-stream with @solesurvivorpaigeargot and the @artistsoftheapocalypse for the one-year anniversary of Sketchy Saturday on Sunday, July 11th! My timeslot is 1:00 to 3:00 PM CST.

And I’ll tag my husband @hidakaku as well as @yesjejunus, @socksual-innuendos, and @comrade-shrimp in case they’d also like to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, xoxo peace out <3

#louposting

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ohnobjyx · 4 years

Text

Plum blossoms in the snow (I)

Part 4: April and May (I)

We have gotten to the mid point of the story.

Disclaimer: I try to keep things objective (if I include my personal opinion, it’s in cursive and in brackets), but I’m biased because of the XZ friendly content I’m usually exposed to and by my own views of their situation. Open to discussion, but please make sure you’ve enough information to do so.

In March, slowly but surely, the incident was put behind. After the anger comes the aceptance, so to say. With so many people’s inputs, his fans started to let the topic cool down, while giving him their support.

So everything was coming back to their place and seemed a lot calmer than a month before. This didn’t sit well with some people.

Antis’ attacks

The antis were quite active, trying to spark a conflict one after another, because the topic had been silent for a little bit. Remember: more interactions, more followers, more money so ignore the antis always (unless they attack you, if so, report them).

To name a few:

On early April, they placed so many negative reviews on CQL in Douban that the score fell from 7′9 to 7′3. However, people didn’t react as they wanted them to, and instead the score rose steadily back to 7′7 (as of now).

When a brand of a product that XZ endorses admitted to economic fraud, antis attacked the brand, the product and XZ. Their argument was that because XZ is so popular, more people bought the product he endorses, thus contributing to the fraud. Some fans fell for it, protesting that what the brand does had nothing to do with XZ.

Some of the antis pretended to be XZ’s fans, and with that “disguise”, attacked other netizens, prompting a statement from XZ’s fans support group. In the statement, they reject this kind of behaviour and insist that everyone should be careful with what they say and how they act.

All of this, along with spreading rumors, was trying to revive the discussion and the fan war to get more attention and followers (people have a short span of attention, especially on the internet), and profit from it.

Around mid April, both w/ibo and bil/bili blocked antis’ accounts, making antis say that XZ’s company must have paid them to do so.

Endorsements

It was positive though that in April he started to appear again in commercials and banners.

(The one on the left is a commercial from February, I couldn’t find another one with a better resolution from April. By the way, from an interview done before New Year’s Eve for that brand, we get these two little moments: 1 and 2).

You may have noticed that the endorsement for the drink it’s a joined endorsement with another celebrity. Antis tried to pit the two group of fans against one another, but fans didn’t fell for it (the learning process was hard and long, but it was showing results).

Remember the one from the right. That’s a funny one, later in July.

Plum blossoms and stars

In April, XZ reappeared again in w/ibo with that drawing of plum blossoms from his Oasis account (on 200410). Previously, he had shared a post for the National Mourning Day for the people who’ve died because of the COVID-19, and before that, it was a post from February 22, before 2/27.

There are 4 main flowers in Chinese culture (one for each season), and each has a widely known meaning attached to them.

Plum blossoms are one them, and often represent resilience and perseverance in the face of adversity, because it’s a flower that blooms a brilliant red in the middle of winter and snow. It can also be a harbinger of spring.

So his first message after all of this mess to be one of perseverance and hope。 I personally find it very meaningful as to what his attitude towards the entertainment industry is.

This also calmed a lot of his fans, who had been worried of him succumbing to the antis and retiring from the industry. There had been a lot of rumours saying the he had got depression from all of this conflict, and this update effectively silenced those.

A few days later he sang a cover of the song “The hymn of the red plum blossom” for an online event “Beautiful China”. It’s a classical opera song from a film, very patriotic and well-chosen for such an event, but it could also represent his situation with the “coming of spring”. Musicians later analysed this song and deemed it too difficult for him to sing (he doesn’t have enough range for this kind of songs), but praised him for his spirit to try new, difficult things, and to bring classic songs to young people: “he’s like the plum blossom in winter: persistent against difficulties”.

XZ updated his Oasis again late in April, with a drawing inspired by posters from his university days: “hope”, “perseverance”, “acquisition”.

(This is the picture he updated on 200420, and below is a screeshot from the post in which he explains that those are drawings from his university days).

Reporting to the police

On 21st of April, XZ’s Studio issued a statement.

3 accounts (among others) had used XZ’s photos and videos to slander his name, so the studio had collected the evidence and had turned it all to the police. The accounts had been spreading rumours about him for months (about him dating other guys, plastic surgery) and insulting him for his acting skills and lack of respect towards women.

What we find most surprising is that, even in the face of a lawsuit, the antis didn’t relent and kept on trying to “black” (slander) him.

Those 3 accounts were, in their own words, chased and insulted by XZ’s fans, so they wanted to report XZ’s studio in return, for damaging their reputation.

(I don’t know exactly how this ended. I think the lawsuit is still going on, since these things take time, but the general outcome of this seems good for him. Most of the comments I’ve seen goes like “xz was just waiting for the right moment to act”, “staying silent and apologizing while collecting proof of a crime”.)

“Light Spot”

On April 25, XZ released a new song, and remarked that he thanks all well-meaning criticism and guidance, and that he’ll continue to grow from here. The song is Light Spot. There was again some drama related to this song, antis never take a rest it seems.

XZ’s apology

That week, XZ posted on w/ibo, apologizing for the troubles caused and asking people not to hurt others.

The source of the problem this time were rumours of him participating in HJ’s variety show (HJ is the host from Happy Camp with curly hair). Rumours said that he had invited XZ to participate in his new variety show on his own initiative. Haters attacked him for this, in order to prevent XZ from going to the program (remember that some of the antis’ objective is to make XZ retire from entertainment industry).

The TV station had to release a statement saying that XZ won’t participate in HJ’s show. XZ must have seen all the commotion and posted his comment asking people not to hurt HJ because of him.

Tracking down the antis

The leader of all of this commotion with HJ was a w/ibo user (let’s call her “B”) that had been a XZ hater for a long while, and her account was banned soon after this. Along with hers, many others hater accounts were blocked by w/ibo, prompted by XZ’s studio, according to other antis.

Though their accounts were blocked, B tried to come back (and even with the same username), and attacked XZ again for making “false donations” to Wuhan, and accusing him of being immoral. XZ’s Studio finally posted definite proof that their donation had been real.

B accused him of being a racist and having “abnormal sexual orientation”. She also managed to make her accusations a hot topic on w/ibo quite frequently.

This hater, with others, surprised many people in their tenacity and persistence to defame XZ. People analysed her behaviour and tendencies and extracted conclusions like these about this kind of “professional” antis:

She knows how the entertainment industry works, so she works in it or has sources inside the industry.

She knows what kind of topic will attract attention from other users.

She has good resources and is very intelligent and manipulative at the same time, so she is capable of making two groups unite against a third, for example.

She’s likely to cooperate with XZ’ competitors to spread rumors about him, to allow his competitors to get more endorsements. She incites haters and antis to boycott XZ endorsements in order to do this.

(I was asked previously if YH couldn’t have participated too in the smear campaign, to gain more endorsements for WYB. At the time, I’d been very sure that these kind of things are too much of a hassle, but now I’m not so sure that no one would do this. I mean, I don’t think YH would do this for WYB, since he is very popular and successful on his own, but for other YH’s employees or other companies for their idols... I’m not so sure anymore. But this is all especulation from me).

She often has material that a “normal” fan can’t get access to. Among the fans, there are some that are called fan representatives. They can often access the companies and agencies, so they have more information and images about a star than any other. Of course, they can’t spread it if they stop being their fan, but that doesn’t stop B from buying pictures from them.

There are also “spies” inside the fandom, who get information about a fandom from the inside.

So, in short, a great part of the general public likes the rumours and the stories she makes up, it doesn’t matter if they are true or not, and that gives her more followers.

Before XZ, she attacked the male leads from The Guardian (ZYL and BY), and used the same tactic.

(Which confirms our theory that this storm will pass for XZ, most likely because she moves on to attacking another person, but that’s a whole other story).

So at the end of April, w/ibo started to ban all the accounts that spread malicious and hate content, the numerous accounts of B among them, even though all of them had been ticked by w/ibo before (like the blue tick in twitter).

Even after being reported to the police, the account doesn’t seem to stop, making people suspect that there is money behind of this and that it’s not an account managed by one person, but rather a team. They’ll do the same to whoever is popular at the moment, so it’s not even personal, it doesn’t matter who it is, XZ, ZYL, BY, whoever.

(I don’t like conspiracy theories... if there’s no data to back them up, it all remains speculation, and it spreads more information that no one knows it’s true or not. However, this whole thing with the antis is very strange. I suppose will see what happens once XZ comes back to limelight).

Haters are also something every idol has to face.

The haters dig into an idol’s past, and make up rumours based on that. For example, XZ had a gf while he was studyinghis degree, but they broke up. Haters then said that it was because of this that he went to South Korea and got plastic surgery (false, some people do have this kind of amazing genes), and that’s why he’s so good looking. Since lies are mixed in truth, some people, especially those who just know his name, or that he’s an actor, have trouble picking it apart.

Rumours also place idols in a tight position. If they don’t answer, people will think the rumours are true. But if they sue them, haters aren’t afraid either, because the process is long, and in this process they are still getting views and new followers. It may also shift the attention to them, which is exactly what they want.

All in all, the world is complex, but even in the middle of snow you may find a little plum blossom.

←Part 3: Why does it snow? | Part 4 (II): Plums blossoms in the snow (II)→

#gg's situation series #I should have planned 8 parts instead of 7 #in my defense #I thought May would be shorter #part 4 of 7 (I)#my posts

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elizabethsharmon · 4 years

Note

Now that s5 has ended what do you think about it? I remember seeing you be quite vocal about the season and then you just stopped and I was just wondering what your general opinion is. Did the fandom scare you away? :(

hey there! I kind of stopped being so loud about the show here cause at some point I just gave up about s5 and don’t worry, it would take a lot for fandom to scare me away and i’ll be back with my usual bullshit in 2 weeks with s6 clip by clip reactions ✌️ anyway, i was going through my archive while writing this to remind myself of what happened in each clip and what were mine and fandom’s reactions to it and somehow when I started writing this, it turned out I can’t stop and it got quite long so I'mputting it under read more:

So first of all may I just say that the trailer/firstclip was one of my favourite clips of all times. It was just SO GOOD and to meit was like a dream come true cause I was talking about dropping a clip andstarting a season on New Year since July AND THEY DID IT AND IT WAS E P I C,such a power move, I love it. Honestly everything worked there, the music wasamazing, it was so wonderful to see both squads partying together, it wasperfect, 11/10.

Then the season started and I absolutely loved thefirst two episodes, we really started to get into Arthur's head, to get to knowhim and his family, find out how insecure he is and how well he's hidingeverything from others, and Arthur and Alexia clips!!!! They worked so welltogether and were so cute and supportive, I said it back then that if they ruinthem I will never forgive them for that because what was the point of makingthem a couple in the first place?? I still don't understand that, I don't thinkI ever will... Fast forward to the first Wednesday of the season aka underwatermale gaze aka the moment I knew we're in for a ride and it won't be a goodone... When the clip started I was over the moon, I'm a swimming hoe myself andI loved that they used the pool for actual swimming, the cinematography wasbeautiful and I loved that they found a way to incorporate Lisa into the story.That was until Arthur dived and saw Noee... and sadly, this was the firstmoment I emotionally yeeted out from the season. Don't even get me started howwrong it was - 1. using the pool which is a sacred place in the show’smythology; 2. using piano music; 3. peak male gaze, objectifying Noee, andArthur staring at her even though HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND; they were setting it upas a love triangle from the beginning and after those 10+ weeks I still havethe same question about it as I had back then: why. It was also the first timefandom started to be hostile and the shipping war began, some people werecoming to my and my friends' inboxes, sending us anons to stop thinking theworse about Arthur, that love triangle will definitely not happen and thatDavid explained on his insta that they used the setting of pool in another waythan it was used in og s3... Well, jokes on you cause we were right. Anyway thatWednesday clip was to me the first red flag of the season, the first momentwhen some people started attacking others, when the fandom police started formingand suddenly you couldn't say anything because someone would jump on you andsend hate.

But I decided to let it slide, hoping that they reallywouldn't go there (spoiler alert: they did) and then we got Friday clips withelu housewarming (i'm still emo!!!) and Arthur losing his hearing permanently.It was absolutely heartbreaking to find out he lost hearing in his left ear 2years ago, it was a real game changer back then and suddenly everything changed- why he was looking at Alexia so intently, why he didn't cover his left ear atnye party, etc. I absolutely LOVED the way they handled the topic at thebeginning with Jerome explaining everything to Arthur and to us and I LOVED thepositive discourse it started within the fandom with deaf/hoh people teachingothers and explaining things without getting mad at silly questions - tbh to meit was one of the best parts of the first half of the season and I'm reallygrateful for it ❤️

Sunday clips with gang were one of my favourite in theseason, I think Arthur took us all by surprise when he went to elu's flat totell the guys that he can't hear and they were chaotic and supporting andamazing and wow, I really don't understand what the fuck happened and wherethey disappeared in the second half of the season. I loved that they hinted aturbex king Eliott and I kinda feel like that might come back in s6....... butanyway. The 7 amclips were absolutely one of the highlights of the season. They helped to buildsome sort of routine and Robin absolutely nailed them, I could feel howpowerless and more frustrated he was feeling AND I also felt betrayed that wedidn't get one on Thursday and Friday. Even though after the first pool clip Iwas dreading every single next clip there, I really liked that they were showingus that Arthur goes there every Wednesday, it really helped to get inside hishead and to understand him more and I kinda wish they hadn't stopped thatbecause it would be a really power move to keep showing that. Alexia in episode2 was just WOW, i can't believe there were people who were saying she andArthur don't have chemistry or that he should break up with her because she'snot supportive - well, she proved you all wrong. Too bad Arthur was too dumband self-absorbed to appreciate that.

BASILE/ARTHUR FRIENDSHIP. All their clips were solovely and heartwarming, I loved how different Basile was in Arthur's pov toBasile we knew at the beginning of s3; when he didn't want to leave Arthuruntil he said back that he loves him :'))) wholesome. I kinda wish we got tosee more of those two, they're definitely hanging out just the two of them andthat's what was lacking for me, those 3 or so clips of just the two of thembeing wholesome buddies were great but they were not enough.

The party clip on Thursday of ep2 was great, I lovedhow they're giving us little insights of deaf/hoh community and showing usArthur getting drawn to it. I wish that it wasn't overshadowed by love triangleand we got more of it, but I'll be back to it later...

Now, episode 3 and 4 were strong in the term of clipsbut those two weeks were incredibly boring when you were watching it in realtime. The breaks were too long, there were three clipless days each episodewith hardly any social media update and at times it made me forget about theshow completely. The bar clip in ep3 was great until they started sayingproblematic shit and tbh I was really starting to stress over Eliott then -first we got a hint that housewarming party was canceled because he wasn't feelingwell, now over a week later he's not feeling well again and Lucas' "he'smy boyfriend and i love him" was very cute and I loved it but it alsostarted to lead to misery porn and this dread didn't leave me until the end ofthe season and I'm still worried that it will play a part in s6 and it won't behandled well (disclaimer: this is not about the fact that they're talking aboutEliott's MI, it's about how Lucas started to act like a martyr and the way theystarted to show him acting almost like Lucille).

Episode 3 was also the time when I think it becameobvious that Arthur's short outburst of communication was gone and we'll haveto deal with next few weeks of miscommunication, sulking and hiding. Beginningof ep4 was another moment for me when I wanted to escape from this seasonbecause of the fandom police - they created as hostile atmosphere for the fanswatching in real time as druck stans did during s3, when you couldn't commentanything or say anything without other people jumping on you, calling you outand hating you, that for a moment again I was ready to give up on the show. Ireally wish I had done it.

As much as I liked stupid gang content in thecafeteria the whole clip was kinda odd and the 1,5 days break between the clipand laser tag was too much. I feel like the pacing in episode 4 really didn'twork in their favour and the clips could've been placed in another order sothat the breaks weren't so long. The laser tag was such a strong clip withbeautiful cinematography and colouring and it showed us Arthur's problems withsensory overload and again - I wish we could find out more about it because inthe end the clip was too short and cut abruptly only for Arthur to go to Noeeto see her dance in a scene that was pure male gaze, where the camera lingeredon her flat, bare stomach, a few times showing close up of her boobs. And yes.I am aware sing language is a bodily language. But the thing is that itcould've been shown differently, without so many objectifying shots, with Noeewearing different clothes, without Arthur staring at her with his jaw dropped.Arthur who - may i remind you - had a girlfriend at that time. I can watchgore, I can watch open surgeries, I can watch blood, and fight, and beating,and all that without the blink of the eye. i could barely watch the clip ofNoee dancing. I've never felt so sick after watching something in my life, Ihad to go offline for a few hours cause I was feeling so unwell. This was sucha fucked up scene to film in such a way, to objectify her, to use male gaze, touse piano music, slow motion, man looking at her in a predatory way, and thisscene was so wrong on so many levels itself but when you add to it the factthat Alexia NEVER got scenes like that and all her dancing scenes showed her basicallyas a quirky friend having fun at parties. And that's disgusting.

But let's move on to episode 5. I loved all the scenesin the asso, I loved that they showed Arthur actually going to LSF classes, Iloved how he confronted his father about it later. Though episode 5 was alsothe start of the boy squad becoming brainless idiots, lying to his friend,plotting behind his back, going to a concert without him. Episode of beautifulcinematography and skating scene that I watched trying not to think about thefact that Arthur is basically having a date with another girl while hisgirlfriend is studying for her bac, of an oblivious guy not wanting to stop itbefore it's too late and everyone's hearts will be broken.... I loved that hesnapped at the guys in the detention clip. I liked the following clip withAlexia, when they made her talk about her insecurities, showed us how strongshe is but also how fragile she is at the same time. But that Sunday of episode6 was the moment I ultimately realized I don't care any more about this season.It was already ruined for me. Alexia opening up, Alexia asking Arthur aboutNoee and him saying the worst ableist shit ever, Arthur breaking Noee'sheart... Those three clips made me realize that for me it's too late, thedamage is done, and I won't be able to enjoy this season for real. Alexia wasbound to get her heart broken, I was pitying Noee because it wasn't her fault aguy she had a crush on kept on leading her for weeks, and Arthur... I dislikedhim more and more and I just wanted it to be over.

I loved all clips with Laura and Melchior, the playfuldynamic in their interactions with Arthur was one of the best things of theseason and I can't stop but think that we could've had the same thing but withArthur, Noee, and Camille. Meanwhile Noee was reduced to manic pixie dreamgirl, a homewrecker, a plot device, and Camille was there only to translate(and later to be Mika's boyfriend). I really liked the clip with Noee andArthur reading her letter about cochlear implant, it was very informative andit was the kind of content I really wanted to see in this season. The onlything I hated about it - which was a recurring theme in clips with Noee... - isthat Arthur kept forgetting about Alexia and this was so unfair to her.

Now. The Valentine's Day. I loved the sourd datingclip, again, it was something that I wanted to see in the season and it was avery strong clip. But then the rest of the episode... I really wish it didn'texist. Jumping to the pool in clothes???? Arthur sharing his deepest trauma andNoee kissing him??? NOEE AND ARTHUR SHIPPERS JUMPING ON PEOPLE SAYING THAT SHEDID IT TO COMFORT HIM???? Sorry guys, I don't know about you but when myfriends are sharing something traumatizing to me I hug them or hold their hand,I don't kiss them with tongue. Also using a flashback??? It doesn’t go wellwith the show’s format, why was it even used???

Episode 8 was... Episode 8 was wild. And weird. Andstrange. And I don't really know what was the point of it. But despiteeverything crackfic farm au was at least entertaining and it was kind ofsomething we needed then after weeks of will they/won't they and hating Arthur.Whipped elu was everything, the fifi saga was hilarious and I rewatched itaround 50 times and it still makes me laugh - Maxence nailed it but ?? what wasthe point? they killed Eliott's bunny so that he would become vegetarian? Theywanted to traumatize him and cause him to have an episode that was cut in theend? (I really wouldn't be surprised, there are 2 clips missing from firstepisodes each, and probably more in the others). I really don't know what wasthe point. The 6h15 or sth clip was funny but if Lucas and Arthur hugging itout cause sorry bro / it's okay bro / bro / bro is what they're considering aproper apology then I'm sorry but it isn't. What's more, the pacing of thisepisode was incredibly off and the clips didn't add up and there wasn't anynatural flow to it - they should've madetwo clips on Sunday - with Arthur getting to the van and them arriving to thecountryside, two clips on Monday with 6 am and then Daphne and Basile, Fifitrilogy on Tuesday and then right after midnight on Wednesday Arthur and Alexiain the barn. Now, the cheating excusing convo... I was absolutelydisgusted by the boy squad and the fact that YANN who was cheated on in s1advised Arthur to not say anything... wow. Also I really don't like what Eliottsaid there, I understood it in that moment that he was mainly talking from aphilosophical pov that humans are never satisfied in general, but he was sayingthat during the cheating convo, right after he said that he cheated on his gfto get with his bf, he said it while Lucas was right there, knowing that he hasdeeply rooted abandonment issues and this is what made the situation worse. Ithink I'll talk more about the fandom reaction and team's comments later causethere will be a lot to unpack there so yeah, I'll leave it for now.

Because now let's move on to February 21, aka theFriday that changed everything. Can I just say that I have never seen a worseclip ever in my life? That wasn't skam. That was soap opera. And not even agood one. I can't even comprehend how they wrote THIS and thought it was good.I despise the choice of making Noee speak out loud with every fiber of mybeing. First they objectified her, reduced her to the plot device and 1/3 ofthe love triangle, and now they stripped her of her integrity for a guy who wasconstantly leading her on, who has a girlfiend. They made her so desperate tomake him stay with her that she lost a part of himself for him. And for who??For a guy who didn't give a fuck about her? Who constantly played with herfeelings? Who mocked her and her language and her culture and didn't do so onlywhen it was convenient for him? Honestly fuck him, fuck Arthur. And then A CARCRASHED INTO HIM LIKE ????????????? Someone please explain to me what was thepoint of that cause the only one I see was to provide a fandom with a greatfree entertainment.

Now, episodes 9 and 10 were overall much stronger thanthe past few weeks but it was already to late to salvage the season. We gotanother cheating apologists scene which was - again - absolutely disgusting,especially coming from Lucas - who gave Arthur the same advice he gave to Emma- and Yann - who was cheated on and knew from his own experience that stufflike that always come out in the end. It's like all their character developmentfrom previous seasons went down the drain. Arthur on the other hand seemed tohave a character regression with each passing week. I'm still appalled by whatLucas said - that Alex is their friend but Arthur is part of the gang. It wasdisgusting. And it was out of the character. And it was the worst possiblething that could've been said.

Coline's song was so beautiful and I was so happy thatArthur finally realized what he's lost, though I feel like all those intensestaring between Arthur and Noee was unnecessary again, it's like they couldn'tjust give us a break for one clip from them, it's like she was constantlystealing Alexia's moments, whether she was on screen at the time or not.

The clip with elu was sweet and gave us greatwholesome content, but it only confirmed that Lucas' abandonment issues woke upfrom their nap and I'm already dreading what they're planning to do with thatin s6, especially that according to the latest news Lucas is not very presentin the next season... The polyamory talk... It was odd. It felt force. Thebuildup to it wasn't done very well and what' more it was built on cheating.And that's doesn't bode well. It's also quite ridiculous how it took 1 minuteconversation with Lucas or even one sentence from him tbh for Arthur to go"oh yeah I'm poly. I think." and tell Noee that he loves her eventhough he spent the last couple of weeks denying that and pushing her away. IHATE that yet again they made her be so desperate and cry when he was tellingher this. That's not Noee they gave us in the first half of the season. Ireally liked the clip of Laura and Melchior and Arthur giving the presentationto the students but Arthur's grandiose speech to students and then to girls wasso strange, there wasn't any buildup to it, or more likely Arthur that we werehaving on screen from the end of ep 4 till the end of ep9 was gone and the oldArthur finally showed up. But nevertheless it was strange and not very fittingto the way how the story progressed.

NOW the last two clips - first was a little bit shortand I can't say I was a huge fan (though Eliott's kermit-like dance waseverything jdskjdkjjd) but the second clip was absolutely beautiful, we finallysaw Daphne talk, I'm still not sure what to think about Noee/Arthur (not reallya fan of how the story was resolved... or how it wasn't resolved), AND THEMURAL! LUCAS CRYING BECAUSE HE'S PROUD OF HIS BOYFRIEND! ELIOTT ONCE A YEARMAKING A MURAL OUT OF PURE LOVE! EVERYONE CRYING! ELIOTT NOT PAINTING HIMSELFBECAUSE HE DOESN'T CONSIDER HIMSELF PART OF THE SQUAD (although he is, I don'tknow why they don't understand it) and... Lola. But I guess I'll be back to itlater.

So now, I can't say I'm a fan of the season. I enjoyedsome of the clips, but overall it was a mess, love triangle and fandom and crewbehaviour ruined the season for me. I was absolutely disgusted but howprivileged fans acted on tumblr and on twitter. And yes. There are privilegedfans, fans who were shutting others up because they "don't want us to getour hopes up when we don't know what might happen", fans who were sayingthat "you don't know anything haha i can promise you don't know shit hahano i don't know anything and no i'm not jealous haha you just don't know buthaha tell me this oh how stupid you are", fans who were acting like afandom police all the freaking time, yelling at everyone to "wait and see!you don't know what will happen!". Well. We didn't. Because contrary to 5%of the "little ones-fans", the rest 95% is not privileged enough toget a special treatment, to be invited on set for filming, to know the detailsof the plot before the season airs, to know the bigger picture. It's not fair.If you really know everything then great, I'm happy for you, but let the otherswatch the show how they like, let them react to it clip by clip. Because mostof us don't know the bigger picture and don't know what will happen and how theissues will be resolved. And you are aware that the format of the show itselfencourages viewers to react to the events of the story as they resolve onscreen and through transmedia content, right? That's the essence of skam.Taking that away from the regular fans because you've been let in to some innercircle and know it all is absolutely disgusting. Don't interact with the fandomif you can't stand seeing people not agreeing with the writing choices,questioning what they watch and theorizing about what will happen. If you're soabove it, then just stick with the people like you, with those 5% or so ofknow-it-all and "enjoy" the show with them. Don't ruin the fun forothers. You're not better than anyone else. Don't act like it. Don't be ahypocrite. Don't act publicly as a fandom police, criticize everyone who sharesspoilers and call them out and write hateful posts, if you're doing the sameprivately, if you can't shut up when someone sends you a dm or a message offanon and suddenly you spill everything. Don't be fake. If you know stuff, thengreat, I don't know admit it and say that you want say anything or don't sayanything but then don't spread the spoilers and don't write cryptic comments inthe tags. It's not helping anyone and it's definitely not doing anything good.And to people on twitter currently posting what I guess they assume are vaguetweets about cast’s personal lives? Fuck you. You’re so loud, you know? Maybeyou think you’re talking in a special code only you and your friends can guessbut it’s so obvious and so disgusting, you really have no shame. Grow up andget a life.

Another thing that ruined the season for me was theway the crew was acting on twitter and instagram and I’m so so so disappointed by their behaviour,especially that I’ve always considered them as one of the most open-mindedteams who respect their fans and their opinions. Turns out they do that butonly when the reactions to the clips are positive. I mean, I kind of get it,obviously everyone wants to hear the praise, but you cannot ignore thenegative comments and fans’ concerns, especially that there were plenty of themthis season. And during social media age when it takes one click to see theliked posts or comments, it becomes obvious that the crew was only interacting (evenin such a passive way like liking comments or tweets) with fanswho were praising the show. All the negative comments and questions werebrushed off, saying that “the season will reveal its own truth” and that iffans will have any questions they will be answered after. Well, franklyspeaking, me and my friends have a list of questions that we’d love to get ananswer for:

- why was love triangle necessary?- why did they make Alexia and Arthur a couple in the first place if theywanted him to go after Noee?- why did Noee say she doesn't like talking out loud cause sign language is howshe communicates only to yell at Arthur to stop him from leaving, losing herintegrity for a guy who doesn't care about her?- car????????????????????????- cheating convos - why are they excusing it like that- treatment of Alexia & why did they include numerous comments about Alexia'sbody?- THE MALE GAZE - why did the camera focus so much on Noee's body, why was sheobjectified and why was she presented as a stark contrast to Alexia?- fifi?- p*trick and why the abuse was introduced so late in the plot and overshadowedimmediately by cheating and then followed by crackfic farm au?- why didn't we see any Arthur centered clips where he shows he likes art?- why did Arthur and space have no relevance in the season???- why are Lucas and Yann saying shit every time they open their mouths and whydid they forgot about everything that happened in s1?- the whole convo with the boy squad on valentine's day and how shitty theirreaction was - why?- why we didn't see any actual squad interactions on holidays and no realapologies?- why does the life of the characters always has to revolve around romanticrelationships?- why can't men and women be friends unless the man is gay?- what was the point of all the ship wars and skamlaserie photo withArthur/Alexia and Arthur/Noee *especially* after all the comments on twitterand on Instagram when fans were fighting already and it only made thingsescalate? Why not stop it, why pit fans against each other, why let it escalatelike that?- why draw parallels between elu and Arthur/Noee?- Why was Noee reduced to love interest and Camille to translator 90% of thetime and why don't give them similar dynamics with Arthur as Melchior and Laurahave?- how can Arthur see underwater?- Catherine - was she just a queerbait?- tuturo comment from the forum and Arthur's 'relationship' with 34 yo - whywasn’t it mentioned ever again?- how could noee not know arthur has a girlfriend since she was following himon instagram and he had photos with alexia there?- what happened with basile's birthday since they never celebrated them??- in samedi 11:04 (5x10) eliott says "i've got some croissants, do youwant me to heat them up?" which implies that he's already bought them andbrought them back to the flat BUT he's putting his jacket on as if he was aboutto leave and then he leaves and slams the door so what's the truth?

The crew completely invalidated the feelings andconcerns of the fans and what added fuel to the flame for me was thatskamlaserie post with Arthur/Noee/Alexia and caption that they can’t choosecause they love them both and… Honestly, who the hell works there. There’s beendrama for the whole week on twitter and under David’s posts on insta andinstead of finally end it, idk block the comments or just make a statement ORWHATEVER, they posted THAT on the official show’s account?? Why haven’t they stopped it? Why did they keep on pitting fans against each other up to the point that one twitter user started getting DEATH THREATS only because they translated some video??? Absolutely disgusting.@skamlaserie and @fr team: hate to break it to you but there's nothing wrong with being single andthere's plenty of teenagers who aren't in relationships in high school andthat's okay... maybe that's how Arthur should've started the season instead ofbecoming a cheater and leading on two girls at the same time just for the sakeof having unnecessary relationship drama which literally only created somepointless ship wars and put half of the fandom off watching the show... just saying.

Then, another things that rubbed me the wrong way werethe whole “canceling” discourse (that never really happened and I still standby what I said in the comments to this post so I’ll just direct you to it) and imposingthe one “right” interpretation on the fans - I specifically have the cheatingconvo from episode 8 in mind now. We all have a right to our owninterpretations of every scene, here many people saw it as Eliott’s commenthaving an effect on Lucas and his abandonment issues and started commenting onthat on twitter and David had to rush to explain that he hadn’t meant Lucas,that Eliott won’t cheat and that they won’t break up and will stay together.Well, the thing is that there’s such a concept as “the death of the author”which I suppose you can already guess from its name says that the author, theirbeliefs, backstory, opinions, etc. shouldn’t be taken into account wheninterpreting the text because writing (or in this case - a show) and creatorare separate entities and shouldn’t be correlated. First of all, thismetaphorical extinguishing of fire seemed pointless and like a mockery, seeinghow two episodes later it turned out people were right and Lucas really tookEliott’s comment personally and his insecurities and abandonment issues wereshowing up again; secondly, after that there were many comments from the crewabout how Elu will stay forever and never break up and maybe it’s just me but Ithink that was obvious, right? So why would they keep repeating that? Unless…something will happen in s6 that will make us doubt that and it’s a preemptive damagecontrol 🙃

So to sum up this monstrosity that I have no idea ifit even makes any sense BUT ANYWAY: I liked some of the things in s5 but overall Ireally really didn’t like it, some people in the fandom were incrediblyannoying and turned out to be fake and complete hypocrites, and the crew’s behaviour on socialmedia leaves a lot to be desired and I can only hope they will acknowledge anycriticism of s6 and won’t blatantly ignore fans’ criticism again. So that’d beit. If you read it till the end then you’re stronger than Sabrina giffingArthur getting hit by a car and I respect you for that cause even I haven’t reread it, have a nice quarantineand stay safe!

#skam france #skamfr #anon #answered #maggie talks

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rockthistowninsideout · 4 years

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JyoumiChallenge 2020

November 3rd – Cooking...Favourite Version of Jou

Rating: General Audiences Words: 992

This is (not) a disaster

“Minasan konbanwa – Welcome my lovely cooking community to another episode of Cuisine With Mimi! My name is Mimi Tachikawa and today we wanna have a look into a rather magnifique way of cooking – namely the French one! But I won’t be alone on my quest of discovering this interesting and wildly varied cuisine and conquering some of the more challenging recipes. My guest today is Jou Kido, an extraordinary doctor who happens to be my boyfriend!”

The smile Mimi gives him when the camera swings over to broadcast his by nervousness red-patched face is meant to be encouraging but Jou hardly notices. He feels about to be strangled and gulps heavily, his adam’s apple quivering. A glance over to the monitor lets him nearly wince. His forehead is way too glossy, there’s a strand of hair that’s decided to ditch the laws of physics and stands at a 90° degree angle, and he’d rather not think about the aforementioned uneven red patches all over his cheeks.

When the camera light goes out and the directive assistant indicates a short video that’ll give an overview of croissants, snails, and baguettes, as well as some lesser known specialities, Jou turns to Mimi and asks in defeat “Why haven’t you invited Yamato or Takeru? They are half-french and Yamato can actually cook. My experience hardly extends the various versions of ramen.”

“All that’s true. But France is the country of romance and Yamato is not my boyfriend.”

Unbeatable Mimi logic. Nothing that Jou can argue over.

The two are now ushered behind the huge kitchen counter of the studio, it’s as big as his bedroom in the small apartment opposite the hospital he works at. He and Mimi haven’t moved in together yet because she’s always on tour, giving cooking classes all over the world, while he basically lives in the hospital. It’s rather surprising that he has the day off to film the show but probably Mimi has used her irresistible powers of persuasion on his boss. He suspects she’s a big fan of Mimi’s show, at least judging by the complementary cook book that he’s seen wedged between all those medical handbooks in her office.

“And we’re back in three, two, one!”

The camera pans over to them and Mimi says “Today’s recipes I’m very curious about because they’ve become essentials around the world and are also well-loved here in Japan. But! Most of the time people buy them in stores even though, with a few tips and tricks, they can be made at home just as easily. We will start with the croissant dough because that has to be refrigerated for two hours.”

She spreads her hands to showcase the ingredients needed. “Jou, would you be so kind to attach the dough hook to the stand mixer and switch it on?”

Sweat pearls on Jou’s forehead. Where he can basically do surgeries in the dark and still find the right instruments, he is helpless when it comes to kitchen equipment (and, to be honest, any other tool outside the operating theatre).

Mimi seems to notice. A tiny nod to the right, and the camera zooms in on her assembling the dry ingredients in an extra bowl. That step is actually unnecessary but it gives the assistant the chance to point out what a dough hook is and how to attach it to the mixer. Jou nods frantically as a thank you, but then the focus is back on him.

“Here we will stir together the yeast and the water which needs to be warmed to about 46 degrees. Then we’ll let it sit for about ten minutes. In the meantime…”

Thankfully, for most of the show, Mimi handles the spotlight. He is tasked with small aids, such as washing the lamb’s lettuce or putting oil in a pan and switching on the hob. Whenever he is out of shot he just watches Mimi.

This is the perfect platform for her. She can present herself in frilly aprons and matching dresses, ramble about the food and everything else that comes to her mind, and in general just enjoy the Mimi Show as much as the viewers do.

Ratings have soared in the past two years since the show is on, climbing with every new season even higher. She’s started in the afternoon program on weekends, then moved to the early evenings on weekdays, then once a week during primetime, and now the show has garnered so much acclaim that it’s the major Saturday evening show, the highlight of every month. Usually her guests are much more illustrious. Other famous TV personalities have cooked with her, first just of national, then also of international renown. Even the prime minister has chopped vegetables with Mimi.

But, as she freely admits in many an interview, she likes to cook with none other more than her long-time childhood friend and now partner. So fans have started a hashtag, #cookingwithkido, where they have been begging Mimi to finally show them the both totally unknown and yet internet-famous Jou Kido. They have tried to unearth his identity but Jou is completely inactive on the world wide web. No social media presence, nothing. And miraculously, none of his patients has so far posted a picture with a caption “Mimi Tachikawa is not the only one Dr Jou Kido lays his gentle hands on”. Which Jou is very thankful for.

Still, he has caved in to Mimi’s plea to appear on the show, and it didn’t even need a lot of doe eyes from her side. That’s just how it is. Mimi asks, Jou gives. But he never feels drained, or taken advantage of. That’s a concept far out of Mimi’s personality. Her abundant joy, her careless view on the world that she has kept regardless of all the perilous events in the Digital World and the show business alike, make up for everything she wants from him. And he doesn’t want to have it any other way.

#jyoumi challenge #mimi tachikawa #jou kido #jyou kido #joe kido #digimon adventure #digimon adventure tri #digimon adventure kizuna #jyoumi #my stories

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pllandcompany · 4 years

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I Choose You

Summary: Hospital AU! A look into how Roman and Logan’s relationship developed.

Pairings: Pre-romantic into Romantic Logince, background QPP Moxiety

Warnings: discussion of medical procedures, blood mention, violence/shooting mention, mention of drug use/addiction, anxiety, crying, a (and one almost) kiss

Tagged: @shxtxpp @apologieslogan @crofters-jam @asylia5911 @ab-artist @band-be-boss-blog @unbefuckinglieveable@flyingfreeyt @thecatchat @thefallendog @backatthebein @insufferablegayastronaut

Notes: Guess who’s back at it again after months of writer’s block?? I’ve wanted to write this story for a while. It does reference a few other fics I’ve written in this AU so here, here, and here are the links for those stories if you want more context as the events of this story are not in order of how they happened based on the established timeline. Also, heads up that I’ve only linked the first part of Out Loud (last link) and Don’t You Remember (second link) but If you want full details (or if you just love my writing so much, insert eye roll here), go to my masterlist and read all of the parts. Still, it should be fairly clear even without reading the previous stories. Okay! Enough talking! Enjoy!

Why wasn’t he awake?

That deadly, nerve-wracking, gut-twisting question had been bouncing around Dr. Roman Courtland’s mind for five days now. The deadline of the withdrawal of care date loomed over his head like a terrorizing and expansive storm ready to break open at any moment. Fourteen days was just simply not enough time. Did the man have no hope?

Note to self: Remind Logan to change that stupidly short time period when he wakes up.

In all actuality, Logan being in a coma was not the expected outcome. It was a nearly perfect surgery. The bleeding was minimal and deftly controlled by his swift hand when it occurred. There was no sign of post-operative stroke or brain death. He should be awake. Yet there Logan lay as still and pale as driven snow, the steady beep of the machines being the only sign of life in the room. It shouldn’t be the case, but it was and Roman was damned determined to find out why. This wasn’t just any patient. No, this was a colleague and a gifted one at that; Logan was quite possibly the most brilliant cardio-thoracic surgeons this hospital had ever seen. Not only was this a professional point of pride, Logan was also the man who saved his brother’s life while simultaneously putting up with his relentless torment the entire time Remy was hospitalized. Roman knew he had been unfair to the surgeon, cruel even and he has certainly spent an exorbitant amount of energy trying to make up for that fact since, including personally taking on his case when Logan turned up with a brain tumor. Shortly before his diagnosis, the two finally found themselves on better terms and Roman was…looking forward to getting to know the doctor more, figure out what truly makes him tick. Now he was potentially the surgeon responsible for destroying that precious of a mind, for squandering the opportunity to…learn more about Logan? Roman refused to accept that reality. Logan Taylor was going to wake up if he had any say in it. He had to; Roman wasn’t ready to lose him-

“Roman? What are you still doing here?”

Patton. Damn it. “Looking over Logan’s post-op scans.” Roman felt the deep sigh more than he heard it.

“For the hundredth time, I bet. Roman, take a break, please. You have to step away at least for a moment. Have you even eaten anything?”

“Have I figured this out yet? Then the answer is no and I’m not leaving until that changes.” A small pang of guilt tightened Roman’s chest briefly. Yelling at Patton was like kicking a puppy, a completely undeserved action. As usual, Patton didn’t even seem fazed which only served to make the neurosurgeon feel worse. Instead, he simply sat across from the distraught doctor, empathy shining in his eyes.

“Roman, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

“Then what the hell else am I supposed to do?!” Roman flailed his arms in sheer frustration, the force of action flinging the scans everywhere. He roughly ran a shaky hand through his hair and breathed deeply, trying to control himself while Patton quietly picked up the discarded films.

“I wish I could tell you what to do, Roman. I don’t know how to fix Logan. But I do know you’re not going to find the answer like this. Please take a break. Get some sleep. Come at this again in the morning.”

Roman buried his head into his hands. “What if something happens when I walk away? What if he gets worse and I’m not here to stop it? What if I can’t figure this out and I…and we lose him?” Patton gently took Roman’s hands out of his hair and smoothed the wavy locks down, a solemn yet knowing smile playing on his lips.

“I know you’re scared. I am too. But we don’t get to know what’s going to happen sometimes. All we can do is our best. Which you can’t do if you’re exhausted. So, come with me. We’re going to have dinner and then you’re going to an on-call room to lie down. You don’t have to sleep. You can ramble all the medicine at me that you want, every detail. Maybe then we can come up with something together. How does that sound?” Roman nodded silently, allowing Patton to lead him out of his office.

An hour and a sandwich later, Roman was out like a light and Patton was quietly sneaking out of the on-call room.

Mission successful.

****

“Good morning, nerd!”

God, Roman was insufferable. Logan let out a soul-exiting sigh. “Dr. Courtland, must you insist on calling me that?”

“Oh, don’t get your briefs in a twist, Dr. Taylor; you know I tease only out of love.” Logan hoped the tenseness in his shoulders wasn’t noticeable.

There he was using that word around him again.

“You cannot possibly love me. We’ve only known each other a few months. Besides, I seem to recall you having a certain disdain for me when I first arrived here. It would be impossible for that to have resolved itself in totality so soon.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Roman stop and turn back to him. Suddenly, Logan was grateful they were the only two in the lounge.

“Logan…you still think so ill of me?” The cardiologist barely held back the gasp that bubbled in his throat at the hurt look on the neurosurgeon’s face.

“No…not of you?”

“Then of yourself?” Roman sat next to Logan, setting his thigh ablaze when they brushed against each other. Logan hesitated for a moment as his mind struggled to find the best way to answer.

“That’s not it either. I simply meant that we are very different people with not much in common. I’m not certain as to how we will coalesce outside of being coworkers.” If we will.

“Well, that isn’t always a negative thing. I like that we’re different. Means there’s much we can learn from each other.”

“Of course. Our specialties differ greatly; there’s bound to be new information learned between us.” Roman chuckled warmly.

“While I find your habit of taking things literally quite refreshing, in this case it led you astray. You’re so much more than the job, Lo. You are strong and wise, brilliant and beautifully complicated in ways I’d like to know more about. If you’d let me that is.” The neurosurgeon’s face held so much hope, it metaphorically made Logan’s heart just…stop. How ironic that he, the cardio-thoracic surgeon would be the one to need pulmonary resuscitation from just one look from the towheaded neurosurgeon. It just wasn’t reasonable how one person could be so disarming, so confounding, so attractive…

Logan had to get out of there.

“Ah! Yes, well, then I concede to your point, Dr. Courtland. Fare-farewell.” The older doctor jumped up like a jack in the box and practically sprinted out of the room, the edge of his white coat narrowly missing Roman’s face.

It didn’t bother him too much once he realized that Logan hadn’t said no.

****

“Okay, Logan. Let’s try this again. Pick up the pencil and write your name.” Logan stared at the yellow No. 2 as if it would jump up and slap him at any moment. “Can we go back to the ball?”

Roman almost chuckled. “You’ve already done that portion. Your grip strength is greatly improved. Now we need to build your prehensile strength back. Go ahead, pick up the pencil. Just try.”

After a few tense moments, Logan finally held the writing instrument. His heart pounded with anticipation as he gingerly placed the tip to the paper in front of him. He pressed down ever so slightly and began to write his name.

He didn’t make it through the ‘g’ before the force of his tremor snapped the graphite.

In a fit of pure rage, Logan swiftly grabbed the pencil in his left hand and threw it across the room. It sailed past Roman’s ear so close he felt the wind move his hair. Before he could react, Logan was standing and tossing his chair across the room. A loud clattering sound stunned Roman into stock still reticence, not daring to test the cardiologist in this state.

“Damn it! Damn it all to hell!”

“Logan, just try to stay calm- “

“No, you said this would work! Yet it’s been a month and I still can’t use my hand! An entire month and I still can’t operate because you make promises you can’t keep!” Silence. “I’m sorry. That was…an unbecoming display.” He moved to restore the room to its original order but Roman intercepted him. He placed two warm hands on Logan’s shoulders, drawing a gasp from the sudden contact.

“You don’t have to apologize, Logan. I understand. I’m surprised you’ve held it together this long.”

Logan refused to make eye contact with Roman. “I still should not have behaved in that manner. Especially after everything you’ve done for me, I shouldn’t be lashing out at you, I am alive because of you, I should just be grateful for that- “

“Dr. Taylor, will you please look at me?” When Logan didn’t move, Roman took his hand under the surgeon’s chin and gently lifted his head. His heart nearly broke at the shattered look on Logan’s face. “See? I’m not mad. What you’re feeling is normal because what you’re going through is hard. It’s okay to get frustrated.” Roman pushed back a lock of the cardiologist’s dark hair and Logan’s eyes closed, leaning into the touch. His head dropped alarmingly close to Roman’s forehead and the neurosurgeon shifted to hold his face with both hands. Logan’s lips parted and his gaze suddenly changed to something…insistent, almost desperate. The question he was asking was obvious and oh, how Roman wanted to acquiesce. Maybe he could, maybe it would be okay…no, it wouldn’t be right; Logan was his very vulnerable patient right now and his coworker. Complicated wouldn’t even begin to describe the nature of their involvement. Roman took a step back and cleared his throat, turning to grab the chair and returned it to the table.

“Look, your hand works. You just have to remind your brilliant brain that it does. And it takes time to build new neural pathways so…try again. Write your name, as much as you can.” Logan swallowed tensely, seating himself once again in the chair. He closed his eyes in a silent prayer, willing the pressure in his chest to release. He looked when he felt velvet skin against the back of his hand: Roman was holding it. Smiling gently at the supportive touch, he picked up the second pencil Roman had conjured from his white coat.

This time, he made it through the ‘g.’

****

“Tell me a secret.”

“…what?”

“We’re getting to know each other. Setting aside our differences, becoming…friends. Friends tell each other things so…tell me a secret.”

“We are sitting on a bench on our lunch break in the middle of our workday. What about this setting makes you suddenly want to have an intimate conversation?”

“Deflecting…”

“Oh, for heavens’ sake, fine!”

“…Paging Dr. Taylor? Are you actually going to say something?”

“I…I want children. Or at least a child. I want to be a father.”

“Well, that’s a mighty forward proposition.”

“Dr. Courtland…”

“Oh, hush now, you know I’m kidding! But why is that such a secret?”

“Because no one expects it of me. People see me as cold and emotionless; no one would think me fit to be a father, much less have a desire to raise children. I’m not like Patton; I don’t seem like ‘the type,’ if you will.”

“I don’t agree with that at all. I think you’d make an excellent father. You’re very practical and you’re extremely dedicated to your patients. There’s no way that wouldn’t translate over into being a parent.”

“Oh…well, uh, thank you. I, uh, believe it is your turn.”

“…I have a twin.”

“In addition to your four other brothers?”

“No, he’s one of the five of us. His name is…was Remus.”

“Was?”

“Truth be told, I don’t know if I should be saying is or was about him. I don’t even know if he’s alive or not.”

“Roman…”

“He was a surgeon in the military. Reconstructive surgery was technically his specialty but over there he functioned mostly as a trauma surgeon. He loved it; he was never phased by gruesome injuries or the horrors of combat. He just did his job saving as many lives as he could so they could go on to keep ours back home safe. One day, their compound was raided and…he was never heard from again. A lot of soldiers died that day but…they never found his body.”

“Oh, Roman…you have my deepest condolences. The amount of grief you’ve had to endure…it’s quite unfair.”

“Don’t worry, Specs. I’m all right. I know it may sound…completely ridiculous but he could still be alive. It’s one of the few things I still hope for…that one day I’ll see my brother again.”

“I understand even more why you’re so protective of the brothers you have here now.”

“Congratulations, Doctor. You just figured out why we tell each other secrets.”

****

The first thing Roman felt when he woke up was pain. Pain in his chest, pain in his throat, God, it felt like he was choking on something-

“Roman? Roman, calm down, don’t fight the intubation, okay? We’ll get it out, just hold on.” That sounded like Virgil, why was Virgil taking him off a vent?

Oh. Right. He got shot.

He got shot and almost died.

He got shot and needed surgery. He had just had surgery to take a bullet out of his chest. Chest…cardiovascular…where was Logan?

Roman knew he wouldn’t be able to get much out at first, but he had to try. He took a breath that rattled in his throat and attempted to speak. “Lo…Lo-”

“Shh, shh, don’t try to talk, Ro. I know who you want; I’ll go get him.” Virgil turned to leave, not even making it one step before he was stopped short by a vice-like grip on his wrist. He turned back to see Roman staring at him with wide eyes, almost pleading with him to understand. Virgil nodded; the message clearly received.

“I know you’re grateful. I’m not hurt. I’m just…really glad to see you make it, man.” Virgil left before anyone could acknowledge the tears threatening to stain his face and Roman found that being alone was scarier than it should be. After all, he had no idea where the shooter was; Logan could have hidden him away to fix him, he could still be here somewhere, lurking, waiting to take another shot that would surely end his life this time-

“Roman? Calm down, your heart rate is way too high. Just breathe, you’re safe.” The neurosurgeon’s eyes met with two dark pools of worry and he locked onto them, Logan urging him to match his breathing. “That’s right; breathe with me. You’re safe. We’re safe right now.” Once Roman’s chest evened out, Logan reached over and grabbed a paper cup full of lukewarm water and handed it to the eager patient.

“Don’t drink too fast, Roman. Slow sips. There you go.” A moment of silence passed. “I’m sorry it’s not cold, I couldn’t seem to locate any ice.”

“The…the shooter-”

“Dead.” Logan’s tone was abrupt and cold. “The shooter is dead; you don’t have to worry about him any longer.”

Roman nodded slowly to not aggravate his already sore body any further. “You saved me.”

Logan nodded absently, staring a hole into the linoleum floor. “I know.”

“Then you know…you know I cannot thank you enough- “

“How dare you?” Logan whispered softly.

“Wh- what?”

“How dare you! How dare you just…waltz into my life and torture me and make me hate you then apologize and befriend me and make me respect you?”

Roman’s eyes widened in shock. “I-I’m sorry- “

“No! No, you do not get to apologize because…because you don’t even leave it there; I can’t just respect you, you then start to make me like you and want you around and want to be near you and then, oh God, you even go as far as to make me fall for you! And just when I figure that out, just when I’m finally able to admit the depth of my feelings for you to myself, just when I finally muster up the courage to even consider telling you about how I…feel, then you decide to go and almost die on me?! And on top of it, you make me be the one to have to save you! How DARE YOU?!”

The entire room stuttered to a halt, save for Logan’s ragged breathing. He was outright crying at this point and quite honestly, Roman wasn’t far behind him. “Logan…I’m so sorry- “

“Shut up! Just shut up! Please just…just tell me you want me too. Tell me I’m not crazy. Tell me that I don’t ever have to live without you because today I learned that losing you feels far too similarly to dying myself so if that is not the case…tell me now so I can figure out how to survive.” A long, tense, quiet moment passed before either of them spoke again.

“Logan,” Roman coughed abruptly, wincing as the motion sent shockwaves of pain through his ribs. He cleared his abused throat and tried again. “Logan, look at me.” The dark-haired surgeon looked up into the soulful eyes of the injured man laying in the hospital bed below him.

“Roman, please,” he pleaded, his voice impossibly soft.

“You can survive without me…but I promise you, as long as I am alive, you will not ever have to.” Logan’s head shot up and before he could control himself, he launched into the bed with Roman, just barely remembering to avoid his ribs and all the wires attached to him. He mumbled a hushed prayer of thank you, thank you, thank you as he curled himself into the space between Roman’s body and the railing of the bed. Roman took a moment to settle before he rested his head against the taller man’s shoulder, exhaustion beginning to blur out the edges of his vision. Logan kissed the crown of his head and wrapped his arms around his newfound love in the gentlest protective hold he could muster, allowing the neurosurgeon to succumb to sleep.

“Rest, Roman. I have you. You are safe. You’re safe with me.”

****

Dr. Picani was a typically patient man but this? This argument he was deeply tired of.

“What I fail to understand is how I continually prove myself to be trustworthy over and over again and you continually shut me out!”

“It is not about you, Roman.”

“Then what is it about? Why wouldn’t you tell me about something like this?”

“I’m telling you now!”

“Yeah, two weeks after the fact and I technically had to hear about it from Virgil!”

“Have you considered that. just maybe, I felt some shame? I had achieved six months of solid sobriety and I nearly threw all of that away in mere minutes!”

“You were obviously triggered by something.”

“I was weak! I failed to keep myself together yet again! And if it weren’t for Virgil dragging me to a meeting and convincing me to tell you, I’d probably still be failing.” Struggling doesn’t make you weak, Logan. The therapist scribbled the thought in his notebook, making a reminder to bring that point up later. He was about to interject when he realized that for the first time in a few minutes, there was silence. Dr. Picani’s head snapped up at the sudden quiet to see Roman’s eyes rapidly filling with tears. Well, this is unexpected.

“Roman? What’s wrong? Say what you’re thinking.”

“I…am I the trigger? Have I pushed you too far?” Good job, Roman, the therapist praised silently, way to take ownership!

Logan’s stomach churned guiltily at the tentative question. “No. You have gotten so much better about that. You did nothing wrong, you are perfect, it’s me, I am…broken.” Logan cursed himself internally for how his voice cracked at the end of his sentence, but he had to keep going. “I want to be good enough for you, but I constantly fail you and I don’t want you to see it. But I fear that one day you will and the fact that I love you won’t be enough to make you stay.” And good job being honest about your fears, Logan. These two have come so far.

While Roman knew just how necessary it was for Logan to admit how he felt, God, how it broke Roman’s heart. He reached out slowly and touched Logan’s hand, chest tightening even more when he felt the muscles jump under his palm. He breathed a sigh of relief when the brunette managed to make eye contact with him, the shared gaze giving him the courage to continue.

“Logan, you’re forgetting one very important thing. I love you too. I don’t want you to be perfect. I want you to be you. Yes, you are strong and brilliant, and I love when you are confident and at your best. But I don’t just love you then. I also love you when you’re hurt, when you’re scared, when you’re less than perfect. Lord knows that I am all those things and you don’t shy away from any of that with me. We’re all a little bit broken but we need each other to keep ourselves together. So, yes, I want you to be strong and healthy but if you can’t be? If it gets hard for you to be that? I still want you.”

“All of me?” Logan whispered.

“The whole damn thing.” Roman paused suddenly, a moment of deliberation passing through his eyes. Logan watched as he seemed to come to some sort of internal decision. He felt the grip on his hand tighten into a gentle squeeze…and then gasped as he watched Roman slide off the couch they shared and drop to one knee.

“Oh my God,” Logan choked out. A loud clatter sounded in front of them as Emile dropped his notebook, both hands flying up to either side of his face,

“Oh my God!” Roman chuckled damply at the poorly contained squeal.

“Save it for the end, Picani.” He pulled out a small black box from his pocket, relishing in the way Logan’s eyes lit up at the sight of it. “I’ve been carrying around this thing for weeks wondering when the right time to ask you was, but truth be told, I could have done it anytime. I didn’t have to wait for some perfect moment because every moment is perfect with you. An appropriate time period in our relationship didn’t need to pass because every minute that goes by is another minute that I am undoubtedly grateful to have spent with you. I didn’t need a counselor to tell me if I’m making the right decision. I just need to look at you and see that all my futures, all my forevers and tomorrows live in your eyes. You are the answer to every question I’ve ever had, even the ones I didn’t know I was asking. So today, I am not proposing marriage. I am affirming my sure commitment to you for the rest of my life. The ring is yours today, tomorrow, and for years to come. There’s no time limit, no expiration date. All you have to do is take it when you’re ready.”

Logan sat in stunned silence as his mind turned over every word of Roman’s confession. Slowly taking the sapphire studded ring from the now open box, he turned it over in his fingers and watched as the light danced with the gems, searching the depths of his heart for any hesitation. He handed the ring back to Roman and slowly turned his hand over, palm facing down.

“Put it on me. I’m ready.”

The squeal that Dr. Picani let out threatened to break glass.

****

“Patton, I must insist that you let go of me before you completely cut off my oxygen supply!"

Patton somehow managed to squeeze Logan even tighter for the briefest of seconds before releasing him.

“Sorry, Doc, I’m just so darned excited for you both! Virgil, isn’t it just amazing? They’re getting married!” Virgil chuckled at the giddy look on Patton’s face.

“I swear, you are a living heart eyes emoji. And yeah, it’s pretty damn cool considering you guys hated each other when you met.”

“My God, you would bring that up,” Roman rolled his eyes as Logan and Patton collectively groaned. Patton delivered a playful smack to Virgil’s arm.

“Virgil! Leave them alone, they’re in love now.” Virgil raised an eyebrow down at his partner’s glossy eyes, almost feverish with excitement and something close to…envy? He elected not to comment as turned to embrace the newly engaged pair one more time.

“Whatever, I know the truth. But seriously, congratulations. I’m sorry I’ve gotta run, I’m assisting on a general surgery case and I’ve gotta change out of chief attire. I’ll see you both later this week, celebratory sushi? Friday night?”

“You bet, Tickle-Me-Emo!” Virgil glared at the nickname as he disappeared into the bathroom of the attendings’ lounge. Patton went in for the hundredth hug and jumped as his pager suddenly went off.

“Uh oh, gotta run, looks like a crash C-section. Congrats to you both again! Bye!” he shouted boisterously as he ran down the hallway.

“I’m afraid I must depart as well, my love. It does not inspire respect in my residents if I’m late for rounds.” Roman beamed at the cardiac surgeon, seemingly unaware of anything he just said. “What?” Logan asked hotly.

“You called me your love. You claimed me.” Embarrassment curled up Logan’s neck as he shook his head fondly and leaned in to kiss his now fiancée.

“You are so endearingly sentimental. I will see you at home, my love.” He smirked as he walked out of the door at the way Roman’s knees seemed to buckle just the smallest amount. The neurosurgeon stood in the middle of the room chuckling to himself when he heard a low, smooth voice speak up behind him.

“You’re engaged?” Roman turned around, his face falling in sympathy at the person behind him.

“Oh, Declan…yes. Yes, I am.” The fellow surgeon turned his face to the side to hide his tears, displaying the long scar that ran down the left side of his face. Without warning, he was suddenly being embraced by Roman who seemed to be unable to stop his own tears as they soaked the corner of his scrubs.

“You know, if Remus were here and we weren’t already married by now, we could have planned a double wedding,” Declan murmured.

“He would have loved that. He loved you so much.” Declan pulled away, his glance suddenly dropping to the floor.

“I wish I could tell you what happened to him.” Roman placed a hand on the orthopedic surgeon’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. I know you weren’t there. You couldn’t have done anything to change it.” Declan smiled weakly, nodding a silent goodbye before leaving the room. He paused at the doorway facing the empty hallway.

“Congratulations. Really, you deserve to be happy.” Roman let out a small sob as Declan left, swiftly brushing the tears away before heading to his own rounds.

Neither of them remembered that Virgil was in the bathroom, listening to their entire conversation…and absolutely seething with fury.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides au #tw:/anxiety #tw:/violence #logince #romantic logince #moxiety #queerplatonic moxiety #deceit sanders #sanders sides surgeon au #my writing #pllandco

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heartlandians · 4 years

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Throwback Thursday: Nathaniel Arcand answers fan questions! (July 2010)

Q: Hey, As a young child, (or even an adult!) what did you want to be 'when you grew up'? Posted by Annie on June 28, 2010 11:57 AM

A: The earliest I can remember even wanting to be something was at the age of 6. I wanted to be like (martial arts legend and film star) Bruce Lee, after watching "The Chinese Connection" at a drive-in with my mom and aunty and my cousin Natalie. I recall it because I was so fascinated by the martial arts and the acting. I told my mom right there that I wanted to be like Bruce. I know she said something like "follow your dreams son." But later on I wanted to be a police officer or a fireman - something where I could drive a vehicle with sirens. The funny thing now is I have played all of those roles and done those things in different movies and tv shows.

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Q: Hey there Nathaniel! Heartland (both the place and the show) would not be the same without you! A while back, when Michelle Morgan was talking about Heartland cast secrets, she mentioned a little something about a certain someone having trouble remembering his lines at times... So, I am now giving you permission to get back at her, in the typical good-natured Heartland style, of course! What is there about Michelle that we should all know? Thanks, and you better be on all season 4 shows! Posted by major_wizard on June 28, 2010 12:34 PM

A: Ha ha...yes. It is not that I didn't remember them, I just didn't study all week like Michelle did. I only study the lines the night before and then I discard them right after I'm done with the scene. They are out of my memory, anyway. I have my own methods. I have been getting better too. I don't think Michelle could say the same thing now. I make sure I come very prepared to do what is to be done... :)

And as for Michelle, I really don't have much on her except that she is always trying to get me to adopt kittens from the animal shelter. :)

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Q: Hi! My question is: You do a very good job as Scott on Heartland and Scott is a really good vet so, did it take a lot of research to be such a knowledgeable vet on the show? Thanks so much! And I hope to see lots of you in Season 4! (Can't wait for September 26!!!) Posted by Healinghorses on June 28, 2010 1:25 PM

A: Thank You. I love playing the part of Scott on Heartland because it has given me that knowledge of horses and other animals. Anytime there is anything to do with surgery, there is a real veterinarian on the set giving me tips and advice and the know-how. Thank you guys (veterinarians) :) Also, I have picked up some books on horses, and usually bring 'em with me to work and keep them on hand just in case. It makes me want to become a real veterinarian now.

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Q: Hey Nathaniel! I was wondering if you'd ever consider growing out your hair again? ;) Posted by Bekah on June 28, 2010 1:45 PM

A: Growing my hair again??? Maybe. :) It takes so long to even get it just to my shoulders, so it seems anyway. ha ha. I would love to be able to grow it overnight. Then I would have long hair whenever I needed it, hey? :) I tried to grow my hair once for this movie called "Pathfinder" with Karl Urban. They ended up putting a wig on me, saying my real hair would only get ruined from the products and the environment. I ended up cutting my hair off and I have not grown it back since. Maybe when I'm much older will I start again on the hair. For now you will only see short hair on me on the show.

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Q: Hey Nathaniel! My question is: What is the funniest thing that has ever happened on set? Posted by Milly on June 28, 2010 4:33 PM

A: The funniest thing that has happened on set? There have been many times I've laughed with the cast about something and the crew is funny as well. Usually when someone flubs their lines. I was doing this one scene not long ago with Amber and Graham and I couldn't say this one word. Kept coming out weird and every time I said it, it made Amber and Graham crack up. And when they laughed, I laughed. Finally I got it together and worded the line as perfect as I could and then we moved on...so to speak. :)

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Q: You are such an amazing actor! Your character adds an unexpected air to the show. So, my question is....... Are you anything like your character? Keep up the great acting, and I hope to see "Scott" in the following seasons. Posted by Breslau on June 28, 2010 5:51 PM

A: Thank you very much!!! :D It makes me feel good to know you and everyone loves "Scott" as I portray him. I can only say that he is a part of me and so yes, I am like Scott and he is me. A good soul with a good heart. That is how I see Scott.

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Q: Hi Nathaniel! First of all, just wanted to congratulate you on being such a great actor; you do a fantastic job of portraying Scott as a realistic character with faults and qualities which we can all relate to.

Now that we've gotten compliments out of the way, and down to the serious question at hand, the answer of which may very well go down in Canadian film history: .... Whats your favorite comfort food? ... There's about a billion other questions I would love to ask, but for the sake of the "Compiled List of Heartland's Favorite Comfort Foods" I'll stick to tradition. ;) Thanks for taking the time to answer all our questions, and keep up the awesome work! Posted by Twe on June 28, 2010 6:14 PM

A: Thank you very much!!! :) he he...My favourite comfort food would be... it's not much of a food at all but when I'm sitting watching a movie or playing a video game I am usually eating "sour soothers." And also, I do like frozen mangoes too. :P

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Q: Hey Nathaniel! You are an amazing actor and I hope to see more of you in season 4! My question is: What is your favorite Heartland episode you have acted in? Posted by Jenna on June 28, 2010 6:37 PM

A: Thank you... :) My favourite episode was definitely when I operated on the horse on the mountain side in Season 3. We had to deal with the elements and the horse who was so kind to lay there and have me perform a mock surgery. It was exciting! That was the episode before Ty and Scott go down in a plane, which was also an awesome episode.

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Q: Hey Nathaniel! I think you do an amazing job on the show. We don't see you that much, but when we do you do an amazing job. It must be really cool to work with animals. My question to you is: Do you think (personally) That Michelle (Lou) should have end up with you and not Peter? Thank you so much! You are really amazing at acting! Posted by Allison on June 28, 2010 6:44 PM

A: Thank you. Personally, I think HECK YA!!! Lou should be with Scott!!! Darn writers!!! Ha ha. But that's the beauty of the show. Maybe Scott has to challenge Peter to a duel for the hand of Lou. hmm...That would be a different show I think... :)

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Q: Hey Nathaniel, Thanks for your awesome part is Heartland, you do a great job acting. I was wondering what is a random fact that we could all know about you that you haven't already told us.... Something funny, or anything really. Thanks a lot! Posted by Elizabeth on June 28, 2010 7:21 PM

A: Thanks... :) There's only one thing I can think of that no one really knows, and that is - I ran the "Beat Beethoven 8km walk or run race" when I was 20 something. I came in 2000 something out of 8000 plus runners. This event was held in Edmonton. I could think of other things but that's it for now... :)

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Q: Tansai Nathaniel! I am from the cree nation as well and I was wondering, What is the acting industry like for an aboriginal actor? How much does your heritage influence your jobs/choices within a job, etc.? Totally love your role on Heartland by the way and it's so good to see successful first nations people in the industry! Posted by Jenny on June 28, 2010 7:38 PM

A: Tansi. The acting industry for an aboriginal is the same as any other.. it's there. :) I've been at it for almost 20 years now. I have had success in terms of getting roles. I think it's best man/woman wins. I audition for whatever comes along, whether its a warrior on a horse in a western or a doctor in a hospital on a drama series. i try to go for the roles that don't have to be specifically native. I am but an actor, just an actor. Not a native actor, not an aboriginal actor, an ACTOR. :)

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Q: Hey Nathaniel, You rock!!! I so love you in Heartland...although I would have loved it if Scott had Married Lou instead of Peter...but anyways back to the question: On episode 310 (Eye Of the Wolf) was it difficult to play the part of Scott or was it easy??? I've always wanted to ask you that and now I have my chance so thanks for answering all our questions...We REALLY appreciate it Posted by crazycowgirl on June 29, 2010 2:10 AM

A: Thank you and you Rock!!! :) ha ha...easy to play Scott??? It depends. if I'm doing surgery on a horse or a large animal, then maybe it can get a bit difficult to try and do the right movements and such, but that's about it. Scott is somewhat of an easy role to play. He is basically me. I make sure he is always good. :) the part I thought I had to really focus on was when I was crying. I had to work it up to get it going. Now that can be hard.

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Q: Hi Nate! Just wanted to say that you do an awesome job as Scott on the show. Scott seems to accept his Native heritage fine in the show, but, when you were younger, did you have any problems accepting who you were as a Native Canadian? Posted by Nikki on June 29, 2010 9:22 AM

A: Hi Nikki. Thank you. When I was younger I had no choice but to accept what and who I was. I have always loved who I am. My kookum and mooshum were the best teachers of that. I am Cree. I am Human. I am. :)

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Q: Hey Nathaniel! hope you don't mind me calling you that.. or should I call you 'Mr. Arcand' ??? :) anyways... my question for you is: what is your favourite part about acting in the Heartland show? Anything, from the cast and crew to the working with horses part! thanks! Posted by horse-owner-wannabe... on June 29, 2010 2:02 PM

A: Nathaniel is just fine. Mr. Arcand sounds like I have a stick up my butt. :) My favourite part of working on Heartland would have to be the whole experience. I really enjoy my fellow cast members and their friendship and humour. As well as the crew - they all rock. I like to think it's a big happy family. And of course the horses are always great. I don't get to ride enough though. Scott always takes care of but never rides the horses. Oh, well.

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Q: Hey Nathaniel! Wow, Oh my I have so many questions for you, about Heartland and you and Adam Beach and Moose Tv....but I digress, I'll narrow it down to one that I don't think any one has asked you yet: First of all Is that your son on Mixed Blessings? What's it like having your son in acting, it is cool having something to relate to or were you/are you hesitant about him doing it? Gosh, I hope I see more of you on Heartland this season (hopefully in every episode, I have my fingers crossed)! We need more talented aboriginal actors like yourself on t.v regularly! Thanks so much! Posted by Siyetka on June 29, 2010 6:18 PM

A: Yes. Griffin is my son. he played on MB. He was also on the remake of "Little House on the Prairie" too. He was Laura Ingalls' forest buddy. And before that he had a role in "Dreamkeeper," where he played "Thunder Boy." That was his first role and he was awesome in it. Of course I would say that anyway, but it's true! Nowadays though my son has taken a break from the acting scene. He is concentrating more on his schooling. I love that he has done what he has already and the fact that it has never seemed to get to his head. He is as cool as cool can be. He is now 12, going on 21. :) It is totally up to him if he wants to go back into it, I'm not going to pressure him. Well, I will pressure him for school. :) And if you want to see more of me, write the writers... :D

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Q: Hi Nathaniel! You are one of my favourite actors on Heartland and you do a fabulous job as Scott! My question is, if you were to use three words to describe yourself, what would those words be and why? Thanks! Posted by Jann on June 30, 2010 8:22 AM

A: Hi Jann. Random. Passionate. Funny. These might change though. :) Random because I am unpredictable and spontaneous. Passionate because I love life and everything that makes me happy. Funny because this world is going to heck and I want to be laughing and not crying about it :D

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Q: Hi Nathaniel, do you like to read books for fun? I read books all the time and sometimes my friends tease me because I always have my nose in a book. Watching you on Heartland has inspired me to go through with my dream of being a large animal vet. Posted by Ella on June 30, 2010 12:47 PM

A: Read books for fun??? I didn't know people did that... :) of course I love to read a novel or a comic or whatever comes into my view. I read for a living, funny enough. I have to know what I'm talking about, to get the gist of it. That is awesome you are inspired to become a large animal vet because of my character. Thank you. :)

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Q: Hi Nathaniel, I am so happy we finally get to ask you some questions, we've all been waiting a long time. :) If you had to change your career and you could no longer be an actor, what would you choose and why? Thanks so much for taking the time to answer our questions. Posted by Francesca on July 1, 2010 12:41 AM

A: :) if I were to change careers I think I would become a environmental engineer, or even a health and fitness guru. :) I want to make this world a better place to live and be healthy doing it. :D

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Q: Hi Nathaniel, How old were you when you got into acting? Thanks a millions! Posted by Selena on July 1, 2010 12:43 AM

A: When I started acting for film and television, I was 19. before that I was in junior high drama class and theatre. I was 15. Does acting up in the classroom count???

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Q: Hi Nathaniel! We've all been dying to have a Q&A with you so this is a bit of relief! My questions is....How do you think you would react if you were in Scott's situation, wishing you hadn't broken up with a girl and now she's getting married to someone else? I'm guessing you and Scott have one or two things in common but would you fight for her or just back down like Scott? I'd love to know. Thanks for taking your time out to answer the questions of some humble heartland fans. Posted by Zoey on July 1, 2010 1:49 PM

A: I don't think Scott has backed down at all. He's giving Lou her space. He did let her go too, you know. That's his mistake and he knows it. What can he do now but support her, because he still loves her. Scott will never stop loving Lou. :)

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Q: Hi Nataniel, my name is Kayle. I took some intense acting courses in Vancouver. Did you take any acting courses before you became an actor? Posted by Kayle on June 28, 2010 1:22 PM

A: Hi Kayle. Yes. I did take some acting courses before and after and I still do. I even teach them now. Never stop learning.

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Q: Hey, Nathaniel! First off, you do an amazing job as Scott, and I hope you're on more in season 4! I really want Lou and Scott to get back together, they're my favourite couple after Amy and Ty. Ok, now for my question: What would like to see your character do in season 4? Posted by Amanda on June 28, 2010 7:19 PM

A: What would I like to see Scott do? Hmmn...get Lou back!!! :D IDK. Work on more horses. Save a bus load of kids from a herd of crazy geese. Go on another airplane ride but this time it goes down in the tropics and he is taken care of by an island of Amazon women. Something exciting and crazy. :S

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Q: Thanks for making the character of Scott come alive. How do you manage to find private quiet time for yourself when you are "famous" and people you meet know who you are? Posted by Lennie McDonald on June 28, 2010 8:20 PM

A: Thank you. I did try sometimes to hide but the more I hid the more I was recognized. I don't try to hide anymore. and it's funny how people think they know you and try to figure where from. he he. :D

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Q: Hey Nathaniel! You have been doing an awesome job playing the role of Scott. Here is my question : What do you love most about playing the role? Keep up the awesome job! Posted by Shanna on June 28, 2010 9:32 PM

A: Hi Shanna. Thank you. I love playing Scott because he is the good guy and he is a doctor, a veterinarian, but nonetheless a doctor. The Doctor is in... :)

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#heartland #interview #2010 #nathaniel arcand #bruce lee #the chinese connection #michelle morgan #amber marshall #gw #season 3 #3x09 #lou x scott #other projects #pathfinder #karl urban #son #griffin #mixed blessings #dreamkeeper

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