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litchizzle · 1 year

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12.29.22

HELLO I GOT A NEW MECHANICAL KEYBOARD

And I am typing on it bc it feels nice :) When I was trying to think of somewhere where I could type a lot of stream of conscious bullshit I thought of tumblr :) :)

I do sometimes wish I had kept up with posting on here more often so I could get a full account of my life up to now, but... there are too many places to do reflections these days and it takes a lot for me to keep up with them. Plus it’s not like my posts on tumblr ever were a good representation of my life - it was just a place to rant and word barf and write back in the day when writing perhaps meant more to me (and I was a dramatic little shit)

I did just read a post in my drafts from midway through 2021 and I seemed a little lost about what to do with my life/career and it scared me a little bc I resonated too much with that, and it’s been 1.5 years and like I haven’t figured my shit out????

But I KNOW I KNOW I have actually come a long way. This year I think I figured out a path career-wise and have started carving my way forward - slowly but surely. I also picked up some hobbies again since then. Crazy to think that it happened this year because now it feels like I (should) have always been doing this. But I started painting and making art again, and just doing more creative hobbies in general. I think I always scattered a few creative activities here and there (maybe more graphic design related things in 2020/2021 though), but I had neglected the more tactile drawing/painting that always brought me a lot of joy. So I’m glad I pushed myself to start taking art classes this year, which definitely helped me restart the hobby again.

I also rebooted a lot of health/mental health related habits again - exercising regularly, meditating, reading. I’m getting better at being disciplined at those things. It’s almost weird to think of times when these things weren’t built into my habits. So yay progress!

AND this year did start to feel like the pandemic was lifted off our shoulders a bit more for me. I went out a lot more (especially in the summer) - met new people, tried to looked for new activities to do and ways to explore the city. I have lived in Boston for two years now and this year I really felt like I was getting to know it better finally - which felt really really nice !!! And it feels a lot more like home. We also moved to a new apartment. It feels a lot homier and happier than our old place. Perhaps I was starting to feel a little stale being in that old apartment all the time though, considering that was like my “pandemic apartment” and I was there literally all the time...

I did not intend for this post to turn into a yearly reflection thing, but TIS that season after all. 2022 started out pretty rough (it was a bad winter) but I think I grew a lot from that dark time LOL. There were a lot of negative thoughts that pushed me forward to do more things and try more things. I would say that I tried to embody “growth” as much as I could this year - with baby steps because you have to start somewhere. And a baby step is better than no step.

I am looking forward to 2023, not just because 23 is a special number to me (lmao) but also that I feel surprisingly in a good place right now and ready to take a bigger step. And I trust that I have the tools and the strength to go forward!!! I think this past year (or even two) has been a lot about resetting and gaining those tools again, after a weirdly destructive 2020. (Well I don’t think 2020 destroyed me that much but it put me in a weird place in terms of life and goals) (I felt really lost about my focus and values, in a way where I wasn’t really thinking about those things - I was more carefree perhaps) But I somehow feel more confident now about where I am and where I want to go - even if it’s not super clear, I know what I want to TRY at least. I know I want to keep doing things that make me happy and pushing myself to grow.

I will detail more specific goals later of course, but a general theme I have been thinking about is “intentionality”. I often feel like I am water, I go with the flow more than I should. This used to be a personality trait I held proudly, but I know now that it’s not always a good thing. If you flow too swiftly sometimes things pass you by. And sometimes you get no shit done LOL. I feel like I often go with the flow so often that when I think about where I am in life, I wonder how much of it was because of my own doing. It’s that whole “do I have free will” debate, but amplified in my brain because I’m SUCH a passive person. So much of my life has just been saying “yes” to the right thing at the right time - which I don’t discount, I think it’s great where it’s taken me - but it makes me feel..... like I don’t have control and take charge enough. Even for small things.

Which is not even true, bc I do take charge of small things ok - I wouldn’t be surviving here if I didn’t. But I’m just a VERY externally motivated person, a lot of my decisions are influenced by others (or done for others) OR my actions are triggered because of something someone else did. Which is fine, individuality is a myth and we’re just combinations of the people and things around us BUT

I want to at least be more conscious about the above, and how they relate to my decisions and actions. I want to actually act on the ideas I have of “oh I would like to do this” instead of waiting to see what other people want to do. AND I want to be intentional about the things I do, truly think about whether I want to do something or if I’m just “going with the flow”. I want to be more proactive, less reactive. I want to initiate plans more (I think I’ve been getting better at doing this) When I make plans for myself, I want to be more willing to follow through with them.

That is the gist of it. I think it correlates to just being more aware of your own actions and surroundings. (Which is something meditation taught me!) I don’t want to be living in a vacuum/matrix/haze or whatever you call it. In general I have been moving away from this but next year I want to put more effort into this mindset. Bias for action as they call it :^)

Anyways this has been a lot. Happy Holidays

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cheolbooluvr · 2 years

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Hi Chris!! I saw seventeen yesterday and I was so endeared by Seungkwan I just??? My bias is Chan but there was something about Seungkwan that made me go 🥺 Anyways I hope that you are doing well and had an amazing time at your own concert! I want to check in more often but life is pretty crazy right now. I just now saw your post about not having written anything in a while and wanted to say that you don't ever have to apologize for not writing. You don't owe that to anyone, and if you miss it, you will find your way back to it. I love to do art but because of work, school, and volunteering I haven't picked up my paintbrushes since March. That doesn't make me any less of an artist (or a person, for that matter) and the same goes for you. It has taken me a long time to realize that, but I am much happier in knowing that my paintbrushes will still be there when I'm ready to use them again. Remember to drink water, take time for yourself, and breathe. I'm always rooting for you ❤️ - 🧸 anon

HAI OMG

i hope you had so much freaking fun at the concert!! they are so amazing to see live, and i just keep thinking about how what you see online is exactly what you get. seungkwan is so funny and truly an amazing performer (as they all are of course), but smth abt him hits different !! i'm so happy you got to go <333

i came out w an even stronger love for cheolboo (maybe too strong for cheol), but also a stronger love for wen junhui, which seems to be a common theme for people LOL also, it's like freaking crazy to think that seungkwan and vernon are my age?????? like how are we the same year and i'm over here doing what while they get to stand on stage in front of thousands of ppl !??!?! anyways. un freaking real.

and it's okay!! i totally get how crazy life can be--it's been such a whirlwind for me since i've come back from korea. i think i've traveled so much in one year that it's nearing the amount i've traveled in my life.

i really really really miss writing, and i have so many wips i want to work on, esp social club!! i think now that i'm done w my last leg of travel for the year, things will (hopefully) settle down, and i'll get some time to work on those. i think the concert helped with inspo as well, so we'll see where the wind takes me ^^

but thank you for your support, and for your kind words <3 i think this is a wonderful reminder, not only for me, but for anyone who reads this!! i think it's really easy to feel obligated to post something, and there's an immense guilt i feel when i don't T-T that's why i don't rly come on tumblr anymore akfajfladj but hopefully i'll be back soon with something good for you to enjoy! thank you again for this message :((( i'm rooting for you, too!!! i hope you'll get to do art soon. i, too, am an art lover, and actually i've been doing more of that bc it's actually an easier outlet for me than writing. but it'll come back to me soon !!

be well and safe <3

#cheolbooluvr asks #🧸 anon

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zamoimagines · 4 years

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Seeing Your Toxic Ex in Public Headcanons (Sarah Characters)

A/N: The writers block is real and it’s because I’m going through a lot. Let’s be real, I’m still mad about what I went through and I wanna know how these bitches would act. I’m sure ya’ll get where I’m coming from. So let’s jump into this one.

Billie Dean Howard

Billie is first and foremost a lady. If she has beef with someone, she makes sure that she outwits her competition. Not like your ex qualified as actual competition to her. When you two ran into your ex at a party, Billie snaked her arm around your waist and pulled you close almost to protect you. They’d try to introduce themselves with a handshake, but Billie would completely ignore the gesture. She’s something along the lines of “Oh, that’s you. Yes, I have plenty knowledge about you to have a structured opinion.” When your ex would ask to talk to you privately, Billie wouldn’t hesitate to speak on your behalf, “Actually, Y/N can’t speak with you. We really must get going so we can speak to people who are worth our time. Good day... Whatever your name is.” As you two walked off, you’d tell Billie how bad ass she was and she’d make sure to press a kiss to your forehead. “Just wanted them to know that you’ve upgraded. It’s as simple as that.”

Lana Winters

Lana can be polite when she needs to be. This wasn’t one of those instances. You and Lana often shared cute cafe dates where she’d bounce writing ideas to you, and you’d work on your own stuff. It was a surprise that your ex had walked in that day and stopped directly at your table. Lana could see how uncomfortable you were to know who it was. She stopped them mid sentence as they tried to speak and simply said, “If you don’t leave within the next five seconds, I will place a restraining order on you without hesitation. I suggest you leave us be.” They would try to protest and Lana would simply stand to look them dead in the eye, “I don’t think you want to deal with the hell that will rain down upon you if you keep trying to push your luck. Leave.” They’d comply, Lana would sit back down and would take your hands into her own and ask if you were okay. When you’d thank her for protecting you, she would reply with a wink “No one messes with my girl.”

Cordelia Goode

Pissing Cordelia off was rare, but it was always on another level bc this bitch has literal magic to use against people. A simple date to the local greenhouse garden took an unexpected turn when you noticed your ex from across the way. You wouldn’t tell Cordelia why, but you just insisted that it was time to go. “What do you mean, honey? We just got here-” But then she’d look in the direction you had and would know immediately. She’d glance back to you with a wide smile. “Watch this.” she’d whisper to you before flicking her wrist in one sharp movement. A hose from beneath where your ex was standing erupted upward and completely soaked them. They quickly left angrily as the hose almost seemed to follow them out of the damn store and employees were trying to tackle it. The Supreme would smile when she’d see your smile and would shrug, “Problem solved. Now, help me pick out some flowers for the dining room.”

Bette and Dot Tattler

Bette and Dot are complete opposites majority of the time. Dot was definitely much more confrontational than her sister. Though Bette became vicious when it came to your ex. You’d gone to their show to cheer them on and even went backstage to give them a bouquet of flowers when your ex showed up to tell the twins what a big fan they were of them. Bette would give them a wide smile and in a pretty southern drawl would reply, “Awe, that’s very sweet of ya since we’re most definitely not fans of you.” Your ex would be confused by those words as Dot’s lips pressed into a malicious grin. “My sister’s right. Besides, you can’t be a fan, I’ve never seen you at any other damn show. You’re here to prove a point but here’s the thing-”, Bette would finish her sister’s sentence, “We’re twice the lover you are and Y/N is much happier with us than she ever was with you!” They’d be a little flustered with such a callout, but Dot would fix it up right quick and say “Best be on your way now. And don’t come back.”

Sally McKenna

THIS CRAZY BITCH does not hesitate. You two were just strolling the halls of the hotel when you saw your ex rolling in a luggage. Sally got a weird vibe from this one, and by looking at the expression on your face, she could tell something was wrong. You’d whisper to her that the person was your ex. She’d reply with, “You mean the one that hurt you?” You’d nod to confirm. That was a big mistake. One minute, her fingers were interlaced with yours, and then they were ripped away as she nearly ran at them. She’d start pushing them and would yell at the top of her lungs, “WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” You’d try to stop her, but she’d keep going and would keep pushing them, “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY DAMN HOTEL BEFORE I SEW YOU IN TO A FUCKING MATTRESS YOU PIECE OF HOT FUCKING GARBAGE!” The interaction would be so intense that your ex would sprint out of the hotel and never come back. This bitch doesn’t play around.

Audrey Tindall

Audrey could be a bitch when she wanted to be. She was a diva after all. You’d come to an award show to watch Audrey win another acting award in which you were incredibly proud of her. You just hadn’t been expecting for your ex to pop out of nowhere during the afterparty. Audrey would be the bitch that would call security the moment she saw them, and when they would try to insult her, she’d reply with, “How does it feel then? To know that you let go of such a wonderful woman who ended up with someone rich and famous rather than with a lowlife such as yourself? Must sting a little, hm?” Then security would drag your ex away. Audrey would give you a wide smile and hook her arm around your own. “I think a drink sounds nice, don’t you, darling? I’m thinking a fruity cocktail would lift our spirits.”

Ally Mayfair-Richards

You knew how busy Ally was between her campaign and trying to run the restaurant all on her own, so you decided to drop her off a coffee and a donut before you went to run errands. When you walked in, you weren’t expecting to see your ex sitting at a table near the front. You tried to avoid them and immediately went to Ally’s office to calm yourself. Someone told Ally that you were there so naturally she went to her office to find you. “Hey, beautiful. Couldn’t keep away from me, could you-” But she stopped as she saw you hyperventilating. Immediately, she asked you what was wrong and you explained. In a full rage, Ally left the office and went straight to the table your ex was at. “Excuse me, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Your ex would try to protest, but Ally would cut them off, “You know exactly why you’re not welcome here. Get the hell out of my restaurant.” Your ex would be escorted out by the wait staff as Ally made her way back to her office to wrap you in a big hug to let you know that everything was alright.

Wilhemina Venable

The person you’d definitely wouldn’t wanna piss off is fucking Venable. That should be a given. Despite her cold hearted tendencies, she was the most deadly when someone tried to hurt someone she loved. Leisurely strolls throughout the local art museum were a usual date for the two of you. Most of the time it was peaceful. This time happened to be different, for you quite literally bumped into your ex on accident. They immediately introduced themselves to Mina, though she wasn’t phased whatsoever. She knew exactly who they were. She’d push you to stand behind her as she towered over your ex. “How dare you hurt her in such a way. And now you introduce yourself to me acting as if I wouldn’t know the turmoil you have caused? If you don’t leave now, I will harm you in ways you could’ve never imagined and you will know what true pain feels like.” She was fuckin terrifying, your ex didn’t give a second thought to fleeing immediately. Mina would then hook arms with you in a protective manner and say, “Stay close to me, darling. I’ll keep you safe.”

REQUEST MORE HERE!

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 3 years

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AHHHHH YOU ALWAYS KILL IT W SONG REQUESTS (as you do w everything else you write bc it’s all gold). may i pls ask for only memories remain by my morning jacket w cal if you could 🥺

Hi, love! Thanks for your patience while I finished up some schoolwork before I got this request!

CW/TW: Mentions of Death.

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Calum grunts as he pushes up off the floor, hands pressed into the mattress to help assist him. It’s less his back and more of his knees that are not pleased with him. But he does this every so often, kneels on the floor on your side of the bed and digs out that shoebox full of pictures, your engagement band. He made sure that you kept the wedding ring itself. He wanted you to take that with you.

He should probably stop calling it your side of the bed--your scent hasn’t grazed that pillow in nearly three years. The nightstand is missing your mug in the mornings and your glasses that you always forgot where you put them down. Even if you did remember to hook them around your neck, the second you pulled the glasses down you’d forget instantly where you put them. And Calum wouldn’t be laughing at that, but sometimes he’s not sure how you got around in the world. You always told him glasses weren’t important; they were replaceable if you somehow managed to lose them for good. The only things you didn’t forget were the important things.

And it’s true. You remembered birthdays, anniversaries, just how the kids liked their plates arranged when they were younger and how a kiss to the back of Calum’s neck would always make his shiver spine. You remembered all the quirks to the dogs and you’d remembered songs from decades ago like they were still new to the radio.

Settling onto the edge of the bed, Calum pulls up the top to box and right on top is the letter you wrote to him while he was on tour, all those years ago. He had saved it, doing his best to preserve it in your handwriting but he had typed up and saved another draft of it, so he’d never forget it.

Dear Calum,

You might think I’m crazy. But I can hear the laughter in the walls--the sound of you laughing at all my purposefully bad dance moves and I can hear the kisses you give to top of Duke’s head. And I know the house is empty except for me and Duke. I know you are miles away. I know you are dazzling thousands every night. But if only they could hear what I hear in the walls. Your bass occasionally thumping the pictures frames and the shrieks when we fail at some new recipe and resign to take out. If only they could hear, the sound of you when you’re murmuring gently in your sleep or the snores that keep me up some nights. If only they could hear the whispers we don’t want to give power too, the anxiety that sometimes build, but knowing that the two of us can confide in each other.

If only I could capture what I hear just below that too, and send that to you as well. If only I had a way to let you hear what I hear. If I could tell you sometimes I hear a baby’s laughter, or the bickering of sibling. If only I could tell you about the years I hear waiting for us in this house, maybe other one--a place bigger for the dogs and kids. I can hear the splash of our pool with kids from the neighborhood.

I don’t know if you hear that too in the house when I’ve gone for a conference or even if you imagine it when I’m just in the next room. I know I do with you. Even if you’re just outside with your trainer, I can hear the house whispering for more. And I could totally be projecting on some poor house, that doesn’t ever have wants or desires, just an existence that which is it content with, but there is something happening, something that I want to let you know about. It hasn’t been easy for ys, but it’s always been worth it. I know our options around children may be a little tough, but I think it’ll be worth it.

I could easily call you, I could easily text you all things. But, no, I must write it down, as some way of working through my own thoughts. I hope I don’t sound crazy.

Though I can hear it now, you tsking at me with a shake of your head and a single raised digit--I am never crazy, just always thinking. Just always working through the thoughts that run faster than me.

I hope you’re well. I hope the tour’s going well and you’re sleeping good at night. Have you tried that lavender like I told you about? Duke’s well, in case you’re wondering. He did well at his checkup today, just sleeping a lot still. Vet says it’s normal for a dog his age. But when he does get a good burst of energy he’s happy to trot around the backyard or around the block. He’s still eating well, so don’t fret about that. Your old man’s still kicking it. He told me to tell you, he’s not going down anytime soon. He’s just taking it easy.

The weather is LA is turning for a bit. We’ve had some clouds for the last few days. But it’s been nice. You’d be displeased, needing that sun. But soon, you’ll be back home--see your mom and dad and be able to get that Australian sun.

Love you, Calum. To the ends of the earth, back again, and beyond.

Yours truly,

Dearly Beloved.

He’s not sure when calling you his dearly beloved became a thing. You’d remember. You’d remember to the exact date, time, and happenings. But Calum can’t seem to remember that kind of stuff. He just remembers watching you run after the kids as they shrieked about bath time and how you like kisses right on the back of your ears.

It’s a strange thing, to remember that, remember all the times he could sneak up behind you to kiss the back of your ear and watch you jump in the shock contrasted to the way you felt cool in his hands as he turned your head one last time to kiss the beloved spot and the way dead weight is actually much heavier, the way it took so much more effort to place your head back upright than it ever took to gently cup your chin and instantly you’d turn to him, with a smile on your face.

Calum places the letter to the side and finds your favorite old t-shirt--it was hardly a t-shirt anymore. The hole in the armpit was spreading just a little but it held the name of your old university and you wore it for everything from weeding the garden to painting the bedrooms, to gutting the kitchen during the remodel.

Calum bought exact matching t-shirts and made small decor pillows for the kids, sprayed your signature scent onto them so they could sleep easier at night. But they still curled up in bed with him, hugging their pillows, faces buried into the pillows on your side of the bed. He’d rather them take the last of your scent--he’s happier that they got those moments.

“Pops, I don’t understand this math question,” Trey states poking his head into the bedroom.

Calum snaps his attention up from the box and nods. “Coming. Algebra, right?”

“Yeah,” he nods, leaning into the molding. It’s crazy to look at him now, how he’s almost surpassed Calum in height. At fifteen, Calum thought he’d surely still have a few inches maybe a foot over him. Calum remembers when Trey found out he had officially been adopted but the two of you. He was six and cried more than Calum or you did--though the margin was probably still pretty close. It couldn’t have been nine years already.

“Do-do you have their glasses?” Trey asks quietly. “Today’s been hard. And I feel silly with a pillow in my lap as I do homework.”

Calum walks over, box in hand. “I kept a lot of their smaller things. Whatever you need--it’s always in this box.”

Trey pulls your glasses from the pile, noticing other letters and pictures scattered about in the box. He spies the college t-shirt but just next to it is a picture of you and Trey. He’s in your lap, giant headphones over his ears. “Is that from the first show I went too of yours?”

Calum only briefly catches a glance at the photo before Trey’s fully plucked it from the box. “I think so.”

Trey immediately places the glasses back into the box but holds onto the picture. “Thanks.”

“Of course.”

“So, do you happen to remember anything from Algebra?”

Calum laughs at the tease and put the box down on the dresser before following behind Trey to the living room. Brandy sits at the coffee table, her stack of color pages and pencils spread out. Calum did his best to keep her doing art. It was hard after you first died. But slowly over the years, she’s gotten back into it. “You all good?”

She nods. “All good in the Hood.” She got the phrase from you and here Calum was, with Brandy at ten, and he was sure she would never let the phrase die.

Calum stops just for a moment to kiss the top of her head and then carries on to the dinning room table. “Okay, so I know I’m not a math whizz like them. But your old man still knows a thing or two about a thing or two,” he returns to Trey’e earlier quip. “Now let’s see what new math magic they have you all working in.”

Trey laughs, slipping the tiny photo of him into the back of his phone case so it shows out to the world. “You calling it magic does not make me feel better.”

#calum hood #calum hood fluff #calum hood angst #calum hood blurb #calum hood 5sos #calum 5sos #calum hood imagine #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fic #5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #5sos imagine #5sos angst #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer angst #5 second of summer imagine #5 seconds of summer fanfic #h writes

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lessons-from-moths · 3 years

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Fic writers let’s goooo

Found this circling online and I will be doing it ok and I would love to see all of your responses !

I love writing Friends to Lovers and Hurt/Comfort

Hardest fic of 2020 was “I love you 5 thousand different ways”

Easiest fic of 2020 was “The stars are the exception”

Favorite story ever is probably one I haven’t published yet (sequel to “The hands we’re given”)

I hop really badly. It makes editing super difficult lol

I’ve never deleted a published fic because I see them all as my writing history. Even the unfinished ones, even the awful ones. I’ll probably always keep them up unless someone finds them offensive/hurtful.

Best writing advice: rewrite. I hate it so much but it’s really good. I also like the reminder that readers are only seeing 10% of your character, but you still have to develop 100% of them anyways.

The worst: just write! What the fuck does that even mean? It’s unhelpful and doesn’t make me want to write.

I have not collabed! I do come here for help though and the Pac-Man gang always has my back.

I currently have 40 WIPs, 25 of which will likely never be published.

I’m most proud of “Broken Toys” bc even though I hate the writing I love that it’s been an educational tool for those who don’t know much about asexuality and a place for other aces to feel seen.

I’m currently really invested in “The Art of Burning” by hella1975 but I truly can’t pick just one I have so many favorites and have a ton of respect for other fic authors

Best review? I also can’t pick. I have the most incredible readers who are way too nice to me and make me feel very loved and appreciated. When I’m especially sad I’ll reread comments from “Big Dai Energy” because everyone there is so nice even though I don’t deserve it

Worst review omg okay so back in my Teen Wolf writing days I got this insane comment where they were angry that I gave someone’s werewolf betas to a different alpha for the purpose of the plot, and they ranted like crazy about it. It was so funny, and I got a ton of comments aimed at that person from other readers who were like “???? What is ur problem?”

Hmm I think I’d write a prequel to “you told me that you fell in love with it, hadn’t gone as I planned” by @just-a-gay-bean because it would probs be angsty as hell and she created such a rich history that it would probably be a pleasant write

I do reread my own stories, mostly to cringe and remind myself how to make my future ones better

Nah, being published seems like a lot of work. Writing is just a nice outlet. I think it would be kinda cool to develop a TV show (my friend and I are sort of working on one right now)

I love writing Akaashi Keiji and Kuroo Tetsurou

It’s hard and not as fun for me to write characters that I don’t think much about, like the Miya twins, Hinata, and Yachi. I think they’re great characters, but I just have no clue how to write them.

I set tons of deadlines. If I can’t make them, I usually get pretty discouraged.

Oh god okay justagaybean, hella1975 and literally I can’t think of any more specifically and I promised myself i wouldn’t look things up

I want to try a magic AU, I think it would be a lot of fun.

I will never write A/B/O outside of actual werewolf fanfic (Teen Wolf in particular lol) or mpreg. Just not my thing.

I’ve been posting on AO3 since 2015 but I posted works to Wattpad and Quotev (Quizzaz at the time) back in 2011. They were really, really bad.

Other fanfic writers are a huge influence! I also take a lot of inspiration from music and life experience.

Hardest part is staying true to the story and the characters, and making sure that your vision stays consistent.

Easiest part is coming up with a loose plot and shoving in the characters you like haha

Best part of writing fanfic is reimagining your favorite characters in interesting storylines, happier worlds, and/or with deeper connections than they have in canon. I love how there’s no limit to the possibilities

Plot of a WIP: Character A moves into a new apartment after leaving their abusive ex and starts a shiny new job. They meet Character B (their neighbor) as well as a ton of people at their job, in the apartment, and at the corner store. They slowly grow into A’s support group and A is just like “huh, weird that people can still like me even after I’ve been ruined” and then eventually A and B strike up a great friendship that turns into something more and it’s really angsty but also really hopeful.

I think I bring versatility. I try to reimagine the characters as I see them rather than what the fandom sees them as in fanon but I also think that it helps that my fics are all incredibly different.

#my fics will be the death of me #fanfic #writers

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fmdjoosungarchive · 4 years

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【✧】━━━ ♥ p r e - t r a i n e e c r u s h e s p l a y l i s t ♥ ━━━【✧】

a playlist full of Classics that remind me of sung’s four major pre-trainee crushes. there’s lots of material i’ve written for them by now [x x] and this is my final part of the series, unless inspiration randomly strikes again. explanations under de cut

art class

i. raspberry beret by prince

it’s funny this song is from the pov of both the boy and sung at different points, but overall the concept of a raspberry beret being a feature that sticks out in someone attractive (a v art inclined thing imo) and someone falling in love just from that is Super sung about this quick and done relationship. also, unrelated, but i feel i must add that this song is soo how my hcs are of the boys who manic pixie dream girl jeonghwa

ii. emotions by mariah carey

this song is pretty basic sounding in the lyrics, if you really think about it. i would suggest usually not thinking about it and just enjoying the bop. HOWEVER in this case we’re focusing on lyrics, and there is one particular Feeling the song gives off, of these emotions being something never felt before. and in the case of art class, that’s exactly what happened for sung. that boy unlocked a whole new world

best friend

i. take a chance on me by abba

this song started this whole playlist because while making the aesthetic for best friend, i couldn’t get this song out of my head. twas a Sign. i think this song works kinda double-fold for this relationship, in that they were each other’s first long term, devoted friends. they took chances on one another. however, sung would have wanted more, if he’d taken the chance on himself, and them. it would have ended in a dumpster fire, but Still

ii. i was made for lovin’ you by kiss

this song kinda goes to show sung’s rose-tinted glasses in love, his all or nothing attitude that showed up when he got his first ever best friend. he was, and still kind of is, of the belief that he and this boy were made for one another and were destined to have met and gotten close. even if destiny was real, it’d more likely be for people so similar or easily connected that it’s kismet, which was not the case for these two. the thing that actually drove them together was not having anyone else

rebel

i. tearing up my heart by ‘n sync

does this really need to be Explained. even in the titular line, it can easily be linked to the achy breaky heart that rebel carelessly opening his letter caused. even at their worst, sung still left that door open. if this boy had mustered his courage to apologize and make things right, sung would have forgiven him, because all he needed was a reason to say. but that didn’t happen, so their tether broke

ii. thnks fr th mmrs by fall out boy

i havent finished so idk for sure but this might b the most recent song on the playlist. i really wanted something here from punk or rock band, because that’s kinda the pinnacle of the vibes this dude wanted to give off (even if i fully believe he might have liked pop bands like nsync in secret) anyway another one that can b explained by the titular lyric, thanks for the memories even though they weren’t so great

almost

i. god only knows by the beach boys

when it came to almost, i worried that i didn’t quite get across how unhealthy sung still was about relationships. he’d gotten better than he was in the couple of years before, but becoming a trainee was what really pushed him to learn. this song really shows how intense the feeling of being split apart was to sung. as a typical teen his world felt like it was falling apart

ii. (you drive me) crazy by britney spears

honestly music is great to express sung’s ridiculous level of love. and also perpetuated it as he grew up listening to rosy music. but uhh i wanted to show the happier side of this relationship. with this boy, sung got the most intense type of feelings, very much the fast heartbeat, head swimming kind of happy hormones lmao and it’s fair, because of sung’s pre-trainee crushes, this is the only one that would have reciprocated his feelings. the name of this boy was inspired by a fine frenzy’s almost lover which is kinda funny bc that song would have come out around the same time iirc

#halfway thru this playlist found out bm's wearing grills in gunshot #everything's Tainted #anyway im not gonna do a whole wc but this is well over 100 words #and i didnt say it earlier but fob has always been pop punk/pop rock DESPITE what their fans want to think #can u imagine comparing acdc or even guns n roses to fob #like it's not gonna happen #green day are more punk rock than fob #also brit brit winna #tunes

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theodcra-blog · 4 years

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✱ kim doyeon. she / her. cis female. — i know that theodora “ theo ” jung is one of the roses. which makes sense because the twenty year old’s parents are hollywood royalty known for producing and recording multi-platinum awarded albums. rumors say that they are the quixotic of the group , but who knows if that’s true. + plucking petals off of daisies in the name of a crush , steeping teabags for too long , the scent of perfume left behind on a pillowcase.

hello ! im xan and im late as usual but alas ... 😔 im 22 , from the est timezone ( even though my sleeping schedule … does not reflect that sjbdwjkbdjdw ) & i go by she / her pronouns ! i truly ... never know what im doing with intros they just turn out long & messy aha ... are u ready ? *jungkook vc* let’s get it ! 😋

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ QUICK STATS !

full name: theodora marie jung.

nickname(s): theo, teddy, dora ( but only by bullies 😠 ).

zodiac: libra sun, aqua moon ( click ! )

sexuality: bisexual.

occupation: singer / songwriter, model.

birthplace: los angeles, california.

current residence: wherever this rp is taking place aha x

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ BACKSTORY ! ( tw: sexual themes )

so her parent’s story was actually a pretty big scandal in the 90′s ! basically theo’s mom was the pretty famous front woman of a band ( think stevie nicks in fleetwood mac ) who was long engaged to the guitarist of that same band....until one day it was announced she was quitting the group and starting her solo career, leaving her fiance, and signing to a new label.....which was run by theo’s father, a young up & coming producer taking over the family business. not even three months later theo’s mom releases her first solo album, produced and co-written by theo’s father, basically detailing this years long affair the two had been having... in a series of really catchy, moving, and wildly successful songs.

the public went crazy over the drama, especially when rumors started circulating ( through detailed analysis of the lyrics to all of theo’s mom’s solo songs ) that the well known band had actually been quite toxic. basically it was enough to convince media outlets and fans alike to forgive theo’s parents for being cheaters and breaking up the band JSDBWBDJWBD. by the time theo was born in the last year of the iconic decade that launched both her parents into stardom, everyone couldn’t be happier the two stars were getting the happy life they deserved <3

so here comes baby theo.....and the world kind of just immediately labels her as america’s sweetheart. her mom had some minor health issues which just meant it would be safer to not have anymore kids after theo, so not only was she this little angel to the public, she was also her parent’s little miracle baby ! lets just say she had some big shoes to fill bc of all the expectations ..

luckily no one had to worry abt her being a demon child JSBDJWDWJ because she turned out to be a very sweet kid ! she was a HUGE daydreamer since she spent a lot of time alone growing up </3 her mom had retired from singing and was now helping theo’s dad run the label, and the two of them were always busy looking for new talent to sign. she didn’t have any siblings and although she had a really attentive nanny it just .. wasn’t the same ?? so to #Cope JSBDWBSBDJW theo was always creating these super elaborate little fantasy worlds. it wasn’t uncommon for u to find her deeply engrossed playing barbies alone like she had scripts and everything

by the time she was a preteen her parents were both really pressuring theo into thinking about a singing career, so wanting to please them ( and knowing that it was something she was kinda into anyway ) theo said ok sure ! and that’s where.....things start to take a turn. since she was so young she had this very very clean, innocent, cute image ( think disney stars ) & most of the music she was making was used for kids shows or movies. she didn’t really mind it so much but she noticed that her creative process wasn’t really valued ? or taken very seriously by her parents, because in their eyes like that’s their kid you know she’s still young, she’s always had her head in the clouds, they just really didn’t think it was a big deal if they took control.

so theo put up with it, but the years kept going by, she kept getting older, and nothing was really changing. she still had a squeaky clean image, little say in the type of music she was making, but on the outside everything looked great. the public loved her, she was a role model for kids ( even though she was a teenager now ), it was all perfect.....until it wasn’t. when she was 16, she had a scandal akin to the vanessa hudgen’s nude photo leak, except it wasn’t as explicit ( not a nude, just a suggestive pic ) and it was way way worse considering theo was a minor.

legal action was immediately taken by her parents, but once something’s out there you can’t really stop it from circulating, so the photos existed, just not on any official media sites. it was traumatizing for theo having her privacy breached like that, especially because instead of talking about how disgusting it was that someone would leak those photos when she was just a teen, gossip sites & fans alike were too busy talking about how her image was ruined. since she’d had such a clean, innocent reputation, people kinda forgot that... she was an actual person going through life growing up, and that she wasn’t perfect.

theo, being the optimist she is, was like hey you know what? this is my chance to stop making music i dont love. after what was probably her first truly honest convo with her parents, they agreed she should be free to figure herself and her art out. so for the remainder of her teenage years theo fell off the face of the music world....

only to pop back up in the modeling one ! like most celebrities, social media had a big say in this. since reputation wasn’t something theo had going for her anymore, what she did have was a hell of a following still and two famous parents ( not to mention ... shes tall JSBDJWBDWJ ) she did maybe one runway show before deciding she hated that. tbh she hated any modeling that felt too constricting, which is why she never ended up doing anything for big names & mostly does stuff for foreign brands & magazines.

she liked how much aesthetics had to do with modeling, and to some extent being a part of shoots satisfied that creative itch she had, but music was always her first love. theo really wanted to go back and revisit it, but she was scared the public’s reaction wouldn’t be what she hoped /:

so following in her mother’s footsteps, theo’s re entrance into the music scene was an ep ( 100% written, produced, edited, you name it, by her ) she released on the eve of her 18th bday basically explaining everything she went through with art. it was only four songs + an interlude, which would become the most talked about part of the whole thing because it was snippets of various reporters talking about that photo leak.

the public had mixed feelings ! unlike with what happened with her parents, not everyone was ready to “forgive” theo. and since she hadn’t done any promo for her music, or for her career as an artist independent from her parent’s famous label, it wasn’t like she was making crazy money and getting all this recognition. but !! she was insanely insanely happy, and that’s when she realized making music wasn’t something she did for other people, just something she liked to share, so what did it really matter if she could be more famous if she was an artist under her parent’s label ?

cue present day theo, model & singer, although the labels are pretty loose. although her music is getting way more recognition than it did three years ago, she’s still trying to do things independently from her parents, and she still has yet to become a chanel ambassador or anything crazy SDWBKWKFW. because of that she’s kind of garnered this new reputation for herself as one of those celebs that don’t really feel like celebs, like maybe she’s just like u except let’s be real she’s rich and her experiences are NOT universal even if her cute insta pic talking about ~her feelings~ in the caption makes u think they are

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ PERSONALITY + TIDBITS !

not even gonna lie to u guys....she is baby. i dont mean that in a uwu shes 20 but im gonna weirdly make her act like a child way im not a freak shes just baby ! like i mentioned earlier theo was a HUGE daydreamer growing up, and tbh she still is except now that’s she’s older her overactive imagination can kinda get her into trouble. a good example of that is the fact that since she’s so keen to see the silver linings in life and the bright sides, she can neglect the bad sides of people and situations so things still fit into her romanticized vision /: this was the cause for many heartbreaks in theo’s life, and she’s still guilty of doing this although she’s trying to work on it !

very much the kind of person to treat everyone like a friend ( that means strangers too ) until you prove you should be treated otherwise. it takes a lot for her to not fuck with you, so if she doesn’t like you then you probably did something to deserve it /: she’s always had a curious personality as well so it’s really easy for her to connect with people just because she’s constantly fascinated by what she doesn’t know about a person. sometimes it can make ppl uncomfortable just how casually she can have a deep convo, but she just never had that filter where she has to know you for 5 years before she opens up about her trauma </3 you know how when bp’s rose and red velvet’s joy had dinner for the first time rose made joy cry bc she was talking abt her family and stuff ? JSDBWBDW theo is rose ... she’s out there sharing trauma deepening that bond day 1 of knowing you baby ! 🤧

despite all that she’s still kind of maintained this elusive air to her? it’s not like she does it on purpose, or like no one knows the real her, it’s more like just when you’ve learned one new thing about her you realize there’s that many more things you don’t know. it also doesn’t help the fact that she’s constantly romanticizing everything, most of all herself, so she’s really crafted this “dream girl” persona without fully realizing it. im not exaggerating when i say john green wants what she has </3

a lot of times people see her as naive, not because she often sees the good in people or anything like that ( although she does ), but because she has this overwhelming sureness that everything works out in the end. to be fair though, for her, things usually do. call it good karma, luck, whatever you want, but the fact of the matter is even when it looks like there’s no way a situation can turn out well for her, somehow it does. it’s a healthy combination of money, privilege, and a charming personality but to theo it’s proof that she’s right.

naturally.....as an air sign JSBDJWBJWBD she’s a huge flirt ! the media’s always linking her to someone because she really makes it seem like she’s dating half of hollywood when the reality is she’s just being friendly. when she actually likes someone it kind of turns into a huge deal like she gets infatuated with her crushes, swears she’s in love — and then poof. one day she wakes up & realizes she’s kinda over it ... until the next person comes along of course <3

hates conflict and confrontation.....and i mean HATES it to the point where she doesn’t even confront stuff within herself ( i.e. “negative” feelings like sadness ) until one day it all bubbles over and she’s having a legit breakdown and dying her hair red.

yes, that’s exactly what happened last year, although if you ask theo about it she’ll just be like aha what do you mean i just wanted red hair luv x

pictures like these ( click ! ) of theo when she'd be walking around LA in her school uniform used to go viral on twitter.

desperately wishes she was the type of singer ppl would throw their bras at on stage when the reality is she’s out there making some chill bedroom pop kind of stuff so rip that dream </33333

knows how to play the piano and the guitar, but keeps joking one day she’s gonna make an album and only use her recorder as the instrumentals.

has a white british longhair kitty named zoe.

is 100% that bitch that can only drink sweet drinks & fruity cocktails and u know what she’s valid for it !

if she wasn’t famous she’d be making slime. legit running a slime making insta, those were her guilty pleasure & shes so mad they aren’t that popular anymore JSBDJWBDJW

u know that post that’s like “i hate making tea i always feel so bad about throwing away the tea bag i feel like i should just eat it” ? thats theo

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ WANTED CONNECTIONS !

BEST FRIENDS: a power duo the public either loves or hates, ride or dies, that 1 person theo would drop everything for no matter what.....yeah 🥺 they’d be the person she’s closest to & vice versa !

CHILDHOOD / FAMILY FRIENDS: their famous parents were friends, so it’s only natural they wanted their kids to be friends too. just imagine the stories ..... the memories .... maybe they got along really well and are still friends today ! or maybe theo pushed your muse off of the swings ( she claims it was an accident ) and your muse never forgot and to this day they’re sworn enemies.....</3 or less dramatic......they just drifted apart and now it’s like hey we used to be so close aha thats awkward let me just smile at you and walk away ....

LIKE SIBLINGS: someone who sees theo as a sister, and who theo considers her unofficial sibling. most likely she’s gonna bother the shit out of this person as siblings do but they really mean a lot to her because it’s the family she never had /:

CONFIDANTS: the one person theo keeps finding herself talking about the things she usally keeps inside with. i think it’d be funny if both of them find it weird to do things like go out to lunch or shop together because that’s not what they’re used to !

ACQUAINTANCES: friends who are only really friends when both of them are wasted or friends who only comment heart eye emojis and fire sign emojis under each others insta posts but don’t actually talk much for whatever reason

FRIENDS THAT DATED: maybe things just ended amiably between them, or maybe it’s like an “everyone told us we should date so we tried it and boy was that the weirdest thing we ever did” situation. either way the outcome is they’e still friends <3

CAHOOTS: what is this u may ask ? someone theo can be in cahoots with. she has a dumb idea that no one else is likely to say yes to? she goes to ur muse. ur muse has an idea no one in their right mind would say yes to? they go to theo. these two are in cahoots !

BAD INFLUENCE: although that america’s sweetheart reputation is gone, overall theo is still seen as a “good girl” by the public. she’s not one to be in a lot of scandals so i think it’d be really fun if your muse is corrupting that ( whether they’re doing it on purpose or not ) and whenever theo’s with them she just somehow always manages to end up in trouble.

THE BIG EX: theo’s first real relationship, and first real heartbreak. everyone before them had been an infatuation, but your muse was the real deal. maybe the media ruined it, or they ruined it themselves by being too scared of their feelings to stick around, or maybe one of them was willing to try but the other wasn’t. either way it ended badly, and whether those feelings are resolved or not....thats a secret i’ll never tell x

SUMMER FLINGS: give me past & current ( or maybe even recurring ) summer flings where they both know it’s temporary but boy is it fun while it lasts. google their names together and you’ll find paparazzi snapshots on the backs of vespas, on million dollar yachts, holding hands in museums or sunbathing on the beach but by the time fall comes creeping in the romance is over.

HOOKUPS: friends with benefits and it’s not awkward between them, friends with benefits and it’s super weird between them because they may be crossing over into real feeling territory, one night stands / hookups that were huge mistakes, one night stands or hookups that were or are being kept secret from the rest of the roses for whatever reason, someone who leads theo on but never gets serious about her, or someone she leads on but she never gets serious about, her go-to hookup on a night out when she’s partying, etc.

WILL THEY WON’T THEY: a friendship that always teeters on the line of something romantic ! maybe they’re both oblivious to the chemistry / tension or maybe they’re aware of it because they get jealous when they hear about the other being with someone else… maybe they refuse to do anything about it because they don’t want to complicate things or maybe they purposefully cross lines when they feel that jealousy…..could be more angsty or it could be more wholesome depending on which way it goes 😈

ARTIST TO ARTIST: i don’t think .... we have any other singers / ppl in the music industry but i could for sure be wrong JSBDSJBDJWD but ! i still would love to have people theo’s worked with before. maybe if your muses has been acting since they were little, theo could have mingled with them back when she was doing music for kids shows & movies. maybe your muse is a model and theo and them have done shoots together before. maybe theo’s written a current song for a movie / tv show your muse was a part of. maybe your muse is a model and theo asked them to feature on the cover of one of her albums. maybe she hired your muse to act in the music video of one of her songs ! maybe your muse can also sing even though that’s not their main thing and theo’s asked them to feature on a song with her. there are soooo many possibilities that could be lots of fun <33

MISC: “we used to party together all the time until that one thing happen that neither of us talk about and now we don’t do that anymore”, someone who took care of drunk theo once and ever since then she’s taken that as an open invitation to knock on your muse’s door at 3 am completely wasted, “we tried to date but the paparazzi caught us on a date and we were too scared / sick of the public eye so we never got far”, flirty friends who say no i’d never sleep with you haha…unless you’re down?, your muse was theo’s first time OR theo was your muse’s first time, stereotypical happy go lucky and grumpy relationship where the grumpy muse pretends not to enjoy the other’s presence, enemies but it can’t be anything petty it would have to be pretty serious so if u want that drama....

that’s the end i promise it’s finally over 😭😭😭 i truly just ramble & ramble im really so sorry abt that JSDJWBDJWBDJWBDJW i tried to include as much info as possible to make plotting a little easier for all of us so lets pray this works </3 u can come message me on discord to plot @ seulgi ily ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172 so give this a like if u wanna .... do that ahahahaha x

#╰ ♡ . 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 ── ooc !#i didnt proof read a thing if u find a typo u can keep her <3 JSBDJWBDJW #this is . ridiculously long for no good reason im so sorry but now u know the real me ...#roses:intro

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kidfrogthefourth · 5 years

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for personal ref-writing out my thoughts on everything that happened in 2018

what did you learn about yourself this year?

a lot can change in a year/my emotions are crazy powerful/i feel like a diety sleeps inside me/somehow i find a way out of a situation, and my will to survive is real and strong/i am my own hero. I learne dthat instead of searching for my ideal self ( which results in being unhappy with current self) that nurturing who I am and appreciating my flaws and accomplishments results in a much happier SJ

best moment of the year?

Jack and Cyn’s engagement party. Being reckless with old friends and seriously forgetting my worries for the first time in a long LONG time

worst moment of the year?

the breakup, and the ensuing anxiety, yet this is also a turning point in which i decided to take my life into my own hands. I’m reckless with the reins in my hand for the first time but with time I will understand

what was the biggest change you experienced this year?

what being with myself feels like, after not being in touch with my own person for almost two to three years. I forgot how to be in my own head and I scared myself. But each day passes and I get better and better. I learn who I am through my friends and what I love. I learn that I am not necessarily what i even do, who i am is the person that continues to get back up after hitting the ground repeatedly. I am what I love.

best song of the year?

1999 Wildfire by Brockhampton

best album of the year?

JMSN’s new album fer sher

what’s one thing that happened this year that you want to change?

i wish I was in a better space to finish my studies with a more powerful note. I barely graduated. But just bc I did mediocre work doesn’t mean that is my potential. I did the best with what energy I had.

best book/book series of the year?

Currently on the Elephant’s Apprentice and Pachinko. Both very moving.

best television series?

SHE-RA!!!!!!!!!

how was your love life this year?

I went through a breakup, but right now, being single, I’m getting around way more than I ever thought I would LMAO

what made you cry the most this year?

moving away from Washington, saying bye to so many people over a span of 2 weeks took such a huge emotional toll on me

biggest regret of the year?

i don’t regret anything. A lot of things hurt but the end result will be a more powerful version of myself.

best movie of the year?

honestly SPIDERVERSE.....

favourite place you travelled this year?

went to Disneyland for the first time! January was full of beautiful moments.

did you make any new friends?

Yes :-) and hopefully I continue to meet more amazing people

did you learn anything about your sexuality this year?

In the process of learning rn, and I’m excited to be on this journey

what are some hobbies that you developed?

Rekindled my love for art and I’ve improved SOOO MUUCHH, it feels amazing. I’ve started to seriously learn guitar and bass, I tried out Tarot cards, writing every now and then, and enjoying reading again.

what surprised you the most this year?

how easily I forgot that I have a lot of people looking out for me. Talking to Fafa on those rough nights was like a light in a dark void. I learn that I am much more of an extrovert than I thought. Being around people I love is important to me. I always dreamed of a solitary life, but it’s so much fuller when I have people to support and share success with.

do you look different from the beginning of the year?

Hair is long now, probably look less tired. But still got the “someone just punched me in both eyes” look, which is fine hahaha

how did this year treat you in general?

definitely dealt with the toughest obstacles of my life right after the other. This year was so so so hard. But I can surely say I’ve never changed more in one year. And it was high time I experienced some sort of growth after being stuck for so long. This year forced me to face a lot of things and deal with a lot of things.

what message would you give yourself at the beginning of the year?

You’re more powerful than you think. And you’re a real bad ass.

has your fashion style changed this year?

Somewhat, but i still love my bummy comfy clothes.

one of the best meals you’ve had this year?

A bunch of my friends and I went to the Murakami art exhibit in Vancouver and after ate at this Japanese bbq place. Almost cried when I bit into the karaage. I remember Jas and I talking about how good it was. Genuinely couldn’t stop eating ^^

who has made the biggest impact in your life this year?

My father, I leaned on him so much more this year in an emotional sense. And strangely enough, Jules, as he was the catalyst for what made me decide to move back, in an extremely unexpected turn of events. I got a second chance to be closer to my childhood friends and its been nothing but joy.

what’s one thing that you hope will continue next year?

I hope I continue to learn more about myself and my friends. To continue making new friends. To keep improving my art. To enjoy life.

#me #this was therapeutic #:-)

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taesthetes · 6 years

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Hey I just need to get something off my chest and idk why I’m dumping this all on u but u seem like the nicest person on tumblr that I know but if ur uncomfortable or anything pls feel free to look over this. Lately I’ve been trying to stay away from bts and the fandom bc I feel like it’s toxic for me. It’s not like where I listen to them and follow them and obsess on a religious level but I feel like I’m more occupied w them than I should be. 1/?

After all they’re all just humans who get tired and lonely and miserable and aren’t perfect, yet we idolize them and depend on them for our happiness. Of course we should support them, but it’s to the point where it’s frickin ridiculous, like nothing exists without bts, u know what I mean? 2/?

And I’m at the point of life where t depends on me to make my own decisions and make choices that will shape my future, and I really don’t want to look back and regret wasting time watching videos and thinking about things that will essentially have no impact on my life. What I like about bts is that they seem to have a deeper motive behind just simple Kpop, but I think I’ve taken that too far to an extent where it’s become my excuse. 3/?

Bts are seven people who have worked hard to deserve recognition and truly deserve it, but they’re also seven men who have separate lives from me that I have nothing to do with. They’re people that I’ve never even met and I don’t know tbh, we only see the filtered and edited sides of them. It just feels wrong to look at the packaged versions of them and expect them to live up to my expectations or fantasies. 4/?

There’s also the aspect that they’re kpop idols, as in regardless of how different and unique they may be, they’re still going to follow the formula and act like idols who are polished and made as perfect as possible. The whole industry is based on us going crazy over their looks and dance and singing and whatever, and it’s so messed up to me that we r supposed to like them for something so superficial and in genuine. 5/?

Idk if I’m making a lot of sense rn. I just don’t think it’s right of me to force them into a mold that I’ve created in my mind and then get disappointed when they don’t comply, and expect them to be something different when this whole time, even I’ve been idolizing them based on their appearance and talents. 6/?

And then there’s the fandom, filled with a variety of people from all different backgrounds, races, ages, genders, etc. and while it’s cool to have something in common with someone, I’m just tired of having army be the only thing that defines me. When I meet someone that likes bts, it’s as if I personally don’t matter, like it doesn’t matter if I killed someone as long as I like bts. 7/?

I don’t know how to phrase this … the diversity and tolerance is amazing, but at the same time, I’d like more genuine friendships than fangirling over someone’s biceps and thighs u know. Lately I’ve been kind of falling out of listening to bts and stuff, but I find myself continuously going on social media so I can keep up with them in habit, more than being interested. I deleted Twitter and unfollowed all bts accounts on insta and tumblr, but without it I feel like I’m missing something 8/?

It’s just a cycle of me trying to discipline myself, not being able to do it, and getting sick of myself for being so pathetic. Even with fanfic, ur writing for example is literally better than like an average author, but I feel so stupid to fantasize about someone without even knowing them first. I don’t have a problem with fanfic, it’s more like I have a problem with myself reading fanfics. 9/?

I know most of my problems lie with myself, not bts or the fandom, so that’s why I’ve tried to bottle it up and pass it on but it’s really making me miserable. I know going to a fanfic author who I don’t know personally may not be the best idea, so pls don’t feel pressured by this message to do anything or say something. I think writing out my feelings and venting has made me feel a little better. 10/11

So I’m really really sorry for forcing this on you, and don’t feel obligated to do anything!! Thank u for ur amazing writing like always, and have a restful and amazing day!!! 11/11

hi, honey bee, it’s totally okay to talk to me about anything you want and also, you’re incredibly sweet for thinking that i’m the nicest person on here, thank you :’) but i really understand how you feel towards the whole fandom and bts.

yes, bts are just humans who get tired and lonely and miserable and aren’t perfect, but rather than idolizing them, it’s perfectly okay to like them for who they are as people and for the music they produce. it’s okay to appreciate someone for the work they do, like how we enjoy artwork and appreciate the artist for creating them or how we like the flowers planted in the park and appreciate the gardener for planting them.

i wouldn’t say that my happiness depends completely on them, but they do make up a little part of it because their music makes me happy. and music is supposed to make you feel things. their funny videos can make you happy, and that’s okay, too. i see stanning bts as a hobby i enjoy at times, not as my only source of happiness, because there’s so much more that makes me happy, like flowers, food, art, etc. however, depending on one thing for happiness is unhealthy, so i do agree that an obsession with bts is bad. there’s nothing wrong with supporting them, but yes, having a mindset that only bts exists is unhealthy. i just found this post that better explains how stanning a group is good and bad through the psychological point of view, and it’s pretty interesting! :D

i don’t think you’re wasting time watching videos of them. if they made you happy at the time, if they made you laugh when you were sad, then it was worth it. unless you’re choosing to watch videos 24/7 and neglecting your family, friends, academics, job, health, etc. then i don’t think it’s necessarily bad that you’re watching videos. it’s like watching your favorite tv shows or playing sports. it’s just another hobby. it has an impact on your life because it makes you happier.

i do understand your concern though as you move into a new chapter of your life. personally, i’m not as into them as i once was back in high school anymore. i did spend a good deal of time writing and posting a fic about them once a week. it really changed when i went to college though since my priorities and time commitments changed. i think you might be more occupied with them when there isn’t something else to fill that aspect in your life if that makes sense? i wasn’t particularly academically simulated in high school, so i had a lot of time on my hands even after spending time with friends and doing clubs. i got into kpop because that’s something easily accessible and it’s entertaining. but with the freedom that comes with college and harder classes, my time is filled more with going out with friends, studying, painting, spending time with my roommates, etc. and bts got less of my time.

yes, bts are people with separate lives who you may never meet, but that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate and like them for what they do. and, they might not show everything about themselves to the public, but we can learn from the good examples they do show, such as their UNICEF work and lyrics that talk about more than just romantic love. i personally think that most of what they show is genuine, but there is a line to be drawn between enjoying the work they do and believing they are gods. but yes, i do get that their personas to the public can be fake, which is a bit /: because yeah, there are people who are in love with them and dedicate their lives to them, but we really don’t know who bts actually are.

i think, rather than idolizing them, it’s better to see them as humans and as people just like us. that tends to take away any fantasies or expectations i have of them. yes, they are kpop idols, and that’s their job. they’re just working to make a living doing what they love. yes, the industry is built upon the fans, but it’s like that with any music artist or celebrity. i think it’s okay to like bts, but not to the point where your love for them surpasses the love you have for people who are actually in your life.

and you’re making sense, don’t worry! i hope my answer makes sense, too. i think every fan goes through where you’re at right now. i had felt that way about bts and exo before, but i moved on from that and now see them as people whom i appreciate. it was just a process for me, but i think it has to do with me filling my time with other things and spending time with people i thought were more important, and my love for kpop is now just something that brightens my day a bit if i ever need it.

some fans can be very… enthusiastic, but that might just be because they don’t have anyone else to talk to about bts. but yes, i get what you’re talking about. sometimes, it’s exhausting to just talk about one thing all the time and be seen as just a bts fan, and not as your own person. but even myself, i think it’s exciting to find someone else that listens to kpop since for me, there aren’t that many people around me who do. but after the initial excitement, i’ve made many friends through our mutual love for bts. as friendships grow, we talk about other interests we have and other things we like, so we don’t always talk about kpop. many of my friendships started from a mutual interest, whether it be bts or art or a mutual dislike for a teacher or class subject haha, but it grows from there as we talk about other things and get to know each other.

it’s fun to have someone to talk about comebacks and mv’s with, but yeah, i get that there’s more to talk about. maybe you can try introducing a new topic? or going out with friends who don’t listen to bts? and hey, we can be friends if you want :D you can talk to me about your day, your favorite foods, your favorite tv shows, any pets if you have them, anything else you want! i haven’t listened to bts for a while now either, i only follow their official account on instagram, and i don’t check my tumblr for days, even months during the school year. i don’t think you have to cut them out entirely to the point where you feel like something is missing. but if you are no longer interested in them, do you have any hobbies you can use to fill up that missing feeling? maybe baking or cooking? drawing? going out with friends?

and you are not pathetic!!! you don’t have to cut off something entirely at once. it takes time, but you’ll get there. and omg alsjdhflaksdhfd thank you for saying that about my writing :’) and there’s nothing wrong with reading fanfiction! please don’t feel bad for reading it. fanfictions are just like any other stories out there, except you already have a face and a name for some characters. i personally don’t read them for the idols featured; i read them because the writing is so much better and there are so many more interesting concepts involved in fics than in books i can get from the library.

and please don’t keep your feelings bottled up and be miserable ): you can always come talk to me if you ever feel this way. and if you have one, we can swap kakaotalk id’s if you want to talk since it might be easier to text that way :) or you can send in more asks! it’s always good to talk about your feelings, even if it isn’t comfortable at first. even if it’s not me who you talk to in the future, i hope you are able to share your feelings with someone else and not keep everything inside. you deserve to feel happy. and i’m happy to hear that you’re feeling a little better! you’re always welcome to vent into my inbox (or you can direct message me; i have it turned off for those i don’t follow, but if you send me an ask with your url, i can message you first, so we can talk that way, too, if you want!)

you don’t have to apologize; i’m just very glad that you’re feeling at least a little better now! i understand that there’s a struggle that comes when you’re dealing with something that’s been a part of your life for so long. your feelings are valid, and i have definitely felt this way before, and it’s always good to talk it out or have someone listening. and thank you so much for liking and reading my writing, sweetpea 💕 i hope you have a lovely and relaxing day as well! i hope you’re doing good, and you’re still feeling better today, honey bee 🌻💘

#replies #anonymous

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meepface · 6 years

Note

1-100!

oof, thank you lmfao

1: is there a boy/girl in your life?

there’s a boy in my life which is crazy to me bc i was starting to think i could only feel this way about girls. i am bi though, that is very much so confirmed

2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

i can think of two people right now honestly and i forgive them both. i learned from them and i grew from those experiences and i hope they do as well. i wish nothing but the best for them

3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

my best friend got a new cat and she’s SO SMALL and she likes me a lot and cats don’t usually like me so it’s great

4: what’s something you really want right now?

to hang out with my boy but i’m doing that tonight! also i would really love to go to Iceland

5: are you afraid of falling in love?

oh absolutely terrified, yes, but it’s a growing experience every time and i think it’s always worth it whether they end up being the one or not

6: do you like the beach?

not really at all honestly

7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

yes

8: what’s the background on your cell?

my lock screen is my dog Sophie and my home screen is just some pine trees

9: name the last four beds you were sat on?

my own, my brother’s, my boyfriend’s and my best friend’s

10: do you like your phone?

i honestly wish i didn’t have a phone a lot of times lmao i hate texting people and i hate social media and i hate being subconsciously addicted to it. i’m definitely trying to work on using it less

11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?

not at all but they’re going pretty fucking great so i’m not complaining

12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

a new coworker of mine

13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?

both i love dogs

14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

emotional

15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

both ??

16: are you tired?

a little bit, i just woke up and i definitely wanted to sleep in a little later than 10:30 but my body will not go back to sleep

17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?

lmaooo since middle school, he was actually my first “boyfriend” if you even count the like 4 days we dated

18: are they a relative?

not at all, just some crusty boy i don’t even talk to anymore. last i heard he moved and is trying to be a monk which is strange considering the person he is

19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

i would not

20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

he texted me this morning but the last time we spoke was like over the phone two days ago. he’s been busy moving and shit and so we haven’t gotten to see each other for a lil bit but i see him today so it’s all good

21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

not today, i’d definitely still wait and if they’re the right person i’m sure they’d wait too

22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

oh my god absolutely, i’m gonna kiss him so much tonight

23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

none, i don’t really care for bracelets

24: is there a certain quote you live by?

there’s a few! “let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier,” “if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely,” and “be kinder and gentler.”

25: what’s on your mind?

i’m kind of hungry and i definitely smell pancakes in the other room but other than that i’m super nervous to hang out with my boyfriend’s friends for the first time today bc i want them to like me lmao

26: do you have any tattoos?

i have three, a sun and moon on my wrists and “lovely” on my inner arm

27: what is your favorite color?

cerulean

28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

toniiiiight

29: who are you texting?

my friend Stein, my friend Joe and i was texting my boyfriend but i think he fell back asleep

30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

yes lmao all the time

31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

yes

32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

yes my good pal Joe and also my friend Brendon and also my friend Cory and also my friend Derryck and also my boyfriend but he’s more than just a friend so i don’t think that counts

33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?

i would hope my boyfriend does

34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

i get that fairly often actually bc my eyeballs are fucking massive and bright green and it makes me happy when people say that bc i used to hate em

35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

i would be really really really disappointed and upset bc he knows how difficult its been for me lately and he knows i’ve been cheated on before and he’s been so fucking good to me so it would be a huge knock down to my ability to trust anyone. i’d honestly just break up with him quickly and as kindly as i could and just not talk to him again. i definitely think it would be harder to trust afterwards and i’d be heartbroken but luckily we wouldn’t have been together long enough for it to fuck me up too bad yet. BUT, he’s literally an angel and i can’t see him ever doing this to me so this is all hypothetical

36: were you single on valentines day?

no i was not

37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?

we’re dating

38: what do your friends call you?

my name

39: has anyone upset you in the last week?

i think my parents at one point but it’s all good, i’ve clearly already forgotten and moved on

40: have you ever cried over a text?

plenty of times

41: where’s your last bruise located?

i have a random ass bruise on my knee and i have no idea what that’s about

42: what is it from?

no clue

43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

oh all the time lately, it’s hard to be at home right now. but i also just want to be out of state for a while

44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?

my best friend called me to tell me how her date went

45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

yeah i have these bright white pumas that i loooove they look so cool and they’re so comfy

46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

yep, i look good in snapbacks and dad hats so it works out

47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?

no i don’t have the face shape to pull that off

48: do you make supper for your family?

i would but i’m so bad at cooking that i don’t think they would want that

49: does your bedroom have a door?

yes

50: top 3 web-pages?

youtube, netflix and then my school’s login page apparently

51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?

my mom does

52: does anything on your body hurt?

my stomach is a little upset but it’s not too terrible

53: are goodbyes hard for you?

depends on who i’m saying goodbye to

54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

coffee

55: how is your hair?

messy and in a bun bc i just woke up lmao

56: what do you usually do first in the morning?

lay in bed for like an hour and text people back and briefly social media bullshit, then i usually immediately shower once i get up

57: do you think two people can last forever?

i don’t know but i hope so

58: think back to january 2007, were you single?

yes

59: green or purple grapes?

purple but i like em both

60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?

when i see my boyfriend today, he’s been pretty stressed and he definitely needs a hug

61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

i’d say with my boyfriend but i’m pretty fuckin comfy in my bed right now so i mean, he can come join me here instead

62: when will be the next time you text someone?

whenever someone texts me back

63: where will you be 5 hours from now?

a music festival

64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.

sleeping

65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?

yes i was dating her

66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

yes

67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?

not yet but i will

68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

i have no idea, i was probably just nervous about today

69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

yes

70: how many windows are open on your computer?

just this one

71: how many fingers do you have?

10 lmfao???

72: what is your ringtone?

idk whatever the apple default one is

73: how old will you be in 5 months?

still 21

74: where is your mum right now?

she’s in the kitchen making pancakes which i’m about to go hit up

75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

we just didn’t work out

76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

yes, three days ago though bc we’ve both been busy

77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

some of them yes but i cut off a few of em for the better

78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

definitely my friend Brendon, we didn’t work out bc we were both queer as fuck but he’s still one of my best friends to this day. i also had a huge crush on this girl that i don’t really talk to anymore bc she definitely gives off that whole “i’m better than you” kind of vibe

79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?

yes

80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

yep & i get to tonight !! my bf is so cuddly when he’s sleepy

81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?

five LMAO but i only tried things out w three of em bc i knew the other two wouldn’t work out. ended up with the one i liked the most to begin with so everything worked out in the longrun

82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

my boyfriend lol

83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?

yep a whole bunch i’m so excited

84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

oof, i don’t think i’d yell at em but i guess my friend Monica, that’s some shit she’d drag me into doing lmfao

85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?

he is to an extent and it doesn’t bother me as long as he’s safe. i barely consider weed a drug anyway

86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

my bf and i fucked in my car at 3 AM afterwards LMAO

87: who was your last received call from?

my dad

88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

i think i would initially agree bc i need that money but i don’t think i’d have the heart when it came down to it

89: what is something you wish you had more of?

money would be nice bc i’m tryna move out

90: have you ever trusted someone too much?

yes

91: do you sleep with your window open?

nah there’s mosquitos outside

92: do you get along with girls?

yes!!!!! i love girls

93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

no, i don’t really see much of a point in doing that

94: does sex mean love?

not necessarily but loveless sex isn’t as good

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

not at all

96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

97: did you sleep alone this week?

yeah except for on monday night and i don’t have to sleep alone tonight either so it’s all g

98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

yes

99: do you believe in love at first sight?

nah but i believe in infatuation at first sight sure, i believe you can have a feeling about someone at first sight, like you can tell if they’ll be in your life or not kind of thing

100: who was the last person that you pinky promise?

i think my best friend

#thank you for the distraction!#like if ya read #long post #about me

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