Tumgik
#which i cannot deal with right now
ganondoodle · 22 days
Text
made it to lvl 100 of the skull caverns for the first time ever in stardew (i made it once before i think but collapsed in that very room bc of the time limit back in the day lol)
severly disappointed with the reward, Qi congratulated me for doing it without crafting staircases likE REaL mEn talking about my farmer and him like they are both so above and beyond 'normal' people-
....................i did craft staircases....................
51 notes · View notes
musical-chick-13 · 8 months
Text
"but there just AREN'T any well-written women in aNyTHiNg I interact with"
DO TEN MINUTES OF RESEARCH.
WATCH BETTER SHOWS. READ BETTER BOOKS.
THERE IS A VERY SIMPLE SOLUTION HERE.
12 notes · View notes
marietheran · 2 months
Text
.
#Went to Confession (again)#am still at my most miserable and confused#look I am aware I cannot ask of the priest to tell me <<oh that was only a venial sin you needn't mind>>#but it's also just really freaking hard when you just cannot tell a venial sin from a mortal one#and I know - I know - if you looked at it my attitude towards life is pretty dumb#to write a scathing report: i view life as a path of least resistance. I'm governed either by whims or by fear#which means I have no middle perspective. It's either what's easier now or being afraid of hell#I hardly pay any attention to matters like health or whatever. if I wasn't afraid of sin I wouldn't care about how things impact my mind#If I wasn't afraid of sin I'd have read Game of Thrones or whatever. and of course I would feel unimaginably dirty afterwards. but at least#I'd have read something interesting right? /s#oh and also I'm literally Emma Bovary minus the adultery but that's a different issue#mostly. some of it is probably more connected than obvious at first glance#I'm miserable and it's not even the sort of misery you can make poetry about.#only scathing character portraits. if i was a character from a novel you would hate me#(i would find the novel boring. mundane. there's nothing romantic in this)#(i wouldn't *prefer* to deal with wars - death of everyone you've known - unbreakable badly worded vows or whatever.#but it makes for better stories)#but again you would hate me in mine#//#therese rambles#therese is in an emotional hole#possibly more than emotional but that's the tag
3 notes · View notes
Text
one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
4 notes · View notes
lesbiansanemi · 9 months
Text
Can Twitter finally just fucking implode I am so sick of hearing about that stupid ass website
#I also just fucking hate it and want it to die anyways#I’ve always hated it due to the insane influence it got in the publishing industry that makes it damn near impossible for some ppl to get#published or involved in the industry at all#like if you’re not on Twitter 24/7 or don’t have the right Twitter connections you literally cannot land a publishing deal el oh el#it was also the shift of so many writers having to do MOST of the marketing for their books rather than the publishing houses#which was ridiculous#like I dunno I literally don’t have the time/energy/socialization or networking skills to try and land an agent via the right fucking tweet#and I think it’s fucking stupid that that was a thing that started happening at all#ppl shouldn’t be pitching fucking books on TWITTER writers shouldn’t have to be public figures on Twitter for the sake of marketing#so I hate that stupid app and want it to fucking die so that new part of the industry goes down with it#like that is actually the main reason for my indescribable rage for Twitter#I hope it dies. and I hope I can stop reading shit about Elon musk for like two fucking minutes#also y’all sound fucking stupid with your ‘Elon is actually THIS dumb’ shit#because like yeah obviously he’s an idiot don’t get me wrong#but he’s not accidentally running Twitter into the ground just because he’s stupid#he’s deliberately trying to kill it because he never wanted to buy in the first place and wants it to become a write off#like yeah he’s still goddamn dumb but he’s NOT doing all this to try and make Twitter profitable el oh el#anyways. I’ll be quiet now y’all are just being annoying about this#kaz rambles
8 notes · View notes
wickedhawtwexler · 3 months
Text
speaking of adhd meds i'm very excited/nervous because my doctor and i are going to talk about switching to a non-stimulant adhd med (so i don't have to cry on the phone to my pharmacist every single month 🥲)
3 notes · View notes
wandaluvstacos · 7 months
Text
my ill advised midnight post is that the asexual community's obsession with calling everyone valid is annoying. I thought we moved on from that in 2015 but I guess not. i don't need anyone's affirmation for being myself, I am myself whether or not anyone on the internet thinks it's cool or not.
What I'd actually like is to find descriptions of experiences that are like mine, but all I find under certain tags are "if you are *insert particular identity* then that's valid!" like... thanks, that's not actually what I need, what I need is specific people with specific experiences to express their frustration with the shit that frustrates me too. I don't need my head patted like I'm a child. Even if you thought I wasn't valid, I would still exist and still have to deal with the world.
6 notes · View notes
vampiratecaptain · 10 months
Text
replaying da2 and brought aveline to night terrors for the first time and. WHAT was that reaction.
told my mage hawke to her face (on a friendship path. after she wasn’t even mad about the whole betrayal thing bc she’s still in her people-pleaser attitude at this point) that she was less opposed to the gallows bc she, personally, could not resist a demon and implied she didn’t think of mages as people?
and then when hawke asked if she should be locked up the answer was ‘i don’t know’? i can only imagine after hearing that she went and collected anders & merrill to go on some super important business that she desperately needed their help with a good ways outside of kirkwall and fell off the map for a few days at least because she’s an apostate from a family of apostates and that sort of sentence set off every ‘pack up and run‘ instinct she had.
4 notes · View notes
beeapocalypse · 2 years
Text
that one image that is like ‘autism levels: catastrophic’. that has been the entirety of today
edit if any of you look at the original post. stop touching it stop reblogging it the body is not substantial enough to warrant a contextless reblog i didnt even include the fucking image itself. i do not understand how a post like this is enough for someone to go "yeah. this thing from a person i do not know needs to go on my blog". i get this is the internet and that my blog is a public space but i still do not enjoy this shit. go away
#goodnight goodnight now. tomorrow i will wake up and think more about dd <3#feel like the refracted affliction is SEVERELY underutilized both ingame and in narrative. it is so so interesting the relationship the--#--color of madness dlc has with stealth when initially the focus seems to be on space+time. the heaviest focus of stealth is the farmlands-#--(a corruption caused by the presence of an entity known as the Sleeper) and the shieldbreakers nightmares and idk what that--#--Means but i will be thinking abt it more tomorrow. a lot of refracted barks speak of entities which others cannot--#--see (a la the whole bloodborne deal of the bizarre existing right there with people that they just cannot see) and the shifting--#--brilliance of The Colors and ash (?) which is like. has their root in space been Shifted in some sort of way ? one foot in the reality--#--humanity exists in one foot in the level of intangible eldritch denizens? the sort which lack actual corporeal vessels and--#--just kind of lurk around ?? the ancestor focused on pigs for so long Because he wanted to pull in an eldritch beast to a physical body--#--like do they (beyond the most powerful like the heart and the sleeper) not have bodies which can exist in human reality ? idk#<-- NONE of that makes sense. i have admittedly not thought a lot abt the farmstead stuff beyond the fun possibilities of time+space--#--getting all mushed around so it is just a lot of questions that i have to actually mull over to have better answers for lol
21 notes · View notes
camellia-thea · 7 months
Text
i made the mistake of opening the jellycat website.
they have a jack russell now. it has one black spot across its back like jazzy.
#tags turned into a ramble-y vent be warned#mistakes were made#i do not have the money nor the emotional capacity for yearning#there are so many that are super cute#like the quinn fox and sigmund seal and all the octopi and they have a new spider plush!!!#i am in so much pain and i have nothing that stops it and i just. want to not be dealing with anything i am right now#i tried lifting my tea earlier and i started to cry because of how painful and exhausting it was.#enough so that i didn't finish it which is an indicator of how i am going#feeling a bit better now -- i am not as fatigued but. still in so much pain and sitting upright is tiring.#but it really really doesn't help the emotional stuff going on#i desperately want jellycat to make a black and white border collie too#so i can have a poppydog again#i miss her so fucking much#she was my good girl and i miss her.#i miss jazzy right now too. i want her here with me and i want her to cuddle me and stick her nose in my teacup#i just. feel bad.#i hate feeling out of control like this and yet i. cannot fucking accept help#and i'm such a hypocrite with it but i just. i can't. i don't know what i need#i want someone to take care of me but i don't know how to ask or be vulnerable. i physically need someone to wrestle me into care#i don't even know what i'm saying.#i have so many things in my head and just. saying them aloud feels scary. even typing this into vague nonspecific existence. i don't know.#i don't know.#i feel out of control and i hate it.#but. i just. need to feel out of control safely i guess?#someone else take it and just.
1 note · View note
gibbearish · 1 year
Text
vent
#had an issue a while ago where my bf was leaving his dirty clothes in piles on the floor which is fine except when the piles#are kept in the same room as the litterbox and the cat takes that as a cue to start pissing in piles of clothes#so i told him he couldnt do it anymore he said ok and then a bit later i caught the cat right as he was abt to piss in said clothes again#and when i was like 'hey i said you cant do this it can ruin your clothes if it gets left there' and he was like 'oh yeah i know but it's#my clothes so that's a risk i just decided to take' which uhhhh No????? no in so many ways?????????#but i didnt process how wack that is at the time so i just moved on and was like 'no but for real you cant do this anymore like not#a suggestion like legit This Cannot Continur Happening bc the end of this road is that the cat learns pissing in clothes piles is#ok whenever he wants' which did actually get him to stop but that was apparently enough learning time for mr carrot#we've had a few issues with it not toooo bad but its definitely been getting steadily more frequent#anyways guess whose electric blanket got pissed in today bc he left it in a pile on the floor and taught the cat its ok to piss in those#im having trouble giving a shit about it in the ways i should#like. idc that the blanket is maybe ruined#when he bought it he said it was for both of us but its just his so like idc but what i AM feeling is mad at him#cause like. i told him not to#and i shouldn't have HAD to tell him not to‚ 'the cat is pissing in my clothes so i will make it no longer possible for that to happen'#should be a no brainer i cannot imagine going 'welp i guess if it happens it happens' ITS PISS IN YOUR CLOTHES SITTING STALE FOR#WHO KNOWS HOW LONG and now we have to be hypervigilant abt Any Fabric Ever and who knows if itll escalate even further#hes already escalated from exclusively floor fabric to pissing in MY clothes that i was keeping on a table#like. the next stop is obviously couches/beds but like once they learn something its real hard to train them not to#and im just. frustrated that this is just gonna be yet another thing i have to deal with all the time when he shouldve just#Not Decided It Was Fine For The Cat To Piss In His Clothes In The First Place Hello?????!!!#but i also feel bad bc i feel like im holding a grudge about something small but i also Cant Let It Go#usually when the thing im mad abt is something insignificant its annoying for a bit then i let go but im just like !!!!!! what the fuck!!!!#idk. whatever#its his problem now idk how to get the heating psrt separate from the blanket part so i just sprayed some urine enzyme#on it and he can figure out wtf to do with in once he gets home in like two hours#and if thats too long and the smell gets baked in. oh well i guess#he hasnt been able to smell since we got covid anyways so like. its whatever i guess he can stew in a cat piss blanket if he wants#but i also cant tell if this is just a side effect of my General Irritability over the last few months and i really am mad abt nothing#ESPECIALLY because i keep saying it doesnt really directly effect me at this point then its like ok why are you so mad abt it then
4 notes · View notes
Text
got a bang trim and i literally look like this
Tumblr media
14 notes · View notes
g0reoz · 2 years
Text
.
#idk man like i've been in pretty rough shape lately but it's hard bc. as bad as it is#i don't want to die. i am not suicidal. like. we've been past that already the problem is that i DO fucking want to be alive yk#and to do that i have to burn all this fuckin energy being someone my parents don't hate and like#i wanna get out. i know it'll happen eventually. but it cannot fuckin come soon enough#i'm so tired of this!!i'm tired of sitting there crying in the bathroom i'm tired of lying in general like i am So Bad At Keeping Up A Fron#t and yet#here we are. here we are#and then i feel stupid for complaiing because not much is Actively Happening to me right now which like!!!! thats the point. it is not happ#ening because i'm slowly killing myself trying to not lwt it. i fuckin hate confrontation. don't wanna deal with it.#but. fuck. i really want to just tell em sometimes!!! i want to fucking explode and i know that my likelihood of being alive and well would#drastically decrease and my future would be fuckin OVER so i just have to make it a little longer.#i know i can do it. but will i. will i fuckin do it#how am i gonna not burn myself out yk!? like it does take massive amounts of energy#i don't even know. i want someone to tell me they love me and mean it. that shouldn't be too much to ask.#especially because this empty bullshit hurts just as much as someone saying they hate me. because they do!!!#that's the thing. they love me because i am not all the things they hate and threaten violence over.#which tbh. isn't me at all.#feels bad man idk#.woof.
2 notes · View notes