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ranchracoon · 3 months

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Ch. 3: No Return

The exhaustion from the past week couldn't compare to anything you had experienced. Muscles you didn't know existed ached, you couldn’t even wash your hair properly because of how badly your arms hurt. The skin on your knuckles was raq with dried blood in a few of the cracks. How a woman three times your age could do this for so long was beyond you. Today however is laundry day, which means a whole lot of washing by hand but also a lot of down time. The laundry has to be hung inside because the mist from the waterfall will keep them wet, but it takes longer which means you got to relax more.

While you do so, Angie made herself scarce and you dallied around on the main floor for something to do. There's a few book shelves that you rummaged through but none caught your fancy. You took another pass, and lowered your standards until you decided on one. The sun had begun to set when you finished your reading and made your way to the back room. It gets the most sunlight compared to the rest of the house.

It feels like a greenhouse, with the ceiling and walls made from glass with tile flooring. Tight ropes lined the room from wall to wall with clothing hung from each one. You grabbed the last article of clothing from the clothes line; a luxurious, red, suit jacket that was softer than any material you've ever felt. All the clothes were oddly slim, you would have thought that someone who stayed inside all the time would be the size of the duke but, these clothes looked like they could fit you easily. They must be a twig, an insanely tall twig, but a twig none-the-less. Must be something in the water that makes everyone so tall.

You folded each article of clothing and divided them by ownership which was exceptionally easy. Angie does her own laundry, and your clothes are thrift store fancy at best. Meanwhile the lord's belonged on the runway of Paris, or on a magazine cover. You dropped off the basket of clothes in front of the lord's bedroom then excused yourself for the evening.

Sundays were your day off according to Angie, apparently the lord is gone all day doing whatever lords do and would return in the evening for dinner. It was also the day you went grocery shopping for the week, and Angie was going to let you pick out ingredients. This was your chance, if you could make something actually edible for the lord, maybe he'll come out to thank you. Or at least expose Angie to something other than whatever concoction she did make.

The next morning while you dressed you couldn't help but think how this lord managed to move around the manor without you or Angie noticing. There must be secret tunnels or something that they traveled through, because there was no way they could move from the workshop to their bedroom without cutting through the kitchen. On Friday you served lunch to the workshop, spent the entire day in the kitchen cleaning then the bell for their bedroom rang. It was impossible. Unless you're more oblivious than you thought. You grumbled under your breath then stopped dead in your tracks and shook your head. Great. Now you were acting like that deranged woman.

You hurried downstairs and to the kitchen as fast as you could to avoid Angie, in the kitchen you didn't see anyone and grabbed a bowl of leftover mush. It tasted like vomit but it was all you had, for now. You hadn't been this excited for something as mundane as grocery shopping since, ever. You leaned against the counter and a sudden clang against it made you jump. Looking over you saw Angie who dropped a bag of lei next to you.

"Is that my pay?" You asked.

"No, it's to buy food." She snapped.

"So, when do I get paid for all this work?"

She cackled, "what do you need to be paid for? You have a room, and food. What more do you need? A vacation? Ha."

She had a point, where would you go if you did have money? Could go back home and couch surf, get a steady 12 hour job and work 5 days a week. Plus weekends. You decided to remain quiet and finished your meal. After you finished you washed your dishes, dried them, then put them away. Angie left you in the kitchen while you found a basket and blanket to hold the food, when she returned she was wrapping a shawl over her shoulders.

"I'll be going with you to the village to visit my girls. You'll be on your own so don't do anything stupid. Remember, you now represent Lord Beneviento which is nothing to snuff at. Anything you do is a reflection of them."

"Girls? You have daughters?" You asked surprised.

"No, they're Lady Dimitrescu's daughters but I visit them every Sunday so they're practically my girls too." She replied.

You nodded in acknowledgment as the two of you rode the elevator up then passed through the front doors. Angie hummed to herself the entire walk and you hugged yourself as the wind blew past you, it carried the crisp bite of fall with it. The thin jacket you wore wasn't enough to keep the cold out, you would need something thicker to survive the winter. Angie continued to hum until she crossed over the grave of Claudia. She stopped walking and humming, her stare moved to it for a moment. You watched her watch the gravesite until she relit the candle and covered it with a glass dome so it wouldn't blow out again.

"Angie?" You asked softly.

"Hm?" She answered.

"Who was Claudia?"

Angie stayed silent for a long time before she started to walk away from you, she sighed heavily and the wetness of tears appeared in her eyes.

"I suppose you should know. Claudia was the lord's mother. She died from a horrific disease, but she was the kindest woman you've ever met. Her husband though, the late Lord Beneviento was a dark man, the definition of evil. Rumor has it he's the reason the lord doesn't come out. I started working there very shortly after the mother's death. Poor dear must have just been a child then." She replied sadly.

You sighed softly as you thought about it, all this time they've been completely alone with no one but Angie as company. It made you think back to your mother, and whenever you were upset she would cook you something, but now you also understood not having that comfort. The rest of the journey was silent, with only the wind and the brush of the weeds as company. The village came into view and Angie wiped her tears away as she looked back at you.

"This is where I leave you. Be back at the manor by 6pm sharp for dinner."

"Yes ma'am."

You watched her waddle toward the village center where three, tall, gorgeous women waited for her. One brunette, one ginger, and one blond. They looked exactly the same aside from the hair color, and microscopic differences in their facial structure. They even wore the same black cloaks with black roses pinned on the upper left of their collarbone. If they looked like that, their mother must be a goddess on Earth.

Angie opened her arms wide as the three women swarmed her in hugs and giggles then walked with her out of sight. Not a single glance your way. A thought occurred in your head, a meal you used to love growing up and always made you feel better but there was one, little, issue: it required fish. That'll be the last thing you get. It didn't take long to acquire the rest of the ingredients: rice, ginger, cucumber, soy sauce, garlic, and other seasonings. All of it fresh and handmade or grown locally. However, now that you're finished that meant you had to do the inevitable.

You groaned under your breath and followed the signs that pointed to the bay, with your head on a swivel. Ironically you loved this meal but hated the smell of fish. You scrunched your nose as you got closer, merchants yelled for attention trying to sell their latest catch of fish, crabs, and other shellfish.

A woman caught your attention, she wore a simple brown gown with a red apron that used to be white. She had freshly caught and gutted salmon which was exactly what you needed. You approached her and asked for three filets, while you waited you glanced around the dock to watch the fishers pass you by. Just as the woman was about to wrap the fish in paper your skin prickled with goosebumps and you felt as though someone was watching you, you glanced around again to see if you could make them out.

"Y/N!"

No.... You thought.

Salvatore appeared from around the corner with that creepy grin that you were certain he thought was genuine. His hair was neater today, it was combed to one side and he had on a green button up with slick overalls that had the boots attached. He walked up to you and attempted to hug you but you quickly side stepped to avoid it. You didn't like to be touched in general, and definitely not by men. He pretended to look hurt but quickly changed it back to a smile.

"What brings you down here? Come to get some fish?" He asked excitedly.

"No, I came down here to see what fruits and vegetables I could find." You replied sarcastically.

He laughed louder than you would have liked, the woman motioned for you to take the fish; you took it and paid her the lei then wrapped the fish in the covering to keep it from leaking. You had hoped Salvatore would take that as his cue to leave, but he remained standing there. You strained your head to look behind him so any opening to escape.

"Well, since you're here, would you like to see my boat?" He offered.

"I can't, I'm afraid I need to get this fish on ice and be back at the manor before...2pm." You lied.

"Then, how about I accompany you?" He asked.

"I appreciate the offer, but I don't want to get distracted nor keep you from your duties. Have a good day." You replied as nicely as you could muster.

You tried to step around to walk away but he continued to walk next to you. He slipped his hands into his overall pockets, while strutting proudly.

"Nonsense, Sundays are my day off because my dad is gone all day in meetings with Mother Miranda."

You perked your head up. If his father was in the meeting, then he was with lord Beneviento. Maybe you could do some fishing of your own.

"Is that so? So your father is a lord too?" You asked curiously.

Salvatore smirked, "yeah. There are four lords around here that run the village like a city council. They make the judgment for any crimes, how to spend taxes, all that boring stuff." He sniffed and puffed out his chest, "I'll be taking over for my father when he steps down."

You refrained from rolling your eyes, "who are the other lords?"

"Well, there's my dad, Beneviento, Dimitrescu, and Heisenberg. Dimitrescu exports her family's wine and some other stuff I think. My father and I handle fishing and help out with the farming, while Heisenberg does all the carpentry and metal work for the village. I don't know what Beneviento does, no one has seen him so I think he just rides his father's legacy and that's why he remains a lord."

You stopped walking, "bold of you to talk about a lord like that. Especially one that I work for and you've never met." You snapped.

Salvatore raised his hands in defense. His toothy grin remained as he shook his head.

"I'm just saying."

You glared at him, "I think it's time we parted ways. I have to get back."

You started to walk away when he grabbed the arm that didn't have the basket attached to it. He swung you around to face him again. It took every muscle in your body not to smack him with the wrapped fish right then and there.

"Hey I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad. Let me make it up to you. The summer festival is this upcoming weekend, come with me. We can-"

You yanked your arm away and cut him off, "no. Now I need to get going. Angie is waiting for me."

As fast as your feet could carry you, you walked away from that man and back into the crowded village. After you deemed yourself far enough away you slowed your pace and relaxed a little, he really did give you the creeps. Just when you thought you wouldn't have to deal with unwanted attention here. The bell tower over the church rang four times. After you calmed you began to walk back to the manor when goosebumps crawled over your skin, that feeling of being watched returned. Maybe you should mention something to Angie; no, she'd just laugh at you and call you crazy.

Every step you would shoot a look over one shoulder. You couldn't shake the feeling of being prey stalked by a predator. Each time the grass or trees rustled you walked a little quicker until the manor came into view. You've never walked faster and slammed the door behind you.

Back in the safety of the manor you slumped the groceries on the counter and huffed, now that you were alone you started on dinner while cursing to yourself. Anger boiled underneath as your mind swam with the interaction with Salvator, he was just as bad as the men from where you came from. You trusted your gut, and your gut said he wasn't as nice as he came across. There was certainly something off about him.

Cooking relaxed your mind and you allowed yourself to fully dive into it. The salmon marinated in melted butter, soy sauce, and ginger while you sauteed mushrooms, bell pepper, and zucchini. The water boiled for rice and you added it in then turned down the heat and covered it to cook, just in time for you to cook the fish. While those are going, you thinly sliced the cucumber and pickled them with vinegar, lime, and salt.

Angie walked into the kitchen and eyed you, she sniffed the air curiously and hovered over your shoulder while you worked. She picked up an avocado from your cutting board and examined it like it was a foreign entity. After her examination she plopped it back down then rummaged through the rest of the groceries.

"Where did you get these things? I've never seen them in the village." She asked.

"The Duke. I asked if he had any and he did." You answered, "oh, and the leftover lei is on the counter."

Angie cocked her eyebrow at you, "are you feeling okay? You're not as sarcastic or groany as usual."

"Yeah just...how was your day with your girls?" You asked to change the subject.

Angie narrowed her eyes but shrugged it off, "good. Those girls sure are a handful but I love em dearly."

The two of you conversed in small talk while you finished dinner, Angie judged your cooking of course so you displayed it like a five star restaurant. Rice for the base, veggies next, then the salmon, with sliced avocado and ginger on top with the cucumber around the side. On cue the bell for the bedroom rang, you picked up the tray and carried it to the bedroom. You knelt down and knocked on the door then turned around back to the kitchen. You paused in the doorway and glanced over to see the door cracked open. It quickly shut before you could get a good look at whoever was behind it and sighed. Maybe it was rats eating the meals, but that wouldn't explain the dirty clothes, then again, the clothes you collected hardly looked dirty at all.

Maybe Angie was wrong, perhaps ghosts do eat and wear clothes to remind themselves of when they were living. The thought made you internally chuckle as you thought about ghosts trying to wear their human clothes and it goes right through. You and Angie ate in silence, when you were finished Angie offered to clean the dishes for once. It made you suspicious but decided to take the opportunity to go to bed early, a small coma sounded lovely about now. The refreshing water of the shower washed off the grossness of the day and having to be around people; the lord was onto something being a hermit. After you were clean and changed into some night clothes you crawled under the sheets of the bed and closed your eyes.

Sleep did not come to you though. You tossed and turned but your thoughts wouldn't settle. After much debate and staring at the ceiling for seemingly hours, you decided to walk around. You wandered around the top floor, glanced out the windows to watch the waterfall until the faintest noise came through that wasn't the white noise. It sounded like music. As you walked toward the elevator you could make out bits of it, you looked around and took the elevator down. If Angie caught you, you could say you were getting water, that's a reasonable excuse to be up at midnight.

You banged your hand on the side to open the doors, the music flowed through the corridors a bit clearer. You followed it until you stood down the hall from the workshop. The music was a piano, and it didn't have the static of a record which meant it was being played. As you approached closer you noticed the door was a ajar with a sliver of light beaming through. You tiptoed toward the door, the entire time you held your breath as if that would help you make any less noise. The music was somber but alluring, it couldn't be Angie which left one other suspect. You peeked through the door and your eyes widened at the sight of someone's back to you. They were dressed in all black with black hair tied into a bun. Their head was hung low and you couldn't make out anything else.

They played expertly, their fingers glided over the keys with ease and familiarity. As you leaned closer to try and get a better look you accidentally pushed the door which creaked open further. The person froze; you watched them stand and move out of sight then suddenly appear in front of you. Before you could look up at them the door slammed shut in front of your face. The sound of music was replaced with the hammering of your heart. You panted heavily as if you had just ran a marathon. The footsteps behind the door faded away, but then grew louder as they approached the door and you took off running to the safety of your room.

Once in your room you shut and locked the door then out of panic pushed the desk behind it. The lord was going to be so angry that you saw them, that you were snooping, and if they didn't, Angie certainly would. You paced around the room in panic, you should have ran for the front door. Instead you're trapped here, and you were going to have to face judgment.

#resident evil village #re8 #alcina dimitrescu #donna beneviento #donna benevento x reader #re8 fanfiction #nsft wlw #wlw #wlw fanfic

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alias-b · 4 years

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sins of my youth. 010

Billy Hargrove x OC! Evie Fenny~ Also posted to my AO3

Summary: It was common knowledge that Billy Hargrove hated Hawkins. Hated Cherry Lane. Even loathed the strange girl next door. Evie Fenny wasn’t too fond of the chaotic Cali transfer either. An awful high school tradition sparks a chain of events that changes everything, ultimately bringing two frayed souls together.

A/N: Hello everyone. Slice of life in Hawkins when Evie ventures out and encounters different residents. Warning that things are going to take a turn so TW for manipulating and explicit physical abuse. Light racism. Evie receives some horrible threats when she tries to make a change for the better. Thank you all for turning in. Heavy heavy chapter, way more personal than I like. TAGLIST OPEN ! Chat with me if you have time. :)

Chapter 10: A Little More Sin

There were some peculiar things Billy Hargrove noted about the way Evie Fenny slept.

She burrowed into whatever was around. Face buried like she might be trying to smother herself.

She made little noise except occasional whimpers. Arguably cute.

She went dead still. He checked to make sure the girl was breathing at one point.

His favorite were the whines that erupted when he tried to untangle himself from her on the couch. Early morning daylight streamed between curtains. Silent white noise scattered the television.

A reminder of snow tumbling fresh and pristine. Washing away what was before it. Evie had fallen asleep in her fit of exhaustion still wrapped in him.

Billy simply didn’t feel like leaving so he fell too. Cast in amber. Bodies molded together.

Evie turned to burrow into the sofa and Blue came to nestle just above her crown of big curls. Billy peered at the empty pizza box and grabbed a marker to scribble a note she’d wake to. Propped it up and grabbed his coat.

Paused to admire her because that was inevitable. One look cast before he was out into the grey morning. Ice and snow as far as the eye can see.

“Shit. I'm still in Hawkins.” Billy perched a cigarette between his lips and lit up. Prepared himself for Max’s gawking when he walked in that door.

Evie stirred another hour later. Still smelling Billy’s cologne all over the couch and herself. Blue sat perched, licking her knuckle. No doubt begging for more food.

“I know,” Evie pushed out a groan, “I got you.” Brown eyes focused on bold, black letters. Marked into the grease stained pizza box.

Billy long gone.

Probably freaked that a girl sobbed on him and passed out. Evie huffed to herself. Rubbed her eyes and plucked up the box to read.

“Gonna ask you out…again. Tonight. Seven. I’ll even let you pick where we go.”

Evie shook her head and pushed up.

Figured another night with Billy Hargrove is one of the few things in her life that won’t hurt.

*** ** **

If you asked her, she’d lie.

Evie totally wasn’t out picking a new top for her not-date with Billy. Definitely not.

She wasn't worrying over the exactly placement of her curls and wondering if Billy thought they were pretty down over her shoulders.

Poor girl just...felt the urge to thrift shop. Most of her shirts and dresses were altered items she’d found. Ugly patterns galore. Evie mused over a top with an intricately painted bowl of fruit on the front and spotted a familiar helmet of red hair sitting near the fitting rooms.

“It doesn’t fit me. It’s too big.” Came a rough woman's voice from behind the curtain.

Carol only huffed as she checked her manicure and stood. Evie hid behind a tall rack of dresses when a woman came out.

She might have had the same vibrant red hair as her daughter. Once. But it was lifeless and tossed into a bun on her head.

Carol’s mother. Dorthy Perkins. Skinny, nervous thing with a slight pouch to her stomach. Tooth gap and some healed sores in her hairline. Kept rubbing her covered arms. Sunken in and shaky. Noticeable sweat on her forehead.

Obviously in need of a fix. She used to be a beauty queen like Mona. They might have even competed together, they both had daughters too young.

She came out in a velvety blouse that was too long for her torso. Little baggy around the arms.

“You didn’t tie it right. Here.” Carol wasn’t her usual bubbly self. Not the girl who schemed about terrorizing underclassmen. “Maybe we can tuck it into something.”

“I look so ugly.” Her mother peered aside. Covered her face. “That’s why Jason walked out.”

“He’s a piece of shit.” Carol mumbled.

“He was like a father to you. We spent almost seven years together. I’m ugly.”

“Stop saying that. We’re better off without him.” Carol asserted herself that time.

“He’ll be back, he always is.”

Carol only frowned, faltering. That much was true.

The false hope of it all killed.

“This color is pretty.” She went on instead. “You like blue. We can tuck it into that black skirt you have. Maybe a belt.”

“Skirt’s no good. It’s all worn and discolored. Never should have let you do the laundry.”

“Someone had to. I said sorry. You were drunk and...I saw those needles.”

“Carol, don’t speak to me like that.” This switch flipped on. She snatched her daughter’s wrist. Looked like she might try to break it.

Evie never saw that look in Carol's eyes before. It pricked her own heart with pure, pooling fear. This girl who always looked her best and turned her nose up toward everyone else.

Because she knew better.

Carol and Evie had that much in common.

Her mother continued. Darkening.

“I was not drunk. I gave it up. I’m better.”

Carol wiggled away uncomfortably. Winced at her now irritated flesh. Looked around to make sure no one saw them.

“Just keep your voice down. We’ll figure out something. You need a nice outfit. You have to get this job. Nail place doesn't pay me enough. I just started.” Carol shook her head at the same time Evie knocked into some hangers backing up.

Instantly, she was spotted.

“Evangeline Fenny.” Her mother plastered this crackling smile as she stood taller. Carol’s arms crossed. Immediate hatred. “Did you lose weight?”

“Mom.” Carol hissed.

“Hi…” Evie blinked, lips lifting. “And, no, but thank you.”

“Oh well, you look pretty. How’s your mother?” It was a courtesy. Mona wasn’t close with Mrs. Perkins. Or Carol’s stepdad. They weren’t liked in Hawkins. Kept to themselves in a dingy house. Drinkers. Users.

But, that's all nasty gossip. Carol was quick to shut it down.

“Fine.” Evie started to shuffle off because Carol looked like she was begging silently. Paused. “I like that color too and you can hem the bottom.”

“Not all of us sew.” Carol turned to ice. Evie reached into her one of her reusable grocery bags. Pulled out a little package.

“I like to cheat with this. Hem tape. It’s fast, you just iron it along the bottom. It holds well.”

“Let me pay you for that.” Mrs. Perkins grabbed her worn purse.

“No, it’s cheap and I picked up extra. They had a sale today.” The second part was a lie. Evie held it as far out as she could. Carol crossed over. Plucked it from her hand with glittery pink gemstones for fingertips.

A beat. Two girls orbiting the same great planet. Threatening to be yanked into a storm.

“Thanks.” Carol sucked her cheeks in. “Mom, go change.”

“See you late, Evie.” The woman wandered off. Carol inhaled sharper. Peered at Evie again.

“New top to show off for Bowers when school starts?” She flicked her tangerine locks, brow lifting.

Evie pressed her lips. Brown eyes narrowing.

“It’s good to see you too, Carol.” She avoided that and turned.

“I just think you should give it up. It’s really pathetic. Everyone thinks so.” Carol sneered. Looked anywhere else. “The girl who went psycho on Tannen. Dressing up for our teacher. He’s just being nice because he feels sorry for you.”

Evie paused to peer back. Felt her own pity swell.

“Then, I guess you have nothing to worry about. Huh.” She watched Carol flame up and went to pay for her items. Not able to look back. Not able to admit a connection was possible or that such distinct planets could ever align.

Boots hurried out into the cold, cheeks blooming rosy. She wrapped her scarf tighter and got near the bus stop before a hand was jerking her around into the side of a brick building.

Speak of the devil and he’ll appear. Evie's shoulders went up.

“What the fuck, Tannen? I thought Hawkins was scum you’d never set foot in.” She grunted. Saw his furious eyes dart.

“You really think I don’t know about your fucking band of ragtag shitheads? I saw you all.” He pressed his hand into the wall.

“Heard you’re single now.” Evie remarked. Fingers ripped her up a few inches by the coat.

“Don’t fuck with me, Fenny.” He said lower. Dangerous as can be.

“You already tried that game, Brock, and you lost.” Evie spat back there in the snow. He dropped her down. Laughed.

“Got closer than you liked. We had a moment.”

“It was a kiss and you were a creep.”

"You spazzed, girl, and I'm gonna find out why. What has Evie Fenny so shaken up?"

"Have you considered it's the effect you have?" Evie sneered.

“Better be careful in the coming weeks. I just wouldn’t go anywhere alone.” Across the street, his dad hollered for him, coming out of city hall.

“Daddy’s calling. Bet you’re having trouble getting away from his watchful eyes.” Evie shrugged. Shoving his arm away. "Stay away from me."

“Like I'd ever hit this for real. Fucking Psycho Sybil. That's what we call you up at Ridgemont. You’re a fat, fucking slut and you’ll never be anything else-”

“Excuse me!” A sharper voice cut in. Tannen leaned out from Evie to peer at Mr. Clarke. Bundled and unsuspecting. Not intimidating by any means, but he wasn’t backing down. “I think you outta leave her alone, Mr. Tannen.”

“We were just talking, sir.” Tanned peered at Evie, backing up. “For now. See you around, Fenny. Bet on that.” His dad called for him again so he crossed to go to their expensive, red car.

“Are you alright, Evie?” Scott Clarke. Hawkins Middle. One of Dustin’s idols.

She just sniffled. Hadn’t realized she'd even welled up.

“Yeah. Fine.”

“You know he’s the jerk, right?”

Evie roused to laugh, nodding. Psycho Sybil. That was a new one.

“Yes, I do. Thanks.” She looked down at her feet.

“Did you take the bus here?” He had a bag of books from the library in hand. Evie nodded again. “Do you want a ride home? I’d feel better knowing you’re safe. Don’t worry about guys like that. He’s going to lose all his hair and money and amount to nothing.”

Evie broke again to giggle. Little brighter now. What a teacher.

“Y-Yeah, I guess so.” Eyes peered at Scott’s grey car. “Is...that a DeLorean?”

“Gift from me to myself. My pride and joy now. Neat, huh? Dustin loved it. Do you still babysit him?”

“Not a lot these days, he’s best friends with Steve Harrington. A real cool guy now. I’m old news.” Evie stepped forward, adjusting with all her bags.

“I’m sure that’s not true. You’re pretty snazzy as they kids say… They do say that, right?”

“Ahhh, not really.” Evie watched him chuckle.

Mr. Clarke wasn't like her dad. Lanky and sweet. Always ready to brighten your dad being dorky. Jack was a cool business man. Smooth talker. Scott always made time for his students too. That was the biggest difference.

“Can I get you home safe? No pressure, I just can’t stand to see a boy act like that.” Scott gestured and Evie pressed her lips.

“Okay.” She almost said no. Had this gut feeling she should have. Not because of Scott. The guy was a sitcom star and a genius. A genuinely good man. But, a feeling gnawed like she was being watched. The door swung up.

“Neato, right?”

“That’s certainly one word. How strange.” Evie got in and Scott came around. Turned the car on to go. “Thanks...for the ride and for saying something. You didn’t have to.”

“Of course, I did. Stepping in when we see that behavior is important. It's bare minimum. I was bullied when I was young and one day I decided I wasn't going to take it anymore. The rest is history. Good history.” He turned a corner. Fiddled with the radio trying to find something the kids listen to. Evie smirked a little at that. “How’s your mom doing?”

“She’s...okay. Working a lot more.”

“And yourself? I know you had a rough year. I hope that’s not too forward to say. I try to ask Claudia about how your family is. Purely worried teacher talk. You know? I consider Mona a good friend.” He beamed there. Blushing.

“No, uh, it’s been hard. I guess.” Evie shrugged. Stared at the trees.

“My parents divorced when I was about your age. It was hard on me. My mom was one tough cookie, even found love again and they’re still happily married. Silver lining.” Mr. Clarke explained. “And I might not understand it fully myself, but I recently ended a relationship. Couple months and we both agreed with her relocating. Still friends even. Nice end. But, it’s something hard to process. A person not being there.”

Evie turned to see him watching the road carefully. Something resonated deeply.

“Mr. Clarke?"

"Yes?"

"How...do you end a relationship nicely?”

“You just be as honest as you can, I suppose. This is a person who cares about you, they should understand at some length. Life takes us so many places.” He paused at a light and turned onto Cherry. “Which house were you?”

“4817, right next to the Hargrove’s there.” Evie pointed, gathering her items. “I’ll tell my mom you said, hello. Thanks again.”

“Certainly, do that. Strange not seeing her every morning in that cafe by her shop. Take care and don’t let losers like Mr. Tannen bring you down.”

“I won’t, Mr. Clarke.” Evie beamed again and pushed out. “See you around.” She stood and jumped at Billy next to his mailbox. A wide grin crossing because of the car make.

“Look who has style.” Billy bent over to see and Evie rolled her eyes. “Mr. Clarke. We should race sometime.”

“Staying out of trouble, Mr. Hargrove?”

“Always.” He stood taller to wink at Evie as she waved then shut the door so Mr. Clarke could drive off. "And no one's pushed that guy into a locker?"

"He's snazzy as the kids say." Evie joked. Billy snickered to himself. “So, Tannen cornered me. He’s upset.”

“He cause you trouble?” Billy was distractedly stuffing a cigarette into his mouth. Evie’s lips quirked before she plucked it out. Turned it over so he had the correct end between his teeth.

Billy blinked at her proximity.

“Tried to. His dad is on him and Mr. Clarke saved the day. I don’t care about Tannen.” Psycho Sybil. Fat slut. Trying to dress up and impress her teacher. Her teacher that she was fucking. Every syllable was another sharp tack in her stomach.

Evie shifted her eyes so he changed the subject. Suggestive.

“You get my note?”

“Hard to ignore.” She peered back at him.

“That’s how I’d best describe myself, Angel.” Billy mused, blowing smoke aside. Got closer to drop the baritone. “And if I were to show up at the scheduled time? I’ll even wear the white shirt you like.”

A smile betrayed her face. Nose crinkling. Billy matched it. Not yielding.

“I might be open to a discussion at that time.” Evie turned. Voice softening. Still intent. “There’s something I need to do first.”

Billy didn’t ask what. Just watched her saunter up into her house. Enjoyed the view.

After locking the door, Evie unpacked her bags.

“Yes, I got you something too.” She watched Blue come to paw at plastic. “I spoiled you, actually. Let’s eat and put your new collar on, shall we?”

Evie got some stuff done. Food. Real food. Got Blue set up with some cat necessities. Red collar with a shiny bell. Pulled out her sewing machine to work on a couple garments. Until her hands ached. Distractions were good.

Her personal phone trilled.

“Fenny residence.” She plucked it up. Same lacquer candy apple as her painted nails.

“Evie.” Terse.

“Fredrick. You’re calling me?”

“I know your mother isn’t home and it’s your line," he explained, "I figured we were safe.”

“I was...actually going to call you soon, can we talk?”

“Oh?” His tone changed. “Now?”

“In person.”

“Right, then I’ll come get you in a bit.”

“No, there’s a bus. I’ll take that.” Evie paused. “It’s important.”

“Don’t let anyone see you on the street. See you soon.”

“Yes.” They hung up. Evie pulled on a fresh shirt and red hoodie. Brought it up over her curls. Bundled herself to venture out around four that afternoon. Three hours should have been enough. Red riding hood venturing to see the world.

She caught the bus and got off a street over. Tried to breathe. Nervous hands applied some strawberry tinted chapstick before she knocked.

“Come in.” Fredrick hurried her inside with one arm. They stood together in the narrow hallway of his rental flat. She brought her hood down. Prepared. He jumped ahead of her, dead set. “Dear, I think I know what this is about.”

“You do?” Evie dropped her arms. Standing inches from him.

“The marriage talk. Listen, I shouldn’t have pushed it. I know you probably think coming here to agree to it is what you want. Being a young girl, running off into the sunset is what you dreamed of. But, make sure you’re choosing the best decision for you-”

“That’s not why I’m here.” Evie spoke flatter. He double took at her expression. Got almost nervous.

“It’s not?” His entire body shifted.

“No.” Evie replied. Plain and simple. Not even a second thought.

It seemed to jar him. She wasn’t swooning into his arms or falling to her knees in worship.

“Well, I’m still glad you’re here.” Instantly, Fredrick was on Evie. Snatched her jaw forth for a kiss. Cupped the back of her head and moaned. Needy and sudden. Not the cool, collected teacher who was tsking because a young girl was falling deeply for him.

“Wait.” Evie was just standing there with her lips open. Eyes on a decorative framed print of Zeus and Europa. Not reciprocating while his tongue wormed inside. “Mmf, wait.” She tilted her head back. “I wanted to talk.” Brown eyes looked all directions.

"Let's talk after," he purred, "my sweet Evie. Look so pretty in red. Straight from the pages of Lolita. Sometimes I want to call you that, it'd fit you. You never did like Evangeline." It was clearly a joke, but she didn't laugh. "Oh, what about Abigail? From The Crucible. We always liked her. Something with a little more sin."

Psycho Sybil. Abigail. Lolita.

"I really want to just talk, is that okay?" Asking permission to not have sex. That was a new one and he did appear irritated. She shuffled and held herself when he stepped back.

“What’s going on, Evie?” He stood a great deal taller, hands on his hips.

“I think…” She tried to find all the right words. “I think maybe we should slow down?”

"Slow down."

"Ah...stop." Evie corrected herself. Aching. "I think we-"

“What were you doing in that man’s car today?” Fredrick cut in. Ignoring her.

“You saw me?”

“Yes, I was running my errands and I know I can’t approach you. It’ll look too strange. What was that about?”

“It… Mr. Clarke was just giving me a ride home.” Evie brought her hand up. Clutched at her hoodie.

“I just wondered if maybe you had a pattern.” He turned his head and shook it idly. “Let’s go sit down. Talk like adults.” He ushered Evie into the living room. She didn’t want to sit but followed to do it anyways. “What’s all this about, Evie? Explain it to me.”

“I care about you. You were there for me. I know that and I don’t… I won’t take it for granted. I’m just...distracted. You know, high school is ending and I think this... “ Evie closed her eyes. The truth of it was ice. “I don’t want this.”

“This? Us?”

She pressed her lips. Tried to stare at his face. Too many emotions flitting across it.

“I think we just want different things. And that’s okay-”

“You came back, Evie. All that time we spent together. That incredible summer we had. We were happy. It can always be like that."

"But," Evie realized it too, "it won't be."

"I know you’re scared. But, the future.” He took her hand in both of his. Held it tight. “Our future. We planned it. You must be terrified. Your dad left, that doesn’t mean I’ll leave you. I'll never leave you, Evie. That’s what this is about, isn’t it?”

“N-No…” Evie trembled. Unable to wiggle her hand away. “I think we should...just part ways. I’ll switch classes if you want. I need to focus on finishing school and-”

“I don’t want you to switch classes, do you think I can’t be mature about this?” He narrowed on her awed face. “This isn’t you, what’s gotten into your head all the sudden? Is there someone else?”

She froze. Honesty. He loved her, he'd understand.

“It’s not about that.”

“But, there is someone else?” Fredrick shook his head. Ran one hand into blond hair. Still clutching her wrist. “You tell them about us? Huh? This isn’t some silly high school game. I asked you for one thing. To keep it together.” Her jerked Evie into him.

“No! I didn’t.” She winced. “You’re hurting me.”

“No, I’m not.” Fredrick scoffed. Like she was being truly unreasonable. Alarms started to go off in her brain.

“I’ll never tell anyone, just...please. I can’t do this. It’s me. I can’t do this. I have to work on myself and it’s not fair to you. That’s all.” Evie tried to stand.

“We’re talking still, Evangeline!” A finger pointed before he tugged her back into him. Hands latched around her arms. Squeezed harsh marks into skin. “I don’t understand. Suddenly, you want out. You’re acting all afraid of me? Who knows about us?”

“No one!” She whimpered. Lungs sputtering. “I won’t ever tell anyone. I promise. I just need to think.”

“You can think right here.” He soothed. Pulling her into his chest. All the games where he played hard to get and she crawled back were lost. He really might lose her. That blared. “Let’s get something to calm your nerves. Then, you can rest and we can keep talking. I fought so hard for us. You understand that? Do you even care?”

“I don’t need to drink. I think I should just go home. I care, that's why I need to do this. It's a good thing. We can...still be friends.” Evie’s palms were spread on his chest. “My mom-”

“Isn’t even in town. I hardly think she’ll care even if her daughter is out late. Isn’t that right, dear? We both know she’s always been more preoccupied with her salon and who she’s screwing than her own daughter.” Blue eyes were alight at her. Evie went very still. "I'm the adult, I should have told your mother from the first. But, I couldn't deny you. And she doesn't even care about you, Evie, not like I do."

"Don't say that..."

He started to charge. A mad bull clicking its hooves.

“Everything we have, you just want to throw away? Move on and giggle with all your fucking little friends about me? Is that it? Think you can laugh at me and leave like my wife did-?”

“Ow, please, let me go.” Evie started to twist in the struggle. Terrified and yanking as he tugged her back into his chest. “That hurts, Fredrick, please. You're hurting me.”

“I love you, god damn it!” He shook her. Began to flame. “You want to go? Fine!”

A hard shove sent her head bouncing into the wall. Flames burst.

Evie tumbled over into hardwood. Eyes wet. Slumped down. The world almost went black. When she didn’t get up immediately, he was over her. Shifting curls from her face as she made this odd croak. Skull throbbing white hot.

Memories flashed and burnt.

“Shit... Shit, Evie. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that. You do this to us, you know? Oh, I just love you too much, I won’t lose you. You’re okay, it’s fine. Come, let’s get you to lie down. I’ll make you feel better.”

Evie licked her lips. Curls shaking as her head rose to see him. Hands braced on the floor to steady her dizzy frame.

The truth burned now. Became ashes.

“I don’t love you anymore.” She offered. Small and assured. Fredrick exhaled, petting her hair aside. Time slowed.

“Since, when?” He grew breathless as if he didn't understand.

“Now. Just now.” Evie pushed up into the wall. Curled away from his hands. “I want to stop.”

“Stop? After everything.”

“It’s me...and it’s you. This was wrong. It's so wrong.” She sniffled. Mascara running. “I think I should go home now. I don't feel well.”

“What if I said, no? What if I said, I don’t want you to go home?” A slow hand curled around her arm again. He got close to her face. Started to kiss her lips and temple. “I’m so sorry, Evie. Just come to bed and lie down.” He cupped her tender head, nodding. A smile beamed. “We’ll talk about this. I’ll make you feel so good. Yeah? Because only I know how.”

She tried to be hard. Tried to scare this man who still cast a shadow over her body. Fredrick started to pull her up. Pawing. Evie resisted and stayed on the floor.

“Then, I’ll tell people about you. About us.”

“Evie,” he froze to speak slower as if she was stupid, “it’s your word against mine.”

“I have a lot of words to describe you and this place and things we did. Your word against mine. I don’t need the world to believe me. Just a couple people will be enough…” She trembled and steeled against him. Fredrick dropped her like she scorched him. “They’ll ask you questions. So, let me go-”

“Is that so? You want to ruin my life?” He set his jaw.

Evie’s expression wrinkled with contained fury. A wave that would destroy an oncoming ship.

“No, you do.”

One snap. She felt the air leave her body. Yanked out crudely. A jerk that howled up her stomach. Sent her diaphragm into a panic.

He’d kicked her. Hard. Directly in the side. She came up choking and Fredrick lost his mind. Kicked her in the rib and hip until she was curled against the wall. Limbs flailing.

Screaming.

Fredrick began to panic too. As the sound echoed. Started to slap at her until that screaming stopped. Evie ripped his shirt trying to wiggle away into the hall. Got jerked over on her side

“Quiet. Just be quiet, Evie! Shut up!” One knee came down into her chest, held Evie still. Metal seeped along her tongue. A fist closed and the entire crescent of her eye swelled. Sound cut. A hand smacked her lips. Smothered her down.

Evie’s whimper choked there. She stilled. Petrified.

The frame with poor Europa crashed to the floor. Long fractures cast her painted, twisting body.

Evie stared at it. The shape of the mighty, handsome bull Zeus turned himself into to lure prey. Sweeping lovely Europa off her feet. Lungs were still sputtering to take in fresh air. Not getting enough.

For a moment, Evie thought he'd really kill her. Turned pink. Then red. Then blue. Then purple.

"I...c-can't breathe." It was the tiniest squeak imaginable. His knee shifted and some air seized.

“I just need you to be quiet,” Frederick whimpered. “I’ll let you go. Okay. I’ll let you go right home if you do it silently. If you tell someone about us, I’m going to have to hurt you again. I won't let you ruin my life. Just like my fucking wife. You can't be like her. You were too special. So, I'll hurt you, Evie. Do you want that? Do you think I want this?”

The moment her head shook, his hand came up. A gasp as she was able to breathe again. Choking and coughing. Dying.

“Fuck.” Fredrick turned her body over. “Can you move everything, alright?”

Evie refused to look at him.

“Why’d you make me do that, Evie? I can’t believe you. Screaming like a fucking child. I just needed you to be quiet. I wasn't trying to hurt you, damn it, I just needed you to be quiet.” He was breathing heavily. Frantic. Same way he would after screwing her. “God damn it.”

Hands roamed to check her over. Frederick hovered, tilted her face toward his to prod.

“Look like a broken doll like this. You’re still so pretty. You’re okay. It’s not bad.” That sounded like a lie. Evie could feel her eye socket puffing. Boiling heat. “We can make it better.”

He kissed her unmoving lips. Desperately.

“You should stay here, let me look after you.” He cooed that. Came down to lie next to her. Bringing her head into his. Stroking her hair and kissing her hot, salty cheek. “I’m sorry.”

Fredrick was crying too. Into her neck. Hard.

“I can’t lose you. I can’t stop thinking about you some days. I was ready for it to be you. Do you realize that? If this is about… Just tell me, let me fix it. Evie. I don’t want you to leave me.” He came up and sniffled pathetically. Like a baby. Saw her cold, empty eyes. "I love you, I need you to take care of me. Please, Evie."

Psycho Sybil. Abigail. Lolita. Europa. A little more sin.

Evie was somewhere else. Pressed into the wall to disappear. A hand touched her knee and Evie seized up. Scrambled back. Aching. Gasping to just be far, far away.

“I won’t tell anyone.” She said without a tremor of emotions. Eyes distant. Evie pushed herself up carefully while he hovered. “I’m gonna go home now. I'll be so quiet.”

“Let me drive you. Evie. I can fix this.” He begged and pulled at her clothes. “I can put you back together.”

Evie limped to the door.

“No, you can't, Fredrick,” she droned, “but thank you for trying anyways.” That would mean something. Anything.

It had to, right?

The door shut and he didn’t run after her. Evie whimpered up to the bus stop while cold licked her cheeks dry. Snow and ice glimmered. Too beautiful for how ugly she felt. She pulled her hood up and paid. Draped herself across a seat in the back.

Another two riders got on. Tommy H with an older woman in a plush coat. His stepmom. Caused some controversy back when Tommy was a child. His white dad would marry a black woman after Tommy’s mom passed away. Cancer.

Christ. This fucking town.

Nice lady. Sometimes she came into Mona’s shop to see her because Mona knew her way around textured curls. Evie sank down, but Tommy noticed her.

It was strange, the expression that crossed his face. She was hidden in her hoodie half behind her puffy curls. But that splotchy face and discolored skin gave the obvious away.

He didn’t jeer and instead sat down. Peered out at the street and saw the orange Plymouth there. Eyes narrowed.

“Sorry about the car, mom.” He spoke when she joined him.

“It happens, honey, it’ll be out of the shop tomorrow. We’ll tell dad that I bumped the basketball hoop.” She winked so he flashed a smile, eyes shifted to Evie again intent out the window.

A couple more riders trailed on. Some hick knocked into Mrs. Hagan’s shoulder on the way. Muttered a ugly slur Evie had heard Mr. Hargrove say on his front lawn. Jeering at their perfectly normal neighbors across the way.

“You want me to kick your ass, man? Apologize to my mother!” Tommy shot up. Protective little cub. The hick wobbled on his drunk feet. Shrunk to go to a seat as Mrs. Hagen pulled her boy down.

“He’s not worth it.”

“I won’t let people talk to you that way.” Tommy’s fists curled. Beet red. "Still my mom." She only kissed his cheek and brought him to her shoulder. Evie watched the back of Tommy’s head. Felt something similar that had curled up her spine when she saw Carol today too.

We all had our shit.

Tommy watched Evie get off at her stop. Didn’t say a word. She made herself small and went up into her house. Shut the door.

Didn’t eat anything. Bones rattled while she got into bed and curled up. Hoodie pulled close. Blue nestled by her crown, purred to comfort her.

Evie stayed there. Didn’t cry. Hated herself.

Didn’t rouse when the knocks began at seven.

Psycho Sybil. Abigail. Lolita. Europa. A little more sin.

Never Evangeline.

~~~~~~~~

Thanks all for reading!!! As always, feel free to chat with me about Billy and Evie. Askbox and taglist are both open. Sorry if the tag doesn’t work! ^_^ 🍓

@80sbxtch @nottherightseason @orxhidshavana @alagalaska @alongcamedolly @kellyk-chan @stanley--barber @10blurredsmoke10

#billy hargrove #Billy hargrove x oc #Billy Hargrove imagine #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy x angel #mine #SOMY #angel fenny #writing

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self-indulgent-sparrow · 6 years

Text

How a House Becomes a Home

First few weeks after Kass moves in.

|.|.|.|

Living at 3, Tesla Drive was nothing like living at 1, Tesla Drive, or for that matter, like any other place Kass had ever spent more than 2 nights in.

He had spent nights in a lot of different places--in his office at the Foundation, in the dorms, in motel rooms and his van. Temporary spaces that were never quite his to worry about or personalize, they were like his relationships. He didn't bother to take care of them, because they did not last.

This--

This was nothing like that.

There were things that happened now that did not happen before. There were mornings where Kass walked into the kitchen and there was always a mug of coffee for him, and May would be making pancakes. There were evenings where he would be on the couch and she would text him stoppin by mcdonalds after my shift, you want anything?? and she would come home from grocery shopping with oreos for him.

And that was--

That was fine, he supposed. Strange, but fine. If she wanted things from him, she asked. Actually asked, not demanded or threatened--it was not phrased as "do your damn dishes" or "Agent Kass if I find another sock under my mattress". It was "hey, can you clear the dish rack for me?" or "here's 30 bucks, can you grab a couple things for the house? Any spare cash you have can go to cigarettes."

And, yes, he recognized that she tried to incentivize it. He wasn't an idiot, and she didn't try to hide it.

It didn't mean it didn't work. The things she asked of him were simple, very manageable tasks that kept him active, and kept her home clean. Whether under obligation, or simply to keep her off his back, he did them. He kept the window open when he smoked. He added food to her grocery lists if he finished the milk, or the butter.

Basic, basic things. They didn't make him useful, but he wasn't useless either.

May was likely the most different thing about the situation. Kass had spent over a year living in the presence of scips, had spent longer living with people who outright did not like his presence but expected little of him. He was used to feeling indifferent to others, and on edge in the presence of monsters.

That did not work, here. Oh, certainly, if he tried hard enough, Kass could find energy to be disdainful or distrustful, but that was energy he found he didn't have, especially when she would buy him cookies and cream ice cream without being asked to or expecting a thank you. She did these things, like she had the day he had moved in.

(He had had nothing, nothing but his phone and his gun and his coat. She had said "let's get your things," he had said "I don't have anything,". She had looked at him with something close to pity, and then her mouth had become a firm line of determination, and she had taken him shopping. When they found shirts he could stand the texture and color of, she bought two of each. She had been thorough, with bedsheets, and blankets, and socks and scarves. They had come back, she had collapsed on the couch and pulled out her phone wearily. "I'm ordering pizza," she said, and then she looked up and smiled at him, exhausted.

"Hey," she said. "Welcome home, dude.")

She had to expect something from him, but she didn't. That was just the way she was, the dumb, self-sacrificial bird. That was unbelievable, and and above all, weird.

But, god, he found himself getting, dare he say it, comfortable. He couldn't claim he was happy, he wasn't even certain what happiness felt like, but he could admit to feeling dangerously at ease.

The house itself was so bizarrely normal. The master bedroom that had become his was just a room, with a closet, and a window. It didn't glow from technology that spilled out of the walls. The laundry room didn't have a portal to another dimension. Her room was the mirror of Dib's in placement, and her own comforter was covered in stars, but it was well-lit.

It didn't make his skin itch. It was not his house, like 1, Tesla Drive had been by name, but he felt like he could breathe here. The walls here did not close in on him. He couldn't claim to feel safe necessarily, but he'd take it.

So life was tolerable. The house was tolerable, his housemate was tolerable. Kass was calm in her presence enough to sit with her, to watch bad TV shows with her. There were evenings he would come home from a nightly smoke to find her dead on her feet, dropped onto the couch and breathing softly. Those evenings were quiet, an interesting parallel to when May would cook or bake, singing songs alongside her phone.

She could be a small bird, some days, asleep in strange places. That was weird, to be fair. One day he found her passed out on the arm of the couch, a bundle of feathers that let out little wheezy chirps. Kass had dropped onto the couch cushion, and scrolled through his phone without much thought, and he wasn't aware of what his free hand was doing until she trilled pleasantly and said, in a sleepy voice, "th'feels good."

It was then that Kass realized that he'd been rubbing his index and middle finger through her head and neck feathers. His mouth had become a hard line, but she had leaned up into his fingers when he tried to pull away.

This was stupid. He was too comfortable. But she was soft. So he had continued, stroking her neck feathers back down, and mumbling indignantly, "If you tell anyone about this, I'll flush your tiny bird arse down the loo."

She had made a content little snort. "Who'm I gonna tell." And then (as though this wasn't all weird enough as it was), she had nuzzled his index finger, humming.

That was life, now. It was nothing like living at 1, Tesla Drive, or living in his van, or spending nights in a motel room.

It was better.

#housemates au #kass

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finsterhund · 4 years

Text

Exhaustion and updates

Hoping it's just an issue on twitch's end or the ISP but my test stream had the occasional drop of frames and freezing for half a second. No issues to me but it was present in the VOD.

Really hoping that's not a thing that is going to occur commonly.

Might want to see about getting better upload speed.

But yeah. Expect an update on my computer soon. I've been very busy and very sore and tired from doing errands, setting up my computer (it's a heavy boy) and tons of stuff. Laundry tomorrow and I'm still sore from all the lifting and running around so I'll be out of it for a while still.

I'll be posting photos and stuff. I'm very proud.

I was and still am so anxious about my computer being okay. I'm paranoid about that sorta stuff. There were some hiccups and troubleshooting and I'm sad I didn't get the no CD patch of Heart of Darkness working on it, but it is happy and healthy now.

Spot from my friend arrived too. The black fur on the back is damaged somehow which means not as soft and also shedding. Upsets me a lot but maybe that's a reason to get this Spot a service dog vest.

Also not big enough to be the proposed "giant Spot" but large enough to take on trips and stuff. Good for hugs. So good for hugs. Second favourite Spot after the OG Cuddle Clone Spot.

My computer is a handsome machine. So many lights and fans. Graphics card has lights and fans, heatsink has lights and fan, etc.

Also my friend finally gave me his old monitor officially for real this time. Because I bought it off him. So I actually have space on my desk.

I also fixed my chair. It's still loud and squeaky and broken but at least the back stays up again.

Expect some crisp HoD footage soon. Planning a high resolution death scene video. It's a long time coming.

Also planning to use the absolute beast of a computer to get back into Minecraft and start playing Among Us with friends. I can't tell health wise if I'll be able to finally get into 3D modeling but perhaps. Especially if I can get a new chair or start physiotherapy.

I discovered a way that twitter is broken. If you report tweets for abuse towards you/targeted harassment and twitter decides that the tweets were abuse and against the rules but doesn't think that justifies terminating the entire account, the person who made those tweets is told specifically which ones they were and has their account locked until they manually delete them.

In case you're wondering, yes, that does absolutely inspire them to immediately go right back to targeting the person who got them a slap on the wrist.

Like, if twitter just temporarily banned them and deleted the tweets without explaining which ones they were that would be fine, but not temp banning them and just locking their accounts until they delete the offending tweets literally does nothing except open up the person harassed to more harassment.

Nobody who gets away with harassment and keeps their account is gonna say "uh oh, twitter shook its finger at me I better leave this guy alone."

No wonder the site is so toxic. Not even Tumblr moderation was this horrendous.

Back to positives, I'm hoping once I'm no longer physically and mentally exhausted to start drawing some more again. Maybe with my chair fixed it'll be easier.

A Paper Beast unfolded edition stream is on the horizon, as are HoD speedrunning practice streams. That'll be a good way to iron out whatever weird freezing thing happens.

Now that I no longer am putting away money for my computer I hope to get back to commissioning art. I've sorta lost the drive for it due to my physical and emotional health.

I'm hoping to be more active with friends in the coming months, even though seasonal depression has already started to punch me in the gut.

They already have christmas stuff out. Walmart didn't even have halloween stuff this year they just went straight to christmas. All I can think about when reminded of the holiday is how it's the reason my last dog is dead. I have absolutely no reason to get into any sort of festivities this year and I am dreading how the corporate world is going to smother me with it in a way that is unavoidable.

Don't think I'm even going to celebrate the Winter Solstice this year. It just feels wrong.

Friends are already talking about doing their shopping and getting gifts and I'm walking past the isles in the stores and it just hurts. Just wish this year could just be fall and then spring. No winter.

I know this year is tough for everyone so I don't want to ruin whatever comfort my friends may be getting from the holiday, but it's a painful reminder to me and I was already avoidant of christmas on account of celebrating the Solstice instead. Before I could celebrate christmas with friends who did and had my own fun surrounding it but now all I can think about is how the last light of my life died of a preventable respiratory infection because the emergency vet office was closed. I'm the one who should have died of respiratory issues. That's what I'm predisposed to. Not her. It's one of the most horrific ways to die and I'd only ever wish it on my worst enemies. How many times have I scraped by from viral pneumonia and everything else and when my Zippy gets kennel cough for no fucking reason they just fucking kill her without telling me.

The thing is, the Spot photos are from Christmas so I wish I could just associate it with Spot instead but no.

I meant for this post to be positive primarily but in writing this out I think I've pinpointed why the seasonal depression is so hard on me right now.

My friend and I are going to be watching horror movies in costume on Halloween eating candy so I'm looking forward to that.

A green apple scented Spot is also coming from Lilsprout (same person who made Penumbra) so that's something good to look forward to as well.

I may try weighting and scenting my new Spot who I'm planning to get a service dog vest for. Also if anyone knows how to fix heat damaged fake fur fabric please let me know.

I just wish I could ignore christmas. It's such an alienating and depressing holiday if your loved ones are dead and you feel alone and hopeless.

I've started taking melatonin and it is really helping me sleep. Apparently it causes very lucid dreams. The first night I took it I had a lucid dream that was like I was awake but not. Briefly the new Spot lying beside me shifted into being Zippy (her specifically, not Spot) and I felt such a profound comfort as if she had visited me. I feel that's what Red Spot originally felt like when I was little, thinking this imaginary dog was Spot visiting me.

Was sad when I finally woke up though. Tried to do the thing where I stayed in the dream but my back pain got too bad and I had to get up.

Once I've done the laundry tomorrow and had some time to rest I'm sure I'll be more active online again. I hope. Will is streaming the Seventh Brother on the 30th so a bunch of friends are finally going to see the movie that the tired and weak crying puppy is from.

I don't really have any tasks out of my house to do right now except maybe some more groceries in a couple weeks. Of course my desire to go to thrift stores is ever present. I help buy gas so I should get to go lmao.

Think I'll listen to upbeat music now and then take my medicine. Hopefully less serious updates in the future soon.

For now my test stream is still available in VOD form on my twitch http://www.twitch.tv/finsterhund and I'm planning to upload it to YouTube later.

Take care of yourselves, and if you see stuffed dogs I'm your travels that look like Spot... I am interested. 👀

#text post #negative #long post #update

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