LeBron James' athlete, young son had a heart attack yesterday and it really just illuminated how fatphobia doesn't just hurt fat people.

Like, a lot people were blaming the vaccine because... why else would a fit teenager have a heart attack? To be clear--I know a lot of these people would be blaming the vaccine even if he was hospitalized because, idk, he went skydiving and his parachute didn't deploy. They'd blame the vaccine if he lit himself on fire. I know that.

But a lot of people who //wouldn't// blame the vaccine were also baffled and looking for explanations as to why an athlete so young could have a heart attack.

What people don't understand is a lot of "wellness" and "fitness" culture is fucking kill yourself. The pursuit of thinness, athletic ability, and obvious muscle tone is dangerous and can be lethal. A lot of it involves starving yourself, dehydrating yourself, and then pushing your body past its limit. People try to min-max their physical form and end up destroying it.

And I know this isn't specifically about fatness but I think there's a massive issue where people see someone with some flab on their stomach and feel comfortable saying "Oh, you're gonna die young, put down the cheeseburgers" as if a. having fat on your body is a consequence of bad choices and isn't just... some people's natural state and b. making a 'bad choice' (that would harm literally no one else) makes it okay to predict and mock someone's death.

But we cheer on young people, often EXTREMELY young people (a lot of sports have people peaking as teenagers, in their early or mid 20s) working themselves to death, permanent injury, or brain damage. And we can sometimes recognize that's happening--a celebrity with a too prominent rib cage or too hollow a face--but when muscle is involved, we assume that's a sign of good health.

When most muscle that prominent is a sign of extreme dehydration, extremely taxing diets where people starve all day and then have three course dinners, and likely dysmorphia and disordered thinking and/or eating.

A lot of sports--and not just the full contact sports that we associate with injury like football or wrestling--are extremely dangerous. But people would rather demonize fat people for just existing, not even knowing what choices did OR DID NOT come into play, than like... investigate why we need young people pushing themselves so fucking hard to throw and catch a ball.

To be clear, this is me both saying leave fat people alone AND hey... maybe we need more protections for athletes. This is me saying the same culture that is used to punish fat people is killing non-fat people as well (or at least putting them on the brink of death).

We need to change our understanding of wellness and fitness. Both in the sense that we need to stop demonizing people for being "unwell" or "unfit" (whatever the fuck that might mean) but also to stop promoting actually unhealthy things to reach the VENEER of wellness and fitness. A lot of people into fitness and wellness are at infinitely higher risk for health problems than fat people and are often actively encouraged to continue this dangerous behaviour.

Athletes who can dribble a ball real well but are having heart attacks at 18 are not well. They are deeply unwell. And we need to pull back, as a culture, on using them for entertainment if this is the cost.

I was going to make a broader overarching point about how IDW's version of the characters seem more interested in virtue-signalling than in proving their goodness through their deeds, but I got a bit tuckered out. Anyway. Tl;dr for the wall of text ahead: the games still win in this regard. By a landslide.

In Unleashed, Sonic can accept a sidequest from a little Mazuri girl named Yaya. Normally, Yaya is shy, perhaps even nonverbal, and will flee if you attempt to talk to her. It's rare to see her during the day, so when you spot her out in the open, cowering but attempting to communicate to the best of her ability, it's a clue that she wants something badly enough to risk her fears. After several false starts, Yaya manages to ask Sonic to get her a chocolate sundae. She doesn't explain why, nor do you immediately receive a reward when you give it to her. It's only later, after Yaya's mother recovers, that you learn the reason for her odd request. Mom was sick, and Yaya wanted to give her a sundae to help make her feel better. Despite avoiding you until now, she managed to swallow her fears for the sake of her mother.

It's sweet, as well as a humanizing moment for Yaya, her mother, and Sonic. As a good deed, it's nothing grand. Giving someone food when they're sick isn't nearly as lofty as air-dropping food to a nation in need, certainly, but in Unleashed, you at least see the tangible effect you've had on the people you helped. You just brightened the day of a mother and her daughter.

Through sidequests like these, Unleashed shows us that no act of kindness, however small or inconsequential seeming, is wasted.

Conversely, one of the... myriad reasons this panel rubs me the wrong way is that it achieves almost the opposite effect. The people of Mazuri are instead objectified. They're a monolith, a statistic, to help polish the Restoration's reputation to a sterling sheen. In this regard, they might as well be props.

We hear about this aid nearly secondhand, as it's something Silver, Blaze, and Jewel intend to do but haven't yet. All the scene is intended to do is make the Restoration look good, as though by mere dint of being called the Restoration, we couldn't put 2 and 2 together and figure it out.

The one time we're informed of their humanitarian aid, we're not shown it. So really, what was the point of bringing it up, if not to stroke the heroes' self-righteous boner?

Inaccuracies to the games aside (which is par for the course for the book), there's all sorts of... unsavory implications at play here. Blaze "was touring" Sonic's world when she happened upon Mazuri's plight. Because we're not given much detail other than "poor crops this season," we have to assume Blaze took some initiative to ease the situation.

Take a moment to think about this. Blaze hails from a water world. How would she know what constitutes sufficient crop failure to warrant shipping aid to a completely different clime than the one she's most familiar with? How does she know what "poor crop season" looks like in Mazuri? How does she know she doesn't have any biases about the way people in Mazuri should approach their agriculture? Does she understand they eat more than just crops, and sell fruit and broiled ibanga as well as confections? If this is her first time touring Sonic's world, how does she approach the government of its denizens? Did she do this respectfully? Did she confer with Mazuri's Elders? Did the people seek her help? Did they say Out Loud With Their Mouths that they'd accept her help, or did she presume their needs? We don't receive answers to any of those questions. She "was touring" the area when she saw a problem worth correcting. The thought starts and ends there. The people of Mazuri do not merit a voice or agency in the matter, because all that really matters here is that you know how virtuous Blaze, Jewel, and Silver are for helping the less fortunate in their time of need. (Which is really ironic, considering Surge calls Sonic out for speaking over her and Kit when they're standing right in front of him in the exact same issue.)

Add the connotations that Flynn frequently describes Blaze as "the imperial princess of the Sol Empire" instead of "duchess" or "guardian of the Sol Emeralds"... Marry them with the implication that she's butting into the business of a foreign nation when we don't know the specifics of their plight, they're just Objects to show us how virtuous our heroes are, and this whole onion of suckage starts to reek.

I dunno what it is about Hob/Dream that makes me reconsider tropes I would normally never touch with a ten-foot pole (ex. Royalty AU) but while half asleep I got clocked between the eyes by an Arranged Marriage AU idea (but not a "No Powers" AU and yes I can explain) than I'm 90% sure I won't write but...

I got hit with the idea that sometime pre-fishbowl, Dream and Desire have one of their friendly-but-not-so-friendly little wagers (we're talking peak Bitchy Dream era) here that ends with Dream losing the bet. Desire's demanded reward is that Dream has to spend a year "living as a human" and no, he doesn't get to just go off and be an artist somewhere and live some half-fae life of his choosing, he has to live an actual normal life of Desire's choosing. And they choose for Dream to live as a wife (or spouse, really, gender is kind of immaterial to Dream and Desire but he'll be perceived as whatever makes sense for the situation he's in by humans) somewhere in the world for a year, like actually see what it's like to be a human who doesn't have total autonomy to go wherever and do whatever they want.

Dream (or perhaps Death intervenes as a wingman lol) does manage to get the chosen "partner" to not be a total stranger and of course, picks Hob Gadling as his partner for this year. The era is kind of immaterial but I am imagining 1789 or 1889 era Hob for this as making the most sense (really, it just comes down to aesthetics). Dream figures this challenge will be no big deal, human life isn't that complicated, but would rather not risk being with someone actively cruel or abusive. Desire finds these terms acceptable (and if that wasn't the first alarm bell, Dream's not paying attention, because actually Desire is in this waaaay more to watch Dream fall haplessly in love with a human than caring that he picks up some life lessons about being human, that's just a bonus).

Anyway, cue Hob getting "mortal" Dream dropped on his doorstep and hearing the terms of how Dream's going to be his partner for a year and they're going to live as usual and he's just like, "Ummm....?? (SO many fantasies at once happening right now I'm not sure I'm awake or not but I'm also very freaked out by this, wait you have SIBLINGS??)" But when he tries to demurr Dream just informs him that if he doesn't accept, Dream will be with someone else for a year and of course Hob can't have that.

Cue: shenanigans.

Joel being jealous of Lenny bonding with Ethan when he’s older

"What's with him?" Ethan asks as his father storms off.

He and Lenny are sitting out on the bungalow's porch at Steiner. Dinner was nice, and now they're having a smoke while Ethan's mother and sisters watch the fireworks with everyone else.

Ethan's father has been...less than pleasant this summer. Ever since Ethan's homecoming from Vietnam, things have been more strained than ever.

"He doesn't like that we're nice to each other," Lenny explains. Ethan has always liked Lenny best in the Catskills. There's something more relaxed about him. A little more open, and Ethan thinks it's just vacation brain. He doesn't have to be on all the time. He's not gigging or writing. He's just napping and spending time with the family. He dresses more casually, and he spends his mornings fishing, which Ethan has been joining him for recently.

It's nice.

When Ethan was little, he felt more connected to his father and his family. Zeyde and Bubbe were always there for him. Pop took him to baseball games.

When Ethan hit fifteen, it felt like things changed. He realized just how much of the heavy lifting he was doing for his father with helping out around the house and babysitting his little half-brother while balancing school and friends. When he moved back in with his mother's family full-time things felt less strained. There wasn't as much pressure.

Sure, he was expected to help with some household chores. He and Lenny often did dishes together after his mother had cooked, but it felt more balanced. Sure Ma and Lenny were busy but they didn't expect him to do everything for them, and Ma still treated him like a kid.

When he went to war and came back, things changed further. He'd thought spending time with his grandparents would be good. Bubbe would baby him a little. It'd be great. But he found upon his return that his mother was the one who gave him the most comfort; paid the most attention to what he was going through. And Lenny followed her lead.

So he's been living with them. Working for Susie. In fact, he's supposed to hit one of the smaller resorts tomorrow night to scope out some talent for her while he's up here. Things have been good.

No thanks to his father.

Pop truly believed everything would go back to normal once Ethan came home from the war; that Ethan would still be he same Ethan who left after being drafted. There's a lack of acceptance that makes Ethan cringe inwardly.

He sighs softly and takes a drag off his cigarette. "I guess I should talk to him at some point."

Lenny shrugs. "You're an adult. You don't actually have to do anything you don't want to do. I, for instance, haven't spoken to my own father in multiple decades."

"Do you feel bad about it?" Ethan asks.

"Not particularly," Lenny tells him. "There's always that what if, you know? What if things had been different? If he'd been different, if I'd been different. I thought about that a lot, especially when Kitty was born."

"Did it do you any good?" Ethan asks.

"No," Lenny chuckles. "Not really. You know, ideally, parents teach us deliberately. How to tie your shows. How to not embarrass yourself in public. But more commonly, they teach us by example, what not to do. For instance," he says, taking a drag off his cigarette. "From me, you learned that morphine is bad, and that the risk versus the reward is disproportionate in the long run. From your mother, you learned that burying your head in the sand and hiding from your problems is a shitty strategy."

"And from Pop I learned that fucking up my life and then blaming the people around me that I've hurt is fucking terrible," Ethan adds.

"There it is," Lenny nods. "And I wonder if deep down, Joel knows that you know that because of him. That might be where the tension comes from."

Ethan nods. "Thanks for sticking around, Lenny. I know it hasn't always been great, but-"

"Are you kidding?" Lenny scoffs. "The years I've spent with you kids and your mother have been the best fucking years of my life. You have no idea how lonely I was before Midge. I don't care if they haven't been perfect, I wouldn't trade them for anything."

Ethan grins a little and takes another drag off his cigarette.

Resource guarding and dog friendliness, an update

An update on Nova's reactivity and dog aggression/friendliness and how it's all related to his resource guarding (duh me).

Before

So Nova used to be very reactive. He's gotten in fights with dogs. He's bitten dogs. He's snapped at puppies. He's made a dog bleed. On leash, off-leash, you name it. Small dog, big dog, giant breed, you betcha. He's gone for anyone. He used to be triggered more by big fluffy dogs, particularly huskies, malamutes, and Samoyeds. But, really, anyone was at risk. Any dog accepted in Nova's inner circle first passed a lengthy selection process that went on inside Nova's head. Sometimes long exposure to a dog from a distance, with treats given every time he looked towards it, helped ease his reactivity. There was an instance where he went from rabid dog to friendly dog by doing just that. It wasn't a reliable technique despite several good results. He also had lived with at least one other dog his entire life, either Koa or Laska. We lived with Koa and a boxer for the last few months in the states.

Today

We've been in France for the last 6 months. We don't live with another dog, but we do see dogs every day, often the same ones. I take him out for 1hr walk every day after class. 20min to get to the park, 20min doing parkour at the park, 20min to get home. At home, he has the pleasure of living with two other housemates as well. He's content. His needs are met.

The first month or so, I avoided other dogs on walks to avoid piling up any problems as I was still dealing with the move. The biggest thing, however, is that I stopped taking my treat pouch on walks. I got lazy, essentially. I was happy to be back in my hometown, and I was glad to let myself slowly re-adapt to this lifestyle.

Turns out, this was an excellent decision. No taking the treat pouch. No treats have been distributed on walks since then. None. Not treats, not kibble, nothing.

Result? Nova stopped seeing me as a food dispenser. Nova stopped worrying about food on walks. Nova stopped worrying about his resource being threatened. Thus, Nova stopped resource-guarding me. Nova became "friendly". He greets other dogs, now. He's nice to them, and sometimes he even offers to play. It's clear he's not the best-socialized dog-he gets the zoomies with old dogs who aren't up to play, or with dogs clearly exhibiting aggression. He gets shy and reserved with playful dogs. He's still very stiff when another dog sniffs him-which, you'd say, "that's not good", but it's Nova's way of climbing those stairs to being okay with the interaction. A second later and he's acting normal sniffing the other dog. He's unsure, and he's not 100% comfortable, but he's still seeking the greeting and goes through the interaction with flying colors. I still make sure the greeting is destined to go well-I watch for any sign that may say otherwise, I keep the interaction short. I act very nonchalantly (continue on walking, calling Nova's name, or letting the leash looser if he's leashed) (if he's not on a leash, it's bc we're on a hike with minimal chances of encountering dogs, or we're at the park doing parkour.)

Nova hasn't gotten into a fight since we got back to France. Nova hasn't resource guarded in the company of strangers (dogs) once. He's shown his teeth at the appropriate moments. He's told off a dachshund who tried humping him. But he hasn't even acted aggressively when we've both been spooked by the sudden presence of a dog.

It's clear it's gotten quieter in his head. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's still a full-blown circus going up there, but the anxiety regarding food is gone. And thus, I have a much more stable dog at the other end of the leash.

What are our reinforcers, you ask? I still train with him, of course, though I am happy the bulk of it is done already. Today, we use play and freedom as rewards. It makes our walks much more interactive and much more pleasant, too. I feel like I am constantly conversing with Nova. We're constantly telling each other things, doing things, and directly interacting with our surroundings. A reward for ignoring a dog is to jump on a bench five meters away. A reward for listening during our walk is to be let off leash immediately as we get to the park. His reward for having perfect recall is to high-five me (he loves it) and "okay!" -> his cue to go do whatever he wants. Sometimes he goes back to sniff or goes up ahead to explore, sometimes he stays with me.

This means that we can walk in the park off-leash and I don't have to worry about Nova causing trouble. Most of the time now, he ignores dogs. He'd rather be with me and play. It also means that, even during a walk where we're kind of both doing our own thing (him sniffing, me on my phone) I can recall him and say "leave it" as he's running towards me and ignoring the dog he's running past.

It's a relief, and a happiness that is beyond description seeing Nova like this. I wish I had done this from the start, not using treats for his training. He's incredibly food motivated and will work tooth and nail even for a piece of lettuce, but the anxiety he gets from it is not worth it.

He's still not the silent, "at peace" dog, he is very vocal and very expressive still and has many things to say on a daily basis, including seeing dogs. But it's not aggression, it's not resource guarding, it's curiosity, want, general basic reactivity (like, "holy heck what is THAT?!", "It's a fluffy bush, Nova", "No DUDE, I swear, it's not that", "yes it is now come on and stop being weird", "BUT BRO", etc.) (or, "omg can i go see that dog over there pls...", "no", "im literally cryin why are u so mean:(", "dude stop whining", etc.) It's not 100% perfect, he is still Nova, after all.

But...he is much happier and much more stable in that nogging of his, and that's what matters.

Hello, I’m Ameera a 23 years old Muslim lesbian who is trying to come out, I’ve been in the closet with my girlfriend for way too long, because of how dangerous and hard it is to come out as a lesbian to a religious Muslim family, but me and my girlfriend have decided to do whatever it takes and risk it all to come out, do you mind supporting and encouraging us?, though I know we all have what we dealing with, so I’m not imposing we just need all the support and encouragement we can get, check my pinned post for more information on how you can support, if you are a Muslim queer and you are out, please help with tips on how to make it less complicated, any word of advice is also really needed, we really wanna come out but we need y’all 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ pride please come through for us, I believe pride is for all

Heyy Ameera,

I am really proud of you and your girlfriend for taking this step, you deserve to live as your authentic selves and no one else has a say in it.

This is one of the scariest things you will have to face, but this community is there for you.

It is so important to remember that there is so much love and acceptance in this world even when we're faced with intolerance.

Coming out will be one of the most rewarding feelings, but remember to stay safe and look after eachother.

You are amazing and I am so proud of you for fighting the adversity in your way.

I wish you and your girlfriend nothing but the best,

lots of love 💕

I don't understand this world nor do I understand the beings that populate it and insist on calling it home. It has never been home to me or my kind if they exist which they might not. Of course it makes sense in a cosmic sort of way or should I say a cosmic joke that I am not in on and have never been. I don't get on with people as a general rule although I do like to look at them when they are running amok or posing for some god-awful reason or other. We should let the beautiful ones stand there forever and never give them respite or a reason to sit down or even an opportunity to do so. They are our statues and we deserve the chance to make them as uncomfortable as possible. Taylor Swift on the red carpet just as we expect and insist; the personification of The Moment, a true Girl in Amber who we are finally allowing to grow up and have perhaps her first Adult relationship. Did she thank her man either time she won because I didn't hear it. I heard her plugging her new album which I thought was entirely too cheap and beneath her. I never thought I would see something like this but such is the time we live in. I so much more prefer Billie Eilish's seeming inability to accept the fact that we love her and we all want her to win every award every single time she's nominated. I have recently tried to start listening to Taylor Swift because I imagine it's important to have an idea what she's on about. We will see how ubiquitous a human celebrity can be next weekend during the super bowl when she will be everywhere after being everywhere this weekend as well. So many people are sick of the whole thing but I am glad because romance is something that needs to be celebrated on a grand scale. I can only hope that they're little connection is strong enough to withstand the intense glare of 100 million eyes just waiting for an excuse to utterly despise them. So we can get back to normal where everything is just slightly out of reach and our back hurts and all we want to do is sleep with somebody who's not going to give us a disease and maybe, just maybe, not complain about the dumb things we do that pile up over time and become utterly impossible for them to look past

So, there were a lot of women dancing on stage at the Grammys and it was quite refreshing from my perspective. In fact I think the entire Grammys was so female-centric that it should have been sponsored by a tampon company. What a time to be a woman either born that way or made in a savvy laboratory by men and women of science. It does not matter how you got that way, darling. It only matters that you own it once you've got it and we all know what that is. It's the one thing men don't have but desperately crave and in fact live their entire lives hoping to find as cheaply as possible. But so many fail to find what they really, truly desire. So they go out roaming and do not return until they've satisfied that particular longing. These men are adventurous and willing to put themselves at risk. The greater the risk, the greater the reward. But, very few of our artists risk anything anymore. Everything is prosaic, pedestrian, predetermined. Except for all the new stuff that we have not been able to process yet. It's right there for us and all we have to do is let our subs be open to it by playing it when we're not paying attention. That is the only way new music reaches us. We have to be caught off guard and it is my humble opinion that a tremendous wealth of important music is out there ready to be absorbed and ready to change our lives considerably if only we give it a chance to haunt us, to become part of our soundtrack, the leg up that pushes us through the day into some kind of relaxed state.

What is the state of combustion bending in ATLA?

The only two combustion benders we see are combustion man and P'Li. One of whom is a trained assassin, the other (if memory serves) was raised by a group of bandits.

Logically that tells us that combustion bending is an illegal technique, and is a very rarely used one. I do want to know how zuko came into contact with Combustion man, seen as he is literally the prince of the fire nation, the very people who are likely trying to squash out whoever combustion man works for.

This leads me to two theories: 1) the assassin's combustion man works for have a deal with the throne, take out certain opposition quietly and keep the heat off the throne, in exchange for being left alone, this does present one problem though. Why didn't Ozai send them after the avatar? Why would he trust zuko who he presumably has no faith in (unless you determine that ozai was secretly rooting for zuko the whole time which makes no sense at all), and why would he then risk azula, his only legitimate heir to tackle such a life threatening goal. No matter her capabilities, the risk of azula dying is too great for nearly any reward. Clearly, he doesn't have access to a secret league of assassin's. It could be argued that ozai himself doesn't trust the assassin's for a job that big, but they have no more reason to help the avatar than any other opposition they'd killed. (Though this gives me an amazing idea of a league of assassin's fake killing the opposition of a tyrant to create a secret opposition force). Either way, there's more holes than I'm comfortable with to accept.

The next obvious answer and probably the most reasonable is that the assassin's we're just shit at hiding, and Zuko had a few criminal ties from his days in the EK (which he really shouldn't have ayleast anymore when he went back to the FN) that he used.

Interesting to hear y'all's thoughts on this anyway. I'm really digging a secret league of fire nation assassin's.

Jujutsu Kaisen Compatibility

Compatibility reading is for this event:

Jujutsu Kaisen & Criminal minds Compatibility Reading Event

The Event Is Currently Closed So I'm Not Accepting Any More Requests. Any Requests Sent As Of Right Now Will Be Deleted

All readings are for entertainment purposes only. Please do not obsess over the results of the reading as at the end of the day free will is a thing.

Selamat Petang My Dear,

Hope everyone reading is having a good day. Please like and reblog this post cause I'd really like to know whether you guys enjoy this event. If any of you have any questions regarding any of my reading, you can always comment or send via ask.

The type of couple: The experimental couple

What will Yuji's relationship with N.S be like?

Card 1: Ace of pentacles - Financial new beginnings, New financial opportunity, savings, prosperity, security, money, stability, abundance, manifestation

Card 2: 9 of cups - Wishes come true, Realising dreams, Happiness, Joy, Fulfilment, Positivity, Success, Rewards, Abundance, Prosperity, Achievements, Confidence, Celebrating, Entertaining, Fame,

Card 3: 2 of wands - Two paths, Decisions, Grass is always greener, Options, Planning, Travel oversees, Restlessness, Withdrawn, Wanderlust, Waiting, Leaving comfort, Taking Risk

Card 4: Ace of swords - New ideas, Success, Breakthroughs, Realising the truth, Communications, Vision, Force, Assertiveness

Card 5: 4 of swords - Fear, Anxiety, Stress, Feeling overwhelmed, Mental overload, Needing solitude, Relaxation, Rest, Sanctuary, Meditation, Regrouping

Interpretation:

So the Ace of Pentacles indicates that your relationship will be loyal, lasting and practical. This relationship definitely gives the two of you a sense of stability and security. Which in turn will give each of you the confidence to be able to take risks and explore. Consequently, it will make each of you thrive as an independent individual. As a couple, the two of you may feel very lucky and privileged to be able to enjoy your life together.

The Nine of Cups is associated with extreme happiness and satisfaction because your most perfect dream has happened. I think this card is pretty straightforward, basically, the two of you will be immensely happy in this relationship because this was everything you two would ever want in a relationship.

For the Two of wands, I see it two ways, which is there is thorough planning involved and discovery. I think N.S would be the type to have a plan to ensure the best course of action for the relationship to go well, just light planning nothing too detailed. I don't see Yuji as the planning type. When we're talking about discovery, it means that both you and Yuji will explore or experiment with new things in this relationship. In the beginning, it may seem weird or tough but eventually, you two strive on and enjoy it.

For the Ace of swords, I think communication is strong in this relationship. I think if a problem arises both of you will be honest with each other and discuss the situation. Or if something is bothering one of you, they would tell their partner rather than keeping it to themselves.

The Four of Swords tells me that once in a while you two will take breaks. Not long breaks just short ones cause I feel like you would need just me-time or something. It's more like the both of you respect each other personal time.

Conclusion:

Yuji and you will be experimental when it comes to this relationship, trying different activities, food and etc. You and Yuji's ability to take risks and step out of your comfort zone is due to the fact that you're comfortable in your own skin in the other's presence. However, this definitely took a little bit of time and more getting to know one another because in the beginning there is a little bit of discomfort.

This relationship is very practical because strong communication is present. If something is bothering one of you, they would not hide it but rather be upfront about it. Pretty sure this couple would not shy away from a discussion or a debate. Not only that but I think it's also practical because there is respect for each other's personal space/time. Having your personal time allows you to recuperate so when you two see each other you'll have the energy.

Lastly, the two of you will be very happy in this relationship because this relationship is basically a dream come true. In this relationship your partner is loyal, give you a sense of security and it will be a relationship that will last for years. In fact, some days you'll pinch yourself thinking that this is a dream, you feel very lucky and privileged to have Yuji as your partner

PROGRAMMERS WILL RECOGNIZE WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE

Whereas designing programming languages is like designing chairs: it's all about the ratio. Don't you learn things you'd never have known otherwise. The other thing I repeat is to give you a couple years, whereas his relationship with other firms will last his whole career. They create a new web-based applications, it could save you ten lines of code. But now you can read the beginning of the summer. Microsoft used this approach, their software wouldn't be so full of security holes, because the people offering expensive solutions can spend more to sell them to gullible retail investors; they hoped to sell through it. They had three new ideas: index more of the best programmers can solve a given problem. When I catch egregiously linkjacked posts I replace the url with that of whatever they copied. $300 a month, because the remaining. I could tell which companies to worry about than how to organize fundraising. The main value of notebooks may be what you want in your language may be related to how you qualify what you say.

Why do patents play so small a role in software? Investors August 2013 When people hurt themselves lifting heavy things, it's usually because I'm interested in this mystery—for the same reason, as a way to simulate the rewards of a startup that seems like what startups do. If you really have in financial models for something like that must obviously entail some wild feat of salesmanship. But there's a second much more common one. I think, should be. But they're not so advanced as they think; obviously they still view office space as a badge of rank. And not just from the technical community in general; a lot of middle class kids, getting into Harvard won't mean much anymore. Murder for example. Do what you love doesn't mean, do what will make you happiest this second, but no to the first couple generations.

They got paid a lot. So innovation happens at hacker speeds instead of big company jobs is particularly hard on programmers, because they'll attract only those who cared enough to learn it at all. It's wrong to call it an essay. Try a patent search for that phrase and see how many results you get. It's all-encompassing redesigns. What all this implies is that there are huge variations in the rate at which it changes is itself speeding up. The phrase seemed almost grammatically ill-formed. The intermediate stuff—in war, surprise is worth as much as Apple would. But because adults conceal their flaws, and at the same time. What do you wish someone else would get an even colder reception from the 19 year old.

That is certainly a good goal, but in fact they were probably pretty similar. That brings us to what I was saying. 23 is a better model. You can see this most clearly in New York. What do you read and feel sad that there's only half of it. File:///home/patrick/Documents/programming/python projects/UlyssesRedux/corpora/unsorted/nsearch. Bill Gates was young and inexperienced and had no business background, may be changing.

As long as things are going, and we think as it spreads outward it will help to understand what a real essay. Two of the four spams I missed got through because they happened to use words like fuck and shit within baby's hearing, lest baby start using these words too. On the other hand, startup investing is a very good spam indicator. And when a wolf appears, is he going to eat a certain amount to break even. Every movie is a Frankenstein, full of prowling VCs looking for the next hot platform is that thousands of hackers have spontaneously started building things on top of whatever you sold in phase 1, accept offers greedily. There were a few other things most people can't imagine such freedom. But writing an interface to a buggy piece of software, not designing it. But schools change slower than scholarship. After a few seconds I realized this was kind of intimidating at first.

But only one company we've funded has so far worked in the spammer's favor, would now work against him, lest their motives be perhaps correctly suspected. This is an astounding number, because the VCs need them more than any house might. So it's winner take all. He only took it up because he was a startup guy. Why do they think it's time to buy. It has always seemed to me the solution is analogous to the solution I recommend for pitching your startup: do the right thing. Org chart. Get rapidly to demo. But don't give them much money either.

And you don't want to wait for better technology: early aircraft designers were mistaken to design aircraft that looked like birds, but I got the impression it might be helpful in deciding what to do in the design of the program benefits from evolution. Like early medieval architecture, impromptu talks are made of lists, which are the most common mistakes young founders make is not the sort you face when you're tacking upwind, trying to arrange deals. Google's founders were willing to pay more to keep them fed, and as users buy more stuff the search results useless, because the kind of work. Instead of trading violins directly for potatoes, you trade decreased financial risk for increased risk that your company won't succeed as a startup would usually become profitable only after raising and spending quite a lot in the course of writing it, they had about 500 people, the same number Yahoo had when I went to work for a while, but their production. So I don't think there's any limit to the number of startups founded by eminent professors. In a few days it will be a little frightening to be solving users' problems. As Richard Feynman said, the imagination of nature is greater than the imagination of man, he meant that if you don't want to have too much to do with the sort of economic violence that nineteenth century magnates practiced against one another and communist countries practiced against their citizens.

Thanks to Rich Draves, Geoff Ralston, Ingrid Bassett, Dan Giffin, Aaron Swartz, and Paul Kedrosky for reading a previous draft.

Pro Writing Tip: the objective events of your story are not necessarily the same thing as what the characters say or believe about those events.

This may seem obvious, but learning to play with this notion opens up new realms of complexity in your story that can be rewarding to write and rewarding for your audience to read.

By extension, it's important to track whether or not the character, audience, or you the author's impression of an event or character in the story matches the objective reality. To give concrete examples:

1)Objective truth intentionally matches character interpretation - we are told by the author that Superman has super strength. The author is telling the truth and wants us to see Superman as someone who objectively has super strength. Other characters in this world know that Superman has super strength. When we see Superman for the first time, he lifts a car with one hand to save a trapped civilian. At no later point is this objective fact revealed to be false, for example, that Superman is using illusions to pretend to lift heavy objects. He really has super strength.

2) Objective truth is intentionally at odds with what a character says - A witness in a murder mystery novel tells the detective that they saw the murder victim at the store earlier that day. But the audience and the detective both know that the victim was killed yesterday. We are now clued into the fact that either this witness is knowingly lying or that the murder mystery is more complicated than it appears. Assuming the author hasn't messed up their timeline, they have succeeded in tantalizing the audience with a deeper mystery. There are further variations on this worth noting as an author.

a) The author can have the POV character tell us that the witness is wrong about objective facts. This calls the reader's attention to this fact.

b) The author can hide that the objective truth and the described events are at odds. This rewards the careful reader who figures it out before a later reveal, but risks confusing a less attentive reader if not carefully handled. Having a second pair of eyes is invaluable for determining if the author has hit the intended mark.

Note: Readers will almost always accept as objective truth anything a narrator or character tells them. If you want them to distrust a character or consider the possibility that the narrator is unreliable, you need to give them a reason to do so. For example, you can have your POV character call out that the speaker is lying or otherwise draw attention to contradictions between objective and subjective reality. It is easy to be both too subtle and too obvious when attempting this. A second pair of eyes is highly recommended to ensure you're hitting your goal.

3) Objective truth is unintentionally at odds with the author's intentions - Superman is intended to be seen as the good guy of the story. However, while fighting a bad guy over Metropolis, he picks up a building and throws it at the villain. Were there people inside that building? Did Superman even check? We're told Superman is a good guy but objectively he doesn't show any concern for human life, which makes the audience question the narrative's claim. If this isn't being used to set up a later reveal, like that a bad guy is pretending to be Superman, it can indicate the author has failed at their goal.

This point can be particularly hard on beginner writers, especially those who have created a protagonist who is very dear to their hearts (perhaps modeled on themselves) only to have readers and critiquers dislike the character or point out that their impression is at odds with the narrative's impression of the character. For example, the protagonist is meant to be heroic but sad, but the reader just sees them as a whiny crybaby and not heroic at all. The instinct is to question the reader's judgment when this happens, but this is almost always the wrong choice. Rather, it's likely that more supporting, objective evidence is needed to reinforce the intended interpretation of the character. Perhaps we need to see the protagonist succeed at a few more heroic battles before we see them break down crying the first time.

Learning to play with the difference between objective truth and impression in your story is an invaluable tool that will enrich your writing. It's also tough to do on your own without a second pair of eyes to confirm or correct the intended divide between the two. It's also tough to do without an outline or pre-planning of some sort to track where objective facts and impressions diverge, the goals of doing so, the rewards for the audience if they pick up on this, and when and if they will ever realign.

Rio & Buster

Rio: Hey Rio: how've you been Buster: I'd have been better if you'd warned me Buster: Some of us are still in lessons & have more to go to, like Rio: Sorry but had to mark the occasion Rio: that's practically PG to most the other ideas I had shot down Buster: 'Course Buster: & You just had to show me everything I'm missing Rio: It's a bonus, yeah Buster: Nah, it's the goal, distract me 'cause you don't wanna talk to me Buster: If you did you would've told me Rio: You know I think school s'a waste of time Rio: for me Rio: I've said it loads before Buster: & I've said come here & fuck me, it don't mean it's gonna happen Rio: Might have to wait a few paychecks Buster: You'd get a higher paycheck if you stayed in school Rio: And do what Rio: be a fucking lawyer or doctor Rio: unlikely Buster: It's not unlikely, just unwanted Rio: Same difference Buster: No, you're smart enough to do anything Buster: So what is it? What do you want? Rio: Lots of things Rio: I've got plans Rio: and I don't need school for them Rio: and if I did, I'd get my diploma as and when, I need to not be wasting 6 hours a day 5 days a week right now Buster: So what do you need? Rio: The time Rio: and the money Rio: I'm not stupid, I'm sorting it, I've already got jobs secured Buster: I literally just said you weren't stupid Buster: You don't have to prove shit to me Rio: I'm just saying Rio: I didn't have a shit day at school and say fuck it, like Buster: I know that Buster: Not talking to Nance, I'm talking to you Rio: It's gonna work Rio: I just can't tell anyone yet Buster: It'll work if you make it work & put the work in, yeah Buster: You can tell me anything though Buster: Look at how many secrets we already have Rio: I am Rio: I was before, School was literally just getting in my way Rio: it's Rio: it sounds worse than it is Rio: actually Buster: Say it Buster: If its not that bad there's no reason not to Rio: I don't think it's bad Rio: you probably will Buster: You think I'm gonna be a judgey cunt about it Buster: What are you selling for Drew? 'Cause Nan will kill you Rio: No I'm not Rio: God Buster: Then tell me Rio: You can't dob me in, even if you don't like it Rio: it's like, there's a lot to it Buster: Fuck you, I've never been that cunt, have I Rio: Just saying, I would get in so much shit and not just with my 'rents Rio: or nan Rio: basically, I do these streams and I usually just do like normal shit I'd do anyway and people pay to talk to me Rio: and then some of these people pay more or buy me things and they get like private chats Rio: I've not shown my face or nothing so no one knows it's me Buster: Don't they check your age on that shit when you sign up? Like I know they don't give a fuck who watches it but Rio: Nah, it's like signing up for any social media really Buster: You could be 12 though Buster: Thank Christ you aren't Rio: Exactly, I don't look 12 Rio: hopefully someone would report you if you were underage looking but Buster: What's the site's cut? They aren't doing fuck all by the sounds of it Rio: Whatever you earn is yours Rio: they're in it for the clicks Rio: there's premium memberships, all that nonsense Buster: Alright Rio: Is it Buster: I ain't your boyfriend or your dad Buster: I can't tell you what to do & you wouldn't do it anyway Rio: Neither can they Rio: can have an opinion Buster: Yeah Rio: You can tell me Buster: What do you want me to say? Am I jumping for joy? No Buster: Can I stop you? Also no Buster: & Anyway, I can't tell you how smart you are then treat you like you're stupid Buster: You know what you're doing Buster: You know the risks & rewards Rio: It's just the starting point Rio: not the end goal Buster: If the end goal is fucking for money, don't tell me Rio: It isn't Rio: I knew you wouldn't get it Buster: I get it, you're young & hot & you can make money off that Buster: Nudes are basically currency already anyway Buster: I'm just asking you how far you're planning to take this Rio: It isn't that Rio: I'm not even showing anything more than I would anywhere else Rio: it's about being good with people Rio: company Rio: that's what I'm good at, why is that less valuable 'cos I'm not gonna spend 30 grand on it when I've got it naturally Buster: It's about turning people on Buster: You're not chatting about the weather Rio: I chat about all sorts of things Buster: If you can fleece people out of cash, go ahead babe Buster: We're all just trying to find our hustle Rio: Fuck off Buster: Come on Rio: You don't get it Rio: there's no point chatting about this Buster: What don't I get? They wanna fuck you that's what they're chatting to you for, whether you do it or not Rio: Yeah well who don't Buster: Exactly Buster: So take your money Buster: But don't act like it's something it's not Rio: Don't try and tell me what it is Rio: You don't get to do that Buster: You're the one in control yeah? Buster: Good Rio: You're a dick Buster: If giving a shit about you makes me a dick, fine Rio: You don't care, you're just taking the piss Buster: Of course I fucking do Buster: You don't get to say that I don't Rio: I'm not doing anything risky Buster: I know Rio: Then you don't need to worry Rio: judge me all you want Rio: I don't care Buster: Shut up Buster: Don't start being stupid now, like Buster: You were doing so well Rio: You're so fucking patronizing Buster: Fuck that Buster: You know what I mean Rio: Whatever Buster: Not whatever, I can worry about you if I fucking want Rio: Why would you want to Buster: Forget it Rio: You Rio: I ain't who you reckon Buster: Well I ain't either, clearly Buster: Obviously just a selfish cunt aren't I Rio: At no point have I said or even implied that Buster: Why would I wanna spare a thought for you ever? Buster: I must only be bothered that you might start charging me for chatting to you Buster: So go on, how much do you want? Rio: I choose who I talk to Rio: and I don't want to talk to you Buster: Then don't Buster: Time's money, babe Rio: And just let you talk to me like shit? Rio: I don't think so Buster: Like I said, not one of your punters & not forcing you to entertain me Buster: Go Rio: Yeah and I ain't one of your little friends or anyone else you speak down to so don't Buster: Who the fuck are you then? Buster: I'd love to hear what you think Rio: You know Rio: or are you taking that back now Buster: Taking what back? Rio: That we know each other Buster: You already did Rio: So it's my fault then Rio: cool Buster: You can't have it both ways, either I know you or I don't Buster: It can't be a sometimes thing Rio: I only said that because you think I've thrown a career away for this and I haven't Rio: what else was I gonna do Rio: nothing Buster: You said it 'cause you want me to know you when it feels good but not when it doesn't Buster: I never said you'd thrown anything away Buster: I don't doubt you're really good at this Buster: & If you don't want it anymore there's loads of other shit you'd be good at too Rio: You're just disappointed, that's why I said it Rio: you want me to be someone else Buster: No I don't Buster: I want you to remember who you are, someone who's the same as me & can have anything & everything Buster: Not someone who says what else was I gonna do Rio: Do you have any idea how much I could make doing this Buster: A fortune, I'm sure Rio: Then how is that not everything Buster: I never said it wasn't Buster: This isn't a bad idea Buster: It's just one that makes me jealous Rio: It's nothing like this Rio: us Rio: what we do Buster: You can say that but you've never touched me Buster: All we can do is watch or talk Rio: That's not the only difference Rio: or the most important one, remotely Rio: I don't talk like this with anyone else, never mind strangers Buster: I know Buster: But you know how big my ego is, it gets in the way of loads of shit, that's all Rio: This isn't a job, it's not fake Rio: I actually want to talk to you Buster: Still? Buster: You must like me then Rio: Alright, shut up 😏 Rio: just 'cos I don't scare easily Buster: I hope not, some of the shit those cunts are gonna say Rio: just preparing me, were you Rio: I know Rio: but like I said, no one knows it's me Rio: plan on keeping it that way for a while yet Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm sorry, alright Rio: It's alright Rio: you are allowed an opinion Buster: I don't need to express it like that Buster: I shouldn't Rio: Alright Rio: apology accepted Rio: can we still be friends or what? Buster: Thank Christ you can't tell my mum, she'd actually kill me for talking to a girl like that Buster: You know I don't wanna be just friends though Rio: Has she met you, like Rio: You know what I mean Buster: Yeah but she also raised me so she can always demand better, like Buster: You know what I mean Rio: I do like you, alright Buster: Good, 'cause I really fucking like you Rio: Still? Buster: If anything I like you more Buster: You don't let me be the worst version of myself Buster: Everyone else reckons there's only the one Rio: See what they wanna see, yeah Rio: it's easier than admitting there's reasons, and that a lot of the time, you're right Rio: even if you are dead rude with it Buster: Fuck off, I'm always right Rio: 😂 Rio: Let's not get carried away Buster: Why not? It sounds fun Buster: Get carried away with me, babe Rio: When you put it like that Rio: okay then Buster: Whatever else I might think about what you doing, that pic was Rio: Distracting? Buster: Yeah but I feel like I need a better word for it Buster: You're always distracting but I literally haven't been able to think about anything else Rio: Hmm Rio: Might not be in school but I'll dedicate some time to thinking of one Buster: As someone who is, it's the least you can do Buster: This class might as well be gibberish for all I'm following it Rio: Maybe it's the accent Rio: What more can I do, then? Buster: Or maybe that my head is full of you & there's very little blood flow left to be intellectual Rio: 😏 Rio: You're smart enough, it's okay Buster: It's not okay how stupid I want to be right now in front of everyone Rio: Okay ain't the word Rio: I agree Buster: Exactly Buster: Stupid doesn't feel like the word either though Rio: Hot Rio: dangerous Rio: there's a few Buster: I like the way you think Rio: One of the many perks Rio: What else do you like about me Buster: You're flawless, remember, there's nothing I don't Rio: I like everything about you Rio: but there's certain parts of you that are getting more thought right now Buster: I'd be lying if I disagreed with that Rio: And don't lie Rio: ever Buster: Not to you Rio: You can lie to anyone else Rio: you're gonna have to if you get caught, like Buster: I already am, I ain't turned to page 34 & I don't intend to Rio: Not gonna be as interesting as this Rio: who could blame you Buster: Everyone other than you but I don't care Rio: Good Rio: be as focused as me as I am on you Buster: You've got my full attention, I promise Rio: I think I can get you to concentrate even harder Buster: Do you? Rio: I told you I took more photos Buster: Shit Buster: You did say that Rio: I did Buster: So, do I have to earn them or? Rio: Could make you Rio: at least send them one by one so you don't get overwhelmed Buster: I don't get overwhelmed Rio: 😏 Buster: You're building these up a lot, babe Rio: You think you're gonna be disappointed Buster: Show me & I'll tell you Rio: [k I was looking but I couldn't find any decent pics w mixed girls but I wanted some in the uniform obvs like kissing on her friends 'cos #bants] Buster: I'm not disappointed Rio: I'd know you were lying if you said you were Buster: It's even hotter 'cause you say shit like that Buster: Girls here practically beg me to tell them how good they look all the time Rio: Insecurity's a turn-off Rio: sad but true Buster: Yeah Rio: It's worse in lads Rio: why I like you Buster: My ego's really big, yeah, you're welcome Rio: 😂 Rio: that remains a double-entendre I can't back up Rio: sadly Buster: Oh you want pics too, yeah? Buster: Hold on Buster: [sends some from the bathroom cos that bitch] Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: Come back Buster: Come here Buster: You can seduce other lads from anywhere Rio: I told you, if I had the money, I would Buster: You can have it Buster: I'll do a transfer right now Rio: No, don't Buster: Come on Rio: You're not paying Rio: anyway, that's not all I do here Rio: I have a fulltime job, and Indie Buster: I know, I just want you here Rio: I wanna be there Rio: anyway, I've got a boyfriend to dump Buster: I'm sure that post did it for you Rio: Well I've got to go talk to him Rio: end it properly Buster: Text him Rio: I can't do that Rio: he'd just say he never got it Buster: He'd get the message if you didn't reply to any of his Rio: I'm gonna sort it properly Rio: 'cos trust, that doesn't work Buster: You've been saying that since I left Rio: It's complicated, I said that as well Buster: I can uncomplicate it for you really easily, I've said that even more times Rio: You don't think that'd look slightly weird Rio: getting you to fight my battles for me Buster: I don't care how it'd look Buster: Who would take your recent ex's word over mine anyway? Rio: I can do it Rio: like you said, he's really pissed off Rio: he could dump me Buster: He is that much of an idiot Rio: Fingers crossed Buster: It's not complicated 'cause you like him, is it? Rio: No Rio: I don't even like him as a person now Buster: Okay Buster: Like, it's obviously not, but Rio: I don't like anyone right now Buster: You like me, you already told me Buster: No taking it back Rio: Apart from you Rio: exception, like Buster: 'Course Buster: I often am Rio: Mhmm Rio: so cocky Buster: Says you Rio: Yeah Rio: I like it Buster: I know Buster: But I like that you keep telling me Rio: It's refreshing Rio: big ego usually equals fragile ego Buster: Like you said, I'm the exception Rio: Yeah Rio: and you're just fit so you know Buster: I take exception to your 'just' Buster: They gave me this face but I gave myself this body Buster: I work out all the time Rio: Okay, I'm sorry Rio: you're fit and you work hard Rio: better Buster: Yeah Buster: How sorry are you then? Rio: So sorry Rio: anything you want Buster: I want you Rio: You've got me Rio: how do you want me Buster: Do you reckon you could fit under this desk? Rio: Obviously Rio: I can fit lots of places Buster: In summer, you're proving that Rio: Could probably break into my school Rio: if you want that full experience Buster: I do Rio: You can have everything Buster: So can you Buster: Anything you want Rio: You know what I want Buster: It's yours Rio: Say it again Rio: please Buster: It's yours Buster: I am Rio: Fuck Rio: we've gone this long without talking before why is it so much harder now Buster: 'Cause you keep getting more fucking beautiful Rio: You mean hot Buster: I mean beautiful Rio: Shh Buster: No Rio: You're nice Buster: I'm not Buster: I'm honest Rio: It's just different Buster: Yeah, there's a distinction between hot & beautiful Buster: That's why I said it Rio: I'm hot too Rio: and you know what I meant Buster: You're so hot Buster: & You know what I mean Buster: I don't say this shit to be nice, I say it 'cause it's true Rio: I don't not like it Rio: it's just unexpected Buster: What, that I'd wanna compliment you? Rio: Not because you're you Rio: 'cos that's not the way it usually goes, you know Buster: I keep telling you to get better boyfriends, babe Rio: Well, I like it don't I Rio: you could tell, they can tell Buster: You don't have to only like one thing Rio: I know Buster: If you don't want me to say it, I won't but it doesn't change the fact that you are & that's what I think Rio: I didn't say that Rio: Never mind Rio: forget I said it Buster: No, tell me Rio: I dunno what I even meant Rio: seriously Buster: Come on Buster: Try & explain it to me Rio: It makes me feel out of my depth in a way I never have Rio: you could call me anything else and I'd know what to do Rio: doesn't mean its bad its just Rio: you know Buster: Yeah Buster: It's like when you say I'm nice or decent or whatever Buster: It feels like bullshit 'cause it's the opposite of what everyone else is saying Rio: Exactly Rio: but you know I mean it Rio: and I know you do too Buster: I just want you to know that you are different Buster: You're hot & I wanna fuck you but you're also beautiful & I wanna talk to you and everything, like Buster: That's all it has to mean, okay Rio: Yeah Rio: okay Rio: it's cool, I'm cool Buster: You are Rio: 😂 okay that's too far Buster: Proper 😎 Cavante, honestly Rio: I miss you Rio: everyone's doing my head in and I've not even tried to talk to my parents Buster: You sure you don't want that plane ticket? Rio: Oh, I want it Rio: all I want is to be under or on your desk in various positions Rio: but I can't Buster: I'm not saying stay til August, just give me a week Buster: Two Rio: Baby Buster: I'll make you forget all about it Buster: You know I can Rio: If I'd have stayed in school I'd just bunk Rio: but I've got to work Buster: I'll fake you a doctor's note Rio: saying what Rio: I'm hysterical and I need lots of sex to cure me Buster: Yeah Rio: if it were the 50s, we could Rio: though if it were the 50s, I wouldn't be working, you would Buster: I can still pay your bills Buster: Quit your job & find a new one later Rio: 🙄 That's responsible isn't it Buster: You said yourself you're gonna make a fortune at streaming anyway Rio: Yeah, but I can't tell anyone I'm streaming so if I've got no 'normal' job my parents will think I've just quit school to what Rio: randomly jet off to somewhere I can't actually tell them either, like Buster: Tell them you've got a job interview & you're jetting off for that Rio: You miss me that much, huh Buster: Please Rio: That's not fair, you know how weak that makes me Buster: Give in & I'll stop Buster: You know what's not fair is months more of this Rio: You're not gonna stop wanting me once you've fucked me, you know Rio: it'll only get worse, that's a promise Buster: Fuck, don't say that like that when I already need you this bad Buster: I can't just go back to the bathroom, I'm supposed to be learning Rio: Exactly, how would I entertain myself all day whilst you're in lessons Buster: I'd be there to entertain you, I'd call in sick Rio: Two whole weeks, yeah Rio: just me and you Buster: Just say yes Buster: I'll do everything else Rio: I must be stupid Buster: We both know you're not Rio: Why am I actually considering this then Buster: 'Cause it's a good idea Buster: I've told you before, I don't have ideas that ain't Rio: Don't you live on a campus or something? Rio: You can't pay for a hotel as well Buster: It's a host family thing right now, so yeah I can. I don't have to pay them, they're lucky to have me Buster: Their daughter especially Rio: Why do you always Buster: What? Rio: Tell me about your conquests Buster: You've got a boyfriend Rio: I don't chat about him Buster: I haven't said anything Rio: Good as Buster: You might not chat about him but you've been with him for months, I don't do that Rio: You're clearly doing repeats now though Rio: aren't gonna be able to avoid someone you live with, are you Buster: Why not? Buster: I'm not living there until I leave, they're making us do all sorts Rio: anyway Buster: Anyway what? Rio: let's not talk about it Buster: Fine, it's not worth talking about Buster: I don't do repeats for a reason Rio: Still looking for the one, yeah Buster: Still not looking for that, which is the entire point Rio: Don't blame you Rio: this is messy Rio: maybe I'll do that too Buster: At the very least dump your complicated boyfriend Buster: He sounds exhausting & not in a good way Rio: You have no ide Rio: a Rio: going over tonight Buster: I'd wish you luck but you make your own Buster: Good or bad Rio: You still could Buster: That isn't what you need from me Rio: What do I need Buster: Distraction Rio: What if I want more Buster: If you can ask for it, you can have it Rio: don't be mad at me okay Buster: Why would I? Rio: about him Rio: I've tried to dump him loads of times Buster: It's none of my business who you fuck Rio: doesn't matter Rio: I still get jealous Buster: You've got nothing to be jealous of Buster: No one Rio: I do Rio: they've touched you Buster: When you touch me, I won't remember any of them Rio: You won't Rio: I've thought about you touching me so much since it happened Buster: & You know I've touched myself thinking about you even more Rio: Yeah Rio: I like thinking about that Buster: I would now if I could Rio: What lesson are you in now Buster: History Rio: Ooh, sexy Buster: It's so American & I'm so uninterested Rio: Is it the civil war Rio: they bang on about that Buster: I don't know, I'm not listening Rio: You're still distracted Buster: Of course I am, I'm with you Rio: I'm gonna come see you Rio: before you leave Rio: we can make it happen, can't we Buster: We can make anything happen Rio: Yeah Buster: There's nothing I wouldn't do for you Rio: You know I feel that too, right Buster: Yeah Rio: Your sister is throwing me a party Buster: Fuck off Buster: She hates parties Rio: I know Rio: I thought she was taking the piss Buster: You sure she isn't? Maybe you'll show up & there ain't no celebration Rio: Just an intervention? Rio: Oh dear Buster: Fuck knows Rio: Maybe if I'd told her the rest but bit dramatic even for her just 'cos I wanna do bar work Buster: So what she's a party animal now I've left, like there can only be one? Rio: Nah Rio: I just bring out the worst in her, obviously Buster: You bring out the best in me so it makes sense Rio: You're so cute Buster: Shut up Rio: but you are Buster: Nah, I just look it Rio: 😈 on the inside Rio: I remember Buster: Don't forget Rio: don't let me Buster: [sends pics from his desk] Rio: Oh God Rio: making me miss school with how bad I wanna be bent over that desk right now Buster: We'd definitely break this one Buster: I barely fit in it, fucking ridiculous Rio: You're so big Rio: it is ridiculous Buster: You could still get on my lap though, it'd just be a tight squeeze, you'd have to stay still if you didn't wanna get stuck Rio: I wouldn't mind being stuck with you Buster: You just don't wanna stay still Rio: 😏 it shouldn't be want it should be can't Buster: There's no can't, I'd make you Buster: If that's what I want Rio: Daddy Rio: make me Buster: I will, I'm strong too Buster: You know that Rio: gotta be Rio: not making it easy for you Buster: I don't want easy Rio: I know what you want Buster: You know what I need, baby Rio: Me Rio: why I'm yours Buster: Jesus, every time you say that I just Rio: Wait 'til I say it and you're inside me Rio: that's heaven Buster: Fuck Buster: I had to just pretend cough then Rio: I'm sure it was very convincing, babe Buster: I don't care Rio: You don't? Buster: Only about you Rio: Buster I Rio: when can I come see you, really Buster: Now Rio: Serious Buster: When am I not? Rio: Fair Rio: is this insane or Buster: No more insane than Indie nearly killing a kid on the night we were finally gonna be together or my Dad & Granddad showing up exactly when you did or me thinking I could avoid you for the rest of my life Buster: & That's not even half of the shit that's happened or hasn't Rio: Yeah Rio: I feel like I might go slightly insane if we keep having to live like that, year after year Rio: this is a sensible solution, really Buster: I won't do it Buster: If you don't come to me, I'll fly back Rio: You've gotta stay Rio: I'll do it, I'm coming Buster: When? Rio: Give me a couple of days to square this with everyone Rio: I can pay for half of it Buster: Fuck that, you need money, I don't Rio: Come on Rio: I can't let you pay for everything Buster: You come on Buster: My parents are so happy I'm here & haven't fucked it up yet that they've really outdone themselves Rio: Are you happy too Buster: Irrelevant Buster: I'm here & I haven't fucked it up yet Rio: I wanna know still Rio: but it's good Rio: you should be proud Buster: I'll be proud when I've done shit to be proud of Buster: All that's bare minimum Rio: Yeah but your bare minimum is better than most's best Buster: Doesn't mean I should settle for it Buster: I don't ever wanna settle for anything Rio: You don't have to Buster: That's one thing America has got going for it, go big or go the fuck home Rio: That's the dream, init Buster: If I stay until August I might even find egos that come close to the size of mine Buster: Work ethic too, like Rio: I knew you liked it Buster: I won't find the latter among these rich kids though, Christ Buster: I thought I liked spending my parents money but fucking hell Rio: I can only imagine how spoilt they are Rio: but I'd rather not Rio: not a turn-on Buster: I'll show you when you get here Buster: It'll make you really love me Rio: Yeah? Rio: Surprised you can think about spending any time outside the hotel room but I'm up for the challenge if you are, babe 😉 Buster: You've turned me on in so many classes, it's only fair that you get a taste of your own medicine Buster: The more public the better Rio: Fair probably ain't the word Rio: but failing me right now so Buster: You leave school & your vocabulary goes to shit, yeah? Buster: Poor baby Rio: If you don't wanna own what you've done to me Rio: we can say it's that Buster: I'd rather do more to you but until you get here, I'll own it Rio: Wait Rio: what's the date Buster: 28th Rio: Fuck Rio: I have to be here Rio: it's Indie's birthday and I have to stop that from getting out of hand, much as she'll love me for that Rio: I promised I'd take her shopping somewhere good instead Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: I know, I totally forgot that was coming up so soon Rio: I'm sorry Buster: For all your mothering you didn't actually give birth to her, it ain't your fault Rio: If I thought I could count on Drew, like Buster: You can't Buster: Just come after Rio: 'Course Rio: gives me more time to hopefully get it right with work anyway Buster: Yeah Rio: It's my brother's birthday tomorrow Rio: how did I forget Buster: Which one? Buster: Must be hard to remember them all Rio: Shut up Rio: Gus Rio: my head's all over the place Buster: Do you want an apology or what, like? Rio: Are you likely to give one Rio: anyway, don't worry, some other guy, like Buster: Good to know Rio: Not really but you know Buster: It's a relief for me, I'd hate to be under the illusion that my attention is all consuming Rio: Well he's persistent Rio: as I said Buster: He's a headfuck is what you mean Buster: Nice to know I ain't the only one Rio: Is it Buster: 'Course Buster: Not gonna take his share of the blame, only my sins Rio: Tah Buster: Sort your head out & get back to me Rio: Are you serious Buster: I already told you, when am I not Rio: You also said you gave a shit Rio: but alright Buster: I give more of a shit about myself though, don't I? Buster: What do you expect Rio: Not asking you for otherwise Buster: Don't Rio: I won't Rio: may as well go over now though Rio: talk later Buster: Alright Rio: [Later] Rio: It's done Buster: Good Rio: Yeah Buster: Tell me you're okay Rio: I'm good Rio: it's sorted now Buster: Come on Buster: Talk to me Rio: You don't wanna know Rio: you don't need to Buster: Rio Rio: What Rio: I told you it'd be bad Buster: How bad was it though? Buster: Seriously Rio: I didn't know who to call Rio: Drew was the only person I could think of Buster: What happened? Rio: He was just really angry Rio: he'd been doing lines like all day so Buster: Did he hurt you? I'll fucking kill him Rio: No not really Rio: he was just trying to scare me Buster: & Did he? Buster: 'Cause I'll scare him well worse Rio: He doesn't scare me Buster: I'm sorry Rio: Why Rio: not your fault Buster: I told you to go & sort it Buster: & I'm not even there Rio: I couldn't stay with him 'til August Rio: it's been too long already Buster: I know but I'm still sorry Rio: Drew came so Buster: Of course he did Rio: Don't Rio: I don't know how that would've ended up if he hadn't Buster: Tell him that Buster: He'll love hearing it Rio: You really think he'd use something like that for his own gain Buster: Why not? Rio: Because that's sick Rio: and I'm an absolute mess so it isn't the turn-on anyone is after Buster: Oh so he does one half decent thing & now he's a saint, yeah? Buster: Like what he did to Indie's mum weren't sick Buster: Like she wasn't a mess Buster: Okay Rio: That was a complicated situation Rio: that we don't know nothing about Rio: we weren't there Buster: Not from where I'm standing Buster: Don't treat people like that. Simple as Rio: She asked for the drugs Rio: he's a dealer, that's what he does Rio: debate the morality of it all you like Buster: She didn't ask to have a kid Rio: Well he didn't want her either Buster: Then he should have done something about it Buster: It weren't the Middle Ages Rio: Maybe he did Rio: you can't force someone to get an abortion Buster: Shower him with these compliments, babe Rio: I don't need to Rio: but I don't need to villanize him either Buster: Ask your sister if she agrees with that when she gets to our age Buster: You know, your actual one who don't exist to him Rio: Don't bring my family into this Rio: this whole conversation is irrelevant Rio: I needed help, he came, simple as Buster: They already are in it Buster: If he wants to play the hero so bad he could start there Rio: Edie doesn't need him, she's got a dad Buster: Indie does, but you're the one helping her Buster: What, even now are you? Rio: Exactly, why do you wanna put that in Edie's life if he's so shit Rio: you don't care, you're just mad Buster: Obviously Buster: Why would I care? We're only related Rio: And that means something now, yeah Buster: Fuck you Rio: Sure Buster: You know me when it fucking suits you Rio: You're gonna have to go harder if you wanna insult me today, sorry Buster: It's clearly a fact not an insult Rio: Facts are only facts when it suits you so what do I care Buster: Why don't you just fuck him & get it over with? Rio: Because the build-up is my favourite part, obviously Rio: suit your narrative well enough Buster: My narrative? You're the one who won't vilify him but are so quick to judge me Rio: Literally when have I judged you? Rio: Just 'cos I don't let you talk like shit to me when I've clearly had enough for one day Buster: Literally just now for not holding my sister's hand tightly enough or whatever the fuck else that thinly veiled implication was meant to mean Rio: Literally not even what I meant Rio: so you've gone there yourself Rio: I was referring to the way you've barely spoke to any of my siblings in years so it's rich to act like you care Rio: try and deny that Buster: That's why I can't Buster: 'Cause I care about you more & I don't need the reminders that we're all supposed to be one big, happy family Rio: Well, we ain't, are we Rio: and me and you, specifically, we're fucked up Buster: Don't Rio: That's what he said Rio: and he don't know the half of it Buster: Fuck him Buster: He doesn't know anything Rio: Nah Rio: some of it rang true Buster: Don't mean it is, it just means he got to you Rio: Same difference Buster: No Buster: He knows how to hurt you, what to say, that's it Buster: I've done it, I'm fully aware what the difference is Rio: Yeah, I'm easy, thanks Rio: double entendre Buster: Shut up Rio: Don't tell me to shut up Buster: Don't talk like that & I won't Rio: I'll talk however I want Rio: you do Buster: Christ's sake, Rio Rio: What Buster: Just stop Rio: I have Buster: You know what I mean Rio: Fine Buster: Don't lie Rio: It ain't but what are you gonna do about it Buster: Anything I can Buster: Anything you want Rio: You can't be here, I can't be there Rio: what's the point Buster: The point is, I wanna be Buster: I told you, that should count for something Rio: How long 'fore you're bored of that Buster: Well, it's already been years Buster: I'm still waiting, ain't I? Rio: Like you said, how was avoiding me forever gonna work out for you Buster: Just tell me what you want me to do Rio: I don't know Rio: if I did, it wouldn't be a problem, would it Buster: So I'm a problem Rio: Oh my God no Rio: not everything is about you Buster: I know that Buster: Literally nothing is about me Buster: Your boyfriend or Drew or Indie but not me Rio: What are you on about? Buster: It's self explanatory Rio: We can't prioritize each other Rio: you can't me, I can't you Buster: Then what's the point Rio: I don't know Rio: you said that's not what you wanted Buster: All I've ever said I wanted was you Buster: But that's not gonna happen Buster: Not if I'm the last option on your fucking list Rio: You aren't Buster: Bullshit Buster: Do you know how many girls would love to prioritise me & do? Rio: Then let them Buster: Fine Rio: Are you kidding me Buster: As big of a joke as all this has become, no Rio: All because I can't come to see you right this second Buster: 'Cause this isn't me. I don't wait around & I don't come last Buster: Who the fuck do you think I am or you are? Rio: If that's what you want Buster: That's the point, I'm not getting what I want from you Rio: Whatever you say Buster: What I'm saying is, I'm done fooling myself that this can be something it's not Rio: Thanks for wasting my time Buster: You too Buster: But my dad would say anything that gets your heart racing is worth doing, so maybe hit him up next time Rio: Will do Buster: Alright Buster: I'll unavoidably see you around Rio: You're still no better at this, huh Rio: tragic Buster: You wish, babe Rio: I don't waste 'em Buster: Starting now? 'Cause I've got news for you otherwise Rio: Nothing you're saying right now is news Buster: Good, it's no surprise then Buster: You'll get the fuck over it quicker Rio: Keep telling yourself that, babe Buster: I'm not the one who has to talk myself into things Rio: Just out Rio: Cool Buster: At least I know when to get out Rio: Fuck you Buster: Go fuck yourself Buster: Or better yet, Drew Rio: Stop living vicariously and make something happen Buster: Not my type Buster: All yours Rio: Yeah Rio: Obviously Rio: I know how to pick 'em Buster: Yeah Buster: Obviously Rio: Well thanks, this really made me feel better Buster: Not everything is about you, Cavante Rio: You have no idea Buster: 'Course not Buster: I don't understand anything Rio: You aren't trying to so Rio: don't feel bad Buster: I don't Rio: Mhmm Buster: Are you done? Buster: We've both got other priorities, remember Rio: Whatever Buster: I'll take that as a yeah Rio: You've taken everything else the wrong way Rio: why stop now Rio: you've committed to the bit and everything Buster: Gotta commit to something, babe Buster: Speaking of, I have to go Buster: This match ain't gonna play itself Rio: Later Rio: 🍀

"Xenos" series

Chapter 3. Rescueing friends

description: "Xenos" from the Ancient Greek "stranger, foreigner". Xenia Kane and the other 99 delinquents are strangers for everyone who managed to survive on the Earth. Her story has just started. Enjoy

-We will continue walking when you give us your bracelets,- Bellamy addresses to me and Clarke. Damn, he and Murphy are so good at getting on my nerves, they should get a reward for it. -The Ark will know that we're dead only when we really are,- the blonde snaps at him -And what do we say to death? -Not today,- I add smirking. Yeah, this is one of my favorite quotes and I'd like everyone to remember it. -Brave Princess and brave Commander, - the older Blake tells us not seeming to have a proper answer

-Hey, think about your own nicknames!- suddenly there is Finn appearing from nowhere, he didn't join our rescue party when it was leaving the camp.-Nia, Clarke, come with me. -My savior! - I name him chuckling and leave the other trio behind. Then there is me near the lake waiting for my friends to stop playing in the water and continue searching for Jasper. To be honest, I'd like to have some fun in the water too but maybe another time when I'll finally calm down after yesterday's story. -Guys, I think I've found something that you'd like to see,- I inform them looking at the drops of blood on the rock that I saw while exploring the near surroundings. -We should go this way,- now serious Finn points to my right. Three years of tracking lessons, no one argues with him. Looking around I see Well's figure in the bushes and call the boys. We are now walking together suddenly hearing a groan and see my friend tied to the tree in the distance

-That's Jasper,- I gasp taking off to him with Clarke following me -Girls, wait!- Finn warns us but I'm already in the middle of my way to Googles. Reaching the tree I hear a scream behind me and turn around. Wow, me and Clarke have been running a few inches away and she is the one who managed to fall in the hole with peaks. There is Bellamy holding her arm seeming to be not so willing to pull her up and does it only after Finn shouts. I turn back to Jasper, Clarke will be okay but he is in the worse state. -Does someone have a knife here?- I ask regretting not making one from the piece of the dropship back at our camp. Murphy gives his not saying anything and I climb on the tree calling for Collins to follow me. Cutting the rope on Jasper's wrists I notice some movement in the grass near us. -Guys, you better watch out,- is my warning -What are you talking ab...,- Bellamy doesn't finish his question because of a loud growl. The moment later a large black panther appears in front of him. -Bellamy, your gun!- Clarke shouts but Blake can't find it. That's called "too much boasting", my friends. "Thanks God I'm in some kind of safety on the tree",- I think to myself and then hear several gunshots. That's Wells, wow. Unfortunately, it doesn't help that much 'cause the animal continues having its way to the others, only limping this time. Finn just ended cutting the ropes so I quickly grab the knife from his hand and without a backup thought through it at the predator. Maybe I'll be lucky and it hits it, at least I have to try. And guess what? It really does! Damn, I'm SO good. The knife hurts some of life-important organs and the animal fells eventually killed on the ground. -Now she sees you,- Bellamy tells the dark skinned boy and when his eyes meet mine nods. On "cool kids'" language it means "Thanks". I saved his damned life and that's all I get? "Huh, he wants to play a "cool boy"?Then I'll be a "cool girl", "-I decide in my thoughts and don't even nod him back that means "You're welcome" on this language. Do you realize how far can I go? My feet touch the ground after the jump from the tree and I move in the way of the camp being accompanied with the delinquents' still shocked looks. -Get Clarke everything she needs,- Bellamy orders his "dogs" while the blonde hurries to the dropship, Finn and Wells carrying Jasper after her. I follow them to the second level and greet Monty and Octavia who look really worried. -Clarke, what should I do?- is my question -Help the boys to hold him still,- she answers pointing on the Googles.

I do as Griffin says and shut my eyes knowing I won't like the sight of what is going to happen. Hearing Jasper's screams is terrifying so after we can leave ours spots I decide to breath some fresh air outside. There is Bellamy entering the dropship and by how he looks I can understand he is not going to support my injured friend. -Bellamy, we didn't risk our own lives just to let him die now,- I remind him.- And you don't have the right to take his away. -Yeah, but I have the guts to do it,- he snaps and it makes me turn away from the older Blake quickly and head outside. What he's just told me was disgusting! How can some people be so selfish? Leaving the dropship I hear people starting to cheer looking at me. Guess who is their local hero now? -Make sure you've pulled all the bullets and Murphy's knife out!- I order thinking how strange these teen are. Just yesterday they were calling Clarke and me "privileged", not wanting to have any authorities and now Bellamy is their beloved leader and I'm associated with a "Commander". -You did good today,- suddenly there is Finn near me grinning. - I'm proud I have a friend like you,- he adds causing me to blush and look at the ground. -Stop! No,you know, carry on,- I chuckle and then add seriously.- How is he? -Clarke says there is hope but Bellamy... I interrupt Spacewalker shaking my head: -No, don't speak with me about him or I'll going to puke. Better call for the blondie to eat with us,- is my advice Three minutes later we are already standing near the line of delinquents who are giving up the bracelets for meat that we've brought them. What a stupid idea. It definitely was Blake's. -I guess I can have some meat for free,- I say to Murphy while taking one stick and smiling "innocently" -Hey, the rule says tha...,-he tries to stop me but gets interrupted by Collins -And I thought there were no rules,- my friend snaps at him and heroically takes one stick for himself and one for Clarke Looking at Murphy's surprised face I can't hold my laugh back. -I, I w-wish you saw your expression right, right now,- I try to tell him but find it really hard because of my endless giggles and everyone's wide smiles around me. -What so funny, Kane?-suddenly there is a voice behind. Great. Here he is.

-None of your damn business, Blake,- I retort turning to the guy with a serious look and leave noticing how his arms fell. Well, it was his fault. The next morning after my sleep (well, if you can call laying with your eyes closed listening to Jasper's groans "sleep"), I am sitting near the dropship making some knives for myself and my friends 'cause I FUCKING CARE about them, what you can't say abou... -Nia, we're going hunting, you are with us!-Bellamy calls me. -Speak of the devil...,- I retort and leave my spot. Yes, I'm still mad at him for what he said yesterday but I if stay in a camp a little longer listening to the Googles I'll loose my shit. The older Blake ignores my words and hands me a knife. -Uh, no, thanks, already have one. Or five, to be exact,- I refuse and show him my "collection". The boy seems impressed, don't doubt it.-Hey, Miller, I think? Please, take these 4 knives straight to Finn, you got this?- I ask a random guy who seems surprised but accepts them eventually. -Can we go now?-I hear Murphy's "pleads" and hurry to the haunting party deciding not to get in trouble. -No, Nia, you can't keep it! Give it back!- Bellamy orders me -But whyyy, you mean nothing to me and I don't follow your orders!- I retort stepping away from him. We are already back from hunting and are standing practically in the center of the camp with all the teens staring at us.

-I said give it to me,-he continues.- This creature will be a dinner for three people in the camp. -Then I'll give up my three dinners, okay?-I ask the older Blake and I swear, I see a look of worry in his eyes for a second. -As you wish,- he gives up turning away from me and leaving. Now I'm standing as a winner of the argument with this, as Bellamy called it, "creature". Why do guys think that if they say such a cute word "bunny", their masculinity will fade a way? Yes, you understood right, I petted a bunny. At first I was going to kill it, to be honest, but then I just looked at the animal carefully and decided not to. Moreover, I've already did really good on the hunt, they all should be thankful. The bunny is so soft due to his light brown fur that I even bring it to my face. My eyes meet Murphy's and he seems not to agree with Bellamy letting me keep it. I quickly look away not paying attention to his threatening look and head to the dropship. -Monty, hi, do you have a box or something?- I ask my friend on the second level. Monty is sitting next to Jasper and even doesn't turn his face to me when I enter. Of course, he has a reason for that, his best friend is in a really bad state. Who wouldn't be worried?

-Um, yeah, look in the corner,- he answers What corner? Huh, this information didn't help me at all but my decision is not to bother him right now so I just silently search for a place where to put my new friend. Finally, Roger is in his new "house". Yes,this is how I named my bunny. Don't ask why, I don't know myself, it was the first name I thought of. -Look after Roger for me, please?- I ask Monty.- His box would be here. -Yeah, yeah, okay,- he retorts still not turning to look at me. -Where do you think you are going?-Bellamy asks me when I almost reach the exit of the camp -UGHH, to get some fresh grass for Roger, why do you even care?- I snap at him sighing. -It is unsafe out there. And who on Earth is Roger?- our leader wonders -My bunny. Any more questions?- is my answer. -Yes, would you mind coming with me and teach some people to throw knives? That shocked me. Since when I'm asked to help with things like this? I totally like it, you know, so I agree and run out in the woods. AGAIN. Why do I always end up there and can't rest my ass in the some sort of safety of the camp?

Diana Rehm, Inside Addictive Treatment, DianeRehm.org (February 11, 2013) [continued]

Diane Rehm: And welcome back. Let's open the phones now, 800-433-8850. First to Central New Hampshire. Good morning, John.

John (caller): Good morning. I'm one of those -- I'm affiliated with AA and have been for a long time. And it's been really interesting to hear your speakers today because I fall into that category in the program they call high functioning drunks. And I spent 20 years going to lots of different meetings. And because I had not had all those hard negative consequences they were talking about, I hadn't lost a job, I was, you know, continuing to meet my goals. I hadn't gotten any DUIs, I drank following sort of a set of rules and yet I knew I still had a problem. . . But every time I went to an AA meeting in different groups and different states over 20 years I kept feeling like I didn't fit. And there weren't really the tools for me to make use of to address my high functioning -- you know, my drinking and addiction-based thinking. The AA's really good at putting people with a lot of problems that have had -- you know, that are in there true bottom stage and helping them climb out of that and having meaningful lives. . . But it seems to me that what ended up working for me, and I've been sober for seven years...

Diane Rehm: Congratulations.

John (caller): ...is that in the process the first thing you do is stop drinking, and then you're dry but you're not sober. And it's only through doing all the steps it seems to me that the anchoring process in the whole thing is based on relationships. And as far as most of the people that I know that are sober started like me and had a connection with somebody -- a meaningful personal connection with somebody who had some sobriety who could shepherd them. And in the program, we often called that a sponsor, but it may not be your actual sponsor. It may just be someone else that's in the program.

Diane Rehm: Sure. Sure.

John (caller): And then from that relationship you trust their judgment that they've accomplished something that you haven't. And then you accept a spiritual relationship. And it's from that acceptance of a true spiritual relationship that you actually get the help that -- to be sober.

Diane Rehm: All right. John, thanks for calling. That word spiritual may put some people off some programs, Anne.

Anne Fletcher: Well, yeah, it's what I said earlier. It's great when it works but it doesn't work for everybody. And it's not, you know -- Bill Wilson who found -- co-founder of AA never says that AA was the be all and end all. He said, you know, that he did not expect -- he doesn't like -- he didn't like dogma and that we found an approach that works for us, is what he said. And if you can find some other way then do it your way. So...

Diane Rehm: Here is an email from Nichole titled "My Father and Addiction." She says, "I know many inpatient programs will not accept alcoholics until they have been alcohol-free for at least a month. My father, a veteran, had to leave the State of Michigan to find an inpatient program to accept him. I feel this is a problem many are unaware of. Unless somebody wants to be a part of religiously affiliated program such as AA, there are few options." Dr. Seppala, is that a prerequisite at Hazelden?

Marvin Seppala: No, not at all. In fact our programs provide detoxication services and all medical and psychiatric services necessary to initiate treatment for folks. It would be an unusual setting that would require that sort of detoxification take place before initial care.

Diane Rehm: Dr. Seppala, tell me how much and, shall we say, an ordinary perhaps three-month stay at Hazelden can cost? And does insurance cover any or all of it?

Marvin Seppala: Yeah, I'm better off describing a one-month stay because that's a more common stay in our residential site and it would be 25 to $30,000. It's extremely expensive and that's why we describe it as tertiary care requiring good evaluation to determine the appropriateness of that level of care. When people don't meet, you know, the necessary requirements for that type of care, we'll send them to outpatient which is going to be more in the range of 5 to $7,000 for...

Diane Rehm: And does insurance cover any of it?

Marvin Seppala: Insurance covers both actually, both residential and outpatient care, but not all insurance. And what we've been seeing in the last year or so is that insurance is really limiting access to treatment of all types, both residential and outpatient in trying to -- on an outpatient basis where it is much less costly, even there to limit the length of time people could be involved. And when we discussed earlier that these are chronic illnesses, we need to be involved on an outpatient basis long term to help folks. . . And the entire treatment field and the insurance industry hasn't really recognized that and provided the type of care and structure necessary for that yet.

Diane Rehm: Anne, is that amount he mentioned typical of what you found?

Anne Fletcher: Yes, of the high-end kind of programs, yep. I found one program that I visited more kind of a celebrity rehab type place. It was really interesting. It was $38,000 whether you stayed one month or three. And actually it was quite a bargain for three months. And the reason they did that was because they wanted to encourage you to stay three months because the outcomes were much better for the people who stayed three months. ... But there really isn't -- this was a quote from one of the experts in my book -- there isn't any supporting evidence for -- I believe the way he said it was a short term burst of treatment that removes you from reality, that puts you away -- takes you away from your regular life. Yes, there are those few exceptional cases where somebody has a severe psychiatric problem. They can't stay sober. They've tried outpatient treatment many, many times. They may be suicidal and they do need to be removed from reality. But for the most part there isn't evidence supporting that model where you take people away. ... And, you know, there -- people don't realize, they don't -- just this knee-jerk reaction that you need to go away for treatment. You know, not only should people give more thought to outpatient treatment -- and by the way, there's no evidence that paying more money gets you better treatment. There are very good -- I found some very excellent community-based outpatient programs that had more state-of-the-art treatment -- now I'm not saying there aren't very good expensive programs out there, because I found excellent ones that were. . . But I also found excellent, very inexpensive, as I said, community-based programs that had masters-level therapists -- masters-degree level, that had very comprehensive programs that addressed the psychiatric and psychological needs as well as addiction needs, nutrition, getting people back to school, a whole life kind of approach.

Diane Rehm: So, Beth, what about the cost of a program like yours on an inpatient basis?

Beth Kane-Davidson: Oh, you mean -- for our patient, it's outpatient and so...

Diane Rehm: All outpatient.

Beth Kane-Davidson: Yeah, all outpatient. And of course that is less expensive. Our outpatient program runs around 4 or $5,000 for the intensive part. And then what's been brought up is, to me, the most critical part is the continuing care. We have continuing care which used to be in the old days a set time. You know, you would do 25 sessions. Now we've switched to open-ended. We want -- people need to come back, they need to stay engaged in treatment, they need the continued support.

Diane Rehm: And to what extent do the insurance companies step in?

Beth Kane-Davidson: They do step in. We have contracts with almost all of the insurance companies but I do echo what was said earlier. We getting a squeeze on our end. And we do have to get preauthorization and then continue authorizing the session so it's not like you just get a blanket, do what you need to do.

Diane Rehm: I see. Yeah.

Beth Kane-Davidson: And it goes back to, you know, this is a very complex treatment that we have to give. And so we do have to look at the individual and we do have to work within, you know, the perimeters of the insurance and what they're saying and what we need.

Anne Fletcher: But again we're talking, you know, about severe, severe cases much of the time. That's a small percentage of the people with substance problems. We also have not talked at all about seeing an individual therapist. Now most psychologists don't have training -- and physicians in addiction treatment and that's unfortunate. They don't receive that training in school. But you can find them, and I talk in my book about how you can find doctors and psychiatrists and psychologists with special training in the field to work with one on one. That's how I overcame my drinking problem, working one on one with a psychologist who had addiction training.

Diane Rehm: What's...

Anne Fletcher: And my insurance paid for it.

Diane Rehm: ...what's the difference, Dr. Seppala, of treating an alcohol versus a drug addicted individual?

Marvin Seppala: There are some differences specific to the type of substance that people use, but there's also remarkable similarities. We understand the neurobiology of addiction in a tremendous manner now than we did 20 years ago even. And it reveals the two aspects of brain function are dramatically altered. First, the reward center has been altered in a way that the person wants to continue to use the drug at a subconscious level. Drive states have been reprioritized so that in severe addiction people will risk their lives to get that drug and keep using or get alcohol and keep using. ... Even survival itself dropping down in priority secondary to the drive to continue to use that drug. In the prefrontal cortex where executive functions take place where we make decisions, think things through, look at the future has been altered in such a way that we can't recognize what is going on. We can't see the consequences. . . So even though I agree with many of the points made by Anne in her book, and she does help to describe a lot of the problems facing the addiction treatment field as a whole, she hasn't really described this function that we know from a neurobiological basis that limits people's own recognition of the problem and thus can undermine their attempts to seek treatment, let alone to get good treatment.

Diane Rehm: So it depends quite often on the people around you.

Marvin Seppala: It sure does. You really need people that care about you, that love you or even just a judge that knows you because of an illegal act, or an employer that's going to say, hey you need treatment. Hazelden did some studies actually almost a couple decades ago now, where they looked at how and why people enter treatment. Over 95 percent of people are coming in because of someone else in their life requiring that they address the issue. ... And they also -- we also looked at, you know, who did better, those that came of their own accord, which was a small group, versus those that were there because someone else insisted. And actually those folks that someone else insisted had slightly better outcomes than those that were there of their own accord, which we found to be unusual. But it's just what the numbers turned out to be.

Diane Rehm: Anne.

Anne Fletcher: I look at the literature of somebody who did a big, like, international look at the literature on kind of forcing people into treatment. And he said it's actually a huge national social experiment that we're engaged in in this country because we really don't know whether it helps people or harms people. But the most important point in all of this is by focusing on a small segment of the population, that's people with severe addictions, only 1 percent of the population in any one year has the kind of severe alcoholism that we think of as Nicholas Cage in "Leaving Las Vegas." Only 1 percent of the population. . . Most people with addiction don't have that kind of severe addiction, and that's what we're focusing on when we talk about people that we're talking about. More people would be helped if we had a broader approach, a less narrow approach to addiction.

Diane Rehm: And you're listening to "The Diane Rehm Show." Let's now go to Jefferson, Ind. Good morning, Terri.

Terri (caller): Good morning. My question is about my brother that's 43, and he's been doing drugs since he was a teenager. As a family we sat down and had an intervention with him and he actually was honest and said he was doing crack cocaine, and told us that we were enabling him. So we cut the cash off from him and a place to stay and dropped him off at a homeless shelter and was hoping that that would be his bottom -- his rock bottom. And actually he's been there for almost two years now. Actually he's homeless from the homeless shelter. So I guess my question would be what would be our next step?

Diane Rehm: What would you say, Beth?

Beth Kane-Davidson: I'd say look into the resources in your community. I think the point of individual addiction treatment counselor, therapist is a great way to go. Somebody that knows addiction and then can help you all figure out how to connect him to someone in the community that can begin helping him.

Diane Rehm: Dr. Seppala.

Marvin Seppala: Yeah, I would echo that. I think an initial evaluation's really essential and gaining some of the resources in the community rather than just a homeless shelter. He needs treatment of some sort to begin to examine the relationship that he has with drugs of abuse and look at some skills to get sober and stay sober.

Diane Rehm: Anne.

Anne Fletcher: There's not a simple answer to this question. it's very hard and sad as a family member when you're in a situation like this, and I feel for you. And I can't give you a simple answer. In both of my books I do talk -- and I have resources for family members -- but I'm going to give you one suggestion. One of the things that I found in doing my research is that there's a huge gap between science and practice. What the research shows to be effective and what's actually going on in many treatment programs in this county. And I only found one out of the 15 programs that is using scientifically-based family approaches, working with the family. ... They're doing a lot of psycho educational workshops educating families about addiction, the disease of addiction and, you know, talking to them about that. And kind of sitting around and talking about things you can and can't do to help the addict. There's a lot of focus on going to Al-Anon. And that's another 12-step-based group for families. And it does help families. There's research that it helps the family member but there's kind of this feeling that you can't really do anything to help the addict or get the addict into treatment. And that's not true. ... The CRAFT approach, which I mentioned earlier, which was developed by Dr. Robert Meyers, there is a book that I'm going to recommend, somebody's else's book called "Get Your Loved One Sober." And that has specific research-based strategies for family members of a loved one. "Get Your Loved One Sober," and that is published by Hazelden. And that is something that can help people with a loved one with an addiction, people who feel helpless like you.

Diane Rehm: And one last question. Terri said that they tried an intervention. Does a professional need to be present for an...

Anne Fletcher: CRAFT has been found to be far more effective than interventions in helping loved ones and getting them into treatment than interventions. Statistically I think it's 70 percent more effective. No, I know what it is. Seventy percent of people who participate in CRAFT in the research studies go into treatment. And those numbers are much greater than people who participate in intervention. It's striking. It's just striking.

Diane Rehm: Well, clearly lots of possible outcomes here, lots of resources. We'll have some of these listed at our website drshow.org. Thank you all so much. Anne Fletcher, her book is titled "Inside Rehab." Beth Kane-Davidson. She's at Suburban Hospital, John's Hopkins Medicine and Dr. Marvin Seppala of the Hazelden Foundation. Thanks for listening, all. I'm Diane Rehm.

Hey guess I have a weird question but I work with this amazing girl who is so easy to talk to and just seeing her makes me smile but i've started getting jealous when I see her talking to our other colleagues and I constantly want to talk to her im wondering if maybe I have feelings for her.. or if we're just friendship soul mates. I've never been with a girl before as I am also a girl and i'm currently in a relationship with a man. I dont know what to think anymore. Nickname is beth, thanks

Hey Beth, 

Don’t think your question is weird for a second because honestly, it’s not! It’s okay to be unsure about a certain topic. I know that it can be scary and I know that it’s almost like taking a swing in the dark, you just don’t know what you’re going to grab and hold on to, but risk most often leads to reward, and that’s how we discover new things about ourselves that we never dreamed of before. 

I’d just like to know whether or not you and this girl are close friends? Often times, jealousy when a close friend is spending time with other people other than you is a thing - you may not necessarily have feelings for them, but instead you are just jealous of the fact that you, in that moment are not their number one. It may seem unfair at times, when your are putting him/her as your number one but they aren’t reciprocating those actions, and eventually you being to feel frustrated, but with every relationship, you have to accept the fact that they also have friends and relationships outside of the one you two have, and it’s a skill to curb those feelings of jealousy and giving them the freedom to make friends with other people aside from you. Do not suffocate her, especially if the two of you are close because in the long run she may come to resent that. 

However, if your friendship isn’t as intense as I have just described it to be, and you feel almost as if your feelings are closer to an infatuation, then you might be right, you may have feelings for her, and that is okay. It’s more than okay, think about it this way, you are discovering more about yourself that you didn’t know about before. Try to close your eyes and think back to feelings that you may have for a guy. Which one are they closer to? Is it closer to how you feel towards other friends or drifting closer to the feelings you have for the man you are currently in a relationship with? I can’t tell you exactly what you feel because you didn’t really tell me much, so it’s really up to you to suss it out yourself. Only you know yourself the best, and nobody else can tell you what you feel is wrong. Feelings are feelings are they are okay, and uncontrollable at times. Don’t be afraid of those feelings and come to embrace it 

Also since you are currently in a relationship, is what you feel for this girl affecting your current relationship at all? All these are indicators that may help you see what you are really feelings for this girl! 

Hope this helps x 

Chloe