#when i next get locked in on half listening to a podcast and need something to do at the same time it Will get like 1/5 done | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonlightspencie · 10 months

Text

Devils Roll the Dice…

Description: A new recruit to the BAU catches Reid’s eye. Unfortunately for the both of them, she has a past with someone very close to him. Are they willing to keep secrets just to keep one another? (TWO-PART MINISERIES)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Warnings: alcohol consumption, sexual references/content (i’ll accept 16+ because its definitely not more than pg-13 material but writing anything sexy makes me feel weird if i know teenagers are reading it)

Word Count: 4k

I took a deep breath, looking in the mirror. I knew we were meeting the new recruit today, and just the thought of it exhausted me. Not that I didn’t like meeting new people. I just hated the break in routine.

We had a concrete team. Kate had already joined. We didn’t need anyone else coming in and messing up a very new rhythm we’d found with each other.

I finished tying my tie, pressing it down, and preemptively steeling myself against the new person. Probably some guy who didn’t know the difference between a tyrannical and enforcing sadist. Half of the students I’d met in recent guest lectures only wanted to go into the field because they’d listened too many crime podcasts anyways.

I walked into the bullpen, taking my seat as usual, ready to turn that cold shoulder at the first misstep of whoever this mystery recruit was. Unfortunately, I felt anything but cold when Hotch called our attention to the figure standing in his office doorway. He stood partially in front of her before he allowed her to stand right next to him as he introduced us. My eyes locked onto her at an embarrassing rate, and I felt far more embarrassed when she caught me and flashed a smirk.

She was anything but shy as a newbie, and for some reason that thrilled me. She wasn’t afraid to get into conversation with the team immediately as she unpacked her things at her new desk. She wasn’t afraid to tell Garcia everything she wanted to know. Much to my surprise, she wasn’t afraid to send me the cutest smiles every time she caught my eyes on her.

“Hey,” she said, walking up to me as I stood in the kitchenette.

Truthfully, I needed the time alone because of her. I couldn’t stop looking at her, and it was becoming a problem considering I was supposed to be doing work. She was just so… Different. She was sweet and funny and so attractive it made my mouth dry up.

“Hi,” I said after a moment. “Coffee?”

She nodded, holding out her mug. I filled it up from the pot in my hands after I topped off my own. She blew on it, looking up at me with big eyes. I watched her, not realizing how long it had been until she broke eye contact, a smile settling onto her face.

“You’re gonna keep watching me blow on my coffee?”

I opened my mouth to say something, but fell quiet when she smiled again. She moved the mug from her face.

“Got any advice for me with the BAU?”

I swallowed. “Uh, you came from Intelligence, right?”

She nodded, brows raised. “Yeah. How’d you know?”

“I was listening earlier. You said it to JJ.”

“Alright, so I know one fact about you other than the eidetic memory,” she said with a chuckle.

I smiled softly. “Right. Sorry, I haven’t been very talkative today.”

“That’s okay,” she said, giving me a reassuring smile. “I’ve tried really hard to get into this unit, so I don’t plan on leaving any time soon. We’ll have time to get to know one another.”

I nodded quickly. “Uh, so, advice. Um, I guess you should know this team is a lot like a family. We really care about each other, and we’re pretty close. Especially us field agents.”

“Good to know,” she nodded thoughtfully. “If you have any more wisdom floating around in that big ol’ brain of yours, let me know. I already heard Penelope calling you ‘boy wonder’, so I’d love to see you live up to that reputation.”

She finished off her sentence with a wink, turning away from me and rejoining the others who still gathered around her desk. She was shiny and new, and everyone wanted to know about her. I couldn’t blame them. I’d love to know as much as I could get my hands on.

One thing I learned very quickly is that she had a habit of flirting.

At first, I thought it was a general behavior she exhibited towards everyone. Then, after some keen observation I came to a terrible and exciting realization: she really only flirted with me.

I think most of it was due to the fact that she just liked to see me flustered. She could make it happen very easily, too. All it took was a sly, under-the-breath comment in passing and my face was turning red.

She’d smile at me, enjoying the tint in my cheeks. I’d stare back at her, just glad to see her smile.

Four weeks in and I was entirely wrapped around her finger.

She wasn’t shy about flirting on cases either, though she was always really good about making sure the only thing anyone ever saw was me being a total dork.

I almost never tried flirting back. I was pretty terrible at it anyways. But there were occasions when I’d make an attempt.

We were working on a case that leaned heavily on the geographical profile, meaning: I spent the entire case in the precinct. I finally cracked it after a few days, and the team found themselves at a farm. One of my least favorite places for a case to be, leaving me very thankful that I wasn’t along for the search and rescue. I really only went to the farm because everyone else was there.

By the time that I actually got to the crime scene, the unsub had already been apprehended. So, I stood near the cars, waiting on the others to come back. It was several minutes before I heard Hotch and Derek walking up and talking to one another. I turned as the rest of the team followed several steps behind. Y/N came into view last, and I couldn’t help but let out a laugh as she walked closer.

She gave me an exasperated smile, throwing her arms up as I took her in. She was covered in dried mud, clearly having taken a fall somewhere gross.

“I tripped and fell while doing absolutely nothing. I feel like you, all clumsy,” she joked, laughing.

I smiled, looking her up and down.

“How are you still pretty covered in dirt?”

“You can’t do that,” she said quickly, looking over her shoulder. “Not right now, anyways.”

I scrunched up my face. She had been much more forwardly flirtatious on cases before now. I couldn’t fathom how this was any different, especially since all I did was make a flirty comment. I guess my facial expression could’ve conveyed more. I seemed to have a hard time concealing my feelings for her when she looked at me the way she did.

“Why?”

She looked behind her again, like she was keeping an eye out for someone. But the only person there was Morgan. Maybe she was afraid of him telling on us for flirting on the job. But he was the one that relentlessly flirted with everyone else. Why would he be coming after us? Maybe she didn’t know that well enough.

“Morgan flirts with people all the time. He’s not going to—”

“Spencer,” she groaned, grabbing my arm and pulling me behind the SUV.

I furrowed my brow again. “What?”

“If I tell you something, you have to promise not to get weird about it.”

“Get… Weird?”

“Like, don’t be all freaked out,” she clarified.

“Okay,” I said, unsure where this was heading.

She cleared her throat, stealing one more glance at him. She looked back at me, chewing her lip with a coy smile. I had a feeling that now wasn’t the time, but I blushed, unable to stop myself from fully taking her in. Luckily, my upstairs brain started working again just in time to give all my attention to her as she started speaking.

“I’m sure this will make things a little awkward,” she stated, sighing softly, “but, he and I… Uh, Derek and I, we have a history.”

I quirked a brow. “Oh? How?”

She stared at me, expecting me to take a hint that I was most certainly not picking up on.

“We… We were involved. Romantically.”

My brows shot up. “Oh.”

“Yeah. It was only like five months, really, but,” she shrugged. “That happened. Hence why it’s been a little awkward between us.”

She said that bit like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but I hadn’t been any the wiser about it. Maybe it was just another case of me being a little more oblivious than some of my coworkers about behaviors that didn’t have to do with the job. Maybe I was just too enamored with her to pay attention to how she interacted with our coworker.

“I didn’t notice,” I said quietly.

“Good. I’ve been hoping to keep it on the down-low,” she said with a laugh. “I haven’t exactly wanted to endure teasing from the team about sleeping with Derek of all people.”

I swallowed, not having thought about the fact that she’d been… Physical with him. More so, that he’d gotten to be with her in that way. He’d seen her. Heard her. Felt her. All of her. I took in a breath, clearing my head of that image.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you sooner if I was going to keep flirting like this,” she said, suddenly a little shy as she shoved her hands in her pockets. “I know you two are close.”

“Yeah. I’m surprised he didn’t tell us about you.”

She laughed. “Our relationship wasn’t completely… A serious thing.”

“Serious enough to last five months.”

She snorted. “Most of the time we spent together wasn’t exactly romantic. He was great, but we both kind of used each other. Hard time in life for both of us back then.”

“Ah,” I said, nodding curtly. “So it was mostly, uh— Sexual?”

She smirked, looking away. “Not entirely just that. But that was a lot of it.”

I nodded again, feeling my cheeks flush. She nudged my arm, pulling my attention again.

“It’s been well over a year now since that all happened,” she said quietly. “I just… I don’t want to rock the boat right now. Being new to the unit, I should probably try my best to be on everyone’s good side, you know?”

“I get it. I’ll stop with the flirting,” I said, giving what I hoped was an affirming smile.

She furrowed her brow. “That’s not what I meant.”

“It isn’t?”

“The flirting is fine, I just think… Maybe we should keep it a little more quiet when we’re around the others,” she shrugged. “If that’s okay.”

“You’re okay with me— doing that?”

“Spencer, I don’t know if you know this, but you’re crazy hot.”

I was certainly blushing now. I swallowed, blinking in surprise as I looked at her. Her smile only grew. She enjoyed teasing me. I couldn’t say I didn’t like it just as much as she did.

“Uh, th-thank you?”

She rolled her eyes. “Quit acting so shy as if you don’t already know.”

My eyes widened. “I’m not acting.”

“Every woman who meets you flirts with you.”

“No they don’t,” I argued, my brows knitting together.

“Are you blind?”

“No,” I said, still in a state of confusion.

She laughed it off. “Alright, boy wonder, we’d better join the group. They’re gathering like vultures.”

I followed after her as she integrated into the group where they stood as Hotch spoke. She was so good at finding her way in. I was thrilled to see how she’d find her place in my life going forward.

In the following weeks, she gave me an idea of what that would look like. Stolen glances at every turn had my heart racing. It went even faster every time she found a way to touch me in some inconspicuous way.

A hand on my arm as she asked about the maps I was working on. A brush of fingers as she’d hand me a coffee cup. Her shoulder pressed into mine to whisper to me some detail of a case that really could’ve been said at full volume.

She usually didn’t step past those boundaries though, ever cautious not to let herself get caught out by anyone else. The comments she made towards me were still relentless, however. I didn’t know how she had it hidden so well.

I, however, had much more trouble hiding my attraction, and I was sure I’d heard some of my teammates whispering to each other about it. They’d give me knowing looks every time I got caught out staring at her. Even Morgan gave what seemed like mostly-good natured glances my way when I paid a bit too much attention to her. Probably only because he didn’t know that I knew about them, and even more likely didn’t want anyone else to know. It would be a tell-tale sign if he didn’t make fun of me.

It felt wrong to be keeping this odd little secret from him. I wasn’t necessarily sneaking around with his ex-girlfriend, but we were still flirting. We were still hiding something from him. I wondered how he’d react if he found out, and hoped for my sake that he was well and truly over it.

Especially after our last night on a case in Georgia. The summer air in the state was hot, and it felt like it was actively pulling air from my lungs every time I went outside. Maybe it was some kind of metaphor for what was to come.

I held back for hours from going to her door. The teasing had been terribly relentless the entire time we were on the case, and the week before. Tension was building, and I knew if I was easily picking up on it, she definitely had to be.

I paced around my room, contemplating my options. If I went to her, there was a chance we’d finally talk about whatever was happening between us. There was also a chance she’d tell me to leave if I attempted to tell her how I really felt, and I’d be left pining over her probably forever. Both were pretty scary.

Either way, I decided it was better than continuing to fall for her without having a real conversation about it. I walked to the door, my hand on the handle.

She stood just outside my door, her hand raised as if she was about to knock when I tugged it open. A smile graced her pretty lips, her hand dropping.

“Looks like we had the same idea,” she stated, pushing past me into my room. “Good timing.”

“It was.”

She chewed at her lip, looking around the space with her arms crossed. I stared at her as she took it all in, waiting for whatever was on her mind to be put out into the open. She looked back at me, apparently reading my mind.

“We’re both waiting on each other to speak up, huh?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“This is a ridiculous thing we’re doing right now. It’s like sneaking around with any of the fun parts,” she said with a laugh.

“I think it’s fun,” I shrugged.

“It could be more fun.”

I swallowed. “Yeah. But I’m happy just to have your attention.”

She smirked, walking towards me.

“I think you’re kind of needy.”

“Maybe.”

“It’s cute.”

I blushed, giving her a smile as I looked away. She still looked at me like she was about to devour me. I could sympathize with all of those animals I saw in nature documentaries as the predator closed in on them. It was in vivid color. She stalked closer and closer, knowing full well that my guard was down enough for her to launch an attack.

“You really enjoy this, don’t you?” I asked. “Knowing you make me flustered. Half of the time I can hardly talk when I’m around you. Everyone knows it, and they all think it’s one-sided.”

She leaned her chest into mine, surely able to feel how fast my heart beat for her.

“Are you embarrassed by it?”

“No.”

Her hands crept their way up under my shirt, leaving goosebumps in their wake as if her touch didn’t feel as hot as the sun. I watched her silently, letting her do whatever she wanted. She couldn’t asked me to jump out of the seventh-floor window with her and I would’ve gone head first without a question.

Panic only crept in when she started leaning in closer to my face, and I realized her lips were on a path that would end with mine.

“Wait,” I said, grabbing her wrists.

Her eyes widened, pulling her head back slightly.

“Are you okay?”

“I just don’t think this is a good idea,” I breathed out.

She retreated from me, and it was hard not to let my body follow hers. She was only a step away, but it felt like a continent’s worth of space. My fingers itched to reach out and pull her back in.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, eyes wandering over her face.

She swallowed. “I don’t know what you want, Spence. One minute you’re telling me you want me, the next you’re pushing me away.”

Logic kept trying to overtake my head. It was annoying.

“I can’t… You’re Morgan’s ex.”

She sighed. “I’m also a human being. I am my own person separate from him. One that is very attracted to you.”

I wet my lips, not missing how her eyes followed the action. I felt a fluttering in my stomach just watching her react. She smiled, as always, catching me in the act of being wildly into her. She took half a step forward.

“You’re telling me this is a bad idea, but every time I look at you I’m getting a different message.”

I swallowed. “I know.”

“So, which is it?”

“It is a bad idea,” I started, intending on making it a whole sentence, but not knowing what to say next.

“But?”

“But I don’t know if I care enough to stop it.”

She smirked again, not holding back this time. She reached up, pulling me down to her lips with her hands wrapped in my hair. I wound my arms around her waist, pulling her tightly into me. I relished feeling her body fully pressed against mine, especially when she let out a contented sigh as I deepened the kiss. She started guiding my backwards towards the bed, and I obliged her silent request until the backs of my knees were against the mattress.

“Sit,” she requested, the word whispered against my lips.

I did, peering up at her as she staying standing in between my legs. She grasped my chin in her soft hand, tilting up my head to see me.

“How sure about this are you?”

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully.

She smiled. “Good. I don’t either.”

She dropped into my lap, kissing me like we hadn’t even stopped in the first place. My hands gripped her hips for the first time, and she was everything I had daydreamed about. Soft and responsive. I couldn’t imagine being the one to let her go, and I found myself questioning Morgan’s judgment in that moment.

It made me feel even better every time she smiled or made a little comment about the ways I reacted to her. Usually I’d be embarrassed, but she just made me feel good.

“Sweet boy,” she mumbled against me, moving her lips from my jaw and down my neck.

My hands found themselves wandering across her back, and my eyes were practically stuck shut as I felt her lips against my skin. I could’ve died right then and there and been happy to go.

But a knock at the door sent us both into high alert. She sat up straight, looking towards the door.

I stood with her legs still wrapped around me before I turned and dropped her on the bed. She bounced on the mattress, looking up at me with a surprised smile.

“Just— Stay here and stay quiet. Please,” I said, then walked to the door, trying to frantically fix my hair.

I cleared my throat as I opened the door, forcing myself to not look like I was embarrassingly close to…

I shook myself out of that thought the second I saw Morgan. He definitely put an end to any sexy thoughts that clouded my head.

“Hey, kid, can I ask you something?”

I furrowed my brow. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I just… Do you know what’s been up with JJ? She’s been a little off. Won’t really talk to me, so I was wondering if she said anything to you.”

I let out a breath of relief. “No, she hasn’t told me anything. But I know Henry’s been pretty sick the past week. Maybe that’s it.��

“Hm,” he hummed, nodding slowly. “Alright, thanks. Just… Worried, you know?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “It’s JJ, though. She’ll be okay.”

“Right, yeah, I know,” he nodded again. “Alright. Thanks, again. You get some sleep tonight, alright?”

I nodded, bidding him a goodnight. I shut the door, seeing her on the bed still. She was propped up on her elbows, smirking at me.

“That ruin the mood?”

I locked the door.

“Not particularly.”

To my surprise, she ended up being the one who wanted to take it slow. We kissed for another hour or so when I got back within her reach, but didn’t go much further. Not that I was in a position to complain. I was ecstatic just to be touching her, and she somehow felt the same about me. I wasn’t sure I’d ever understand why that was.

She’d told me when I’d dropped onto the bed, crawling over top of her, that she didn’t want to go all the way. She said it so sweet. Almost like she was afraid of whatever answer I’d give to her. As if I’d say I didn’t want to kiss her all night long.

Besides, I was pretty sure I’d spontaneously combust if we had gone any further.

We woke up the next morning, still holding onto one another. She had changed into my t-shirt before she climbed into bed with me, and looked absolutely incredible with her messy bed-head and sleepy smile.

“Good morning,” she mumbled.

“It is a very good morning,” I said, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

Her hand pressed against my cheek, the smile spreading on her face as she looked at me.

“You’re adorable,” she said quietly, granting me another kiss.

I sighed. “I don’t think I want to stop this.”

“Why would we?” she asked with an incredulous smile.

“Because, I mean, we can’t tell anyone about us,” I said with a shrug. “I just thought you wouldn’t want to make this— A thing.”

She wet her lips. “We don’t have to tell anyone in order to be together.”

I contemplated that for a moment. I’d never considered having a completely private relationship. At least not with someone who wasn’t actively being stalked. That was an entirely different scenario. I guess to her, it was probably scary to get into a relationship with one of your ex’s best friends. I couldn’t blame her for that.

I took a breath. “You… You want to keep it a secret?”

She nodded. “If that’s okay with you.”

“I’ll do whatever you want,” I said with a nod, not bothering to filter my thoughts as they came out into the open.

She smiled. “Anything?”

“Almost. I draw the line at murder.”

She laughed. “Team’d catch you anyways.”

I laughed right back, giving her another kiss. She leaned into my touch, shyness creeping into her face.

“I do really like you, Spencer.”

I nodded. “I do too.”

“This’ll be great, you know?”

She smiled brightly, causing one to form on my face. She brushed my hair away from my face, just looking at me.

“Yeah. I know.”

…ANGELS ROLL THEIR EYES (part 2)

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid reader insert #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds reader insert #reid x y/n #reid x you #reid x reader

478 notes · View notes

hotforharrysheart · 2 years

Text

Playing With Toys Part 2

Although technically a day off between shows, you and Harry couldn’t really spend any time together because he had virtual meetings, and you were scheduled to have your first lesson from Gavin on how to run the new sound booth Harry had gifted you. It was state of the art and meant that you no longer needed to fly back to London to record your podcasts. And all that meant you didn’t have to be away from him. It simply traveled with the rest of the equipment.

You heft your knapsack on your shoulder and place your thumb on the infrared fingerprint pad on the lock to the sound booth. There was plenty of room for you and up to four guests. You sit at your spot and pull out your laptop, notepad and pen. Everything looked the same as the first time you saw it just a few days earlier. It was amazing how things could be moved from venue to venue and it never look like anything had changed. You were quickly learning how disorienting that fact could be; you had moments when you forgot what city you were in. You open your laptop just as you hear a knock at the door and roll your chair over to open the door and greet a smiling Gavin.

“You ready to become the next soundboard expert?” He asks with a friendly smile.

You raise your eyebrows. “I’m ready, Gavin. Thank you so much for helping me! This is a little more involved than the set up I have in London, so I’m ready to tackle this beast and get some work done.”

“Well, alright then, let’s get started.” He pulls one of the other office chairs around to sit next to you. “Go ahead and put on the headset so you can get used to talking and listening through it, I find that helps orient you to the system.” He shows you the volume, how to adjust the mic and the basic operation – much of the same things that Harry had shown you earlier. It did help to have the headsets on when it came to keeping oriented to the sensitivity of the system.

Forty-five minutes later and you had a pretty good understanding of the way the board worked with the computer. “Why don’t we practice recording something before I head out,” Gavin says pointing toward the record button.

He clicks around on the computer desktop and furrows his brows, “Looks like there’s an external drive in the USB port.”

You frown and shrug your shoulders, click on the file, and run the play arrow to about half-way through the recording and release the button. Suddenly, you hear Harry’s voice saying, “Gonna cum for me?” and then your whimper, “Yes, only for you…”

“Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god!” you immediately begin clicking on the play button that is actually the pause button and you’re pausing and playing, pausing and playing. You’re absolutely frantic to stop the recording. The heat begins in your ears and the next thing you know your face is on fire with the temperature of your entire body changing to volcanic.

Gavin sucks his lips in trying to contain his laughter and simply takes off his headset and reaches up to use the touchscreen monitor to press the stop button.

You slap both hands on your face and begin bouncing your knees up and down. “I could absolutely die, just die right here!” You mumble through your hands only daring to peek at him through your parted fingers.

He’s kept it professional for as long as he can before the chuckle escapes. He simply reaches over, pulls out the thumb drive that contains the offending recording, and hands it to you and says, “Happens to the very best of us…might wanna make sure you remember this next time.”

“Oh my god, I may never be able to face you again!” You whisper-shout with a squeal, “I could just die!”

Gavin grins and says, “Well don’t do that, Harry would never forgive me…don’t worry about it. How about we stop for the day and you practice for a while. You can text me if you have any questions.”

You nod and thank him again, but you don’t dare meet his gaze or even stand to walk him out the door. Once the door shuts behind him you break out into a weird grin, then a giggle…and finally, it just hits, hysterical laughter, not because things are funny, but because your level of anxiety just bubbled out that way. You cross your arms on the desk and bury your face in your elbow. Just about that time you hear the notification on your phone of an incoming text message from Harry. Shaking and trembling, you search for your phone.

You breathe in and out slowly through your nose to calm yourself down some. After a minute you feel better. At least you’re not shaking. You grab your phone and see that you have a text from Harry saying that he’s on his way to see you. You can’t help but giggle. Oh boy, he’s gonna get a kick out of this story. You shake your head…you still can’t believe that happened. Jesus. Just then, you hear the lock whirring and then you see him come through the door.

“Hey baby,” he says, coming over and leaning down to give you a soft kiss.

“Hi.” You pick up the thumb drive and hold it out to him. “Look familiar?”

He smiles.

Yeah, he recognizes it, you think. “So…funny story. I had my sound board tutorial with Gavin today.”

“Yeah? It go well?”

“Mmmm…well, he’s a great teacher. Everything went great until he chose to use the thumb drive that was already there to do some practice.��

His eyebrows go up and then his mouth drops open.

“Yeah…,” you rub your hands down the sides of your face, “Sooo he heard some of the stuff we recorded the other day. I was so embarrassed!”

“Awww, baby I really am sorry,” he says, trying not to laugh. “Ya got ta hear it though, yeah?”

You nod, “Some of it….”

“Was it sexy?”

“Harry! That’s not the point!” You call out whacking his side.

“I know, bu’ I still wanna know.”

You lean forward to kiss him and he smiles against your lips. “It was very, very sexy. It would’ve been a lot sexier if Gavin hadn’t been here.”

He kisses you again. “Can we listen?”

You smile and nod, “Lock that door for god’s sake.” Then your phone rings and you look at the number. “Hold on, baby this is my doctor. One second.”

He nods, but he pulls you from your chair onto his lap, lips kissing your neck. He listens at your one-sided conversation, just enjoying your smell.

You disconnect the call and sigh. “Fuck! I..I have to go back to London.”

“Wha’ for?” he frowns with concern.

You sigh again. “It’s time for my birth control shot and I totally forgot or I would’ve gone last week. I’m so sorry, honey. I know I just got back,” you whine.

It’s his turn to sigh. “‘S’ok. I’ll come with ya.”

“You can’t, H! It’s the day after tomorrow and you have a show.”

He frowns. He doesn’t like this at all. Not one bit. “Bu’ everythin’s ok right? Jus’ gettin’ ya shot? Nothin’ else righ’?”

You kiss him quickly. “Just a yearly and my birth control. Should be fine.”

“I shoul’ be there wi’ ya. Ya get pumped full of hormones fo’ tha both of us, wish I could take care of ya.”

You smile. He really is the sweetest man. “You’re so sweet and I love you so much,” you say kissing him.

“Mmmm…love ya s’much. I’ll make all ya arrangements an’ we’ll get ya back ta me as soon as possible. An’ we’re gonna get ya set up wi’ my doctor so ya can get seen where ever we are, yeah?”

“Mmmm…that sounds good. Thank you.”

***the next morning***

You’re all packed up and your case is by the door. Harry sneaks over and slowly unzips your case and places your remote toy and some of your favorite lingerie in your bag and quietly zips it up. He knows you’ll say that you don’t need it, but he also knows that you’ll need to be relaxed for your appointment and you’ll call him needy and wanting him to help you relax.

“H?” You call from the bedroom.

“Be right there!” He smirks as he walks to the bedroom.

He insists on riding with you to catch your flight, so you’re both sat in the back of the car attempting to say your final good-byes.

“I thought we weren’t going to have to do this…I hate leaving you and to have to leave to go the gyno, ugh,” you look out the window trying to hide your expression, “But I really do appreciate Dr. Wallis and his nurse agreeing to an afterhours appointment. I cannot imagine having this visit plastered on social media. That would be worse than the Gavin lesson.”

“Tha’s why ‘m gonna get ya set up wi’ my doc, so ya don’ ‘ave ta worry,” he says pulling your face back toward his. He offers an expression of understanding and devotion. “I mean… hope ya know tha’ I really do wish I could be there, an’ tha’…I recognize tha’ you do this fo’… us, I mean… take the fuckin’ shot myself if I could so ya don’ ‘ave to.”

You cup his cheek and smile softly, “Aww, sweet boy, I know you would, honestly the shot’s not a big deal… now the exam,” you shiver, “dreading, dreading…thank god, it only has to happen once a year. I’ll have a glass of wine before I go tonight that’ll help hopefully.”

He leans over to give you a gentle kiss, “Text me when ya land?”

“Yes, I’ll miss you, but I’ll see you after the show tomorrow night. Miss me?”

“Massively,” he says running his hand up your neck into your hair. “Miss me?”

“Madly,” you say closing your eyes and leaning your head against his hand.

After the final “I love yous” and “just one last kiss,” you make your way on board and settle in for the flight. You let out a long breath. “Be glad when this is all over,” you say to an empty cabin.

***London***

You stumble your way into the house with your case rolling behind you and a knapsack on your back. Plopping your pack down on the couch you check your watch. You have five hours before the car arrives to take you to Dr. Wallis’ office. “Shower!” You say to yourself grabbing your wheelie case and making your way to the bedroom. You stop for a moment when you get to the bedroom and look at the bed fondly. So many talks, laughs and so much love made there, with Harry. Still seems like a dream sometimes. Hoisting the case onto the bed, you stop and run downstairs for that glass of wine you’re desperate for. You grab your knapsack and carry it and the wine up the stairs. You open it and plug your laptop in and reach for the zipper on your case. There’s a black velvet drawstring bag tucked on the top. You smile to yourself knowing that there will be something sexy from Harry in there. Inside is your favorite navy-blue lace body suit with a split crotch with delicately placed flowers on the bra cups. The memories associated with it cause you to pull it close to your chest. The last time you wore this Harry had you laid out on this very bed as he pulled orgasm after orgasm out of you with his fingers and his tongue. You feel your pussy clench at the thought and can’t help squeezing your thighs together tighter. You pick up the velvet bag and turn it upside down and the remote toy falls out. You suck in your lips and look at it for a moment before you move and pick up your phone to text Harry.

You: Someone left a surprise in my bag…

Harry: What kind?

You: Sexy surprise…thank you (you attach a close-up of the lace on the bodysuit)

Harry: Call me in 30?

You: Yes

Harry: Video, and next time be wearing the lace

You: Yes, sir.

You check your watch and take a big gulp of your wine. You stop long enough to light two candles, Mahogany Teakwood and place them and the toy on the bedside table. You also lay out the navy lace before skipping off to the shower. Clipping your hair up, you turn on the towel warmer and jump in the shower to and make quick work of washing and shaving. Dried off you walk stark naked into the bedroom, it smells incredibly sexy, and put on the body suit. You set up your laptop and settle back on the pillows with your glass of wine and your dirty thoughts and wait for his call.

You receive a text and say a silent prayer that it’s not work related because you aren’t about to handle any distractions at the moment. It’s from Harry.

Harry: Put the toy in

You: Ok

Harry: I’ll call in 5 minutes, be ready

You lie back against the pillows, pull up your knees and spread your legs. You run your finger along the split crotch and settle the lace straps on either side of your pussy. You’re so wet. You take the pink toy and run it along your slit, circling your clit. Suddenly, it pulses slowly. “Mmmm…” you moan, startled. You circle your clit again as you close your eyes and your back arches. Then it stops. “Humph!” Your eyes fly open and you look down your body and hold it up like you could suddenly make it work again. Then it begins to pulse a little stronger and you immediately use it to gather some wetness and circle your clit again. The laptop starts indicating an incoming call. You put the toy on your tummy and reach over to accept the call.

“Why isn’t inside ya?” Harry’s face and torso fill the screen, he’s shirtless and wearing a pair of black silk lounge pants. He too is resting against the bed at the hotel.

“Well, hello to you too,” you respond.

“Hi baby, please put ma toy inside ya and lemme watch. Ya look s’fuckin’ sexy on ma screen.”

You place the laptop in front of you and between your legs. “Can you see everything?” You ask him.

He gulps. “Yeah, move it back jus’ a bit mo’.”

“Like this?”

“‘S good. Fuck, ya look good.”

You smirk. “Thank you. Ready baby?”

He nods and watches intently as you take the toy from your tummy and trail it down your slit.

“Mmmm…I’m so wet Harry. I bet it’ll slide right in.”

“Shit…put it in. Wanna see.”

You slowly put it in and you hear him groan.

“Fuck! ‘S it feel good?”

You nod. “Yes,” you say breathily.

“Good.”

You sigh as you meet his eyes on the monitor. As sexy as this is, you wish you were there with him. You gasp as the vibrations start and your eyes close.

“Eyes on me, please.”

You open your eyes. Your hands are already gripping the sheets and your hips are moving against the sheets.

“God…I wish ya could see yaself. Look s’good squirming fo’ me.”

You can just see his finger moving on his phone controlling the toy, moving the intensity down and then up, never quite giving you what you need.

He smirks and then sets the toy on the lowest setting and then off.

“Harry!”

“Talk to me, darling. Tell me how ya feel.”

“Mmmm…can still feel it. If I move, I think I can cum.” You move your hips. “Ahhhh…ahhh…ahhh…oh god.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop moving love.”

“Ungh…” You say, but stop moving.

“Good girl. Touch ya tits fo’ me.”

You slide the lace cups down and cup your breasts for him.

“Fuck ya tits’re amazin’. Pinch ya nipples. Make it feel good. Imagine my hands…know ya love my hands.”

“Mmmm…your hands are so good baby. Nothing feels as good as your hands,” you say circling your nipples and then pinching them. “Ahhhh! Mmmm…”

“Do it again.”

So you do.

“Harder.”

You puff out a breath but pinch then pinch them hard.

Just as you pinch them, he turns the toy back on at a medium speed and you cry out, closing your eyes.

“Mmmmm…yes, yes, yes!”

And then it’s gone again. “Unghhhh!”

“Eyes on me or I’m turning it off. Understand?”

You meet his eyes. “Yes.”

“Good girl. Ready?”

You nod.

He turns it back on to the lowest setting. “Gonna start slow. Tell me how it feels.”

“Mmmm…it’s almost touching our spot, baby. It…uh…feels good. Can I move, please Harry?”

He groans. You asking him for permission is almost more than he can handle. “Killin’ me, darling. Yeah, ya can move.”

You start moving your hips and then he moves the speed to medium high. “Ahhhh! Hahhhh! Oh oh oh!” Your hands fly to the bed and grip the sheets.

“Ya close I can tell.” He moves the controls so the intensity goes from medium high to high.

“Ahhh! Ahhhh! I’m…ohhhhh…cumming! Harry!” Your eyes close as you lose yourself to the vibrations. Your chest is heaving up and down and your knees have closed together and swayed to one side as the last of the tremors run through your body.

“Babe, ‘m gonna call ya, ya think ya can hold the phone to ya ear?”

You nod and reach for your phone.

“Kay, don’ close the laptop, I just wanna hear ya better.”

The phone rings and you take the call, “Hiiii,” you say panting and swaying your knees back and forth.

“Hii sweet’eart, did s’good fo’ me, s’fuckin’ sexy, how ya feelin’?” You can hear the smile in his voice, then you remember you can look down and see him too. When your eyes meet his on the screen, he lifts his hand from his tummy and does a little wave, “Hiii, d’ya forget I’m right here?”

You giggle and stretch like a cat, “Yeah, ‘m a ‘lil brainless at the moment….”

His head falls to one side, just looking at you, he smiles, “God I miss ya. Thought this would make bein’ apart easier, but ‘m no’ s’sure, jus’ makes me…miss ya…wanna touch ya,” he says rubbing his hand up and down his abdomen.

“Yeah, it always feels weird to be in bed without you. But Harry, you didn’t…I mean…was it…Did you like it? I mean, you were… had to hold the phone so you didn’t…” you stammer softly

“Jesus babe, ‘m so so hard, but ‘ll be fine,” he whispers through the phone.

“But I wanna…I mean…would you…,” you whisper back looking at him, meeting his eyes, “why am I nervous suddenly?”

“Dunno, ya can ask me anythin’.”

“I wanna watch you,” you say sitting up straighter on the bed. You moan as the toy shifts inside you.

“Can ya still feel it inside?”

“Mmm-hmm…did you hear me H?”

“Yeah, heard ya,” he says smirking.

“Ya know if I were there, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you. Will you show me?” you ask leaning your head to one side.

“Never done anythin’ like this,” he says palming his cock through the silky pants.

“Do you want me to hang up?”

“No, no, need ta hear ya in my ear,” he says shaking his head and meeting your eyes with a smirk.

“Harry, can you show me my hard cock?” you whisper seductively.

He pulls his silky pants down to his hips and his hard cock lays over on his thigh. He looks up at you.

“Go on, H, hold it for me, please… I need to know you can feel it like it’s my hands.”

You see him squeeze the phone a little tighter as he reaches down to wrap his fist around his hard member.

“Run your thumb over the head, is it wet there?” you ask and then bite your bottom lip.

He groans running his thumb along the drippy head. His nails are painted pink and his thumb has a little chip on the corner, for some reason that chipped thumbnail that has his wetness on it is the most erotic sight you could ever imagine.

“Yeah, ‘m fuckin’ leakin’, babe, want inside ya s’bad,” he grits out through a clenched jaw and closed eyes.

You open your legs to the camera and press on the toy, “This help?”

He opens his eyes and fists his hand tight on his cock, “Still wet fo’ me?”

“God, yes, Harry. You hard for me?”

“Fuckin’ hell, love!” he jacks his hand two times and leans his face closer to the camera.

You press the toy two times and moan into the phone. “I can feel you, H… my heart is racing and my pussy is aches for you…don’t stop, please.” Your hips are swiveling and he is fisting himself hard.

“I can see your tummy flexing; does it feel good?” you ask.

“Yeah, can feel ya, don’ stop talkin’… ya gonna cum on my toy?” he mutters.

“Yes, Harry, I’m gonna cum again because I’m watching you, please keep going. It’s my hand, do you want me to go faster?”

He closes his eyes and rests his head back on the pillow, “Baby, s’good, please cum wi’ me, don’ wanna go withou’ ya…not tha same if I can’ hear ya…”

“Eyes on me, Harry, can you go faster for me? Squeeze tighter. I wish my tongue was there, Jesus, I want my mouth on you,” you whimper into the phone. “I can see you, babe, I’m gonna cum, I can’t stop it.”

“Fuck babe, cum wi’ me, cum wi’ me… Uhhhh… Unnngh!”

You swivel your hips once, then twice and then clamp down on the toy and the contractions begin, the pulsing tremors of orgasm explode, just as Harry spurts all over his tummy. The phone drops from his shoulder and you’re both panting messes. Just as he rolls his eyes open and looks over to you, you pull the toy out.

“Christ, babe, ya ok?” he says on a deep exhale.

“Yeah, I don’t wanna let you go,” you say with a soft pouting sound.

He smiles a understanding smile with soft, sad eyes.

“And I really don’t wanna go to the doctor, but thank god my body is relaxed,” you say meeting his stare

“I love ya.”

“I love you too.”

“Call me tonight when ya get back?”

“Yeah, I’ll call, I’m gonna go grab a quick shower before I leave. Thank you for…this…you always know just what I need and how to take care of me.”

You say your good-byes almost in tears, something about this situation is making you emotional, maybe it’s the anticipation of your visit with Dr. Wallis – you just wish that Harry was here to hold your hand.

While you’re taking your lingerie off you get an idea. You stop and make a quick call to a friend to make a date to have brunch and to do some quick lingerie shopping the next day before your trip back to Harry. You’re gonna make sure when he gets to the hotel tomorrow night, he’ll find you ready to rock his world.

Your appointment was fine. Uncomfortable, but tolerable, as tolerable as those appointments always were. You get your shot and let them know that someone would be calling for your medical records at some point.

Brunch with your best friend, Bella, in London was fun and you both had so much fun picking out lingerie and catching up that you truly were sad to leave her. She dropped you off at the airport and then you were on the private jet and heading back to Harry.

You’re tired when the jet lands. Dr. Wallis said that might be a side effect so you decide to skip the show and take a nap instead. You wake up around 10 pm and start to get ready. Hair, makeup, the works. You slip the yellow lacy bustier and matching garter on, forgo panties and look in the mirror. It holds you in perfectly - pushing your breasts up and tummy in. You pull up your stockings and hook them to the straps on the garter. You check your reflection in the mirror and fluff your hair. You hear your phone ping and know that’s a text from Harry that he’s on the way. You text him back quickly with shaking fingers that you can’t wait to see him and then arrange yourself on the bed sideways almost flat on your back arms above your head with your knees slightly bent.

A few minutes later you hear the door to the hotel open.

“Baby? Ya ‘ere?” He doesn’t hear a response, so he wonders if you feel asleep. He opens the door to the bedroom and sees the lit candles and you laying on the bed and his mouth drops open in surprise and desire.

“Miss me?” You ask softly.

“Missed ya s’much,” he says, moving to lay next to you on the bed, his hand moving slowly over your breasts and down your sides. “Ya look amazin’…where’d ya get this?”

You shiver as his fingers move over the sensitive skin of your armpits. “Got it today in London. I’m addicted to lingerie now.”

He puffs out a breath as his hands move back down your body. “Fuck’s sake darling…’m addicted to ya…in lingerie or out.”

You smile and arch your back, pushing your breasts out. “Show me how much you missed me.”

He runs his hand down your torso his eyes following the trail of his hand. He stops to finger the intricate seams and lace on the bustier. “Pretty,” he says following the line of the garter straps to the top of your stockings, “Mmmm…missed ya s’smuch, but how d’ya feel? Did some readin’ an’ the website said ya might not feel s’good,” he says searching your eyes.

“I was a little tired when I first got back so I took a nap, but I feel fine now, wait, you did research?” you say cupping his face.

He shrugged, “Jus’ wanna know what’s goin’ in my girlfriend’s body, wanna know ya safe.”

“Thank you, that’s very sweet, but I’m good and you haven’t even kissed me yet,” you say with a pout.

“How abou’ I start ‘ere,” he says picking up your hand and kissing the inside of your wrist, “An’ then ‘ere,” he kisses the inside of your elbow.

You shiver and break out in goosebumps, “I missed your touch. I know it’s only been a day, but yesterday was so…intense…and I couldn’t stop thinking about you, your touch, your smell, the weight of your body on mine,” you blush and meet his stare, “the feel of you…inside me…”

He runs his hand up your neck and pulls your head to his for a slow kiss. He starts with several short pecks smacking your lips when he pulls away, then he slants his head, “Open fo’ me, love, need ta kiss ya proper.” He opens his mouth and darts his tongue out before he’s even hit your lips. His tongue slides in over the top of yours and he curls it up to lick the roof of your mouth. You swipe yours along his bottom lip and teeth, he groans and scoots his body closer. “Taste s’good, never enough,” he murmurs against your lips.

“I always want more of you, Harry, I wanna crawl up inside here,” you say placing your hand over his heart.

“Ya there already, always wi’ me…always…” he whispers resting his forehead against yours.

Tugging at his shirt. “Take this off, H.”

“He sits up long enough to cross his arms and pull his t-shirt off; you immediately go to the button and zipper of his jeans as he kicks his Vans off.

He strips down to nothing and you can’t take your eyes off him. He’s running his hand up your thigh and around to the back to feel your bare bottom. Groaning, “Nothin’ on under here,” he says ducking his head to try and look at the little gap between your legs.

You offer an innocent smile and shake your head.

“Jesus Fuckin’ Christ, babe, turn over.”

You turn over and the corset of the bustier ends just below your waist and the white garter straps rest on either side of your bum. Your stockings have seams down the back and the garter snaps have little black satin bows attached. It’s quite a sight and Harry is studying the curve of your bum and the softness of your thighs. He slips a hand along one thigh and up to place where it meets your bum and then between your legs where his cool rings scratch your skin. “Ya wet fo’ me?”

You kick up one leg and raise up on your elbows looking over your shoulder. “Why don’t you tell me…sir?”

He taps your bum, “Don’t get cheeky…” Then he leans down and places a open-mouthed kiss on your bum cheek

“Ooo…” you moan, fluttering your lashes.

He looks up and sees the little pink band aid on your arm from your shot and he runs his finger across it, then he leans over, licks his lips and kisses over the spot. “Thank ya,” he says softly, “fo’ coverin’ us, I love ya,”

You drop your head onto your shoulder, touched by the gesture, “I love you, make love to me, please.”

He wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you in tight, tossing his leg over the back of one of yours settling it between them. His hand runs up the back of your neck where he stops to rub it between his thumb and forefinger. You roll your head forward enjoying the massage. He kisses your shoulder and you turn your head wanting his mouth on yours. The kisses are soft and tender, until you’re both breathless and you turn to angle your body toward his. He pulls one of the shoulder straps down on and kisses his way along your collarbone.

“As much as I love ya in this, really hope ya don’ mind if I undress ya, wanna feel ya skin tanight.”

You untangle from him and sit back against the pillows on the bed. He unclips first one and then the other of one garter and slowly slides the stocking down your leg. You lay your head back and enjoy the feel of his fingertips leaving a heated trail down your thighs and legs. He stops to leave several soft kisses along the way. “So soft…smell so good. Couldn’ sleep fo’ shit las’ night. Nothin’ ‘ere smells like ya.” He removes the other stocking, kissing the inside of your ankle.

You slide off the bed and he sits on the side with you between his legs. You lean forward and kiss him, “Unhook me?” you say turning around.

He nods then holds your waist still for a moment, “This s’really beautiful, feel like ‘m unwrapping a gift, don’t wan’ ya ta think I don’ love ya in it jus’ cause ‘m takin’ it off.”

“So sweet…” you say leaning down to kiss him holding your hair to one side.

He makes quick work of unhooking the fastening and slipping the bustier and garter off you. You turn back around and then he wraps his arms around you and pulls you in tight to him, burying his face between your breasts.

You run your fingers through his hair, “Sorry, I missed the show.”

“’S fine, everyone missed ya, ‘specially me, c’mere, love,” he says pulling you in to straddle on his lap. “Jesus, feel s’good…” he whispers against the skin on your neck. He works his way down your neck to your breasts where he takes a nipple in his mouth and gently sucks. You roll your head back enjoying the sensation, ready for just a little more, but he stops.

“Harry, don’t stop, want more…” you plead.

“Babe, are ya sore?” he asks searching your eyes.

“No, it’s sensitive and I want you.”

“What abou’ here?” he says running his fingers along your wet pussy.

“Ahh…No, just want you, I’m not gonna break, please, don’t make me beg,” you whimper.

He flips you over on the bed and balances on his knees between your legs. Propped on one arm he runs his fingers down your body to your mound where he runs his finger up and down your slit applying a little pressure over your clit. “S’wet.” He leans down to kiss you, “Gonna kiss it, make it better.” He slides down your body and settles his shoulders between your legs and places a tender kiss to your clit and then runs his tongue over it before kissing it again. With his pointer finger her runs his fingertip through the wetness and circles your entrance. He’s watching your every expression.

“Feels good,” you say meeting his eyes, “More…”

He presses his finger in to the second knuckle and raises and eyebrow to which you shift your hips down to take in more of his finger. “Yesssss,” you say relieved. “Please find our spot.”

He groans and curls his finger gently searching for that spongy spot that’s brought you both so much pleasure. When he finds it, you mewl and arch your back, “Oh my god…” you trail off, bringing the back of your hand to your mouth.

“Lemme hear ya, baby, please, love ya sounds.”

You suck in a deep breath as he picks up the pace on that special spot. Your toes are curling and your abs are fluttering.

“Come on, baby, cum fo’ me, don’ hold it back, wan’ ya really wet fo’ me so I can slide right in” he says accent thick and voice low.

That does it and you don’t hold back, the orgasm rolls and rolls.

“There’s ma girl… give me it all…”

“Harry, come up here,” you pull at his shoulders and whine, “please, please come up here and be with me.”

“I’m here, I’m here, love.”

“Please, I’ve waited long enough…” you plead kissing behind his ear.

“Look at me,” he says reaching down to swipe his hard cock through your wetness before lining up at your entrance and pushes in slowly.

You do wince once and he stops. “Keep going…” you gasp.

He pushes the rest of the way in and settles for a moment, “Ya good?”

You nod, “So good, just a twinge…make love to me, need to feel you moving.”

He kisses your forehead and simply says, “Move wi’ me.” You both begin push and pull dance that is only yours. “So warm an’ wet, babe, s’it feel good?”

“Yes,” you say and pull your knees up high on his hips. This pulls him deeper and you feel that twinge again, but it goes away with the rush of arousal that coats your channel. He leans down and sucks on your right nipple and pops it from his mouth, “Mmmm…yesss,” you cry out. He swivels his hips and you groan, “Don’t stop, H,” you whisper and swivel with him.

“Fuck babe, do that again.”

You swivel with him, “Gonna cum…need to cum.”

“Do it, cum wi’ me.”

Both of your movements become sloppy and the sound of your breathing and moans fill the air around you. “Ahhh, Hahhh…Ahh…!” You wrap your legs tight around his lower back.

“Unnnghh,” Harry stills on a thrust and you can feel his legs twitching as he holds himself deep. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I fuckin’ love ya so fuckin’ much.”

“I love you too, baby, so much,” you say breathing rapidly. You shiver.

“Hold on and we’ll get ya under the blanket. He pulls back and gapes when he looks down and sees the pink stain on the sheets, “Jesus, babe! Why didn’ ya say I was hurtin’ ya!” He’s scrambling off you quickly.

“What? You didn’t hurt me,” you prop up on your elbows.

“I think ya bled,” he says running his hand down your thigh.

You sit up trying to see what he’s pointing out, “He did say that there could be some bleeding from the exam, but I’ve never had a problem.” You close your thighs quickly and try to wrap your arms around your knees looking over to one side.

He ducks his head down trying to meet your eyes, “Ya, ok?”

“Just…slightly embarrassed. Let me up and I’ll clean up,” you say, moving trying to scoot to the edge of the bed.

“Stop.”

“I’ll just strip the bed and call the front desk…”

He puts one hand on your knee and the other under your chin to pull your eyes up to him. “Babe, stop. Jus’ stay righ’ ‘ere. Lemme take care of ya,” he leans down to kiss your temple.

“Harry, this is…” you start to say.

“A part of bein’ in love, an’ I wanna clean ya up. Jus’ trust me, ’kay?”

You nod and offer a crooked smile.

He heads to the en suite and you hear the water running and he returns with a warm wet washcloth.

“Lie back, love.”

You do as he asks and he runs the warm cloth over the inside of your thighs and through your folds. He’s gentle and keeps his eyes running from where he’s working to your face. “Ya, ok?”

“Yeah, just sensitive.”

“S’it hurt?” he asks.

You shake your head no.

“Fuckin’ kills me…”

You grab his hand between your legs, “Harry, I’m fine…my body was made for yours…you’ll never hurt me,” you nod down to your hands on the washcloth, “Thank you for taking care of us…for taking care of me.” Your eyes are glassy.

“Ya belong ta me, take care of wha’s mine. I love ya s’much.”

He finishes cleaning you up and gently pulls you to the edge of the bed. “Stay here, yeah?”

You nod and watch as he pulls on his joggers and then you hear him on the phone in the living area asking for fresh sheets. A few minutes later you hear the knock on the door and his raspy thank you. He comes back in with the fresh linens and sets them down. He picks up up and places you on the chair and you watch as he changes the sheets and you think about how lucky you are to find someone like Harry. You can’t help the tears as they gather in your eyes and you vow to hug Anne extra hard next time you see her and thank her for raising such a wonderful man.

He’s finally done and he takes the dirty sheets and places them in the hallway to be collected. He sees you wiping tears and comes to stand in front of you. “Y’ok?”

You nod. “I just love you is all. Can I have a cuddle?”

He smiles. “‘S my line innit?”

You giggle. “I’m stealing it.”

“C’mere, give ya all the cuddles ya wan’, know tha’.” You stand up and he pulls you to him hugging you tight. “Love ya,” he says into your neck and you smile because you know he really does. “Love you too, Harry,” you whisper.

#original content #harry smut #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfiction #friends to lovers #playing with toys part 2

66 notes · View notes

nyctarian · 2 years

Text

the way i made a bookmark folder for all the wrestling posts i wanted to tag wrestlefave but then i

so now i havent gone through it again for like a week bc. woof thats gonna be effort

#when i next get locked in on half listening to a podcast and need something to do at the same time it Will get like 1/5 done #personal

4 notes · View notes

ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years

Note

*busts in the door* ANTONI SUFFERING PROMPTS? may I offer any combo of 8: pour salt in my muse’s wound(s), 5: drug my muse, and/or 23: trip my muse for my favorite ashtray 😍

One Two Three Four Five

CW: Burns, salt in wound, cigarette smoking, internal and external dehumanization, pet whump, emeto mention

"Sssshhhh." His whimpers have gotten too loud again, and there's a hand in his hair, rough petting that feels more like another kind of violence, opening new wounds. It's Quiet One crouched in front of him, head tilted, eyes sparkling in the graying darkness as dawn comes closer and closer. "Hold still. There we go. Good boy."

A shiver of pleasure runs down his spine, the simple pure sense of doing what he is trained to do, made to do. Made for, what he wanted, to make up for whatever sins are buried deep inside his ruined memory.

"How do you know all this shit, anyway? Not just the movie. They didn't get into half this shit in the movie." Deep-Voice is back in the wrecked kitchen, going through cabinets with doors that hang off broken hinges.

The ashtray is in what was the living room, his hands tied behind him with his own t-shirt, ripped to long strips. He's sweating, even in the chilly empty room, sitting up but slumped over. They've tied one bit of his shirt around his neck with a little bow.

A droplet of sweat runs down his collarbone, dips over his chest, finds a new burn and the ashtray hisses, biting on his lower lip to kill the sound until he feels blood burst free of him again. How many times has he bitten his lip tonight?

Lookout sits over by the front door, miraculously still intact right down to its frosted glass panels. He keeps looking outside and then back, chain-smoking, one cigarette after another even after his face seems green around the edges. There are five from him, five new circles of pain for the ashtray to focus on.

Three with his eyes sparkling, two with a growing uncertainty. Then Lookout went and threw up outside in the bushes someone had once carefully landscaped along the front of the house. He had to be convinced to stop panicking over DNA, Quiet One had to lecture him on not listening to the fucking true crime podcasts any longer.

They're not gonna test your goddamn puke, asshole. Besides, does that look like somebody who's gonna call a fucking detective? Get back in here.

Now Lookout sits by the door, and the butts of the cigarettes he has already finished lay scattered around his shoes.

"My uncle," Quiet One says, using the ashtray's hair to lift his head again, looking over the glazed, empty obedience written alongside the suffering, worn openly on his face. "Works for WRU. They're not supposed to talk about it, sign like the world's most ironclad NDA, but he tells me stories sometimes."

"Ron?" That's Lookout, voice shaking. He looks like he wants to throw up again. The ashtray blinks at him, dazedly. How can he look sick when the ashtray is the one whose skin is burning for his crimes? "Ron works for-"

"Hey! What the fuck did I say about names?" Quiet One rolls his eyes. Deep Voice comes back in, shoes crunching on glass and rocks and bits of crumpled paper and everything else that's been dragged in here over time. He crouches next to Quiet One, holding out a thick cylindrical... something.

The ashtray's eyes can't focus enough to understand.

"Look what I found," Deep Voice says, softly.

Quiet One grins. "Oh, yeah. Do it, man."

Deep Voice flips open a little metal thing along the cylinder's lid, and the ashtray's eyebrows furrow, confused. His thoughts move slowly, fighting through deep water.

He realizes what it is just as Deep Voice tips the canister of salt and pours it over the new constellation they've made on his stomach, reaching out with his other hand to rub circles, pressing the grit deeply into the burns.

The ashtray's back arches, every muscle locked, choked sounds coming from a throat that won't open enough for a scream. Quiet One keeps a hand in his hair to hold him still, watching with bright avid eyes, glittering with fascination as he looks at the veins in the ashtray's neck standing out, the blood smeared along his chin from his lower lip.

"Jesus Christ," Quiet One says, softly. "You're fucking gorgeous, buddy, you know that?"

"What if he gets, like, infected from this?" Lookout asks, hands shaking so hard he drops the lighter when he tries to light up again. "And like. Dies?"

"What if he does?" Quiet One shrugs one shoulder. "Sucks to be him, then, I guess." His eyes move over the ashtray's face, watching with intensity as Deep Voice pours salt on another set of burns, listening to the ashtray's hitched sobs, watching the tears track through dirt down his cheeks. "Fuck, man. Those cheekbones. I can see why some old fucking perv wanted you."

It wasn't for his cheekbones. The ashtray would tell them if he could remember how to speak. It was for his crimes, it was because he had done something so terrible he would give anything to escape it. It was because he had to pay for what he'd done. It was because-

Abruptly, Quiet One lets go of his hair, letting his head fall back down, chin nearly to his chest. "Hey. Get over here with the lighter, man."

"Why?"

"I want to do one more. I'm tired, I want to go to bed. Come on."

The ashtray catches Lookout's soft oh thank god as he gets to his feet and shuffles over, dropping the pack of cigarettes and the lighter into Quiet One's waiting hands.

"What the fuck, dude?"

"What?"

"You smoked like the whole damn pack! This shit costs money, you fucking baby."

"Fuck off, I'll buy you more. Just. Finish it up, I want to go home, too." Lookout looks away, out the broken windows towards the street. "People're gonna be fucking waking up soon. Let's get out of here."

"Yeah, yeah. Asshole."

Quiet One turns back to him, using one finger to tip his chin up, almost gently. The ashtray looks back at him, blank but for the pain. It fills his body, the throb of each individual new mark joining the itching aches of the old. The oldest scars are so faint they hardly mar his skin, the newest are bright red burns, skin buckling and bubbling under heat it isn't made to withstand.

"Pozhaluysta," He whispers, lips barely moving. "Pozhaluysta, Mr. Davies, ostanovites'."

"Mmmn. That's Russian, isn't it? Sexy. One more, pet. Think you can handle one more burn for me? Take it quiet and we'll leave. Can you do that for me?"

The ashtray nods, frantically, in desperate need for it to end. He can go back to his room, with the bars on the windows, and sing himself to sleep. He can go back to his room.

"Good boy."

The ashtray stares at the little red circle of light as the cigarette is lit, the flickering flame. The click of the lighter as it shuts again, the smoke blown into his face. Familiar and wrong, this smoke is bitter and acrid and Mr. Davies always smelled sweet and almost herbal when he smoked, the deep clove smell in the ashtray's clothes, his hair, lingering on his skin.

They untie his hands from behind his back and the bow from his neck, Quiet One rubbing at the deep red marks left behind, thumb moving back and forth over the ashtray's Adam's apple, breathing softly. "Shit. God, I wish I had one of these for mine."

"Well, unless you discover a shitload of money, you'd just be stealing. Or... like, committing a bunch of fucking felonies."

"Yeah, yeah. If I clean up a bit I bet my uncle could get me in at WRU. I heard they have a handler there who fucking killed like four people before he got the job."

"Jesus Christ, dude, seriously?"

"Yeah. Peters or something. My uncle doesn't fuck with him. Nobody does. Said he's fucking gross but he gets Employee of the Month like all the time. I could be gross for money."

"Man, who wouldn't be gross for money."

"Ha, right? All right, let's finish this shit up." Quiet One sighs, looking back at the ashtray. "You were a good fucking time, man. Enjoyed the hell out of this. Here we go. Stay quiet for me now."

Quiet One presses the cigarette into the inside of the ashtray's wrist, right in the center of his barcode, the one place that Mr. Davies never touched.

The ashtray bites his lip until it bleeds, whining deep in his throat as new tears fall, but he doesn't scream. He's quiet.

He's good.

He can be good.

"There we go." A ruffle to his hair and Quiet One stands, Deep Voice following almost immediately. Quiet One relights his cigarette and walks to the door, where Lookout moves outside before them.

Quiet One is the last to leave, looking over his shoulder at the ashtray still sitting on the ground, slumped over, in the ruined house. He lifts up his cell phone, turns on flash, and takes a photo.

The ashtray flinches at a sudden blinding light he barely registers as what it is, and Quiet One and Deep Voice laugh.

Lookout is already out by the street, bouncing on his toes, looking back and forth like he expects sirens any second.

"Maybe we'll see you again sometime," Quiet One says, and then they leave, their voices and laughter fading along with the crunch of gravel under their shoes, until the only sound left is the ashtray's ragged, uneven breathing.

He doesn't know when he gets to his feet, or how. He pulls the sweatshirt back on and leaves the shreds of his t-shirt behind. The front door is open, and when he stumbles outside, the sky is pink along the edges of the horizon.

The ashtray moves down the sidewalk, and he doesn't know where he's going, or what he'll do when he gets there.

He ends up standing, swaying a little, next to a stop sign in a place that looks familiar but he doesn't know at all. The pre-dawn light has everything slightly eerie and unsettled in his mind, shapes crashing into each other, puzzle pieces that don't quite fit.

A hand touches his back and he spins around with a gasp, staring down in terror at a short elderly woman with dark brown skin and thick hair a blend of silvery white and black pulled no-nonsense at the nape of her neck.

She looks up at him, her own eyebrows knitted. "I said good morning. Did you hear-" She goes quiet, and her eyes move over his face with too much understanding.

She knows.

Everyone knows what he is. Everyone has always known. It was a mistake to believe he could be safe anywhere outside the four walls of Nat's home. It was a mistake to think he could build a life that might involve leaving here, living on his own.

Everyone will always know.

Antoni swallows, and shudders as it makes the fresh burn on his throat ache and throb in reminder. He struggles to move his mouth to speak. "M-... Miss Ruth. D-Dobroye utro."

He realizes only then that his sweatshirt is still unzipped, and she can see the line of scars, the new burns and old, and heat rushes to his cheeks underneath the dirt already caking them.

"Oh, honey. What happened to you?" Ruth's voice is low, and she looks to one side, and then the other. Then she sighs and steps back, gesturing. "Come on inside my house, sweetheart. Just me this week, no one else to bother us. Let me patch you up, your people are still sleeping no doubt."

His people.

He is safe with his people, inside the house. But he has never been safe when he leaves. It is too easy to read what he is in every inch of his skin.

"Spasibo," He whispers as he follows her up the steps.

#antoni sings lullabies #emeto mention #whump #burns tw #salt in the wound #pet whump #dehumanization #creepy whumper #sadistic whumper #multiple whumpers #smoking tw #noncon touching #noncon touch (nonsexual)

114 notes · View notes

sophiainspace · 3 years

Note

For the HC ask game, here’s a twofer, if you’re up for it: ColdWave + candy, and Spooner + perfume.

Have I shared this ColdWave sweets headcanon yet? It might - might - be based on the real life of me and the spouse. Not that that’s where I get half my ColdWave ideas, or anything. (Just don’t ask which of us is Mick and which of us is Len. Please.)

ColdWave + Candy

[The POV switch in the middle of this is totally fine because this is a headcanon not a ficlet and that’s my story and I’m sticking to it]

Mick likes sweet treats.

‘Likes’ may be an understatement. He can’t resist them. Literally can’t resist.

Sometimes, when Len gets up in the middle of the night for water, he finds Mick at the kitchen table, surrounded by empty boxes of Oreos and Chips Ahoy, halfway through the biggest Hershey bar Len’s ever seen. And Len just sighs and says, “I’ll find a better hiding place for the sweet shit.”

Mick reminds Len of a parrot that Lisa once persuaded him to buy for her. The bastard bird ate every bit of sweet food it could get its mean little talons on, wherever it was hidden in their tiny apartment. Len had to lock all the sweets away - literally, after the asshole learned how to open cabinet doors. The damn parrot lasted a few months, before Len told Lisa to find another home for it, and one of her friends took pity on her and adopted it. She wasn’t exactly heartbroken. She missed ice cream and chocolate.

Alas, Len can’t rehome Mick.

Not that he’d want to.

…Not most of the time.

So that’s how the tradition of the Secret Candy Stash is born. Len hides the candy. Mick gets to ask for a little candy at a time. Mick hates this, and is forever trying to defeat the system. But the latest hiding place has been working surprisingly well, for a few weeks now. Len had a brainwave about where to hide the stash this time. They’re not for nothing, his planning skills. Admittedly, they weren’t really meant for hiding food from Mick Rory, but they seem to be holding up.

Until Mick storms into the kitchen one day, and swipes half of Len’s blueprints off the table with a single sweep of his admittedly large hand. “That’s where you hid the candy?”

Len starts picking up papers. “Found the latest hiding spot, then?”

“It’s the damn hall closet!” Mick roars. “Right under my coat!”

“Indeed,” Len agrees. “Right under your nose, one might say. In a nondescript box that used to hold a pair of my shoes.” He turns his full attention back to his blueprints. “Ah well. I’ll just have to find somewhere else.”

Mick stomps back out of the room, muttering about how he’ll get Len back for this. Len just chuckles. Of course he won’t.

It gets better. Mick can’t find the next hiding place, no matter how many closets and cabinets he empties, roaring about how he needs candy.

“Go to the store,” Len drawls, smirking. Mick will not go to the store. Mick can never be bothered. It’s why the system works so well.

Mick stares daggers at him for a minute, and then stomps away again.

But it’s only a matter of time.

One day, Mick is looking for a pair of shoes in the hall closet, and comes across… the blessed, coveted, wonderful Secret Candy Stash. As he stares at the unburied treasure, he’d swear he can hear angels singing somewhere.

And then it hits him. The stash is the same spot as before. In the same box as before. Oh, sure, it’s a little further back in the closet, in the dark, but that’s the only effort Len has bothered to go to. “Does he think I’m that dumb?” Mick mutters. He prepares himself to rage at Len about how he should know better than to fall for Mick’s brainless act and underestimate him.

A second later, Mick realises how he can use this to his advantage. If not forever, then for a very long time.

Passing Len in the living room, Mick shoots him a very smug grin.

“What?” Len asks, his eyes suddenly narrow and shifty.

“Oh, nothing.”

Len looks at him in abject terror, but Mick isn’t letting go of this secret.

Carefully, slowly, a little at a time, Mick steals treats from the hiding place. Free access to candy, whenever he wants it. No killjoys to tell him “You’re going to ruin your dinner, Mick” or “You had candy yesterday, Mick,” as if any of that matters. He gets away with it for a hell of a lot longer than he thinks he’s going to.

Well, he is a very good thief.

When Len finally notices, there’s hell to pay. And never was anything more worth it.

Spooner + Perfume

She hates the stuff.

If it’s not bad enough that it sets off her chemical sensitivities and chronic fatigue, it gives her sensory overload, too. The days she has to spend lying in the dark to get over it all? Not worth someone else’s enjoyment of a damn smell.

She warns the Legends about this when she arrives on board. They promise to try to remember. And, to be fair, they do their best. Sometimes Spooner walks into the fabrication room after a mission in the 1950s, and she can tell it’s slipped someone’s mind, too focused on wearing an ‘era accurate’ outfit, complete with scent. But most of the time, the ship is a blissful perfume-free zone. It’s a relief, and one more way Spooner knows the Legends really want her to stay.

And then one day she’s waiting in line for the bathroom. Zari disappeared in there just as Spooner was arriving, so she knows she might be waiting a minute. She’s leaning against the wall, staring up at the ceiling, and thinking of asking Gideon to play the next episode of the zombie horror podcast she’s been listening to, when she gets the whiff of a damn scent. Honestly, Zari and her perfect outfits - she’s probably got so focused on looking good, she’s forgotten about—

Spooner blinks. That’s not just any scent. Whatever it is, it sends her tumbling back to childhood. Before Texas, even, when her mother didn’t know about Esperanza’s problems with perfume yet. Back when Spooner was tiny.

“Zari,” she calls out, “what perfume is that?”

There’s a pause. Then there’s a sound like a hand slapping a head, and Zari snaps, “Oh shit.”

Spooner snorts. Poor Zari. “It’s fine, Z. I mean, it’s not fine - you’re an asshole - but you just forgot.“

“I did!” Zari squeaks through the door. “I’m so sorry, Spooner—”

“Oh, shut up, Z,” Spooner cuts her off, laughing. “But I seriously gotta pee, so can you wash it off and get Gideon to fumigate in there, or something? And for fuck’s sake answer my question, would you?”

Over the sound of running water, Zari calls back, “Oh, right. It’s Chanel number 5. A classic. You know they started making this in the 1920s? I used to love it, but then they stopped making it, in my time - silly perfume trends and people thinking it was for old ladies - so when I got here I…”

Spooner stops listening, and just lets Zari’s words wash over her like the water that she can still hear running, and drifts away a little.

We can’t afford this, Celso.

Oh, don’t you worry about that, Gloria, sweetheart. It’s the new one you liked in the store, see? Now you smell as wonderful as you look. Doesn’t Mami smell beautiful, Esperanza?

It’s a full ten minutes before Zari finishes blowing all the perfume out of the bathroom with the air totem. Mostly to preserve her image, Spooner yells at her to get the fuck out of there. When Zari finally scuttles out, Spooner shoots her a grin. “Thanks for cleaning up in there.”

“Least I could do,” Zari shoots over her shoulder, from down the hallway.

“Yes, it damn well was.” And she steps into the - thankfully scent-less - bathroom, chuckling. Maybe a little wistfully.

#headcanon asks #mick rory #leonard snart #dccoldwave #spooner cruz #zari tarazi #gen #my fic #ficlet #the flash fanfic #legends of tomorrow fanfic #none of us can queue this alone

33 notes · View notes

sagamemes · 3 years

Text

the sheridan tapes 📼 part two. here and under the cut, you can find over 130 lines of dialogue from the horror podcast the sheridan tapes, specifically from episodes four to six, edited for roleplay purposes. some of these focus heavily on survival, war, science, and spooky stuff, but a lot can be used by anyone. tw: war, unreality, a mention of cannibalism, implications of manic behaviour.

❝ god, i hate snowstorms like this. not just getting caught in them, but the storms themselves. it feels like the earth’s trying to bury me alive every time it locks in like this. like nature’s rightly pissed off at all of us and doing its level best to crush us to death. ❞

❝ that’s what yom kippur means: the day of atonement. ❞

❝ that wasn’t the first time i’ve caught him in my office, going through my stuff. ❞

❝ normally i’d be annoyed at someone calling me young lady. ❞

❝ thank you… you are so warm… thank you for letting me in. ❞

❝ suddenly, everything fell into place. i made more progress than i had in about half a year. ❞

❝ the thing i remember most was catching disapproving glances from my father every time i went to the library. ❞

❝ why does time only run forward? why does cause need to precede effect? ❞

❝ no one knows if they can trust me with casework or not. ❞

❝ i didn’t say i was interested. ❞

❝ [he/i] was taken off duty and sent for psychiatric evaluation the next day. ❞

❝ coffee. i was making coffee. ❞

❝ i didn't mean to get stuck out here. ❞

❝ that just goes to show how small humans really are in the grand scheme of things: take away our tools and our toys and our technology, and we’re still just as vulnerable as we ever were. ❞

❝ she was good at that: making you feel like you were safe, like you could open up to her. ❞

❝ i’m just going to cover that one up. no harm in keeping it out of sight for the moment. ❞

❝ maybe there was someone in the stairs. ❞

❝ i think i did the lion’s share of the talking, which almost never happens. ❞

❝ i couldn’t get to sleep... i figured i’d get a head start today. ❞

❝ i’m afraid i don’t have all of the details of your involvement with the… tragic events in [place]. and i don’t think i’m the only one. ❞

❝ i’m still not sure i understand the whole tradition. ❞

❝ whatever it is, it’s chasing me. i can hear it’s footsteps in the snow, i can hear it— ❞

❝ when you work nights here, the less you really think about them, the better. ❞

❝ honestly, i just can’t get it out of my head. ❞

❝ snow is one of nature’s simplest and most effective ways of killing you dead if you aren’t prepared for it. ❞

❝ i wish you’d tell me what you’re doing here. i could lose my job if anything gets broken or if you end up getting hurt in there… ❞

❝ would you say you… considered her a friend? ❞

❝ would you mind saying your name again? for the recording? ❞

❝ if that was true, then there was something—and as a scientist, i hate to say this—supernatural going on in that lab. ❞

❝ most of them didn’t make it. a lot of them died afraid and alone, too. ❞

❝ i know you don’t like listening to these things, so i just wanted to help you out with… ❞

❝ if i could sleep, then trust me, i would. ❞

❝ i’m guessing the new owners are trying to make this place seem less creepy than it already is. ❞

❝ my schooling was expensive and unremarkable. ❞

❝ a lot of them died afraid and alone, too: ideal conditions for the making of poltergeists, in my experience. ❞

❝ look, i’m sorry, but this really isn’t a good time for anything, so if you wouldn’t mind… ❞

❝ basically, i was picturing a slightly creepier morticia addams. i couldn’t have been more wrong. ❞

❝ now i have to deal with [name]’s aspirations to write drama.. ❞

❝ i promise i won’t get you sacked. ❞

❝ i’ve never been very religious, but for some reason… it made me think of hell. ❞

❝ i think it may have been a thank you. ❞

❝ i’m working the graveyard shift and i noticed the lights were on. ❞

❝ i shouldn’t be here. no one asked me to come in this early. ❞

❝ everyone around here looks at me like i’m some kind of leper. ❞

❝ i had to go home for a few hours. i’m already on thin ice around here, and i didn’t want to get in more trouble for screaming obscenities up and down the wall. ❞

❝ it was… darkness. no, that doesn’t do it credit, the whole place was dark. this was just... void. ❞

❝ if i’d seen her anywhere else, i’d think she was an athlete or a backpacker. ❞

❝ better scientists than me have been bashing their heads into that particular wall since 1927. ❞

❝ i just want you to know that… whatever you really are... you’re safe here. ❞

❝ goats being goats, it would just come back the next day looking for food. ❞

❝ i would like you to leave my office now… and i’ll ask you not to tamper with evidence in the future, understood? ❞

❝ no, of course, i don’t have signal out here, so i can’t just call triple-a. ❞

❝ what are you doing in my office—at four goddamn thirty in the morning? ❞

❝ you ever wonder where the line is? you know, between human and not? ❞

❝ the funny thing i’ve noticed about war: no matter how terrible the fighting is, there always seems to be too much waiting. too much quiet. too much sitting around, bored to tears between fits of chaos and violence, lost in routine while waiting for the other shoe to drop. ❞

❝ a lot of people condemn them for that. we’re so sure we’d never resort to that—that we’d rather die than cross that unspoken boundary. ❞

❝ i’ve been at the [workplace/institution] for ten years now. that’s long enough to know that the ones who ask questions are the ones who can’t cut it. ❞

❝ the program blew every fuse in the lab. including the lights. ❞

❝ it was soon after they left that i began to have trouble sleeping. ❞

❝ perhaps we never knew each other as well as most friends do, but… we cared for one another. ❞

❝ most of her questions are a bit above my pay grade. ❞

❝ i’m trying, i’m trying! i can’t get the door open! ❞

❝ i don’t know why she needed my help: i think she had a better grasp of it than most science fiction writers. ❞

❝ we both had places to be afterwards, so we kind of rushed. i really wish i’d taken the time to say goodbye. ❞

❝ i guess some things just… don’t want to stay buried. ❞

❝ it was completely against orders of course, but no one really noticed or cared that far from the front. ❞

❝ i offered to buy him a cup of coffee. ❞

❝ newspapers praised them at the time: saw them as heroes of exploration and paragons of pioneer courage. ❞

❝ i signed a lot of big, scary nda’s during my time there. ❞

❝ i did the only thing that came to mind: i took a grenade from my belt, removed the pin, and threw it. ❞

❝ i doubt this storm will last more than a couple of days, and once it lets up we can sneak out of here and get going again. very, very carefully. ❞

❝ given enough time, everything will rot away to its elementary components, and that, you can’t reverse. ❞

❝ i really can’t see anything from inside the van. ❞

❝ i knew there were a few experiments that dealt with some pretty high-level theoretical concepts, but i wasn’t directly involved with any of them. ❞

❝ it’s a strange choice, but then again, he’s a strange man. ❞

❝ i know, it sounds ridiculous. trust me, i’ve done everything i can think of to make that conclusion go away. ❞

❝ scared the bejeezus out of a bunch of skiers, but they were nice enough to let me in after deciding i probably wasn’t a ghost. ❞

❝ please… it burns my skin… please… ❞

❝ i forgot how fast storms blow in up here. ❞

❝ it’s not like i felt out of control: it felt more natural than breathing. ❞

❝ i didn’t know what i was doing, not at any conscious level. but one step seemed to lead to another, then the next, and then the next. ❞

❝ it’s called a butcher’s shop in some places, but a mortuary in others. as much as i’d love to imply there was some sweeney todd style recycling going on here, i think the place has just been a lot of things over the years. ❞

❝ god, these things are creepy as hell. ❞

❝ if you wouldn’t mind, please, tell us what happened? in your own time, of course. ❞

❝ it took a few long, nerve-wracking days to work up my courage and visit the section again. ❞

❝ it’s not that odd to think that people ate each other out there. ❞

❝ i didn’t think there was a ghost in my room or anything like that, i just kept hearing noises whenever i was about to fall asleep. ❞

❝ i downed half a dozen energy drinks at 6 and called it dinner—i know, i know, it’s a nasty habit i picked up in grad school. ❞

❝ they told me that the cpu and motherboard had somehow been melted into a solid lump of plastic and silicon. ❞

❝ i mean, [name] was a pain in the ass, but at least he didn’t… ❞

❝ my schedule was full, but i had something else fall through at the last minute. i had your number on my desk, so i thought i may as well call. ❞

❝ i wonder if it was afraid, or if it even realized what was going to happen. it probably didn’t. ❞

❝ i need to get more coffee. or punch someone. whichever’s more convenient. ❞

❝ god, if that’s really how i sound… ❞

❝ people think i write horror, but i don’t really think that’s true. i just write fiction with all of the comfortable little lies taken out of it. ❞

❝ i have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night. ❞

❝ i think he felt something about this place… some influence or power that needed to be destroyed, so he tried to do it the only way he knew how. ❞

❝ well, it’s a tricky thing. the more realistic you make them, the more… unreal they start to look. i think it’s something about the eyes. ❞

❝ i offered to stay late, just to smooth things over. ❞

❝ maybe i can get some writing done while i’m stuck here… ❞

❝ no child could grow up in a jewish home surrounded by books and not read at least one story about golems. ❞

❝ i just wasn’t a good student, despite my love of reading. ❞

❝ i have to say, i like your jane doe. ❞

❝ she was a scientist herself. maybe not formally, but her way of thinking, her insight, her methods... they were scientist’s qualities. ❞

❝ seriously, what do i need to do to get a little privacy around here, a little dignity? hang a ‘ do not disturb ’ sign on the door? change all my locks? ❞

❝ maybe it was stupid, but i figured, ‘ hey, early december, not a cloud in the sky—should still be fine, right? ’ ❞

❝ jesus, [name], i wasn’t born yesterday. ❞

❝ maybe doing this while it’s still dark outside isn’t the best idea. ❞

❝ more than a century and a half have passed, and this place is still just as dangerous as it was then. ❞

❝ now, [mr./ms./mx. name], i’m sure you know why you’re here. ❞

❝ the [event] was a bust—only about a dozen people showed up all afternoon. ❞

❝ i never put much stock in the idea of inspiration, but for the first time in my life, it felt like i wasn’t pushing myself through the muck of miscalculation and guesswork towards a solution. i was being pulled towards an answer that already existed. ❞

❝ it felt like i was a few steps from finding out something fundamental. some truth about our universe that no other scientist had ever dared to dream of. ❞

❝ huh. that’s… that’s weird. i could’ve sworn there wasn’t a sculpture back there before. ❞

❝ apparently, no one had told them what i was doing, and i wasn’t actually cleared to leave. ❞

❝ maybe he’s trying to make amends. keeping watch over these half-living things to make sure no harm comes to them. ❞

❝ i expected the building to be wreathed in shadow and overgrown with cobwebs, but it's actually really nice. ❞

❝ sorry, i was trying to get my recorder working, but it froze up on me so i had to find a tape for this old… ❞

❝ okay. just… don’t get me sacked, alright? can’t exactly retire on this salary. ❞

❝ but if it was real—i don’t know if i somehow created it, or if it was feeding me information about itself before it appeared. ❞

❝ i’ve never had a manic episode before, and i was well below the level of caffeine needed to cause intoxication. as far as i can tell, there isn’t a medical explanation for what happened. ❞

❝ i don’t get the appeal of meeting real celebrities. it’s just a cheap shock of recognition, and nothing more. ❞

❝ whatever this… thing was, it sounds pretty dangerous. ❞

❝ are you familiar with temporal asymmetry? ❞

❝ i just want to make that abundantly clear: this /wasn’t/ the plan. ❞

❝ right then, now let’s get started. please state your name and rank for the record. ❞

❝ though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light. ❞

❝ a cracker of a book, young lady. ❞

❝ no wonder they’re keeping them in storage. they’d give anyone nightmares. ❞

❝ i was just going to finish out my shift unless… you want me to stick around? ❞

❝ i went to the university, but don’t remember much of the years i spent there. ❞

❝ having to study textbooks and essays day in and day out took all of the joy out of reading for a long time. ❞

❝ we call paradoxes paradoxes for a reason: no matter how plausible they seem, they can never really happen. ❞

❝ i don’t know what happened to me that night. i still don’t even know if what i saw was real. ❞

❝ when we look into the void for too long, we find the monsters instead. ❞

#sentence starters #sentence meme #rp sentence starters #rp sentence meme #rp meme #* sentences.#* meme.#sheridan #trying some minor new things w/ the formatting #especially for these longer #non numbered sentence memes

148 notes · View notes

diplexchimera · 3 years

Text

Hey people considering college-

I have some tips for you. Now, take into consideration that I am technically a college drop-out (didn't have enough money for a second semester).

- my college required Freshman to be in a campus dorm. We got to select whether we preferred someone quiet, someone loud, or someone in between. In my experience, someone loud = an extrovert who will have many people visit them, someone quiet = a person who prefers to keep their room more private, and someone in between = a person who wants their roommate to be okay with a noisy room & people over, but also wants to be able to say they need quiet time (or they aren't sure what they want, but want neither a silent room or a busy room).

- if you have to eat from the cafeteria, that's okay. They tend to have a wider selection anyway but! I would suggest memorizing the breakfast/lunch/dinner availability hours. Some schools are very strict, and will lock the doors which = a skipped meal for you.

-I would also suggest getting the app 'MyPlate Calorie Tracker'. College meals will most likely be different than what you've eaten at home and school. The MyPlate app is pretty simple, and can help you make sure you're getting the right amount of food into yourself, as opposed to too much or too little. If I remember correctly, it also keeps track of how much protein and stuff your food is supplying you.

- sugars, fats, calories, and carbs are not bad for you. Your body requires them. Your brain literally will not function if you cut out any one of those items. Remember, you don't need to avoid being fat, you need work today being healthy. Your body will sort itself out (over time dude, give it time) if you supply it with the necessary nutrients and such.

- dude, vitamins. They can be expensive, but if you have insurance, ask your doctor how much of every vitamin you should be having. They can tell you, give you a list, and they can ask your insurance if vitamins are covered. If you can't get to a doctor, try to do research. Here is one from Harvard that I think is good, but you should always cross check things. Getting all the vitamins and minerals you need is exceedingly important. They help you go to sleep, stay asleep, and wake up, help your brain and body to function and adjust, help keep you feeling healthy and happy. If you feel tired and depressed, it can be really difficult to accomplish tasks and enjoy/ appreciate being alive.

- I would not suggest starting your year by completing assignments before the start date of said assignments. For one, doing assignments as they come helps you get a feel for a natural schedule. Another reason is because it helps to be in the moment, instead of too far ahead to be able to keep track of what's going on and when. Wait until you have a hang of how and where to research, and a firm idea of how much you can hold onto mentally, so you don't fail tests. You'll also likely feel guilty later on when you begin to struggle to stay ahead as assignments get longer and more difficult.

- yo if you can get a used textbook that comes as a three ring binder instead of a hard or soft back, do it. It's cheaper, and so much easier to handle and copy. Heck, you can even take the pages out of the section you're using and put them in a folder -- boom, no more 40lb back pack. Also makes more room in any bag you use for the essentials, which I'll list next.

- here are some backpack essentials:

• earbuds, Bluetooth if possible. It's okay to have more than one type of listening device. "I prefer headphones!" You say. You can't hide over-the-ear headphones if you end up in a classroom which doesn't allow something like that. Sometimes you're just having a sucky day, sometimes you need extra stimulation to concentrate, sometimes you want to spend your time listening to a podcast that explains the current subject better than your teacher does. Sometimes you want to watch a movie casually. Earbuds also take up MUCH less space.

• an extra charging cable for every portable device you use. Roll them up, and secure each one individually with cable ties or bread bag twist ties. I say extra, as in, keep your original cords in your dorm room and Don't Take Them out. Get a secondary cable and charger for each device, and let them live in your backpack.

• 3 or 4 different colors of pen. Multiple colors, for whatever reason you want-- easily scanned notes, for different subjects, etc. These can serve a variety of purposes, and you never know when you need them.

• 3 regular pencils, and a good hand sharpener or silent mechanical sharpener. 3 in case the other two get broken lead or happen to suck. Regular pencils can be finicky.

• 2 mechanical pencils. 2 in case one of them fails, runs out of lead, or the lead breaks up.

• decoy pens and pencils! Get as cheap or expensive as you want. At some point, someone is likely to ask for one, and you don't want someone else using your favorites. You also may not get them back, or they get broken. I would suggest a couple of each, as it may happen in more than one class. You don't have to have decoys, but that way, at least you don't have to choose between either feeling guilty for not loaning out the items you like, or being uncomfortable that you did have to loan one. If you loan the decoys out, and don't get any back, and someone asks you for a utensil later that day, you have both a convenient reason you don't have an extra you're willing to share, and you already put the minimum effort towards being prepared.

• Water! You're going to get so dang dehydrated! You're going to have full days, much of the time, from trekking across campus, to class time, to meal times, to study time, to hang out time -- you need to have water with you, as opposed to having to track it down, and possibly have to pay for a bottle of water. Hydration is a main component in bodily functionality and brain processes. I would suggest a minimum of a 30-ish ounce container of any sort. A plastic water bottle you refill, a thermos, a sippy cup, a hydro flask, a camp flask, whatever works for you.

• I would say snacks. If you're eating meals throughout the day, I guess they aren't "technically" essential, but can confidently say, they are useful. Snacks can be an energy boost, a brain function boost, a hunger soother, a friend-maker, or just plain stimulation. Cut up some apple slices, maybe grab some peanut butter, or a portion of nuts, or a tangerine, crackers, pretzels, chips, the choice is yours. It helps if you can get ahold of some of those cheap reusable silicone ziplock baggies. You can wash them to be used again, and you don't have to deal with carrying plastic trash around with you.

• a pair of socks. I know that sounds weird, but it doesn't take up much space, and weird stuff happens. They get wet, or it's hot and your feet get sweaty and yucky, or food get spilled on your feet. Stuff happens.

• b12 tablets. They work with your system in a healthy way, as opposed to caffeine, and does the same trick. Just follow the directions on the bottle, and may I suggest, start with half the recommended dose. It affects different people more or less. My husband takes the recommended two, while I only need a half. We both have adhd, and are closely similar in body weight. If you need a wake up boost, don't slam your system with caffeine.

• baby wipes. You can get a small pack, and they can help clean up almost anything. Someone spill sticky tea? Got it. Fell and scraped a knee, and it has dirt all over it? Baby wipes and a little water. Need to blow your nose, and there are no tissues, or just feel like you need to rinse your face off in class? You're covered.

• chapstick is a very small item, but Lordy Lord if those classrooms aren't parched of all moisture in the air. You gone get cracked, chapped lips.

That's kinda it for now on backpack essentials. There is definitely more you could have, so supplement whatever helps you. You could add a hairbrush or comb, a hat and rain jacket for cold weather times, sunscreen during the hot times, hair ties and bobby pins, etc. It's all for you pal.

- keep in touch with your professors. Make yourself known to them. An occasional casual compliment is often helpful, and a good way to connect (you explained stuff really well today/your teaching style is helpful/I appreciated you taking time to answer my questions). They are people after all.

- if you have stuff going on, let your professors know. If your pet is sick at home and you're worried about them, give your professors a heads-up that you may seem less attentive that week, but that it isn't disinterest. If you figure out you have depression, and you're struggling to complete assignments/sleep/wake-up, tell them. Let them know you don't expect special treatment, you just wanted them to know that it isn't due to immaturity or lack of interest.

- always do studying and homework first. If you're able to accomplish these things while with friends, that's great, but if you can tell you're struggling, prioritize schoolwork. You'll have time for fun stuff later, usually later that evening.

- it's okay to drop a class. In fact, if you severely dislike a class, don't understand the coursework, or you realize you've taken on too much at once, it's better for your overall wellness and your grades if you drop it. If you have a professor suggest you drop a class in mean way, don't feel like you have to prove them wrong. This is your experience, and they can stuff it for being a rude brat. You don't need to prove yourself to them, and you cannot control their thoughts or actions.

- try to take classes that happen twice a week, which start later in the day than 8 am, at least for your first semester. There is a lot going on in college. A lot of changes to acclimate to. Take it a little easier at first, to give yourself time to work out what all is where, and how everything works.

Well, that's the end of 'dip's (college) tips' for now.

#dip shares stuff #stuff to know #dip's tips #college

19 notes · View notes

beautiful-and-terrible · 3 years

Text

dazed ’n’ confused (part 2)

A/N: omg this part was so much longer than i ancitipated sorry T__T and i promise in part 3 we will get some fun stuff ;)

Ship: Rodrick Heffley x OFC

Warnings: none (for this chapter)

---

The whole day, Nicole was distracted. She sat in her lifeguard chair, biting her nails, eyes concealed by her sunglasses and gazing at nothing. The pool manager ended up telling her off because she let multiple people dive off the board at the same time. She was a mess on the way home, too. She stopped at her favorite gas station to get slushy and almost left her bike behind, aimlessly wandering toward her house before she remembered she hadn’t walked there in the first place.

She got home and hopped in the shower, rinsing off the sunscreen and sweat, trying to forget how warm Rodrick’s hands felt under her own, how she had been close enough to smell laundry detergent and cinnamon gum. His dark eyes and full lips.

She almost slipped getting out of the shower.

She tried to write music and get him off her mind, but all of her songs ended up sounding sad and sappy or slow and sultry. It was maddening.

The next day, Saturday, Nicole woke up more irritated than usual. She normally wasn’t a morning person, but this was next level. She did her makeup quickly and threw her hair into a pair of messy french braids. She decided to treat herself to an ice coffee, so she grabbed her wallet and headed outside to her bike.

Despite it being 9:30 in the morning, Rodrick was already outside… mowing grass? Nicole had never once seen him do that before. Giving him a short wave, she coasted down her driveway and headed into town toward the Starbucks.

As she stopped at the sign at the end of their street, she looked back. Rodrick was looking in her direction, but Nicole shook away the thought that he could’ve been staring. She looked both ways quickly before pedaling quicker than she had before.

The Starbucks was about a 20 minute bike ride from her house, and Nicole usually took this time to listen to a podcast or her favorite album. This morning, she chose “Dr. Feelgood” by

Motley Crue - she was a sap, sue her. She liked to remember the little things about people. She definitely recognized the chord progressions and drum patterns replicated in Loded Diper’s songs - at least, the songs that she had heard muffled through the garage door as she hung her head out her window to listen.

A short time later, Nicole hopped off her bike and locked it in place, skipping with anticipation for the sweetest, creamiest ice coffee she could get her little hands on. She walked up to the cashier, browsing the menu quickly.

“Hi, Welcome to Starbucks - what can I get started for you?”

“I’ll do a iced caramel macchiato with almond milk and light ice, please.”

“For sure, anything else?”

“No, thanks,” Nicole said, pulling out a five dollar bill and some ones.

“Hey, aren’t you new in town? You came into school at the end of the semester.”

Nicole looked up at the cashier, just now noticing what she looked like. She was cute in a pixie, petite kind of way, with short brown hair and big green eyes. If Nicole hadn’t been so enamored with Rodrick, she probably would’ve developed a big whopping crush on this girl, too.

“Yeah, I’m Nicole. You go to PVH, too?”

“I’m Caitlin - we were in bio together, I think.” Nicole wracked her brains, thinking back to the last bit of school she could remember.

“Oh, right, we partnered up a couple times.” Nicole said, smiling.

“Hey, if you want, a couple of friends and I are having a party tonight. You should come,” Caitlin said, flashing a dimpled smile. Nicole felt her tummy flip - mostly from excitement, and the elation of feeling included by her peers.

“For sure, just text me the number.” Nicole wrote down her number on a hot beverage sleeve and slid it towards Caitlin.

“Cool, see you then. Oh, and your drink will be right over there.”

“Thanks.”

Biting her lip to keep from grinning like a crazy person, Nicole moved down the divided counter to wait for her drink. The whole bike ride home she couldn’t help thinking that maybe moving to this town wasn’t such a bad thing after all. The day ended up not being as horrifically hot as yesterday, and Nicole’s mood had improved significantly after a heavy dose of caffeine.

But, when she rounded the corner back onto her street, Rodrick was still outside, mowing the lawn. And lord have mercy, for such a skinny looking boy, he had some seriously toned arms. Nicole almost crashed her bike into the curb, narrowly avoiding spilling her drink all over herself. She rode past him up her own driveway without acknowledging him, even though this time he was the one who waved to her. Payback for flaunting his ridiculous arms in front of her at 10:30 in the morning.

She went inside to change into her bathing suit and the usual denim shorts she wore over them. She didn’t need to leave for work for another hour, so she plugged her electric guitar into the amp in her room and fiddled around with learning some Motley Crue riffs that she remembered from her morning bike ride. Nicole wasn’t a prodigy by any means, but she had been playing guitar for long enough that she knew the basic chord structure of most of their popular songs.

As she stood up to slip on her black converse, she saw her phone had lit up with a text. Unknown number.

“Hey, its Caitlin :) the address is 460 Norfolk Drive. Party starts @ 10!”

Nicole did a little dance. “Cool, I’ll be there :)” she texted back, and ran down the stairs back to the garage to get her bike again. She was so excited by the idea of hanging out with people her age that she almost didn’t see Rodrick leaning against his own bike at the end of her driveway.

“Your lawn looks good,” Nicole teased as she rode by. If Rodrick had any snarky reply, she was gone before she heard it. Looking back over her shoulder, she saw him standing with his mouth agape. She laughed to herself before starting her regular route to the city pool.

Not long after she started her shift, perched in her lifeguard chair with the umbrella angled to deflect the worst of the sun, Rodrick showed up with his two friends. They seemed to be attached at the hip. One was shorter than Rodrick, with long, surfer-style blonde hair, and one was about Rodrick’s height, with short dark hair and a cool slit in his eyebrow.

Nicole was glad her sunglasses were dark enough to not see her eyes, because she definitely would’ve been caught staring by now. Rodrick wasn’t muscular by any means, or athletic, but there was still something cute and boyish about his gangly frame, and the way his shoulder muscles flexed when he took his shirt off was… for lack of a better word, distracting.

The first couple of hours passed uneventfully, and Nicole started to doze in her chair, chin propped up on her hand. The combination of warm sun and cool breeze lull her into a half-awake state. It was adult swim, so there weren’t any kids to worry about. She could close her eyes for a few minutes and…

She heard him before she saw him. The signature sound of the diving board being bounced once, twice, and then…

Nicole was doused in freezing cold water.

The huge splash covered both sides of the pool, high enough to reach her in her life guard chair. Moaning with displeasure, Nicole wrenched her sunglasses off her face and pointed an accusing finger at the grinning boy in the water. Fucking Rodrick.

“You’re dead, you little shit.” Nicole growled, and left her sunglasses on the seat of her lifeguard chair before diving in the pool.

The cool water enfolded her, silky and calm, before she came up under Rodrick and unleashed all hell. Still under water, she grabbed his ankles to pull him down. She heard his shout of alarm before it transformed into bubbles.

Underwater, her vision was blurred, but Nicole could still see Rodrick laughing and the dark outline of his eyes. She found herself laughing too as they briefly wrestled and tried to drag the other farther underwater before they both broke the surface, gasping for air.

“Okay, okay mercy,” Rodrick gasped as Nicole wound her arms around his neck in a headlock.

“Stay off the diving board, or I’ll make you drink the kiddy pool water.”

“Oh my god, kids pee in there!”

“Exactly,” Nicole laughed before shoving him away, though it wasn’t very aggressive considering the water softened the blow. Rodrick was still laughing behind her.

“Damn, if I get that kind of a reaction every time I jump in the pool, maybe I’ll do it for a living,” he called after her.

Nicole dunked her head under water once more to adjust her hair before climbing out of the deep end on the latter, electing to ignore that last comment. Now that she was back in her life guard chair, she couldn’t believe how impulsive she had been. Some kind of instinct took over and before she knew it, she had been flying out of her chair to give Rodrick a taste of his own medicine.

And now that she was thinking about it even more, the more embarrassed she became. Oh God, had she been super obvious? And more than that, had she been unprofessional?

She looked around the pool to see if her manager was watching - luckily, no sign of him. Most of the other pool guests weren’t paying that much attention either, except Rodrick’s friends, who were still laughing hysterically as Rodrick dried himself off by shaking his hair like a wet dog.

Nicole had touched more of Rodrick than she had the other day when they accidentally touched hands. Way more of him. Not that she exactly remembered the feeling of every limb, but the contact still made her feel more than a little weak in the knees.

They didn’t even know each other that well! What was she thinking!

Nicole spent the rest of her shift biting her nails anxiously, and when her co-worker came to switch chairs she ran to hide in the employee lounge next to the girls bathrooms.

By the time five o’clock came, she had calmed down a little bit, but was still embarrassed by her frankly juvenile behavior. She helped clean up the pool area by hosing it down and picked up some left over trash before heading to her bike.

And, because Nicole had maybe the worst (or best, it was hard to say) luck in the world, Rodrick was waiting for her.

“Figured I could ride home with you, since you like being near me so much,” Rodrick called as she approached. Nicole groaned, rolling her eyes.

“I wouldn’t have to get near you if you didn’t a) act like a child, and b) violate pool rules.”

“I’m pretty sure “almost drawing a patron” counts as violating pool rules, Nikky.”

“Don’t call me that,” Nicole spat with no real heat behind it.

“If you’re gonna ride home with me, you’re gonna pay for my slushy,” Nicole called over her shoulder as she started pedaling away.

“Ooo, is this a date?” Rodrick laughed, and Nicole flipped him off without looking. “C’mon, I thought we were getting along since I fixed your tire?”

Nicole, tired of the banter and not able to think of a better response, decided to take mercy on him.

“No… no. We’re cool. I’d rather have my dumb neighbor as a friend than no one at all.”

Rodrick pulled up next to her on his bike, tongue peeking between his teeth as he tried to suppress a grin. “Yeah, you seem cool. At least, your music taste isn’t completely horrible.”

“Oh, and yours is perfect, I’m assuming?”

“Naturally,” Rodrick said, pedaling faster to pull a wheelie in front of her, obviously trying to show off. In all honesty, it was a pretty cool trick - but Nicole would never tell him that. The evening was cooling down, but the sun was still a couple hours from setting, so everything had a deep golden glow - the trees seemed greener, and the grass softer, and random birds would occasionally chirp from deep within the woods. The world felt alive and wonderful and terribly, terribly exciting.

“So, why the hell did you move to Plainview?” Rodrick asked.

“Wasn’t like it was my choice. My Dad got a new job, and my Mom works from home so she can take care of us - so me and my two little sisters just got the short end of the straw.”

“You have sisters?”

“Yeah, Caroline and Georgia. Do you have siblings?”

Rodrick rolled his eyes, “Yeah, two shit head little brothers, Greg and Manny. Well, Manny isn’t really a shit head, ‘cause he’s like three, but I know he will be once he hits four.”

Nicole laughed. They were nearing the gas station she liked to get slushies from, so she suddenly started pedaling faster and yelled behind her, “First one there buys!”

She narrowly made it there before him, laughing at his red face and shaking legs as he dismounted his bike.

“No one should be that fast,” he panted, but smiled as he opened the door for her.

The blast of air conditioning felt good on Nicole’s heated skin, and she made a B-line for the slushy machine.

“Blue raspberry is the obvious best choice,” Nicole said, filling her cup up to the brim.

“No way, cherry is the only valid flavor,” Rodrick said, already munching on a bag of sour gummy worms. She raised an eyebrow at him and he simply winked in response, causing Nicole to turn her head away when she felt the heat rise to her cheeks.

Rodrick paid for their stuff and they spent the rest of the bike ride home trying to throw gummy worms at each other and catch them in their mouths.

“So.. there's a van. Outside your house. With your band name on it,” Nicole said, pointedly looking at him. Rodrick looked straight ahead.

“Yeah.”

“And yet, you’re out here riding your bike. With me.”

“Yeah.”

“So what's the hold up? You don’t have your license yet or something?”

“I can drive!” Rodrick said indignantly, his voice cracking slightly, causing you to throw your head back in laughter.

“I’m saving up money to get it fixed,” he grumbled, pulling another wheelie.

“Doing tricks won’t distract me from this, Rodrick.

“Fine. Once its fixed, I’ll take you for a ride, deal?”

“Deal,” Nicole said primly, taking a sip of her slushy.

Sooner than she thought, they ended up in front of their respective homes. The time had flown by - she hadn’t even noticed they were close.

She was about to wave goodbye and turn to go up her driveway when Rodrick cleared his throat.

“Hey, um… my band and I - we’re having practice tonight. Again. We have a gig later this week so we wanna practice as much as possible. Uhm. Would you wanna stop by? You can bring your guitar or whatever,” he said, looking down at his shoes that he was currently scuffing against the sidewalk.

“How do you know I play guitar?”

Somehow, Rodrick looked even more sheepish. “Uh, you left your window open, earlier. When you were practicing.”

This time, Nicole was the one to blush. Fuck. She hadn’t even thought about any one being able to hear her. And after Rodrick told her Loded Diper was originally a Motley Crue cover band.... Oh, he definitely knew she was whipped. Fuck!

“Haha, oh, yeah… uh, sure. I can come over.”

Rodrick grinned - a genuinely excited smile, not his usual impish smirk. It made Nicole’s heart stutter in her chest.

“Come over in an hour - I’ll get snacks.”

Nicole turned away without another word, deciding they would have plenty more to say to each other very soon. But fucking hell, what was she going to wear?

#rodrick heffley #rodrick #diary of a wimpy kid #rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick heffley x original female character #rodrick heffley x ofc

55 notes · View notes

vintagedolan · 3 years

Text

mixtape | track twelve

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

Indy wondered why people in her life seemed to fixate on sunshine, as if it somehow fixed things. When she and Charlie were small and the sun was out, her parents were ushering them outside to get some fresh air, telling them it was good for them. Her first day of high school, when she was nauseous in the passenger seat at the thought of a new place with a new class schedule, her dad had said ‘at least it’s warm today’. The day of Nicole’s funeral, between the sympathetic smiles and awkward glances, Indy had lost count of the amount of people who commented on the beautiful sunshine outside that her mother wasn’t there to see. It grated on Indiana’s nerves, and she found herself enjoying the rainy days more in the years after her mother’s death, when the clouds were heavy and wet, booming with thunder she could feel shaking her floor. She sat at her windows and watched it fall, watched the world have to shift to accommodate a change in the sky, change in a way that it never did for her when she needed it to.

The week before Bekah died, it rained every day.

Monday marked seven days without treatment, and the effects were starting to show. Bekah had lost more weight, which Indy wasn’t even sure was possible. She kept her blankets on her at all times, the Christmas and Halloween ones layers on top of each other.

She still shivered.

The rain fell outside the window, and Indy sat on the sill, thankful for the cold glass against her arm. It kept her in the moment, kept her mind in the room instead of in Los Angeles, wondering what was going through Grayson’s head that made him continue to ignore her calls. She didn’t have the energy to be pissed at him for leaving her abandoned - instead she was just worried, worried about the guilt she knew would overtake him when she finally was able to get ahold of him.

Indiana’s schedule was PRN - meaning they only called her into the hospital when she was needed. She couldn’t tell if they actually did need her and were too nice to say, or if they were fully staffed, but they didn’t call her. Patrick had put his foot down with her hours at Jet’s too, and said he’d keep her on payroll as long as he could so she kept her benefits, but that he wasn’t putting her on the schedule either.

So she put her skills to use for Bekah, and Bekah alone. Anything she needed, Indy knew where to get it on the floor. She funneled every ounce of energy into the girl in front of her, trying to take any of the burden off the Newcombs that she could. If Bekah needed ice chips, she was at the nurses station. In the supply closet to get fresh linens, the laundry to get clean hospital gowns. She helped her get changed, get showered as best she could - it was less mortifying for Bekah to have Indiana help her than her parents, who were nervous enough they would hurt her as it was.

When Bekah was awake, she was trying. Putting on her brightest smile, doing her best to perk up for her parents and Indiana. But when her parents would leave, which wasn’t often - only to go get fresh clothes, or grab dinner in the cafe - Bekah would deflate. She’d sigh and lean back against her pillows and try to catch her breath. They went home that night to eat a real dinner with promises to bring some back for Bekah, and as soon as they kissed her goodbye, she relaxed back and closed her eyes. Indiana watched her for a moment, and reached out to hold her hand.

“It’s okay Beks. They know you’re tired, you’re allowed to show it.”

“Says you,” she muttered. “Haven’t seen you sleep since I went off meds.”

Indy swallowed. “I sleep when you sleep.”

“Liar.”

“How do you feel?” She changed the subject.

“Like I’m dying.”

Indy choked, and Bekah laughed dryly. “C’mon, that was a good one. And don’t say it isn’t, cause you know I’m right.”

It took all of Indy’s strength not to try to coat it all in some toxic positivity, tell her it wasn’t that bad, that she would feel better, that she would get better - the things she’d been telling her all the years she’d known her.

They weren’t true, and she had to be okay with that.

“I really do think it’ll be this week,” Bekah said, picking at balls of lint on her blanket.

“Why do you think that?” Indy kept her tone as neutral as she could.

“I feel it. Feels… different. I want to go in my sleep, if I can. Think it’ll be easier for everyone that way. Is there a way to make that happen?”

Indy put on her hospital smile. “That’s usually how it goes babe, when you let someone go naturally. Your body gets tired, and you sleep, and then you go.”

She pondered on that for a moment, sat with it, and then she nodded, firm and confident.

“Okay. Good. That’ll be good.”

Indy hoped that one day she could have half the bravery of the girl sitting in front of her, with her thin arms and her purple head scarf, her small smile and stern gaze.

“Can we have milkshakes? And watch some of Grayson’s videos before my parents get back?”

Indy swallowed. “Of course. I’ll go get them, you rest.”

She was glad she could pull strings - the kitchen was usually closed to requests after dinner, but Daniel downstairs was always nice when she called. Sure enough, by the time she’d swiped through all the doors and made it to the kitchen, he had two vanilla milkshakes with extra whipped cream, and sprinkles on Bekah’s.

“Thanks D!”

“You’re welcome other D,” Daniel smiled. The hole in Indy’s chest rubbed raw, and she turned quickly before he could think he did something wrong. She breathed, timed her inhales with her steps as she traversed the halls.

It didn’t help, because when she walked into Bekah’s room she heard him.

Only this time, we’re getting sinus surgery

“Ooo, sprinkles!” Beks smiled and reached out a hand, waiting for Indy to pass her the milkshake.

She did, and she settled next to her on the bed with her own, leaning just far enough back so that Bekah couldn’t see her face.

The videos were always harder. He was still all over her social media, pictures and screenshots and people tagging the two of them on tea pages. He was still in her phone too - the outgoing calls, the photos in her camera roll. But the videos were the worst, because it was him. His mannerisms, his eyebrows that curved when he talked, his tongue that peeked through his smile when he laughed just hard enough.

She watched anyways, let the ache fester and make her feel something. She stared at his sunburnt nose, and listened to him talk about his once deviated septum that they didn’t actually fix - he still snored loud enough to wake her up some nights. She missed it.

Bekah laughed at every funny comment the boys made under their anesthesia in the video, and it was music to Indy’s ears, heartwarming enough for her to be able to stomach watching. By 15 minutes in, Bekah had abandoned her milkshake, the whipped cream dissolving down into the ice cream as her head lulled onto Indy’s shoulder and she fell asleep.

With a shaky hand, Indy checked her pulse.

Slow, but steady.

She turned off the TV.

In California, the fight didn’t start until Tuesday night. The house had been full of tension for almost a week, and the usual LA sunshine didn’t help to lighten the mood.

Grayson had become a recluse. He’d fallen back on the earlier method of locking his phone in a box in an attempt to save his sanity, which was even more fragile from the doom scrolling he’d found himself doing as people speculated every single detail of his life online. The black metal cube sat on a table in the living room, and he only saw it on the few occasions that he ventured out to the kitchen for food.

Even in his limited excursions, he felt the awkward energy radiating from his twin and Eden. They’d had their spats in the past, just like any couple, but there was something different about this one that had Grayson glad he was out of the room when Eden finally cleared her throat and looked at her boyfriend.

“Are we gonna talk about this?”

Ethan picked at a scab on his forearm - he’d been longboarding again as an excuse to get out of the house.

“Talk about what?”

“Talk about why we aren’t talking,” she huffed. “You’re mad at me.”

“Correct,” Ethan said.

“Tell me why then.”

He looked at her incredulously. “You have to ask?”

Eden swallowed down her anger, knowing it wouldn’t help anything. She waited. They sat in stalemate for a moment and she watched it boil up in Ethan before he sighed and turned in his chair towards her.

“Being hateful to me when you’re upset is one thing, because I signed up for that. But to my brother? When he’s doing pretty much as bad as I’ve ever seen him? Not okay. At all.”

“Ethan-”

“And I’m all for the tough love approach or whatever, but that was fucked up. He was just starting to do a little bit better and now look at him.”

“Better? You thought that was better?”

“He was eating at least, and still trying to work a little bit. Now, he’s barely able to do the podcast, much less anything else.”

“You all were already going to cut the main channel, that’s not because of this,” she argued.

“I’m talking everything else Eden. The businesses. Figuring out what the fuck we’re gonna do. He said the other day we could split time between here and Jersey, which really means here and New York if we only do the podcast.”

“And he didn’t think of that as an option before he broke up with Indiana? Makes sense.”

Ethan ignored her and kept going.

“At least he’s thinking about the future, which is better than before. I need him. But I need him, and you yelling at him set him back to square one.”

“If you thought he was even close to out of square one you’re blind.”

“Don’t act like you know my fucking twin better than I do,” Ethan snapped, and if it wasn’t for the protective nature in his tone, Eden would have lost it.

“Ethan.” She waited until he looked up at her, and she saw some of the anger leave his eyes when they met her. “He wasn’t getting better, because he was holding on. Fuck, he still is!”

“Telling him to let go isn’t going to make him let go! Have you met him? He’s the most stubborn fucking person on the face of this fucking earth! He already wants to go back, he’s not gonna let go!”

She could think of one person that could rival him for the title, but she kept it to herself.

“He’ll do it if he thinks he’s doing it for her,” Eden explained. “Don’t you see that? That’s why he did all of this. In his head, somehow, he thinks he’s doing what’s best for Indy. But he fucked her over, royally.”

“He knows that,” Ethan said.

“Okay, great! But he has to let go of her, because she won’t. Indy is an optimist if I’ve ever fucking met one, and she will always hope that he’s gonna come back, so he can’t do anything to feed into it. That’s torture, for both of them. And they both deserve better than that.”

Ethan couldn’t find a grip hold for an argument - one of the many reasons he hated arguing with Eden. So he sat in silence for a moment and accepted his defeat.

“You didn’t have to call him a moron,” he added.

“Anyone who let’s Indiana Cross slip through their fingers is a moron,” she muttered, shoulders relaxing as she realized the fight was over. “But yeah, that was probably a little harsh. I’ll apologize for that one.” She sighed, glad that everything was out on the table for the time being, smiling when Ethan patted his thigh once for her to sit on. She climbed up and nuzzled into his neck - she’d missed being so close to him the last few days. She soaked in the moment, running her fingers over the neck of his henley.

“Is it weird that I miss her? I mean, I know I haven’t known her very long, but she really felt like part of the family.”

“I miss her too,” Ethan sighed, pressing a kiss to Eden’s temple.

She pondered her apology to Grayson as she relaxed into his arms, but it was futile.

Grayson had been listening, standing in the hallway outside his door.

There were no tears; just an overwhelming numbness that had settled over him in the last few days. Eden’s words were the final nail in the coffin - he couldn’t reach out to Indy, though it got more and more tempting each day. He’d promised not to hurt her more than he already had, and he was going to stick to his word. Someone important had taught him that.

He retreated to his room and sat on the edge of the bed before he spoke.

“Hey dad.��

He always waited, just for a moment. Just in case. The silence was always loud, but it was deafening as he curled in on himself, staring down at the grains of wood in the floor.

“Dad I think I really fucked up this time,” he whispered. He willed the tears, but they didn’t come, though his eyes still burned. “I wish you were here. I wish you could have met her.”

As he sat, he remembered what his dad had said in those last few days, in the few hours that he was awake, when he fought off the pain and the fatigue to be there for his kids and his wife. I’ll always be there, you can always talk to me. Just say whatever you would if I was right there beside you, cause I will be.

So he did. He spoke as if he could feel the weight of his dad on the bed beside him, feel his arm around his shoulder.

Grayson sat on the edge of his bed and told Sean everything about the girl that he still loved. Her intelligence, her laugh, her smile, the way he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to love someone else. He lost track of how long he talked, run on sentences and gestures that only made it more obvious that his dad wasn’t there to tell him to slow down and take a breath before he talked himself into a pump from his inhaler. When he ran out of words, he did the only thing he knew to do when all else went wrong; turned his shower on as hot as he could stand it, sat down on the bench so the water ran over him, and thought of Indy.

The storm rolled into the city on Wednesday - unprecedented and angry, snarling the clouds in swirls of dark, heavy gray and dumping down over the skyscrapers of New York.

Indiana was watching the monitors. Her eyes jumped with each pulse of Bekah’s heart, which was beating faster than her usual. Her blood pressure was low, her breathing more irregular. Indy could see the textbook page in her head - actively dying. She’d learned the vital signs to look for, and how to fix them, what medicines to push.

But she wasn’t supposed to be making Bekah better, and that was the hardest part.

Thunder shook the room, and Bekah shivered. Mrs. Newcomb wrung her hands, and her husband ran a hand along her shoulders.

“She hasn’t woken up all day,” she murmured.

“She’s resting baby, it’s okay.”

Bekah’s monitors began to beep a bit faster. Her heart rate slowly rose - 82, then 85, then 90. Indy watched, her nerves prickling, eyes darting to the clipboard at the end of her bed, with DNR in bright red block letters - do not resuscitate. Bekah whimpered, her head turning into her pillow as her breathing got quicker, her heart working in overtime to try to keep her body afloat.

Mrs. Newcomb rushed to her daughter’s side, running a hand over her cheek as she began to cry.

“Bekah, sweetheart breathe, just breathe baby, don’t go yet, don’t go,” she pleaded, and Indy bit back her cries. Two nurses showed up in the doorway, waiting. There was nothing they could do but watch, and answer questions if they were asked.

Bekah’s father turned to the corner.

“Indiana, Indiana what’s happening to my baby?” He cried. It was enough to break Indy out of her trance, and she moved over to the bedside, resting a hand on Bekah’s leg.

“Her body is trying to decide what to do. It’s tired, and with her blood pressure going down, her heart is work harder to move her blood around. That’s why it’s faster,” she explained. “She’s not in pain right now, her medicine should still be working. It probably just feels a bit scary.”

Mr. Newcomb took her hand, and squeezed. Indy looked back to the monitors, unable to bear looking down at Bekah. She watched the blips on the monitor start to regulate again, sinus rhythm reappearing, allowing both of them to breathe easier. Bekah groaned a bit and settled into her covers, and a broken sob made its way out of Mrs. Newcomb’s throat.

“I need a minute,” she said, and then she was headed for the door with a hand over her mouth. It was the second time she was sick that day. Mr. Newcomb took her to the cafeteria to get a Sprite, and Indy took her usual spot, perched on the edge of Bekah’s bed. She took her hand, tensing a bit with how cold it was. She rubbed it, bringing it up to her lips to blow warmth into her palm as best she could.

Bekah stirred, and her eyes opened for the first time in many hours.

“Hey,” Indy said quietly, not wanting to startle her.

“What was all that noise?” Bekah’s voice was croaky, but she shook her head when Indy offered her a drink of water.

“Your monitors. They’re loud aren’t they?”

“Yeah. Annoying as hell,” she mumbled, then opened her eyes a bit wider, scanning the room for her mother.

“Language,” Indy teased.

“Why were they going off?”

It took all of Indy’s strength not to lie.

“Your heart rate picked up because your blood pressure went down. That’s something that happens…”

“Oh. It means it’s getting close isn’t it.”

Indy nodded and squeezed her hand. Bekah took a moment to process, and then she turned her head back to her friend.

“Is Grayson here yet?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Well, he better come soon if he wants to see me. Tell him to hurry, since I’m dying and shit.”

“Language,” Indy whispered it so her voice didn’t crack. Bekah played with the edge of her blanket.

“Am I supposed to be scared?”

“There’s no right or wrong way to be right now Beks. You just do what you need and feel how you feel, and we’ll be here the whole time, okay? We’re right here.”

“You need to not be here,” Bekah said, and Indy’s breath caught in her throat.

“Oh.”

“You need sleep, and a shower. I won’t die while you’re gone if I can help it. Promise.” She wrapped her pinky around Indy’s as best she could.

Before she could refuse, the Newcombs appeared back through the door, delighted to see their daughter awake. She sat up a bit straighter in bed and put on her best smile, Indy’s heart tightening at the sight.

“Go,” Bekah whispered through her smile. She squeezed her hand one more time, and then let go, walking up to Mrs. Newcomb.

“I’m gonna go get freshened up and grab some clean clothes, but will you text me if anything changes? I live right down the street, so I can be back here really quick,” she explained, trying to ignore the growing look of pity in her eyes.

“Of course dear. But you go home for the night, we’ll be alright. I’ll call you if anything changes, you need your rest. You’ve been here so long, have a night of normalcy at home and come back fresh tomorrow, okay?”

Indy nodded - it was all she could do. She blew Bekah a kiss and walked out the door, pausing when she noticed something had changed.

A small blue heart had been placed by her room number - a signal that made Indy’s heart sink. Bekah was officially dying, and it was there for every nurse and visitor on the unit to see, to signify they needed to respect privacy and be quiet when they were close by.

It made no sense, for that to be her breaking point. She’d known. She’d seen it, in her vitals and her demeanor and the fact that just their conversation was enough to have her ready to sleep for another 8 hours.

But that little blue heart was her undoing, and she clutched her chest for the entire walk out of the hospital, down the stairs and out into the pouring rain. The thought of her empty apartment, with no Grayson and no Charlie and no Devin was too much - instead, she found herself running down the sidewalk past the lobby to the parking garage, shoes sloshing with water by the time she made it under the concrete.

The valet didn’t ask questions when she passed over her key, shivering as she waited for him to bring her car out. As soon as she climbed in she hit the gas, ready to drive somewhere, anywhere, that wasn’t her home. The road was blurry despite the rapid back and forth of her windshield wipers, but she trudged on, just coherent enough to keep her tires between the white lines as she fled the city. The river was swollen when she drove over the bridge into Jersey, and she let herself zone out, let her mind take her wherever it wanted to go.

She knew where she would end up.

The crunch of gravel was familiar under her tires when she turned off the winding road. It was a comforting sound, though it was muffled by the rain, and it wasn’t until she was close enough to the white house to see that the kitchen light was on that she realized what she was doing.

She put the car in park, ready to shift it to reverse until a small figure appeared on the front porch, waving her inside.

Her earlier words rang in her ears. My door is always open.

She hoped it was true as she flung her car door open and bolted for the protection of the porch.

Lisa was waiting for her, standing in her pajamas with worry written all over her face.

“Indiana? Sweetheart, are you okay?”

All Indy could do was sob. She hated it, and the voice in her head berated her over and over, reminded her she had no place there anymore, that she was putting Lisa in a terrible position. But the feeling of a mother’s arms around her wasn’t something she could fight against, and she crumpled into her and let herself be held.

“Shhh. Shhh, you’re okay,” she hummed, running a hand over Indy’s blonde hair that was soaking wet. “Let’s get you inside and get warmed up.”

Indy let herself be led in, shoulders relaxing a bit at the familiarity of where she was until she spotted Grayson’s work boots in the corner and recoiled back. Lisa sat her down in a chair in the kitchen and squatted down until they were eye level.

“Are you hurt?”

Indy shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Is everything okay?” Her tone gave away that she already knew the answer, but Indy shook her head again anyways. Lisa patted her leg and sighed quietly, reaching up to brush some of her hair back.

“Does Grayson know you’re here?”

The squeak that escaped Indy’s lips was the only warning before she let out a sob so loud that Gizmo yelled in shock.

“I’m s-s-s-orry,” she choked, crumpling with her face in her hands.

“No, no no shhh, it’s okay sweetheart. It’s alright, you’re okay.” Lisa pulled her to her as best she could, rocking just barely as she held her.

“No, I shouldn’t have come, I don’t want to make things difficult for you with - him.” Indy couldn’t get herself to say his name and Lisa just shook her head.

“Babe I told you that I would be here for you no matter what, and I meant it, okay? I won’t tell him you’re here unless I need to. You can stay as long as you need, you hear me?” She used her thumbs to wipe at Indy’s tears, frowning at the dark circles she found.

“Sweetheart, when was the last time you got a good night’s sleep?”

Indy’s silence was enough.

“Well, it’s late, and I think sleep is the first thing you need. We can talk tomorrow, but right now, you go up and climb into bed okay? They’re all made up, you can sleep wherever you’d like. Do you need anything, or do you remember where everything is.”

“I remember,” Indy whispered, taking in a shaky breath. “Thank you Li.”

“Of course. You’re a part of this family, always. Now, get some rest. You know where I am if you need me.”

She kissed her forehead and disappeared up the stairs. Indy wasn’t sure how long it took to get herself together and muster the energy to climb those same stairs, take a left into the room she’d been in so many times before.

It still smelled a bit like him, and she couldn’t help but to take a few deep breaths, closing her eyes and pretending he was right there, sprawled out in bed with the blanket held up for her like the first time she’d slept over. It was the same blanket when she opened her eyes again, and the thought of climbing into it without him waiting for her made her sick to her stomach. She couldn’t look at the bed any longer, so she turned to the closet, sighing when she saw all the warm clothes that were far too much fabric for LA, even in the winter. It was almost unconscious, the way she found herself in front of his shirts, running her fingers over the various fabric until she landed on a familiar flannel. Checkered, with blue, white and black squares. Thick and warm, he’d worn it once when they went out to check on the progress of the tiny homes, and she’d woven her arms underneath it when she reached around him to hold on as he drove them through the trees.

Before she could stop herself, she snatched it off the hanger and pushed her arms through the sleeves, eyes prickling at the realization that she felt close to him for the first time in weeks, yet he was still so far away. She retreated back to the bedroom, grabbing one of the pillows and carrying it downstairs, all the way to the couch in the living room. The blankets were still in the basket in the corner, and she grabbed her favorite one before she curled up under it on the cold leather, pulling the flannel fabric up around her chin and closing her eyes.

In the kitchen, Gizmo turned on her perch and cocked her head.

“Dee,” she said, but Indiana was already asleep.

It was the best sleep she had in weeks - the peace of knowing that she wasn’t truly alone enough for her body to force her to catch up. Lisa was surprised to see her still curled up on the couch at 9:30 the next morning when she got ready for work as the rain continued outside. She watched her sleep for a few moments, heart tight at the way her eyebrows were still furrowed and her face buried in the collar of a shirt she was sure was her son’s.

She didn’t know the details, but she knew Grayson well enough to put together the pieces. But she also knew he wouldn’t let Indiana suffer this much if he truly knew how she was doing. It had to be bad if Indiana even considered coming out to the house, and it gave Lisa a level of mom anxiety she hadn’t had since the boys had picked up longboarding again. She wondered how he’d let it go on so long in the first place, and after a moment of debating, she scribbled down a note for Indy, went out to her car as quietly as she could, and called her son.

His phone sent her straight to voicemail. She tried again. Voicemail. With the third dial tone she couldn’t help the pit that grew in her stomach, an automatic mom reflex when your child is unreachable.

Instead, she called Ethan. It rang four times and then she heard a muffled groan and rustling before his voice came through the line.

“Ma, it’s 6:30 in the morning,” he grumbled, voice raspy and dry. “You okay?”

“Why isn’t your brother answering his phone? Are you two okay?”

Ethan sighed, annoyed. “He’s fine Mom, he’s just doing a detox from his phone. People were being shitty. He’s asleep down the hall, not dead in a ditch somewhere,” Ethan chuckled. Lisa wasn’t amused.

“Well, wake him up and un-detox him. He needs to call Indiana. Now.”

Ethan sat up in bed.

“Indy? Why, what’s wrong?”

“That’s for him to figure out. All I know is, she’s not doing well and he needs to call her. Now.”

“What happened?”

“Just make sure he calls her, alright? I’ve gotta get to work, I love you.”

“Alright, love you too.”

As soon as he hung up, he was on his feet, rushing down the hallway and throwing Grayson’s door open. He ran to the edge of his bed, shaking his shoulder until he groaned and opened his eyes.

“The fuck do you want,” he grumbled.

“You need to call Indiana, I just got off the phone with Ma. Something’s wrong.”

Grayson felt sick.

“What happened? Is she safe, is she okay?”

“I don’t know, you just need to call her.”

“You don’t know? You don’t know? The fuck do you mean you don’t know Ethan?” Grayson was yelling, but he was on his feet as he spoke, headed down the hallway in search of the lock box. He rummaged through the kitchen drawer until he found the key, hands so shaky it took three tries to unlock the metal contraption.

His phone was dead when he pulled it out, and it took all his willpower to keep from chucking it at the glass doors.

“Yours, give me yours.”

Ethan was a step ahead of him, already having Indiana’s contact pulled up. Grayson snatched it and hit the call button, heart pounding in his ears as he waited for her to answer.

Indy woke up to the buzzing of her phone against her arm where she’d tucked it the night before. Her eyes flew open - it must be Mrs. Newcomb, calling to tell her that Bekah had gotten worse. She sat up, rubbing at her eyes until she could read the name on her screen.

Ethan.

Her heart sank. She’d thought to call him more times than she wanted to admit, but she figured calling your ex's twin when said ex didn’t want to talk to you was crossing some moral line. Though as she sat on his mother’s couch, she figured it was time to get over the morals and do what she needed to do.

She swiped to answer.

“Dee? Are you okay? Are you safe?”

She couldn’t breathe. Her mouth opened and closed again as she tried to find something to say to the only person she’d wanted to talk to in almost three weeks. She hadn’t had time to prep herself, to give her heart a warning.

“Baby talk to me, tell me you’re okay,” he pleaded, and the pain in his voice was enough to snap her out of it.

“Grayson?” was all she could say.

“Yeah, it’s me. What’s wrong, are you hurt?”

“No, no I’m okay, I’m fine.”

Grayson took a breath for the first time since she picked up the phone. Suddenly, he wasn’t sure what to say, the panic dissipating and leaving his brain blank. Luckily, she spoke.

“I’ve been trying to call you,” she said.

“I know. Indiana I’m sor-”

“It’s Beks.”

His heart skipped a beat, and the silence rang in his ears as he clutched onto the back of the couch. Ethan, who had been eavesdropping from the kitchen, moved closer. Grayson waited for her to speak, to say it so he didn’t have to ask.

“Is she-”

“No.” Indy’s voice broke. “But…”

“Oh god. Fuck. Fuck Indy.” His knees wobbled beneath him.

“She isn’t in any pain, we’ve been keeping her comfortable. But it’s probably gonna be in the next few days,” she whispered between sniffles, her voice squeaky and small as she fought to get the words out.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to have to tell you over the phone but... “ she trailed off. “She asked when you were coming to see her, and I didn’t know what to say.”

The tears were burning as they slid down his cheeks. He squeezed his eyes closed, fighting the imagery of Bekah in her hospital bed, calling out for him.

“Indy-”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to say so I just said you’d be there soon. If you can’t come she probably won’t remember, but I just wanted you to know, in case you wanted to be here. To see her, before…”

“I’m coming. I’ll be right there okay? I’m going to the airport now, I’ll be right there.”

Indy was silent for a moment, her eyes flickering to the rain outside.

“Fly safe. It’s storming here.”

“I will. I’ll see you soon okay? Just hold on, I’ll be there.”

“Okay.”

That sat in silence for a moment until Indiana finally hung up.

“I’m going with you,” Ethan said. He didn’t need context - all he knew is his brother needed him. Grayson nodded once, passed him his phone and headed straight for his room. He packed blindly, throwing things into his suitcase without bothering to fold them, just desperate to get on the road to the airport and get back to New York. Ethan was two steps behind him when he finally made it to the door, his phone pressed to his ear as he tried to explain the situation as best he could to a very worried Eden. Grayson loaded the bags as Ethan climbed into the driver’s seat, leaving the charger open for Grayson’s still dead phone. Ethan practically peeled out of the driveway towards LAX, the cab filled with silence apart from the hum of the engine and the quiet sniffles from Gray when his phone turned back on and he saw all the missed texts and calls from Indiana who had been trying so desperately to reach him. The guilt made him queasy, and Ethan’s driving didn’t help as he hopped lanes and sped on, praying no cops were on the road.

Grayson’s knee bounced impatiently as they waited in the line for parking, paying an astronomical amount seeing that they didn’t know when they would be back. Then they were running, dragging their bags behind them on the asphalt and beelining for the front desk. The attendants eyes went wide when they requested the next flight to New York at the exact same time. It wasn’t taking off for three more hours, much to their dismay, but they accepted it and headed towards security with their heads low and phones in hand.

The next flight doesn’t leave until around 10 but we’ll be on it. I’m sorry.

He watched the bubbles appear and disappear three times over, and then her response came.

nothing to be sorry for. I’m back at the hospital with her, she’s resting. I’ll keep you updated. the storm is still really bad here, please be careful

He wished he could reach out and hold her hand, ease her anxiety about his flight. He couldn’t imagine the emotion of that on top of everything else, so he said all he could think to.

I’ll be safe, and I’ll be there soon.

He typed I love you and deleted it before he sent it.

And then, it was a waiting game. The boys kept their hoods up and their heads down in hopes they wouldn’t be recognized. It seemed the universe was in their favor for the time being, no one bothering them while they waited, but it took a turn when their flight was delayed for weather not once, but twice, pushing their departure time to 2pm instead. He apologized again, agonizing over the thought of Indy sitting in the hospital by herself, but her response was the same.

she’s still resting, it’s okay. just be safe.

“We’re doing everything we can,” Ethan tried to reassure him, but he knew it was futile.

“I should have been there. I should have never left her in the first place Ethan, I’m an idiot.”

“You couldn’t have known this was going to happen. You told me she was getting better.”

He thought his brother was still talking about Bekah, and the queasiness returned.

“She was.”

They sat in silence as the hours crawled by. Ethan bought them lunch from a vegan salad shop down the terminal, even got his brother one of the protein coffee drinks he liked. Grayson picked at the lettuce and left it abandoned for his twin to finish. His only solace was his headphones that he kept pressed far into his ears with a constant stream of Cudi to keep him sane. After what felt like an eternity, they called for boarding. He texted her again to let her know he was on his way, and in a cruel play of the universe or whatever it was, Teleport 2 Me Jamie began to play.

His eyes were blurry as he followed Ethan to their seats, climbing in by the window and readjusting his hood so it folded around his face as much as it could, hiding. Ethan leaned forward and acted like he was reading the SkyMagazine he found in the back of his seat, shielding his brother from view as best he could.

They’d been on a flight like this before. January of 2019 - it had been raining that day too, but they had both been crying that day. So he stayed strong for his brother as best he could, got him a gingerale when the flight attendant passed by, and left Grayson alone.

Indy wished someone would talk to her. She wished Bekah would wake up again - it had been hours of silence apart from the beeps of her monitor and the footsteps of the nurses outside the door. It was never truly silent in a hospital after all. But she was glad that she slept despite the loneliness. She hoped it would mean that she had energy for when Grayson made it to the hospital.

Grayson.

Her brain didn’t have the space to process that he would be there in the next six hours. His text that said he had boarded barely even registered in her mind, but her body was aware. Her anxiety picked up ten fold, her leg bouncing until it cramped, her lungs tight and fingernails bit down to the nail beds. The rain was relentless, as if the city were drowning already and it decided to add more for the fun of it, to watch the humans run around like ants in their multicolored raincoats. The universe was sick that way.

Mr. Newcomb returned from the nurses station where he’d insisted on dropping off some cookies he’d bought at the store. He was quiet as he came into the room, eyes on his daughter until he finally peeled them away to look at Indy.

“Do you think she’ll be asleep a little while longer? We were hoping to take some of her clothes home and wash them, so she has her choice from all her favorites for the next few days.”

“I think so. My… friend is coming later. Her other buddy, from the program. We’ll keep her company if you guys need to eat and get some sleep for a few hours. I can text you if anything changes.”

“I’ll see if I can convince Martina to get some shut eye I will,” he laughed, giving Indy a grateful smile and taking one more glance at his girl before he gathered her laundry and left. It only hit Indiana when he stepped out that she had never known Martina’s name until then. Bekah’s father was named Tarin, she knew that much. But she’d never even gotten to a first name basis with Martina. In all the years they’d known each other, and all the hours in hospital rooms and tears shared, she’d never been anything but Bekah’s mom to Indy. It wasn’t uncommon for Indiana to keep mom’s at an arm’s length from her. A protective mechanism she’d never consciously implemented, but it prevailed nonetheless.

She wondered if Bekah would have wanted to be a mom someday. When she was 13 she’d insisted that men were trash and that she’d never get married even if she made it through all her cancer, but as she’d gotten a bit older she loved to talk about all her celebrity crushes. Indy looked in her side drawer and smiled when she found the little picture of Harry Styles she’d given her during her last round of treatment - she’d taken it with her to every room since.

Indy paced the room, her anxiety to high to allow her to sit. She thought of Grayson on a plane somewhere, the metal tube rocking in the sky, cutting through the clouds. When she would get to the window she’d look up, hoping to see the lights from the wing of a plane somewhere, hoping it was his and that it was coming down safely.

She paced for two more hours before her phone buzzed.

Landed. I should be there in about 40. She still asleep?

Indy took in her first deep breath in hours.

yeah, she’s still out. I’ll meet you in the ocean hallway so you don’t have to buzz in, just text me when you’re close.

Will do.

Ma is picking us up so as soon as we get out we’ll head straight there

Ethan is with me but he’s just gonna go home with her for now

sounds good

She didn’t have much to say, her stomach fluttering against her will. Her emotions were too unbalanced for her to even know what was happening. Excitement, and fear and grief and anxiety and anger and confusion, all at once somehow. She wrapped her arms around herself to try to hold it together and went back to pacing.

Grayson was soaked by the time he made it into Lisa’s car, scurrying into the backseat and barking out directions harsher than he meant to.

“I already have it in the GPS. Calm down,” Lisa said, giving Ethan a side eye in the passenger seat.

“Sorry,” Grayson muttered, ringing his hands.

“S’alright babe,” Lisa sighed, reaching an arm back to pat his leg where she could reach. They drove in silence, listening to the rain smack against the roof and the windshield until Ethan spoke up.

“Did Indy call you? Is that how you knew something was wrong?” He asked Lisa. He hadn’t said anything, but he was worried too.

Lisa debated it for a moment, and then she sighed.

“She was upset, and she needed to get in touch with Grayson,” was all she said. “The rest of it, she can tell you.”

Gray didn’t have the energy to be annoyed. Every ounce he had was involved in the visuals flipping through his mind like a viewfinder; Indy in the ocean hallway, Bekah and her halloween blanket, the tiny homes, Indy’s tears in the airport. He hadn’t imagined that the next time he saw her would be like this. He wanted it to be different. Better. He wanted everything to be better.

When they finally made it to the hospital, Lisa pulled to the curb and turned to her youngest son with a serious look.

“You take care of her, but you take care of you too, okay? I love you.”

Grayson’s nose burned and he nodded once before he ducked out into the rain.

Indy stopped walking, and breathing, when her phone buzzed again.

Here. Omw up

She liked the message, fixed Bekah’s blankets and headed out into the hallway and through the doors. The smiles of the marine life were haunting as she waited for any sign that he was close.

Her head whipped up when she heard the familiar clammer of the far doors being pushed open.

He was wearing his yellow Cudi hoodie, but it was the wrong color. The fabric was darker than she remembered, darker than the picture she had of him in it, the one she’d taken in Jet’s once. It didn’t process that it was because it was wet until he was halfway down the hall. His hair was a bit longer than it had been, without Lisa there to trim it up. And his beard was full and scruffy and dark, hiding away his jaw line. She could still tell that his teeth were clenched though, his nerves palpable as he got closer and closer to her.

His shoe squeaked when he stopped in front of her. Neither of them breathed for a moment. They just stared at each other. He shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets to keep himself from hugging her, from crossing a boundary that he wished he’d never set.

“Hi,” he said.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

“Hey. How was your flight?”

“Long, but not too bumpy.”

Another painful beat of silence.

“How is she?”

“She’s still asleep, but we can wake her up. Meds are coming soon, just stuff to keep her comfortable. Her vitals are still okay, she’s just a bit groggy. But she’s excited to see you.” Indy offered him a small smile, and it had his knees ready to give out beneath him.

“And you? Are you okay?” He asked.

Indy’s smile faded, and she looked at the jellyfish.

“That doesn’t matter right now. C’mon, let’s go see her.”

Indy used her badge to swipe into the door, but Grayson’s throat was too tight to ask her about it. Instead he just followed her down the familiar hallway, trying to avoid the looks of pity from the nurses who recognized him.

Indy caught his wrist before he walked into the room.

“I didn’t… she doesn’t know about… us. I didn’t want to upset her, and it never really came up. I’m sorry,” she whispered. She sounded ashamed, but all Grayson could focus on was the feeling of her hand on his skin again, even if it was just a few fingers.

“Okay. That’s okay.”

“Okay.”

Indy walked into the room, the most hesitant that Grayson had ever seen her.

Beks looked cold. Even cuddled under her blankets she looked like she was freezing, and Grayson had trouble breathing. Indy went to the side of her bed, ran her thumb across her cheek and over to her shoulder where she squeezed gently.

“Beks, hey. Bekah,” she used her most gentle voice until the youngster stirred. “Someone’s here to see you.”

Grayson pulled it together in the last moment before Bekah opened her eyes.

“Earrings,” she sighed, a small smile on her lips. It was the most expression Indy had seen all day. “You made it.”

“Of course I did sweet girl,” he chuckled to hide his pain, moving beside Indy and crouching down so Bekah could see him easier. “Sorry it took me so long.”

“S’okay. We all know you’re slow,” she teased. “Hey, no tears. No crying in Bekah’s room.”

He hadn’t even realized he was until she said it, and he used his hoodie to wipe his eyes.

“Sorry Beks. Just missed you is all.”

“Yeah, well we missed you too. Did you convince my parents to go home?”

“Yeah,” Indy answered. “They’re getting some rest and bringing you some clean clothes.”

“Mmm, good. I think that black hoodie is a good one to die in,” she said, body shaking just barely with a laugh that turned into a cough.

“Pardon the death jokes, you’ll get used to them,” Bekah smiled at Grayson and the shock on his face once her throat cleared enough.

He thought of Sean, how he had pretended everything was fine until the very end, and he smiled.

“Don’t you think a black death hoodie is a little on the nose?” He said, and Bekah laughed. It sounded the most like her real one since she’d been off her treatment, and it warmed Indy’s soul.

“Fair point. Maybe I should go with blue. You think someone will let me into heaven if I’m in blue or will I just blend in with the sky?”

“I don’t think anyone has to let you in,” Indy said with a laugh, crouching down next to Grayson. Their knees bumped together. “Pretty sure you just end up there.”

“I hope so. There’s no one there to find me anyways.” The playful edge was gone from her voice, and Grayson frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m the first one. I mean, I guess my grandma is up there but I never knew her. Everybody always talks about how their family will be there, when they go.” She paused, taking a few deep breaths to get her energy back. She hadn’t talked so much in days, and her heart rate was rising from the exertion of it. The pair waited patiently, giving her the time she needed to finish her thought.

“I don’t have anyone to die for, anybody waiting on me. I gotta find my way in there alone.”

The innocence of it was enough to rip Indy’s heart in half, and she couldn’t find the comforting words that she wanted to give. But Grayson cleared his throat.

“You won’t be alone. I know of at least two people who will be right there waiting for you.”

She perked up a bit, eyes opening wider from where they’d started to close. “Really?”

“Yeah. My dad. He looks kinda like me, but shorter, with a better beard. His name is Sean.”

Bekah smiled. “Whose the other one?”

“A tall blonde lady named Nicole. Indy’s mom. Looks just like her, you won’t be able to miss her. They’ll help you, and keep you safe.” The sincerity in his voice was enough for Indy to realize he desperately wanted it to be true. She turned her head to hide her tears, clinging onto the bed rail to keep herself steady.

“That sounds nice,” Bekah breathed, her eyes slowly closing. “You all want me to tell them anything, when I get there?”

It was Grayson’s turn to lose his voice.

“No babe. We can tell them when we get up there.” Indy answered after a moment too long.

“That better not be for a long time. I gotta have some entertainment. Watch you all grow up and get married and have kids. You better name one after me too,” she sighed, her voice getting quieter as her heart sped up.

“You bet,” Grayson said, leaning forward to kiss her forehead as her breathing slowed and evened out again. It was slower than it should be, and Grayson realized his own breathing was fast… too fast. He brought a hand to his chest, then his other to cover his mouth and keep himself quiet.

“Shh, shhh hey, you’re okay, here, c’mon, you’re okay.” Indy’s voice was in his ear, her arms under his to try and guide him up to his feet, then out to the hallway. She held his arm and pulled him over into a supply closet that she swiped into, letting the door shut behind them.

“Breathe Grayson. It’s okay, just breathe.”

He fell to pieces in her arms, his back curled painfully so he could bury his face in the crook of her neck and sob. They were ugly sounds, wet and snotty and raw and she didn’t care. She just held him together as best she could with her small hands, let him relax into her and get it out of his system. His shoulders stilled eventually, but his arms stayed locked around her like a vice.

Neither of them moved until the motion sensor light clicked off, covering them in darkness.

They didn’t speak. They untangled themselves and let the light turn back on before they headed back into the hallway as if nothing had happened, back into Bekahs room. Her heart rate was perpetually high now, fighting to keep the blood pumping.

Another sign that the end was coming soon.

Indiana and Grayson sat down on the couch beside each other, just close enough for their shoulders to graze occasionally when they shifted. Indy watched the monitors and Grayson watched her, reading her expressions as best he could over what felt like an eternity. He looked at all the things he’d missed - the freckle by her ear, and the baby hairs that sat by her temple and never seemed to grow.

It could have been minutes, or hours. No one was sure. But eventually Indy’s posture slumped slightly, and with a final sigh she leaned over to the left, her head resting on Grayson’s shoulder.

He stopped breathing, only allowing himself shallow inhales that left his torso perfectly still so she could rest. He didn’t know how to feel, and against his will his eyes prickled at the realization that despite the fucked up situation they were in, she was there, leaned against him. Beside him. Something he wasn’t sure he was ever going to get ever again. The way she shifted and mumbled in her sleep let him know she wasn’t comfortable, but he let himself be selfish for a few minutes and soothed her back down so she stayed, relished in the weight of her on him and resisting the urge to wrap his arm around her shoulders.

He moved as carefully as he ever had to press a tiny kiss to her hair.

She sighed and settled down further in her seat, moving her head onto the back of the couch and freeing him.

The angle of her neck looked painful, and he scanned the room, noticing that they’d brought in two recliners, presumably for her parents. He stood up carefully and dragged the chairs away from the wall, lining them up like he had in his dad’s room. He hunted down a few extra pillows from the nurses, blankets too, and brought them in, making little makeshift beds for the two of them.

He felt guilt waking Indy up, but he didn’t want to pick her up without permission. Instead, he shook her shoulder gently until she stirred, panicking for a moment until she realized everything was okay. Her heart fluttered at the realization that Grayson was still there.

“Sleep over here, it’ll save your neck.” He nodded towards the chair and she stood up slowly, groggily moving over into one of them. She sighed as she settled in, exhaustion taking over. Grayson liked to think that she felt peaceful enough, safe enough to sleep because he was there, but he didn’t let himself believe it. So he simply moved her blanket up over her torso before he climbed into his own chair that faced the other way so they could see each other.

He watched her sleep for a moment, and then her hand moved just far enough down the arm rest. She wiggled her fingers until he got the message, slipping his hand into hers before he too fell asleep.

When they awoke the next morning, their hands were still intertwined, and Bekah’s parents were coming in the doorway. Indy woke up first, sitting up straight and squeezing Grayson’s hand.

“Grayson. Gray, hey, wake up.”

He grumbled until he was able to open his eyes, wiping his mouth with his hoodie sleeve as he came to and realized where he was. He was quick to stand, to introduce himself to Bekah’s parents with firm handshakes. His hair was a mess, and Indy bit her fingernails to keep from reaching out to smooth it out.

The day went by, measured by the heart rate monitor beeps that got quicker and quicker, and the rattling of Bekah’s breath as the fluid settled in her lungs. Martina and Indy changed her into her blue hoodie, and fixed her favorite scarf - one with tiny blue lightning bolts - over her head.

Indy and Gray didn’t have the energy or stamina to try to figure out where they stood, so they chose together, for the time being. She kept her arm wrapped around his, the way she used to when he walked her down the street. He traced over her fingers where she held onto him, chewing her lip while she watched her vitals grow worse and worse, all the red flags she would be trying to fix if that was the goal. Around 3pm, the nurse came into the room. The way Indy tensed was enough for Grayson to know something was happening.

“We’re gonna give her a bit more sedation to keep her comfortable. With the current levels of her vitals, it might slow her down enough to let her pass peacefully. There are no guarantees, but it is possible.”

Martina began to cry into her husband’s shoulder.

“So we should say our goodbyes then?” Tarin asked through a tight throat. The nurse nodded.

“We’ll administer it and then give you guys some privacy.”

“She won’t be in any pain, right?”

“No sir. It’ll just be like falling asleep.”

Indy watched as she set up her IV and stepped out of the room.

Grayson and Indy followed her out quietly, giving Bekah and her parents the moment that they needed. Indy’s breath was shaky, and she held tighter to Grayson as they waited in the hallway. He looked up towards the light in an attempt to stop the tears, and a few moments later, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

It was Martina, her eyes red and cheeks blotchy.

“You all are family. She would want you here with her.”

Grayson’s feet wouldn’t move until Indy guided him back into the room.

Bekah’s parents stayed on either side of her bed and held her hands while Indy and Grayson stood at the foot of her bed and watched her take her last breath.

Indy didn’t cry. She stood watch, only moving when the nurses came in to confirm time of death. She went and turned the monitors off, cutting the monotonous tone out abruptly as they removed Bekah’s IV. Grayson’s quiet sniffled and muffled sobs were almost enough to tip her over the edge, but she held it together. She hugged Martina, then Tarin, and then retreated into Grayson’s side yet again.

There wasn’t a signal, or anyone that told them it was time to go. But they found themselves outside in the hallway eventually, and they walked arm and arm. They signed out at the desk for the last time and walked out the doors of the pediatric oncology ward, through the ocean hallway and down the stairs.

The rain had stopped.

They walked the streets in silence, holding onto each other tightly as people passed them on the sidewalk, completely unaware of what had just happened to them. The world continued to turn, the city continued to bustle, and they continued to walk, one foot in front of the other until they made it to the elevator of her building.

Indy watched the numbers go by as it climbed. She didn’t say a word when they got to her floor, or through her door or over to her couch. Grayson sat down beside her and took his shoes off. She stared over his shoulder out the windows, an overwhelming numbness settling over her entirety.

“Indy, why don’t you take your shoes off,” Grayson whispered.

She didn’t look at him.

“Indy?”

He waited. The blues in her eyes were dark, and his heart sank. He knelt down and untied her shoes, sliding them off her feet gently. He took her socks off too - she hated sleeping in socks.

“I’ve got you. You’re safe, it’s okay,” he said, brushing some of her hair behind her ear. She swallowed hard, and that was enough for Grayson to justify picking her up and carrying her into her room. He sat her down and pulled her covers back before he got her into bed.

Once she was settled he stood up, waiting for just a moment before he spoke.

“I’ll be on the couch if you need me okay? I’ll be right here.”

Indy blinked hard, and then she shook her head.

Grayson went to his knees beside her in an instant, ready to do whatever she needed.

“Stay.”

That was all he needed. He circled around the bed and climbed in behind her, coiling his arm around her torso and crushing her back against him, pressing her into him everywhere he could. He willed himself to shield her, from the pain and the reality of what had just happened. He pressed a kiss to her hair and closed his eyes and he held his girl until morning.

#some of yall bout to be real mad at me #oop #PLS LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK :D #mixtape #grayson dolan #grayson dolan fanfiction #dolan twins #dolan twins fanfiction

80 notes · View notes

strangerays · 3 years

Text

Nothing in Particular Update #2

It’s the Nothing and Particular and Everything update part two: the electric booglaloo. This one is long, so strap in.

It’s been a while since I wrote an update for this story. To be honest, this one gave me a lot of stress, but here I am! Writing this story feels like it is going very slow. I keep telling myself I’ve made a lot of progress (which is true, I have) but for some reason it doesn’t feel like I have? This is likely just my own insecurity. To be frank, I can’t believe I’m still writing this story. If you had told me in February that I’d still be writing this when the weather got warm, I would have laughed.

I am SO excited that I will finally be able to focus on writing now that I’m out of school. I’m afraid to speak the rough deadline that I’ve given myself for this story (the end of August-early September) but now that I’ve spoken it into existence, I hope I can finish! (I hope I can stop watching dumb videogame playthroughs and listening to The Magnus Archives and get something done)

Here is a link to the story introduction and previous update!

TAGLIST (ask to be +/-); @wannabeauthorzofija @a-completely-normal-writer @baguettethebooklover @corkytheguar @writeherewaiting

STORY CHANGES/THOUGHTS/IDEAS:

Here is a big one: I’ve been trying to write this story for myself. I started writing Ray’s story from a place that was personal to me, but I feel like, as that part of myself has begun to heal, I’ve started to think about what a reader would want out of the story. I’m realizing that this is my story so it has to be what I want. Drafts are drafts for a reason, so I’m going to try to get better at letting myself explore what is fun to me.

I always thought I was a discovery writer (I still sort of think I am) but as I’ve finished small sections of the story, I am finding that it’s very helpful to do a rough outline of scenes in upcoming chapters. (I also recommend turning to this if something doesn’t work and you need to retrace your steps!) Just helps me feel more organized!

Jude’s character has got to be one of the most difficult personalities I’ve ever written. Putting her beside Ray just makes it harder. Where Ray is secretive and keeps to herself, Jude is ready to unpack her entire life’s story to anyone. I find that I really have to slow down when writing their interactions. I know this is going to be nowhere near perfect in the first draft, but I think it is a main contributor to my slow writing.

I really like this little narrative I’ve created in the background of the main plot with Ray and Lonan. I love writing these scenes because it’s a way for me to use Lonan when he’s not actively with Ray and to show why Ray is predetermined about things at certain points. Also I love their friendship so much <3

CONGRATULATIONS TO ME on starting to read again because I forgot how much of a help reading other people’s stories can be when you’re struggling with your own oml

I now have a set timeline for the story! Takes place ~4-5 months.

I did that thing where you write a letter from the characters’ perspectives and that was kind of fun

Also just for fun I thought I’d add in that I spent an hour and a half last week filling up a page in my sketchbook with diagrams of the plot. It feels good to be a mad scientist

EXCERPTS UNDER THE CUT!

*At this point, I’m only sharing writing that I am really proud of in order not to spoil the story! This is because I am unsure whether I want to publish this story someday. With that said, that does NOT give you permission to steal my ideas!

CHAPTER: NIGHT CRIES

In the last week of summer, I did everything I could to avoid post-vacation blues. I rode my bike along the gravel roads with no destination, wore my dark sunglasses to people-watch, and fed salami to the minnows that floated on the cusps of boulders. Usually, I sat still for so long that my elbows turned a deep shade of red and the blood in my toes buzzed.

New pockets seemed to open up in Point Blink every day. And with them, came new people. Most of them were older – a middle aged woman who caked her lipstick on, an uncle estranged from his brother, a couple who had miscarried. I hadn’t forgotten about the kids at Mothouse. It was impossible not to think about them. It wasn’t just that I’d never seen them before.

The girl’s limp cigarette bled a trail of smoke that seeped into my Vans. My shirt folded like skin over my bed post. Haunted the room – foiled my mauve sheets and teased my locks. Swept the curtains apart and heated the oak floor. Beams of moonlight leapt to my bookcases; highlighted the posters from various podcasts and bands that I listened to. Wind whistled when I was too still. She forced me to look outside, onto the dark cul-de-sac lit by the reflections of forming rain puddles. No matter whether I sat at my desk or burrowed under my sheets, I felt out of place. She made my bedroom louder. She made my bedroom quieter.

I decided it would probably be best if I never saw her again.

To be honest, I don’t remember much about writing this chapter because it was over a month ago (sorry) but I’m still quite happy with the prose! This comes in after Ray sees Jude for the first time at Mothouse. Based on a first impression, decides that she might want be friends with Jude.

CHAPTER: SORRY

If you spend any long amount of time with someone, you’ll become a thief to their behaviors. If I stared long enough, trees began to replace all of the people we’d ever seen. Oaks had roots that serpentined the ground like children splashing in the bay, pines with needles like spindly old hands, maples with hollows like watchful eyes – all things Lonan had taught me to observe.

CHAPTER: GHOSTS

Then there was the sea – violent and knowing as it romped within bays and alcoves. She had eaten me many times before, both my father and Lonan too. Gulped them as if they were shining plastic wrappings left behind after a meal. I spited her for inviting me once again. I reached up again to grapple with the next rung. It twisted and offered a low whistle.

In these two chapters, Ray is on a photography trip with her class. This is the first time she’s been on this annual trip without Lonan. She left that morning with a goal of being independent and learning to get on with one of the only people she has felt close to. I realize now that the Ghost excerpt sort of sounds like her dad and Lonan have drowned?? Which was not my intention??

CHAPTER: A DIVINE INTERVENTION

“Do you believe in ghosts?” A raspy voice teased from behind me. Cigarette smoke tickled the words, like they were stuck together with jelly inside of her. The question wasn’t particularly calming, but it strengthened my grip on reality. As if the foiled leaves, bark, and dandelions had sprung from the ground and begun to float, they came crashing back down.

I was made of stone.

“I’m not a ghost,” Jude said. “If I was, a ladder would be a pretty counteractive way to outrun me. I could just float up there and haunt you.”

“Maybe you’re a ghost,” she asked, her voice distant.

I shifted my grasp up and down the sides of the ladder. “What?”

“Don’t you believe in ghosts?”

I was reading back some of Ray and Jude’s conversation and there are so many snippets of dialogue that make me laugh because I totally forgot I wrote them... but UGhhH I don’t know if I want to share them because I don’t know whether or not I want to try and publish the story someday. Speaking of that, it’s sort of because it’s so personal to me? I don’t know (this is for future me to pursue) Honestly though, reading these back has made me really happy :)

I wanted to shake her by the shoulders. She acted as though Point Blink could breathe – as though corpses in the cemetery might pull the grass away like dead skin, neighbors would draw blades, and blood-salt would stain her clothes rather than that from the sea. “Trust me, they’ll forgive you. But, I’m just saying, most people around here don’t care nearly as much as you think so. Most of them are way older anyways, so they’re tired of us.”

“Is that you complimenting yourself?” Jude asked.

“Not intentionally,” I said, “but I will take it.”

She laughed. “You shouldn’t be so nice to strangers.”

I wasn’t trying to be. I just didn’t think I wanted her to dislike me.

“I don’t think it’s a bad thing or a good thing,” Jude said. “Being good gets you tucked into a thousand different memories. Being good makes you live a lifetime.”

I almost laughed, but then I wondered what I was to her now. “I don’t talk to lots of people.”

“Sometimes there aren’t many people to talk to. But I thought you would have loads of friends.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. “I thought you would too.”

Alarm like grief lit her eyes, but she laughed. I did too.

“You hardly know me,” she said quietly.

Then the girls explore some old newspapers and letters in a fire tower! Spooky fun!

CHAPTER: YOU LET THIS HAPPEN

This isn’t a major spoiler as it’s literally in the blurb I wrote, but Ray and Jude are caught (targeted..??) in a fire. Ray is brought back to a field where she is questioned.

CHAPTER: NOTHING HAPPENS

He was quiet for several moments while he painted a picture with what little details I had given him, then said, “It’s unfair. I think that’s why it hurts.”

“Because we almost got hurt?”

“No. Because it came true.”

His gentle, ragged voice made me think I could tell him anything. Sometimes, I think that, even then, he knew I left something out.

Ray talks to Lonan after the fire... She’s being a bit dishonest about what actually happened.

CHAPTER: WHY NOT

I remember how the barest amount of red light glared across Lonan’s entire scalp and washed his boyish curls magenta from the roots out. When Jude leaned back on the counter, she melded into the darkness.

This chapter is just part of the narrative that I created with Ray and Lonan’s friendship. There isn’t much I want to spoil from it, but I liked this paragraph!

CHAPTER: INEVITABLE

“We didn’t do anything,” I said.

“Someone did. Why won’t you believe me?”

“I think I would remember whether or not someone was there with us,” I said, “even if we didn’t have the picture.”

This was untrue. I hung lots of photos in my room. A long time would pass before I went to a restaurant again, or a specific coven on one of the beaches, or an outfit that I wore, and I would look into one of my pictures and remember it, and then I would be quite angry with myself that I had almost forgotten that thing forever.

“I don’t think you understand what I mean,” Jude said. I didn’t like the way she’d lowered her voice. She sounded different every time I saw her. She reached out her arm so our photos were side by side and our fingers were almost touching. “I don’t think you want to.”

Ray finds herself alone in the school’s dark room with Jude. Based on the contents of one of her photos, she tries to convince Ray that there is more to the fire than what meets the eye.

CHAPTER: (this one is untitled)

I didn’t mind that he followed me everywhere. Even when he was quiet, I didn’t find it strange to be around him. We sat silently through films and went on walks. Once, he had fallen asleep while watching The Iron Giant in my bed. I didn’t know if I should wake him up once it ended. I tried not to stare at him. He’d rolled onto his side and bundled himself in one of my blankets covered in stars up to his shoulders so only his small face poked out like a baby owl’s. His soft breath messed his dirty gold coils. They were at their longest. Except for the ebbing light from a candle on my desk, my house was asleep – Lonan needed to go home.

For the first time, I wondered if anyone cared where he was.

Another small part of the little friendship narrative! (This really is the part of the story where I get nostalgic for my childhood, isn’t it) Ray starts to discover more about Lonan’s home life in this part of the story, but there’s not much that I think I want to reveal about that for now.

CHAPTER: THE CRUX OF IT

Why did I feel so paranoid? I found myself staring out the window, into the film of blue that the late sun shown onto the grass and trying to remember what summer felt like.

My main problem was that I didn’t know how to talk to Jude unless it was about Sugarfell. I ran from the hush of cigarette smoke behind closing doors and heard her loud voice in conversations. Even though there might have still been a part of me that wanted to be friends with her, I didn’t have much to base that feeling off of. I could have spent hours clicking the little pieces of her that I had together, but the crux of it was that I would never know Jude unless I forced myself to.

For some reason, that really scared me.

I spent all week trying to think of what to say to her. By Friday afternoon, I still had nothing.

I left off writing with Ray actively avoiding Jude’s little investigation into the arsonist. Ray doesn’t want to be involved in this because she feels that it will throw her sense of normalcy off course. She really just wants to learn how to adapt to a life without her best friend. (It doesn’t help that she’s got fresh trauma)

What will Ray decide? I don’t know. We shall see. (just kidding I know)

Sorry this update was longer! I think I would like to start updating more often than once a month just because they would be shorter and those of you reading this won’t forget what happened in the last update. There are thousands and thousands of words that didn’t show up in this update because - like I said - I don’t know whether I want to publish this story ever?? I’ll probably talk more about this in a separate update.

Thank you so much to those of you who read about my story! I hope you enjoy it!

p.s. btw I now have a myWriteClub account! You can check it out here and stalk me as I tragically fail my writing goals!

#ffs writing this update was like throwing a boulder into a lake #there was so much I wanted to share #it's really difficult to decide what to share as sometimes a paragraph that I'm really proud of will be really spoilery #I can only imagine this will be more and more difficult as I get further into the story #ANYWAYS #I feel like I'm really beginning to see who my characters are <3 #I feel like a proud mother #To be honest #I kind of hated Jude in the beginning #but now I feel like Ray hates her too so that makes me like her #haha im so mean #tune in next time for a Sapphic spy date

16 notes · View notes

aethersea · 3 years

Text

you know what, I never do these things, but actually I’ve decided I would like to get to know people better! I would like to partake of the mortifying ordeal! I would like to talk about myself for a bit!

ok for the next...let’s say five days I will answer any of these things that people tag me in, or any random personal questions you plop in my ask box. I don’t have an ask meme on hand but just....pick one you’ve seen recently, or make up questions of your own, and I’ll answer. (the answer might be ‘nope that’s private’ but I will answer.) (@ the anon who asked for book recs - I see you, I’ve been thinking of books all day, I’m going to give you SUCH a long answer, I hope you don’t regret your choices bc it WILL be full of gushing)

alright, let’s go!

🌻 Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

Tagged by @booksandchainmail

Last Song: I’m currently listening to “Falcon in the Dive” from the Scarlet Pimpernel musical on loop. I watched one or two Scarlet Pimpernel movies when I was just barely too young to fully get what was going on, and the story’s held an odd but deep-seated place in my heart ever since. A few years ago I found out there’s a musical and most of the songs are pretty stellar (go listen to “Madame Guillotine” if you like big ensemble broadway numbers, it’s a banger, the bit where he cries out for God has been running through my mind on and off for a few days now haha not like that’s topical or anything), so every once in a while I spend a few days listening to them a lot.

Sometime last year I read the actual book, and got super into the whole concept of the Scarlet Pimpernel for a while. I plotted out Pimpernel aus for several fandoms, I read the entire wikipedia article, and I went looking for bootlegs of the musical. I didn’t find one, but I did find a full radioplay-style recording of the script, complete with full musical numbers, and listened to it like a podcast.

Reader, I was so disappointed. The play adds some scenes, bc a lot of the dramatic tension of the novel comes from internal conflict and that doesn’t stage super well, and the very first scene of this play – a play written in the NINETIES – features our dashing hero rescuing some aristocrats from a French prison, and then saying to the person in the next cell, who begs for rescue but is not an aristocrat, “We have enough of your kind in England.”

Enough! of your KIND! What in the merry frickety HECK my dudes!! The book has some rather unfortunate™ takes but it is from 1905, it’s regrettable but sadly to be expected. This play is from 1997. It has NO excuse. This scene wasn’t even in the book! What! the heck!

I was so disheartened that I lost my excitement for the play, and a couple songs later I stopped listening. It occurred to me just a few days ago that you could actually stage that ironically, with the person in the cell giving the audience a “can you believe this” look, and then the rest of the play could feature assorted non-aristocratic ensemble members constantly looking at the audience like they’re on The Office. And hey, maybe that’s what they did, or something similar – maybe that was never meant to be taken as a cleanly heroic stance, and the play deals with it in a complex way. It’s possible. I wouldn’t know. Kinda doubt it though, based on song lyrics.

Favorite Color: red, probably

Last Movie: I watched that new lesbian christmas movie with my family for christmas, the one with kirsten stewart and the guy from schitt’s creek. it’s very sweet and good and kinda sad, and I really enjoyed it. it also incidentally has the best gay best friend trope in probably anything ever, bc it’s not a trope (I didn’t realize until several hours after watching that it technically fits), it’s just a guy who is the protagonist’s best friend, and they’re just all gay, and then when he Gives Relationship Advice as a gay best friend always does, it’s advice about how to deal with your partner’s hangups around coming out.

actually every part of the gay best friend trope becomes better when they’re just best friends who are both gay. the big dramatic gestures (in this case, driving some ungodly distance in the snow on no notice) go from “haha how kooky” to “queer man will do anything he needs to to rescue his queer friend from an isolating & potentially triggering situation”. the relationship advice isn’t “honey you deserve some self-respect, treat yourself”, it’s a deeply sincere reminder of the vulnerability that is shared across almost everyone’s queer experience, and look I could ramble about this for a long time before reaching a coherent point but I’m INTO IT, okay? I’m into it.

Last Show: you want me to remember what show I last finished???? impossible, cannot be done, it was a long time ago and the adhd has eaten everything that happened before last week. here, instead I’ll tell you about another movie I watched, late at night with my mom in cozy companionship just a couple days ago. it’s called Quigley Down Under and it’s about a cowboy who goes to Australia and kills a bunch of racists, 10/10 would watch again. it’s from 1990 but it feels much older, with the music choices and the cinematography of a 70s Western. the cowboy is great, honorable and fearless and kind, but the breakaway star of this movie for me is the woman who attaches herself to his side and refuses to leave. her name is Cora, and she’s crazy, in the sense that she’s not altogether tethered to reality, but this never for a second diminishes her agency. she’s fierce and clever and compassionate, and she basically never does anything she doesn’t want to in the whole movie. her arc is about overcoming trauma by taking charge of her own fear and facing it head-on, she is never belittled or dismissed by the narrative or the protagonist, and look she’s just so cool. I love her. she’s so vibrantly alive. her story could probably have been handled with a bit more nuance, but honestly for the 90s it’s pretty great. I’m no expert, but I found nothing objectionable in it, just a bit of heavy-handedness.

anyway the theme of the movie is that racism is evil and racists deserve to be shot, and this too could have been handled better (not a single aboriginal character speaks a single line of english in this movie), but it follows through on that message in every way, while still being a fun kinda campy cowboy movie. overall a very good time.

Currently Watching: started showing my sister Hilda the other day, and she’s liking it! I love that show, it’s so incredibly cute. can’t wait to see season 2

Currently Reading: lmao I wish. lately the brain has firmly rejected all attempts to read anything of any length. currently pending, bc I was halfway through them when my brain stalled out, are tano’s fic What Does Kill You Can Make You Stronger, Too, a Toby Daye book - I think it was The Brightest Fell, I got like half a chapter in and haven’t picked it up in over a month, the Locked Tomb series, and probably a few other things too. ooh! also a book called Making Sex by thomas laqueur, which is my fancy academic reading that I’ve been doing in short bursts for the past year or two when I feel fancy and academic. it’s about the development of the concept of biological sex and of gender in Western society, and it’s fascinating. has among other things introduced me to the idea that until quite recently, fathers were a matter of faith. the mother? yeah, you can watch the baby pop out, we all know who the mother is. but the father? how can you know? how can you really know? we have paternity tests these days, but for all of human history up until now, we've just had to take fatherhood on faith. (not to mention we didn’t even know what fathers were contributing to the production of a fetus. clearly it was something, since you can’t get pregnant without a penis getting involved, but we have literally not known what until the past few decades. and that is wild. it has colored ALL of human history, all of our conceptions of society and family and kinship and gender, all of it, and it hadn’t even occurred to me until it was spelled out for me in this book, and it’s just......wow.

Salty, sweet or savory: for christmas my sister and I made seven different types of cookie, most of them involving chocolate somehow.

Craving: no bc I ate so many cookies. unless sleep counts. or maybe pringles, it’s been many moons since last I had a potato chip and I miss them.

Coffee or Tea: no thank you

Tagging: @coloursisee, @krchy-tuna, @sam-j-squirrel, @xzienne, @mirandatam, @viciousmaukeries, @sepulchritude, @elidyce, and @navigatorsnorth bc it’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I’m super hyped that you’re married now. v happy for you!

#finx rambles #finx has friends on the internet #be sure to tag me if you do this so I can go read it!#also you don't have to yammer on as much as I do #I'm just Like This you know #hmm perhaps I should readmore this actually #hmmmmmmm #I think I will use the excuse that it is 6 am to not do that #on account of how surely there are not many people up #and anyway this isn't meant for reblogging; you will only have to deal with this post once

87 notes · View notes

yumeka36 · 4 years

Text

The Frozen 2 prequel novel, “Dangerous Secrets: The Story of Iduna and Agnarr,” is scheduled to release on November 3rd. A preview excerpt was just released via this article from Insider.com. I pasted it below, with my thoughts following:

---

THE STORM IS GETTING WORSE.

Lightning slashes across an angry black sky, soon followed by the crash of thunder. Waves pound against the ship's hull as I grip the wooden rail with white knuckles. Fierce gusts of wind tug my hair free from its braid, and damp brown strands whip at my face. I don't dare let go to brush them away.

Instead, I keep my eyes on the sea. Looking for her.

In some ways, I've spent my entire life looking for her. And tonight, my journey may finally come to an end. Unfinished. Unfound.

Ahtohallan. Please! I need you!

Perhaps she never existed at all. Perhaps she was simply a myth. A silly song to lull children to sleep. To make them feel safe and secure in a world that's anything but. Perhaps I was a fool to think we could simply go and seek her out. Learn the mother's secrets.

I do know something about a mother's secrets.

Another wave sweeps in, bashing against the ship's hull, sending a spray of icy seawater splashing at my face. I stumble backward, momentarily blinded by the salt stinging my eyes. A strong pair of hands clamps down on my hips; a solid chest at my back keeps me upright.

I turn, already knowing whom I'll find standing tall behind me. The man who has been with me almost my entire life. The man who has made me laugh—and cry—more than anyone else in the world. My husband. The father of my daughters. My enemy. My friend.

My love.

Agnarr, king of Arendelle.

"Come, Iduna," he says, pulling me around to face him. He reaches out, clasping my hands in his. They are as warm and strong as mine are cold and trembling.

I look up, taking in the sharp line of his jaw. The fierceness in his leaf-green eyes. If he's frightened, he's not showing it. "We need to go below deck," he says, shouting to be heard over the furious wind. "Captain's orders. It's not safe up here. One rogue wave could knock you overboard."

I feel a sob rise to my throat. I want to lash out, protest the orders. I'm fine. I can take care of myself. I'm not some silly girl frightened by the elements.

But what I really want to say is, I can't leave. I haven't found her yet.

If I go below, I may never find her.

And if I don't . . .

Elsa. My sweet Elsa . . . My dear Anna . . .

Agnarr gives me a pointed look. I sigh, untangling my hands from his, and begin stumbling toward the stairs that lead to our cabin below, on legs unaccustomed to rough seas. I'm almost there when the ship suddenly pitches hard to the left and I lose my footing, grabbing on to the railing to save myself. I can feel a few of the crew watching me with concern, but I push forward, keeping my head held high. I am a queen, after all. There are certain expectations.

Once below, I push open our cabin door and move inside, letting it bang shut behind me. The captain has given us his cabin for the journey, which I insisted wasn't necessary, but I was overruled. It's the only cabin suited for a fine lady, he protested. Because that's how he sees me.

That's how they all see me now. A fine lady. A perfectly poised Arendellian queen.

But now, at last, Agnarr knows the truth.

I ease myself down on the bed, reaching to grab my knitting needles and my half-finished project. An inappropriate task under the circumstances, but perhaps the only thing that might steady my hands—my pounding heart. I can hear Agnarr push open the door, his strong, solid presence filling the room. But I don't look up. Instead, I start to knit as the ship rocks beneath my

feet. It's dark down below, too dark to really see the delicate yarn, but my hands are sure and true, the repetitive motions as natural and familiar to me as taking in air. Yelana would be proud.

Yelana. Is she still out there, in the Enchanted Forest, still locked in the mist?

Only Ahtohallan knows.

Suddenly, I want to throw my needles across the room. Or collapse on the bed in tears. But I do neither, keeping my attention on the unfinished shawl. Forcing myself to let each stitch lull me into something resembling comfort.

Agnarr pulls out a wooden stool from the captain's desk, sitting down across from me. He picks up a corner of the unfinished shawl, running his large fingers across the tiny stitches. I dare to sneak a peek at him, realizing his eyes have become soft and faraway.

"This is the same pattern," he says slowly. And I know what he means without asking. Because of course it is. I hadn't even realized it when I started, but of course it is.

The same pattern as the shawl my mother knitted me when I was a baby.

The shawl that saved his life.

"It's an old Northuldra pattern," I explain, surprised how easily the words leave my mouth now that the truth is known. "Belonging to my family." I pick up his hand and place it on each symbol in turn. "Earth, fire, water, wind." I pause on the wind symbol, thinking back to

Gale. "It was the Wind Spirit who helped me save your life that day in the forest."

He gives a low whistle. "A wind spirit! If only I'd known," he says, reaching up to brush his thumb gently across my cheek. Even after all these years, his touch still sparks a longing ache deep inside, and it's an imperative, not an option, to drop my needles to return the gesture. To run my fingers against the light stubble of his jaw. "It would have made my stories to the girls so much more interesting."

I smile at this. I can't help it. He has always found a way to help me find sunshine amidst the gloomiest of days. It's strange, though, to realize he knows everything now. After a lifetime overshadowed with secrets, it should feel freeing.

But in truth, it still scares me a little, and I find myself glancing at him when he doesn't know I'm looking. Trying to see, trying to know whether the truth has changed his feelings toward me. Does he resent me for keeping so much from him for so long? Or does he truly understand why I did it? If we survive this night, how will things change between us? Will the truth bring us closer together? Or tear us apart?

Only Ahtohallan knows. . . .

I reach out and take Agnarr's hands in mine, meeting his deep green eyes with my blue ones. I swallow down the lump in my throat that threatens to choke me, and force another smile.

"I will never forget that day," I start with a whisper, not sure he can even hear me over the tempest outside. "That horrible, wonderful day."

"Tell me," he whispers back, leaning in close. I can feel his breath on my lips. Our faces are inches away. "Tell me everything."

I swallow all the words that threaten to jump out of my throat in a hurried rush, throwing myself back on the bed, staring up at the wooden-beamed ceiling. After I breathe calmly, I say, "That might take all night."

He crawls onto the bed, lying down next to me. He reaches out and curls his hand into mine. "For you, I've got forever."

I swallow hard, tears welling in my eyes. I want to protest: we don't have forever. Or even all night. We may not have an hour, judging from the way the wooden beams of the ship are creaking and cracking. But at the same time, it doesn't matter. It's time. It's long past time. He deserves to know everything.

I swipe the tears away, rolling to my side and propping my head up with my elbow. "You have to tell your part, too," I say. "This story isn't only mine, you know."

His arm curls around my waist, his hand settling at the small of my back as he tugs me closer to him. He's so warm. How is it possible that he's still so warm? "I think I can manage that," he says with a small smile. "But you must start. It all began with you, after all."

"All right," I say, resting my head on his chest, his steady heartbeat against my ear. I close my eyes, trying to decide where to begin. So much has happened over the years. But there is that one day. One fateful day that changed the course of both our lives forever.

I open my eyes. "It all starts with the wind," I say. "My dear friend Gale."

As I speak, the words begin to course through me like the forbidding waters roiling outside. And like the waters, I will finally make myself heard.

Agnarr will listen.

He's always been the storyteller in our family. But not this time. Now it's my turn to tell the tale.

---

What stood out to me:

- It seems like Iduna revealed her past to Agnarr around the time they set sail for Ahtohallan, not the night of the accident with Elsa’s magic as Jennifer Lee, and I believe other sources, have implied. Of course, with “spin-off” content like this where the original creators aren’t involved, there’s bound to be inconsistencies. But Jen never stated that the time of Iduna’s reveal was definitely the night of the accident, only that she believes it’s that night though it could have been another night (I think this was part of the podcast interview she did several months ago). So yeah, the exact night it happened isn’t terribly relevant.

- This excerpt also reveals that Iduna revealed some of the truth to Agnarr early on, but then reveals everything in detail during their last moments before the ship goes down. So maybe she did reveal some of it the night of the accident but not all? We’ll see.

- Iduna knew Yelena. That makes sense considering Yelena’s age and the importance she seems to have in the Northuldra tribe.

- Iduna uses feminine pronouns for Ahtohallan, reinforcing the theory in my Frozen 2 book that Ahtohallan was viewed as a goddess of sorts in Northuldra culture

- Iduna also calls the wind spirit “Gale.” Obviously we all thought that was the name Olaf gave her but apparently Iduna did as well. Coincidence?

- The book is written in first-person perspective from Iduna’s point of view, unlike the previous adult-aimed Frozen books “A Frozen Heart” and “Forest of Shadows” which are written in second/third-person.

- Iduna was in the process of knitting another scarf while on the ship. I wonder why.

- The cover art for the book changed slightly from the original version, with the main image in the center being of Iduna and Agnarr when they’re younger instead of when they’re king and queen.

- I’m curious as to what kind of order the book will present the events of the timeline. Obviously this excerpt is from the end of Iduna and Agnarr’s lives, so will it start here and show everything else via flashbacks? Seems weird they’d choose the end of the book for this preview so my guess is that things will be revealed out of order.

#frozen 2 #frozen #disney frozen #frozen2 #queen iduna #agnarr

157 notes · View notes

onedoesnotsimplywriteafanfic · 3 years

Text

That is what you get for saving the enemies wife

(I do not own the Gif)

Characters: Jax, Juice, Opie, Tig, Chibs, Half Sack/kip, Gemma, mentioned ; HectorSalazar, Clay morrow

Pairing: Prospect Juice X reader, Jax x Sister!reader

Summary: When you walked by the clubhouse of the Calaveras, you notice smoke coming out of the building. After a better look you find out the clubhouse is on fire. You decided at first not to interfere but after hearing someone crying for help you climbed trough a window without hesitation. A women is trapped in the burning room, while you break open the door you try not to get notice because you’re on enemies ground. No one saw you help the women later know as the girlfriend of Hectar Zalasar, only leaving the building trough the window you came.

Zalasar is determent you started the fire and wants revenge. Sending you a package filled with an acid bomb which leaves you blind after opening.

Seven years after and still trying to make the best of your life you grow closer to the new prospect. He is the first one besides your brother you open up to over the incident.

Warnings: none?

Word count: 5,709

Navigating through a room filled with black smoke, I looked for the door. My lungs filled with smoke and my eyes full of tears I struggled to kick in the door. The silhouette of a woman was barely visible. I ran in and helped the woman to her feet. With one arm around her waist and the other I held her arm, which was over my shoulders. At walking pace we walked through the corridors to the main entrance. I let her go a few meters before the entrance. Saying she had to move on herself.

I turned around and walked back to the room from which I had entered. Looking back, the woman tried to identify me but all she saw was the logo on my jacket. The reaper.

With my whole body wrapped in cold sweat, I shot straight up in my bed. Gasping and coughing, I panicked and tried to look around but everything was dark. Tears came to my eyes when I found out it was a dream. After I had calmed down, I put my feet next to my bed. I stroke over my clock on my bedside table for the time, half past two. With a sigh I got to my feet and walked more cautiously to the kitchen.

Navigating through the hall with one hand on the wall, I found my way. In the kitchen, I took a glass from the counter and filled it with water. I felt the cool liquid slide down my throat. I thought back to my dream, I couldn't remember much of it, but from the way I woke up I had an inkling of what it was about.

I had no regrets about the day or the things I did. Maybe if I had kept walking, my life would have looked different now. A second pair of footsteps came down the stairs, faster than mine. They walked into the kitchen and stopped there. ‘’Jax?’’ I asked out loud. The footsteps could only belong to one person, my brother. ‘’I'm here, darlin’. Another nightmare?’’ I nodded slowly. I heard Jax approach, he pulled me closer and put his arms around me. ‘’I wish I could do something about it, I hate to see you like this.’’ With my arms around his waist, I buried myself in his chest. ‘’It will be okay.’’ It came out less believable than I had hoped.

Jax heard the disappointment in my voice. ‘’I wish I could sit with you on the couch, waiting for you to fall asleep again but the club needs me.’’ I pulled away from him and put a hand on his cheek. ‘’Go, I'll see you later today.’’ I squeezed his cheek softly and smiled. With a kiss on my crown he walked to the door, there he stopped and called. "Will you call when you arrive?" After my accident, he was very protective even though he knew I could take care of myself. ‘’I'll be fine, I'll ride with Mom.’’ I shouted after him. The door slammed back into the lock. With a deep sigh, I refilled my glass with water and then found my way to the couch. I made myself comfortable and started a podcast that I listened to until I fell back asleep.

Later that morning, I was awakened by my mother. "Honey wake up, I'm leaving in thirty minutes." Slowly I woke up. I opened my eyes with a dull feeling. Sitting upright, I felt for the TV remote and paused the podcast. I rubbed my eyes extensively but gently. In the kitchen my mother was busy making coffee and as soon as she had her cup she went straight to the club, which meant that I had to hurry.

Feeling through my closet for the right combination, all my clothes were divided into compartments. Pants, T-shirts, tops, cardigans, blouses and even dresses. Separated by small edges at the top of the railing. My outfit for the day was simple, jeans with a T-shirt and flannel blouse. My shoes were down by the door. Before I left my room I grabbed my cane and sunglasses.

Downstairs my mother had a cup of coffee ready for me. ‘’Drink up." She handed me my mug. ‘’Thank you, Jax is already at the clubhouse.’’ I gave her the heads up. ‘’I suspected it.’’ She looked over her shoulder. I stood against the counter and drank my coffee. Listening to the movements my mother made and the vibrations I felt under my feet, I got the feeling that she was stressed. ‘’Is something wrong, Mom?’’ With my mug between both hands, I looked in the direction I thought she was standing. ‘’The garage, there is another customer who is difficult and your father," she stopped mid-sentence. My father was Clay Morrow, Jax was John Teller's son.

My dad ran the Sons of Anarchy, it was sometimes hard for my mom to agree with some of the decisions but she was 100 percent behind him. ‘’Dad knows what he's doing and we have to trust that.’’ I placed my now empty mug on the counter. ‘’I know, and I do.’’ She stopped and thought. ‘’Let's just go.’’ She said finally. I nodded and walked to the door. Before I left the house I put on my ankle boots and slipped into my denim jacket with my Sons vest over it. Matching my brothers style.

The ride to the club was not long, the sound of the engine filling my ears. The wind blew through my hair through the open window, with my face turned out I felt the rising sun warm my face. The radio echoed softly in the background. With my thoughts elsewhere, I didn't realize we were already there. The car had been parked for a few minutes. My mother taps my arm gently. ‘’Hey, we're here.’’ Blinking my eyes, I sat straight up in the chair. ‘’Thanks for the lift.’’ With a smile, I opened the passenger door and got out.

Always parked in the same place, the same way. Parked backwards in the parkingspot so the passenger was facing the club. That way I knew immediately where to go without asking. ‘’If you need me, I'll be in the office.’’ My mother called from her side of the car. ‘’Okay, I'll come by later, I think.’’ She nodded and walked to the office, without my knowing, I continued my way to the entrance of the club.

Inside, Tig, Chibs and Oppie were sitting at the bar, with Half Sack as the bartender. The four men greeted me one by one. ‘’Hey there Doll.’’ Tig was the first to get up and walk over to me. With one hand on my cheek he gave a kiss on my crown. The goatee on his chin tickled my forehead that made me giggle. ‘’Hey Tig.’’ I said with a big smile on my face. Tig and I were always very close, now worse than ever. People sometimes thought we were together, maybe if he had been a little younger or if I was a little older who knows. Age didn't matter, but deep down twenty years was quite a lot. When Jax wasn't around, Tig was the first to stand up for me and be capable of anything.

Chibs sat at the bar and greeted me candidly. ‘’Oi, love.’’ Chibs was barely understood with his accent and he only said two words. For hours I could listen to him, talking about one of his many stories. The way he told it combined with his accent was everything I lived for. He often talked about his life back in Belfast. The place where he grew up in Northern Ireland.

On the other hand, Opie got up and greeted me with a hug. ‘’Hey kiddo.’’ His arms folded around me. ‘’Good to hear from you again.’’ Opie was on a ride with a few other members and was gone for four days. He was like a brother to me. The three of us grew up. It was always Jax, Opie and myself. ‘’I missed you.’’ I whispered into his chest. His grip around me tightened a little. ‘’Missed you too.’’ He whispered back.

The door behind us opened and by the way and sound of how they walked, Jax emerged from the chapel. ‘’Okay, listen, everyone is expected in the chapel.’’ Opie turned to Jax and stepped aside to show that I was there too. ‘’Hey.’’ Jax said with a smile in his voice. ‘’I'll have a very important job for you.’’ He stopped in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. ‘’Oh, really?’’ I looked at him with a tilted head. ‘’Yes, we are getting a new prospect this afternoon. But there is no one who can put him in his place.’’ I had to chuckle the way Jax conveyed it.

Whenever a new prospect came into the club, we treated them like he was less than us, that way we taught them to stand up for themself. Life in a motor club was not easy, the violence, the blood we had on our hands. ‘’So ...’’ he stretched the words. ‘’I was thinking about you, they need to know who to really fear.’’ I laughed. ‘’Okay, I have to do some shopping before the next lockdown, because someone forgot.’’ I emphasized someone and patted him on the chest. ‘’I had Half,’’ I interrupted before placing the blame on the prospect. ‘’No, it doesn't work that way, it was your job and now I can do it.’’ With one hand on my hip, I looked at him. ‘’Sorry, sister.’’ He spoke honestly. ‘’The things I will do for you.’’ I said with a sigh.

Before I closed the club doors behind me, I heard Jax say. ‘’Kip, go with her.’’ And moments after, Kip, also known as Half Sack, came running out. ‘’Hey, wait a minute.’’ He called as he tried to keep up with me. ‘’It's sweet of you, but I can go shopping alone.’’ A panting Kip walked up next to me. ‘’But who will help you with lifting the groceries, do you know how much you have to take back?’’ enough to feed an entire orphanage. ‘’Fine.’’ I said briefly.

I didn’t want Kip to drive us. It was not because I didn’t trust him in a car but I liked to walk. ‘’What do you think they are talking about back at the club?’’ Kip asked out of nowhere. ‘’I don’t know, if it is important we will know soon enough.’’ I answered his question, shrugging my shoulders. Important or not Jax would tell me anyway.

The club was under some stress with the Niners, the police were on our backs and my dad and Jax weren’t speaking on the same page. There was a lot they could have been talking about. On the occasion I was allowed in the chapel, be present by the meeting and be able to vote. Every other time I was not, Jax would always fill me in later on in the day.

The grocery shopping took for ever, people that were complaining that it took me to long to choose a product or that I hit them with my cain. One man, in his late thirties, was ready to start a fight and I was having none of it. Getting more and more angry, not of the fact that he accused me of anything because of my blindness but of my vest.

He was mansplaining me that women didn’t belong in the club and that we were only good for getting beer and sex. It took everything in me not to hit him but I got close. Kip did had to hold me back before I did. ‘’All I am saying is that it women belong in the kitchen not in the club itself and don’t get me started on women wearing the vest.’’ before I handed Kip my cain I checked where the men was standing. ‘’Hold this.’’ I said and let go of I it and took a step forward.

Kip who knew me and what I was capable of, jumped into action and wrapped his arms around my waist holding me back. ‘’If I were you, you should shut up and leave. Blind or not she has a mean right hook.’’ Kip warned the man. The man looked at me, but before he could protest he was asked to leave by the staff of the grocery shop. ‘’I am so sorry ma’am.’’ The young lady of the staff said. I smiled nicely at her. ‘’It’s oké.’’ And continued looking for everything else we needed.

After paying and double checking if we had everything we headed back to the club. Kip was carrying more then he could and I had two bags. ‘’Don’t you think we may have bought to much?’’ he had difficulty walking due the extra wight. ‘’No, with those animals, you can never have enough.’’ I thought back to a couple lockdowns back, we had enough to last two weeks. One week in and the kitchen was empty.

The prospect arrived just after Kip and I had left. The young man in his late twenties of Puerto Rican descent with a mohawk and head tattoos reported to my mother in her office. A soft knock could be heard on the door. ‘’Come in.’’ Gemma called from within the room. Carefully he opened the door and stepped into the small office. Gemma turned herself in her chair and looked at the young man. ‘’I'm looking for Jax Teller. Do you know where I can find him?’’ He immediately got into business. ‘’And who may you be?’’ She asked uninterested, ignoring his question. ‘’My name is Juan Ortiz, I'm the new prospect.’’ He continued talking.

Gemma looked him up and down. ‘’Great.’’ she said and stood up. ‘’Sit’’ She said as if he was a dog and walked out. He did what she said and took a seat in one of the chairs next to the desk. ‘’Don’t touch anything.’’ Gemma said before walking out the door, heading to the clubhouse.

We entered the parking lot of the club and headed inside. ‘’Maybe we should have taken the car.’’ I said as the realization hit me. My feet were sore and I felt bad for Kip. ‘’Need a drink?’’ I asked him, placing the bags on the pool table.

Kip placed his bags on the table as well and made a relieving sound. ‘’I can’t feel my arms anymore, and I am not allowed to drink, yet.’’ he said, pouting. It was one of Jax many weird rules, prospects don’t drink from the bar. ‘’Oh toughen up, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Besides, I am the one who offers.’’ Making my way behind the bar.

Neither one of us knew my mother was in the chapel as well until they walked out. Kip was sitting on one of the bar stools and I stood behind the bar. Both a glass of whiskey in hand. The door opened and every one walked out one by one. First my mother, followed by my brother and then the rest of the group.

The first thing Jax noticed was Kip drinking. ‘’What did I tell you,’’ he started but I stopped him. ‘’Shut up and let him have it. He deserved it.’’ I said trying to point him Jax his direction. Kip crabbed my arm and pointed it more to my left. Now I was pointing at Jax. Some chuckles filled the room, mostly of the others while Jax stood with an amused expression. I was the only one who could talk back to him like that.

After a good laugh my mother asked Jax to follow her. The others joined us at the bar for a drink. ‘’You know my poison, doll.’’ Tig said seductively and winked, while adding a sound effect. So I would now he winked, not that I wasn’t already thinking that.

I grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge. Everything was labeled with braille, the shelves, the bottles, all to make my life easier. Placing the beer on the bar and before I could let go Tig already took it from me. ‘’Thank you, dear.’’ he said with the utmost sweet voice he could muster.

While we had fun in the clubhouse, talking and drinking, Jax walked back to the office with Gemma. Inside Juan still sitting on the chair, looking like a lost puppy. He noticed the two walking in and stood up immediately. ‘’I’m,’’ he started while holding out his hand, but Jax cut him off. ‘’Don’t care follow me.’’ Jax said and turned around to walk back to the clubhouse.

Every new prospect was treated like a no body when they first got here. The sooner you grew a pair and stood up against them the sooner you got treated as an equal. They both entered the room and all the heads turned to them. I stood still leaning against the bar looking ahead of me.

Neither of the guys spend much attention to Jax and kept talking. The two walked over to the bar, standing close to it to hear their conversation. ‘’One rule, don’t piss off the lady.’’ Jax said while pointing to me, knowing I could hear them. Juan followed his gaze and looked at me. ‘’I don’t see,’’ he started and a smirk played along my lips. Their it was, the one thing I hoped he would say. ‘’Well neither can I.’’ I said as the bitch I can be.

Everyone else tried to hold back their laughter. ‘’I’m sorry?’’ he asked a small panic in his voice, not realizing I was blind. ‘’What did he say about not pissn’ of the lady’’ Chibs said in the most Scottish way possible. The boy looked horrified. ‘’Well? What can’t you ‘’see’’?’’ I asked with quotation marks when I said see.

I looked in their directions, waiting for him to speak. ‘’I don’t see how I could piss of such lovely lady.’’ He stuttered a bit. Licking my lips I thought of what to say next, but I thought we had already scared him enough for now. ‘’Don’t worry, you don’t piss me off that easily.’’ I flashed him a soft smile.

But not everyone agreed with my statement because Tig snorted loudly. ‘’Watch it Trager, before I put real poison in your drink next time.’’ I shot him a death glare as I put down my sunglasses. He knew I didn’t mean any of it, and couldn’t help but laugh. ‘’You love me to much to have me dead, doll.’’ I shook my head and laughed, knowing it was true.

I turned back to Jax and Juan. ‘’Please take a seat.’’ I gestured to a hopefully empty stool. Jax excused him self and walked back into the chapel as his phone ringed. Juan took a seat and I pored him a glass of orange juice. ‘’Here you go.’’ I placed it on the bar and another fit of snickers and laughter erupted from the others. ‘’Orange juice?’’ He questioned.

Leaning with my elbows on the bar I turned to him. ‘’Got a problem with that?’’ I tried to look at him straight but failed, I ended up looking past him. ‘’No, not at all.’’ he said careful not knowing how els to respond. ‘’Good, so tell me, what is your name?’’ A playful smile lingered around my lips, the boy in front of me sounded to innocent and brought a different type of myself to the surface.

For a strange reason I felt comfortable around him, even tough we’ve just met. ‘’Juan Ortiz.’’ He held out his hand and waited for me to shake it. ‘’Yeah, we ain’t gonna call you that for ever.’’ Standing back up straight and ignoring his outstretched hand. Here most of us had a nick name or something els then our real name to go by. Most men just called me pet names in staid of my name.

Juan looked at me, more like staring at me. ‘’What is your problem?’’ He blurred out, realizing what he had said once it was to late. ‘’Excuse me?’’ I said turning my head once more in his direction. This time I meant being bitchy. The boys went silent and I could hear someone walking towards my side of the bar. ‘’Well you see,’’ I had to interrupt him then and there. ‘’That is my fucking problem, I CAN’T.’’ I said angry and ripped off my sunglasses tossing them god knows where.

I looked at him, my face exposed to him. It was the one thing I was insecure about, my eyes. The were pearl withe and glossy, but the skin around my eyes was red and burned. A gasp left his lips and he was lost of words. ‘’That’s what I thought.’’ I said and walked away, nearly tripping over someones feet. ‘’Sweetheart.’’ Tig tried to hold me back, he was standing behind me and it were his feet I tripped over. ‘’Don’t.’’ I said with a trembling voice.

I brushed past him and walked outside, forgetting my cain behind the bar. ‘’I.. I uhm didn’t know.’’ Juan started but didn’t know how to continue. ‘’It was kinda obvious, you could have seen her scaring, even whit sunglasses and there is braille everywhere.’’ Opie stated the obvious. Juan began to feel more guilty by the second. ‘’I should talk to her.’’ he started and looked for my sunglasses to give them back to me. ‘’I don’t think that’s the best idea.’’ Jax said, standing in the door frame leading to the chapel.

He walked over to Juan and took the glasses from him. ‘’Don’t take it personal. Losing her sight took a toll on her.’’ For the first time ever to a prospect, Jax spoke in a soft and empathic way. ‘’She wasn’t always blind?’’ He looked up at Jax, registering what he had said. ‘’No, and that is not my story to tell.’’ With a sigh Jax walked outside looking for me. Already knowing where I would be.

We both shared a lot of things, from music taste to disliking the same people and even our hiding place when things get to complicated. It was on the roof of the office, at first it was scary to climb the latter but now it didn’t bother me any more.

Hearing the familiar screeching of the latter I knew someone was coming up. A while back Jax had brought up two chairs to sit on so he took a seat next to me. ‘’What is wrong?’’ he asked worried. ‘’Everything.’’ I said in between sobs. Without saying another word he pulled me closer in to a tight hug. ‘’I didn’t mean to lash out to him like that.’’ I said after a while still crying my eyes out.

Somedays everything got to much to handle and I needed a good cry. ‘’He knows.’’ we sat like this till I completely calmed down. ‘’So, wanna tell me what happened at the store today?’’ I shook my head. ‘’Not really, it’s not worth it.’’ it really wasn’t I could take care of myself. ‘’Alright.’’ he said quietly.

Jax gave back my sunglasses and cain, we were about to head back inside when he was once again intercepted by the ringing of his phone. He looked at the caller ID and put the phone away. ‘’He can wait, family is more important.’’ He threw his arm around my shoulder. We entered the clubhouse and I took a seat on the cough.

The rest of the day went by rather quickly. Jax had yet another club thing to discus and my mother was also making over hours, so I asked Tig to drive me home. That night another nightmare corrupted my sleep.

Fire, everything was on fire. The walls, the floors. The heat alone was burning my skin. The smoke filling my lungs. Tears filled eyes, trying to find my way to the screaming women.

Finding her wasn’t the difficult part, it was getting out unnoticed what would be tricky. My mouth covered with my sleeve, searching for a way out. Climbing out the window I came in from.

With a gasp I jolted up straight. Panting heavily, crying softly. Cold sweat covered my body once again. Never had I nightmares of the accident that caused me to lose my vision, it was always what I had done to deserve it.

The nightmares got worse and worse each night. It would be seven years ago, in a couple days and the days leading to that anniversary, always took a toll on my mental health. At night I didn’t sleep and the day I tried to distract myself by bonding with Juan, who I kept calling Juicy or Juice. All because I still give him a glass of juice when we gather around the bar for drinks.

Not only did I feel worse each day but I looked worse too. Walking into the clubhouse I was greeted by Juice. ‘’He… oef you look like the dead.’’ he joked and kissed my cheek. ‘’Careful, before you are son.’’ Chibs said with a laugh in voice. I let out a tired laugh. ‘’Don’t worry, you are to adorable to kill.’’ I patted his chest before making my way to the cough and sitting down.

It was a slow day until Jax called everyone on a run. ‘’Alright, we are needed by our brothers in the town next door, so saddle up.’’ Jax looked around the room and saw sitting on the coughs with my knees to my chest and my chin resting on them. ‘’Juice,’’ he started waiting for the prospect to look up. ‘’I need you to stay here. I need some one here to look after my sister.’’ He too looked at me. ‘’Of course.’’ he said, at the time not knowing why it was so important for Jax.

I was so in my own thoughts that I didn’t catch a word of what had been said. I felt the couch sink in next to me. ‘’Hey, darlin’.’’ Jax said softly, placing a hand on my arm. ‘’Uh?’’ I asked turning my head to wards him. ‘’Did you heard what I just said?’’ he asked and I shook my head. ‘’The boys and I are leaving. Juice is staying here with you.’’ He explained.

I was to tired to argue so I nodded. ‘’Be careful.’’ I said as I hugged my brother. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me as close as he could to his chest. ‘’When am I not?’’ He jokingly asked, causing me to laugh. ‘’Don’t get me started.’’ I had a list of the times he was everything but careful.

Every one got an hour to go home and pack, before meeting back at the club. Now everyone was ready to leave. Juice and me stood outside. I never let them leave without a hug. Once I couldn’t hear the roaring of their motors, we headed back inside.

Together we sat at the cough. ‘’What do you want to do?’’ Juice asked me, a little nervous. I could feel him bouncing his leg. ‘’Can we just listen to music. I don’t feel like doing anything.’’ I said between yawing. ‘’Sure.’’ he said and put on a playlist.

It didn’t last long before I fell asleep. My head fell on his shoulder and I tried to make myself comfortable. Juice looked down at me and smiled. He too noticed how tired I was lately, he tried to make me talk about it but I didn’t want to.

Juice tried to lay down on the cough without waking me. He took of my sunglasses and lay them on the table. Together we lay on the coughs, wrapped in each others arms. First it was a peaceful slumber but soon was corrupted by nightmares. I started to twitch slightly and murmur in my sleep.

Not knowing what was going on, Juice looked down on me again. ‘’Are you oke?’’ he asked quietly, but not getting a respond. The nightmare got only worse by the second and soon enough I screamed out in terror before waking up.

For a second I didn’t know where I was. Juice got up too and grabbed my hand. ‘’It was just a dream.’’ he said in a soft tone, trying to calm me down. ‘’What ever happened can not hurt you here.’’ He pulled me into a hug and held me till I stopped crying. ‘’Please talk to me about it. I hate to see you like this.’’ He wiped away the tears from my face.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. ‘’Alright, I will tell you what has been haunting me for seven years.’’ It took me a significant amount of courage to say those words. Of course everyone who was there that day knew what happened but I never talked about it with no one except for my brother. As we sat back down on the cough I started my story, reliving it as I spoke.

Seven years ago, I walked trough rival territory, fully aware that I shouldn’t have been there. As I was walking down the street, the smell of smoke filled my nostrils. Looking around the area I noticed smoke rising in the air. I followed its trail back to the source and saw that it came from the Calaveras club house.

With my head low, I walked trough the crowd that had gathered in the street. Once I was clear from the crowd I picked up my paste, knowing I needed to get the hell away from there.

Walking past the burning clubhouse I heard a women screaming for help. It pained me to hear her scream, begging for someone to save her. Till this day I still don’t know why none of the firefighters went back inside to save her. With myself in battle of what to do, I either lost or won, but I went inside trough a back window.

Following the woman’s scream, covering my mouth with my sleeve to prevent smoke inhalation. The screams came from behind a closed door, it was either locked or blocked. Kicking in the door, was the only possible way to enter. Black smoke filled the room and I could barely see the woman in front of me.

I ran towards her and helped her up. With one arm around her waist and the other holding on her arm that laid over my shoulder, we made our way to the door. The closer we got to the exit, the more screams from the outside I could hear.

Mainly I heard the screams of Hector Salazar. ‘’My wife is still in there!’’ So they knew that she was missing. I brought her as close to the exit as I could, she had to walk out the last few meters. No one could know I was there.

Carefully pushing the women to the exit I said. ‘’You got this, just keep moving.’’ She nodded and held herself steady against the wall. ‘’You got this.’’ I said again before turning around to make my way out trough the same window I came in from.

I thought that she had already turned around before I did, but she didn’t and saw my vest. She saw the Sons logo on my back and she tried to tell her husband that I saved her. But once he heard that the sons were involved he made the conclusion I was also the one who started the fire. And he wanted revenge.

My voice was horse from crying and talking. Juice held my hands the entire time I talked, to let me now he was still there. He would squeeze my hand every now and then to let me know he was still paying attention. ‘’But that still doesn’t explain you losing your sight.’’ He noted, after I was silent for a couple minutes.

It made me laugh weakly. ‘’You are so impatient sometimes.’’ I said with a small giggle in my voice. ‘’First he showed up at the clubhouse, threatening me. He had me followed by his men to harm me. But when I didn’t left the clubhouse anymore in fear of my safety, he had to get creative.’’ My heart was beating way to fast and breathing was uneven.

We sat around the bar having a laugh and a drink when Tig brought in a package. For me. He placed in front of me on the bar. ‘’For you, doll.’’ he said, kissing the top of my head, that being the first time to see me that day.

Not remembering I had order something, I examined the box. For as far I could see there was nothing suspicious about it so I opened it. As I opened it and looked inside something exploded and a wet substance burned its way onto my face.

Turning my head to my hands I continued. ‘’It was an acid bomb, not big enough to take me out. But to leave a message. That is how I lost my sight.’’ New tears filled my eyes and I didn’t fought to hold them back.

I let them stain my face, I let everything that I had bottled up the past seven years out. ‘’I never should have been walking in that neighbourhood in the first place. Cause this is what you get for saving the enemies wife.’’ I faced Juice, pointing at my face. ‘’I hate waking up, every day, not being able to see the faces of every one I care about. I hate my self,’’ Juice interrupted me by placing his hand on my cheek.

He tilled my head slightly up so I faced him head on. ‘’You saved a life, she is alive because of your bravery. Never hate yourself, cause to me, you are perfect.’’ I was lost of words and couldn’t help but smile. I hugged him once more and never wanting to let go.

44 notes · View notes

themuseic · 4 years

Text

Only Fools (Chapter 1)

Fic Summary: Sent to Boone County, West Virginia on an assignment, you find yourself engulfed your work. How could you possibly find time for anything else? Even if “anything else” includes the tall, kind, and handsome bartender from down the road?

Word Count: 2.2k

Read here on AO3.

Warnings: Use of alcohol.

Author’s Note: Hi everyone!! I started a fic! It’s the first fic I’ve written, so please, I would love any and all feedback. I want to grow and constantly get better, so if you have any advice, I will be more than willing to listen! But I really want to give a huge shout out to @mind-p0llution, who not only encouraged me to write and beta read this for me, but has been nothing but supportive and kind to me! I hope y’all enjoy.

Ten hours on the road today, and you had finally, finally, reached your destination. A small town in Boone County. You hadn’t seen another car in miles, and the lights of Route 64 had long since faded behind the horizon. A yawn overtook you, and you tilted your head to one side, and back, a satisfying crack sounding as you relieved the pressure in your tense neck. Straight to the hotel then, you thought, ready for a shower and a comfortable bed to sleep in. As much as you loved a long road trip coupled with the beautiful vistas of rural America, you could only listen to so many podcasts, playlists, and radio stations.

You turned off of the road, following the directions of the robotic voice to your hotel, when something caught your eye. A wood paneled building sat on the side of the road boasting a red and green fluorescent sign that read “The Duck Tape Bar and Grill”. It wasn’t an overly impressive building, but the amount of cars parked outside suggested otherwise. Vehicles spilled out of the asphalt parking lot and onto the shoulder of the road. Some were even parked half into the drainage canal and half onto the street in order to secure their spot. It seemed as if every person in a 50 mile radius had found themselves at this one bar all on the same night.

You bit your lip in consideration. The bed at the hotel still called you, but that voice seemed to diminish to a whisper as the prospect of a nightcap looked better and better. What’s one drink? you thought to yourself, as you pulled over and threw the car into park. Grabbing your wallet and a stick of gum to suppress the stale road breath on your tongue, you hopped out of the car and strode towards the building.

~~~

The tinkling of a bell and a gust frigid air followed you into the bar as you slipped through the door, spinning to push it closed behind you. You blinked as your eyes adjusted to the warm lights that lined the space. It was a welcome change from the harsh headlights that you had found yourself driving into on the highway, and you were happy for it. The air was filled with happy, lilting voices and soft music that made you feel at home almost immediately and the sounds of glasses clinking and… the strongest smell of apples? You inhaled deeply, warmed to the bone by the spiciness of the scent, and tilted your face slightly to take it in. Like a dog to a bone, you scurried to the bar, hoping to snag a glass of whatever it was you were smelling.

You settled onto a high backed barstool and leaned forward, chin perched on your palm. It most definitely was a busy night, but the one bartender in the place looked like he was handling himself just fine. You looked down the bar, taking in the face of every patron as they chatted away. Entranced by the mirth that each exuded, you didn’t realize the bartender had noticed a new face at the bar until he was standing right in front of you.

“Hey darlin’, what can I get ya?”

Your head snapped forward at the deep rumble and you locked eyes with the man. He was, in a few words, breathtaking. He had bright hazel eyes framed by long dark hair, and the kindest gaze you had seen this side of the Mississippi. He was freckled and scruffy and just about the largest man you had ever laid eyes on. He entranced you, and you found your eyes gently tracing his every feature.

“Uh, darlin’?” he cautiously asked again, as if he was trying not to scare you, and you snapped from your reverie. “Oh, god, sorry. I guess I’m a little tired from my drive,” you laughed.

“S’no problem ma’am,” he smiled shyly, “You lookin’ for something to drink?”

“Yeah you know, I think I am. I can’t help but smell those apples, what is that?” you asked, and his face lit up immediately. “That’s my mama’s cider, I’ve got a batch goin’. Wanna try it?” he offered. He was already reaching to grab a mug before you nodded, which you did eagerly. He smiled again - oh, did that look good on him - and he turned to ladle some of the steaming liquid into the mug. The nameless man handed it back to you, your fingers brushing softly as the mug changed possession. You felt your cheeks warm as they did, a reaction to the light touch and your embarrassment that you were so flustered by this man. At least, you assured yourself, anyone in your position would be too. How could you not be?

“Thank you…” you started to inquire, and he eagerly interjected, “Clyde! M’names Clyde ma’am,” as he reached his arm towards you in his haste, fingers splayed. You giggled as you offered up your own, your eyes softening. “Well Clyde,” you sipped the warm liquid, ”you and your mama have a really good recipe for cider.” He beamed back at you, his cheeks reddening and his eyes crinkling as his dimples pushed . “Thanks darlin’, I try to do the recipe justice. Threw some V.S.O.P. in tonight instead of the regular brandy.”

“Oh?” you asked. “Special occasion, or just wanting to spice up your Saturday night?”

He huffed the lightest laugh in response. “T’be honest, I ran out of the normal stuff. I don’t think it’s tastin’ quite right.” His eyes fell to the mug in your hand, and he nodded at it. “Well darlin, let me know if you need anything else tonight. I’ll be around.”

He turned away over his right shoulder as he moved to the next patron seated at the bar, and a glint of metal caught your eye. You saw how he kept that arm, the one with the robotic attachment, mostly below the top of the bar. He didn’t even use it to emphasize his words, though he didn’t seem to offer up too many to begin with. There was a quiet beauty to him, and you were entranced by it. But, you reminded yourself, this was a small bar, in a small town. There was no reason for you to try anything. He was probably involved with someone, or you assumed at least, because anyone that looked like that should already be committed to another. Anyway, once you finished up your job in Boone County, who knew where you’d be headed to next? No, better to keep your head down, your connections loose, and your job short. You exhaled softly, sipped your cider, and struck up a conversation with your neighbor as the comforting warmth spread through you.

~~~~

“No way, a puma in town? We haven’t had too much news since… well you know,” Mellie wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, and Clyde huffed a laugh, shaking his head slightly.

“Yeah, Earl was just tellin’ me that Brett lost another cow down the road. Looked like it was attacked by somethin’,” Clyde drawled, swirling the dark amber liquid in his glass.

“That so?” Mellie cocked her eyebrow. “Haven’t heard of anything like that happening round here before.” Seated next to her, Joe pulled Mellie flush to his body, tickling her side and making her burst out in giggles. “Seems like we gotta keep our ladies safe then!” he hollered, prompting an eye roll from Mellie, Clyde, and even Jimmy and Sylvia over in the next stools. Clyde leaned back against the bar, glancing over at you, the new girl in the bar tonight. You were making polite conversation with the person next to you, and he found it impossible to tear his eyes away.

“Clyde,” Jimmy hissed from his stool a few people down, “get yer ass over here.” Clyde sighed, set his glass down, and walked over to Jimmy. “Need another beer?” he asked, reaching towards Jimmy’s bottle.

“Nah I’m good, thanks though. But boy, I have seen you lookin’ at that girl all night. What are you gonna do about it?” Jimmy stared him down. It was never easy to escape the laser gaze of his older brother, and Clyde shifted uncomfortably. “Now, I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” he tried to deflect, suddenly very interested in the hem of his shirt.

Jimmy’s eyes narrowed at this. “Clyde, you ain’t gettin’ out of this that easy. Listen, I know it hasn’t been easy for you since your last girl, but look. If my eyes are right, she’s been lookin’ over at you too, and if that ain’t true, I’ll eat my hat.”

Clyde chuckled quietly, but his face dropped again straight away. “Nah Jimmy, I’m sure she’s just passin through. Ain’t no point in tryin’ to go about startin’ anything.”

“Clyde, you’re never gonna know if you don’t say anything right?” Sylvia interjected as she leaned in encouragingly.

“I don’t think so. What’s the point?” Clyde shook his head, subconsciously rubbing the junction of his prosthetic and arm. “Clyde, if you don’t go talk to her, I bet someone in here is going to snatch her up real quick,” Jimmy leaned back in his chair, shrugging. “It’s now or never kid.”

“No Jimmy!” Clyde insisted, glancing your way. The man seated next to you was messing with your hair a bit, and he couldn’t help how his ears flushed and his heart clenched.

“Clyde,” Jimmy insisted once more. “Cauliflower.” Clyde met eyes with his brother, who nodded in response. The bartender rolled his eyes again, exasperated. “Ya know sometimes? I really hate these cauliflower plans.” Clyde yanked his brother's empty beer bottle from in front of him, replaced it with another, and straightened his shirt. Jimmy hooted from behind him, whistling just loud enough for their immediate group to hear. Clyde shot him a dirty look, but grabbed a glass to wipe down nonetheless and made his way over to where you sat.

~~~

“So… why ya in Boone?” Clyde spoke up, lifting his eyebrow and gazing at the girl from under his mop of hair.

You choked on your drink as you tried to respond before realizing your mouth was still full. Smiling, you wiped off your chin. “You keep sneaking up on me, Clyde!” you laughed, and he flushed for the thousandth time that night. “Sorry. It’s just, we don’t have a lot of people passin’ through here.” He gestured around the room with his right hand. “I’ve known all these folks' names since I was five, but yours I learnt tonight. Why?”

You downed the remainder of your current cider, and Clyde automatically stuck out his hand to take the glass and switch it for a fresh one, complete with a refill. “I’m in town on a big cat chase. Eastern cougars. We’ve got some reports of possible sightings in this area. Oh, thank you,” you replied, accepting the steaming mug from Clyde.

“Well, round here we have been having some weird livestock deaths lately,” Clyde shrugged. “Maybe it’s got somethin’ to do with that?”

“Sounds like it. I’m gonna be in the area for a little bit seeing if I can get some documented sightings, some photos, and maybe even a tag on a cougar so we can keep tabs on them.” You shrugged, sipping on the cider.

“Well, if you’d like, I’d be more than happy to show you round some of the game trails near town?” Clyde offered, the glint in his eye shining bright as he smiled, almost bashful, back at you. Your heart skipped a beat as you stared into his eyes, and your soft smile widened, if anything in pity for him, given what you knew was coming out of your mouth next. “Thank you so much for the offer Clyde, but I think I’ll be just fine. Anyway,” you took another swig of your second drink. You could feel your heart racing, and you knew you had to remove yourself before you had full heart palpitations. “Looks like the bar here keeps your hands full. Thanks for the drinks!” You placed a few bills on the bar to cover the bill (and then some). Clyde looked like a deer in the headlights, trying to keep up with your nervous chatting.

“Oh no, no problem, I-I just thought, that ya know, if you wanted…” he stuttered. His eyes flicked down to the still warm, half drunk mug on the bar top. You could see his plush lower lip jutting out slightly as he chewed on his upper one.

“I appreciate the offer Clyde. Really I do! But I’ll be okay. Maybe I’ll see you around soon,” you said, and patted his hand. He looked up briefly and you made eye contact for a fraction of a second. It almost pained you to tear away, but you were on the precipice of being engulfed by them. A moment longer and you knew would be diving headfirst into a myriad of problems that would come with getting involved with someone you knew for certain you would have to leave in a few short weeks. So instead, you pushed yourself away from the bar with a small smile and a wave, headed towards the door, and left without even a second glance back.

Taglist: @mind-p0llution (comment or message me to be added!)

#clyde logan x reader #clyde logan x you #Only Fools #logan lucky #adam driver #clyde logan #my writing

85 notes · View notes