#what we didn’t know back then was that dude bro is a literal HEIR to the company his great something grandpappy oh my god
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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 26 part one
(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff)
Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!
I’m Coming Up So You Better Get This Party Started
The Lans arrive just in time to see Cousin Jin Zixun hassling Su She, and they wonder how he has the fucking nerve to come to a party that they are also invited to.
Su she was invited by his new best friend Jin Guangyao, who deploys a full-on charm attack, wrapping Su She permanently around his little finger.
Smoother than the Lanling weather that’s how he holds himself together
Watch out, he’ll charm you
Jin Guangyao grew up with women who earned their living by being charming, pleasant, and hiding their true thoughts from their clients, and he appears to have mastered this useful skill set. With Su She, he exudes confidence and authority, allowing the lesser man to bask in his attention.
With Zewu Jun he deploys helplessness and embarrassment, effectively controlling a man with much greater power than his own.
Lan Xichen confronts him about Su She's presence, and Jin Guangyao pretends he didn't know that Su She was ex-Lan. This seems super unlikely, given that JGY is good at collecting information that he can use to fuck with people, and also that he sheltered Lan Xichen from the Wens directly after Su She betrayed him.
Lan Xichen seems like he doesn't believe what JGY is telling him but then he decides to drop it, passive-aggressively saying that since JGY is uninformed, he's not guilty. Lan Xichen is actually assuming a lot here about his right to tell Jin Guangyao who to invite and who to shun, but JGY doesn't push back. Lying is so much simpler.
(more behind the cut!)
Su She wins for most unintentionally sarcastic-seeming toasting expression.
Jiang Cheng, Party Animal
Jiang Cheng arrives at the party, bringing his Jiang retinue and his bad temper. He super obviously casts around to try to find Wei Wuxian, who already told him he probably wasn't coming to the party.
Jiang Cheng is that guy who only comes to a party because the girl he likes said she was thinking about going, and then he spends the whole party saying "hey have you seen Mei Lin? She said she was going to be here but I don't see her."
Jin Guangyao formally congratulates Jiang Cheng on the Jiang clan's success in the hunt, and Jin Guangshan toasts him. As always, Jiang Cheng reacts to praise from authority figures like it's rain in the desert, smiling from ear to ear. He says that the Jiang Clan will donate the prey from the hunt to the other gentry clans. ...what?
Are we seriously saying that when these dudes go night hunting it's not just to remove dangerous bad stuff, it's for profit?
Like, do they eat monsters? Wear their fur? Make leather from their skin? Carve jewelry from their claws? Is Jiang Cheng wearing a purple monster's skin right now? (There will be an art prompt at the end of this post)
Meanwhile, check out the way Nie Huaisang is looking at Jiang Cheng, wow.
Forecast: Hazing
Having gotten the single pleasant part of the banquet over with, it's time for the Jins to pick on the Lans. Cousin Jin Zixun goads Lan Xichen into taking a drink with him, knowing that this is (mostly) against Lan rules. Jin Guangyao tries to stop him by saying, hilariously, that it's bad to drink and fly on a sword, but CJZX waves this away and keeps pushing, saying that if Lan Xichen won't drink, it's an insult to him.
A random cultivator who is definitely on the Jin payroll backs him up, saying that teetotaling is for losers, and Captain Blowhard boisterously agrees. Loudly agreeing with powerful people is the Yao clan's signature martial arts skill.
Jin Guangyao looks embarrassed and helpless, which is, as mentioned before, his own signature skill. But he's just playing his own part in this piece of theater; everything happening at this party (so far) is happening for the benefit of the Jin Clan. Cousin Jin Zixun is an ass, but he's not actually a loose cannon, and Jin Guangshan is clearly enjoying the Lans' discomfort.
Why? This entire party, the hunt, everything he's done since the end of the Sunshot campaign, has been designed to increase and consolidate his power. His main goal is to get the Yin Tiger seal, but reducing the status of the Lans is also a good move for him. The Lans have been the strongest opponents to the use of resentful energy, and worked the hardest to conceal and contain the Yin iron in the past. If he wants to use resentful energy as part of his own cultivation, he needs them to chill.
So this is a bit of a test; will they comply with the will of the larger group in order to avoid conflict, or will they refuse, which will allow him to label them as iconoclastic weirdos?.
Lan Xichen takes a long look at his brother, who is expressing all sorts of emotions while keeping his face very very still.
At a guess, he is thinking that this entire party is bullshit, that his brother's willingness to play along with these assholes is bullshit, that being viciously beaten for having a single drink in his life was bullshit, that Wei Wuxian not being here right now is bullshit.
Lan Xichen picks the "go along, get along" path, having his drink and using his magic skill of anti-intoxication to neutralize it, as he'd done previously when drinking with Wei Wuxian.
Cousin Jin Zixun picks on Lan Wangji next, and since he cannot magically or even non-magically tolerate alcohol, there is a real risk to his reputation if he drinks. But Lan Wangji breaks rules when he feels like it, not when people tell him to. He pointedly ignores the offered drink while Lan Xichen looks worried.
The rest of the party guests have a wide variety of reactions, none of them helpful, to these shenanigans. Jin Guanshan's son and heir watches with calm interest as the power dynamics play out.
All of this is actually not great strategy for the Jins. The Lans don't play little social games to gain power, because all that time they spend not drinking, not gossiping, and not doing other stuff? Is spent cultivating and practicing sword and musical battle forms. The Lan Bros are overwhelmingly powerful as individuals, and embarrassing them won't change that.
It's moot, ultimately, because Wei Wuxian chooses this moment to arrive.
Darkness Visible
Wei Wuxian actually made a big impressive stair-climbing entrance to Jinlintai a few minutes ago, with camera work echoing Lan Wangji's stair climb at the Wen Indoctrination Bureau from several episodes back.
But nobody was around to see that, other than us, and when he appears at the party it's in stealth mode; he steps into the frame from out of nowhere, and drinks Lan Wangji's unwanted drink.
Lan Wangji responds by looking at him like this for the next several minutes.
Wei Wuxian doesn't have time for their usual sport of Extreme Gazing, though; he came for a reason, which is to find and rescue Wen Ning. He gets right to it, asking Cousin Jin Zixun where he's keeping him.
Jiang Cheng, who is the king of worrying about the wrong fucking thing, jumps up to try to stop Wei Wuxian from talking. Like, seriously, he's ok with the Jins trying to take his clan's special extreme weapon, but he's not ok with his head disciple being rude in order to fulfill a whopper of a life debt--Jiang Cheng's life debt, in particular--or being rude in order to preserve the clan's independence.
Jin Guangshan decides this is a good moment to bring up the Yin tiger amulet. Wei Wuxian pushes back, hard, pointing out exactly what Jin Guangshan is doing. He says he's setting himself up to be a new Wen Ruohan.
Lan Wangji pays close attention to Wei Wuxian's reasoning here, and so does Nie Mingjue, unless he’s just trying to mask his confusion.
Jiang Cheng is too busy being horrified to listen, apparently. Or he just doesn’t agree, preferring to be reduced to a secondary authority, rather than defy a primary authority.
Wei Wuxian is, of course, all about independence; he was literally born to be a rogue cultivator, despite being dubbed “patriarch” himself, not long after this.
Let’s Go Crazy Let’s Get Nuts
Wei Wuxian gets tired of the scene and decides to lose his temper. He makes a show of being enraged, and he genuinely is angry, but I don't think he's out of control, this time.
He acts like he's out of control in order to scare everyone, but he makes his points very clearly, reminding everyone that he has power they don't have, that he's good at killing, that he's not patient, and that his teeth are nicer than everybody else’s.
Everybody in the room freaks out to one degree or another--except Jin Guangshan, who is apparently too pissed off to be scared.
It's hilarious that Jin Guangshan thought he was going to get Wei Wuxian to hand the Yin Tiger amulet over by creating a complex system of social pressure against him. Wei Wuxian's favorite way of responding to social pressure is to escalate it into violence, regardless of the consequences; he's been doing that at least since Gusu Summer School and probably a lot longer. Jin Guangshan should know this, given how many beatings his son has taken from Wei Wuxian over the years.
Wei Wuxian does a fantastically sexy scary, theatrical countdown, and Cousin Jin Zixun caves in and gives him the information he wants. It's worth noticing that even under threat of death, CJZX doesn't comply until he visually checks in with his clan leader. He’s genuinely a bad person, yes, but he’s a loyal soldier, which is what most of these clans value most.
As soon as he gets what he wants, Wei Wuxian is perfectly, smugly, in control of himself again. Everyone in the room is still stunned and afraid, so Jin Guangshan has achieved that much, at least; nobody likes Wei Wuxian having the Yin tiger seal now, including Jiang Cheng.
As he leaves, Wei Wuxian has one of those conversations with Lan Wangji in which everything is said in glances in the course of a couple of seconds.
WWX: I love you, I have to leave you; I've got some shit to take care of and I won't be coming back to all of this.
LWJ: I love you; I'm probably going to have to fight you; your funeral is going to be so upsetting
Wei Wuxian turns away from everyone, and you can see the weight settling on his shoulders, as he contemplates the choices he just made and the choices that are still ahead of him.
Jin Guangshan, for the first and only time, loses his temper in front of everybody, literally flipping a table because he's so mad about what just happened.
Art prompt: Jiang Cheng wearing an outfit made of a Chinese mythical creature. Bonus points if it’s a qilin. Bonus bonus points if Zhang Qiling (from DMBJ/Lost Tomb franchise) is standing next to him looking grumpy while Jiang Cheng wears an outfit made from a qilin.
Soundtrack: Get This Party Started by Pink, Charm Attack by Leona Naess, Let’s Go Crazy by Prince.
#the untamed#the untamed gifs#wangxian#restless rewatch the untamed#canary3d-original#my gifs#learn to count the yiling way#1900 words
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I read your headcanons about James Potter and I’m really interested to hear your thoughts Sirius and regulus Black pls pls pls
Oh no.
Alright, strap in people, because I’m about to say some things that nobody will like.
Let’s start in alphabetical order with Regulus.
Fandom often sees Regulus as a reformed Death Eater, the redeemed villain, or else a cooler suaver version of Sirius steeped in pure blood culture, making him more palatable than many pureblood characters as a love interest. There’s a lot of fics of him having almost defeated Voldemort, coming back from the dead and actually defeating Voldemort, reconnecting with Sirius, showing Harry the cool pureblood ways without being racist, etc.
Well, I don’t really buy into any of that.
I think, even with his defection, Regulus was likely still a very racist character and never really disavowed the cause. True, he was young when he was sucked in, he had his whole family meltdown when Sirius was disowned and suddenly he was heir, but I do think he really did believe in blood purism and nothing from the books suggests that he died not believing in it. He just stopped believing in Voldemort.
Instead, I believe he discovered that Voldemort a) did not mean anything good for his culture and b) Voldemort was a fraud.
What do I mean by that?
Well, in the first case, I’ve always viewed Tom Riddle in that period in time as a hate filled nihilist who doesn’t really believe in what he preaches. It’s just convenient to him as the purebloods are the ones with the money and the power. There’s no point in him appealing to Dumbledore’s ilk as they’re far less likely to be able to make him king (also it would mean putting up with Dumbledore and his stupid speeches about love and friendship). Most of Voldemort’s actions throughout the books don’t make the muggle borns’ lives miserable (at least not until he gets into power) but makes hell of the purebloods’ lives and absolutely ruins them.
The Black family, in particular, he essentially wipes off the face of the Earth.
With that in mind, I imagine a young Regulus eventually came to realize that Voldemort was systematically destroying the great families from the inside to put himself in power. It was never about the muggleborns or the country, it was only ever about power.
Then we get to the other bit, Voldemort being a fraud. Unlike many, I believe the Death Eaters had no idea who Voldemort was. It’s too unbelievable to me that some guy named Tom Riddle, who their fathers all went to school with, who everyone knew as a muggle born impoverished orphan, could convince them all that he was the next Merlin who they should devote their lives (and their money) to. Tom’s charismatic, but he’s not that charismatic. Better for Tom Riddle to just disappear entirely and show up as the Count of Monte Cristo, descendent of Salazar Slytherin himself, impressing all the young heirs while their young, angry, and stupid.
With Regulus finding out that his great leader is actually just the halfblood son of a squib, the whole movement falls apart. Regulus is a pawn, fighting for nothing he believes in. Now, that said, I don’t think Regulus ever figured out who exactly, Tom was. He clearly knew the name, as we see from the locket, but just knowing that Riddle is a muggle last name would be enough to know that Voldemort was nothing he presented as.
Basically, Regulus becomes extremely disillusioned with the Death Eaters and Voldemort in a few short years. The change he wanted to see sweeping the country doesn’t happen. Instead the violence, which he was initially very excited for (guys, Regulus did join a domestic terrorist organization and I will not cut him slack for that, he was excited to blow up some muggle borns) is pointless and hurting their own people as opposed to the muggle borns.
During all of this we have Kreacher borrowed by Voldemort for the creepy horcrux placement. This certainly makes Regulus go “hm” and he’s clever enough to put together on his own that the locket must be a horcrux.
That said, I do not believe he knew enough about Tom Riddle to have been able to hunt down the rest or even know where or what they would be. Dumbledore had been paranoidly collecting memories of Tom Riddle’s entire goddamn life and relying on the plot convenient aspect that Tom was apparently so much of a romantic he never left his horcruxes anywhere but Britain and always left them in very noticeable sentimental objects. Regulus knew about the locket because of Kreacher, had he lived, he’d have no idea where the hell else to start.
So that’s Regulus for you, a fairly intelligent, yet youthfully stupid, extremist whose dream did not live up to the reality and probably still would have spat in Hermione’s face had the gang resurrected him from being a lake zombie.
As for Sirius, well, he’s James the asshole times a thousand to the point where he makes some “ha ha, very funny, but actually really this is horrifying” decisions.
I guess we’ll start back when he’s young.
We don’t see much of the young Sirius, and granted, what we do directly is given to us by a very bitter, resentful, and biased Severus Snape but his actions still read a lot like pretty much any Stephen King bully villain. The scene where they’re tormenting Snape (and Snape drops the slur, Lily abandoning him) is horrifying to read. And it’s clearly one of many moments over many years of this group of boys sexually harassing him (and yes, that was sexual harassment guys, let’s not pull out stops here).
Then we get to the joke with Lupin that... really wasn’t a joke.
The flimsy excuse we’re given in canon is that a) it was all in good fun b) Snape was so much of a coward he’d never actually go to the Shrieking Shack because he’s a big chicken. Bawk bawk bawk, Snivellus the chicken. But, well, these excuses are flimsy.
When you get down to the bare bones of it what Sirius did there was attempted murder via his chronically ill best friend. It’s one of those actions that I simply cannot justify, even had Sirius not thought it all the way through, as boys will be boys. What was the good outcome there? Snape sees Lupin and shrieks in terror? (Only to probably run to some authority and try to get the uncontrolled werewolf the fuck off of campus, nice going Sirius) Snape gets infected with lycanthropy? Snape dies, Lupin wakes up covered in blood with the horror of knowing he ate a classmate?
Later, we do get Sirius sort of apologizing for his behavior. But it’s at best a ‘sort of’ apology. He never admits the full horror of what he did, just how relentlessly brutal he was to Snape, or what the werewolf thing really would have ended in. Instead he goes, “yeah, James and I were kind of assholes. He grew up though, Lily married him so he couldn’t be an ass anymore! And it was Snape, Come on, Harry, it was Snape.” And Harry, messed up asshole that he himself is goes, “Yeah, it was Snape! Stupid Snape!”
I also never got the feeling he ever fully apologized to Remus. Sirius used Remus in the worst of ways, made it clear he had no respect for Remus and no compassion for his condition, and continues to treat him as a sort of secondary friend to James. I think it says a lot that Remus was able and willing to believe Sirius was guilty of murdering James and Lily in cold blood.
Which probably gives you a hint that I think Remus/Sirius would never happen except in the most toxic of ways possible.
Basically, in a fair world, Sirius should have been expelled if not tried for the werewolf incident. However, Dumbledore plays favorites and chose the sons of two lords as opposed to the poor half blood (which I imagine cemented Snape’s path to becoming a Death Eater). And so there is some cruel irony in that Sirius was eventually jailed for something, even though it was something he didn’t do.
Now, after Azkaban, Sirius seems to have mellowed out a lot. While he’s a bit unhinged and thoughtless (his rescue attempt of Harry’s rescue attempt at the end of Order of the Phoenix) a lot of this can be seen as after effects of his stay in literally hell on Earth for over ten years.
That said, a lot of people see him as the cool uncle character who, if Harry had been able to live with him, all would have been well. I firmly disagree. Young Sirius was, well, god knows how warped Harry would have been growing up with a young and reckless Sirius Black. After prison he’s in no condition to take care of Harry, and even says as much multiple times. Sirius is cool to hang around at a distance, but up close and personal he’d be very messed up and not at all ready to be a father to a teenage boy.
Otherwise, Sirius was very very very gay for James Potter. Unfortunately for him, James Potter was straight and into Lily Evans. I’m sure it was a very sad day for Sirius when Lily actually said yes to James. Except not really, because James always strikes me as a “bros before hos” kind of dude. Not that I’m sure if Sirius ever admitted he was gay and in love with James, I’ve always been of the belief that pureblood culture is extremely homophobic and it just... wouldn’t come up.
So there it is, now excuse me while I go hide behind this barrier before I get eaten alive.
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Which part specifically? I mean, yeah, the whole game is a disaster, but I'd love to hear specific points. There was so much I didn't like about Fates that it just collectively merges as 'bad' in my mind.
it's not really anything specific tbh!! because the way Fates is misogynistic is not different from the way the other Fire Emblems (that i’ve. played. it’s possible all the ones pre-Sacred Stones were actually Forbidden Feminist Utopias) also carry that unmistakable whiff of misogyny. it's not done out of malice, it's just...a franchise that loves to play high fantasy tropes straight, particularly the bit about Restoring the Good Monarch. i never got the sense that they thought hard about the fact that the dude protags (Ephraim, Ike, Chrom) get intricate coming of age stories about tempering their talents for murder with wisdom, while all the lady "protags" (Eirika, Elincia, Micaiah) mostly don't change at all and just kinda swan around doing the "we are ethereal maidens too good for this sinful earth" thing, and when they do wibble it's always about how they wish they could be as "strong" as their dude counterparts except they inevitably can't and don't want to be, because war is bad!!! there's too much war in this war game franchise, buy our next DLC for how to solve war with war
(Lucina's a weird case, but that's why i love her, and...i suspect the only reason Lucina got to be the way she is was because she was doing DRAG, which is a rabbit hole that we don't have time for.)
Fates (sidebar: i played Revelations but i know what happens in Birthright and Conquest. i ended up doing all the Paralogues, because i was morbidly curious about how many different ways you could tell a "no dad!!! it's your dream" story, and the answer was "around four, so spreading them across TWENTY ONE versions basically creates the story equivalent of ultra skim milk.") doesn't do anything functionally different from its predecessors, it's just...more egregious this time, because so much of the story feels exclusively catered to drawing attention to it. i get the sense that the devs were trying to aim for bigger, more sophisticated storytelling than what they did with Awakening, which is why we got Fire Emblem: More Royals Than Ever and the requisite chin-stroking about families of blood vs. families of choice, but that they were trying to be Deep (tm) just made the parts that have always been shallow in the franchise look uglier.
i'm just gonna talk about the Royals, because the story privileges the Royals to a truly mind-bending degree (see above: high fantasy, monarchism). with the Royals we have:
the Hoshido/Nohr sibling matchy-matchy that is eerie from the outset (did Sumeragi and Garon set TIMERS so they'd impregnate women at roughly the same time and murder the babies who didn't come out the right gender?), even before you get to the part where they are "foils" for each other in p much aesthetic only, since their personalities are not actually that different when you get down to it. you have the Dutiful Big Bro (Xander and Ryoma), the Closeted Lesbian Big Sis (Camilla and Hinoka, representing opposite ends of the gender presentation spectrum), the Insecure Lil Bro (Takumi and Leo), and the Incorruptibly Pure Lil Sis (Sakura and Elise, the latter of whom for her crime of being outgoing was punished with death in Birthright, which...yikes)
so like. extremely paint by numbers right from conception (heh). why couldn't Xander have been the one who was Naive and Not Ready for This World? because he is Boy, which means he can only be flawed in the Boy Ways, so he must be Too Worldly instead. why couldn't Camilla be the oldest? she's already jaded and weird, so why not make her the heir just to shake things up? because she is Girl and Too Weird and Wearing BLACK, and weird girls in black can't be queen--even if Xander dies, she can't be queen.
Azura is clearly supposed to The Chrom Surrogate of this game insofar as she's your blue haired pal with whom you share a destiny, but she is The Chrom Surrogate but MAXIMUM GIRL, so she's the quintessential non-combatant class, she has a special song that soothes the hearts of warriors, she LITERALLY DIES FOR THE PEACE (TM) IN BIRTHRIGHT AND CONQUEST. (and obviously her hair can't be the Fire Emblem Classic shade of blue--that's too masculine.)
wrt the second gen, lineage is passed through the dad in the eugenics factory this time, which is on paper a fine shakeup from in Awakening, but...ALL the definitely-royal second gens are boys? don't get me wrong: i actually adore what they did with Forrest--like, fucking superb u gender-nonconforming fashion-loving Prince of Peace--but Forrest being an actually interesting inversion of what we expect (that isn't played for laughs!!!) makes all the other boys come off as much blander than they could be. why can't Kiragi be a dirt and hunting loving GIRL? i love Shiro's supports with Kana, but his whole "boisterous laid back but also inferiority complex" deal would be much less tired if he were the Crown Princess instead of Prince. i suppose if Siegbert were Girl with Anxiety and Kingship he'd just...be Lucina, but that's not necessarily a bad thing!!! bitches love Lucina!! (i'm bitches)
the thing is all of this would be...well. not FINE, but more acceptable if they did some things to flesh out those cookie-cutter personalities. Fates didn't deliver for any of the Royals to the extent i wanted it to, but even for what we had the girls got markedly less than the boys did. the moment that made me go "hoo boy maybe i will make poast about this" was in the climax when all the Five Whatevers lit up to form the Fire Emblem and we got some nice concept art of Takumi Leo Ryoma and Xander making :O faces, while the girls...were also there! in Revelation i'm pretty sure you can cut out Camilla Hinoka Elise and Sakura and leave the plot basically unchanged. you could say they fare better in Birthright and Conquest, but you could just as easily say they fare WORSE, because what they get to do if they're NPCs in those routes are: be sad and die, be sad and be spared from dying, be sad and get even weirder before being spared from dying, or be sad.
Camilla and Hinoka feel like the most wasted potential, because we haven't had as many "female royal who is actually pretty down with murder" characters before. but the devs clearly had no idea with what to DO with that, so (outside of her daddy and mommy issues, the details of which we learn about via supports with Niles the resident sex pest and hoo boy the "queer rep" in this game is whole other can of worms) Camilla became your momsistergirlfriend with built-in innovative airbag technology, whose creepiness is played for laughs, and Hinoka was...wait which one was Hinoka again
i am partly just being glib for comic effect, but like--the underlying problems are there, no matter how seriously or generously you want to read it. Fates doesn't go out of its way to mistreat its women; it just doesn't expend any effort thinking about them, so the misogyny breaks loose and stands out anyway.
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What do you think it would take to fluster Fíli? I see him as very... Unflusterable... (Unlike Kíli lol)
Okay. I took some time to think on this, so thanks for your patience, anon!
So, sometimes I can totally see Fili as a real ladies man (dwarf). He’s the older brother, he’s the heir to the throne, he’s flipping gorgeous and very dwarf like for his age- body type, braids, mustache and beard- the whole shebang. Maybe he could be the stoic and quiet dude in the corner of the bar- dark and handsome and mysterious, and then maybe you get a few drinks in him and he’s with his brother and he gets a little more rambunctious and flirty. Basically, where I’m going with this is that I think he could totally handle an S/O who could give all his flirts and jokes and sarcasm right back to him. I think he would love it, but I don’t think that would fluster him. As for the opposite- an S/O who is quieter and softer and sweeter, I think he would adore that. But that wouldn’t fluster him either. And we want to fluster Fili, don’t we?
I have one word for you, anon. Weapons. If you walked up to him and complimented the dagger on his belt, that might catch his attention. But if you pulled out your own that you made with intricate rune and crest carvings and details and showed him the sheath your father gifted you and how the blade flicks out of the handle with a press of your thumb? He’d go fucking weak. Weak, I say. He would drool before he gathered himself and asked you all kinds of questions and literally your first date- he called it a date but you didn’t know he called it a date until weeks later when Kili said hey go on a second date with my bro he’s dying without you and you were like what but also okay- anyway your first date would be in the armory of the mountain. He’d just show you around for hours and show you how everything works and you’d both ooh and aah and omg he finally found someone who understands.
He’d make you the coolest, newest kinds of weapons and leave them on your bed or by your door or something. And you’d rush to find him with the gift in your hands and when you caught him, you’d just praise the shit out of him. You had been looking for something just like this for months and your favorite craftsman at the forge just didn’t understand what you wanted or he just couldn’t get the contraption right and look at this it’s perfect and you’d flip a shit over the details and ask him is this where you’ve been the past week and he’d say no, just the past two days and you’d basically die because that only took him two days to make and it’s so perfect and he’s so talented and you’d thank him ten thousand times and kiss his cheek because you got excited and he’d just blussshhhhhhh and stutter and not be able to form words and there you go- flustered Fili.
And then to say thanks, you’d make something for him. You spent forever in the forges and Kili had to help you and you were almost embarrassed to give it to Fili because you thought it wasn’t good enough, but Kili threatened you so you finally just shoved it into Fili’s hands like here you go and he just freezes. And you’re like shit shit shit it’s messy and I should have just paid someone to make it and he has much better things in his collection and this was stupid stupid stu- and that’s the first time he kisses you and my god is it good because he just grabs you and holds on for dear life because omg did he mess up by kissing you and maybe if he just holds you forever you can’t yell at him for it but you kiss back and it’s freaking glorious.
And he’d like you to bring weapons into bed and that’s all I’m saying.
Thanks for the great question anon and thanks again for your patience! Sorry this was long but I miss writing and I miss Fili and GOD I JUST LOVE OUR BOY
Edit: Also, here’s making Kili flustered.
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Come at me with the lore, fam, after making my own overly complicated fanfic for almost more than a decade with its own magic system nothing surprises me
//OH BOY YOU’RE IN FOR A TREAT
I’m putting it under a cut to save your dash.
TW: A lot of stuff. Rape, sexual abuse, abortion, murder... just... just prepare for the worst.
//Okay, so, Blazblue AU.
Key characters here are: Kagura Mutsuki, Ragna the Bloodedge, Celica A. Mercury, my OC Riku Akasaka, and of course Ren and Goro.
First off, in the BB world, there is a one-world government police state that’s currently been having a bunch of in-fighting and schisms since... forever. They had a civil war (the good guys in this fight lost 8( ), and Kagura has been trying to fix shit for uh... a long time. He’s got the true heir to the throne (Homura Amanohosaka, I think? Their name is long.)
This is an alternate canon where Kokonoe decided to bring her dead aunt back to life like, 3 games early. So it diverges during Calamity Trigger, or The Only Game I Understood (tm). Celica has this power to absorb seithr, or magic energy that can also kill you. The main villain’s body is kind of MADE of seithr. The main villain, Terumi, had a plan to merge with his host and make himself unkillable by linking his life to Noel Vermillion’s. But because Celica decided to show up and cling to Ragna, plans did not go through, but the time loop didn’t restart. Ragna’s plans are at a standstill as well, and he gets attached to Celica, and... it’s complicated.
To sum up Ragna’s story super quick because it’s side information-- He falls for Celica, they have twins, Ragna realizes that his soul-eating grimoire could kill said kids, gets Jubei to cut it off of him, and they live mostly happily for a while until Celica starts dying of seithr poisoning. Then Terumi decides to finally pay back for having his plans ruined, kills Celica, burns Ragna’s house down AGAIN (you know, for extra trauma), and kidnaps one of his kids. The other had a power like her mother so she didn’t get taken because being near her made Terumi sick. Ragna nearly died in all of this, spent years trying to make a decent life for his daughter, got arrested, and then after basically making prison hell for everyone else with his anger and violence, was basically given a plea deal by Kagura of “Look my dude, get on my side in this government coup I’m doing and we’ll basically give you your daughter back, a job, and a steady income. We cool bro?” Aaaand by the time Akechi is around he’s a parent with 7 kids, 2 who are the same age as Akechi and grew up being his friends.
Kagura is the part where it gets relevant to Akechi. Kagura hears about this scandal with the Fumizuki family (long story short Shido is a Fumizuki in this case because it’s a Duodecim family they haven’t used yet, and it means “month of erudition” so I figured a focus on intelligence above all else would be fitting...) involving a bastard kid whos mom just died. Now the whole family is looking to basically throw this kid as far away from them as possible.
Kagura, at this point, is a walking scandal magnet and has stopped giving a fuck. He married a woman literally nobody in his family liked, started a government coup, gave Ragna the Bloodedge the sweetheart deal of a lifetime and more. His wife is my character Riku, who uh...
Goddamnit, another character break. You see why I said this would take a year and a half? XD Anyway, Riku. Riku is one of the last Japanese people in this setting. Japan got magic nuked in Blazblue, to put it bluntly. A giant world-ending monster decided to appear there first. Japan is *still* not inhabitable centuries later. The Japanese people are very few and far between, and Riku’s family is one of the last families that can boast a 100% Japanese heritage. Y’know. Except for Riku. Because her mom went and married an outsider without her family’s permission. Her mom doesn’t give a single solitary fuck what others think and does what she wants. So she’s actually only half Japanese, and her family treats her and her older brother like shit for it. They’re basically only cared about if they’re “useful”. Her brother went into the military academy to basically gain info for the family (they like to hoarde grimoires as well so the NOL and the Akasaka family kind of hate each other), but he “mysteriously went MIA”. I.e. was violently murdered and had his grimoire stolen. Riku went to the academy after to figure out what happened to her beloved onii-chan. It... did not go well for her. TW sexual abuse- she was raped in her freshman year, ended up pregnant, and when she went home in her third trimester, the head of her family forced her into an abortion that caused serious damage. They cut her hair off and basically sent her back to school traumatized and miserable. And now everyone in school treats her like a whore. She decides fuck it, if they’re gonna treat her like that, she’s going to use being a “whore” to her advantage. She slept her way to status, and, using her own special abilities, gathered a bunch of blackmail on literally everyone in the NOL. Nobody can mess with her, but she also has no one she can rely on.
She was initially trying to use Kagura as well (trying to get put in intelligence so she could ruin the people who made her life hell), but Kagura noticed she didn’t actually seem to enjoy sex. He helped her get surgery to correct the damage done to her (he only convinced her to go along with this by saying it was for his own benefit. She did not trust him. He said basically he wanted to be the first person to make her enjoy sex.) She eventually began to open up to him and trust him when she realized they were very much alike. They both were isolated from their families for not following tradition, both had many enemies, and both genuinely wanted to destroy the government around them and create a better world. She joined him in the whole government coup thing, using her intelligence-gathering skills. They’re newlyweds when Akechi is a kiddo.
Understandably, considering all of this, Riku doesn’t really want kids... the trauma of it all is a bit too raw. So Kagura wasn’t really planning to adopt him? He figured he’d give him temporary housing, then send him off to Ragna. Ragna would gladly adopt the kid after all. But he and Riku found out they were very attached to this sad little kid who didn’t understand why everyone looked down on him. Riku, in particular, could relate to his problems.
So Akechi gets a nice, (mostly) stable family! He meets Ren in middle school. Ren outed a pedo teacher that was very well-liked by most of the students and staff, getting him fired and arrested. So, he was something of an outcast. Akechi, upon hearing this, decides that Ren is a hero. (And Ren p much instantly had a crush on him after that). The two grow up as childhood friends. They’re pretty inseparable. Ren doesn’t really like being at home with his family (they’re very much the type that says nothing to avoid being a target for potential assassination. The NOL has been legit very dangerous their entire lives, after all. So their outspoken, determined child causes them no shortage of headaches), so he’s always hanging out at Akechi’s place.
You can probably guess that, actually knowing Akechi’s life story, Ren *actually* assaulted Shido when he saw the dude trying to assault another woman. He was genuinely enraged and just kinda lost it. >>; Thankfully connections save Ren. Kagura basically goes “Ok so enjoy going to the military academy as a reform school. Also you need someone to keep an eye on you. ....My son can do that.” Really... he just wanted Ren to look out for his son.
See, Akechi in this verse is still very concerned with status? He feels that he owes it to his mother and father to live up to his family name, because they’ve done so much for him. He wants to be accepted by the Duodecim as a whole. Riku and Kagura tried their very best to keep him the hell away from all of that political bullshit, but the kid decided to go into the military anyway. He’s not physically the strongest, and he’s pretty naive and childish, deep down. His parents are pretty damned sure that Goro will be eaten alive if left on his own there. (The military academy is, for the record, it’s own massive city. So they wouldn’t exactly be able to keep an eye on him.) So, Renren gets asked to protect his friend.
They also get chosen by two grimoires while there. These are the Rebel’s Grimoire and the Hero’s Grimoire. Grimoires are basically... to put it bluntly, training wheels for magic. Most people suck at magic by nature. Hell, most people don’t even USE grimoires. They use the even bigger training wheels that are Ars Magus. Grimoires usually specialize in a particular ability. They have their own rules, conditions for use, and often choose their hosts. People fuse with their grimoires over time. If the two become completely synchronized it’s called a Remix Heart. (This is the only important lore information from Remix Heart btw, I saved you from reading a crappy fanservice manga, you’re welcome.)
The Hero’s Grimoire picks a host with a strong sense of justice. The Rebel’s Grimoire picks a host with a very rebellious spirit. The catch is, they always pick their hosts at the same time, and the hosts are always very connected souls, two sides of the same coin. The Rebel’s grimoire also likes to do this *wonderful* thing where it latches on your face and only accepts you if you rip it off. If you don’t, it kills you! Fun times. Goro turned around to look at Ren when this happened, and the Hero’s Grimoire embedded itself into his spine. (Ren’s looks like a pair of glasses when not in use, Akechi’s looks like a crow tattoo with a weird growth between his shoulder blades.)
The two grimoires are sentient and talk to their owners while giving them similar but contrasting powers. Ren can use his Third Eye ability from the games, destroy barriers, teleport through shadows, and has very little presence-- almost nobody notices him around unless he’s pointed out or makes himself known. Goro has the same third eye ability, can create barriers/obstructions, can obscure his movements in bright light (either dazzling people or simply teleporting in light), and has a glamour that attracts others to him. (Ren uses this to basically cling to Akechi at all times while nobody notices him. He loves it. Akechi hates it, because PLEASE STOP HITTING ON ME I HAVE A BOYFRIEND HE’S RIGHT. HERE. )
The phantom thieves also still exist in this AU! They have a different MO but similar intents and goals. Basically, they steal back what the NOL has taken from others. Or, if said thing can’t be replaced (like, say, innocence, trust, etc) then they’ll take what they consider a karmic equivalent (status, power, etc). It actually all started because Ren wanted to get Riku’s grimoire back (Akechi was still vERY upset that the government had it, how dare they do that to his family). So Akechi is on the team from the beginning. Whether he wants to be or not.
There’s a lot more but this is just the basics... @_@ I told ya it was a lot.
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Davos, Edd and Tormund & BRIENNE OF FUCKING TARTH, also why Daenarys isn't the one for Jon(also I'm the Valonqar of Jonareys)
Ever since Jon and Sansa reunited the intense breathing, the constant eye fucking that they do with each other and all of that innappropiate tension, three men and Brienne, have literally been the only few people in the show to see the tension, like when Dadvos said "jon isn't a stark" and sansa replies "no, but I am"
She literally and very subtly proposed to Jon, and Davos and Edd shoot a look at each other
Like our Boi GRRM, Jon has a major thing for redheads, partly because Catelyn never gave him love, so in a way Jon tries to find a redhead that he can get validation as well as support, and Jon does the same for Sansa, he understands how she felt after everything she went through (Joffery, Ramsey & littlefinger and in the books there's like 2 other dudes who want Sansa's claim to winterfell) so she's been abused, raped and defiled, she feels at her strongest when Jon is with her, he also sees her need for recognition, remember Jon would have died at the BoTB or as I like to say bastardbowl, if Sansa hadn't gone to Moat Cailin to get the KoTV, Jon would have been food for Ramsay's dogs, it was her who won the battle. All being said and done, Jon does feel indebted to Sansa, she was in the prime leadership spot, but Northern Lords crowned Jon, he doesn't want the Crown, but he doesn't want Sansa to be fucked over by the power the Northern Crown gives her, he loves her and wants to protect her.
Also just wanted to point out that Jon didn't tell Danny much, she knows about Robb and Rickon, then later finds out that Arya and Bran are alive, which only happened because the raven was sent to Dragonstone and seen as Danny controls the area, she's obviously gonna know what's on the scroll. Then there's the whole Jon dying thing that was abruptly stopped by Jon when Dadvos said "he gave his own lif-" then later Danny sees that he was stabbed. Also Jon knew Maester Aemon Targaryen, why didnt Jon say anything? He doesn't trust her, she's impulsive and she's bathed in her own words "fire and blood", Jon gave away as much as SHE needed to know.
And when Jon left WF, Sansa didn't stop looking in Jon's direction the entire fucken time, and the Littlefingers like (hmm, when brothers and sister develop certain feelings towards each other) and then from there, he begins taunting Sansa, by saying "ive heard the silver headed gorgeous devil is beautiful and jon is young and unmarried, then Sansa is like "what?! You think Jon wants to marry her" Littlefinger was purposefully trying to get a reaction out of her, which he got, from both Sansa and Jon and you Jonareys bros have got to admit, there was so much Jealousy coming from Sansa I could smell it from Winterfell to fucking Dorne.
There's also a scene that was deleted or not shot (I can't remember which one) but Jon talks to Ghost before leaving WF, it supposedly says that Jon told Ghost to watch over Sansa, now I know Ghost protects people that Jon cares for as evident when Sam was protecting Gilly from Bros of The Nights Watch beat the shit out of Sam and then Ghost comes in and scares the fuck out of them, but Jon didn't tell Ghost to watch over Sam, yet he told Ghost to watch over Sansa... coincidence.... I think not.
Jon and Sansa Sibling Upbring was literally non existent, they never really had much to say Jon was busy brooding or dodging Catelyn, where Sansa wanted to become a proper Lady, she even says something along the lines of "Jon is jealous of Joffery, but he's sad because he's a bastard" she even asks him to forgive her when they Reunite at Castle Black, who else got shivers when that Hug happened?
Also the background theme music and Clothes worn by Jon and Sansa match like fucking when couples got matching Onesies, like bro when Jon went to Dragonstone he was all clad in black with subtle hints of grey and blue, whereas Sansa and Jon are matching clothes since S7 Ep1. Did anyone else get freaked out about Danny's background themes, the music was Dark and ominous as fuck, also look at how she dressed, she wore scales on her dress when arriving at Dragonstone, but as Jon is there, you can actually see that her outfits are going from less scaley to normal westerosi types of clothes to please Jon, to make herself seem more normal and less dragonlike.
Also when Danny loses her Dornish and Ironborn allies, she wants to use Drogon, Viserion and Rhaegal, Davos then says "you'll want to discuss this between yourselves", then Danny says "you will stay" and then proceeds to ask Jon what she should do and Jon gives her that speech, but what I found weird was the look Jon gave her after he said all this, it's like he knows that Danny will listen to him and Tyrion gives sort of weird one, Tyrion by the end of the season has no traction at all with Danny, she's stopped listening and going on Crazy rants, Tyrion understands the consequences of Danny listening to Jon, you guys have got to understand this isn't the first time Jon has played someone, remember the whole Jon/Wilding Arc? It was to show that Jon isn't who you think he is.
Season 7 is SUBTEXT
Then there's Neds Promise to Sansa "when you come of age, I'll find you someone who is worth of you, brave and strong but kind" ahem ahem sounds like Jon... ding ding ding ding we have a winner JON FUCKING BROODING IN A CORNER SOMEWHERE SNOW
It's okay Jonareys shippers, I have come to destroy your fleets and cast you aside, but unlike Danny, I won't set you on fire with a dragon, I'll let Arya behead you bitches, cus if you guys can't see how everything Jon is doing is for the North and who's in the North? Who did the KiTN leave the North too? I mean my man turns into a fucking bear and pins Littlefinger against a wall, like I got sister's who got boyfriends and you don't see or hear of anyone choke slamming a potential suitor into a brick fuckin wall??? Also just to sink your ship even further
Jon - "i'd uh bend the knee but" (everything before the word but is horseshit) I mean look at the Gif below, Daenarys is looking with lust and passion, but Jon looks like he just wants to get it over and done with (in Petyr Baelish's words "when you find yourself in bed with an ugly woman, best to close your eyes and get it over with) I AM NOT CALLING DANNY UGLY, I'm just trying to find evidence that matches with what's going on in Westeros
Jon's cold arrival on Dragonstone, she literally takes his boat and Longclaw and says "yeah but nah but yeah, I'm not here to argue grammar" (which is a major ass call back to Season 2 when Danny wants ships)
Jon is the motherfucking Heir to the IT, which weakens Danny's claim to it (She might be the mother of dragons, but law is law, yes she's allowed to go to war for that throne, but westeros has Legitmacy laws, and succession laws, either fucking way, he's got the better claim but so does Gendry) with her being Third in line when Aerys the 2nd was alive, and if you follow succession, it goes Rhaegar, Viserys and then Danny, but because Jon is Rhaegar' s heir he inherits the throne because Rhaegar was meant to inherit the throne after his father's death and after Rhaegar' s death at the Trident, the throne goes to Jon (Also when Ned arrives at the tower of Joy, Ser Arthur Dayne says to "I wish you good fortune in the wars to come, Lord Stark" and they start fighting but Ser Arthur Dayne said that cus he expected Ned to go to war with Robert cus Jon is the king) Also his Queen is in the Gif below
Sansa is the key to the North and Jon knows it, he knows when he's back in the North, the northern lords will be pissed af at him, but if he marries Sansa he gets to keep the North (remember Jon doesn't want the 7K, he wants the North to be secure and free)
Danny is literally 2 fucking Tsar Bombas (really powerful nukes) and when she realises that Jon was playing the game, she is gonna use them (season 2, house of the undying, the visions she has) Kings Landing is literally what Danny wants and I'm more than willing to bet she's gonna turn Drogon and Rhaegal loose on Kings Landing, what do you guys think she's willing to do to the North?
She burnt Poor Dickon and Cunt Randyll, which is Sam's dad and bro, like I know he was a dick, but your dad and your brother is family, and Sam has strong family values, do you really think Jon will be pleased to hear this? I think the fuck not
Also I get a weird feeling Jon is gonna bond with Rhaegal which for Danny *insert "where are my dragons" meme here* (She loves her "kids" and like any mom during a custody battle, it's going to turn Sour)
Also Sansa is a big threat, she not a "stupid little girl" anymore, she's been forming Alliances, she knows Houses from KL and all the way to the wall, Danny might have nukes (dragons) but what she gonna do burn everyone? ("I'm not here to be Queen of the ashes" but bitch if you carry on the way your are, there's gonna be no one left, what she gonna rule over? "A graveyard", when Jon said this something didn't sit right with me
Did anyone notice that when Jon went beyond the wall him and Jorah Mormont had a convo about his kids and Longclaw, the stark theme music started playing and guess who the fak turns up into the Frame???? SANSA MOTHERFUDGING, LEMON CAKE STARK.
My point being it's not gonna work for long between Jon And Danny, it's a song of ice and fire, not ice and fire and fire, also you motherfuckers are okay when Jon is slipping Longclaw into Danny's pussy, who is his aunt ( like who the fuck fucks their aunt?) But you guys can't stomach Jonsa? Got a problem leave it in the comments, I'll fucken slay you with facts fight me turd, also I kind of trailed off here
Also if you guys think Danny's pregnancy is gonna go full term, you guys are clearly fucken dumb, the magic in the world if ice and fire is coming to an end, all the giants are dead, the children of the forrest all but forgotten, and the direwolves will outlive them all but there time will come to an end for men shall outlive them all, for man has no room for Direwolves, eventually they too will die, Danny has two Dragons which are magic, Daenarys is fucken fireproof (She isn't fireproof in the books) that to me sound like magic, I'm not gonna say that Danny is gonna die cus S8 isn't out yet, but if you guys think that there gonna be another Targ baby (born of pure Targaryen lineage) your sadly mistaken, I really do think Danny is barren, Daario Naharis wasn't firing blanks at her, she just can't get preggers. JON WAS JUST TESTING TO SEE HOW DANNY KNEW SHE WAS BARREN AND THEN THE BOATBANG WAS LEGIT JUST A FUCKING WAY OF ENSURING THAT SHE WILL GO NORTH AND FIGHT THE DEAD BECAUSE JON KNOWS THAT SHE LOVES HIM
In the words of THE BASTARD OF THE DREADFORT "if you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention"
*sips wine, lights cigarette, watches the entire Jonareys fandom burn, like Lady Olenna but I'm male so more of a Tywin I guess*
#jonsa is endgame#jonsa#actually jonsa#daenarys stormborn#mother of dragons#jonaerys#ned stark#gameofthrones#winter is coming#sansa x jon#jon x sansa#sansa stark#jon snow#davos seaworth#brienne of tarth#dadvos#season 8
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Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War, Part 26: The Julius Formerly Known as Prince
Part 25
Welcome back to Fire Emblem IV! Last week we had started our invasion of Grannvale, coming up to it through the southern Miletos district, and in so doing got to smack the crap out of Tinni’s crazy aunt, who unfortunately managed to get away. These things happen. This week, we have to start off by opening the gates that will allow us to proceed north to Miletos itself.
I’m just gonna say, if you guys wanna stop now, I’m down for that. How about we just move in to Hilda’s old torture castle and set up there? Do we really need to beat the Empire?
Yes?
Shit.
Ah, well.
Well, to start, we need to take Rados castle, which is thankfully unoccupied after we killed all its inhabitants last week. It’s cool, they were gross people. Though first, I have Ced grab the village right north of it…
Behind the Times: Not so long ago, from what I hear, Emperor Arvis himself forbade ‘em. What the devil could’ve changed his mind? Please, I’m begging you, you’ve gotta save our children! Here, this magic ring oughta help you out.
Niiiiiiiiiiice. This pushes Ced’s magic above the 30-point cap, leaving him even more of a killing machine that he already is. Dude doesn’t even have a holy weapon, he’s just raw badass. Cairpre also continues his path to minor godhood.
This kid was level one on the last map, and he’s going to be promoted and breaking skulls right along with the rest of the kids next map. I’m so proud of him.
Seliph, take the castle and set the story going, my man!
(Yeah, but he had to be a man named Morrigan, so who really suffered the most?)
Seliph: How could they… how could anyone be so savage…?
Lewyn: And that’s why we’ve got to fight this war to the end, Seliph. This is something you’ve got to understand.
(OKAY WE GET IT JEEZ STOP PESTERING ME DAD)
Lewyn: This is the way of the Loptyr Empire. There’s no place at all for the good-hearted… Now, it shouldn’t be too long before the gate to Miletos opens for us.
(…. Why…?)
Lewyn: What’s your next move, Seliph?
Seliph: Needless to say, we must march on Miletos. We can’t afford to rest while those children are still at risk. Or Julia, for that matter.
Lewyn: Good. And after that, Grannvale awaits!
(OH FUCK IT’S ISHTAR)
(Oh, and also Arvis. Man, you have not aged well, buddy. I’d feel bad for you, but you know… the rape and murder and stuff.)
Arvis: Listen, Ishtar. Release the captive children. I know you care no more for these foul deeds than I do.
Ishtar: My apologies, sir, but I’m on Prince Julius’s-
Arvis: Pay Julius no mind. I’ll be having a word with him soon.
(Funny story, bro, he said the same thing about you last week, and I’m a bit more scared of him at this point.)
Ishtar: But…
Arvis: This is an order from your emperor, Ishtar! Has Julius bent you such that you will no longer listen to the word of your liege?!
Ishtar: N-no. Never, your majesty…
(Speak of the [Literal?] Devil.)
Arvis: Julius! How dare you-
Julius: Why, Father, it almost sounds as if you still don’t know any better! Old age must be dulling that once-brilliant mind of yours. Why not retire before it grows still feebler? Unless… ohohohoho! Don’t tell me you still seriously believe that you can banish me?
Arvis: … No. I know better than to try something so futile again. I… have no further objection.
Julius: That’s better. Now, then. Begone! Return to your post and haunt my sight no more. Defending Chalphy is crucial, so don’t fail me for once in your sorry life, Father.
(Daaaaaaaaaaaamn, son, you just got burned. Or should that be Julienned?)
Arvis: Y-yes, Julius. At once…
(God, it’s like every creeper left in the game is all gathering in this one castle to see who can be most sleazy. If Hilda shows up, I’m going to need to stop to take a shower.)
Manfroy: Never would you think this wretch, now clinging only to the ghost of a crown, was once the most powerful man in Jugdral.
Julius: Ah, Manfroy. Where’s Julia? Have you restored her memory yet?
Manfroy: Your dear little sister is in Chalphy, burdened once more by her old memories. Never have I seen such horror as when she recalled how you, her own brother, almost killed her! Or how her dearly departed mother spirited her clear of the castle and your clutches…
Julius: Indeed… near everyone puts up some defiance to death by my hand, yet Deirdre never so much as flinched in the end. She accepted her own demise, all to save Julia with what little strength she still had. But Julia possesses the foul powers of that ghoul, Naga, just as Deirdre once did. Nothing is more crucial than killing her now, Manfroy, lest we lose the chance.
(………. Then… why did you need to restore her memories…?)
Manfroy: You overestimate her threat, milord. After all, the Book of Naga remains under the strictest lock and key in Belhalla. Without it, Naga’s soul could never come to dwell within that girl…
Julius: How many times must I explain, Manfroy?! Every last one of the avatars of Naga, the heirs of Heim, must be purged!
Manfroy: Understood, milord. I’ll have my men see to it that Julia is dead by sundown.
Julius: Do not fail me, Manfroy. Now, then, I suppose I’m needed in the capital.
Manfroy: I shall ensure that holding the Miletos territory is the Order’s highest priority. Before the week is done, Your Majesty, the corpse of Seliph shall lie before you.
Julius: Seliph? … Ah, of course. The one the peasants call ‘the scion of light’. Just as they call me the ‘scion of darkness’. The alleged eldest son of Deirdre and the alleged true heir to my throne. A fairy tale, told to inspire hope amongst fools.
Manfroy: He is still a threat, milord. The sooner we dispose of him, the better.
Julius: Surely he doesn’t truly bear the power of the Crusader Baldur. He couldn’t possibly. I don’t care about him, Manfroy, but you’re welcome to do with him as you will.
Manfroy: Very good, milord.
Julius: … Actually, I have a better idea. I want to play a game.
Julius: Rumor has it that a small army of fresh sacrifices are headed our way. Let’s see who can claim the life of a rebel first.
Ishtar: Yes, Lord Julius. I’d love to!
(Sympathetic anti-villain~)
And then the newly arrived enemies start screwing with me, thus ruining the drama of the moment. Anyhow. The army arrayed against us is arguably the worst in the entire game thus far, given they are almost all dark mages. Dark magic still has no disadvantages to anything in the weapon triangle, and a lot of them have status effect staves to fuck our advance over hard. And of course, standing near the castle…
At first glance, Ishtar actually looks worse than Obvious Final Boss Julius. She’s bulked up considerably since we last met her; her Magic has gone up by six points, speed by one, and resistance by a whopping twelve with the addition of a Barrier Ring to her inventory. He, in contrast, has generally good stats at everything (and is a damn stone wall with 25 defense and 35 resistance) but he’s slower than her and his Loptyr tome is heavier than her Mjolnir. Beyond being a stone wall, he appears to be less dangerous than her.
This is a filthy lie.
You see, Ishtar is stronger than her last fight with us, but we’ve leveled up far more than she has since then. She’s certainly still very dangerous thanks to her combo of Mjolnir and the Vantage ability meaning if you don’t kill her in one shot she’ll wreck your ass on all further battles, but that’s nothing new. It just means we’re playing the same damn game of Nuclear Rocket Tag that we were last time, and Arthur is carrying a much bigger nuke than before. Maybe he still only has like a 60% chance of pulling it off, but I honestly can’t believe I did it at all last time.
And as for that heavy Loptyr tome? It has a little extra trick to it that you’ll quickly come to despise.
See that little note, ‘cuts foe’s atk’ down in the bottom left corner? See, more specifically, it cuts the attack of anyone who gets into battle with Julius by a whopping 50%. So before hitting Julius’s again, stone-wall defenses, anyone who takes a swing at him will first have their attack cut in half, at which point he will swing right back with a Holy Weapon that has no weapon triangle disadvantage to anything and is backed up by his maxed out magic stat. And in his ability list, he has Pursuit and Accost for maximum possible double-attacking potential to go with his very high natural speed, and Wrath to cause his critical hit rate to skyrocket if you do eventually get his HP down below half.
His 80 HP.
So yeah, this is the game’s subtle way of telling you ‘DON’T FIGHT JULIUS’. Indeed, the easiest thing to do here would be to let him or Ishtar kill one of our soldiers and then have Cairpre revive them with the Valkyria staff, because they will both leave if one of them manages to win their ‘game.’ Which, I mean, if I get really desperate, maybe, but for the sake of my pride I’d prefer to beat one of them, causing both to retreat. And by ‘one of them,’ I mean Ishtar. And by ‘beat’ I mean, ‘Arthur, it’s time to play another round of Holy Weapon Nuclear Death Tag with your cousin, please try to survive.’
Oh, and just for fun:
That’s Julius’s Holy Blood screen. Just in case you didn’t have enough unhappiness in your life.
Now then. First thing we need to do is clear out at least some of the enemies in play here. There’s a whole mess of Dark Mages with some melee fighters scattered among them, and they’re operating with a variety of tools, but the worst, as poor Altena found out, are the ones with Sleep staves. Status effect staves in this game are the worst; they have perfect accuracy as long as the one using them has higher Magic than the target has Resistance. In our hands, they’re balanced by only having 2-3 charges before they break. In the enemy’s hands, they have infinite charges because Fuck You, that’s why. Sleep + Hel + Any Hit of Anything is a very bad situation. So first step is to work out where they are:
There, we have a basic cross-reference of where only high-resistance units should go. The dark mages have 16 Magic each, which isn’t much for the purposes of combat but for the purposes of Sleep Staves it might as well be a trillion. Maybe a quarter of our army can go into that crossfire zone without being zapped, and one of them is Cairpre, who can’t fight. On the other hand, he’s also the only person who can wake people up, so his staying awake forever is useful, in its own way.
Back to full power! And now, we clear out the vanguard and move the team up, making sure to keep most people firmly to the east.
There we go. First wave down; the only people in the current batch who can lure out enemies without getting a forced nap are Ares, Fee, Ced, Tinni and Cairpre; Seliph will be able to when he actually reaches the army, but he, Nanna, and Ulster are a bit further back. He had to take the castle and they needed to do some weapon repairs.
End turn!
Ah, yes, some of them have siege tomes too. Because, again, fuck you, that’s why.
Cairpre, you’re just getting silly. But in any event, we’ve now gotten a situation where the only people in the Sleep range are people who cannot be Sleeped, and they should also be drawing in some of the enemies from the west so we can clear out at least one or two of the staff wielders and give us some more movement range. There’s two to the west, and two to the north; the western ones should start moving on this turn now that we’ve cleared out the enemies closer to us. With luck, I can kill them both right away. End turn…
Okay, not bad. With the positioning of the enemies, I thiiiiiiiiink three of the sleep staffs can be taken out this turn without much issue. Let’s see…
That’s one!
And that’s two, and also all we’re going to get. But the remaining two are going to put some people to sleep, but they won’t be able to get anyone killed. That’s worth Ares getting a shit level, I guess. What remains is to clear out the final village-burning bandit of the map…
And killing off this sniper so he can’t kill Fee and ruin everything.
Good times. All right, dark mages! Please don’t kill anyone. End turn.
Lame, but tolerable. We will be able to kill one more staff guy this turn; but the second one is being… troublesome.
He’s one of those charming robed figures firmly in Julius’s combat range. That is not a fight I want to pick. Instead, we’ll take this other dude with the physic staff…
And pull back, trying to lure them out further. Cairpre wakes up Lester to let him do the same, and gets his like seventieth level.
To the south, we need to clear a path without letting Patty get put to sleep preferably. So I have Tinni try to clear a path, which will let Ced get through to the third Sleep user.
….
She misses. On a 90% chance. Dammit. Seliph, please?
That’s why we’re putting you on the throne later, buddy. And now Ced can get through and remove one more stumbling block.
Beautiful. Only one staff jackass left, and the only people in his range are Tinni and Seliph. He’ll have to move, and with any luck at all he’ll do so out of Julius’s combat range where someone can take a swing at his dumb face. End turn!
Heeeeeeeeeey buuuuuuuddy.
Niiiiice. With that, there’s only seven enemies left total; one guy with a normal tome, three siege tomes, the boss in the castle, and the two far more dangerous bosses waiting for us to get all up in their business. This will be… tricky. But for the moment, we’re safe, so I have Seliph drop in to have a conversation with Tinni.
(In all this mess, you may have forgotten Lewyn is her dad. He certainly hasn’t been very fatherly.)
Seliph: If you need anything from me, I’ll be waiting over there.
(You see what I mean about her having a character arc, now? Imagine the Tinni we first recruited saying that. She was so broken down she was going to fight us just because she was too afraid not to. And look at her now, electrocuting her aunt! I’m so proud.)
Lewyn: She didn’t treat you well, did she?
(“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA…. Oh, you’re serious…? Wow. No. No.”)
Tinni: Day after day, again and again, she would beat and abuse us. She kept on accusing Mother of being a traitor…
Lewyn: Your mother… Taillte…
Tinni: Yes… after the Battle of Belhalla, she and my brother, Arthur, fled to Silesse. I was born there soon after. I never knew my father. I think he must have died long ago…
Lewyn: I see. Then you went to Alster, right?
Tinni: King Blume and his minions came to Silesse, one night. They dragged us away to Alster… Mother never left there alive…
Lewyn: I… you’ve had such a hard life…
Tinni: Mm… Hilda hated Mother so much. I’ve never seen anything like it. Mother coped with so much, trying to protect me from Hilda. She was always in tears, right till the end…
Lewyn: She… she did…?
Tinni: Lord Lewyn? Is… is everything okay, sir?
Lewyn: … Yeah. Why do you ask?
Tinni: It’s your eyes, sir. Are those… tears?
Lewyn: I… no, it’s nothing. This is just a bit of sweat. I’m fine… I… I’m okay…
I like this conversation for a few reasons. First, it gives Tinni a ridiculous +5 magic, which is wonderful for these conversation bonuses and pushes her to her magic cap of 27. But on a story front, you’ve probably noticed that Lewyn has become kind of a douche in the years since the first generation. This is one of the very few moments where that attitude breaks and he really shows you just how much he’s hurting beneath it all. He manages to hold up the Jerk Attitude for most of his other daughter conversations (he can have one with Fee, Lene, or Tinni if he’s their dad) but this is the only one he breaks down on. Learning your wife was essentially tortured to death will do that, and it probably only hurts more because Tinni isn’t trying to guilt him over it. Just innocently sharing how awful her life has been.
It’s a good, solid, quiet little character moment. I really like those when they’re done well, and I think this one was.
End turn.
Way to kill the emotion, jerk.
After murdering that buzzkill, I have to consider the situation. Ishtar is by far the weaker of the two enemies, but she’s not weak by any means. And unfortunately, anywhere that she can go, Julius can go too, thanks to the Leg Ring in his inventory. Getting them separate is hard. So what I’m going to do is have Ares, with the Mystletainn in hand, stand on a forest tile in Julius’s range. I will also put Nanna, Seliph, and Dermott near him; with boosts from two Charisma skills, Seliph’s leadership stars, and a forest, he gets something like a 45% boost to his dodging, which even Julius should have some trouble with. And even if he takes one hit, his Resistance is high enough that he should be able to survive. And from there, I have all of them run past him with Arthur, giving him a similar bonus to his offense and offsetting Julius’s own five leadership stars when he fights Ishtar. With luck, which I seem to be having lately with these big annoying bosses, Arthur will nuke the crap out of his cousin once again.
This might work. Maybe! Or I might die. End turn!
Gotta admit, the man makes an impression! Ares takes the hit, but survives with 21 HP left, and Ishtar runs up behind Julius, but can’t reach anyone to blast. But we can reach her. Deep breath. Moment of truth. Everyone, get her! NUCLEAR ROCKET TAG GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I’m hoping you don’t notice how many of my problems I have been solving with Forseti. Like… all of them. Seriously, of the three hardest bosses in the game so far, Ishtar, Arion, and Ishtar again, Arthur has killed all three of them on his first move, doing the exact same thing. I have dealt with every serious challenge the game has to offer by nuking it with a wind god.
If this is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.
Oh, and hey, why not.
This kid is going places.
Now then, not much left on the map to deal with. I have Lene dance Cairpre, so he can grab one of the two remaining villages.
Captain… Nay, GENERAL Obvious: Just a single glance into those eyes of his and you’re gone. You lose yourself. So many of my friends and people my age have all left for Belhalla to serve him… I’ve heard nothing from any of ‘em since.
Oh-ho. So, does this mean Julius can literally warp the minds of others? It can’t be limitless, mind you, since otherwise he could just mind-rape our army into joining him, but some ability to sway the weak-minded to his side would fit with how so few Imperial citizens are actually protesting the whole… you know. Hunting of children.
On the enemy phase, there isn’t a whole lot left. We have only three enemies left outside the boss, and they’re all carrying siege tomes.
And hahaha, they’re not super great at picking targets. That was fun. Now, let’s destroy them!
Not bad at all! One guy remaining, we can get him on the next turn before Seliph takes that castle. Altena grabs the last village, as well.
Extremely Morbid Info Master: Hate t’say it, but sometimes, yeh need t’make sacrifices if yeh wanna keep going…
See, kids, this is why you don’t fuck with Info Master. He is willing to make those sacrifices. End turn!
Dick.
… They can’t all be great, Cairpre. You’ve still grown far beyond anything I ever expected. Now, nothing left to do but send the team up north, preparing to go where the story will dictate after we take the next castle. Seliph, care to set things up?
Lewyn: I hate to admit it, but I doubt we could’ve gotten here soon enough either way. Now, then. It sounds like they’re just finishing up repairs on the Miletos Strait bridge. Ready to move in on Chalphy?
Seliph: Chalphy…. My father’s homeland….
Lewyn: So it is. I’m betting the citizens there will be even happier to see you than usual. Let’s not make them wait any longer!
Seliph: Indeed! Everyone, move out! Onward, to Chalphy!
(“We’re not forgetting anything, right? Eh, I’m sure Julia would remind us if we were.”)
Well. There isn’t a whole lot of this chapter left, but it can take quite a bit of time to successfully pull off, so I do think I’ll stop here. See y’all next week when we head back home to Chalphy! The very first castle we ever had in the game, and now we get to go take it back from another blast to the past, good old Arvis! I sure did miss him.
But my aim is improving.
See y’all next week!
#let's play#let's play fire emblem#let's play fire emblem IV#Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War#fire emblem 4#lp#my writing#long post#Julius is a jerk
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I only call you when it's half past five,
the only time that I'll be by your side,
I only love it when you touch me, not feel me,
when I'm fucked up, that's the real me,
when I'm fucked up, that's the real me, BABE ♪
Here we fucking go again, desperately trying to make the fuckboi wolf commit to a serious relationship. My plan to turn Komei into a werewolf crashed and burned last generation and Jojo has had the want locked for like 10 years and it just won’t fucking happen. I’ve never had a non-cheaty werewolf in this game, I don’t know how other people do it but I’m having a ridic hard time with it. Victor’s ghost is judging me and who can blame him.
Speaking of, Shajar’s makeover is this wolf shirt, and yes, full shade intended. I still can’t believe she rolled popularity, way to single out your weakest spot and make it your life’s purpose. I mean that would be like Wyatt rolling fam- ..nevermind.
UGH. Will you pick a fucking attitude and stick with it you furry asshole???
What kind of defective cuck wolf even is this. He won’t befriend us but he won’t attack either, he just sits around with his plastic bone playing house. USELESS. I didn’t know it was possible to hate a digital animal this much..
..but here comes Maxx to defy all expectations. Happy birthday Maxx, you look so wholesome and Lassie-like, I’m sure life with you will be like a vacation!
LOL. Is antagonizing Sophie really how you want to start your adult life, Maxx?? Well I guess having eyes is overrated.
SOPHIE WTF. You beat Victor but can’t take on this flop? Where is your holy warrior spirit??
- I’m old af and starting to worry about my eternal soul, so I’m literally turning the other cheek.
Nice, thanks for nothing. God I miss Victor.
Man, Maxx has ISSUES. He doesn’t even have a mean personality or a bad relationship with the cats, why are you like this you freak??
NOOOO not the fucking pet fight club again omg MAXX YOU DICK
Great, amazing job, Goro! The real Goro is rolling in his grave. All this went down in literally under a minute after Maxx grew up, talk about determination.
-HA, kneel before Zod!
That’s not even from Mortal Kombat, Maxx, god, can you not make this worse than it is?
-Yea like I give a shit, what am I, some kind of fatass nerd cat?? I’m a dog, bitch, I like running..
Omg.
-And playing outside..
OMG.
-And being affectionate to my owners!
STOP. Christ, what kind of monster have I brought into our lives???
-One day in and I’m already the alpha.. Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? Oh yes, Maxx is.. The best boy. And soon this cat legacy.. will be history.. the Age of Dog.. is finally.. upon us.
💔💔💔💔💔
Not that we needed further proof that Maxx was given to us straight out of Satan’s unholy womb, but guess who else loves him on top of Cyneswith?? Why, Wyatt, of course, chief of police married to a serial killer, truly the best judge of character the world has ever known. Show me your friends..
..and I’ll show you who you are. UGH DAGMAR
-As a mailwoman I’m programmed to hate your kind, but I feel such a connection between us.. It’s like the universe conspired-
GTFO. Don’t test me, istg I’ll marry you in..
..you actually don’t look half bad compared to what else is out there. Shajar brings Toadface McBooberson here home from school which. why does bigger cleavage clothing even exist for teens and why do I have it, I really need to stop downloading default replacements in the dark. Anyway, hope you’re all ready for the adventure called ‘What is Shajar’s sexual orientation/does she even have one’!
Ugh, this certainly feels familiar. Shajar please, PLEASE fight your Jojo genes, I mean everyone loves Cyneswith, this is shaping up to be Gunter/Jojo volume 2 AND I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT AGAIN
-So, Butterface, my ambition in life is to have my own music theme play whenever I enter a room, like Darth Vader or Mary Poppins-
-Isn’t the sound of people already in the room sighing enough of a theme for you?
-Well it looks like one little frog around here isn’t getting turned into a princess!
Yea, I really don’t know what I expected?? Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.
Speaking of daddy dearest, let’s check in. How’s it going, Jo? Great? Thought so, ok bye-
-DON’T YOU DARE PAN AWAY AND LEAVE ME TO MY MISERY MY ASPIRATION IS SCARLET RED
I’m sorry Jo but I’m a hear no evil, see no evil, spend-legacy-time-on-no-evil type of bitch and your life just bums me out at this point. But if it’s any consolation, it’s all your fault!
-HOW THE HELL IS IT MY FAULT I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS BULLSHIT
Um, YEA YOU DID. This is generation 2, we’re barely middle class and being heir is quite literally a shit job. Of course you could have minimized the impact had you chosen someone else to marry, but you just HAD to have Wyatt Narcolepsy Monif so.. talk to you later?
-Wyatt I’m worried our ship is sinking and no amount of rotting birthday cake can ease the pain.
-Oui, my estomac hurts toό.. Nothing 14 heures of sleepé won’t remédit of coursé :)
-DIDN’T NEED SUCH A GRAPHIC REMINDER THAT LIFE IS GARBAGE
God, wtf more do you want, 15k and still whining-
-OH. Well this just has Wyatt written all over it, but omg he tried to do a household task, just got confused at the very end. Bravo, leaps and bounds!
Meanwhile Shajar is having a successful interaction with a family member!! It’s a toddler who can’t get away, but whatever, it counts. Looks like this is a game-changing night for everyone.
-YES IT REALLY IS.
Jojo how about you take a page out of Komei’s book and devote your leftover energy to cats or cooking contests or banging Marissa Bendett instead of this constant, obnoxious guilt-tripping?? Man I really didn’t appreciate Komei while I had him.
7 a.m., the usual morning lineup,
start on the chores and sweep 'till the floor's all clean,
polish and wax, do laundry, and mop and shine up,
sweep again, and by then it's like 7:15,
and so I'll read a book,
or maybe two or three,
I'll add a few new paintings to my gallery,
I'll play guitar and knit,
and cook and basically-
-just wonder when will my life begin? ♪
And of course that’s Victor making his nightly appearance and helping put Jojo out of his misery. What a sweetheart!
With the addition of Wulf and his 10 active points generation 3 has officially evolved past sleep, we’re talking 10/10/9 (Shajar you lazy bum) and it’s seriously exhausting. You know how when sims are asleep you can check your phone or eat smth or w/e, yea that’s simply not happening anymore, I’m in constant vigilance all night long..
..and thank god because otherwise I would have missed Allegra and Victor’s ghosts playing??? WTF MAXIS. I’ve never seen this before and it’s the rare combo of sad and adorable. Right in the feels ❤️💔
THAT WASN’T AN INVITATION TO EXPRESS YOUR SADNESS FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME JOJO
Oh “ok” it’s a cockroaches related freak-out. I don’t see anyone else crying over them but that’s Jojo for you. Exterminator bro if you’re that grossed out by a pile of dead insects I have some bad news for you regarding your profession. And while we’re on the topic of professions and crying:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You may recall that Wyatt has been one promotion away from his LTW for about 150 years and all we’ve been doing since is trying to amass the 8 friends needed for it. Welp, we finally got them through our blood, sweat and tears, so what does Wyatt do the day he was supposed to get promoted?? Get fired of course, what else!
Honestly I’m not even mad, this truly is like the culmination of everything we know Wyatt to be. I mean just cast your minds back to the final moments of this post. We knew what we were getting into. Rock on, Wyatt!
-Nό, there is no disgracéd police capitaine in this maison! Quelle?? I’m not even Français! Et toi shouldn’t be calling personnes at 5 p.m when everyόné is sound asleép!
Time for the black sheep to get the full Kylo Ren treatment. Looking good, Shaj! Now let’s put that hot makeover to use-
-NO.
Here we go, HUMAN contact. Toadface was a bust so let’s try a dude. Shajar do you mind talking about something other than your dead pets??
-But I don’t want to talk about anything else!
Yea and I don’t want to overstate things but I’m getting the distinct feeling finding you a partner is gonna make Daniel’s run at it look like Californication.
Well, the data we’ve gathered so far points to Shajar being a noogiesexual, I’m sure somewhere on tumblr there already exists a pride flag for it.
That’s right, mop up the dog piss from that grass and think about the face you present to the world.
HOW IS YOUR ASPIRATION GONE TO SHIT AGAIN. WTF ARE YOU DOING WHEN I’M NOT LOOKING, GOING AROUND FACING YOUR FEARS?? JFC
-I have a perma fear of leading the miserable life I’m trapped in.
-Oh look, my kid is potty trainted and I get 5k points.. I’m soooo happy... Definitely don’t miss my serial killer days...
Ok I can’t take this anymore, either Wyatt will have to take up more household duties..
..or we can aim for something within the realm of reality and build a robot servant instead. And if you’re thinkering you’re not whining! Everyone wins.
In the dead of the night, a time when only 12 year old children are awake and watching god knows what-
-Game of Thrones! Team Stark!
Ugh, of course you are-
-Wulf grows up!
-Woo happy birthday Wulf! Don’t even try to come for my golden child crown, I’m as perfect as my grades.
I don’t like what Game of Thrones is doing to you, Cyn.
First thing Wulf does after his pj makeover is head for the keyboard, which makes the choice for his general makeover clear as day:
Wulf...Wolf...WOLFGANG. I mean, some things are just written in the stars..
..AND SOME THINGS AREN’T, in this case Shajar’s dating life. We get another Butterface McBooberson (wtf is it with this dress in this town) but this one is also sporting terrible hair as a bonus. Score!
Great, we’ve moved from music themes to dead pets to world domination. At least we’re committing to the Kylo persona. Butter 2.0 is into it?? Get a grip girl.
-Um why do you think I have this last century hair? I’m very into monarchy.
This is not only going non-disastrously but dare I say, well?? I can’t tell if I want it to work or not though, on one hand I’ve made my feelings about this face template abundantly clear.. on the other hand this is the first human (except her 10 nice point sister) to like Shaj..
..thankfully it looks like there’s no need to solve that dilemma after all. Btw at the time of this writing I literally still don’t know if Shajar is into girls or dudes, or both. No reaction to anyone whatsoever.
Meanwhile even after the noogie Butter is super receptive and doesn’t hate us? I was as shocked as you are, if we were rich I’d think she has some ulterior motive but nop, it’s just low standards. God bless them-
-cause we made our first friend!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank the fucking lord Shajar’s LTW isn’t friend related, take a wild guess what it is instead.. And of course, the answer is ‘become Mayor’. I can just see the banner now: ‘vote Shajar Union or face the deadly consequences’.
-Ahh my dear, finally, no screaming toddlers ruining my life while you pretend you can’t hear them.. Now I can slowly start un-resenting you.. Maybe there’s hope for this marriage after all..
Not if Cyneswith has anything to do with it! After spending her entire childhood cockblocking by sleeping in her parents’ bed, she literally grew up just as they were about to woohoo for the first time in 10 years. how in character. Wanna know what isn’t in character??? Hold on to your seats, everyone..
............
....................................
..............................................
OK THEN. Much like Wolfgang there is but one appropriate look for the above:
Did anyone think fucking Lolita Cyneswith was remotely possible, let alone probable?? ROMANCE?? And into the elderly???? I thought that combo was bad enough, I mean then you bring in the tinkering factor on top of it and it’s like, Waylon Fairchild and college profs won’t know what hit them.. How naive I was. Things can always, always get worse, and in this family, they usually do. You can probably tell where I’m going with this.. Fast forward a few days and the LTW shows up..
..........................................yup. You know it’s been months and you’d think I’d have articulated a response by now that isn’t just screaming or miscellaneous incoherent sounds, and yet! what can I say, sometimes emotions are so powerful that words fail us. In lieu of a written reaction please listen to this song after the specified time stamp. It’s 3 minutes long and the only lyric is ‘oh no’.
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Someone to Inherit
Xiumin/Kim Minseok x Reader
Rating: M
Warning: (Honestly idk what to put here but there are sexual innuendos)
drop me a like or a comment to lmk how I'm doing (sorry for any errors disclaimer).
Chapter 2:
Lunch with Kyung-soo had been a good distraction from your close encounter of almost being the new human torch. As the two of you walked back to class and took your seats you checked your course schedule for the rest of the day. Kyung-soo, curious as well, looked over your shoulders to see what the two of you would have before you could finally get home and out of this place.
“Yo! You’re (f/n) right?” a man with permed brown hair said as he walked up to you.
“Yes, that’s me.” You said hesitantly. Almost instantly Kyung-soo stood up and moved to put himself between you and the newly arrived stranger.
“Since you seem to know me do you think you could tell me who you are?” As you asked Min-seok walked up next to the permed haired man and threw an arm around his shoulder.
“Jong-dae… maybe next time introduce yourself first?” Min-seok said with a playful nudge.
“Right… Sorry about that.” Jong-dae said as he scratched the back of his head. “I’m Kim Jong-dae! You already know my Kim bro here Min-seok. I hope we can get to know each other better through the year!” Jong-dae said playfully. “I sit behind yo…”
Before Jong-dae could finish Min-seok elbowed him in the side.
“Excuse us for one second (f/n).” Min-seok said as he dragged Jong-dae away.
“What was that about?” Kyung-soo wondered as he returned to his seat. “By the way, (f/n)…You won’t make heir friends and ditch me will you?” Kyung-soo looked away as he asked.
“Hmm… Now that you mention it.” You said playfully.
Kyung-soo looked at you stunned until you started bursting out with laughter.
“Hahaha…Don’t worry Kyung-soo. I would never ditch you.” You said as you gave his arm a squeeze.
“Jeez. Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re telling the truth or being sarcastic.” Kyung-soo said as he leaned back in his chair.
Just then you noticed Jong-dae and Min-seok make their way back towards you and Kyung-soo.
“Sorry about that brief interruption in our conversation (f/n). Jong-dae was trying to say that he sits a couple seats away from you.” Min-seok said as he motioned towards a desk a couple seats to the right of you. “I sit behind you so I look forward to working with you this year.” With a big blushing smile Min-seok sat down behind you as Jong-dae moved, unfamiliarly, to his new seat.
Just when you thought somethings were looking up the rest of your class began to file in from lunch. That’s when you noticed Park Chan-yeol, fireboy from your lunchtime close encounter, also walk in with his lackeys in tow. Almost immediately he took notice of you and walked over to where you were sitting.
“So now the top class gets dragged down by a bunch of non-legacies huh…” he said as he gave you a once over. His gaze immediately turned to Kyung-soo who was trying to keep a low profile. Chan-yeol began to approach Kyung-soo’s desk until you stepped in.
“It’s nice to meet you! I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced though. I’m (l/n)(f/n) also a new scholarship student here at Sudoxe.” You said trying to be as nice as possible.
As luck would have it Chan-yeol acknowledged your conversation with him and backed off his approach of Kyung-soo. Before Chan-yeol could say anything in return, however, Min-seok stepped between you and Chan-yeol.
“Chan-yeol, can’t you just leave the scholarship students in peace?” Min-seok said firmly.
“Oho… so the almighty Kim Min-seok thinks he’s better than the rest of us now does he?” Chan-yeol prodded. “Just because you defend them doesn’t change the fact that you once felt the same way I do about them you know.” Chan-yeol averted his gaze back to you. “Oh… didn’t you know. Your newly found ‘savior’ once hated non-legacies just as much as me.” He said, clearly trying to get a rise out of you.
Min-seok looked away from you, clearly ashamed of Chan-yeol’s truth.
“And?” You asked confidently. “People make mistakes, Heirs and non-legacies. Perhaps that’s the one thing that makes us all similar.” You said smiling at Min-seok who returned your smile with his beet red blush.
“Tch… If you think you and I are similar in anyway, think again.” He said as he kicked your desk and marched back to his seat, which was thankfully all the way on the other side of the room.
Reluctantly you fell back into your seat with a big sigh.
“Hey (f/n)… ” Min-seok said softly. “I promise I wasn’t going to be mean to you after gaining your trust!” Min-seok said hurriedly trying to get all his words out. “I really have changed promise!” Min-seok looked desperate for your approval.
“Hahaha…” you began to laugh. “Min-seok even if you changed your attitude towards non-legacies the moment you decided to save me, you still made a change… And how can I be mad at the person who literally saved me from being the next human torch?” You said playfully trying to lighten the mood.
Just as Min-seok was about to reply your teacher finally arrived and began prepping for his lesson. Min-seok sat back down quickly before tapping your shoulder.
“Thanks for trusting me.” He said before getting his notebook out.
Just as the day started, it ended and before you knew it the final bell had rung. You and Kyung-soo had survived your first day at Sudoxe. As you began to pack your things Kyung-soo walked over to your desk.
“(f/n), I never got your number he said as he subtly pulled his phone out of his pocket. I thought it might be good to have each other’s contact info… you know for homework or something.” Kyung-soo said nervously.
“Sure! I did say we should stick together after all.” With a big smile you pulled out your phone as well. You showed Kyung-soo your number so he could add it to your phone when you saw Min-seok fumbling with his phone in his hands. “Min-seok, did you want to trade numbers too?” You asked.
“Uh sure… I mean if you’re okay with that.” Min-seok said shyly. You showed your number to Min-seok when Jong-dae slid into the conversation taking down your phone number as well.
“(f/n), you don’t mind if I add you too do you? You know for homework or something.” He said as he smiled as he grinned at Kyung-soo who ignored his joking attitude.
“Hahaha. I guess I can’t say no now can I?” You replied to Jong-dae.
After everyone had exchanged numbers, even Kyung-soo who reluctantly gave up his to Min-seok and Jong-dae, you and Kyung-soo began to pack up your things to head home.
“Hey (f/n), mind if Jong-dae and I walk home with you and Kyung-soo?” Min-seok said nervously.
“(f/n), Minnie here is just a ball of nerves around you because he has a giant crus-.” Jong-dae said as Min-seok elbowed him in the stomach.
“Can it would you?” Min-seok said, once again beet red with blush. “I just meant it would be cool if we could ALL get to know each other better. Not just (f/n) but Kyung-soo as well.” Min-seok directed his attention to Kyung-soo who stood next to you by the door.
“It’s up to you (f/n). I’ll follow whatever you choose.” Kyung-soo said with a small smile.
“Then let’s all head home then!” You said as you began walking out of the classroom.
“Wait… Don’t you guys have people who are supposed to pick you up or something? I saw a lot of students get dropped off this morning by the gate.” You asked curiously.
“Min-seok and I do usually get a chauffeur home but today he really wants-.” Jong-dae was again elbowed by Min-seok who cut in.
“Jong-dae just doesn’t like exercise too much, RIGHT Jong-dae?” Min-seok said a bit aggressively.
“Well as long as walking with us doesn’t mess with any of your prior engagements then I don’t see a reason why we can’t all go home together.” You said happily.
With that said the four of you began your way out of the school grounds. You saw that the damage from Kyung-soo this morning was almost completely gone. Kyung-soo was relieved that he wasn’t called to the office after the events of this morning, though it may have been more because the school would have to acknowledge the acceptance of scholarship students as a PR stunt which would have been worse than just letting Kyung-soo off.
Walking home with your newly found friends was fun, especially Jong-dae constantly poking fun at Kyung-soo and Min-seok. It was as if all of you had known each other for years.
Your house was the first on the walk home. As it turned out Kyung-soo and you had moved into the same apartment complex because you both were at Sudoxe under the same scholarship.
“Well… I guess we’ll see you guys tomorrow.” Min-seok said as he said his good-bye to you and Kyung-soo.
Jong-dae also said his good-bye began to walk off just as Kyung-soo began to head upstairs. As you turned to follow him Min-seok grabbed your hand.
“Hey (f/n), about what Jong-dae said earlier… sorry if his poking fun at me bothered you.” Min-seok said apologetically. “I actually don’t live too far from here so we could walk to school in the morning too if you wanted. I mean if any of Chan-yeol’s lackeys showed up at least an extra hand would help you or Kyung-soo out of a pinch… I mean because you guys are new and-.” Min-seok began to ramble, eyes not facing yours until you finally cut him off.
“I would like that very much Min-seok. And I think Kyung-soo would like it too if you didn’t mind him joining us.” You said looking back at the stairs. “See you tomorrow morning then.” You said as you gave Min-seok a light peck on the cheek. “Oh and tell Jong-dae he’s welcome to come too.”
“Sure…” Min-seok said quietly as he held his hand to his cheek.
After you disappeared from sight Min-seok immediately turned to find that Jong-dae had completely bailed on him.
“Aish- that idiot.” Min-seok muttered to himself as his phone lit up with a text from none other than Jong-dae himself.
Jong-dae: “Dude just ask her out already ;P”
Min-seok: “I literally just met her today… even if I like her it’s too soon!”
Jong-dae: “LOL. I mean she is a total hottie ;) If you don’t hurry someone else
Will ask her out before you get the chance. I mean just wait til you know who gets back from the U.S.”
Min-seok: “I get it jeez…”
Jong-dae: “Oh by the way…have you ever considered not being Sir Antisocial for like 30 seconds and actually initiate something with her. It’s actually kind of painful to watch.”
Min-seok: (;¬_¬)
Jong-dae: “Do you even know for sure she’s the girl you met all those years ago? It doesn’t seem like she remembers you.”
Min-seok: “She definitely is. And even if she doesn’t remember me I can tell that she hasn’t changed.”
Jong-dae: “Is that really a good thing? I mean if you’re into smaller girls I get it but…”
Min-seok: “NOT HER SIZE JESUS JONG-DAE! Get your head out of the gutters would you.”
Jong-dae: “Okay Okay”
Jong-dae: “Uh-oh… you’re not gonna like this”
Min-seok: “?”
Jong-dae: “Partner assignments for lab have been released… Guess who (f/n) is paired with.”
Min-seok: “Please don’t say Chan-yeol…”
Jong-dae: “That would have been a blessing dude…At least with Chan-yeol your future boyfriendo status would have been safe.”
Min-seok: “wait… Didn’t he transfer?!”
Jong-dae: “Guess Mr. Stud himself has returned for round two of heart stealing.”
Min-seok: “Jong-in…”
Hope you enjoy this chapter. Feel free to send me any of your thoughts on the chapters (cuz I am no bueno at writing and appreciate any feed back) even if it’s just to say you like the story ;)
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#Xiumin#xiumin fanfic#xiumin x reader#xiumin fanfiction#kim minseok#kim min seok#kim jongdae#minseok x reader#minseok fanfic#exofanfic#exo#exo fanfiction#exo au series#kim jongin#park chanyeol#do kyungsoo#Someone to inherit
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Merry Christmas, @ask-timaeustrickster ! Here’s some DirkJohn from John’s POV. Many thanks to @homestuckss for organizing this event in the first place! I hope you both have a very happy holiday. <3
Listen. It’s not like you meant to skip out on Earth C’s Annual 12TH P3R1G33S 3V3/c͖h̪̹̻ri̠̣̠̯͖̜ͅs̥͈m̰̣̥a̭s͉ͅ/Assorted Winter Holiday party. It’s just that that’s exactly what wound up happening. December’s a hectic month, okay! It only happens to be the birth month of exactly every other human you know whose last name doesn’t start with ‘C’ and end with ‘rocker’.
So the beginning of the month always involves a lot of running around preparing for the parties, and shopping for gifts, and then the parties happen, and then there’s people and their expectations and hey what if you didn’t get them the right thing and honestly do they actually even like you anymore or do they have no choice because of everything that’s happened between all of you and what’s the point of all these birthday parties when you have an endless lifespan ahead of you will you still have these spanning into your hundreds and
You just kind of
Disconnect.
It was barely even noticeable, probably? You showed up for every birthday party you needed to. Maybe you were kind of distant, but you were there. And maybe you shut yourself up in your house for the rest of the month but like, who cares. Everyone else was probably busy doing important things that you’re supposed to do when you settle on a new planet, like developing sustainable food sources or at least not avoiding every other person they know, including their dad-not-dad.
Whatever. You're the Heir of Breath, not emotional maturity. You're not cut out to be the smart one, anyway. Not like literally everyone else you know. You're too busy laying face down on a couch and avoiding your friends. Watch out everybody. You've got a head full of empty, a face full of pillow, and a psyche full of rapidly developing avoidant personality disorder.
Shit. When did you become such a sadsack?
“Can't say I'd personally be able to determine when that started, dude. Try the other Strider, he’s the time one.”
“GAH!”
Nevermind. Make that face full of floor.
“Dirk!” You pull your face off the ground in a manner that can of course only be described as 100% suave and manly, by which you mean your glasses are hanging halfway off your face and you got lint in your mouth, somehow? Gross. “How did you get into my house?”
Dirk leans against the wall and adjusts his glasses in a manner that’s so deliberate that it’s somehow simultaneously insufferably smug and also very, very awkward. “Well, you were reaching dangerously Striderian levels of self pity and monologuing, both of which my godlike senses are finely attuned to-” holy shit, you were saying all that out loud??? “-And also you left the door unlocked.”
“Oh,” is all you let out, intelligently.
So, this is new. Dirk. In your house. Existing. I mean, it’s not like you guys have never hung out before! Dirk has been a pretty solid friend to you through the years. When you first met him, he just seemed like a combination of Rose’s excessive wordiness and Dave’s...Dave-ness? Like something inherently Dave. Probably douchebaggery (hehe). You’ve learned since then that Dirk’s more than just a wordy douche, though-I mean, you could’ve guessed that from what you’ve heard about Dave’s bro! Though, Dave and Dirk both seem pretty uncomfortable comparing them so you should probably leave that alone-he’s a wordy douche that somehow also manages to be a terse douche. OOOH, BURN.
No, um, actually, that was kind of mean. Dirk’s actually really nice and cool! Not like, actually coolkid cool, but like the kind of cool that matters. The kind of cool where you help people and you’re a generally nice and good person? That cool.
Wait.
Shit.
“Oh god damn it. You’re right. I was doing it again. I was monologuing in my head.”
Dirk cracks a small grin and extends a hand to help you up. “I can tell. At least it was entirely internal this time. Unfortunately, it appears that I must now diagnose you with Stage Three Strideritis.”
You take his hand (his weirdly calloused hand, which actually feels kind of nice despite that and nope nevermind that) and HWOOP yourself up. “Stage Three already? But doc, I haven’t even become a huuuge nerd that swings big anime swords around yet!”
“Egbert, I’m sorry to be the one that informs you of this, but...you were always a huge nerd. The power of limitless dweebery was inside of you all along.”
“Dang, you got me there! Well, if I’m going to become a Strider, does this mean I can finally lose this flab already?”
“You look good like that, though.”
Your cheeks flush in response to that, and- “I do?”
“I.” -if you didn’t know better, you’d say Dirk’s just did too. “In a purely objective way.”
You take a step forward and lean closer to him, flashing a smile that you only hope can be described as ‘shit eating’. “So, are you saying I’m so good looking that it’s just objective fact at this point?”
“You’re a regular Adonis, J-Bert. Now, are we going to keep doing that thing where you heterosexually flirt at me, or are we going to address the fact that it’s December 25th and you’ve spent your day becoming intimately acquainted with your couch cushions? Not to mention the predilection you’ve had with avoiding human contact for the past, let’s see...month, maybe?”
Aaaaand there goes the mood. Bleeegh. You really didn’t want to get into this.
“I’m fine! I just didn’t feel like Christmas is all. It’s...it’s fine.” Ugh, that sounds weak and even you know it.
“Hm. Well, it’s a shame that you didn’t feel like Christmas today, because I may or may not have gotten you a present.”
Oh, shit. Of course he would, who would just show up at someone’s house on Christmas empty handed??? Crapcrapcrap.
“Wait, what? Dirk, nooo! I didn’t get you anything!”
He smirks and pulls out a wrapped box that he was (somehow??) hiding behind his back. “I know. I felt it in your heart, which you don’t have, because you are in fact a heartless monster.”
“Okay, well, I know for sure that is not how your powers work-”
“Present. John. Take it.”
He shoves the box into your arms before you can ever so graciously accept it yourself. Geez, rude! You turn the gift over in your hands a couple of times, adhering the time-honored tradition of trying to figure out what’s in your gift box before actually opening it even though that’s probably never helped anyone actually figure out what their gift was like, ever? It’s a human thing.
“Wow, Dirk. Horse wrapping paper, really? Where did you even find this?”
“Present. John. Open it.”
You hoped to unwrap the gift as slowly as possible in order to torture Dirk, but honestly those soulless equine eyes staring up at you from the wrapping paper kind of creep you out, so you tear it apart as quickly as possible. You open the box, and...holy shit.
“I, uh, thought since you missed out on a lot of Earth cinema playing SBURB I’d try to get movies related to your interests except you know, good. There’s Kick-Ass, that Ghostbusters reboot, Interstellar, uh...this one might be stretching it a bit, but Kubo and the Two Strings has a main character voiced by Matthew McConaughey…”
“Dirk, oh my god. How did you do this?”
“Well, you know, I got some help of course. Lot of failed attempts at alchemizing and some help from our friendly neighborhood voidmistress Roxy Lalonde.”
“I’m...wow. Okay, now I feel really bad about not getting you anything.” You bite your lip guiltily before a thought strikes you. “Hey, uh. About your earlier ‘heterosexual flirting’ comments...does that bug you?”
“It, uh. Well, it confuses me for sure.” Dirk tilts his glasses down and stares at you meaningfully. “John, I don’t know if you know this, but I am not a heterosexual.”
“Okay, yeah, I can see how that would be confusing! But what if it wasn’t, uh, hypothetically...completely joke flirting?”
“Uh.”
“Like, hypothetically!”
“That would be…” He swallows. “Pretty cool, I suppose.”
“And like, what if hypothetically as a gift I took you out for, I dunno, lunch or something and then we went back to my place and watched some of these ‘except you know, good’ movies?”
“That would also be pretty cool. Hypothetically, of course. I wouldn’t know how cool it would be in practice, seeing as-”
“Will you go on a date with me, Dirk?”
“Will you tell me what’s bothering you eventually?”
“Uh, yes. Just...not now, okay?”
“Alright, I believe you. Then...yes. Yeah. Let’s go on a date.” He pauses for a second. “And also let’s go back to that Christmas party because that was almost the whole point of me coming in here in the first place.”
You feel your face flush in embarrassment. “Oh! Yeah. Okay. That makes...five, seven, eight other gifts I have to make up for, doesn’t it?”
“Sure does.”
“Heh. Guess that’s my fault, huh?”
“A little bit. They won’t hold it against you, though.” He smiles at you, small and shy. “Hey John.”
“Yeah?”
“Merry Christmas.”
You smile back at him. “Yeah. Merry Christmas.”
#dirkjohn#this is the first time i've written these characters and it's very obvious#john egbert#dirk strider#oc
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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 13 first part
(Masterpost) (Other Canary Endeavors)
Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!
Don’t Have a Leg to Stand on
Wei Wuxian starts off asking Lan Wangji to let him help, citing, not for the first time, "all we've been through together" as a reason they should share their troubles. Later, all they go through apart will make it even harder for them to share their troubles.
Using paperman, Wei Wuxian asks Wen Qing for help, and she calls for a rest stop. Lan Wangji sits down and Wei Wuxian goes to get him some water.
Wei Wuxian stupidly bows to Wen Qing to thank her, causing her to contemplate what a terrible spy he would be. She avoids talking to him while he looks at her with deep friend-yearning, in a moment of blatant het baiting.
Overly-dramatic backache guy is my hero. His back and shoulders are trashed after a stroll on a smooth path. Same, backache guy, same.
Jiang Cheng comes along to tell Wei Wuxian not to pay attention to Wen Qing.
Also, don't pay attention to Lan Wangji. Do you sense the theme here, bro?
(more after the cut)
Wei Wuxian actually takes the hint and cuddle-walks with Jiang Cheng for a bit, gossiping about Wen Chao and his girlfriend.
Jiang Cheng drops a seemingly-insignificant bit of information about swords requiring spiritual power.
He will not think of this later when his brother starts wielding a flute.
Talisman Magic
After looking around a wide open beach area, the cultivators are unable to find the hidden cave, and are ready to give up. Wei Wuxian decides that's a good time for him to start looking.
Jiang Cheng continues his hopeless quest to get Wei Wuxian to stop doing stuff. Wei Wuxian decides to help Wen Chao find his "murder all the clan heirs" cave, locating it with hardly any effort.
Is Wei Wuxian the only cultivator who uses talismans at this point? Seeing all the baby Lans using them in Episode 1 makes it seem like they're not unusual, but he seems to be the only one in this generation.
This makes a strong impression on a lot of people. Jiang Chang isn't happy about it, and walks away from his brother.
Side note: these two are the literal worst, and yet they have...kind of great chemistry? I want to see these actors as the secondary, comic-relief couple in a modern light-hearted romance.
It's hard to tell from this look exactly what Lan Wangji thinks about Wei Wuxian's cave-finding, but from this point on, they are walking together, and Lan Wangji is letting Wei Wuxian hold his arm to help him.
Wanting to fight monsters is kind of high on their list of shared interests, and every time they go questing, they get closer to each other.
Spelunking
The cave filming location is freaking awesome, with apparently real bats.
Sure, give torches to the two most dangerous prisoners, great thinking, Wen Chao.
MianMian, who has been a perfectly sensible and competent cultivator up until this point, suddenly becomes clumsy and helpless, which is probably just as annoying for her as it is for the people who are used to relying on her. Everyone's entitled to a bad day, but jeez, writers.
Lan Wangji has stopped worrying about his busted leg and is super eager to find the monster.
Wei Wuxian unwisely points out that they can’t see what’s at the bottom of the cave, which inspires Wen Chao to play a quick round of Fuck/Marry/Cliff with him.
Reactions to seeing Wei Wuxian yeeted off a cliff are varied.
Down at the bottom of the cave, the cultivators stand around helplessly until Wei Wuxian uses a talisman to light up the back of the cave. Seriously, what do these wankers do on their night hunts? They’re hopeless at hunting.
None of them remarks on the strangely turtle-shaped rock in front of them. To be fair, I don't think Wen Chao told them what sort of monster they're looking for.
Picking on Mian Mian Some More
Wen Chao wants to bleed someone in order to draw out the monster. Instead of just asking everyone to cough up some blood, which any c-drama character can do on command, he wants to cut someone up.
His girlfriend is a nasty jealous person, so she wants to use MianMian as bait. Wei Wuxian starts to move to protect her and Lan Wangji beats him to it.
HEY HEY HEY now! I never noticed before, but Wei Wuxian isn’t actually an idiot for thinking Lan Wangji likes MianMian!
Lan Wangji might have leaped to protect her because he’s chivalrous--protecting the weak and so forth--or he might have done it to keep Wei Wuxian safe.
*We* know he definitely didn’t do it because of a crush on her. When Lan Wangji has a crush on someone, he shows it by trying to stab them to death. But it’s not unreasonable for Wei Wuxian to interpret this as “man protects pretty girl he likes.”
Wei Wuxian breaks the terrible news to Jiang Cheng that they might have to actually help their friends to, like, not die.
Fight Fight Fight
Sure enough, fighting breaks out, and the three heirs and Wei Wuxian immediately grab swords away from their opponents and start kicking their asses. Feudalism really does bring the best quality people to the top!
After casually cutting a Wen dude’s throat, probably with that dude’s own sword, Wei Wuxian brings out his most lethal weapon, going verbal on Wen Chao. Initially this comes off like WWX being obnoxious and hassling an enemy when he should be focusing on sword fighting. But he's actually making a strategic move here to win the fight.
Through the power of talking, and having actually done his homework, Wei Wuxian gets Wen Chao to insult his own ancestor. This is rude and hugely unlucky, and is also specifically against the Wen clan rules. In fact, it carries the death penalty, which Wei Wuxian gleefully taunts Wen Chao about.
Wen Zhuliu, who is a better Wen than Wen Chao, is super embarrassed by his junior boss's dumbfuckery...which distracts him.
As this goes on, Wei Wuxian’s companions become more and more aware that he’s about to make a move. Jin Zixuan has been on the receiving end of this play himself.
Wen Chao is a really weak fighter, and always relies on Wen Zhuliu, carefully keeping himself out of danger whenever fighting happens. But Wei Wuxian's goading gets to him and he rushes forward.
Wei Wuxian instantly disarms him and takes him hostage, while Jiang Cheng leaps into battle with the only really dangerous opponent in the room.
Jiang Cheng takes a scary but not core-crushing hand strike to the chest, but the battle stops when Wei Wuxian threatens Wen Chao's life.
He talks directly to Wen Zhuliu, who knows a killer when he sees one. Long before visiting the burial mounds, Wei Wuxian is entirely ruthless when necessary. Here he goes from whimsical to deadly in a heartbeat.
This is a part of him that Lan Wangji doesn't really acknowledge...yet.
Everyone drops their weapons. Unfortunately Wei Wuxian decided to stand on the turtle shaped rock, so this advantage won’t last.
Part Two coming soon!
#fytheuntamed#the untamed#wangxian#the untamed gifs#the untamed meta#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#restless rewatch the untamed#canary3d-original#my gifs#spoilers#the untamed spoilers
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Blindspot 3x05 recap
Aka the one where all my sons are idiots and all my daughters are precious angels who deserve all the hugs.
Late again, because when am I not? Again, I blame the travelling.
So I’m kinda intrigued by this pair; the bleeding, accented woman and the young guy with an American accent in what seems to be a super-dingy bathroom? What is going on here??
Patterson has been doing some fancy analysing of the adoption records and yeppp, Jane definitely had a kid. And ugh Patterson is so sweet and gentle about it and has done so much research so she could give Jane ALL the info and Jane is just Not Dealing. But hmmm Patterson tells her there’s no way to test if she’s had a child and lbr that’s not exactly true? A good ObGyn could generally tell just by looking at the cervix. Not a perfect measure, but it’s definitely an option. But anyhow Jane is too busy flipping out anyway, and ugh she mentions the Taylor Shaw thing and already having everything ripped away from her multiple times and man my heart just hurts for her rn. And Weller’s so at a loss for what to do or how to comfort her ugh my poor babies
Lol Reade and Zapata and their little Wizardville rivalry is super cute. And then she’s completely open with him and asks him directly about the State Department Guy thing and wow Reade just harshly shuts her down. I’m glad Patterson interrupts this little moment because it was definitely going nowhere good. But speaking of things that ARE good, omg I love her pun about the ‘backbone’ of the case and Weller being all killjoy about it haha. That’s right, honey, just ignore him. Your humour is too good for him anyway. And so anyhow the tatt leads to a NYPD evidence log number, though Zapata notes that the code is different to what the NYPD uses now, and Reade gets super snarky at her for it. Geez son, learn some manners! Patterson backs Zapata up tho (yaaassss my girls), showing that the code is like 20 years old. Jeller go to check out the warehouse it points to while Zapata is given paperwork by Reade (wow, petty), though tbh Zapata ends up with the better deal since Jeller have to fight some bad guys and literally put out a fire. Ugh the way Jane yells for him as she tries to fight the fire alone-- it’s only when its the two of them together that they manage to extinguish it. Symbolism, much? Patterson calls right at that moment to warn them to get out, and it’s a little late, but well, it’s the thought that counts haha. Other warehouses have been burned, which means someone is trying super hard to destroy evidence but doesn’t know where it is. Jane, because she’s amazing, finds the box they nee-- and in it is a whole bunch of untested rape kits going back 20 years. I love the conversation the guys have about the low priority assigned to sexual assault testing-- it’s some good commentary from the writers about the state of the real world.
Meanwhile, Stuart’s phone has been found in the river, and both Patterson and Zapata are very suspicious of the way Reade basically tells her to leave it alone. Looking super suss rn, bro, and I do not like it at allll.
However, I really DO like listening to Jane speak in other languages. So damn cool. And as someone who is currently staying in a foreign country and communicating solely in the local tongue, I have a renewed respect for her fluency lol. Their Russian suspect conveniently elects to speak English though haha. How handy. He’s a bit of a tough guy but through a sneaky move on Jeller’s part, he gives them the info they need-- how he got paid, which gives them a lead on the people hiring him. Patterson also drops another pun, which is three so far this ep and I’m so proud. She also figures out that the the victim was likely linked to Kazarus, which as far as I’m aware is a fake place though tbh my geography is not super great. But anyhow, that narrows their search to two sexual assault survivors.
And then aww Patterson pulls Weller aside and tries to support him about the whole surprise-kid thing, and ugh she’s just so sweet and wants to help both him and Jane as best she can. But he’s upset bc he knows he can’t fix this; no one can. I guess it all just takes time, right? Meanwhile Jane’s in the locker room, getting a call from Roman, and dude he really knew the whole time?? And ugh if she was sixteen when she had the baby (to her high school sweetheart aww) then he was probably about 14 at the time, just a kid himself who had suddenly become an uncle, and man I’m so sad for them both?? But lol she gets to the bullpen and covers the phone while practically yelling for them to trace the call. Not super subtle, Jane. And he tells her she initially fought Shepherd on giving the baby away and then she just ran away? I’m confused. I guess we now understand a bit more about why Remi joined the army though I guess. Not sure how she ever went back to working for Shepherd, though, but maybe she saw the memory wipe as a way out? And Beardy was meant to fill her in on everything including the kid. Idk. Jane’s now having a small breakdown in the locker room and decides she has to go see Shepherd, but Weller’s right when he says that Shepherd would just mess with her head. Don’t give her the satisfaction, Jane! And oh look, a mention of Bethany, haven’t had one of those in a while. And tbh that’s the way I like it, show, so keep ignoring her existence please haha.
In the lab, Patterson admits defeat about Stuart’s phone-- it’s as dead as he is. (Too soon??) But Zapata didn’t spend all that time at the CIA without gaining a few skills in the realms of deception and deviousness, and so they hatch a plan to bluff and lure out the possible mole. And then a lab tech in a headscarf calls them to see something, and the panning shot of the lab also shows another tech in a turban. Firstly, I approve of some diversity happening here, and secondly, I hope that this casting choice was deliberate so there would be people that looked at those characters and went “the traitor has to be one of them” so that when it’s shown that the traitor is someone else, the people watching have to examine just why it was that they thought either of these two background characters were guilty. (Hint: it’s racism!). Anyhow, the rape kit in question has been tested, and it turns out the rapist is the king of Kazarus. Or, the former king, since he died and his brother has assumed the throne. The only spanner in the works being that the rape resulted in a child, who, as per the Kazarussian monarchy, is the rightful heir to the throne. Which naturally means that Scar’s gotta have him taken out. Now we know who we saw at the start of the ep-- the kid and his mother, who was clearly attacked by the assassins but escaped. Now it’s a race for the team to find them before the Kazarussians do.
And then who appears but Weitz, who is now a congressman, and conveniently an expert on Kazarus. I love that everyone looks at Hirst and she’s all “Don’t look at me, Darlins” and how is someone using ‘darling’ in plural like that so damn endearing??? The accent is what truly makes it though, obviously. But nope, it was Reade who called him, which is just another in the list of things Reade has done lately that we do not like. Weitz manages to make everyone hate him even more within mere seconds of showing up, and tbh I love to hate him. His antagonism towards Zapata is hilarious. I like that even Hirst gives him some shit lol. Atta girl. Anyhow Weitz informs them that the ex-king’s brother Cyrus is a Bad Dude and there’s a bunch of american soldiers in Kazarus that are now at risk, and yep the stakes have just been raised
Reade gets called into the principal’s office to discuss his little spat with Zapata. How exactly does Hirst know about that, though? Though I guess if she’s paid attention to any of their interactions today then she probably could have figured it out. I’m offended that he calls Zapata a busybody?? But then he does at least say that she’s nothing to worry about and that she’s a friend. What do you two have to hide though??? Meanwhile in the lab, Patterson has found the kid by examining the curtains in a video that the kid sent to his gf. That’s my lil genius. Of course it’s super convenient that this type of curtain is only made for a specific motel chain, but whatevs, I’ll let it slide as I do with many things in this show haha. I love Zapata teasing Weitz though, suggesting that it was all too smart for him and went over his head haha
Jane’s clearly taking this case pretty personally-- and tbh it does seem veeeeeeeery convenient that there’s a case that resonates so closely with her current situation, until you remember that this time around, all the tattoos are specifically designed by Roman to be revealed in a certain order, so it makes total sense that the case matches stuff going on in their personal lives. More sense than when it happened in the last two seasons, so touche, writers. You win this round. Anyway they get to the hotel, and the kid immediately pulls a gun on them. His mom’s not looking too good though, kinda bleeding out a little on the bed, and ugh Jane does her frightened-animal whisperer thing and convinces the kid to let her help his mom. Naturally he chooses to trust her bc lbr wouldn’t you?? They get his mom to the hospital where she’s super well guarded, and he tells them about only learning at 18 about his mother’s attack. And he only learned yesterday about the whole king thing, and tells them he’ll never go to Kazarus. You just know that Jane is thinking about her baby and how the kid probably wouldn’t want to know her as they must think she abandoned them, and ugh it hurts. Why must you do this, show?
Back in the lab Patterson and Zapata have set their trap, and are waiting to see who falls into it-- only they don’t like the answer. According to her computer, Reade logged into the system to delete the files. Patterson is grim; she doesn’t like it, but she’s ready to believe it. When Zapata tries to insist that Reade wouldn’t do it, that he’s family, Patterson just reminds her: Borden was family too. And ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I do not like this at all. I am so done with leaks and moles and traitors and all of it ugh. I do appreciate Weitz for making me smile here; Zapata is back at her desk and he throws a paper airplane at her, then feigns confusion, looking around for who could have done it. Tbh I actually do ship these two a little bit. All the bickering just does it for me lol. She gives him shit about probably not going to be re-elected, but he says he’s doing great in the polls. She says polls have been wrong before-- and is that some political commentary I hear? Man who was the writer of this ep because they are not pulling punches today. Reade comes over and tries to mend bridges, which tbh tastes a little sour after he was such an asshole this morning... give him nothing, Zapata!
Looks like Yasmine is gonna live, which is nice. She and Jane bond a little over protecting kids etc while Weller and the kid go to get something from the vending machine--- and ugh when they’re coming back Wller notices their guard from the door is gone and pushes the kid behind him. I love protective Weller. I also love Weller throwing an injured woman over his shoulder and carrying her to safety. Damn. He also proved pretty smart-- when they realised that the baddies were on their FBI comms, he bluffed and reported that they were headed for the roof while they escaped out the front door instead. Nice. Though why do I feel like that escape was too easy?
Patterson has figured out that it’s not Reade that’s tampering with their evidence, but someone else using his login. She confesses to Zapata about the backdoor that Wizardville gives her into people’s phones, and says she’s never used it before, which isn’t true though right?? Didn’t she use it on that Lowie guy’s lawyer a few eps ago? Anyway Zapata doesn’t care about the illegal biz, she just wants to hear her best(?) friend’s name cleared. Turns out he wasn’t even in the building when someone used an FBI computer to access their files, so that’s at least looking good for him, even if it is bad for them as a whole
Weller reports in, and the team tracks their phones and immediately sends backup-- but too late, considering that the baddies have laid out a trap for them. Was this why it was so easy for them to get away?? Jeller manage to take out several bad dudes on their own, but not before one of them manages to molotov-cocktail their car, which blows up moments later. Dude that’s one potent cocktail… but ugh they all make it to safety, with Weller again literally carrying Yasmine, and ugh the mother and son hug and the husband and wife hug and it’s just a very poignant moment okay?? Also there’s just something really beautiful about the way Jane hugs, I can’t even really describe it. Anyhow they all make it back to the NYO, where the rest of the team (plus Weitz, in his own way) are super glad to see them alive. After a minute Zapata and Patterson sneak off, because Patterson needs to tell her the news-- the person using Reade’s login was Hirst. She’s sure because of biometric software that she runs on all of their computers, and again, man I’m super glad that these powers are in the hands of someone trustworthy like Patterson haha. But ugh this means my honey-accented cool aunt is a baddie?? She even knew that Lowie guy from a few eps ago. Well, bummer. Still holding out for the possibility that there’s more to it, but things aren’t looking great...
Oh dear, King Cyrus was murdered, and the Kazarussians are demanding their heir. Which really sucks for the kid, and Jane and Weller try to protect him, but he’s determined to go and to make things better for his fellow Kazarussians. And lbr, to have to go become king is not the worst thing??
Wow Patterson and Zapata actually went to Reade to warn him about Hirst. I don’t know why that surprises me, but it does. I would have done some more surveillance or something first? But anyway he is really not taking it well, and kinda attacks both of them a bit over it. And wait he’s known Hirst since he was in Quantico??? That’s news to me. And not good news, either. Please don’t be dirty, Reade. Please…
Jeller are recovering at home after a pretty damn rough day. Jane has changed her mind about finding her daughter-- she wants her just to have a happy, stable life, and that willl be far easier if she never knows Jane exists. And he just hugs her bc what can you do to make that pain better? Nothing, that’s what. She’s going to mourn her connection with her daughter for the rest of her life and ugh it just really sucks
Oh no a time jump, nothing good ever follows a time jump. And oh shit it’s Berlin. Weller’s having no luck with a rude hotel employee, which I find super unbelievable because a) he’s front desk staff at a fancy hotel, b) the person asking him for help is a man clearly traumatised about his missing wife, and c) he’s German. Him being rude makes no sense. But it does give this girl a cool opening to come help Weller out, and man I am jealous of her German speaking skills. Like I said earlier, it’s not easy!! But wait, there’s more. The girl is not only American, but she’s looking for Jane. Her mother, Jane. And oh Weller, you stupid, stupid boy. You foolish, well-meaning idiot. I am sure that your reasons for not telling Jane about this are all purely to protect her (although I also suspect you’re trying to protect yourself from her leaving you again) but dude. DUDE. This is not the kind of secret you should ever keep, and honestly if Jane leaves your ass when she finds out the truth I’m gonna be on her side of the split. Ugh, my stupid son when will you ever LEARN
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LMWTV4U: GOT S7E1
Welcome back to let me watch TV 4 U (LMWTV4U) where I watch TV shows so you don’t have to! If you’re not a GoT-watcher or you just need a review, check out my pre-season-6-GoT primer here or you can just check out the review/recap of the last ep of season 6 here
It’s GoT season 7 y’all- WHO’S EXCITED?
As always, spoiler alert. Also, I’m introducing a new segment of this blog called WHY DOES THIS SCENE EVEN MATTER or (WDTSEM?) to help us decipher when some seemingly unimportant or otherwise boring scenes actually do kind of matter. So watch for that. Now let’s get into it!
Over in Frey-ville/ Riverlands...
So we open on Walder Frey (aka Argus Filch from Harry Potter) giving a toast to a bunch of his people, all of whom have to wear inexplicably weird hats that seem to serve no purpose. Off the bat we know something is up because Arya Stark, fresh from the face-swapping-assassin-training academy, definitely killed Filch in the last ep of season 6. He’s gathered up all of his hat-wearing friends and family and is like hey guys, here’s some NOT POISONED wine let’s have a toast. It’s pretty obvious it’s Arya doing a really good impersonation of Filch/ wearing his face, especially when he doesn’t even pretend to take a sip of his wine. He’s all, hey remember when we killed all those Stark people, especially the mom and the hottie son, Robb and his preggers wife? That was fun, right? And all the poisoned guys are like yep murder is fun you are correct. Then he’s like too bad you didn’t kill all the Starks cuz one is still alive and…. It’s ME BITCHES.
And she rips off Filches’ face/body and is like SURPRISE! And because this is the season of the woman, she doesn’t let any of the poor servant girls (who were like 15 years old and all forced to marry Filch) drink any of wine but she’s like, I know this is confusing, because I was just wearing the face and body of your former husband but it’s me, a fellow 15-year old girl and please tell everyone THE NORTH REMEMBERS. (If you’ll recall the Stark fam is from the North and a bunch of them died at the red wedding which was FOREVER AGO)
Later in the ep, we catch up with Arya who is riding around on a horse like a boss when she happens upon ED SHEERAN. SERIOUSLY ED SHEERAN IS IN THIS EPISODE WHY? I DON’T KNOW. And he’s singing a song with some soldier bros, duh. And I guess they’re from the Lannister army (if you’ll recall the Lannisters are the incest twins) because they’re wearing their colors and they’re like ugh King’s Landing (where Queen Pixie Cut aka QPC is currently ruling after blowing up most of the city) is the worst. And Arya is like umm ya it sucks, last time I was there I saw my dad get his head chopped off, BUMMER. She doesn’t say that actually but she does listen to them talk about how they wished they were home with their family instead of fighting for QPC.
WHY DOES THIS SCENE EVEN MATTER (WDTSEM)? This scene is pretty clearly a setup to get Arya to consider meeting up with her bro (well actually uncle) and sis in Winterfell rather than her current single-minded pursuit of killing QPC. Anyway, the strangest thing about this scene is that one of the bros is like ya my mom always said to be kind to others and they’ll be kind to you and also none of the bros say anything murder-y or even slightly assault-y for that matter toward this young girl traveling alone WHAT SHOW IS THIS? On any other season of GoT this scene would have been a literal bloodbath.
Sidenote: when the opening credits run we FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER only see Westeros rather than both sides of the globe (or is it a globe? Idk. g.r.r.r.r.r. Martin plz advise) cuz our Khween Khaleesi is no longer residing there.
Next, let’s check in up North with Bran and his pal Meera who recently narrowly escaped a zombie attack only to be rescued by his zombie-uncle.
Bran is having a vision, as he is wont to do, of the “Night King” (zombie leader guy) plus thousands of zombies marching toward the non-zombie world. Some of them are even zombie giants which is super spooky. He’s like let’s GTFO and get south of this giant ice wall so they coming a-knocking on the ice-wall-door which, if you’ll recall is manned by all those moody celibate dudes that Bae was briefly murdered by before coming back from the dead. Bae’s friend who is in charge now is like umm new phone who dis cuz IDK what “Brandon Stark” looks like but it’s probably not you. And he and his friend Meera are like we promise, we’re cool and they let them in.
WDTSEM? Bran and Meera’s next stop after passing through TSA security is probably to see his sis and bro at his home, Winterfell. Last time that poor boi was there he was paralyzed, briefly made leader, ousted, forced to watch the whole place burn down and then had to escape before he was killed. So needless to say he’ll be happy to see that it’s not only rebuilt and no longer a torture dungeon, but being ruled by his fam! AND he’s the only one who knows the truth about Bae the R+L=J theory so he needs to drop that bomb on erry’body that basically means that Bae is kind of a rightful ruler and also Khaleesi’s nephew?!?
Speaking of his home, let’s check in with Winterfell...
Bae (Jon Snow) is like wow being in charge is hard no wonder Obama turned gray lol-is-this-thing-on? And Sansa is like eye-roll and they have a little tiff in front of everyone which is EMBARRASSING. A few important things happen here:
Bae tells everyone to dig for dragonglass cuz it’s the only way to kill the zombies. He’s like hey bois, gurls, gender-non-comforming-individuals, EVERYONE needs to get to work and dig and learn to fight
Everyone’s favorite pint-sized-ruler-of-Bear-Island, Lyanna Mormont, is all about that lyfe, as shown in gif above
Bae is like wow little kids are pretty good at being in charge so let’s put these other 2 lil’ squirts in charge over at their houses
Bae sends hottie-ginger-wildling-bae to guard part of the wall where the zombies are probably heading first. Goodbye ginger-bae.
Sansa does not agree with the putting-kids-in-charge bit which is what they argue about but he does it anyway. They kind of makeup and then they talk about how Cersei (aka Queen Pixie Cut aka QPC) is in charge now and Sansa is like she cray but also a BAMF.
Later we get a scene of Brienne, everyone’s fave lady-knight, training her squire how to fight and are reminded that ginger-bae has the hots for her. As Sansa watches this all play out, Littlefinger (ugh he is the WORST) comes over to tell Sansa for the 80th time that he loves her and wants to rule the world with her. And as she has done 80 times, she’s like NO THANKS DUDE.
Speaking of Queen Pixie Cut (QPC) let’s check in on her over at King’s Landing…
QPC is ruling whatever is left of her people after she blew most of them up. She commissioned this giant map/painting on the ground and is stompin’ all around like she owns the place, which, to be fair, she does. Her twin bro/lover, Jamie, comes over and is like ummm… what’s the tea? Remember how our last living kid jumped out of a building and died last season… can we discuss? And she’s literally like yolo we gotta rule this place FOR US. And he’s like but we don’t have any heirs anymore, like who’s gonna take over after that you can’t #liveforever this ain’t the high school cafeteria in the film version of Fame. She’s like dontcha worry, I gotta plan.
So Theon’s crazy uncle shows up to see them. If you’ll recall last season, he killed his bro and then tried to become king of the wet-rock-pile by throwing up a bunch of sea water even though his niece, Theon’s sis, was totes supposed to become kween of her peeps. While he was performing his water-gagging-magic-trick, Theon and his sis ran away with a bunch of the peeps and all of the ships. Again, their entire island seemed to have about 20 people so WHO IS ON THOSE SHIPS? IDK. And he was like NBD I’ll make a bunch more ships AGAIN WHO IS BUILDING AND THEN RIDING ON THESE SHIPS IDK. So I guess the ships are built and people must be on them because they show up to QPC’s shores and she’s like whatup. Jamie is NOT HAVING IT mostly because he is jelly since Theon’s crazy uncle (TCU) is hittin on his sis. TCU manages to squeeze in a really sick burn when he’s like well at least I have 2 working hands (Jamie got one chopped off 3 seasons ago) and then he asks QPC to get with him. She’s like naw dawg so he’s like NBD I’ll be back with a “very special present” and heads off. They also banter about how his niece and nephew and Khaleesi and QPC’s other bro (Tyrion) have all teamed up and are headed that way.
WDTSEM? In the books, apparently TCU has some sort of magic horn that can call dragons? I think this might be the gift he’s going to get and bring back to QPC which would be CLUTCH because in the upcoming battle against Khaleesi, the ability to control those dragons would be really helpful.
Next, let’s see how Sam is doing over in “Oldtown” where all the maesters live...
If you’ll recall, Maesters are like doctors/librarians/historians, each of whom is assigned to either a place (like the ice wall) or a family, I guess (like the Starks). Sam wants to be one but he also is NAUGHTY and brought his gf and her bb with him (Maesters are also supposed to be celibate like the ice wall guys). He’s in maester-training-camp which includes a lot of diarrhea, apparently. He’s like cleaning bedpans, putting back library books, and doing autopsies on the reg. JIM BROADBENT aka Prof. Slughorn from HP aka Harold from Moulin Rouge shows up and is like DON’T GO IN THE RESTRICTED SECTION OF THE LIBRARY, SAM (flashes of Harry Potter, amirightladies?) so of course Sam does. He sneaks some books home and finds out that “Dragonstone” which is a castle near King’s Landing that Khaleesi is heading towards, is built on top of heaps of “dragonglass” (which, I mean, could have guessed) so he’s like I gotta tell Bae since I know bb boi is trying to stock up on that. Also, there’s a brief scene when Khaleesi’s friend who had the turning-to-stone-disease (Stoney) is like in a hospital where Sam is working and is pops his stone-hand out and is like IS SHE HERE YET? Aka Stoney wants to know if Khaleesi has made it to Dragonstone yet, which WAIT TIL THE END OF THE EPISODE, DUDE.
WDTSEM? Especially the scene with Jim Broadbent (JB) is important because he talks about how the ice wall has always held up after centuries of zombie attacks and how empires rise and fall and just like go with the flow, Sam. My guess is that they’re bringing up how strong the ice wall is and how unlikely a zombie-attack really is because this is something that may actually happen now so we can really grasp how high the stakes are nowadays.
Before we get to Khaleesi, we have to check in on “The Hound” who’s walking around with those fire-worshipping dudes these days…
Is it just me or is man-bun guy kinda hot? So he and “The Hound” come across this farm house which the Hound is having some guilt about b/c last time he was in the hood he killed the girl and her dad who lived there. They find their bodies and everyone is like IDK who killed them but ugh… that’s life. And then the fire-worshipper-guys are like here look at this fire and remember the Hound hates fire because he got half of his face burned off as a kid. But he does look at the fire and has like a premonition of zombies going around the ice wall and attacking all the living people. Then he and hottie man bun bury the dead girl and her dad outside because the Hound feels #guilty for killing them I guess?
WDTSEM? Well the Hound used to be really murder-y but then he was saved by Ian McShane and his group of like Amish people (much like Harrison Ford in the film Witness) and decided to renounce violence. He used to work for QPC’s family and then kind of kidnapped Arya but also was not the worst to her (or to her sister for that matter) so if shit’s going down he could potentially be on the Stark side of things now.
Lastly, we check in with everyone’s fave kween and co, Khaleesi, who rolls up on Dragonstone with all her pals…
She hasn’t been to this side of the world since she was a wee babe so when she steps foot on the sand, she’s like give me a minute y’all. Then she walks into the castle and looks at the throne, which is NOT made of a bunch of swords but rather a slab of rock and is still pretty baller and walks right past it to head to the room with the giant map on it. Previously, Stannis and his friends lived there including sweet ole’ no-knuckles who is currently #teambae and he spent a lot of time strategizing and having sex with witches to produce demon babies on that table. Khaleesi looks around and then is like, let’s get it started in here #blackeyedpeas.
WDTSEM? Well, duh, cuz Khaleesi is in it and she is basically the Beyonce of GoT. But also because she has had this single-minded pursuit on the iron throne (chair made of swords where QPC is currently sitting) so you’d think she’d like take a minute to sit on this rock-slab-throne and savor the moment, but she (unlike QPC) knows that a true kween not only sits there, but also gets shit done. And I think this scene is supposed to contrast how #woke Khaleesi is compared to QPC. Both have giant maps and thrones now, but QPC is so out of touch that she has no time for strategy or listening to other people’s advice.
Final thoughts:
This ep was what the TV people call a “table setting” episode and it did just that. The drawback is that it was pretty boring. We just check in on all of our key players/places and see how everyone is doing which is normally quite helpful in GoT world. But the season 6 finale already did that for us, so it seems to be just an extension of that episode rather than something new and exciting. Now on to our superlatives...
Biggest surprise this ep: Sam is interning for JIM BROADBENT these days, which is pretty great. Also Ed Sheeran lives in GoT-world I guess which actually explains a lot.
Biggest letdown: We only get THREE WHOLE WORDS from Khaleesi in the entire ep!
Important fashion moments: Sansa’s new lacefront is NOT working for her. With this budget you’d think they could afford better wigs! Also, while I won’t miss the Mereen subplot, I will miss Khaleesi and co being in a warmer climate because she and her friends had some killer crop tops/ cut out dresses/ bright colors . Now that everyone is on the cold side of the world, we have much less #fashun.
Who died this ep? A bunch of Walder Frey’s main cronies
Check in next week when we’re promised someone will finally be strangling littlefinger so we may be rid of his creepy soliloquies soon! Thanks for reading tell your friends!
CORRECTION: After checking my sources, it seems like the Hound maybe didn’t kill the farmer dude and his daughter but instead stole their shit and so they were forced into the dire circumstances that led them to their death. So while it sounds like he didn’t kill them, he still feels guilty that he basically caused their deaths.
Also, I incorrectly ID’ed Bae as Khaleesi’s uncle a few times but actually she is his aunt I guess? Sorry to lead you astray!
#gameofthrones#letmewatchtv4u#lmwtv4u#jonsnow#khaleesi#jimbroadbent#sansastark#aryastark#cersei#branstark#dragonstone#got#got s7 premiere#gots7e1
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Request! The RFA + V and Saeran accidentally slapping/punching MC while they are having a fight!! Love your writing
ahh thank you so much and sorry for the delay!! I hope you like this~~
P.S. shameless self-promotion: I wrote a headcanon not so similar to this called Fight Me, where MC defends the RFA and stuff so take a look if you’re interested :D
first of all, let’s all say a prayer for MC’s reaction in all these scenarios:
“excuse me?”
Yoosung:
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
“I’M SORRY MC I;M SO SORRY PLS FORGIVE ME”
he’s so scared like shitshitshittt
this is why his mom told him to NEVER GET INTO FIGHTS
his clumsy ass doesn’t even know who tf he’s aiming at and he’S TRYNA FIGHT
WHO AM I FIGHTING AGAIN????
he can’t even say “fight me” louder than mouse tho
how did he even get in a fight in the first place
oh
it was because someone bought the last ice cream bar at the convenience store
and he stuck out his tongue at that person
who then proceeded to stomp on Yoosung’s foot
so then he flinched and hit MC
also did i mention this “person” is
… 7 yrs old
Zen:
WHO’S THIS MOFO ATTACKING ME FROM BEHIND-
OH CRAP IT WAS MC
instantly drops?? the guy he had a headlock on and runs to MC’s “rescue”
is he rescuing MC from his own hit or what
so MC’s over there like rubbing her side because he ELBOWED her
and he’s just like “OMG PRINCESS R U OK” “I DIDN’T MEAN TO HIT YOU”
also you know those shows where it’s like the person is talking to someone but then is also being attacked from behind??
yea so that’s happening and he’s fending off those people while apologizing
“Zen can we just go”
ZEN THE KNIGHT mode activated
he’s turned into some Optimus Prime shit
bridal carries MC away and he actually looks bulletproof
Jaehee:
Jaehee was having a cat fight with some chick at the bar
y’know normally she was chill right
but GURL THIS TIME SHE COULDN’T HOLD BACK
so she was over there doin taekwondo moves with heels on
and MC was just like this is real bad
so she tries to intervene but ends up getting flipped instead
“OWWWW” her back was stinging
“OMG MC!! WHAT DID I DO?!”
now she was back to normal Jaehee and started to do some emergency procedures
“I must begin a head-to-toe examination, please tell me if anything hurts”
“Jaehee…”
“I’m going to start with your head, don’t move”
“Jaehee.”
“Do you feel pain here?”
“JAEHEE STOP PRESSING INTO MY SCALP”
at this point MC is so embarrassed she pulls Jaehee out of the bar with the speed of light
hazukashiidesu (〃´ﾉω`〃)
Jumin:
he didn’t even notice until TWO HOURS AFTER THE FACT
yes that’s how oblivious Mr. Corporate Heir is
“MC, what is that bruise on your arm?”
MC’s friendly reminder face:
ohhhh
“I apologize, I shall call my personal doctor immediately.”
“JUmin, it’s the miDDLE OF THE NIGHT”
“Your point?”
HOW MUCH MORE DENSE CAN HE GET AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
so he makes up for it!
“MC, I’m sorry, I’ll make up for it.”
BOI BETTER WEAR KITTY EARS FOR THE NIGHT YASSSSSSS
;)
707:
lol shit
oh no actually SHIT
now he doesn’t know what to do liek
MC’s got tears in her eyes because he kicked her in the shin
“01110000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101000 01100101 01100101 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101001 01111010 01111010 01100001″
“Seven, I don’t speak binary”
“AJAJAJAJAJA sorry MC”
so he begins to make silly faces to make her laugh which only makes it worse because MC laughs so hard she bumps her shin INTO SOMETHING ELSE
“OUCH!!1!”
oopsie
“Here, sit on this pile of honey buddha chips it’ll make you feel better”
-_-
Saeran:
no bb
he was fighting because some guys tried hit her up and he was not going to take any of that BS
“HEY BRO YOU WANNA GO?!”
right so they’re fighting fighting fighting… what else is new
AND THEN BAM
MC gets hurt
how???
well, ya boy Saeran went a little overboard and ended up moving too close to MC and so when he flung at the dude he ended up smacking MC instead
oh no
this bb suddenly loses all his strength and power and he’s just staggering backwards because he hurt someone he loves :(
“MC! MC! PLEASE BE OKAY I DIDN’T MEAN TO HURT YOU!”
he was shaking her so violently she thought her head would fall off
“It’s okay, let’s get out of here”
CINNAMON BUN piggy-back-rides MC home apologizing non-stop
V:
V doesn’t fight period.
ALL RIGHT GUYS THANKS FOR READING THAT’S IT FOR V-
…
fine.
just beCAUSE HE’S A PEACEMAKER doesn’t mean this man doesn’t get angry
um but he can’t see???
SHHHH
anyway so he’s like tryna get this guy to back the f up
throwing punches and slaps in every direction possible but suddenly he feels something soft and squishy
was that MC’s … cheek?
y’all nasty if you thought he hit her t…
“AH!”
omg no it really was her!
so he’s super sorry like bb don’t cry you weren’t even the one who got hit
but he’s so apologetic he literally swears that he’s never going to fight again like
“MC pls forgive my horrible heart and soul”
it’s not like you gotta but i suggest you translate Seven’s binary numbers
~Cherry L.
Masterpost: click here
Askbox/Requests: click here
#mystic messenger#mysme#mm#mystic messenger headcanon#mystic messenger v#707 mystic messenger#mystic messenger zen#mystic messenger jaehee#mystic messenger jumin#mystic messenger yoosung#mystic messenger saeran#yoosung kim#jaehee kang#jumin han#saeran choi#saeyoung choi#jihyun kim#hyun ryu#707#jumin#han jumin#jaehee#zen#yoosung#v#707 headcanons#jumin headcanon#yoosung headcanon#jaehee headcanon#Zen Headcanon
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The Charming Empire Review: SPOILER ZONE!
THIS IS A SPOILER INFESTED POST. IF YOU HATE SPOILERS DO NOT READ!
See my Spoiler Free Review here: https://otomemeup.tumblr.com/post/160038778713/the-charming-empire-otome-review-spoiler-free
Okay! So I’m going to go in the order that I have gone so far. My typical route picking routine is to start with the routes I am least interested in… If I do that, then I can actually finish an otome.. If I don’t, I lose interest after playing the routes I want.
I decided to start with Soshi Amazaki.
He is the older “brother” of the MC. Turns out he isn’t her brother.. Shocker. Anyways, his route is a little twisted in that we have a brother being abusive, rude, and bossy. He doesn’t explain anything and refuses to listen to MC. He announces that she is to be engaged and married off to some foreign country. He drops this news to the MC at a ball in front of tons of people. He doesn’t explain anything to her after that. The MC attempts to kill him twice even though she “loves” him. Then at the last chapter, she goes in to attempt to kill him for the second time only for him to tell her that everything was a trick and he is doing all of these terrible things to protect her and restart this country without his rule. Supposedly, he is the “rebel” leader, rebelling against his own authority and the current government system. He is determined to kill himself along with burning down and destroying the castle. MC convinces him to escape with her and then he stays the “rebel” leader and is still running the country anyway? At the end route, she still calls him brother. He gets on to her telling her not to call him brother. They kiss and that’s the end. There was no real love until the last chapter. Only a few moments of Soshi being nice through the 14-16 chapters. The CG’s were nice though. Overall, not my favorite route… It had so much potential… I get what they were aiming for with this route… But Soshi’s character just made me upset half the time.
Route Rating: 3/10
So then, tired of the mysterious bossy-britches, I decided to go for a sweetie pie.
Kagemitsu Togawa- The Childhood Friend
He is a total and complete sweetie pie in the beginning. He’s always there standing up for the princess, taking her out around the palace, and even convincing Soshi to let her go out into town with him. He is usually calm and collected, until something happens in which may place MC in danger. Throughout the route, he is MC’s teacher. He teaches her everything she needs to know to become a proper woman and dances with her. At the ball, (which has been in every route I have played so far) he saves her from men who are hitting on her then dances with her. His Lord Douchiness appears and breaks up their sweet moment to announce that MC is to be engaged. This comes as a shock to Kagemitsu, who immediately speaks up… However, doesn’t do anything more. He even starts planning her wedding without so much as blinking an eye! No ANGST! AGH!! I got so mad!! But I stick with it, a few more sweet moments entail… All pretty much like “Hey, before you leave to get married off to some guy you don’t know, a place you don’t know, and we both know literally nothing about, let’s make some sweet memories”. He takes her out one last time to go to the café they went to earlier in the route and MC overhears that he is planning a rebellion against Soshi. She hears something along the lines of Kagemitsu telling the café owner, “Once MC gets married and leaves, we will start our revolution.” THANKS KAGEMITSU! Glad to know you are willing to send her off to god-knows-where with god-knows-who… So I’m like doubting that he ever loved her by this point. Anyways, last chapter comes into play for the happy route and he admits that he is the leader of a rebellion. But his fellow “rebels” start attacking the day before (Ignoring his orders) but he’s like “even if they are ignoring my orders, we have a rule not to kill anybody so it’s all cool. They just lost their patience.” So I’m like (-_-).. Bro… and so is MC. Anyways, Soshi appears and tells Kagemitsu to protect MC and that everything he has done has been to protect her. In the last chapter, they all have a change of heart and want to leave together to keep their little trio going. Sadly, Soshi tells them all of this knowing he planted an explosion near the room. He refuses to move, ultimately killing himself in front of them....... (-_-)......... So he gets crushed by rocks in front of his sister, who already witnessed her mother’s passing and her father is dead as well… So yeah. Kagemitsu then takes her away and they escape. After that, Soshi’s body hasn’t been found by anyone. Kagemitsu says he is not going to look for him, cause if he is alive then he will be put on trial. That seems like a good enough answer for MC, because he then proposes to her and she agrees. Overall, one of the better routes I have played so far… But it still wasn’t that good.
Route Rating: 5/10
So at this point I’m like… Screw it.. I’ll just play these routes in reversed order. So I moved on to...
Koichiro Sera - The Bodyguard
At first he was like, “I’m not talking with you. I’m your bodyguard not your friend. Behave like a princess, don’t be friendly with the people under you.” Then like by chapter 3(?) Don’t quote me on that, he is all of a sudden nice. Like he has this change of heart, even though I don’t know why…. MC didn’t do anything different… Anyways then he is all like “Okay, I can be your friend since I’m your bodyguard, but you can’t be friends with any of the other staff.” Soshi is more relaxed in this route and allows her to go out with Sera into town two times. Cute moments shine in the outings. Turns out Soshi loves to read and that’s something that they are able to talk about. Their bond grows. They train together for like a day before Soshi forbids it due to her falling asleep during lecture. They dance together before the ball. In this route, MC knows why she is brought to the castle and has accepted the fact that she is to be engaged to a foreign prince…. By the time the ball comes, she is all dressed up and takes Sera’s breath away (She doesn’t get a compliment, but it is implied that he thinks she is gorgeous). He gets jealous, but when other men are hitting on her HARD CORE and ignoring her feelings, he just stands there and watches. Then Soshi comes out and announces she is to be engaged in 10 days and for some reason this shocks MC enough to make her faint? She wakes up crying in her room and cries herself back to sleep. Sera is in there with her the whole time and he doesn’t do anything!!!! AGH! No head strokes, no “I wish I could take you away”.. NOTHING! I got so upset. So as the wedding is getting closer, Sera tells MC that she is the rightful blood heir to the throne and that he is working with a rebel group to overthrow Soshi.. He wants her to be empress. He knew this from the beginning, before he even met her... Leaving me to be like... Why didn’t you say this sooner?! He gives her hardly anytime to make up her mind. Finally, a chapter before the end, she agrees and he saves her from the exploding building and then goes and saves Soshi. Soshi goes and lives in the countryside (In this route he was a puppet for the other leaders under him). After that, MC becomes empress and tells everyone Soshi died. Sera goes to leave the castle saying he is not needed, even though the people responsible for killing her father are still in the castle??? That’s when Kagemitsu comes in and is like “Dude, you can’t leave MC like this. She just became Empress… Plus the people responsible for her father’s death and the ruination of the kingdom are still here in the castle.. So if you leave they will try to kill her…” And the Sera is like “That’s true, but my feelings for you...” and MC is like “But Sera I am in love with you!” and then Sera gets all like “Stop! I’m a lowly servant who conveniently comes from an established Samurai family. I can’t love you, but I do… So I’m going to love you anyways!” They get together and he kisses her at a shrine. The end…… SIGH!
Route Rating: 4/10
Hopefully, Kei and Toki’s routes will be glorious jewels from heaven to make up for the other routes, but we will see!
Toki Tanba- The Bad A$$ Sweetheart
I LOVED HIS ROUTE! His character was sooo much more likable. He was charming, charismatic, loving.. He showed many more emotions and complexity than the other routes I have played so far. He is the owner of a Western Style Café in the village, he is also the leader of the rebels. He is a skilled shooter (Pistol and Gun) and is trusted and loved by many. In this route, MC finds a secret passageway in which she escapes to get a breather from her over-protective brother. She meets Toki in town, and they both hit it off from the start. Super cute moments unfold when she starts to help him at his cafe as a waitress. Many of the customers tease them, calling her Toki’s wife. Toki doesn’t mind this, even wishing that it was true. MC is so much more compassionate in this route. She helps in anyway possible. Most of the route takes place in the Cafe with cute moments and a few dates. He manages to sneak into the ball and dances with her. When her engagement is announced, Toki comes with his band of rebels and kidnaps her. At first, he claims it is to get her brother to give up the throne, but it’s obviously mainly because he loves her. They end up running the revolution together and escaping from the explosions. They try to save her brother, but everything collapses. In the end, no one could find him. It is implied that he managed to escape in time. They fall in love and kiss and live happily together. It was so Doki Doki!!!! Toki is such a sweetie pie! He stands beside MC through so many things and is really just an awesome character. He gets jealous easily (In the cutest way) and he always comes in to save the day when MC is in trouble. His story has more love in it too. It’s obvious that he loves her towards the middle of the story which makes it so much sweeter. Thanks to this route, I no longer regret my purchase. His CG’s are beautiful and look awesome! His voice actor is great! I am so glad that I didn’t give up on this game before reading his route.
Route Rating: 8/10
I have one last route to finish! Please don’t disappoint me Kei!
Kei Yoshimine- The Tutor/Foreign Prince
Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I can safely say that I actually really enjoyed these past two routes. They were super cute and the MC was enjoyable! Kei is such a cutie!! He is assigned the role of tutoring the Princess, but he is actually the Prince of a former kingdom that Soshi was talked into destroying many years ago. At the beginning, their conversations and interactions are all work. He doesn’t want her to get close to him, because everything that he ever considers a treasure gets taken away. He dislikes MC since she is the sister to the man who has him “prisoner”. However, after a little while, MC is able to slowly get him to open up. He always loves to talk about his homeland and seems so happy when talking about it. It’s clear that he falls in love with her pretty quickly after she asks about his homeland. Kei is also protective in that, he keeps a maid from poisoning her with tea by stepping in and making his own tea for her to drink. He loves showering her with gifts. In the CG above, he actually went into town and got countless gifts that filled his arms to the point that he couldn’t even open the door. It was super cute!!!! Their dates and moments are super cute and made me fan-girl on multiple occasions. They are just the cutest couple! We eventually learn that he was actually engaged to MC before MC’s Father passed away and Soshi took over. This turn of events causes both of them to love each other even more than before. In the end, Kei and Soshi end up fighting. Kei wins and Soshi tells them that he was planning on sending them off to marry each other anyways and keep that engagement. His kingdom is starting to be rebuilt and Kei goes back to become king, along with his future wife. It was super super cute!
Route Rating: 7/10
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Episode 1: New Beginnings and Bitter Disapointments
Welcome to my brand new Sims 3 Challenge: The Amazon Challenge. Some of you might recognize my username or maybe just my style of legacy storytelling from the Iridescence Legacy, which unfortunately now has so many damn problems (corrupt save file, deleted photos from both online and off) that there’s really no salvaging it anymore. And on my last generation too - I was so convinced I was going to finally finish one, but alas, lol. Anyway, I decided to move from LJ to here because of the BS anti-LGBT TOS they’re implementing, but it was probably a good idea anyway as tumblr seems a bit more popular with the simming community nowadays :)
Anyway, let’s dive right in, shall we?
Meet our Founder, Xena. Yes, I know Xena was not an Amazon but listen, I am obsessed anyway and besides, she was fucking tall enough to be one, lol. Regardless, our tribe leader Xena has a much different personality anyway, and is a brave and flirty diva who is both a perfectionist and athletic. Her LTW is Perfect Mind, Perfect Body.
Oh yes, and she is also a werewolf, and the tattoo on her back is representative of her royal bloodline and position as the head of the pack tribe. As such, a heiress must also be a werewolf that has the most ‘approved’ traits listed on the challenge. That means someone who might become heiress can also be knocked from their rank by a younger sibling that is more worthy than the previous.
But moving on, no tribe would be complete without at least one male slave to do all of the dirty work so our Warrior Princess Queen never has to lift a finger to do literally anything, lol.
Xena: Hello, I am interested in speaking to your owner. Is she around?
Thornton: I’m sorry... my what?
Xena: Oh, nevermind. I don’t know why I bother to speak to the help anyway, you all end up having a lower IQ than a bloody moth.
Xena: Hello, I am interested in procuring your male servant for the purposes of furthering the betterment of my Amazonian Tribe.
Morgana: You... mean my husband?
Xena: If that’s what you kids call slaves now a days, sure.
Morgana: Wait, so you mean to tell me that you would take my annoying husband off my hands and leave me with his immense fortune? Yeah, yeah... I can picture that happening.
Morgana: Yup, actually that sounds absolutely perfect. Have at it, and tell him to not bother saying goodbye because he was nothing more than a sugar daddy anyway.
Xena: Lovely. Pleasure doing business with you.
Xena: Alright, Daor, now that I’ve shaved those awful sideburns off your face and put you in an outfit more fit for a slave, I now require you to build me an abode. Get to it!
Daor: Wait, what? Daor? My name is--
Xena: I’m sorry, did I stutter? I’ll call you whatever I damn well please, now do what I say before I decide you’re not worth my effort and procure a different slave!
Don’t get too attached to this shit - I end up moving them to a different town eventually since originally I wanted them in isla paradiso but my game was acting weird. I eventually fixed the issue though, but we’ll get to that later.
Since I don’t allow my Tribe Leader to work because honestly, a Queen should never have to work a day in their lives lmao, and since slaves can’t work either, they’re pretty effing poor and I make Daor collect shit on the regular just so they can make a little bit of money, haha.
He seems to enjoy it though. Ah, the simple pleasures in life.
Xena found a friend as well! I decided he is now the tribe’s mascot and named him Guapo, lol.
Daor is working on his gardening skills as well because, again, they are poor as fucking dirt.
He also fishes, but he kinda sucks at it. I mean honestly, how is that tiny thing supposed to feed anyone? Ugh. Men.
Anyway, an Amazonian Tribe isn’t complete without more women, so I sent Xena out to scour the town for their first recruit, who ended up being easily impressed, a natural cook, ambitious, and a daredevil who had commitment issues.
Xena: Hello there, you look utterly helpless and in need of a direction in life. May I interest you in joining my Amazonian tribe? Lesbianism is not required but heavily encouraged - just not with me because let’s face it, I’m way out of your league right now it’s not even funny.
Random Woman: Oh wow, I’m super flattered; I’ve never been a lesbian before! By the way, my name is–
Xena: Why do people keep trying to tell me their names? No, I don’t care. Your name is Euryleia now. Learn to love it, because I don’t have time to listen to incessant whining over tribal names.
Xena: By the way, you’re going to have fix... all of that if you ever plan to move up in rank. We are vain by nature, or maybe I’m just a superficial bitch by nature, but either way. You’re going to have to go get yourself a job though, because we can’t afford your damn gym membership right now.
Euryleia: I will go get a job right away then, Mistress!
Xena: Good. I like people who can take direction. Also people who call me mistress. That will be allowed to continue, by the way.
So Euryleia went out and got herself a part time job, as that is all that is allowed at her rank. The money is still shit, but at least it’s better than nothing.
He is literally the worst slave ever, lol.
As punishment for burning the food, I made a starving Daor stand way in the back and watch everyone else eat the food that he finally managed to make halfway decent.
Xena: You know what would be better than this place? An island.
Euryleia: I agr--
Xena: I’m sorry, did I say I was asking for opinions? I’m just musing right now, so eat your food and stay silent.
I took pity on Daor and let him eat a mushroom, even though he looks like he’s trying to smoke it, haha.
The next day the two Amazons hit the gym so Xena could work on her LTW and Euryleia could attempt to lose a little bit of weight so she could move up in rank at some point.
Xena: Oh stop whining, it’s not that difficult!
Euryleia: But Mistress, my legs are not cooperating!
Who the fuck just leaves their newborn baby on the floor of the gym?
Xena: Actually, that’s not a bad id--
No, that is not how you’re going to get rid of your male children. Hush.
GUYS GUYS IT LOOKS LIKE ARGO!
(people who have never seen xena are probably like wtf are you on about but trust me this is awesome, lol)
Xena: So I’ve been thinking about moving somewhere with some sun 24/7. Thoughts?
Euryleia: Oh yes, Mistress, I adore sun!
Xena: Good, cause honestly the thought of having to buy you all outerwear so you can survive the winter didn’t sound like a fun idea to me. We leave in the morning.
Yeah, I put a lot more effort into this lot. I won’t show you the insides of the houses though, as I totally prioritized the outside over the inside right now, lol. Everything is pretty bare and minimal.
Guapo finally got a cage though!
And Daor gets... a tent. Lmao.
Xena: I have to say, Euryleia, I commend you on your progress. You have lost a significant amount of weight and as I am a vain asshole, this is something I care greatly about because I only give a shit about people’s appearances and not who they are on the inside.
Euryleia: Oh thank you, Mistress, I am flattered! Does that mean you might consider me as a potential mate or, better yet, an occasional fuck buddy because commitment is for old people and religious folk?
Xena: ...Don’t push it.
DAOR HOW ARE YOU THIS FUCKING USELESS JFC
At least Xena’s brave enough to put it out.
Xena: That’s right, I’m just your everyday hero. With fantastic guns.
Xena: I am so sick of you! One more misstep and I will drown you in the sacrificial well!
Daor: But... we don’t have a sacrificial well.
Xena: I. Will. Build. One.
Daor: *gulps*
If we could ever afford it, anyway.
Moving on though, another thing that a tribe needs is heirs, and for that we need a disposable piece of man meat.
Xena: You look like you have decent enough genes, how would you feel about a one night stand to get me pregnant with a female heiress for my Amazon tribe that you would have zero commitment in raising?
Harley: No strings attached sex? I’m in!
Xena: Good, I like men that are compliant. Meet me at your house in an hour.
Lol this house screams dude bro.
After their rough and tumble in bed, I sent Xena off to hunt as a werewolf because honestly, they’re still poor as hell and need stuff to sell, lol.
She didn’t find anything though, so I decided maybe the scuba skill might help. However somethings weird with my game and I realized that even with a high enough skill she can’t go actual scuba diving as all my community lots just say ‘community lots’ without names for some reason? If anyone knows how to fix it, help would be appreciated. Also some of the unoccupied houses say community lots too. Idk wtf is up but I’m sure its some kind of mod conflict *sigh*
...Appetizing. On the plus side though, a baby is on the horizon!
Euryleia: Oh Mistress, our first tribe daughter, I’m so excited! I’ll start preparing right away for her birth!
Euryleia desperately needs to move up in rank, so I sent her to the library to learn some skills so she could end up being a Provider instead.
Euryleia: Mistress! Since you and I are now friendly and I have enough skills and the personality to become a Provider for this noble tribe, I was wondering if you could promote me? If you do, I’ll be sure to get a career ASAP so we can start making some real money in preparation for the baby!
Xena: ‘Money’ is the magic word, Euryleia. You have my permission.
So Euryleia went downtown and got herself a job in the Culinary Career, since Daor sucks at making food anyway so it’d be good they got someone else to do that chore, lmao.
Xena: Good lord, it feels like my insides are being torn to shreds!
Xena: Wtf? This isn’t what I ordered!
How disappointing, lol. This is Aeolus though, and his traits are easily impressed and excitable. Don’t get too attached.
Xena: Harley? Get the fuck down here, we have a problem. Also bring some tools; I’m going to need you to help my slave build a sacrificial well.
Euryleia: Mistress, I know you aren’t fond of boys, but maybe we shouldn’t... you know, kill it? It’s still a baby, after all. And Harley still has decent genes, so maybe you should give him another chance? You could still get a beautiful girl out of him and if you don’t...
Xena: If I don’t, then I kill them!
Euryleia: I meant maybe you could just banish all of them from the tribe, but I of course will not argue with your judgement, oh divine one.
Xena: That’s right, I am your God. Worship me.
Xena: Alright look, you fucked up. You fucked up royally. BUT you still have decent genes, so I’m going to give you another chance to give me a baby girl.
Xena: Because if you do not, I will drown you in the sacrificial well I will soon have built and all your sons go into slavery. Understood?
Harley: But... what happened to no strings attached?
Xena: That was if you managed to give me a girl, which you did not. Now, you are in charge of that disgusting thing inside and will live here as a slave until I bear my next child. If it’s a girl, you and your son go free. If not... well, I already covered that.
Xena: Now, get the fuck inside and impregnate me the proper way before my patience runs out.
Will their next child be a girl, or will Harley’s lifespan be shorter than expected? Stay tuned to find out!
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